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stoop kidz | dialing nexus | mutant time travel



Travel issue

Spring vacation destinations from Tennessee to far (far) beyond...

MAY 29, 2014



Open 7 Days: M-F 8am-10pm, Sat 8am-6pm, Sun 10am-6pm

FRAZIER-NORTHSHORE 345 Frazier Avenue, Suite 108 Next to Regions Bank (423) 757-2900

n o o n e e n o GUITAR STUDIO

Welcomes students of all styles and levels! Featuring Nashville Guitar Instructor Nic Alexander “I teach students how to make progress through the inspiration of melody”

WELCOMES STUDENTS OF ALL STYLES AND LEVELS! FEATURING NASHVILLE GUITAR INSTRUCTOR NIC ALEXANDER Free group guitar clinic • Free Skype back-up tutorials included with all lesson packages

Intermediate studies on techniques:

Sweeping Arpeggios Tapping • String Skipping • Travis Picking Alternate and Economy Picking • Speed Picking Riffs andhow Bending “ISeasoned teach Blues students toTechniques make progress Power chords and Amplifier settings through theTRAINING inspiration ofLEVELS melody.” ACOUSTIC GUITAR FOR ALL Come get signed up at my North Shore Studio and let us pass to you the lifelong of making music! Freealong group guitar clinicgift • Free Skype back-up



Pulse Magazine

tutorials included with all lesson packages Advanced Technicians Welcome

2 • The Pulse • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 •

Intermediate studies on techniques: 615-509-5818 Certified Guitar Instructor Sweeping Arpeggios Tapping • String Skipping Travis Picking Alternate and Economy Picking can also•come to yourBlues location! Speed iPicking Seasoned Riffs and Bending Please visit nicholasridiculous’ Techniques • Power chords and Amplifier settings channel on youtube! ACOUSTIC GUITAR TRAINING FOR ALL LEVELS

Come get signed up at my North Shore Studio and let us pass along to you the lifelong gift of making music!

Advanced technicians welcome


certified guitar instructor i can also come to your location! Visit nicholasrediculous’ channel of YouTube!

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VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 22 brewEr media group

Publisher & President Jim Brewer II




Managing Editor Gary Poole

BEGINNINGS: Babies, homeless vets and the digitally divided

Contributing Editor Janis Hashe Contributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsny John DeVore • Mike Dobbs Janis Hashe • Matt Jones • Kelly Lockhart Mike McJunkin • Marc T. Michael • Ernie Paik Rick Pimental-Habib • Alex Teach



Editorial Interns Christopher Armstrong • Jake Bacon Madeline Chambliss Cartoonists & Illustrators Rick Baldwin • Max Cannon Jen Sorenson • Tom Tomorrow Founded 2003 by Zachary Cooper & Michael Kull


Director of Sales Mike Baskin Account Executives Chee Chee Brown • Julie Brown Lisa Dicaire • Rick Leavell • Leif Sawyer Stacey Tyler • Jerry Ware


From Memphis to the Bahamas to Cambodia, we travel the world By Janis Hashe, Kelly Lockhart, Mike McJunkin

ARTS: From old timey avant-garde to new American underground, it’s all good SCREEN: “X-Men: Days of Future Past” is best X yet RECORD REVIEWS: From Australia to Israel, feel the noize


MIXOLOGY: Georgia microbrewery embraces the evercan

Offices 1305 Carter St. Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Fax 423.266.2335 Website Email Calendar THE FINE PRINT: The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. Contents Copyright © 2014 by Brewer Media. All rights reserved.





ES e RD M uls EI A P W T N Th e E in RE eek ST xt W





MIKE DOBBS: Mixing up Kenny Chesney’s Blue Chair Bay

The Stoop Kidz regenerate hip hop’s Golden Age By Marc T. Michael

ALEX TEACH: Officer Alex eats bad Chinese food and contemplates the neighborhood

5348 Highway 153 at Hixson Pike • Chattanooga • • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 • The Pulse • 3

news • views • rants • raves



A Budget for Babies, Homeless Vets and the Digitally Divided Those attending last week’s Neighborhood Leadership meeting got a bit of a preview from Mayor Andy Berke on certain items in the new city budget. The mayor did not reveal all, but instead mentioned three priorities of special interest to the neighborhood association officers present. • “Baby College.” Mayor Berke noted that proper (and loving) childcare from birth is essential to infants’ development, but that young parents may not know how to correctly care for their babies. The city will launch a program, based on the highly successful one implemented by the Harlem Children’s Zone, to teach parent-

ing skills, including, as he pointed out, “the importance of reading to babies, even those too young to have language skills.” According to the HCZ website, “The Baby College gives expectant parents and parents of children ages 0-3 a strong understanding of child development and the skills to raise happy, healthy babies. Through workshops and home visits over the course of a 9-week term, parents gain expertise in a number of areas, including child behavior and safety; communication and intellectual stimulation; linguistic and brain development; JANIS HASHE and health and nutrition.” This program has the potential to have a direct impact on multiple quality of life issues in many Chattanooga neighborhoods. • Housing Homeless Vets. The mayor vowed to find ways to end the shameful number of military veterans on the streets. According to the National Coalition of Homeless Veterans, about 12 percent of the national homeless population are veterans. Of those, the vast majority are male, single, live in urban areas (like Chattanooga) and suffer from mental illness or alcohol/substance abuse. About 40 percent of these vets are African American. Two-thirds of them served for at least three years and one third were stationed in a war zone. “We will find a way to end their homelessness, in gratitude for their service,” the mayor said.


4 • The Pulse • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 •

• Bridging the Digital Divide. Chattanooga may still hold the title of “Gig City,” but anyone who’s visited a public library recently is aware there is a very large group of people who have no private access to the Internet, much less broadband service. Mayor Berke stated that the new budget would include a plan to address this. “We have kids who have tablets at school and yet have no access to the Internet at home,” he said. This issue affects the state, the nation and the world—but with Chattanooga’s high rate of residents living in poverty, it’s even more acute here. The mayor also noted that the newly appointed police chief, Fred Fletcher, would be arriving from Austin in mid-to-late June. Stay tuned to The Pulse for an interview with the new chief, who has promised to continue and support the city’s violence reduction initiative.

CityScene by Gary Poole

A look at the lighter side of Chattanooga.

HOME GAMES Sat, May 31 • 7:15 PM

The Bald and the Beautiful When talking about cancer research, we often hear about the money raised by organizations like Livestrong and Susan G. Komen for the Cure. We hear about the work St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital and The Ronald McDonald House does to help patients and their families. What we don’t often hear about are teenagers who shave their heads to help cancer patients—unless they’re Jack Skowronnek. Jack’s story starts at age 10 when he read “Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pies”. Author Jordan Sonnenblick tells the story of

Stephen, who shaves his head to make Jeffrey, his younger brother, feel better about losing his hair to chemotherapy as he fight leukemia. Moved by this story, Jack, like Stephen, shaves his head every year. But far beyond his own annual bald pate, Jack started Jack’s Chattanoggins, a citywide event held each June during which volunteers (called “shavees”) who have solicited money from family and friends, shave their heads. The money each shavee accumulates is donated to childhood cancer research. Now in its fourth year, Jack’s


Janis Hashe This week's cover story on Memphis is by Contributing Editor Janis Hashe. Janis has been both a staff editor and a freelance writer/ editor for more than 25 years. Her work has appeared in the Los Angeles Times, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution,

vs. Mobile BayBears Russian Bar Trio

Sun, June 1 • 2:15 PM

Chattanoggins, working with the Erlanger Hospital Foundation, has raised more than $95,000. This June 1, starting at 11 a.m., Jack and his team of shavees will once again be at the Chattanooga Market. This year’s proceeds will be donated to the Center for Childhood and Blood Disorders at TC Children’s Hospital. To find out more about Jack’s Chattanoggins visit jackshaves. org The Sunday Chattanooga Market happens from 11 a.m. – 4 p.m. at the First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter St. — Madeline Chambliss

vs. Mobile BayBears

80's Night ▪ Catch on the Field

Mon, June 2 • 7:15 PM vs. Mobile BayBears Auto Night

Tue, June 3 • 7:15 PM vs. Mobile BayBears Great Outdoors Night

Wed, June 4 • 11:15 AM vs. Mobile BayBears Businessman Special

Mike Dobbs AmericanStyle magazine, Sunset magazine, and the international magazine Monocle, among many other outlets. She has a master’s degree in theatre arts, is the founder of Shakespeare Chattanooga and a member of the Chattanooga Zen Group. Her novel “The Ex-Club Tong Pang” was published in December 2013 (we think it's a great novel, but we may be just a wee bit biased).

Our resident "Man on the Barstool", Mike Dobbs writes about all things liquor for us, and this week dives into the country music world of Blue Chair Bay Rum. Mike is a Scorpio who resides locally, but is contented to hang his hat anywhere in the North-

western Hemisphere. When not relaxing at home with his Tonkinese kitten Amélie, he’s an architectural designer by trade. He’s likely contrived a hotel that you trust to let your loved ones sleep in (something to think about). A night owl since birth, he’s honed the craft of bacchanalian roister and developed an appreciation for the finer elixirs of life. He says, “Please” and “Thank you”. • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 • The Pulse • 5



emphis is celebrating 60 years of rock and roll. So there’s no better time to take in the sights (and more importantly the sounds) of “the Birthplace of Rock and Roll.” And there is a lot more to see than just Graceland. Let’s start by saying you really have to stay at the Peabody Memphis. This truly gracious landmark has history, luxury, glamour and, of course, ducks. There are ducks on everything at the Peabody (including duck-shaped soaps).

The famous March of the Ducks into the Peabody lobby, “where the Delta begins”, began in 1932 and continues today. Have a drink in the sophisticated lobby bar and duck-and-people-watch. (901) 529-4000, The Peabody is within strolling distance of very touristy, but entertaining Beale Street, and just a little further on down is the Memphis Rock ‘n’ Soul Museum. This collection of seven galleries of interactive exhibits, instruments, costumes and artifacts was originally created by the Smithsonian. Since 2000, it’s been housed in its own building at 191 Beale St. Tracing the history of musicians in Memphis and the Delta from the 1930s to the 1970s, it’s everything you would expect from one of the world’s top curators. Especially fun: the jukeboxes placed throughout the galleries, on which you can choose to hear all sorts of music from the eras depicted. (901) 205-2533, One of the surprising things about Sun Studio, where Elvis recorded his version of “That’s Alright Mama”, considered by many the first rock song, is how tiny the actual studio space is. Yet Jerry Lee Lewis, Carl Perkins and Johnny Cash, among many other legends, all recorded here and it’s still a working studio. The tour, led by a local musician, is corny but lively and informative. You can have your picture taken holding “Elvis’s first microphone.” Gotta love that. (901) 521-0664, sunstudio. com Much larger is the rebuilt and restored site of Stax Records, now Soulsville: Stax Museum of American Soul Mu-

6 • The Pulse • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 •

Music and Much More in Memphis The Bluff City and West Tennessee offer many adventures for travelers

sic. The 17,000-squarefoot museum sits on the original site of the studio that launched or furthered the careers of people like Isaac Hayes, Al Green and Otis Redding. You can dance to old “Soul Train” videos, check out costumes from Ike and Tina Turner (among many others), and be stunned at Isaac Hayes’ actual “Gold-Plated Cadillac” as it rotates on view. Even more importantly, the museum helps to support a terrific music program for young people. A don’t miss. (901) 942-7685, Of course, the history of blues, soul and rock is not limited to Memphis itself. West Tennessee has literally dozens of sites resonating with music lovers. Head to Brownsville, TN and the West Tennessee Delta Heritage Center, where you will find the West Tennessee Music Museum, commemorating the contributions of artists like Carl Perkins, Tina Turner and Sleepy John Estes. Estes’ actual house has been moved to the center; you can enter the little home and marvel at how the blues pioneer grew up and lived. The big news here is the addition of Tina Turner’s childhood one-room schoolhouse, Flagg Grove School. Turner, who has been personally involved in the school’s restoration, is donating memorabilia to be displayed and her personal designer has designed the exhibits. It’s not yet known if the retired star will come

Story and photos by Janis Hashe

International Rockabilly Hall of Fame

in from Switzerland for the official opening, but in any case, the school, like Estes’ house, is an extraordinary peek into a not-very-long-ago time. (731) 779-9000, Jackson, TN is home to the International Rockabilly Hall of Fame. The real reason to visit this small and not fancy site is director Henry Harrison, who leads the tours and is an absolute font of music history. Harrison knew and worked with many of the people he commemorates: Perkins, Presley, Buddy Holly, Bill Haley and others, and regales visitors with priceless tales from that time. If you’re lucky, you may be the one chosen for a percussion lesson on a drum kit used for many years by Johnny Cash’s drummer. (731) 427-6262, (While we’re still in Jackson, here’s a plug for the Courtyard by Marriott. The primarily business travelers’ hotel is nonetheless comfortable and staffed by friendly folks who will make your stay enjoyable. 731/256-7073, travel/mklcy-courtyard-jackson)

Along the Way Discovered along the way on this trip were a number of sights and sites worth seeking out on their own. Just re-opened in Memphis is the National Civil Rights Museum, housing exhibits from the civil rights struggle of the ’50s and ’60s. One exhibit, “Exploring the Legacy” is actually in the building from which James Earl Ray fired the shot that killed Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (901) 521-9699, Combine a trip there with a visit to the unique Slave Haven Underground Railroad Museum, an 1849 house used for years as a stop on the Underground Railroad, despite the many dangers posed to both the people escaping slavery and the family that protected them. The Burkle family continued to own the house until 1978, and kept most of its history a secret. Elaine Turner of Heritage Tours will tell you many stories of that time, including revealing the secret codes of the gospel tunes sung by slaves in the fields. For example, those hearing “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot” would know that “swing” meant” “run”, “low” meant “hide”, “Jordan” was actually the Ohio River, over which they could cross to freedom, and “angels” were the abolitionists. Powerful and moving. (901) 527-3227, Moziah Bridges is an amazing 12-year-old boy who since age 9 has been the entrepreneur behind Mo’s Bows, his self-designed collection of bow ties. “I like to dress up,” he says

simply, and relates that his grandmother taught him basic sewing skills. Bow tie owners now include Steve Harvey and President Obama (who has an exclusive blue one). Mo employs four seamstresses to keep up with demand, and 100 percent of sales from one design are dedicated to providing summer camp scholarships for kids. Mo does not have his own retail establishment (yet!) but the custom-made ties can be ordered at Map and globe lovers will find a trip to Halls, TN well worth it for Murray Hudson—Antiquarian Books, Maps, Prints and Globes. It takes three separate buildings to house the collection Hudson has acquired in a lifetime of collecting. Of course, most of his sales are now generated globally, so to speak, on the Internet, but the genial Hudson will welcome you into his cartographic world of more than 40,000 items. (731) 836-9057, murrayhudson. com The mind will boggle at first sight of outsider artist Billy Tripp’s enormous installation in Brownsville, titled by him “The Mindfield.” The ongoing work-in-progress, begun in 1989, is a tribute to the artist’s parents and will evoke both the Watts Towers in Los Angeles and the home of the late, great Howard Finster, Paradise Garden in Georgia. There is no admission; you can just show up and view the work. For more information, visit com/site/billytripp/home

Sun Studio

You can dance to old ‘Soul Train’ videos, check out costumes from Ike and Tina Turner (among many others), and be stunned at Isaac Hayes’ actual ‘Gold-Plated Cadillac’.”

For more information To learn more about visiting Memphis and West Tennessee, contact the Tennessee Department of Tourist Development at (615) 741-9000, and the Memphis Convention & Visitors Bureau toll-free at (888) 633-9099,

Whole Pies & By-the-Slice Mini & Monster Calzones Meaty & Veggie Lasagna Garden Salads 40+ Toppings 40+ Beers • Fine Wines Local Beef & Ground Sausage Local Produce Seasonally Dough Made Fresh Daily Whole Wheat Dough Appetizers & Desserts

Eat In | Take Out Take & Bake | Catering

Downtown 4th & Broad St 266-5874 Hixson 5504 Hixson Pike 847-3700 Ooltewah 9453 Bradmore Ln 602-7499 East Brainerd 1414 Jenkins Road 855-4104 Cleveland 2382 N. Ocoee St 476-9464 Facebook/Lupi’sPizza Closed Mondays

Voted Chattanooga’s Best Pizza! • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 • The Pulse • 7

The Pulse

Annual Short Story Contest Send us your best short short story (500 words or less) and our panel of expert judges will select the top submissions for publication in our July 17th issue. (Plus, we’ll gather up some cool prizes for the winners)

Are You Ready To Make Memories? Lantern Travel Inc. (770) 712-8623

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(423) 321-8038 8 • The Pulse • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 •

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Bahama Bound COME Vacation cruises are surprisingly affordable ...and far more entertaining than expected

at Tupelo Honey Cafe



SAVOR THE SEASON Celebrate summer with us on our patio in Warehouse Row while enjoying our seasonal menu and tasty drink specials.

Story and photos by Kelly Lockhart

ike many people of my middle-aged generation, when I thought of taking a vacation, a cruise never registered that far up on my list of options. I always preferred the Orlando/Myrtle Beach/Las Vegas-type destinations…until I sat down and actually priced out the differences and discovered that a typical week-long cruise is very affordable. Book far enough in advance, in fact, and it can be a third less expensive than any of the “standard” vacation spots. And cruises have come a long way from those of my parents’ generation. Very highend cuisine, modern Cirque du Soleil-style entertainment, great shopping, and plenty of leisure activities can keep you busy without ever once leaving the ship.

All ashore who's going ashore—though staying onboard is fun, too After a good deal of online searching and talking with friends (both in person and on social media), we settled on a seven-night Bahamas cruise on Royal Caribbean’s Serenade of the Seas, departing out of New Orleans. Getting there is fairly easy. There are a number of connecting flights from Chattanooga to New Orleans by way of Atlanta, and Royal Caribbean has their own airline booking service that ended up being quite a bit cheaper than any of the usual airfare websites. Or, if you’d rather drive, it’s a reasonably straightforward drive out I-24 to I-59 down to I-10 and on in to the city. Takes about nine hours, give or take the leadness of your foot. The boarding process is fairly simple. If you have a passport, you’re golden. If not, a birth certificate and driver’s license will suffice (though it really is worth it to get a pass-

port). Once onboard, the cabins were nicely laid out and comfortable, if a bit on the small side if you’re used to staying in modern hotels. But considering that about the only time you’re in your cabin is to sleep or shower, that’s not a really big deal. I’d advise booking at the least an outside stateroom with a window, if not a balcony. The ship itself is both quite massive and surprisingly artistic. From the center atrium (where aerialists perform on a regular basis) to the architectural lines of the ship to the tasteful decorations and artwork throughout, it felt far more like a resort hotel than I had expected. And with the modern stabilizers and stateof-art propulsion, you barely even notice the motion. Unless you are just one of those peo-

ple who get seasick no matter what, it’s not a problem anymore. Which is good, because you wouldn’t want to be too sick to eat. And the variety of dining options is amazing. From (very good) cafeteria-style all the way up to very high-end fine dining, I could find nothing to complain about. Thank goodness for the exercise room. Though we could have had fun just staying onboard, the ports of call in Key West, Nassau and CocoCay all had their strong points. Key West is still as fun as it ever was, Nassau is a very interesting city (I highly recommend visiting the Ardastra Botanical Gardens & Zoo and their wild flamingos), and CocoCay is a privately owned island resort that neither of us wanted to leave. All in all, for the best bang for your buck, you’ll not be disappointed heading out to sea.

Chattanooga’s Warehouse Row East 11th & Lindsay St. (423) 779-0400 • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 • The Pulse • 9

Angkor Wat

Stunning, Exotic Cambodia A father and his sons find adventure and their own enlightenment Story and photos by Mike McJunkin



Meal Frit


tatgoo www.ea


Delicious hand-crafted hotdogs & artisan sausages served daily from 7am-9pm. find more delicious creations on facebook and instagram

(423) 475-6175

(423) 475-6175

Served daily from 7am-9pm. North Shore Chattanooga Coolidge Park 34 Frazier Avenue

angkok’s main Hualamphong train station was already a steamy hive of activity at 5:30 a.m. After a nervewracking hour of negotiating with uncooperative taxi drivers and a bareknuckled drive through Bangkok morning traffic, my two adult sons and I made it to the train station and were on our way to the small town of Aranyaprathet, Thailand, the next stop on our overland journey to Cambodia and the ancient temples of Angkor Wat. The train from Bangkok to Aranyaprathet is third class only, but it is very clean and surprisingly spacious, especially considering the shockingly cheap ticket price of 48 baht (about $1.50) for a six-hour train ride. The blue vinyl-covered seats were padded and as comfortable as any American public school bus. There was no air conditioning, but the constant breeze flowing through the open windows and the oscillating overhead fans kept things pleasant during the mesmerizing, sometimes monotonous ride through rice fields and past the small villages that dot the Thai countryside. We disembarked at Aranyaprathet, had a delicious lunch of fresh springrolls and bottled Cokes at an open-air, roadside Vietnamese restaurant and got ready for the next step—crossing the border into Cambodia. The overland trip from Bangkok to Siem Reap, Cambodia

10 • The Pulse • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 •

Pulse5MealFrites-2014.indd 1

5/23/14 10:12 AM

(the city considered the gateway to Angkor Wat) is one of the most talkedabout routes in Southeast Asia because it is fraught with tour bus scams, dicey roads, visa rip-offs and scores of rogues, scoundrels and con men that will construct elaborate schemes to separate you from as much money as they can. In the three hours between leaving the Vietnamese restaurant in Aranyaprathet and arriving in Siem Reap, we were taken to a visa scam by our tuktuk driver, besieged by touts as we went

through Rongklua border market, paid “extra fees” to Cambodian border officials to pass through one checkpoint, and I was taken on yet another hair-raising ride through traffic on the back of a motorbike being driven by a Cambodian Tourism official—with no helmet, going the wrong way through oncoming traffic. Oddly enough, those three hours marked the beginning of my love affair with the beautiful country and people of Cambodia. The dusty and chaotic greeting we received in the border town of Poipet was quickly balanced by the friendly and extraordinarily helpful people we met throughout our stay. The aggressive crowd of touts and tuk-tuk drivers that surrounded us as we exited Cambodian immigration soon became our unofficial welcome wagon, offering $1 packs of cigarettes, 50-cent bottles of Angkor beer and our first taste of the enormous pride Cambodians have for their people and their country. In spite of how utterly different our cultures and languages were, we sat with this group of Khmer men, drank a beer, laughed at each other’s attempts to communicate and shared a moment that highlighted more of what we had in common than our obvious differences. We arrived in Siem Reap well past dark, and after settling into our guesthouse, ventured out for our first taste of Khmer food and an unexpected performance of

“You Give Love A Bad Name” by an inebriated Khmer gentleman wailing away in the impromptu karaoke/dance bar tent that had been set up across the street. That night we learned Khmer food is delicious, Bon Jovi is greatly improved by adding a Khmer accent and that tokay geckos will bark loudly at each other throughout the night with no consideration for your sleep schedule. We spent the next two days exploring the temples, ruins and aweinspiring sites at the Angkor Archeological Park, commonly referred to as Angkor Wat. The main complex was impressive with its soaring towers and stunning bas reliefs. The Bayon temple was a bit dark and mysterious, especially with more than 200 massive stone faces staring at you from every angle. Ta Prohm (referred to as the “Tomb Raider temple” in tourist brochures) was other-worldly with the tentacle-like roots of the silk-cotton trees and torso-sized vines from the encroaching jungle appearing to slowly strangle the ancient stone walls and buildings. After having our minds blown at the “big three” Angkor temples, we asked our tuk-tuk driver to take us to a part of the park that is off the beaten path and rarely seen by tourists. We drove past mango farms, roadside markets and fed some monkeys hanging out by the side of the road, which immediately turned us into grinning children. Pro tip: Don’t grin at a monkey, especially a semi-wild monkey. They take that as an aggressive move and the last thing you want is an angry Cambodian monkey on your back. “Lucky,” our tuk-tuk driver, did not know the English word for the temple he took us to. It was far away from the main tourist areas and was barely fighting off the encroaching jungle. We seemed to be the only visitors other than a couple of zebu cows grazing in the midst of the toppled, moss-covered ruins. Wandering alone through this ancient temple gave each of us a chance to absorb the enormi-

Celebrate longer days and warmer weather with Red Bank Wine & Spirits

ty of the experiences of the last few days, which gave way to a sense of reverence in the quiet of the stone buildings. We made our way to the shadowy center of the main building and found an elderly woman sitting to the side of a large Buddha statue. She smiled, approached us slowly and without a word guided us to kneel in front of the statue, light a stick of incense and make a small offering. She then took our hands and shakily tied red and yellow threads to our wrists as she recited a blessing in Khmer. My sons and I walked slowly out of the ancient ruins, occasionally looking at each other in disbelief at what had just happened. As the evening wind blew across our faces and the sound of the tuktuk faded into the background, we began to talk about the value of openness, the beauty in difference, and the vastness of our world. That is one reason we travel, to get closer to each other and to ourselves. Jawaharal Nehru once said, “We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open.” There truly is no end to the adventures we can have.

We seemed to be the only visitors other than a couple of zebu cows grazing in the midst of the toppled, mosscovered ruins.”

Check out our great selection of wine, spirits & high gravity beer. Come see why we’re the liquor store with a smile...

3849 Dayton Blvd. • Ste. 113 423.877.1787 At the corner of Morrison Springs Road and Dayton Boulevard in the Bi-Lo Shopping Center • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 • The Pulse • 11









photography -­‐  fine  art  -­‐  home  décor   handmade  jewelry  –  other  cool  stuff    

181 River  Street  @  Coolidge  Park  

Grand Opening  

12 • The Pulse • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 •

Saturday, May  31  -­‐  10a.m.     Live  music  featuring     Lon  Eldridge  &  The  9th  Street.  Stompers  

Time for a Little Country Rum Our man on the barstool mixes up Kenny Chesney’s Blue Chair Bay If you've ever picked up a magazine in a dentist’s office waiting room, you've likely and unknowingly just read a Who's Who of liquor magnates. Why do you think paparazzi follows these people around? For their charm and good looks? No. It's for the booze! Clooney, Fergie, Timberlake, Diddy, Trump and newcomer Pharrell all have MIKE distilleries that pump out bottle after bottle of star-studded hooch. Even the pimpled ’90s supergroup Hanson and Danny DiVito have fallen off the proverbial band wagon. One of the latest celeb labels to jump hot off the presses is Kenny Chesney's “Blue Chair Bay” premium rum. When Kenny isn't filling Neyland Stadium with rain-soaked country music fans or polishing his four CMA Entertainer of the Year awards, he has a little place down in St. John's where he likes to shake the sand out of his boots while enjoying a sip of the favorite local water.

I'm imagining that since all of his crazy friends are always dropping by to drink all of “Kenny's rum” anyway, it would be a good idea to just get some with his name on it so they would remember where they'd been the night before. And rather than go through all the trouble of cluttering up the living room with vats and bottling equipment, he DOBBS thought, “I'll call up Mike Booth over in Barbados and see what he can come up with.” Now, before you think that Chesney is just some guy that thought up a clever marketing idea, this guy is serious. He's whachacall an “aficiando.” The guy knows rum. He explains, “Anyone who knows me knows I've drunk a lot of rum in a lot of places. And the more you drink, the more you know what you wish you could have.” So, he and Booth came up with three variations of his brand that are straight off the Caribbean beach. Literally. Blue Chair Bay's White, Coconut and Coconut Spiced rums are aged

Spirits Within

less than 100 feet from high tide. Over the weekend, I was invited to to a deck party under the stars at the home of my wonderful friends Jamie and Susan. Unbeknownst to them, they and guests were destined to be guinea pigs in my devious plan to spring some summer drinks on them and see if they could winter them and fall for it all. I concocted a recipe of Kenny Chesney's Blue Chair Bay Coconut variety mixed in a humongous container with pineapple and guava juice, limes, oranges and cherries, ginger ale and some confectioner's sugar. Word spread throughout the assembled crowd pretty quickly and soon there was a queue of empty cups and anxious faces forming like a “Weekend At Bernie's” conga line that lasted well into the evening. Before you start harkening back to the dentist’s office waiting room again, it's not as overly sweet as you might think. There are other popular coconut rums out on the market that will do that for you. Obviously though, part of the point of coconut rums is for them to be placed in sweet and colorful tropical drinks that will instantly transform

even the most dank family room in Minnesota into a sundrenched beach surrounded by palm trees. The Blue Chair Coconut does have some sugar kick to it. But it's not quite as cloying as some I've sampled. It's not as amaroidal (bitter) as others, either. It's in the middle of the two, what Baby Bear would describe as “Just right”. (Note: Please don't serve liquor to bears or other woodland creatures.) Cheers!



Locally Locally owned owned since since 19611961 INE AND SPIRIT WHOLESALERS WINE AND SPIRIT WHOLESALERS owned since 1961 Locally Locally owned since Locally owned since 19611961 RIBUTING COMPANY ly owned since 1961 ally owned since 1961 PIRIT WHOLESALERS Follow us Follow on Facebook us on Facebook Follow us Follow on Twitter us on Twitter Athens Distributing Athens Distributing Company Company Chattanooga Chattanooga @athenschatt @athenschatt ned since 1961 Visit Visit our website: our website:


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@athenschatt • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 • The Pulse • 13


They Be Illin’ The Stoop Kidz regenerate hip hop’s Golden Age in their own unique style


HAVE A FRIEND HERE IN TOWN WHO IS A VERY WELLknown, well-respected musician, recording engineer, songwriter and soundman. There was a time when I ate, lived and breathed the local music scene, but as I’ve gotten older that’s gotten harder to do.

Frank Fairfield

Get Your Global On World Music Weekends debuts May 30-31 Broaden your borders and open your ears: A new festival is coming to Chattanooga and the whole world is invited to attend. World Music Weekends will energize the Scenic City with beautiful sounds crafted from cultures across the world. This (soon-to-be) bi-annual festival will celebrate its inaugural weekend on May 30-31 smack dab on the Southside. Headliner Frank Fairfield will showcase his blend of country-folk and oldtime blues at green|spaces on Saturday at 8 p.m. After starting out busking the streets, a few well-timed dances with destiny led him to opening for Fleet Foxes on their 2008 tour. His latest album has garnered criti-

cal acclaim from music-based websites such as Pitchfork and Allmusic. This intimate performance will be a rare opportunity to latch onto an eventual star before his fame rocket launches. Other scheduled performances include an accordion and bagpipes duo from Belgium, a sitar player, and an a cappella performance that requires full audience participation. In addition to music, there will be workshops, yoga classes and free parties to make sure the entertainment never ends. For more information, visit But just plan to be there. — Christopher Armstrong







Kids from Across the Street

With Faith or Flames

That 90’s Show

Head smashing drums, blistering guitar solos, the glory of classic heavy metal with a progressive hardcore touch. Not for the faint of heart or the timid. With Death of Kings, Red Necklace, and Encounters. 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd.

The Communicators gather together their musical time-traveling friends for a show that will take you back to all the was good (and fun) in the '90s music scene without the need for a real time machine. 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St.

Hip hop that consists of thought-provoking lyrics, smooth harmonious vocals, raw guitar riffs, and an energy that radiates through their energetic onstage collaboration. 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd.

14 • The Pulse • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 •


If this tune had a video, it would be one of those very rare ones that Beavis and Butthead actually got up and danced to instead of complaining about it.”

My friend is out there every single night. For that reason, I frequently seek out his opinion on who and what is up and coming and he has never steered me wrong. The last time I asked him who he was impressed with lately he said to me, “Marc, the hottest group in town nobody knows about is the Stoop Kids.” I looked them up and I agree with him. It’s time we fix that. The Stoop Kidz is a trio of MCs absolutely passionate about what they do. Corey Curtis, Julian Dejan and Justin Lewis (“C-Note,” “Déjà vu” and “Common Criminal” respectively) describe themselves as being dedicated to the old standards of hip hop, with intelligent lyrics, high production values and high-energy shows. The tracks I’ve heard and video I’ve watched confirm that the fellas can deliver the goods. There will be inevitable comparisons to the Beastie Boys and that isn’t altogether incorrect, although the reason why may not be obvious at first. Far from being a clone of any particular group, the Stoop Kidz embody flawlessly the Golden Age of Hip Hop and that includes the likes of Run DMC, Big Daddy Kane, Slick Rick, the Fat Boys and yes, the Beastie Boys. In this respect Stoop Kids can

Contributed photo

be thought of as “retro” hip hop and man, have they nailed it. Frankly, I think it’d be slick if they released some singles on cassette, suitable for play in a spine-crushing boombox. “Stoop Kidz Anthem” is a self-explanatory track that captures rather nicely the feel and spirit of the block party which is, of course, the birthplace of hip hop. The violin is a nice touch in this tune—kinda reminds me of the time Cypress Hill appeared on “The Simpsons” and stole Peter Frampton’s string section. “All I Know” is classic “summer of ’87” stuff with an infectious funky bass line and laid-back flow

honest music

The Stoop Kidz embody flawlessly the Golden Age of Hip Hop and that includes the likes of Run DMC, Big Daddy Kane, Slick Rick, the Fat Boys and yes, the Beastie Boys. that makes your brain want to strut. Seriously, if this tune had a video, it would be one of those very rare ones that Beavis and Butthead actually got up and danced to instead of complaining about it. “Smoke it Up” is about curing ham. Or not. Actually, “Smoke it Up” is about exactly what it sounds like it’s about,

and as such is a good example of hip hop at the latter end of the Golden Age, late ’80s to early ’90s. Clever and amusing, the song does what it is meant to do. “Get Up” is jazzy, smooth instrumentation with classic hip hop braggadocio lyric-wise. The artists sound hungry, ready to take on all comers, an essential element most of the

time, but put to hoppin’ especially good use in this track. The Stoop Kidz have successfully captured the look, sound and feel of a particular era in hip hop music, that “sweet spot” when the music’s mainstream popularity was snowballing and each week seemed to produce a new rap supergroup pushing the envelope in some new way. It is classic, it is brilliant, it is Stoop Kidz and it’s coming to a venue near you. If you came of age during the rise of hip hop and feel some nostalgia and affection for those days, then Stoop Kidz is going to be your next favorite group.

local and regional shows

Antique Cadillac & Tom Bennett [$5] Battlefield Collective, Reverend Hylton [$5]

Thu, May 29 9pm Thu, June 5 9pm

Live Trivia every Sunday afternoon from 4-6pm Free Live Music every Sunday evening starting at 7pm

Full food menu serving lunch and dinner. 11am-2am, 7 days a week. 35 Patten Parkway * 423.468.4192 * • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 • The Pulse • 15







with CANOPY, 18+ SHOW














Waka Flocka Flame

thursday5.29 Jazz Thursdays 6 p.m. The Meeting Place 1278 Market St. (423) 266-4400 Songwriter Shootout 7 p.m. The Camp House 1427 Williams St. Jesse James and Tim Neal 7:30 p.m. Mexi-Wing VII 5773 Brainerd Rd. Chattanooga Left Field Showcase 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. Waka Flocka Flame 8 p.m. Track 29 1400 Market St. Antique Cadillac & Tom Bennett 9 p.m. The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy. Open Mic with Hap Henninger 9 p.m. The Office 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn) (423) 634-9191 Jerry Garcia Cover Band, Shabti 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St.

16 • The Pulse • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 •

Kids from Across the Street 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd.

friday5.30 The Old Time Travelers 11 a.m. Rock City Gardens 1400 Patten Rd. A Capella Singing Circle 5 p.m. Hart Gallery 110 E. Main St. Jason Thomas and The Mean-Eyed Cats 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo 1400 Market St. Eddie Pontiac 5:30 p.m.

Pulse pick: Angela Easterling "Angela Easterling is a bright shining star on the music horizon! Her gift is so special. Tradition meets youthful exuberance!" — Roger McGuinn, founder of The Byrds Angela Easterling Sunday, 12:30 p.m. The Chattanooga Market First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter St.

El Meson, 2204 Hamilton Pl. Blvd. (423) 894-8726 Ester Rada, The Creative Underground 7 p.m. Miller Plaza 850 Market St. A Hootenanny Hofla 7 p.m. The Camp House 1427 Williams St. Scenic City Soul Review 7 p.m. The Foundry 1201 Broad St. Thomas West, Tim Hinck 7:30 p.m. McCallie School 500 Dodds Ave. Mountain Opry 8 p.m. Walden’s Ridge Civic Center

2501 Fairmount Pk. (423) 866-3252 Wasted 8 p.m. Sky Zoo 5709 Lee Hwy. Scenic City Soul Revue 8:30 p.m. The Foundry 1201 S. Broad St. Aunt Betty, Sexy Beast 9 p.m. Ringgold Acoustic Cafe 61 RBC Dr. Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 Amber Fults 9:30 p.m. The Office 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn) (423) 634-9191 The Front Porch Junkies 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. Same as it Ever Was: A Talking Heads Tribute 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. With Faith or Flames, Death of Kings, Red Necklace, Encounters 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd.

saturday5.31 The Old Time Travelers 11 a.m.


Murder by Death Rock City Gardens 1400 Patten Rd. Cricket & Snail Concert 11 a.m. green|spaces 63 E. Main St. Magic & Music at the Incline Noon 3917 St. Elmo Ave (423) 821-4224 Sacred Harp Singing 1 p.m. green|spaces 63 E. Main St. Madison Community Band Concert 1 p.m. Chattanooga River Market Tennessee Aquarium Plaza 1 Broad St. Jam with a Sitar 3 p.m. The Crash Pad 29 Johnson St. Eddie Pontiac 5:30 p.m. El Meson 2204 Hamilton Pl. Blvd. (423) 894-8726 Crank it Up! Victoria Listening Session 7 p.m. green|spaces 63 E. Main St. VOX Chattanooga 7 p.m. The Camp House 1427 Williams St. Thomas West, Tim Hinck 7:30 p.m. St. Peters Episcopal Church

848 Ashland Terrace Frank Fairfield 8 p.m. green|spaces 63 E. Main St. Marlow Drive 8 p.m. Sky Zoo 5709 Lee Hwy. Scenic City Soul Revue 8:30 p.m. 1201 S. Broad St. The Communicators present: That 90’s Show 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. Hap Henninger 10 p.m. The Office 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn) (423) 634-9191 The Average, Steadfast Soul 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd.

sunday6.1 The Old Time Travelers 11 a.m. Rock City Gardens 1400 Patten Rd. Angela Easterling 12:30 p.m. The Chattanooga Market First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter St.

John Lathim & Michelle Young 2 p.m. The Chattanooga Market First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter St. Yonatan Gat 4 p.m. Sluggo's North 501 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 752-5224 Irish Music Session 5 p.m. Enzo’s Market 1501 Long St. Firefighters Benefit Concert: “1964” The Tribute with Chris Simmons 6:30 p.m. Memorial Auditorium 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156 Sunday Jam 7 p.m. Ziggy’s Underground 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 265-8711 Blind Draw 9 p.m Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd.

monday6.2 Faith Evans Ruch 6:30 p.m. Lake Winnepesaukah 1730 Lakeview Dr, Rossville, Ga. Big Band Night 7:30 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton Coconut Room

6925 Shallowford Rd.

901 Carter St (Inside Days Inn) 423-634-9191 Thursday, May 29: 9pm Open Mic with Hap Henninger Friday, May 30: 9pm Amber Fults Saturday, May 31: 10pm Hap Henninger Tuesday, June 3: 7pm

Server/Hotel Appreciation Night $5 Pitchers $2 Wells $1.50 Domestics ●

tuesday6.3 The Black Feathers 7 p.m. The Camp House 1427 Williams St. Wendell Matthews 7 p.m. The North Chatt Cat 346 Frazier Ave. (423) 266-9566

wednesday6.4 Old Time Travelers 5 p.m. The Chattanooga Market First Tennessee Pavilion 1829 Carter St. Songs & Stories: Nancy Seiters, Tiffany Taylor & Katrina Barclay 7 p.m. The Camp House 1427 Williams St. Murder by Death 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. MANG 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd.

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks! Stop by & check out our daily specials! Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

Join us on Facebook daily lunCh & drink speCials!

The only place in Town where you can sing karaoke anyTime.

Book your Birthday, anniversary or oFFiCe parties now!

410 market • (423) 757-wing

Map these locations on Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@ • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 • The Pulse • 17


Record Reviews

ernie paik

WINE&SPIRITS Cheeky Goth/Industrial, We will meet or beat any advertised price and special order any wine available in the Chattanooga market!

Brash Garage Rock

From Australia to Israel, feel the noize

Yonatan Gat Iberian Passage (Joyful Noise)


Where the Liquor is Cheap and the Entertainment is Free

hattanooga concert-goers may have fond, yet somewhat terrifying memories of performances at JJ’s Bohemia and Discoteca by the Israeli garage-rock trio Monotonix, the members of which obliterate the performers’ “fourth wall” by jumping on bars, overturning garbage cans, setting their drums on fire, playing songs while simultaneously crowd-surfing and engaging in other endearing yet insane shenanigans, setting the bar high for wild, completely entertaining live spectacle. While their recordings were solid, they could never properly capture the incendiary fury of their shows, with charged riff explosions and the persistent threat of hirsute, sweaty madmen invading your personal space. The new EP from Monotonix guitarist Yonatan Gat, entitled Iberian Passage, has a brash garage-rock sound that Monotonix fans will appreciate, but listeners may be pleasantly surprised

18 • The Pulse • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 •

Various Artists Another Dark Age (Another Dark Age) by its globe-trotting eclecticism; it feels comfortable within its skin as a studio recording that is meticulously assembled, with interspersed bits of field recordings (including brass and orchestra snippets and random chatter) made by Gat on his travels. Recorded in Porto, Portugal, the EP kicks off with “Escorpião” (“Scorpio”) with fuzz guitar leads and unexpected mandolin flourishes, bringing to mind a West African influence with the fluidity of its guitar lines. “Kotonou” is a stomper, with some wailing riffage, while “Seven to Seven” alternates between an early-’70s electric jazz spirit and a punk simplicity, with Gat’s liberated soloing followed by heavy chord sequences, elevated by drummer Igor Domingues’ ardent pounding. This writer’s favorite track on Iberian Passage is “Conga Manteca,” being a unique amalgam with thick layers of sound and disorder with a prominent Cu-

ban flair; piano and Wurlitzer organ lines fight for attention in the mix, while incongruous brass recordings are thrown in. While Monotonix exploits every cubic inch of a venue with vigor, Gat seems to want to scour every corner of the world, with equal intensity. Yonatan Gat will perform an early 4 p.m. show at Sluggo’s North on Sunday, June 1.


n the information age, it seems like a sense of mystery is often elusive; it feels like there are no secrets anymore, and a few seconds of Googling can typically uncover any bit of information one might be seeking. The new 12-inch vinyl compilation Another Dark Age is seemingly trying to revive the notion of mystery. The album cover is a black-and-white photo of people shearing sheep, and the back cover only features the words “ANOTHER DARK AGE.”

There is no list of performers or songs inside, and the record itself only bears a catalog number: ADA001. Its aesthetic is surely some kind of semi-cheeky, semireverent take on ’70s-’80s stark grayscale goth/industrial imagery, and the name “Another Dark Age” could very well be a nod to SPK, the Australian industrial outfit from the post-punk era, which has a song with that title. Well, this writer couldn’t help but Google away for more information, which wasn’t too difficult to find. Another Dark Age is the inaugural release on the Australian label of the same name featuring four acts from the U.S.A. and Australia. The opening track “dk.o.5” comes from the New Brunswick, NJ one-man act Phantom Selector, which offers an intriguing and disquieting atmosphere shattered by static and noise blasts, with what sounds like damaged stutters from a dying machine. A track from the Australian outfit Victim is heavy on the synthetic percussion, with a bed of drum-machine pitter-patters punctuated with reverberating beats, which sound like the ones you hear in movies right as the action ramps up. The Providence-based improv trio Form a Log, which only uses 4-track recorders and cassettes, serves up a playful and demented song; it’s a confusing stew with a rhythm loop, warped synthetic grunts and bits of elevated detritus. Finally, “Bilge” by the Australian act Carrier is the closest to a dance-oriented song here, with dark polyrhythms, squeaks, gurgling electronics and a sound plateau with no dramatic crests, and like the entire EP, it’s like a jaunt through a decaying urban landscape.



KARAOKE EVERY TUESDAY LIVE MUSIC EVERY WEDNESDAY 7PM TO CLOSE Chattanooga Brew Choo Letting you exercise your right to drink!


25% off


ticket ride


with this coupon Use the promotion code25off to book in advance at or call (423) 432-0116.

3658 Ringgold Road East Ridge, TN • 423.867.1351 • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 • The Pulse • 19

Avant-Tiki ART SCENE

From old timey avant-garde to new American underground, it’s all good


ALKING WITH EVAN LIPSON AND RICK WEAVER, the organizers of the Dilating Nexus performance series, I realized I had been slowly figuring out the secret of the avant-garde over the last year or two. With them, the light bulb finally went on all the way.

Fighting Addiction with Art Mark Making unveils ‘Awakenings’ at Hart Gallery Mark Making, famed for its community-based murals, is set to unveil a 300-square-foot exterior mural at the Hart Gallery. This time out, Mark Making teamed up with CADAS’ Scholze Center for Adolescent Treatment to create a work with the goal of inspiring those afflicted by addiction. The project, entitled “Awakenings”, symbolizes hope for teens struggling with drug addiction. The nonprofit Mark Making has been empowering individuals and transforming communities since 2009 through professionally led public art projects and art workshops. Mark Making teaches art to the less fortunate as a problem-solving or critical thinking skill. Executive director Frances McDonald says that this Pulse.Ad.Horiz.pdf 1 substitute 5/7/14 10:25 AM allows participants to self-

abusive behavior with a self-empowering activity. Before the paint cans were cracked on “Awakenings”, the teens were asked to provide written statements in which they identified places or situations where an infusion of art and color could provoke civic change. “Awakenings” is just one of multiple murals done by Mark Making and partners throughout Chattanooga. For more information on how to get involved, visit — Jake Bacon The Hart Gallery offers homeless and other non-traditional artists an opportunity to create and sell their artwork. Come visit the gallery on the Southside at 110 E. Main St. and help support community artists.









20 • The Pulse • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 •

Arts RICH BAILEY Like everyone does now, I grew up inside the belly of the commercial art beast, surrounded mostly by music, movies, art and stories that make lots of money because they’re media products designed to be crowd pleasing. I have loved my share of commercial crap over the years, and I still have guilty pleasures. But I spend more and more time listening to music without melody, watching movies without plot, listening to poets that jump and shout, and looking at abstract images. Not because I always love what the artists are doing, but because they’re working outside of commercial cliches that have begun to feel oppres-

sive. Yet there’s been this lingering commercial hangover that says weird art is failing to have meaning—even when I know it’s deliberately resisting conventional ways of meaning. After a year producing one-off shows of challenging performance and music, Lipson and Weaver began Dilating Nexus, a series of five monthly shows from April through August. Both are performers in their own right but are presenting these shows, rather than performing. They are co-producing the series with the Shaking Ray Levi Society, which has been presenting challenging and unusual work in Chattanooga for 28 years, and maybe bringing some new blood. “I think there’s a different slice of the American underground and perhaps...a newer generation that had emerged that hadn’t really been presented here or performed here before,” says Lipson. “To me it seems like it’s either

punk or academia in Chattanooga, and these fall somewhere in between the traditional warm comfortable shows like a rock show and academia where you’re getting into more thought-out execution or things like an installation,” adds Weaver. Up next on May 31 at 7 p.m. at Barking Legs is “The Lupton City Snake Show,” a mostly musical variety show that sounds like it grows from avantgarde roots but blossoms into improvisational folk music. Local performers include Red Ochre King, Bob Stagner and Tom Landis. Travelers coming through are Pony Payroll Bones and Cherry Blossoms, a Nashville duo that improvises around a written repertoire they’ve had down for years and gets more abstract as the show goes along. The June show is “Random Gear Festival,” a looser improvisational scheme in which a list of performers draws the gear they will play at random. Gear used at previous shows has included a “Zen garden setup”—a garden with pebbles, a roll-up piano, a bowling ball and a smoke machine— and a traditional rock set up of drums, organ and guitar that wound up being played by a soloist. According to Lipson, the inherent humor of the premise can overshadow the challenge for musical improvisers. Many of them have spent years practicing on a single instrument, but with this arrangement, “You’re suddenly thrown into a moment where you have nothing but your instincts.” In July comes “Breathing Artifacts,” a video-based show that will include AV performance, live show tapings, video screenings and video installations. One performer will be Chad Evans from St. Louis, whose work Weaver describes as “subconscious performance art,” which is taped live and then edited down

into “this sort of children’s show gone wrong.” Lipson describes these video pieces as the next stage in the evolution of artists who were raised on movies and music videos. Rather than starting with little movies and aspiring to “graduate” to a Hollywood blockbuster, these artists are working in a completely noncommercial way. With less chance than ever of a large audience, these works are being made out of playfulness. “Because there is no economic market, it’s free of the marketplace dynamic completely,” says Lipson. “Every move is sort of a lateral move. There’s something very genuine in these expressions, very bare, very naked, and certainly pretty unusual.” That’s it, there’s the secret: As weird as this kind of work may be, it’s stunningly genuine. It’s people pouring their heart into their film music, poetry, whatever—doing it their way and way outside the lines. What these two guys are doing is equally modest and revolutionary in its own way. “A lot of what we want to do, the dream would be to have a music event that’s a tiki bar,” says Weaver. “Where you can really relax and get into this passive state of receiving information. There’s nothing sterile about it. It’s not too far gone, too arty.” “These are designed to be entertaining events—we like the good times,” adds Lipson. “These events are really an offering rather than a command coming down from Sinai with the tablets or something.” And no CGI. Promise. The final Dilating Nexus show in August is “Soul In A Box” using the work of the late Dennis Palmer of the Shaking Ray Levis as sonic and visual inspiration. For more information on all shows, visit



“There’s something very genuine in these expressions, very bare, very naked, and certainly pretty unusual.”



MAY 16 THROUGH JUNE 1 CALL 267-8534 OR VISIT THEATRECENTRE.COM • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 • The Pulse • 21


for more info call 706.820.2531

See ...and make plans this weekend!

F eaturing the Old Time Travelers!

Another great reason to get a Rock City Annual Pass. For less than the cost of two single admissions, you can come back again and again... for FREE!

Art + Issues: Mapping a New World 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View. (423) 267-0968 “To Kill a Mockingbird” 7 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8538 “Mystery of the Nightmare Office Party” 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839 Chattanooga Left Field Showcase 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347

friday5.30 Chattanooga World Music Weekend #1-Europe Edition 10 a.m. green|spaces 63 E. Main St. (423) 648-0963 Sew What Unplugged 3 p.m. Downtown Public Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310 Southside Stroll 5 p.m. East and West Main St. (423) 400-4100

22 • The Pulse • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 •

Finster Fest 2014 Masquerade: A Fish & Chips Event 7 p.m. Stratton Hall 3146 Broad St. (423) 667-4332 Newcomer Beginner Ballroom Dance Class 7:30 p.m. Ballroom Magic Dance Center 4200 N Access Rd. (423) 771-3646 Spanky Brown 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233 “Mystery of Flight 138” 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839 “Three Sisters” 7:30 p.m. Humanities Theatre Chattanooga State

Pulse pick: southside stroll Celebrate the artists, photographers, craftsmen, chefs, roasters, stylists, galleries, businesses, hostels, and neighborhoods in the historic Southside district. Southside Stroll Friday, 5 p.m. East and West Main St. (423) 400-4100 SouthsideStroll

4501 Amnicola Highway. (423) 697-3246 “To Kill a Mockingbird” 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8538

saturday5.31 Littlemade Market 10 a.m. 1918 Union Ave. Finster Fest 2014 10 a.m. Dowdy Park/Paradise Gardens 9701 Rome Blvd. Summerville, Ga. (706) 808-0800 Scenic City Clay Arts Sgraffitto Workshop 2 p.m. Scenic City Clay Arts 3203 Kelly’s Ferry Rd. (423) 260-0255 Eastgate Saturday Cinema: “Saving Mr. Banks” 2:30 p.m. Eastgate Public Library 5705 Marlin Rd. (423) 855-2689 Crafts for Kids at the Downtown Public Library 3 p.m. Downtown Public Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310 Blackbeard Tattoo Co. Arts & Music Block Party 4 p.m. Patten Parkway 818-826 Lindsay St. (423) 314-5420 “Mystery of the Facebook Fugitive” 5:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839 UnCorked!- CSO Fundraiser 6:30 p.m. Renaissance Park 200 River St. (423) 267-8583 World Music Weekend: Frank Fairfield 7 p.m. green|spaces 63 E. Main St. (423) 648-0963 Dilating Nexus: Lupton City Snake Show 7 p.m. Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 Spanky Brown 7:30, 9:45 p.m. The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233


Chattanooga Market: Jack's Chattanoggins “Three Sisters” 7:30 p.m. Humanities Theatre Chattanooga State 4501 Amnicola Highway. (423) 697-3246 “To Kill a Mockingbird” 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8538

sunday6.1 Chattanooga Market: Jack's Chattanoggins 11 a.m. First Tennesssee Pavilion 1829 Reggie White Blvd. (423) 648-2496 Free First Sunday Noon Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View. (423) 267-0968 Chattanooga World Music Weekend #1-Europe Edition 11 a.m. green|spaces 63 E. Main St. (423) 648-0963 Owl Encounter 1:30 p.m. Reflection Riding Arboretum and Nature Center 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160 “To Kill a Mockingbird” 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8538

Spanky Brown 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233

monday6.2 Mixed-Up Mondays for Tweens-Film Buffs 4 p.m. Northgate Public Library 278 Northgate Mall Dr. (423) 870-0635 Rhythm Ballroom Dance 6 p.m. The Ballroom at Hixson 7001 Middle Valley Rd. (423) 394-6428

tuesday6.3 Beginning Readers Book Club at Northgate 4 p.m. Northgate Public Library 278 Northgate Mall Dr. (423) 870-0635 Shall We Dance? 7:30 p.m. Ballroom Magic Dance Center 4200 N Access Rd. (423) 771-3646

wednesday6.4 Chattanooga Wednesday Market 4 p.m. First Tennesssee Pavilion 1829 Reggie White Blvd. (423) 648-2496 Makeanooga Tweens 5 p.m. Downtown Public Library 1001 Broad St.

(423) 757-5310 Rapid Learning Kayak Roll Practice 6 p.m. Chester Frost Park 2318 Gold Point Circle (423) 842-0177 Rhythm Ballroom Dance 8 p.m. The Ballroom at Hixson 7001 Middle Valley Rd. (423) 394-6428

ongoing “Cock and Bull” The Paintings of Michael Holsomback and Ken Page Graffiti 505 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 400-9797 “Kitchen Tables: Growing Up Jewish in Chattanooga” Jewish Cultural Center 5461 N. Terrace. (423) 493-0270, ext. 13 “Cut” Glass Exhibition by Kerrick Johnson Shuptrine Fine Art Group 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453 “Member’s Choice” The Gallery at Blackwell 251 Eastgate Loop (423) 648-8001 “The Wizard of Oz” Creative Discovery Museum 321 Chestnut St. (423) 756-2738 “Twenty Original American Etchings” The Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View. (423) 267-0968

“East Asian Inspired Art: 7 Artists” North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr., Hixson. (423) 870-8924 “From The Earth” Reflection Gallery 5600 Brainerd Rd. (423) 892-3072 “Inside & Out” River Gallery 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033 “Bright Ideas: African American Inventors & Inventions” Bessie Smith Cultural Center 200 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-8658 “The Fine Art of Jazz“ Bessie Smith Cultural Center 200 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-8658 “African American Art: Harlem Renaissance Civil Rights Era and Beyond” Hunter Museum 10 Bluff View. (423) 267-0968 “New Work—40 Years Exhibit” In-Town Gallery 26A Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9214 Rock City Raptors Rock City 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mtn., GA Chattanooga Ghost Tours 9 p.m. nightly The Little Curiosity Shoppe 138 Market St.

Map these locations on Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@

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Open Daily! • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 • The Pulse • 23


Mutating the Past and Future “X-Men: Days of Future Past” is best X yet

Eastgate Saturday Cinema


IME TRAVEL IS THE BEST PLOT DEVICE IMAGINable for films that have very little basis in reality. As the recent re-boot of the Star Trek franchise has shown, resetting the continuity of a series of films/television shows/books is as easy as falling into a convenient black hole.

It's a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious day at the library The Eastgate branch of the Chattanooga Public Library hosts a weekly “Saturday Cinema”, showing the latest motion pictures and classics in their story room at 2:30 in the afternoon. This Saturday, they present “Saving Mr. Banks”, starring Tom Hanks and Emma Thompson, along with a tremendous supporting case that includes Colin Farrell, Ruth Wilson, Bradley Whitford, Jason Schwartzman, Kathy Baker, and Paul Giamatti. Inspired by true events, “Saving Mr. Banks” is the extraordinary untold story of how Disney’s classic “Mary Poppins” made it to the screen—and the testy re-


lationship that the legendary Walt Disney (Tom Hanks) had with author P.L. Travers (Emma Thompson) that almost derailed it from happening. Feel free to bring your own snacks and drinks (with lids, please) and enjoy movies as they were meant to be seen: on the big screen. Eastgate Saturday Cinema: “Saving Mr. Banks” Saturday, 2:30 p.m. Eastgate Public Library 5705 Marlin Rd. (423) 855-2689




A Million Ways to Die in the West

A vindictive fairy is driven to curse an infant princess only to realize the child may be the only one who can restore peace. Originally seen in the animated 1959 film Sleeping Beauty, the live-action update is striking. Director: Robert Stromberg Stars: Angelina Jolie, Elle Fanning, Sharlto Copley, Imelda Staunton

As a cowardly farmer begins to fall for the mysterious new woman in town, he must put his new-found courage to the test when her husband, a notorious gunslinger, announces his arrival. Director: Seth MacFarlane Stars: Seth MacFarlane, Charlize Theron, Liam Neeson, Amanda Seyfried

24 • The Pulse • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 •


They are more than just a random collection of names with specific powers. They are people with pasts, family members and personalities beyond their mutant gifts.”

Suddenly, all of the mistakes from the previous incarnations, all of the anachronisms and dated styles and clunky attempts at cultural relevance can be erased and explained away. Of course, anyone that’s ever seen a film like “Primer” knows that resetting a timeline isn’t quite as simple as these Hollywood films make it—more often than not, moving backwards only causes confusion and chaos. Hell, even Marty McFly figured that out upon discovering the hellish dystopia of Hill Valley when Biff escaped into the past with a sports almanac. But as long as the scriptwriter chooses to ignore any negativity that comes from potential alternate timelines, time travel works as a great slate cleaner. Most people are willing to completely suspend their disbelief when it comes to time travel. No one wants to think too hard about a paradox. This tactic is on full display in the best X-Men movie to date, Bryan Singer’s “X-Men: Days of Future Past”. The X-Men films mark the very beginning of our current superhero craze. “X-Men” was released more than ten years ago, in a time when a movie about superheroes was not a guaranteed box office success. There was no promised sequel, no long-term planning. As a result, mistakes were made. Marvel Studios wasn’t around and the idea that plots and stories could take place over the course of several different films, involving several different


Shawn Ashmore (Cyclops), James McAvoy (Charles Xavier), and Hugh Jackman (Wolverine)

and unique characters, was something that hadn’t been tried. Singer needed to jam as much X-Men (meaning as much Wolverine as they can fit into two-plus hours) into his film as possible. When “X-Men” became successful, and the studio had a budding franchise on their hands, the movies weren’t handled as gracefully as they might have been. There are a lot of weird continuity issues, recasting problems, and outright removal of popular comic book characters for reasons that were never sufficiently explained. After the success of “X-Men,” the franchise began to look a lot like movies made by committee. This changed to some degree with “X-Men: First Class”— largely because Fox may have finally realized what was possible with the property, and the wild popularity of superhero movies finally attracted more high-caliber young actors like Jennifer Lawrence and Michael Fassbender. “First Class” was excellent in a way that nearly made up for all of the mistakes of the past. It focused on characters other than the guy with claws, fuller characters with their own backgrounds. Which brings us to “X-Men: Days of Future Past.” This is a film that fully realizes the capabilities of the characters in the X-Men universe. They are more than just a random collection of names with specific powers. They are people with pasts, family members and person-

alities beyond their mutant gifts. While the film doesn’t completely delve into all of these characters (the future scenes seem a lot like the same old X-Men we’ve always had), it does a better job than previous incarnations. As I mentioned, the time travel aspect of the film essentially resets the continuity issues that have plagued the franchise from the start, although it never explains how Professor X manages to be in this film given that he was blown up by Phoenix in “X-Men: The Last Stand.” If the rest of the film is any indication, that tiny quibble isn’t all that important. What we have in “X-Men: Days of Future Past” is the first argument that maybe another movie studio can effectively manage a Marvel property. It’s a high-quality, entertaining film that fully redeems the franchise and might for once be able to stand toe-to-toe with any of the Avengers films. This leads me to one more point: We have reached critical mass in the superhero genre. They now stand alone as a category like romantic comedy or horror. In fact, they may even need their own category at the Oscars. These films are not, by any stretch of the imagination, going away. It’s time we embrace them for what they are. There are more than 50 years of stories to be told—the surface hasn’t even been scratched. Let’s settle in for the long haul.

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(423) 267-8802 Prices subject to change. Accepting EBT. • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 • The Pulse • 25


Take the brewery everywhere.

madeline chambliss

Red Hare Brewing Co.: Yes, They Can

Red Hare is the first micro-brewery in Georgia to can its craft beer. We know it’s the best way to preserve the finest ingredients that we put into all our brews. Exceptional flavor profiles. Rich aromas. Complex, yet balanced taste in every can.

Enjoy, wherever you are. Editor’s note: Our new series takes a look at the local beer, wine and liquor industry— and what it takes to keep it growing.

Certified Recycled Aluminum

#chasetherabbit Please drink responsibly.

26 • The Pulse • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 •


Please recycle.

hen it comes to beer, we’ve all heard someone say, “It’s an acquired taste.” Taste, beer drinkers know, is everything—and how beer is packaged is a key factor in how it tastes. While it’s no secret that beer is sold in both bottles and cans, it may surprise some to know that cans provide better packaging for beer than bottles. Why? Cans keep out light and oxygen better than bottles because of their opaqueness and tighter seals, thus preserving that fresh taste we all look forward to when sipping a beer. These days, cans are also made from aluminum, making them (in comparison to bottles), easier to recycle, weigh less, and take up less space. And recycling aluminum has even more benefits. Requiring 95 percent less energy and producing 95 percent fewer greenhouse gasses, cans made from recycled aluminum are best friends with Mother Nature. But what’s that got to do with beer? Wanting to reduce their environmental footprint, Red Hare Brewing Company has partnered with Novelis, the world’s largest producer of recycled aluminum sheet, in order to be the world’s first brewery to launch the evercan™ sheet. Described as “the first certified high-

recycled content aluminum designed specifically for the beverage cans market,” the evercan sheet is made with 90 percent recycled content, which means less production needed when making the can. Seventy-two percent less CO2 emissions are released compared to manufacturing glass bottles and 22 percent less CO2 emissions are released compared to manufacturing non-recycled aluminum cans. Red Hare Brewing Company, an independent microbrewery in Marietta, Ga., is the first craft brewery in Georgia to can craft beer in aluminum cans. Red Hare’s craft beer has been sold in Georgia since August 2011, and it’s now available in Tennessee and South Carolina. Consumers can also find mainstays like Watership Brown Ale, Long Day Lager, and Gangway IPA at their frequented beer and wine stores. Additionally, Red Hare offers a variety of seasonal and specialty beers, available throughout the year. Approached by Novelis to work together one year ago, Red Hare is the exclusive company this summer, but several breweries have expressed interest, so others are expected to join at summer’s end. With almost 400 craft brewers in nearly every state in the U.S. canning more than 1,300 different beers, Red Hare adds craft beer that will be, from this point forward, made in the evercan, and encourages other brewers to embrace the can as well.


Consider This with Dr. Rick by Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D.

“Sometimes I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.” — Unknown We’ve all been there: feeling “off” or underappreciated or unloved. Maybe it’s feeling completely alone with a problem, or that you just don’t fit in. Perhaps you’re having trouble clearing away the fog and thinking productively. Whatever it may be, my advice is to try to understand what’s going on with you. It’s like Socrates said about the unexamined life. But if you can’t put your finger on it, try not to worry. Tomorrow you’ll hit the reset button and see if you do better, think more clearly, are kinder toward others. (What goes around…) Some easy bits of healthy self-nurturing until then: Call a friend. Go for a long walk in nature. Play with your dog. Read a good book. Meditate or pray or hug a tree. Whatever soothes the soul. You’re not alone; it just feels like it right now. • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 • The Pulse • 27

WHA Free Will Astrology

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Saturday – Red Bank – 423-870-MOJO 423-822-MOJO 423-870-MOJO 423-296-MOJO 1800 Dayton Blvd 1414 Jenkins Rd Sunday - St.Chattanooga Elmo –37405 423-822-MOJO Chattanooga 37421

3815 St. Elmo Ave Chattanooga 37409

CANCER (June 21-July 22): When I slip into a meditative state and seek insight about your future, I have a reverie about a hearty sapling growing out of a fallen tree that’s rotting on the forest floor. I see exuberant mushrooms sprouting from a cowpie in a pasture. I imagine compost nourishing a watermelon patch. So what do my visions mean? I’m guessing you’re going through a phase of metaphorical death and decay. You are shedding and purging and flushing. In the process, you are preparing some top-notch fertilizer. It won’t be ready for a while, but when it is, a growth spurt will begin. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “Dear Diary: Almost everything that was possible to change has changed these past 12 months. I am not kidding and I am not exaggerating. Getting just one of my certainties destroyed would have been acceptable; I long ago became accustomed to the gradual chipchip-chipping away of my secure foundations. But this most recent phase, when even my pretty illusions of stability got smashed, truly set a record. So then why am I still standing strong and proud? Why is it I’m not cowering in the corner muttering to the spiders? Have I somehow found some new source of power that was never available to me until my defenses were totally stripped away? I think I’ll go with that theory.” VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): About 32,000 years ago, squirrels in northeast Siberia buried the fruits of a flowering plant deep in their burrows, below the level of the permafrost. Then a flood swept through the area. The water froze and permanently sealed the fruits in a layer of ice. They remained preserved there until 2007, when they were excavated. A team of scientists got a hold of them and coaxed them to grow into viable plants. Their success has a metaphorical resemblance to a project you will be capable of pulling off during the next 12 months, Virgo. I’m not sure what exact form it will take. A resuscitation? A resurrection? A recovery? The revival of a dormant dream? The thawing of a frozen asset or the return of a lost resource? LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): For German physicist Arnold Sommerfeld, the good news was that he was nominated for the Nobel Prize 81 times. The bad news is that he never actually won. Actor Richard Burton had a similar fate. He was nominated for an Academy Award seven times, but never took home an Oscar. If there is anything that even vaguely resembles that pattern in your own life, Libra, the next 12 months will be the most favorable time ever to break the spell. In the next few weeks, you may get a glimpse of how it will unfold.

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hope you won’t be replaying that thought over and over again in your imagination three weeks from now. I hope you won’t be obsessing on similar mantras, either, like “I should have treated you better” or “I wish I would have listened to you deeper” or “I should have tried harder to be my best self with you.” Please don’t let any of that happen, Scorpio. I am begging you to act now to make any necessary changes in yourself so that you will be fully ready to give the important people in your life the care they deserve. If you do so, you will be free of regrets later.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “Longing, what is that? Desire, what is that?” Those are questions Louise Gluck asks in her poem “Prism.” Does she really not know? Has she somehow become innocent again, free from all her memories of what longing and desire have meant to her in the past? That’s what I wish for you right now, Sagittarius. Can you do it? Can you enter into beginner’s mind and feel your longing and desire as if they were brand new, just born, as fresh and primal as they were at the moment you fell in love for the first time? If you can manage it, you will bestow upon yourself a big blessing. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You could really benefit from engaging with a compassionate critic—someone who would gently and lovingly invite you to curb your excesses, heal your ignorance, and correct your mistakes. Would you consider going out in search of a kick-ass guide like that? Ideally, this person would also motivate you to build up your strengths and inspire you to take better care of your body. One way or another, Capricorn, curative feedback will be coming your way. The question is, will you have a hand in choosing it, or will you wait around passively for fate to deliver it? I highly recommend the former.

ass off as you ponder this question: “What fossilized fixations, ancient insults, impossible dreams, and parasitic ghosts am I ready to let go of?” Next, move on to this inquiry: “What can I do to ensure that relaxed, amused acceptance will rule my encounters with the old ways forever after?” Here’s a third query: “What will I do with all the energy I free up by releasing the deadweight I had been clinging to?”

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “When I was young,” wrote French author Albert Camus, “I expected people to give me more than they could—continuous friendship, permanent emotion.” That didn’t work out so well for him. Over and over, he was awash in disappointment. “Now I have learned to expect less of them than they can give,” he concluded. “Their emotions, their friendship, and noble gestures keep their full miraculous value in my eyes; wholly the fruit of grace.” I’d love to see you make an adjustment like this in the coming months, Aries. If you do, the astrological omens suggest you will experience a blessing like Camus’. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Some earthquakes happen in slow motion. These rare events occur 22 to 34 miles down, where tectonic plates are hotter and gooier. Unlike the sudden, shocking jolts of typical temblors, this gradual variety can take many days to uncoil and never send dishes flying off shelves up here on the earth’s surface. I suspect your destiny will have a resemblance to this phenomenon in the coming months, Taurus. Your foundations will be rustling and rumbling, but they will do so slowly and gently. The release of energy will ultimately be quite massive. The realignment of deep structures will be epic. But there will be no big disturbances or damages.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Now would be an excellent time for you to dream up five new ways to have fun. I’m not suggesting there’s anything wrong with your existing methods. It’s just that in the next few weeks, life will conspire to help you drop some of your inhibitions and play around more than usual and experience greater pleasure. The best way to cooperate with that conspiracy is to be an explorer on the frontiers of amusement and enchantment. What’s the most exciting thing you have always wondered about but never done? What interesting experiment have you denied yourself for no good reason? What excursion or adventure would light up your spontaneity?

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I suspect that some night soon you will have a dream of being naked as you stand on stage in front of a big audience. Or maybe not completely naked. There’s a strong possibility you will be wearing pink and green striped socks and a gold crown. And it gets worse. In your dream, I bet you will forget what you were going to say to the expectant crowd. Your mouth will be moving but no words will come out. So that’s the bad news, Gemini. The good news is that since I have forewarned you, you can now do whatever is necessary to prevent anything resembling this dream from actually occurring in your waking life. So when you are called on to show what you’ve got and make a splashy impression, you will be well prepared.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Now is an excellent time to transform your relationship with your past. Are you up for a concentrated burst of psychospiritual work? To get the party started, meditate your

Homework: I dare you to give a compliment to someone you’ve never praised before. Tell me about it at

Freshy F

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “I should have kissed you longer.” I

Tuesday – East Brainer

28 • The Pulse • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 •

Jonesin’ Crossword

matt jones

“The End Is Near”

--x, y or z, it’s all the same to me.

ACROSS 1 Name before Dogg or Lion 6 Land of the lost? 10 Addis ___ (Ethiopia’s capital) 15 They may get locked 16 Cheese in a red rind 17 Bogs down 18 “Farewell, Francois!” 19 “All right then, leave!” 20 Controversial performers 21 Blue ribbon-worthy 22 Create raised lettering 24 He’ll be replaced by Stephen 25 “Charles in Charge” star Scott 26 Attaches using rope 27 Frigga’s spouse 28 Charlie Parker’s instrument 30 Laugh riot 32 More, in Managua 33 Marceau persona 34 Bee-related 37 Outdoor coat in

harsh weather? 41 Backspace over 45 Valli’s voiced vote on a track event? 48 Bobcat cousin 49 “Resume speed,” musically 50 Billy of “Titanic” 51 Fast runner 52 Keebler employee, in ads 54 The brainiest explorer in history? 62 Longtime MTV newsman Kurt 63 “March Madness” org. 64 “The Empire Strikes Back” director Kershner 66 New Age giant 67 Some cookie crumbs 68 Hotel booking 69 Get happy 70 Angry hand 71 Ashton Kutcher’s role on “That ‘70s Show” DOWN 1 Ranks on the

reggae charts 2 “Forget it!” 3 End of an incredible statement 4 Boxing cat who can’t spell well? 5 Sch. in the Big Ten 6 CD full of electric guitarist Paul? 7 Acrobat software company 8 Africa’s largest city 9 Novelist who was uncredited on “The Joys of Yiddish”? 10 “I love,” in Latin 11 Cockatoo in the White House? 12 Donkey Kong’s establishment 13 “Fire! Fire!” speaker 14 Acquiesce 22 Flight board data, briefly 23 Brush-off 29 Hit the bottom 31 German actor Udo ___ 34 Merged sports gp. 35 Be inquisitive

36 Woosnam of golf 37 Start of some movie-sequel titles 38 Terms of ___ 39 Walton or Waterston 40 Roled up in one? 42 Pie-mode filling 43 First word of two MLB teams 44 Center of a hurricane 46 Poetic measure 47 On one’s own 51 Hitchcockian 53 Check for concealed weapons 54 Fuel that’s shoveled 55 Ms. Krabappel 56 Monopoly payment 57 Antioxidant-rich berry 58 Back muscles, briefly 59 “___ dat!” 60 More than mischievous 61 Raised bumps that don’t spell anything 62 Alkaline soap ingredient 65 Paleo- opposite

Copyright © 2014 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0677 • May 29-JUNE 4, 2014 • The Pulse • 29

Doing God’s Busy Work Officer Alex eats bad Chinese food and contemplates the neighborhood

They grew annoyed, so I suggested a field trip, a little jaunt just one block east to the 1700 block of South Hawthorne Street. In other words, the neighborhood they had moved next to.”

When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at

I was sitting in the filthy booth of Chinese restaurant on East 23rd Street resting my chin on the palm of my hand, staring listlessly out of a grimy window overlooking its barren parking lot when I again came to the conclusion that all indications suggested that the greater East Lake area was still an uninhabitable wasteland, abandoned by ALEX law enforcement and unwatched by God Himself. It was not the first time I’d pondered this, but the answer provided comfort to me, particularly in light of my apparent inability to do anything about it. Make no mistake: I’d done my part over and over, but I could still see no tangible effect despite my best efforts. Was this my life? Was it to be spent putting BandAids on the festering arms and legs of this horrible graveyard of a community, doing no more than God’s “busy work” as its indigenous people went about their days and nights seemingly able only to demonstrate how to stand in direct opposition to everything that makes America great? I wasn’t there at the beginning, but I am still relatively hopeful

that this country wasn’t founded on fornicating, drug use and theft. Or was it? Out of psychological desperation I once tried to be reasonable and considered how two out of the three could work statistically. Even then I thought that was stretching it a bit. I wasn’t just being a cry-baby or anything, mind you. I’m not talking about the usuTEACH al craven and gutless acts of pig-men that commit rapes and home invasions, no. While awful, those were legal and societal anomalies and I dealt with them quite well. They were what I was “supposed to deal with” and they fit into the scheme of things. It was the little things that were eating away at me, I supposed… the busy work that individually shouldn’t bother me, but after months (and years) becomes the small drips that can eventually bore into stone. I had just left a home in the 100 block of Morningside Drive, a revitalized neighborhood that held the pimps and thieves at bay by sheer will and steady use of the department’s non-emergency line. It was a rental house

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occupied by a handful of twentysomething hippie wannabes, the smell of patchouli and bong water just taking hold in the mismatched furniture and piles of clothing that was their little piece of Nirvana, right down to a caged pet marmot. They called because someone had stolen their water hose and a bicycle left in the yard by the sidewalk, and they just couldn’t understand a society that would do such a thing. I took their information and gave them vague but reassuring answers on how I would deal with this situation before departing to complete the report. Twenty minutes later, my employment-challenged customers called for my return. They were beside themselves and wanted to again impress upon me the fact that they had saved for that bicycle, and it meant a great deal to them. I gritted my teeth but attempted to placate them with the love of my own childhood bicycle, backed with suggestions of canvassing the neighborhood. Door-to-door interviews, perhaps post pictures of said bike on street poles and solicit information for a reward? They grew annoyed, so I suggested a field trip, a little jaunt just one block east to the 1700 block of South Hawthorne Street. In other words, the neighborhood they had moved next to, which did not go without consequence, particularly when it was in need of eco-friendly transportation. The kind of neighborhood that gave slumlords a good name, and

intravenous drug addicts a vacation spot. The kind of place that did not play host to a group of young men that thought sitting around getting high and watching “Star Trek: The Next Generation” marathons was preferable to stabbing someone over smudged shoes. In accordance with such, they should consider not leaving their shit in the yard and creating an opportunity for any asshole walking by to consider taking it for themselves. I assured them that I would, however, keep an eye out for their “hose”. (They may not have been satisfied with this, but they were quiet, and realizing I’d snapped somewhere along the way, I decided to leave.) Back at the restaurant, I still continued to peer out of the partially tinted glass. By “partially”, I mean the tint had been peeled off half the window, leaving a cloudy residue that fairly well matched the ambience of the establishment, but I had never complained. The proprietors were kind and grateful, and the food was good. OK, the food was free. Movement across the parking lot caught my attention, and I saw a medium-sized dog squatting there in the middle of the lot, legs bowed and shivering madly in the throes of taking a very painful and apparently very unsuccessful shit despite the activity around him, and five minutes passed before I even realized I was still watching. I grew disgusted with myself and my station all over again. “Unwatched by God Himself,” I thought. “Yup.”

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5/23/14 10:06•AM d Sala 29-JUNE 4, 2014 • The Pulse • May 31 Specialty

The Pulse 11.22 » May 29, 2014  

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