The Pulse 11.38 » September 18, 2014

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The Pulse

CHATTANOOGA'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE

SEPTEMBER 18, 2014

how the sharing economy is changing a new generation

d

the PRODuceRs Of the theAtRicAl hit the scReWtAPe letteRs

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2 • The Pulse • september 18-24, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

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SEPTEMBER

C

Happenings

EDITORIAL

Managing Editor Gary Poole

BEGINNINGS: Warmongers who have never seen war

Contributing Editor Janis Hashe Contributors David Traver Adolphus • Rob Brezsny Madeline Chambliss • John DeVore • Matt Jones Janis Hashe • Louis Lee • Marc T. Michael Mike McJunkin • Ernie Paik • Rick Pimental-Habib Terry Stulce • Alex Teach

LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR ENTERTAINMENT CALENDAR

Editorial Interns Maggie Hanna • Zach Nicholson Rachael Poe

Features

Cartoonists & Illustrators Rick Baldwin • Max Cannon Jen Sorenson • Tom Tomorrow Founded 2003 by Zachary Cooper & Michael Kull

ADVERTISING

Director of Sales Mike Baskin Account Executives Chee Chee Brown • Julie Brown Craig Glass • Rick Leavell • Lisa McVay Chester Sharp • Stacey Tyler

RECORD REVIEWS: Ms. Padgett rocks goofily, Shipp keeps traveling

Share and Share Alike

ARTS: “Horace Kentucky’s Chronal Detective Agency”

As the share economy expands, Chattanooga gets its share

SCREEN: CAPTURE is back this weekend—get screened

CONTACT

FOOD: The world beyond Pad Thai

Offices 1305 Carter St. Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Website chattanoogapulse.com Email info@chattanoogapulse.com THE FINE PRINT: The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching.

The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

Contents Copyright © 2014 by Brewer Media.All rights reserved.

tW

Publisher & President Jim Brewer II

VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 38

G N R ls e KI O u O U he P LO LIQ in T AT eek

brewEr media group

ontents

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2014

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18

DINING: Toscano Italian Grill FREE WILL ASTROLOGY JONESIN’ CROSSWORD

Voices DAVID ADOLPHUS: Economy and innovation don’t favor electric cars

Big Fun on the Farm

ALEX TEACH: Another unsalubrious aspect of the job

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chattanoogapulse.com • september 18-24, 2014 • The Pulse • 3

news • views • rants • raves

BEGINNINGS

updates » CHATTANOOGApulse.com facebook/chattanoogapulse EMAIL LOVE LETTERS, ADVICE & TRASH TALK TO INFO@CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

Warmongers Who Have Never Seen War Stop believing those who tout U.S. aggression everywhere

“

Worshipping war alongside fanatical warmongers can lead to only one thing— more war. ”

The International Day of Peace is September 21 this year.

As a combat veteran of two tours in Vietnam (one tour as a combat and recon platoon leader with the 101st Airborne Division during the Tet offensive of 1968, and one tour with the 69th and 79th Border Ranger Battalions in 1970-71), I have always been amazed

by American belligerence toward the rest of the world and the prevalence of warmongering in our society.

America has bombed 23 other countries since World War II. We have mounted 33 foreign military operations since Vietnam and have participated in 25 assassination attempts of world figures since 1945. What is the source of all this belligerence?

The most prominent example of American warmongering, is the “neo-con” cabal that in 1997, framed the Project for the New American Century. The names are familiar: Dick Cheney, Paul Wolfowitz, Donald Rumsfeld, Bill Kristol, Scooter Libby and Richard Pearle. All members of this group could “talk tough”, were excited to send others off to war—but had no personal combat experience themselves.

TERRY STULCE The group’s goal was to expand U.S. power throughout the world, but particularly in the Middle East. The vehicle for this was U.S. military power. The first step was to overthrow Saddam Hussein in Iraq and “…sow the seeds of democracy” there. We would be “… welcomed as liberators” and democracy would bloom throughout the Middle East. The hubris and grandiosity of this group were breathtaking.

Reasonable people saw that such a plan would lead to disaster. Predictably, it did. United Kingdom Labour MP Tam Dalyell said of this plan at the time, “This is garbage from right-wing think tanks stuffed with chicken-hawks—men who have never seen the horror of war, but are in love with the idea of war…These are the thought processes of fanatical Americans who want to control the world.” Today, the Middle East is a cauldron of insanity.

Stranger still, 82 percent of Americans endorsed this stupid plan that had “disaster” written all over it. Sure, Bush lied about “weapons of mass destruction”, but why would Americans think the plan could possibly work? Andrew

Views

4 • The Pulse • september 18-24, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

Bacevich, my fellow combat platoon leader in Vietnam, has written a book entitled “The New American Militarism”. In it, he expains how Americans became enamored of military power and how that has led to unrealistic expectations about war’s efficacy. He talks about soldiers becoming “national icons” and that paying “homage” is not only expected, it is obligatory. Every soldier is a “hero” even though he or she may never have been on a battlefield.

Bacevich marks the beginning of the “New Militarism” at the end of the Gulf War. The success of the war plus a new lexicon (smart bombs, surgical strikes, etc.) made “…war an attractive option,” he writes. However, I believe unrealistic worship of the military began long before that.

After WWII, Americans were rightly proud of their military. War movies depicting the exploits of heroes like Audie Murphy mowing down “bad guys” inundated theatres across the country. Television would amplify this narrative glorifying war and worshipping its “heroes”. For nearly 30 years young minds were being shaped to believe war myths.

But our world is no longer what it was. And worshipping war alongside fanatical warmongers can lead to only one thing—more war.

EdiToon

by Rick Baldwin

CELEBRATE THREE YEARS OF MUSIC AT TRACK 29

From Parking to PARK(ing)

IN THIS ISSUE

If you find yourself downtown on Friday, Sept. 19, don’t be alarmed if the parking spaces look a little…well…different. This Friday, Chattanooga will celebrate its seventh annual PARK(ing) Day, a unique event that aims to temporarily transform metered parking spaces into miniature public parks.

The project began in 2005 with the transformation of a single metered parking space in San Francisco to a public park—complete with grass, tree, and bench—for the two-hour duration that space’s meter allowed.

Rebar, a San Francisco-based art and design studio, is the group behind the event. According to its founders, “The mission of PARK(ing) Day is to call attention to the need for more

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urban open space, to generate critical debate around how public space is created and allocated, and to improve the quality of urban human habitat…at least until the meter runs out!”

PARK(ing) Day has expanded into an annual open-source event with participants worldwide. This year, our PARK(ing) Day will feature art, rock climbing, dance, and food—and everything is offered for free since the rules of the event prohibit selling items in the spaces.

To join in the fun, find PARK(ing) Day spaces along the sides of Main Street, Market Street, CitiPark, Broad Street at Aquarium Way, and Frazier Avenue from 10 a.m. until 4 p.m.

PARK(ing) Day, parkingday.org — Rachael Poe

Christoper Armstrong

Rob Brezsny

This week’s cover story on the new “sharing economy” is by former Pulse editorial intern Christopher Armstrong.

Christopher was born in Knoxville, Tennessee on a brisk morning in November when the stars aligned and Jupiter was visible with the

“Free Will Astrology” writer Rob Brezsny is an aspiring master of curiosity, perpetrator of sacred uproar, and founder of the Beauty and Truth Lab. He brings a literate, myth-savvy perspective to his work. When Utne Reader named him a

naked eye. He enjoys the changing of seasons, vinyl records, books with lots of pages and beer that is too expensive for him to ever buy. He works too much and one of these days he will eventually graduate from The University of Tennessee at Chattanooga with an English degree. He says that after college, he is looking forward to paying back student loans for the remainder of his life. We know your pain, Christopher.

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“Culture Hero”, it observed: “With a blend of spontaneous poetry, feisty politics, and fanciful put-on, Brezsny breathes new life into the tabloid mummy of zodiac advice columns.” In its profile of Brezsny, the New York Times quoted a reader who compared his writing to that of the novelist Tom Robbins.

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Why Electric Cars Suck Economy of scale and innovation don’t favor the battery-powered.

“

Batteries and motors can and will be made more efficient, but it’s a long, slow process for very expensive and incremental gains.”

David Traver Adolphus is a freelance automotive researcher who recently quit his full time job writing about old cars to pursue his lifelong dream of writing about old AND new cars. He welcomes the inevitable and probably richly deserved kvetching about Airbag and anything else on Twitter as @proscriptus.

Electrics are slowly gain0.1 percent of the market. ing a foothold, but there So why are electric cars are still only about 250,000 oddballs? You might not of them on the American realize it, but they’re not roads. That’s a fair number new technology, not by a of cars. But GM started long shot. They developed making its first commercialside-by-side with the gas ly available (and steam) electric car, engine in the EV1, in the 1890s, 1996. and as cars In June started to DAVID TRAVER 2014 alone, catch on in ADOLPHUS Americans the Oughts, registered 1.4 in places million cars and trucks, on like New York, Boston and the way to about 16 million Chicago electrics accounted for the year. When you think for a solid third of cars sold. the average car on the road Gas came in last place as is 11.4 years old and there steam was generally in first are 253 million of them, with about 50 percent of the those 250,000 electrics start market. to look like a mighty small Into the Teens, a vast fraction. infrastructure developed In fact, during 18 years around electrics, with about of commercial production, 2,000 charging stations they’ve captured just under along the Washington-to-

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Boston corridor. If there were approximately 450,000 cars registered in 1910 (a figure that was starting to explode with the Model T Ford), that’s one station per every 225 cars!

According to the EPA, there are about 9,000 public charging stations today, one for every 28,000 cars. The ratio of stations per mile of road is even worse.

What electric cars had 100 years ago that they don’t now was a pure mechanical advantage. They were simpler and easier to operate, and most of all, far more efficient than the the average gas engine.

One hundred years ago, you were lucky to see a double digit MPG (another key to the Model T’s success was up to 20 MPG).

Additionally, few people took long trips, conditions which favored the simplest solution.

The efficiency piece is key in understanding electrics’ downfall in the late Teens—and why they suck

today. The electric powertrain as a concept debuted highly developed. In 1900, internal combustion was still an evolving field, but batteries had been around since the late 1700s and electric trolleys were in widespread use by the Civil War. Putting together these already-mature technologies leapfrogged the competition.

That same maturity became a problem, though, because gasoline is a perfect fuel. It’s a matter of what’s called energy density: A gallon of gas weighs 6.2 pounds and contains an immense amount of energy.

A 6.2-pound battery is not going to take you very far.

Even worse, the first ounce of gas in your tank is just as good as the last one, while batteries drop off fast as they get low.

Today, electric powertrains operate at something like 50 percent efficiency, meaning 50 percent of the energy that goes in ends up moving the car for-

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ward. That’s a terrific number, especially when you consider gas engines are at about 35 percent. Five years ago, however, gas engines were at about 30 percent...and electrics were at 50 percent.

Batteries and motors can and will be made more efficient, but it’s a long, slow process for very expensive and incremental gains, one that requires the death of many pandas (see last month’s “Airbag”).

Gas engines, made in the millions every month, benefit from a fast feedback cycle (many changes can quickly be introduced and evaluated) and billions and billions of dollars of revenue. The curve of improvement does not favor the electric.

A Ford Fiesta with a gas engine and no hybrid anything is rated at 43 MPG highway. You can go 300 (at a stretch) miles without worrying about the battery and fill up anywhere you like, with a sticker price of $14,000.

You need $8,000 more to get into an all-electric Nissan Leaf or Mitsubishi i-MiEV and you’ll hate every minute in them.

You need to buy a $70,000 Tesla to have a really nice pure electric. How can they compete?

I actually like electric cars. They’re neat. But while gas is still cheap and plentiful; and gas engines continue to get better faster, electrics will continue to be the past, not the future.

“According to the

EPA, there are about 9,000 public charging stations today, one for every 28,000 cars. The ratio of stations per mile of road is even worse.”

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T H E T E N N E S S S E E VA L L E Y ’ S

COVER STORY

Share and Share Alike As the share economy expands, Chattanooga begins to get its share

By Christopher Armstrong

“

Airbnb has now hosted more than 17 million guests, stretched across 34,000 cities.

Including, as it happens, Chattanooga, Tennessee.”

I

n the classic 1935 Marx Bros. farce “A Night at the Opera,” Groucho Marx finds his overpriced and tiny hotel room filled to the brim with a stream of incoming visitors. A knock on the door reveals a man offering room service, and Marx, with his spot-on comedic timing, replies, “Room service?

Send up a larger room.” That joke is still funny, not just because of the continued number of guests who keep knocking on his door, but because travelers still encounter overpriced and occasionally teeny hotel rooms.

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The average daily rate for a hotel room in the United States has risen significantly since 2010, and according to a graph produced

by Statista, this year, the average American shelled out $115 per night. With that number projected to swell above $120 by next year, those for whom that rate would be wallet-busting are increasing turning to the “share economy” for alternatives.

Airbnb arrived with a modest attitude and simple aspirations. It was created to connect people to people while, essentially, eliminating the middle man. The company was founded in 2008 in Cali-

fornia by Brian Chesky and Joe Gebbia. Growing steadily each year, it went international in 2011.

Airbnb has now hosted more than 17 million guests, stretched across 34,000 cities. Including, as it happens, Chattanooga, Tennessee.

I recently met with 30-yearold Jenny Park, one of Chattanooga’s most gracious hosts. In 2010, she decided to purchase a one-bedroom bungalow in St. Elmo. Built near the beginning of the 19th century, the house underwent a renovation in 2009.

It’s 1,500 square feet and offers a living room, dining room and full kitchen with a spacious front yard

covered in flowers and a fenced-in back yard.

Her family owned a bed & breakfast in South Carolina, so Park spent her entire childhood living in a home that welcomed strangers. After college, she traveled around the world, using hostels as her main lodging. Inspired by both the hostel environment and her childhood memories, she registered her house on Airbnb.

“Being in a home environment with strangers is really a normal way to be for me,” says Park. “I have hospitality in my blood and it’s something that I just wanted to…” The sound of a timer going off in another room interrupts Park’s flow of speech. ”Sorry, I’ll be right back.”

“When Park registered with Airbnb,

there were only three other hosts located in Chattanooga. Flash forward to 2014—and the Chattanooga area now offers 69 places to stay.”

The timer was on the washer.

We’re meeting on a rare Saturday when nobody is scheduled to stay at her house, and Park takes advantage of the morning by committing to a deep clean of the house. She returns with two cups of freshly brewed coffee.

“Having people stay at my house is just something that I wanted to do,” Park says, and then looks

back at the laundry room and begins to laugh. “I’ve never had anyone leave the house messy. Most of the time they make up the bed even though they know I’m going to have to strip the sheets before they leave; they always leave the house tidy.”

When Park registered with Airbnb, there were only three other hosts located in Chattanooga.

Flash forward to 2014—and the Chattanooga area now offers 69 places to stay.

Visitors can chose what type of environment they wish to enjoy.

There’s a two-story, four-bedroom “Southern plantation home” located right across from the Chattanooga Golf & Country Club that asks for $640 per night. On the opposite end of the spectrum, spend $28 and stay in one-bedroom house in Soddy-Daisy where the host lives on-site but promises to cook and clean for you.

Searching through the Chattanooga offerings, it’s hard not to notice Park’s quaint bungalow. She’s on the front page and she prices her house at $75 per night. Forty>> P. 10

chattanoogapulse.com • september 18-24, 2014 • The Pulse • 9

“Reports about Uber posting on Craigslist for experienced Chattanooga drivers stirred rumors that the alternative transport service had plans to expand here.”

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five of her guests have reviewed her, and all left glowing praise.

One review, left by a traveler named Matthew, remarks, “She provided clear instructions [for check-in], left homemade cookies for me, AND went above and over the call of duty by letting me borrow a computer battery cord for the weekend.”

The group review method helps possible visitors make their choices. The review method that Airbnb employs helps weed out the possible “bad seeds.” Not only are guests allowed to review hosts, but hosts have the opportunity to review guests, building credibility on both ends.

Park earned her first guest because someone decided to take a chance by staying at a home with zero reviews, so Park, in typical share-economy fashion, purposefully responds to potential guests who have yet to receive their first review.

“I give a certain amount of due diligence [to a first timer] that a host has to take,” Park says. “I always sit down with them and have a conversation.”

Airbnb is far from alone in the burgeoning share economy. Other start-up companies such as Relay Rides (a site advertised as a place where you can rent cars from your neighbors), Dog Vacay (allows you to find people living nearby who

will watch your pet at a cheaper rate than kennels offer), Liquid (a bike-sharing service) and, most notably, Uber, which is a ridesharing service, have helped the share economy grow exponentially within the past few years.

This summer, reports about Uber posting on Craigslist for experienced Chattanooga drivers stirred rumors that the alternative transport service had plans to expand here.

After I sent an email inquiring about the expansion, Kaitlin Durkosh, official spokeswoman for Uber, replied, “We often use driver ads as a way to test the viability of the market. We have heard from drivers eager to partner with us, and have seen riders download and open the app looking for safe, reliable rides in Chattanooga. While we have no firm plans to launch in Chattanooga, we’re continuing to explore the market.”

Uber may not yet have concrete plans for offering their services in Chattanooga, but that doesn’t stop our town from playing an important role in the development of the share economy. Chattanooga isn’t just simply jumping on the share-economy bandwagon.

Instead, this city is helping revolutionize the idea.

Bellhop is a moving company that contracts local college stu-

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Bellhop migrated to Chattanooga in 2012 after the Lamp Post Group expressed interest in their company. Adam Haney, the chief technology officer for the company, notes that there are 2,000 college students working all across America for Bellhop—200 of them employed in Chattanooga.

Will the share economy replace the billion-dollar corporations controlling most of America’s consumer operations? Odds are, no—but that idea is not the intended goal. Some people will prefer to trust standard hotel, taxi and moving services. The people who offer their homes on Airbnb,

along with the drivers from Uber and the college students who work at Bellhop, are technically unlicensed, The only credentials they present are a friendly face and strong user reviews.

However, what the share economy does offer is an alternative choice, and judging by the millions of users who have used these websites to their advantage, that alternative choice was much needed. It’s hardly a surprise to see websites like Airbnb and Bellhop succeed in Chattanooga.

This is a town that has growing faith in its entrepreneurial community. If the character played

by Groucho Marx in “A Night At the Opera” had stayed at a certain home in St. Elmo that he found on Airbnb, instead of a larger room, he would be asking room service for more of Park’s homemade cookies.

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841 East Main Street, Chattanooga (423) 503-1225 | www.mostlyfrench.us chattanoogapulse.com • september 18-24, 2014 • The Pulse • 11

MUSIC SCENE

Big Weekend Fun on the Farm Fly Free Fest is coming back next month, closer and bigger than last year

A

Wanna Be A Macho Man? The Village People bring back disco in Cleveland. Really.

Itching for everything disco? Can’t get rid of the urge to throw your arms in the air “YMCA”-style? The Village People perform live at the Museum Center at 5ive Points in Cleveland on Friday, Sept. 19 at 6:30 p.m. Mustaches and muscles will make you boogie with these kings of disco until you just can’t boogie no more.

In 1977, six men united, mustaches blazing, costumes at the ready, with the fever of disco upon them.

The impossible combination of cop, sailor, construction worker, cowboy, biker, and Native American exploded onto the disco scene. When The Village People released “Macho Man” in 1978, the public got a taste of what it was to groove. The followup single

“Y.M.C.A.” solidified The Village People’s permanent place in disco history. Anyone who sees them in concert will find them undeniably captivating. The energy, simplicity, and sheer fun of their music will keep generations of music-lovers bumping and bopping for years to come.

The concert proceeds benefit the Museum Center’s exhibits and educational programming. Tickets include cocktails, dinner, live and silent auctions, and as much boogie as you can stand. Black tie or period attire is requested.

Museum Center at 5ive Points, 200 Inman St. E., Cleveland. museumcenter.org — Zach Nicholson

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Rock and roll and fun!

9 p.m.

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Everuone’s favorite bartender gets back behind the keys to blow you away with his soulful rock originals.

Also on the bill: Richie, Tuff Tits, and Big Kitty.

10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com

CSO String Quintet What’s better that a string quartet? A string quintet, of course. And this talented fivesome brings the classics to the modern era with style, grace, and fantastic musicianship.

10 a.m.

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12 • The Pulse • september 18-24, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

s I grow older, I find myself taking up that time-honored hobby of middle age: worrying about what “the young people” are thinking. In particular I worry that the younger generations might not have the perspective (how could they?

They’re young…) to appreciate how far our fair city has come in the last two decades in arts and entertainment.

Music marc t. michael

“

Fly Free is bringing in some of the biggest and best-loved local and regional acts representing almost every genre you can think of.”

In the early ’90s there were only a small handful of decent venues to play, a very short list of good bands and there certainly weren’t many music festivals outside of the occasional redneck hootenanny. These days there are new, quality venues popping up every week, there are enough fantastic bands to keep me employed indefinitely and music festivals? You want ’em?

We got ’em.

With festival season winding down, it is a happy surprise that what looks to be the last bash of the year (Fly Free Fest) will quite likely be one of the biggest. Mind you, this isn’t the first year for Fly Free Fest. It debuted last year in Adams, Tenn., and was by all accounts a HUGE success, but this year the festival moves closer to home, or at least closer to the home of its founder.

On Oct. 10-12 Fly Free takes over the grounds at Cherokee Farms in LaFayette and here is why you should care: Fly Free is bringing in some of the biggest and bestloved local and regional acts representing almost every genre you can think of. I’m not sure there will be any Renaissance lute ensembles (although I’m not sure there won’t be) and I haven’t noticed any gospel quartets in the lineup (yet) but they seem to have just about every other base covered.

Just a quick glance at the roster reveals such favorites as Strung Like a Horse, Op-

SLC Doing The Time Warp Again

posite Box, Soul Mechanic, Okinawa, Teaspoon Sun, Smooth Dialects, New Planet, Backup Planet and Danimal Planet (to round out the ever-popular “Planet” trilogy) and that’s just a smattering of local talent appearing at the festival.

Big names are coming in from all over the Southeast (and elsewhere) for a total of 50-plus acts during three days—and that’s not even considering the visual artists, dancers, artisans and street (grassy lawn?) performers appearing.

I knew I was writing about good people when their official mission statement included a quote from Dr. Seuss. Delving

honest music

a little deeper into that mission statement, it becomes clear that the event has been organized by regular people FOR regular people. The opening sentence sums it up well: “We are everyday people with basic educations, bills, families and responsibilities. We had a dream to put on our ideal festival…”

When all is said and done, it seems that the organizers have managed that peculiar alchemy necessary for success in Chattanooga, which is to combine bigtime elements with small-town sensibilities. They’ve certainly pulled in an impressive talent pool, yet have managed to arrange the event so that long lines

are unlikely and you won’t have to decide between seeing two or three of your favorite acts because their performances overlap.

It is a family-friendly festival with all sorts of interactive creative pastimes for the little critters. There is literally something for almost everyone at this gathering and, kids, if you can’t go, at least pass the word on because that’s how good things become great things and that’s how our artistic community continues to grow.

Everything you ever wanted to know about Fly Free Fest is available at flyfreefest.com, including the who, when, where and how much.

Heather, Travis and Katie Kilgore, along with Eric and Kat Almlie, are collectively The Scarlet Love Conspiracy. That’s what I’m told anyway—the band moves around too much to ever pin down for a straight interview.

That’s a fact, kids: The Scarlet Love Conspiracy has been gigging almost constantly and my hat is off to them for that. Contrary to what the song tells you it is NOT money for nothing and chicks for free. It’s damn hard work and they’ve been tearing it up since their formation.

As of the time of this printing they will have just finished performing at the Chattanooga Market and will be making preparations to appear at the Hamilton County Fair at 2:45 p.m. on Sep. 27 and again at Wine Over Water at 5 p.m. that same day.

On Friday, Oct. 3, they play at Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse at 8 p.m., then take a short break before rounding out the season with a live presentation of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” at Rhythm & Brews on Oct. 30 (20 years and 40 pounds ago, I used to do a mean Frank N. Furter; these days it’s definitely Meatloaf…)

As busy as the band is, they plan on taking November and December off to finish up their debut album and believe me, you’ll hear about it in a feature here as soon as it’s ready to go. In the meantime, there are still some good opportunities to catch these wonderful kids live. A strong online presence (including their official Reverbnation page) means you can check them out any time you like.

— MTM

local and regional shows

Jess Goggans Band, The Coax, Appalachian Antidote [$5] Thu, Sep 18 Tabe Spencer & William Van De Kamp [FREE] Sun, Sep 21 Live Trivia every Sunday afternoon from 4-6pm Ryan Oyer hosts Open Mic every Wednesday @ 8pm

9 pm 7 pm

Full food menu serving lunch and dinner.

11am-2am, 7 days a week.

35 Patten Parkway * 423.468.4192 thehonestpint.com * facebook.com/TheHonestPint

chattanoogapulse.com • september 18-24, 2014 • The Pulse • 13

LIVE MUSIC SEPTEMBER

18 SAME AS IT EVER WAS FRI 10p 19 VELCRO PYGMIES SAT 10p 20 GUNPOWDER & PEARLS WED 9p 24 THU SOUTH SOUL 9p 25 DAVEY SMITH BAND FRI 9p 26 SAT THE POOL 8p 27 LETICIA WOLF

THU OUR FAVORITE SINGER RETURNS!! 9p

A TRIBUTE TO THE TALKING HEADS

ROCK AND ROLL ALL NIGHT LONG!

FOLKY/ ALT COUNTRY/ STRING BAND DANCE FAMILY

JAZZ, FUNK AND HIP HOP COUNTRY DONE RIGHT

25 YEAR REUNION CONCERT

10.1 RYE BABY, AMBER'S DRIVE & JON MULLINS 10.2 LAZY HORSE: A TRIBUTE TO NEIL YOUNG

COMING SOON

THE WHITE ANIMALS FRI 9:30p 3 THE ORIGINAL PARTY BAND

THE SECRET SISTERS A MUST SEE SHOW - TRUST US!

FRI 9p

10

ALL SHOWS 21+ UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED • NON-SMOKING VENUE

221 MARKET STREET

HOT MUSIC • FINE BEER • GREAT FOOD BUY TICKETS ONLINE • RHYTHM-BREWS.COM

MUSIC CALENDAR

CHATTANOOGA

Jess Goggans Band

thursday9.18 CSO Lunchtime Concert Series 11:30 a.m.

Warehouse Row 1110 Market St. chattanoogasymphony.org Live Jazz 6 p.m.

The Meeting Place 1278 Market St. stjohnsrestaurant.com Live Bluegrass 6:30 p.m.

Whole Foods Market 301 Manufacturers Rd. (423) 702-7300 Red Bank Bluegrass Jam 6:30 p.m.

Grace Nazarene Church 6310 Dayton Blvd. chattanoogagrace.com Red Rogues 7 p.m.

1885 Grill 3914 St. Elmo Ave. 1885grill.com Songwriter Shootout 7 p.m.

The Camp House 1427 Williams St. thecamphouse.com Jesse James, Tim Neal 7:30 p.m.

Mexi Wings VII 5773 Brainerd Rd. (423) 296-1073 Sickness in the System, Aborning, Bloodgeon 8 p.m.

Ziggy’s Underground 607 Cherokee Blvd.

14 • The Pulse • september 18-24, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

(423) 265-8711 Open Mic with Hap Henninger 9 p.m.

The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 St. Paul and the Broken Bones 9 p.m.

Track 29 1400 Market St. track29.co Leticia Wolf 9 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Jess Goggans Band 9 p.m.

The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy. thehonestpint.com Kindora, Rock Floyd,

Pulse Pick: Roxie Randle Randle’s vast range of influences came to include country greats, mainstream pop stars, and out-of-the-box indie artists to make her a one-of-a-kind.

Roxie Randle Saturday, 12:30 p.m.

Tenn. Aquarium Plaza 1 Broad St. chattanoogarivermarket.com

SoCro, Tricurious 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com

friday9.19 Darren Self, John Rose 11 a.m.

Miller Plaza 850 Market St. rivercitycompany.com/ new/miller-plaza The Village People 6:30 p.m.

Museum Center at 5ive Points 200 Inman St. E. museumcenter.org Edward & Jane, The Giant and the Tailor, Grace Green, Spencer Smith 7 p.m.

The Camp House 1427 Williams St. thecamphouse.com Priscilla, Lil Rickee 8:30 p.m.

The Foundry 1201 Broad St. chattanooganhotel.com Iron Chief 9 p.m.

The Brew & Cue 5017 Rossville Blvd.

(423) 867-9402 James Bradshaw 9 p.m.

The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Trevor Card 9 p.m.

Southside Saloon & Bistro 1301 Chestnut St. southsidesaloonandbistro. com Richie, James Leg, Tuff Tits, Big Kitty 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com Reveal Renew, Golden Pelicans, Sandal Stomp, Roll Tight!

10 p.m.

Sluggo’s North 501 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 752-5224 Same As It Ever Was: A Tribute to the Talking Heads 10 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Aunt Betty

10 p.m.

Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com Chattanooga Acoustic Showcase 10 p.m.

Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse 105 McBrien Rd. christunity.org

saturday9.20 CSO String Quintet 10 a.m.

Northgate Public Library 278 Northgate Mall Dr. chattanoogasymphony.org Roxie Randle 12:30 p.m.

Tennessee Aquarium Plaza 1 Broad St. chattanoogarivermarket.com Scenic City Chorus 2, 7 p.m.

Signal Mountain Arts Community Center 809 Kentucky Ave. signalmacc.org Jason Thomas and the MeanEyed Cats 5 p.m.

Chattanooga Choo Choo 1400 Market St. choochoo.com Eddie Pontiac 5:30 p.m.

El Meson 2204 Hamilton Place Blvd. elmesonrestaurant.com Bluegrass Jamboree 6 p.m.

Harrison Ruritan Club 5709 Tyner Ln. harrisonruritanclub.webs.com Josh Gilbert Band, Dewveall, American Vacation 6 p.m.

The Camp House 1427 Williams St. thecamphouse.com Patten Unplugged Series: Count This Penny 7:30 p.m.

UTC Fine Arts Center Vine & Palmetto Sts. utc.edu Hap Henninger 10 p.m.

The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Velcro Pygmies 10 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Aunt Betty 10 p.m.

Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com

sunday9.21 Charlie Yates 12:30 p.m.

1885 Grill 3914 St. Elmo Ave. 1885grill.com Mark Garrison 12:30 p.m.

Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com

Roxie Randle 2 p.m.

Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com Larry Fleet 5 p.m.

Sugar’s Ribs 507 Broad St. sugarschattanooga.com Sunday Night Irish Music Jam Session 5 p.m.

Grocery Bar 1501 Long St. grocerybar.com

monday9.22 Matthew Fowler & Reggie Williams, Katrina Barclay 7 p.m.

The Camp House 1427 Williams St. thecamphouse.com Christine Isley-Farmer, Rebecca St. Goar, Joseph Walker 7:30 p.m.

UTC Cadek Recital Hall 725 Oak St. utc.edu

tuesday9.23 Rick’s Blues Jam 7 p.m.

Folk School of Chattanooga 1200 Mountain Creek Rd. chattanoogafolk.com Open Mic with Mike McDade 8 p.m.

MUSIC CALENDAR

Gunpowder and Pearls Tremont Tavern 1203 Hixson Pike tremonttavern.com Mad Libre, Blank Range, Giant Peach 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com

wednesday9.24 Butch Ross 5 p.m.

Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com Eric Garmany, Eric Shelton 7 p.m.

Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com Open Mic with Ryan Oyer 8 p.m.

The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy. thehonestpint.com Gunpowder and Pearls, Tab Spencer 9 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Juniper Rising 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com

901 Carter St Inside City Cafe 423-634-9191 Thursday, September 18: 9pm Open Mic with Hap Henninger Friday, September 19: 9pm James Bradshaw Saturday, September 20: 10pm Hap Henninger Tuesday, September 23: 7pm Server/Hotel Appreciation Night $5 Pitchers $2 Wells $1.50 Domestics ●

●

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks!

Stop by & check out our daily specials!

Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

Join us on Facebook daily lunch & drink specials!

The only place in Town where you can sing karaoke anyTime.

be sure to book your holiday party now!

410 market • (423) 757-wing

singitorwingit-chattanooga.com

CheCk out the Cat in the hat

Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@chattanoogapulse.com chattanoogapulse.com • september 18-24, 2014 • The Pulse • 15

Record Reviews

REJOICE!

IT’S MONDAY (AND TUESDAY & WEDNESDAY!)

ernie paik

Non-Cloying Kid Stuff, Deeply Avant Jazz Ms. Padgett rocks goofily, Matthew Shipp keeps traveling

MONDAYS: $2 PINTS

TUESDAYS: $3 MARTINIS

The Good Ms. Padgett If We Must We Must (Everything Ok)

W

WEDNESDAYS: ½-PRICE WINE

ON GLASSES & BOTTLES

Chattanooga’s Warehouse Row East 11th & Lindsay St. (423) 779-0400 tupelohoneycafe.com

™

hat do little children like? I dunno—candy, toys or some kind of overpriced plastic wearable thing? Fake mustaches? Smartphones? When it comes to music, small children are probably not very discriminating, so as long as it is melodic and happy, it will probably do.

At some point, people realized that music for children need not be insipid, cloying or annoying, and this realization likely has done wonders for the mental well-being of thousands—nay, millions—of parents around the world.

The album at hand is by the Good Ms. Padgett, a.k.a. Anna Padgett, a Brooklyn preschool teacher, and while ostensibly it is for little kids, it seems like it was created mercifully with the (indierock-loving) parent in mind.

Padgett is well-connected musically—her partner is Miggy Littleton, drummer for the rock band Blood on the Wall, and she’s joined by her daughter Penelope (age 7) and guests such as Daniel Littleton and Elizabeth Mitchell of Ida and the You Are My Flower/Sunshine/Lit-

16 • The Pulse • september 18-24, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

Matthew Shipp I’ve Been to Many Places (Thirsty Ear) tle Bird children’s albums and Tara Jane O’Neil.

If We Must We Must is cute, sure, but it rarely oversteps the line of being too precious; one exception is the cover of the Vaselines’ “Molly’s Lips” (famously covered by Nirvana) that is presented in a tamer fashion as “Mommy’s Lips.” It’s too much for this writer.

The other covers fare better; Jonathan Richman’s “Hey There Little Insect” has a great hollowbody electric guitar sound and a Bo Diddley vibe, and the version of Michael Hurley’s “Black and Yellow Bee” resembles a Yo La Tengo song with a sauntering lead guitar—this one seems to be for the adults.

Several of the selections are right on the verge of totally rocking out but are delivered with a little restraint because, I guess, kids will go nuts or something. This includes the candy-larceny-themed “Lollipop Nightmare” and the Velvet Underground-esque “Tattle to the Turtle” which teaches children to not be a tattletale (“If it’s an emergency, the teacher you tell /

If it’s not, you tell the one with the shell.”)

Padgett’s voice is clear and unfussy—not particularly flowery, but it strikes the right tone and demeanor. Think of it as a slightly goofier, slightly more rockin’ version of Elizabeth Mitchell’s You Are My Flower that, similarly, appeals to adults as much as it does to kids.

L

ike those “When I bite into a York Peppermint Patty...” commercials, the music of pianist Matthew Shipp is instantly and deeply transportive, sweeping the listener off the ground to other worlds or familiar sights or even shrinking down, Fantastic Voyagestyle, to explore the folds of Shipp’s brain.

He started with classical and moved to straight-ahead jazz, but his career as we know it really took off after the rapid development of his own distinctive style, which is immediately identifiable although complicated, with a hearty, forceful and nimble style that can go to breathtaking heights in uncharted regions.

As implied by the title, I’ve Been to Many Places, Shipp’s latest solo album has the artist revisiting some familiar spots in the form of jazz standards, mixed with total avant-garde improvisational pieces.

While we can put these tracks into two categories, in Shipp’s world they belong together, with the two forces working in conjunction.

Shipp told this writer in an interview in 2011 that, “To be honest, I sometimes get bored out there in the stratosphere” and that touching back with jazz standards “revivifies my imagination and consciousness for another flight out into free space.”

Shipp’s take on “Summertime” hammers and bulldozes before getting cloudy toward the end with a persistent repetition of two-state patterns; his interpretation of “Tenderly” is impatient, charged, agitated and quite different from the version he played with the late David S. Ware’s quartet 20 years ago.

Seemingly out of place is “Where Is the Love,” best known as the easy-listening Roberta Flack/Donny Hathaway hit, but Shipp’s version takes inspiration from Phineas Newborn Jr.’s recording of it with the personal significance of being one of Shipp’s first jazz records; he lets his left-hand notes roar and magnify the chord transitions, in a relatively straight reading.

Alongside the transformed standards are free-flowing improvisations where Shipp lets his subconscious take over; this isn’t auto-pilot, but instead, he seems to be using his technical skill to articulate whatever his brain is transmitting. “Symbolic Access” is one particularly striking and beautiful number that lingers at just the right moments, confounding any typical chords with extra contrary notes.

Any proficient piano player can learn jazz chords and spit them out, but Shipp is far beyond mere chords; a chord is just a slice of time, but Shipp has a fascinating complexity, drawing lines between notes from the past to the future.

a

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Exploring The World Beyond Pad Thai “

I wish people would try other dishes and stop being so afraid.

They would love all Thai food if they would just try!”

Longtime food writer and professional chef Mike McJunkin is a native Chattanoogan who has trained chefs, owned and operated restaurants, and singlehandedly increased Chattanooga’s meat consumption statistics for three consecutive years. Join him on Facebook at facebook.com/SushiAndBiscuits

Thai cuisine is varied and creative for the culinary tourist and the home chef Thai food conjures the Biscuit Belt, Thai up different images for food has not taken off like different people. For many, its Chinese and Mexican the mention of Thai food counterparts. While many immediately brings up “Asian” restaurants in town thoughts of pad Thai, Zach may offer up a sad version of Galifianakis, pad Thai as a and curries tip of the hat that turn to their Thai your lower brethren, intestine Chattanooga into a only has four scene from actual Thai MIKE McJUNKIN “Backdraft”. restaurants For others, (with a fifth their experience with Thai in Ft. Oglethorpe). Venture food may be limited to into any of these restaurants the “Thai Kitchen”-brand and you are certain to find instant noodle soup pack spicy Panang curry, tangy they picked it up on a tom kha gai soup and, of glassy-eyed, late-night trip course, the ubiquitous pad to BiLo. Thai. These mainstays of Here, in the buckle of American Thai cuisine are

Sushi & Biscuits

always at the top of any menu, comforting the lessthan-intrepid diner with their very approachable and somewhat familiar flavors, while also becalming them in a culinary comfort zone that some find hard to escape.

These “gateway” Thai dishes can be a solid choice at most Thai restaurants and are not simply American inventions (I’m looking at you, chimichangas and General Tso’s chicken) but they represent only a tiny sliver of Thai cuisine as a whole. One Thai national and local restaurant owner who wished to keep his comments anonymous told me, “People here are afraid to eat something new. It’s all pad Thai and curry, pad Thai and curry. Thai food is so much more than just pad and curry. I wish people would try other dishes and stop being so afraid. They

You complete us.

Now recruiting Media Sales Professionals to represent Chattanooga’s Alternative Newsweekly Send your resume and cover letter to: Mike Baskin, Director of Sales mikebaskin@brewermediagroup.com In the subject line, please include: Brewer Sales Position Learn more about us at BrewerMediaGroup.com.

Brewer Media is an equal opportunity employer.

18 • The Pulse • september 18-24, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

brewer media everywhere. every day.

would love all Thai food if they would just try!”

I must confess that Thai food is easily my favorite cuisine in the world. The streets and markets of Bangkok are the opium dens of the foodie world.

The complex variety of flavors, the vast array of ingredients and the masterful combinations of spices and herbs create an almost euphoric, Pavlovian trigger response. While recently eating my way around Bangkok and parts of central/eastern Thailand, I felt like Warren Beatty making his way through Studio 54 circa 1978— pleasantly overwhelmed by the orgy of sensations seducing my senses and gleefully sampling everything being offered.

Returning to Chattanooga meant leaving that heaven of sensations behind. I no longer felt like Warren

Beatty at Studio 54. This was more like Val Kilmer at a “Batman” afterparty. Something just wasn’t right.

Most American Thai restaurants lean heavily on food from central Thailand.

Chattanooga is no exception, but you can still step away from the pad Thai and find a menu packed with irresistible food. For example, one of my absolute favorite dishes is prik khing. Yes, this sounds like an ’80s porn star name, but in fact it is a spectacularly flavorful dish sometimes spelled “prik king,” “phrik king,” “phrik khing” or “phat prik khing”. While it is a curry, it contains no coconut milk and is considered a “dry” curry, meaning it isn’t a soupy dish poured over rice, but has aromatic spices clinging to the main ingredients. I recently had prik khing at Thai Smile 3 on Market Street; their combination of shrimp, green beans, chili paste, galangal, lime leaf and a touch of palm sugar was near perfect.

My lovely wife ordered Thai Smile’s take on the southern Thai dish pla tod, which is traditionally a whole turmeric fried fish, but this version uses tilapia filets seasoned with turmeric, lightly

fried and served with basil and a finely balanced chili garlic sauce. It was every bit as delicious as it sounds, even without the fish’s head and that tasty, tasty face meat (you know my mantra: Face meat is the best meat).

Although we typically think of Chinese food when we think of duck, Thai Smile 3’s chef uses his Thai mother’s crispy, spicy duck recipe and it is spectacular. Their pad kapow (sometimes spelled “kra pow” or “kaprow”) is a delightful homage to the street food dish you can get on almost every street corner in Bangkok. This very basic dish is just stir-fried meat (I prefer chicken) with chilis, onion, sweet peppers, garlic sauce and a bunch of basil, but it is an aromatic umami bomb for your mouth.

I could easily go on about the quirky dishes (and cooks) at Sawasdee or ramble about Thai Garden, the out-of-place gem in a Ft. Oglethorpe strip mall, but that takes all of the adventure out of the experience for you. Go forth to yon Thai restaurants, try new things and stop just ordering pad Thai. The glorious world of Thai food awaits!

To benefit lung cancer and lung disease research and education

Saturday, November 1, 2014  6:30 Pm embaSSy SuiteS ballroom, 2313 lifeStyle Way, ChattaNooga, tN 37421 a special evening of cocktails , silent and live auctions exclusively catered by ruth’s chris steak house entertainment by the love , peace and happiness band

Black Tie Optional Individual Reservations Prior To October 1, 2014 - $100 Each October 1st or Later - $150.00 Each or $250 Per Couple

For Reservations call 423-629-1098 or visit TNCelebration.org chattanoogapulse.com • september 18-24, 2014 • The Pulse • 19

ARTS SCENE

Get This Series On Your Wavelength

Find the Art of Farming TasteBuds Tour will take you back to the land This weekend marks the 2nd Annual TasteBuds Farm Tour. By purchasing a $20 car pass, you can take your friends and family on a selfpaced road trip around area farms during the weekend of Sept. 20-21 from noon until 5 p.m. each day.

At each farm, the host farmer will give your group a tour that can last anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour. The Farm Tour organizers advise that you budget an hour and a half to two hours for each stop, because, in addition to the tour, you will have the opportunity to stop by each farm’s stand to purchase locally grown products.

Participating locations include Crabtree Farms, Dazi Acres, Erma’s Bees, Farms of Avalon Rabbitry, The Healthy Kitchen, Lavender ‘N’ Rust

Herb Farm, Morris Vineyard & Winery, and Pickett’s Trout Ranch.

Visit crabtreefarms.org to find out more about the tour and to purchase your car pass. You can also plan your route in advance by using the tour’s interactive map at bit.ly/CHAfarmtour. When you go on the tour, hang your car pass on your rearview mirror and keep it visible at every stop and be sure to share your Farm Tour photos on Instagram using #CHAfarmtour.

— Rachael Poe 2nd Annual TasteBuds Farm Tour Saturday & Sunday Noon Various Local Farms (423) 493-9155 crabtreefarms.org

fri9.12

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PARK(ing) Day

C.S. Lewis’ “The Great Divorce”

Chattanooga Market: Scenic City Wings

Heaven, Hell or Purgatory?

Find out for yourself with this tale from a master of Christian literature.

4, 8 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. chattanoogaonstage.com

Time to find out who has the best wings in Chattanooga. Just be sure to have plenty to drink on hand after sampling.

11 a.m.

1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com

Get out early and find a good spot.

10 a.m.

Main St., Market St., CitiPark, Broad St. at Aquarium Way, & Frazier Ave. (423) 265-3700 parkingday.org

20 • The Pulse • september 18-24, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

“Horace Kentucky’s Chronal Detective Agency” revives radio comedy...online

T

he art of radio drama isn’t lost—not yet, anyway. The engaging experience of visualizing a whole story and all the characters using only your mind and your ears can in fact be found right here in Chattanooga through the portal of local actor/author/producer Dakota Brown’s series “Horace Kentucky’s Chronal Detective Agency.” We asked Brown for the low-down on the comic sci-fi show.

Arts JANIS HASHE

“

Podcasts are bringing the nation back to our media roots and may just spark an auditory renaissance.”

The Pulse: Tell us a little about the inception and the evolution of the idea for the show.

Dakota Brown: The show began as a pitch for WUTC. After recording the first five-episode arc, we decided that the modern podcast format was perfect for us. Since then, our free episodes have appeared sporadically on iTunes. Eventually, I hope to make it a weekly upload.

TP: What genre of sci-fi would you say this falls into?

DB: Since our “world” is defined by a combination of science and imaginative possibilities, we haven’t been confined to a genre. One episode will explore genuine scientific theory, the next will be a paranormal scream fest, and the next will be a fantastic adventure of mermaids and their evil captors.

TP: How do you create your scripts and how much improv is involved?

DB: All of the podcasts begin in my “Marvel Comics” themed journal.

While my writing history does come from my time at the improv institution that is Second City, I worry a

bit about moments of improvisation steering our story in a different direction than I intend. But then again, in a world of time travel and fantasy, anything is possible.

TP: Are the episodes recorded or broadcast live? Are there sound effects? How are these created?

DB: All episodes are recorded using my mobile studio, [which] basically consists of a digital recorder, a mic, some headphones, and a quilt for echo control. There are multiple sound effects we rely on. Luckily, if we can’t create them ourselves, there are multiple free-to-use effect databases at the disposal of anyone with an Internet connection.

TP: Where do your actors come from and who are they?

DB: “Horace Kentucky’s Chronal Detective Agency” is and shall remain a Chattanooga original. As such, all of our actors are performers I’ve had the pleasure of working with locally.

From Kevin Bartolomucci’s Winnie Wheatworth and Hunter Rodger’s Ranch Hand Rickey, to Marcia Parks’ NecroNancy and Andrew Woomer’s Roanoke Villager, each character exists only because of the Scenic City’s incredible talent.

TP: Can radio make a comeback as

a real venue for fiction?

DB: In a dream I dare to dream, radio dramas and comedies force families to gather around the ol’ FM box and do something amazing for a few minutes: imagine. I believe in such an ideal, [but] I don’t deny it would take quite a movement.

Such a movement starts locally, spreads to other locales, and maybe (just maybe) a country can return to tickling its imagination as much as it does its funny bone. Podcasts are bringing the nation back to our media roots and may just spark an auditory renaissance.

TP: Give us a little dialogue from an episode.

DB: From our second episode— Queen Victoria helps Albert Einstein define his theories:

Victoria Are you looking at the clock, Albert?

Einstein I believe I am.

Victoria You are not. You are looking at the light that is being reflected from the clock. What you are seeing is an image microseconds in the past.

Einstein

Because the speed of light is finite… yes! Then… then space and time…exist together as a single entity.

Victoria Yes! Einstein Interesting. I wonder if we affect spacetime as much as it does us. I suppose it must. We, as matter, occupy spacetime, therefore it must alter its existence to suit our presence. Should I write this down?

Victoria I think you should.

TP: When’s the next show, and where can people hear it?

DB: Our audience should look forward to an episodic arc where Andrew Jackson battles the Belle Witch (which has some actual historical founding), the adventures of Annie Oakley and the Nazi robots, and a series wherein Horace discovers that a somewhat well-known playwright known as “The Bard” has divulged a bit too much of the time traveler’s past in a newly discovered play.

People can find any of our episodes for free on iTunes, at our website horacekentucky.blogspot.com and on our Facebook page. chattanoogapulse.com • september 18-24, 2014 • The Pulse • 21

ARTS CALENDAR

Main Street Farmers Market

thursday9.18

for more info call 706.820.2531

See RockCity.com

Opens Next Thursday!

EnchantedMaze.com

Opens Saturday, October 4

BlowingScreamsFarm.com

BLUES Project: Annual Baby Shower & Community Health Fair 10 a.m.

Brainerd Recreation Complex 1010 North Moore Rd. (423) 778-5721 Homeschool Science Club 1 p.m.

Creative Discovery Museum 321 Chestnut St. (423) 757-2143 cdmfun.org Movie: “Rocketship X-M” 2, 7 p.m.

Heritage House 1428 Jenkins Rd. (423) 855-9474 Ooltewah Farmers Market 3 p.m.

Ooltewah Nursery 5829 Main St. (423) 238-9775 ooltewahnursery.com Kayak Polo 5:30 p.m.

Warner Park Pool (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com Special Screening: “Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead 2” 7:30 p.m.

East Ridge 18 5080 S.Terrace carmike.com “Gee’s Bend” 7:30 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com

22 • The Pulse • september 18-24, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

Special K 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

friday9.19 Home School Workshop: A Closer Look at Installation Art 10 a.m.

Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View (423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org PARK(ing) Day 10 a.m.

Main St., Market St., CitiPark, Broad St. at Aquarium Way, & Frazier Ave. (423) 265-3700 parkingday.org

Pulse Pick: special k From the “Rickey Smiley Morning Show” on Power 94, this talented comic is one funny guy who is a true star in the making.

Special K This weekend The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

Community Filmmaking Project Kick-off: CAPTURE 5:30 p.m.

Bessie Smith Cultural Center 200 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 265-4282 capturechatt.org Family Movie Night at the Park 6 p.m.

Heritage Park 1428 Jenkins Rd. (423) 463-0202 bridgechristian.org “Chicago” 7:30 p.m.

Memorial Auditorium Community Theater 399 McCallie Ave. cdoorent.com Special K 7:30, 9:45 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd.

(423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com “Gee’s Bend” 8 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com “Alchmey of Action” with Doug Robinson 8:30 p.m.

High Point Climbing & Fitness 219 Broad St. (423 602-7625 highpointclimbing.com Ruby Falls Lantern Tours 8:30 p.m.

1720 South Scenic Hwy (423) 821-2544 rubyfalls.com

saturday9.20 Walk to End Alzheimer’s 9 a.m.

4301 Amnicola Hwy (423) 265-3600 alz.org Brainerd Farmers’ Market 10 a.m.

Grace Episcopal Church 20 Belvoir Ave. (423) 698-0330 Northside Farmers’ Market 10 a.m.

Northside Presbyterian 953 Mississippi Ave. (423) 266-7497 Chattanooga River Market 10 a.m.

Tennessee Aquarium Plaza 1 Broad St. chattanoogarivermarket.com

ARTS CALENDAR

Chattanooga Market: Scenic City Wings St. Alban’s Farmers’ Market 10 a.m.

St. Alban’s Episcopal Church 7514 Hixson Pike (423) 842-1342 2nd Annual TasteBuds Farm Tour Noon Various local farms (423) 493-9155 crabtreefarms.org Civil War History Cruise: “Sharpshooters” 1 p.m.

River Gorge Explorer 1 Broad St. (423) 262-0695 tnaqua.org Tennessee Dahlia Society Annual Flower Show 1 p.m.

Erlanger VW Wellness Center 7380 Volkswagen Dr. (423) 949-8280 tndahlia.org “Chicago” 2, 7:30 p.m.

Memorial Auditorium Coummunity Theater 399 McCallie Ave. chattanoogaonstage.com C.S. Lewis’ “The Great Divorce” 4, 8 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. chattanoogaonstage.com Special K 7:30, 9:45 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com “Gee’s Bend”

8 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com

sunday9.21 Chattanooga Market: Scenic City Wings 11 a.m.

1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com Tennessee Dahlia Society Annual Flower Show 11 a.m.

Erlanger VW Wellness Center 7380 Volkswagen Dr. (423) 949-8280 tndahlia.org 2nd Annual TasteBuds Farm Tour Noon Various local farms (423) 493-9155 carbtreefarms.org “Gee’s Bend” 2:30 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com Community Filmmaking Project Premiere: CAPTURE 5:30 p.m.

Majestic Theater 311 Broad St. (423) 265-4282 capturechatt.org Special K 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd.

(423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

monday9.22 Kids Lego Club 5:10 p.m.

Downtown Public Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310 chattlibrary.org

tuesday9.23 An Evening with Poet Alice Smith 5:30 p.m.

Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View (423) 267-0968 southernlitalliance.org

wednesday9.24 Chattanooga Wednesday Market 4 p.m.

1829 Carter St. (423) 402-9957 chattanoogamarket.com Main Street Farmers Market 4 p.m.

325 E Main St. mainstfarmersmarket.com Rapid Learning Intro to Kayak & Roll Practice 7 p.m.

Outdoor Chattanooga 200 River St. (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com

ongoing “Hunter Invitational III” Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View (423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org “Literary Art Show” Reflections Gallery 6922 Lee Hwy. (423) 892-3072 reflectionsgallerytn.com “Open 24 Hours” Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View (423) 267-0968 “Please Seat Yourself: Zarzour’s Cafe” Northshore Gallery of Contemporary Art 505 Cherokee Blvd. thenorthshoregallery.com (423) 400-9797 “True to Nature” River Gallery 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033 river-gallery.com “Wings” Jewish Cultural Center 5461 N. Terrace (423) 493-0270, ext. 13 jewishchattanooga.com “The Wizard of Oz” Creative Discovery Museum 321 Chestnut St. (423) 756-2738 cdmfun.org Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Named “One of the Ten Most Incredible Cave Waterfalls on Earth”

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chattanoogapulse.com • september 18-24, 2014 • The Pulse • 23

SCREEN SCENE

Filmmakers, Start Your Cameras Local filmmaking event CAPTURE is back this weekend—time to get screened

A

Not Fat, Sick or Nearly Dead Healthy living documentarian returns with next chapter In 2010, documentary filmmaker Joe Cross took viewers on his journey from overweight and sick to healthy and fit in the award-winning “Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead”.

Starting at 310 lbs., with doctors and conventional medicines unable to help long term, Joe trades in the junk food and hits the road with juicer and generator in tow, vowing only to drink fresh fruit and vegetable juice for the next 60 days. He travels across the country, camera in hand, to record his weight-loss odyssey.

Now he’s back with a special onenight-only showing of his follow-up

✴✴✴✴

“Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead 2”, in which Joe examines how to make healthy habits last for a lifetime, and how lifestyle choices impact overall health.

Throughout this story, Joe meets with experts who present realistic solutions and viable strategies to make and maintain long-term sustainable improvements to eating.

Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead 2 Thursday, 7:30 p.m.

East Ridge 18 5080 S.Terrace carmike.com fatsickandnearlydead.com

NEW IN THEATERS

✴✴✴✴

The Maze Runner This Is Where I Leave You Thomas is deposited in a community When their father passes away, four of boys after his memory is erased, grown siblings are forced to return to soon learning they’re all trapped in their childhood home and live under a maze that will require him to join the same roof together for a week, forces with fellow “runners”. along with their over-sharing mother.

Director: Wes Ball Director: Shawn Levy Stars: Dylan O’Brien, Kaya Scodelario, Stars: Jason Bateman, Tina Fey, Jane Will Poulter, Thomas Brodie-Sangster Fonda, Adam Driver 24 • The Pulse • september 18-24, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

s frustrating as Chattanooga can still be for artists, there are people continuing to push the bar forward when it comes to encouraging the arts. The ability for artists to support themselves fully on just their art is very difficult anywhere in the U.S.—American culture values certain professionals over others and always has.

Screen JOHN DEVORE

“

Sometimes all it takes is that first film, that first short story, that first painting, to open the doors to a lifetime of artistic pursuit.”

Money is the driving factor in this country, and only the lucky, the rich or the wellconnected can make a solid living pursuing only their art. This has been true for all of our history. Nathaniel Hawthorne worked at a custom house in New York, Charles Ives sold life insurance, Harrison Ford was a carpenter.

But because art enriches our lives, there are those out there that will continue to work to bring it to the forefront. Between Sept.19-21, the folks at “CAPTURE: A Community Filmmaking Project” will do it again.

CAPTURE is unique in its design. It’s meant for anyone with access to a camera to engage with filmmaking professionals and start the process of making their own films. Anyone with an idea and an HD camera (if you have a smartphone, you qualify) can shoot their footage and have it edited, mixed and scored by the particpating Chattanooga filmmakers.

This is a truly collaborative event: CAPTURE seeks to reach out to the budding and not-quite-there-yet filmmakers of Chattanooga and help them realize a goal.

Sometimes all it takes is that first film, that first short story, that first painting, to open the doors to a lifetime of artistic pursuit.

CAPTURE might be a jumping-off point for any number of Chattanooga filmmakers.

The CAPTURE filmmaking weekend

Get ready for Fall with the best sippin’ whiskies in town.

Plus plenty of other fine liquors to tantalize your tastebuds.

“The Wrecking Crew”

“This is the type of arts event that Chattanooga needs—it gives a voice and a platform to many, many artists.”

will begin with a theme, and the filmmakers will be challenged to create a film that best represents it. During last year’s event, the editing teams created several powerful, dramatic films, and this year will be no different.

Entrants may submit up to five films, each 30 seconds in length. The editing teams will then create their versions of each film. The selected music teams will create scores. At the end of the weekend, the films will premiere at the Majestic and three winners will be chosen.

This is the type of arts event that Chattanooga needs—it gives a voice and a platform to many, many artists who may work day jobs but still want to create something meaningful.

Kicking off CAPTURE is a screening of “The Wrecking Crew” by Danny Tedesco. “The Wrecking Crew” tells the story of the backup band working in every genre, from television themes songs to commercial jin-

gles to mainstream pops. This group of session musicians worked with artists like Nancy Sinatra, Simon and Garfunkel, The Beach Boys, The Mamas and The Papas, and John Denver, as well as famed producer Phil Spector.

Films like “Muscle Shoals” and “Standing in the Shadows of Motown” covered smaller groups of session musicians, but “The Wrecking Crew” shows the lives of its more than 50 members, some of which are stars in their own right, like Glenn Campbell and Dr. John.

Tedesco, son of Wrecking Crew guitarist Tommy Tedesco, has been working on his film since 2008. It has not been released on DVD or in theaters, largely due to the financial difficulties of retaining the rights to so many pop songs and hits. The film is an emo-

tional journey for the director, who is writing about his father as much as the Wrecking Crew itself.

There is not another film like “The Wrecking Crew” being shown in town, and it is not to be missed. Tedesco will be on hand to answer questions and will also serve a guest judge for the CAPTURE showcase.

There are very real arguments for better compensation and treatment of artists in Chattanooga. It’s a problem that exists everywhere, from New York City to Nashville to L.A. But Chattanooga continues to move forward in becoming an “arts city”.

Events like CAPTURE make the city attractive, even if compensation and consistency are challenges not yet overcome. Support events like this one and give artists a chance to show themselves. And as always, support local film!

For more information and submission guidelines, visit capturechatt.org

Check out our great selection of wine, spirits & high gravity beer.

Come see why we’re the liquor store with a smile...

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chattanoogapulse.com • september 18-24, 2014 • The Pulse • 25

Better Than Mama Used To Make Toscano Italian Grill lures with delicious house specialties Unless you’re joining the military or buying a mattress, you may not know where the Toscano Italian Grill is located—but it’s worth the effort to find it. Tucked into one of the strip malls across from the Regions Bank at the intersection of Highway 153 and Lee Highway, you will find a small, unassuming restaurant that has taken typical Italian fare and given it a twist.

The dining room is a mixLOUIS ture of booths and tables. Twin ceiling fans keep the air—and aromas—circulating. Once seated, you are given the most difficult of tasks: to take a menu and choose only a few items to consume.

The bill of fare includes the usual appetizers, soups and salads, entrees and desserts. Yet included in these broad categories are both standard recipes and those which can only be found in this modest eatery. These are recipes developed by the co-owners, Mohamed Elbardissy and Terry Ismaiel. The two grew up in New York, but spent some of their later years in Newport, Rhode Island, where they learned not only Italian cooking, but specialization in seafood dishes.

We’ll begin where one always should in a restaurant, with ap-

petizers. There are the onion rings, French fries, fried mushrooms and mozzarella sticks, but add to that the Toscano specialties of Bacon Cheese Fries, Fried Ravioli and Bruschetta.

I tried two items. The Italian Garlic Knots are little pieces of bread dough tied into knots, baked, topped with grated ParLEE m e s a n cheese and herbs and served swimming in garlic butter. They are slightly crunchy on the outside, tender and flavorful on the inside. Dunked into the marinara sauce provided, the flavors all meld magically.

My favorite Toscano appetizer, though, is the Italian Nachos. The chips are actually deep-fried pasta, light and crispy, topped with a thick Alfredo sauce with chicken and jalapeno peppers. I give you fair warning that the portions are large and the urge is to eat every morsel.

Soups change daily. Salads range from the simple Toscano Salad with lettuce,

Dining Out

Toscano Italian Grill 6219 Lee Highway (at Highway 153) (423) 805-3888

Hours: Monday-Sunday, 10:30 a.m. – 10:30 p.m. toscanositaliangrilltn.com

26 • The Pulse • september 18-24, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

“In the case of Toscano Italian Grill, the pizza must compete with all the other wonderful dishes for attention.”

tomatoes, onions green peppers and shredded carrots to the Grilled Shrimp Salad using fresh Romaine lettuce, black olives and topped with grilled shrimp and grated Parmesan cheese.

Entrees span the gamut from pasta dishes and pizza to seafood dishes and hot subs. Together with the traditional spaghetti, ravioli and stuffed manicotti, Toscano has added their Taste of Italy. One plate is home to a generous portion of tri-color rotini pasta covered in a thick Alfredo sauce, threelayer lasagna with meat and three cheeses and a Chicken Parmesan to die for.

Chicken dishes make up another section of the menu. Once again there is a Toscano specialty in the form of Butter Lemon Chicken. Tender chicken is married to mushroom, ar-

tichoke hearts and capers, cooked in a homemade butter lemon sauce, and ladled over penne pasta.

Six seafood dishes are available, the most ambitious of which is the “Fruit De Mari” or Fruit of the Sea. Based in a bold red sauce, this dish includes calamari rings, shrimp, baby scallops and chopped clams served over spaghetti noodles. It’s a difficult task to get these particular ingredients together because shrimp, scallops and squid all require different cooking times and temperatures, yet the cooks at Toscano managed successfully to pull it off.

For an Italian restaurant, the benchmark of the

menu must be the pizza. A good pizza recipe can save even a mediocre menu.

But in the case of Toscano Italian Grill, the pizza must compete with all the other wonderful dishes for attention. To do so, Elbardissy and Ismaiel spent extra effort in developing the perfect crust and baking it in a brick oven.

The restaurant’s slogan is “Nobody DOUGHS it Better.” And they live up to it every day. The New Yorkstyle pizza is perfect in every way, with slices foldable (a test of authenticity) even in the small size.

Finally, the desserts.

Once again, it’s a Toscano specialty that tops the list, a Deep-Fried Oreo Cookie. There’s also a fried cheesecake and an Italian staple that surely prompted Clemenza to say, “Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.”

Diversions

Consider This with Dr. Rick

by Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D. “Re-examine all that you have been told… dismiss that which insults your soul.” — Walt Whitman I believe that one of the healthiest things we can do is question everything. Everything about ourselves and about others, everything we’re taught and everything we’re preached, everything we hear, read, and think we know.

You know that feeling when you’re afraid to tell someone something, because you feel you’ll be harshly judged for it? Only to find out, to your great relief, that their mind was open and accepting, their heart supportive. Their response was a breath of fresh air.

What if we could walk through the world without bias or prejudice, free to examine everything through the lens of, “Is this true for me?” What if we could respect and appreciate that someone else’s truth may not be true for us, may not fit or feel right, and that’s OK. And what if we felt the freedom to dismiss that which doesn’t feed our soul, in pursuit of what does? Would our world then be filled with compassion? Would we then be able to celebrate our differences? chattanoogapulse.com • september 18-24, 2014 • The Pulse • 27

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Free Will Astrology VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): I rarely waste my time trying to convert the “skeptics” who attack astrology with a hostile zeal that belies their supposed scientific objectivity. They’re often as dogmatic and closed-minded as any fundamentalist religious nut. When I’m in a tricky mood, though, I might tell them about the “Crawford Perspectives,” a highly rated Wall Street investment publication that relies extensively on astrological analysis. Or I might quote the wealthy financier J. P. Morgan, who testified that “Millionaires don’t use astrology; billionaires do.” That brings us to my main point, Virgo: The astrological omens suggest that the coming weeks will be a favorable time for you to put in motion plans to get richer quicker. Take advantage!

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): When Libra-born Mohandas Gandhi was 19, he moved to London from his native India to study law. Soon he got caught up in the effort to become an English gentleman.

He took elocution lessons and learned to dance. He bought fine clothes and a gold watch-chain.

Each morning he stood before a giant mirror and fussed with his hair and necktie until they were perfect. In retrospect, this phase of his life seems irrelevant. Years later he was a barefoot rebel leader using nonviolent civil disobedience to help end the British rule of India, often wearing a loincloth and shawl made of fabric he wove himself. With this as your inspiration, Libra, identify aspects of your current life that contribute little to the soul you must eventually become.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): This might be controversial, but I suspect that for now your emphasis shouldn’t be on sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Instead, your specialties should be hard-earned intimacy, altered states that are solely the result of deep introspection, and music that arouses reverence and other sacred emotions. You are entering a phase when crafty power is less important than vigorous receptivity; when success is not nearly as interesting as meaningfulness; when what you already understand is less valuable than what you can imagine and create.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You are entering a phase when

28 • The Pulse • september 18-24, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

rob brezsny rable anomaly happening for you in the coming days. A part of you that is wild or outré will be blessed by contact with what’s holy or sublime. Or maybe a beastly aspect of your nature that doesn’t normally get much respect will receive a divine favor.

you will reap rich rewards by nurturing the health of your favorite posse, ensemble, or organization.

How is the group’s collective mental health? Are there any festering rifts? Any apathetic attitudes or weakening resolves? I choose you to be the leader who builds solidarity and cultivates consensus. I ask you to think creatively about how to make sure everyone’s individual goals synergize with the greater good. Are you familiar with the Arabic word taarradhin?

It means a compromise that allows everyone to win—a reconciliation in which no one loses face.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The good news is that America has more trees than it did a hundred years ago. Aggressive efforts to replace the decimated old-growth forests have paid off. The bad news is that the new forests have a far less diverse selection of tree species than the originals. The fresh batches are often crowded into smaller spaces, so wildfires are more massive and devastating.

And because so many of the forests are young, they host a reduced diversity of plant and animal life.

All in all, the increased quantity is wonderful; the lower quality not so wonderful. Is there a lesson here for you? I think so. In your upcoming decisions, favor established quality over novel quantity.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): If Pope Francis isn’t traveling, he comes out to meet the public in St. Peter’s Square every Wednesday. During one such event last January, he took a few moments to bestow tender attention on a talking parrot that belonged to a male stripper. I foresee a compa-

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “My definition of a devil is a god who has not been recognized,” said mythologist Joseph Campbell.

“It is a power in you to which you have not given expression, and you push it back. And then, like all repressed energy, it builds up and becomes dangerous to the position you’re trying to hold.” Do you agree, Pisces? I hope so, because you will soon be entering the Get Better Acquainted with Your Devil Phase of your astrological cycle, to be immediately followed by the Transform Your Devil into a God Phase. To get the party started, ask yourself this question: What is the power in you to which you have not given expression?

ARIES (March 21-April 19): These horoscopes I write for you aren’t primarily meant to predict the future. They are more about uncovering hidden potentials and desirable possibilities that are stirring below the surface right now.

When I’m doing my job well, I help you identify those seeds so you can cultivate them proactively. Bearing that in mind, I’ll pose three pertinent questions. 1. What experiments might stir up more intimacy in the relationships you want to deepen? 2. What could you change about yourself to attract more of the love and care you want? 3. Is there anything you can do to diminish the sting of bad memories about past romantic encounters, thereby freeing you to love with more abandon?

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The old Latin motto Gradu diverso, via una can be translated as either “Continuing on the same road, but with a different stride” or “Going the same way, but changing your pace.” I think this is excellent advice for you, Taurus. By my reckoning, you are on the correct path.

You are headed in the right direction. But you need to shift your approach a bit—not a lot, just a little.

You’ve got to make some minor adjustments in the way you flow.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): For

years, Donna and George Lewis used a 33-pound, oval-shaped rock as a doorstop in their Tennessee home. Later they moved it to their garden. Then one day George analyzed it with his metal detector and realized it had unusual properties. He took it to scientists who informed him it was a rare and valuable four-and-a-half-billionyear-old meteorite. With this as our subtext, Gemini, I’m asking you if there might be some aspect of your life that is more precious than you imagine. Now is a favorable time to find out, and make appropriate adjustments in your behavior.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): I’ve got a radical proposal, Cancerian.

It might offend you. You may think I’m so far off the mark that you will stop reading my horoscopes.

But I’m willing to take that risk, and I’m prepared to admit that I could be wrong. But I don’t think I am wrong. So here’s what I have to say: There is a sense in which the source of your wound is potentially also the source of the “medicine” that will heal the wound.

What hurt you could fix you. But you must be careful not to interpret this masochistically. You can’t afford to be too literal. I’m not saying that the source of your pain is trustworthy or has good intentions.

Be cagey as you learn how to get the cure you need.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The prestigious New England Journal of Medicine published a study with a conclusion we might expect to see in a tabloid newspaper or satirical website. It reported that there is a correlation between chocolate consumption and Nobel Prizes. Those countries whose citizens eat more chocolate have also produced an inordinate number of Nobel laureates. So does this mean that chocolate makes you smarter, as some other studies have also suggested? Maybe, the report concluded. Since it is especially important for you to be at the height of your mental powers in the coming weeks, Leo, why not experiment with this possibility?

Homework: Name something you could change about yourself that would enhance your love life. Testify at Truthrooster@gmail.com

Jonesin’ Crossword

ACROSS 1 Norse god of mischief 5 Pick up and go 9 Birth-related 14 “Sounds like a plan!”

15 Neighborhood 16 Figure skater Berezhnaya 17 Hidden video game item 19 The first of Weird Al’s 2014 parodies 20 Dull 21 “The Fatal Gift” author Waugh 23 Is down with 24 “Rendezvous With ___” (Arthur C. Clarke novel) 26 Dignify 28 Modern composer known for 4’33” of quiet 32 Where Noah’s Ark landed 35 1860s presidential nickname 36 Become notable, like a hashtag 38 Pirate’s spoils 39 History, with “the” 41 Peak performance?

43 Suddenly lose it

44 Love, in Dijon 46 Patrick of “Almost Famous” 48 Provoked feeling 49 Not so nice feeling 51 One of the Arquettes 53 Word before pillow or rug 55 Geographical septet, supposedly 56 “Hush your mouth” 58 Gazillions 60 Guitarist’s position that also includes D# and F# 64 2000s teen drama whose opening theme was “California” 66 Meme caption with Captain Picard and a Singer machine 68 Mr. Jeter 69 Peace Prize winner Wiesel 70 “Dark Angel” star Jessica 71 Vehicles with no-wheel drive 72 Almost there 73 Filly color DOWN 1 “In ___ of flowers...”

matt jones

2 Mideast monarchy 3 Band whose frontman claims that rock is dead 4 Summer office worker 5 Run-D.M.C. song that asks “Why ya buggin’?”

6 Valuable rock 7 “Luka” singer Suzanne 8 USPS symbol 9 Food label unit 10 ___ mode 11 Company that owns Dirt Devil and Hoover appliances 12 “(You’re) Having My Baby” songwriter 13 Chips with a “Do Us a Flavor” contest 18 Not just close 22 Metric system prefix 25 The ___ Aquarius 27 Thailand neighbor 28 Country split into prefectures 29 Time’s Person of the Year for 2008 and 2012 30 Response after searching all over the house for the dog, perhaps 31 Become, eventually 33 2600 console maker

34 Aggressive and impatient 37 “Ballet Rehearsal” artist Edgar 40 Bum 42 Brew with fewer calories 45 Tries again with pool balls 47 Actress Lords or Bingham 50 It bought CompuServe 52 1987 Beatty/ Hoffman flop 54 All of New Hampshire’s congressional delegation, at the moment 56 Norms: abbr.

57 “Falling Up” poet Silverstein 59 Story 61 Capital home to the Vikingskiphuset museum 62 Country artist McEntire 63 Edwards of the Carolina Panthers 65 UK reference 67 Sorento automaker

Copyright © 2014 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0693

Music for Chattanooga’s Coolest Generation

hippieradio1069.com chattanoogapulse.com • september 18-24, 2014 • The Pulse • 29

Tales From The Pigpile Officer Alex fills us in on another unsalubrious aspect of his job

“

The Dog Pile (or ‘Pig Pen’ depending on who you ask) is a horrible thing, and I’m not talking about for the felon at the bottom of it.

When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at facebook.com/alexteach

We spot him on the front porch of his house on Foust Street before he spots us, which is kind of surprising since we are very distinctly dressed as “cops” and he is a thief and a robber with three felony warrants out for his arrest.

I smile beALEX cause I’m a nice guy, and also because it makes me look like I don’t know how many warrants he has despite the fact that I do, because I’m also a clever little guy.

So I’m smiling, we’re talking, and we all start walking across the yard to the front porch. I point down the street as if to apparently ask about a particularly fascinating utility pole when Mr. Cleveland’s eyes begin to narrow ever so slightly. He realizes the five cops in his yard may actually be here on business despite his acumen in the crime game, and thusly, he turns to flee.

His direction of travel is toward the front door, and my

smile doesn’t quite fade as I top the porch to try to block the closing of the door. My attempt fails as does my smile, and I put a shoulder to it so that I may continue my journey towards great justice. (*Before you contact an attorney, TEACH know that “hot pursuit” allows this in the Buford T. Justice method for which it was clearly named.)

The door gives under my weight as shitty East Lake doors tend to do, and I see Mr. Cleveland change course from what must have been another (inconveniently locked) door to across the room where I intercept him. Which is where this stopped being normal.

When I dove, I clasped his midriff in my Grover-fromSesame-Street-like-arms and allowed years of conveniencestore food and alcohol to bring him to the ground (as it was metaphorically doing to me), and down we went. And then

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30 • The Pulse • september 18-24, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

my partner landed on top of me. And his partner landed on top of us. And their partner landed on top of them. And someone else’s partner landed on top of all of us.

The Dog Pile (or “Pig Pen” depending on who you ask) is a horrible thing, and I’m not talking about for the felon at the bottom of it, despite the great swell of pity I normally feel for my fellow man.

It’s a spaghetti mound of polyester and leather and guns and adrenaline and there’s never so much as a statistical chance that everyone involved has bathed, so there’s a club-sandwich layer of funk to contend with, as well as the adrenaline-pumping aspect of someone grabbing your gun.

You really just tend to focus on that, as compared to whether or not you turned off the stoveeye prior to leaving for work.

We were writhing there on the floor when I heard someone yell out “Mother #$@%&!, quit moving or I’ll break your damn foot!” and at that instant, I realized with no small amount of horror that I was, in fact, the mother #$@%&! whose foot was in a death grip and inexorably being twisted in an attempt to get its owner to give up.

“HEY! THAT’S MY FOOT!” I screamed in attempt to relay the obvious, but my

partner (or his partner, or their partner) was having none of that and my foot continued to twist.

The boots you wear for stability and comfort? They were not helping in this case the least little bit, either. “What the shit?!” I thought. “Does he think this idiot is wearing a zippered leather Danners?!”

I actually felt a tangible “pop” in the area of my upper calf as the contortion continued, and then as quickly as the horror began—it stopped.

“OH! Sorry, bruh!” my partner (or his partner, or their partner) said. I went limp.

Mr. Cleveland had no sympathy for my plight, as he was contending with somewhere in the area of 600 pounds of “cop” on top of him as I traversed my mountains of pain, but I didn’t hold it against him. He had six weeks of pretrial hearings before him while I had six weeks of light duty to recover.

In the end, I got to see daylight whereas he got to see shift changes of guards and a load of orange suits for about ten times that amount of time.

Was it a fair trade? No. Color me biased, but he was a rottenass thief and robber. Me? I’m a nice guy and an authority on utility poles. Why would anyone hurt me?

Another sidewalk, another day. I love my job.

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chattanoogapulse.com • september 18-24, 2014 • The Pulse • 31

SHOPPING FOR A CAUSE!? yes, please! Local Chattanooga businesses are partnering with the Austin Hatcher Foundation during the month of September to raise funds and awareness for Chattanooga’s local Cancer Care Center, Hatch’s House of Hope.

September is Pediatric Cancer Awareness month and together we are making a difference one shopping spree at a time! Join our local businesses and empower the lives of children and families faced with pediatric cancer. cance www.hatcherfoundation.org/shoplocal

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