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Search. Eat. Repeat.


Fall 2011


Faces of


give me that old time religion. or not. RELIGION NOTJUST ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL


king of the southside bands vie for title in semi-finals


» NEWS • MUSIC • ARTS • ENTERTAINMENT » november 17-23, 2011 •

2 • The Pulse • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 •

THE LIST Christobel & The Jons



• The always-popular Christobel returns to JJ’s Bohemia on Saturday, 11.19, along with new local band Saturnine Tales. Check out this weekend’s Pulse Picks and the best of what’s around in The List » Page 13

Contents NOV. 17-23 • 2011 • ISSUE. 8.46

Publisher Zachary Cooper Managing Editor Janis Hashe Contributing Editor Gary Poole Contributors Rick Baldwin • Rob Brezsny Dave Castaneda • Chuck Crowder • Michael Crumb John DeVore • Allison Gorman • Sandra Kurtz Rick Pimental-Habib • Matt Jones • D.E. Langley Kelly Lockhart • Ernie Paik • Jim Pfitzer • Bill Ramsey Alex Teach • Tara V Art Director Bill Ramsey Photographers Lesha Patterson • Josh Lang Interns Beth Miller • Bruno Araujo

ADVERTISING Sales Director Lysa Greer Account Executives Rick Leavell • Michelle Pih

CONTACT Phone 423.265.9494 • Fax 423.266.2335 Email Got a stamp? 1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, TN 37402

letters Please limit letters to 300 words or less. Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity.

the fine print

The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

© 2011 Brewer Media BREWER MEDIA GROUP President Jim Brewer II


Faces of Faith

Give me that old time religion. Or not. Chattanooga’s no longer just for Christians. » 8


King of the Southside

Semi-finals featuring Cadillac Saints, Ezell, Raenbow Station, The Family Gardener. » 15


Oscar Wilde’s Trying Times

Janis Hashe reviews Gross Indecency: The Three Trials of Oscar Wilde. » 23 • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 • The Pulse • 3



news • views • rants • raves updates »


48 Hours: Wind Up, Pitch By Zack Cooper After 48 hours of brainstorming, collaborating and sweating the small stuff, last Sunday night brought the finalists of the CoLab 48-Hour Launch to the stage of Track 29 for their final pitches. The audience at the event voted via text message and the winners took awards in three categories. At times, the event was dramatic and contained everything you expect when seeing live performances—whether it’s a concert, play or a business start-up pitch about the next big thing in food condiments. Note that this was for real prize money and could be the key factor in the product moving forward or failing to launch...Deus Ex Machina waiting in the wings, ready to move the players off stage and into the realm of the dead. But in most cases, even if the start-up’s final pitch didn’t lead to a monetary victory, the idea will move forward and the commitment to it remains. One example of an idea that didn’t win money, but that you will hear more about in the com-

At times the event was dramatic and contained everything you expect when seeing live performances—whether it’s a concert, play or a business start-up pitch about the next big thing in food condiments. ing weeks, is We Budget ( Led by City Councilman Andrae McGary, this concept combines an organization and website with the goal of implementing “Participatory Budgeting” here in Chattanooga. Created in Brazil and now being implemented in Chicago and New York, this type of budgeting process brings citizens and the elected officials who have voting power on budgets together and gives the citizens a direct, participatory place at the budgeting table. Good idea, right? And that’s the takeaway from 48Hour Launch. This annual event produces some damn good ideas. And who knows: The idea you‘ve got bouncing around in your head


4 • The Pulse • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 •

might be the one that takes home gold next year. Sharpen your pencils. Check out our website for a full list of the finalists who presented their ideas at chattanoogapulse. com. You can follow the companies’ progress, get involved or help out directly if you believe in the idea.

Plan Your Work, Work Your Plan

• The Chattanooga Chamber of Commerce has organized a public meeting that is very significant to the entire TriState region. This Thursday, Nov. 17, 5:30 - 7:30 p.m., you are invited to gather at the Chattanoogan Hotel to hear from the three fi-

nalist teams of experts looking to lead the regional growth-planning process. The teams are comprised of expert firms within the fields of community engagement, various types of planning, financial analysis, data collection and establishing community metrics. Each bidding team will make a presentation, with the citizen feedback gathered after the presentations. This is a long-range growth process for a significant portion of the Southeast region. While Chattanooga and the surrounding region have enjoyed some success in attracting global firms, the work of smart, sustainable growth planning in our infrastructure, transportation and the necessities of the flow of commerce must begin. In a press statement, Tom Edd Wilson, President of the Chattanooga Area Chamber of Commerce said, “In my mind, the regional planning process is about job growth. We’re competing against the whole world to retain and recruit employers. Coming together as a team on economic development will give us a tremendous advantage in making the most of our economic op-

portunities while preserving the quality of life that makes us so attractive to the companies we already have.” It’s also about the quality of life here in our region. Planning on a regional scale such as this affects almost every part of daily life—and it’s not just up to elected types for a clear vision forward. Regional Growth Planning Meeting: Nov. 17, 5:30 - 7:30 p.m., The Chattanoogan Hotel, 1201 S. Broad St. — Z.C.

Young and Green

• Consider biking down to green|spaces on Nov. 28 to hear three high-school-age people present their ideas for saving the Earth: Mirel Cerulean Crumb will talk about “Plan B”, innovatiions in solar energy; Berke Baehr discusses “Food for Thought”, detailing his story of discovery about the industrialized food system; and Ragan Foley will consider happiness vs. extragant living in the context of her award-winning essay. Cherokee Sierra Program, Nov. 28, 7 p.m. green|spaces, 63. E. Main St. — Janis Hashe


Letters Chattanooga’s

rick baldwin


ohn Jhiatt

N SDouth


The Road Goes On Forever for Quintessential American Singer-Songwriter By Bill Ramsey


Are the Occupiers Really Too Polite? • I would frame this differently [“Too Polite To Protest?”]. Polite? Yes. Respectful? Yes. Realizing that the police and even most of our city council are part of the 99%? Yes. Given that Occupy Chattanooga wanted to work through channels indicates that they want peaceful resolution of their wrongs and what is wrong with the U.S. They did stay with their goal. They were told they could not be in parks after curfew. So their protest has been in front of the city council building [and now the County Courthouse] with continuous occupation since a week ago last Tuesday. And getting larger every day. Matthew Hoyt Chattanooga

Does Teach Talk To Anyone? • Alex, if you have not talked with Occupy, how in the world do you know what they believe in [“Chattanooga Occupation, Part 2”, On The Beat]? Also, if Ms. Ladd had not come off as a total bully in the first place,

• It is quite telling that church buildings across the country are turned into venues such as this [“Church of Rock”]. The price was right, not for an honest group of Christians, but for entrepreneurs who

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the reaction would have been completely different. She added to the problem. I have generally agreed with you, but not this time. Sam McKinney Chattanooga

The price was right, not for an honest group of Christians, but for entrepreneurs who are ready to take advantage of the latest gentrification efforts.

are ready to take advantage of the latest gentrification efforts. This is very sad to see and I pray it is the only temple to take such an unfortunate journey in our area. Fr Daniel Talley Chattanooga

Got an opinion? Of course you do! Email your letter (300 words or less, please, with name and daytime phone number) to : info@

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6 • The Pulse • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 •

U.S. Rep. Chuck Fleischmann must have taken at least some of our advice after DizzyTown rated and ranked the Facebook pages of the declared 3rd District congressional candidates. On Thursday, November 17, Chuck will host a Facebook town hall meeting on his “government official” Facebook page (not his more popular unofficial “politician” page, where, curiously, his Likes outnumber those of his official page by almost 2-1). Chuck is inviting all 700,000 Tennesseans he represents to log on and chime in with questions. “I am always looking for ways to stay connected with the great East Tennesseans I represent,” Chuck chirped in a news release. Good move, Chuck, but Our Rep will not actually be live online to answer questions, it seems. Instead, he’ll post a video with replies to “some” of the questions at the end

of the week, he says. Here’s some more advice for your Social Media Tune-Up, Chuck: • You need to be live for the town hall. Cherry-picking the questions to fit your campaign rhetoric doesn’t strike us as “staying connected.” Responding live—without a net—will yield a more engaged audience and, perhaps, up your Like count. • Combine your Facebook pages. Chuck has not one, but three Facebook pages and it’s darn confusing. Since our last visit, we’ve discovered Chuck’s “public

figure” page. Together, Chuck could have a combined total of more than 4,000 Likes. • Sound more human. This is a tough one, we know, but essential if you’re going to swing hard at Lady J and Young Weston. Your posts taste like cardboard and are obviously not the work of a bold, young Congressman. • Consider upgrading your wardrobe and taming that hair! Photos such as the glorious portrait above taken by Ace Washingtonian Magazine photographer Chris Leaman are really not doing much for your image. We hope you don’t think we’re picking on you, Chuck. Really, just trying to help! Good luck with that town hall thing. We’ll be there!

Got a tip for DizzyTown? Want to nominate yourself? Shoot us an email: dizzy@

On the Beat

alex teach

The Courts, Cops, and You “ Welcome to the new format of the Pulse! Isn’t it exciting? I admit, I’m a bit on edge, not so much because so many people couldn’t readily identify where my column was in the last issue as because of the initial editorial statements that the old version was so crappy partly because of “conservative advertising that confused the readers” (paraphrased) on the website, as if conservative advertising or views were somehow poison…unless they felt that the dirty 1%’eristic (new word) ads somehow interfered with this being what used to be a more mildly balanced paper. Which I also, in turn, bring up because apparently I am one of the final aspects of this paper that isn’t dedicated to All Things Artistic & “Progressive”. Are my days up? Am I the last rabbit in the warren to be culled? I doubt it, Dear Reader, because what’s vanilla ice cream without a few sprinkles? It’s like a cop without ulcers—no fun at all at parties. And if you, Dear Reader, are seeing what I’ve just typed, the “new” Pulse has just passed its first test. I attack readers, other columnists, vagrants and stray dogs for various reasons, so why not the editors’ vision as well? If I’m dumb enough to say crazy things that could impact my job here, allow me to now say pissy things about the Hamilton County district attorney’s

office and a Hamilton County sessions court judge. Heck, why not criminal court judges, too? At the end of the dissertation, let’s see if you can pass a quick quiz. November 9, 2011: John Bradley (“Bud”) Wiser was initially charged with first-degree murder (a “pretty bad” crime), but pleads to second-degree murder and gets 20 years for beating his wife to death with his bare hands in front of their two sons, ages 12 and 9. Did that sink in? He beat his wife to death with his bare hands. In front of their children. Repeatedly threw her into a wall, beat her with his hands and feet, and choked her. He was declared “sane” somehow, and for such horror: 20 years. Not death, not a life sen-






tence. Twenty years. November 9, 2011: Another criminal court judge gives John Thomas White a one-year rehab program as part of a fiveyear sentence for dragging his wife to death on Cummings Highway in January 2010. He’s been in jail since the incident, so he’ll be released to enter “rehab” and be on probation for the remaining three years—for having been witnessed driving off the parking lot of a bar with his wife holding onto the side of the truck. He sped on, occasionally glancing at her, according to a witness, until she fell off and was run over by the truck, at which time he left her and proceeded home. Five years, mostly suspended. For dragging his wife to death. November 10, 2011: Timothy James Hicks appeared before Sessions Judge Clarence Shattuck to address the charges of disorderly conduct, resisting arrest, and assault on police (sessions case #1446597). Club owners had called police when Mr. Richard Wetherbee refused to leave Track 29, at the owners’ request, and when they responded, Mr. Hicks took exception to the cops asking his friend to leave and attacked them. He attacked the cops. In the course of the fight he started, he gouged a cop’s eye

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If I’m dumb enough to say crazy things that could impact my job here, allow me to now say pissy things about the Hamilton County district attorney’s office and a Hamilton County sessions court judge. and fought over the gun in his holster. He was beaten and Tazed into custody (argue this, for fighting over a gun) and on November 10? He pled guilty through the Hamilton County district attorney’s office and was told by Judge Shattuck that if he kept his nose clean for six months the case would be dismissed. Fighting a cop over his gun—and the case goes away in six months. No time served, no record. In a neighboring courtroom on the same day, Judge Bob

Moon raised the bond from $50,000 to $250,000 on Tiwann Rydell Wiley for verbally threatening the life of a juvenile court referee after getting a displeasing sentence. He got a felony charge for threatening retaliation against a judge, but the guy that fights a cop over the cop’s gun and gouges his eye in the process gets a “To Be Dismissed On Good Behavior” in six months by Judge Shattuck. WHY am I mad? Why am I writing angry? This is your quiz. Your clues are above. There are no right or wrong answers, but feel free to submit your ideas to the Pulse or the Hamilton County D.A. on just why you think we have a crime problem here. No need to purchase to win, and all winners are promised a full night’s sleep IF there are positive answers to my queries. Good luck. (I mean it.) When Chattanooga Police Officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student, carpenter, boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at www.facebook. com/alex.teach



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OPEN SUNDAYS 2-4 PM • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 • The Pulse • 7

Give Me That Old Time Religion. Or not.


In Quest of Zen Mind By Janis Hashe In a small, dimly lit room in the back of ClearSpring Yoga, a group of people sits cross-legged on black cushions, facing the wall. A faint smell of incense drifts in the air. At the sound of three gongs, each person makes a small bow and begins a session of zazen, the meditation period of Zen Buddhism.

By Gary Poole

“Welcome to the Bible Belt, Y’all” stated a bumper sticker I saw on my way home the other day. It was attached to an older-model American-made pick-up truck with a Walker County, COVER STORY GA, license plate and shared space on the tailgate with other stickers proclaiming a love for America, Jesus, guns and George W. Bush. Considering the part of the world we live in, not a very surprising or out-of-the-ordinary vehicle or collection of sentiments. But it did get me to thinking, are we really the “buckle of the Bible Belt” as I have heard many say during the decades I’ve made this region home. My greatgrandfather, who spent many years traipsing back and forth from Knoxville to Chattanooga in his profession as a newspaper editor noted even at that time that the differences between the two cities, and the towns and villages in between, were based on religion. Or rather, the variety of religions to be found in the Chattanooga area—and not seen very much elsewhere. A history of the Deep South often reads like a history of the Baptist Church (Southern Baptist division, to be precise) in which town after town, city after city, fell under the religious and political control of the influential and very well-organized Protestant sect. But not here in Chattanooga. While the Baptists have a wellplaced seat at the table, they have had to sit down with many other sects and other religions. In the pages to follow we present a pictorial look at some of the “old-time religions” that call Chattanooga home, in collaboration with a radio series developed with our colleagues at News Talk 95.3 WPLZ that will air November 28 through December 2. And even so, we will barely touch the surface of the variety of faith and worship found in the Scenic City. So, be you a Protestant, a Catholic, a Jew, a Buddhist, a Hindu, a Muslim or something else, chances are you have found a happy home here in the “buckle”—regardless of what book the belt is wrapped around.

8 • The Pulse • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 •

Twenty-five hundred years ago, a young prince named Siddhartha Gautama, born in what is now Nepal, began asking himself, “Why does suffering exist?” His journey to find the answer to this question led to his awakening to the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism: Suffering exists; attachment and delusion are the causes of suffering; suffering can be ended; the way to end suffering is through the Buddhist Middle Way. Gautama began to teach and his followers began to call him “The Buddha”, or “One Who Has Awakened.” But Buddhism is a nonthesistic religion, which means practitioners do not worship a god. The Buddha is considered a great teacher, but only one of an infinite number. In the centuries that followed his life, Buddhism spread across Asia and into many forms, of which Zen is one of the most popular in the US. There are believed to be 400 million Buddhists worldwide and around six million American Buddhists. Zen teaches that “just sitting” in meditation is the most important way to access awakening. Meditators focus on their breath and on being present in the moment, something that carries over into everyday life.

Shokai Steven Hart photographed by Louis Lee

At the end of the final zazen session, two gongs signal the group to stand up, face each other, make three bows, and then chant the Four Vows. “Beings are numberless, I vow to free them…” The silence that has been maintained is now broken by the group’s friendly interchanges. They will be back on the black cushions next week.


Teachers of the Chosen By Louis Lee

Rabbi David Cantor photographed by Louis Lee

Rabbi David Cantor is part of the congregation B’nai Zion in Chattanooga. The words “part of” are carefully chosen, as Rabbis are not necessarily “leaders” in the synagogue. The word “rabbi” translates as “teacher.” As teachers, rabbis educate the congregation and verify that things are “kosher.” The rabbi is also responsible for interpreting the Torah and other holy books. Jews trace their theological roots to Abraham. In the Hebrew Bible, God promises Abraham that he will be the father of a great nation. The bloodline that follows from Abraham means that Judaism is not merely a religion, but a birthright. One can be a nonpracticing Jew, or even an atheist, but will always be a Jew by heritage. Services are held Tuesdays and Fridays with Sabbath service on Saturday. These include the singing of prayers, reading from the Torah and personal prayer time. The Torah is central in the Jewish service, not only because it is their holy text, but the Torah itself is special. Each one is hand-lettered by a scribe on parchment (animal skin). It is a continuous scroll that is covered and decorated and kept in an ark. A special pointer is used when reading the Torah to keep it undamaged. Other Jewish congregations in Chattanooga include Mizpah Congregation and the Beth Shalom Congregation.

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30 frazier avenue • 266-8010 • open seven days • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 • The Pulse • 9


Rev. Alvin Cummings photographed by Mike Chambers

Simple Faith By Mike Chambers Alvin Cummings, Pastor of Lookout Mountain Missionary Baptist, is a lay minister who says he was “called” to the ministry. A carpet-industry manager by day, the Ringgold resident was received by unanimous consent to take over the pastorship of the Lookout Mountain church back in 2003. The former pastor of a East Ridge congregation, Rev. Cummings believes firmly in principles of the Baptist faith, which emphasizes saving one soul at time. At the same time, he’s also a believer in spreading the word of Jesus Christ as the savior of all mankind not only locally, but also

10 • The Pulse • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 •

across the country and around the world. And as the name implies, the Baptist faith is centered in the act of baptism itself, believing that baptism should be performed only for professing believers, as opposed to infant baptism as performed in other faiths and Christian sects. The specific Protestant faith, as practiced by Rev. Cummings and his congregation, dates back to Amsterdam around 1609, from where it quickly spread to England and then, through several “great awakenings” to the United States in the mid-18th and early-19th centuries. It has become one of the dominant faiths in the country, especially in the South.


Shoes of the Fisherman By Louis Lee

The Rev. Fr. James Vick photographed by Louis Lee

Reverend Father James Vick is the pastor of Our Lady of Perpetual Help Catholic Church (OLPH) in Chattanooga. The Catholic Church is widely accepted as the first Christian church, founded by the Apostles Peter and Paul shortly after the death of Jesus Christ. Catholics enjoy an active religious life, with services called masses available to them every day of the year, if they wish. The primary day of worship is Sunday. The Catholic Church in Chattanooga has reached out to a growing population of Hispanic immigrants, At OLPH, each day there is also a mass conducted entirely in Spanish. Bible study is also available for the Hispanic community in their native tongue. The hierarchy of the Catholic Church

includes priests, bishops, cardinals and the pope. After Pope John Paul II’s death in 2005, Pope Benedict XVI was elected by the College of the Cardinals to succeed him. The pope is the head of the Catholic Church and, according to church doctrine, the direct successor of Saint Peter. Masses in the Catholic Church include the singing of hymns, a homily (or sermon), and celebration of the Eucharist, or Holy Communion, in which parishioners receive the “Body and Blood of Christ” in a ceremony reminiscent of Christ’s Last Supper. Communion involves the consumption of “communion wafers” and wine or a grape drink. At each mass there is also a collection taken. Catholic charities are among the most generous in the world, funding outreach programs and caring for the sick and homeless. • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 • The Pulse • 11









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12 • The Pulse • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 •



» pulse picks


THE NOV. 17-23

You Can Always Go Downtown

MUSIC Kaki King, The Alexanders • “Traveling Freak Guitar Show” hits town. $18.50 advance, $20 door. 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347.

John Hiatt & The Combo, Thursday 11.17, at Track 29

EVENT UTC Ensembles

» pulse pick OF THE LITTER

• Premiere of UTC’s own Dr. Kenyon Wilson’s “Inertia”. Free. 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, Roland Hayes Concert Hall, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4645.

FRI11.18 MUSIC Doctor Dog • PA’s psychedelic rockers Doctor Dog just want some hoagies. $15 advance. $17 day of show. 9 p.m. Track 29, 1400 Market St. (423) 521-2929.

EVENT Alysia Wood • From the hot Seattle comedy scene comes the hot Wood. $12. 10:30 p.m. Vaudeville Comedy Cafe, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839.

SAT11.19 MUSIC Christobel & The Jons • The always-popular Christobel returns, along with new local band Saturnine Tales. $5. 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

It’s amazing how many people who live in the region STILL don’t know exactly how much is going on in downtown Chattanooga. Are you one of them? If so, your chance to get with the program is coming up this weekend. On Saturday, from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m., and Sunday, noon to 5 p.m., a ticket for Daytrip Downtown will take you on a “self-guided lifestyle tour” of downtown, complete with access to recreational and cultural activities, discounts at restaurants and “sneak peeks” at possible pads. You can park and then CARTA shuttle from the NorthShore, the Choo Choo or the Visitors’ Center. And at $8 in advance, $10 day of, it’s a bargain. For tickets, more info,

EVENT Gross Indecency • Modern script based on actual transcripts of trials that imprisoned Oscar Wilde for sodomy. $18. 8 p.m. Circle Stage, Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534.

We Three Kings


Amahl & the Night Visitors means the holidays are here • Tivoli Theatre • November 18 • Back for the second year is the tradition-in-the-making “Amahl”, the only opera ever written specifically for TV. Chattanooga’s version is collaboration among the Chattanooga Symphony, Chattanooga Theatre Centre and Chattanooga Ballet, with Robert Bernhardt on the baton. $12-$39 • 8 p.m. • Tivoli • 709 Broad St. (423) 642-8497 •

D.R.P. MUZIK, Natural Habitz • Bring it home for the Community Kitchen with donations. $5 with donation, $7 without. 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

EVENT Sleeping Beauty • Bolshoi performs classic. $20. Majestic 12, 311 Broad St. (423) 826-2375. • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 • The Pulse • 13

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14 • The Pulse • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 •






King Of The Southside Who’s Ready To Step Up? By Tara V So it is almost time for the end of the world—I mean, 2012. We made it through 11/11/11 (which mirrors my Hair of the Dog tab this weekend) and are on to start our new fears of and laughter at strange numerological expressions. During the past few years of being involved with local music, I have discovered that we have our own strange equations—and others who have been here longer than I have understand completely. Some of our favorite local bands have taken semi-permanent breaks, are moving on to play larger markets—or simply didn’t make it. But there are more people coming through the city, proving that with death comes life, when one door closes another opens, if the sun sets it is sure to rise, and Raenbow Station shit happens for a reason…the whole hoopla. time for you to get in and see who these artIf you are not careful, as a performer in our city it ists are and choose the third semi-finalist. becomes easy to have this never-ending life of playing Two have made it already, The John Truitt every night at the same place, becoming over-exposed. Band and Finesse. I spoke with Matt Busby Then there is the other side—not playing enough and of The CampHouse, and as this is the last putting yourself in the underexposed category, as in show before the finals on December 2, he my next analogy of the week, “damned if you do and feels that Saturday will be the most competdamned if you don’t”. Finding the balance of performitive and diverse showing as far as genres. ing is an art in itself. Deciding how many times you Bands this week include The Cadillac Saints play a month, in and out of town, to keep people inof Chattanooga and North Georgia, Ezell terested is an intricate process. That’s my thought as of Nashville, Raenbow Station out of CovI head out to The CampHouse to watch not only an enant College and The Family Gardener of old favorite, but three new local and regional bands UTC. Each band plays 25-minute set and is fight for The King Of The Southside title this Saturday allowed one cover. Judging will be tallied by night. We need all the help filling our local halls that a panel of judges, who will create a composwe can get—so remember, “You are the future.” And ite score based on musical ability, originality that will end my slew of motivational quotes for this and of course, crowd approval. Come on out week. Saturday and bring your friends and family If you’re not familiar with The CampHouse, it’s loto learn more about some great new bands cated at 1427 Williams Street on the Southside, downto the area—and see who will be crowned town. Though it is a smaller venue, the boys who own The King of The Southside—or Queen? If and manage the building are from New York, and have you have a band or upcoming show let us put all of their energy into making it a great area for know! We are ready to hear about you. I recording and playing to an open, relaxed-style room mean, it is kinda my job. of music enthusiasts. This is their first year organizEmail story ideas to tara@brewermediaing I Am The King Of The Southside, A Battle of the Bands. We are into the third week—but there is still

I Am The King of The Southside Semi-Finals Featuring Cadillac Saints, Ezell, Raenbow Station, The Family Gardener $7 • 7:30 p.m. Saturday, November 19 The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 • The Pulse • 15


Outfit the cyclist on your list with the finest in accessories this season

gift guide Cycle Sport Concepts

516 E. Main St. 423.531.7623 Mon,-Sat. 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.



Cooler weather is here and Cycle Sport Concepts has you covered from head to toe. For those of you who commute to work we have apparel to keep you warm, lights to keep you safe, and locks to keep your bike secure. In addition to the gear, bicycles that are perfect for the downtown commute or riding down the Riverpark are in stock starting as low as $380! A. Specialized Balaclava • $30 B. Specialized BG Gel Wiretap glove • $45 C. Specialized Street Smart Helmet • $60 D. Knog Frog Strobe • $25 pair or $12.50 each E. Knog Party Frank lock • $20

• New bicycles purchased from Cycle Sport Concepts come with a lifetime of free tune-ups. • Ask about Specialized S-Card financing and our layaway program. • As always, all bicycles are below MSRP! Bring this ad with you and receive a FREE Grand Opening water bottle while supplies last!


HIS+HERS gift guide Lesha Patterson Photography


How much too you have to see to know she’s beautiful? Four girls go to dinner for a girls’ night out. One mentions “boudoir” photography. Two girls gasp. The other smiles, a little smirk. “What?” asks one. “Nothin’,” says the girl. Unique, creative and armed with a “license to be eclectic,” Patterson’s vibe has been described as “contagious” and “addictive” by her subjects. “I strive to make every session as unique as the individual while keeping it simple and fresh,” she says, “to let the personality shine above all else, creating a personally timeless image.” Patterson specializes in boudoir, tasteful nudes and ‘pin-up girl’-style sessions, which are considered on the fringe of society’s acceptable behavior—but every woman secretly wants to try it once in her life. “I keep it simple, classy, and timeless,” she says. “Most women say it’s empowering. Afterwards they feel giddy, buzzed, sexy and beautiful. You go through a transformation and you take it with you.” To arrange a private consultation for your intimate photo session, contact Lesha at (423) 667-7533.

16 • The Pulse • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 •

HIS+HERS gift guide Ignis Glass Studio

1800 Rossville Ave. 423.265.2565

Blow your own glass ornament Ignis Glass Studio and Gallery is opening the studio for the holiday season to let the public come in and blow their own heirloom glass ornament. This is the perfect holiday experience for family, friends and even large groups to experience what it is like to actually participate in the 2,000-year-old art of glass blowing. Participants will choose their own colors, help work the piece and actually capture their own breath in glass. Appointments are available through December 23rd. Visitors may also check out the gallery sale where individual glass items over $100 are 50% off and items under $100 are 10% off through December 23rd.



All indvidual glass items

50% OFF 10% OFF items over $100

items under $100

Offer excludes non-glass items and blow-your-own ornaments. Not valid with any other offer. Expires 12/23/11

HIS+HERS gift guide Southern Surgical Arts

One North Shore 200 Manufacturers Road Suite 105 423.266.3331

This holiday, give the gift of beauty Southern Surgical Arts is the cosmetic surgery practice of Carey Nease, M.D., and Chad Deal, M.D. You’ll notice that our surgeons deliver surgical expertise that is combined with artistic ability in a personal, caring environment from the moment you walk into our office. Drs. Nease and Deal are both Board Certified Cosmetic Surgeons. Their practice at Southern Surgical Arts is 100 percent committed, focused, dedicated to cosmetic surgery. They do nothing else but face and neck lifts, cosmetic breast surgery, tummy tucks, liposuction and SmartLipo, mommy makeovers, vaginal rejuvenation and other cosmetic procedures and services that can enhance your appearance and improve your self-confidence. • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 • The Pulse • 17

Highway 58

4921 Hwy. 58 • 423-894-4633

3502 Ringgold Rd. • 423-698-7511

East Ridge

Signal Mtn.

2000 Taft Hwy. • 423-517-0177


8531 Hixson Pike • 423-842-0197


990 25th Street NW • 423-478-2544

East Brainerd

8164 E. Brainerd Rd. • 423-892-0112


5906 Lee Hwy. • 423-899-96981870


9231 Lee Hwy. • 423-238-6061


2700 Broad St. • 423-265-8271

Ringgold, GA

100 Helpful Place • 706-935-2231

18 • The Pulse • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 •

Red Bank

Dayton Blvd. • 423-877-9006


512 S. Main St. • 706-638-1732


36 Gen. Johnson Ave. • 706-375-2111



y Tuesda Every od nderwo U y o r T ay Thursd Every ins ” Hopk g n i n t igh Billy “L v. 18 Fri. No y Shine Monke v. 19 Sat. No ct h Diale Smoot




Landscape Painting with Brett Weaver November 19 & 20 • 9 a.m. - 5 p.m. Register online or by phone

201 West Main St • Chattanooga, TN 423.266.2712 • Check our website for updates & new class schedules.

Between the Sleeves Mannequin Hollowcaust Household Accidents (Chaotic Underworld) Noise albums can be like zombie movies; you’ve got your enormous, monolithic, punishing walls-of-noise—let’s call them the slow-moving zombies—and then you’ve got the piercing, unstable, volatile kind of musical horror—let’s call them the fastmoving zombies. The new sonic assault from Patrik Dougherty, the one-man-band Mannequin Hollowcaust, falls squarely in the latter camp, unleashing a beast that shifts with every piece, with many more ideas than expected from a noise album. Household Accidents is a 22-track thrashing that packs a wallop into just over a halfhour, with both analog and digital violence, ultra-distorted shouts, and low-fidelity fuzz treatments that are ominous and disquieting. Although Mannequin Hollowcaust is carving out its own territory, two precursors come to mind. The first is Throbbing Gristle, the mind-bending British industrial forebearers, and the second is Wolf Eyes, the noise-terrorist Michigan band; however, Mannequin Hollowcaust’s material has a greater sense of urgency, going for visceral, aural jabs from improvised prison-made shivs. “Scourge Report” pulses intensely like a jackhammer-powered car alarm, pierced with ear-splitting feedback bursts, and “Impale, She Said” captures the dying cry of suffering electronic equipment, featuring high-frequency squeals and hums with varying timbres, somewhat reminiscent of mid-20th century musique concrete sound artists but more disturbing. The album’s closing number uses an unsettling John Goodman sample from The Big Lebowski to great effect, among the disorder and machine-gun digital percussion, capturing his unhinged moment with awe of his fury yet delivered with a slight smirk. Terror and horror are two distinct things; terror is a sense of fear, while horror is the feeling evoked by an atrocity. Translated into the musical realm, terror is the buildup while horror is the release. Household Accidents manages to smash terror and horror together, with brutal and abrupt cycles of tension followed by explosions, leaving the listener shaken and covered with debris. —Ernie Paik • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 • The Pulse • 19

Chattanooga Live Thur 11.17

Thursday • November 17

Elk Milk • Dead Rabbits Friday • November 18 Blair Crimmins and the Hookers Holy Smokes Megan Jean and the KFB Saturday • November 19 Christabel and the Jons Saturine Tales Sunday • November 20 Chris Strata G Natural Habitz Tuesday • November 22 Comedy Buffet featuring Louis Katz

Sushi Bar Restaurant Nightclub 409 Market Street 423.756.1919






FRI sat













Party on Two Floors!

1st Floor: Live Music • 2nd Floor: Dancing

Kaki King, The Alexanders 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. Elk Milk, The Dirty Lungs, Dead Rabbits 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. jjsbohemia Jimmy Dormire and the Infinite Line 8 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956. The Stratoblasters 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd. (423) 499-5055. John Hiatt 9 p.m. Track 29, 1400 Market St, Choo Choo Campus. (423) 266-5000. Fifth On The Floor, Blackfoot Gypsies, Blake Morrison 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192. Jordan Hallquist 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pk. DJ Wick-It The Instagator 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.

Fri 11.18 Jordan Hallquist 8 p.m. T-Bones Cafe, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. Downstream 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Dr., Ringgold.

20 • The Pulse • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 •


• PA’s psychedelic rockers Doctor Dog just want some hoagies • 9 p.m. • Friday 11.18 • $15 advance. $17 day of show • Track 29 1400 Market St. • (423) 521-2929 • (706) 965-2065. Chattanooga Songwriter’s Festival 8 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956. Mark Andrews 8 p.m. The Delta Queen, 100 River St. (423) 468-4500. Priscilla and Lil Ricky 8:30 p.m. The Foundry (at the Chattanoogan Hotel), 1201 Broad St. (423) 756-3400. Dr. Dog 9 p.m. Track 29, 1400 Market St, Choo Choo Campus. (423) 266-5000 Blair Crimmins and The Hookers 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. jjsbohemia Patrick Scott Band 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. jimstriker Monkey Shine 9 p.m. Southside Saloon and Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. Danimal 9 p.m. The Office (inside Days Inn), 901 Carter St.

(423) 634-9191. Find them on Facebook. American Aquarium 10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. Find them on Facebook. Appetite For Destruction 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. Mark “Porkchop” Holder 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pk. (423) 266-1996. The Fried Chicken Trio 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878.

Sat 11.19 Every Word A Prophecy, Face All Fears, Cognitive Atrophy, Controlling Evolution

6 p.m. The Warehouse, 412 Market St. (423) 757-1569. Sparky & Rhonda Rucker 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. Jeni and Billy 8 p.m. Charles and Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. Channing Wilson 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Dr., Ringgold. (706) 965-2065. Chattanooga Songwriter’s Festival 8 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956. Mark Andrews 8 p.m. The Delta Queen, 100 River St. (423) 468-4500.

901 Carter St (Inside Days Inn) 423-634-9191

Regular Gigs Ben Friberg Trio Thur.-Fri. 7:30 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St., (423) 634-0260.

Ben Friberg Trio Wednesdauys 7 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253.

Jimmy Harris

Wed.-Sat. 7 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd. (423) 499-5055.

Open Mic Night

Thursdays 7:30 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081.

Blues Jam with Rick Rushing Thursdays 7:30 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St., (423) 634-0260.

Gentleman’s Jazz Quartet

Thursdays 8 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd. (423) 499-5055.

Johnny Cash Tribute Band

Fri.-Sat. 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000.

Irish Music Session

Sundays 3 p.m. The Honest

Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192.

Thursday, Nov. 17: 9pm

Mondays 6 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. Find them on Facebook.


Comedy Night

Friday, Nov. 18: 9pm

Mountain Music

Saturday, Nov. 19: 9pm

John Sharpe

Sunday, Nov. 20

Music Monday

Mondays 7 p.m. Pasha Coffee and Tea,3914 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 475-5482.

Big Band Night

Mondays 8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd. (423) 499-5055.

Open Mic with Mike McDade

Tuesdays 8 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pk. (423) 266-1996.

Troy Underwood Tuesdays 8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St., (423) 757-4730.

Prime Cut Trio

Wednesdays 8 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd. (423) 499-5055.

DJ ScubaSteve’s Jenntastic Wednesdays Wednesdays 9 p.m. Holiday Bowl, 5518 Brainerd Rd. (423) 899-2695.

Sunday Night Football • $5 Pitchers PULSE PICK Kaki King • The Alexanders

• “Traveling Freak Guitar Show” hits town 8 p.m. • Thursday 11.17 • $18.50 advance, $20 door • Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 • Full Moon Crazies, Mr. Synyster 8 p.m. Ziggy’s Underground, 607 1/2 Cherokee Bvld. (423) 265-8711. Priscilla and Lil Ricky 8:30 p.m. The Foundry (at the Chattanoogan Hotel), 1201 Broad St. (423) 756-3400. Thompson Square 9 p.m. Track 29, 1400 Market St, Choo Choo Campus. (423) 266-5000 Smooth Dialects 9 p.m. Southside Saloon and Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. Christabel and the Jons, Saturnine Tales 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. jjsbohemia Critty Upchurch 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market

St. (423) 756-1919. jimstriker John Sharpe 9 p.m. The Office (inside Days Inn), 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191. Find them on Facebook. Soul Crush, Melissa Fuller & Chad Carlson 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.

Sun 11.20 Randle 12:30 p.m. Chattanooga Market, 1829 Carter St. (423) 648-2496. chattamarket Bluebilly Grit 2 p.m. Chattanooga Market, 1829 Carter St. (423) 648-2496. chattamarket King Louie’s Missing Monuments, Future Virgins, Fastboys MIA 9 p.m. Sluggo’s North Vegetarian Cafe, 501 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 752-5224. Find them on Facebook. The Molly Maguires 8 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192. D.R.P. MUZIK, Natural Habitz, Strata-G, King Diggy 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. jjsbohemia

Wed 11.23 Casey Adams Band 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Dr., Ringgold. (706) 965-2065. Bud Lightning 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. Lord T & Eloise, John Perry 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192. The Velcro Pygmies 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.

Tuesday, Nov. 22

Server Appreciation Night

$5 Pitchers • $2 Wells • $1.50 Domestics

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks! Stop by & check out our daily specials! Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

Nightly Specials

Send live music listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@ • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 • The Pulse • 21






3 0 1 w. 2 5 T H S T. • T U E - S AT 1 0 - 6 2 6 7 . 7 8 4 7 • T H E R U G R AC K . C O M 6020 Shallow ford Road, Ste 100 M i l l e r M o tt e S p a . c o m

Detox Foot Bath for $25 (reg. $30) $5 for any spa body treatment such as our Full Body Salt Scrub or Masque (reg. $45) Shampoo, Cut and Style for $8 (reg. $10) Permanent Color for $20 (reg $25) Chemical Peel Treatment for Face: $50 (reg. $60)


423.954.1264 SALON:


Now offering Eyelash Tinting for $10! Please think of us for your daughter’s birthday with a Glamour Tea Party for her and her friends! Or take a ladies day out, where you can choose 3 or more services and receive a package discount.

22 • The Pulse • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 •

Art of the City

Remembrance of Things Not Past By Janis Hashe “As for modern journalism, it is not my business to defend it. It justifies its own existence by the great Darwinian principle of the survival of the vulgarest.” Oscar Wilde “The Critic As Artist” The great playwright, poet, novelist and wit Oscar Wilde was none too fond of journalists. And with good reason—the “penny dreadful” Victorian press was every bit as vicious, relentless and unconcerned with the truth as the current tabloids. Rupert Murdoch would have been in his element. So when these papers scented blood in the water after the debacle of Wilde’s attempt to sue the Marquis of Queensberry for libel—a trial fueled by Douglas’s son (and Wilde’s lover) Alfred’s maniacal hatred for his father—they circled and struck, eager to tear holes in a man who disdained them. In a way, it was the first “celebrity trial”, and the two that followed, with Wilde himself in the dock charged with “gross indecency”, were mined for every bit of salacious testimony. Wilde was first and foremost a subversive and his legacy survives—conservatives’ paranoia over the NEA, NPR and public television provides ample proof of that. “There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book,” he wrote. “A book is either well written or badly written. That is all.” Pretty dangerous stuff to their way of thinking, and no less so now. His three trials, and the events that led up to them, are the basis for Moises Kaufman’s 1997 play Gross Indecency: The Three Trials of Oscar Wilde, playing the Chattanooga Theatre Centre’s Circle Stage for one more weekend. This complex and challenging work—challenging to stage, to act, and for the audience to immerse itself in—receives a deft and respectful handling from director George Quick. Once again, I salute the CTC for staging work that asks viewers to defy stereotypes and think, and this show’s last weekend deserves to be a sell-out. Kaufman’s play interweaves actual trial excerpts with quotes from many other sources: autobiographies, both published and unpublished, Wilde’s prison opus De

Profundis, and, of course, contemporary press accounts. With four exceptions, the all-male cast plays multiple roles, changing with only brief introductions. The first act of this production requires concentration, especially for those not already familiar with the events of Wilde’s life. But the second act catches fire, as Kaufman shrewdly inserts a scene in which a modern-day academic tries to dissect both Wilde’s sexuality and explain that he was on trial less for his sexual “offenses” than for his views on art. From this point on, as the impending tragedy ramps up, it’s riveting. Quick has staged the play with threequarter seating, and though this causes occasional awkward moments when an actor talks directly to one part of the audience, shutting the other two parts out, it allows for flexible, fluid movement in what is essentially a static setting: the court room. All the real-life major players in this drama have their say: “The screaming scarlet Marquis”, an unbalanced, violent man who left the infamous card at Wilde’s club inscribed “To Oscar Wilde, posing somdomite” (sic); his beautiful but chip-off-the-old-monster son, Lord Alfred “Bosie” Douglas; the several barristers; the rent boys, paraded one after another on the stand. And of course, Wilde himself, at first successfully disarming the court with epigrams, (“Never mind your doctor’s orders,” commands the in-

terrogating counsel. “I never do,” Wilde replies), but flippantly and fatally noting that he did not kiss a particular young man because “he was a peculiarly plain boy.” As Wilde, Randal Fosse evokes the artist’s stature (he was 6’ 3”), and for the most part commands his language very well. His eyes, as he gazes at the lover who will be his downfall, are expressive and full of poignancy. I would have liked to see a little more of Wilde’s penchant for the theatrical in the first trial—everything is very subdued and mannered in Fosse’s performance—but his approach is a consistent, deeply felt choice. LeBron Benton once more proves what a versatile actor he is with his dignified, honorable Sir Edward Carson, Wilde’s barrister through all three trials. It’s R. Clay Johnson in multiple roles who is most memorable. He portrays the modern academic dynamically, as well as one of the narrators, and, in the most scandalous of the rent-boy vignettes, Charles Parker, admitting to “gross indecencies” with Cockney cheerfulness. The rest of the cast—Jake Waters, Jerry Draper, John Hammons, Will Park, Justin Young and Joshua Harrell—all handle their roles well also. There are dialect inconsistencies, but that’s a minor point indeed considering the dedication the material demands. Wilde was condemned to two years’ hard labor after the third trial. He spent the few remaining years of his life in France, never saw his wife and two sons again, and died penniless. He never wrote another play. What lingers after Gross Indecency is over is not only an ache for what was without question lost to us, but for what continues to be lost today. “Society often forgives the criminal,” Wilde wrote. “It never forgives the dreamer.” Gross Indecency: The Three Trials of Oscar Wilde $18 8 p.m., Friday, November 18 and Saturday, November 19 Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Circle Stage, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 • The Pulse • 23

Arts & Entertainment Thur 11.17 Deck The Falls 8 a.m. Ruby Falls, 1720 S Scenic Hwy. (423) 821-2544. YMCA Christmas Gift Market 10 a.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. (423) 756-0001 Autumn Color Cruise 2 p.m. River Gorge Explorer, 1 Broad St. (423) 265-0698. Diversity Thanksgiving 5:30 p.m. Volkswagen Academy Conference Center, 7469 Enterprise South Blvd, (423) 894-0400 First Impressions: A Moving Experience 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. Mystery of the TV Talk Show 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. Demon Fish: Understanding Our Relationship with Sharks 7 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (423) 648-2496. 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4269. Live Team Trivia 7:30 p.m. T-Bones Sports Cafe, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. Killer Beaz 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch,

24 • The Pulse • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 •

3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

Fri 11.18

Deck The Falls 8 a.m. Ruby Falls, 1720 S Scenic Hwy. (423) 821-2544. YMCA Christmas Gift Market 10 a.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. (423) 756-0001 Autumn Color Cruise 2 p.m. River Gorge Explorer, 1 Broad St. (423) 265-0698. Harriet Chipley’s New, Old, Borrowed & Blue 5 p.m. Saint Paul’s Episcopal Church, 305 West 7th St. at Pine (423) 266-8195 North Pole Limited 5:45 p.m. Chattanooga Grand Junction, 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-8028. Born to be Wild 3D 6, 8 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. Enchanted Garden of Lights 6 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mountain, GA. (800) 854-0675. Green Fire: Aldo Leopold and a Land Ethic for Our Time 7 p.m. Chattanooga Arboretum and Nature Center, 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160. Tornado Alley 3D 7, 9 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St.

(800) 265-0695. Mystery of Flight 138 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. Killer Beaz 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. The Giver 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141. 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4269. North Pole Limited 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Grand Junction, 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-8028. Gross Indecency: The Three Trials of Oscar Wilde 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. CSO Opera: Amahl & the Night Visitors 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5050.

PULSE PICK Alysia Wood • From the hot Seattle comedy scene comes the hot Wood. $12. 10:30 p.m. Vaudeville Comedy Cafe, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839.

Live Team Trivia 9 p.m. Amigo’s Mexican Restaurant, 5450 Hwy 153. (423) 875-8049. Stand Up Comedy! Alysia Wood 9:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210.

Sat 11.19 Deck The Falls 8 a.m. Ruby Falls, 1720 S Scenic Hwy. (423) 821-2544. Winter Wonders Exhibit 10 a.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 6486043. cd- YMCA Christmas Gift Market 10 a.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. (423) 756-0001 Helping Hands Exhibit 10 a.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 648-6043. Kappa Delta 2nd Annual War of the Wings 10:30 a.m. First Tennesee Pavilion, 1826 Reggie White Blvd. (423) 266-4041 Author Cindy C. Harris Signs Raoke and the Camp Raid 11 a.m. Lifeway Christian Stores, 2200 Hamilton Place Blvd. (423) 893-3290. Art till Dark Noon. 40 Frazier Ave. (423) 413-8999.

Chattanooga’s Premier Dance Facility Monday ~ Friday 10 a.m. ~ 7 p.m. Saturday 10 a.m. ~ 4 p.m.

423.531.8929 Come in for Chattanooga’s largest selection of dancewear and accessories!

6435 Lee Highway (Second Floor) in the old McKay building Chattanooga

Autumn Color Cruise 12:30, 3 p.m. River Gorge Explorer, 1 Broad St. (423) 265-0698. The Giver 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141. Mystery at the Nightmare Office Party 5:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. Enchanted Garden of Lights 6 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mountain, GA. (800) 854-0675. Chattanooga Roller Girls vs. Little Roller Girls 6 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. (423) 756-0001 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4269. Killer Beaz 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. North Pole Limited 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Grand Junction, 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-8028. Gross Indecency: The Three Trials of Oscar Wilde 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. Mystery at the Redneck-Italian Wedding 8 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. Lantern Tours

8:30 p.m. Ruby Falls, 1720 S Scenic Hwy. (423) 821-2544. Stand Up Comedy! Alysia Wood 10:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839.

Sun 11.20 Deck The Falls 8 a.m. Ruby Falls, 1720 S Scenic Hwy. (423) 821-2544. Screening of the Bolshoi Ballet’s Sleeping Beauty 10 a.m. Majestic 12, 311 Broad St. (423) 826-2375. Chattanooga Market: Chattanooga Chili 11 a.m. First Tennesee Pavilion, 1826 Reggie White Blvd. North Pole Limited 5:45 p.m. Chattanooga Grand Junction, 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-8028. Enchanted Garden of Lights 6 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mountain, GA. (800) 854-0675.

Mon 11.21 Deck The Falls 8 a.m. Ruby Falls, 1720 S Scenic Hwy. (423) 821-2544. Autumn Color Cruise 2 p.m. River Gorge Explorer, 1 Broad St. (423) 265-0698. Enchanted Garden of Lights 6 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mountain, GA. (800) 854-0675.

Tue 11.22 Deck The Falls

8 a.m. Ruby Falls, 1720 S Scenic Hwy. (423) 821-2544. Special Thanksgiving Market Main St. at Williams St. Autumn Color Cruise 2 p.m. River Gorge Explorer, 1 Broad St. (423) 265-0698. Enchanted Garden of Lights 6 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mountain, GA. (800) 854-0675. Songwriter’s Line-up 7 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. Saintsgiving 7 p.m. The Crash Pad, 29 Johnson St. (423) 648-8393. UTC Orchestra with Bob Bernhardt 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4645.

Wed 11.23 Deck The Falls 8 a.m. Ruby Falls, 1720 S Scenic Hwy. (423) 821-2544. Autumn Color Cruise 2 p.m. River Gorge Explorer, 1 Broad St. (423) 265-0698. Enchanted Garden of Lights 6 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mountain, GA. (800) 854-0675. Live Team Trivia 7:30 p.m. Buffalo Wild Wings, 120 Market St. (423) 634-0468.

Email calendar items to: • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 • The Pulse • 25

Downtown Chattanooga’s frozen yogurt destination

We offer the most flavors of anywhere in Chattanooga. Be sure to stop in to try our 10 different flavors. Our frozen yogurt is gluten-free*!! We also offer 50+ toppings!

Sunday-Thursday 11 am to10 pm Friday-Saturday 11 am to 11 pm


john devore

The Man Who Was Filled With Green Fire Green Fire: Aldo Leopold and a Land Ethic for Our Time 7 pm. • $8 Friday, November 18 Chattanooga Arboretum and Nature Center, 400 Garden Road. (423) 821-1160. Running time: 73 minutes

401 Broad Street (corner of 4th and Broad Street)

423.475.5192 *All our flavors except Cookies ’n Creme and Snickerdoodle are gluten-free.

26 • The Pulse • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 •

I recently had the unfortunate experience of driving to Illinois for a few days. This isn’t because I dread my wife’s family; quite the opposite in fact. The drive, which is long, isn’t the issue either. Instead, I hate the way nothingness creeps into the landscape along I-24, how the sky suddenly opens into an expanse of loneliness and cornstalks. We have farmland here in Tennessee Valley, but it seems to be in constant battle with the mountains that surround it. Nature here fights back with a tenacity that the Illinois prairie lacks. Man has dominated the Land of Lincoln, creating an unnatural skyline filled with granaries, empty fields and squat farm equipment for miles in every direction. Jim Pfitzer, local storyteller, understands this sentiment. “I remember riding in the car with my family one late evening when I was young—maybe 10 years old—and looking out the window at bright neon lights, asphalt, and power lines, seeing no sign of anything natural and being deeply saddened,” he says. “At that age I didn’t have words for my sadness, but I sensed that we had somehow gotten away from something important, that a connection to our world was somehow broken.” Years later, Jim discovered the writings of conservationist Aldo Leopold. “Leopold told me it was not only OK to feel the way I did, but right. He gave me license for my passion,” Pfitzer says. That passion led him to research Leopold in depth, participating in the Aldo Leopold Foundation’s Land Ethic Leadership program. While developing a one-man show about Leopold, Jim acquired the rights to a documentary about his

philosophy and brought it to Chattanooga. Green Fire: Aldo Leopold and a Land Ethic for Our Time is a discussion of the idea of the land ethic and an exploration of the man who coined the term. The documentary is a celebration of a revered conservationist and pioneer. Leopold is spoken of in hushed tones, venerated by his followers. We see many pilgrims visiting his shack in Sand County, WI, carrying dog-eared copies of this writings, reciting favorite passages with bowed heads and quiet devotion. The filmmakers throw themselves into the subject matter with deep love and heartfelt abandon. There are scores of interviews with conservationists, foresters, landowners and academics, all breathlessly praising Leopold for his vision of man/land relationships. Largely framed around Leopold’s life, this isn’t an artful documentary or one that seeks to establish itself beyond its subject. It is content with exuberantly sharing the story of Leopold with its audience. The story of Leopold is a love story between one man and the natural world. His ideas were wide reaching and influential. Of course, before this documentary I had never heard of him. He founded the science of wildlife management and was the foundation for the development of modern environmental ethics. His “land ethic” is difficult to define because of the vastness of the subject. Of it, Leopold says, “The land ethic simply enlarges the boundaries of the community to include soils, waters, plants, and animals, or collectively: the land.” He would undoubtedly oppose the practices of fracking and blowing the tops off of mountains for coal. Pfitzer says he brought the film to Chattanooga because it is a “city trying to identify itself as a green city and a leader in environmentally responsible development.” “I’m glad I shall never be young without wild country to be wild in,” Leopold says in “Green Fire”. I grew up in a small subdivision in a small town and was lucky to be forced outside by frazzled parents to play. My best friend and I explored the muddy banks of rivers surrounding our small collection of houses. We chased mudskippers in creeks. We followed dogs through deep green underbrush searching for places we hadn’t yet seen. We are better people for it. “Green Fire” is not a perfect documentary by any means. But it reminded me of places I had forgotten and memories worth remembering. It exposes the audience to important ideas and raises awareness about the natural world. The film achieves the goals it created for itself—and by that measure alone is a success and worth seeing.

Sushi & Biscuits


Soul (Food) Man Let’s just get this out of the way: I love my Southern food heritage and the soul food I grew up eating. The culinary traditions that come from this background played a huge part in the development of my love for all foods, even the unusual and exotic. This column will primarily focus on the less-obvious elements of the Chattanooga food scene—but I have to start by recognizing a cuisine that is commonly associated with Chattanooga: soul food. Recently, the Bethlehem Center’s new restaurant, Beth Bistro, hosted culinary writer and soul food historian Adrian Miller. The event included a soul food tasting menu with some of the most iconic foods in that genre, prepared by Beth Bistro’s staff. Miller, a former Clinton White House special assistant, gave an engaging history of soul food that included background on slave foods, the origin of red drinks, modern interpretations of soul food, and the gradual decline of pork usage in soul food. Beth Bistro acknowledges and honors the long tradition of soul food in the South, without being heavy-handed with the salt and fat. The chicken is juicy, the mac & cheese is gooey, and the brightly flavored lemon pound cake shows somebody there definitely knows the power of lemon zest. While the café is a little off the beaten path, the food at the Beth Bistro is worth the trip to 200 West 38th to help out the Bethlehem center and taste comfort food just like Granny made. Read more about Miller’s presentation on the history of soul food and my longer article on soul food in Chattanooga at Hot off the griddle… • Taqueria Jalisco opened a brick-andmortar storefront at 1634 Rossville Avenue across from Zarzours. They have breakfast! (More to come in future articles.) • Mean Mug Coffeehouse is taking up shop in the old Hiroshi’s building. RIP Hiroshi’s, you are sorely missed. • Coming soon to Chattanooga: a Taste of Argentina—authentic Argentinean food (bring on the chimichurri sauce). Mike McJunkin is a foodie, chef, musician and, in his spare time, keeps our computers and networks running smoothly. Got a tip for the column? Email him at


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No Delivery or Personal Checks • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 • The Pulse • 27

Free Will Astrology ARIES

(March 21-April 19): If you go into a major art museum that displays Europe’s great oil paintings, you’ll find that virtually every masterpiece is surrounded by an ornate wooden frame, often painted gold. Why? To me, the enclosure is distracting and unnecessary. Why can’t I just enjoy the arresting composition on the naked canvas, unburdened by the overwrought excess? I urge you to take my approach in the coming weeks, Aries. Push and even fight to get the goodies exactly as they are, free of all the irrelevant filler, extraneous buffers, and pretentious puffery.


(April 20-May 20): “Judge a moth by the beauty of its candle,” said the 13thcentury poet Rumi. More prosaically put: Evaluate people according to the nobility and integrity of the desires they’re obsessed with. Do you want to hang around with someone whose primary focus is to make too much money? Or would you prefer to be in a sphere of influence created by a person who longs to help alleviate suffering? It’s an excellent time to ponder these issues, Taurus—and then take action to ensure you’re surrounded by moths that favor beautiful candles.


(May 21-June 20): In Santa Cruz there used to be a nightclub that featured live rock bands on a big stage but enforced a strict policy forbidding its patrons from dancing. The one time I went there, the music was loud and infectious, and I naturally felt the urge to move in vigorous rhythm. Moments after I launched into my groove, a bouncer accosted me and forced me to stop. I think this situation has certain resemblances to the one you’re in now, Gemini. Some natural response mechanism in you is being unduly inhibited. Why should you continue to accept this?


(June 21-July 22): During the time a blue crab is growing to maturity, it is very skilled at transforming itself. It sheds its exoskeleton an average of once every 18 days for an entire year. You’re in a phase with some similarities to that period of rapid ripening, Cancerian. Your commitment to change doesn’t have to be quite as heroic, but it should be pretty vigorous. Could you manage two moltings over the course of the next 30 days? If done in a spirit of adventure, it will be liberating, not oppressively demanding.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “Prog28 • The Pulse • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 •

rob brezsny

ress isn’t made by early risers,” wrote author Robert Heinlein. “It’s made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.” That’s exactly the kind of progress you are in an excellent position to stir up in the coming weeks. The single best thing you can do to supercharge your creativity is to think of yourself as a “happy-go-lucky” person while you go around dreaming up ways to have more fun.


(Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “Our elders know you don’t find the answer by asking thousands of questions,” says an essay on the website of the environmentalist group The Last Tree. “The wise way is to ask the right question in the beginning.” I recommend this approach for you in the coming weeks, Virgo. Given the sparkly mysteriousness that now confronts you, I know you may be tempted to simultaneously try a lot of different routes to greater clarity. But the more effective strategy in the long run is to cultivate silence and stillness as you wait expectantly for the intuition that will reveal the simple, direct path.


(Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In a review of James Gleick’s book The Information: A History, a Theory, a Flood, The Week magazine reported that “the world now produces more information in 48 hours than it did throughout all human history to 2003.” From that dizzying factoid, we can infer that you are more inundated with data than were all of your ancestors put together. You are in a phase when you’ll be asked to absorb and integrate a voluminous amount of interesting stuff. Don’t be hard on yourself if you need to slow down to digest what you’ve been taking in.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In his poem “Ode to the Present,” Pablo Neruda tells us how to slip free and clear into the luxuriously potent opportunity of the present moment. “Take a saw to its delicious wooden perfume,” he continues, and then “build a staircase. Yes, a staircase. Climb into the present, step by step, press your feet onto the resinous wood of this moment, going up, going up, not very high . . . Don’t go all the way to heaven. Reach for apples, not the clouds.” It’s a perfect time to learn more about the magic of the present moment as you free yourself from “the unrepairable past.” SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22Dec. 21): Seminal psychologist Carl Jung wasn’t afraid of applying his scholarly analytical skills

to the phenomena of pop culture. Late in life, he even wrote a thoughtful book on UFOs called Flying Saucers: A Modern Myth of Things Seen in the Skies. To be as thorough as he could possibly be about such an elusive subject, he wrote an afterword to his main argument, to which he added an epilogue, followed by a concluding supplement. I hope that you are as scrupulous in wrapping up loose ends in the coming week, Sagittarius. As you seek resolution and completion, go well beyond the bare minimum.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22Jan. 19): A great deal of land in the Netherlands has been reclaimed from the sea by human effort. But the system of dikes that holds back the primal flow is not a foolproof or permanent guarantee against flooding. That’s why more and more people are building homes that can float if they have to. “We are actually trying to move away from fighting against the water,” says architect Koen Olthuis. “We are beginning to make friends with the water.” I recommend you adopt this as a useful metaphor, Capricorn. During the coming months, you should be doing a lot of foundation work. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):

According to my old philosophy professor Norman O. Brown, “Our real choice is between holy and unholy madness: open your eyes and look around you— madness is in the saddle anyhow.” Let’s take this hypothesis as our starting point, Aquarius. I propose that in the coming weeks you make an effort to get more accustomed to and comfortable with the understanding that the entire world is in the throes of utter lunacy. Once you are at peace with that, I hope you will commit yourself to the sacred kind of lunacy—the kind that bestows wild blessings of outlandish pleasure.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): It won’t be enough to simply maintain your current levels of strength, clarity, and intelligence in the coming weeks. To keep up with the rapidly evolving trends swirling and around you, you will have to push to get stronger, clearer, and smarter. Don’t worry, the universe will be conspiring to help you accomplish it all. To trigger the boost you’ll need, imagine that you have a reservoir of blue liquid lightning in the place between your heart and gut. Picture yourself drawing judiciously from that high-octane fuel as you need it, bringing it first to your heart and then to your brain.

Jonesin’ Crossword

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matt jones

We will meet or beat any advertised price in Chattanooga!

Across 1. Cop’s ID 6. Like a fairy tale piper 10. Jason’s ship 14. “Like ___” (Grateful Dead song) 15. Capital on a fjord 16. Give praise to 17. It gets seated at the dentist 18. 3/4, colloquially 20. She untied the knot from Kris Humphries after 72 days 22. Days before holidays 23. “Oh no! A rat!” 24. Type of shark or shrimp 27. Wine list adjective 28. Subject for EMT training 29. “Blah blah blah” 31. “Hold on Tight” group 32. Chinese-born actress ___ Ling 33. Frame you pass through 35. Singer who at age 22 got married in Vegas, then filed an annulment 55 hours later 38. “Don’t move until I get back”

39. Utter 40. Do the math 41. Org. on toothpaste boxes 42. Jerry’s chaser 43. Police radio report 46. “Drag Me to Hell” director Sam 48. Life force 49. “The Lion King” bad guy 50. She was married to Dennis Rodman for nine days in 1998 54. Goes overboard with the emotion 56. Parks and Acosta 57. Packet at a drivethru 58. Airport terminal area 59. Tablets that can’t be swallowed 60. “South Park” cocreator Parker 61. “Leave in,” to a proofreader 62. Merry Pranksters member Ken

time 5. Krabappel of “The Simpsons” 6. Skier’s layer 7. “Wicked Game” singer Chris 8. Letter-shaped building wings 9. “The lady ___ protest too much, methinks” 10. Asian mountain range 11. Stuff worn in a storm 12. Underside-of-thedesk gunk 13. Poem variety 19. Spot-removing agent 21. Was worried 25. Shade trees 26. Old school hip-hop singer ___ Base 28. They may be swept off pet owners’ couches 29. Canon camera 30. Cultivated dirt


Jonesin’ Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2011 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-6556548. Reference puzzle No. 0546.

1. Source of support 2. Get somewhere 3. Like the three marriages described in the theme answers 4. Stares for a long

32. Took a chunk out of 33. Manic Panic product 34. Conan rival 35. ___ Bing! (“The Sopranos” club) 36. Make the butt of jokes 37. “Golden” time 38. It’s good for absolutely nothing [hunh] 42. 1995 Sandra Bullock techno-thriller 43. Fulfills the role of 44. Pride event 45. Loud 47. ___ McFly of “Back to the Future” 48. Old slang for a 100-dollar bill 49. Listerine rival 51. Russian fighter jets 52. State, to the French 53. Actor Estrada 54. West Coast clock setting: abbr. 55. Dinghy need

Where the Liquor is Cheap & the Entertainment is Free • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 • The Pulse • 29

Life in the Noog

chuck crowder

You Know What I Hate? I love to complain. Who doesn’t? One of the great guilty pleasures of society is to voice our disgust towards anything or anyone who doesn’t quite live up to our unachievable standards or just plain annoys us. You know what bothers me? The uneven pavement on sidewalks around here. There’s nothing more annoying than a casual stroll abruptly interrupted by a trip over a chunk of concrete that’s been “uprooted” by a tree planted in too small an area. What were they thinking when they figured the rootball of a 15-foot-tree would fit nicely in a 3x3-foot dirt square? And brick intersections? Give me a break. Who really thought that floating individual bricks in loose sand could withstand the constant abuse of cars, trucks and pedestrians without sinking into ruts? Someone should be fired for ruining those perfectly good crosswalks. But why bother? What do I have to look forward to on the other side of the street? Twenty-something college graduates pretending to be homeless. They’re dressed in rags, backpacks on, trying to grow dreadlocks, dog on a rope leash, covered in dirt from head to toe. In fact, because of their consistent shade of filth—

coupled with their youth—I’ve nicknamed them “brownies.” It really floors me when they pull out their iPhones or I see them getting money out of the ATM. I guess “homeless” in their case simply means they aren’t home at the moment. I like to pick up the newspaper when I’m out dodging uneven pavement and ragamuffins. The Times Free Press is our local daily. Flipping to the Metro section, I notice there must not be a lot going on here in the ‘Noog. There are always a couple of intriguing stories on the front page that jump to pages further back in the section. However, when I turn the cover page, in curious a nticipation, I’m greeted on Page Two with the obit ua r ie s. Makes me think there are a lot of people starting to do

Make your holiday party worth Facebooking about. 30 • The Pulse • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 •

More locals voted for Lauren Alaina to win American Idol than will ever vote for Chuck Fleischmann during his entire political career. great things around here—but more people dying before they can achieve them. Two subjects I read a lot about in the local newspaper are Lauren Alaina and Chuck Fleischmann. Lauren Alaina, a former American Idol contestant, is adored by most everyone in the tri-state area, mainly because she hails from the tri-state area. I think if it’d been any of the other “Idol” contestants who grew up within a 30-mile radius of Chattanooga, we’d love them instead. But she’s the lucky girl-next-door whose face was present each and every week on the most watched show on television, so she’s a star in

our eyes. Good for her. Representative Chuck Fleischmann, on the other hand, has been forced to put a lot more effort into launching his own career as a rock star. Unlike Lauren Alaina, he’s not cute, perky, young and singing. Instead, Fleischmann is a wideeyed conservative kicking up dust about tax breaks he doesn’t consciously consider himself benefiting from and about how poorly President Obama is performing in office (mainly because he’s not a Republican). I’m sure former President Bush did a perfect job in Chuck’s politically-clouded judgment. Regardless, more locals voted for Lauren Alaina to win American Idol than will ever vote for Chuck Fleischmann during his entire political career—and I’m sure that bothers him as much as it does me. As an advertising writer, I pay special close attention to ads. Many local business owners find it necessary to deliver ad messages themselves, or worse, enlist their kids rather than goodlooking, articulate professional actors. I guess they feel their presence adds a “folksy,” neighborly spin to the sales pitch. But I feel it makes their ego-driven business pursuits look smalltime and exploits their children, all in the name of tugging a few

heartstrings. Plus, I can never understand what those kids are yelling anyway. It’s harder to take those obnoxious ads when our local TV stations can’t seem to level out the difference in volume between the quiet regular programming and loud commercial breaks. I don’t know if that’s a difficult request or just a task over the heads of the slackies running the equipment. I do know that we put a man on the moon more than 40 years ago, so it can’t be a lack of technology. I also don’t know who is responsible for the anchorperson’s lapel microphone on our local Fox News, but it sounds like they’re talking into their sports jackets. This annoying shortcoming did make the story of Andy Rooney’s passing inaudible, which is fine with me because I didn’t wanna hear it anyway. I just wanted to write this column in his honor. RIP to an inspiration. Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts.

3849 Dayton blvD • 423.877.1787 MonDay to thursDay • 10 aM to 10 pM friDay and saturDay • 10 aM to 11 pM • NOVEMBER 17-23, 2011 • The Pulse • 31

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