The Pulse 9.04 » Jan. 26-Feb. 1, 2012

January 26, 2012

9th Anniversary

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

01.28.12 » TRACK 29 MOONLIGHTBRIDE

THEBOHANNONS ELK MILK

BEHOLDTHEBRAVE TELEMONSTER

New York’s AileY ii At the

tivoli theAtre for

oNe PerforMANCe oNlY!

sAturdAY, jAN. 28 At 8 P.M. tiCkets oN sAle Now! (423) 757-5050 www.ChAttANooGAoNstAGe.CoM

OFFICIAL U.S. TOUR SPONSOR

Foundation

2 • The Pulse • JANUARY 26-FEBRUARY 1, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

Since 2003

Contents

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

jan. 26-feb. 1, 2012 • no. 9.04

ChattanoogaPulse.com • Facebook.com/ChattanoogaPulse

COVER STORY

EDITORIAL Publisher Zachary Cooper Creative Director Bill Ramsey Contributors Rob Brezsny • Dave Castaneda Chuck Crowder • Michael Crumb • John DeVore Janis Hashe • Rick Pimental-Habib • Matt Jones Chris Kelly • D.E. Langley • Mike McJunkin • Ernie Paik Jim Pfitzer • Alex Teach Cartoonists Rick Baldwin • Max Cannon Jesse Reklaw • Tom Tomorrow Photographers Josh Lang • Lesha Patterson Interns Britton Catignani • Kinsey Elliott Molly Farrell

Winterfest 2012

• The Pulse’s first local music festival debuts at Track 29 on Jan. 28. Meet the bands on the bill. » 8 walk of life

Connect the Dots

ADVERTISING

• The Dortches share and trade musical knowledge on inventive radio program. » 7

Sales Director Lysa Greer Account Executives David Barry • Rick Leavell

CONTACT Phone 423.265.9494 Fax 423.266.2335 Email info@chattanoogapulse.com calendar@chattanoogapulse.com Got a stamp?

1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, TN 37402

music

Hall of History

• Lindsay Street Music Hall is preserving local music history and making new memories. » 12

letters Please limit letters to 300 words or less. Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity.

arts

Russia on Broad

the fine print

The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader.

No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

• Lynn Cline brings the art of Russia to his unique gallery on Broad Street. » 15 SUSHI & BISCUITS

Destination: Diner

© 2012 Brewer Media

• Mike McJunkin visits Roy’s Grill in Rossville, a diner done right. » 18

BREWER MEDIA GROUP President Jim Brewer II

Photo by Mike McJunkin

You call it yard art. Your neighbors call it an eye sore.

Turn your scrap metal into money!

Junkyard Mafia Metal Recycling pays cash for:

«

Junk Cars • Metal Cabinets • Weedeaters • Grills Bikes • Old Equipment • Steel • Brass Shells and Figures Stainless Steel • Pots and Pans • Cell Phones Lead, Aluminum & Copper • Batteries

Ooltewah: (423) 238-3444 Polk County: (423) 338.2411 chattanoogapulse.com • JANUARY 26-FEBRUARY 1, 2012 • The Pulse • 3

BOWL

THE

TALK OF THE NOOG facebook/chattanoogapulse • email: info@chattanoogapulse.com

Nine years just isn’t 10, now is it?

January marks the ninth anniversary of The Pulse (though born in December, we celebrate in January), and we couldn’t be more, well, distracted.

Chattanooga is facing many issues—lingering economic doubts, a crisis of leadership, gang violence. To say selfreflection has not been the first thing on our minds is an understatetment. Still, there’s cause to celebrate.

Become a wine connoisseur and a contemporary artist all at once.

3849 Dayton Blvd. • Ste. 113 423.877.1787 At the corner of Morrison Springs Road and Dayton Boulevard in the Bi-Lo Shopping Center

“Nine years means nothing, 10 means everything,” said Zachary Cooper, co-founder and publisher of The Pulse, a man not given to hyperbole.

“We have had nine years to make our share of mistakes, learn from them and create great issues. Our readership has grown considerably, with a circulation of about 37,000.

Thank you for that. We haven’t scaled out either, so there is much more to be seen in this weekly alternative.”

Cooper doesn’t rest on laurels, but the fact that The Pulse continues to grow and make an impact gives us reason to believe we will almost certainly greet that coveted 10th anniversary in January 2013 with the appropriate satisfaction. We’re here to stay, for better or worse—and we like to think “for better,” thank you very much.

Since its inception, The Pulse has documented the myriad cultural and artistic entertainment options available to the community, something no other publication has done with as much conviction.

As core components of the publication, this will never change.

Emphasis on these sustaining elements of livability is as relevant to today’s Chattanoogans as it was nine years ago. There is a certain vi-

4 • The Pulse • JANUARY 26-FEBRUARY 1, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

The cover of the first Pulse, dated Dec. 3-9, 2003.

brancy each city possesses, a core identity that comes from its culture—equal parts business, environment, arts and music. Here at The Pulse we concentrate more heavily on the latter.

The arts—music, theatre, visual art, performance, literature, et al—form our culture and the city’s livability quotient. It’s that quotient that will make all the difference in recruiting and retaining long-term residents, whether they come for Volkswagen or Amazon, study at our institutions of higher learning or are attracted by the expanding technological opportunities. We write for an informed audience and make no apologies. We expect our city to evolve along those parameters. When it does not, we’ll make noise.

For nine years, The Pulse has stayed true to its mission, but we are not afraid to retool and make adjustments. Our recent redesign, the constant, thoughtful review of our content have become routine exercises. We hope that shows.

We have not yet reached a decade in print, but our nineyear quest to increase awareness of this city’s cultural progress is worth noting. Just before we published our first issue we were surprised by the premier of a similar arts paper the week before. Luckily, we kept our focus on our mission and content, a dedication that has led us here today.

To celebrate, we have teamed with Track 29 for the inaugural Winterfest. Cooper said the idea is akin to The Pulse’s annual State of the Arts issue, published each summer just before the visual and performing arts season begins. The difference is that Winterfest is a public event.

The idea is to celebrate not so much our own milestone (although be certain we will) but to revel in the culture we cover and adore—in this case, to showcase local music and bring an inexpensive music festival featuring some of Chattanooga’s best bands together for one night. Call it our gift to the city. More information on Winterfest can be found in our feature story, “Back Stage,” on Page 8, and in The List on Page 11.

As we toast to our progress, we thank you for your readership. We hope that The Pulse continues to inform and entertain you for many years to come. —Kinsey Elliott

New Bank Building apartments fill void

More good news for those seeking a downtown residence. Chattanooga City Council last week approved a 12-year tax abatement for developers who will invest $7 million to rehabilitate the Chattanooga Bank Building at 8th and Market streets into a 74-unit apartment complex.

Ray Moss Development, Inc., said rental fees for the one- and two-bedroom units would be set between $1,100 and $1,300 and house approximately 200 residents, according to a report in the Times Free Press. The first floor of the building will be developed for retail, while the 11th floor will house an unnamed corporate headquarters.

The demand for affordable housing downtown is great, said Kim White, president of River City Co., which works to attract new business and residents downtown.

“We need more 24-hour people downtown,” White said. “There are 55,000 workers downtown, but not a lot of downtown residents. Condos are expensive, and this property takes a building from its former office-space use and transforms it into something vitally needed. For example, 200 UTC students wind up in hotels every year. This really fills a void.”

While the $1,100+ rent may seem high, rents overall are rising and those who work downtown would obviously benefit from decreased transportation costs.

—Bill Ramsey

EdiToon

rick baldwin

The Mighty 3rd 3rd Congressional District Candiates

Filing Deadline: April 5, 2012 Primary Election: Aug. 2, 2012 General Election: Nov. 6, 2012 Chuck Fleischmann Republican incumbent Cash: $410,539 Poll Rank: TFP - No. 3 Chattanoogan - No. 2 Weston Wamp Republican, Son of Zach Cash: $250,000+ Poll Rank: TFP - No. 4 Chattanoogan - No. 1 Jean “Lady J” Howard-Hill Republican educator Cash: Unknown Poll Rank: TFP - No. 6 Chattanoogan - No. 4 Ron Bhalla Republican businessman Cash: Unknown Poll Rank: TFP - No. 1 Chattanoogan - N/A Bill Taylor Democratic businessman Cash: Unknown Poll Rank: TFP - No. 2 Chattanoogan - N/A Mary Headrick Democratic physician Cash: Unknown Poll Rank: TFP - N/A Chattanoogan - N/A Welcome to Campaignepesaukah!, our new weekly electionyear tracker. Our focus for much of the coming year will be on the 3rd District congressional race, which this week adds its second Democrat, Mary Headrick, making it a true primary race for both parties. But we’ll also chime in with stats on other local races (County Mayor, Recall Ron) and, of course, the presidential election. Next week, we should have updated campaign finance estimates for the fourth quarter of 2011 that will reveal who’s in this race for the long-haul until the August primaries. So far, only Chuck Fleischmann and Weston Wamp are showing their hands. And sadly, it’s all about the money. Tune-in next week!

Dizzy Town A blog in print about politics, media & other strange bedfellows

Taibbi Takes No Prisoners Not much has given DizzyTown reason for more excitement than the news that Rolling Stone contributing editor Matt Taibbi will be visiting Chattanooga at 4 p.m on Wednesday, Feb. 1, to present his talk, “Why the Tea Party and the Occupy Movement Are Right About the 2012 Elections.”

The lecture, which is free and open to the public, will take place at UTC University Center Auditorium as part of “Perspectives 2012,” the Raymond and Florence Witt Lecture Series.

Those are the details, so book that time and date in your DayRunner and be there. DizzyTown will most certainly be seated front and center—not because we’re fans of Rolling Stone, (we are, but let’s face it—the

Stone ain’t what it used to be), but because Taibbi has earned a reputation as one of the nation’s best political analysts. He carries water for no party or politician, despite the fact that the journals he writes for are lean left. Instead, he hits both sides hard with glovesoff, pulling no punches. His reporting on the financial crisis and Wall Street, the Occupy Movement and the nascent 2012 campaign are required reading for anyone even remotely interested in learning about the reality behind the smoke and mirrors of politics.

The title of Taibbi’s Chattanooga talk centers on the ideologically opposed Tea Party and Occupy Movement, but, as he told the Times Free Press in a brief

chat last week, both were born out of frustration with their political parents.

“I think both of these movements are a reaction to a sense that they have to go take to the streets,” Taibbi said. “The legitimate avenues don’t work anymore.”

Taibbi has been on leave recently and is just taking his place on the campaign trail, but he’s been following the Republican candidates closely since the Iowa caucuses and has already issued some stinging reportage on his “Taibblog,” his blog on rollingstone.com, so expect some blunt-force commentary when he comes to UTC with his thoughts on the expected Florida primary brawl on Jan. 31, just a day before Taibbi arrives.

We can’t wait.

Nightly Specials Mon: 50¢ Wings • $3 Sweetwaters Tues: $1 Tacos • 1/2 Price Margaritas Wed: Wine Night + Live Jazz!

Thur: Burger & Beer Night Sat: $2 Domestics Noon to Midnight

Music

Mondays: Mountain Music Wednesday • Jan. 25 Live Jazz with

The Ben Friberg Trio Thursday • Jan. 26 Songwriters Showcase Jordan Hallquist with guests Mark "Porkchop" Holder & BJ Hightower

Friday • Jan. 27 • 10pm Function Saturday • Jan. 28 • 10pm Gabriel Newell & Muddy Soul 850 Market Street• 423.634.0260 Facebook.com/marketstreettavern

chattanoogapulse.com • JANUARY 26-FEBRUARY 1, 2012 • The Pulse • 5

On the Beat

alex teach

DUI: No Longer Badge of Shame, But Behave DUI. Three simple letters, but such a complicated and fascinating topic. Merely a misdemeanor, yet such a deep wound it leaves, both for the offender and the victim involved. Vagrants to politicians, payday loan managers to doctors, firemen to cops—it’s the great equalizer.

It’s also like a legal shark, with many rows of teeth to gnaw at you when you’re caught in its gullet—with another row having been added just this week.

Would you believe that in America a cop can force blood from your arm? I don’t mean by giving a stern look and asking very loudly, either. No, by “force” I mean having a group of people take you to a hospital’s mandated padded psychiatric evaluation room, hold each limb down if necessary, and stick a needle in your vein while you froth from the lips with drug- or alcoholinduced rage. Crazy, no? No refusal, no lawyer present, just a very annoyed nurse and a bunch of excited orderlies if it’s been a slow day. (Lawyers and court come later.)

Back in the day it could only be done if you were suspected of being boogered up and there was an injury or death as a result of your accident. These days, however, if you’d had a

grace

FRANK group INFO HOTLINE:

423.464.4570

GraceFrankGroup.com

103 Cherokee Blvd

prior DUI or vehicular assault (or homicide)—ever, not just 10 years back anymore—or there is a passenger under the age of 16, “From your arm or from your lip, we’ll be having your blood,” as they used to say.

(Oh, and it’s still not your choice, blood or breath. Old wives tale.)

And despite its misdemeanor status, once you hit Lucky Conviction No. 4, you graduate to the felony big leagues like murderers and bid-rigging Chattanooga city contractors.

By now, several of you reading this are getting warm about the face and gripping the paper (or mouse) tightly in a mix of anger (or more accurately, shame) and introspection, having been down the DUI road before. Relax. It’s in your past and will generally remain there, but it’s a tough row to hoe—and not by accident. Orphaned kids and grieving parents have a chilling effect on legislators, but we have all been guilty of it most

likely, and quite simply not everyone gets caught.

With that bit out of the way, you always hear your buddy (lets call him “Hank” for no reason at all) complain about how “It was such bullshit.” How he was a victim of a quota or a chip on the cop’s shoulder or how he was prescribed those medications so it couldn’t be illegal to drive. There was ice on the road, he didn’t wreck because he was drunk, but, but, but …

“Feh.” I started my career working Brainerd. Everyone partied there, they all drove drunk, and it didn’t take a lot of training to make a case. But a good cop had his or her ducks in a row or you wasted a lot of time. This demographic was going to have lawyers and preachers show up.

Did you know that it’s still illegal to drive without your headlights on, even when there are street lights sufficiently lighting the place? (I know you probably know, but the customers always argue it.) What you probably don’t know is that about 8 in 10 drivers pulling out of a bar at night without headlights on are drunk, and that’s a good reason to follow them. Swerving (or as it’s known in the business, “crossing left of center”), with headlights on or off, those are signs, but I prefer “speeding” or

URBAN GREEN SOUTHSIDE VILLAGE $230k-$275k OPEN SUNDAYS 2-4 PM RENAISSANCE REALTORS

423.756.5700

6 • The Pulse • JANUARY 26-FEBRUARY 1, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

“

I’m not going into detail about the tests we administer because while I’m a terrible human being, I’m not giving advice on how to beat them, accidentally or otherwise. failure to use a turn signal (or a bad tag or tail light) to establish the reason for pulling one over.

Then I just talk to you.

I’m not going into detail about the tests we administer because while I’m a terrible human being, I’m not giving advice on how to beat them, accidentally or otherwise. But practice made me good enough that I could call your blood-alcohol level (or B.A.C.) within about two-tenths of a point like Babe Ruth could call his home runs.

As I got better I didn’t care if you refused the test (as you’re advised), because besides the automatic suspended license, I

could articulate your conviction to a judge or jury without blood or breath.

Eventually I went from counting centerline dips on the midnight shift to becoming a dayshift patrolman where I let the skill atrophy due to infrequency. But I’d still get reminded now and then by someone who was N.D.D.Y. (Not Done Drinking Yet) who would pass my marked patrol car at 10 am with a flat tire and the rim kicking up a rooster tail of sparks as they ran a red light in the center lane­—and off I’d go.

DUI: The great equalizer.

The bringer of death in some cases, but humility in all, is just a few beers or drink away, so be mindful of the beast. And know that if I’m making you recite the “Two All Beef Patties” song while leaning backwards, you’re probably about to go free and I’m just screwing with you. But if you’ve made a parent grieve, there’s a padded room and an annoyed nurse with a clipboard that literally has your name written on it waiting for you.

Behave. And be safe.

Columnist Alex Teach is a full-time police officer of nearly 20 years experience. The opinions expressed are his own. Follow him on Facebook at facebook.com/alex.teach.

Walk of Life

Dortch & Son ‘Connect the Dots’ Story & Photo by Bill Ramsey

Chris Dortch and his son, Chris, are the kind of duo made for public radio syndication stardom.

If they were not father and son, you’d think they were lifelong buddies, genially swapping stories and trading insider takes on pop music in between genuine laughs and an obvious affection for music and each other. It’s the sort of banter that reminds you of the “Car Talk” guys, Tom and Ray Magliozzi, the Boston-based brothers who host one of NPR’s most enduring and popular programs.

But the Dortches are indeed father and son—and best friends, the sort who finish each other’s sentences and call each other almost immediately after spending hours together. As Chris Dortch Sr. puts it, “I never had a best friend, so I made one.”

Like a growing number of fans, I accidentally stumbled upon “Connect the Dots,” their monthly show on WUTC-FM 88.1, on a Sunday evening before Christmas. The mark of entertaining radio is its ability to stop you in your tracks, as it did for me in this case. I was reading in bed when the show commenced and I was immediately drawn to the duo’s charm and their casual ability to “connect” with each other while dissecting the degrees of separation between rock ‘n’ roll Christmas songs, the theme of that evening’s show.

I put down my book and listened.

The Dortches are radio naturals and “Connect the Dots,” which mines the rich history of popular music for “Six Degrees of Separation”-style similarities, is pure joy for music geeks and radio fans alike.

Since August of last year, the pair have occupied a slice of Richard Winham’s Sunday evening slot on WUTC (which Winham produces) every third Sunday with their meticulously researched yet free-

Chris and Chris Dortch are best friends who share a passion for music. They are also father and son with a cool radio show on WUTC-FM 88.1. form discussion on the DNA of rock ‘n’ roll.

The senior Dortch, a former Chattanooga Times sports reporter who now publishes the Blue Ribbon College Basketball and Football Yearbooks and writes column for NBA. com in addition to freelancing for the local news website Nooga.com, originally pitched Winham a blues-themed fun facts show featuring himself and his son. But the younger Dortch countered, “Why not open it up?”

For years, the two have been “stealing” each other’s music— “Dad borrowed my Nirvana, I nabbed his Sam and Dave,” says the younger Dortch—so the emerging concept became obvious.

When they approached Winham with a show devoted to Beatles covers linked by movies, the radio veteran

(who is both British and a huge Beatles fan) bit, and “Connect the Dots” was born.

Beyond their relationship, the Dortches comfort level on the air—which Winham immediately noticed—is backed by years of exposure by the elder Dortch’s many media interviews and his son’s background in voice-over work and podcasts. The younger Dortch is a filmmaker and editor with Woople and founder and lead instigator behind Mise En Scenesters, the Chattanooga film club that screens independent films rarely seen in the area.

If you get the idea that “Connect the Dots” is simply an extension of long dinnertable discussions between a close father and son who happen to be pop-music junkies, you’d be absolutely correct. It’s also excellent radio.

“When he (Chris) was

Chris Dortch Sr. and Chris Dortch II Hosts, “Connect the Dots,” airing at 8:30 p.m. on the third Sunday of each month on WUTC 88.1-FM. First music the younger Dortch turned his father onto: The Clash, Nirvana, The Black Keys—”Scores since,” says the elder Dortch.

First music the elder Dortch turned his son onto: The Beach Boys’ “Endless Summer” and Steve Martin’s first comedy album. “I still have them,” the son says.

young, I knew he was interested in music and movies and I fed him books and records,” says the elder Dortch. “We developed a rapport more than father and son. We’re peers.”

The duo’s next show, “Could Have Been a Contender,” airs at 8:30 p.m. on WUTC on Sunday, Feb. 19. Tune in. chattanoogapulse.com • JANUARY 26-FEBRUARY 1, 2012 • The Pulse • 7

Moonlight Bride • The Bohannons • Elk Milk • Behold the Brave • Telemonster

Back

Stage

The Bohannons

Moonlight Bride Year formed: 2007 Members: Justin Wilcox, Matt Livingston, Justin Grasham, Dave Maki Website: moonlightbridgemusic.com Moonlight Bride has been receiving critical accolades and building a large, loyal audience with extensive touring as well as performances here in their hometown. This spring, they will return to SXSW in Austin, Texas, along with several other Chattanooga bands.

They will be releasing a seven-inch at JJ’s Bohemia on Feb. 11, followed by a five-song EP in early March titled “Twin Lakes.”

The band can also be heard on the new compilation album highlighting

Tennessee bands titled “Tennesthesia,” reviewed last week in The Pulse.

Moonlight Bride’s debut album, “Myths,” is available on iTunes.

In 2009, Paste magazine assistant editor (and Chattanoogan) Rachael Maddux had this to say in her review of “Myths”: “These guys blew the lid off my notion that I’d never really love a band from my hometown—though

I’m ashamed to admit I had to be told about them third-hand from some out-of-town folks before I believed it. ‘Myths’ has become one of my favorite albums of the year. It’s just 10 tracks but it feels huge, dark and wounded but shot through at all the right moments with glorious, bursting choruses and moody, skittering guitar ...

Chattanooga can’t keep this secret much longer.”

Pulse music critic Ernie Paik noted recently that the band “has subtly transformed its sound over the last four years, but with guitar-noise and post-punk influences, it has kept a certain quality constant by delivering an engaging momentum with its songs.”

8 • The Pulse • JANUARY 26-FEBRUARY 1, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

Year formed: 2003 Members: Marty Bohannon, Josh Beaver, Nick Sterchi, Matt Bohannon Website: reverbnation. com/thebohannons The Bohannons, led by the two brothers of the Bohannon name, have always been pushing their sound and the places their sound is taking them since inception.

The band has been creating musical narratives informed by personal experience, blending classic and modern influences, since the early 1990s when brothers Matt and Marty Bohannon made their first recording onto a four-track cassette tape in a duplex garage at their parents’ home. Their soundscapes emanate

country, blues and folk standards fused together with rock, punk and power pop structures. Roky Erikson, Crazy Horse, Frank Black and The Band are often mentioned in describing their sound.

Following their debut album, “Songs for the Disenfranchised,” the group released “Days of Echo,” a combination of explosive songs matched with perfectly balanced, paced and acoustically based

selections. The album was recorded in Chicago with sound wizard Steve Albini (Nirvana, Pixies, Robert Plant) and mixed

by Nashville’s Grammywinning Vance Powell (Raconteurs).

On Jan. 2, after performing a stellar New Year’s Eve show opening for The Features at The Honest Pint, The Bohannons were featured on a live Internet broadcast for the huge audience of Daytrotter.com, an online live studio performance website. Along with that trip to Illinois, they will be doing multiple dates in the Midwest.

The Bohannons have new material in the works and plan to release a new album by the end of this summer.

The Pulse Winterfest 2012 Local Music Festival • Saturday, Jan. 28 • Track 29

Elk Milk

Year formed: 2010 Members: Ben Hobbs, Isaac Houck, Josh Hyde Website: reverb nation.com/elkmilk Elk Milk is a recently formed band who began making music in mid 2010 and played their first live show at JJ’s Bohemia in February 2011. Hobbs and Houck relocated to Chattanooga, with Hobbs moving down from Nashville and Houck hailing from the midwest as well as having spent time in South Africa.

In their brief history, the band’s live performances have gained them immediate attention and respect among their peers and sparked a grrowing fan base.

The band took their name from the elk milk vine or Ligtning Blossom, a vine commonly found in the moutainous regions of the Pacific Northwest and though to contain healing properties, said to cure madness and to used to banish evil spirits.

According to their web-

site, the band say they love playing music for its healing properties, the regaining of lighting and for the building up of the fire cast upon the earth.

The three members all “love their moms, Tennessee, the mountains and the sea. They all dream of the Arctic Circle from time to time. Their music is sparked by the dream hunters in the woods.”

Elk Milk is in the final stages of a self-produced debut EP scheduled for a March release.

Behold the Brave

Year formed: 2008 Members: Clayton Davis, Zack Randolph, Joel Parks, Jeremiah Thompson Website: beholdthebrave.com Behold the Brave formed in 2008 and quickly released their first recording of five tracks that same year titled “Get Sky.” Continuing to perform live and writing new material, the band released “Lost In The

Woods” in 2009. Behold The Brave has developed a big, expansive sound with a lot of depth behind the lyrics. The band added acoustic tracks to the

“Woods” release to create a deluxe album that is available on iTunes, CDBaby and Amazon. They will be hitting the local and regional live circuit this year in support of a new recording that is slated for release this spring.

The live performances of Behold The Brave have been earning acclaim and reveal diversity in the repertoire while remaining solidified in a signature sound.

Telemonster

Year formed: 2011 Members: Josh Barrett, Dave Hess, John-Michael Forman, Peter Griffis, Ben VanderHart Website: telemonster. bandcamp.com Telemonster first performed as a band in 2011 at JJ’s Bohemia. After developing their live show, the band turned to recording a three-song EP, “Captain Matador,”

released in July 2011. In early March, the band will launch a Kickstarter. com campaign to help fund a full-length EP that they plant to record at Spanner Sound with engineer Charles Allison at the controls.

According to the band, audiences often compare their sound to The Shins and Modest Mouse, but members cite a broad spectrum of influences

including Radiohead, Animal Collective, Miles Davis and Tchaikovsky.

Telemonster’s music is known for its irresistible hooks and catchy vocal lines, but due to their shared interest in intellectual genres, such as math rock, jazz and classical music, the band looks for ways to puzzle expectations and compose complex songs with accessible grooves.

chattanoogapulse.com • JANUARY 26-FEBRUARY 1, 2012 • The Pulse • 9

A Valentine gift for the body, from the heart.

Valentine’s Day specials start Friday, Feb. 10, through midnight Tuesday, Feb. 14.

Couples suite available. Send all the right messages with Massage Envy gift cards.

Available at Massage Envy Spa.

$78 Couples • $39 Introductory Massage • $49 Facials

345 Frazier ave • NExT To REgIoNS BANk • 423.757.2900 Massageenvy.coM • Walk-ins Welcome convenient Hours • open 7 Days M-F 8aM-10pM, sat 8aM-6pM, sun 10aM-6pM

Visit Massage enVy for details. © 2011 Massage enVy frnachising, llc.

10 • The Pulse • JANUARY 26-FEBRUARY 1, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

CALENDAR

LIST

THE JAN. 26-FEB. 1

DANCE

Ailey II Returns Ballet Tennessee presents the highenergy contemporary dance company Ailey II in a community residency involving performance, outreach and special events.

Under the artistic direction of former Ailey dancer Sylvia Waters, this criticallyacclaimed company presents dazzling performances and innovative community programs across the country and internationally. The Ailey spirit shines as these artists perform an exhilarating and diverse repertoire that includes Alvin Ailey’s timeless classics and thrilling new works by today’s most outstanding choreographers.

In conjunction with the performance, Ballet Tennessee will present a free community outreach class for children on Saturday, Jan. 28; a ballet master class for intermediate and advanced dancers also on Jan. 28; and a modern master class for intermediate and advanced dancers on Sunday, Jan. 29. Visit ballettennessee.org for more information on classes.

Ailey II SAT 01.28 $15-$30 • 8 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5050 chattanoogaonstage.com

» pulse picks

THUR01.26

FRI01.27

MUSIC

EVENT

MUSIC

Boombox with Eliot Lipp

Steve Byrne

• Duo blends vintage rock, psychedelia and electronica.

10 p.m. • Rhythm and Brews, 221 Market St. • (423) 267-4644 rhythm-brews.com

• Hot, up-and-coming comic. $16-$19 • 01.26-29 The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road • (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

Strung Like A Horse and Banditos • Southern folk and bluegrass.

9 p.m. • JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400

EVENT “The Importance of Being Earnest” • Quintessential Oscar Wilde comedy.

7 p.m. • Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. • (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com

» pulse pick OF THE LITTER

SAT01.28 MUSIC Pulse Winterfest 2012 • See Pulse Pick of the Litter.

7 p.m. • Track 29, 1400 Market St. (423) 521-2929 • track29.co

EVENT Ailey II • Legendary New York dance troupe.

8 p.m. • Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 821-2055 • ballettennessee.org

SUN01.29 MUSIC Future Islands

Cood Night, Hot (Local) Rock SAT 01.28 • Five great bands. One night. Cheap tickets. Moonlight Bride, The Bohannons, Elk Milk, Behold the Brave and Telemonster form the bill for our first local music festival. Plus: The Pulse 9th Anniversary Party. $10 • 7 p.m. • Track 29, 1400 Market St. (423) 521-2929 •track29.co

Give your Valentine Chattanooga on a necklace photos by vince rizzo on tiny sterling picture pendants

• See our “Sound Check” interview with the band on Page 14.

8 p.m. • JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400

EVENT “Treemonisha” • Opera by ragtime composer Scott Joplin.

3 p.m. • Roland Hayes Concert Hall, 752 Vine St. (423) 425-4601 • utc.edu/fineartscenter

30 frazier avenue • 266-8010 • open seven days chattanoogapulse.com • JANUARY 26-FEBRUARY 1, 2012 • The Pulse • 11

Music Making History on Lindsay Street FRIDAY 1/27 STANDING ROOM ONLY 9 pm

SATURDAY 1/28 JIMMY DORMIRE & THE INFINITE LINE

By Dave Castaneda

The Martin Luther King Boulevard district of Chattanooga is deeply rooted in history and lately has become a musical district of sorts, with venues such as JJ’s Bohemia, The Honest Pint, Bessie Smith Hall and Midtown Music Hall offering diverse entertainment.

Add Lindsay Street Music Hall to this list.

9 pm

SUNDAY 1/22 Happy Hour All Day MONDAY 1/30 MARK “PORKCHOP” HOLDER 7 pm

TUESDAY 1/24 KAROKE CONTEST $1000 GRAND PRIZE ★ WEEKLY PRIZES ★

WEEKLY QUALIFYING 8PM $2 SANGRIA

WEDNES WEDNESDAY 2/1 TROY UNDERWOOD 7:30 pm

The hall opened last year in a beautiful old church located on the corner of Lindsay Street and MLK and hosts a variety of events, including live music shows, wedding receptions and corporate parties. As a nonprofit organization, the hall helps out the local music community by hosting educational programs for kids, showcasing new and upcoming artists and assists local musicians in promoting themselves and releasing albums. Part of the vision for the Lindsay Street Music Hall is to capture and archive the music history in Chattanooga so that future generations can check out how music influenced Chattanooga during a certain era.

The latest project emanating from the hall are the “Lindsay Street Hall Sessions,” also known as “Live at Lindsay Street,” a series of perfor-

12 • The Pulse • JANUARY 26-FEBRUARY 1, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

“

The Lindsay Street Hall Sessions go for an ‘Austin City Limits’ vibe, says producer Jack Kirton. mances by local musicians being filmed for viewing next month on EPB’s FiTV Channel 200 and then available on video-on-demand, according to Ken Crisp, who founded the hall.

Recently, the program filmed its fourth and fifth installments, featuring Moon Slew, Keith Crisp, John Lathim and Ryan Oyer. I at-

tended the filming of that showcase and was surprised at the turn out for the show—it was packed and everyone was enjoying the smooth acoustic sounds of the musicians.

“We try to go for an ‘Austin City Limits’ vibe,” says executive producer Jack Kirton, who produces each episode of “Live at Lindsay Street” and is also a musician in the band Endelouz.

You can almost feel the passion for music the founders have. Crisp says they discovered the church and were throwing around ideas on how to use the space and found that there was a great need in the community for the type of organization that Lindsay Street Music Hall has become.

“We had a great year and are even more excited about 2012,” says Crisp. “Especially our music project. Last year, we worked out the bugs while having some great shows and this year we will be really focused on not only having these great shows, but also filming and recording for TV as well as for the artists.”

Crisp and his crew want to help local and regional musicians develop marketing materials and demos to promote themselves and the rich musical heritage that has always existed in Chattanooga. It’s a wonderful thing that this organization is also helping local musicians release music through their co-op record program. Basically, if you are a musician and show a lot of promise, they will help you release a record. They help you pay for the design, packaging and pressing for the record. Musicians repay the hall through the sales of the record. Kirton says that the venue is always looking for

new, professional and promising talent.

The educational programs at Lindsay Street Music Hall are very informative and created to help expose the youth to different styles of music.

They invite different musicians to come in and teach classes. Styles of music covered include bluegrass, jazz and world music. Musicians cover the basic structure of genres, instruments and the history of music.

The venue has hosted mostly local and regional talent, but has brought in touring acts that come through Chattanooga. Some of the musicians that have stopped by or worked with the venue include Endelouz, Robert Bass, The Bohannons and Elk Milk, to name a few.

If you have EPB cable, check your listings for the “Lindsay Street Music Hall Sessions” on Channel 200 and get a taste of the history this venue is writing.

Lindsay Street Hall Sessions Next shows: Saturday, Feb. 4 • Jennifer Daniels, Kelly Haskew, Matt Downer, BJ Hightower Saturday, Feb. 18 • Slim Pickens, Snake Doctors, Jordan Hallquist Doors open at 7 :30 p.m.

Shows begin at 8 p.m. $5 cover, cash bar Shows are filmed for broadcast on EPB FiTV Channel 200 and video-on-demand Lindsay Street Hall 901 Lindsay St. (423) 755-9111 lindsaystreethall.com

Chattanooga Live Thur 01.26 Brock Blues Band 8 p.m.

The Palms at Hamilton 6925 Shallowford Road (423) 499-5055 thepalmsathamilton.com Jordan Hallquist 8 p.m.

Market Street Tavern 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260 marketstreettavern.com Bob Carty 8 p.m. Acoustic Café 61 RBC Drive Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 ringgoldacoustic.com Bitch Please with Opportunities 9 p.m.

The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy.

(423) 468-4192 thehonestpint.com Leaving Miss Blue 9 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400 Boombox with Eliot Lipp 10 p.m.

Rhythm and Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com

Fri 01.27 The Fog 8 p.m.

Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Drive Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 ringgoldacoustic.com Husky Burnette 8 p.m.

Magoo’s Restaurant 3658 Ringgold Road (423) 867-1351 Dave Pope Quartet 8 p.m.

The Foundry 1201 Broad St. (423) 756-3400 chattanooganhotel.com.

Strung Like a Horse, Banditos 9 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400 Bryan Jones 9 p.m.

The Office 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Standing Room Only 9 p.m.

Sugar’s Ribs 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 sugarsribs.com Function 10 p.m.

Market Street Tavern 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260 marketstreettavern.com Slippery When Wet: A Bon Jovi Tribute with Jordan Hallquist & The Outfit 10 p.m.

Rhythm and Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Bounty Hunter 10 p.m. SKYZOO 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533. skyzoochattanooga.com Booger Holler 10 p.m.

Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878 budssportsbar.com

Sat 01.28 Winterfest 2012: Moonlight Bride, The Bohannons, Elk Milk, Behold the Brave, Telemonster 6 p.m.

Track 29 1400 Market St. (423) 266-4323 track29.co.

Jay Clark and Jimmy Davis 8 p.m.

Charles and Myrtle’s

Wednesday • January 25

Coffeehouse 105 McBrien Road (423) 892-4960 christunity.org/events A Tribute to Miles Davis with the Vance Thompson Quintet 8 p.m.

Barking Legs Theatre 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 barkinglegs.org Dave Pope Quartet 8 p.m.

The Foundry 1201 Broad St. (423) 756-3400 chattanooganhotel.com Brody Johnson and the Dirt Road Band 8 p.m.

Acoustic Café 61 RBC Drive Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 ringgoldacoustic.com Gabriel Newell and Muddy Soul 8 p.m.

Market Street Tavern 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260 marketstreettavern.com Robert Lee 8 p.m.

Northshore Grille 16 Frazier Ave. (423) 757-2000 Milele Roots, Smooth Dialects 9 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd.

PULSE PICK BoomBox with Eliot Lipp 01.26 • 10 p.m. • Rhythm and Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644 • rhythm-brews.com

(423) 266-1400 Now You See Them 9 p.m.

Southside Saloon 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730 southsidesaloonandbistro.com Pete Boubel 9 p.m.

The Office 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Jimmy Dormire & The Infinite Line 9 p.m.

Sugar’s Ribs 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 sugarsribs.com Cadillac Saints with Rick Bowers Band & Soul Mechanic 9 p.m.

Rhythm and Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Mother of Pearl 10 p.m.

T-Bones 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240 tboneschattanooga.com.

Danger Kitty 10 p.m.

SKYZOO 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533 skyzoochatta-

nooga.com

Sun 01.29 Future Islands with Ed Schrader’s Music Beat 8 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400

Tue 01.31 Rainbowdragoneyes 7 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400

Wed 02.01 Tim Lewis 7 p.m.

Barts Lakeshore 5600 Lakeshore Drive (423) 870-0777 bartslakeshore.com Long Gone Darlings 8 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400

Map these locations on chattanoogapulse. com. Send live music listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@ chattanoogapulse.com.

Alexanders • Painted Desert Waterfall Wash Thursday • January 26 Leaving Miss Blue • Leticia Wolf Friday • January 27 Strung Like A Horse • Banditos Saturday • January 28 Milele Roots • Smooth Dialects Sunday • January 29 Future Islands • Prophets & Kings Tuesday • January 31 Unspoken Triumph Rainbowdragoneyes Controlling Evolution Wednesday • February 1 Long Gone Darlings

901 Carter St (Inside Days Inn) 423-634-9191 Thursday, Jan. 26: 9pm

Open Mic: Mark Holder Friday, Jan. 27: 9pm

Bryan Jones

Saturday, Jan. 28: 9pm

Pete Boubel

Sunday, Jan. 29

Sunday Night Football $5 Pitchers

Tuesday, Jan. 31

Server Appreciation Night

$5 Pitchers • $2 Wells • $1.50 Domestics

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks!

Stop by & check out our daily specials!

Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

Facebook.com/theofficechatt

chattanoogapulse.com • JANUARY 26-FEBRUARY 1, 2012 • The Pulse • 13

Sound Check Future Islands: Past, Present, Future Future Islands hails from Baltimore by way of North Carolina.

Three members of the original band were part of Art Lords & The Self Portraits—Gerrit Welmers (keyboards and programming), William Cashion (bass, acoustic and electric guitars), and Samuel Herring (words and vocals)—and reformed as Future Islands in 2006. Synthpop might be the easiest way to describe the distinct sound of their compositions, but the Herring’s lyrics and vocals are a world unto itself. Their new release, “On The Water,” is Future Island’s most critically acclaimed yet. Ahead of their Sunday, Jan. 29, show at JJ’s Bohemia, The Pulse’s Zack Cooper spoke with Herring about the band and their music.

The Pulse: I watched the Future Islands performance video on the npr.org’s “Tiny Desk Concert.”

Perhaps it was the intimate nature of that setting, but it really highlighted your lyrical style. Do you approach your lyrics from a pure musical place? Is it storytelling, poetry or a combination of those forms?

Samuel Herring: It’s always in flux, really, but where I am now with creating lyrics is telling a story or bringing a central idea into the work, like the transformation of a central character, then bringing that idea or story to an end. One of my favorite Smiths songs, “This Charming Man,” has all of this great imagery in it but never brings things to a close. My lyrics have always

honest music

been more plain and blunt.

Future Islands is fairly prolific in producing video to accompany the music. Are there specific songs that that you think, “I have a concept for the video for this song, or I want to visually tell this story?”

We really don’t think about it, actually. We have had a lot of creative input from friends, often close friends, who make our videos. Our thing is to tell a story without visuals. I think our music lends itself to a visual element in a way, but we don’t place controls on what their creators do with them. With the video for “Give Us The Wind,” Mike Anderson said he wanted to make a black-and-white video. That was about all we knew about it and the outcome was great. We just wouldn’t want to restrict an artist any more than we would want to be restricted ourselves.

The band is from North Carolina and then migrated to Baltimore.

Why the move?

We all sort of ended up in Baltimore on our own. There was never a moment where we said, “Let’s move the band to Baltimore.” Prior to my moving up here, I thought Future Islands was done making music. But when we all came back together in Baltimore, we gained that spark again. Through friendships with other bands and collaborations, we were in a place where making music was happening. It wasn’t a grand plan, but it worked out very well.

“On The Water” is propelling Future Islands to new heights of recognition, but it retains the raw, emotional elements and the lyrical style you are known for. How do you produce new material while keeping the core sound in tact? Is that even important to you?

I would love to say it doesn’t matter. That would be cool, but I think we have a core sound and that comes from us being a three-piece band. We certainly have changed in different ways from the days of Art Lords & The Self Portraits. Art Lords was considered a dance band, so when we started doing ballads that seemed like a departure to some, but it was always part of us.

We just started exploring that further.

You are touring around the Southeast for a few more dates before crossing the pond to Europe.

Is there new material in the works?

What’s next for Future Islands?

I’m going to get some sleep! Ha! We really just want to settle into things from the new release. We just want to keep performing, writing and making music because we know that’s when our best work will come. Who knows?

We might just debut some new stuff in Chattanooga.

Future Islands 9 p.m.

Sunday, Jan. 29 JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400

Between the Sleeves ERNIE PAIK The collaborative album “on Debussy’s piano and…” by pianist Thollem McDonas and contrabassist Stefano Scodanibbio is a new homage to the influential turn-of-the20th-century composer Claude Debussy and his late period, with McDonas playing on Debussy’s actual piano, used during the last 14 years of his life. This frequently stunning and challenging album Thollem/ also serves as a worthy Scodanibbio remembrance for Scodanibbio, who died in “on Debussy’s Mexico just two weeks piano and ...” ago.

(Die Schachtel) The album is comprised of 16 improvised pieces based on a system created by McDonas for this collaboration, and, in a way, it’s like an hour-long sonic poem, with each track’s title serving as one line of the poem. Scodanibbio, although not a household name, is one of the most respected bassists in the contemporary classical world, a fearless innovator with a wide sound vocabulary. The prolific McDonas (who recently appeared in Chattanooga at the Easy Lemon) is himself a master improviser, with an intrepid, breathless style that can switch to a tender, nuanced manner in an instant.

Throughout, there are subtle abnormal features that demonstrate the work of two artists in total control, such as Scodanibbio’s deliberate, precise wisps on “The Memory of Ourselves.”

“Now From Now To Now” features McDonas’s solemn piano alongside impassioned, heavy bowing from Scodanibbio. One of the album’s most gorgeous tracks is “Dreaming of Dreaming” with a somber piano melody and long, almost weeping bass tones, evoking a kind of solitude. It’s an album with many complicated auras, daring to articulate a strange, new beauty.

local and regional shows

Bitch Please with Opportunities ($3)

Thu, Jan 26

9pm

Live Irish Music following the Irish Session players every Sunday night FREE SHOWS start at 7pm

Full food menu serving lunch and dinner.

11am-2am, 7 days a week.

thehonestpint.com * Facebook.com/thehonestpint 14 • The Pulse • JANUARY 26-FEBRUARY 1, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

Arts From Russia with Art

By Chris Kelly • Photo by Bill Ramsey

Want to take a quick trip to Russia? You won’t even need your passport. Just head downtown to Broad Street to the L.P. Cline Gallery, next door to Ankar’s Deli. Simply ring the doorbell and you’ll be magically whisked away into the world of Cline’s collection of Russian art. A multitude of wonders awaits behind those doors.

Stunning paintings from the early 1900s to present day line the walls and are perched on stands throughout the gallery.

They represent everything Russian: agricultural work, children playing, cuisine and the military art of Victor Donskoi, who paints the magnificent submarines of the legendary Soviet Navy.

My first meeting with Lynn Cline was on a cold, unemployed winter morning looking for work when I first moved to town. I saw the sign advertising the Russian art and rang the doorbell. Upon entering the store, I introduced myself in Russian: “Minya zavoot Chris!” I said. With wide eyes, Cline asked if I spoke Russian and if I was interested in tutoring him. I was more than happy to do so and I landed my first job in the Scenic City.

For months, Cline and I sat at

Lynn Cline travels Russia in search of fine art from the Soviet Era and earlier— and returns it to Chattanooga. his desk as I tutored him in the Russian language and I made a friend for life.

Chattanooga native Cline and his wife, Dianne, started an interior decorating business in 1981 that led to an interest in Russian art and a trip to the heart of that vast country in the late 1990s.

The Clines focused on the Voronezh region as a hub to locate their art. Working closely with the Ivan Kramskoi Art Muse-

Piano Teacher New to area, but not new to music!

» 30+ years of experience » Teacher appointment, St. Louis Institute of Music » Caring, nurturing, patient and fun-loving teacher who loves sharing the gift of music with all ages.

Dee Dee Livingstone 423.710.3868

Located in Ooltewah/Collegdale area

um, they had the resources they needed to become true ambassadors of Russian art.

Cline possesses an encyclopedic knowledge of Russian art and history. Tables filled with large, ornate books focusing on Russian history and artists are plentiful, and he has practically every detail of each volume memorized. A series of SovietEra paintings adorn the walls.

“This is the Collective Farm Series,” Cline said proudly. “During Soviet times, the artists were not free to paint what they wanted. The artists were to present a pleasant view of life and labor on the farms.”

The paintings represent the pinnacle of what is considered the heyday of Soviet art, with rural landscapes, wheat fields and working women on lunch breaks in the shade of horsedrawn wagons situated in beautiful panoramic countrysides.

The paintings depict the lifelong work and sacrifice the agricultural life demanded.

Recently, the Clines published their first book dedicated to Yuri Vnodchenko.

“We wanted to pay tribute to one of the great artists, Yuri Vnodchenko of the Voronezh region, by publishing a beautiful

book of his life and works,” Cline said. “This is the first of others to come and all monies that come from the sale of our publication will go back into new publications.”

Cline keeps a map dotted with the Russian cities, towns and villages he’s visited over the years, but Chattanooga is home, and he counts himself fortunate to be able to visit Russia frequently while maintaining his residence here.

“It is with great sacrifice of time, money and energy that

we continue to bring these wonderful works of art to the U.S. It is worth all the effort when we are told by so many people from other countries and states how fortunate Chattanooga is to have these paintings in our city,” he said.

L.P. Cline Gallery of Russian Art 508 Broad Street 10 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.

Monday to Friday (423) 265-4786 lpcline-russian-art.com

Book Lover’s Book Store.

Home of the Real Book Books • CDs • DVDs • Electronics • Videos

McKay Used Books, CDs, Movies, & More

7734 Lee Highway • mckaybooks.com chattanoogapulse.com • JANUARY 26-FEBRUARY 1, 2012 • The Pulse • 15

This Winter Season

We’ve Got Your

ticket january 26 • 7:30 pm

pErFOrmInG arTS

ShOwcaSE aDmISSIOn: $5 january 31

DEaDlInE TO apply FOr aDmISSIOn FOr 2012-2013 SEaSOn

FEbruary 3 • 7 pm STuDEnT chOrEOGraphy

cOncErT FEbruary 16-18

Thur 01.26 “Mystery of TV Talk Show” 7 p.m.

Vaudeville Café 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839 funnydinner.com Live Team Trivia 7 p.m.

T-Bones Sports Cafe, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240 tboneschattanooga.com Steve Byrne 8 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

Fri 01.27

aDmISSIOn: $5

rESErvED SEaTS: $15 GEnEral aDmISSIOn: $10 aDulTS • $5 STuDEnTS

Arts & Entertainment

7 pm

FEbruary 24 • 7 pm

ImprOv

ShOwcaSE aDmISSIOn: $5

cEnTEr FOr crEaTIvE arTS 1301 DallaS rD • 423.209.5942 cEnTErFOrcrEaTIvEarTS.nET

“Mystery of Flight 138” 7 p.m.

Vaudeville Café 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839 funnydinner.com Steve Byrne 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com “Treemonisha”

by Scott Joplin 7:30 p.m.

UTC Fine Arts Center Roland Hayes Hall 725 Vine St. (423) 425-4601 utc.edu/music “A Return To Vaudeville” 7:30 p.m.

The Colonnade 264 Catoosa Cir. Ringgold, Ga. (706) 935-9000 colonnadecenter.org “The Importance of Being Earnest” 8 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com Live Team Trivia

9 p.m.

Amigo’s Mexican Restaurant 5450 Hwy 153.

(423) 875-8049 chattanoogatrivia.com Stand-up comedy: Darryl Rhoades and AJ Finney 9:30 p.m.

Vaudeville Café 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839 funnydinner.com Steve Byrne 10 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

Sat 01.28 Girl Scout Day at the Tennessee Aquarium 10 a.m.

Tennessee Aquarium 1 Broad St. (423) 648-2496 tnaqua.org “A Return To Vaudeville” 1 p.m.

The Colonnade, 264 Catoosa Cir. Ringgold, Ga. (706) 935-9000 colonnadecenter.org.

“Mystery of the Nightmare Office Party” 5:30 p.m.

Vaudeville Café 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839 funnydinner.com “Big Bids for JA Kids” Live Auction 6 p.m.

Bessie Smith Cultural Center 200 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-8658.

“Treemonisha”

by Scott Joplin 7:30 p.m.

UTC Fine Arts Center Roland Hayes Hall 725 Vine St. (423) 425-4601 utc.edu/music Steve Byrne

16 • The Pulse • JANUARY 26-FEBRUARY 1, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

Drive East (423) 396-2134 Steve Byrne 8 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Raod (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

Mon 01.30 Live Team Trivia 6 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore 5840 Lake Resort Drive (423) 870-0770 chattanoogatrivia.com

PULSE PICK

Tue 01.31

Steve Byrne • Hot, up-and-coming comic. $16-$19 • 01.26-29 The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com “A Return To Vaudeville” 7:30 p.m.

The Colonnade 264 Catoosa Cir. Ringgold, Ga. (706) 935-9000 colonnadecenter.org.

Ballet Tennessee presents Ailey II 8 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5050 chattanooga.gov “The Importance of Being Earnest” 8 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com “Mystery of the Redneck Italian Wedding” 8 p.m.

Vaudeville Café 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839

funnydinner.com Steve Byrne 10 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com Stand-up comedy: Darryl Rhoades and AJ Finney 10:30 p.m.

Vaudeville Café 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839 funnydinner.com

Sun 01.29 “Treemonisha”

by Scott Joplin 3 p.m.

UTC Fine Arts Center Roland Hayes Hall, 725 Vine St. (423) 425-4601 utc.edu/music Southern Adventist University Symphony Orchestra presents Concerto 4 p.m.

Collegedale Church of Seventh-day Adventists 4829 College

Songwriter’s Line-up 7 p.m.

The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081 missionchattanooga.org Live Team Trivia 7:30 p.m.

BrewHaus 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 531-8490 chattanoogatrivia.com Live Team Trivia 7:30 p.m.

Acoustic Café 61 RBC Drive Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 ringgoldacoustic.com

Wed 02.01 Main Street Farmer’s Market 4 p.m.

Main Street at Williams Street mainstreetfarmersmarket.com Live Team Trivia 7:30 p.m.

Buffalo Wild Wings 120 Market St. (423) 634-0468 chattanoogatrivia.com

Map these locations on chattanoogapulse. com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@ chattanoogapulse.com.

Screen

JOHN DEVORE

Oscar Observations It is that time of year again for self-congratulation in Hollywood. The Golden Globes have come and gone and the Academy Awards will be announced this week. By the time this goes to print, we will have the nominations and the speculation can truly begin. If the Globes are any indication, there will be scores of familiar faces among the nominees. We will likely see George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Ryan Gosling and Tilda Swinton in the Best Actor and Actress categories, respectively. Scorsese, Spielberg and Allen will represent in the Best Director category. The people included in the nominations are easy to guess because the Academy chooses the people they promote. Big names draw big ratings which equals big money. It is important to remember that the Oscars, despite their glamour and pomp, are not much more than a lavishly produced and expensive commercial for Hollywood films.

Which isn’t to say that the films that win nominations don’t deserve accolades. I very much want to see “The Artist,” a grand homage to silent film that will likely be nominated for multiple awards including Best Picture. It also may get a nomination for Best Original Score, despite largely being an adaptation of the score from “Vertigo.” Last year, the score for “Black Swan” was not nominated because it was an adaptation of Tchaikovsky’s “Swan Lake.” I loved the way “Black Swan” used that music to color the tone of each scene, and if Clint Mansell didn’t get the nomination, giving it to Ludovic Bource this year seems a little inconsistent.

I haven’t seen “The Artist,” of course, because a silent movie isn’t going to sell well here in the Scenic City.

But its nomination would bring it to the Majestic 12. If there is one good thing about the Oscars, it’s their ability to bring more

“

If there is one good thing about the Oscars, it’s their ability to bring more obscure films to a mainstream audience. obscure films to a mainstream audience. But there are several films that I’ve seen this year that will likely be passed over despite good performances.

For instance, “Warrior” is a film that was surprisingly powerful. Tom Hardy, Joel Egarton and Nick Nolte give performances as good as any in “Ides of March” or “The

Descendants,” two movies which both star George Clooney. Hardy especially deserves acclaim for the quiet rage he brings to his character. But “Warrior” is about the world of Ultimate Fighting, and while a film about an aging professional wrestler was just bohemian enough to draw the Academy’s praise in 2009, Ultimate Fighting is still decidedly plebian.

“Warrior” won’t get any nominations.

So the Academy will again try to strike a balance between the popular and the penetrating.

“The Help” and “The Artist” will occupy the same categories, despite being wildly different in terms of quality and appeal. I will watch dutifully, passing judgment on the decisions and rolling my eyes at patter.

Thus passes another year in film.

Telemonster

Follow.

RUSSIAN SPECTACULAR Feb. 2 8 p.m. Tivoli Theater ●

The 84th Academy Awards 7 p.m.

Sunday, Feb. 26 ABC (Channel 9) Host: Billy Crystal oscar.go.com

Conductor: Kayoko Dan

●

Guest Artist: Jennifer Koh

Violinist Jennifer Koh joins the CSO for a salute to fantastic Russian music.

“Overture to Russlan and Ludmilla” Mikhail Glinka “Violin Concerto No. 2” Sergei Prokofiev “Symphony No. 4” Piotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky 423.267.8583 ● www.chattanoogasymphony.org chattanoogapulse.com • JANUARY 26-FEBRUARY 1, 2012 • The Pulse • 17

Sushi & Biscuits

MIKE MCJUNKIN

Local ‘Nighthawks’ Revel in Roy’s Grill It’s official, I hate Guy Fieri. I hate his pinky rings, his “look-I’mwearing-my-glasses-behind-my-head” douchebag personality and, most of all, what he is doing to the American diner. His Food Network show, “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives,” allows this bleach-haired living troll-doll to visit a restaurant, eat something, make a face at the camera and say “Money!” I’m sure that does wonders for the precious 22-36 male carbuying demographic they court, but he leaves the impression that every restaurant with a burger on its menu and a token sassy employee is a diner. Wrong again, Ed Hardy.

A diner is no place for a flame-print bowling shirt. A diner is a place for Nighthawks and a leather jacket, for Uma Thurman and Link Wray’s “Rumble” playing in the background. It’s a place where you can sit through the long silences and let the symphony of plates, forks and blue-collar brogues embrace you like a warm blanket. A diner is where you go for comfort, whether you’re looking for a home-style meal with family and friends or just a place to get away from your family and friends.

But where can we Chattanoogan’s go to for our own Edward Hopper moment, for our own slice of Americana? Roy’s Grill at 116 Chickamauga Ave., just a block across the Georgia line will have you singing Tom Waits lyrics under your breath while your heart quietly smiles at the classically restored décor and glowing red neon.

I grew up down the road

from Roy’s and have seen it struggle through several owners and a costly restoration. The newest owner, John T. (Arnold), learned about comfort food from his momma and granny, then got plenty of practice in the kitchens of Southern Star, Merv’s and other fine area es-

tablishments. The food at Roy’s speaks of his commitment to fresh ingredients prepared with a genuine respect for the diner tradition and a real love of the food we all crave in the depths of our hearts.

The printed menu is not a sprawling catalogue. It’s simple

18 • The Pulse • JANUARY 26-FEBRUARY 1, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

and to the point, as it should be.

Want a burger? They have all you need in a burger. Hereford beef, hand pressed into patties and cooked on a well-seasoned flat-top grill. Put that on a soft bun and serve with fresh cut, cooked-to-order fries and it tastes exactly like a good diner burger should. No aioli’s, caramelized veggies or imported Siberian yak cheese on this one, please. Sometimes you just want a good burger.

Along with the printed menu there is the whiteboard of daily specials. All of your favorite meat-and-three’s are represented, but because John and his staff are making most of this food fresh it tasted like I was sitting at momma’s formica dinette set waiting on “Get Smart” to come on the TV. The meatloaf was the best I’ve ever had in a restaurant. It wasn’t greasy or dense and had that perfectly sweet tomatoey sauce on top. The variety of side dishes allows you to pick fresh veggies or shamelessly get into a little carb-on-carb action.

Not only is the food delicious, but the décor is incredible. The radiant glow of the neon and the clean Art Deco lines of the building shine like a beacon of optimism on an otherwise bleak stretch of Rossville Bou-

levard. The long red counter, the sleek chromed cabinetry and the retro metal signs gave me the feeling Ron Howard was about to appear at any moment.

Not the “Happy Days” Ron Howard, but the “American Graffiti” Ron Howard. John T. told me that people regularly come by just to photograph the restaurant and scenes from the 2009 movie “Side Order” were filmed at the big red counter.

Roy’s Grill represents a specific time in American history where rosy optimism sat next to grizzled introspection; Ron Howard sits next to Tom Waits and is served the same black coffee by the same hair-netted waitress. These are icons of American history that a corporate shill with a fake Italian name should just leave alone (did I mention Guy’s real name is Ferry?). Mr. Fieri, please keep hosting game shows and keep away from our diners.

America will thank you.

Editor’s note: For more photos of Roy’s Grill and “Hot Off the Griddle,” the restaurant news section of the column, visit chattanoogapulse.com Mike McJunkin is a Chattanooga foodie and chef. Email him at mike@chattanoogapulse.com.

Comix

chattanoogapulse.com • JANUARY 26-FEBRUARY 1, 2012 • The Pulse • 19

Free Will Astrology ARIES

(March 21-April 19): The coming week is likely to be abnormally free of worries and frustrations. I’m afraid that means you’re not going to have as much right to complain as you usually do. Can you handle that? Just in case, I’ve compiled a list of fake annoyances for you to draw on. 1. “My iPhone wont light my cigarette.” 2. “The next tissue in my tissue box doesn’t magically poke out when I take one.” 3. “I want some ice cream, but I overstuffed myself at dinner.” 4. “My cat’s Facebook profile gets more friend requests than me.” 5. “When people tell me I should feel grateful for all I have instead of complaining all the time, I feel guilty.”

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The state of California was named after a storybook land described in a 16th-century Spanish novel. The mythical paradise was ruled by Queen Calafia. Gold was so plentiful that the people who lived there made weapons out of it and even adorned their animals with it. Did the real California turn out to be anything like that fictional realm? Well, 300 years after it got its name, the California Gold Rush attracted 300,000 visitors who mined a fortune in the precious metal. Your assignment, Taurus: Think of the myths you believed in when you were young and the fantasies that have played at the edges of your imagination for years. Have any of them come true, even a little? I suspect that one may do just that in the coming weeks and months.

GEMINI (May

21-June 20): In Bill Moyers’ DVD “The Language of Life,” poet Naomi Shihab Nye is shown giving advice to aspiring young poets. She urges them to keep an open mind about where their creative urges might take them. Sometimes when you start a poem, she says, you think you want to go to church, but where you end up is at the dog races. I’ll make that same point to you, Gemini.

As you tune in to the looming call to adventure, don’t be too sure you know what destination it has in mind for you. You might be inclined to assume it’ll lead

20 • The Pulse • JANUARY 26-FEBRUARY 1, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

rob brezsny

you toward a local bar for drinks when in fact it’s nudging you in the direction of a wild frontier for a divine brouhaha.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Renowned comic book writer Grant Morrison claims he performed a magic ritual in which he conjured the spirit of John Lennon, who appeared and bestowed on him the gift of a new song. I’ve heard Morrison sing the tune, and it does sound rather Lennon-esque.

The coming week would be a good time for you to go in quest of a comparable boon, Cancerian: a useful and beautiful blessing bequeathed to you by the departed spirit of someone you love or admire.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “There are works which wait, and which one does not understand for a long time,” said Oscar Wilde.

“The reason is that they bring answers to questions which have not yet been raised; for the question often arrives a terribly long time after the answer.”

I predict that sometime soon, Leo, you will prove that wisdom true. You will finally learn the brilliant question whose crucial answer you got years ago. When it arrives, you will comprehend a mystery that has been churning in the semi-darkness all this time.

VIRGO (Aug.

23-Sept. 22): Shedding is healthy—not just for cats and dogs and other animals but also for us humans.

Did you know that you shed thousands of particles of dead skin every hour? And just as our bodies need to shed, so do our psyches. I bring this up, Virgo, because you are in an unusually favorable phase to do a whole lot of psychic shedding. What should you shed exactly? How about some of these: old ideas that don’t serve you any more, habits that undermine your ability to pursue your dreams, compulsions that are at odds with your noble intentions, resentment against people who did you wrong a long, long time ago, and anything else you carry with you that keeps you from being fully alive and radiant. To paraphrase Thomas Jefferson,

the price of freedom and aliveness is eternal shedding.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): According to research published in the journal Psychological Science, many people are virtually allergic to creative ideas. When asked to consider a novel proposal, they’re quite likely to reject it in favor of an approach that’s well-known to them. This could be a problem for you in the coming weeks, Libra, since one of your strengths will be your ability to come up with innovations. So it won’t be enough for you to offer your brilliant notions and original departures from the way things have always been done; you will also have to be persuasive and diplomatic. Think you can handle that dual assignment?

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “A single sunbeam is enough to drive away shadows,” said St. Francis of Assisi.

I’m afraid that’s an overly optimistic assessment. In many circumstances, just one ray of light may not be sufficient to dispel encroaching haze and murk. Luckily for you, though, there will be quite an assortment of sunbeams appearing in your sphere during the coming weeks. Here’s the complication: They won’t all be showing up at once, and they’ll be arriving in disparate locations. So your task will be to gather them all up and unite them so they can add to each other’s strength. If you do that successfully, you’ll have more than enough illumination to chase away any darkness that might be creeping around.

SAGITTARIUS

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Poet Elizabeth Alexander says that in order to create a novel, a writer needs a lot of uninterrupted time alone.

Poems, on the other hand, can be snared in the midst of the jumbled rhythms of everyday chaos—between hurried appointments or while riding the subway or at the kitchen table waiting for the coffee to brew.

Alexander says that inspiration can sprout like grass poking up out of the sidewalk cracks.

Whether or not you’re a writer,

Sagittarius, I see your coming weeks as being more akin to snagging poems than cooking up a novel.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22Jan. 19): “A true poet does not bother to be poetical,” said the poet Jean Cocteau. “Nor does a nursery gardener perfume his roses.” I think that’s wise counsel for you in the coming weeks, Capricorn. It’s important that you do what you do best without any embellishment, pretentiousness, or self-consciousness. Don’t you dare try too hard or think too much or twist yourself like a contortionist to meet impossible-to-satisfy expectations. Trust the thrust of your simple urges.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Collectors prefer wild orchids, says William Langley, writing in the UK’s Telegraph.

Orchids grown in nurseries, which comprise 99.5 percent of the total, are tarnished with “the stigma of perfection.” Their colors are generic and their petal patterns are boringly regular.

Far more appealing are the exotic varieties untouched by human intervention, with their “downy, smooth petals and moistened lips pouting in the direction of tautly curved shafts and heavily veined pouches.” Whatever your sphere or specialty is, Aquarius, I suggest you model yourself after the wild orchid collectors in the coming days. Shun the stigma of perfection.

PISCES

(Feb. 19-March 20): While doing a film a few years ago, actress Sandra Bullock stumbled upon a stunning secret: Rubbing hemorrhoid cream on her face helped shrink her wrinkles and improve her complexion. I predict that at least one and possibly more comparable discoveries will soon grace your life. You will find unexpected uses for things that were supposedly not meant to be used in those ways. Here’s a corollary, courtesy of scientist Albert Szent-Gyorgyi, that describes a related talent you’ll have at your disposal: “Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought.”

Jonesin’ Crossword

matt jones

Don’t let another innocent child become the victim of domestic abuse.

Stop Violence. Give Hope.

Call 755-2700 to stop the violence.

Visit StopViolenceGiveHope.org to give hope.

Empowering Families,Children & Adults

“Puh-leeze!”—you’ve got to e-nun-ci-ate.

Across

1. King with a golden touch 6. Place to get a mocha and a paper 15. Lofty poet 16. Travel website with longtime spokesman William Shatner 17. Make those clumsy fools earn their living?

19. Send a quick message 20. The Band Perry’s “If ___ Young” 21. Weapon at Hogwarts 23. Genesis name 27. Missouri River tributary 28. Jacob’s twin 29. “On the Road” protagonist ___ Paradise 30. Portioned (out) 31. Redundantly named undergarment?

35. Response: abbr.

36. Florida city home to the headquarters of Telemundo 37. Behavior modification?

40. Hug in the shower?

45. “That’s a tough ___

follow...”

47. Dig in 48. Finito 49. Take a knee on the field 50. Three-person card game 52. Money on the line 53. Rent-___ 54. Dutch ___ 56. Practice for being forced into something?

64. Too forward, as behavior 65. Dating game show of the 1990s 66. Rings out 67. On film

DOWN

1. Get the yard done 2. Words exchanged at the altar 3. What the dead take, in a macabre phrase 4. Invited to one’s apartment 5. Group that sang the line “I’m Kilroy!”

6. Computer’s “brain,” for short 7. He won the NHL’s top rookie award while still a teenager 8. Newton fruit 9. It’s also called the

“Lincoln Law” (found in GOLF CART) 10. Swirly swimmer 11. Girl who lives in the Plaza Hotel 12. Personal information, literally 13. Immune system booster 14. Does the field again 18. Fifth qtrs.

21. “Rushmore” director Anderson 22. Home of the Sun Devils: abbr.

24. Palatial homes 25. Unseen disaster waiting to happen 26. Canada’s first province, alphabetically 27. Home of a mail order steak business 32. “I was not expecting it to be that good” 33. Small inlet

paid political advertising 34. Ric-___ (wavy fabric) 37. Bullring hero 38. “It Was a Good Day” rapper 39. Island stop on a Caribbean cruise 41. “Killing Me Softly with His Song” singer Flack 42. Ties 43. Fully prepared 44. The elderly, for short 46. Bullring hero, again 51. Temperature tester 55. Ginormous 57. It’s the hottest thing around 58. Org. that gives out 9-digit IDs 59. Upstate N.Y. school 60. The night before 61. Guys 62. Ending for lemon or Power 63. Trippy tab

Jonesin’ Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2012 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call.

Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0556. chattanoogapulse.com • JANUARY 26-FEBRUARY 1, 2012 • The Pulse • 21

Life in the Noog

chuck crowder

Couch Potato Champion, 45 Years Runnin’ To me the modern couch, or “sofa” as some people call it, is perhaps one of the most versatile, comfortable pieces of furniture ever invented. Its pure, unadulterated form provides function for any and all indoor activities and its warm, inviting nature makes it a comforting, ever waiting friend at home.

Think about it. You come home from work all tired, grab some dinner and sit down on your favorite end of the living room luxury seat to relax. Then, when dinner’s over, you transform your position from sitting to lying down on your foam-filled friend until it’s time to go to bed. But wait! The couch itself is already a bed of sorts so why move? It’s the perfect companion.

The best part of a couch is the instant lean support of the back it provides while lying down. It’s comforting as opposed to a typical bed and, without trying to sound too much like a loser, can make you feel as if you’re not sleeping alone. In fact, the sofa back is the bedfellow that doesn’t talk back … ahhhh.

My couch is one of my most prized possessions. If you’ve been reading this column long enough, you may remember a piece I published a few years

ago outlining the tearful saga of my history with sofas from the context of failed relationships.

In it I wrote, “There’s nothing better than planting myself on it in the horizontal position and flipping through the TV channels like the apocalypse is coming. I am a true, red-blooded U-Sof-A couch potato.” And four years later, that’s still my philosophy.

As a big fan of the divan, I find myself constantly drawn to sofas in other people’s houses and even on TV. The first time I visited Graceland, I was in awe of the King’s custom made 15-foot white sofa in the living room (pictured).

Part of the allure was realizing that he didn’t want the longest couch they make, or to compromise and put two normal sized sofas together (maybe divided by an end table). No, “E” wanted a couch that would require furniture manufacturers to modify an existing construc-

tion design in order to withstand the enormous weight of however many people could fit on a 15-foot sofa—especially if one of them is Elvis. Only the best for rock royalty.

One of my favorite television shows is of course, “Seinfeld.” Throughout the run of the show Jerry upgraded sofas a few times. To me, the “green couch episodes,” as I refer to them, were the best. Nowadays, I’ll flip past the channel if it’s an early “black and blue couch” episode. The show was still finding its feet during that time,

22 • The Pulse • JANUARY 26-FEBRUARY 1, 2012 • chattanoogapulse.com

meaning Poppy hadn’t peed on any of them yet.

Watching prison documentaries, I find it strange that inmates are given cots or bunks instead of sofas. If you’re going to be confined to your cell for 23 hours a day—most of which are waking hours—then why not a couch? It’s more versatile for sitting, as well as providing a great place to crash when it’s lights out. Maybe part of the punishment is having to sit Indian style like when you were a kid or worse, lean back against the cinderblock wall behind you to get some upright action. To me, that would be Hell.

Some people’s idea of sofa Heaven is an overstuffed reclining sectional with cupholders and coolers built right in.

Who cares about style when you can lean back into morethan-your-fair-share of foam filling covered in multi-colored burlap-esque fabric or, better yet, micro-suede? Sweet—and with 36 months no interest, cost efficient for the doublewide budget.

I take it that more and more of the latter have friends, relatives and trailer-park neighbors practicing the ancient, fine art of “couch surfing.” This custom involves a “crasher,” or temporarily homeless person, using

your living room as their bedroom until you kick them out or another friend’s sofa opens up— whichever comes first.

In extremely rare cases, couch surfing can actually take you places. It’s rock folklore that Steven Tyler’s rehab-bound “rock-bottom moment” came when he realized he’d been crashing on bassist Tom Hamilton’s couch for quite some time (or when Mrs. Hamilton kicked him out—whichever came first). Jonathan Richman is said to have been discovered partially because at the time he was crashing on the sofa in Velvet Underground’s Manhattan office. So there is hope for catching a wave.

Me, I’ll likely just use my sofa for lying around watching documentaries about those and other interesting people. And, if anyone should stop by I can sit up, invite them to sit down and bam!—instant socializing, sofa style.

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact and crap he hears people talking about.

Take what you read with a grain of salt, but let it pepper your thoughts.

chattanoogapulse.com • JANUARY 26-FEBRUARY 1, 2012 • The Pulse • 23

&

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

PROUDLY PRESENT

MOONLIGHT BRIDE THE BOHANNONS ELK MILK BEHOLD THE BRAVE TELEMONSTER 7 PM 2003

•

SATURDAY

2012

9TH ANNIVERSARY PARTY

•

JAN 28 CELEBRATE & SUPPORT

LOCAL MUSIC

TICKETS NOW ON SALE ONLINE @ TRACK29.CO