The Pulse 11.41 » October 9, 2014

The Pulse

CHATTANOOGA'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE

OCTOBER 9, 2014

HEY BUDDY...

WANT TO BUILD A REAL DROID? JUST ONE OF THE MANY THINGS TO SEE AND DO AT THE MINI MAKER FAIRE

By Rich Bailey

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Contents

The Pulse CHATTANOOGA'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE

EDITORIAL

Managing Editor Gary Poole Contributing Editor Janis Hashe

October 9, 2014 Volume 11, Issue 41

Contributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsny Madeline Chambliss • Steven Disbrow John DeVore • Matt Jones Sandra Kurtz• Marc T. Michael Tony Mraz • Angela Naeth Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib • Alex Teach Editorial Interns Maggie Hanna • Zach Nicholson Rachael Poe Cartoonists & Illustrators Rick Baldwin • Max Cannon Jen Sorenson • Tom Tomorrow

Features

Founded 2003 by Zachary Cooper & Michael Kull

ADVERTISING

4 BEGINNINGS: LWV sponsors forum on proposed amemdments.

Director of Sales Mike Baskin Account Executives Chee Chee Brown • Julie Brown Craig Glass • Rick Leavell • Lisa McVay Chester Sharp • Stacey Tyler

14 REVIEWS: Bitchin Bajas bubble, Margo Guryan remains unspoiled.

CONTACT

Offices 1305 Carter St. Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Fax 423.266.2335 Website chattanoogapulse.com Email info@chattanoogapulse.com BREWER MEDIA GROUP Publisher & President Jim Brewer II THE FINE PRINT: The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue.

The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

Contents Copyright © 2014 by Brewer Media. All rights reserved.

6

16 HALLOWEEN: Dead Girlz Tattoo Studio inks Halloween year-round.

If You Can Make It Here...

What the heck is a Maker Faire?

We’d call it the blissfully happy marriage of geekdom, shop class, the arts, and good old-fashioned crafts.

10

Beautiful and Foreboding

Mad Libre is the newest project from local wunderkind Ian Waters. Ian ought to be a familiar name given his work with Medicine Tree, Okinawa and Gorgeous.

20

The Art of Learning As You Teach

If the art world were a republic like the one in “Star Wars”, then Mike Holsomback would definitely be a Jedi Master. Chattanooga State’s drawing and painting guru is also a celebrated artist with a list of credentials too long to reprint here.

18 SHADES OF GREEN: The constant bedazzlement of trees.

24 SCREEN: Frightening Ass Film Fest is back for scary year four.

26 MIXOLOGY: In search of the perfect pumpkin beer.

28 FREE WILL ASTROLOGY 29 JONESIN’ CROSSWORD 30 ON THE BEAT: A very bad day for both police and poultry.

You complete us.

Now recruiting Media Sales Professionals to represent Chattanooga’s Alternative Newsweekly Send your resume and cover letter to: Mike Baskin, Director of Sales mikebaskin@brewermediagroup.com In the subject line, please include: Brewer Sales Position Learn more about us at BrewerMediaGroup.com.

Brewer Media is an equal opportunity employer.

brewer media everywhere. every day.

chattanoogapulse.com • october 9-15 2014 • The Pulse • 3

news • views • rants • raves

BEGINNINGS

updates » CHATTANOOGApulse.com facebook/chattanoogapulse EMAIL LOVE LETTERS, ADVICE & TRASH TALK TO INFO@CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

Get Informed For November LWV sponsors election forum on proposed state amemdments

“

Four speakers will address the state LWV’s positions on the amendments.”

If you’re like many people, you’re postponing dealing with the November election until you absolutely have to. And you may not even know what the four proposed amendments to Tennessee’s state constitution are.

Members of the newly revitalizing local chapter of the League of Women Voters would like to change that, so they are presenting a forum on the amendments on Monday, Oct. 13. Four speakers will address the state LWV’s positions on the amendments, and there will be time for questions included in the event.

The League of Women Voters is a nonpartisan organization, and its positions are determined after exhaustive study and analysis.

The proposed amendments are as follows: • Amendment 1: “Nothing in this Constitution secures or protects a right to abortion or requires the funding of an abortion. The people retain the right through their elected state representatives and state senators to enact, amend, or rejanis hashe peal statutes regarding abortion, including, but not limited to, circumstances of pregnancy resulting from rape or incest or when necessary to save the life of the mother.”

• Amendment 2: “Judges of the Supreme Court or any intermediate appellate court shall be appointed for a full term or to fill a vacancy by and at the discretion of the governor; shall be confirmed by the Legislature; and thereafter, shall be elected in a retention election by the qualified voters of the state. Confirmation by default occurs if the Legislature fails to reject an appointee within sixty calendar days of either the date of appointment, if made during the annual legislative session, or the convening date of the next annual legislative session, if made out of session. The Legislature is authorized to prescribe such provisions as may be necessary to carry out Sections two and three of this article.”

• Amendment 3: “Notwithstanding the authority to tax privileges or any other authority set forth in this Constitution, the Legislature shall not levy, authorize or otherwise permit any state or local tax upon payroll or earned personal income or any state or

Politics

4 • The Pulse • october 9-15, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

local tax measured by payroll or earned personal income; however, nothing contained herein shall be construed as prohibiting any tax in effect on January 1, 2011, or adjustment of the rate of such tax.”

• Amendment 4: Original language: “All other forms of lottery not authorized herein are expressly prohibited unless authorized by a two-thirds vote of all members elected to each house of the general assembly for an annual event operated for the benefit of a 501(c)(3) organization located in this state, as defined by the 2000 United States Tax Code or as may be amended from time to time. and by substituting instead the following language: All other forms of lottery not authorized herein are expressly prohibited unless authorized by a two-thirds vote of all members elected to each house of the general assembly for an annual event operated for the benefit of a 501(c)(3) or a 501(c)(19) organization, as defined by the 2000 United States Tax Code, located in this state.” **** League of Women Voters Amendments Forum, 5:30 p.m., Oct. 13.

Hamilton County Business Development Center, 100 Cherokee Blvd. Park at the Renaissance Park parking lot across the street.

REJOICE!

EdiToon

by Rick Baldwin

IT’S MONDAY (AND TUESDAY & WEDNESDAY!)

MONDAYS: $2 PINTS

Rooftop Hop is Top of the Eco-Pops Looking for a unique way to enjoy a night of live music, delicious food, specialty drinks and a panoramic view of the Scenic City? Consider hopping your way up to the rooftop of the Carta Garage above “The Block,” on Saturday, Oct. 11.

Back for its third year, the Rooftop Hop benefits green|spaces, a nonprofit that, as stated in their mission, “exists to further sustainability in the Chattanooga region, by promoting environmentally preferable practices for living, working, and building.”

Starting at 4:30 p.m., attendees enjoy hors d’oeuvres from more than 15 local restaurants, craft beer, wine and two specialty cocktails made with Chattanooga Whisky and Corsair Gin. In addition to a night of food, fun and friends,

live music from The Moccasin Benders, WTM Blues Band, and Futurebirds is sure to keep you dancing up on the roof.

General admission tickets are $55 per person for non-green|spaces members and $25 per person for members. Tickets can be purchased online at therooftophop.com/tickets.

If you’re still in the mood to party, attendees are also invited to the Rooftop Hop after-party at Rhythm & Brews. This party kicks off at 10 p.m. with music from Matt Stephens Project and Brokedown Hound. Tickets are $5 and can be purchased online or at the door.

So grab your sustainable friends and hop your way up to the eco-friendly party of the year.

For more information, visit therooftophop. com.

— Madeline Chambliss

IN THIS ISSUE

Rich Bailey Our cover story this week is written

by Rich Bailey, a professional writer, editor and (sometimes) public relations consultant.

After promoting insurance and Chattanooga professionally (but not at the same time), he freelanced from 2001 to 2012, which allowed time for

TUESDAYS: $3 MARTINIS

WEDNESDAYS: ½-PRICE WINE

ON GLASSES & BOTTLES

Ernie Paik neat hobbies like getting bad publicity for neighborhoodthreatening institutions.

Despite leading a project to create Chattanooga’s first civic web site in 1995 before even owning a modem, he is not much of an early adopter but avidly covers Chattanooga technology for The Pulse, as well as various arts and entertainment events here in the Scenic City. He splits his time between Chattanooga and Manhattan.

Album reviewer and music writer Ernie Paik has written about music and film for various publications for over 20 years and has contributed regularly to The Pulse since 2005. He has contributed to the books “The Magnetic Fields’ 69 Love Songs: A Field Guide”

and “Lunacy: The Best of the Cornell Lunatic”, and he is the current president of the Chattanooga-based nonprofit arts education organization The Shaking Ray Levi Society (one of our favorites). As a recording artist, he has created original music for film, radio, television and theater, and his video artwork has been shown at the Museum of Contemporary Art Detroit and the 2010 Big Ears Festival.

Chattanooga’s Warehouse Row East 11th & Lindsay St. (423) 779-0400 tupelohoneycafe.com

™

chattanoogapulse.com • october 9-15 2014 • The Pulse • 5

COVER STORY

If You Can Make It Here...

Chattanooga’s Mini Maker Faire Celebrates the Inner Geek

By Rich Bailey

W

hat the heck is a Maker Faire?

I’d call it the blissfully happy marriage of geekdom, shop class, the arts, and good oldfashioned crafts. This union was blessed with children and grandchildren who grew up to be all those single things—geek, artist, crafter, etc.— but also funky hybrids like a welder who makes art bikes, a geek who writes computer code that powers interactive (but not stuffy) art installations, a graphic designer that makes authentic R2-D2 replicas, or a librarian that makes pocket-sized web servers. Maker Faire is this bunch’s family reunion.

“

The Water Assault Bike—it launches water balloons off the back—also will be there for the next installment of the Flying Donut Incident.”

Dan Baker’s “R2” unit

6 • The Pulse • october 9-15, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

And don’t forget the robots. As surely as night follows day and seven dwarves follow Snow White, it wouldn’t be Maker Faire without robot battles.

Chattanooga’s first Mini Maker Faire is Oct. 11 at First Tennessee Pavilion. I got a preview from the FaireMaker-in-Chief, Graham Bredemeyer.

(Full disclosure: That’s a made-up title. Graham did not call himself that.)

Bredemeyer was a 3D printing technology consultant for last summer’s Gig Tank. He also works remotely for Shapeways, a national 3D printing service bureau. As director of Maker Faire, he led the team that recruited

60 interactive exhibits.

“It’s everything from glass art and metal pouring to micro controller projects, like drones and R2-D2,” he says. “We cover the full spectrum of making, from arts and craft to technical development. Anything you can create from nothing or from pieces of something else.”

The spectrum is so broad that it’s hard to define, but he says, “The key thing that Maker Faire tries to hone in on is the fact that you have a connection with the things you make and you’re sharing that with people.

It’s about sharing, not about buying.

That doesn’t necessarily mean sharing

Jason Griffey shows off his library

goods. It can be, but it’s more about sharing knowledge and passion.”

Maker Faire is part of Chattanooga Startup Week, he says, because, “The more people feel like they can make, the more people will make. And the more people make, the more they might eventually want to start businesses with things they’re making.”

Here are a few of the makers and projects that will be at Maker Faire.

R2-D2 Builders Club

engineers, actors, programmers. Some people build robots to have fun with or because they like the character.

Others build them as a platform to program robots with.”

Although there is a faction of the group working on making the Artoo autonomous, most are directly controlled by an operator using a model aircraft controller. Baker can operate his from as far as a quarter mile away but always keeps it in sight.

“That lets us inject a little bit of personality,” he says. “We get to take what we know of the character of R2-D2 and not just drive him like a remote-controlled car but play and interact with the crowd as we think R2-D2 would.”

Baker says people usually want to know four questions.

If you’ve ever heard of “Star Wars,” you have a pretty good idea what this international group does. It was created in 1999 as a Yahoo group by an Australian who wanted a way to collaborate and share ideas about this specialized and sometimes very technical hobby.

“We share ideas, sometimes put together part runs within the group of Saturday, Oct. 11, 10 a.m.–6 p.m. any individual piece,” says First Tennessee Pavilion local member Dan Baker.

1829 Carter St. “There are people who are Adult (18-plus): $10 focused more on the buildChild (13-17): $5 ing of the prop itself as an art piece. We have actual College student (ID required): $5

1. What’s it made of? “Our droids are made out of everything from plastic to wood to all aluminum.”

2. How much does it cost? “Depending on what it’s made out of and how much you have it do—how many gadgets pop out—it can range anywhere from $2,000 to $35,000.”

3. Where can I buy one? “These are all scratch built. We’re not allowed to sell them. The R2D2 Builders Club is a group that facilitates people building their own droids.”

4. How long did it take to make?

“My droid is completely scratch built from nothing. It took me about four years, from 2006 to 2010.”

Is that a library in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

How cool would it be if you could make your own web server? And if it were smaller than a cell phone so you could take it anywhere? And it had its own power source and wireless broadcast capability?

That’s what Jason Griffey has done.

At Maker Faire, he will show how to make Library Box, a 3-inch-by-2-1/2inch box that’s about 3/4 inches thick.

It’s essentially a wi-fi transmitter.

Plug a thumb drive into the side, and whatever content you have on the thumb drive can be downloaded by anyone within 100-150 feet of you.

“It’s like an island that doesn’t connect to the broader Internet,” says Griffey, a technology consultant for libraries across the country. “It alFor more information or to buy tickets, lows you to share things privately in what I call a visit: makerfairechattanooga.com hyper-local fashion. The original idea was a tool for Receive a 20 percent discount for libraries to get out of their Pulse readers (online sales only): buildings and still proved

Chattanooga Mini Maker Faire

Enter “PulseMakers” when ordering.

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chattanoogapulse.com • october 9-15 2014 • The Pulse • 7

“As surely as night follows day and seven dwarves follow Snow White, it wouldn’t be Maker Faire without robot battles.”

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8 • The Pulse • october 9-15, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

digital files in areas that don’t have good Internet access.”

The lineage of the project is very open source, very “maker.” The original software code was a batterypowered server called Pirate Box created by NYU art professor David Darts as an artistic critique of copyright law. Anyone could connect to the server and upload or download anything they wanted outside the control of copyright law. Griffey saw the potential for libraries.

“In the build recipe on the web site there are links directly to all of the hardware you need,” says Griffey.

“It’s all open source. It’s all designed so you can build one yourself if you want for about $60. If you can bake a cake this is much easier than that.”

He says the hardware will run about $60 and 20 minutes to assemble. He’ll also sell a ready-to-use unit for $150.

The two-year-old Library Box project has gotten a lot of attention.

Griffey’s 2013 Kickstarter campaign was funded at 1,000 percent of his goal, and helped him receive a Knight Foundation grant this year that has paid for code upgrades and the addition of automatic translation software for 12 languages.

On his website, he asks people who build or buy a Library Box to put a dot on a map for their location. He recently counted 27 states, 28 countries, and six continents.

“Two years ago, I couldn’t have imagined it was going to spread that rapidly,” he says. “It’s a pretty humbling thing for me to see exactly

where and how many people have been interested in this thing.”

A 10-foot flame and thou beside me, pedaling hard Kate Warren is the poster child for the intricate web of connections among the many types of things one can make. As the director of nonprofit Art 120, she does relatively normal things like work with school kids who don’t have art in their classrooms, teaching them marketable skills like welding in the course of customizing old bicycles to look like ladybugs and butterflies.

Turns out it’s a slippery slope from making art bikes to making a fire tornado.

What, you might ask, is a fire tornado? Don’t try this at home, kids, but Warren and an elite crew of trained professionals—seriously—have devised a bike-powered interactive flame sculpture for Maker Faire.

Imagine a flame source at the bottom of an 10-foot tall mesh cylinder.

The cylinder rests on a turntable, which is powered by bicycles. When the flame is lit, it’s 6-to-12 inches high. But once the bikes start powering the turntable, the rotating mesh cylinder moves the air mass inside it, creating a vortex that stretches the flame as tall as the cylinder.

The fire tornado will be outside the back of the First Tennessee Pavilion, right past the battling robot arena.

Visitors at the front of the pavilion will be greeted by an Art Bike Ro-

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The original sketch layout of the “fire tornado”

deo, featuring bikes modified by 18 kids from the Bethlehem Center who participated in a summer program, and the Swing Bike, a double bike with a swing in the middle.

The Water Assault Bike—it launches water balloons off the back—also will be there for the next installment of the Flying Donut Incident.

While teachers were building the Water Assault Bike in a training workshop, they watched as the nowfamous donut mural was painted on the wall of Koch’s Bakery on Broad

Street and then became embroiled in a sign ordinance controversy.

“We thought if the Battle of Chickamauga can have a mural to commemorate it, then maybe this donut mural needs a battle” to give it legitimacy, says Warren. For the most recent Parking Day, and again for GoFest, bike provocateurs riding the Water Assault Bike instigated the Flying Donut Incident, launching rubber donuts at the crowd instead of water balloons. Since most of the donuts were dog toys, there was some canine fetching involved, too.

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chattanoogapulse.com • october 9-15 2014 • The Pulse • 9

MUSIC SCENE

Beautiful and Foreboding

Mad Libre is the epitome of noir-rock

S

ometimes I am called on to write about an act whose style is not necessarily my cup of tea. That’s perfectly fine. Whether a band is “good” or not has nothing to do with my personal taste. Once in a while, though, I get lucky and hear a band that fires on the cylinders I happen to enjoy.

Flying Free As A Bird Now Forty bands hit the stage at Fly Free Fest this weekend Better clear your calendar for the weekend because the Fly Free Fest is back and the 2014 lineup is spectacular. Not only do we get to see locals like Opposite Box, Danimal Planet, and Smooth Dialects, but the festival also brings in bands like Texas’s The Octopus Project and Colorado’s The Motet.

Already, the musical variety is apparent. We’ve got experimental rock, alternative pop, soul, indie electronic, and straight funk. And that’s just those first five bands. Fly Free Fest is hosting more than 40 artists, and every one is eclectically unique.

“We will create an intimate, sustainable. eclectic environment with diversity of music as the constant them,” explains festival organizer

honest music

Corey Petree. “Something that sets our festival apart from many is that we try to place as much emphasis on art as we do on music.”

So come out to Cherokee Farms this weekend. The farm is only 45 minutes away from downtown. Kids ages 10 and under get in for free, and students get tickets at a discount.

Bring in the fall season with beautiful people and excellent music.

— Zach Nicholson Fly Free Fest Friday, Saturday & Sunday Gates open at 10 a.m.

Cherokee Farms 2035 Old Mineral Springs Rd., LaFayette, GA flyfreefest.com

Music marc t. michael

“

Mad Libre is the sort of band that pops up in the Pandora of people who dig Nick Cave and Tom Waits.”

You might think that would compromise my objectivity, that I would be prone to gushing over a band that plays the sort of stuff I like to listen to…

Au contraire ma pomme de terre. Quite the opposite. If the band is playing “my” kind of music, then I’m going to hold the band to a higher standard than anyone else. How fortunate for me, then, to be reviewing Mad Libre, a band that plays the music I love and does a damn fine job of it.

Mad Libre is the newest project from local wunderkind Ian Waters. Ian ought to be a familiar name given his work with Medicine Tree, Okinawa and Gorgeous, as well as his production for Elk Milk and Gold Plated Gold.

A multi-instrumentalist, engineer and producer, Ian has an almost magic touch when it comes to making music. His latest project is no exception, though admittedly he had a little help

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10 • The Pulse • october 9-15, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

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from his friends Josh Pickens and Chris Allen, both phenomenal musicians in their own right.

Mad Libre is the sort of band that pops up in the Pandora of people who dig Nick Cave and Tom Waits. Mad Libre is Pink Floyd with Leonard Cohen leading the band. It’s dark music, kids. “Dark and conceptual” is how Ian describes it himself, a fact I was not aware of when I made that judgment.

I once described local favorites The Dead Testaments as “noir-rock” and I’d like to resurrect that appellation for Mad Libre because it describes them to a T. Noir-rock. Low, mysterious, even menacing at times…haunting. Masterful stuff when it comes to evoking mood and tone.

Their music is the result of that holiest of unions, excellent songwriting and excellent production. If they weren’t absolutely nailing both

of those points, I would not be nearly so enthusiastic, but it really sounds like Mad Libre is the culmination of years of effort and experience. Basically, everything that came before (which was already impressive) was leading to this project.

Since what they play is as much performance art as music, the band’s upcoming gig at the Honest Pint on Oct. 30 promises to be chock-full of horror film elements, as well as a nice dose of ’70s glam.

It may be something of a niche, but in an industry where there is so much mindless repetition that even bands who specifically go out of their way to sound different wind up sounding like every other band trying to sound different (the actual definition of irony, friends), Mad Libre stands out as something genuinely original, unique and beautifully foreboding.

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chattanoogapulse.com • october 9-15 2014 • The Pulse • 11

LIVE MUSIC OCTOBER

9 THU HOUR LATE 9:30p 9 THE SECRET SISTERS FRI 9p 10 SAT ROOFTOP HOP 10p 11 MICHAL MENERT SUN 9p 12 CANEY VILLAGE WED 9p 15 MANDOLIN ORANGE THU 9p 16 JESSE McCARTNEY

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10.17 MATT STILLWELL 10.18 JUDAH & THE LION 10.19 AN EVENING WITH PAUL THORN

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CHRIS KNIGHT with CARDON SMITH

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CHATTANOOGA

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thursday10.9 CSO Lunchtime Concert Series 11:30 a.m.

Warehouse Row 1110 Market St. chattanoogasymphony.org Jesse McCartney 5 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com CSO: “Shakespeare in Love” 7:30 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. chattanoogaonstage.com Cutlass Cult 9 p.m.

Track 29 1400 Market St. track29.co Open Mic with Hap Henninger 9 p.m.

The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Endelouz and Friends 9 p.m.

The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy. thehonestpint.com Hour Late, Direct Divide 9:30 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Red Necklace, Coathanger Abortion, Dead Justice 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia

12 • The Pulse • october 9-15, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com

friday10.10 Fly Free Fest 10 a.m.

Cherokee Farms 2035 Old Mineral Springs Rd., LaFayette, GA flyfreefest.com Jordan Hallquist 11 a.m.

Miller Plaza 850 Market St. rivercitycompany.com/ new/miller-plaza Pete Litwin Family Concert 5:40 p.m.

The Camp House 1427 Williams St. thecamphouse.com Dale Ann Bradley

Pulse Pick: Dana Rogers A soul-driven songwriter and musician. Smooth and strong, Dana’s musical style is an American mosaic of acoustic finger-style jazz, folk, funk and blues.

Dana Rogers Sunday, 12:30 p.m.

Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com

7 p.m.

Signal Mountain Arts Community Center 809 Kentucky Ave. signalmacc.org River City Sessions 8 p.m.

The Camp House 1427 Williams St. thecamphouse.com The Secret Sisters, Caney Village, Jacob Tovar 9 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Courtney Daly Band 9 p.m.

The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Dumpstaphunk, Yo Mama’s Big Fat Booty Band 9 p.m.

Track 29 1400 Market St. track29.co One Night Stand 10 p.m.

Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com Gorons, Caverna, Stereodig 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com

saturday10.11 Rocktoberfest 8 a.m.

Rock City Gardens 1400 Patten Rd. seeerockcity.com Fly Free Fest 10 a.m.

Cherokee Farms 2035 Old Mineral Springs Rd., LaFayette, GA flyfreefest.com The Hoppers, Triumpant Quartet, Dixie Melody Boys, Michael Combs 6:30 p.m.

Memorial Auditorium 399 McCallie Ave. paulbelcher.com Michael Moore 7:30 p.m.

Chattanooga State Community College 4501 Amnicola Hwy. chattanoogastate.edu Ragdoll 8 p.m.

Sky Zoo

MUSIC CALENDAR

Blues Traveler 5709 Lee Hwy. Isaiah Rashad 9 p.m.

Track 29 1400 Market St. track29.co Matt Stephens Project, Brokedown Hound 10 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Brandon Reeves 10 p.m.

The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Thee Hobo Gobbelins, Blue River Hex, Joshua Songs, Angela Rose 10 p.m.

Sluggo’s North 501 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 752-5224 How I Became the Bomb, Ka-ory-oke 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com

sunday10.12 Rocktoberfest 8 a.m.

Rock City Gardens 1400 Patten Rd. seeerockcity.com Fly Free Fest 10 a.m.

Cherokee Farms 2035 Old Mineral Springs Rd., LaFayette, GA

flyfreefest.com Jazzanooga Brunch 11 a.m.

The Hunter Museum of American Art 10 Bluff View Ave. huntermuseum.org Dana Rogers 12:30 p.m.

Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com Acoustic Mayhem 2 p.m.

Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com CSO String Quintet 2:30 p.m.

First Christian Church 650 McCallie Ave. chattanoogamusicclub.org Peter Stubb, Malcolm Tent 4 p.m.

Mayfields All Killer No Filler 2841 Dayton Blvd. mayfieldsallkiller.com Chattanooga Bach Choir 4:30 p.m.

Grace Episcopal Church 20 Belvoir Ave. chattanoogabachchoir.org Joshua Black Wilkins, Caleb Warren, The Perfect Gentlemen 7 p.m.

The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy. thehonestpint.com Blues Traveler 8 p.m.

Track 29 1400 Market St. track29.co

Michal Menert, Eliot Lipp, SuperVision, Paul Basic 9 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Die Reihe, Subconscious Colours, Network Glass, Torschlusspanik 10 p.m.

Sluggo’s North 501 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 752-5224 Jess Goggins Band, Major and the Monbacks 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com

monday10.13 Southside Casual Classics 7:30 p.m.

The Camp House 1427 Williams St. thecamphouse.com

tuesday10.14 Bob DeYoung, Kaleena Goldsworthy, Ryder Pierce 6:30 p.m.

Heritage House Arts and Civic Center 1428 Jenkins Rd. (423) 855-9474 Rick’s Blues Jam 7 p.m.

Folk School of Chattanooga 1200 Mountain Creek Rd. chattanoogafolk.com

Nahko and Medicine for the People, Dustin Thomas 8 p.m.

Track 29 1400 Market St. track29.co Open Mic with Mike McDade 8 p.m.

Tremont Tavern 1203 Hixson Pike tremonttavern.com Concord America, Turf War, Gold Plated Gold 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com

wednesday10.15

901 Carter St Inside City Cafe 423-634-9191 Thursday, October 9: 9pm Open Mic with Hap Henninger Friday, October 10: 9pm Courtney Daly Band Saturday, October 11: 10pm Brandon Reeves (Atlanta, GA) Tuesday, October 14: 7pm Server/Hotel Appreciation Night $5 Pitchers $2 Wells $1.50 Domestics ●

●

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks!

Stop by & check out our daily specials!

Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

Join us on Facebook

CheCk out the Cat in the hat

Lacuna Coil 8 p.m.

Track 29 1400 Market St. track29.co Caney Village, Landis Zehrung 9 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Tir Asleen, SWOON, Friendship Commanders, Scenic 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@chattanoogapulse.com chattanoogapulse.com • october 9-15 2014 • The Pulse • 13

Ready...

Set...

Pour!

Record Reviews

ernie paik

Sonic Transparencies, Sweet, Sweet Harmonies Bitchin Bajas bubble, Margo Guryan remains unspoiled

Bitchin Bajas Bitchin Bajas (Drag City)

Check out our great selection of wine, spirits & high gravity beer.

Come see why we’re the liquor store with a smile...

3849 Dayton Blvd. • Ste. 113 423.877.1787 At the corner of Morrison Springs Road and Dayton Boulevard in the Bi-Lo Shopping Center

T

his writer has heard his fair share of ambient and drone albums, and the new self-titled double-album from the Chicago trio Bitchin Bajas has several things going for it.

First of all, it generally has a refreshing approach to drone that doesn’t leave the listener in a catatonic state. While it doesn’t necessarily serve as a relaxant or depressant, it also isn’t harsh and in your face, with wearying sound walls.

Instead, much of the album seems to steadily give you energy in a nourishing, not caffeinated way, perhaps like an intravenous drip. The album also benefits from judicious editing—an overlooked art itself—where nearly every moment seems to have its own purposeful place.

The impressive opener “Tilang” has a raga drone vibe with effervescent, cascading synths, a string trio and autoharp strums from Daniel Quinlivan, holding onto a curious sensation of wonderment for as long as it can; “Asian Carp” is similarly entrancing, with its chimes

14 • The Pulse • october 9-15, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

Margo Guryan 27 Demos (Oglio) steadily ascending and descending.

Perhaps the album’s best track is “Field Study,” which is a complex, yet effortlessly so, tapestry of woven sounds, including field recordings of birds and restless, bubbling waters from Olivia Wyatt, gentle flutes from wind player Rob Frye, organ notes from Cooper Crain (also of the group Cave) and electronic elements; gradually, a pulse enters the musical forest along with an unobtrusive bass backbone and sound loops, making a perfect blend of the organic with the synthetic.

Still pulsating, the album enters the stringently rhythmic, rapid oscillations of “Brush” with synth tones that experience subtle varations in timbre; in a complementary fashion, “Bueu” extends the vibe and ends with a frenzy that resembles a game of Pac-Man gone wrong.

The final stretch of the album meanders in a way that might not hold the listener’s interest, but for the most part, Bitchin Bajas is a subtly engaging, masterfully edited

work of sonic transparencies and textures.

M

argo Guryan just wanted to be a songwriter and was never inclined to be a performer, with all the obligations that role entails and being told what to do by agents, lawyers and accountants each wanting a cut.

Guryan started piano at a young age, dove into classical and jazz (she added lyrics to Ornette Coleman’s “Lonely Woman”), and had a pop revelation after hearing the Beach Boys’ “God Only Knows.” Guryan found herself in the role of performer when it came time to create demo recordings in the late ’60s, in order to shop her songs around; unsatisfied with studio vocalists who didn’t understand her use of meter, Guryan stepped behind the microphone and supplied her own voice—while not particularly versatile, it was fresh, breezy and just perfect for her own pop songs.

The collection at hand, 27 Demos, is an update of the 2001 compilation 25 Demos, which culled 15

demos from the ’60s, nine from the ’70s and one from 2000. 27 Demos offers remastered sound plus two additional tracks, not written by Guryan, “Why Do I Cry” and “Under My Umbrella. “ Her name isn’t a household one, but many have covered her compositions, including Mama Cass, Glen Campbell and Julie London. Her best known song, “Sunday Morning,” was a hit for others in the late ’60s—including Spanky and Our Gang’s chamber pop take and Oliver’s dramatic rendering—but Guryan’s own vision is the best one.

The immediately striking thing about Guryan’s “Sunday Morning” demo is its funkiness—the drum part could be easy transplanted into a pure funk song—contrasted with Guryan sweetly harmonizing with herself. (The more fleshed-out version on Guryan’s sole proper album, 1968’s Take a Picture, is even better, dialing up the funk one more notch and adding strings and electric guitar twang.)

Another highlight is “I Don’t Intend to Spend Christmas Without You,” which was commissioned for Claudine Longet; while Longet’s version has a superior arrangement, Guryan’s vocals are better, being gentle, soft and enticing while not as airy and lightweight as Longet’s.

Listeners who aren’t paying attention might not realize that several of Guryan’s pop songs are political, including three on 27 Demos specifically about the Watergate scandal; “The Hum” references the infamous “accidently” redacted Nixon tapes with a chorus of “And the tapes go hmm-mm-mm-mm...”

In such cases in retrospect— Vashti Bunyan also comes to mind—one can’t help but think about the career that might have been; nevertheless, with 27 Demos, we have a document of a great, under-appreciated, eclectic pop songwriter with a pretty voice, unspoiled by stardom.

LUKEN HOLDINGS POPS SERIES

BOSTON POPS TRIBUTE A Salute to Arthur Fiedler and John Williams

October 25, 2014 • 7:30pm Tivoli Theatre Bob Bernhardt, conductor Michael Chertock, piano Holly Mulcahy, violin

TICKETS: 423.267.8583 www.chattanoogasymphony.org

ONE PERFORMANCE ONLY!

MACC 809 Kentucky Ave. Signal Mountain, TN (423) -886-1859 signalmacc.org chattanoogapulse.com • october 9-15 2014 • The Pulse • 15

The FEAR is HERE.

At the foot of Lookout Mountain 271 Chattanooga Valley Rd. Flintstone, Georgia 30725 Phone 706-820-2531

Fri. & Sat. Nights sponsored by

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16 • The Pulse • halloween guide 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

For A Piercingly Good Time...

By Steven W. Disbrow

I

f you like your Halloween decorations a bit more personal and permanent, check out Dead Girlz Tattoo & Piercing Studio. Located just south of Chattanooga in Rossville, GA, the Dead Girlz studio is... well, kind of like a haunted house where the performers actually get to hurt you. But in a good way.

From the two custom hearses in the parking lot to the horror-movie props in entryway to the (not actually) blood-stained walls of the “blood room,” Dead Girlz takes its horrormovie motif pretty much as far as it can, while still being a top-notch, super-clean and modern tattoo parlor.

According to Dollie Martin, founder and owner of Dead Girlz, it was her love of zombies and art that lead to the creation of Dead Girlz in 2011. And, as you might expect, zombies and other horror-themed tattoos are very popular with Dead Girlz customers.

Dead Girlz also specializes in tattoos created with ultraviolet (UV)

ink. These tattoos aren’t visible under normal light, but appear when seen under UV light (also known as “black light”). That makes them perfect for Halloween (or if you have a career that frowns on visible tattoos).

Dead Girlz also prides itself on giving back to the community. October is Breast Cancer Awareness month, so for the entire month of October, you can donate five children’s books (which will be given to T.C. Thompson’s Children’s Hospital) and you’ll get a free Breast Cancer Awareness “Ribbon” tattoo (any color, not just pink).

If you don’t have books to donate, you can also get a free Ribbon tattoo with any other $50 (or more) Halloween-themed tattoo. (And you

P A I N T B A L L P R E S E N T S

Photo by Elena Nikolaeva

can even give the free Ribbon to a friend.)

Halloween also happens to be Dead Girlz third anniversary. To celebrate, they’ll be hosting a “Trunk or Treat” event on Halloween from 1 to 5 p.m.

For more info or to make an appointment, contact Dead Girlz Tattoo & Piercing Studio at (423) 3202652 or at deadgirlztattoo.com.

Haunted Houses & Events Acres of Darkness Haunted Trail Chattanooga Audubon Acres 900 N. Sanctuary Rd. Fridays & Saturdays, Oct. 17-31 Tickets: $15; $5 off for CAS Members acresofdarkness.com Blowing Screams Farm 271 Chattanooga Valley Rd., Flintstone, Ga. Fridays & Saturdays, Oct. 4-Nov. 1 Tickets: $16 General Admission blowingscreamsfarm.com Boo in the Zoo 301 N. Holtzclaw Ave. Oct. 17-18 & 24-25 Tickets: $8.95 adults, $5.95 children, free ages 2-under Half off for members chattzoo.org

Demise Haunted House 3801 Ringgold Rd. Fridays-Sundays in Oct., Oct. 9, Oct. 30, & Nov. 1 Tickets: $20 demisehauntedhouse.com Enchanted Maize 271 Chattanooga Valley Rd., Flintstone, Ga. Thursdays-Sundays, Sept. 25- Nov. 2 Tickets: $10 all ages, Blowing Springs Farm; Free-Children 3-under; $20 Combo ticket blowingspringsfarm.com Halloween Eerie Express 4199 Cromwell Rd. Oct. 10-11, 17-18, & 24-25 Tickets: $22 ages 2 & up tvrail.com The Haunted Barn 5017 McDonald Rd.,

McDonald, TN Fridays & Saturdays in Oct. & Nov. 1 Tickets: $20 all ages thehauntedbarnchattanooga.com Haunted Cavern Ruby Falls 1720 South Scenic Hwy. Fridays-Sundays in Oct., Oct. 9, & Nov. 1 Tickets: $23 (Fri.), $25 (Sat.), $21 (Sun. & Oct. 9) hauntedcavern.com Haunted Hilltop 8235 Hwy. 58, Harrison, TN Fridays & Saturdays in Oct. & Nov. 1 Tickets: $20 for everything or $15 per attraction thehauntedhilltop.com Lake WinnepeSPOOKah 1730 Lakeview Dr. Fridays & Saturdays, Oct. 3-31

Tickets: $22 ages 3-54 lakewinnie.com/spookah Mystery Dog Ranch Haunted Ranch & Hayride 975 Wooten Rd., Ringgold, Ga. Oct. 17-18, 24-25, 31 & Nov. 1 Tickets: $12 mysterydoghauntedranchandhayride.com Ringgold Haunted Depot 155 Depot St., Ringgold, Ga. Final 3 weekends in Oct. (Starting Oct. 10) Tickets: $15 for all cityofringgold.com Survive Alive Paintball Zombie Shoot 1200 Wisdom St. Fridays & Saturdays, Oct. 3-Nov. 1 Tickets: $25 survivealive.com

Come Shoot Zombies...

That Don't Shoot Back!

1200 Wisdom Street - Chattanooga www.survivealive.com

We Are Saving Mobile Lives 1906 Gunbarrel Rd. 423-486-1668 (Next to GiGi’s Cupcakes)

5425 Highway 153 423-805-4640 (Next to CiCi’s Pizza)

cellphonerepair.com/chattanooga

chattanoogapulse.com • halloween guide 2014 • The Pulse • 17

Fall Feats Repeat Enjoying the constant bedazzlement of trees

“

Bright reds and purples come from glucose trapped in the leaves when sealed, and brown color comes from waste left in leaves.”

Sandra Kurt is an environmental community activist and is presently working through the Urban Century Institute.

Visit her website at enviroedu.net

come from glucose trapped Every October, any natuin the leaves when sealed, ralist worth their salt must and brown color comes from be able to explain why and waste left in leaves. Sunny how leaves turn color and days and cold nights might fall off trees. The label “natmake colors brighter. uralist” is used loosely here Eventually, for this writer, abscission cells but here goes: Shades form a “tear Let’s start here” layer, with seasonal of Green loosening the signals.

As SANDRA KURTZ leaf from the Earth turns to tree, causing winter mode, it to fall or be torn away by it gets colder with less light the wind. Maybe we should in a day. Less light means call this season “Throw” or less opportunity for photo“Pitch” instead of Fall, besynthesis, the process used cause that is what every deby trees to make food to ciduous tree is doing. grow and reproduce.

You may be wondering Photosynthesis happens why deciduous trees bother primarily in the leaves, so if getting rid of their leaves there is less light, the leaves only to have to grow more are no longer necessary. come spring. After all, evThe trees begin shutting ergreens don’t shed needles down food-making capacity. for winter. It’s because deNow if that’s not amazciduous leaves do not have ing enough, with more cold, the waxy coating that everless light, and less water, the green needles use to better tree is prompted to produce insulate them from freeza hormone which causes ing. some special cells to swell.

Evergreens also have These “abscission” cells some antifreeze in their liqare located in a layer where uid.Water drawn up through the leaf is attached to the a deciduous tree and then tree. Swelling eventually freezing is harmful to the seals off the flow of water to tree. If you have ever had each leaf. That causes green lettuce freeze in your refrigchlorophyll to disappear and erator, you know that a leaf food making to cease. When once frozen is worthless. the green color disappears, Besides, a leaf gets a lot of voila! wear and tear and perhaps One sees the yellows and insect damage in a year, so oranges hiding underneath. it’s better to push them off Bright reds and purples

18 • The Pulse • october 9-15, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

to the ground where they can decompose and replenish the soil.

If you think about it, we should be enormously impressed with trees. Redwoods, the tallest trees in the world, can stand more than 350 feet tall. Here locally, some of our deciduous tree species can reach 140 feet.

Yet trees, with solar help, can hoist water up to their very top leaf without any of the machinery humans would need.

We live in a semi-tropical rain forest. That is to say that left on its own over time, most land around here will become forest. We need to save our forest as a whole ecosystem, not only for aesthetics and recreation, but for even more utilitarian

reasons: They are a hedge against rapid climate disruption because they hold carbon. They also produce oxygen, clean the air, stop loss of soil, support our unique flora and fauna, and shade hot places.

Most importantly, trees know how to photosynthesize, turning solar energy to food and beginning the chain that, along with all plants, supports all life on earth. Scientists have been trying to do the same with little success.

Now that you know the complex process trees perform, take time to enjoy a forest walk. Pause to watch as a tree sends it leaves away. It’s a miracle worth assuring repetition. Hold on to our existing trees—and plant more.

What better way to enjoy Halloween than to curl up with a good scary story?

Just don’t let the lights go out.

Even for a moment...

Used Books, CDs, Movies, & More

7734 Lee Highway • McKayBooks.com Mon-Thu 9am-9pm • Fri-Sat 9am-10pm • Sun 11am-7pm

chattanoogapulse.com • october 9-15 2014 • The Pulse • 19

ARTS SCENE

The Art of Learning As You Teach

Mike Holsomback is respected equally as painter and professor

Modern and Musical Dance Rioult Dance NY graces Patten Performance Series Yet another reason why Chattanooga is fortunate to have the Patten Performance series (now in its 35th season) is the program’s commitment to world-class dance events.

Coming this Tuesday, Oct. 14 to the UTC Fine Arts Center is the Rioult Dance NY company. Founded in 1994, the modern dance company performs the works of French-born choreographer Pascal Rioult, which have been described as “sensual, articulate, and exquisitely musical.”

Rioult is known for the long-term commitment of its dancers, many whom have danced with the company for more than a decade, mak-

ing the interpretation of Rioult’s work even deeper and richer.

Among the composers interpreted are Bach, Stravinsky and Ravel. Dance lovers should not miss this opportunity to see superb dance from an outstanding New York company.

— Staff Patten Performance: Rioult Dance NY 7:30 p.m., Oct. 14.

UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4269 http://tkt.xosn.com

THU10.9

FRI10.10

SAT10.11

birthday party

rabbit time

go bananas

CSO: “Shakespeare in Love”

“Of Mice and Men”

Chattanooga Zoo Banana Ball

A Shakespearean-themed concert to celebrate the 450th anniversary of the Bard’s birth, featuring Tchaikovsky, Mendelssohn, and several of the symphonic dances from West Side Story.

7:30 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. (423) 267-8583 chattanoogasymphony.org

The landmark American play is the powerful story of two unlikely friends: George Milton, a sharp but uneducated, shorttempered man, and Lennie Small, a large but simple-minded man.

8 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com

Join the Chattanooga Zoo and special guest Jack Hanna and all his friends while enjoying great food, drinks, music and all your favorite Zoo animals.

Live entertainment by the Voltage Brothers.

6 p.m.

Chattanooga Zoo 301 N. Holtzclaw Ave. (423) 697-1319 chattzoo.org

20 • The Pulse • october 9-15, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

I

f the art world were a republic like the ONE in “Star Wars”, then Mike Holsomback would definitely be a Jedi Master. Chattanooga State’s drawing and painting guru is also a celebrated artist with a list of credentials too long to reprint here, and his art is stunning, to say the least.

Arts TONY MRAZ

“

He likes to work large, sometimes creating monumental canvas assemblages that are intimidating and endearing at the same time.”

The visual vocabulary demonstrated in his work is diverse without being verbose, his compositions taut and impressive. His work ranges in style from highly realistic to formally abstract, and many of his paintings combine these elements in a collage-like explosion of color and imagery. He likes to work large, sometimes creating monumental canvas assemblages that are intimidating and endearing at the same time.

Mike grew up in rural North Georgia, earned his BFA in drawing and painting from the University of Georgia in 1984, and was already working in the art department at East Tennessee State University before receiving his MFA in painting and printmaking there in 1989. He began teaching immediately, and was for a time working at Chattanooga State, UTC, and Cleveland State Community College simultaneously. His career as a teacher has propelled his career as an artist to incredible heights, and he is now one of Chattanooga’s most well respected individuals in both disciplines. He is currently exhibiting a painting in the Red Clay Survey, the Huntsville Museum of Art’s 2014 Exhibition of Contemporary Southern Art. Tony Mraz: What was the first piece of art you ever made?

Michael Holsomback: I always liked to draw and color when I was in elementary school. I remember entering a coloring book contest when I was 5 or 6. I won first place, which included some type of prize, as I remember. I guess I was hooked by the fame and fortune!

TP: How are you inspired?

“White Cross” by Mike Holsomback

MH: As Chuck Close says, “Inspiration is for amateurs, the rest of us just get to work,” TM: Why do artists choose to create?

MH: Because we can.

TM: What are a few of the most important fundamentals of making art?

MH: For me, the aesthetics of the surface is first and foremost. Line quality, paint layering, surface vibration; it’s all about moving the media around on the surface with confidence and sensitivity.

TM: What makes a composition good or bad?

MH: In the postmodern world, I’m not sure there’s such a thing as a bad composition.

TM: How has teaching art affected your work as an artist?

MH: Much of what I know about making art, I have learned as I attempt to teach others how to draw and paint.With over 20-plus years of teaching and practicing art, I feel confident in my abilities in both of these worlds. I have many, many former students who I am very proud of.

Their success is my reward. My accomplishments are due in large part, to the struggles the students and I have gone through together.

TM: What is some of the most common advice you give to your students?

MH: Before all else, drawing is about line quality and painting is about the paint.You must know your media first before you can use that media as a tool for visual communication.

TM: If you had to choose two famous artists to go fishing with, who would they be?

MH: Max Beckmann and Richard

Diebenkorn.

TM: What kind of music do you listen to when you’re working in studio?

MH: Blues.

TM: Does art that addresses the future manifest events or ideas?

MH: No matter how much I would like to be a prophet, I cannot see, nor address the future, TM: Is there a moral or philosophical reason for your choice of subject matter?

MH: The current work, sometimes referred to as the “cock and bull” series, is concerned with the absence of philosophical statements, the absence of meaning, and the inadequacy of language.

These paintings are vivid visual myths; myths which I initiate, but do not fully own. They are inherently narrative in nature and their stories scream of revelation and desperately seek validation. They scream, “Look at me!” But, they have become eclectic and incomprehensible. And within a pluralistic 21st century, where any search for universal truth seems a vain and hopeless enterprise, they have become Cock and Bull Stories.

TM: What are your three favorite movies?

MH: “Broken Flowers”, “Lost in Translation”, and “American Beauty”.

TM: How does failure or success affect artists?

MH: Depends on the personality of the artist. Does failure drive one to greater achievements? Does success give birth to complacency and mediocrity?

CALL 267-8534 OR VISIT THEATRECENTRE.COM

To view an online catalog of Mike Holsomback’s work and full listing of previous shows, visit his website at mikeholsomback.com. chattanoogapulse.com • october 9-15 2014 • The Pulse • 21

ARTS CALENDAR thursday10.9

Now Open!

Thurs. - Sun. in October EnchantedMaze. com

Open Fri. & Sat. in October

BlowingScreamsFarm.com

Homeschool Science Club 1 p.m.

Creative Discovery Museum 321 Chestnut St. (423) 757-2143 cdmfun.org Ooltewah Farmers Market 3 p.m.

Ooltewah Nursery 5829 Main St. (423) 238-9775 ooltewahnursery.com South Chattanooga’s Fall Festival 3 p.m.

South Chattanooga Recreation Center 1151 W. 40th St. (423) 454-9493 chattanooga.gov Fireside at Greenway Farm with Jazzanooga 6 p.m.

Greenway Farm 3010 Hamill Rd. (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com Pints for Peace 6 p.m.

SturmHaus Beer Market 1120 Houston St. (423) 697-3828 sturm-haus.com “What I’m Thinking About Now: Through Young Artists’ Eyes” 6 p.m.

Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View (423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org

22 • The Pulse • october 9-15, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

The Rooftop Hop “Of Mice and Men” 7 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com Hypnotist Gary Conrad 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com CSO: “Shakespeare in Love” 7:30 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. (423) 267-8583 chattanoogasymphony.org “Addicted: Live with Zane” 8 p.m.

East Ridge 18 5080 S. Terrace (423) 855-9652 carmike.com

Pulse Pick: Gary Conrad Master Hypnotist Gary Conrad will have you thoroughly amazed.

Each show is a different, exciting experience for the audience as well as the volunteers.

Hypnotist Gary Conrad The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

“A Midsummer Night’s Dream” 8 p.m.

Covenant College 14049 Scenic Hwy., Lookout Mountain, GA (706) 419-1051 covenant.edu

friday10.10 Book Launch & Signing: “The Body Tourist” 7 p.m.

The Camp House 1427 Williams St. (423) 240-4284 danashavin.com Hypnotist Gary Conrad 7:30, 10 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233

thecomedycatch.com “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” 8 p.m.

Covenant College 14049 Scenic Hwy., Lookout Mountain, GA (706) 419-1051 covenant.edu “Of Mice and Men” 8 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com

saturday10.11 Rocktoberfest 8 a.m.

Rock City Gardens 1400 Patten Rd., Lookout Mountain, GA (706) 820-2531 seerockcity.com 5K Run 4 Love 9 a.m.

Tennessee River Park 4301 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 605-3182 5krun4love.com JMHC Pumpkin Run 9 a.m.

Moccasin Bend Health Institute 100 Moccasin Bend Rd. (423) 265-2271 chattanoogatrackclub.org Brainerd Farmers’ Market 10 a.m.

Grace Episcopal Church 20 Belvoir Ave. (423) 698-0330

ARTS CALENDAR

Chattanooga Market “Cut Up For Life” Northside Farmers’ Market on Mississippi 10 a.m.

Northside Presbyterian 953 Mississippi Ave. (423) 266-7497 St. Alban’s Hixson Farmers’ Market 10 a.m.

St. Alban’s Episcopal Church 7514 Hixson Pike (423) 842-1342 Chattanooga Mini Maker Faire 9 a.m.

First Tennessee Pavilion 1829 Carter St. (423) 266-4041 makerfairechattanooga.com “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” 2:30, 8 p.m.

Covenant College 14049 Scenic Hwy., Lookout Mountain, GA (706) 419-1051 covenant.edu The Rooftop Hop 4:30 p.m.

The Block 200 Broad St. (423) 648-0963 therooftophop.com Natural Treasures: Conservation Cruise 5:30 p.m.

Tennessee Aquarium 1 Broad St. (423) 267-3474 tnaqua.org Chattanooga Zoo Banana Ball 6 p.m.

Chattanooga Zoo 301 N. Holtzclaw Ave.

(423) 697-1319 chattzoo.org Hypnotist Gary Conrad 7:30, 10 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com “Of Mice and Men” 8 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com

sunday10.12 Rocktoberfest 8 a.m.

Rock City Gardens 1400 Patten Rd., Lookout Mountain, GA (706) 820-2531 seerockcity.com Jazzanooga Presents Brunch at The Hunter 11 a.m.

Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View (423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org Chattanooga Market 11 a.m.

The Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com “Of Mice and Men” 2:30 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com The Celebration of Hope

3 p.m.

Coolidge Park 1 River St. (423) 493-0288 hopeunlimitedministries.org Takin It to the Streets 5 p.m.

Bi-Lo 6951 Lee Hwy. (423) 892-4270 hvcconline.com Hypnotist Gary Conrad 5, 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

monday10.13 iPhoneography with Ken + Laura 6 p.m.

Chattanooga Audubon Society 900 N. Sanctuary Rd. (423) 892-1499 chattanoogaaudubon.org Learn to Ride a Bicycle 6 p.m.

Outdoor Chattanooga 200 River St. (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com

tuesday10.14 Skyuka Hall Speakers Series 6 p.m.

Downtown Public Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310

chattlibrary.org Sunset Kayak Tour with Chattanooga History Center 6 p.m.

Outdoor Chattanooga 200 River St. (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com Season of Brews 7 p.m.

Society of Work 701 Market St., Ste. 1350 societyofwork.com “Unfair: IRS” 7 p.m.

East Ridge 18 5080 S. Terrace (423) 855-9652 carmike.com

wednesday10.15 Floral Design Symposium 12:30 p.m.

Heritage House Arts & Civic Center 1428 Jenkins Rd. (423) 855-9474 Chattanooga Wednesday Market 4 p.m.

1829 Carter St. (423) 402-9957 chattanoogamarket.com Main Street Farmers Market 4 p.m.

325 E Main St. mainstfarmersmarket.com Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Open Weekends in October HauntedCavern.com Open Weekends!

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chattanoogapulse.com • october 9-15 2014 • The Pulse • 23

SCREEN SCENE

Prepare To Be Terrified...Again Mise En Scenesters’ Frightening Ass Film Fest is back for scary year four

A

Macbeth Meets The Met Come see the live performance on the big screen The Metropolitan Opera’s Emmy and Peabody Award-winning series of live performance transmissions returns to cinemas across the United States this fall with the ninth season of The Met: Live in HD. The season begins with Verdi’s Macbeth, starring Anna Netrebko and Željko Lucic, on Saturday, Oct. 11 and will feature 10 live and 10 encore presentations through April.

Star soprano Anna Netrebko delivers her searing portrayal of Lady Macbeth, the mad and murderous mate of Željko Lucic’s doomed Macbeth, for the first time at the Met.

✴✴✴✴

Adrian Noble’s chilling production of Verdi’s adaptation of Shakespeare’s tragedy also stars Joseph Calleja as Macduff and René Pape as Banquo with Fabio Luisi conducting.

During intermission, interviews with cast, crew, and production teams give an unprecedented look at what goes into the staging of an opera.

“Macbeth” Saturday, Oct. 11, 12:55 p.m.

East Ridge 18 5080 S. Terrace (423) 855-9652 carmike.com

NEW IN THEATERS

✴✴✴✴

The Judge Dracula Untold Big city lawyer Hank Palmer returns Facing threats to his kingdom and to his childhood home where his fahis family, Vlad Tepes looks to make ther, the town’s judge, is suspected of a deal with dangerous supernatural murder. Hank sets out to discover the forces—without succumbing to the truth and reconnects with his family. darkness himself.

Director: David Dobkin Director: Gary Shore Stars: Robert Downey Jr., Robert DuStars: Luke Evans, Dominic Coovall, Vera Farmiga, Billy Bob Thornton per, Sarah Gadon, Art Parkinson 24 • The Pulse • october 9-15, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

long with the crisp air and frost-covered grass, Chattanooga’s best film club and Chattanooga Film Festival partner Mise En Scenesters is returning for year four of the Frightening Ass Film Fest, on Halloween itself at Barking Legs Theater.

Screen JOHN DEVORE

“

While MES has done a fine job of bringing us films across a wide range of genres, their bread and butter has always been the weird, the disturbing, and the gross.”

It doesn’t seem like four years—not very long ago I was watching a movie about an evil Santa Claus while leaning against a post in a thrift store in St. Elmo, attending one of the first MES screenings. That year was the beginning of the FAFF and it’s grown each and every year since.

MES is known for its love of genre film.

Founder Chris Dortch has a yearly tradition of watching a different horror movie every night during the month of October, which is a tradition that more of us should embrace in our own households.

While MES has done a fine job of bringing us films across a wide range of genres, their bread and butter has always been the weird, the disturbing, and the gross. The FAFF is a celebration of their roots and powerful example of what grassroots film club do best: bring together like-minded fans to celebrate dismemberment and depravity.

Dortch says the goal of this year’s FAFF is to have something for every horror fan.

He says: “The idea was to do the whole spectrum. A classic, something modern and truly brilliant and something that was a bit more of a splatter-filled evil dead heir apparent.” Looking at their lineup, it appears that the festival will be a success on this front. Here are the films that will shock and thrill audiences this Halloween.

“The Demon’s Rook” The great thing about MES and the Chattanooga Film Festival is the access to filmmakers and actors is has. “The Demon’s Rook” appears to be a film without a clear synopsis. Billed as a no-budget

The Bizarre Bazaar demonic spectacle, descriptions of the film include references to horns, death, surf-rock barn parties, and portals to hell. However, if questions about the film abound after the screening, the filmmakers will be on hand to guide the souls of the audience to understanding.

According to Dortch, “The story of how the film was made and its struggles is just as unique as the film, which is why we are bringing out the filmmakers to help give the audience context.” These touches are what set the FAFF apart from other horror festivals. It’s not just a marathon of scary movies. FAFF serves to educate as well as horrify.

“Texas Chainsaw Massacre: 40th Anniversary” My experience with the “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” started with the critically panned 2003 remake starring Jessica Biel. I didn’t think it was that terrible myself, but it did spur me on to see the original film. The original TCM is an experience all on its own—twisted, violent and haunting, with a fascinating subtext exploring the horrors of animal processing. Anyone that hasn’t yet discovered the film should take the opportunity to do so this year. The showing at the FAFF will feature an intro by “Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III” director (and Dalton, GA native) Jeff Burr, which is sure to shed light into the dark corners of the film.

“The Babadook” Of the films being showing, “The

Babadook” is the film I’m most interested in seeing. It appears to be a simple boogeyman story, about a disturbing fairy tale come to life to terrorize a family. But as with all films of this nature, nothing is as it seems.

Many of the most frightening stories involve children (as seen in films like “The Exorcist” and “The Omen”).

Our need to protect the innocent from the evils of the world can become conflicted when the evil is rooted in a child. “The Babadook” will explore this idea again. Chris Dortch calls “The Babadook” the most “cerebral” of the three films featured, and notes that it was just awarded best horror film at the Fantastic Fest in Austin, TX. Notes Dortch, “it [is] a real coup to get it for the city so shortly after a big win.”

Of course, beyond just the films, the FAFF offers more entertainment than most can handle in a day. Louisvillebased White Reaper and Chattanooga favorite SoCro will be performing inbetween films, and comedy darlings Evatt and Bloom will be performing their “Startling Ass Stand Up” for anyone needing a break from the mayhem in screen. Throw in a costume contest for good measure and there’s not another Halloween event in the city that can compete.

For tickets, check out the event page on Facebook: facebook.com/ events/660627340695346, or chattanooga-film-fest.myshopify.com/products/copy-of-frightening-a-film-festiv-faffour

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chattanoogapulse.com • october 9-15 2014 • The Pulse • 25

Mixology

ZACH NICHOLSON

Pushing Pumpkins into Pints It’s October—and that means pumpkin beer

FRESH HERBS FROM OUR GARDEN COMBINED

with the highest quality ingredients make the perfect cocktail.

Come enjoy an expertly crafted beverage today.

423.634.9172 • KITCHENATUNIONSQUARE.COM TALLAN BUILDING • 2 UNION SQUARE 200 W. MLK BLVD • CHATTANOOGA, TN 37402 DINNER M-SAT • LUNCH M-F • SUNDAY BRUNCH Kitchen at Union Square supports Culinard, the Culinary Institute of Virginia College, where our staff of professional chefs provides a learning lab and teaching establishment for culinary and pastry arts students from Culinard.

26 • The Pulse • october 9-15, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

Autumn has finally swept the summer away with falling leaves and breezy days. People are starting to trade sweat for sweaters, and, with the beginning of October, Halloween is right around the corner. As we transition from Arnold Palmers to hot chocolates, we need some sort of middle-man drink to help us into winter.

And what could be better for ushering in the new autumn than der pumpkin beer? With Oktoberfest upon us, these seasonal beers are available almost everywhere in every form.

You can drink a local or an import, a traditional or a craft. Some taste as if you shoved an entire pumpkin into your mouth, and others hint at orange and autumn and you can smell the pumpkin in them.

With the arrival of all of these pumpkin beers, I had to know: How do you fit the taste of a 10-pound pumpkin into a 16-ounce beer?

So I went over to the recently opened World of Beer on Market Street and talked to bartender Brittany Cox who told me all about the world of pumpkin beers—a world I had never considered.

Pumpkin beers tend be brewed around March and fermented until late September or early October, which coincides directly with Oktoberfest, which in most cases runs from Sep. 20 to Oct. 5. The March

brewing date gives one of the original autumn German beers its name— Märzen—which literally translates to “March beer.”

The German Märzen is brewed in accordance with Germany’s Reinheitsgebot, or German Beer Purity Law. The law essentially limits the ingredients used in beer production to water, barley, and hops (and, since 1993, yeast, wheat malt, and cane sugar as well).

You can imagine how difficult creating a pumpkin beer without pumpkin would be. So the German pumpkin beers stand in stark contrast to our American craft pumpkin beers.

The American crafts tend to be heavier, thick with pumpkin flavor. If you want more pumpkin than beer, the American craft beer is for you; if you want more beer than pumpkin, the traditional German is the one.

I tried one of Brittany’s favorites—Ayinger’s Oktober Fest -Märzen—and the Southern Tier Brewing Company’s pumpkin craft beer—Imperial Pumking. The Märzen danced around the flavors of autumn, and the Pumking left no room for argument with its blast of pumpkin flavor.

But pumpkin beer won’t be here forever. German or American, traditional or craft, you’ve got to get out among the leaves and taste autumn for yourself.

Cheers!

Diversions

Consider This with Dr. Rick

by Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D. “You cannot hang out with negative people and expect to live a positive life.” — Unknown If you’ve followed my “Shrink Rap” column over the years you’ve read about the importance of those whom you surround yourself with. And if you subscribe to the Law of Attraction, then you know that like attracts like.

So having a negative attitude about life will attract others with the same outlook. Having a positive attitude about life will, again, attract others with the same outlook. I believe it works in the other direction, too. If you consciously seek out people who put their energy toward experiencing success, happiness, enjoyment and kindness, then those same qualities in you have an environment in which to safely emerge and thrive.

Rather than spiral downward with negative folks, why not spiral upward in the company of positive folks? Put your time, energy and attention toward making this shift, and observe the choices you begin to make, the relationships you begin to develop…watch what becomes of your life. chattanoogapulse.com • october 9-15 2014 • The Pulse • 27

Free Will Astrology LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “I am naughtiest of all,” wrote poet Emily Dickinson in a playful letter to Maggie Maher, dated October 1882. In accordance with the astrological omens, I authorize you to let that same declaration fly frequently from your own lips in the coming week. Feel free to invoke other variations on the theme of naughtiness, as well: “I am exploring the frontiers of naughtiness,” for example, or “You need to be naughtier” (said to a person you’d like to get naughty with), or “Being naughty is my current spiritual practice.”

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “There’s a way not to be broken that takes brokenness to find it,” writes Naomi Shihab Nye in her poem “Cinco de Mayo.” I suspect this describes your situation right now. The bad news is that you are feeling a bit broken. The good news is that this is a special kind of brokenness—a brokenness that contains a valuable secret you have never been ready to learn before now. Allow yourself to feel the full intensity of the brokenness, and you will discover a way to never be broken like this again.

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28 • The Pulse • october 9-15, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): In a competitive game show on Japanese TV, 13 people had slabs of meat tied to their foreheads. They then poked their heads up from below, through holes in the floor of an elevated platform, where a hungry lizard was stalking around. But not one of the contestants stuck around when the lizard came to nibble the meat; they all ducked down out of their holes and fled to safety.

That was probably wise, although it meant that the prize went unclaimed. Now I’m wondering, Sagittarius, about what might happen if a similar event were staged in your neighborhood. I suspect there’s a chance you would will yourself to stand calmly as the lizard feasted on the meat just inches from your eyes. As much as I admire that kind of poised courage, I want you to know that there are better ways to express it. Be on the lookout for noble challenges with goals that are truly worthy of you.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Director Michael Bay makes big, loud, fast, melodramatic action films, including Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, and the four Transformers movies. The critics hate him, but he’s unfazed. “I make movies for teenage boys,” he says. “Oh, dear, what a crime,” he adds sarcastically.

I love that stance. He knows what he’s good at, and makes no apologies for doing it. I recommend that you cop some of that attitude right now.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): While walking in San Francisco, I passed the Pacific Heights Health Club. The sign out front said,

rob brezsny

“Birthday suits tailored here.” It was a witty reference to the idea that working out at a gym helps people get their naked bodies in good shape. I’d like to interpret the sign’s message in a different way, and apply it to you. The time is right for you to get back in touch with your raw, original self, and give it the care and the fuel and the treats it has been missing. Who did you start out to be? What does your soul’s blueprint say about who you must become? Home in on your source code and boost its signal.

eight months than you have ever before learned in a comparable period. I hope you will make a list of all the subjects you would love to study and all the skills you would love to master, and then devise a plan to gather the educational experiences with which you will reinvent yourself. I hope you will turn your curiosity on full-blast and go in quest of revelations and insights and epiphanies, smashing through the limits of your understanding as you explore the frontiers of sweet knowledge.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Horror novelist Stephen King has sold more than 350 million books. But when he was young and destitute, still honing his craft, his self-confidence was low. His breakthrough work was Carrie, about a teenage girl who develops telekinetic powers. But when he was first writing that manuscript on his old manual typewriter, he got so discouraged that he threw his first draft in the trashcan. Luckily for him, his wife retrieved it and convinced him to keep plugging away. Eventually he finished, and later sold the paperback rights for $400,000. I hope you have an ally who will go digging in your garbage to fish out the good stuff you unwisely discard. Or maybe this horoscope will convince you not to scrap it in the first place.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Three times a week, I take a hike along a rough path through an oak forest. I say it’s rough because it’s strewn with loose rocks. If I don’t survey the ground as I move, I’m constantly turning my ankles. Or at least that was the case until last week. For two days, with the help of a rake, I cleared many of those bothersome obstacles off the trail.

It took several hours, but now the way is smoother. My eyes are free to enjoy the sights that aren’t so close to the ground. I recommend that you do similar work. Stop tolerating inconveniences and irritations that hobble you. Get your foundations in shape to serve you better.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Situation #1: If you meet resistance or doubt, say this: “Ha! This diversion can’t slow me down, because I am in possession of an invisible magical sword!” And then brandish a few charismatic swipes of your sword to prove that you mean business. Situation #2: If angst and worry are preventing your allies from synchronizing their assets with yours, say this: “Begone, dread! For with the power of my wicked crazy songs, I am the destroyer of fear.” And then sing your wicked crazy songs. Situation #3: If you’re finding it hard to discern the difference between useless, ugly monsters and useful, beautiful monsters, say this: “I am a useful, beautiful monster!” Your kind will flock to your side.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In her poem “Advice to Myself,” Louise Erdrich speaks of the human heart as “that place you don’t even think of cleaning out. That closet stuffed with savage mementos.” I invite you to use her observations as a prod, Taurus. Now is an excellent time to purge the savage mementos from your heart, and clean the whole place up as best as you can.

You don’t have to get all OCD about it. There’s no need to scour and scrub until everything’s spotless. Even a half-hearted effort will set in motion promising transformations in your love life.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I hope you will learn more in the next

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): American author Edgar Allan Poe (18091849) was ahead of his time. He created the genre of the detective story and mastered the art of Gothic horror tales. According to the Internet Movie Database, 240 films have referenced themes from his work. British writer Aldous Huxley wasn’t a fan of Poe, though. He said Poe was “too poetical—the equivalent of wearing a diamond ring on every finger.” Judging from the astrological omens, I suspect you may be at risk to lapse into a diamond-ring-on-every-finger phase yourself, Leo. While I am all in favor of you unveiling more of your radiant beauty, I’m hoping you won’t go too far. How about wearing diamond rings on just four of your fingers?

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Republican Jody Hice is running for the U.S. House of Representatives in Georgia’s 10th Congressional District. To bolster his authority, he repeats quotes by revered figures from American history. One of his favorites has been a gem from the sixth U.S. President, John Quincy Adams: “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” The only problem is, those words were actually written by country singer Dolly Parton, not by Adams. Don’t get fooled by a comparable case of mistaken identity, Virgo. Be on the alert for unwarranted substitutions and problematic switcheroos. Be a staunch factchecker. Insist on verification.

Jonesin’ Crossword

ACROSS 1 P.I. played by Selleck 7 Muscleman’s asset 10 Role for George Burns or Alanis Morissette 13 Energize 14 “Damned dirty” creature 15 Hackman of “The Royal Tenenbaums” 16 Drab shade from a Kardashian divorcee?

18 Tortoise/ hare contest 19 Lennon’s in-laws 20 “Young Frankenstein” actress 21 Feeling ennui 22 Served like sushi 23 Bumped into 24 Colorado city 26 Luxury autos driven by Melchior and Balthazar?

29 Former Indian prime minister Gandhi 32 Bucket o’ laughs 33 It’s touching?

34 So much 35 Economy class

37 Kristen of “Bridesmaids” 38 Little white lie 39 Sportscaster Andrews 40 Buttercup relative 41 John McEnroeesque?

45 Most current 46 Loose piece in a fast food bag 47 Reggae subgenre 50 Acted sheepishly?

51 Doll call 53 Pinkie Pie or Fluttershy, e.g.

54 Razor brand 55 Focus of a Franglish lesson on grammar?

57 “Midnite Vultures” musician 58 “32 Flavors” singer DiFranco 59 “The Little Mermaid” villain 60 “Evil Dead” hero 61 School fundraising gp.

62 English or Irish hunting dog

matt jones

DOWN 1 Big-time 2 “Gladiator” locale 3 “Get outta here!”

4 “The Sound of Music” extras 5 Exploit 6 Gets past the onramp 7 Roseanne who ran for president in 2012 8 Like a diva’s performance 9 “L.A. Law” actress Susan 10 Engineer’s calculation 11 Yet another time 12 Monopoly card 15 Wedding cake figurine 17 Cat, in Colombia 21 “The Outcasts of Poker Flat” author Harte 23 Network that still airs “The Real World” 25 Bad thing to hear from a plumber, say 26 “Skedaddle!”

27 Swiss currency 28 Azalea not found in a flower bed

29 “Huckleberry Finn” transportation 30 Becomes irritating toward 31 It involves putting out many resumes 35 Football analyst Collinsworth 36 Topical medication 37 Freshly painted 39 Kept watch on 40 Ask too many questions 42 Change just a bit 43 “You want a piece ___?”

44 Seventh of a group of eight (formerly nine) 47 Food recently crossed with a croissant 48 Jesse on “The Dukes of Hazzard,” for one 49 How some learn music 50 ___ ghanouj 52 Afghanistan is there 53 Mosquito or fly 55 Indy 500 unit 56 Number before quattro

Copyright © 2014 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0696 chattanoogapulse.com • october 9-15 2014 • The Pulse • 29

The Flying Feathers of Chickenmageddon “

And the feathers…the feathers were everywhere like the stars, only matched in volume by clucking from all directions in Dolby 7.0.”

When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at facebook.com/alexteach

Officer Alex remembers a very bad day for both police...and poultry “The Ridgecut.” Such a to take a break, and the simple name for such a horwarmth coming from under rible stretch of Interstate, the fender well seemed albut that’s where we were most cool in comparison to because that’s the place a everything else. I wiped a semi-truck hauling enough rag across my brow and surlive chickens veyed the to feed Cuba carnage. It on a Saturwas like the day night Tet Offenjackknifed sive of poulALEX TEACH sending live try. “Chick(and now dead) chickens to enfallujah.” every point of the compass.

Cops and TDOT workIt was horrible. ers were chasing chickens The sun beat down on us from the walled-median like we owed it money and for fear of the wrecks they the sweat running down our would cause by drivers backs was competing with instinctively jerking the the volume of it pouring wheel (instead of turning into our eyes at the same them into feather-bombs as time, but compared to the you should; a chicken isn’t scene we were on, the painworth your life or the lives ful distraction was almost of others should you swerve welcome. the avoid the galactically We couldn’t see, we simple-minded creature). couldn’t talk, and we could Chickens were strandbarely breathe because the ed in thick kudzu where only thing hotter than the they’d landed on impact. sun above was the asphalt They were in oncoming below that had been absorbtraffic over an impassible ing heat like a sick followwall. They were smashed up joke to the heat coming into the pavement in tiny from above, and the thought slicks of red-feathered gore, of “microwaved pork” and yes…some were being wouldn’t leave my mind… chased by our Guatemalan But instead of microwaved population who resided at pork, we were dealing with the base of the hill where asphalt-fried chicken. Evthis occurred. And the erywhere. feathers…the feathers were I braced up against a car everywhere like the stars,

On The Beat

30 • The Pulse • october 9-15, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

only matched in volume by clucking from all directions in Dolby 7.0. It was surreal.

“This is like a Chinese Hell. The Hell of Chickens,” I muttered. A coworker didn’t hear me but he nodded in his hyperthermic state. His boots were covered in sticky, deep red chicken feathers, and white ones lined his polyester uniform from his feet to the crown of his head.

I was going to point out how ridiculous he looked until I realized I’d nearly lost the power of speech.

And of course, I looked exactly the same. A dark cloud moved in overhead to complete the effect.

I’d seen a truck full of basketball-sized boulders spilled all over this spot during a winter snowstorm of all things. I’d seen a beer truck wreck there with its contents winding up in car trunks from here to the Gulf Coast. Cars and semis on

fire, children’s toys spilled from broken car windows, even human remains from a suicide I’ll never document here, but this…this was different. More spectacular and more horrible than any of those events at the same time.

Only one thing could make this worse, I thought.

And almost right on cue, the first few drops of rain began to fall around us.

A short round man in a very yellow vest ran past me, a terrified chicken only a few yards ahead; rain drops grew larger and the feathers started getting plastered to everything they were attached to, myself included, as the rain was turned into steam from the pavement, the bad situation turning worse.

I smiled, and thought of how cool this job really was.

I’m pretty sure it was then that I vomited.

Ahh…“Policework.”

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IN CHATTANOOGA, WE MULTIPLY THAT BY 100.

Call 423-648-1372 or visit epbFi.com to feel the power of the nation’s fastest Internet. * Source: BGR Media report, 2014

chattanoogapulse.com • october 9-15 2014 • The Pulse • 31