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danimal's planet | vengeance & redemption | film experiment


Several years ago, The Pulse started a short story contest. Many great writers have sent in many great stories. This year is no different....

JULY 17, 2014

Open 7 Days: M-F 8am-10pm, Sat 8am-6pm, Sun 10am-6pm

FRAZIER-NORTHSHORE 345 Frazier Avenue, Suite 108 Next to Regions Bank (423) 757-2900

2 • The Pulse • July 17-23, 2014 •

VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 29 brewEr media group

Publisher & President Jim Brewer II




Managing Editor Gary Poole

BEGINNINGS: Residents ask city to balance business with peace

Contributing Editor Janis Hashe Contributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsny • John DeVore Janis Hashe • Matt Jones • Sandra Kurtz Josh Lang • Cody Maxwell • Marc T. Michael Ernie Paik • Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib Ward Raymond • Alex Teach • Stratton Tingle



Editorial Interns Christopher Armstrong • Jake Bacon Madeline Chambliss Cartoonists & Illustrators Rick Baldwin • Max Cannon Jen Sorenson • Tom Tomorrow Founded 2003 by Zachary Cooper & Michael Kull


Director of Sales Mike Baskin Account Executives Chee Chee Brown • Julie Brown • Rick Leavell Leif Sawyer • Stacey Tyler • Jerry Ware

MUSIC: It’s Damimal’s Planet, we just live on it

SHORT (SHORT) STORIES Here are the winners of our annual Short Story Contest as judged by The Pulse

RECORDS: Underground Saudi metal, above-ground free improv SCREEN: Breathing Artifacts Film Series is a ‘social experiment’ TECH: Playorities software connects indoor and outdoor worlds


Offices 1305 Carter St. Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Fax 423.266.2335 Website Email Calendar THE FINE PRINT: The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. Contents Copyright © 2014 by Brewer Media. All rights reserved.





E M T e O H EN uls M P EN VE The RE O G PR ek in e IM t W




VENGEANCE & REDEMPTION “Pickett’s Charge” tells a Southern quest tale

SANDRA KURTZ: Chattanooga Healthy Energy for Everyone festival ALEX TEACH: Officer Alex’s memories help him through a hard task of mercy

By Ward Raymond

You complete us. Now recruiting Media Sales Professionals to represent Chattanooga’s best radio stations. Send your resume and cover letter to: Mike Baskin, Director of Sales In the subject line, please include: Brewer Sales Position Learn more about us at Brewer Media is an equal opportunity employer.

brewer media everywhere. every day. • July 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 3

news • views • rants • raves



How Loud Is Our Future? Residents ask city to balance business with peace

Decisions on changes will be up to the city council, and council members are weighing the options.”

Cities change. And they often change faster than the laws and ordinances designed to help them function can keep up. A case in point is the City of Chattanooga’s noise ordinance, last revised in 2002—which doesn’t seem that long ago, but neighborhoods and businesses have evolved and been created and now updates are needed. Homeowners on the Southside have brought the issue publicly to the fore with problems about noise from Track 29 shows. But as Peggy Petrey, one of the homeowners, explains, it’s much bigger than one club. “My biggest concern, outside han-

dling our immediate rights to quiet, is that this process [revising the noise ordinance] should be one that does not focus on one venue, but on all types of venues, from mega-churches to tiny bars and even gas stations with a lot of action,” she says. Petrey notes that Mayor Andy Berke’s “Chattanooga Forward” iniJANIS HASHE tiative includes among its six task forces one devoted to “entertainment and attractions.” “Chattanooga Forward should be forward thinking, so we don’t have yet another incomplete ordinance that needs to be revised,” she says. “[It should address] the city’s desire to have an entertainment ‘district’ and how the ordinance would apply to the new venues.” Southside resident Kerrick Johnson has been researching how other cities, including Austin, Texas have dealt with this issue. “Acoustic engineers tell me there is no silver bullet,” he says. Austin, however, has instituted a low-cost loan program that allows venues to insulate and buy permanent equipment appropriate to their individual spaces. “One major problem is that the touring shows bring in equipment designed for amphitheatres and use it in our much smaller venues,” he says. Like Petrey, he is eager to see the city tackle the issue in a way that deals with enforcement as well as regulation. “The police have other


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things to do than visit a venue several times in one night,” he says. Johnson also believes the city needs to re-address venues that have not been properly noise-insulated—and make sure the penalties for repeated offenses are strengthened. (It should be mentioned that the noise ordinance also covers too-loud car stereos, and fireworks, which except for New Year’s Eve, are not legal after 11:30 p.m. Currently, these provisions are virtually unenforceable.) Decisions on changes will be up to the city council, and council members are weighing the options in advance of discussing the issue in a couple of weeks. “The challenge is one of balance,” Councilperson Carol Berz points out. “In my mind nothing outweighs the right to quiet enjoyment of home. However, this right must be tempered with the reality of the sometimesclose proximity of business to residential neighborhoods. I do not think one size fits all; thus any ordinance must be carefully crafted to include the variety of circumstances in which inappropriate noise interferes with life.”




by Rick Baldwin



Everybody’s Zoo-ing It Party humans, meet party animals By day, Czar the Snow Leopard, Fran the Capybara, and Olive the Two-Toed Sloth are simply animals. But when the Chattanooga Zoo closes each evening, Czar, Fran, Olive, and their friends (or in some cases, enemies) become party animals. Zoo animals may not be your typical party crowd, but the Chattanooga Zoo’s annual Q n’ Brew is one of the summer’s hottest house parties. Unlike those parties hosted by ghosts

of popular kids past, attending this party doesn’t require your name to be on “the list.” Starting at 4:30 p.m. on Saturday, July 26, come rain or shine, guests are invited to a night of tasting Chattanooga’s best BBQ and beer, listening to a local bluegrass band, and zoo admission. Each guest will also go home with a commemorative Q n’ Brew cup. Advance tickets are available on the Zoo’s website at $15 per adult and $10 per child


John DeVore Film writer John DeVore has spent a significant portion of his life in dark theaters. From an early age, he was drawn to strong storytelling brought to life through the magic of the silver screen. With degrees in both literature and education, John has keen


(nonmembers) and $12 per adult and $7 per child (members). So grab your family and friends, help raise money for the Zoo’s educational programs, and spend the night partying with the ones who put the animal in party animal. (But please—don’t feed the animals.) For more information and to purchase tickets, visit — Madeline Chambliss



Rich Bailey insight into critical theory and a genuine desire to educate audiences on the finer points of film appreciation. His favorite films transcend genre—quality storytelling and respect for the intelligence of the audience will win him over every time. When not watching and writing about film, John spends his time writing his own stories and exposing his children to the wonders of movie magic.

Rich Bailey is a professional writer, editor and (sometimes) public relations consultant. After promoting insurance and Chattanooga professionally (but not at the same time), he freelanced from 2001 to 2012, which allowed time for neat hobbies like getting bad

publicity for neighborhoodthreatening institutions. Despite leading a project to create Chattanooga's first civic web site in 1995 before even owning a modem, he is not much of an early adopter but avidly covers Chattanooga technology for The Pulse, as well as various arts and entertainment events here in the Scenic City. He splits his time between Chattanooga and Manhattan.

Chattanooga’s Warehouse Row East 11th & Lindsay St. (423) 779-0400 • July 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 5

Celebrate Green Action and Solutions “

CHEE also wants to build a plan addressing climate change, and mount a city effort for environmental justice.”

Sandra Kurt is an environmental community activist and is presently working through the Urban Century Institute. Visit her website at

Chattanooga Healthy Energy for Everyone sponsors August festival

events. Aren’t we lucky to live There are laudable atwhere we live? As Golditempts in the works in Chatlocks would say, “It’s not tanooga and Hamilton Countoo hot; it’s not too cold; it’s ty to reduce both poverty and just right!” Tennessee has crime, and there has been a greater variety of plants a stab at sustainability and and animals than elsewhere climate change in the world. If action, but until you have flown Shades now there hasn’t in from other been an orgaplaces, you know of Green nized effort to how beautifully green it is in SANDRA KURTZ work on energy justice. A newly comparison to formed coalition is growother spots. The combination ing in Chattanooga to tackle of water, forest and scenic that issue. Because energy vistas just can’t be beat. And impacts us all, Chattanooga to date we have four tolerable Healthy Energy for Everyone seasons—although overall, (CHEE) is reaching out to it’s getting hotter. organizations across a broad Marring the view is recent spectrum. research revealing our higher These include hospitals, amounts of poverty and crime schools, farmers, businesses, compared to other cities. USA industries, government and Today says Chattanooga is the service agencies at all levels, nation’s eighth unhealthinonprofits, and all the orgaest city. Poverty sometimes nizations that serve neighleads to crime as people beborhoods. It also includes all come desperate for food and individuals who want a clean shelter. Poverty leads to poor energy world with clean air health given lack of access and water where they can to nutritious food and health work, play, be safe and afford services plus unsanitary livbasic comforts of life. ing conditions. Then there is The CHEE coalition insickness-related air, food and tends to promote a transition water pollution, plus floodto the use of more Earth/peoing, inability to afford energy ple-friendly energy sources costs, and the danger those replacing coal, natural gas and conditions may bring, espenuclear with conservation, recially in extreme weather

6 • The Pulse • July 17-23, 2014 •

newable energy, and energy efficiency. CHEE also wants to build a plan addressing climate change, and mount a city effort for environmental justice. For more information, email Climate-Chattanooga-list@Sierra Environmentalists are often accused of only talking about gloom and doom. There’s a grain of truth there, but talked about or not, problems do exist. Environmentalists continue to point out planet and support system issues that we humans have brought upon ourselves. Knowing the problems helps us fix them, once we put our minds to it. Our environmental problems encompass a long, complex list. By the time you think about it, you’re going to need some cheering up. Besides, it’s summer! Let’s celebrate actions and solutions—and there are many. CHEE invites you to the Chattanooga Climate Festi-

val, August 16 from 4-9 p.m. at the Crash Pad. Spend a Sunday afternoon and early evening with live music, informative speakers, fun exhibits, intriguing workshops and food. It’s all being done with the belief that when we get together and become aware and informed, we are a resourceful bunch, fully able to make a positive difference. We are the ones to do it. Admission is free, but if you have a few bucks to help sponsor the event, join other advocates by going to Thanks to Tennessee Environmental Council sponsorship, you can participate in crowdfunding, allowing you to join with others and see 100 percent of your big, small, very small, or even measly contribution go exactly where you want it to go for a change. Click on causes, select Chattanooga Climate Festival, and follow directions to contribute. See you there!

“...true passion on a plate.” — The Pulse Magazine



Join us Friday, July 18 from 6– 9 pm // $75pp TICKETS AVAILABLE ONLINE 4 SEAFOOD & DRINK STATIONS PAELLA, SNAPPER, SHRIMP Light Red Wine & McHales Beer Keg

SEAFOOD SALAD BAR White Wine & Ice Luge Booze Shots

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ICE CREAM Moonshine Liquor Bar

PLUS, receive a welcome cocktail and seafood tool kit. Expect small delicacies to be served thoughout the evening, as well as live music.


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5425 Highway 153 423-805-4640 (Next to CiCi’s Pizza)

Mon-Fri: 10am-7pm Sat: 11a-4pm Closed Sunday

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(770) 362-8930 • July 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 7

They’ll Be With You Shortly

Check out the 2014 Short Short Story Contest winners Once again, we celebrate the tremendous amount of creative writing talent here in Chattanooga with the winners of our annual Short Short Story Contest. The three winners and two honorable mentions are all published here for the first time. Congratulations to the winners and many thanks to everyone who entered a story. If you didn’t...there’s always next year! This year’s judges included: • Frequent Pulse contributor Cody Maxwell, who is the author of “Chattanooga Chronicles” (History Press), as well as a collection of short stories due out this fall. • Former Short Short Story contest winner Stratton Tingle, a New Orleans native and a Chattanoogan by choice. When he’s

8 • The Pulse • July 17-23, 2014 •

not recruiting new clients for Decosimo or playing music at JJ’s Bohemia or Sluggo’s, he’s probably road cycling, dancing, tubing on the Ocoee, or catching a flick with the Mise En Scenesters film club. • Pulse interns Christopher Armstrong, Jake Bacon and Madeline Chambliss (judging as a group, lively disccusions here!).



Breakfast Special By Ever Flanigan

“Breakfast Special—$2.99.” The price was appealing and I approached the diner’s glass door with three days’ hunger in my gut. My first meal in western Pennsylvania promised to be small and bland. After all, what are you going to get for three bucks? It would be filling and that’s all I cared about. The 1,200-mile drive it had taken to get there was hampered by December’s predictably poor weather. And the traffic that comes with it. I had trouble finding the motel and didn’t get checked in until after midnight. With five hours sleep I wandered out into the cold darkness and crossed the parking lot toward the only light I could see. The first thing I noticed when I walked in was all the people taking notice of me. Clearly it was a local joint, which I thought odd, considering its proximity to an outof-the-way motor lodge. The

door had barely closed behind me when I looked across the counter and saw the potatoes. The mountain of semi-frozen spud chips occupying more than half the griddle was, well, a little scary. There were still ice crystals on the outside, and the bottom edge was nearly burnt. The situation was being tended to by a slightly awake man wearing an apron that was likely once white. His squinted eyes worked hard to stay focused. He gazed past his nose and beyond a stack of ashes that only resembled a cigarette. It barely stuck to his bottom lip. I never even saw him take a drag. Great. I hoped the toast was edible. The waitress, a ringer for Rosanne Barr (minus the smile), followed me to a table

in the far corner with a full cup plus saucer. I guess everyone got coffee, whether they wanted it or not. Something told me I would need it. She was armed with pencil and pad before I even picked up the menu. Her name tag said “Jolie.” “One Special?” she asked with a measurable amount of certainty. “What’s the Special?” I asked.  “Two eggs, potatoes, bacon, toast, and coffee,” she said with a sigh.  “O.K.—but no potatoes.” I could still see the griddle and the back of the barely awake cook.  “Take the potatoes,” she said. She rolled her eyes.

“I don’t want the potatoes.” Polite, but firm.  “Take the potatoes.” She waved her pencil and pad with separate hands in a gentle gesture of desperation.  “I’ve seen the potatoes. I don’t want them on my plate.” I hadn’t even had a sip of coffee and already I could feel my blood. She sighed and walked away.  The food was better than I had expected. Maybe it was just my hunger, but my belly felt good. I got up and approached the register.  “That’ll be $7.32” said Jolie.  “But I had the Special. $2.99.” I replied.  “You had two eggs, bacon, toast, and coffee. $7.32. I told you to take the potatoes.” • July 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 9



Fairy Tale American By Clifton Patty

Get this: It’s summertime and on a popular beach the water turns to thick red soup. Above the tarwater thousands of birds collect and they swirl and bark and fight. It stretches for miles and miles we think. No one ever bothered to measure it, but it’s all a pretty big deal. Now the beach looks like God’s putrid liver and one morning the tide sinks lower than usual and from the ocean a colossal whale washes ashore. Within a week the beach is a celebration of our freedom. We charge for visits and spew aspersions at the government and take off work to get wasted and if there is a part of the buffalo untouched it’s simply not profitable. It’s a sign from every god. It’s mother earth’s dead canary. We are all united around the great whale. Most of us at least. The poor countries probably didn’t hear about it. But, get this! The bloated carcass bursts under the heat of the sun and out of it spills blood and chunks. And people. All hell breaks loose. Pale bodies spread out like the seeds of a dropped watermelon. Most of them dead. The ones that lived are blind. Their skin hangs loose and diaph-

anous. They’re instant celebrities. They tell handed down tales of the original survivors. Swallowed decades ago. They say other communities live in the whale. In the lesser of the stomachs. They’d sent a man to communicate with the peasants of the second stomach. Father Pate. He never returned. And, lord, they are all just hideous. Huge machinery storms the beach and cuts and digs and rips into the whale. We stand in anticipation to watch them climb from the decaying mausoleum and we are going to cheer and cry and laugh while they walk into the light like rescued puppies. We make T-shirts. 2nd > 1st. That’s what they say. They’re found soon enough. More of them alive than the first wave. Bodies better acclimated to the lessthan-stellar living conditions of a whale’s stomach. Their bodies short, eyes grey. Their English simplified. Their community was founded by emigrants who abandoned the first stomach’s oppression. The great whale continues to rot. Sleeves of skin slough away like pond-mud and you can dig into the whale with your bare hands. More and more people dump out. A survivor from the third stomach writes an autobiographical novel. The legend of Father Pate carries on, his status has become a likely apocryphal legend. We make T-shirts. Free Pate. That’s what they say. Get this: I’m on the internet one day and what do I see? Father Pate has been found. In the fifth and final stomach. There were no inhabitants left there. Supposedly excreted. Only Father Pate. The savages had killed him. He was hung from a sliced tendon. Illegible symbols carved into his body. What a show. They find a journal on him. Make a movie out of it. I read some reviews but never go to see it.

10 • The Pulse • July 17-23, 2014 •



Too Much Schlitz By Bob Gilliand

A belly full of Schlitz and fuzzy sparks scattering in your head. That is the way to enjoy a back road in Georgia. Let the moonlight play with sputtering pulses of blue light, and a growling GTO convertible to ice the cake.    For the first time in my life I felt weight come off my shoulders. Lifted away like a chain hoist was clacking above me. My inner weirdo vanished and the costume fell away. I wasn’t a hippie or a square, just a longhaired beer drinker who loved the moonlight and roaring wind through a convertible.   Dennis was in control. His left arm hanging off the door, right hand swaying with the wheel. Taking those dips and humps without letting the front end get away. Into curves real tight, hitting the apex, and letting the tail slide through smooth. Not even a chirp of the tires.   Over the next hill he cut the wheel into a lazy right curve and put the tires onto the soft shoulder. Dennis’ hand slipped too far and the big car moved fast and sure. Something about those bias ply  tires grabbed the asphalt tight and we were off on a real ride.   Our asses were glued into the

seat for half the rollover. On the upswing centrifugal force shot us high into thick June air like meat rockets. We went from the howl of wind blowing to absolute silence as we soared and momentum took us far beyond the road.   That fat moon showed me the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen. Dennis floated up between that gorgeous blue orb and me. Hush Puppies shooting away from him like suede bullets. For a moment he hung in the air with his arms forced down to his sides and legs perfectly straight. He was spiraling as he floated past the moon. A dark silhouette, he was like a man on the moon in mid-stride.   Tall yellow pines line every Georgia road like sentinels. We floated into their grasp. I don’t know if I thought this or if Dennis yelled it in that split second before the pines ate us, but I heard a voice.  “I’m coming, Jesus!” Dennis went into the branches and trunks sideways and it sounded like a melon busting open. I brought up the rear but heard no sound.   I now float in celestial ecstasy, free of binding flesh. I’m bathed in light and warmed by golden rays. I understand almost all things, but I still don’t know if Dennis yelled. All I do know is I haven’t seen hide nor hair of that boy, and I’ve been out here for what seems like an eternity. I guess Jesus didn’t take him up on the offer. Maybe he lost too many points by screwing that preacher’s wife long ago. That Dennis was always up to something.



River Beast By Holland Youngman

I live in a deep deep hole in a river, and am old like the rocks and the current. I outlive my lore, centuries over. The land people curious enough to dive down beyond the light don’t often resurface. They are my sustenance. Most stay shallow where their inherent fear of the dark depths preserves them. But the few brave, foolish souls who strain their lungs and courage... pulling themselves down down down into my cold dim not breathe air or feel sunlight again. A flick of my claws, a snap of my jaws, and their lives are extinguished. Only the briefest flash of terror before death, as my presence swirls around

The Loop By Alan Carey …and suddenly Sam found himself on the beach. With no explanation of how he got there, where he had been going or why, it was one of the more sobering moments of his life. He scratched his head and began walking when his feet bumped into something in the sand. He picked it up, examining the object. It looked like a golden magic lamp from a Hollywood movie. Sam rubbed it, expecting nothing to happen, but was not surprised when it started to glow. A purplish smoke spewed from the nozzle and materialized into a genie. “I am the genie of the lamp. You know the drill. Three wishes, no funny business, don’t be stupid about it.” The genie seemed depressed. Sam

them. My doomed visitors are rare. After one fails to resurface there is much fuss with those waiting on the shore. In recent times others have come searching with breathing tanks and lights. I let them prowl about as I coil into unseen places. No need for a massacre, so they carry out their fruitless search and surface without answers. And then there will be no one for years and years. The dread of what is down here, the tale of the disappeared, keeping the inquisitive away. As stories fade through the generations, again they are drawn by the allure of unknown depths. They are more than food. For that I have the fish, algae and mussels. The people feed my soul. Not only do I absorb their nutrients but also their

raised an eyebrow. “Why are you so bummed out?” “I don’t want to talk about it again.” “Fine,” said Sam. “I wish that a beautiful woman would fall in love with me.” “Of course you do,” said the genie. He folded his arms and nodded. In a flash of light, the most beautiful young lady appeared next to Sam, fell into his arms and kissed him more passionately than he’d ever been kissed before. “This is wonderful!” said Sam. “No sense in rushing my next two wishes!” So Sam married the woman in a lavish affair. After a few years together though, Sam began to resent her. There was no conversation with her except about how much she adored

memories—their emotions, thoughts and dreams. While my gut digests the meat and bones, my soul is filled with the lives they have led. I have felt their joys and fears and have loved their loves. Smells of treasured children, lovers’ electric caresses and the laughters of friendship. Thousands of senses flow from their energy to mine. It is how I know the world beyond my own. It is how I comprehend the ethos of a prolific race, and experience the duality of creatures both imprudent and wise—loving and cruel—aware and oblivious. Throughout the millennia I have consumed them, experiencing the constance and the change in their world. Their relationship to the earth and the great beyond. Their understanding of the spirit and con-

him. Eventually they had children, but as an extension of her, even they wouldn’t talk about anything else. One day, Sam remembered he still had two wishes left. He summoned the genie once again. “Genie, they’re so devoted to me that I can’t get a single moment to myself. It’s maddening!” “So what do you wish for?” he asked sardonically. “I wish I had time to myself.” The genie sighed. “Of course you do.” Suddenly, Sam found himself alone in his house. “Finally, some me time. I’ll have to be really careful about this final wish.” After playing on the internet for a few hours and watching some movies without his family fawning over him the whole time, Sam felt good. He

nectedness of all life, and the loss of that perception as more domineering forces prevail. As they manipulate and devour their surroundings, through some misguided marriage of necessity and greed, their essential link to a lifegiving earth weakens. They foul the air, degrade the soil and poison the water. Elements so key to their survival they continue to abuse, and bequeath to their children. And so I wait in my watery world. As the synthetic chemicals build and the fish decline, I wait for my next morsel from above. What news will that body bring? What greater consciousness may be evolving in these beloved creatures, so helpless in their power? What hope may be building for such a conflicted race, and what hope for the world around them?

wondered when his wife would be home with the kids, so he called her phone, but the number didn’t work. He went to look for them, but could find no one outside. There was no one anywhere. Sam searched for days. Days turned into weeks, months, but there was no sign of anyone. Finally, he used the lamp again. “Genie, where is everyone? I’m so lonely.” The genie shook his head. “You had everything, and you were ungrateful. Now you have nothing, and you’re still ungrateful. This happens every time. You never get it right.” Sam felt tears well up in his eyes. “Well, for my final wish, I wish I could try again.” “Of course you do,” said the genie. Smoke enveloped Sam… • July 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 11

Parks Prescription to End Childhood Obesity “

Diego created a referral system that allowed doctors to ‘prescribe’ an after-school exercise program and let parents get reimbursed by an insurance company.” Rich Bailey is a professional writer, editor and (sometimes) public relations consultant. Despite leading a project to create Chattanooga's first civic web site in 1995 before even owning a modem, he is not much of an early adopter but avidly covers Chattanooga technology for The Pulse.

Playorities software connects kids to the indoor and outdoor worlds Say your kid is overweight—and nearly 18 percent of American children age 6-11 are, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. What if your RICH pediatrician could prescribe a park? And your kid got sucked into a computer game that made him or her want to score points by being more physically active? And insurance would pay for it? Think that might help? Playorities founder Allison Diego thinks it will. Her company is one of 11 Gig Tank startups rushing toward Demo Day on July 29, when their two months of work will

12 • The Pulse • July 17-23, 2014 •

be unveiled. “Playorities is developing a software solution to fight childhood obesity,” says Diego. “We are engaging pediatricians, the Parks and Rec commuBAILEY nity, and parents and kids to help them stay focused on getting active at least 45 minutes a day.” Playorities’ road to Gig Tank started in Miami, where Diego was the assistant director of Miami-Dade County Parks and Rec until she retired recently. Now she wants to go national with what she learned there about getting kids to exercise and lose weight. An after-school pro-

Tech Talk

gram called “Fit To Play” successfully incentivized kids to exercise. Research by the University of Miami proved that the program was effective. “It takes a village to raise a child? It’s going to take a park system to keep your child healthy,” Diego says. “Over the course of four years, we started seeing our data and numbers change. A lot of the kids that were overweight or obese were actually losing weight. The healthy kids that were already active and already in our parks were maintaining weight.” Research also suggested that more could be accomplished by engaging pediatricians, so Diego created a referral system that allowed doctors to “prescribe” an after-school exercise program and let parents get reimbursed by an insurance company, just like with the Silver Sneakers senior fitness programs or Weight Watchers.

That program is the seed for Playorities, which aims to turn municipal parks into fitness hubs for children between the ages of 9 and 11. Parks already serve as de facto community health departments, she says, especially for low-income families. “They’re the ones that aren’t paying for gym memberships,” she says, “They’re not the ones that are able to go to the doctor on a regular basis. And they don’t have the access to knowledge, to community services.” Playorities is enabled by technology, but it’s really built around understanding the shared interests of parents, pediatricians, parks departments and insurance companies in making kids healthier. What Diego perceived in Miami was that all those parties were interested in the outcome but couldn’t figure out how to connect and collaborate. She wants Playorities to be the glue without

reinventing anything that already exists. Parks and Rec departments will overlay Playorities’ system on top of their existing activity programs, with the addition of biometric pre- and post-testing and close tracking of kids to determine how many minutes a day they’re active. A gamified engagement system will provide rewards for kids, but that type of system already exists, so Playorities is only developing its own avatar program that connects children to the games. Pediatricians with overweight patients can access an app to find the right parks program and write a referral—Diego calls it a “park-script”—that will connect the child and family to a local park system that’s running an after-school exercise program and make the fee reimbursable through insurance. That’s essential to reach lower-income families who may not be able to pay even modest parks program fees. “And we have proven it works” in Miami, Diego says, “if you give children a goal to attain and then you give them a benefit, which in their case is rewards. It’s being champion of their park. It’s the trophy, the free iPad or iPhone. So

there’s lots of opportunities for them as winners.” The framework for parks and rec departments is complete, providing an evidence-based program model. “We just piloted the pediatrician piece in Miami, so we really want to focus in Gig Tank on launching that piece,” she says. “We think that’s the biggest revenue model because we’re adding engagement with the pediatricians and the parents. At Gig Tank we’re really hoping to fine-tune our business model and our revenue sources to be sure we can do this and make it a profitable company. We have a lot of the components ready that we want to marry, we want to finalize, so we can launch a demo. I’d like to launch a pilot in Chattanooga.” By 2040, half the population is predicted to be overweight or obese, Diego notes. “The financial impact that’s having on our health care system is 450 billion dollars,” she says. “Everybody that sits in that bleacher has every demographic and every income level rooting for the same team. And in this case it’s childhood obesity prevention.”

“By 2040, half the population is predicted to be overweight or obese, Diego notes.” • July 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 13


It’s Damimal’s Planet, We Just Live On It

Two shows will showcase Allegory of the Cave


Woman of Her Time Against Me!’s lead singer is now true to herself Laura Jane Grace could easily be seen as the perfect rock star of her progressive generation. Grace was born Thomas James Gabel. Her band, Against Me!, made a name for themselves with 2002’s hit pop-punk single “Baby, I’m An Anarchist.” Their 2007 album, New Wave, was named album of the year by Spin magazine, and their next album, White Crosses, reached number 34 on the Billboard charts. Even with the band’s success, Grace knew something wasn’t right—and that something was her gender. As a male, Grace struggled with gender dysphoria her whole life and in 2012, with little worry about how the

decision would affect record sales, she announced her plans to start living life as a woman. The band’s latest release, “Transgender Dysphoria Blues,” is a concept album about her transition from man to woman. Released earlier this year, the album has received positive reviews from nearly every major music publication. Against Me! brings their energetic punk-rock to Track 29 on Tuesday, July 22. Most bands would fall apart during such a difficult time of transition, but Against Me! have survived and they are now creating some of the best music of their career. Don’t miss this show. — Christopher Armstrong







Molly Sue Gonzalez & The Mean Mean Men

Jack Kirton

Jillian Jensen

The Endelouz frontman, widely considered to one of Chattanooga's most talented musicians, returns to The Office for an intimate solo performance., taking time from his gazillion other projects. 9 p.m. The Office (inside City Café) 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191

This 21-year-old singer/ songwriter has been writing anf performing since she was eight, and shows no sign of stopping. Mix up Alicia Keys, Alanis Morrisette and a bit of James Taylor, and Jillian is what you get. 7 p.m. The Camp House 1427 Williams St.

This female-fronted rockabilly outfit out of Nashville descends on the Pint for a night of raw, raucous, highenergy honkty-tonk and twangy fun. And they're just getting started. 9 p.m. The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy.

14 • The Pulse • July 17-23, 2014 •

ANIMAL PINSON. I’D HEARD THE NAME BUT NOT the man’s music. That’s true of more than a few artists in the area, I suppose, but what was unique about Pinson is where (or rather from whom) I kept hearing about him.


If I had my way, I’d like to see the entire album mounted as a stage production at one of the larger venues in town.”

He is held in high esteem by some of Chattanooga’s best and brightest, a man who holds the respect of the people who hold everyone else’s respect. A musician’s musician, if you will. That I hadn’t heard his work seemed absurd—but it also meant that I probably had something really wonderful to look forward to… I was not disappointed. There isn’t space here to do justice to the album Allegory of the Cave but we’ll do the best with what we have. I have a soft place in my heart for concept albums (Pink Floyd was my first favorite band). The concept album is the ultimate litmus test, the definitive line between genius and pretentiousness. Pinson’s album is genius. He may very well be Chattanooga’s version of Brian Wilson. The album kicks off with “The Entrance,” an ethereal tune that literally describes descending into a cave and ends with the repeated admonition to “Please follow your guide.” It sets the stage for what is to come and I admit that the intrusion of the touristy-sounding fellow asking about how much the cave weighs was jarring, but it honestly made me laugh out loud. Little touches like that help to keep an album of lofty ideas and philosophy grounded. It is a wink from the composer to let you know that while he takes his music and subject very seriously, he doesn’t make the mistake of taking himself too seriously. “Windows” is the second track. It ex-

Lightning Is Striker Now

Logo design by Cole Sweeton.

plores the ideas of perception and living in the moment with a jaunty rhythm and an infectious melody and vocal line that makes itself a comfortable little home in your mind since it’s going to be there for a while. The elongated harmonies of the third track, “What Is It Inside” nod to the aforementioned Pink Floyd, reminiscent of the period between Atom Heart Mother and Dark Side of the Moon, which makes it very choice material. The titular track, “Allegory of the Cave” continues building on the foundation of classic psychedelia and progressive rock, while Pinson delivers vocals that would make Jeff Buckley say, “Dammit, I need to sound more like THAT dude…” Seriously, if you don’t catch some serious Buck-

honest music

ley vibes from this tune, your time is probably better spent admiring shiny objects. I really wish I could give a song-bysong breakdown of this whole album, but here we are four tracks in (out of 15) and I’m almost out of space. “Hammered in the Fall” and “Desolate World” are two particularly moving pieces on an album composed of outstanding tunes, and the absolutely delightful and unexpected “Counterclockwise” reinforces the notion that Pinson refuses to let the listener become complacent in listening. There is enough homologous to the album to maintain narrative integrity and enough variation on themes (and genre, really) to keep it interesting and engaging. The trouble with pro-

gressive music is that too often it is inaccessible to the uninitiated—but Pinson has created art rock for anyone with ears. If I had my way, I’d like to see the entire album mounted as a stage production at one of the larger venues in town (Track 29, for instance.) It would be a hell of a thing. Pinson’s current project, Danimal Planet, will be opening for Lucius this Friday evening followed by an after-Nightfall show at JJ’s Bohemia with Hudson K and Birds with Fleas (another local group I have heard phenomenal things about). I strongly encourage you to catch it for it is art of the highest caliber. Danimal Pinson has the respect of so many accomplished musicians for one simple reason. He has earned it.

A few weeks ago, I had the privilege of telling you about country phenom D. Striker from Nashville, and promised that I’d offer a heads up when he came to town. The time is upon us, kids. On Thursday, July 17, Striker takes the stage at JJ’s Bohemia, along with the Clark Williams project Big Kitty and local roots band Broke Down Hound. If you missed it the first time around, Striker composes and performs old-school country music (New Old Stock, perhaps?) and is essentially the cure for everything that’s wrong with modern country music. No cookie-cutter Nashville machine music here; Striker features driving rhythms, clean licks and honest lyrics that are poignant, not schmaltzy. Between the golden age country of Striker, the mellifluous harmonies of Big Kitty and the good ol’ downhome roots rock and Americana of Broke Down Hound, it should be one hell-raising, honky-tonkin’ night. Be there or live with the consequences of being perpetually reminded of what a brilliant show you missed by the folks who had the good sense to show up. — MTM

local and regional shows

Molly Sue Gonzalez & The Mean Men [$5] Urban Pioneers [FREE]

Thu, July 17 Sun, July 20

Live Trivia every Sunday afternoon from 4-6pm Ryan Oyer hosts Open Mic every Wednesday @ 8pm

9pm 7pm

Full food menu serving lunch and dinner. 11am-2am, 7 days a week. 35 Patten Parkway * 423.468.4192 * • July 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 15














FRI 10p









thursday7.17 Live Jazz 6 p.m. The Meeting Place 1278 Market St. Eight Knives 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View Live Bluegrass 6:30 p.m. Whole Foods Market 301 Manufacturers Rd. Songwriter Shootout 7 p.m. The Camp House 1427 Williams St. Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton 6925 Shallowford Rd. Open Mic with Hap Henninger 9 p.m. The Office (inside City Café) 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Molly Sue Gonzalez & The Mean Mean Men, Get Hot or Go Home! 9 p.m. The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy. Big Kitty, D. Striker, Broke Down Hound 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd.

16 • The Pulse • July 17-23, 2014 •

friday7.18 Summer Music Weekends 11 a.m. Rock City Gardens 1400 Patten Rd. Jason Thomas and the Mean-Eyed Cats 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo 1400 Market St. Eddie Pontiac 5:30 p.m. El Meson 2204 Hamilton Place Blvd. Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton 6925 Shallowford Rd. Playing on the Planet, Alex Smith & The Mountain Sound 7 p.m.

Pulse pick: Whitwell SummerFest Country legend Travis Tritt heads up from his native Atlanta to headline Whitwell's annual summer festival. Whitwell SummerFest Saturday, July 19 2 p.m. 8355 Valley View Hwy. Whitwell, TN WhitwellSummerFest

The Camp House 1427 Williams St. Lucius, Danimal Planet 7 p.m. Miller Plaza 850 Market St. Mountain Opry 8 p.m. Walden’s Ridge Civic Center 2501 Fairmount Pk. (423) 866-3252 Priscilla & L'il Rickee 8:30 p.m. The Foundry 1201 South Broad St. Jack Kirton of Endelouz 9 p.m. The Office (inside City Café) 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Ragdoll 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar

5751 Brainerd Rd. Departure: A Tribute to Journey 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. Birds with Fleas, Danimal Planet, Hudson K 10 p.m. JJs Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd.

saturday7.19 Summer Music Weekends 11 a.m. Rock City Gardens 1400 Patten Rd. Magic & Music at the Incline Noon Incline Railway 3917 St. Elmo Ave. Jordan Hallquist 12:30 p.m. Chattanooga River Market, Tennessee Aquarium Plaza 1 Broad St. Whitwell SummerFest 2 p.m. 8355 Valley View Hwy. Whitwell, TN WhitwellSummerFest Jason Thomas and the MeanEyed Cats 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo 1400 Market St. Eddie Pontiac 5:30 p.m.


NOCTAMBULE El Meson 2204 Hamilton Place Blvd. Breathing Artifacts Festival 7 p.m. Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. Jillian Jensen, The Mailboxes 7 p.m. The Camp House 1427 Williams St. Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton 6925 Shallowford Rd. NOCTAMBULE 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse 105 McBrien Rd. Priscilla & L'il Rickee 8:30 p.m. The Foundry 1201 South Broad St. Samuel Warner 10 p.m. The Office (inside City Café) 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Ragdoll 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. Mighty Sideshow, River City Hustlers 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. Thee Finks, Tough Tits, xBAGHEERAx

10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. Skin Deep 10 p.m. Sugar’s Downtown 507 Broad St

sunday7.20 Summer Music Weekends 11 a.m. Rock City Gardens 1400 Patten Rd. Kofi Mawuko 12:30 p.m. Chattanooga River Market Tennessee Aquarium Plaza 1 Broad St. Sweet Georgia Sound 12:30 p.m. Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St. Sunday Jam 7 p.m. Ziggy’s Underground 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 265-8711 Urban Pioneers 7 p.m. The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy. Blind Draw 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. Strung Like A Horse 9 p.m. Dumpy's 1110 Hwy. 64

Ocoee, TN (423) 338-2943 Dynohunter, Swim Wear, New Planet 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd.

monday7.21 Davey Smith 7:30 p.m. Lake Winnepesaukah 1730 Lakeview Dr. Rossville, GA Cory Bishop 7 p.m. The Camp House 1427 Williams St.

tuesday7.22 Wendell Matthews Acoustic 7 p.m. The North Chatt Cat 346 Frazier Ave. (423) 266-9466 Tim Starnes, Davey Smith 7 p.m. Sugar’s Downtown 507 Broad St. Against Me!, Creepoid, Jenny Owen Youngs 8 p.m. Track 29 1400 Market St. Friendship Explosion 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd.


901 Carter St (Inside City Cafe) 423-634-9191 Thursday, July 17: 9pm Open Mic with Hap Henninger Friday, July 18: 9pm Jack Kirton (of Endelouz) Saturday, July 19: 10pm Samuel Warner Tuesday, July 22: 7pm Server/Hotel Appreciation Night $5 Pitchers $2 Wells $1.50 Domestics ●

Mark Garrison 5 p.m. Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St. Eddie Pontiac 5:30 p.m. El Meson 2204 Hamilton Place Blvd. Open Mic Night with Ryan Oyer 7 p.m. The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy. Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton 6925 Shallowford Rd. Dan Sheffield 7:30 p.m. Sugar’s Downtown 507 Broad St. Angie Aparo, Anthony Aparo, Lacey Hamann, Carney Village 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. Tim & Reece 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd.

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks! Stop by & check out our daily specials! Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

Join us on Facebook daily lunCh & drink speCials!

The only place in Town where you can sing karaoke anyTime.

Book your Birthday, anniversary or oFFiCe parties now!

410 market • (423) 757-wing

CheCk out the Cat in the hat

Map these locations on Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@ • July 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 17

Record Reviews

ernie paik

Underground Saudi Metal, Above-ground Free Improv Meaty Al-Namrood , inventive Music for Hard Times

Al-Namrood Heen Yadhar Al Ghasq (Shaytan Productions)


audi Arabian” and “black metal band” are not exactly words one expects to see placed beside each other, but, with the way Al-Namrood guitarist/bassist Mephisto puts it (as told to the Metal Injection website), it makes complete sense: “Saudi Arabia is the biggest motivation you could ever get to start a black metal band.” The trio Al-Namrood works in anonymity and secrecy in its homeland of Saudi Arabia, which allows relatively little religious freedom, being an authoritarian state that complies with Sharia. Appropriately, the band name, translated as “the non-believer,” refers to the figure Nimrod included in Hebrew, Christian and Muslim traditions characterized with a religious rebellion. Some Scandinavian black metal bands draw from Nordic themes, and similarly, Al-Namrood’s songs borrow from Babylonian, Arabian and biblical leg-

18 • The Pulse • July 17-23, 2014 •

Music for Hard Times City of Cardboard (Public Eyesore) ends, citing ancient gods with intimidating titles, and melodies utilize Arabian scales and traditional instruments, such as the Oud (similar to a lute) and the Ney (a type of flute), alongside the more familiar throbbing metal style. On the group’s fourth album, Heen Yadhar Al Ghasq, don’t be fooled by the opening seconds, featuring a solo flute—the metal chugging, slightly distorted drum machine and buzzsaw guitar soon enter and get down to business. “Heen Yadhar Al Ghasq” generates a thick maelstrom of Arabian scales enhanced with synth lines, and the threatening vocals from the band’s new singer Humbaba can transform into a menacing laugh. “Youm Yukram Al Jaban” sports a peak intensity for the album with scream-sing vocals, contrasted with an abrupt breakdown section with stringed instruments and hand percussion,

followed by more pummeling. “Bat Al Tha Ar Nar Muheja” features furious tremolo guitar picking and growly, throatshredding, staccato vocals. Heen Yadhar Al Ghasq stands up not as a mere novelty and holds its own as a hefty, meaty, compelling bundle of darkness.


n the search for new sounds, an inventive performer can play existing instruments in non-traditional ways—called extended techniques—or an actual inventor can just create a new instrument. There’s a good helping of both methods on City of Cardboard by the free-improv duo Music for Hard Times, comprised of instrument sculptor Tom Nunn and bassist Paul Winstanley, who employs “extensions” and electronic effects. One of Nunn’s unusual instruments featured here is the Skatchbox, which is a painted cardboard box affixed with vari-

ous metal and plastic objects, such as washers and hair combs, that is played by rubbing a comb over it. Another is the Crustacean, which is a circular metal plate with thin rods welded to it, sitting on four balloons, each resting in its own pail embedded in a table. When played with a bow, the Crustacean generates a uniquely eerie sound, somewhat like a bowed cymbal but with more tonal variety. Readers, do yourselves a favor and look these instruments up on YouTube for proper demonstrations. The seven improvisations on City of Cardboard cover a wide spectrum of moods, typically going between two poles: one of playful, animalistic scampering, and one of a desolate uneasiness. Cardboard in an urban environment brings to mind a homeless person’s improvised shelter, but the album’s cover offers towering buildings made of cardboard, perhaps suggesting hollowness and artifice. This fits in with the parts that convey a bleak, artificial cityscape, like “Shantytown Council” which uses low hums and the sound of music boxes to create a delicate melancholia; “We Travel the Spaceways” also uses sonic space in a subtle way, without assaulting the eardrums. The fascinating City of Cardboard catches the listener offguard in multiple ways, not only with its peculiar musical instruments and noises, but also by being piercing and affecting with its starkly grey mood, like a walk through an abandoned junkyard.

For when you need help. The Law Office of Chris Dixon Specializing in Criminal Defense, Personal Injury & Estates 707 Georgia Avenue, Suite 402 The FlatIron Building Chattanooga, TN 37402

Phone: (423) 648-7527 Mobile: (423) 800-3510 Fax: (423) 648-7537

Come and dine with us, for lunch, brunch or dinner, at the all-new Lakeshore Grille, located above Lakeshore Marina in Hixson with a gorgeous view overlooking Chickamauga Lake.

5600 Lake Resort Terrace Chattanooga, Tennessee • (423) 710-2057 • July 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 19


Journey of Vengeance and Redemption “Pickett’s Charge” tells a Southern quest tale

Art That’s Always There for You “Open 24 Hours” spotlights public art in Chattanooga Outdoor public art strips away the plate glass and “do not touch” signs to form a collaboration between artists and community, creating an aesthetically pleasing environment. Public art is becoming the fabric of any art-enriched city, and Chattanooga is showcasing this trend. In the exhibit “Open 24 Hours” at the Hunter Museum of American Art, public art in Chattanooga and other parts of America is showcased. The exhibit highlights public art located in the garden outside the museum, and other locations around Chattanooga. “Open 24 Hours” also

features sculptures by other major American artists in the indoors portion of the exhibit. Upon visiting the exhibit, you will be given a map to direct you to works of public art throughout the city. Among these is Dennis Oppenheim’s “Arriving Home”, located in Miller Plaza, as well as “The Troupe” by Bart Walter, located at the Chattanooga Zoo. Both have become Chattanooga landmarks. Support the public art that has contributed to making Chattanooga a city to see art in. Stop by these works of art anytime: they’re “Open 24 Hours”. — Jake Bacon







“La Cage aux Folles”

“Les Miserables”

The now-iconic story of Georges and Albin that has been performed from Broadway to Hollywood and loved by audiences around the world. 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre 5600 Brainerd Rd. (inside Eastgate Town Center) (423) 602-8640

The beloved story of French peasant Jean Valjean and his quest for redemption after serving 19 years in jail for having stolen a loaf of bread for his starving sister's child. 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534

Chattanooga Market: Big Band Swingfest

20 • The Pulse • July 17-23, 2014 •

Get your dancing shoes ready for a day of big band fun at the Chattanooga Market, featuring the swinging rhythms of the 20-piece Sweet Georgia Sound. 11 a.m. Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St. (423) 402-9957


N LIFE, DISFIGUREMENT MAKES US AVERT OUR EYES, reflexively and involuntarily. If we dealt with extreme physical violence or psychic brutality every day, most of us would drown the universe with our tears. In fiction, though, a skilled author like Charles McNair (a Pulitzer Prize nominee) can focus a kaleidoscope of pain that mesmerizes the reader, making us unable to avert any of our senses.


A skilled author like Charles McNair can focus a kaleidoscope of pain that mesmerizes the reader, making us unable to avert any of our senses.”

If this is not the saddest story ever told, “Pickett’s Charge” might be the most agonizing. A century after the Civil War, a 114-year-old Confederate veteran escapes an Alabama nursing home on a quixotic quest to murder the last surviving Union veteran. The modern-day story follows his travel through cities and small towns of Alabama, on his way northward to wreak that vengeance. Like every hero on a quest, protagonist Threadgill Pickett overcomes distractions, endures excruciating hardships, vanquishes foes, and presses onward resolutely—this journey unfolds as “Pickett’s Charge,” which also refers to the climactic moment at Gettysburg, when Confederate Gen. George Pickett led a desperate, doomed attack on Union forces, the “high-water mark of the Confederacy.” Pickett endures unremitting physical agony, Job-like, in his travel ever northward: scalding heat, swarming insects, rabid animals, decrepitude, madness. He is a living corpse, his body a patchwork carpetbag of half-healed wounds, his scalp a festering caldera of century-old burns from a battlefield forest fire. At least Don Quixote had a horse and a sidekick; Huck Finn had a raft and a stalwart companion. Threadgill Pickett has no transport, no plan, and no allies, but rather a storm front of catastrophe stalking his every step. How many more lacerations can his soul survive, disconnected from his rightful era and from human commu-

nity? Pickett has distilled vengeance in his heart, embedded by vows he’s repeated since he saw his twin brother tormented and killed by Yankees as a young teenager, before they even enlisted in the Rebel army. He embodies the eternal flame of Confederate hatred for the oppressor who won and then dismissively forgot the fight. In the temporal world, Pickett has survived everyone he ever cared about, and he co-exists in a mythical world where the only meaningful events were the death of his family members, the burning of this, the drowning of that. Fire burns in nearly every incident of this story; mechanical devices spew out sparks and flames, and water struggles to contain the combustion. Demons arise from fires, monsters emerge from muck, Mr. Death himself walks among us, and the darkness hides unimaginable evils. Yet…it’s a comic novel, snappypaced, wrinkleyour-nose funny, and hard to put down—peopled with Southern “characters” named Larry “Lash” Larue and Jerry Coe (say it aloud), a deserted island full of almost-sentient goats, a lesbian taxi driver with a heart of gold, and more really bad weather than “King Lear” and “Wuthering Heights” combined. Informed by frontier tall tales, Native American legends, and African magic, the story rears onto its hind legs to confront the monsters, haunted localities, and heart-of-darkness archetypes of our childhood night terrors. And it all co-exists cheek-by-jowl with the country road diners, community-wide fried

chicken dinners, and demented roadside attractions that sell little golden monkeys to tourists—also the mythos of our Southern childhoods. Parallel to the present-day story, a second narrative arc follows Pickett from the horrors of the Civil War battlefield to his vastly altered hometown, wandering in a post-war landscape, and eventual self-exile to a Gulf Coast island. McNair alternately drives both stories in simple language with quick bright starbursts of lyricism: • “On any given summer day in the tropical South, temperatures melted candles inside houses, and tiny dragons hatched in bags of rice in kitchen cupboards.” • “A century ago, General Sherman and 60,000 hard-eyed Irish boys toughened on three years of war approaching Atlanta…. Burning Georgia, to them, was a birthday party with a million candles.” At its most ambitious, the novel aligns the residual vengeance of the 1860s with the new cruelties of the 1960s, as Pickett encounters Freedom Riders and racist atrocities in the modern civil-rights era. But the story holds out a hopeful paradigm, for the protagonist and for us, in the offbeat utopia of a devastated chicken farm. Ending a novel so far-reaching is a challenge, but McNair gives Pickett a final reckoning with his demons that measures up to the intensity of the Civil War itself and its bitter residue that abides in our nation today. “Pickett’s Charge”, 2013, Livingston Press, University of West Alabama.

“On any given summer day in the tropical South, temperatures melted candles inside houses, and tiny dragons hatched in bags of rice in kitchen cupboards.”

State of the Arts ‘14 is coming... Don’t miss out on the largest issue of the year. The movers. The shakers. The decision makers. Call (423) 265-9494 to find out how to reach them.

The Pulse

CHATTANOOGA'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE • July 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 21


for more info call 706.820.2531

See ...and make plans this weekend!

F eaturing the Old Time Travelers!

Another great reason to get a Rock City Annual Pass. For less than the cost of two single admissions, you can come back again and again... for FREE!

Classic Movie Night at Heritage 2, 7 p.m. Heritage House 1428 Jenkins Rd. (423) 855-9474 The Chattery Presents Homebrewing101 5:30 p.m. Chattanooga Workspace 302 W. 6th St. Crisps, Cobblers, Buckles, and Crumbles Live Cooking Demo 6 p.m. Museum Center at 5ive Points 200 Inman Street East. (423) 339-5745 All-American Series: Eight Knives 6 p.m Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View All-American Summer Wines: Porch Slammers & Summer Sippers 6:30 p.m. Back Inn Café 412 East Second St. (423) 265-5033 “Les Miserables” 7 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 Photographic Society of Chattanooga: Chuck Rogers 7 p.m. St. John United Methodist Church 3921 Murray Hills Rd. (423) 894-5210

22 • The Pulse • July 17-23, 2014 •

"La Cage aux Folles" “La Cage aux Folles” 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre 5600 Brainerd Rd. (inside Eastgate Town Center) (423) 602-8640 The Midnight Swinger 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd (423) 629-2233

friday7.18 Fiber Art Fridays 3 p.m. Eastgate Public Library 5705 Marlin Rd. Ste. 1500 (423) 855-2689 Rapid Learning WNC 2-day Clinic 4 p.m.

Pulse pick: The Midnight Swinger Putting the show back in showman, The Midnight Swinger combines the style and cool of a '60s Las Vegas performer with the flash and excitement of a 21st century Super Bowl halftime extravaganza. The Midnight Swinger The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd (423) 629-2233

Outdoor Chattanooga 200 River St. (423) 643-6888 Movies in the Park at Dark 6:30 p.m. Heritage Park 1428 Jenkins Rd. (423) 425-6311 Cooking Demo at Whole Foods Chattanooga 6:30 p.m. Whole Foods Market 301 Manufacturers Rd. (615) 365-0444 “La Cage aux Folles” 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre 5600 Brainerd Rd. (inside Eastgate Town Center) (423) 602-8640 The Midnight Swinger 7:30, 9:45 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd (423) 629-2233 blueridgecom “The King and I “ 8 p.m. Signal Mountain Playhouse 1104 James Blvd. (423) 886-5243 “Les Miserables” 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534

saturday7.19 The Heart of Aging with Wisdom and Vitality: A Sage-ing Circle Series 9 a.m. Center for Mindful Living 1212 McCallie Ave. (423) 486-1279 WildLife With Nancy Bryan 10 a.m. Reflection Riding Arboretum and Nature Center 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160 Saturday Morning Handicrafts 10:30 a.m. Northgate Public Library 278 Northgate Mall Dr. (423) 870-0635 “Les Miserables” 2:30, 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534

Breathing Artifacts Film Festival 4 p.m. Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 “La Cage aux Folles” 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre 5600 Brainerd Rd. (inside Eastgate Town Center) (423) 602-8640 The Midnight Swinger 7:30, 9:45 p.m. The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd (423) 629-2233 Movies in the Park 2014 8 p.m. Coolidge Park 200 River St. (423) 267-5383 “The King and I” 8 p.m. Signal Mountain Playhouse 1104 James Blvd. (423) 886-5243

sunday7.20 Chattanooga Market: Big Band Swingfest 11 a.m. Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St. (423) 402-9957 “La Cage aux Folles” 2:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre 5600 Brainerd Rd. (inside Eastgate Town Center) (423) 602-8640 “Les Miserables” 2.30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 The Midnight Swinger 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd (423) 629-2233

monday7.21 The Backlot: A Place for Filmmakers Summer Short Film Screenings 6:30 p.m. Heritage House Arts and Civic Center 1428 Jenkins Rd. (423) 855-9474 TheBacklotAPlaceForFilm

tuesday7.22 Living the 5 Elements: A Creative Exploration 6 p.m. Center for Mindful living 1212 McCallie Ave. (423) 486-1279

wednesday7.23 ACA Whitewater Kayaking Skills Certification Clinic 9 a.m. Outdoor Chattanooga 200 River St.

(423) 643-6888 Middle Eastern Dance 10:30 a.m. Jewish Cultural Center 5461 N. Terrace Dr. (423) 493-0270 Let’s Make Terrariums! 1 p.m. Downtown Public Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310 Wednesday Market 4 p.m. Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St. (423) 402-9957 Main Street Farmers Market 4 p.m. Southside Chattanooga 325 E. Main St.

ongoing “Open 24 Hours” The Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View (423) 267-0968 “Constant Motion” River Gallery 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033 “Fire and Steel: The Metal sculpture of Turry Lindstrom” Graffiti 505 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 400-9797 “Magnificent Minis” In-Town Gallery 26A Frazier Ave.


"FRESH: Emerging Artists"

Named “One of the Ten Most Incredible Cave Waterfalls on Earth” World Reviewer

(423) 267-9214 “FRESH: Emerging Artists” AVA Gallery 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-4282 “Abstract and Contemporary” Reflection Gallery 5600 Brainerd Rd. (423) 267-9214 “Hunter Invitational III” Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View. (423) 267-0968 Dirt Track History Races Museum Center at 5ive Points 200 Inman Street East. (423) 339-5745 “The Wizard of Oz” Creative Discovery Museum 321 Chestnut St. (423) 756-2738 Chattanooga Ghost Tours The little curiosity shoppe 138 Market St. “Memories of Growing up Jewish in Chattanooga” Jewish Cultural Center 5461 North Terrace (423) 493-0270 “Community Quilt Exhibit” Blue Ridge Mountains Arts Association 420 W. Main St. (423) 632-2144

Open Daily!

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423.821.2544 • July 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 23


Don’t Just Sit There—Embark Breathing Artifacts Film Series at Barking Legs is a ‘social experiment’


Riding Around The Planet Crash Pad film series continues with stunning biking film The Southeastern Climbers Coalition, the American Alpine Club and SORBA (Southern Off-Road Bicycle Association) have teamed up this summer to present a series of films showcasing a variety of outdoor activities. This Thursday, Brandon Semenuk's "Rad Company" will be screened outside at the Crash Pad hostel on the Southside right next to The Flying Squirrel. "Rad Company" promises to take the audience on a high-performance visual ride around the globe. Featuring stunning imagery, progressive action, a


plethora of riding and filming styles as well as cutting-edge after effects, the film picks up where the iconic New World Disorder franchise ended nearly five years ago. Admission is free, but you are asked to bring your own blanket or chairs. There will be refreshments for sale. Brandon Semenuk's "Rad Company" Thursday, July 17, 7:30 p.m. The Crash Pad 29 Johnson St. (423) 648-8393


Sex Tape A married couple wake up to discover that the sex tape they made the evening before has gone missing, leading to a frantic search for its whereabouts before all their friends watch it. Director: Jake Kasdan Stars: Jason Segel, Cameron Diaz, Rob Corddry, Ellie Kemper


And So It Goes A self-centered realtor enlists the help of his neighbor when he's suddenly left in charge of the granddaughter he never knew existed until his estranged son drops her off at his home. Director: Rob Reiner Stars: Michael Douglas, Diane Keaton, Sterling Jerins, Annie Parisse

24 • The Pulse • July 17-23, 2014 •

HERE IS NO “APPROPRIATE” WAY TO ENJOY ART. IT IS, and always has been, a subjective personal experience. Granted, this is something of a paradoxical statement coming from someone whose job hinges on passing judgment on the creative works of his betters, but it remains true nonetheless.


Those planning to attend can expect to embark on a phantasmagorical journey through the rabbit hole.”

Roger Ebert referred to art appreciation as something akin to evolution. Fans of Adam Sandler or Michael Bay get something out of those works because they haven’t yet stepped foot into a larger world. The overall purpose of living is to grow and change and experience. Consuming art is a part of that—the further the boundaries are pushed, the less emotionally satisfying easy experiences become. Lovers of the arts are always looking for new ways to recreate a powerful experience, and like a drug addict, seek experiences that are more and more potent. But do not dismiss the journey. The Dilating Nexus series describes itself as “a monthly series of non-conventional events and ritualized social experiments housed in a variety of ‘total environments’ throughout Chattanooga.” It aims to “stimulate rarefied, esoteric, and unknown actions within the region, while honoring and highlighting cutting-edge work that has been or is already in existence.” To the uninitiated in this type of art, much of the description may be confusing. That’s fine. If art is an evolutionary process, then it’s important to experience works that can be confusing, to make sense of the process and reserve judgment through remaining open minded.

HOME GAMES Mon, July 21 • 7:15 PM vs. Montgomery Biscuits

Of the events in the Dilating Nexus series, the Breathing Artifacts Film Series is an event unlike any other in the area. While initially seeming like a celebration of experimental film, Evan Lipson, artistic director for Secret Weave, sees the festival differently. According to Lipson, “Breathing Artifacts isn’t so much of an experimental film festival as it is a social experiment. “Non-scripted transformative experiences will likely be taking place more so on-stage and in the seats than it will be on-screen. All of the artists involved will be presenting 100 percent completely realized and highly meticulous visions. Experiments have largely been left on the cutting-room floor. “Although all of the works included in Breathing Artifacts contain various qualities that differ greatly from conventional cinema, unlike the drab ghetto of experimental art/film, we genuinely expect this to be the most entertaining and mind-blowing event of our lives.” Collaboration between artists and audience seems to be an important aspect of the series. Breathing Artifacts is not designed to be a passive experience. Lipson says: “We’ve gathered together

the most unbridled, obsessive and innovative minds currently operating in the North American underworld (and beyond) for a celebratory summit of unknown sights and sounds. “Those planning to attend can expect to embark on a phantasmagorical journey through the rabbit hole—boldly exploring uncharted realms of cinematic expression. It will be a wild night full of spills and thrills. Our enthusiasm has reached a fever pitch.” Several artists in particular stand out in the line-up for Lipson. For instance, he describes Tom Boram, just one of several performance artists, as “one of the last great mad scientists with a strong penchant for what might be described as ‘involuntary bodily phenomenon’ (especially of the olfactory variety) and the ribald relationships between man and machine.” It will be a unique experience, to be sure. According to Lipsom, the goal of the Dilating Nexus series is simple: opening the minds of Chattanoogans. He says: “More often than not, Chattanoogans have displayed somewhat of a propensity for being baited and hoodwinked by red herrings, political squabbles, and

simpering cults of friendship.We increasingly felt an intense desire to draw a line in the sand and fill a deep cultural chasm in tandem with the Shaking Ray Levi Society…offering these events and others…for the wonderfully brave and intrepid souls who have managed to retain some sense of curiosity, wonderment, humor, fun, and adventure.” While this is a noble goal to be sure, it seems a bit at odds with their #REJECTCINEMA hashtag. Obviously a dig at the Chattanooga Film Festival and MES crowd, who implemented the wide use of #RESPECTCINEMA, the mild joke seems unnecessarily antagonistic for what should be an inclusive and interesting event. I know what the film scene was like before these groups and I’d hate to return to that desert. Remember, there is no correct way to enjoy art. Maybe we should change the hashtag simply to #RESPECT. Support local film. Breathing Artifacts Film Series, 4 p.m., Saturday, July 19. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347,

Kids Eat Free Monday

Tue, July 22 • 7:15 PM vs. Montgomery Biscuits Ladies Night

Wed, July 23 • 11:15 AM vs. Montgomery Biscuits Businessman Special

Thu, July 24 • 2:15 PM vs. Montgomery Biscuits

Fri, July 25 • 7:15 PM vs. Montgomery Biscuits

SuperHero Night & Fireworks! • July 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 25


Take the brewery everywhere.

christopher armstrong

Gelatin and Vodka— Who Knew? The Jello-O shot has a colorful history

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26 • The Pulse • July 17-23, 2014 •

Please recycle.

Tom Lehrer is an accomplished human being. Best known for writing a comedy song about a venereal disease being spread around among his friends, he can also list satirist, pianist and mathematician on his resume. However, the single accomplishment which stands out and (for some) makes his other life achievements appear insignificant is that this intellectual giant is also supposedly the inventor of the Jell-O shot. According to urban legend, the thought for this widely popular party favor came from Lehrer’s insistence on sneaking alcohol onto his U.S naval base for a Christmas party. Coming up with an idea that would make MacGyver tremble with jealousy, Lehrer cooked up orange-flavored Jell-O and just added vodka. The dessert tasted good, the party was a success and thus a national sensation was born. While most people associate this chewable cocktail with frat parties and spring break, the creation of the perfect Jell-O shot is actually an art form with many different areas of experimentation. Thanks to Jell-O’s wide variety of flavors, the ability to mix and match colors can produce beautiful and imaginative Jell-0 shots. Pinterest boards, blogs and hashtags have been created for drinkers

and artists all over the world to display their creative Jell-O shot concoction. The continued popularity of Jell-O shots has been noticed, and various club and bar owners have capitalized on the shot’s success by adding the dessert drink to their menu. Alan Gold’s, a club on McCallie Avenue, sells them for a dollar each, and they have become a very hot item. “They are inexpensive, easy to make, and the kids love them,” said Howard Haven, a bartender at Alan Gold’s. “All it takes is one cup of vodka, one cup of hot water and one package of Jell-O.” A major aspect of the Jell-O shot’s popularity is the communal partaking of the shot. Jell-0 shots are not for loners; they are best enjoyed with a group of friends on a wild and celebratory night. They are not meant for everyday consumption, however—the taking of the Jell-O shot should be seen as an event. At its best, the shot will lift your night from a mundane time on the town to an unforgettable party, and at its worst, the combination of gelatin and alcohol will make you smile and laugh as you tongue the bottom of the soufflé cup trying to consume the last remnants of the flavorful treat. Lehrer would be proud.


Consider This with Dr. Rick by Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D. “Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into.” — Dr. Wayne W. Dyer What do you deserve? Do you deserve to be unhappy, never having “enough,” never accomplishing enough, or being loved enough? If that’s what you believe, guess what? That’s exactly what you’ll get. Likewise, if you believe you deserve the good stuff —and I don’t just mean material possessions —then that’s what you’ll get. The satisfying relationships, the great romance, the fulfilling job, the company of good friends, relief from financial stress or health burdens. In short, the good life. It may seem selfish to focus on “deservingness.” But I’m here to tell you that it’s not; it’s just a way to take good care of yourself, to make healthier choices, to create a happier you … all while improving the lives of everyone who comes in contact with you, directly or indirectly. If you’re filled with good stuff, then that’s what you offer to those around you. Maybe it’s divinely ordered. Maybe it’s just a better way to live. • July 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 27

Free Will Astrology

Homework: Nietzsche said, “One must have chaos within oneself if one is to be a dancing star.” Comment at Truthrooster@

Rob Brezsny is an American astrologer, writer, poet, and musician. His weekly horoscope column Free Will Astrology has been published for more than 28 years.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Mozart debuted his now-famous opera Don Giovanni in Prague on October 29, 1787. It was a major production, featuring an orchestra, a chorus, and eight main singers. Yet the composer didn’t finish writing the opera’s overture until less than 24 hours before the show. Are you cooking up a similar scenario, Cancerian? I suspect that sometime in the next two weeks you will complete a breakthrough with an inspired, last-minute effort. And the final part of your work may well be its “overture;” the first part will arrive last. (P.S.: Mozart’s Don Giovanni was wellreceived, and I expect your offering will be, too.) LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “We must learn to bear the pleasures as we have borne the pains,” says writer Nikki Giovanni. That will be apt advice for you to keep in mind during the coming months, Leo. You may think I’m perverse for suggesting such a thing. Compared to how demanding it was to manage the suffering you experienced in late 2013 and earlier this year, you might assume it will be simple to deal with the ease and awakening that are heading your way. But I’d like you to consider the possibility that these blessings will bring their own challenges. For example, you may need to surrender inconveniences and hardships you have gotten used to, almost comfortable with. It’s conceivable you will have to divest yourself of habits that made sense when you were struggling, but are now becoming counterproductive. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): I would hate for your fine mind to become a liability. As much as I admire your native skepticism and analytical intelligence, it would be a shame if they prevented you from getting the full benefit of the wonders and marvels that are brewing in your vicinity. Your operative motto in the coming days comes from Virgo storyteller Roald Dahl: “Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.” Suspend your disbelief, my beautiful friend. Make yourself receptive to the possibility of being amazed.

28 • The Pulse • July 17-23, 2014 •

rob brezsny

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Kris Kristofferson is in the Country Music Hall of Fame now, but it took a while for him to launch his career. One of his big breaks came at age 29 when he was sweeping floors at a recording studio in Nashville. He managed to meet superstar Johnny Cash, who was working there on an album. A few years later, Kristofferson boldly landed a helicopter in Cash’s yard to deliver his demo tape. That prompted Cash to get him a breakthrough gig performing at the Newport Folk Festival. I wouldn’t be surprised if you were able to further your goals with a similar sequence, Libra: luck that puts you in the right place at the right time, followed by some brazen yet charming acts of self-promotion. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In her poem “Looking Back,” Sarah Brown Weitzman writes that she keeps “trying to understand / how I fell / so short of what I intended / to do with my life.” Is there a chance that 30 years from now you might say something similar, Scorpio? If so, take action to ensure that outcome doesn’t come to pass. Judging from the astrological omens, I conclude that the next ten months will be a favorable time to get yourself on track to fulfill your life’s most important goals. Take full advantage!

standing. But the recipe for how to make concrete was forgotten for more than a thousand years after the Roman Empire collapsed in the fifth century. A British engineer finally rediscovered the formula in 1756, and today concrete is a prime component in many highways, dams, bridges, and buildings. I foresee a similar story unfolding in your life, Capricorn. A valuable secret that you once knew but then lost is on the verge of resurfacing. Be alert for it.

tator Jon Stewart. That’s a healthy attitude. To do his work, he needs a never-ending supply of stories about people doing crazy, corrupt, and hypocritical things. I’m sure this subject matter makes him sad and angry. But it also stimulates him to come up with funny ideas that entertain and educate his audience—and earns him a very good income. I invite you to try his approach, Aries. Have faith that the absurdity you experience can be used to your advantage.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Beginning in 1798, European cartographers who drew maps of West Africa included the Mountains of Kong, a range of peaks that extended more than a thousand miles east and west. It was 90 years before the French explorer Louis Gustave Binger realized that there were no such mountains. All the maps had been wrong, based on faulty information. Binger is known to history as the man who undiscovered the Mountains of Kong. I’m appointing him to be your role model in the coming weeks, Aquarius. May he inspire you to expose longrunning delusions, strip away entrenched falsehoods, and restore the simple, shining truths.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Bananas grow in Iceland, a country that borders the Arctic Ocean. About 700 of the plants thrive in a large greenhouse heated by geothermal energy. They don’t mature as fast as the bananas in Ecuador or Costa Rica. The low amounts of sunlight mean they require two years to ripen instead of a few months. To me, this entire scenario is a symbol for the work you have ahead of you. You’ve got to encourage and oversee growth in a place that doesn’t seem hospitable in the usual ways, although it is actually just fine. And you must be patient, knowing that the process might take a while longer than it would in other circumstances.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “There is no such thing as a failed experiment,” said author and inventor Buckminster Fuller, “only experiments with unexpected outcomes.” That’s the spirit I advise you to bring to your own explorations in the coming weeks, Sagittarius. Your task is to try out different possibilities to see where they might lead. Don’t be attached to one conclusion or another. Be free of the drive to be proven right. Instead, seek the truth in whatever strange shape it reveals itself. Be eager to learn what you didn’t even realize you needed to know.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): In the simplest, calmest of times, there are two sides to every story. On some occasions, however, the bare minimum is three or more sides. Like now. And that can generate quite a ruckus. Even people who are normally pretty harmonious may slip into conflict. Fortunately for all concerned, you are currently at the peak of your power to be a unifying force at the hub of the bubbling hubbub. You can be a weaver who takes threads from each of the tales and spins them into a narrative with which everyone can abide. I love it when that happens! For now, your emotional intelligence is the key to collaborative creativity and group solidarity.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Architects in ancient Rome used concrete to create many durable structures, some of which are still

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “I have complete faith in the continued absurdity of whatever’s going on,” says satirical news commen-

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): While at a cafe, I overheard two people at the next table talking about astrology. “I think the problem-solvers of the zodiac are Cancers and Capricorns,” said a young, moonfaced woman. “Agreed,” said her companion, an older woman with chiseled features. “And the problem-creators are Scorpios and Geminis.” I couldn’t help myself: I had to insert myself into their conversation so as to defend you. Leaning over toward their table, I said, “Speaking as a professional astrologer, I’ve got to say that right now Geminis are at least temporarily the zodiac’s best problemsolvers. Give them a chance to change your minds.” The women laughed, and moon-face said, “You must be a Gemini.” “No,” I replied. “But I’m on a crusade to help Geminis shift their reputations.”

Jonesin’ Crossword

matt jones

“One Day in Rome” -- I think you can handle this. BREWER MEDIA GROUP


ACROSS 1 Capital founded in 1535 5 Fit for farming 11 Like many a gen. or maj. 14 “Once ___ a midnight dreary...” 15 Bag brand 16 Prefix that follows giga, tera and peta 17 Question for someone who’s already written “beta” and “kappa”? 20 Magazine staff members 21 Hide from the cops 22 Drink too much 23 Annual MTV bestowal, for short 25 Decidedly unhip 26 Packs away 28 Flower necklace given by an environmental group? 30 Knitter’s ball 31 Result of a punch 32 They drop the bass 33 Brawl site 34 “Glee” network

37 Great ___ 38 Hayride seat 39 Avril Lavigne’s take on an Elton John song? 43 Some fountain drinks 44 “He’s ___ among men...” 45 “Voices Carry” group ___ Tuesday 46 Fruit in the lyrics to “Portland, Oregon” 47 Elaborate architectural style 49 Satellite launched 10/4/57 52 “Stop trying to imitate the best boxer of all time!” 55 “Saving Private Ryan” craft, for short 56 Add fizz to 57 Emanate 58 “___ Miserables” 59 Freudian topic 60 Gets the idea DOWN 1 Activist/playwright Clare Boothe ___ 2 2010 Apple arrival 3 Screens in a

computer lab 4 Unremarkable place 5 Sky blue 6 Fixes, as a fight 7 Big primate 8 Diner order 9 Seductive guys 10 Agree with, as a sentiment 11 Annul, as a law 12 Dig up 13 Capital of Taiwan 18 ___! All Berries (Cap’n Crunch variety) 19 “First Lady of Song” Fitzgerald 23 What internet trolls may spew 24 Christopher of “Law and Order: SVU” 26 Barrett of the original Pink Floyd 27 ___ Mahal 28 Simba’s mother, in “The Lion King” 29 33 1/3, for an LP 31 Oranges, reds and golds, in fashion terms 33 Gym teacher’s deg.

(hey, it even has the class in its name) 34 What a celebrity may use to sign in at a hotel 35 Cheer heard a lot at World Cup 2014 36 Simple signatures 38 Crocheted footwear for infants 39 Nittany Lions all-time leader in touchdowns ___ Clark 40 Words after “loose as” or “silly as” 41 Reproach about jumping ahead in line 42 Singing program, to fans 43 Golf bag item 46 Word after shopping or crime 48 Show that you like the show 49 Rogen unwelcome in North Korea 50 “Would ___ to you?” 51 First-aid boxes 53 Trick ending? 54 Rug cleaner, briefly

Copyright © 2014 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0684


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S H O P P I N G TO O L • July 17-23, 2014 • The Pulse • 29

Force of Will Officer Alex’s memories of his father help him through a hard task of mercy

Preparedness? Obligation? Duty? I had no idea, but all traffic had stopped flowing and it was now time to punch this time clock.”

When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at

Traffic was backed up for a mile in both directions on the narrow road upon which I was perched, pistol in hand, sweat running down my forehead as if the individual beads were in some type of competition. I had to think. I had to doubt. And no matter the outcome of either thought, I knew I had to pull the trigALEX ger. I was concentrating on the task at hand, but I kept running a childhood memory though my mind’s backdrop that I could neither explain nor shake. I couldn’t put a finger on its relevance, but when Dad was alive, he’d told me the story of why he always had a pocket knife with him, and specifically why it always had a razor-sharp edge (as only old-school dads could do). He’d come upon a neighbor atop a hill near the place

his crew played baseball all summer long on a baseball diamond his father had built for them several seasons before, and the neighbor was hanging from his neck from a sprawling Minnesota oak tree. He described his face as swollen and purple, his tongue sticking out TEACH like a sausage, and his legs ever so slightly twitching as he rocked in the wind. Dad said he did the only thing he could think of and grabbed him by the knees and tried to lift him up to take the weight off his neck, but it was to no avail; he couldn’t hold him up long enough and worse yet, he couldn’t end the process because he had nothing to cut the rope with. The neighbor didn’t survive his terrible choice, but dad found a pocket knife in his father’s dresser drawer

On The Beat

that next day and asked him how to use a whetstone, and his new habit was born. Flash forward 10 years later: A young sailor (my father) happened upon a young petty officer 3rd class hanging by the neck from a steam pipe in the bowels of a darkened engine room aboard a guided missile destroyer named the USS Semmes. Dad once again reached around the kid’s knees to lift him up, but this time? He had a gentleman’s folding knife in his pocket and cut the man down. He lived. My client today wasn’t a felon (or an asphyxiated sailor), but a red-bone hound with a snapped spine acquired from the front wheel of a oncepristine Harley Sportster, its pilot nursing an injured knee in the back of an ambulance long since departed from the scene where K9 and cycle collided. I’m not sure what brought the story of my ol’ man’s pocket knife to mind while I trained my pistol sights on this suffering animal’s basilar skull, but the thought persisted like the heat of the summer day around me and the

stinging sweat in my eyes. Preparedness? Obligation? Duty? I had no idea, but all traffic had stopped flowing and it was now time to punch this time clock. I applied slow and steady pressure to the trigger (made easier by the mewling sounds of the mortally wounded dog) and the gun did just what it was supposed to do with a sharp crack and a flash of light, and then it was just me and what used to be a hound dog on the side of the road at the edge of a field. I signaled to my partners to let traffic flow again, but in the seconds I had until the first car appeared, I thought a few seconds more about the wind passing through the field filled with abandoned rail cars and chunks of concrete from a once-great munitions plant…and of course, about my Dad’s knife. I holstered my pistol with my right hand and checked my pocket with my left as I headed back to my car, and felt the oblong lump there of his old Uncle Henry…still razor sharp. I was disgusted by what I’d just had to do...but I was prepared.

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8 . 14 . 14

The SEC Network will have over 1,000 live events, including football, men’s and women’s basketball, baseball, softball, and more. Coming to Fi TV Silver and Fi TV Gold subscribers August 14, 2014.

Call 423-648-1372 or visit and make the smart move today.

The Pulse 11.29 » July 17, 2014  

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

The Pulse 11.29 » July 17, 2014  

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative