The Pulse 11.26 » June 26, 2014

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The Pulse CHATTANOOGA'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE

HEALTHY CHOICES, HEALTHY WALLETS

HOW TO EAT RIGHT WITHOUT BREAKING THE BANK

JUNE 26, 2014

n o o n e e n o GUITAR STUDIO WELCOMES STUDENTS OF ALL STYLES AND LEVELS! FEATURING NASHVILLE GUITAR INSTRUCTOR NIC ALEXANDER “I teach students how to make progress through the inspiration of melody.”

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2 • The Pulse • JUNE 26-July 2, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

Pulse Magazine

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VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 26 brewEr media group

Publisher & President Jim Brewer II

Contents

Happenings

EDITORIAL

Managing Editor Gary Poole

BEGINNINGS: Millennials demand change with their dollars

Contributing Editor Janis Hashe Contributors David Traver Adolphus • Rob Brezsny John DeVore • Mike Dobbs • Janis Hashe Matt Jones • Brian King • Marc T. Michael Mike McJunkin • Tony Mraz • Ernie Paik Rick Pimental-Habib • Alex Teach

LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR ENTERTAINMENT CALENDAR

Features

Editorial Interns Christopher Armstrong • Jake Bacon Madeline Chambliss

MUSIC: Man Forever willl push percussion limits at Sluggo’s

Cartoonists & Illustrators Rick Baldwin • Max Cannon Jen Sorenson • Tom Tomorrow Founded 2003 by Zachary Cooper & Michael Kull

ADVERTISING

Director of Sales Mike Baskin Account Executives Chee Chee Brown • Julie Brown Lisa Dicaire • Rick Leavell • Leif Sawyer Stacey Tyler • Jerry Ware

YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT How to eat (and cook) healthy without spending a fortune

By Mike McJunkin

RECORD REVIEWS: July welcomes a wealth of new music for your ears SCREEN: Broadway’s tale of the Four Seasons doesn’t translate to film SPIRITS WITHIN: Sugarland Moonshine and FIFA: Gooooaaaal!

CONTACT

Offices 1305 Carter St. Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Fax 423.266.2335 Website chattanoogapulse.com Email info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar calendar@chattanoogapulse.com THE FINE PRINT: The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching.

The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

Contents Copyright © 2014 by Brewer Media. All rights reserved.

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2014

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26

N e EW W uls N TO P A IN The F in IE eek CH t W

JUNE

MIXOLOGY: The bitters truth DIVERSIONS FREE WILL ASTROLOGY JONESIN' CROSSWORD

Voices

BOUNDARY-LESS CREATIVITY David Ruiz is muralist, photographer and entrepreneur

By Tony Mraz

DAVID ADOLPHUS: What happened to the great American family cars?

ALEX TEACH: Officer Alex devotes some time to cop-style FAQs

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news • views • rants • raves

BEGINNINGS

updates » CHATTANOOGApulse.com facebook/chattanoogapulse EMAIL LOVE LETTERS, ADVICE & TRASH TALK TO INFO@CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

Watch Out, Wall Street “Spend Shifter” Millennials demand change with their dollars

“

CEOs must now worry about their political ideals and how they fashion (and follow) their business ethics.”

The beginning of a new consumer era is near.

Baby boomers are starting retirement and Generation X’ers have begun to inch ever-so-closely to the faint light at the end of the career tunnel. The dawn of the Millennials entering the working world is upon us, and with this emergence of a new generation comes a fresh perspective on the hierarchy of importance.

A recent survey of 2,300 Millennials conducted by Young & Rubicam found that the majority of young Americans now consider themselves a “Spend Shifter.” A “Spend Shifter” is identified as someone who purposefully buys

4 • The Pulse • JUNE 26-July 2, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

products from companies with similar values to their own. This remarkable new consumer trend is waving a warning flag at business leaders. Along with anxieties about the bottom line, CEOs must now worry about their political ideals and how they fashion (and follow) their business ethics.

A perfect example of “Spend Shifters” in action occurred in CHRISTOPHER 2012 when Dan Cathy, chief opARMSTRONG erating officer of the popular chicken sandwich food chain Chick-fil-A, declared his opposition to samesex marriage. Reports soon surfaced that the company had donated millions of dollars to numerous anti-LGBT organizations.

This led to outrage among gay rights supporters, and America became a divided nation over the chicken sandwich with waffle fries. Many pro-gay rights activists (and Millennials overwhelmingly support gay rights issues) vowed to never eat at the fast-food restaurant again, while those on the other side of the fence went to the restaurant in droves.

A Chick-fil-A “Appreciation Day” was scheduled for August 1 of that year, and the company witnessed record-breaking sales—at the same time that thousands of Americans stood outside Chick-fil-A stores across the country and protested the company’s stance against gay rights.

After years of being surrounded by controversy, Cathy recently told USA Today that he “cares about all people,” and that he will now “leave it to the politicians and others to discuss social issues.”

As Millennials focus their consumer attention on what values and ideals companies hold,

Views

they also care about the companies’ social responsibilities. According to a survey of more than 1,200 adults, conducted by Cone Communications, Millennials were found to be the generation most focused on a corporation’s social responsibility when deciding what to purchase.

The survey found that nearly 89 percent of Americans would purchase a product from a company associated with a good cause if there wasn’t an increase in price or a decrease in quality. This percentage increased by nearly 23 points from the same survey Cone Communication carried out in 1993—a time where Millennials had yet to enter the adult population with their purchasing power.

A recent Brookings Institute paper noted: “As Millennials become an increasingly large share of the adult population and gather more and more wealth, the generation’s size and unity of belief will cause seismic shifts in the nation’s financial sector, shaking it to its very foundations and leading to major changes in the nation’s board rooms.

“As Millennials become CEOs, or determine the fate of those who are, they will change the purpose and priorities of companies in order to bring their strategies into alignment with the generation’s values and beliefs.”

EdiToon

by Rick Baldwin

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And the Moral of the Pulse Short Short Story is...

S/he who hesitates won’t be in the contest Once upon a time, in the kingdom of Chattanooga, there was an alternative newspaper called The Pulse. Every year, in order to showcase talented writers, The Pulse announced a contest, challenging Chattanoogans to take a chisel to the evil writer’s block, and write a short story of 500 words or fewer.

But as the weather warmed up, time for Chattanoogans to submit their best work began to run out. The deadline to email submissions (it was an advanced kingdom) was set for Friday, June 27.

The staff at The Pulse wanted to encourage their readers!

“Everyone’s got a story,” they said.

“A word limit seems tricky but the subject matter is endless!”

A panel of expert judges waited in anticipation. Stories had come in, but they

IN THIS ISSUE

Mike McJunkin This week's cover story is by longtime food writer and professional chef Mike McJunkin, a native Chattanoogan who has gained considerable experience with food through his obsessive habit of eating several times each and every day. Along the way

couldn’t read them until the deadline arrived. They knew choosing the top submissions would be difficult, but publishing the best stories in the July 17 issue of The Pulse would be worth it.

Not only would the winners get their story printed, but The Pulse was also offering cool winnings from places throughout the kingdom.

So into the lists, valiant wordsmiths!

Email your story to creative@chattanoogapulse.com and live happily ever after—or live forever in the Land of Lost Opportunity.

— Madeline Chambliss

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David Traver Adolphus he has trained chefs, owned and operated restaurants, and singlehandedly increased Chattanooga’s meat consumption statistics for three consecutive years. He can tell you what balut tastes like, what it’s like to eat pork blood boat noodles on the streets of Thailand and how to cure bacon in a loft apartment. He is also quite active on Facebook at facebook.com/SushiAndBiscuits

Automotive afficiando David Travercovers all things automotive for us, both with his monthly "Air Bag" column and with his annual Automotive Issue cover story.

David is a freelance automotive researcher who recently quit his full-time job writing

about old cars to pursue his lifelong dream of writing about old AND new cars. David occasionally contributes to Road & Track and often to roadandtrack.com and elsewhere. He is also the founder of The Road Home, a nonprofit benefitting post-9/11 veterans. He welcomes the inevitable and probably richly deserved kvetching about Air Bag and anything else on Twitter as @proscriptus.

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Lament for the Lost Sedan What happened to the great American family cars?

“

I like sitting close to the road, and I like my cars to handle like cars. SUVs, even today’s good ones, make compromises I don’t like.”

David Traver Adolphus is a freelance automotive researcher who recently quit his full time job writing about old cars to pursue his lifelong dream of writing about old AND new cars. He welcomes the inevitable and probably richly deserved kvetching about Airbag and anything else on Twitter as @proscriptus.

If you, like me, love cars and cayne was less a car than a sort of have young children, then unless modern covered wagon, a slowyou’re seriously wealthy you’ve moving home that drifted across got a problem, because you have the country at a pace dictated by nothing to drive. I spent some the interval between the World’s time over the winter driving a Largest Ball of String and the new Chrysler Town & Country next A&W Root Beer shop.

Limited, and I admired it hugely.

For those for whom that It was well thought out and wasn’t enough, there were sevdid everything I asked of it. It en- and nine-passenger Country was extremely pleasant to operSedan wagons, in which when ate, and in many you got tired of respects the the kids fightideal vehicle to ing, you could transport a batch banish them of children— to rear-facing aside from the seats far enough DAVID TRAVER $42,000 sticker away that nothADOLPHUS and hideous ing they threw new front end. (or threw up, I also have an extremely good because wow, was it bouncy and microwave oven at home. Every full of fumes back there) would time I use that, I think about end up in the front. how competently it does its job.

And even though Ford would But just as I can’t imagine takinstall a 370hp, 429 Cobra Jet ing the T&C out for a weekend with a Shaker hood in a Todrive on the backroads, I don’t rino Squire wagon, that was the ever find myself microwaving equivalent of a Cadillac CTS-V things for fun. or E63 Mercedes wagon, rare American sedans—rememand very expensive—and when ber sedans?—were once large you get right down to it, not acenough that no one thought tually all that useful. twice about putting three kids So to transport my family toin the back seat and a week’s day, we’re in a Subaru Legacy worth of luggage in the trunk wagon, which I liked for its sort and taking off for vacation. A of Japanese cool (Bruce Willis Dodge Polara or Chevrolet Bisdid the home market ads for two

Air Bag

decades) and with a five-speed, sporting pretensions. But it isn’t aging well, and I really need to replace it.

Only I can’t. Not only isn’t that model made any longer, there’s barely anything like it. As far as I know, the sole remaining people-movers sold in the USA with a manual transmission are the Subaru Forester, Hyundai Elantra GT, and Mazda5. And all of those share a problem with my current car: They’re not very big and more than anything else, that’s the main difference between the family truckster era and today. It was an era, too, and I can actually put a date on the moment that time went away. It was August 2011.

Summer of 2011 is when the last Ford Crown Victoria was built. In many ways, the Crown Vic was the last holdover of an era that began in the early ’50s, a body-on-frame, rear-wheel drive, V-8 sedan. Writing it out like that brings home just how much of an anachronism it was, but it doesn’t convey how supremely well it did its job.

Tested in countless millions of miles of taxi and police duty, the Crown Vic’s Panther platform was rock solid and good for 300,000 trouble-free miles; even with 237hp you still saw mid-tohigh 20s on the highway (better than my Subaru); and most importantly, it had room for an actual family, with car seats and playpens and all.

To get a big sedan today, you have to go way, way up the food chain, and out of America to a BMW 7-series or Mercedes Sclass, both of which start north of $80,000. I’ve driven plenty of Chevy Impalas and they’re adequate, but they’re not big; same with a Ford Taurus, which I really like as a car but not to put my kids in, every day. And quality from the Big Three is, frankly, horrifying. When I say the Crown Vic was trouble-free, I mean they just didn’t break, ever.

So why not drive an SUV like everyone else? I like trucks and I’ve owned plenty; and I think the Jeep Wrangler is an American icon. But from a driving point of view, SUVs don’t get the job done. I like sitting close to the road, and I like my cars to handle like cars. SUVs, even today’s good ones, make compromises I don’t like.

That’s why I’ve spent the last six months trying to convince my wife she’s not going to age 25 years the minute she sits down in a Crown Vic or worse, the nearly identical Mercury Grand Marquis. If I’m an anachronism for wanting a comfortable car that fits my family and makes me feel like a king every time I drive it, I can live with that.

And if you have an 85-year-old relative with a sweet Crown Vic they only drove on Sundays and waxed twice a month...well, you know how to reach me.

State of the Arts ‘14 is coming...

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The movers. The shakers. The decision makers.

Call (423) 265-9494 to find out how to reach them.

The Pulse

CHATTANOOGA'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE

6 • The Pulse • JUNE 26-July 2, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

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You Are What You Eat. It’s Still True.

Make the aquaintance of your kitchen appliances and your health (and wallet) will thank you

By Mike McJunkin

“

If you’re not able to invest fistfuls of dollars into a healthier diet, then you have to invest something else—time. More specifically, time in the kitchen.”

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8 • The Pulse • JUNE 26-July 2, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

T

he constant media drumbeat encouraging us to eat more vegetables, less processed foods and to cut back on sugar has gone from trendy movement to part of the current cultural zeitgeist in just a few short years. It’s hard to argue that a steady stream of Chef Boyardee, Rice-ARoni, and Taco Bell is better for you than a balanced, healthy diet full of fresh fruits, vegetables, grains and responsibly raised meats.

Yet, it is widely believed that a healthy diet is a luxury only to be enjoyed by those with plenty of disposable income and an unnatural affection for tofu and quinoa. But is this true? Is eating healthy really more expensive than eating junk?

“I can’t afford to eat healthy.”

Eating is an investment. You are investing your money, time and energy into a task that you hope will provide a return of satisfaction, nutrition and fuel for your body. When a person claims they “can’t afford to eat healthy,” they are at best misinformed and at worst, dangerously negligent. They either think they do not have enough money to eat healthy or they believe it is not worth the money they assume it requires. They are mistaken on both counts.

How much does it actually cost to eat healthy? Researchers at the Harvard School of Public Health conducted an

analysis of 27 studies from 10 higherincome countries comparing the costs of healthy vs. not-so-healthy diets. The study found that healthier foods, like fruits, veggies and fish are indeed more expensive than unhealthy, food-like products such as processed meals, snacks and refined grains. This is primarily because current food policies support these inexpensive but high volume production foods, and favor processed and easily manufactured foods that provide more profits for the food industry.

Researchers found that the added cost of replacing the less expensive, less healthy foods with fresher and more nutritious ones came to only $1.50 more

per day. Yes, you read that right. $1.50 a day. That’s less than you paid for that last, ill-advised beer last night; less than the cost of two Mumford & Sons downloads; and cheaper than the Cheetos and Diet Coke you get from the breakroom vending machine because you are getting “hangry.”

Several years ago, I decided it was time for me to eat a healthier diet. I immediately noticed how much bigger the price tags for vegetables, fruits and fresh meats were compared to the prepared, prepackaged foods I had grown accustomed to eating. That is—until I started actually doing the math. I quickly realized that many times, I could make a healthy meal for even less than the not-so healthy ones.

For example, burgers, fries and drinks for a family of four at McDonalds ring in at roughly $22. (900 calories, 37 grams of fat, 123 grams of carbs and 23 grams of protein per person). An entire roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, salad, bread and nice tall glasses of whole milk for a family of four costs about $15 (934 calories, 39 grams of fat, only 80 grams of carbs and a whopping 67 grams of protein per person).

The secret for eating healthy on a budget is found in where you invest your resources. If you’re not able to invest fistfuls of dollars into a healthier diet, then you have to invest something else—time.

More specifically, time in the kitchen.

Today, the average American spends 27 minutes a day on food preparation; that’s less than half the time we spent cooking in the 1960s. And what many people call “cooking” today would barely be recognized by our great-grandparents.

I’m sorry to rain on your parade, but mixing up a batch of Hamburger Helper or heating up a package of frozen chicken tenders and a can of green beans is not

cooking. It’s reheating food you have trusted a corporation to prepare for you; corporations who have a well-documented history of going heavy on sugars, fats and salt—three tastes our taste buds naturally love, but that also happen to be dirt cheap for manufacturers to add, and that happen to do an excellent job of masking the shortcomings of processed food.

In 2003, a group of Harvard economists found a link between the decline in time Americans spend preparing food at home to the increase in obesity rates. The French fry, for example, didn’t become the most popular “vegetable” in America until manufacturers relieved us of the “chore” of peeling, cutting and cooking potatoes ourselves.

The study demonstrated that as the time spent on food preparation fell, calorie consumption climbed and that there is an inverse correlation between obesity rates and how much time is spent on food preparation.

In other words, the more time you spend preparing food at home, the less likely you are to be obese and more likely to have a healthy diet. chattanoogapulse.com • JUNE 26-July 2, 2014 • The Pulse • 9

“But I can’t cook.”

Too often, when I share the fact that my “secret” for healthy eating on the cheap is to cook your own food, the reaction is a defeated look followed by the statement, “But I can’t cook.” You don’t have to be a gourmet cook to eat healthy; you simply need to do what humans have done for millennia.

Cooking is symbolic of how we distinguish ourselves from the animals, a metaphor for how we transformed nature into culture. Cooking provided our primate forebears with a more energy-dense and easyto-digest diet, allowing our brains to grow bigger.

Free from the task of gathering large quantities of raw food and spending hours chewing it, humans could devote more time and energy to other purposes—like creating a culture.

If our primal ancestors can figure out how to cook a meal over an open fire, anyone with access to resources such as the modern stove, the Internet and an advanced, problem-solving brain can manage to cook some veggies and a piece of fish or chicken.

Start by doing a little Net research. Do a search for healthy recipes using an ingredient you like, find one that sounds good and jump right in.

With the Internet at your fingertips, you can quickly learn mysterious cooking techniques like “boil,” “mix,” and “braise.” YouTube has hundreds of instructional videos on every cooking technique imaginable. Just remember, if a mouth-breathing Neanderthal like Guy Fieri can do it—anyone can do it.

One final piece of the puzzle is how to buy healthy ingredients

“The bottom line on how to have a healthy diet on a tight budget is simple: Make an investment into the thing you do every day that most dramatically affects your health— cooking your own food.”

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10 • The Pulse • JUNE 26-July 2, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

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to take home and cook. There is no secret life hack to finding good deals. Ask your friends about where they shop, “like” market and farm Facebook pages to watch for specials and buy fruits and vegetables when they’re in season to get the best deal (and the most flavor).

Take advantage of ethnic markets for “specialty” ingredients (they aren’t specialty ingredients to them, they’re just food) and get to know the farmers at the local farmers markets. They’re really friendly, sometimes will give great deals to

regulars and are a wealth of knowledge about the food they grow and how to prepare it.

The bottom line on how to have a healthy diet on a tight budget is simple: Make an investment into the thing you do every day that most dramatically affects your health—cooking your own food.

As one of our culture’s foremost food writers and thinkers, Michael Polland, has said, “Here’s my diet plan: Cook it yourself. That’s it. Eat anything you want—just as long as you’re willing to cook it yourself.”

Note on food costs and availability: There are thousands of people right here in Chattanooga that go to bed hungry every night because they do not make enough money to feed themselves and their families. Many of the programs meant to help people in need have been hobbled by lack of funding, mismanagement or overwhelming need. For those with serious needs, and the many living in “food deserts”, a Pulse article of tips on how to more effectively shop is of little use. Please donate your time, money or whatever resources you can to organizations that help the hungry in Chattanooga, such as the Chattanooga Area Food Bank.

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FILM SCENE

Wise Guys, Great Music Can’t Save “Jersey Boys”

When Beetles Ruled The World Revisit the beginning of the other Beetlemania The Museum Center at Five Points concludes their monthlong "Movies In The Courtyard" with another familyfriendly classic.

"The Love Bug" tells the tale of a lovable Volkswagen Beetle with a mind of its own. A rather emotionally unstable mind, at that. The Beetle, known affectionately as "Herbie" teams up with a down-on-his-luck race car driver and they find themselves on the bumpy and hilarious road to success and romance.

The film, one in a very successful series of live-action kid comedies produced by Walt Disney Studios in the '60s and '70s, starred Disney stalwart

✴✴✴✴✴

Dean Jones, along with Michele Lee and the legendary Buddy Hackett.

Amusingly, the film won a Golden Screen award in Germany in 1970.

Bring your family, friends, blankets, lawn chairs, and snacks to enjoy the movie in the museum's outdoor Courtyard. The movie will begin a dusk (around 7:30 p.m.)

Museum Movie Nights: “The Love Bug” 7:30 p.m.

Museum Center at 5ive Points 200 Inman Street East.

(423) 339-5745 museumcenter.org

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Transformers: Age of Extinction

Begin Again

An automobile mechanic and his daughter make a discovery that brings down the Autobots and Decepticons—and a paranoid government official—on them. You were expecting Shakespeare?

Director: Michael Bay Stars: Mark Wahlberg, Nicola Peltz, Jack Reynor, Stanley Tucci

A chance encounter between a disgraced music-business executive and a young singer-songwriter new to Manhattan turns into a promising collaboration between the two talents.

Director: John Carney Stars: Keira Knightley, Mark Ruffalo, Adam Levine, Hailee Steinfeld

12 • The Pulse • JUNE 26-July 2, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

Broadway’s tale of the Four Seasons doesn’t translate to film musical magic

“J

ERSEY BOYS” IS A FILM WITHOUT AN IDENTITY. IT doesn’t know what it wants to be. The stage version, a jukebox musical featuring the songs of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons, is immensely popular and well received, features 34 musical performances, a careful and well-planned plot structure, and a fourth-wallbreaking storytelling device that reveals the contradictions between the way the band members remember the events of their youth.

The film apes some of these pieces of the stage show, but only halfheartedly, without committing to the JOHN performance aspects needed to tell the story.

“Jersey Boys” the film seems to have more in common with biopics like “Ray” or “Walk the Line.” However, with one exception, the film doesn’t develop any of the characters into fully realized people. By trying to mimic the stage show while making a serious drama about the group, the film does neither approach justice, making “Jersey Boys” overlong and mostly empty.

Perhaps the most interesting part of the film (save for the musical numbers which are too few and far between), is the background of the boys in the Four Seasons. Without the music, three of the members would have likely ended up dead or in jail due to mob-related activities.

The audience learns about the small-

time criminal careers of Tommy DeVito (Vincent Piazza) and Nick Massi (Michael Lomenda), the guitar DEVORE and bass player of the Four Seasons, respectively. The pair occasionally bring little Frankie Castellucio (Broadway star John Lloyd Young) along on their extra-legal activities, but are careful to protect him from any real danger.

He has to be home by 11, after all.

The beginning of the film, when the boys are learning who they are and rising into the role of musical legends, contains genuinely engaging bits of storytelling. This is mostly due to it being part of Tommy’s story, the only one that jumps off the screen with life.

Vincent Piazza has the longest acting resume of any of the main actors, and his natural abilities make his character outshine the other three.

(His few episodes on “The Sopranos” clearly prepared him well for

Screen

this role.) Michael Lomada and Erich Bergan are bland by comparison, John Lloyd Young is only interesting when singing—he has almost no personality at all when not “on stage”.

The problem here is that the adaptation did not translate well to film as a medium. Clint Eastwood is an odd choice as the director of a musical, so much so that I had to look to make sure that it wasn’t some other Clint Eastwood. Eastwood is one of the better directors of the last 20 years—“Unforgiven” and “Million Dollar Baby” are understated and beautiful films. However, his style isn’t going to enhance an adaptation of a Broadway musical.

Broadway requires excess. Someone like Baz Luhrman might have been a better choice. It isn’t that there couldn’t have been a good film version of “Jersey Boys.” It seems these filmmakers made strange choices in the beginning of the process, and then tried to fix them in post. It’s as if Eastwood had his own vision of the film and someone came in and told him that musicals usually have bright colors and dancing.

“Jersey Boys” needed to be either a musical or a biopic. The drawback to doing a straight biopic is that at a certain point, all of these stories begin to sound the same. Pop stars follow the same trajectory and face many of the same issues: drugs, money, parties, infidelity.

It’s all been done before. The music is the difference.

I have to say that music included in the film is spectacular. John Lloyd Young has pipes to rival young Frankie Valli and watching him on screen made me want to see him perform live. I can tell by the musical numbers that the live show must be vibrant and powerful—there’s nothing like watching choreographed early rock and roll. This is the popular music that dominated the 1960s before the Beatles made everything so much more serious.

The sequences in the film highlight just how rock and roll changed the world.

If only the filmmakers had known what was important in the story, it might have been something worth watching. As it is, “Jersey Boys” takes too long to get to a point that has been made more effectively in better movies.

“It’s as if Eastwood had his own vision of the film and someone came in and told him that musicals usually have bright colors and dancing.”

chattanoogapulse.com • JUNE 26-July 2, 2014 • The Pulse • 13

MUSIC SCENE

Enjoy the holidays with our great selection of wine, spirits & high gravity beer.

Aural Alchemy at Barking Legs The Leaky Sockets experimental music fest returns for year two in July

Come see why we’re the liquor store with a smile...

3849 Dayton Blvd. • Ste. 113 423.877.1787 At the corner of Morrison Springs Road and Dayton Boulevard in the Bi-Lo Shopping Center

14 • The Pulse • JUNE 26-July 2, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

In its second year, the Leaky Sockets festival aims to “gather some of the best local and regional experimental acts in one place,” to “help this aspect of the Chattanooga music scene to continue to grow,” according to organizer Jerry Reed.

“I hope anyone who comes, especially someone not familiar, realizes that Chattanooga has a lot to offer musically outside of the typical bar rock scene,” said Reed.

“That there are sincere people here that are making sounds that fall outside of what most people think about when they think about Chattanooga music.”

One reason Reed is drawn to experimental music is because “it’s more about feeling than proficiency” and that it offers “true freedom of sound and expression.”

Visiting artists will include a pair of acts from Asheville, N.C.—solo

venture Divine Circles featuring violinist Meghan Mulhearn and “aural alchemist” Elisa Faires—and three outfits from northeast Tennessee: the audio/visual brainwashing machine Compulsion Analysis, the sonic assault of Kaontrol Kontraos and the abrasive, meditative sound art of Lubber.

Local artists will include Baby Magic, Color Graphics Array, Earth Builder, Millipede, Subconscious Colours, Torschlusspanik and Rick Weaver.

“We’re not trying to make Chattanooga weird, because it already was,” said Reed.

—Ernie Paik Leaky Sockets 2014 July 5, 7 p.m., $8.

Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 barkinglegs.org

Fascinating Not-Rhythm Man Forever willl push percussion limits at Sluggo’s North

T

HE NYC-BASED PERCUSSION PROJECT MAN Forever, created by Oneida drummer Kid Millions—real name: John Colpitts—found initial momentum in 2010 after Colpitts witnessed a concert of Lou Reed’s infamous noise album Metal Machine Music performed by an acoustic chamber ensemble and wanted to make a drum-only version.

By using a multitude of thickly layered tuned drums, ColERNIE pitts, with a rotating cast of collaborators, harnesses the power of sound waves crashing together through original compositions that have intense payoffs. Colpitts has also worked with the Japanese group Boredoms, Spiritualized, William Basinski and novelist Rick Moody.

Colpitts answered some questions via email for The

Music

honest music

PAIK

Pulse in advance of the June 26 Man Forever concert at Sluggo’s North.

The Pulse: You’ve referred to your compositions as experiments. What premises formed the basis for the tracks on your new album Ryonen with So Percussion?

John Colpitts: The two full-length records that came before this new one are all based around arrhythmic percussion. They were ways to

play the drums without a focus on rhythm and to see what kind of aleatoric rhythms emerged from that. For this project I wanted to bring in a drum set and work on a number of pieces that had a distinct and powerful pulse.

So that’s where I started. I created a number of pieces around this idea and the two that made the record were the best suited for So Percussion. I also wanted to incorporate vocals into the mix; I wanted to have the drummers singing and harmonizing.

TP: How strict are your live performances? How much room is there for improvisation?

JC: For the other drummers it’s pretty strict, but there’s supposed to be a build from the start to the end: a gradual build.

It’s not really improvisation, but there’s some flexibility. I started this project initially because I was sick of personal expression driving rock and jazz music.

There was something impersonal about the first two Man Forever albums—I liked that. Now it’s more personal; I was ready to go into that world a bit.

TP: Does the venue itself shape a Man Forever show?

JC: I think definitely, yes. I’ve played in the Metropolitan Museum of Art and in punk houses.

I think there’s more GIVE to a punk house space. It’s smaller—you can expend more energy and have it absorbed into the structure—whereas concert halls want to resonate, and it can cause restraint on stage. I don’t think that’s a bad thing. It just

will drive the performance in a certain way. Clarity vs. abandon: there are pluses to both things.

TP: What do you want audiences to get from a performance?

JC: I want the audience to leave feeling energized, and perhaps there was room made in their minds for their own thoughts. Not even about my music—who cares?—but maybe some strands of ideas would meet there. They could get ideas, inspiration...and energy.

Man Forever With Buffalo Princess, Monomath and White Gregg June 26, 10 p.m., $7 Sluggo’s North 501 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 752-5224

local and regional shows

Chattanooga All Stars of Hip Hop [$5] Rigoletto, SharkWeek, Gold Plated Gold [$5]

Thu, June 26 9pm Sat, June 28 9pm

Live Trivia every Sunday afternoon from 4-6pm Free Live Music every Sunday evening starting at 7pm

Full food menu serving lunch and dinner.

11am-2am, 7 days a week.

35 Patten Parkway * 423.468.4192 thehonestpint.com * facebook.com/TheHonestPint

chattanoogapulse.com • JUNE 26-July 2, 2014 • The Pulse • 15

LIVE MUSIC JUNE/JULY

CHATT. UNPLUGGED THU 9p 26 STEADFAST SOUL AND RYAN OYER

27 SAT SOCRO 10p 28 HEALING HEARTS SUN 3p 29 UPTOWN BIG BAND TUE 8p 1 THE COMMUNICATORS FRI 10P 4 SAT DOWNSTREAM 9:30p 5 TEN BARTRAM BAND FRI 10p SWEET COUNTRY BLUEGRASS FOLK

with KINDORA

Remembering Keith Sherman

SWINGING DANCE PARTY

THAT 90’S SHOW HOLIDAY EDITION

ARYTHMIA & FIFTH STREET SAINTS

7.9 THE DEAD TESTAMENTS w/MEGAN HOWARD 7.10 ORI NAFTALY BLUES BAND

COMING SOON

MITCH ROSSELL BAND SAT 9p 12 GREAT UP & COMING COUNTRY STAR

HANK 3

TUE THE KING OF HELLBILLY RETURNS! 9p

15

ALL SHOWS 21+ UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED • NON-SMOKING VENUE

221 MARKET STREET

HOT MUSIC • FINE BEER • GREAT FOOD BUY TICKETS ONLINE • RHYTHM-BREWS.COM

MUSIC CALENDAR

CHATTANOOGA

thursday6.26 All American Summer Series: Prophets and Kings 6 p.m.

Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View huntermuseum.org Mocha Brownstone Bank 6 p.m.

Mocha Music Lounge 511 Broad St. mochajazz.net Live Jazz 6 p.m.

The Meeting Place 1278 Market St. stjohnsrestaurant.com Live Bluegrass 6:30 p.m.

Whole Foods Market 301 Manufacturers Rd. (423) 702-7300 2nd Quarter Songwriter Shootout Winners Competition 7 p.m.

The Camp House 1427 Williams St. thecamphouse.com Chattanooga Unplugged: Steadfast Soul, Ryan Oyer 9 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Open Mic with Hap Henninger 9 p.m.

The Office 901 Carter St. (inside City Café) (423) 634-9191 Chattanooga All Stars of Hip-Hop 9 p.m.

The Honest Pint

16 • The Pulse • JUNE 26-July 2, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

This Frontier Needs Heroes 35 Patten Pkwy. thehonestpint.com This Frontier Needs Heroes, Jetsome the Noose 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com Man Forever, Buffalo Princess, Monomath, White Gregg 10 p.m.

Sluggos North 501 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 752-5224

friday6.27 Matt’s Friday Jam 5:30 p.m.

Julie Darling Donuts 121 Frazier Ave. (423) 591-3737 Power Player Band 6 p.m.

Mocha Music Lounge

Pulse pick: Joshua Powell Joshua and his folk band borrowed their brand from a 1903 silent Western and have crafted their sound in that sure-footed Americana tradition ever since.

Joshua Powell With Bad Scout Saturday, June 28 7 p.m.

The Camp House 1427 Williams St. thecamphouse.com

511 Broad St. mochajazz.net Seth Walker, Remembering January 7 p.m.

Miller Plaza 850 Market St. nightfallchattanooga.com David Wilcox 7 p.m.

The Camp House 1427 Williams St. thecamphouse.com Do Ya Hear We Festival 2014 7 p.m.

Sluggo’s North 501 Cherokee Blvd. bit.ly/doyahearwe Matt Fox 8 p.m.

Pasha Coffee House 3914 St. Elmo Ave. pashacoffeehouse.com Austin Nickels Band 8 p.m.

Sky Zoo 5709 Lee Hwy.

chattazooga.com Logan Murrell 8:30 p.m.

The Foundry 1201 Broad St. chattanooganhotel.com Amanda Rose 9 p.m.

The Office 901 Carter St. (inside City Café) (423) 634-9191 Ten Bartram 9:30 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Blackcat Moon 10 p.m.

Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com Skymatic, Dioptrics 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com

saturday6.28 Magic & Music at the Incline Noon Incline Railway 3917 St. Elmo Ave. ridetheincline.com Red Bank Monthly Music in the Park 6:30 p.m.

Red Bank City Park 3820 Dayton Blvd.

(423) 876-9458 Milele Roots 6:30 p.m.

Georgia Winery 6469 Battlefield Pkwy., Ringgold, Ga. georgiawines.com

MUSIC CALENDAR

Lindsey Stirling Joshua Powell, Bad Scout 7 p.m.

The Camp House 1427 Williams St. thecamphouse.com Do Ya Hear We Festival 2014 7 p.m.

Sluggo’s North 501 Cherokee Blvd. bit.ly/doyahearwe Trent Williams and Friends 7 p.m.

Mocha Music Lounge 511 Broad St. mochajazz.net Bill & Eli Parris 8 p.m.

Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse 105 McBrien Rd. christunity.org Ragdoll 8 p.m.

Sky Zoo 5709 Lee Hwy. chattazooga.com Logan Murrell 8:30 p.m.

The Foundry 1201 Broad St. chattanooganhotel.com Local Summer Showcase: Rigolleto, Gold Plated Gold, Sharkweek 9 p.m.

The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy. thehonestpint.com Power Players 10 p.m.

Sugar’s Downtown 507 Broad St. sugarschattanooga.com Remembering January 10 p.m.

Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com

The Other Brothers 10 p.m.

The Office 901 Carter St. (inside City Café) (423) 634-9191 Canopy, Factory 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd., jjsbohemia.com SoCro, Kindora 10 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com

sunday6.29 Jessica Campbell 12:30 p.m.

Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com Joelle Maddyson 2 p.m.

Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com Healing Hearts 3 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Do Ya Hear We Festival 2014 7 p.m.

Ziggy’s 607 Cherokee Blvd. bit.ly/doyahearwe Molly Maguires 7 p.m.

The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy. thehonestpint.com Blind Draw 9 p.m.

Bud’s Sports Bar

5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com

monday6.30 Lobo Marino, Birds with Fleas 7 p.m.

The Camp House 1427 Williams St. thecamphouse.com Wendell Matthews Acoustic 7 p.m.

North Chatt Cat 346 Frazier Ave. (423) 266-9466 Old School 7 p.m.

J & J Restaurant and Lounge 2208 Glass St. (423) 622-3579 Nathan Farrow 6 p.m.

Lake Winnepesaukah 1730 Lakeview Dr., Rossville, Ga. lakewinnie.com Lindsey Stirling, AJR 9 p.m.

Track 29 1400 Market St. track29.com

tuesday7.1 Chattanooga Music Club Patriotic Organ Concert 7 p.m.

Memorial Auditorium 399 McCallie Ave. chattanoogaonstage.com Laura Thurston, Katrina Barclay 7 p.m.

The Camp House 1427 Williams St. thecamphouse.com

Tim Starnes & Davey Smith 7 p.m.

Sugar’s Downtown 507 Broad St. sugarschattanooga.com Uptown Big Band Swing Party 8 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Open Mic with Mike McDade 8 p.m.

Tremont Tavern 1203 Hixson Pike tremonttavern.com

901 Carter St (Inside City Cafe) 423-634-9191 Thursday, June 26: 9pm Open Mic with Hap Henninger Friday, June 27: 9pm Amanda Rose Saturday, June 28: 10pm The Other Brothers Tuesday, July 1: 7pm

Server/Hotel Appreciation Night $5 Pitchers $2 Wells $1.50 Domestics ●

●

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks!

Stop by & check out our daily specials!

Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

Join us on Facebook

wednesday7.2 Brandon McGuiness 5 p.m.

Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com Dan Sheffield 7:30 p.m.

Sugar’s Downtown 507 Broad St. sugarschattanooga.com Open Mic with Ryan Oyer 8 p.m.

The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy. thehonestpint.com Mdahts, KidDead, Brandon Brairs 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@ chattanoogapulse.com

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Residential Architecture & Design for Chattanooga

Specializing in healthy, functional, & resource-efficient construction.

Renovations, whole-home remodels, additions & new homes.

Off-the-grid: thinking, remodeling, green building.

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chattanoogapulse.com • JUNE 26-July 2, 2014 • The Pulse • 17

Record Reviews

Hot Summer, Hot Music

July welcomes a wealth of new music to tantalize your ears

SUNDAY $1 Miller Lite Draft MONDAY $2 Corona TUESDAY $2 Wine 4p-10p Karaoke 10p-2a WEDNESDAY $1.50 Domestics THURSDAY $2 Corona Pub Quiz 8p-10p FRIDAY Live DJ 10p-2a SATURDAY Live Band 10p-2am June 28th

One Horse Town NEW LOCATION 103 Cherokee Blvd On The North Shore

Open 11a-3a Daily thebigchillandgrill.com

The long hot days of Summer are upon us, and with the season comes a bevy of new releases from artists both well-known and looking to make their break into the mainstream. Check out these new discs (or downloads) and crank it up.

wrote on the road and recorded at home in between.

Careers is the result of their time together.

OOIOO Gamel (Thrill Jockey)

Every Time I Die From Parts Unknown (Epitaph) Buffalo's magnificently brutal metallic punk ensemble Every Time I Die present From Parts Unknown.

The 2014 album was produced by hard music legend Kurt Ballou, guitarist of Converge, who has helmed recent buzz albums from Kvelertak, Nails, and High On Fire, and offers an unrelenting onslaught of ingeniously composed and furiously executed cathartic hardcore.

This is the band's highly anticipated follow up to 2012 s raging masterwork Ex Lives.

From the syncopated chaos of the opening salvo "The Great Secret" to the melodic mosh of "Old Light" as close as ETID have ever come to a radio-friendly unit shifter From Parts Unknown sees Every Time I Die pushing the limits of their own sound.

18 • The Pulse • JUNE 26-July 2, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

OOIOO, led by Yoshimi P-We of the Boredoms, has always cultivated its own intense musical language that is 100 percent OOIOO. Four years of work went into to making Galmel, their bold new album inspired by ancient Javanese style of gamelan, which has recently attracted attention for its healing powers.

The introduction of this traditional form transformed the group into a super tribe, one-stepping the road between the past and the future.

Their focus is not to replicate these ancient styles, but to incorporate them into their consistently inventive, constantly shifting musical frameworks.

Old Crow Medicine Show Remedy (ATO Records) Old Crow Medicine Show got their start busking on street corners in New York state and up through Canada, winning audiences along the way with their boundless energy and spirit.

They eventually found themselves in Boone, North Carolina where they caught the attention of folk icon Doc Watson while playing in front of a pharmacy.

Fifteen years into their career, Remedy may well be Old Crow Medicine Show's finest album to date. It reunites them with producer Ted Hutt, who also directed traffic on Carry Me Back.

Beverly Careers (ATO Records) Beverly presents debut album Careers. Gorilla vs Bear debuted the first single "Honey Do," and cited a "re-sparking [of] our love of infectious, sweetly buzzing pop melodies, heavenly girlgroup harmonies."

Frequent collaborators Drew Citron and Frankie Rose spent a lot of last year on the road together. They

Yes Heaven & Earth (ATO Records)

Heaven & Earth is the first Yes album featuring new singer Jon Davison, who has been fronting legendary Chattanooga-based prog rock band Glass Hammer for several years.

Along with bassist Chris Squire, guitarist Steve Howe, drummer Alan White, and keyboardist Geoff Downes, the current version of the band follow on the heels of their successful and acclaimed 2011 release, Fly From Here.

The new album was produced by Roy Thomas Baker, who has worked with Queen, The Who, The Rolling Stones, David Bowie, The Cars, Foreigner, Journey, Cheap Trick, and many more bands in an illustrious career.

No fewer than 18 musicians have been a part of the band's line-up, which over the years have achieved worldwide success with their progressive, art, and symphonic style of rock music.

Martin Luther

Tony Rodney Allen

Jamie

Carl III

Mean Mug C O F F E E H O U S E

Dubbed the “Boyz II Men of Gospel” and nominated in several categories at the Stellar Awards, including their original song, “GOD’S BEEN THERE”

FRIDAY, JULY 18 7:00 PM

Doors open @ 5:00 PM FREE TO THE PUBLIC

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NEW COVENANT FELLOWSHIP CHURCH 1326 North Moore Road chattanoogapulse.com • JUNE 26-July 2, 2014 • The Pulse • 19

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20 • The Pulse • JUNE 26-July 2, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

Sugarland and FIFA: Gooooaaaal!

Our man on the barstool tells you how to get your ’Shine on While everyone is glued to the TV during the next couple of weeks, with unblinking eyes aimed toward Brazil, watching the flash of bright fluorescent cleats streak across the glossy green turf of grossly expensive new stadiums, the Internet is all a-flutter with searches for exotic South American treats.

Concoctions such as Coxinhas and Forofa, Feijoada and Vatapa, Bauru and Quidim with Pavé and Requeijau are being whipped up in kitchens across America like characters from a Dr. Seuss recipe book. To go alongside those are beverages like Caipirinha and Batida, Alua and Porradinha that are sure to impress even those eager to catch a glimpse of Ipanema crawling with thong-wearing tourists during the commercials. That’s great and all, because it’s really a lot of fun to take in the strange and wonderful culture of Rio de Janeiro from the comfort of a living room 4,859 miles away.

But anyone that’s actually been to Rio usually comes away with one thought: “It could use a fresh coat of paint.” This is very much

like the barn that houses the soon-to-be-famous Sugarland Distillery in Gatlinburg, TN. (Ha! Ha! And you thought that a Segue was just a two-wheeled scooter! Gotcha!)

Nestled deep in the Smoky Mountains (and in the heart of the airbrushed muscle-T industrial complex) is the latest of the new generation of legalized moonshine stills. This burgeoning art form is exploding all over the liquor scene like Bo and Luke Duke’s hot-rod arrowheads.

Sugarland is housed in a building made from four MIKE recycled East Tennessee barns, dating from the preCivil War era, that still carry their original red, white and blue paints to prove you can’t get any more ‘Merican than this.

The Sugarland Distillery’s ’shine gets its origin from Tennessee white corn ground on premises in a stone burr mill and then combined with pure cane sugar cooked up in a copper pot still. The leftovers from the previous batch are passed on to the next generation of mash. So, each jar is an heirloom recipe which ensures consistency and originality for every sip.

Their main original recipe comes in the required Mason jar-type container, with a label that names it “Silver Cloud”. Although the name derives from the stills that were hidden in the hills of Appalachia, one can deduce it’s the Rolls-Royce of the distillery’s line. Its taste has been described as a combination of fresh corn and cotton. I’m not sure what fresh cotton actually tastes like, so, I’ll just agree and tell

you that it’s very smooth and a little sweet— until the 100-proof afterburner kicks in and thrusts your throat straight into involuntarily spouting the word, “Wow!” I’m guessing this is one of the reasons our ancestors were said to be “hearty men back in those days”.

The folks up at Sugarland have also teamed with Discovery Channel’s “Moonshiners” personality Jim Tom Hedrick to create what they call “Unaged Rye”. This is one of Jim Tom’s recipes. Now, rye has a more peppery flavor that is closer in taste to a Canadian blend or what you might get in an Old Fashioned or a Manhattan. However, Jim Tom’s has a bit more of a punch… the kind from a fist and not the kind from a bowl. And like Jim Tom likes to say, “Golly, that’s good.”

DOBBS The fellas up in the ’burg are busy indeed, expanding the envelope of the old copper still as we all know it by adding some twists on the original idea of moonshine. Not to be tied by tradition entirely, they’ve come up with flavors like “Appalachian Apple Pie”, “Blockader’s Blackberry”, “Butterscotch Gold” and “Old Fashioned Lemonade”. All of these are guaranteed to liven up conversations in polite company and satisfy the “Eeuw, moonshine” person inevitably lurking around every rumpus room.

Sugerland Distillery’s bottled lightning is becoming more available in the area. There’s even a helpful list on their website with the locations. All of this is good to know because it makes getting ready for the next FIFA match a heck of a lot easier, and chances are your onceevery-four-years friends won’t know the difference between a Caju Amigo and Shinola anyway. And this stuff has enough zoot that it will make all of Cristiano Ronaldo’s haircuts look even more hilarious than they already are.

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chattanoogapulse.com • JUNE 26-July 2, 2014 • The Pulse • 21

ART SCENE

Boundary-less Creativity

David Ruiz is muralist, photographer and entrepreneur extraordinaire

U

A Feast of Science Fiction Lit LibertyCon returns with a stellar lineup of guests This weekend marks the return of one of the longest-running literary science fiction conventions in the region with the 27th hosting of the LibertyCon convention.

The literary gathering kicks off Friday afternoon at the Chattanooga Choo Choo, featuring noted authors Jody Lynn Nye, John Ringo, David Drake and Sarah Hoyt, among several dozen others scheduled to appear.

Special guests include National Geographic Channel’s “Rocket City Rednecks” star Dr. Travis Taylor, artists Kurt Miller and David Cherry, and even a true-blue rocket scientist, NASA’s own Les Johnson.

“Between attendees and professionals, we will have almost 700 people,” said convention organizer Brandy

Spraker. Among the many activities and events over the weekend, noted highlights include panel discussions on everything from the messiest ways to kill zombies to how to protect the planet from asteroid armageddon.

Other highlights inludes The Atlanta Radio Theater Company live radio-style presentation of Thomas E. Fuller’s “The Adventures of Dash Cardigan”, a Mad Scientist Roundtable, and a full dealers room and art show to find that perfect must-have item or piece of art.

LibertyCon 27 $50 entire weekend Chattanooga Choo Choo 400 Market St. (423) 266-5000 libertycon.org

FRI6.27

SAT6.28

SUN6.29

ART WALKING

DONKEY TALES

SUNDAY FUNDAY

Southside Stroll

“A Midsummer Night’s Dream”

Blueberry Festival

Take a leisurely walk up and down Main Street on the Southside and visit with some great galleries, restaurants and cool little retail businesses. A great way to spend a nice Friday evening out and about.

5 p.m.

110 E. Main St. facebook.com/ southsidestroll

A "modern dress" staging of the classic Shakespeare comedy by some of the city's brightests talents.

Thou wilwt laugh, verily.

7:30 p.m.

Ripple Theater 3264 Brainerd Rd. (423) 600-9242 facebook.com/ shakespearechattanooga

Fresh-picked, in a pie, jelly & jam, sweet salsa, bushes to plant, lotions & candles and more, it's all things blueberry at the Chattanooga Market for the Blueberry Festival.

11 a.m.

Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St. (423) 648-2496 chattanoogamarket.com

22 • The Pulse • JUNE 26-July 2, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

NTIL A FEW YEARS AGO, CHATTANOOGANS HAD TO go to a city like New York or Atlanta to see anything like David Ruiz’s art. He has refined a method for quickly and efficiently applying images to surfaces, and he uses it to create iconic murals.

He’s also a skilled photographer, and can often be found around town with his camera. His pictures are source material for the murals, which have quickly become a vital part of Chattanooga’s scenery. David was kind enough to answer a few questions about his work.

Arts TONY MRAZ

“

The dogs are barking and angry looking, but the cat is real chill.

It really fits all of their personalities very well, and we have agreed that it should be titled ‘Don’t Panic’.”

The Pulse: How did you start doing murals?

David Ruiz: Mary Margaret LaVoie and I started Paperwork (PPRWRK) back in 2011. We went to New York for a couple of months to study art, and then to Austin, Texas. During that time, the 10x10 Showcase was going on in Chattanooga. We were looking at it on the computer and were like, “When we get back into town in 2012, we’re just going to go nuts, we’re going to put up a bunch of stuff.”

We decided to call the people who threw 10x10 to make sure that we wouldn’t work where they planned on having something, so we weren’t rude to any artists. They offered us a stipend to put up murals, and we said, “Of course, we’ll happily do that.” We did 13 pieces for that project, and it kind of grew from there.

In March of 2013, I got the grant for Tour De Noog, which was an artguided bicycle tour of downtown. We put up 23 murals of local musicians stretching from North Chattanooga all the way to the Southside. It was meant to promote fitness and artwork, and you could enjoy it with your fami-

(l to r) David Ruiz with Meat, Joel Ruiz with Doc Brown, Michael Ruiz with Hank. Contributed photo.

ly and friends without spending a penny.

It was a great success, and also generated a lot of acclaim for musicians. I can’t play music to save my life, but I can promote it!

TP: Do you also help to promote musicians with your website?

DR: Yes. The website is called 423BR.com. It stands for 423 Bragging Rights, which is the name for my music photos. We also have 423PK.com, which is a local music database. An EPK is an electronic press kit, so a 423PK is essentially a Chattanooga press kit.

The musicians are all local and have played at least twice in the past six months. We have over 180 submissions, with 90 profiles up currently and about 90 more to build, so we are roughly halfway there.

It keeps on growing. We are doing fundraisers to keep this service affordable for the musicians we represent.

TP: What inspires you to start taking pictures?

DR: Music! The camera almost doesn’t touch my hand unless there’s

The dogs are barking and angry looking, but the cat is real chill. It really fits all of their personalities very well, and we have agreed that it should be titled “Don’t Panic”.

The final product measures 10x13 feet.

TP: What process do you use for your murals?

DR: We make our wheat paste with flour and salt water from a generalized recipe. We use that to glue the paper to the wall. We print the images on 11x17 pieces of paper and tile them. This minimizes the cracking that occurs from weathering because the smaller pieces of paper have more give, like a sidewalk.

It’s all biodegradable and we can remove it with a pressure washer.

There is a science to figuring out what works and what doesn’t. I think I will probably always use paper in some form. Whether it’s painted or not, I’m going to use paper to get there!

Find out more about David’s work online: causeway.org/cause/view/theworlds-first-drive-through-galler y, 423br.com, and 423pk.com

“We also have 423PK.com, which is a local music database. An EPK is an electronic press kit, so a 423PK is essentially a Chattanooga press kit.” someone playing live music. As soon as that happens, I’m engulfed in the finger work of the keyboardist, or the head bobbin’ of the drummer, or the person standing at the front of the crowd, in the middle of a dance floor just wailing and enjoying life.

That’s what I like; the live music scene. Thinking about what I can contribute to it has inspired my street art.

TP: What murals are you currently working on?

DR: I’m working on the McCallie Walls Mural Project, which is organized by Kevin Bate. He got a grant to get it started, and has since gotten additional funding to keep it going.

Kendrick Hardcastle and I just finished our mural for Phase 2 of the project; it’s got my dog Meat and my brother Joel’s dog Doc Brown on it, as well as Kendrick’s cat Travis.

HOME GAMES Thu, June 26 • 7:15 PM

vs. Pensacola Blue Wahoos Beer Tasting Series

Fri, June 27 • 7:15 PM

vs. Pensacola Blue Wahoos Agriculture Night & Fireworks!

Sat, June 28 • 7:15 PM

vs. Pensacola Blue Wahoos Myron Noodleman

Sun, June 29 • 5:15 PM vs. Birmingham Barons

Mon, June 30 • 7:15 PM vs. Birmingham Barons Kids Eat Free Monday

chattanoogapulse.com • JUNE 26-July 2, 2014 • The Pulse • 23

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT thursday6.26

for more info call 706.820.2531

See RockCity.com ...and make plans this weekend!

F eaturing the Old Time Travelers!

Another great reason to get a Rock City Annual Pass. For less than the cost of two single admissions, you can come back again and again... for FREE!

Jerry Seinfeld 7 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. chattanoogaonstage.com G.R. Goodwin and Friends 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com Museum Movie Nights: “The Love Bug” 7:30 p.m.

Museum Center at 5ive Points 200 Inman Street East.

(423) 339-5745 museumcenter.org

friday6.27 LibertyCon 27 3 p.m.

Chattanooga Choo Choo 1400 Market St libertycon.org Fiber Art Fridays at Eastgate Library 3 p.m.

Eastgate Public Library 5705 Marlin Rd. (423) 855-2689 chatlibrary.org Southside Stroll 5 p.m.

110 E. Main St. facebook.com/southsidestroll Flying Colors 5 p.m.

St. Paul’s Episcopal Church 305 W. 7th St. stpaulschatt.org “Willy Wonka, Jr.” 7 p.m.

Robert Kirk Walker Community Theatre 399 McCallie Ave.

24 • The Pulse • JUNE 26-July 2, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

Jerry Seinfeld (423) 642-8497 chattanoogaonstage.com Shakespeare Summer Series: “Macbeth” 7:30 p.m.

Baylor School 171 Baylor School Rd. (423) 267-8505 baylorschool.org James Gregory 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” 7:30 p.m.

Ripple Theater 3264 Brainerd Rd. (423) 600-9242 facebook.com/ shakespearechattanooga “Xanadu” 8 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com Nomadic Tapestry: “Lumani

Pulse pick: Goodwin & Friends Come out and enjoy some of this area's funniest young comedians, featuring G.R. Goodwin, Willie B, Mark Gladden, and Marcus Shadrick.

G.R. Goodwin and Friends Thursday, 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

Dance Theatre and Wasted Wine” 8 p.m.

Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 nomadictapestry.com Movies in the Park at Dark 8 p.m.

Heritage Park 1428 Jenkins Rd. (423) 425-6311

saturday6.28 Hiwassee Wildlife Refuge Touring Kayak Adventure 8 a.m.

Greenway Farm 5051 Gann Store Rd. (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com Downtown Kayak Adventures 9:30 a.m.

Outdoor Chattanooga 200 River St (423) 643-6888

outdoorchattanooga.com LibertyCon 27 10 a.m.

Chattanooga Choo Choo 1400 Market St libertycon.org Highland Park Commons Market 10 a.m.

1918 Union Ave. hpcommonsmarket.com Community Quilt Exhibit 10 a.m.

Blue Ridge Mountains Arts Association 420 W. Main St. (423) 632-2144 blueridgearts.net Saturday Morning Handicrafts 10:30 a.m.

Northgate Public Library 278 Northgate Mall Dr. (423) 870-0635 chattlibrary.org Encaustic Artist Demonstration 11 a.m.

River Gallery 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033 river-gallery.com Man Xpo 11 a.m.

First Tennessee Pavilion 1826 Reggie White Blvd.

(423) 266-4041 timesfreepressevent.com Artful Yoga 1:30 p.m.

Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View Ave. (423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org Chattanooa Roller Girls vs.

Derby City Roller Girls 7 p.m.

Chattanooga Convention Center 1150 Carter St. (423) 756-0001 chattanoogarollergirls.com James Gregory 7 p.m.

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

Chattanooga Roller Girls The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” 7:30 p.m.

Ripple Theater 3264 Brainerd Rd. (423) 600-9242 facebook.com/ shakespearechattanooga Shakespeare Summer Series: “Macbeth” 7:30 p.m.

Baylor School 171 Baylor School Rd. (423) 267-8505 baylorschool.org “Xanadu” 8 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com

sunday6.29 2014 Waterfront Triathalon 7:30 a.m.

Rowing Center, Chattanooga Waterfront chattanoogatrackclub.org Rapid Learning Kayak Program Instructional Whitewater Trip 9 a.m.

Outdoor Chattanooga 200 River St (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com Downtown Kayak Adventures 9:30 a.m.

Outdoor Chattanooga 200 River St (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com LibertyCon 27 10 a.m.

Chattanooga Choo Choo 1400 Market St libertycon.org

Blueberry Festival 11 a.m.

Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St. (423) 648-2496 chattanoogamarket.com Docent’s Choice Tour 2 p.m.

Reflection Riding Arboretum & Nature Center 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160 chattanooganaturecenter.org “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” 2:30 p.m.

Ripple Theater 3264 Brainerd Rd. (423) 622-2862 facebook.com/ shakespearechattanooga Patriotic Concert: “True Religion, True Home” 6 p.m.

First Presbyterian Church 554 McCallie Ave. (423) 648-7912 1stprebyterian.com Benefit For “Boo” Bob Carlisle 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

monday6.30 Choo Choo Chorus Rehearsal 7 p.m.

All Saints Academy 310 East Eighth St. (423) 876-7359 choochoochorus.org

tuesday7.1 Community Quilt Exhibit 10 a.m.

Blue Ridge Mountains Arts Association

420 W. Main St. (423) 632-2144 blueridgearts.net Chattanooga Music Club Patriotic Organ Concert 7 p.m.

Memorial Auditorium 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156 chattanoogamusicclub.org

wednesday7.2 Community Quilt Exhibit 10 a.m.

Blue Ridge Mountains Arts Association 420 W. Main St. (423) 632-2144 blueridgearts.net Let’s Make Terrariums!

1 p.m.

Downtown Public Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310 chattlibrary.org Main Street Farmers Market 4 p.m.

Southside Chattanooga 325 E. Main St. mainstfarmersmarket.com Chattanooga Wednesday Market 4 p.m.

Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St. (423) 402-9957 chattanoogamarket.com Rapid Learning Kayak Roll Practice 6 p.m.

Chester Frost Park 2318 Gold Point Circle (423) 842-0177 outdoorchattanooga.com

ongoing Dirt Track History Races Museum Center at 5ive Points

200 Inman Street East.

(423) 339-5745 museumcenter.org “Inside & Out” River Gallery 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033 river-gallery.com “The Wizard of Oz” Creative Discovery Museum 321 Chestnut St. (423) 756-2738 cdmfun.org Emerging Artists Exhibit AVA Gallery 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-4282 avarts.org "Abstract & Contemporary" Reflection Gallery 5600 Brainerd Rd. (423) 892-3072 reflectionsgallerytn.com “John McClean: Watercraft in Watercolor” InTown Gallery 26 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9214 intowngallery.com “Peace Posters: From Givatayim to Chattanooga” Downtown Public Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310 chattlibrary.org “Hunter Invitational III” Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View.

(423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org “Fire and Steel: The Metal sculpture of Turry Lindstrom” Graffiti 505 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 400-9797 hillcityart.com Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

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chattanoogapulse.com • JUNE 26-July 2, 2014 • The Pulse • 25

Mixology

Take the brewery everywhere.

JAKE BACON

A Bitters Ballad

The renaissance of an almost-forgotten ingredient is now officially trendy

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Complex, yet balanced taste in every can.

Enjoy, wherever you are.

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Please drink responsibly.

26 • The Pulse • JUNE 26-July 2, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

Please recycle.

A Manhattan, a Bourbon Old Fashioned, the Garden Tonic, the Ninth Ward, or a Sazerac—many different cocktails can be made using bitters.

The different concoctions fit an abundance of profiles, anything from a citrus to a carbonated tonic flavor. They are only linked by the bitter-to-bittersweet taste contributed by the bitters themselves.

TerraMae Appalachian Bistro’s head bartender Justin Stamper describes making bitters as cooking. “It’s a linear progression,” he said. “I will often start with a recipe, but quickly abandon it for smelling and tasting.”

Though bitters have a rich history, many considered them to be all-butdead before a recent reemergence. What started out as a medicinal beverage created by the ancient Greeks wasn’t considered a cocktail ingredient until the British passed along the practice of adding bitters to canary wine sometime in the 19th century.

Bitters then took a major hit with the 1906 U.S. Food and Drugs Act, which effectively outlawed many bitters due to “lack of proof of health benefits”.

They were nearly finished off by Prohibition a few years later. Yet since then bitters have experienced a comeback, fueled by connoisseurs of pre-Prohibition cocktail culture.

Bitters come in many different flavors, and are usually added in dashes to create cocktails. They usually contain anywhere from 35- to 45-percent alcohol, and are made by infusing botanicals with a high-proof alcohol, usually 100-proof or higher, then combining that with numerous aromatic and flavor agents in order to get the exact profile desired.

Angostura is the most common bottle of bitters you’ll find behind a bar. Others include Peychaud’s bitters, the quintessential ingredient in the famous Sazerac cocktail, Regan’s Orange Bitters No. 6, found in the cocktails like the Martinez, and Bittercube Bitters, designed for tropical cocktails.

Based on the description given by Justin and other area bartenders, bitters can be quite hard to create. The best way to find that perfect profile requires lots of using the senses and adding a little of this and a little of that to concoct exactly what you’re looking for.

Justin believes that’s why bitters are being revived—the individuality of each batch and therefore, each cocktail.

“The trend is to find the obscure, find the craft, find the creative and celebrate it,” he said. “There is so much individuality in each bottle, in each profile and each maker, that you have this endless cabaret to alter the same cocktail.”

Diversions

Consider This with Dr. Rick

by Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D. “It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to accept and celebrate those differences.” — Audre Lorde Why is that? Why do we have such a difficult time with the neighbor of a different race, the co-worker of a different sexual identity, the kids’ friend of a different ethnicity? My suggestion to you is that our struggle to accept differences is a learned response. It’s really just fear of the unfamiliar, the unknown. The good news is that what we can learn, we can unlearn, and replace with something healthier.

Take it from a Northerner/Californian/Floridian who moved to the strong culture of the Deep South. While I still have trouble celebrating grits (although those cheesy ones have a lot going for them), I have opened myself to delight in bluegrass music, to appreciate the easy-going helpfulness of my neighbors, and to befriend folks with deep Southern roots that are very different from my own.

In your own life, how might you put aside your fears, and celebrate the differences in others? Can you start today? chattanoogapulse.com • JUNE 26-July 2, 2014 • The Pulse • 27

Free Will Astrology CANCER (June 21-July 22): If you could harness the energy from a typical lightning bolt, you would be able to use it to toast 100,000 slices of bread. That’s an impossible scenario, of course. But I see it as an apt metaphor for the challenge you have ahead of you. I suspect you will soon get access to a massive influx of vital force that arrives in a relatively short time. Can you find a way to gather it in and store it up? Or will most of it, after the initial burst, leak away and be unavailable for long-term use? The secret to success will lie in whether you can figure out how to create the perfect “container.”

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “Forget the suffering / You caused others. / Forget the suffering / Others caused you.” Czeslaw Milosz wrote these words in his poem “Forget,” and now I’m passing them on to you.

According to my reading of the astrological omens, now would be an excellent time for you to purge the old hurts you are still carrying, both those you dealt out and those you endured. Opportunities like this don’t come along often, Leo. I invite you to repay emotional debts, declare amnesty, and engage in an orgy of forgiveness. Any other things you can think of that will help wipe the slate clean?

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): When a Navajo baby laughs for the first time, everyone in the community celebrates. It’s regarded as the moment when the child completes his or her transition from the spirit realm into the physical world. The person who has provoked the baby’s laughter is charged with planning the First Laugh Ceremony, a party to commemorate the magical event. I foresee a comparable development in your life, Virgo. You won’t be laughing for the first time, of course, but I suspect your sense of humor will reach a new ripeness.

How? Maybe you will be able to find amusement in things you have always taken too seriously. Maybe you will suddenly have a deeper appreciation for life’s ongoing cosmic jokes. Or perhaps you will stumble upon reasons to laugh longer and harder and louder than you ever have before.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Would you like to be free from the experience of getting criticized? Do you think it might be nice if no one ever accused you of being wrong or off-track? If so, here’s how you should proceed, says American writer Elbert Hubbard: “Do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.” But I’m afraid I can’t recommend that behavior for you, Libra. In the coming weeks, you have a sacred duty to your Future Self to risk being controversial. I urge you to take strong stands, speak raw truths, and show your real feelings. Yes, you may attract flack. You might disturb the peace. But that will be an acceptable price to pay for the rewards you receive. This is one

28 • The Pulse • JUNE 26-July 2, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

rob brezsny

time when being courageous is more important than seeking harmony.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any,” said Mark Twain. How do you respond to that impish nudge, Scorpio? Are there any geniuses and heroes out there whom you consider to be worthy of your respect? If not, I urge you to go out in search of some. At this phase of your evolution, you are in special need of people who inspire you with their greatness. It’s crucial for you to learn from teachers and role models who are further along than you are in their mastery of the game of life. I also believe it would be healing for you to feel waves of admiration and reverence.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “Everyone has something to hide,” declared Russian author Anton Chekhov. Is that true? Do even you blunt Sagittarians have something to hide? I’m going to say that for 90 percent of you, the answer is yes. There are secrets you don’t want anyone to find out about: past events you are reluctant to disclose or shady deeds you are getting away with now or taboo thoughts you want to keep sealed away from public knowledge. I’m not here to scold you about them or to encourage you to spill them.

On the contrary, I say it’s time to bring them fully into your conscious awareness, to honor their importance to your life story, and to acknowledge their power to captivate your imagination.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): A German chemist named Felix Hoffman had a prominent role in synthesizing two very different drugs: aspirin and heroin. In analyzing your astrological omens for the coming months, I see you as having a similar potential. You could create good stuff that will have the power to help and heal; or you could generate borderline stuff that will lead to a lot of problems; or you could do both. How it all plays out really is up to your free will. For best results, set your intention to go in the direction of things like aspirin and away from things like heroin.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): This is a good time to risk a small leap of faith, but not a sprawling vault over a yawning abyss. Feel free and easy about exploring the outer borders of familiar territory, but be cautious about the prospect of wandering into the deep, dark unknown. Be willing to entertain stimulating new ideas but not cracked notions that have little evidence to back them up. Your task is to shake up the status quo just enough to invigorate everyone’s emotional intelligence, even as you take care not to unleash an upheaval that makes everyone crazy.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Brit-

ish poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772-1834) had an unusual fetish. He enjoyed eating apples and pears and other fruits while they were still hanging on the tree. Why? Maybe because the taste was as pure and brisk and naked as it could possibly be—an experience that I imagine would be important to a romantic poet like him. In accordance with your astrological omens, I suggest you use Coleridge’s quest for ultimate freshness as a driving metaphor in the coming week. Go to the source to get what you need. Dispense with intermediaries. Be as raw as the law allows.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): According to an astrologer named Astrolocherry (astrolocherry.tumblr. com), Aries is the sign of the freedom fighter, the explorer, the daredevil, and the adventurer. That’s all true; I agree with her. But here’s an important caveat. As you get older, it’s your duty to harness all that hot energy on behalf of the softer, slower, more tender parts of your life. The coming weeks will offer you a great opportunity to work on that challenge. To get started, imagine how you can be a freedom fighter, explorer, daredevil, and adventurer in service to your home, family, and community.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): After a thorough, detailed, painstaking analysis of the astrological omens, I’m inclined to advise you to be neither thorough nor detailed nor painstaking in the coming days. Instead, I suspect you will thrive by being spontaneous and improvisatory. Wing it, baby! Throw away the script. Trust your gut. Play it by ear. Make it up as you go along.

If you find yourself frowning with indecision and beset by lazy procrastination, you will know you’re off course. If you are feeling blithe and agile as you get a lot done with creative efficiency, you will know you’re right in the groove.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The Japanese word tsundoku describes what happens if you buy a lot of books but never read them, leaving them piled up in a neglected heap. I recommend that you avoid indulging in tsundoku any time soon, Gemini. In fact, I urge you not to acquire any resources that you then proceed to ignore. You are in a phase of your astrological cycle when it’s crucial to make conscientious use of your tools and riches. To let them go to waste would be to dishonor them, and make it less likely that you will continue to receive their blessings in the future. Take full advantage of what’s yours.

Homework: What are the five conditions you’d need in your world in order to feel you were living in utopia?

Write uaregod@comcast.net

Jonesin’ Crossword

matt jones

CHATTANOOGA’S

“You Missed a Spot”

OLDEST

--when things don’t come full circle.

CONTINUALLY OPERATING

CRAFT BREWERY

Downtown 222 Broad Street 423-267-2739 Hamilton Place 2020 Hamilton Plc. Blvd.

423-553-7723

ACROSS 1 City, casually 4 Common mixer 8 Chin dimples 14 A thousand times more than a mil 15 Reagan Secretary of State 16 “Got that right!”

17 It may need a massage 18 One wing of the Museum of Poisons?

20 “Veil of ignorance” philosopher John 22 Tango necessity 23 “___ do it” 24 Archaeological find 26 Oceanic backflows 30 Instrument that means “high wood” 32 Sinuous swimmer 34 Clumsy sort 35 The act of keeping a basketball player from leaving the team?

40 Extra-spesh attention 41 Meas. taken

during a physical 42 “That’s interesting!”

43 Little battery 45 Maximum amount of “aw” you can get from cat pictures?

49 Put together 50 “___ blu dipinto di blu” 51 They may be pale 52 Is guaranteed to work 56 Two-syllable poetic foot 58 Nucky’s brother, on “Boardwalk Empire” 59 Grazer’s sound 61 Flip side?

64 Fleetwood Mac’s John or Christine, without any singing parts?

69 Go one better than 70 Monopoly purchase, sometimes 71 Long time to wait 72 Actress Mendes 73 E-mail request 74 Go after flies

75 “Bang and Blame” band DOWN 1 Taxi app 2 Latvia’s capital 3 Welding tool 4 Big gap 5 Crew gear 6 Buzzfeed article, often 7 Get older with style 8 “___: Miami” 9 “Funky Cold Medina” rapper Tone ___ 10 Ordinal number suffix 11 “___ not” 12 Bridal veil material 13 Isn’t buying it?

19 San Francisco’s ___ Hill 21 MGM co-founder Marcus ___ 25 Onion variety 27 Italian tenor Andrea 28 He was Sulu 29 “___ were you...”

30 Frequent, in poetry 31 Leave hastily

33 Redo some passages, maybe 36 Grading range 37 Shrek, for one 38 Sudden-death game, say 39 Airport terminal area 44 Jerkface 46 Dig in 47 Intertwines 48 Bear with the medium-sized bowl 52 Activist Chavez 53 Full of spirit 54 Brother on “Frasier” 55 ThinkPad maker, before Lenovo 57 “This is only ___...”

60 Acknowledge frankly 62 Word before nest or knot 63 Folder filler 65 Away from WSW 66 Creature of habit?

67 Movie with a stuffed bear 68 Gourmet Garten

Copyright © 2014 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0681

We welcome you to come visit for one of the biggest selections of beer around!

We have something for everyone!

Home brewing supplies and everything to get you started!

20 Tap Growler station!

Enjoy our wide selection of beers from many breweries including: Founders, Bell’s, Smuttynose, Dogfish Head, Victory, Ballast Point, Stone, Lagunitas and many more. We also have large selection of Belgian and German beers and a selection of singles to make your own six pack.

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Reader Questions: Vol. 8 Officer Alex devotes some time to cop-style FAQs

“

Not only do I write girls tickets, the prettier they are and the harder they cry, the more of them I write.”

From time to time, here at The Pulse, I receive questions from curious readers and I’ve decided to dedicate another column to answering the most frequent of such.

While Q&As may be commonplace in the periodical world, I consider this is a rare treat for me personally, since often when I’m answering questions it is done in person, and ALEX I have to deal with the inconvenience of replies and retorts.

Most cops I know would really just appreciate a little respectful silence so we can rush to the next perceived emergency.

But here, not only can I address a few common queries through a one-way venue, I don’t have to do so while desperately trying to just finish eating a damn sandwich in solitude or feigning profound interest.

On The Beat

“Are you crazy or something?”

When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at facebook.com/alexteach

with mention of a few weird dreams and my “behavior” from time to time. Not only am I not crazy, I would go so far as to say I can prove unequivocally how sane I am more readily than any ten people you could name, dear Reader.

“How can this be?” you ask?

Because I have Papers that prove it. Do you?

Think about it. You just have to take most TEACH people at their word that they are sane; in my case, I have it documented. I have been psychologically screened more times than a Catholic priest at a boys summer camp, and I have passed them without fail...more or less.

Each and every time I have participated in an event that would make you want to shred your face into thin strips and grill them with scallions (and perhaps some crushed garlic and Emeril’s Essence...the man is a genius!), I have spoken to degreed professionals who said I was fine to return to work after batteries of written, individual and group counseling.

As a matter of fact, I carry those papers either just inside my uni-

Let’s just get this one right out of the way. Quite simply?

No. While its frequency in being asked is disconcerting, as a reasonable person I am not shocked by this question, what

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form shirt or just above my car’s sun visor to provide evidence when confronted, and have gone from throwing up on the side of a road alone after leaving a friend’s body inside twisted wreckage, to actually looking forward to hanging out with the guys at the afteraction reports. I am absolutely, positively, not crazy. I just see a lot of weird stuff.

Relax.

“How is it a pretty girl can get out of a ticket by crying?”

This is one of the greatest misconceptions in patrol work. Not only do I write girls tickets, the prettier they are and the harder they cry, the more of them I write.

Does this make me rude?

Absolutely not. In fact, I make a practice of telling them I will wait at the rear of the car until they stop, but I will still need them to sign down here at the bottom (not being an admission of guilt, of course) when they’re done.

I’ve found that the tears instantly stop, their faces wrinkle into an angry and disgusted frown, and they call me a bastard…indicating they really weren’t as upset as they let on!

Treachery, treachery, treachery.

One even said, “But I’m cute!”

Apparently, the ploy works for some, but for the life of me, I’m not sure why. Do they presume that by my granting them leni-

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ency, later down the road they will seek me out to show me their gratitude by seducing me or at least producing their trafficviolating breasts? That I’ll risk my job and relationship over a traffic ticket?

No. In fact, I consider it my duty to be even less discretionary in those situations because these misguided women can’t expect to get by for their whole life on looks that will, in time, inevitably fail them.

Not only am I helping save lives by reducing traffic offenses, I am giving them real-life survival skills prior to the ravages of time and cosmetic surgery, and I have to be honest…it’s that kind of moral resolve that gives me the ability to cite a girl whose clearly displayed breast implants cost more than the resale value of the car I drive.

Besides, any remaining capacity for compassion I possess is reserved for children and the elderly, not the high-maintenance chick in a hurry to get back to making some poor bastard’s life a living hell.

All this and only two questions answered? It hardly seems adequate…but it’s a start and there is always next issue.

Keep the Letters to Officer Alex coming folks, and ladies?

Save your tears. They won’t get you out of a ticket from Officer Teach, but he will gladly mix them with some chilled vodka and a wedge of lime.

chattanoogapulse.com • JUNE 26-July 2, 2014 • The Pulse • 31