Page 1



APRIL 3, 2014

the curtain rises on the

Chattanooga Film Festival 4 days, 28 films, one very big dream

how S W V d ole o C r e t a rds W a d w n A a y d t l e l pecia S d Air-Coo n a s ies sse h a l p C o r 0 T 4 d r Ove rafte C d n ing a k r H a e P u V q i R Un ith w d n ts u r o a r P g p d e m s a nd U a Large C w e N ter h t a i e w h T t e n e I ive r D i Swap M n i es i M t i t v h i t g i c A N Saturday s, Contests, Kids ot Rod rize on H P V , s r e e p m i r a t G in S P s u o m World Fa More!

t o L e l o h nd a W


Car Show • Swap Meet • Campout $4 Donation to the Ronald McDonald House gets you in! Children 12 and under are free! VILLAGE VOLKSWAGEN OF

C H AT TA N O O G A Your Hometown Factory Dealer

April 12-13, 2014 • Camp Jordan in East Ridge, TN 2 • The Pulse • APRIL 3-9, 2014 •




Managing Editor Gary Poole

BEGINNINGS: Taking back the "Desperation Zone"... Fielding questions on the Sculpture Fields

Contributing Editor Janis Hashe Contributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsny • John DeVore Daniel Jackson • Matt Jones • Janis Hashe Kelly Lockhart • Mike McJunkin Marc T. Michael • Ernie Paik Rick Pimental-Habib • Alex Teach


Editorial Interns Madeline Chambliss • Dea Lisica • Leith Tigges Cartoonists & Illustrators Rick Baldwin • Tom Tomorrow Photographer/Webmaster Josh Lang Founded 2003 by Zachary Cooper & Michael Kull


Director of Sales Mike Baskin


A FILM LOVERS’ FEAST Local film festival bringing Hollywood to Chattanooga By John DeVore

Account Executives Chee Chee Brown • Julie Brown Lisa Dicaire • Rick Leavell • Leif Sawyer Stacey Tyler • Jerry Ware

SUSHI & BISCUITS: Chattanooga cuisine goes local—and global MUSIC: Sexy, sophisticated Smooth Dialects NEW MUSIC REVIEWS: Problematic Protomartyr, hats off to Quincy Jones


Offices 1305 Carter St., Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Fax 423.266.2335 Website Email Calendar THE FINE PRINT: The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. Contents Copyright © 2014 by Brewer Media. All rights reserved.


brewEr media group

Publisher & President Jim Brewer II


T e UR AR Puls FO ES The G n ID ek i BR t We

2014 VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 14



SCREEN: Noah from a 21st Century perspective FREE WILL ASTROLOGY JONESIN' CROSSWORD



Christian Collier combines spoken word, music and dance By Rich Bailey

DR. RICK: Kindness that comes and goes around ALEX TEACH: A bicycle debacle and a hole in the ceiling


Friday, April 4th, Miller Plaza 7-10pm Eat, Drink, & Dance! Trophies for Most Creative Attire! Follow Art 120:

Proceeds Benefit Our Youth Programs

Sponsored by: • APRIL 3-9, 2014 • The Pulse • 3

news • views • rants • raves



Taking Back the Desperation Zone


HEN WILL IT BE OUR TURN? The situation faced by the parents of CSLA students, frustrated and furious at being passed over again in back-room deals by the Hamilton County Commission and the school board, has resonance for another urban “when will it be our turn?” situation.

The City of Chattanooga needs to acknowledge that there are far too many of these types of businesses on Brainerd Road.”

CSLA is a magnet school, and has been pointed out by several other writers, does not carry enough political clout to move its plight to the forefront. Magnify that issue to include a whole area of the city and what looms up is Brainerd. I live in Brainerd, and have since I moved to Chattanooga in 2006. I love my house. I have great neighbors. The immediate area that I live in is beautiful, with lovely old trees, green spaces and cool old homes. And the area of Brainerd Road near the Missionary Ridge tunnels is the middle of a muchwished-for turnaround. Multiple new businesses have come in during the last couple of years;

Toes Yoga opened recently in the space vacated by beloved café Out of the Blue, with plans to add a vegetarian eatery; the Ripple Theatre, darkened by a disastrous flood nearly four years ago, is reopening in May. Energy in that area is running high and the vibe is positive. But most of the rest of Brainerd Road, all the way out to where it becomes Lee Highway and East Brainerd Road, could generously be described as hideous and an outstanding example of urban blight. Councilwoman Carol Berz has been laboring for years to aid this area, and I salute her continuing efforts and the progJANIS HASHE ress that has been made. But it’s going to take more than one dedicated person—it’s going to take commitment from the city, particularly in one very specific way. If you’ve driven down this stretch of Brainerd Road at all recently (and who hasn’t; it’s a major artery), you’ve seen payday lender after payday lender, some stacked up right next to each other. Imagine my dismay when I discovered that the building vacated when the IHOP moved across the street was going to be tenanted by—you guessed it—a payday lender. These are legitimate businesses, some will argue. They pay their taxes, file their paperwork. They have a right to exist. I won’t debate that—but just who is it at the city that is greenlighting ever more of them, creating what I call “The Desperation Zone” in an area already saturated with these very problematic “lenders”? Let’s take a couple of stories that ran in the local daily on Mar. 28—technically not connected with each other, and neither mentioning Brainerd by name, but oh-so-symptomatic of the problem. On the front page: “Tennessee leads nation in minimum-wage jobs.” The story begins with people lining up outside the Tennessee Career Center in the Eastgate Town Center (located on Brainerd Road). The jobs available are mostly paid at minimum wage, which,


4 • The Pulse • APRIL 3-9, 2014 •

since Tennessee does not have a state standard, defaults to the federal standard of $7.25 an hour. Again, as has been pointed out over and over again recently, including here in the The Pulse, minimum-wage earners these days are often family breadwinners, not teenagers in their first jobs. If you need to keep the heat on in your home for your children, and your paycheck will not cover it, where do you turn? Family or friends, maybe, if you can. A nonprofit program, if you know about it. But for far too many, to payday lenders with their promises of easy cash and easier terms, sucking the borrowers down into an endless cycle. There is a reason why these companies are called “predatory.” This leads us to the second story, in the business section, “Lawsuit against payday king gains class-action status.” Local businessman Carey V. Brown, who operated multiple brick-andmortar payday lending sites as well as a website, is now facing a class-action lawsuit alleging that his companies spammed potential borrowers with offers of loans, preying on people’s desperation. The point is: The City of Chattanooga needs to acknowledge that there are far too many of these types of businesses on Brainerd Road and stop issuing permits for them to open. The residents of Brainerd, who range from wealthy to very poor (with the majority tilting toward the poor end) deserve better. We are going to continue speaking up. Because the truth is, it’s our turn. Time to re-zone our area out of its desperation.


by Rick Baldwin

Fielding Questions on The Sculpture Fields Not long ago, The Pulse ran a cover story updating you on a major new development in the Chattanooga arts scene: The Sculpture Fields at Montague Park. Brainchild of international sculptor John Henry (alongside a number of partners), when this project opens, it will warrant (and likely generate) national coverage. If that piques your interest, and you’d like to learn more, the perfect opportunity presents itself Thursday, Apr. 3, when the City The City of Chattanooga and Sculpture Fields

at Montague Park hold a presentation and public information meeting to discuss the future plans for this big-time project, located right in the heart of the city. The meeting is open to the public and will be held at John Henry Studio, 1100 E. 16th St. from 5 - 6:30 p.m. Reservations are requested at, (423) 240-6048 or (423) 266-9914. For more information about the event and the project, visit   — Janis Hashe


Dr. Rick "Shrink Rap" columnist Dr. Richard L. PimentalHabib, Ph.D., C.C.H., (“Dr. Rick”) is an author, psychotherapist, educator and minister, and holds a doctorate in clinical hypnotherapy with an emphasis in mind/ body wellness. He developed practices in Los Angeles, the

Thu, April 3 • 7:15 PM vs. Jackson Generals OPENING DAY!!!

Fri, April 4 • 7:15 PM vs. Jackson Generals FIREWORKS

Sat, April 5 • 7:15 PM vs. Jackson Generals Zooperstars

Sun, April 6 • 2:15 PM vs. Jackson Generals

Mon, April 7 • 7:15 PM vs. Jackson Generals

Lyman Kipp - "Hugo"

Rich Bailey Florida Keys, and now in Chattanooga, with specializations in individual and relationship counseling. Upon settling here, Dr. Rick created Well Nest, his mind/body/spirit wellness center offering alternative healing services—from meditation classes and yoga to wellness workshops and retreats. Visit, www., or follow @DrRickWellNest.

Rich Bailey is a professional writer, editor and (sometimes) public relations consultant. After promoting insurance and Chattanooga professionally (but not at the same time), he freelanced from 2001 to 2012, which allowed time for neat hobbies like getting bad

publicity for neighborhoodthreatening institutions. Despite leading a project to create Chattanooga's first civic web site in 1995 before even owning a modem, he is not much of an early adopter but avidly covers Chattanooga technology for The Pulse, as well as various arts and entertainment events here in the Scenic City. He splits his time between Chattanooga and Manhattan. • APRIL 3-9, 2014 • The Pulse • 5

6 • The Pulse • APRIL 3-9, 2014 •

Kindness That Comes and Goes Around Can’t donate a million dollars? How about a cup of coffee?

I have a “welcome” sign on As you’ve read over the years, the gate that leads to my wellI’m a big believer in paying ness center, Well Nest. I purkindness forward. What a beauchased it at the Sunday Market tiful energy it involves, and about five years ago from two who doesn’t enjoy a sweet surartists, an aunt and niece, who prise to lift the spirit or lighten make one-of-a-kind, very crethe load? ative signs Studies from found show that objects. a minimum Mine has of three always repeople benceived lots efit from RICK PIMENTAL-HABIB of complirandom acts ments. of kindWell, after five years of beness: the person doing the act, ing battered by the weather, it the recipient of the act, and seriously needed repair. So I anyone witnessing the act. Pertracked down one of the artists, haps it’s the truest measure of Nicole, at their shop, Tangeour heart and humanity when rina’s, and asked if she’d make we help others compassionatethe repairs, which I knew would ly, with no regard for payback. be quite extensive. Payback comes simply in the A couple of weeks later when form of feeling good. my sign was ready, Nicole Periodically I’ve put out a called and I went in to pick it call to hear about your random up. I was thrilled to find that acts of kindness. As I revisited she had done a complete oversome of your wonderful stories, haul, beautifully used the colI was warmly affected by the ors I requested, and managed to generosity some people live by. save most of the found objects I thought you might be, too, so that give the sign its charm. here are a few of my favorites. When I asked how much I Drop me a note and tell me owed her, she refused to take about your random acts, and any money. I was taken aback we’ll keep the “good stuff” goand we went around about this ing! for a few minutes, until I acqui1. When I go out dining, I alesced and said that in gratitude ways pay attention to my servfor her kindness I’d tell more er. I look for something nice to folks about her. So, Nicole, I’m say about them to the restaurant gladly keeping my word. manager before I leave. Many

Shrink Rap

Studies show that a minimum of three people benefit from random acts of kindness: the person doing the act, the recipient of the act, and anyone witnessing the act.”

times we are quick to complain but slow to compliment. (Julie, North Chatt) 2. Once or twice a year I buy new clothes—jackets, shoes, gloves, shirts, whatever. I make a point to donate the item it’s replacing.  For example, if I buy a winter jacket and already have one, then I take the jacket I already own and bring it to a shelter. This idea can be applied to items throughout the house. (Martha, Chattanooga) 3. When my partner and I lived in Los Angeles, we would host dinner for the homeless on the day before Christmas. You never knew who would come or how many—on any given year

we had 20 to 80 people. I would go around to thrift stores and purchase clothing and get food from the food pantry for them to take away with them. You don’t usually find out what happens after.  However, one couple who came to these dinners every year eventually got off the streets, found good jobs and a good home, and years later they came back to let us know what had evolved from that simple act of “breaking bread.” And on that visit they brought bags of clothing and food for us to hand out. (Dan and Bill, Boston) 4. I have a garden and have had one for many years. I always plant more than I need and leave bags of veggies on neighbors’ steps in my neighborhood. (anonymous) 5. While in the military stationed outside of Seattle, I’d accumulated a bunch of old sweatshirts and decided to cut them up to make blankets. I eventually got two of my fellow G.I.s to do the same, then more and more people joined in. By winter we had enough blankets to go to the nursing home and find out from the staff which residents had no family. We’d leave our blankets gift-wrapped under the tree in the lobby with those residents’ names on them.  Last year I taught my kids to

continue the tradition. (Terry, Atlanta) 6. My friend and I were at a zoo on a hot day and she was walking around with an iced coffee. One of the employees commented on how good the iced coffee looked. So my friend went around the corner, bought an iced coffee for the employee, and tracked her down to give it to her.  Later that week I did something similar (with a cup of tea) for the grumpiest person in my office. That person paid it forward the next day with coffee for the UPS man. We’ve started something good here! (Betty, Los Angeles) Until next time: “The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention. — Oscar Wilde

Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, author, minister, and educator in private practice in Chattanooga. Contact him at, visit his wellness center at and follow his daily inspirations on Twitter: @DrRickWellNest • APRIL 3-9, 2014 • The Pulse • 7

8 • The Pulse • APRIL 3-9, 2014 •


Film Lovers Feast Is Finally Here the Chattanooga Film Festival Dims The Lights For Four Whole Days By John DeVore

The seeds of the Chattanooga Film Festival were sown four years ago, and now that vine is bearing good fruit.”


T’S FINALLY TIME. After a year of rumors, of planning and discussion, of wishin’ and hopin,’ the Chattanooga Film Festival is upon us. On Apr. 3, as special a day as any I know, the best thing to happen to Chattanooga arts in 20 years begins, and with any luck it will become an annual success story that rivals that of the downtown revitalization. The CFF needs to become a part of Chattanooga, an institution as recognizable as the Aquarium, one that brings

in as many tourist dollars as Rock City, and stands as solid as Lookout Mountain. Just a few years ago, a major film festival in Chattanooga seemed to be a pipe dream. The film community was nearly nonexistent, with local groups struggling to bring even the most popular independent films to starved cinephiles staring wistfully at marquees, waiting for the day when the latest Terrance Malik film might make an appearance. >> P.10 • APRIL 3-9, 2014 • The Pulse • 9

Then, along came Mise En Scenesters, with their painter’s tarp /warehouse films and extended preshow reels. Led by Chris Dortch, Chattanooga’s biggest film fan, the scene slowly began to evolve. Our congregation began to grow, as MES loving fed the souls of film lovers with genre movies and music documentaries. Barking Legs Theater became a semi-permanent home. The seeds of the Chattanooga

Thursday, Apr. 3: “A Life in the Death of Joe Meek” (8 p.m.) It’s a bold choice to start a festival with a documentary about a relatively unknown music producer. To do so must mean that “A Life in the Death of Joe Meek” is pretty special. The film discusses the work of Meek, a British music producer known for breaking through barriers with innovative recording techniques. More interesting, however, might be the events that led to his violent exit from the world. This is the best type of documentary: “A Life in the Death of Joe Meek” brings to light an esoteric and unknown story of a massively influential artist that no one seems to know. Add to this the presence of filmmaker Howard S. Berger and Richard Routledge of The Cryin’ Shames discussing the man behind the music and you have one incredible film festival opening. ”The Congress” (9:45 p.m. and Apr. 5, 2:30 p.m.) An Israeli live action/animation film that

10 • The Pulse • APRIL 3-9, 2014 •

Film Festival were sown four years ago, and now that vine is bearing good fruit.

Film sensory overload… we love it Four days of film is almost too much for a film fan to handle. There are so many films to see, so many parties to attend, so many guest panels to hear that it’s impossible to do everything.

debuted at the 2013 Cannes Film Festival, “The Congress” stars Robin Wright as an aging actress at the end of her career. This film is just beginning to be screened in North America and getting a film of this caliber is huge for a new film festival. It is a testament to the job done by festival organizers. The film is science fiction, mixing the real and the uncanny valley in a fascinating story not seen anywhere else. According to festival director Chris Dortch, it’s a film that’s “going to really make people fall in love.” The cast is excellent and the format is intriguing. It’s not one true film fans want to miss, and luckily there are two showings, so you won’t have to. ”Manos: The Hands of Fate” (11 p.m.) As infamous “Plan 9 From Outer Space” is in the halls of terrible film, “Manos: The Hands of Fate” deserves the same level of notoriety. This film is part of the “MES After Hours” block of films, staying true to their roots as lovers of the weird, the absurd—and the awful. If you haven’t seen “Manos: The Hands of Fate,” you owe it to

The discerning filmgoer must make choices. It’s unlikely you’ll go wrong with whatever you decide, but what follows will be gentle suggestions on what you should see and when, based on getting the most out of the festival. I will be at every one of these screenings—I suggest you make the effort as well. Unless listed otherwise, all films will be shown at the Majestic 12 in downtown Chattanooga.

yourself to do so. The screening features a discussion with film historian Jeff Burr and restorationist Ben Solovey, ready to take your questions and educate the audience on the finer points of bad filmmaking.

Friday, April 4: ”Banjo Romantika” (11:30 a.m.) This documentary shows the influence of a distinctly American art form on the Czech Republic and how music crosses borders and tells universal stories beyond culture The Czechs heard bluegrass for the first time on the Armed Services Network during World War II, and there was something about the genre that resonated with a people living in a depressed communist state. Czechs took these classic bluegrass sounds and blended them into their own traditions, creating a voice of freedom in Eastern Europe. Like all good documentaries, this film seeks to expose the audience to an experience not found in the mainstream…truth is always found in unlikely places.

”Mood Indigo” (8 p.m.) From the director of “The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,” “Mood Indigo” is something of a love story starring Audrey Tautou as a mysterious French girl who embodies the feelings evoked by the famous Duke Ellington tune. Anyone familiar with Michael Gondry’s films knows that it takes a director of his skill to take such an imaginative, deep idea and create a quality film. The presence of “Mood Indigo” is just another example of what sets the CFF apart from other first-year film festivals—the partnership with Drafthouse Films to bring challenging film experiences is exactly what the festival calls for. Make sure to see this one and bask in the complexity. ”Witching and Bitching” (10:45 p.m.) The second film in the “MES After Hours” series is best summed up by its IMDB synopsis: “A group of jewel thieves are hunted down by a pack of witches.” We’ll just leave it at that.

Saturday, Apr. 5: ”Coherence” (11:45 a.m.) “Coherence” is something of a wild card. More than likely, the less you know about

the film, the better it will be. It’s billed as a cerebral sci-fi/relationship drama, which makes me hope that it’s like “Friends” combined with “Inception,” but there’s no way of knowing until you experience it. This is a film recommended explicitly by festival director Chris Dortch as a must-see. When in doubt, defer to the man responsible for everything. Panel: Why Genre Films Matter (1:15-2:30 p.m, Hunter Museum of Art): If “Coherence” is outside your comfort zone, it might be a good time to check out one of the panel discussions. “Why Genre Films Matter” is a discussion of films that exist outside the mainstream. The panel features experts from across the film industry that love horror and sci-fi, people who understand how these films fit into the greater context of the art form and will carefully explain the intricacies behind chainsaw murders and excessive gore. Evett and Bloom Comedy Showcase (5:30 p.m., Majestic) Between films and panels, take a break and enjoy some local comedy from the guys who are doing for Chattanooga’s comedy scene what MES has done for the film scene. These hardworking local comedians have been featured at several of the MES screenings and host weekly open mic nights at JJ’s Bohemia.

Sunday, Apr. 6: TN Filmmaker Showcase (11 a.m.) As cool as it is to have first-time releases from major filmmakers, it’s important to celebrate the working artists in our own community. Local film has grown dramatically in the past few years, and the CFF is making sure that the talent pool in Tennessee isn’t left out of the mix. Every film in this showcase comes from a Tennessee artist, proving that they can stand toe-to-toe with any selection in the festival. “Hateship Loveship” (4:30 p.m.) The festival ends with a dramady featuring Kristen Wiig and Guy Pierce. The film is likely as awkward as most Wiig vehicles, but is an attempt at a more serious role for the actress. “Hateship Loveship” is an indie film for an indie festival, a fitting end to a weekend of fantastic films. There are, of course, many more films available. Check out the schedule on for more details. Plan your own weekend if my suggestions aren’t up to your standards. There is something playing for every film fan in Chattanooga. Let’s make this the first in a Chattanooga tradition. Support local film! • APRIL 3-9, 2014 • The Pulse • 11

venue church PRESENTS

DIG THE ARt. DIG INTO the eats.

featuring To pre-register and for more info visit bTheVenue_Church • wTheVenueChurch #50000EasterEggs

German-American BrewPub

224 Frazier Ave •

0ver 140 Visual Artists from across the U.S. 11 Music Acts * 15 Food vendors * kids art tent

free parking

UPCOMING EVENTS April 3 @ 7pm Terrapin Brewing Company Tasting. This is a special tapping of their “Wake n Bake” beer, an Imperial Coffee Stout aged in Woodford Reserve Barrels.


supported by

12 • The Pulse • APRIL 3-9, 2014 •

Check Facebook for other upcoming events. Featured: Rooster Schnitzel with Bier Cabbage and Spaetzel

Chattanooga Cuisine Goes Local—and Global Mike McJunkin is back on the eating circuit. Get your forks and chopsticks out. two hours of touching down in Just like the inevitable spring Bangkok, I was feeling a sense return of Bradford pear blossoms, of ease and a sense of hominess Daisy Dukes and unfortunate tan I did not expect amid the tuk-tuk lines, Sushi & Biscuits is back. exhaust fumes and old Thai laDuring my brief hiatus, I got mardies selling lottery tickets. ried, reaffirmed my hatred of fenWhat was this magical street nel and spent some time eating food that had almost instantamy way across parts of Thailand neously put me and Cambodia. at ease? Fried While in chicken livSoutheast Asia, ers on a stick. I was repeatedly Beautifully seaconfronted with soned, skewered both similarities and fried fresh and differences on the spot to between the MIKE McJUNKIN crispy perfecfood cultures of tion, these livers the Southern US were almost inand where I was distinguishable from the ones at at the time. At first glance, the Zarzour’s, Mount Vernon or even mind-blowing, LSD-trip-like exmy own beloved Granny’s. But perience of taking your first walk how could this be? Fried chicken down Sukhumvit Road in Banglivers are as Southern as biscuits kok would appear to have as little and gravy. Could there be comin common with the South as the mon threads woven between Fresh Prince had with Carlton. food cultures as seemingly dispaBut when I finally gained a rate as Thailand and the southern small measure of focus away from US? the cavalcade of colors, sounds As I continued to think about and smells swirling around me, the handful of similarities and my eye fell upon a food stall, not the myriad of differences beunlike the others on Sukhumvit, tween the foods I encountered with a pyramid of skewered street in that part of Asia and the foods meat, neatly stacked and wooing I experience here in Chattanoome with an uneasy familiarity, ga, I began to wonder how best like a prostitute that resembles to define Chattanooga’s current an old high-school sweetheart. As food culture. More specifically, I approached the stall I couldn’t how can Chattanooga’s food culhelp but notice that the crispy, ture be defined in 2014? How has shapeless, suede-brown chunks it changed in light of the increasof what I hoped was tasty street ingly connected global commumeat also produced a soothing nity and also, immigration, which smell that filled me with a sense has contributed considerably to of inexplicable comfort. Within

Sushi & Biscuits

all of the foods and flavors that have become available in recent years? Southern food is as diverse as the regions and micro-regions within the South, and Chattanooga certainly has its own culinary peculiarities (aside from The Krystal and Moon Pies). Note: As a Chattanoogan, it is important to refer to the local purveyor of small square comestibles as THE Krystal in spite of the fact there is no definite article preceding the iconic burger company’s name. At first glance, Chattanooga’s present-day food culture looks like a schizophrenic grab bag of bad country-style buffets, chain restaurants, and Americanized Mexican and Asian shops, with a handful of local, fine-dining restaurants thrown in for special occasions. A more careful look reveals a vibrant food culture finally starting to expand beyond its somewhat homogenous, Southern-fried legacy to incorporate flavors and foods from a variety of cultures. We’re constantly told how Chattanooga’s food culture has

It is encouraging to see selfdescribed rednecks saddling up to a plate of moo shu pork or clearing the buffet of all its California rolls.”

its roots in Appalachian cuisine with its English, Scottish, Irish, German, French, Native American and African American influences. Now, after decades of immigration and the advent of the internet, Latin, Asian and eastern European cuisines are becoming as commonplace as Kanku’s and Dollar Stores. The past decade’s renewed interest in locally grown, produced

and prepared foods has created a thriving cadre of restaurants and markets selling fresh, local food to everyone from fixed-gear bike-riding, hairy-faced millenials to “Duck Dynasty”-watchin’, Obama-hatin’ good ol’ boys. Despite their insistence on calling all Asian food “Chinese” and all Latin food “Mexican”, it is encouraging to see self-described rednecks saddling up to a plate of moo shu pork or clearing the buffet of all its California rolls. Likewise, it’s good to hear a tattoo-covered, bespectacled hipster extolling the virtues of a solid plate of buttermilk biscuits with redeye gravy and a side of hog jowl. In columns to come, I’m going to dig deep into what defines Chattanooga food culture by exploring the undiscovered and little-known foods, flavors and people. We’ll talk about the foods we love, the foods we hate and especially about the weird, wild and wonderful eats found in the back rooms, tiny shops and unexpected places all around our city. Let’s eat! • APRIL 3-9, 2014 • The Pulse • 13


Sexy, Sophisticated Smooth Dialects

Flute Phenom at Fifteen Native American teen performs at Pow Wow On The River He’s a self-taught Native American flutist, multi-instrumentalist, vocalist, songwriter and producer—yet he’s only 15. With the release of his CD The Journey last summer, Gareth Laffely’s music has reached ears and warmed hearts across the United States and Canada. The Tennessee native is coming to Chattanooga to perform at this year’s Chattanooga Pow Wow On The River. His music, a blend of rock, pop, and world music, is described as “the spiritual and healing influences of the Native American flute with the edge of Ian Anderson.” His lyrics range from expressing emotion to inspiring his peers to make a difference in their commu-

nity and in the lives of others. The Journey debuts 11 of his songs including “This Time,” written to advocate anti-bullying and “Move On,” written after the death of a family friend from cancer. Laffely’s music video for the song gained him national attention, which spurred performances at cancer events across the U.S. and proceeds donated to cancer research. Laffely will perform with Women of Heart and Tlaltlacayolotl Aztec Dancers on Saturday, Apr. 5 at 10:30 a.m., 3 p.m., and 9 p.m. and Sunday, Apr. 6 at 2 p.m. at the First Tennessee Pavilion. — Madeline Chambliss







Scenic City Roots

The Nim Nims


• The monthly live music showcase features Billie in the Woods, Sarah Potenza, John Oates, The Dirt Daubers and Mountain Heart. With a special guest hosting appearance by local legend Roger Alan Wade. 7 p.m. • Track 29 1400 Market St.

• Playing into the second decade as a Chattanooga favorite , The Nim Nims bring their original mix of rock that pretty much defies easy description. They'll be sharing the stage with Mdahts and Suns of Kora. 10 p.m. • JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd.

• It’s called "chemistry", an elusive quality that can be part history, part mystery and all intangible until the moment that you feel it. See it for yourself when Josh and Nicole Johnson take the stage. 7 p.m. • The Camp House 1427 Williams St.

14 • The Pulse • APRIL 3-9, 2014 •


ACK IN AUGUST OF 2011, MARIA AND JOSH SABLE had a musical vision and needed to assemble a group of players to realize it. Three months later, Smooth Dialects hit the road in a whirlwind tour of Southeastern cities. It was a good start, and they had found a kindred spirit in bassist Ryan Crabtree. But the band wasn’t quite where they wanted it to be yet.


When you see film clips of beautiful people driving exotic sports cars on winding European roads en route to exotic locales, this is the music they’re listening to on the radio.”

The addition of percussionist Chris Smith the following April brought them one important step closer. When keyboard player Mr. Golden Styles signed up later that year, all they lacked was a horn section, a role swiftly filled by Michael Royer and Josh Dunlap. All in all, their vision went from conceptualization to realization in a relatively short period of time. All that was left was to go out and make a reputation. So what do you get when a musically gifted husband-and-wife team assembles a crack squad of musicians into one of the hottest jazz ensembles this town has seen in years? In 2012 they were voted “Best New Band” followed by “Entertainer of the Year” in 2013. They’ve played all the major local gigs, including Nightfall, Riverfront Nights, Riverbend and Scenic City Roots. The only reason they aren’t touring nationally is...well, I don’t know, but I’d assume it’s a desire to stay close to kith and kin, because otherwise these people would be tearing it up coast to coast. I have described them as a jazz ensemble because that was my first impression listening to their album, but defining the band becomes

more problematic the longer you listen. There are a great many influences at work. In fact, the band self-describes as “jazz, funk, soul, reggae, world” music which is accurate, if a bit wordy. How about a descriptor instead of a label? This is the band you hear in the casino when James Bond is breaking the bank on the baccarat table. When you see film clips of beautiful people driving exotic sports cars on winding European roads en route to exotic locales, this is the music they’re listening to on the radio. Sexy, smooth, smart and classy, this is music for grown-ups, and it’s equally suited to the festival stage, a Vegas revue or the posh, upscale clubs where the guy handing out towels in the restroom makes more in tips than most musicians see in a year. This band is sophisticated. Maria’s vocal showcase is in-

comparably sweet and confident, Josh’s guitar work is impeccable, the bass and drums drive it all and the horns accent the action perfectly. Thoughtful execution lies behind every note. Their self-titled album is a work of art. “Wait for Me Lover” is the most enchanting paean to melancholic longing I’ve ever heard. S e r i o u s l y, I’ve listened to it half a dozen times so far and certain passages still make the hair on my arms stand up every time. I think the only thing that could make it any more powerful would be to see it live— and the next best opportunity for that will be April 11 at Rhythm & Brews where Smooth Dialects will be playing back-to-back with the Uptown Big Band. The divine Miss Sable will be lending her vocal talents to both performances. If you’ve never seen or heard them, this should be one hell of an introduction.

There are a great many influences at work. In fact, the band self-describes as “jazz, funk, soul, reggae, world” music which is accurate, if a bit wordy.

Photo by Lauren Coakley

honest music

local and regional shows

Ironchief with Suns of Kora [$5] Andy D - Part One [$5]

Thu, Apr 3 Wed, Apr 9

Live Trivia every Sunday afternoon from 4-6pm Followed by free live music!

9pm 9pm

Full food menu serving lunch and dinner. 11am-2am, 7 days a week. 35 Patten Parkway * 423.468.4192 * • APRIL 3-9, 2014 • The Pulse • 15




THU 7:30p


















thursday4.3 Big Kitty, Monomath 5 p.m. The Hunter Museum 10 Bluff View. Scenic City Roots 7 p.m. Track 29 1400 Market St. Songwriter Shootout 7 p.m. The Camp House 1427 Williams St. Big Daddy Weave, Tim Timmons, Group 1 Crew 7 p.m. Silverdale Baptist Church 7236 Bonny Oaks Dr. Sound of Tennessee Chorus 7 p.m. Signal Mountain Arts Community Center, 809 Kentucky Ave., Signal Mountain. Kathy Tugman CD Release Party 7:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. Pierre Bensusan 40th Anniversary World Tour 7:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. Ironchief, The Suns of Kora 9 p.m. The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy. Open Mic with Hap Henniger 9 p.m. The Office 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). (423) 634-9191 Baby Baby, Company, SoCro 10 p.m.

16 • The Pulse • APRIL 3-9, 2014 •

The Revivalists JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400

friday4.4 Downtown Jazz 12:30 p.m. Waterhouse Pavilion 850 Market St. Mike Phillips 7 p.m. Becky’s Restaurant and Spirits, 2503 Westside Dr. (423) 485-3873 River City Sessions 7 p.m. The Camp House 1427 Williams St. Will Kimbrough 7 p.m. Charles and Myrtle’s Coffeehouse 105 McBrien Rd. Arson 8 p.m. Sky Zoo

Pulse pick: SoCro Self-described as "Eurotrash meets Southern Class", SoCro takes electronic elements of the European club scene and blends them with Southern hip hop for a unique sound. SoCro 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400

5709 Lee Hwy. Wide Open Floor 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. Amber Fults 9 p.m. The Office 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). (423) 634-9191 The Revivalists, Stokeswood 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. Nim Nims, Mdahts, Suns of Kora 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400

saturday4.5 Gareth Laffely, Women of Heart 10 a.m., 3 p.m. First Tennessee Pavilion 1826 Reggie White Blvd. Pack of Wolves, Plowboys, Stevens Layne, Brennin Hunt, Aaron Tippin Noon. Old McDonald Farm 16705 Coulterville Rd., Sale Creek. The Do Rights 12:30 p.m. Chattanooga River Market, Tennessee Aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad St. Vinyl Gypsies 4:15 p.m. Cherokee Farms, Grateful Fred Stage 2035 Old Mineral Springs Rd., LaFayette, Ga. Strung Like a Horse 5 p.m. Cherokee Farms, Shed Stage, 2035 Old Mineral Springs Rd., LaFayette, Ga. Donna Hopkins 6:30 p.m. Cherokee Farms, Grateful Fred Stage 2035 Old Mineral Springs Rd., LaFayette, Ga. Elenowen, The Emmerson Project 7 p.m. The Camp House 1427 Williams St. Copious Jones 7:15 p.m. Cherokee Farms, Shed Stage, 2035 Old Mineral Springs Rd., LaFayette, Ga. Here to Stay: The Gershwin Concert Experience 7:30 p.m. Tivoli Theater 709 Broad St. Roxie Watson 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater

1307 Dodds Ave. Pattee Wilbanks, Robert Lovett 8 p.m. Charles and Myrtle’s Coffeehouse 105 McBrien Rd. Thrift Store Cowboys 8 p.m. Sky Zoo 5709 Lee Hwy. The Pine Box Boys, Sweet Georgia Brown 8 p.m. The Brew and Cue 5017 Rossville Blvd. (423) 867-9402 Scenic City Soul Review 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 Broad St. Ralph Roddenbery Trio 8:45 p.m. Cherokee Farms, Grateful Fred Stage 2035 Old Mineral Springs Rd., LaFayette, Ga. The Stacker Three, Monomath, Indian Friend 9 p.m. Sluggo’s 501 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 752-5224 Seven Handle Circus 9:30 p.m. Cherokee Farms, Shed Stage, 2035 Old Mineral Springs Rd., LaFayette, Ga. Jack Corey of Hot Damn 10 p.m. The Office 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). (423) 634-9191 Departure: A Tribute to Journey 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. Bohannons, Yakapo, Water Liars 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400 Moontower 11:30 p.m. Cherokee Farms, Shed Stage, 2035 Old Mineral Springs Rd., LaFayette, Ga.

sunday4.6 Jazz on the Bluff 10:30 a.m. Rembrandt’s Coffee House Patio, 204 High St. Jazz on the Bluff Noon. The Hunter Museum of Art, 10 Bluff View Gareth Laffely, Women of Heart 2 p.m. First Tennessee Pavilion 1826 Reggie White Blvd. Dexter Bell Trio 5:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. Benefit Concert for Katie Barkley: Standing Against the Odds 6 p.m. Cloud Springs Deli 4097 Cloud Springs Rd., Gateway Mall and Business Center, Ringgold, Ga. Irish Music 7 p.m. The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy. Saxophone Quartet, Trio 7:30 p.m. UTC Cadek Conservatory of Music 725 Oak St., Room 200. Blind Draw 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. The Play 10 p.m. T-Bones 1419 Chestnut St. Cutthroat Shamrock 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400

monday4.7 Center for Creative Jazz Cafe 6 p.m. The Camp House 1427 Williams St. Music Monday 7 p.m. Pasha Coffee and Tea 3914 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 475-5482 UTC Chamber Singers, Chattanooga Singers Spring Concert 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, Roland Hayes Concert Hall, Vine & Palmetto Sts.

tuesday4.8 Wendell Matthews 7 p.m. The North Chatt Cat, 346 Frazier Ave. (423) 266-9466 Brass Quintet 7:30 p.m. Cadek Conservatory of Music 725 Oak St., Room 200. Presidental Concert Series: Ning and Friends 7:30 p.m. Lee University Humanities Building, Squires Recital Hall, 1250 Parker St. NE, Cleveland.


Seven Handle Circus Open Mike with Mike McDade 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern 1203 Hixson Pike.

wednesday4.9 Trop Rock Don Middlebrook Concert 5:30 p.m. Big River Grille 2020 Hamilton Place Blvd. Old Time Music Community Jam 6 p.m. Enzo’s Market 1501 Long St. The Collins Brothers Band 6 p.m. Bald-Headed Bistro 201 Keith St. SW, Cleveland. (423) 472-6000 William Davenport 7 p.m. Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. Mark Kelly Hall 7 p.m. Magoo’s 3658 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. (423) 867-1351 Jazz Band Spring Concert 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, Roland Hayes Recital Hall, Vine & Palmetto Sts. Andy D-Part One 9 p.m. The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy.

901 Carter St (Inside Days Inn) 423-634-9191 Thursday, April 3: 9pm Open Mic with Hap Henninger Friday, April 4: 9pm Amber Fults Saturday, April 5: 10pm Jack Corey (of Hot Damn) Tuesday, April 8: 7pm Server/Hotel Appreciation Night $5 Pitchers $2 Wells $1.50 Domestics ●

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks! Stop by & check out our daily specials! Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

Join us on Facebook daily lunCh & drink speCials!

The only place in Town where you can sing karaoke anyTime.

Book your Birthday, anniversary or oFFiCe parties now!

410 market • (423) 757-wing

CheCk out the Cat in the hat

Map these locations on Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@ • APRIL 3-9, 2014 • The Pulse • 17

Record Reviews

ernie paik

Problematic Protomartyr, Hats Off to Le Q Quintessence of Quincy is a Sixties Sugar Rush

Quincy Jones Complete Recordings 1960-1962 (Enlightenment)


or those who aren’t jazz aficionados, Quincy Jones is best known as a producer for pop blockbusters such as Michael Jackson’s Thriller and “We Are the World” or even the theme song for Sanford and Son; this underscores his versatility, but the jazz realm was where he established his reputation, distinguishing himself with spotless studio recordings, dynamic arrangements and incredibly catchy compositions. This new collection shines the light on a particularly fruitful period of his in the early ’60s, jampacking onto four CDs eight fulllength albums and a 4-song EP originally released on the labels Mercury, Impulse! and Roulette. For the most part, it’s straightforward big band jazz with a huge nod to Duke Ellington, and not just on the Ellington medley on At Basin St. East with singer Billy Eckstine. Jones tends to favor a concise, concentrated approach

18 • The Pulse • APRIL 3-9, 2014 •

Protomartyr Under Color of Official Right (Hardly Art)

that is less exploratory and more sculpted, with short-and-sweet solos. A few particulars stand out, including the themed Around the World with ersatz ethnic exercises (“Hot Sake,” “Africana,” “Manolete De Espana”) that are a few paces away from being kitsch. Live at Newport 1961 takes things a little more fast-and-loose than expected, away from his typical studio perfection, and on You’re Mine You, vocalist Sarah Vaughan takes the spotlight on standards like “Fly Me to the Moon” and “On Green Dolphin Street.” Perhaps the finest of the conventional jazz albums here is The Quintessence, tight and potent, with a speedy, vigorous take on Thelonious Monk’s “Straight, No Chaser.” However, the album that this writer can’t stop playing is Big Band Bossa Nova, which opens with “Soul Bossa Nova,” a track that found new life in the first Austin Powers movie (the sequels

used re-recordings) as a perfect cinematic match. It’s both irresistibly cheesy and bold, with a cutesy flute motif contrasted with big brass explosions; the eccentric reedist Rahsaan Roland Kirk provides a flute solo, mirroring the notes with intoned throathums. The whole album is a sugarrush joy, alternately frolicking and driving through originals and standards like Antonio Carlos Jobim’s “Desafinado” or a percussion-heavy, bustling take on “On the Street Where You Live,” and it alone is worth the price of admission.


he Detroit group Protomartyr is perhaps an example of the difficulties of not wanting to be pigeonholed into discrete rock categories, and as a result, the band doesn’t go far enough ardently into any certain direction. It’s a complicated stew of conflicted attitudes, with punk

roots stripped of unbridled passion and transplanted post-punk methods in disorienting contexts. The group’s new album on the Sub Pop imprint Hardly Art, Under Color of Official Right, doesn’t accurately reflect the outfit’s strident, enjoyable live act and seems a bit tentative, unsettled and not so comfortable in a studio setting. There are some good moments here, but we shouldn’t have to wait as long for them to arrive. The listener’s first impression will probably be, “What is up with that singer?” Lead vocalist Joe Casey has an oddball style, seemingly mixing the austere, blasé chill of Simon Topping from the post-punk-funk group A Certain Ratio, the anglophile enunciation of Robert Pollard and a pseudo-croon, suggesting a manicured man in a velvet smoking jacket wearing Doc Martens boots. Instead of capturing the raw abandon of a stage performance, the album offers roughness in the form of studio engineering; the drumming from Alex Leonard is distorted with chopped peaks, Scott Davidson’s bass lines are penetrating and Greg Ahee’s guitars can be alternately ghostly, medicated or gloriously shattering. Rather than confrontational punk exchanges, on “Tarpeian Rock,” Casey rattles off a list of smart-ass character barbs, throwing plastic daggers like “rich crusties, adults dressed as children,” and when the band attains a good balance, like on “What the Wall Said,” the listener can hear its strengths. Protomartyr’s second album didn’t quite meet all of this writer’s expectations, and he wonders when the group will just record a live album to properly capture its essence.




FRIDAY, April 11 4 bridges preview party with

WTM Blues Band

Saturday, April 12 Chattanooga Brew Choo Letting you exercise your right to drink!

25% off ticket ride

with this coupon Use the promotion code25off to book in advance at or call (423) 432-0116.

Choral Society for 11:00 AM Chattanooga the Preservation of African American Song 12:30 pM Lon Eldridge   2:00 pm   The Goodbye Girls 3:30 pm  Birds with Fleas 5:00 pm  Decibella 6:30 pm  Smooth Dialects

SUNDAY, April 13 12:00 pm   Courtney Holder 1:20 pm   Booker T. Scruggs 2:40 pm   Nate montgomery 4:00 pm   Rick Rushing & The Blues Strangers 0ver 140 Visual Artists from across the U.S. 11 Music Acts * 15 Food vendors * kids art tent

free parking


supported by • APRIL 3-9, 2014 • The Pulse • 19


Renaissance Gumbo from a Word Chef

Art, Automatic and Manual Art 120’s Scenic Car Weekend drives ahead Look out, America…Art Cars are crossing the nation, heading for Chattanooga and the 3rd annual Scenic City Art Car Weekend. “They’re coming from Minnesota, Florida, Texas, everywhere,” says Art 120’s Kate Warren. A giant lipstick car that’s a “tribute to kissing,” a car designed in tribute to the armed forces, and the returning “Women That Rock” car are just a few of the 20 expected. Free events begin 7 p.m. Apr. 4 with the Art Car Ball at Miller Plaza, catered to adults and giving a sneak peek upcoming celebrations. Costumes, highenergy dance music and decorative cars will abound, along with food by Urban Stack, Community Pie and Taco Mamacita. (Proceeds from food and drink sales benefit Art 120). On April 5, meet at 9 a.m. in the parking lot across from the Creative Dis-

covery Museum for the tailgate party, followed by the highly anticipated parade at 12:30 p.m. down Broad and Main Streets. Meet the artists, get an up-close look at the creations and vote for your favorite entry. Parading cars will be decorated by national and local artists, including entries from East Ridge High School, LaFayette Middle School and LaFayette High School and the Chattanooga Christian School working with Calvin Donaldson Elementary, which will compete for the the $500 Golden Gnome Award for most popular and artistic car and the $400 Silver Spoke for the best human-powered masterpiece. Art 120’s mission is to reach the 10,000 elementary-school students attending schools lacking art programs. Art120. org for more info. — Leith Tigges with Janis Hashe







Chattanooga Film Festival Opening Night Party

“The Scarlet Letter”

Chattanooga Pow Wow on the River

• Come celebrate the launch of a great film festival with a party at the Hunter, and meet the movers behind the scenes. 5 p.m. • Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View Ave. (423) 267-0968

• Nathaniel Hawthorne's classic tale of a scorned adultress in colonial Salem, Massachusetts is brought to life by a fine cast of local theater actors. 7 p.m. • Ensemble Theatre 5900 Brainerd Rd. (423) 987-5141

20 • The Pulse • APRIL 3-9, 2014 •

• One of the largest gatherings of Native Americans in the Southeast takes place this weekend, and all are welcome. 10 a.m. • First Tennessee Pavilion 1826 Reggie White Blvd. chattanooga-pow-wow


EXT WEEK, CHRISTIAN COLLIER ADDS SOME OF his own ingredients—spoken word, music and dance—to the Hunter Museum’s current exhibit on the Harlem Renaissance to create his own take on a well-rounded artistic gumbo.


I like working for things, I like people to see the effort. It’s like doing math equations: I want you to see the work.”

When Collier began performing around Chattanooga after he moved here from Florida in 2006, his shows blended spokenword performance and music from his band. Sometimes he sang. But this “words and music” approach has gradually evolved into a meatier renaissance gumbo, with Collier as both wordsmith-musician and chef-curator. The change started at the end of 2008, when he saw a documentary about The Executioners, a New York DJ collective, in which one of them said if you could devote yourself to one task for a year, barring all distraction, you could become a master of it. So he issued himself a challenge: What would happen if he threw himself into poetry, performing everywhere that he could? “I said yes to every opportunity that came through the pipeline,” he says. “And that laid the foundation to everything I’ve been able to do since.” In 2009, he published Ghosts and Echoes, a chapbook of his performance pieces and other work composed for the page. All those yesses got him established on the Southeastern open-mic scene. He started the Speakeasy open-mic show at The Camp House, which led to more performance opportunities, and the MANIFEST multi-art performance series, which led to opportunities to curate shows like the one coming up at the Hunter. In November 2013, he produced a CD entitled Between Beauty and Bedlam, which includes spoken word, hip hop and ambient music. As the focus of his work has broadened, he has also cultivated the art of letting go. Rather than sweating every detail, rehears-

Christian Collier

ing to perfection and stressing in real time over any flaw in his performance, he tries to let the work happen and find its own form. Part of that is accepting a few rough edges. Collier’s busy schedule reflects that diversity of performance types. Last month in Nashville he did a show at The Cannery with Jessica Nunn from his band. “The strings are such an emotive thing,” he says. “It brings this emotional power in. It can just shift in a second. It adds a different emphasis to a lot of the works. I’ll hear Jessica do something and it completely changes [my] delivery. It keeps me on my toes, and I think it keeps people coming to see it on their toes, too.” There’s the Hunter show next week, followed by an April 26 Camp House gig with Function, which just won the Road to Nightfall competition. “What I’m doing doesn’t alter what they’re doing, and vice versa,” he says. “We just found a way for it all to make sense.” On May 10, he performs a poetry set at Poetry In The Brew in Nashville. The next day he’s back in Chattanooga for a performance art piece he has created for Tim Hinck’s New Dischord festival. He doesn’t want to give much away about this piece, which includes music, dancers and spoken word, but he will say, “It uses the female body to articulate the thing, but its overarching theme is intimacy. I’m going to interview wom-

en and let them speak for themselves” through recorded interviews that weave through the live performance. After New Dischord, he’s in Ithaca, New York at the beginning of June for another poetry set, but it sounds like this open-ended, improvisational genre crossing is the direction he’s heading more and more. He says the New Dischord piece “looks like it’s a piece that’s really not going to end, its always going to continue to evolve,” he says. “In my opinion, this piece is the most daring and vulnerable thing I’ve done. I like working for things, I like people to see the effort. It’s like doing math equations: I want you to see the work.” He cites a line from his favorite poem, “The Odyssey”: “ I am a part of all that I have met”, which Ulysses delivers after going through endless trials trying to reach his home. “All experiences—good, bad and otherwise—inform the self,” he says. “In the past two years, everything I have done, as diverse and worlds apart as it seems, is really the same thing. It’s just a matter of perspective.”

Christian Collier’s “The Word, the Sound and the Image: Meditations on the Harlem Renaissance Civil Rights and Beyond,” will be at the Hunter on April 10, at 6 p.m. For information about his shows, book and CD, visit

St. Elmo

East Brainerd

3815 St. Elmo Avenue Chattanooga, TN 37409 (423) 822-6656 (MOJO)

1414 Jenkins Road Chattanooga, TN 37421 (423) 296-6656 (MOJO)

Red Bank

1800 Dayton Boulevard Chattanooga, TN 37405 (423) 870-6656 (MOJO)

/mojoburrito • APRIL 3-9, 2014 • The Pulse • 21

Make plans to visit Spring Break!

Adventure awaits you at Rock City’s newest event, Fairytale Nights where Dreams Come to Life! Join us on a spectacular journey as we travel to a faraway kingdom where magic is around every turn. Help Little Red Riding Hood avoid the Big Bad Wolf; follow Jack as he ventures off the beanstalk into the giant’s lair; enjoy the radiant gardens with Cinderella; learn to sword fight with a knight! Don’t miss this chance to make magical memories at Rock City’s Fairytale Nights!

March 28 to April 20


A Magical New Evening Event

thursday4.3 Ooltewah Farmers Market 3 p.m. Ooltewah Nursery & Landscape 5829 Main St., Ooltewah. (423) 238-9775 Civic Arts League Exhibition Reception 4 p.m. 205 Manufacturers Rd. (423) 752-7487 Class + Coffee House 4 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8538 Chattanooga Film Festival Opening Night Party 5 p.m. Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View Ave. (423) 267-0968 Workshop: Sports-Related Injuries, Prevention and Treatment 6 p.m. Outdoor Chattanooga 200 River St. (423) 643-6888 “And Then There Were None” 7 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8538 2014 Louis Ross Golden Cairn Awards 7 p.m. Waterhouse Pavilion 850 Market St. Chattanooga Film Festival 7 p.m. Carmike Majestic 12 311 Broad St. (423) 265-5220

22 • The Pulse • APRIL 3-9, 2014 •

Zombie 5K RunDown “Hicks Gone Wild” 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233

friday4.4 Chattanooga Film Festival 10 a.m. Carmike Majestic 12 311 Broad St. (423) 265-5220 “Inequality for All” screening and Skype session with Robert Reich 6 p.m. IBEW 3922 Volunteer Dr. The Muse of Fire Project 7 p.m. Chattanooga Public Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310 Art Car Ball

Pulse pick: Wide Open Floor Dancers, poets, musicians, professionals, students, seasoned performers, and those stepping out relatively unaccustomed to the stage. Expect surprises. Expect to be challenged. Wide Open Floor Friday, Apr. 4, 8 p.m. 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347

7 p.m. Miller Plaza 850 Market St. (423) 265-0771 “Hicks Gone Wild” 7:30, 9:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233 “The Scarlet Letter” 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre 5900 Brainerd Rd. (423) 987-5141 “And Then There Were None” 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8538 Wide Open Floor 8 p.m. 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 Chattanooga Film Festival hosts A Dramatic Ending

10:30 p.m. Alleia 25 E. Main St. (423) 305-6990

saturday4.5 Waking up with the Birds 7:30 a.m. Chattanooga Arboretum and Nature Center 400 Garden Rd (423) 821-1160 Zombie 5K RunDown 8 a.m. Old McDonald Farm 16705 Coulterville Rd., Sale Creek Breakfast in the South Pacific 8:30 a.m. IMAX Theatre 201 Chestnut St. Chattanooga Film Festival Morning Mimosa Mixer 9 a.m. Double Tree by Hilton Hotel 407 Chestnut St. One Well for One Village Dance Benefit 9 a.m. Tennessee Riverpark 4301 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 842-0177 Art Car Tailgate Party 9 a.m. Creative Discovery Museum 321 Chestnut St. (423) 756-2738 Hike to Foster Falls 9:30 a.m. Outdoor Chattanooga 200 River St. (423) 643-6888 Chattanooga River Market 10 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium


Pow Wow on the River 1 Broad St. (423) 402-9960 Chattanooga Film Festival 10 a.m. Carmike Majestic 12 311 Broad St. (423) 265-5220 CGLA Carnival 10 a.m. Chattanooga Girls Leadership Academy 1800 Bailey Ave. (423) 702-7230 Chattanooga Pow Wow on the River 10 a.m. First Tennessee Pavilion 1826 Reggie White Blvd. Art Car Parade 12:30 p.m. Parade Route Start 313 Broad St. “La Boheme”: Met Opera 2014 12:55 p.m. East Ridge 18 5080 S. Terr., East Ridge. Artist Talk & Presentation 1 p.m. River Gallery 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033 The Muse of Fire Project 3 p.m. Chattanooga Public Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310 Kirstin Stingle Artist Talk & Presentation 6 p.m. River Gallery 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033 AmuseUm 2014: XTREME

7 p.m. Creative Discovery Museum 321 Chestnut St. (423) 756-2738 “The Scarlet Letter” 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre 5900 Brainerd Rd. (423) 987-5141 “Hicks Gone Wild” 7:30, 9:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 “An Evening with C.S. Lewis” 7:30 p.m. Robert Kirk Walker Community Theatre, Memorial Auditorium 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 642-TIXS CSO: “Here to Stay: The Gershwin Experience” 7:30 p.m. Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. (423) 642-TIXS “And Then There Were None” 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8538 Chattanooga Film Festival hosts Thrills & Chills: A Salute to Genre Film 10:30 p.m. Loose Cannon Gallery 1800 Rossville Ave. (423) 648-0992 Mo Alexander 10:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839

sunday4.6 Chattanooga Film Festival 10 a.m. Carmike Majestic 12 311 Broad St. (423) 265-5220 Chattanooga Pow Wow on the River 10 a.m. First Tennessee Pavilion 1826 Reggie White Blvd. Free First Sunday Noon. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View Ave. (423) 267-0968 “And Then There Were None” 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8538 “The Scarlet Letter” 2:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre 5900 Brainerd Rd. (423) 987-5141 “Hicks Gone Wild” 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233

monday4.7 Leave No Trace Master Educator Course Noon. Outdoor Chattanooga 200 River St. (423) 643-6888 Prehistoric Cave Art on the Cumberland Plateau

6 p.m. Chattanooga Public Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310 Chattanooga Hiking Club 6:30 p.m. Outdoor Chattanooga, 200 River St. (423) 643-6888

Named “One of the Ten Most Incredible Cave Waterfalls on Earth”

World Reviewer

tuesday4.8 Skyuka Hall Speakers Series 6 p.m. Chattanooga Public Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310 Rapid Learning Intro/Roll/ Whitewater Class 7 p.m. Outdoor Chattanooga 200 River St. (423) 643-6888.


wednesday4.9 Open House At The Library: The 3 D’s Of 3d Printing 4 p.m. Chattanooga Public Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310 “La Boheme”: Met Opera 2014 (Encore) 6:30 p.m. East Ridge 18 5080 S. Terr., East Ridge

Map these locations on Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@

Open Fridays & Weekends NOW!

Aerial Adventure.

423.821.2544 • APRIL 3-9, 2014 • The Pulse • 23


Noah From a 21st Century Perspective


DAPTING A BOOK INTO A MOVIE IS HARD. AS THE filmmakers make the story their own, fans of the written story may feel they ripped out the soul, leaving only the shell of a plot in its place. The book-to-movie process gets touchy—especially when you adapt a religious story cherished by millions.

We Are All Bohemian Puccini's opera masterpiece comes to Chattanooga The eighth season of the New York Metropolitan Opera’s Peabody and Emmy Award-winning series The Met: Live in HD returns to the big screen here in Chattanooga (well, technically in East Ridge). The broadcast of Puccini’s La Bohème will be presented live one day only on Saturday. Puccini’s moving story of young love is the most performed opera in Met history—and with good reason. Anita Hartig stars as the frail Mimì in Franco Zeffirelli’s classic production, with Vittorio Grigolo as her passionate lover, Rodolfo. The four-act opera is based on Henri


Murger's novel, Scènes de la vie de bohème, a collection of vignettes portraying young bohemians living in the Latin Quarter of Paris in the 1840s, which lent itself well to Puccini's desire to present a "slice of life" of the era. If you're an opera lover, this is one of the "can't miss" events. If you've never seen opera, then treat yourself to the most popular opera of all time. “La Boheme”: Met Opera 2014 Saturday, April 5, 12:55 p.m. East Ridge 18 5080 S. Terr., East Ridge.


"Captain America: The Winter Soldier" Steve Rogers struggles to embrace his role in the modern world and battles a new threat from old history: the Soviet agent known as the Winter Soldier. (PG-13) Directors: Anthony Russo, Joe Russo, Joss Whedon Stars: Chris Evans, Frank Grillo, Sebastian Stan, Scarlett Johansson


"Dom Hemingway" After spending 12 years in prison for keeping his mouth shut, notorious safe-cracker Dom Hemingway is back on the streets of London looking to collect what he's owed. (R) Director: Richard Shepard Stars: Jude Law, Richard E. Grant, Demian Bichir, Emilia Clarke

24 • The Pulse • APRIL 3-9, 2014 •


Three weeks before the release of ‘Noah’, Johnson wrote a series of articles about the movie that included major spoilers to help Christians decide whether or not to see the film.”

As Darren Aronofsky, the director of “Noah,” told Rolling Stone, “It’s not your grandmother’s bible.” His “Noah” is the story of a man caught between a wall of water and the judgment of his God. Of course he plants a vineyard after the flood and drinks until wine dribbles down his patriarchal beard and he passes out, depicted in the Aronofsky style of tight camera shots. Before buying my ticket, I did my research. I read Genesis, starting from the words “In the beginning” through to the end of Noah’s story. I researched Aronofsky’s previous body of work. His other movies, “The Black Swan,” “The Wrestler” and “Requiem for A Dream” are masterful looks into tortured characters. After doing all that reading, I went into the movie with high expectations. I left the movie realizing I needed to look at the movie on its own terms, not through the lens of the National Religious Broadcasters, not comparing it to the Bible. Aronofsky is telling this tale in his own way. The story is about Noah and how he tries to carry out his Creator’s will. Most people already know the basic story: Noah lives in the land filled with wickedness, the last of righteous men. According to “Noah,” he and his family live as nomads in the pre-flood

Logan Lerman and Russell Crowe in front of a really big boat.

world with skies so clear you can see the stars during the day. But in this post-apocalyptic-like landscape—filmed in Iceland—men are evil, killing both animals and each other. Noah experiences dreams of a coming judgment. God never speaks directly in the film, never once a big voice from the sky, no Morgan Freeman. For further insight, Noah takes his wife (Jennifer Connolly), three sons and a girl named Ila (Emma Watson) and travels to see his grandfather, Methuselah (Anthony Hopkins). The richness and depth of Noah’s world is like that of Peter Jackson’s Middle Earth, with relics, history and a future. The cinematography drops you in the middle of this world. Shoulder cams bounce and jolt as the char-

acters run and CGI provided a blank canvas for the filmmakers’ imaginations. For example, The animals of the movie are not just the familiar, but the strange. It’s the Bible mixed with Darwin’s “The Origin of Species”. Aronofsky appeared in a P E TA - p r o duced video saying all the animals in the movie were created in post-production. Every dove, every snake and every dog was produced with pixels instead of feathers, scales and fur. It was cheaper that way, Aronofsky said, and it fit with the main themes of the story of Noah. His world also includes fallen an-

gels, the Nephilim. While the Bible mentions the creatures in passing, Aronofsky fleshes out the characters, giving them a back-story reminiscent of Greek mythology. This is one area where the National Religious Broadcasters Association has a problem. While the movie was being promoted, Jerry Johnson, the president of the NRB, contacted the production studio asking it to post a notice, a warning if you will, to the audience saying this film is not the account in the Bible. Audience members who wanted the real scoop should read Genesis 6 for themselves. “My intent in reaching out to Paramount with this request was to make

God never speaks directly in the film, never once a big voice from the sky, no Morgan Freeman.

sure everyone who sees this impactful film knows this is an imaginative interpretation of Scripture, and not literal,” Johnson said in a statement. Three weeks before the release of “Noah”, Johnson wrote a series of articles about the movie that included major spoilers to help Christians decide whether or not to see the film. I was not happy when I started to read them. Yes, Noah is a cherished person for millions of people (cherished so much by some Muslims that the movie has been banned in some Middle Eastern countries because it depicts Noah). This is a 21st century look at the old character. This time, Noah is dealing with 21st century concerns of doubt and humans’ role in the environment. This indeed is not your grandmother’s Bible.

MORE MONEY FOR YOUR GOLD! CHATTANOOGA’S #1 GOLD BUYER wants to give you MONEY for your jewelry! Get paid TOP-DOLLAR just like Rick’s thousands of satisfied customers!


RICK DAVIS GOLD & DIAMONDS 5301 Brainerd Rd at McBrien Rd • 423.499.9162 • APRIL 3-9, 2014 • The Pulse • 25




ax W n a azili


his nt f tio 5 of n Me for $ ad


This could be yours...

Buy. Sell. Trade.

Free Will Astrology

rob brezsny of rowdy drunks and put your meditation skills to the acid test. It’s like when you teach yourself not merely to tolerate smoldering ambiguity, but to be amused by it and even thrive on it. Can you think of other examples? It’s Soul Work Week for you.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): In his novel The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera says that the brain has “a special area which we might call poetic memory and which records everything that charms or touches us, that makes our lives beautiful.” In the coming days, it will be especially important for you to tap into this power spot in your own grey matter, Aries. You need to activate and stir up the feelings of enchantment that are stored there. Doing so will make you fully alert and available for the new delights that will be swirling in your vicinity. The operative principle is like attracts like. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Our ancestors could see the Milky Way Galaxy spread out across the heavens on every clear night. Galileo said it was so bright, it cast a shadow of his body on the ground. But today that glorious spectacle is invisible to us city-dwellers. The sky after sundown is polluted with artificial light that hides 90 percent of the 2,000 stars we might otherwise see. If you want to bask in the natural illumination, you’ve got to travel to a remote area where the darkness is deeper. Let’s make that your metaphor, Taurus. Proceed on the hypothesis that a luminous source of beauty is concealed from you. To become aware of it, you must seek out a more profound darkness. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “Dear Gemini: I don’t demand your total attention and I don’t need your unconditional approval. I will never restrict your freedom or push you to explain yourself. All I truly want to do is to warm myself in the glow of your intelligence. Can you accept that? I have this theory that your sparkle is contagious—that I’ll get smarter about how to live my own life if I can simply be in your presence. What do you say? In return, I promise to deepen your appreciation for yourself and show you secrets about how best to wield your influence. -Your Secret Admirer.” CANCER (June 21-July 22): The Cancerian artist Rembrandt became one of the world’s greatest painters. It was a struggle. “I can’t paint the way they want me to paint,” he said about those who questioned his innovative approach. “I have tried and I have

26 • The Pulse • APRIL 3-9, 2014 •

tried very hard, but I can’t do it. I just can’t do it!” We should be glad the master failed to meet his critics’ expectations. His work’s unique beauty didn’t get watered down. But there was a price to pay. “That is why I am just a little crazy,” Rembrandt concluded. Here’s the moral of the story: To be true to your vision and faithful to your purpose, you may have to deal with being a little crazy. Are you willing to make that trade-off? LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The Indian spiritual teacher Nisargadatta Maharaj offered a three-stage fable to symbolize one’s progression toward enlightenment. In the first stage, you are inside a cage located in a forest where a tiger prowls. You’re protected by the cage, so the tiger can’t hurt you. On the other hand, you’re trapped. In the second stage, the tiger is inside the cage and you roam freely through the forest. The beautiful animal is trapped. In the third stage, the tiger is out of the cage and you have tamed it. It’s your ally and you are riding around on its back. I believe this sequence has resemblances to the story you’ll be living in the coming months. Right now you’re inside the cage and the tiger is outside. By mid-May the tiger will be in the cage and you’ll be outside. By your birthday, I expect you to be riding the tiger. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): What is “soul work,” anyway? It’s like when you make an unpredictable gift for someone you love. Or when you bravely identify one of your unripe qualities and resolve to use all your willpower and ingenuity to ripen it. Soul work is when you wade into a party full

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Are you close to anyone who is a catalytic listener? Is there a person who tunes in to what you say with such fervent receptivity that you get inspired to reveal truths you didn’t realize you knew? If so, invite this superstar out to a free lunch or two in the coming days. If not, see if you can find one. Of course, it is always a blessing to have a heart-to-heart talk with a soul friend, but it is even more crucial than usual for you to treat yourself to this luxury now. Hints of lost magic are near the surface of your awareness. They’re still unconscious, but could emerge into full view during provocative conversations with an empathetic ally. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): On my blog, I quoted author Ray Bradbury: “You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.” I asked my readers what word they would use in place of “writing” to describe how they avoided being destroyed by reality. Popular responses were love, music, whiskey, prayer, dreams, gratitude, and yoga. One woman testified that she stayed drunk on sexting, while another said “collecting gargoyles from medieval cathedrals,” and a third claimed her secret was “jumping over hurdles while riding a horse.” There was even a rebel who declared she stayed drunk on writing so she could destroy reality. My question is important for you to meditate on, Scorpio. Right now you must do whatever’s necessary to keep from being messed with by reality. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Does your mother know what you are up to these days? Let’s hope not. I doubt if she would fully approve, and that might inhibit your enthusiasm for the experiments you are exploring. It’s probably best to keep your father out of the loop as well, along with other honchos, cynics, or loved ones who might be upset if you wander outside of your usual boundaries.

And as for those clucking voices in your head: Give them milk and cookies, but don’t pay attention to their cautious advice. You need to be free of the past, free of fearful influences, and free of the self you’re in the process of outgrowing. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): For the foreseeable future, I urge you not to spend much time wrangling with bureaucrats and knowit-alls. Avoid frustrating projects that would require meticulous discipline. Don’t even think about catching up on paperwork or organizing your junk drawer or planning the next five years of your career. Instead, focus on taking long meandering walks to nowhere in particular. Daydream about an epic movie based on your life story. Flirt with being a lazy bum. Play noncompetitive games with unambitious people. Here’s why: Good ideas and wise decisions are most likely to percolate as you are lounging around doing nothing—and feeling no guilt for doing nothing. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Are you waiting? Are you wondering and hoping? Are you calculating whether you are needed, and if so, how much? Do you wish the signs were clearer about how deeply you should commit yourself? Are you on edge as you try to gauge what your exact role is in the grand scheme of things? I’m here to deliver a message from the universe about how you should proceed. It’s a poem by Emily Dickinson: “They might not need me but – they might – / I’ll let my Heart be just in sight – / A smile so small as mine might be / Precisely their necessity -” PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You will soon get a second chance. An opportunity you failed to capitalize on in the past will re-emerge in an even more welcoming guise, and you will snag it this time. You weren’t ready for it the first time it came around, but you are ready now! It’s probably a good thing the connection didn’t happen earlier, because at that time the magic wasn’t fully ripe. But the magic is ripe now!

Homework: Choose one area of your life where you’re going to stop pretending. Report results to



y skin,

Lose the stress. Love the savings.



9 9 1-hour massage INTRODUCTORY




9 9 1-hour Murad · Convenient Hours · Franchises Available Open 7 Days: M-F 8am-10pm, Sat 8am-6pm, Sun 10am-6pm

FRAZIER-NORTHSHORE 345 Frazier Avenue, Suite 108 Next to Regions Bank (423) 757-2900




Healthy Skin facial session* ®

Choose your offer and schedule today.

Look younger, feel better this spring with a healthy Murad facial

*See clinic for details. Rates and services may vary by location and session. Not all Massage Envy locations are licensed to offer facial services. Check with the specific location or see Each location is independently owned and operated. ©2013 Massage Envy Franchising, LLC.



Exclusively featuring

1-hour Murad Healthy Skin facial session* ®

1-hour massage session*

747.02.14 Massage Envy 1.2.indd 1

2/11/14 9:31 AM

nchises Available

un 10am-6pm

ltation and dressing. Prices subject to change. all Massage Envy locations are licensed to offer tional local taxes and fees may apply. nchising, LLC.

Exclusively featuring

We Are Saving Mobile Lives 1906 Gunbarrel Rd. 423-486-1668 (Next to GiGi’s Cupcakes)

Mon-Fri: 10am-7pm Sat: 11a-4pm Closed Sunday Coming soon to Hixson! • APRIL 3-9, 2014 • The Pulse • 27

For when you need help. The Law Office of Chris Dixon Specializing in Criminal Defense, Personal Injury & Estates 707 Georgia Avenue, Suite 402 The FlatIron Building Chattanooga, TN 37402

Phone: (423) 648-7527 Mobile: (423) 800-3510 Fax: (423) 648-7537

The Pulse

is now accepting applications for our Summer Internship Program. If you are a college student looking for real-world experience in the fields of journalism, feature writing or graphic design & layout, The Pulse offers an intensive, hands-on internship program. Interested? Shoot us an email to to schedule an interview. Positions are limited, apply today!

28 • The Pulse • APRIL 3-9, 2014 •

Jonesin’ Crossword

matt jones

“I Know It Forward and Backward”


--letters in alphabetical order, that is.


KARAOKE EVERY TUESDAY LIVE MUSIC EVERY WEDNESDAY 7PM TO CLOSE TRIVIA EVERY THURSDAY HAPPY HOUR Across 1 Big ___ (David Ortiz’s nickname) 5 One in a million, e.g. 9 Desert Storm missile 13 Robin Thicke’s dad 14 Coffee ice cream flavor 15 Mr. Peanut accessory 16 Bubbly popper 17 Stick with Mario (and not that dreadful hedgehog instead)? 19 First name in talks 20 Dandling place 21 Wilder’s “Silver Streak” costar 22 Carries out orders 24 Without exception 26 Ford or Rollins 28 Put forth 29 Draw upon 30 Still able to stay awake for a few more minutes?

34 Disposition 35 Kolkata currency 36 Boy in “Toy Story” 40 Why there’s now only a huge pile of banana peels left? 43 Tree gunk 46 “Dear” advice giver 47 Some winds 48 Not quite in the majors 50 “Do me a ___” 52 Tank buildup 53 Be slack-jawed 54 Column’s counterpart 57 Robot dance caller’s instruction to folk dance? 60 Cake laced with rum 61 Lewd look 62 Despotic 63 Roswell sightings 64 Bread heels 65 Meets a bet 66 Recipe part

Down 1 Accord 2 Sunblock ingredient 3 “Sorry about that” 4 Ballpoint fluid 5 Bench wear 6 Feel sore 7 P, on a frat house 8 Musical knack 9 Contempt 10 Favor asker’s opening 11 Labor forces 12 Order from above 14 Loads 18 Bender 20 Janitor’s pocketful 23 Bucking beast 24 Dice 25 Lopsided 26 It may be cured 27 Bulldog, schoolwise 28 Opium origin 31 A ___ Called Quest 32 Fitness program based on Latin dancing

33 ___ Lama 37 Annual non-athletic sports event 38 Billy ___ Williams 39 QB gains 41 Van trailer? 42 Eye up 43 Not wobbly 44 Sorkin who voiced Harley Quinn in the Batman animated series 45 Overate, with “out” 49 Figure skating event 50 “___ alive!” 51 National gemstone of Australia 53 School supplies list item 55 Double reed instrument 56 Nesting insect 58 Some notebooks 59 Miner’s quarry 60 Student driver?

Copyright © 2014 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0669


3658 Ringgold Road East Ridge, TN • 423.867.1351 • APRIL 3-9, 2014 • The Pulse • 29

A Bicycle Debacle and A Hole in the Ceiling Officer Alex has a headache. Not a good day on the streets for the clients. He looked the victim straight in the eye, and crossed his white, scarred arms. “Yo bike was like five feet from the driveway, how was I supposed t’know it was yo’s?” “It wasn’t yours, son, that much all three of us know.” He looked at me, clenched his teeth, and spat at my feet. “Never do that again. Never, ever show disrespect like that, or I’ll spank you, ALEX son, right here in the middle of Sixth Avenue.” A smile faded, and pursed lips replaced objective listening. “Sheeit. You ain’t gonna do a #%&*in’ thing. I’m 17. Get the #%&* on out of here.” He was right. About his age… but little else. He couldn’t help that, but it was a failing I had to help him with, and I readily admit—he had already gotten under my skin. My headache was worsening by the second. Millisecond. It was awful. “You’re wrong. She saw you stealing her son’s bike. What I will now do is arrest you.” I reached out and touched him with my left hand, cuffs in the right. He had lifted the bike over an eight-foot fence, and the owner hadn’t just watched him; she got in her car and followed him around. For half an hour, trying to get police there. When we were called and caught up with him, the kid was

standing in the street flipping her off. His oversized trucker cap was sitting crooked on his head, his eyes the slits of classic Southern inbreeding, narrow and stupid, but the kid was firm in his resolution. I’ll give him that. His arms were now locked in their folded stance, and he was making choices. “You’re not putting #%&*ing cuffs on me,” he said, and my partner heard this and grabbed TEACH him from behind, poorly and with no tactical direction in mind. There was never a time for debate over this as is expected by the uninitiated liberal crowd, but then, they wouldn’t debate it if they’d ever had to deal with real people. At any rate, the “kid” now came unglued. A fight had begun roughly one second before he lost his feet and found the trunk of a Crown Victoria, and reasoning came to him as rusty steel clasps secured his hands. I was already breathing heavy; the kid shouldn’t have gotten to me so quickly. I helped him upright as the victim warned against retaliation: “When you think of getting back at me, think twice—my brother’s a cop, and I’ll #%&*ing do you, kid.” He wrinkled his mouth and began to spit and I distracted him by knocking his ball cap over his head and holding his nape firmly while I whispered something personal in his ear (something

On The Beat

30 • The Pulse • APRIL 3-9, 2014 •

not for you, avid reader, but me and the kid). He became strangely calm, and I took him to jail. And afterwards? I thought on it all a bit. I thought about how I would have reacted to seeing that all transpire from the side of the road and I used it to do what I always do—remind me why people hate cops, hate their tactics, and love their results without ever knowing it. God, my head was still pounding. The processing was quick because the attendants at Juvenile believed in what they were doing, unlike the rest of us, but they were nice to be around. I went back, and looked for a cave to crawl into, thinking cool darkness would help, but it didn’t. Instead, I found a house being burglarized by a half dozen kids smoking weed and handing around a pistol. A pistol. I am funny, I am getting fat and I am getting slow, but those who underestimated me rethought things later after I caught two out of three as they fled from the porch of this technically vacant house, and put them both in custody—one 19, one 17. And me out of cuffs. Backup was nowhere in sight but that didn’t matter…it never got there right away in the real world anyway, and I was alive. And the people that underestimate me always look surprised when they go from thinking about the price of lettuce one second, then find me clamped around their throats the next with a grin that would make large men consider a new trade school, or living in their car for now on. Helluva trick, that, but it came naturally. How awful. It’s also why I pack such thoughtful

He looked up with no expression; this was bad. He stood up, and that too was bad. He was between the beams—but not for long. (Physics, you see.)” restraint. Mostly. But I digress. Someone showed up long enough for me to point at my clients and be relieved from holding their necks so I could go inside, and inside I went, around corners, checking closets, and finding a gun beading with sweat lying on top of a Sony PlayStation in a rear closet. The sweat was confusing—until I thought of the refrigerator door I’d closed in the kitchen before checking upstairs. The little bastards had been hiding it there, and while I had found it, I treat pistols like cousins or cats: There’s never just one around. Weed…blunts…candy…by the pound. I found it all and a tiny hobbit-sized door to boot, which I quite naturally entered, into an attic area that was reminiscent of the World War II-era movies I watched as a kid. Slats separated by mortar, yellow newspapers in stacks…and a man hiding on his stomach holding both hands beneath his stomach, face still down, chest moving with labored

respirations. As a backdrop, I could see three cops through a window on the sidewalk outside and below, talking and laughing. (I wished I were there.) Then I keyed up on my shoulder mic, and said, “I have one in the attic. Gunpoint.” I wasn’t so interested in help as I was their faces. The ones on the sidewalk dicking around stopped in inevitable mid-sophomoric joke, and looked up at the window that had to lead to me. Then to their credit they ran. (OK…a brisk shuffle.) D ude - be t we e n- t he - be a m s still lay there until I finally challenged him. He looked up with no expression; this was bad. He stood up, and that too was bad. He was between the beams—but not for long. (Physics, you see.) The cops coming in from the street met him as he stopped being between the beams, and fell through them and thusly into their path, but from above and not the side as is so commonly expected by the average person. After the screaming, there was only laughter; my own, from the largish hole in the ceiling above them. It was grand, and the day was half over. But my headache wasn’t. Oh…this headache. Why won’t it go? When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at





Dine-In • Carry Out • Delivery


1 Large Pizza with Premium Mozzarella Cheese & 1 Topping, and your choice of Jet’s Wings or Boneless Chicken.



Expires 12/31/14. Chattanooga location only. Extra or premium toppings, tax and delivery additional. Must present coupon. Prices subject to change without notice.


1 Large Pizza with Premium Mozzarella Cheese & 1 Topping, and a Large Salad. (Salad Choice: Antipasto, Chef, Garden, or Greek)



Friday, April 4 is Girls’ Night Out sponsored by Brewer Media

Expires 12/31/14. Chattanooga location only. Extra or premium toppings, tax and delivery additional. Must present coupon. Prices subject to change without notice. • APRIL 3-9, 2014 • The Pulse • 31

Buckle Up Chattanooga, The Art Cars Are Here!

Scenic City City Art Art Car Car Weekend Weekend Scenic


April 4th & 5th

Special Thanks To:

Miller Plaza Friday 7-10pm

+ 2 0r t ! A rs Ca

: y b c i Mus 9

8 7 D J Food

& Beverage Proceeds Benefit Art 120 Programs!


Disco Party in the Pavillion! Prizes for Most Creative Attire!

Organized by:

Tailgate Party Saturday

9am-Noon ly i m Fa un! F

Majestic 12 Parking Lot Located across from the Creative Discovery Museum

12:30pm Parade Down Broad to the Southside!

Student Awards!

The Pulse 11.14 » April 3, 2014  
The Pulse 11.14 » April 3, 2014  

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative.