The Pulse 9.29 » July 19-25, 2012

July 19-25, 2012

Vol. 9 • No. 29

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

THE TENNESSEE

STOMP the red tiDE has marginalized state democrats, but party leaders have a PLAN FOR A‘NEW PATH FORWARD’

MUSIC INDIGO GIRLS ARTS main terrain MOVIES T29 ABIDES

2 • The Pulse • JULY 19-25, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

HIGHLIGHTS

THE PULSE •july 19-25, 2012 • vol. 9 no. 29

Is it prideful to boast our largest inventory...ever?

2012 Audi A4

2012 Audi A5 Cabriolet

2012 Audi A6 music

ARTS

Sweetness with a Sting

A Bridge to Play With

• On the last stop of their current tour, the Indigo Girls visit Chattanooga to perform songs from their new album and back catalog with the Chattanooga Symphony Orchestra. » 11

By Richard Winham

• Construction is about to begin on Main Terrain (above), a unique “artfitness park” that will feature a ninepart interactive sculpture installation inspired by Chattanooga’s bridges. » 15

By Rich Bailey

ADVERTISING Advertising Director Mike Baskin Account Executives Rick Leavell • Emma Regev

CONTACT Phone 423.265.9494 Fax 423.266.2335 Email info@chattanoogapulse.com calendar@chattanoogapulse.com Got a stamp?

1305 Carter St. • Chattanooga, TN 37402

the fine print EDITORIAL Publisher Zachary Cooper Creative Director Bill Ramsey Contributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsny Chuck Crowder • John DeVore • Janis Hashe Matt Jones • Chris Kelly • D.E. Langley Mike McJunkin • David Morton • Ernie Paik Alex Teach • Richard Winham Cartoonists Max Cannon • Richard Rice Tom Tomorrow Photography Jason Dunn • Josh Lang Interns Hadley James • Katie Johnston Patrick Noland • Cole Rose

The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.

The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. © 2012 Brewer Media

BREWER MEDIA GROUP President Jim Brewer II

2012 Audi Q5

If Audi makes it, we probably have it. And probably more than one. We are sitting on the largest Audi inventory in our history.

Audi C H AT TA N O O G A

6001 International Drive

(423) 855-4981 audichattanooga.com

chattanoogapulse.com • JULY 19-25, 2012 • The Pulse • 3

BOWL

THE

REALITY, GA.

‘Small Town Security’ star seeks fame, sex this week, we celebrate the cultural wellspring that is North Georgia. First, the region spewed forth Lauren Alaina, last seen at Riverbend and soon headlining the Dalton Red Carpet Half Marathon. Now, Ringgold brings us “Small Town Security,” a new reality series on AMC that follows the office shenanigans of JJK Security & Investigation and its over-sexed owner. Oh, the bounty!

The show debuted last Sunday, following the premiere of the final season of “Breaking Bad.” According to The Huffington Post, the series explores work-aday life at the small, family-run security company. Its star—and the firm’s owner— Joan Koplan dreams of stardom (and sex),

TALK OF THE NOOG chattanoogapulse.com • facebook/chattanoogapulsE SEND LETTERS TO: INFO@CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

declaring her life’s mission to be “either a police officer or a celebrity.”

“I find myself to be fascinating,” Koplan, 61, the one-time host of a Ringgold Public Access show that was cancelled, in part, due to Koplan’s salty language, told zapt2.it.com.

Known for her wildly inappropriate commentary around the office, Koplan also told the website she is “wild, especially sexually ... I think about sex 24 hours a day.”

Following the exploits of a sex-crazed, cigar-chomping egomaniac like Koplan alone might be reason to tune in—but there’s more. The cast includes Dennis “The Lieutenant” Croft, the ex-military man who dreams of turning the team into an “elite force;” Koplan’s husband, Irwin, a salesman in the Herb Tarlek mode; Christa Stephens, the inept secretary and cosmetologist; Brian Taylor, the house dick and straight-arrow who Joan eyes;

and Lambchop, Koplan’s beloved, aging Chihuahua.

This latter-day “Carter Country” may not intrigue locals half as much as it has critics who previewed the series, but it’s a masterstroke of publicity for the beleaguered burg. And with “Breaking Bad” as its lead-in, those with no job might even stay up to watch.

—Bill Ramsey

WILD KINGDOM

Lions, Tigers & Leopards in Alabama ah, exotic animal private ownership. We’ve all been there. You want to impress your friends by buying a tiger so you can re-enact your favorite scenes from “The Hangover.” But when you finally get the animal home, you realize that raw steak dinners every day are pretty expensive, and the old tiger in the bathroom gag isn’t as funny when it happens to you.

Pretty soon, the magnitude of owning a 600-pound feline is weighing down every aspect of your life and you just want to be done with it.

That’s where Tigers for Tomorrow comes in. A non-profit organization, TFT was originally founded to provide a refuge for captive-bred exotics that become unwanted or mistreated at its wildlife preserve at Untamed Mountain, but what they are offering is the chance to get up close and personal with a tiger today.

Located on 140 acres in Dekalb County, Ala., the site is home to more than 130 animals, including 17 tigers, 14 mountain lions, four African lions and two black leopards. Functioning as a last-stop preserve, all of the animals at Untamed Mountain will reside there for the rest of their lives after being born in the captivity of private ownership.

The mishandling of the big cats is an issue they’re still fighting—yet one they can relate to—but they caution anyone to examine their motives. Besides, with more than 100 exotic cats on display in natural settings, there’s no need to buy your own.

—Cole Rose

4 • The Pulse • JULY 19-25, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

On the Beat

42 CA W 3. T E 35 E 6. R! 70 58

alex teach

The Crackhead “crackhead.” the name is a stereotype, but as a cop, so am i. i get a pass. The word is imbedded in American culture and in nearly every case its very mention conjures up a mental image that we can all relate to.

With a bit of luck your image is that of Tyrone Biggums, the character made famous by Dave Chappelle. Mugging children for cash, openly defecating on the street, chalky lips and a perpetual itch, and the willingness to sleep anywhere, eat anything and do anything for his precious rock—the Gollum of Crack Cocaine. Chappelle knew his game.

For me, it’s a girl named Wendy, who was the prom queen at Howard High at one time in her life, but now does terribly naughty things for $5 (cash, mind you) in the 1700 block of East Main Street. Like Biggums, she is very self-aware of her situation and her abandonment of standards, bordering on prideful.

As a youth, my first exposure was the pictures presented by Nancy Reagan during public service announcements at school. While this was indeed Mrs. “Just Say No” herself, it was comparable to the anti-marijuana ads of the 1930s (think “Reefer Madness”), except this time it was a lot closer to the truth.

“Just one hit and you would be hooked for LIFE,” the ads shouted.

One day you’d be a student or a doctor, then if you took so much as a pull on the crackling pipe (from whence it got its name), then—boom!— you’d be pulling a Basketball Diaries in the restroom of the closest

bus stop or subway station for your next sweet, sweet hit.

In truth, that’s a pretty rare case, or at least rare enough that I can only think of one example of such over the years. But it’s a pretty close runnerup to King Heroin in its ability to sink a hook and drag you to hell through a quarry of hot, sharp gravel.

Later on my association shifted to “Ezel,” the crackhead from the movie Friday with Ice Cube. But I’ve since encountered crackheads from California to New York. And unlike our atypically hideous prostitutes, Chattanooga has the same stereotypical crackheads here you’d find anywhere else in the country. Does that make them more attractive than our whores? Oh, God no. But at least it’s not another difficult hurdle for the local chamber of commerce to have to explain.

These are the people willing to tunnel into a dark, moist, sewagefilled crawlspace under an abandoned house in the heat of summer in the projects to extract copper from water pipes for

crack money. You know those places you are afraid to drive past? They will crawl under them.

They do that because they need The Rock, and they need it now.

So with such blind loyalty to the waxy little stones, wouldn’t you expect there to be some kind of military application by now? Wouldn’t you just want to air-drop your crack team of “Force Recon Crackheads” over an enemy stronghold, tell them there’s crack inside, and let them get to work?

Alas, here’s where the crackhead falls short.

Everyone has a guy or gal at work (or in class) that smokes the herb, but always gets the job done and usually shows up on time. Same thing for crystal meth. But when they’re on “the rock,” forget it. They’re feral animals and completely unpredictable, which is a horrible business model.

When you see them, don’t wave at them—but don’t look away either.

They are fearful of light, but sense any and all opportunities to get them closer to their Precious.

So, how can anything have such a hold on you?

It’s obvious. Cocaine ... it’s a hell of a drug.

Next week, baby.

Alex Teach is a fulltime police officer of nearly 20 years experience.

The opinions expressed are his own. Follow him on Facebook at facebook. com/alex.teach.

$2.00

OaFnFy

et $2 off

G iced taco regularly pr s 7/25/12 Offer expire y other offer. th an Not valid wi lue. Not for sale.

No cash va per customer One couponr visit. pe

Korean tacos from a food truck?

Don’t mind if I do!

Sunday 7/22: Chattanooga Market Monday 7/23: Downtown YMCA Thursday 7/26: Street Food Thursday at Warehouse Row Starting August 4th, find us at Riverfront Nights on Saturdays!

Visit us at TacoSherpa.com • Facebook.com/tacosherpa

BEATtheBEATup! Wednesday • July 25 • 10pm to 2am

$2 Jello Shots

$3 Cocktails!

$3 Brooklyn Lager

WATERSIDE

2318 Lifestyle Way

Visit Facebook Mellow Mushroom Waterside to win Mafia Table VIP Bottle Service

! t s e t n o C e CoCosmteuams your favoriteGGTuLid! o in

or Guidette & w

Guilty Pleasures DJ

A portion of the proceeds will benefit Mellow employee Heidi Tinkelburg

FOR EXCLUSIVE OFFERS AND THE LATEST NEWS ON EVENTS AND PARTIES, JOIN US ON OUR FACEBOOK PAGE chattanoogapulse.com • JULY 19-25, 2012 • The Pulse • 5

KICKED

State Democrats are on the ropes, but party leaders are banking on a new plan to stanch the bleeding ★ By Stephen Hale in the most generous terms, the tennessee Democratic Party is a fighter on the mat, just beginning to see straight after a near-knockout punch. If the arena stops spinning, they can start thinking about standing up again.

After some 150 years as the state’s dominant political party, Democrats have become a mostly marginalized minority in state politics. While party officials describe the fall as having occurred slowly over the past decade, a critical moment came in 2008. Despite Barack Obama’s historic national victory, his 15-point loss to John McCain in Tennessee bled down the ballot. Republicans, who had already seized control of the state Senate, gained four seats in the House, making Democrats a minority in both chambers of the state legislature for the first time since Reconstruction.

The trend continued in the red tide, election-night drubbing of 2010 which privileged Republicans with near supermajorities in both houses of the legislature. Democrats lost the race for governor, 14 seats in the state House and two U.S. congressional races.

honest music

Predictably, Republicans flexed their newfound muscle, using the redistricting pen to further punish their opponents, just as Democrats had done to them many times before. Nowadays the new minority is hoping only to “hold the line” in the legislature and stop what has been a cataclysmic slide.

Adjusting for the political cannibalism and retirement-spree forced by the redrawn state map, Democratic Party Chairman Chip Forrester said “the line” is now somewhere around 24 seats in the House and eight in the Senate, making Tennessee Democrats a minority almost as diminutive as, say, Northeastern Republicans. For example, the Republican minority in Massachusetts makes up 18 percent of the state’s legislature. If Democrats hold the line Forrester describes, they’ll make up just 24 percent of Tennessee’s.

The hole is deep, but Forrester said Democrats have a new plan they’ve branded the New Path Forward. It’s a strategic plan, produced with the help of the Ohio-based consulting firm summoned last year to aid a political party on life support. As summarized by Forrester, it sounds like a new political business model. His presentation, replete with the type of jargon that could only come from a political strategy team, includes talk of financial stakeholders, stay-

local and regional shows

Listen 2 Three with Telemonster ($3)

Thu, July 19

9pm

The Kymera Project ($3)

Wed, July 25

9pm

Erisa Rei with As Girls Go ($3)

Thu, July 26

9pm

AFRO with Smooth Dialects ($3)

Thu, Aug 2

9pm

The New Empires with Stone Iris ($3)

Thu, Aug 9

9pm

Free Irish Music • Sundays at 7pm • Sun, July 29: Molly Maguires

6 • The Pulse • JULY 19-25, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

Full food menu serving lunch and dinner.

11am-2am, 7 days a week.

35 Patten Parkway * 423.468.4192 thehonestpint.com * Facebook.com/thehonestpint

ing on message, metrics-based campaign systems and building the party’s bench.

“We’ve been doing campaigns this certain way for 10 to 15 years,” Forrester said. “If we run the campaigns in 2012 in the same way that we’ve been running them and expect a different outcome, that’s kind of the traditional definition of insanity.”

Hamilton County Democratic Party Chairman Paul Smith summed up the problem: “In the past, we have underestimated the issue of getting our message out, which has allowed the opposition to frame our stances with inaccurate terminology.”

how did this political disaster come about? Vanderbilt political science professor and department chair John Geer believes Democrats can pin their current woes on three primary factors. The first is obvious, given the political landscape of the state.

“One, you do have a state that has become increasingly conservative and therefore it’s more fertile ground for the Republicans than the Democrats,” he said.

“That’s just true.”

Given that reality, the second follows naturally. Tennessee Democrats suffer from “the logic of the electoral college,” Geer said.

Despite a recent headline on the Nashville Tennessean’s front page that declared Obama had “closed the gap” with Mitt Romney in the state—citing one portion of a new Vanderbilt poll in a way that Geer called misleading—the presidential race in Tennessee is not expected to be much of a race at all, with little chance of adding del-

egates to the Obama cause. As a result, the Obama campaign and the national Democratic Party have spent little time or money in the state, focusing instead on nearby “battleground” states like North Carolina and Virginia.

That means Tennessee—a state which Geer believes, citing the Vanderbilt poll, is actually more moderate than the state legislature it has elected and could produce a closer presidential race if the national party paid more attention—has essentially been ceded to the Republican candidate before the polls even open.

And a top-of-the-ticket forfeiture only steepens the climb for Democrats elsewhere on the ballot.

“If you go back to The New York Times article right after the 2008 election and you look at the borders of North Carolina and Tennessee, which are made up of basically the same people, North Carolina was going blue, Tennessee was going red,” Geer said. “I don’t think that was because the people differ all that much; it was because of organization. The Democratic Party invested heavily in every single county in North Carolina, and they haven’t done that in Tennessee.”

The third factor is one Geer attributes to “a set of bad luck.” After the departure of Harold Ford Jr., he said, Democrats lack “a set of visible state leaders.” A figure like outgoing state senator and Chattanooga mayoral candidate Andy Berke may be up-and-coming, but he doesn’t yet have the name recognition that’s needed, Geer said.

Hamilton County’s Smith takes a more optimistic attitude, citing Berke as one of the “shining

“

The last time I checked, Democrats were called asses. Well, we got news for those in Nashville— that this donkey, that this ass still kicks.

Andraé McGary

Democratic State Senate candidate on Nooga.com political stars across the state” whose legislation experience and reputation as a skilled attorney has already allowed him to step across the aisle to garner support in the Chattanooga mayoral race.

Berke himself has a slightly different view on party politics, an opinion that may be attributed to the fact that he is now running for a nonpartisan office. “I am running my mayoral race the same way I ran both of my Senate campaigns—working with people from different communities, parties and backgrounds to build a better future,” he said. “I was proud to represent the 10th District as a Democrat, but people want leadership and a government that works for them—regardless of party.”

Democrats tout the prospect of five Democratic mayors in the state’s five largest cities—A.C. Wharton of Memphis, Karl Dean of Nashville, Madeline Rogero of Knoxville, Kim McMillan of

Clarksville, along with Berke, who they presume will win in Chattanooga—as a hopeful sign.

But one party official lamented the hesitancy of the mayors to step forward and embrace the role.

In the meantime, elected Democrats have been and will continue to be relegated to the sidelines when it comes to most legislative matters. That was particularly evident in the recently adjourned session, during which most of the real political battles were between various factions within the Republican Party.

The debate over gun rights—surrounding ultimately stalled gunsin-parking-lots legislation—was not a partisan struggle, but rather an increasingly contentious argument between two conservative constituencies.

Democratic party officials said that while fundraising from ideologically concerned donors was going strong, so-called transactional donors—specific interests and issue-oriented lobbying organizations whose political contributions are based more in self-interest than political philosophy—have been lagging. Perhaps it’s because Democrats have little to offer such interests at the moment.

“You bring all those things together, and it’s been a bad time for the Democrats and will probably continue to be so for a while,” Geer concluded. in times such as these, heavy lies the head of any party leader.

But Forrester has been beset by criticism since before he even took his current post. When he first ran for chairman in 2009,

the party’s elected leadership, including then-Gov. Phil Bredesen, was outspoken about its lack of support for him, but the loyalty of the executive committee, on which he had served for nearly 20 years, eventually won him the chair.

The pressure only worsened after the party’s overwhelming failure in the 2010 elections. Among those calling for Forrester to step aside and forego a bid for a second term as chairman were Nashville attorney and former Metro Councilman David Briley and former party chairman and longtime executive committee member Will T. Cheek.

Nearly two years later, Briley shares the hindsight of most Democrats, describing the party’s decline as a steady slope going back a decade or more.

“There was an attempt to sort of patch the boat,” he said. “It was leaking all along and patch, patch, patch—and all of a sudden it became clear that the boat was sunk. You gotta start building a new boat on dry land, and that’s where the party is right now.”

Though he said he wouldn’t compare his situation to the one Obama inherited, Forrester said it’s similar in that he’s also trying to fix a situation that, he argues, was not of his making.

“I didn’t get us into this predicament—it’s been a 10-year process,” he said. “I came in at a time when we’d suffered a pretty tremendous loss, losing the House in 2008 and then the tide year. Those are just circumstances that are outside the purview of a chair, it’s just circumstances of »P8

Watch UFC, Boxing, NFL & College Games!

AUTHENTIC MEXIC AN FOOD

2.00 OFF

$

10 PURCHASE

$

NORTHGATE MALL • HIXSON • (423) 877-7433 www.altenachattanooga.com

Happy Hour 4-8p Daily! • 20 Beers on Tap chattanoogapulse.com • JULY 19-25, 2012 • The Pulse • 7

the world that you live in.”

Moving forward but hesitant to reveal too much of the playbook, Forrester described the New Path Forward in general terms. Along with improving cohesion between the previously mentioned “siloed and disconnected” Democratic stakeholders, it involves using a “metricsbased campaign system” and the “Democratic performance index” to identify districts and races where the chances for success are greatest. The plan, Forrester said, is to put an end to good-ol’-boy-network-based resource appropriation and instead focus on candidates who might actually have a shot.

According to Smith, one of those areas with candidates that might actually have a shot is Chattanooga. With a full pool of Democrats fielded for the upcoming local elections, weary voters seem ready, at least on the surface, to fill Forrester’s vision. Current Mayor Ron Littlefield will be stepping down after his second term, leaving the door wide open for Berke, who left his Senate seat after redistricting of the state significantly changed his home district. meanwhile, berke’s state senate seat has become a hotly contested destination for some revamped candidates like Andraé McGary, who is trying to prevent the looming possibility of a Republican supermajority taking place.

Nooga.com quoted him as saying, “It’s crucial that we don’t let the Republican legislature think that we are just going to lay down and play dead. We’re Democrats. And the last time I checked, Democrats were called asses. Well, we got news for those in Nashville—that this donkey, that this ass still kicks. Does anyone out there want to kick with me?”

Immediately, it doesn’t appear that McGary has too many takers—especially if you’re judging by local TV time for the upcoming elections. GOP candidates for the 3rd Congressional District— incumbent Chuck Fleischmann, Scottie Mayfield and Weston Wamp—have dominated advertising to the point where it’s tough to name the Democratic nominees for the district and even tougher to pinpoint their level of support.

According to a Times Free Press report, the three Republican candidates have spent at least $131,826 so far on television ads alone, while Democratic candidate Bill Taylor is the only one from his party to buy TV adds, spending a paltry $812.50 on four, four-second spots that aired in early June.

McGary’s query may be more useful as a legitimate question than a battle cry.

8 • The Pulse • JULY 19-25, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

So far it seems to be echoing off the walls of a nearly empty room with inhabitants that are eyeing the exits. Life-long Democrat Bill Knowles immediately comes to mind, who drew major criticism for switching to the Republican party two years ago even though he is one of the longest-running elected officials in Hamilton County. Couple that with the stir that rumors of a Ward Crutchfield political resurrection—only five years after being indicted on bribery charges—and local Democrats sound like a microcosm of the state-wide scene.

Even Berke, whom Smith counts as a potential torch-bearer for the party, downplays his affiliation. “I have worked with Democrats and Republicans to pass critical legislation,” he said. “By focusing on economic development, accountability in government and education, we can make our city and state better. While elections often focus on party, the citizens judge government on results.” results are exactly what the New Path Forward is banking on. Even though Democrats largely blame their ouster on a force of political nature, their plan for resurgence depends on a phenomenon—similarly beyond their control. They’re betting on the very thing the Obama campaign is hoping to stave off: buyer’s remorse. After two legislative sessions during which Republican proposals often elicited national headlines (and sometimes mockery), they’re hoping to position themselves as the moderate adults on the Hill over the next few election cycles.

“I think [Democrats] have to get their act together, but the Republican state legislature has handed them a lot of opportunity,” said Geer, who added that moderate Democrats will still have opportunities in the state. “One of the things the [Vanderbilt poll] says is, yes the state’s conservative but it’s not as conservative as the state legislature was.”

The plan for Democratic revival requires that they’ve stopped falling. Holding the line would be a good start.

“I think our expectations are not particularly high,” Cheek said. “I don’t think anyone is expecting the party to retake the Senate. The expectations are modest.

I just hope we have bottomed out. I hope that we have.”

If they haven’t, they might find cold comfort in the fact that there can’t be much further to go.

A version of this article was originally published in the Nashville City Paper.

Cole Rose of The Pulse provided additional local reporting.

LIST

THE CALENDAR july 19-25

NIGHTFALL

Off Beat

CHUCK PROPHET WITH ENDELOUZ

Ex-NASA specialist turned mystery writer treks to LibertyCon

• Prophet sings about heartbreak and everyman heroism, a vivid parade of razor-edged one-liners camouflaged in a slack-jawed drawl and drenched in twisted lines of rude Telecaster.

FRI 07.20 • 7 p.m.

Miller Plaza Downtown Chattanooga nightfallchattanooga.com

» pulse PICKS

» pulse pick OF THE LITTER

THU07.19

Track 29 Abides

MUSIC Unspoken Triumph, Monomath, Planet Hate • Metal, metal and more metal.

9 p.m. • JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400

EVENT Art.a.ma.jig • AEC’s annual exhibition and silent auction.

6 p.m. • Tanner-Hill Art Gallery 3069 S. Broad St. • (423) 280-7182 artsedcouncil.org

FRI07.20 MUSIC Chuck Prophet, Endelouz • Raw, Telecaster-driven rock.

7 p.m. • Nightfall • Miller Plaza nightfallchattanooga.com

EVENT Tom Simmons • Comedian has a top-ranked new album.

9:30 p.m. • Vaudeville Café 138 Market St. • (423) 517-1839 funnydinner.com

SAT07.21 MUSIC Josh Gilbert • Singer-songwriter performs a live concert that will be filmed for DVD release.

8 p.m. • The Camp House • 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081

EVENT Kayak Adventures • Beginner whitewater kayak clinic and OutVenture hosted by Outdoor Chattanooga.

9 am. • Greenway Farm 5015 Gann Store Road • (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com

T

rack 29 is branching out to another aspect of entertainment, and they’re leading off with a strike. On Friday, the venue will screen “Kingpin” and “The Big Lebowski” in a test run offering an alternative movie experience. Tickets are $5 and the bar is open.

The idea came from Sunrise Projection, which is also providing the high-definition projection system. It’s a take on the “Brew N’ View” format that has already proven popular in other cities at venues such as the Alamo Drafthouse in Austin, Texas, and Cinebarre in Asheville, N.C., where movies are screened in a more relaxed atmosphere—with alcohol.

According to owner Adam Kinsey, it’s an idea they’ve wanted to pursue for a while, and Kinsey said he felt like July (traditionally a slow concert month) “would be a great time to test it out.”

Despite what the film choices seem to represent, this is not an attempt to determine which film reigns superior in the age-old debate about undoubtedly the two greatest comedic, semisatirical bowling movies ever made.

“We all love ‘The Big Lebowski’ and we all agreed it should be our first movie,” Kinsey said.

“We thought about doing another Jeff Bridges flick, but ultimately decided that ‘Kingpin’ was too good not to show. This is

about having a good time with friends and watching some great movies.”

You can also count on a crowd that will be looking the part, as Kinsey confirmed a costume contest with tickets to an upcoming show included in the prize package.

With cheap tickets, a full bar and a double feature on the menu, this is the perfect opportunity to free that vintage bowling shirt. Track 29 abides.

—Cole Rose Track 29 Movie Night Kingpin 8 p.m.

The Big Lebowski 10 p.m. • $5 Friday, July 20 Track 29 1400 Market St. (423) 521-2929 track29.co

it’s not every day a writer gets to talk to a former NASA flight controller turned mystery writer, and Stephanie Osborn is one fine paranormal mystery writer. She’s brought Sherlock Holmes back to our modern day realm and turned him into a modern investigator with a cellphone. This time, he’s back in The Case of the Cosmological Killer: Rendlesham Incident.

Osborn, who hails from Clarksville, is, to say the least, an over achiever. As a youngster, her love of science fiction came from books by Madeline L’Engle, Ray Bradbury, H. G. Wells, and of course, Sir Author Conan Doyle. During college at Austin Peay State University, she earned a degree triple majoring in physics, chemistry and mathematics, with a minor in geology. For her master’s, she majored in astronomy at Vanderbilt University. Osborn is even a licensed minister.

For the duration of her 20-year stint at NASA in Huntsville, Ala., she worked as a payload flight controller, trained several astronauts, and worked with famous novelist Homer Hickam, who inspired many through the hit movie “October Sky.” Osborn has also been a police officer on an Indian reservation, a certified storm spotter, spearheaded a study of sand particles on Mars, and she’s a former polo player who’s on a first name basis with Tommy Lee Jones.

Now, you can meet her at LibertyCon, the annual science fiction convention held this weekend at the Choo Choo. Last year at LibertyCon, Osborn was the Science Guest of Honor.

This year, she is celebrating the release of her new book. “I’m very excited about it,” she said.

“People from all over show up.”

In Osborn’s series, Holmes is inadvertently brought to our present day world where he teams up with Detective Skye Chadwick, a character that Osborn said is loosely based on her younger self. The Scotland Yard detective must assimilate into the modern world. “He’s a little polite, a real Victorian gentleman,” she said.

Osborn’s first two novels in the series, The Case of The Displaced Detective: The Arrival and At Speed, have received critical acclaim and her latest will likely thrill fans.

“If you like the BBC series, you’ll like my books,” she said. —Chris Kelly LibertyCon July 20-22 Chattanooga Choo Choo 1400 Market St. libertycon.org

chattanoogapulse.com • JULY 19-25, 2012 • The Pulse • 9

O THEO INDIGO GIRLS ONE NIGHT ONLY!

with the Chattanooga Symphony

SATURDAY • JULY 28 • 8PM

tiVoLi theatRe TickeTs sTarT aT $35

available at www.chattanoogasymphony.org or 423.267.8583 10 • The Pulse • JULY 19-25, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

Party at the richard winham

Sweetness with a Sting

for any band faced with the one-more-stop, onemore-show routine that characterizes life on the road, the challenge is making each new gig as fresh as the first.

But for the Indigo Girls—Amy Ray and Emily Saliers, who started playing together in high school more than three decades ago—keeping it fresh is what keeps them going. Stopping here on July 28 to play with the Chattanooga Symphony directed by Bob Bernhardt, they’re particularly psyched about their first-ever performance with an orchestra.

The only preparation they’ll have is one run-through with the orchestra the night before the concert. “We show up and do a dress rehearsal, and that’s it. It’s scary,” Saliers said in a telephone interview. The songs they’ll play—chosen from their immense catalog, as well as new material from their current album, Beauty Queen Sister—will include some fan favorite sing-alongs.

The CSO show will be the last of their current tour, which has taken them all over the South and Midwest with a young rock/funk band. Tak-

ing their cue from Bob Dylan (whose radical re-arrangements often leave even longtime fans guessing as to which song it is), the Indigo Girls have given the band free reign to re-interpret their work. The result, according to Saliers, is reinvigorating—“like hearing the songs for the first time,”

she said. The band will open the show and then back Saliers and Ray for the rest of the performance.

“You know,” said Saliers, chuckling, “You got these gorgeous 22-year-olds playing with the Indigo Girls. We’re having fun. It really is like a new thing, and our fans are loving it.”

After playing together for more than 30 years, Ray and Saliers still find stimulation in the music—and in each other. That’s at least partly due to their sharply contrasting personalities: Ray’s punky restlessness next to Saliers’ reserve.

“Amy and I are like yin and yang, and because we’re so different it keeps it interesting,” said Saliers. “I love being able to tap into [Ray’s] energy, playing and singing her songs.

My energy is not as visceral and immediate and stompy as hers—I’m more reflective. I’m really glad that I get to have a partner like that. I think we’d be bored if it were any different.”

Listening to their current album, it’s easy to pick out who wrote each song. The album opens with Ray’s softly insinuating, melodic love song, “Share The Moon.” Over a warm, funky bass line Ray begins the song, her throaty vocal sweetened by Saliers’ sisterly harmony on the chorus. It’s a folk song, but with the compressed energy of a rock ballad. The lyric has an easy conversational feel, even while the words have been carefully chosen to complement the melody.

Later on, Saliers’ “Feed and Water the Horses” sounds like an undiscovered Joni Mitchell ballad from her Blue period. As the music moves

beneath her at a languid pace with a funky drummer and a tolling piano, she frets over the massive cultural changes that—even as she attempts to grapple with them—shift under her feet. It’s a written by a worrier who, not surprisingly, is happiest in the company of a risk-taker who helps her maintain her equilibrium.

With a wonderfully sympathetic shadow vocal, Ray gives the song the stalwart support she’s always provided for Saliers.

Listen to the early Beatlesstyle spring in their voices in “Making Promises.” Their voices weave in and around each other, pushing toward an ecstatic release at the end of each verse, each voice vying for the lead. It’s the companionable competition that has fuelled their three-decade partnership. But anyone who has spent time listening closely to their songs knows there’s a sting inside those gossamer harmonies.

As to which ones made the cut for the Chattanooga show, Saliers wouldn’t say. Or perhaps she and Ray aren’t yet sure. As Saliers said of their approach, “We have a lot of spontaneity. Nothing is rote, absolutely nothing is rote.”

The Indigo Girls with the CSO 8 p.m.

Saturday, July 28 Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5050 chattanoogasymphony.org

Richard Winham is the host and producer of WUTC-FM’s afternoon music program and has observed the Chattanooga music scene for more than 25 years.

All Week Long!

Mon & tue LIVE DJ

Wii on the Big Screen wednesdays

Jonathan Wimpee Jam Session thursdays LOCAL LEGENDS

HOUSE PARTY WITH 5 DJS

WEEKEND

PARTY ZONE!

FRI $1 BEER 10-11PM LIVE MUSIC WITH

STEVIE MONCE sat $1 BEER 10-11PM LIVE MUSIC WITH

PISTOL TOWN Party on Two Floors!

1st Floor: Live Music • 2nd Floor: Dancing

Raw Sushi Bar

Restaurant & Nightclub 409 Market Street •423.756.1919

chattanoogapulse.com • JULY 19-25, 2012 • The Pulse • 11

Music

WEDNESDaYS

Thu 07.19

FIFtY cENt

DRUMMIES

Thursday • July 19

Unspoken Triumph • Monomath Planet Hate

Friday • July 20

Milele Roots • Sista Otis • Shakim

Saturday • July 21

Diakiaju • Argentinium Astrum Rough Rope

Tuesday • July 24

Continental • Hell is Miami

1/2PRIcE

DRaFtS

Wednesday • July 25 Cumberland Collective featuring Noah Collins

Friday • July 27

Ashely and the X’s Villian Family • Amber Fults

Saturday • July 28

Diarrhea Planet • Grass Giraffes Whoremones • Chrome Pony

LIVE MUSIC

CAMPBELL BROWN THU. and GASLIGHT STREET with Mac Lomphart 9:30p 19

20 THE BREAKFAST CLUB SAT. 10p 21 MON. BLACK JOE LEWIS 9p 23 THU. THE BOHANNONS 10p 26 lack MIth’S BIStRo & BaR

oN thE PatIo

SMOOTH DIALECTS with AFRO

FRI. 10p

Everyone’s Favorite 80’s Retro Band

B S

3914 St. Elmo AVE. (423) 702-5461

Find uS on FAcEbook blacksmithstelmo.com

Fletcher Bright 6:30 p.m. Hunter Museum, 10 Bluff View Ave. (423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org Rick Rushing 7 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 sugarsribs.com Unspoken Triumph with Monomath and Planet Hate 8 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400 Listen 2 Three with Telemonster 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy.

(423) 468-4192 thehonestpint.com Campbell Brown & Gaslight Street with Mac Lomphart 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com

fri 07.20

CHATTANOOGA JULY

ENJoY cool cocktaIlS

CHATTANOOGA LIVE

and The Honeybears

with TWO COW GARAGE

COMING: 7/27: DRIVIN N CRYIN 7/28: YACHT ROCK SCHOONER 8/02: RANDY ROGERS BAND

ALL SHOWS 21+ UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED • NON-SMOKING VENUE

221 MARKET STREET

HOT MUSIC • FINE BEER • GREAT FOOD BUY TICKETS ONLINE • RHYTHM-BREWS.COM

12 • The Pulse • JULY 19-25, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

Chuck Prophet, Endelouz 7 p.m. NightFall, Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. nightfallchattanooga.com Aaron Tippin 7 p.m. Redoubt Soccer, 6900 Bonnie Oaks Dr. (423) 899-4180 Bluegrass Night 8 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081 thecamphouse.com Milele Roots, Sista Otis, Shakim 8 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400 Hara Piper 9 p.m.

The Office, 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 The Plan B Band 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St.

(423) 508-8956 sugarsribs.com Nathan Farrow 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240 tboneschattanooga.com.

Smooth Dialects with Afro 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Tornado Benefit 10 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533 skyzoochattanooga.com Bounty Hunter 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road (423) 499-9878 budssportsbar.com

sat 07.21 Caterina Sellers 10 a.m. Chattanooga Incline Railway, 3917 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 821-4224 ridetheincline.com Brian Ashley Jones 12:30 p.m. River Market @ Aquarium Plaza, W Aquarium Way (423) 648-2496 Bud Lightning 7 p.m. Top of the Dock, 5600 Lake Resort Terr. topofthedock.net Josh Gilbert Band with Jacob Johnson 8 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081 thecamphouse.com Johnston & Brown 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Dr., Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 ringgoldacoustic.com Wayne Haught 8 p.m. Charles and Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Road (423) 892-4960 christunity.org/events Diakiaju with Argentinum Astrum and Rough Rope 8 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400 Priscilla & Lil Ricky 8:30 p.m. The Foundry (at the Chattanoogan Hotel), 1201 Broad St. (423) 756-3400 chattanooganhotel.com Bryan Jones & The Married Men 9 p.m.

The Office, 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Soul Survivor 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 sugarsribs.com.

The Steam Boars 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240 tboneschattanooga.com The Breakfast Club 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Bounty Hunter 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road (423) 499-9878 budssportsbar.com Mad River Rising 10 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533 skyzoochattanooga.com

sun 07.22 Dana Rogers 10 a.m. Urban Spoon, 207 Frazier Ave. (423) 710-3252 Mountain View Bluegrass, Brian Ashley Jones, Bluegrass Pharoahs, Barker Brothers 11 a.m.

Chattanooga Market, First Tennessee Pavilion, 1826 Reggie White Blvd. chattanoogamarket.com Charlie Daniels Band 5 p.m. Lake Winnepesaukah, 1730 Lakeview Dr. Rossville, Ga. (706) 866-5681

Between the Sleeves

901 Carter St (Inside Days Inn) 423-634-9191

record reviews • ernie paik

CHARLIE DANIELS BAND • The CDB heads down to Georgia.

SUN 07.22 5 p.m. • Lake Winnepesaukah 1730 Lakeview Dr. • Rossville, Ga. (706) 866-5681 • lakewinnie.com

lakewinnie.com

mon 07.23 Dan Sheffield 7 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 sugarsribs.com Black Joe Lewis & The Honeybears 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com

tue 07.24 Dustin Curry 7 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081 thecamphouse.com Contintental with Hell Is In Miami 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400

wed 07.25 Dan Sheffield 7 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 sugarsribs.com.

Cumberland Collective with Noah Collins, Mark “Porkchop” Holder 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400 The Kymera Project 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192 thehonestpint.com Husky Burnette 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road (423) 499-9878 budssportsbar.com

Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send live music listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@chattanoogapulse.com.

a photo to make any guitar gearhead drool may be found by typing in “Kevin Shields Pedalboard” into Google Image Search, which yields a glimpse of a ridiculously complicated setup containing 30 different guitar effects pedals.

Shields is the front man of My Bloody My Bloody Valentine, the BritValentine ish band that typiEP’s 1988-1991 cally comes to mind (Sony Music) when discussing shoegaze music of the early ’90s—swirling, noisy, effects-laden guitar-heavy rock. While any kid with an electric guitar, a delay pedal and a big amplifier can make a huge, sloppy sonic maelstrom, Shields was more about having a tight control over his sound, tweaking the tone meticulously as a perfectionist.

The band’s 1991 album, Loveless, is the group’s masterpiece and one of the most acclaimed albums of the decade, and the new two-CD collection compiles four of the band’s EPs plus a 33-minute serving of rarities and unreleased tracks.

The title track of You Made Me Realise, is known for being a lengthy, set-ending, punishingly loud, apocalyptic song in live settings, but here it’s not so formidable, at a modest four minutes in length and mostly depending on dissonance with moments of mounting, noisy guitar churning. In the background of “I Believe,” from Feed Me With Your Kiss, one can hear the rumbling, queasy guitar sound that would characterize Shields’ style, with copious use of the pitch-bending whammy bar.

Throughout the Glider and Tremolo EPs, rhythms alternate between driving beats and more danceable styles, with Bilinda Butcher supplying soft, dreamy vocals. Fans will be most interested in the seven bonus tracks, with highlights such as the mind-bending and maddening 10-minute version of “Glider,” the pop-structured “Angel,” and the compelling fuzz-bundle “How Do You Do It,” closing a superb collection that tracks the group’s sound evolution leading up to Loveless.

Read more of Ernie Paik’s reviews online at chattanoogapulse.com.

Thursday, July 19: 9pm Open Mic with Mark Holder

friday 9:30 • saturday 10:30

Friday, July 20: 9pm Hara Paper

Saturday, July 21: 9pm Bryan Jones & The Married Men

Tuesday, July 24: 7pm

Server Appreciation Night $5 Pitchers $2 Wells $1.50 Domestics All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks!

Stop by & check out our daily specials!

july 20-21: TOM SIMMONS

●

Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

Facebook.com/theofficechatt

JULY 27-28: TIM PULNIK

MOUTH OF THE SOUTH

test stand-up comic cone $1000 cash priz ER COV EVERY TUESDAY • NO

NEW LOCATION! 809 MARKET ST. SAME GREAT SERVICE & STAFF! NEW ATMOSPHERE! NEW MENU!

NEW SIGNATURE COCKTAILS! Market Street Tavern 809 Market Street• 423.634.0260 Facebook.com/marketstreettavern

thu. 7 • fri. 7 sat. 5:30 & 8 Show your Riverbend pin during Murder Mystery shows and get 10% off and during Comedy on Friday and get in FREE on Saturday night!

138 MARKET • 423.517.1839

FUNNYDINNER.COM

full bar

chattanoogapulse.com • JULY 19-25, 2012 • The Pulse • 13

One-On-One Motivation To Change Your Body And Your Life.

REALLYTRAIN

Customized Personal Training

OPENING SPECIAL 7 TRAINING SESSIONS FOR $315 JULY ONLY • Visit thrivestudio.net Thrive Cafe Now Open at 6 a.m.

Thrive Studio • 191 River St. • 423.800.0676 thrivestudio.net • Facebook/ThriveStudio • Twitter: @thrivestudio1

Thrive Studio—Healthy Bodies, Happy Minds 14 • The Pulse • JULY 19-25, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

ACE

ARTS•CULTURE•ENTERTAINMENT

Main Terrain: A Bridge to Play With

By Rich Bailey chattanooga’s extensive population of street-level, human-sized public art sculpture is about to get a big brother on West Main. The new sculpture will be like everybody’s ideal big brother: He’s really big, he’s really cool, and he still wants you to play with him.

Construction is about to begin on Main Terrain, a unique “artfitness park” that will feature a nine-part interactive sculpture installation inspired by Chattanooga’s bridges. The park is intended to bridge the gap between large-scale downtown revitalization flowing south from the core of downtown, like the Chattanoogan Hotel, and the renewed streetscape flowing west from Main and Market.

Imagine if the Walnut Street Bridge got zapped by a mad scientist’s shrink ray, then got chopped into pieces, relocated to the Southside and turned into oversized playground equipment.

Oh, and imagine that mad scientist put a steering wheel on each piece of the bridge so you can turn it every which way.

The site of Main Terrain is a narrow, 1,000-foot long former railroad right-of-way that faces The Chattanoogan and cuts through the middle of the block from 13th Street to Main Street.

Three 23-foot high cast concrete pylons, something like the limestone piers that support the Walnut Street Bridge, will dominate the center of the park. Each one will be topped by an intricate corten steel truss, very much like the metal superstructure of the Walnut. These 35-foot horizontal trusses can be turned 360 degrees by a steering wheel on the side of each pylon. When they are all turned the same way, they will line up with six shorter pylons— three at each end of the park—to make a bridge-like arc that spans most of the 1,000-foot park.

The sculpture is a bridge reimagined as interactive public art for the Southside.

“At night, these nine structures each have lights like a real bridge.

So you’ll see this arc of red warning lights, real industrial lights like you see at airports,” said sculptor Thomas Sayre, who designed the bridge elements. Lights on the three spinning structures will also illuminate the area below them.

How the bridge-like structures look at any moment will depend on how people move them around. “If someone aligns them, they will form an arc. If someone leaves them haphazardly, you’ll have a very different configuration,” said Sayre.

The park also features a halfmile running track circling the sculptures. Five adjoining exercise stations will be outfitted with adult fitness equipment prototypes custom-designed for Main Terrain by PlayCore. The ground itself is also sculpted to retain stormwater naturally on site, rather than letting it flood neighbors or go into the public wastewater system.

Main Terrain’s blend of adult fitness, sculpture and urban design may be one of a kind. At the very least, it’s highly unusual.

“I work all over the country and sometimes beyond, usually on fairly large public art projects,”

said Sayre. “I’ve never encountered a project like this. The idea of exercise entering into urban design, much less public art, is pretty rare.”

Last year, Public Art Chattanooga made a call for proposals for a large sculpture to be featured in Main Terrain, funded by a $250,000 grant from the National Endowment for the Arts and matching funds from the Lyndhurst Foundation and the City of Chattanooga.

The winning proposal was from Clearscapes, a Raleigh, N.C., multi-disciplinary design firm cofounded by Sayre and architect Steve Schuster. The final design of the park resulted from a close collaboration between Clearscapes, Public Art Chattanooga, Chattanooga landscape architect Mike Fowler, PlayCore, Chattanooga Parks and Recreation and Public Works departments and the Lyndhurst Foundation.

The creative work was so collaborative that Sayre said, “It’s hard to tell where art with a capital A begins and ends and where the park or the landscape archi-

The sculpture’s monumental steel trusses can be lined up— by anyone—to form a continuous bridge shape 23 feet above the Southside.

tecture begins and ends.”

The look of the sculptural bridge elements springs from Sayre’s lifelong fascination with industrial structures.

“I have always been interested in steel trusses and bridges and gantry cranes and that kind of stuff,” he said. “It’s been fun to create this lightweight looking but very strong structure ... which was also the goal of designer of the Walnut Street Bridge. All the detailing, every move in that bridge has a reason. It’s not ornamental, but it has this lacy wonderful quality that I think our trusses have as well.”

When the park is completed by the end of this year, Main Terrain’s three movable bridgelets will beckon visitors through this long skinny park, in part by duplicating the way the sun plays along the length of the Walnut Street Bridge.

“

I’ve never encountered a project like this.

The idea of exercise entering into urban design, much less public art, is pretty rare.

Thomas Sayre

Sculptor who designed the bridge elements and partner in Clearscapes “One way we did that was to twist the truss, which makes it much more complicated to build and engineer,” Sayre said. “We wanted the complexity of the thin members that reflect the sun to create light and shadow in relation to the moving sun. And they themselves move, too, so there’s always a different light show in relation to the sun.”

chattanoogapulse.com • JULY 19-25, 2012 • The Pulse • 15

Arts & Entertainment Thu 07.19

home game

SCHEDULE Thu, July 19 • 7:15 PM Beer Tasting Night

Presented by Riverside Beverage Co.

vs. Smokies

Fri, July 20 • 7:15 PM

Memorial PINK! Jersey Auction & Fireworks!

vs. Smokies

Myron Noodleman

vs. Smokies

Sat, July 21 • 7:15 PM

Sun, July 22 • 2:15 PM Parents Day SunTrust Sunday

vs. Smokies

Tue, July 24 • 7:15 PM

Bi-Lo BOGO Bradley County Night

vs. Barons

Street Food Thursdays 11 a.m. Warehouse Row, 1110 Market St. warehouserow.net Art.a.ma.jig 6 p.m. Tanner-Hill Art Gallery, 3069 S. Broad St. (423) 280-7182 artsedcouncil.org All American Summer featuring Fletcher Bright 6 p.m. Hunter Museum, 10 Bluff View (423) 266-0944 huntermuseum.org Open Mic 7 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081 thecamphouse.com “Anything Goes” 7 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com Photographic Society Meeting featuring Colby McLemore 7 p.m. St. John United Methodist Church, 3921 Murray Hills Dr. (423) 344-5643 chattanoogaphoto.org T.C. Cope 8 p.m.

The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

fri 07.20 Fresh on Fridays 11 a.m. Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 265-3700 rivercitycompany.com Nightfall Concert Series 7 p.m. Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 265-0771 nightfallchattanooga.com T.C. Cope 7:30 & 10 p.m.

The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road

16 • The Pulse • JULY 19-25, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

CALENDAR

(423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com “GODSPELL” 7:30 p.m. ReCreate Café at The Salvation Army, 800 McCallie Ave. csarmy.org “Tomorrow Never Comes” 7:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 barkinglegs.org “Anything Goes” 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com “The Music Man” 8 p.m. Signal Mountain Playhouse, 301 Rolling Way Signal Mountain smph.org Tom Simmons 9:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839 funnydinner.com LibertyCon 3 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo, 1400 Market St. libertycon.org Late Night Hoops!

10 p.m. Howard High School, 2500 S. Market St. (423) 643-6055 chattanoogahasfun.com

sat 07.21 Downtown Kayak Adventures 9 a.m. Outdoor Chattanooga, 200 River St. (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com LibertyCon 10 a.m.

Chattanooga Choo Choo, 1400 Market St. libertycon.org Chickamauga Battlefield Bicycle Tours 9:30 a.m.

Chickamauga Battlefield, 3370 LaFayette Road, Fort Oglethorpe, Ga. (706) 866-9241 outdoorchattanooga.com River Market 10 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad St. (423) 402-9960 chattanoogamarket.com Summer Music Weekends Noon. Rock City, 1400 Patten Road Lookout Mtn., Ga. (706) 820-2531 seerockcity.com Art til Dark Noon. Winder Binder Gallery & Bookstore, 40 Frazier Ave. (423) 423-8999 winderbinder. wordpress.com “Tomorrow Never Comes” 3:30 & 7:30 p.m.

Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 barkinglegs.org “GODSPELL” 7:30 p.m. ReCreate Café at The Salvation Army, 800 McCallie Ave. csarmy.org T.C. Cope 7:30 & 10 p.m.

The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com “Anything Goes” 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com “The Music Man” 8 p.m. Signal Mountain Playhouse, 301 Rolling Way Signal Mountain smph.org Late Night Hoops!

10 p.m. Howard High School, 2500 S. Market St.

vacation?

(423) 643-6055 chattanoogahasfun.com Tom Simmons 10:30 p.m.

Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839 funnydinner.com

TAKE YOUR PET TO THE ARK

sun 07.22 Chattanooga Market: Mountain View Bluegrass 11 a.m. First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter St. (423) 402-9960 chattanoogamarket.com Summer Music Weekends Noon. Rock City, 1400 Patten Road, Lookout Mtn., Ga. (706) 820-2531 seerockcity.com LibertyCon 10 a.m.

Chattanooga Choo Choo, 1400 Market St. libertycon.org “GODSPELL” 2 & 6 p.m. ReCreate Café at The Salvation Army, 800 McCallie Ave. csarmy.org “Anything Goes” 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com “Tomorrow Never Comes” 5:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 barkinglegs.org Sunday Night Square Dance & Music Party 7 p.m. Folk School of Chattanooga, 1800 Rossville Ave., Ste. 4 (423) 827-8906 chattanoogafolk.com T.C. Cope 8 p.m.

The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

STEPHANIE OSBORN AT LIBERTYCON FRI-SUN 07.20-22 • NASA flight controller turned mystery writer signs her new Sherlock Holmes book this weekend at the annual science fiction convention.

Chattanooga Choo Choo • 1400 Market St. • libertycon.org

mon 07.23 Music Monday 7 p.m. Pasha Coffee & Tea, 3914 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 475-5482 pashacoffeehouse.com “GODSPELL” 7:30 p.m. ReCreate Café at The Salvation Army, 800 McCallie Ave. csarmy.org

tue 07.24 Classic Literature Book Club 6 p.m. Pasha Coffee & Tea, 3914 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 475-5482 pashacoffeehouse.com Songs & Stories featuring Dustin Curry 7 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081 thecamphouse.com Live Team Trivia 7:30 p.m. Brewhaus, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 531-8490 chattanoogatrivia.com “GODSPELL” 7:30 p.m. ReCreate Café

at The Salvation Army, 800 McCallie Ave. csarmy.org Mouth of the South 8 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839 funnydinner.com

wed 07.25 Mideast Dance 10:30 a.m. Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 N. Terrace Rd. (423) 493-0270 jewishchattanooga.com Main Street Farmer’s Market 4 p.m. 325 E. Main St. mainstfarmersmarket.com Chattanooga Night Market 5 p.m. Ross’s Landing, Chestnut Street & Riverfront Parkway chattanoogamarket.com

Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com.

Send calendar listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@ chattanoogapulse.com.

EntEr thE summer pet of the month at hippieradio1069.com to win $100 cash, spa package at the ark and $100 donation madE in your pEt’S namE to thE humanE Educational SociEty of chattanooga.

DAYCARE • BOARDING • GROOMING 7760 E. BrainErd road • 521.8888 1100 dayton Blvd. • 634.0466 www.thearkspa.com

Scan for SitE to download “frEE” daycarE offEr at our nEw location chattanoogapulse.com • JULY 19-25, 2012 • The Pulse • 17

Sushi & Biscuits

Tuesday: Karaoke 10pm to 2am Wednesday: $1 Beer No cover 4pm to Close

The Morning Pig

Thursdays: Live Trivia 8-10pm Happy Hour Daily 4-8pm

427 Market Street • 423.267.2445

MIKE MCJUNKIN

STATE OF THE ARTS AUG. 23 • 2012

423.304.7829

WWW.CRAVECHATTANOOGA.COM

18 • The Pulse • JULY 19-25, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

you could say i’m not much of a morning person. While herds of morning people greet the day with the energy of a Chihuahua puppy, I drag myself from the soft cocoon of my plush pillowtop mattress with all the poise and vigor of a drunken friend stumbling out of a car. Once I’ve faced the harsh realities of the morning, I realize that my repeated pounding of the snooze button has left me with just enough time to either grab a crumbspewing granola bar or hit the corporate drive thru for a frozen biscuit filled with an uncomfortably uniform “breakfast patty” topped with “cheese product.”

I’m fully aware of and truly believe in the physical and psychological benefits of a healthy and relaxing breakfast routine, but decades of second-shift restaurant work and last calls for alcohol have taken their toll on my relationship with those crucial first hours of the day. It doesn’t help that the options for a quick, made-fromscratch and inexpensive breakfast to go are few and far between.

Since I grew up eating sausage, eggs and biscuits for breakfast, on those rare mornings that I feel the urge to skip my French Vanilla Instant Breakfast, I want something that will get my groggy body’s attention.

I want something with pork, baked dough and maybe a little cheese or spicy peppers to get the juices flowing again. The solution to this conundrum comes in an unlikely form—pigs in a blanket.

I’m not advocating any of the Jimmy Dean-on -a-stick atrocities and I haven’t started channeling Guy Fieri wrapping crescent rolls around cocktail wieners. I’m

talking about full-sized sausages wrapped in made-from-scratch pastry dough thrown into a little white bakery bag for less than half the cost of a hydrogenated breakfast combo No. 2 at your local McMorning joint.

When I first walked through the door of The Donut Palace at 3716 Dayton Blvd. in picturesque Red Bankistan, it looked like a typical small doughnut shop with glass cases of carefully arranged doughnuts and pastries in the usual varieties, flavors and shapes.

What’s not obvious is that owner, Dan Prak, makes these creations fresh from scratch each morning, including the glazed fruit fritters and croissants glistening with what looks to be a Paula Deenload of butter. I took a quick glance at the menu and my eyes almost immediately locked in on the words “pigs in a blanket.”

There, poised provocatively behind the glass, were full-sized sausages peeking out from layers of flaky brown pastry like little pork papooses.

The shop offers two sizes and two flavors of

pigs in a blanket. The small, 99-cent version looks like what you would expect a pig in a blanket to look like. I’m sure this would make a great late-night snack, but I want something that will give me enough energy to get through the morning hours of hardscrabble labor. That’s a job for the large blanketed pig, which comes in two varieties—smoked sausage and jalapeno and cheese for the bargain price of less than two bucks each.

Brace yourself for a shock the first time you try one of these handmade handfuls. They are unexpectedly, amazingly good. The pairing of the buttery, handmade pastry with the unctuousness of the sausage is spot on.

Throw in the mild bite of the jalapenos and the creamy, oozing cheese and you have a near perfect handheld breakfast.

There are plenty of places around town to sit down and read the morning paper over a cup of joe and a plate of fruit, biscuits and gravy or whatever you and your rise-and-shine attitude desires. But for last-minute snoozers and morning drag-assers, being able to run in and grab a handmade pastry wrapped around a pork sausage on your way to work is like a gift from the snooze button gods. Thank you Donut Palace, thank you.

Mike McJunkin cooks better than you and eats quite a lot of very strange food. Visit his Facebook page (Sushi and Biscuits) for updates and recipes.

Comix

NEED EXTRA CASH? CHATTANOOGA’S #1 GOLD BUYER wants to give you MONEY for your jewelry!

Get paid TOP-DOLLAR just like Rick’s thousands of satisfied customers!

WWW.RICKDAVISGOLDANDDIAMONDS.COM

RICK DAVIS GOLD & DIAMONDS 5301 Brainerd Rd at McBrien Rd • 423.499.9162

Join the Hippie Generation.

Visit HippieRadio1069.com and become a member today!

chattanoogapulse.com • JULY 19-25, 2012 • The Pulse • 19

REDEFINE YOUR WEEKEND. REDEFINE YOUR PROPERTY. REDEFINE YOUR IMAGE. CALL US TODAY OR VISIT OUR WEBSITE TO START IMPROVING YOUR HOME

DOUBLE

YOUR MONEY

423.667.2662 REDEFININGLANDSCAPES.COM

GREEN IS OUR BUSINESS. WE RECYCLE.

S INDOW R-5 WE SIGNIFICANINTLY GS

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Most change is slow and incremental. The shifts happen so gradually that they are barely noticeable while you’re living in the midst of them from day to day.

Then there are those rare times when the way everything fits together mutates pretty quickly. I think you’re at one of these junctures now, Cancerian. It’s not likely you’ll be too surprised by anything that happens, though. That’s because you’ve been tracking the energetic build-up for a while, and it will feel right and natural when the rapid ripening kicks in.

LEO

PROVID NERGY SAV -3 E MORE A TYPICAL R THAN WINDOWS D E T RA

SAVE UP TO

$1,000

PURCHASE YOUR REPLACEMENT WINDOWS FROM ADVANTAGE AND WE WILL DOUBLE YOUR $500 TVA ENERGYRIGHT SOLUTIONS REBATE!

99

R-5 Window Upgrade Trade-In 5 Windows.........$495 10 Windows.......$990 15 Windows.....$1485

Free Will Astrology

$

Not valid with any other offer.

Valid only with coupon. Expires 7/31/12

6-FOOT FRENCH PATIO DOORS

WITH INTERIOR BLINDS

1295

WAS $1795 $ NOW ONLY

Not valid with any other offer.

Valid only with coupon. Expires 7/31/12

(423) 822-2353

FREE IN-HOME ESTIMATE 3709 BRAINERD RD. • ADVANTAGEWINDOWS.COM

20 • The Pulse • JULY 19-25, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

(July 23-Aug. 22): Lately you’ve been spending time in both the off-kilter parts of paradise and the enchanting areas of limbo.

The results have been colorful but often paradoxical. You have had to paw your way out of a deadend confusion but have also been granted a sublime breakthrough.

You explored a tunnel to nowhere but also visited a thrilling vista that provided you with some medicinal excitement. What will you do for an encore? Hopefully, nothing that complicated. I suggest you spend the next few days chilling out and taking inventory of all that’s changed.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The

painter Philip Guston loved to express himself creatively. He said it helped him to get rid of his certainty, to divest himself of what he knew. In light of your current astrological omens, Virgo, Guston’s approach sounds like a good strategy for you to borrow. The next couple of weeks will be an excellent time to explore the pleasures of unlearning and deprogramming. You will thrive by discarding stale preconceptions, loosening the past’s hold on you, and clearing out room in your brain for fresh imaginings.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Nine-

teenth-century author Charles Dickens wrote extensively about harsh social conditions. He specialized in depicting ugly realities about poverty, crime, and classism. I’m thinking that Dickens might be an inspirational role model for you in the coming weeks, Libra. It will be prime time for you to expose difficult truths and agitate for justice and speak up in behalf of those less fortunate than you. You’ll get best results by maintaining your equanimity and good cheer.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): For many years, ambergris was used as a prime ingredient in perfumes.

rob brezsny

And where does ambergris come from? It’s basically whale vomit.

Sperm whales produce it in their gastrointestinal tracts to protect them from the sharp beaks of giant squid they’ve eaten, then spew it out of their mouths. With that as your model, Scorpio, I challenge you to convert an inelegant aspect of your life into a fine asset, even a beautiful blessing. I don’t expect you to accomplish this task overnight. But I do hope you will finish

by May of 2013.

alert for fake magic, and make yourself immune to its seductive appeal. Do not, under any circumstances, allow yourself to get snookered by sexy delusions, enticing hoaxes, or clever mirages.

This is a demanding assignment, Pisces. You will have to be both skeptical and curious, both toughminded and innocently receptive. Fortunately, the astrological omens suggest you now have an enhanced capacity to live on that edge.

SAGITTARIUS

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Acro-

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “Interruption” will be a word of power for you in the coming days.

It is possible that the interruptions will initially seem inconvenient or undesirable, but I bet you will eventually feel grateful for their intervention. They will knock you out of grooves you need to be knocked out of. They will compel you to pay attention to clues you’ve been neglecting. Don’t think of them as random acts of cosmic whimsy, but rather as divine strokes of luck that are meant to redirect your energy to where it should be.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):

You don’t have to stand in a provocative pose to be sexy. You don’t have to lick your lips or radiate a smoldering gaze or wear clothes that dramatically reveal your body’s most appealing qualities.

You already know all that stuff, of course; in light of this week’s assignment, I just wanted to remind you. And what is that assignment?

To be profoundly attractive and alluring without being obvious about it. With that as your strategy, you’ll draw to you the exact blessings and benefits you need. So do you have any brilliant notions about how to proceed? Here’s one idea: Be utterly at peace with who you really are.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I brazenly predict, my dear Aquarius, that in the next 10 months you will fall in love with love more deeply than you have in over a decade. You will figure out a way to exorcise the demons that have haunted your relationship with romance, and you will enjoy some highly entertaining amorous interludes. The mysteries of intimacy will reveal new secrets to you, and you will have good reasons to redefine the meaning of “fun.” Is there any way these prophecies of mine could possibly fail to materialize? Yes, but only if you take yourself too seriously and insist on remaining attached to the old days and old ways.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Be

Yoga is a relatively new physical discipline. According to a description I read on a flyer in Santa Cruz, it “blends the spiritual wisdom of yoga, the loving kindness of massage, and the dynamic power of acrobatics.” I’d love to see you work on creating a comparable hybrid in the coming months, Aries—some practice or system or approach that would allow you to weave together your various specialties into a synergetic whole.

Start brainstorming about that impossible dream now, and soon it won’t seem so impossible.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Unless you grow your own or buy the heirloom variety at farmer’s markets, you probably eat a lot of tasteless tomatoes. Blame it on industrial-scale farming and supermarket chains. They’ve bred tomatoes to be homogenous and bland—easy to ship and pretty to look at. But there’s a sign of hope: A team of scientists at the University of Florida is researching what makes tomatoes taste delicious, and is working to bring those types back into mainstream availability. I think the task you have ahead of you in the coming weeks is metaphorically similar, Taurus. You should see what you can to do restore lost flavor, color, and soulfulness. Opt for earthy idiosyncrasies over fake and boring perfection.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): It’ll be a humming, murmuring, whispering kind of week—a time when the clues you need will most likely arrive via ripplings and rustlings and whirrings. Here’s the complication: Some of the people around you may be more attracted to clangs and bangs and jangles.

They may imagine that the only information worth paying attention to is the stuff that’s loudest and strongest. But I hope you won’t be seduced by their attitudes. I trust you’ll resist the appeals of the showy noise. Be a subtlety specialist who loves nuance and undertones. Listen mysteriously.

matt jones

“Tally Ho!”—where have I heard that before?

Across

1. Worker from another company?

5. 1/100th division: abbr.

8. Start of a refrain 13. Quarterback Tony who once dated Jessica Simpson 14. Bad thing to hear when remodeling 15. Deadly snake 16. He had the 1994 #1 hit “Here Comes the Hotstepper” 18. Key same as B 19. ___ vital 20. Vendors 22. Capital of Kofi Annan’s home country 25. Literary character who had a title “Prayer for” him 27. Totally sad 29. Away from the wind 30. Prefix meaning “times one trillion” 31. Poisonous fish 33. Sought out quickly

38. Emma Watson role in eight movies 41. City on the Ruhr 42. Filled with wonder 43. “Bad Romance” Lady 44. World Baseball Classic team 46. Kind of number 48. He played the bossy Stooge 53. Second largest city in France 54. Triangular houses 55. Checklist component 57. Hiccup, for instance 58. It may be involved in tallying the four theme answers 63. Yaphet of “Alien” and “The Running Man” 64. Messes up 65. Alison of “Community” 66. Coffee stirrer 67. 86,400 seconds 68. Do some door drama

Down

1. Tetra- minus one 2. One billion years 3. 11 years ago, in the credits 4. Where kings don’t rule 5. Opening for graph 6. Due to, in slang 7. It comes “after me,” in a Louis XV quote 8. What anchors face 9. Winchester product 10. Cop ___ 11. Hear (about) 12. More suitable for a film festival than the local multiplex, say 14. Thurman of “Bel Ami” 17. Jai ___ 21. Dir. opposite WSW 22. Foaming ___ mouth 23. Native Canadians 24. Caleb and John Dickson, for two 26. Be belligerent 28. Accounts head, for short

32. Without apologizing 34. They run with torches 35. New Zealand mystery writer Marsh 36. Indie band ___ and Sara 37. Heard tests 39. Shared, like a characteristic 40. Map lines: abbr.

45. Much-maligned director Boll 47. Basic util.

48. Operating room covers 49. King ___ (Michael Jackson title) 50. Muse of love poetry 51. Lacks options 52. “Dear ___...”

56. End zone scores, for short 59. Major time period 60. Website address 61. “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” star Vardalos 62. President pro ___

Jonesin’ Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2012 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call.

Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0581.

BREWER MEDIA IS HIRING

Jonesin’ Crossword

Account Executive Account Executive (Chattanooga) Position Available at Brewer Media Permanent Full-Time

Brewer Media wants YOU! We’re seeking talented Sales Account Executives to join our high-performing team in print and online media sales. You will be responsible for hunting out new leads, making fancy presentations, managing existing accounts and selling new business.

The ideal candidate has been a successful sales person, loves Chattanooga, and excels in cultivating relationships with area businesses.

Qualified candidates will possess: Excellent written and verbal command of the English language; Organization of time with a laser-focus attention to detail, plus amazing follow through; audience- and needsbased selling approach (and knowing what that means); Outgoing and influential personality with a positive attitude (save your drama for your momma); Ability to generate your own business and to think creatively for clients. The position offers you product training, a base salary plus commission on all sales, bonuses, and the ability to get free passes to events! We also have a few radio stations you can represent as well. To be considered, please email a cover letter, resume, and salary history to : Mike Baskin: mikebaskin@brewermediagroup.com Subject: “Sales Job” The Pulse Advantage: With the most comprehensive news, arts and entertainment coverage in Chattanooga, The Pulse has become the most reliable media resource for an extremely diverse readership. Each and every week, more than 30,000 active, educated, affluent and highly influential consumers make many of their purchasing decisions based on advertisements they see on the pages of The Pulse.

Brewer Media is an Equal Opportunity Employer.

chattanoogapulse.com • JULY 19-25, 2012 • The Pulse • 21

Life in the Noog

chuck crowder

One Man’s Trash as a youngster, when asked what i wanted to be when i grew up, i nearly always answered “garbage man.” Not fireman or policeman or some other cool job where you got to blast sirens, wear official-looking uniforms and carry guns, but trash collector or the proper term, as I learned later in elementary school, “sanitary engineer.”

I guess I was enamored by the freedom of hanging off the back of a big truck and hurling bags of someone else’s refuse around until it was time to run the hydraulic press that compacted it all deep into the payload area so even more disgusting crap could be thrown on top.

Back then, we threw everything away—paper, plastic, glass, batteries, paint cans, used motor oil—it didn’t matter. We had no idea where it was going other than away from our clean garage that, until garbage day, smelled like rotting death.

My childhood memories include not only hearing my father drag our cans down the driveway in what seemed like the middle of the night, but also hearing the telltale sounds of the garbage truck making its rounds down the street the next morning.

Much like the siren call of the ice cream truck, I would perk up and run from wherever I was to the front of the house to watch in awe as some lucky dude (probably making loads of cash) dumped our old metal cans into the back of a truck before slamming them down on the driveway so hard my dad would surely spend half of his Saturday afternoon banging out the dents with a rubber mallet (also cool to watch).

As I grew up, my infatuation with waste disposal began to wane when I

22 • The Pulse • JULY 19-25, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

Modern trash service comes to the Southside. discovered a penchant for writing drivel like this— and the actual income potential of anyone who hangs off the back of a truck. Just as discouraging though, is the fact that trash, at least back in the day, isn’t considered “trash” any more.

Having lunch recently in the deli of Greenlife Grocery, I proceeded to throw my trash away only to find several options of receptacles for disposal.

I believe they read (in order) “compost,” “paper,” “plastic,” “glass” and “other.” I think I used all but one of them to discard the remnants of my lunch, which cost twice as much as those restaurants with only one receptacle that simply says “thank you.”

As a pioneer of the Southside, I’ve experienced the trials and tribulations of getting mail and garbage service in a newly inhabited area of town (just four blocks from City Hall). I think we finally moved from a “rural route” to a normally

scheduled mail route with one assigned postal worker, but state-of-the-art trash service has just now caught up to us.

When I first moved in nearly six years ago, we were asked to provide our own cans because our route was still considered a rural route. I guess they wanted to see if the neighborhood was gonna gel before giving us expensive cans, like the $75 one I bought initially.

Just recently, however, we were upgraded to the status of “man sits in cab of truck and machine dumps city-issued cans,” so we were all given specific instructions on how to throw things away and drag the can to the curb like we’d already been doing just fine for quite some time. In fact, we even knew how to place our cans away from parked cars and everything, but apparently this didn’t satisfy the boys down at City Hall.

Along with distributing cans, they rendered the entire block in front of my townhome a no parking zone on Fridays from 7 a.m. until 6 p.m. In my disgust with the sign, I paced around my kitchen before noticing the beacon of a new dumpster located in the lot behind me. Hmmmmm.

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are his own.

Books. Lots of books. And more.

We buy, sell and trade.

Used Books, CDs, Movies, & More

7734 Lee Highway • McKayBooks.com Monday-Saturday 9am-10pm • Sunday 11am-7pm chattanoogapulse.com • JULY 19-25, 2012 • The Pulse • 23