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Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

The Thinning Blue Line

Why would anyone want to be a cop these days, in these conditions? Simple. Because they never had a choice.



The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 20 | May 19, 2011 |

Nightfall 2011 - Opening Night! Dawes w/Dave Dykes & The Grateful Hearts




ontents C

Cover photo by Christina Santucci


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“Is this the best we can do? Is this how little we truly value our children—all of our children?”


— Janis Hashe on the departure of Hamilton County School Superintendent Dr. Jim Scales.

“As the late Paul Harvey pointed out with eerie accuracy, ‘A police officer is a composite of what all people are: A mingling of a saint and sinner, dust and deity.’”


— Alex Teach on the challanges of becoming—and being—a police officer.

“Everyone should adopt a tree to remind them of the cycles of life and the value of standing together as we have done through these storms.”


— Sandra Kurtz on how to help restore a storm-damaged ecosystem.

“Pelada is beautiful in spite of the filmmakers’ shortcomings. Pelada is beautiful because of the passion of the players.”


—Film critic John DeVore on a documentary about soccer. | May 19, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 20 | The Pulse


NEWS Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative President Jim Brewer, II Publisher Zachary Cooper Contributing Editor Janis Hashe News Editor Gary Poole Director of Sales Rhonda Rollins Advertising Sales Jaye Brewer, Rick Leavell Michelle Pih Calendar Editors Bryanna Burns, Leanne Strickland Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier Pulse Contributors Gustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny Dave Castaneda, Chuck Crowder John DeVore, Janis Hashe Joshua Hurley, Matt Jones Sandra Kurtz, Louis Lee Josh Lang, Kelly Lockhart Ernie Paik, Alex Teach Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Contact Info: Phone (423) 265-9494 Fax (423) 266-2335 Email Inquiries Calendar Submissions The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

The Pulse is published by

Brewer Media 1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity. Please keep letters within 300 words in length. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.


Pulse Beats


Tennessee, Virginia Collaborate on Civil War Long before the term was used in a political context, Tennessee and Virginia were literally two of our country’s biggest “battleground states”, serving as the sites for more Civil War battles than any other states. Now archivists from the two states are teaming up in the border town of Bristol to create digital records of that part of their history. Representatives from the Tennessee State Library & Archives, the Tennessee State Museum and the Library of Virginia will spend two days this month at the Bristol Public Library, examining Civil War-era documents and artifacts brought in by Tennessee and Virginia residents. As part of the process, the archivists will electronically scan the documents and take digital photographs of the artifacts, which will be added to the historical collections in both states. The items will then be returned to their owners, who will receive tips on how to properly preserve and store them. Some of the digital records will be featured in an online exhibit titled, “Looking Back: The Civil War in Tennessee.” “This is an important project for the Tennessee State Library and Archives,” said Tre Hargett, Tennessee’s Secretary of State. “The Civil War was a major part of our state’s history, so we need to take appropriate steps to make sure future generations have access to these records. Some of these items

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“I think we can’t afford not to buy him out. This school board is just nuts; we go from one extreme to the other.” — Hamilton County School Board member Rhonda Thurman on buying out the contract of outgoing School Superintendent Dr. Jim Scales.

may have sat in someone’s attic or garage for years, but now researchers and history buffs everywhere will be able to see copies of them online, free of charge.” “The Tennessee State Museum is pleased to be working with the Library and Archives, visiting communities across the state and helping citizens to evaluate and protect their Civil War collections,” said Ron Westphal, the museum’s curator of history and technology. “Preserving and protecting Tennessee’s heritage is an important part of our mission and the 150th anniversary of the Civil War provides us with an opportunity to focus on this extraordinarily important period of our history.” “The Library of Virginia is pleased to partner with the Tennessee State Library and Archives to scan the private manuscripts and collections of Civil War material in the Bristol area,” added Librarian of Virginia Sandra G. Treadway. “These letters, diaries and records of the personal stories of those who lived in this turbulent period will strengthen our knowledge and understanding of our history.” In Tennessee, the archivists are in the process of collecting digitized Civil War records from all 95 counties as part of an effort to promote public interest in the 150th anniversary of the Civil War. So far, they have collected about 3,500 images. Additional information about the project is available at

News Briefs • Chattanooga ranks dead last for mass transit access of the nation’s top 100 metropolitan areas, a national report shows. The two-year study gave the Chattanooga Area Regional Transportation Authority high marks for providing access to jobs and for its service frequency. But it rated the system’s geographical coverage for metro residents the worst. According to the report, mass transit service in the Chattanooga metro area reaches 53 percent of low-income residents, 20 percent in the middle-income bracket and 3.7 percent of high-income residents. On average, only about 22.5 percent of metro Chattanooga residents live within three-quarters of a mile of a bus route. That compares to about 28 percent in Knoxville and about 32 percent in Nashville. • A property tax reassessment is underway in Hamilton County. Roughly 200 homeowners who had their property destroyed will be taxed only to the point their homes were destroyed on April 27. County trustee Bill Hullander says the move will cost Hamilton County about $100,000 in lost tax revenue. “That’s not what we’re concerned about,” Hullander says. “What we’re concerned about is taking care of the taxpayers, and making sure they’re not having to pay taxes on a home that they no longer have.” Taxes will go back up in 2012, assuming the property has been rebuilt.



Chattanooga Towing Nightmare My family and I recently traveled to Chattanooga from Mobile to visit family and friends in the area. We, like many others, experienced outrageous and illegal car towing problems at the hands of one of your local towing companies. The whole situation was really a horror story. My husband parked downtown at Cheeburger, Cheeburger and went inside to have a burger with a friend he had not seen in over two years. They stayed and talked for about two hours and upon leaving realized that our car was gone from the business’s parking lot. Numerous calls to the phone number posted on the signs in the parking lot went unanswered so my husband finally decided to call the police. When the police arrived they ran my car through the system and found no report of it being towed. The next day we got up first thing in the morning and tried again to contact the number on the towing sign. We finally got ahold of the company and he said to come to his lot to pick up our car “with $200 cash.” We explained to him the situation and the incident with the police the night before and he hung up on us. I myself went to pick up my car and called the police on my way and asked an officer to meet me there. As soon as I got out of my borrowed car and told this man why I was there and that I was waiting on a police officer to arrive, they immediately started screaming and coming at me. They told me, “F*ck you, get the f*ck off our property” and quickly locked the car inside the fence and took off saying

Send all letters to the editor and questions to We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

that they had to go to another tow and “good luck getting my car back.” It was one of the worst experiences of my life. Finally the police showed up and the owner appeared from around the corner where he had been hiding! Yes, this grown “business” man had lied to me and said that he was leaving, yet had really been hiding around the corner. He ran to the police and tried to speak to them before I did. I

heard him shouting to them that I had threatened him. The police approached me and took down some information from me, but we soon had to leave because a tornado was fast approaching. I agreed to meet the officer back at that same place in a few hours. He told me not to get out of my car until he arrived and let him do the talking next time. The police ended up telling me that there was not a lot that they could do at the time to waive my $200 fee so when I came back the next time I just paid it and tried to get the hell out of there! Grace Goedde Much Ado About “Idol” I find it quite interesting that for years business owners along the North Shore have, in vain, tried to get permission from the city to close off Frazier Avenue for a community parade. Many of the local businesses have long wanted to put together some form of street festival as way to not only bring notice to our part of town but also to help celebrate local business owners, galleries and restaurants. Yet they’ve always been given a cold shoulder. Until a teenage singer on American Idol comes to town and then not only does the street get shut down, but officers were blocking off street parking the afternoon before! How can the city justify shutting down access to local business for a national television show instead of supporting our own hometown people? Belinda Masterson | May 19, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 20 | The Pulse



Politics & Crime A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

Here is one of the agenda items to be discussed at the Tuesday, May 24 meeting of the Chattanooga City Council. 7. Resolutions: a) A resolution authorizing the Chief of the Chattanooga Fire Department to enter into a contract with Construction Consultants to construct Fire Station #3 on Cummings Hwy. for a base bid of $1,228,900.00, plus a contingency of 10 percent or $122,890.00, for a total price not to exceed $1,351,790.00.

If you’ve ever wondered where your tax money goes, here’s a perfect example of why we all need to pay taxes. Fire stations aren’t cheap— obviously. As one can see from the above resolution, it can cost upwards of $1.3 million to build. But from where we stand, that’s money well spent, as it goes right back to the community, providing better and more effective fire service. With all the budget-cutting debates ongoing among council members, it’s important to not lose sight of the primary purpose of government. Simply put—that is to provide for the general welfare of the citizens, and one of the most important aspects of that is making sure we don’t lose lives and property to fires. The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the current agenda, and past minutes, visit


• Government officials often travel to other cities to see how things are done differently, and whether they can learn anything new to help their own governments. However, what residents of Rhea County learned last week was that their county executive allegedly had something else on his mind that didn’t involve municipal government. While staying in Knoxville the previous weekend, George Thacker was caught up in a law enforcement prostitution sting. Undercover Knoxville police officers were running the sting at the corner of Bernard and Tyson Streets. A police official said that Thacker offered one of the undercover officers money in exchange for sexual favors. He was subsequently arrested and will face a misdemeanor charge of patronizing prostitution. Thacker had just taken over as county executive last September, but has made no firm announcement of his future plans in government in light of this arrest. • It’s one thing to lie to get out of trouble with your girlfriend. It’s an entirely different situation when you tell her and the police that you’d been kidnapped—especially if it isn’t true. A Rossville man was arrested for filing a false police report claiming that he’d been kid-

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napped and held against his will for a week. One police investigated, however, his story quickly fell apart. Finally, he admitted to making the story up so that his girlfriend wouldn’t press charges against him for taking her vehicle. The man said that he and two other men spent the time drinking alcohol and smoking crack cocaine. During the binge, one of the guys took the girlfriend’s car and didn’t return. When the boyfriend realized he’d be held responsible for the car, he decided to make up the story so that she wouldn’t prosecute him. Instead, now he’s in much worse trouble, the least of which is now being a single man again. • There are resasons most businesses won’t accept large denomination bills. One of the main reasons is that there are too many people out there still trying—and all too often succeeding—with the “quick change” scam. A cashier at a popular diner-style restaurant on Highway 58 fell victim to just such a scam last week when a women, dressed in purple, ordered a hamburger and asked for change for a $100 bill. The cashier obliged, counting out the change for the large bill. Yet when she turned to call out the burger order to the cook, the woman scooped up not only the change but the original $100 bill as well. Witnesses were

able to get a look at the getaway vehicle, but police have so far been unable to track down the suspect. • And for those that think they can alter prescriptions for painkillers and get the state to pay for it, the government is actually very good at noticing such attempted fraud. A Chattanooga woman learned this after she was charged with TennCare fraud for altering a prescription for pain medication and trying to have the state pay for it. The woman is accused of knowingly altering a prescription for the painkiller Hydrocodone by increasing the quantity and then attempting to use TennCare benefits to pay for the drug. “This is a great example of a pharmacy that was alert to the tactics some people will use to obtain prescription painkillers,” Inspector General Deborah Y. Faulkner said. “Tennessee pharmacies are getting more and more tuned in to the aspects of TennCare fraud, and we depend on them to help us identify these cases so we can prosecute them.”


Beyond The Headlines

Tipping Point: Future or Past? By Janis Hashe, Pulse Contributing Editor


f you don’t have children in the Hamilton County School District, maybe you don’t care about the continuing uproar over the school board’s move to buy out Superintendent Dr. Jim Scales’s contract. But you should. Because in a very big way, this controversy represents the place where Chattanooga and the surrounding area is right now: on a tipping point between the future and the past. The city is justifiable proud of the enormous strides made over the last couple of decades years in renewing and revitalizing itself. Yet the school district, which those willing to speak openly acknowledge is still struggling with a racist past, is not making the progress across the board that will allow access to the benefits of this renewal to all Chattanoogans—not just those well off enough to take advantage of it.

Is this the best we can do? Is this how little we truly value our children—all of our children? It is apparent that Dr. Scales has never been given the support he needed to steer the district toward the future. The constant infighting, sniping and undercutting of his decisions by some on the school board has made it virtually impossible for him to implement many of the changes he proposed. And the ones who suffer the most from these distractions and lack of commitment to change are, as usual, the students. There are those on the both the school board and the county commission who continue to beat the drum for “someone local.” And while all qualified candidates for this important position should be considered, “someone local” smacks very strongly of “someone who thinks just like us.” Someone who thinks the district does not need to change, and change radically, in order to meet the needs of all its students. Someone who looks to the past, not to the future for a model. If you look into how big school districts across the country conduct searches for school superintendents, you find these searches are done in the same way a company searches for a CEO, because a CEO is, to some degree, what a superintendent is. He or she must be a superb administrator, an innovator and most of all, a leader who can inspire others to get behind the ideas

“Is this the best we can do? Is this how little we truly value our children—all of our children?” No question that some of Chattanooga’s magnet schools are superb and receiving well-deserved national recognition. But go into the halls of those schools and you will find parents working as volunteers, providing the man hours the district cannot pay for. Go into other schools, where most of the parents must spend their hours working long hours in draining jobs, and you will see another story. Teachers struggle to provide just the basic necessities of learning to their kids, many of them spending their own money to buy supplies.

he presents. The work of Geoffrey Canada of the Harlem Children’s Zone, recently here in Chattanooga as part of the George T. Hunter Lecture Series, of course comes to mind. But one person, as inspirational as they may be, is not the answer. Without the will from the community and the elected officials who represent it to take the school district into excellence for all students, that person is doomed to failure, no matter how hard they work and no matter how qualified. And how we care for and prepare our children for the future will without doubt be the measure of our city’s continuing growth and success. The jobs of the future need educated workers. And beyond that, without a full and grounded education, access to the American Dream is denied. So which is it, Chattanooga? All of us have a stake in the answer. | May 19, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 20 | The Pulse



The Thinning Blue Line “Hookers hustlers killers and thieves, out on the streets Got my mind warped, just found another corpse on the beat Bound gagged raped, I’m frustrated, I hate it Found a woman in the dumpster, body was mutilated Bad dreams all up in my head, no lie Sometimes I gotta’ take a sniff so I can get by I recall, happier times, before the fall Look into the eye of the pig… I see it all.” — Cypress Hill, “Looking Through the Eye of a Pig”

The Thinning Blue Line By Alex Teach, Pulse Feature Writer

“On the Beat”; this is the consolation prize to the original title I wanted for this column when it

started a few years ago. “Eye of the Pig” was my choice; because it sees it all. And that, my friends, says it all. How can I ever explain this? This cover story started after a brief conversation with my editor (and, depending on proximity to deadline, my friend) regarding a very long week we had in local law enforcement recently. “Why would anyone want to be a cop?” he asked. I had no immediate answer. As a columnist, an immediate and logical response is the numbers. As of this writing, there is an 11 percent increase in line of duty officer deaths this year over last. While 11 percent may not blow your skirt up, the fact that this is in addition to last year’s 37 percent increase over 2009’s numbers may start to slow down your pace…and the fact that as of May 2011, there is a 41 percent increase in gun-related officer deaths over 2010’s numbers should go ahead and bring you to a stop with your full attention. Never mind the historic low pay shared by teachers, firemen, and servicemen and women; cops are getting killed, literally, in record numbers. Eleven officers were murdered in just one 24-hour period in January. Do you see where I’m coming from yet? Hell with the numbers then. We all know the risks as cops (as do our families), but we press on regardless. No one would ever try anything if they were afraid of the risks all of the time, so we just “go” and worry about the consequences later…but what of

the other intangibles outside of things as sterile as statistics? A car, for example, can be brought down in one brutal crash (as an officer can be brought down by a felon’s bullet), but what of the cars that are slowly worn by rust, rotting from the inside out until they are barely held together by the surface paint? What of the cops that, like the cars, are rusting from the inside out without ever really realizing it until it’s too late? The local High Sheriff hasn’t given raises to his men and women in three years, but last month, managed to give thousands of dollars in raises to just his five highest paid (as opposed to the lowest paid) employees instead— with nothing for the rest. Are you inspired? A local mayor stopped hiring cops to save money. For two years we retire and quit without replacements by the dozen, leaving us to work shorthanded with fewer cops, fewer back-ups, and when crime starts to spike, what does this mayor do? He takes away equip-

“As the late Paul Harvey pointed out with eerie accuracy, ‘A police officer is a composite of what all people are: A mingling of a saint and sinner, dust and deity.’”


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ment from those remaining trying to keep the ship afloat. And to those


The Thinning Blue Line

that remain? He retains them by stopping their pay plan and jeopardizing their pensions–for which he then blames them. Never mind pay and benefits though; it’s a pitfall of cop arguments that’s been a source of whining for nearly two centuries, so I’ll concede that for the remainder. So how about this: A few weeks ago, the executive editor of a local newspaper had one of his reporters try to contact the widow of a slain (Chattanooga) police officer within a few hours of his murder to see how this made her feel, and when criticized, he made the policemen out to be the jerks in the situation for questioning his methods and subsequent justifications. This was made front-page news by the apparently offended editor himself. How would you feel if you were the widow? Another officer spent a few hours sitting in a local emergency room recently while he was waiting to have blood drawn to have it tested for HIV, after having come in contact with it for having the audacity to try to stop a complete stranger from killing herself. (This, as opposed to the former example, made no news at all.) Exciting work, isn’t it? (Last name first on the application, now.) There are dozens of examples like these generated every day, yet here I am…and I still can’t say why I took this job so long ago nor, as asked, why anybody would for that matter. Yet I and another .3 percent of the overall population of the U.S. continue to do it. As best I can explain it, it’s like a bad secret that everyone knows but you don’t want anyone to talk about. It’s a job that has to be done, that you want to be done, but can barely imagine doing so yourself. It’s a task. A never-ending duty that can’t

be completed, a rock that can never be pushed to the top of the hill, yet there are an average of 800,000 people in the U.S. in law enforcement (out of a quarter of a billion citizens) that have their shoulder to that very stone day after day. Politicians call them heroes when it’s convenient, but people with a degree of common sense call them fools on some level. And without seeking a compliment or an argument to soothe an ego, I would agree. So who does “The Job,” as I have come to call it, you may ask? Take me for example: I use coarse language. I say the first thing that comes to mind, which is more often offensive than it is polite. I do crazy things, like admit to punching someone when they punch me first or telling wife beaters and child abusers that they “are pieces of shit” and they “disgust” me, instead of calling them “sir” and politely driving them to jail with my little round hat on like Hoke driving Miss Daisy. I even have opinions that are contrary to the mainstream ideas that people cling to in order to maintain a sense of security in a world that is incredibly unapologetic and cold in its billion-year plans (of which, it turns out, we are only an afterthought). Worst of all though, I break the cardinal rule of the public’s impression of what a cop is: I speak…when I am not spoken to. (Note: This rule violates the go-to conclusion for a small segment of society that interprets “public servant” as being literally that: Someone who serves you dinner or lunch. The truth is that we are actually servants of the Constitution and the Public Trust…but the concept is hard to convey properly while clasping cuffs on those still

“What of the cops that, like the cars, are rusting from the inside out without ever really realizing it until it’s too late?” | May 19, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 20 | The Pulse



The Thinning Blue Line

desperately trying to maintain a level of dominance in a situation in which they no longer have any control.) So with all these negatives… how, you ask, did such a repugnant example of a human being slip through the gauntlet and get hired to become a policeman? Simple. I just made a phone call when I needed a job and the rest fell into place; it was as if I never had a choice. But for many others it’s often the result of years of training and preparation, or worse, years of consideration to answer that distant calling that rattles around in the back of their brain, and being forced to ignore it for one reason or another. Just today, I was literally writing this piece when a man was killed in an alleyway off of Roanoke Avenue on the eastern half of Chattanooga. While I typed this, a cop had to find a corpse, mentally file that picture in a psychological storage room of horrors, then find a family member


and deliver news that would devastate them and scar their memories forever. Children lost a parent, parents lost a son, and in a short amount of time the cop had to move on to explaining to the next client why they couldn’t park their car in their neighbor’s driveway, and politely listen to their inane banter while being distracted by the fresh mental image of a man with his body torn open by bullets and slowly be-

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ing surrounded by coagulating blood in 96 degree heat. Next time you’re pulled over (for no reason whatsoever, of course), know that this could very well be going through the young man or woman’s mind who has you in their radar sights—then consider how important your “argument” will be against this. That’s a lot of deep stuff to wade through, but it’s based in fact and I have difficulty expressing it any other way, so I suppose I should give someone else a chance. As the late Paul Harvey pointed out with eerie accuracy, “A police officer is a composite of what all people are: A mingling of a saint and sinner, dust and deity.” As in the case of the local newspaper, the media try to underscore instances of dishonesty and brutality—but leave out the fact that less than one-half of one percent of officers misfit the uniform; this is, as Paul put it, “a better average than you’d find among clergy.”


The Thinning Blue Line

“A policeman must from a single strand of hair,” he went on to say, “be able to describe the crime, the weapon and the criminal—and tell you where the criminal is hiding. “If he catches the criminal,” said Harvey, “he’s lucky; if he doesn’t, he’s a dunce. If he gets promoted, he has political pull; if he doesn’t, he’s a dullard. The policeman must chase a bum lead to a dead-end, stake out ten nights to tag one witness who saw it happen—but refused to remember. The policeman must be a minister, a social worker, a diplomat, a tough guy and a gentleman. He must be able to whip two men twice his size and half his age without damaging his uniform and without being brutal. If you hit him, he’s a coward. If he hits you, he’s a bully.” There is more, but this is enough to indicate that Paul Harvey “got it”. He clearly knew a policeman or two very well because he covered both the reasons the job was horrible and wonderful (if you were really reading it) at the same time in his ageless submission. So… after all that, why, again, would anyone want to do “this”, despite all this? The answer is still the same: We Just Do. We know the underbelly of the world that we don’t want our families to see; we know, and touch, genuine evil. We know where it lives, what time it goes out, what it is capable of, and we know that we never want our loved ones to have to see it face to face as we do…and so we draw that line, as cops and soldiers have since the beginning of civilized society. And for something so ominous, it may even explain why such a small percentage of our society (one third of one percent) feels compelled to do this.

Perhaps the better question, then, is how do we do this? To that question, I can finally give a simple answer. Or rather, a great lawman from the past can: “No man in the wrong can stand up against a fellow that’s in the right and keeps on acomin’.” — Captain Bill McDonald (18521918), Texas Rangers. And in that one quote, emblazoned upon the tombstone of an Old West legend that became famous without ever having to kill a man, it comes together for me: Despite the best efforts of governments to crush morale and safety standards, dwindling budgets, misguided priorities, and political correctness…there is a small group of people that are compelled by the concept of right vs. wrong to do this thing, if only for a little while. That Thin Blue Line: It’s perceived as a wall of silence by the ignorant and uninitiated, but in reality it’s a wall between lawlessness and order and that’s all it’s ever been. It’s that line in the sand that declares “No More” to evil, and it’s undeniably getting thinner…but it’s intact all the same. Because for all the damage to it caused by governments who should be nourishing it instead of causing its atrophy, its strength and numbers do not come from line items and figures in any budget, and that’s what’s always kept it solvent, even in a year such as this. It comes from that little voice that is heard by those third of a percent who answer its call, and wear a shield. Why would anyone want to be a cop these days, in these conditions? Simple. Because they never had a choice.

“We are actually servants of the Constitution and the Public Trust…but the concept is hard to convey properly while clasping cuffs on those still desperately trying to maintain a level of dominance in a situation in which they no longer have any control.” | May 19, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 20 | The Pulse



Shades Of Green

Mourning the Old and Planting the New A

s you move around this region after the recent tornadoes, it is evident that we have witnessed true devastation, including damage to homes and loss of human life. Aside from damaged buildings, the loss of many beautiful old trees is most visible. With so many destructive storms and loss of trees in one season, questions should be asked: Is this just a bad year—or is it the result of climate change? Meteorologists and climatologists both say you can’t tell in one season. Still, it does appear that catastrophic storms are increasing. Climate change scientists do predict such an increase, plus prolonged periods of drought punctuated by periods of excessive precipitation and more extreme heat and cold. Time will tell. Here in Tennessee, our whole way of living is based on a forest ecosystem, so the loss of any tree is sad. These plants operate in amazing ways. Engineers marvel that trees get water to travel up 60 feet or more into the topmost leaves without a pump. (The sun provides the fuel.) Trees are master multi-taskers. Their list of services includes air conditioning, carbon sequestration, temperature control, stormwater management, erosion control, soil nutrition, tree/wildlife/people food, oxygen through photosynthesis, windbreak, spiritual sustenance and beauty, seeds for new life, art material, climbing places, homes for wildlife and/or people, building materials, fuel for cooking and heat, medicines, and jobs. Most of these services are free and yet trees


do have economic value. Of course, we thinks of the industry producing lumber, but there are energy savings too. Strategically planted trees can provide as much as a 30 percent reduction in cooling and heating costs by moderating temperature. Start by planting deciduous trees on the south side of a building. Trees also shade reflective paving and roofs, thereby reducing air temperature and providing evaporative cooling. They funnel cooling breezes. Then, there are the aesthetics plus recreational benefits. Every kid should have a chance to climb a tree, to read or daydream, or pretend some grand scheme with friends from a high vantage point. I’m reminded of the children’s book, A Tree is Nice. Forests have interesting dynamics too. Scientists now know that trees in a forest have a mutual defense system. They can send chemical messages to each other warning of attacks from defoliating insects or caterpillars. Other nearby trees so notified emit insect-repelling chemicals. Trees in a forest are also better protected from a storm. While trees on the edges are more subject to destruction, trees in the center are less affected by wind and tornadic activity. In cities, full of paved

Sandra Kurtz

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spaces, a forest serves to prevent heat islands buildup. Heat islands actually affect weather patterns as hot air rises to hit cold air above. One goal of the local Climate Change Plan is to reduce the amount of carbon dioxide in the air by increasing the percentage of forest canopy through stormwater management and carbon sequestration. Throughout history trees have been symbols for life, rebirth, and even afterlife. What stories the old ones can tell. Every now and then, I hear someone say, “I don’t want any trees in my yard.” I suppose they imagine some day one could fall on their house or they wish to avoid raking leaves (you don’t really have to.) That seems shortsighted.

“Everyone should adopt a tree to remind them of the cycles of life and the value of standing together as we have done through these storms.” Everyone should adopt a tree to remind them of the cycles of life and the value of standing together as we have done through these storms. Religious traditions remind us of a sacred tree where one finds healing, power, security, and wisdom. For our lost trees, pause for a moment of respect and thanks. Plant more. Sandra Kurtz is an environmental education consultant, a former classroom teacher and a founder of Tennessee Environmental Education Association. Presently she is executive co-director with the Urban Century Institute, a local nonprofit organization promoting sustainability and sustainable thinking. | May 19, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 20 | The Pulse



The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 20 | May 19, 2011 |



Picturing the War Between the States

By Janis Hashe, Pulse Contributing Edtior


any remembrances are going on throughout the country this year commemorating the 150th anniversary of the first year of the Civil War. Of course, our own area is surrounded by and part of key battlegrounds in the war, and the Hunter Museum allows us to meditate on this tragic and pivotal time in American history with its new exhibit, “Between the States: Photographs of the American Civil War from the George Eastman House Collection”, which opened May 8 and will continue through August 28. As the museum notes, “To commemorate the 150th anniversary of ‘Mr. Lincoln’s War,’ Between the States: Photographs of the American Civil War from the George Eastman House Collection [features] a selection of historical photographs of the Civil War by photographers including George Barnard, Mathew Brady, and Alexander Gardner. The exhibition explores how photographers used the medium during this period to record the war, promote popular causes and commemorate those who sacrificed their lives.

held at George Eastman House, such as pages from the selves with the real ravages—and heroism—of war. Chatalbum entitled The Lincoln Conspiracy and extremely rare tanooga and East Tennessee were divided between those photographs of the C.S.S. Alabama, a Confederate naval supporting the Union and those siding with the Confederacy. vessel. It truly was a time of brother against brother—and some “Along with these materials, the exhibition [is supplemented] with reproductions of portraits of civil war era of those conflicts still haunt us today. Make the time to visit the museum and see this powerfigures, including Abraham Lincoln, General Ulysses S. Grant, Jefferson Davis, Sojourner Truth, Tom ful collection, and take the family with you. The Hunter Thumb, Harriet Tubman, Frederick Douglas, is open late on Thursdays and also open both days on the and Susan B. Anthony. The George Eastman weekend. House collection also abounds with portraits of soldiers, many of “Between the States: Photographs of the American Civil War whose identities remain unknown, from the George Eastman House Collection” but whose images remind us of $9.95 adults (first Sunday of the month free) the endless number of soldiers Monday, Tuesday, Friday: 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. who served during this war. Other Tuesday: 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. Wednesday: Noon - 5 p.m. facsimile photographs feature infamous prisThursday: 10 a.m. - 8 p.m. ons, sweeping battlefields, fortress interiors, Saturday: 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. and post-Civil War memorial sites. There are Sunday: Noon - 5 p.m. about a dozen images of Chattanooga in the 10 Bluff View, (423) 267-0968. exhibition.” This exhibition is an ideal time for anyone, not just Civil War buffs, to reacquaint them-

“This exhibition is an ideal time for anyone, not just Civil War buffs, to reacquaint themselves with the real ravages—and heroism—of war.” “This exhibition [includes] more than 100 facsimiles of seldom-seen items from the George Eastman House collection, including many images where the original object is too fragile to travel or be exhibited for the public. Selections of famous published works such as Photographic Views of Sherman’s Campaign and Gardner’s Sketchbook of the Civil War will be exhibited in addition to items only | May 19, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 20 | The Pulse



Arts & Events Calendar FRIDAY



AEC Back Row Film Series kicks off with a documentary about soccer’s worldwide effects. $5 6 p.m. (advance purchase strongly encouraged) U.S. Elite Training, 6426 Dayton Blvd, (423) 267-1218.


Chattanooga’s Senior Arts Council Musical Event 1:30 p.m. Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. Martin Luther King Blvd. (423) 413-3873. Art + Issues: An Artful Urban Design 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. Mystery of the TV Talk Show 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. The Women 7 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. Dances in Raw States 7 p.m. Barking Legs Theatre, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. Jack Wilhite 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.


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Day Out with Thomas: Leader of the Track Tour 2011 9 a.m. Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum, 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-8028. 6th Annual Toddler Olympics 10:30 a.m. Jones Memorial United Methodist Church, 4131 Ringgold Rd. (423) 531-1502. Chattanooga BioBlitz 3 p.m. Chattanooga Nature Center, 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160. Mystery at the Nightmare Office Party 6 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. Vinyasa and Vino 6 p.m. Georgia Winery, 6469 Battlefield Pkwy., Ringggold. (706) 937-WINE. Frog Watch at the Zoo 6 p.m. Chattanooga Zoo, 301 North Holtzclaw Ave. (423) 697-1319. Nightfall Music Series 7 p.m. Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. Dances in Raw States 7 p.m. Barking Legs Theatre, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. Mystery of Flight 138 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. Dearly Departed 7:30 p.m. Tennessee Valley Theatre, 184 W. Jackson Ave., Spring City. (423) 365-7529. Jack Wilhite 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

The House on Pooh Corner 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. The Women 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www. Dave Waite: Stand Up Comedy! 9:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images Showbar, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210.


Chattanooga Tour de Cure 7:30 a.m. First Tennesee Pavilion, 1826 Reggie White Blvd. (865) 524-7868. Chattanooga BioBlitz 7:30 a.m. Chattanooga Nature Center, 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160. Interfaith Homeless Network 5K Run/Walk 8 a.m. Tennessee Riverwalk, Shelter 3, Amnicola Hwy. Chattanooga Fun Run Boating Event 8 a.m. Chickamauga Dam. (423) 266-6918. 1st Annual Girl Walk: Stepping Stones for the Future 8 a.m. Chattanooga State Riverwalk, Amnicola Hwy. (423) 624-4757. www.

The Women

“Jungle red nails” in Clare Booth Luce’s tale of female intrigue. $10-$25 8 p.m. show (talk back afterwards) Chattanooga Theater Center, Main Stage, 400 River St. Music: (423) 697-3383, Theatre: (423) 697-3246. Children’s Hospital Dragon Boat Festival 8:30 a.m. TVA Park at Chickamauga Dam. (423) 778-8057. Day Out with Thomas: Leader of the Track Tour 2011 9 a.m. Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum, 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-8028. Family Canoe Trip 10 a.m. Greenway Farms, 5051 Gann Store Rd. Brainerd Farmers Market 10 a.m. Grace Episcopal Church, 20 Belvoir Ave. (423) 458-6281. Chattanooga River Market 10 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (423) 648-2496. Art till Dark Noon. 40 Frazier Ave. (423) 413-8999. Mystery at the Nightmare Office Party 5:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839.


Arts & Events Calendar


“The Swan Lake Project”

Ballet Tennessee introduces dancers and audience to Swan Lake. $12- $15 7 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4269. American Cancer Society Relay For Life 6 p.m. First Tennesee Pavilion, 1826 Reggie White Blvd. Dearly Departed 6:30 p.m. Tennessee Valley Theatre, 184 W. Jackson Ave., Spring City. (423) 365-7529. “The Swan Lake Project” 7 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center Roland Hayes Hall, 725 Vine St. (423) 425-4269. The Queen’s Concert Series 7 p.m. Delta Queen, 100 River St. (423) 468-4500. Chattanooga Rollergirls vs. Hostess City Hellions 7 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. Chattanooga Football Club vs. Knoxville Force 7 p.m. Finley Stadium, 1826 Carter St. Jack Wilhite 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch & Giggles Grille, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.


The House on Pooh Corner 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. The Women 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. Saturday Night Movie with Ms. Kitty 8 p.m. Baylor School Student Center, 171 Baylor School Rd. (423) 267-8505. Mystery at the Redneck-Italian Wedding 8 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. Dave Waite: Stand Up Comedy! 10:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images Showbar, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210.


Day Out with Thomas: Leader of the Track Tour 2011 9 a.m. Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum, 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-8028. Chattanooga Market 11 a.m. First Tennesee Pavilion, 1826 Reggie White Blvd. Rhodie Ramble at Lula Lake 1:30 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (423) 648-2496. Dearly Departed 2 p.m. Tennessee Valley Theatre, 184 W. Jackson Ave., Spring City. (423) 365-7529.

The House on Pooh Corner 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. The Women 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. Jack Wilhite 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch & Giggles Grille, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.


Joseph Campbell Roundtable: “Spirits Mundi” with Eric Tucker 7 p.m. Grace Episcopal Church, 20 Belvoir Ave.


1st Annual Girls Inc. Golf Open 11:30 a.m. Lookout Mountain Golf Club, 1730 Wood Nymph Tr. (423) 710-3571. Songwriter’s Line-up 7 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081.


Main Street Farmers Market 4 p.m. Main St. at Williams St. Jewish Film Series: Where I Stand: The Hank Greenspun Story 7 p.m. Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 N. Terrace Rd. (423) 493-0270. Lookouts vs. Huntsville Stars 7:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley. (423) 267-2208.

Kids in the Kitchen at the Chattanooga Market

OK, it’ll be messy—but fun! Free 11 a.m. – 4 p.m. First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter St. (423) 648-2496.


Dinosaurs! Chattanooga Zoo, 301 North Holtzclaw Ave. (423) 697-1322. “Old Houses and Courthouses” Exum Gallery, 305 W. 7th St. (423) 593-4265. “Insight” River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033. “Spring Salon in Color!” Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. “The Southern Way: Grits, Gals, and Glory” Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. Martin Luther King Blvd. (423) 266-8658. “Jellies: Living Art” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. “Point Time” AVA Gallery, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-1282. 2011 Spring Showcase In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423)267-9214. | May 19, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 20 | The Pulse




Get Back to Your Roots By Dave Castaneda, Pulse Music Writer


h, the hot and sunny summer months to come can only mean one thing--it’s festival season again! From Riverbend to Nightfall and everything in between, Chattanooga is not without various music festivals and showcases. If you’re like me and wait until the very last minute to buy tickets to sold-out festivals (whoops), then consider some other options around the area. Coming up this weekend is Roots Fest, a three-day camping and music festival held 20 minutes outside of Chattanooga at Cherokee Farms in LaFayette, GA. Roots Fest is more of an intimate festival where everyone is family. The festival features bands and musicians that have been established in the Chattanooga scene for a long time. The campground is vast and scenic, with rolling hills and eye-captivating sights. The nice thing about this year’s installment of Roots Fest is that there is a little bit of everything.

I would recommend checking out Sparkz and Robosapien on this night. Sparkz is a hip-hop act that combines the raw swagger of Kid Cudi mixed with the energy of a live rock show. Sparkz is accompanied by a hip-hop live drummer, a great sight to watch. Robosapien is a jam/ electronica fusion band that has excellent song structure and music that you cannot help but watch. The DJ tent is not one to skip out on either—you have some of the most prominent producers in Chattanooga about to go on heavy summer tours with the best producers in the world. Why not check them out in their own backyard before that happens? I always have a blast watching the KRRS24 sets that are filled with so much electricity you may just get shocked by the massive bass. Saturday night will prove to be a party that no one will forget. The live bands line-up consist of The Shaky Show, Opposite Box, Strung Like a Horse, Glowing Bordis, Molly Maguires, Cannon Bus, Deep Machine, Digital Butter, The Nim Nims, Milele Roots, and the Donna Hopskin Band. The DJ Tent theme for the night is “Grown and Sexy” and is full of house music producers Moonchild, Spoon, Geoff, Brandon Wahl and other guests. Check out these recommendations while you are dancing Saturday night away with your new family! Opposite Box is going to be a solid choice to kick off

“The music line-up reads like a summary of this year’s pick of local flavors.” The music line-up reads like a summary of this year’s pick of local flavors. Each day is filled with a great grouping of bands from multiple genres—everything from rock to bluegrass to electronica. Friday starts the festival off right with performances from Go Get ‘Em Sheriff, Sparkz, Baybee Invincible, Foam Party, Verb, and Robosapien. As an added bonus there will be a special DJ tent curated by Digital Butter’s main producer SiLLYiLL. The Friday night DJ tent theme is “Bass Night”, a proper name considered the line up of heavy bass representers consisting of KRRS24, Drugmoney, Bassdonor, Boogie B and Erockimus.


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Saturday afternoon. Having witnessed the wildness that goes on in their live performances, this crew of hooligans will be sure to get your feet stompin’. Digital Butter will bring you that soul music that has you wanting to scream for more. Finally, Milele Roots is jamming the night away as they explore the spectrum of reggae culture that will get you groovin’ along. The festival wraps up on a more low-key and chill note as the line-up concludes with Danimal Pinson, BJ, Riot Punch, Maycomb Criers, Endelouz, and The Owls. Two acts to look forward to are Danimal Pinson and Riot Punch. Danimal has been making his way through as a solid rock solo project that is not to be missed. Riot Punch delivers sample-based rock and jam music that has had crowds flocking to the new sounds. All these bands, great music, great art, great food, and a community of musicians from the Chattanooga area getting together for some good vibes—what else do you need? Tickets are very limited to this intimate festival. Three day passes run $50, two days $40, and one day $25. Come watch these families of musicians collaborate and perform this weekend in the sunny hills of Cherokee Farms. ROOTS FEST May 20, 21, 22 Cherokee Farms, Old Mineral Springs Rd., LaFayette, GA. (423) 645-9699.


New Music Reviews

Bonzo Dog Band

A Dog’s Life (The Albums 1967-1972) (EMI)

When asked, “Does humor belong in music?” Frank Zappa replied, “I think so, it belongs in everyday life.” Indeed, it deserves a place in music; however, it’s tough to pull off truly successfully. Formed over four decades ago, the absurdist British musical group Bonzo Dog Band understood the delicate line it was treading—it simultaneously wanted to be taken seriously while not being taken seriously. That is, its members deeply understood musical satire and created legitimately great songs, but they were constantly and unrepentantly ridiculous, akin to Monty Python-type humor. Unlike Monty Python, though, Bonzo Dog Band isn’t quite a household name for young American audiences who likely are more familiar with the group Death Cab For Cutie than the Bonzo Dog Band song that provided its name. Perhaps the three-CD compilation A Dog’s Life will give the band’s legacy a boost—it’s a tidy package, featuring the entirety of the group’s first five albums, plus nine bonus tracks, reprising the exact contents of the 1993 anthology Cornology but with remastered sound. The group frequently did spot-on take-offs of past, even antiquated styles—Dixieland and traditional jazz, doo-wop, and early rock/pop—and covered novelty jazz songs from the ’20s and ’30s. The comedic approaches vary, from using ludicrous metaphors (“Canyons of Your Mind”) to presenting absurd situations, like Adolf Hitler playing vibes on “The Intro and the Outro.” The first three albums are the most satisfying, with the fourth and fifth ones leaning more towards “goofy” than “funny” and not being so memorable; even when it wasn’t aiming higher than just being silly, the group always had an impeccable ear for arrangements. This critic’s favorite is the second, The Doughnut in Granny’s Greenhouse, which sports all original numbers, including the full-on psych-rock number “We Are Normal” and the soul-pop/dance song extolling a domestic appliance (“Trouser Press”). Humor certainly belongs in everyday life, but the warped charm of Bonzo Dog Band presents a dog’s life that’s hardly everyday.

Doom Ribbons

The Violence, the Violence (Open Letter)

Doom Ribbons is a music project that seems to exist on its own level, beyond genres. Formed by percussionist and sample fiend James Owen as a solo endeavor around a decade ago, it became a duo in 2007 with the addition of guitarist Shane Perlowin, best known for his work in the intense instrumental group Ahleuchatistas. Finally, the outfit’s debut album has emerged, entitled The Violence, the Violence, which is a concept album with a not-so-rosy worldview, conveyed with emotive, non-traditional sonic paintings. Its six tracks go in completely different directions, but Doom Ribbons unveils a unifying style that is more about its execution of tension and creation of sound textures than showcasing particular recognizable musical elements. It’s apparent that Owen is a lover of sounds, from the opening of “Food for the New State” which features low-resolution samples of bird sounds and carefully winds itself up using reverberating sung tones and acoustic guitar patterns; it ends with stuttering vocal fragments and snippets of vague terror that sound like people trying to escape a burning building. “Prayer for Collapsing Economies” jumps into an unexpected circus polka mode, with agitated violin and guitar parts that turn into skronks. The album’s finest moment is the shimmering, nine-minute “Big Other,” presenting bright electric and acoustic guitar notes with harmonics and chimes, snowballing two-thirds of the way through with a dominating guitar riff that joins some Energy-Brothers drumming. “Horvat Jerusalem” uses a death accordion and an insistent saxophone ensemble vamp to channel its nervousness, leading to a Klezmerflavored violin, hand-struck drums, and the unsettling spoken sample from which the album gets its title. “Drmfdbk” is the album’s most abstract piece, with controlled feedback and noise providing menacing tones and disorderly strings and saxes that are like out-of-control bats, and the album closes with the deceptively calm denouement of “Die Alone,” which features the line, “Die alone together is the best you could hope forever”—an unsettling end to a troubling, ambitious, and penetrating album. | May 19, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 20 | The Pulse



Concert Calendar FRIDAY


Jettison Never CD Release Party

Locals show off Waiting for Apparitions. $7 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.


Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. Open Mic Night 7:30 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. Blues Jam with Rick Rushing 7:30 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. Russ Maddux 8 p.m. Acoustic Cafe, 61 RBC Dr. Ringgold, GA. (706) 965-2065. Buckner Brothers 8 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5005. Jimmy Harris 8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. Jettison Never CD Release Show 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.


The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 20 | May 19, 2011 |


Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. A Sequence of Ghosts, The Overseer, Tyler Melashenko, Alive for a Day, Brando 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 412 Market St. w Jamison Keen Band with James Jourdan 7 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. Priscilla & Little Rickee 8 p.m. The Foundary at the Chattanoogan, 1201 S. Broad St. (423) 756-3400. Dana Rogers 8 p.m. Palms Patio at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. Old Faithful Moon 8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. Jordan Hallquist 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). The Power Players Show Band 9 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956.

Brian Collins Band 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. Roger Alan Wade 9 p.m. Acoustic Cafe, 61 RBC Dr. Ringgold, GA. (706) 965-2065. David Dykes & The Grateful Hearts 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. DJ E and Dancing 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. Spectators, 7804 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 648-6679. DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5005. Hopsing Project Reunion Tour 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. How I Became the Bomb 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. Crossfire 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. Karaoke & Dancing 10 p.m. Chattanooga Billiards Club East, 110 Jordan Dr. (423) 499-3883.


Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000.

How I Became The Bomb

Become the Bomb yourself at JJ’s. $7 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. Tir Asleen, Comrades, Everybody Loves The Hero, Joey Whited, Jeremy Campbell 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 412 Market St. Bounty Hunter 8 p.m. Acoustic Cafe, 61 RBC Dr. Ringgold, GA. (706) 965-2065. Phil Lee 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. Priscilla & Little Rickee 8 p.m. The Foundary at the Chattanoogan, 1201 S. Broad St. (423) 756-3400. Opposite Box, Subterranean Circus 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. Mick Wheeler 8 p.m. Palms Patio at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055.


Concert Calendar


Ed Snodderly

Witty tunes and fine guitar pickin’. $10 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. Ed Snodderly 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. Everyone’s Audience 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). Brian Collins Band 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. Michelle Young with Pontiac Blue 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. The Power Players Show Band 9 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956. DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd.. #202. (423) 499-5005. Zoso: The Ultimate Led Zeppelin Tribute with Delta Saints 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. Channing Wilson 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240.


Crossfire 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878.


Open Mic with Jeff Daniels 4 p.m. Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge 4762 Highway 58, (423) 485-0966. Irish Music Session 6:30 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pk. (423) 266-1996. Open Mic with Mike McDade 7 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). Christian Classic Tour with Steve Green, Twila Paris, Michael Card & Wayne Watson 7 p.m. Abba’s House, 5208 Hixson Pk. (423) 877-6462. Karaoke with DJ Randy 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. Karaoke with DJ Salt 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. The Growlers, BABY BABY 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.


Overland 4 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956. Old Time Music Jam 7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260.

Monday Night Blues with Lon Eldridge 7 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. Big Band Nite 8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. Karaoke with DJ Randy 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. Karaoke with DJ Salt 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878.


Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. Open Mic with Mike McDade 8 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pk. (423) 266-1996. Karaoke with DJ Salt 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. Keep on Moving 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.


Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260.

The Growlers, Baby Baby

Don’t miss The Growlers, out of Long Beach, CA. $7 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. Open Mic Night 8 p.m. Acoustic Cafe, 61 RBC Dr. Ringgold, GA. (706) 965-2065. Loves It! 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. Prime Cut Trio 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd.. #202. (423) 499-5055. Glowing Bordis and The Nim Nims 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Parkway. (423) 468-4192. www. Tornado Relief Concert Featuring Husky Burnette 9 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www. Angie Aparo 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. | May 19, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 20 | The Pulse



The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 20 | May 19, 2011 |


Life In The ‘Noog

Losing My Mind...And The Remote I

’ve written a few pieces outlining the distinct differences between girls and guys. It’s very true that many times the two sexes don’t see eye-to-eye on their thoughts and feelings related to big-picture issues facing relationships. However, they say it’s the little things that can turn molehills into mountains and there is one phenomenon that never ceases to amaze me when it comes to the day-to-day inner workings of we dogs and cats. The lost, and not necessarily, found. As the more-mature, thoughtful sex, women can plan a wedding down to the precise number of rose petals will be scattered down the aisle. They can make a simple outdoor barbeque with friends seem like an upscale dinner party with an attention to detail that will spin the head of any guy who stops for a minute to take into account all of the little things their lady took care of—like umbrellas for the drinks…or ice. When it comes to simple tasks like keeping up with their keys or locating the television remote with exact coordinates in mind, however, girls just ain’t as mindful as we gents. Although seemingly not as important in the big scheme of things as say, determining the right baby shower petit fours flavor, knowing exactly where your car keys are when you’re late for something or other is something that we men take for granted as opposed to the opposite sex. That’s because men keep everything we truly need on our person at all times. Keys, wallet and cell phone are always within one of the five pockets afforded us by Levi Strauss. Girls, on the other hand, wouldn’t dare insert a single stick of gum in their pants pockets for fear of looking fat. So, they place all of their valuables, and many unneeded items, in the convenient saddlebag of a purse. And it’s these black holes of whatnot that we guys will never really quite understand. For most practical purposes, a woman’s purse is a great accessory for both parties in a relationship. You need an aspirin,

Chuck Crowder

“When it comes to simple tasks like keeping up with their keys or locating the television remote with exact coordinates in mind, girls just ain’t as mindful as we gents.” Chap Stick or breath mint; your lady will likely be Johnny-on-the-spot. But when it comes time to pay for something, unlock the car, or even call you back; their trilogy of essentials (wallet, keys, phone) are never in the same place at the same time. And this is when the purse fails. Ladies understand this. That’s why they attach eight key chains, three carabiners and six mini-bonus cards to the two keys that access their house and car. That’s why they carry wallets the size of small day planners with $100 bills sticking out of them with the same haphazard importance paid to other valuable documents, such as perhaps a CVS receipt. And that’s why they assume everything else they might need must be in the unzipped leather satchel they carelessly gave a bartender to keep while they dance to the carefree sounds of

Here Come The Mummies. When they get home, however, they realize that their check card is still unsigned at one of the eight bars they visited, their house key was lent to one of the six girlfriends who wanted to crash at their pad and their uncharged cell phone is completely missing in action. Meanwhile, we boyfriends—with all of our essentials still on our person—just want to hit their sofa to watch a little bit of latenight tube before turning in. But where’s the remote? It’s not on or near the TV. It’s not behind one of the hundred accent pillows that adorn the sofa. It’s not under said sofa. It’s not on the kitchen counter or even in the refrigerator. After eliminating all other “logical” locales, we end up finding the key to the TV the last place our lady set it down before crashing the night before—the bathroom vanity. Of course, how could we have been so stupid? Or at least that’s the look we get from them when it’s finally unearthed. Wait a minute, battery’s dead? Damn. Maybe it’s a guy thing. Charging phones, replacing batteries and keeping up with keys and cash. Girls, on the other hand, make life a lot better for us in all kinds of other ways. That’s why we truly need each other to make things happen from all angles. At least that’s what I’ve found (along with the remote). Despite what you may be thinking as you read this (especially you fine ladies), I have a unique proof-point story I’d like to share in closing. My girlfriend was recently running late for work because she couldn’t find her cell phone. After turning upside down every square inch of her home and car, her frustration as to its whereabouts came to fruition when the elusive communications device was finally found. Under the sheets of her made-up bed. I rest my case. Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. | May 19, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 20 | The Pulse



Film Feature

For Love of The Beautiful Game By John DeVore, Pulse Film Critic


hattanooga residents are infrequently afforded opportunities to see documentaries in the theater. Very few, if any, ever reach this fair city. Occasionally, we see something from Michael Moore or something equally as polarizing. Rarely do we see a film released in the theatres here that follows a small issue or minor group. A good documentary, however, can open the viewer to ideas, places, and people very much outside narrow worldviews, usually by showing something on society’s fringe. I would often rather see a good documentary than an Oscar-winning drama. Our country has long been leaning towards the anti-intellectual, resulting in documentaries being largely independent productions, poor moneymakers, and unseen by the masses. Fans have to seek out films, wade through dozens of possibilities, and hope for the best. But this summer, we Chattanoogans have an opportunity to see documentaries that matter. Documentaries that are different. The Chattanooga Arts and Education Council is hosting its Back Row Film series, now in its seventh season, featuring five documentary film experiences that give us “opportunities to interact with filmmakers, to see films on important subjects, talk to directors about the craft and discuss the subjects the film addresses.” The first of these films, Pelada, debuts on Thursday, May 19 at the U.S. Elite Training complex at 6246 Dayton Blvd. While Pelada isn’t a perfect film by any means, it’s effective in showing the heart of a worldwide, inclusive, and deeply loved sports culture found in the players of pick-up soccer games, often played wherever space allows. “Pelada”, the Portuguese for “naked,” is the term applied to pick-up soccer games in Brazil. Filmmakers and former soccer stars Luke Boughen and Gwendolyn Oxenham are searching for meaning after losing their status as players. Neither has lost their drive for the game, but they feel the game has left them. Gwen was a part of the national women’s league, but that league has disbanded. She focuses on creative writing, receiving a grant and waiting for the opportunity to play professionally one more time. Luke puts up billboards and contemplates law school. In an attempt to keep reality at bay, the pair begins a film about


The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 20 | May 19, 2011 |

their sport, the sport loved and played world- simple sport, far from overpaid stars, a world wide. What they achieve is something much where people play just because they love the more special. They find a heart of competition sport. Pelada is beautiful in spite of the filmthat beats across oceans. makers’ shortcomings. Pelada is beautiful beBoughen and Oxenham are not natural cause of the passion of the players. filmmakers; the film itself is choppy and rough. What makes this a successful film is the Gwen provides an awkward running commen- honesty of the filmmakers and the simplicity tary that tends to dwell on her desire to com- of the subject. In a film with such a large stage, pete and her drive to be the best. Her personal it would be easy to lose focus. The fact that battle with her apparent professional failure is Gwen and Luke are out of their element, genmuch less interesting than the footage of the erally not speaking the language or knowing people who play the game. The focus of the the customs, allows them to immerse themfilm should be the game itself, which hapselves fully in another form of communication, pens on beaches, in back alleyways, in prisons, one that they speak fluently. Through the in slums, on high pastures, low valleys, city game they are accepted. streets, and rural African savannah. The film highlights the connectivity of the At times, I wonder if our narrator is even sport, a connectivity that brings people toaware of what she is witnessing. But the audigether. But it also shows that common ground ence is. I marveled at the skill of these players, doesn’t heal all wounds. Too often documenat the drive and desire to play anywhere and taries focus on an agenda. What makes Pelada everywhere. While our filmmakers are busy special is its lack of a message. It just shows with their own lives, a man in South Africa is spending an entire day’s salary to play on a field the world as it is. carved out of a garbage dump. Pelada Women in Iran risk punishment (first film in this season’s AEC Back Row Film for playing. Arabs and Israelis Series) bring all of their tensions with $5 them on the field. What Luke 6 p.m. (advance purchase strongly encouraged) and Gwen find is so much larger U.S. Elite Training, 6426 Dayton Blvd, than they are aware of dur(423) 267-1218. ing their journey. Audiences are lucky to glimpse a world of


New In Theaters

Yo Ho Ho, Here We Go, Let’s Make Some Dough It’s a slow week at the box office for new releases, mainly because none of the major studios (or, for that matter, most of the minor ones) wanted anything to do with the most popular pirate of all time, that being Johnny Depp’s iconic Capt. Jack Sparrow. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides The fourth chapter of the popular Pirates of the Caribbean movies finds our intrepid pirate (anti)hero crossing paths with a woman from his past, in the guise of Penelope Cruz. Captain Jack Sparrow is swept aboard the Queen Anne’s Revenge, the ship of the formidable pirate Blackbeard, on an unexpected mission to find the elusive fountain of youth. Seems a fairly simple plot, and that is a rather welcome change from the past two installments of the series, which were loaded down with too many characters and far too many confusing plot twists. Getting back to a more simple story and allowing the focus of the film to be on Depp, the glowing Cruz, and the deliciously evil Ian McShane as Blackbeard (plus the al-

ways delightful Geoffery Rush as Barbossa) keeps audiences from being confused and allows some nice, quieter moments to break through the usual hustle and bustle of this type of action/adventure flick. While director Gore Verbinski passed on the fourth installment, Chicago director Rob Marshall seems to have things well in hand and box office projections are already heading north of the $100 million mark for this opening weekend. Whether that is due to the appeal of Depp or to the “Pirates” franchise is something for film fanatics to argue about afterwards, but the simple fact is that Depp has invested all of his heart, energy, humor and superior physical acting with homages to Charlie Chaplin and Douglas Fairbanks, Jr, into his portrayal of Capt. Jack. Instead of settling for a “let’s make a bunch of money” type of movie, Depp brings his “A” game once again, which of course means plenty of money anyway. Stars: Johnny Depp, Penélope Cruz, Ian McShane, Geoffrey Rush Director: Rob Marshall

Midnight in Paris A romantic comedy about a family traveling to the City of Light for business. The party includes a young engaged couple forced to confront the illusion that a life different from their own is better. Yep, only in a Woody Allen movie would an entire family travel to Paris on a business trip, yet as with all things Allen—both good and bad—the mechanics of the plot usually take second stage to the acting. And as he always seems to do, he gathers together a superb cast, featuring Owen Wilson, Rachel McAdams, Kathy Bates, Michael Sheen, Adrien Brody, Léa Seydoux and a host of other talents that dive into the dialogue with verve and discipline. It’ll be lucky to match up to a tenth of the box-office success of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, but then again, when was the last time you heard the phrase “blockbuster” in relation to a Woody Allen movie? They are what they are, and this is better than most. Stars: Owen Wilson, Rachel McAdams Director: Woody Allen | May 19, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 20 | The Pulse



Riley's Spirits Within

Cream of the Crop By Joshua Hurley, Riley's Wine & Spirits


his week, Riley’s invites you to stimulate your senses with a brand new, exciting Great Buy. By now I hope everyone knows that Great Buys are included in this weekly column brought to you by Riley’s Wine and Spirits on Hixson Pike in Hixson, in which I pick something special from the area’s favorite selection of adult beverages from around the world then share it with the readership of The Pulse. This week’s selection is Cream, a flavored, alcohol-infused whipped cream! It’s always refreshing when I see something totally original being released in a market that consists mainly of copies of already-popular products. Cream comes to this market packaged in a 375mL aluminum, aerosol-dispensed can and is available in six different flavors, including cherry, raspberry, vanilla, chocolate, caramel and orange. Unlike the non-alcoholic dairy whipped creams available at your local grocery stores, Cream is completely shelf stable. This means you don’t have to worry about “best if bought by” dates, refrigeration or short shelf lives. The possibilities are endless with this product, which can be enjoyed straight up from the can, topped on your favorite drink or ice cream, or hey, let’s face it, on your loved one! I tried each flavor and here’s what I thought: Raspberry: Cream Raspberry is a tasteful little honey concocted from natural and artificial raspberry flavors. Straight up, the palate is immediately aware of the fresh, sharp raspberry flavor, which eventually gives over to a light, alcohol burn with a creamy finish. Suggested use: Chocolate Raspberry Creamtini: 1 and 1/2 oz.. raspberry-flavored vodka (Chambord Vodka), 1 oz. Cream de Cacao White. Top with Cream Raspberry. Vanilla: Cream Vanilla is made from both natural and artificial vanilla flavors. Straight up, it tasted like French vanilla ice cream with a small alcohol burn on its creamytextured finish. Use Cream Vanilla in a Vanilla Creamtini: 1 and 1/2 oz.. vanilla-flavored vodka, 1 and 1/2 oz. Bailey’s Irish Cream. Top with Cream Vanilla. Chocolate: Cream Chocolate is the answer to any chocolate-lover’s prayers. Combin-


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ing both natural and artificial ingredients and tasting like the best Swiss chocolate cream sickle you’ve ever tasted, Cream Chocolate is a must. Try Cream Chocolate straight up or in a Chocolate Creamtini tonight: 2 oz. vodka, 1/2 oz. Cream de Cacao Dark. Shake or stir, top with Cream Chocolate. Cherry: Cream Cherry is so very—well, cherry. Made with both natural and artificial cherry flavors, Cream Cherry can go anywhere a cherry on top can go. Try it in a Cherry Cosmo: 3 oz. cherry vodka, 1 1/2 oz Triple Sec, 1 oz. cranberry juice, splash of lime juice. Shake or stir and top with Cream Cherry. Caramel: Cream Caramel is made from both artificial and natural cream flavors. If caramel is your thing, then you’re in luck. My recommendation for‘Cream Caramel is to use it as a topping for lattes. Orange: Cream Orange is a dream. Vivid, childhood memories of orange cream sickles come rushing back once this flavored cream landed on my palate. It is made from natural and artificial orange ingredients. Drink it straight up or in an Agent Orange: 1 oz. Yukon Jack Canadian Whiskey, 1 oz. Jim Beam, 1 oz. apple schnapps, 1 oz. vodka. Pour into glass with ice, shake, add a cherry and top with Cream Orange. Get creamed! Try Cream–flavored whipped cream alcohol infusions today, on sale at Riley’s Wine and Spirits for $11.49 plus tax. | May 19, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 20 | The Pulse



Free Will Astrology

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In order to capture the spirit of the landscapes he painted, French artist Claude Monet used to work outside in all kinds of weather. When I look at masterpieces like “Snow at Argenteuil” or “The Magpie, Snow Effect, Outskirts of Honfleur,” I like to imagine he was so engrossed in his work that he barely even registered the bitter chill. I bet you’ll be able to achieve a similar intensity of focus in the coming week, Taurus. You could be so thoroughly absorbed in an act of creation or a ritual of transition or an attempt at transformation that you will be virtually exempt from any discomfort or inconvenience that might be involved. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): What’s going to happen for you in the coming week will be the metaphorical equivalent of gaining the ability to see infrared light with your naked eye or to detect the ultrasonic sounds that only dogs can hear. With this virtual superpower at your disposal, you just may be able to figure out how people’s unspoken feelings have been covertly affecting your destiny. You will intuit lucid inklings about the probable future that will help you adjust your decisions. You might even tune in to certain secrets that your own unconscious mind has been hiding from you.

Solution To Last Week's Crossword

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Devilish laughter revels in chaos, says Loyola University philosophy professor John Clark. “It’s an assault on excessive order, authority, and seriousness.” Angelic laughter, on the other hand, “expresses delight in the wondrousness of life and in the mystery of the order and fitness of things.” I’d like to suggest, Cancerian, that the time is ripe for you to revel equally in the devilish and the angelic varieties of laughter. So get out there and seek funny experiences that dissolve your fixations and celebrate your life’s crazy beauty. The healing that results could be spectacular. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Last year a group of wealthy Germans asked their government to require them to pay higher taxes. “We have more money than we need,” said the 44 multi-millionaires. They wanted to help alleviate the ravages of poverty and unemployment. I urge you to make a comparable move, Leo. In what part of your life do you have more abundance than most people? Are there practical ways you could express your gratitude for the extravagant blessings life has given you? I think you’ll find that raising your levels of generosity will ultimately lead to you receiving more love. (Here’s more on the story about rich Germans: VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “I don’t know what I’m looking for,” sings Brendan Benson in his bouncy pop song, “What I’m Looking For,” “but I know that I just want to look some more.” I suspect those words could come out of your mouth these days, Virgo. I worry that you’ve become so enamored with the endless quest that you’ve lost sight of what the object of the quest is. You almost seem to prefer the glamour of the restless runaround—as painful as it sometimes is. That probably means you’re at least somewhat out of touch with the evolution of your primal desires. Check back in with the raw, throbbing source, please. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): When it’s flood season, the Amazon River rises as much as 60 feet. At that time, the adjoining forests earn their name—várzea, a Portuguese word meaning “flooded forests.” The river’s fish wander far and wide, venturing into the expanded territory to eat fruit from the trees. In the coming weeks, Libra, I imagine you’ll be like those fish: taking advantage of the opportunities provided by a natural windfall. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Provocative new influences are headed your way from a distance. Meanwhile, familiar influences that are close at hand are about to burst forth with fresh offerings. It’s likely that both the faraway and


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nearby phenomena will arrive on the scene at around the same time and with a similar intensity. Try not to get into a situation where they will compete with or oppose each other. Your best bet will be to put them both into play in ways that allow them to complement each other. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Are you desperate for more companionship? Have your night dreams been crammed with soulful exchanges? Are you prowling around like a lusty panther, fantasizing about every candidate who’s even remotely appealing? If so, I have some advice from the poet Rumi: “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” In other words, Sagittarius: To foster the search for intimate connection, identify the patterns within yourself that are interfering with it. By the way, this is good counsel even if you’re only moderately hungry for closer connection. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): If you live in the United States, your chocolate almost certainly contains insect parts. The Food and Drug Administration understands that the mechanisms involved in making chocolate usually suck small passers-by into the works, which is why it allows manufacturers to include up to 60 bug fragments per 100 grams of chocolate. A lot of basically positive influences have a similar principle at work: Unpalatable ingredients get mixed in with the tasty stuff, but not in such abundance that they taint the experience. This week, Capricorn, you may be unusually tuned in to the unpalatable side of some good things in your life. Don’t overreact. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I went to a literary event in which young poets read their work. One poet, Shelby Hinte, began her segment by talking about what inspires her. “I like to write about women who are more interesting than me,” she said. I was full of admiration for that perspective. It suggests she’s cultivating the abundant curiosity and humility that I think are essential to the creative process. As you slip deeper into an extra fertile phase of your personal cycle, Aquarius, I urge you to adopt a similar voracity for influences that surprise and fascinate and educate you. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic,” said science fiction writer Arthur C. Clarke. So in other words, if you were able to time-travel back to medieval England with a laptop computer and a solar-powered battery charger, the natives might regard you as a wizard with supernatural powers. I think there will soon be a similar principle at work in your life, Pisces: You will get a vivid glimpse of amazing things you could accomplish in the future. They may seem fantastic and impossible to the person you are right now—tantamount to magic. Be alert for expanded states of awareness that reveal who you could ultimately become. ARIES (March 21-April 19): Today I received this email: “Dear Chosen One: My name is Boopsky, also known as ‘The Impossible.’ I rule a small kingdom that exists in a secret place—an island with abundant riches and rhinoceros playgrounds. To make a long story short, you have won our ‘naked’ lottery. Please come visit us to claim your prizes. We will carve a statue of you out of butter and strawberry jam. Your funny ways of walking and talking will be imitated by all of our citizens. Then you will be caressed as a monarch on a pile of TVs and sung songs to by our reincarnation chorus. Can’t wait to see you be so happy!” I suspect you may soon receive an invitation as puzzling as this one, Aries—an apparent blessing that carries mixed messages or odd undertones. My suggestion is to hold off on accepting it until you find out more about it. Meanwhile, make sure it doesn’t distract you from taking advantage of a less flashy but more practical opportunity.


Jonesin' Crossword — "Numb & Number" Across 1 “If I ___ nickel for every time...” 5 Mine car 9 Chemistry 101 models 14 Off-base designation 15 Othello’s enemy 16 “Don’t Know Why” singer Jones 17 “I mean, isn’t she worth, like, a ___ dollars?” (line from the pilot of “Will & Grace”) 19 Rapper with the 2011 album “Detox” 20 Like Keats’ poetic urn 21 French Stewart’s response when asked to “write a number” in an SNL “Celebrity Jeopardy!” skit 23 Snake variety 24 Brand name yodeled in ads 26 ___ Lingus (Irish airline) 27 Rock’s ___ Speedwagon 28 Opera set in Egypt 30 Part of some Hogwarts classes

32 Go against 34 More, in Mexico 35 “Mazel ___!” 36 With 38-across, number of geese it took to supply feathers for “Grandma’s Feather Bed” 38 See 36-across 40 Outburst popularized in the 1990s 41 Rapper ___ Def 42 Comedian Lampanelli 45 Ancient area in modern Bulgaria, Greece and Turkey 48 Discard 50 Tokyo’s country, in Olympics shorthand 51 “___ Como Va” (Santana song) 52 Surname in a Tim Allen Christmas movie 54 From Bangkok or Beijing 56 Number of trombones in an Urbie Green title 58 Granddaddy of fitness gurus Jack 60 Make pig noises

61 “Imaginary” number in a game show skit on the BBC’s “That Mitchell and Webb Look” 63 “Today” co-anchor Matt 64 Reggae performer ___-Mouse 65 ___-ball (arcade game) 66 “The king,” in Cancun 67 Like “haxored” and “pwn’d” 68 Olive and family from “Popeye” Down 1 Country legend Merle 2 Scholarship recipient 3 Went to slumberland 4 She falls at the beginning of her story 5 Tequila on TV 6 Reason for saving 7 Earlier than now 8 March, but not walk 9 Leader between Brezhnev and Chernenko 10 Shredded 11 Trial

12 DC competitor, in the comic book world 13 Thin window curtains 18 Pre-euro currency 22 Twinkie maker 25 Small batteries 29 Response to an invitation 31 Stunt jumper Knievel 33 Frank Oz character 37 High science 38 Appear to be 39 Ballet great Vaslav 41 ___ Dew (rebranded soft drink) 43 Springer, e.g. 44 Building wings 45 Mess with someone’s hair 46 Book near a pew 47 Fix a bartending mistake 49 Packet at a drive-thru 53 Photographer Adams 55 “OK, if you ___...” 57 Peach or pecan 59 Med. student’s study 62 “___ Haw”

Jonesin' Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2011 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0520. | May 19, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 20 | The Pulse



Ask A Mexican

Jews In Mexico? Who Knew? Dear Mexican, What happened to my friend? She is white (Irish—her only aunt was a Catholic nun!), she grew up in Pico Rivera (so most people think she is Mexican with green eyes), she is converting to Judaism, and guess what? All she meets are Mexicans! And all she likes are Mexican men—in fact, the Mexican janitor at the temple she goes to asked for her number. When she first attended her temple, she called me, and guess what? She met Mexican men trying to find their Jewish roots. Now that she is becoming a Jew, she meets more Mexican men. What’s going on? Do I have to become Jewish to find a Mexican husband? — Her Friend Who Will Not Convert Dear Wabette, Guess what? There are Mexican Jews! Have been since the Conquest, which saw more than a few conversos (Jews who converted to the Catholic faith after Ferdinand and Isabella banned Judaism and Islam from the Iberian peninsula in 1492 under penalty of death) come over to the New World and take out their existential angst on the indigenous. After that, they laid low for a couple of centuries, practicing their religious roots in privacy and as far away from prying Catholic eyes as possible (a couple thousand conversos ended up in New Mexico, where some maintain Jewish practices to this day—take THAT, proponents of Hispano purity!). This hidden history (and Muslims took the same path as their fellow Abrahamic brothers, although we call them Moriscos) has sparked interest among some Mexicans to research their ancestry, which might be why your gal is all of a sudden getting such interest from hombres. Because whether we’re Jew or Muslim, Catholic or Mormon, nothing inflames a Mexican man’s heart like a cute, devout gabachita.


The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 20 | May 19, 2011 |

Gustavo Arellano “There are Mexican Jews! Have been since the Conquest, which saw more than a few conversos come over to the New World and take out their existential angst on the indigenous.” Dear Mexican, Some time ago, Cain Velasquez won the Ultimate Fighting Championship heavyweight title. Not long after, I heard a lot of people saying that his “Brown Pride” tattoo across his chest is racist, and that if any white person were to have a “White Pride” or “White Power” tattoo, everyone would be quick to label them a racist. What’s your take on this? — More Marvelous Ass-Kicking Dear MMA, You hear this a lot from skinheads— that Mexis proclaiming “Brown Pride” is just like them pushing white pride, so why is it OK for mestizos to be proud of

their race but not Whites? That twisted logic shows how pendejos those skins are. The more accurate corollary to brown pride would be the Black Power or Yellow Power movements of the 1960s from which Brown Power emerged. That era saw historically oppressed minorities try to instill a sense of orgullo in themselves, try to deprogram centuries of gabacho thought and laws that maintained minorities should be ashamed of who they are. More importantly, though, brown pride in its most-common manifestation hasn’t been used to preach race supremacy or to terrorize minorities ala the proponents of white pride. Can gabachos be proud of their roots? Damn straight— celebrate your mick or wop or honky ancestry, gabachos, but given that the definition of “white” continuously changes in this country (the Irish once weren’t; Mexis once were), anyone boasting of “White Pride” is as deluded as a, well, a skinhead. GOOD MEXICAN OF THE WEEK: Books like Huichol Territory and the Mexican Nation: Indigenous Ritual, Land Conflict, and Sovereignty by Paul M. Liffman are welcome, necessary reminders that Indians in Mexico still must fight for respect, their ancestral lands, and the eradication of traditions. Liffman commits the academic sin of relying too much on the works of others to validate his points, but Huichol Territory nevertheless stands as an important document of how fucked-up the Mexican government is—and how the Conquest continues. Well-written, too, and encyclopedic. Have a question? Ask the Mexican at themexican@, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at! | May 19, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 20 | The Pulse


The Pulse - Vol. 8, Issue 20  

The Pulse - Vol. 8, Issue 20

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