Page 1

February 13-19

Vol. 11 • No. 7

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative










the art of wild love • hap-tastic henniger • sartre's "no exit" • unicorns in the scenic city • blackfish

2 • The Pulse • february 13-19, 2014 •

brewEr media group

Publisher & President Jim Brewer II





Managing Editor Mike McJunkin

THE BOWL: TN Aquarium Uncensored & a milehigh ride of love - for free!

Contributing Editor Janis Hashe Art Director Gary Poole Contributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsny • Michael Crumb John DeVore • Steve Disbrow • Janis Hashe Matt Jones • Sandra Kurtz • Marc T. Michael Ernie Paik • Gary Poole • Alex Teach

THE LIST: Feel the love all over town this Valentine's week. LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR

Editorial Interns Madeline Chambliss • Dea Lisica • Leith Tigges


Cartoonists & Illustrators Tom Tomorrow • Max Canon • Sketch Crowd Photographer/Webmaster Josh Lang Founded 2003 by Zachary Cooper & Michael Kull


Director of Sales Mike Baskin

Cupid v2.0.14

Finding love in cyberspace is now the norm By Steven W. Disbrow

Account Executives Chee Chee Brown • Julie Brown Lisa Dicaire • Rick Leavell • Leif Sawyer Stacey Tyler • Jerry Ware • Candice York

Features MUSIC: Hap Henniger dons a roach suit for your entertainment pleasure. NEW MUSIC REVIEWS: Housewives from South London and all the CCR you need.


Offices 1305 Carter St., Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Website Email Calendar THE FINE PRINT: The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. Contents Copyright © 2014 by Brewer Media. All rights reserved.





A IN ERT ulse G N ES e P VI D Th LI D k in O e FO t We


SCREEN: "Blackfish" spotlights exploitation of orcas. FREE WILL ASTROLOGY JONESIN' CROSSWORD


Hell is Other People

No Cliff Notes needed for UTC's performance of "No Exit" By Janis Hashe

SANDRA KURTZ: Everyday is Valentine's Day in the animal kingdom. ALEX TEACH: Fond memories of his first V-Day on the job

Roses are red. No need to be blue. Books, music & movies. Are waiting for you. Used Books, CDs, Movies, & More

7734 Lee Highway • Mon-Thu 9am-9pm • Fri-Sat 9am-10pm • Sun 11am-7pm • february 13-19, 2014 • The Pulse • 3




Until then, take advantage of spending time with your sweetheart by admiring the city of Chattanooga as you ride along Lookout Mountain. This Valentine’s Day is sure to be memorable and a little sweeter with some of the city’s best views and free fudge samples for residents upon reaching the top of the Incline.

Aquarium After Hours

Animal Instincts Valentine’s Day is here and as usual, you’ve waited until crunch time to plan anything. You could do the usual dinner, flowers, cheap-teddy-bear-holding-aheart routine. Or if you’re single, maybe the pint of ice cream and/or case of beer and a date with your couch routine. Or... maybe this year you mix it up with Uncensored: Tennessee Aquarium After Hours event. On Feb. 13, from 7 to 10 p.m., the Tennessee Aquarium invites you to enjoy “a night of UNCENSORED information.” Curious about the birds and the bees under the sea? Now’s your chance to find out if that turtle is really trying to impress that turtle babe with jazz hands. And just

— Leith Tigges in case you’re too shy to openly admit your curiosity, drinks are available to help lower your inhibitions. If the above isn’t enough to lure you to the event—and it should be—there will also be a “wacky costume photo booth,” aquarium educator presentations, games with silly prizes, “after-dinner snacks” and of course cocktails (one drink included with each ticket). In the words of Bloodhound Gang: “You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mam-

mals. So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.” Enough said. Must be age 21 or older, valid ID required. $15 for members, $30 for nonmembers (includes additional pass to return for tour at leisure). Tennessee Aquarium, One Broad St. (800) 2620695, — Dea Lisica free incline on feb 14

Love's Uphill Ride This Valentine’s Day, consider spreading your love a little further than to just your significant other and give some to the city of Chattanooga. To observe this year’s day of love, Chattanooga’s Lookout Mountain Incline Railway is offering free, all-day round-trip rides in honor of the recent reopening of what is known as “America’s Most Amazing Mile.” “We wanted to celebrate our reopening by reminding residents of the area how much we love it when they visit us,” said Lisa Maragnano, executive director for CARTA. “We are offering free rides from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Feb. 14 to folks that live in Bradley, Catoosa, Dade, Hamilton, Marion, Rhea, Walker and Whitfield counties,” she added. As one of Chattanooga’s oldest and most popular attractions for both visitors and residents, the Chattanooga Incline Railway is open daily. After undergoing recent repairs, the Incline is now ready and open for business for the upcoming warmer months. 4 • The Pulse • february 13-19, 2014 •

Film of Broadway Show

“R&J” in Bloom “O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?” Juliet’s question to her beloved beau is just one of the many famous lines remembered from William Shakespeare’s tragedy “Romeo and Juliet”. From amphitheater performances to the bright lights of Broadway, the eternal love story has made its way around the world in multiple adaptations—one of which is coming to Chattanooga. Starting Feb. 16, Chattanooga’s Majestic 12, Northgate 14 and Dalton’s Carmike 12 will screen a film of the Broadway stage production of “Romeo and Juliet”, starring Orlando Bloom and two-time Tony nominee Condola Rashad. Twenty-five cast members accompany Bloom and Rashad, including Tony winners Brent Carver (Friar Laurence) and Chuck Cooper (Lord Capulet), two-time nominee Jayne Houdyshell (Nurse), and Christian Carmargo (Mercutio). The modern take on the play marked Bloom’s debut into the world of Broadway. The stage production, directed by fivetime Tony nominee David Leveaux, also marks “R&J”’s first Broadway staging in 36 years. Filmed for broadcast, the film is directed by Don Roy King, and runs approximately 135 minutes. The film will show at 2 p.m. Feb. 16 and 7 p.m. on Feb. 17-19. Seats are $20. For more information, visit — Madeline Chambliss


The Gold Sparkle Band • 8 p.m., Friday. Feb. 14. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347.


pulse » PICKS

• A curated weekly selection of picks from the Chattanooga Live and Arts & Entertainment calendars by Pulse staffers.





Zoso: Ultimate Led Zeppelin

The Scarlet Love Conspiracy

•On one hand, they're a tribute band. On the other hand, they're playing Zeppelin! 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644,

SICK SITCOM “Roadkill Confidential” • Innovative drama folks The Theater for the New South present a play by Sheila Callahan. As usual for TNS, they’re working in a non-theatre space. 7:30 p.m. Theater for the New South, Tanner Hill Gallery, 3069 S. Broad St. (423) 280-7182,

Photo by Thomas Tulis

They Sparkle, They Bubble—and It’s Jazz

• Who knows what secrets lurk in the guitars and vocals of this quartet? 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn) (423) 634-9191,

HEAD TO THE HUNTER “African American Art: Harlem Renaissance, Civil Rights Era and Beyond” • The Hunter opens a mustsee exhibit that will run through Black History Month and for several months after—but don’t wait to get to the Bluff to see this one. 10 a.m.- 5 p.m. Hunter Museum, 10 Bluff View. (423) 267-0968,

Two of our favorite local organizations, Barking Legs Theater and the Shaking Ray Levis again collaborate to bring an event to Chattanooga you’d be lucky to see in NYC—or, for that matter, anywhere. The Gold Sparkle Band migrated from Atlanta to NYC in 1998, leaving behind a near-legendary status in Atlanta and throughout the Southeast. As BLT’s Bruce Kaplan explains it, “Suffice it to say that opportunities to hear original trumpeter Roger Ruzow and saxophonist Charles Waters together have been very rare for years, and this show is cause for celebration.” The band is playing a 20th year reunion show, a rare opportunity indeed. GBS released a series of criti-




$25 Advance • $30 Day


« TRACK29.CO » « BOX OFFICE » « (423) 521-2929 »

with special guests

cally praised albums in the ’90s and ’00s, and its members have collaborated with pretty much everyone in the free-jazz/freemusic scene, including Ken Vandermark, John Zorn, Matthew Shipp (seen recently a couple of times at BLT), and Thurston Moore. Again according to Kaplan, “The evening's first set will feature the original GSB sextet performing favorites from the past and new compositions in the repertoire. The second set presents an expanded version of GSB with several special guests, including members of Atlanta's 4th Ward Afro-Klezmer Orchestra and Chattanooga bassist Evan Lipson (Normal Love, Psychotic Quartet).”

SAT2.15 HAND ON MY HEART The Whigs, Sharkweek • Shake off all of the Valentine's Day sweetness with Parker and the boys. 10 p.m. JJ's Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400,

WORK THOSE DREADS Landry • Canadian-born selfdescribed “interracial love child” Landry is now an Atlanta resident, but his whimsical take on the world crosses all barriers. Forget the snow and take a laugh break at the Catch. 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233,

FEB 14 @ 10AM

| Original Art | Custom Framing |

Specializing in Creative Custom Framing & Original Art (since 1988)

4520 Hixson Pike • 423.877.1391 • m-f: 10am - 6pm sat: by appt • february 13-19, 2014 • The Pulse • 5



Local. Seasonal. Fresh.


XFINITY® delivers the best in entertainment. EPB doesn’t come close. FEATURE



The most TV shows and movies with XFINITY On Demand™ — on TV and online



The most HD choices



The most live sports



The most coverage on the go with access to over 500,000 WiFi hotspots included with your service



Smart Search: the ability to see what’s on live TV, XFINITY On Demand and your DVR — all in one place Voice Controls: search for a show, get personalized recommendations and change channels using voice commands





Simultaneously record 4 HD shows



More Internet protection included at no additional cost



Readable Voicemail and Text Messaging at no extra cost



Universal Caller ID® on your home phone, TV, PC and smartphone



Learn about all that XFINITY has to offer at or call 1-877-715-8615. GET STARTED WITH THE STARTER XF TRIPLE PLAY



a month for 12 months


Locally Owned and Operated for 18 Years 2213 Hamilton Place Boulevard • Open 7 Days (423) 899-5341 •



for $5 more per month for 12 months

All backed by the 30-Day Money-Back Comcast Customer Guarantee.SM

Offer ends 3/31/14, and is limited to new residential customers. Not available in all areas. Offer requires enrollment in EcoBill paperless billing through Comcast’s self-service online tool via within 30 days of service installation. Without EcoBill enrollment, or if EcoBill is cancelled during the promotional period, the monthly service charges automatically increase by $5. Limited to Starter XF Triple Play with Digital Starter TV, Performance Internet and XFINITY® Voice Unlimited service. After 12 months, monthly service charge for Starter XF Triple Play increases to $119.99 (or $124.99 without EcoBill) for months 13–24, then regular rates apply. After 12 months, regular rates apply to HD tech fee and X1 DVR service. After applicable promotion, or if any service is cancelled or downgraded, regular rates apply. Comcast’s current monthly service charge for Starter XF Triple Play ranges from $144.95 – $149.95, depending on area, for HD Technology is $9.95 and for X1 DVR Service is $10. TV and Internet service limited to a single outlet. Equipment, installation, taxes and fees, including Broadcast TV Fee (currently up to $1.50/mo.) and the Regulatory Recovery Fee and other applicable charges (e.g., per call or international) extra, such charges and fees subject to change during and after the promotion. May not be combined with other offers. TV: Basic service subscription required to receive other levels of service. XFINITY On Demand™ selections subject to charge indicated at time of purchase. Internet: Actual speeds vary and are not guaranteed. WiFi claim based on August 2012 study of comparable in-home wireless routers by Allion Test Labs, Inc. Voice: $29.95 activation fee applies. Service (including 911/emergency services) may not function after an extended power outage. Text messaging requires XFINITY Internet subscription. Call for restrictions and complete details, or visit Most Live Sports available with Digital Preferred TV and WatchESPN. ©2014 Comcast. All rights reserved. 30-Day Money-Back Guarantee applies to one month’s recurring service charge and standard installation charges up to $500. WiFi hotspots included with Performance Internet or above. NPA130792-0014

Yes-No EPB 13-19, ad_5.172x10.396.indd 1 The Pulse • february 2014 • 6 •97556_NPA130792-0014

1/10/14 4:48 PM

SATURDAY FEB. 22 | 8 PM PURCHASE TICKETS 423-267-0968 ADVANCE TICKETS $40 for Avant-Art members $50 for non-Avant-Art members DAY OF EVENT $60 @ the door (based on availability) Dress is “Gallery Casual” FOR MORE INFO

PARTY IN THE BASEMENT OF THE HUNTER MUSEUM! Buy tickets now for Chattanooga’s most exciting art-focused event. Enjoy great food, beverages, entertainment and a silent auction of art geared towards the new collector.

Smash & Grab A suggested donation of $25 gets you entered into the Smash & Grab drawing. Names will be drawn throughout the night. Attendees whose tickets are drawn have 30 seconds to enter the special Smash & Grab gallery and grab a work of art to add to their personal collections. Increase your odds of winning with more chances! Receive five chances with a $100 donation.

LIVE music from THECREATIVEUNDERGROUND | Avant-Art Facebook page #hunterunderground

Shades of Green

sandra kurtz

The Art of Wild Love

Every day is Valentine’s Day in the animal kingdom


ebruary. It’s the month of love. Flowers, chocolate candy, and heart-shaped Valentine cards flow freely. But why February? Wouldn’t a spring month have been better when a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of love? Well, maybe a cold winter is good for hugs and cuddling. In reading the history, there are several stories about why February. There was more than one Valentine and no one is sure which one the Pope meant to honor with sainthood, but all the historical fellows named Valentine were apparently beheaded on February 14. The execution could have been due to his illegally marrying people or maybe he performed a miracle (not allowed then), or simply because he was a Christian. Others say in 496 C.E. the Pope officially set the St. Valentine feast day date to replace the pagan festival Lupercalia that celebrated fertility on February 15. In Europe, it was the day when birds began mating. Whatever the murky beginnings, one day isn’t enough. Just as Earth Day is every day, shouldn’t love be ever present throughout the year?

The male paper nautilus is so small that few have ever seen him, including his chosen mate.

In fact, for most species, there is innate sexual desire. Romantic courting and love seem optional to many, but the merging of DNA and genes is necessary for any species to continue to exist. That drive is strong. The myriad ways in which it can happen are incredibly creative. Here are a few techniques for your voyeuristic pleasure from “Dr. Tatiana’s Sex Advice To All Creation”: • The carnivorous black hamlet fish lives in the tropics. An hour or two before sunset any fish in the mood cruises the edge of a reef to find a mate. The couple then takes turns playing male or female and swapping roles after each spawning.

• The female green spoon worm inhales her much smaller mate and he ends up in a special room within her reproductive chamber. There he sits and fertilizes the passing eggs. • The male paper nautilus is so small that few have ever seen him, including his chosen mate. She must be surprised when she is hit with his fired penis that will live independently within her body. His is not the only one she holds. Paternity tests prove difficult. • A male redback spider offers the tip of his abdomen to his beloved. As she slowly eats him, he has time to place his pedipalps in her underbelly orifices to deliver sperm for fertilization.

• A young male southern sea lion may join with his buddies to rush the beach, break up a harem, and mate with females. He grabs a gal in his jaws, hurls her behind him and fends off would-be rescuers as he sits on her to keep her from escaping. So you see, love comes in many flavors. Still, from a natural perspective, the goal is the same: Achieve a sexual encounter with the benefit of spreading your genes. Tallied together, all the love acts resulting in reproduction contribute to the larger goal of continuing existence for the human species. It’s evolution in process. In Darwinian terms, survival of the fittest is not about who wins a testos-

terone-laden battle, but who lives long enough to reproduce. Often that entails refusing to stand and fight. Most animals know to stomp and snort and then retreat when the odds are not in their favor rather than perish or lose opportunities for future love. Some, especially young men, could learn from nature and remain in the gene pool. Here’s to love in all its manifestations, whether for reproduction or not. Despite a planetary overpopulation problem related to overuse of resources, love is good in February—or whenever. Sandra Kurt is an environmental community activist and is presently working through the Urban Century Institute. Visit her website at

Love at first sight • february 13-19, 2014 • The Pulse • 7


Cupid Finding love in cyberspace is now the norm by Steven W. Disbrow


that time of year again. Time for flowers, candy, and, more importantly, romance. But, if you don’t actually have someone to spend the day with, it can definitely put a damper on whatever flames of passion you might have hoped to fan. So, what’s a lonely Chattanoogan to do? Well, this is the “Gig City”. Why not skip all that church-mingling, bar-hopping, supply-closet-fumbling and supermarket-grocery-cart-crashing and try to meet someone online? Even though it’s been around for almost 50 years (the original computer dating service, “Operation Match,” was cranked up in 19651), computer dating has only become mainstream in the last decade or so. In fact, with the rise of the Internet and the availability of inexpensive

8 • The Pulse • february 13-19, 2014 •

computers, online dating has flourished since the turn of [the most recent] century. There are literally dozens (if not hundreds) of sites for online dating, many of which cater to one or more very specific niches of the human experience. For example, if you are Jewish, you can try Christian seeking same? Try There’s even a dating service for clowns and circus performers. (Oh, it’s real… and it’s called If clowns frighten you, don’t go there.) Of course, many folks are still a little skittish about online dating because, well, c’mon, you’re dating people from The Internet, and “The Internet” is a scary place, right? In an effort to dispel some of that fear and open up new avenues to romance for our readers, I interviewed 12 different folks, all of whom have had various levels of success with online dating.

If demographics are your thing, here’s some quick data: Our 12 interviewees consisted of five men and seven women. One of the women, Mary, is recently transgendered and is married to June. Three of the other women, and one of the men, self-identify as bisexual. The rest identify themselves as heterosexual. Ages of the interviewees ranged from 24 to 50 and all had been living here in Chattanooga for at least two years. Most were lifelong residents, but there were a few transplants from New York, Alabama and Georgia. Finally, while a wide variety of services were cited during these interviews, almost everyone primarily uses or match. com for their online dating. (Note that, while this info is interesting and provides some context, this wasn’t a scientific survey in any sense. I just sat down with each person for conversations about their online dating experiences.) If you are of a certain age, you probably remember the days when “computer dating” was something that only the hopeless loser/nerd would attempt. And, if anyone found out, well, that was it for your reputation. But these days, online dating is simply a fact of life. Pretty much everyone does it. Only two of the younger people I interviewed were worried about teasing from their friends. But even then, Rachel and Leah both described it as “good natured” teasing. In many cases, online dating is now actually the preferred means for setting up dates. For example, if you meet someone through an online service and things don’t work out, you probably won’t ever have to see that person again. Contrast that with someone you date from work, school or church. You have to see that person on a regular basis and you just know the details of the whole thing are going to spread like wildfire.

Does it really work? It certainly seems to. More than half of the folks I interviewed had actually had one or more long-term (six months or longer) relationship as the result of online dating. Also, three of the people I interviewed, Lee, June and Mary, had actually gotten married as a result of online dates. (As mentioned earlier, June and Mary were recently married to each other. Lee has been married to Christine [who wasn’t interviewed for this article] for almost 10 years now.) Another measure of how successful online dating is might be measured in the number of non-romantic relationships that form as the result of online dates. Over and over during these interviews people would tell me about the friendships that had started, even though the romantic spark wasn’t there. According to Bob, for example, “Two of the women I met, there was no romantic interest there, but I’m still friends with them both years later. I consider them both sisters at this point.” Conceptually, online dating is simple. You sign up and fill out a questionnaire. You set up a profile with photos and information about yourself. Then you wait for other people to peruse your profile and send you emails, while you do the same. The key here is the information that everyone supplies. Time and again, people told me that the key to success with online dating is to “Be honest!” As Tina put it, “Don’t lie, unless you want to live with that lie.” Thomas put it another way, “If you lie about your looks, age or weight, you get found out pretty quickly when you show up for that first date. And then, why should I trust anything else you say?” So assuming everyone is honest with their profile and photos, that gives you a very powerful tool to weed out people

If you're looking for a partner that shares your own "specific interests," you can be assured that there's a dating site for every interest you can imagine, and a few you may wish were only imaginary.

that you simply have no chance of forming a relationship with. Don’t want to date a smoker? Filter them out. Only interested in people between 30 and 35 years old that don’t have kids? You can drill down to see just those folks. Movies and TV have painted a picture of the online dater as someone that goes on hundreds of dates and is constantly experiencing disasters when the other person shows up and isn’t what they advertised. But conducting these interviews, I found the exact opposite to be the case. The folks I spoke with seemed to go on just two or three online-originated dates per year, and for the most part, none of those was a “bad” date. In general, the ability to sift out people that don’t match your desires, combined with the ability to get to know them remotely (via email and online chat) before you meet them in person, seems to actually reduce the number

of dates that online daters go on, and it almost eliminates bad dates entirely. However, the above result does seem to be gender-specific. The women I talked to all want to spend a lot of time in the email/ online chat phase before moving things to the real world. This helps them cut down on bad dates, though it doesn’t prevent emails like the, “I want to strip you naked, cover you in honey and attack you like a hungry bear!” email that Tina once received. Men, on the other hand, are more likely to want to cut the email phase short and skip right to dinner and a movie. This seems to lead to a lot more of the “She was nothing like her pictures!” results that form the general opinion of online dating that the public has. The person with the most online dates of anyone I interviewed (40plus over 10 years), has had this happen to him. But, as he admitted, he was usually anxious to move things to the real world and got burned a few times because of it.

Advice for the online dater Is online dating for you? Well, only you know for sure. But it certainly seems to be better than the bar scene that I grew up with. If you think that you might like to try online dating, here’s some advice from the folks in the trenches: Mary: Guys, remember, girls get tons of messages. You have to stand out. But don’t be creepy. June: When you first contact someone, don’t be homophobic or include anything insulting to their identity. Tim: Be relaxed, don't have super high expectations, make it fun, see where it goes. Anna: Trust your instincts. If something seems off, don’t go further. Spelling counts! Bob: Approach people like you would in real life. Be respectful.

• "Specifically for singles with a mullet." • "This big playground is for furries and furry lovers to playing." • Meet other lovers of punk rock that are single and looking for love. • "Where you never have to feel alone, awkward, or a burden because you are gluten-free."

• "the internet's largest community for Adult Babies and Diaper lovers." • For those "who may feel unattractive or uncomfortable in their own skin." • "The most happening hippie dating site around." • "Where sober singles meet."

Be positive. Grammar counts. Meghan: Don’t mention sex before the third date (at least!). Be honest! Flaws are interesting. Riley: Meeting someone who isn't Mister or Miss Right on paper isn't a waste of your time—you might have fun or learn something. Rachel: Trust your instincts. Be as honest as possible. Nothing sexual in the first message! Leah: You don’t have to talk to anyone you don’t want to. Spelling and grammar are important!

Tina: Be careful! Don’t give out work or home information. Thomas: Remember, there’s another human being on the other end. Be kind.

• "Where all cat lovers meet and share their passion for cats." • "A place where you can meet the vampire, goth (or both...!) of your dreams." • A site where singles who are into...wait, I forgot.... • " The best Tall Dating Site in the world." • february 13-19, 2014 • The Pulse • 9


Marc T. Michael

Sonic Alchemist/Lyrical Marmoset Hap Henninger • Yes, that is a roach suit

Hap Henniger is his own musical man I had no idea what a weird and surreal journey I was embarking on when I sat down to interview Hap “Happy Feet” Henninger. A loquacious man of few words, Henninger is something of an enigma; shrouded in mystery, wearing a T-shirt. I had met musicians before who claimed to be chasing the psychedelic dragon but they generally turned out to be average, middle-class trust-fund types who managed to learn a few “obscure” Pink Floyd tunes like “Wish You Were Here” and “Comfortably Numb.” Not so this cat, who is by all accounts professionally weird. In truth, I have had the pleasure of meeting some incredibly talented musicians but rarely have I met one as eclectically talented as Hap “Happenstance” Henninger. Adept at all the usual rock ‘n roll instruments (guitar, bass, sousaphone, drums, keys) Hap additionally has a penchant for “found” instruments, including children’s toys and plain old junk and manages to coax some really interesting music from unlikely sources. He has also expressed an interest in circuitbending, an activity that mainly involves young people buying electronic devices and breaking them so that they sound like faulty electronic devices. Hap (from the Middle English for “an occurrence” and in current parlance a quilt or comforter) has an approach to music that one might describe as whimsical, if one were prone to using such words. His fundamentals are rock solid; he is as skilled a musician as anyone in the scene. But rather than lining up behind

honest music

some particular style or genre, Hap takes the far more daring (and potentially rewarding) path of experimentation, not so much testing the boundaries as refusing to acknowledge that there are boundaries. Let me be perfectly clear, I believe the preceding statement to be a fair and accurate description of Henninger’s work, but I must differentiate it from other so-called experimental artists in this fashion: It’s good. It is actually entertaining and rewarding, a very clear distinction from the 95 percent of experimental music that is more akin to a band of meth-addled gorillas deconstructing a hardware store. Through the use of multiple effects, toy keyboards, a good ol’ guitar and keen sense of sound, Henninger manages to tease the music out of what would otherwise be chaos—and the result is psychedelic music in the truest sense of the word. Indeed, having reviewed the demo Hap “Happy Go Lucky” Henninger provided

me with (appropriately recorded on an analog machine with a bad channel under less-than-ideal circumstances), I couldn’t help but recognize the kinship not only to Syd Barrett and the boys, but to elements of John Lennon, Jeff Beck and Steve Winwood in his Traffic days. His lyrics are… well, they sure are! Surreal at times, an occasional dip in to stream-of-consciousness and clever wordplay, Hap writes like a writer, a suspicion that was confirmed when he acknowledged he was a lyricist long before he learned to play guitar. If there is a single defining quality to Hap “Hap-Along-Cassidy” Henninger’s work, at least from my perspective, it is that underlying the soundscapes and “Beat era” lyrics there is a pervasive sense of…fun? Happy? I don’t doubt that the man has had bad days just like the rest of us, but whether by design or not, there is some positive, upbeat quality to his music that led me to use the word whimsical as a

description. Perhaps it is that as much as he clearly loves music, he refuses to take himself seriously, or maybe it’s just some indefinable quality of the man but I haven’t heard a Hap tune yet that didn’t make me smile, no matter what it was about. You want a classical comparison? Have a listen to Pink Floyd’s “Free Four,” as cheery a tune about growing old and dying as you’re ever likely to hear and probably Roger Waters’ most successful attempt at trying to sound like Hap. Although the discussion has been primarily about Hap’s solo work, it is worth noting that he is a founding member of the Owls, a current member of the Phugoids (with Robbie Bivin who is partnering with Mitch Wood at Soundscape Studios) and has recently embarked on a project with local artist Tony Mraz called

Charley Work, a group that is seemingly the love child of the work Frank Zappa did with Wild Man Larry Fischer. Actual “you can buy ’em” recording projects are in the works for most of Hap’s projects, but for the moment your best bet is to catch him live at JJ’s Bohemia or every Thursday at 9 p.m. at The Office, where he runs a “Hap-tastic” open mic (though many in the local community prefer to think of it as “Hap-tacular”). So listen up, kids, if you’ve had enough “singer/songwriters” crooning passionate tunes about deep observations most of us made before we were properly in our twenties, if you aren’t thrilled by angry guitar heroes who seem so annoyed to be on stage that they’re likely to start beating up audience members, and if you’re tired of covers, Hap “Hap” Henninger just might be for you.

local and regional shows

Kids From Across The Street [$5] Andy D, Golden Street Choir Boys, SoCro [$5]

Thu, Feb 13 Sat, Feb 15

9pm 9pm

Live Trivia every Sunday afternoon from 4-6pm Followed by Free Live Irish Music starting at 7pm

Full food menu serving lunch and dinner. 11am-2am, 7 days a week. 35 Patten Parkway * 423.468.4192 *

10 • The Pulse • february 13-19, 2014 •

Between the Sleeves

record reviews • ernie paik

Real Housewives of South London. And John Fogerty Post-punk revival, Creedence galore

Creedence Clearwater Revival Creedence Clearwater Revival (Fantasy)


nderstandably, the ubiquity of Creedence Clearwater Revival on oldies radio stations may lead people (including this writer for years) to simply not feel the need to dig any further; however, while the singles are rightfully in the spotlight, there are treasures beyond them. Despite being from northern California, CCR profoundly shaped Southern and country rock, and it’s sometimes easy to overlook how influential they were for other genres, too, including punk and grunge (Kurt Cobain was in a CCR cover band; before that, Minutemen covered at least four CCR songs.) The new 6-CD set features all seven studio albums, a disc of preCCR material and two live albums; music-wise, it’s identical to the 2001 set (down to the uncorrected 2-second drop-out in the live version of “Commotion”—unacceptable!) but with revised packaging and art. It’s pretty much all the CCR you need in one tidy package, and it provides the big picture while letting you delve into the details.

Housewives Housewives (Faux Discx)

And the big picture is this: John Fogerty may have been a control freak, musically, but that was a good thing. The pre-CCR material, from Tommy Fogerty & The Blue Velvets and The Golliwogs, is largely missing a spark, with Tom Fogerty as front man, with an exception being The Golliwogs’ standout “Fight Fire” (also featured on the must-own Nuggets garage rock compilation). Once John Fogerty took control and lead vocal duties, everything snapped into place. The opening cover of “I Put a Spell on You,” with John’s stirring and formidable vocal delivery, is one hell of an opener, and the band transforms the late’50s rockabilly number with insipid lyrics, “Suzie Q,” into a hypnotic and slithering 8-plus minute jam. The debut album began an incredible six-album run of superb full-lengths, with 1969 alone remarkably seeing the release of three (!) albums. Everyone knows the hits, but there are lesser-known riches galore, from the slow-burning “Effigy” or the charged rocka-

billy of “Don’t Look Now (It Ain’t You or Me)”; the biggest surprise for this writer was hearing CCR’s rare foray into “Revolution 9”-style musique concrète weirdness on the two-part “45 Revolutions Per Minute.” After 1970’s Pendulum, Tom departed, disgruntled, and perhaps spurred by this, John made the band more democratic, with bassist Stu Cook and drummer Doug Clifford now being equal contributors; this was CCR’s downfall, with the lackluster Mardi Gras being the result and CCR’s final album. The lesson here: recognize what genius is, and lead, follow or get out of the way.


here’s a pretty good chance that you will know if you will love or hate the South London band Housewives from the opening chord of its self-titled, debut EP, available on cassette and as a digital download; it’s a brazenly discordant repeated electric guitar chord—crunchy, audacious and distorted to the point where you

can hear sparks of overloaded digital clipping fly off the sonic welding torch. Yes, it seems that the post-punk and no-wave revivals are still going strong, generating music that harks back to the fertile late-’70s and early ’80s, with post-punk being punk’s weirder, more adventurous cousin and no-wave being the raw, misanthropic, atonal step-child. “In Camera” (surely a reference to the post-punk London band) brings to mind the group This Heat in certain ways, with its furious strumming, twists and turns and impersonal vocal delivery; a prickly guitar pattern gives way to a call-and-response exchange with a staccato bass and guitar skronking, followed by relentless pounding. “Medicine Bottle” is another high point, with persistent guitar stiletto stabs and a weird, warped meowfacsimile from one guitar, sounding like a terrorized kitten; it’s jittery, with a constant eruption of kinetic energy, ending with 25 seconds of an unrepentantly low-rent James Chance-minded sax solo. The final track “62426” has a small bit of early Devo herkyjerkiness and buzzing alarm interjections, ending with a satisfying, head-nod-inducing lurch that evokes industrial machinery with the sound of metal-on-metal grinding. This writer’s only complaint is regarding the vocals, which are a bit disinterested and mechanical; this is certainly a purposeful stylistic choice, but by far, the singing is the least interesting part of the band. Though sometimes wearying, revivalism is fine as long as it is done right, preferably when it fosters individuality rather than bandwagon-jumping bland uniformity. This writer is happy to report that Housewives is nu-no-wave done right, understanding that genre’s touchstones and capturing the listener’s interest through blunt-force trauma.



with The Floozies SUNDAY • FEBRUARY 16 DOORS @ 8PM • SHOW @ 9PM $18 ADVANCE • $20 DAY OF


with The Desert Dwellers TUESDAY • FEBRUARY 25 DOORS @ 7PM • SHOW @ 8PM $16 ADVANCE • $18 DAY OF


with Sierra Elizabeth Ferrell SATURDAY • MARCH 1 DOORS @ 7PM • SHOW @ 8PM $15 ADVANCE • $18 DAY OF MORE SHOWS @ TRACK29.CO

3 WAYS TO PURCHASE TICKETS TRACK29.CO • (423) 521-2929 BOX OFFICE OPEN 10AM - 6PM EVERY FRIDAY • february 13-19, 2014 • The Pulse • 11

Chattanooga Live


MUSIC CALENDAR The Communicators



The Bar-Kays
















THUrsday 2.13 "Feel It Thursday" jam session/open mic 5 p.m. Mocha's Restaurant and Music Lounge, 511 Broad St. (423) 531-4154 Red Bank Bluegrass Jam 6:30 p.m. Grace Church of the Nazarene, 6310 Dayton Blvd. (423) 877-9948, Songwriter Shootout 7 p.m. The Camphouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 7028081, Forever Bluegrass 7 p.m. Whole Foods Market, 301 Manufacturers Blvd. (423) 702-7300, Kids From Across The Street 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192, Battle of the Bands Finals 9 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533, Open Mic with Hap Henniger 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn) (423) 634-9191, facebook. com/theofficechatt Zoso: Ultimate Led Zeppelin 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644,

12 • The Pulse • february 13-19, 2014 •

DJ Puddin 9:30 p.m. Bud's Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 4999878, Black Mask, Unspoken Triumph 10 p.m. JJ's Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 2661400,

friday 2.14 Johnny Cash Tribute Show 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 2665000, Mike Phillips 7 p.m. Becky's Restaurant and Spirits, 2503 Westside Dr. (423) 485-3873 Cowboy Church of Cleveland Valentine's Day Concert 7 p.m. Cleveland Cowboy Church, 3040 Blythe Rd. Cleveland (423) 476-7936 River City Sessions 7 p.m. The Camphouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 7028081, Xsklusive 7 p.m. Mocha's Restaurant and Music Lounge, 511 Broad St. (423) 531-4154 Paul Smith and The Sky High Band 8 p.m. American Legion Post 81, 227 James Asbury Lane, Cleveland. (423) 4764451,

Mountain Opry 8 p.m. Walden's Ridge Civic Center, 2501 Fairmount Pike. (423) 886-3252 Gold Sparkle Band Reunion Show 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 6245347, Songbook: Love Songs 8 p.m. Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E MLK Blvd. (423) 266-8658, Priscilla & Lil Rickie 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 Broad St. (423) 424-3775, The Scarlet Love Conspiracy 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn) (423) 634-9191, facebook. com/theofficechatt Heartbreakers Ball 9 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533, Dr. Vibe's Valentine's Day Bash 9 p.m. Ziggys, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 265-8711 DJ Dubkitten 9 p.m. Images, 6505 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210 That 90's Love Show: The Communicators 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 2674644, Behold the Brave, Rigeletto, GPG 10 p.m. JJ's Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-

1400, Xsklusive 10 p.m. Mocha's Restaurant and Music Lounge, 511 Broad St. (423) 531-4154 Aunt Betty "She's A Rocker" 10 p.m. Bud's Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 4999878,

saturday 2.15 Husky Burnette 5 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533, Harrison Ruritan Club Bluegrass Jamboree 6 p.m. Harrison Ruritan Club, 5709 Tyner Lane. (423) 344-4828 Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, Coconut Room, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055, The Bar-Kays 7 p.m. Mocha's Restaurant and Music Lounge, 511 Broad St. (423) 531-4154 Zac Dylan 8 p.m. Pokey's Sports Bar, 918 Sahara Dr. Cleveland. (423) 476-6059 Steep Canyon Rangers 8 p.m. Track 29, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-4323, Brody Johnson Band 8:30 p.m. Phibbs Bar & Grille,

Chattanooga Live

901 Carter St (Inside Days Inn) 423-634-9191


The Whigs

Thursday, February 13: 9pm Open Mic with Hap Henninger Friday, February 14: 9pm The Scarlet Love Conspiracy Saturday, February 15: 10pm Jack Kirton Tuesday, February 18: 7pm Server/Hotel Appreciation Night

96 Fieldstone Village Dr., Rock Spring, Ga. (706) 3755400 Fateful Findings 8:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347, Cash Only 8:30 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Dr., Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 Priscilla & Lil Rickie 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 Broad St. (423) 424-3775, DJ "O" 9 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533, DJ Dubkitten 9 p.m. Images, 6505 Lee Hwy, (423) 855-8210 Freak Nasty Post Valentines Party: Andy D, Golden Street Choir Boys, Stoop Kids, soCro 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192, Convertibull 9:30 p.m. Angelo's Sports Bar, 810 Stuart Rd. NE, Cleveland. (423) 472-35582 Jack Kirton 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn) (423) 634-9191, The Whigs, Sharkweek 10 p.m. JJ's Bohemia, 231

E. MLK Blvd. (423) 2661400, The Velcro Pygmies 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 2674644, The Bar-Kays 10 p.m. Mocha's Restaurant and Music Lounge, 511 Broad St. (423) 531-4154 Aunt Betty 10 p.m. Bud's Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 4999878,

sunday 2.16 Disney Live! Mickey's Music Festival 2 p.m. UTC Mackenzie Arena, 720 E 4th St. (423) 266-6627, Southeastern Bluegrass Association Jam Session 2 p.m. Silverdale Cumberland Presbyterian, 7407 Bonny Oaks Dr. (423) 624-3063, Special Psychedelic Sunday 7 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 4684192, Special Psychedelic Sunday: Spirits and the Melchizedek Children! Medicine Tree 7 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 4684192, Blind Draw 9 p.m. Bud's Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd.

(423) 499-9878, DJ Spicolli 9 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533, DJ Dubkitten 9 p.m. Images, 6505 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210 Lettuce, The Floozies 9 p.m. Track 29, 1400 Market St. (423) 2664323, Smooth Dialects 10 p.m. JJ's Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 2661400,

monday 2.17 Jesse Lynch Jazz 101 7 p.m. Lee University Conn Center, 1053 Church St. SE, Cleveland TN (423) 614-8340 Music Monday at Pasha 7 p.m. Pasha Coffee & Tea, 3914 St Elmo Ave. (423) 475-5482 Big Band Night 7:30 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, Coconut Room, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055,

tuesday 2.18 DJ X'Phakder 6 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533, Ben Friberg Jazz Group 8 p.m. The Flying Squirrel

Bar, 55 Johnson St. (423) 602-5980, Open Mic with Mike McDade 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 2661996, Big Kitty, Desiondes 10 p.m. JJ's Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 2661400,

wednesday 2.19 Joel Blount 7 p.m. The Camphouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 7028081, Husky Burnette 9 p.m. Bud's Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 4999878, Pack of Wolves 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 2674644, The Average, Mister F, Shabati, Comedy Open Mic 10 p.m. JJ's Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 2661400, Dark Riders, One Timers, Generator Earth 10 p.m. Sluggo's, 501 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 752-5224 Map these locations on Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@

$5 Pitchers $2 Wells $1.50 Domestics ●

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks! Stop by & check out our daily specials! Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

Join us on Facebook



35 Wax an

zili a r B

s thi on off i t n 5 Me for $ d a

423-314-0403 • february 13-19, 2014 • The Pulse • 13


michael crumb

Fantastic and Future Chattacon’s art show blasts off

The recent Chattacon art show was expanded some over previous years, especially in regards to three-dimensional offerings. This show also offered a variety of both fantasy and science-fiction perspectives, so viewers were clearly stimulated, and a sense of excitement pervaded the room. Imagination drives innovation, and when imagination innovates, evolution occurs. Great art movements have been marked by significant differences in stylistic preservation. The well of the fantastic goes quiet deeply, and by definition, the fantastic seeks boundlessness. Returning artist Melissa Gay won third prize for professional fantasy, although her awarded work may not have been her best offerings. Her painting, “Cthulhy Nebula” may well have drawn tears of praise from Lovecraft himself, and her indefinite nude “Galatea Emerges” ought to be viewed in contemporary fine arts museums. Both these works surpass conceptual boundaries emblematic of fantastic play in inspired art. Major guest artist John Kaufman won first prize for science fiction with his painting “Mars Sunset.” This work has a sense of irony in that the usual science-fiction stance asks the viewer to look at something as if it were real, but Kaufman’s painting uses scientific data to show as closely as possible the actual view of a sunset on Mars. So scientific “Realism” stands out among fantasies. The more usual science fiction was presented by Ralph Ryan whose “Atmospheric Processors” won second prize for Professional Science Fiction. Twenty-three artists showed on the two-dimensional boards, and some of those also did threedimensional work. Also two “Collections” featured works for sale. Altogether more than can be easily discussed in these pages. However, they may be sought without much difficulty.

Although fine arts discussions often conflate with monetary values, practitioners of fantastic art often provide prints that are more affordable. Lubov Yeaudin returned with glicee prints. His fairy “At the Pond” charms. Of particular note, Paul Bielalzyl’s “Nightmare,” which had shown previously as a “not for sale” graphite and which eventually won a prestigious national art prize, returned as a print for purchase. Although this print is not an “exact” version of the original, the viewer may be assured that it packs sufficient punch. A very interesting twist on the “print” concept may be found in Kevin Dyer’s paper casts. He was awarded first prize for professional fantasy with a much-expanded inventory of paper castings. Evidently, once he creates a mold for his castings, he runs off other examples, like with prints or like foundries reproduce sculptures. However, Dyer’s castings also involve a painting process, so he can print each new cast differently. Thus, each new cast has a potentially unique look. Those who like depth in their hangings may want to check into Chattanooga artist Star Roberts. Her constructions combine elements into stimulating, unique integrations. Like a “poetry of things.” Her works suggest thoughts brought together. Kenneth Waters, another Chat-

14 • The Pulse • february 13-19, 2014 •

Professor Chang-E and her Amazing Moon Balloon! • Melissa Gay

Jets of Saturn • John E. Kaufman

tanooga artist returning to this show, evidently sold his drawings well. Also artist Mark Fults of Chattanooga presented his ink drawings, notably “Moon Yen.” Probably the best-selling artist of this show, Maria William returned with her bevy of Warrior

Girls prints in color and in black and white. Speculation aside, her work invites and engages. Regional artist Anita Moore won a third prize for professional three-dimensional work for her “Mystic Portal Howeling Rock Hill.” This is painted Styrofoam

with natural and artificial greens. This also works in two dimensions, and her painting “Skinny Dipping” was a welcome return for its casual ease and lovely balance of light colors. A kind of fetishistic fantasy emerged in Heather Kreiter’s twenty-plus “My Little Pony” occult characters. Apparently. her three-dimensional “plushy” versions sold out. Luke Eldridge brought threedimensional wire sculptures as both dioramas and as individual figures that he sold in the dealers’ room. These wire sculptures are posable, and their flexibility adds an interesting dimension to their sculptural character. Poppy Jackson was available in the dealers’ room to sign her novels. She has completed the second novel in her vampire trilogy. Jackson will soon graduate from CCS. A local vendor that presented in the dealers’ room, CC’s Antiques carries art prints, as well as a large inventory of comic books for reasonable prices. It’s good to know that Chattanoogans don’t necessarily have to wait for the conventions to arrive to be able to obtain “fantastic” works. Among other interesting artists, James W. Bruneau’s “Love” (acrylic and water, not for sale) stood out among his more commercial portraits of pop icons. Also notable, Robb Boros’ “Alternate Earth” also won a sci-fi fest. Theresa Mather presented small fairy works of very intricate efforts. On the other end of the spectrum, Danny Parsons won a second prize in three-dimensional art for a found-object design figure—elegant. Clearly, the inventiveness of these artists embraced a wide variety of media as well as diverse concepts. Inspiration can strike like lightning, and the boards that supported Melissa Gay’s work seemed a tad scorched.



Behind Eternally Closed Doors Sartre’s “No Exit” is back from the dead


ell is other people.” That most famous quote from Jean-Paul Sartre’s 1944 play “No Exit” has been bandied about for 70 years—but most people have never had the chance to see the work onstage. Which, according to Gaye Jeffers, is one of the main reasons the UTC theatre department decided to stage it this season.

It’s not a museum piece at all. It’s about people who are broken, and who are breaking away from their concepts of themselves.”

“It’s required reading in quite a few disciplines,” she says, “but no one on the faculty had actually seen it. We decided it would be interesting to bring the fables that are attached to it to life. Get past the philosophy and play the real people.” According to biographical sources, “No Exit” was one of the works in the French philosopher’s massive catalog that he was most proud of. The story is simple: Three people are ushered into a mysterious space by a mysterious “valet”. Two things quickly become obvious: They’re all dead, and they are going to be

trapped in this place forever. The play has been the inspiration for everything from a classic “Twilight Zone” episode to (some claim) the final episode of “Seinfeld.” But Sartre’s almost mythic status as an intellectual can intimidate possible playgoers into believing they would be in for an evening of mindboggling theory-spinning. Nothing, could be farther from the truth, says Jeffers. “It’s not a museum piece at all. It’s about people who are broken, and who are breaking away from their concept s of themselves.” Of the young actors playing “No Exit’’s four characters, “two had read the play, one in the original French, and the other two had only heard of it,” before coming to rehearsal, Jeffers says. She notes the rehearsal schedule itself had been shortened because of the play’s short length—“but we found that it was really

exhausting. The three people are onstage constantly and it requires a tremendous amount of focus and concentration. The actors got to know each other very well very quickly.” Jeffers is using the Paul Bowles translation, which she finds more actor-friendly, and is not downplaying the play’s overt sexual references. The visual style is taking cues from the 1940s, but the lighting and set design “open up the play in a visual way,” she says, creating interactions with the audience. Asked who, in her opinion, the Valet is, she responds, “He’s a games player. Only he has all the answers and he enjoys being that person. He’s menacing, but funny… we have slightly exaggerated his look, but we are not putting any specific identifier on him. He looks like a bellboy with fuzzy hair.” Most importantly, Jeffers

says, she’d like people to think of playwright Sartre as a real person, and imagine the circumstances under which he was creating this play: occupied Paris. “Think about all that he was living through in the last days of World War II. The death, the destruction… questioning the basis of existence. Trying to make sense of a world in chaos,” she says. And of course, he did have a wicked sense of humor, she reminds us, “even when we’re not in hell.” Above all, Sartre insists that art, philosophy and life must be approached with an “active mind. You will have to do a little bit of seeking on your own.” “No Exit” 7:30 p.m. Feb. 13, 14, 15, 2 p.m. Feb. 15. UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. $12 ($10 students with ID). (423) 425-4269, • february 13-19, 2014 • The Pulse • 15

A “Best Scenic View”

Arts & Entertainment

EVENTS CALENDAR "Sherlock" Episode Screening

CSO "Big Band Fever"

Southern Living, Reader’s Choice Awards

THUrsday 2.13

for more info call 706.820.2531

Each Season, New Reason! For less than the cost of two single admissions to Rock City, you can come back again and again... for FREE!

Art After School: Session Two 4:30 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View Ave. (423) 267-0968, 2nd Annual "Hearts & Hops" Event: An Evening at River Gallery 5 p.m. River Gallery, 400 E. Second St. (423) 2655033, “Created Equal: America's Civil Rights Struggle” 6 p.m. Chattanooga Downtown Library, 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310 Camp Chair Traveler: Chattanooga's Wild Caves 6 p.m. Outdoor Chattanooga, 200 River St. (423) 643-6888, Chinese Art Workshop 7 p.m. Uptown Art, 2 Cherokee Blvd., Ste. 100. (423) 602-8580, uptownart. com/chattanooga “The Vagina Monologues” 7 p.m. University Center, UTC, 642 E. 5th St. "The Odd Couple" 7 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8538, Uncensored: Tennessee Aquarium After Hours 7 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (423) 4029960, "No Exit"

16 • The Pulse • february 13-19, 2014 •

7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4371, “Roadkill Confidential” 7:30 p.m. Theater for the New South, Tanner Hill Gallery, 3069 S. Broad St. (423) 2807182, Landry 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 6292233,

friday 2.14 Tennessee Valley Railroad Valentine's Dinner Train Excursions 5:30 p.m. Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum, 4119 Cromwell Rd. Valentine's Day at DeBarge Winery 6 p.m. DeBarge Winery, 1617 Rossville Ave. (423) 710-8426 Valentines Day Date Night Painting 7 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Terrace, East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, “The Vagina Monologues” 7 p.m. University Center, UTC, 642 E. 5th St. Brewhaus Share the Love Beer Dinner 7 p.m. Brewhaus, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 531-8490 Happy Valentines Day: Couples Field Landscape Workshop 7 p.m. Uptown Art, 2 Cherokee Blvd., Ste. 100.

(423) 602-8580, uptownart. com/chattanooga Valentine's Day Dinner Cruise 7 p.m. Southern Belle Riverboat, 201 Riverfront Pkwy. (800) 766-2784, “Roadkill Confidential” 7:30 p.m. Theater for the New South, Tanner Hill Gallery, 3069 S. Broad St. (423) 2807182, Landry 7:30, 9:45 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233, CSO “Big Band Fever” 7:30 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 642-TIXS, "No Exit" 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4371, Gold Sparkle Band 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 6245347. “The Odd Couple” 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8538, “The Curious Savage” 8 p.m. Signal Mountain Playhouse, Rolling Way & James Blvd., Signal Mountain. (423) 886-5243 "On the Verge" 8 p.m. Covenent College, 14049 Scenic Hwy., Lookout Mountain, Ga.

Romance at Ruby 8 p.m. Ruby Falls, 1720 S. Scenic Hwy. (423) 821254, Tenneessee Valley Pride/ Chattanooga CARES Event 9 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 5171839,

saturday 2.15 “The Path from Africa to America: Tracing Your Roots” 10 a.m. Chattanooga Public Library, 1001 Broad St., (423) 757-5310, Bob's Bootcamps at the Tivoli Center 11 a.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 642-TIXS, Great Horned Owl Information Session 11 a.m. Chattanooga Arboretum and Nature Center, 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160, Valentine's Day Sweetheart Luncheon 1 p.m. Southern Belle Riverboat, 201 Riverfront Pkwy. (800) 766-2784, Chattanooga Music Teachers Association Cooperative Recital 2, 3:30 p.m. Cadek Conservatory Recital Hall, 725 Oak St. Chattanooga. (423) 425-4624 "No Exit" 2 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center,

Arts & Entertainment

EVENTS CALENDAR "Romeo & Juliet"

"Fateful Findings"

Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4371, Awesome Opossum Information Session 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Arboretum and Nature Center, 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160, Sherlockians Unite! Sherlock Episode Screening 2:30 p.m. Northgate Branch: Chattanooga Public Library, 278 Northgate Mall. (423) 870-0635 Learning Rx Brain Ninja Games Day 3:30 p.m. Learning Rx 2040 Hamilton Place Blvd., Suite 780 Variety Dance 7 p.m. Teamsters Union Hall, 4431 Bonny Oaks Dr. Landry 7 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 6292233, Beach Workshop 7 p.m. Uptown Art, 2 Cherokee Blvd. Ste. 100. (423) 602-8580, uptownart. com/chattanooga The Kiss Workshop 7 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Terrace, East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, CSO “Big Band Fever” 7:30 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 642-TIXS, "The Color Purple" 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga,

5900 Brainerd Rd. (423) 987-5141, "No Exit" 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4371, “Roadkill Confidential” 7:30 p.m. Theater for the New South, Tanner Hill Gallery, 3069 S. Broad St. (423) 2807182, “The Curious Savage” 8 p.m. Signal Mountain Playhouse, Rolling Way & James Blvd., Signal Mountain. (423) 886-5243 “The Odd Couple” 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8538, Romance at Ruby 8 p.m. Ruby Falls, 1720 S. Scenic Hwy. (423) 821254, MES Presents: “Fateful Findings” 8:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. Stand-Up Comedy: Mikey Mason 10:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 5171839,

sunday 2.16 “Romeo And Juliet” (film of Broadway production) 2 p.m., multiple venues.

“The Odd Couple” 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8538. "The Color Purple" 2:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 5900 Brainerd Rd. (423) 987-5141, Wize Old Owl Workshop 6 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Terrace, East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, “The Dreamer: A Tribute to Nelson Mandela and Dr. Martin Luther King” 6 p.m. Metropolitan Tabernacle, 2102 W. Shepherd Rd. “Roadkill Confidential” 7:30 p.m. Theater for the New South, Tanner Hill Gallery, 3069 S. Broad St. (423) 2807182, Landry 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233,

monday 2.17 Spring Tree Workshop 7 p.m. Uptown Art, 2 Cherokee Blvd., Ste. 100. (423) 602-8580, uptownart. com/chattanooga “Romeo And Juliet” (film of Broadway production) 7 p.m. Multiple venues.

tuesday 2.18 Free Film Screening: “The Loving Story” 6:30 p.m. Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-8658, “Romeo And Juliet” (film of Broadway production) 7 p.m. Multiple venues. Red or White Workshop 7 p.m. Uptown Art, 2 Cherokee Blvd., Ste 100. (423) 602-8580, “Religion, Sex, and Politics: An American History” 7 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081,

Named “One of the Ten Most Incredible Cave Waterfalls on Earth”

World Reviewer

wednesday 2.19 “Romeo And Juliet” (film of Broadway production) 7 p.m. Multiple venues. Funky Cross Workshop 7 p.m. Uptown Art, 2 Cherokee Blvd., Ste. 100. (423) 602-8580,

Map these locations on Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@

423.821.2544 • february 13-19, 2014 • The Pulse • 17

Free Will Astrology Saving Mobile Lives

1906 Gunbarrel Rd. 423-486-1668

(Next to GiGi’s Cupcakes)

M-F 10am-7pm Sat: 11a-4pm Closed Sunday

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Do you feel oppressed by Valentine’s Day? Maybe you’re single and reject the cultural bias that says being in an intimate relationship is the healthy norm. Or maybe you’re part of a couple but are allergic to the cartoonish caricatures of romance that bombard you during the Valentine marketing assault. If you’d rather consecrate love and intimacy in your own unique way, untainted by the stereotypes flying around, I invite you to rebel. Make this the year you overthrow the old ways and start a new tradition: Valentine’s Day 2.0. Mock sappy, sentimental expressions of romance even as you carry out futuristic experiments in radically slaphappy love. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “I have come to be fascinated with the messiness of desire,” writes novelist Ashley Warlick, “with the ways people fit themselves together, take themselves apart for each other, for want of each other, for want of some parts of each other.” Your assignment, Pisces, is to celebrate the messiness of desire; to not just grudgingly accept it as an inconvenience you’ve got to tolerate, but rather to marvel at it, be amused by it, and appreciate it for all the lessons it provides. Your motto this Valentine season could be, “I bless the messy largesse of my longing.” ARIES (March 21-April 19): In her TED talk, science writer Mary Roach made it clear that human beings don’t need genital stimulation to experience orgasms. She spoke of a woman who routinely reaches ecstatic climax by having her eyebrows caressed, and another woman who reaches the big O simply by brushing her teeth. Then there’s the woman who can simply think herself into coming, no physical touch necessary. I can’t guarantee that a similar aptitude will suddenly turn on in you, Aries, but the coming days could bring you as close as you have ever been. Right now you’re a connoisseur of deep pleasure— a blessed bliss master.

330 Frazier Ave. Suite 116 Chattanooga, Tennessee (423) 266-6661

rob brezsny

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “The fact that someone else loves you doesn’t rescue you from the project of loving yourself,” writes blogger Sahaj Kohli. Nothing else rescues you from that quest, ei-

18 • The Pulse • february 13-19, 2014 •

blessed with either of those experiences, here’s a third alternative: that you cherish your fathomless longing for its own sake, feeling wonder and reverence for its wild power even if it’s unfulfilled.

ther, I would add. Sooner or later, whether it’s now or 20 years in the future, you will have to master this fine art. It’s not enough to merely feel affection for yourself; not enough to seek pleasure and avoid pain. You’ve got to make extensive investigations to discover what it means to love yourself; you have to develop rigorous plans for how to accomplish it; and you must fire up a deep commitment as you actually carry out those plans. By the way, the coming weeks will be an excellent time to work on mastering this fine art. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “Drunk with my madness, I shouted at him furiously, ‘Make life beautiful! Make life beautiful!’” So says a character in a prose poem by Charles Baudelaire. And now, even though I am neither drunk nor furious nor consumed with madness, I am whispering the same command to you. I hope you will respond by embarking on a heroic effort to make life beautiful everywhere you go. The astrological omens suggest that if you do, you will be inundated with practical blessings that are as valuable as money. This will also be an excellent way to drum up the kind of love you crave. CANCER (June 21-July 22): Here’s what I wish for you during the Valentine season: to be happily in love with an intimate partner who loves you back. If that’s not feasible, here’s what I hope: that you are learning provocative lessons about yourself through your growth-inducing relationship with a close ally. And if you’re not

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Making eye contact is essential for building potent links with people you care about. It bypasses rational thought, stimulating chemical reactions in your bodies that enhance empathy and intimacy. In practicing the art of love, it’s one of the most potent moves you can make. This Valentine season would be an excellent time for you Leos to explore the frontiers of what’s possible through prolonged eye contact. Start here: Cultivate a sincere desire to know what’s simmering inside the souls of your dearest allies. With that as your driving force, your gaze won’t be clouded by shyness or self-consciousness. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “I prefer an ecstatic orgasm to a lot of angst,” says Filipino artist David Medalla. I hope you consider making that your battle cry during this Valentine season. It would be in rapt harmony with the current cosmic omens. There really is no need for you to get sidelined by anxiety or distracted by stress when the natural remedy is so easily available. In every way you can imagine, Virgo, fight off sourness and dourness by engaging in acts of joy and pleasure. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In her poem “Implications of One Plus One,” Marge Piercy marvels at the way she and her long-term partner keep finding new nuances in their love-making. “Ten years of fitting our bodies together / and still they sing wild songs in new keys,” she writes. What’s their secret? It’s “timing, chemistry, magic and will and luck.” What I wish for you this Valentine season, Libra, is that you will have access to all five of those ingredients as you reinvigorate your relationship to love. More importantly—based on the current cosmic omens—I predict you will have access to them. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Jesuit priest Pedro Arrupe touted the practical value of being totally in love. “What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything,” he said. “It will

decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.” Are you in love, Scorpio? With either a person, a beloved animal, a certain patch of land, your creative work, or life itself? If not, there’s no excuse! Astrologically speaking, it’s an excellent time for you to be stupendously in love with someone or something—anything! If you are already in this state, trust your intuition to make it even smarter and finer. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Borrowing the words of Rumi (translated by Coleman Barks), I’ve prepared a love note for you to use as your own. Give it to a person whose destiny needs to be woven more closely together with yours: “You are the sky my spirit circles in, the love inside love, the resurrection-place.”Would you like even more inspirational words to deliver to your chosen one? I hope so. Be greedy for lyrical bonding. Lust for springy intimacy. Feed your churning yearning. Try saying this, lifted from the book The Last Unicorn: “We are two sides of the same magic.” And be sure to say this, paraphrased from Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh: “I love you in a way that will always make you feel free.” CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “People think a soul mate is your perfect fit,” says author Elizabeth Gilbert. “But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back . . . They tear down your walls and smack you awake. . . shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you . . . transform your life.” Does that sound like the kind of person you want in your life, Capricorn? Or do you prefer someone who likes what you like, appreciates you just as you are, and makes your life more secure and comfortable? This Valentine season is a good time to make or renew your commitment to one choice or the other. Whatever you decide, you’re likely to experience it on a richer, deeper level during the next 12 months. Homework: Write yourself a nice long love letter. Send a copy to me if you like:


rich bailey

Enter The Unicorns The Center Centre is a school whose time is now Chattanooga's entrepreneurial ecosystem is about to get a serious population increase, with the opening of a downtown school for unicorns. Talk about your charismatic megafauna! But it won't be My Little Pony meets Harry Potter at the Center Centre. That's the name Leslie JensenInman and her cofounder Jared Spool chose for a new school whose first program will be a two-year degree in "user experience design and technology." She explains that design and technology generalists who can work in user experience (UX) design are so rare and highly prized that they are called unicorns in the web world. "It's hard to find these mythical magical creatures that have a holistic mix of design skills, research skills, content strategy, business savvy, leadership and software development, but these kinds of design generalists are really important within a company," she says. "We are focused on creating industry-ready designers who can, on day one of getting a job in a professional setting, jump in and be an asset to the company without a whole bunch of onboarding." "Unicorn Institute" was the working nickname that became the real name for the yearlong research project that led to the creation of the "Center Centre."

Combining both the American and global spellings is an inclusive shout out to the rest of the world and a reminder that user experience is at the center of most businesses now. Although a school was the goal of the research project—which surveyed companies that are heavy users of unicorns, including Sears, JPMorgan Chase, Marriott, Bloomberg,, GE and others—it was important to keep the two separate until the Tennessee Higher Education Commission (THEC) gave its approval for the school, which it now has done. With competing goods and services sold more every day via web sites and mobile devices, user experience is a key competitive tool, and nationwide there are 150,000 unfilled jobs for UX designers. "GE told us they'd like to hire every single designer we could produce," says Jensen-Inman. "All of these people, they just don't want to hire one person, they want to hire lots." Jensen-Inman is a design educator who has worked on an inter-

national level to write curriculum and raise the standards for this type of education. Jared Spool has had a UX design firm for 25 years. Both were frustrated—she with the lack of real-world design opportunities for her students, he with the lack of qualified designers to help his clients realize the plans he could help them conceive. Together, they designed an innovative curriculum that combines direct interaction with world-class industry experts every three weeks, short-term school projects individually designed by facilitators for each student's background and needs, designing longer-term projects for real companies and nonprofits and doing build out for those projects in collaboration with professionals. With THEC approval in hand now, Jensen-Inman and Spool launched a Kickstarter campaign to fund course design, which met its $21,700 goal in three hours. Jensen-Inman is hoping to reach her Kickstarter stretch goal of $112,000 by the Feb. 22 deadline. That would allow the school to hire its first three faculty members and admit its first cohort of 36 students this fall. She hopes to expand rapidly, reaching 400-500 students in five years. The school currently has

Design and technology generalists who can work in user experience (UX) design are so rare and highly prized that they are called unicorns in the web world.

enough office and teaching space for that first cohort. As it grows, rather than one large campus, she envisions separate locations around downtown of about 7,000 square feet for each group of 36 students and three facilitators. "We can help bring life here," she says. "We can help bring foot traffic, and our students will get the benefit of being around professionals and being accessible to other companies that hopefully will work with us to help mentor students and that need UX downtown."

She also sees the Center Centre—particularly the opportunities it creates for unaffiliated professionals to interact with its expert speakers—as creating another inducement for professionals to relocate here. "If I'm a web person I can live anywhere in the world," she says. "Why wouldn't I live in a place with a great cost of living, great people, great atmosphere, the fastest Internet and where I can get an injection of professional development every three weeks?" With just over a week left in the Kickstarter campaign and more backers from Malaysia and the United Kingdom than from Chattanooga, Jensen-Inman hopes to get 1,500 contributions—at any level—from locals. Even contributors of as little as $1 will get their names on a Great Wall of Thanks in the school's headquarters. "It's not about the bucks, it's about the backers," she says. "It's very cool that people from all over the world are supporting this and they understand the importance of UX education. It would be really neat to tell the rest of the world that Chattanooga supports it, too." For more information on the Kickstarter campaign, visit

Learning Working giving This is the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers Local 175. Connecting Chattanooga for more than 100 years. • february 13-19, 2014 • The Pulse • 19


john devore

Free Willie—and All the Rest “Blackfish” spotlights exploitation of orcas


lackfish,” a documentary about captive killer whales, premiered at Sundance more than a year ago. It has steadily grown in reputation and notoriety, as more and more people became aware of the issues surrounding the capture, training and lives of these visually striking and social marine animals.

‘Blackfish’ presents a strong case against captivity—one that has resonated with the world and may bring change to an entire industry.”

Through distribution by Magnolia and CNN Films, “Blackfish” has been able to reach a much wider audience than most documentaries—even important environmental films like the Oscar-nominated “Gasland” haven’t developed the same sort of following. Part of this might be that the anti-fracking film does have a definite political lean and there are plenty in the country that are more than willing to protect business interests over water quality. The two sides are very evenly defined. “Blackfish” is something different. The innate beauty of these animals and the com-

20 • The Pulse • february 13-19, 2014 •

pelling evidence against their captivity casts a dark shadow over the popular “Shamu” style shows at places like SeaWorld. As the film progresses, SeaWorld looks more and more like a three-ring circus that exists only to exploit these animals for financial gain. Whether this is the whole picture is up for debate. Animals like the orca are easy to personify, given their social nature and majestic behaviors, and projecting ourselves into the psyche of a wild animal doesn’t necessarily make that view reality. Still, the film makes a clear and complex argument that outlines the danger inherent in the training of orcas. There is a certain irony to the fact that the presence of these animals in parks and aquariums was the catalyst behind a deeper understanding of their minds and behavior, which indicates that there

is much more behind their black-and-white faces than previously thought. “Blackfish” presents a strong case against captivity—one that has resonated with the world and may bring change to an entire industry. In the wild there has never been a recorded attack on a human by a killer whale. Despite the fearsome name, orcas are friendly, playful, and curious about humans in the water. It’s this very behavior that makes the animal prime material for training. But as the film presents, the captive environment is very different from the wild. Orcas are very large, very social, and very intelligent. The film argues that each pod has its own “dialect” and mixing individuals from different pods causes confusion and stress among the animals. Add to that the small enclosures, the disregard for the social need of the whales, and the shortened life spans of killer whales in captivity, it becomes evident that these animals do not belong in tanks. The film focuses on one whale, Tilikum, a male captured in the waters of Iceland in 1983. His youth, energy, and size made him a wonderful attraction, and as a result Tilikum took up residence in a small marine park in Washington state. The film outlines the abuse Tilikum suffered from the other whales in the park, the long nights spent in a small dark cell, the challenges of living in the environment due to his size, and ultimately his involvement in a fatal attack on a young trainer. A After the death at Sealand of the Pacific, the park closed and Tilikum was sold to Sea World. Despite the danger, he

was incredibly valuable as a breeding male. The trainers at the Sea World were never told of the attack. Part of what makes the film so stark is the interviews with former SeaWorld trainers. These are passionate people, who love marine life and want to protect it, but have little to no say over what happens to these animals that they care for. Animals are moved from one park to the other, loaned out like pieces of art, with no regard for the stress that breaking social bonds can cause. The trainers state that the animals grieve, deeply and visibly, when their calves are taken from them and moved to different parks (the majority of theme park orcas in the world were born in captivity). This issue alone raises questions about how these animals are treated. The film carefully lays out these facts, one after another, suggesting that the effect of these combined injustices eventually cause the animals to turn violent and unpredictable. The evidence is hard to deny. Humans tend have a very narrow view of sentience. It’s hard to say what exactly it is and how it is measured. We think that we have it and animals don’t simply because we can’t prove otherwise. Perhaps consciousness is more of a spectrum rather than a binary state. If that’s the case, we should examine our relationship with animals more closely. Creatures like Tilikum deserve better. Blackfish Cast: Tilikum, Kim Ashdown, Jeffrey Ventre, Samantha Berg Director: Gabriela Cowperthwaite

Jonesin’ Crossword


matt jones

"All Together Now" --be part of the group.


© 2013 SketchCrowd, LLC /

Across 1 Ready to go 4 Running jokes 8 Hemmed in? 12 Sat for a portrait 14 Foot or furlong 15 Certain Fed 16 QUERY, PART 1 19 I-5 or I-95 20 Ginormous 21 Player who cannot be a DH 22 QUERY, PART 2 27 Swallowed hard 28 Make a selection 29 Graffiti ID 30 Hot tempers 31 Went after 33 Go back, like the tide 34 QUERY, PART 3 38 Au ___ (roast beef order) 41 Oscar winner Jeremy 42 Drunken utterances

46 Long ending? 47 Rabbit food? 48 Affectedly trendy 50 QUERY, PART 4 54 Gin mills 55 Just slightly 56 Casual dress day, for short 57 LAST PART OF QUERY 61 500 sheets of paper 62 Brickmaking need 63 Shopaholic's binge 64 Franklin and Folds 65 ___ a one (zero) 66 Avg. Down 1 Stuff on a kitten's underbelly (because awwwww....) 2 Getty of "The Golden Girls" 3 Typo often mocked online 4 Try to answer a riddle

5 Loos who wrote "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" 6 Soldiers, for short 7 Hold firm to a decision 8 Throat problem, in brief 9 Abu Dhabi or Dubai 10 Ball of cotton 11 180 degrees from SSW 12 It's eaten in Eastern Europe 13 1990s R&B group Bell Biv ___ 17 See 32-Down 18 River that flows past Omaha 23 ___ facto 24 Childhood taboos 25 Metered vehicle 26 CIA Cold War counterpart 31 Perch for a chicken 32 With 17-Down, "Atlas

Shrugged" author 35 Scheming operatic barber 36 "Breaking Bad" star Bryan 37 Prisoner's knife 38 Prominent Jay Leno feature 39 "Eww, gross!" 40 Tofu base 43 Winter project in the Arctic, maybe 44 Mapped out 45 Gary of "Forrest Gump" and "CSI: NY" 48 Shabby ___ 49 More than dislikes 51 Settles down 52 Communion item 53 Piano key wood 57 Crystal ball, for example 58 Payment for services 59 Eggs, in the lab 60 Vinyl spinners

Copyright © 2014 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0662 • february 13-19, 2014 • The Pulse • 21

On the Beat

alex teach

St. Valentine Meets St. Ides Officer Alex fondly recalls his first V-Day on the job I was still in training the first time I worked a Valentine’s Day shift. Had I been in a relationship at the time I may have even recognized the day on the calendar, but back then it was as stimulating as Presidents’ Day or Columbus Day as far as I was concerned. so I neither knew nor cared.

‘Even the little crack pipes with tiny flowers in them at the Golden Gallon counters finally have meaning for once,’ he said.

Being in training, it was the equivalent of a civilian ride-along but with two crucial differences: I had to wear an outfit that resembled a 1970s-era gas station attendant (replete with light blue polyester collars whose points nearly touched the shirt pockets), and I was ordered to do it on my own time…also known as “for free”. Luck of the draw placed me in East Chattanooga on midnight shift (a place I’d get to know fondly as my career moved forward) with a five-year veteran who was neither a training officer nor a pleasant man, but what was the difference? We were both prisoners, but for me it was only one night, whereas for him it was his tenth day of a 12-day shift. He had to clean out his passenger seat to make room for me, a maddening inconvenience for even a remotely pleasant cop, which he was not. He did so without saying a word, and only regarded me once we had fueled up what was literally the oldest police car to begin our journey into darkness. (I’m speak-

ing literally: That place is DARK at night.) “Bad enough I gotta work Valentine’s Day,” he said without looking. “Now I gotta work it with you in th’ car. Nothing personal, but this is just bullshit.” (He pronounced “bull” as “bool”.) I did not contest his opinions. He continued on without need of my input: “Every year, it starts off with glossy pink jewelry ads in the papers and folk selling plastic roses with blinking lights inside ’em… even the little crack pipes with tiny flowers in them at the Golden Gallon counters finally have meaning for once,” he said, as I tried to keep my feet from sliding around on what appeared to be a stop sign bolted to the floor to cover a rusted hole. “But it always ends with a fight. No-count asses smoking up the jewelry money away, or just plain forgetting what day it is and their ol’ ladies firing them up with a mop or some shit… whatever. &#% Valentine’s Day.” I nodded thoughtfully, but kept my mouth shut. (I was positively thick with self-preservation and common sense…then.) The shift had begun at 10:15 p.m. and true to his word, as the hours progressed, so did the blood alcohol content of the indigenous peoples, and thus the domestics started rolling in.

Chow Beeps The Pulse

A guy on Taylor Street accidentally switched his girlfriend’s present with his wife’s; the wife found the girlfriend, the husband got between them, and ended up being savagely beaten by the both of them for his troubles. A woman on North Hawthorne had a ring given to her just six hours earlier stolen by her sister. On and on this went until 3:30 a.m. or so, when we were dispatched to a domestic disorder with a knife on Camden Street, and we arrived in time to see a woman staggering across her yard swinging a long boning knife back and forth as if swatting at flies. (Unfortunately for her backwards-walking husband, he was the fly.) The knife was of such quality that during one of her swings the actual knife blade flew out of its handle, sparkling in its arcing descent into a nearby rosebush. Such was the quality of her intoxication, however, she didn’t even notice this…but her husband did, and went from raising his arms defensively to placing one powerful punch solidly to her forehead. I’m not sure what I expected to happen next, but what I did not expect to happen was for her to look stupidly at the empty handle for a moment, then vomit explosively

from a standing position. And the officer I was riding with? He just laughed and laughed, then stood over her where she had fallen and said “That St. Ides is a BITCH, ain’t it?!” (I noticed the empty 40-oz. bottle on the porch about that time.) She went to jail and I went home…but I remember even now thinking this can’t possibly be what the job is like. I was wrong. It is. And he was right: That St. Ides is a bitch. Happy Valentine’s Day, Constant Readers. (Epilogue: That cop later quit and became a successful C.P.A. in Cleveland, TN. And a few years ago, that may have surprised me too.) When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at www.

MORE MONEY FOR YOUR GOLD! CHATTANOOGA’S #1 GOLD BUYER wants to give you MONEY for your jewelry! Get paid TOP-DOLLAR just like Rick’s thousands of satisfied customers!

WWW.RICKDAVISGOLDANDDIAMONDS.COM Keep up to date with the latest restaurant specials, deals and more

Follow us on Twitter @chowbeeps 22 • The Pulse • february 13-19, 2014 •

RICK DAVIS GOLD & DIAMONDS 5301 Brainerd Rd at McBrien Rd • 423.499.9162

Healthy, Freshly Prepared, Incredible Paninis, Salads, Soups & Entrees Dine-in Take Out Catering Online Ordering

Music for Chattanooga’s Coolest Generation Fresh To Order, Chattanooga 1919 Gunbarrell Rd. Suite103 Chattanooga, TN 37421 423.826.5000 • february 13-19, 2014 • The Pulse • 23



747.01.14 Massage Envy FULL

A Valentine gift for the body, from the heart. A Valentine gift for the body, from the heart. Send all the right messages with Massage Envy Spa gift cards. Good for massages, facials and a stress-free Valentine’s Day. Ready to gift at your local Massage Envy Spa.


99 Introductory 1-hour



massage session*



99 Introductory 1-hour Murad®


Healthy Skin facial session*

Valentine’s Valentine’s Week Special! Week Specials 98 Valentine’s Couples 02-10-14 thru $ . Massage or Facial 02-16-14 Send all the right messages with Massage Envy Spa gift cards.


Includes a 1-hour massage or facial and gifts

Good for massages, facials and a stress-free Valentine’s Day. Ready to gift at your local Massage Envy Spa.



$ 1-hour $ 99 Introductory 99 l the right messages with Massage Envy Spa gift cards. massage session*

Introductory 1-hour Murad® Healthy Skin facial session*

FRAZIER - NORHSHORE Special! Couples Introductory 1-hour Murad® 98 Valentine’s 99 Introductory 3451-hour Frazier Avenue,$49 Suite 10899 78 Massage or Facial massage session* Healthy Skin facial session* Includes a 1-hour massage or facial and gifts Next to Regions Bank Valentine’s Week Special! Valentine’s Couples $ (423) 757-2900 78(423)98757-2900 Massage or Facial .


massages, facials and a stress-free Valentine’s Day. gift at your local Massage Envy Spa. Valentine’s Week

ne’s ecials thru 14

Valentine’s Week Specials 02-10-14 thru 02-16-14



FRAZIER - NORHSHORE 345 Frazier Avenue, Suite 108 . Next to Regions Bank Includes a 1-hour massage or facial and gifts (423) 757-2900 Convenient Hours · Franchises Available Open 7 Days: M-F 8am-10pm, Sat 8am-6pm, Sun 10am-6pm Convenient Hours · Franchises Available Open 7 Days: M-F 8am-10pm, Sat 8am-6pm, Sun 10am-6pm

ls. Rates and services may vary by location. Not all Massage Envy locations are licensed to offer facial services. Check with r see Each locations is independently owned and operated. ©2013 Massage Envy Franchising, LLC.

Exclusively featuring


Exclusively Murad featuring ® Exclusively featuring

clinic for details. Rates and services may vary by location. Not all Massage Envy locations are licensed to offer facial services. Check with - NORHSHORE *See *See clicnilocation c for detaiorlssee . Rates and services mayEach varylocations by locatioisn.independently Not all Massage Envyandlocati ons are ©2013 ensedMassage to offer faci al servi ces. Check with specifi owned operated. Envy Franchising, LLC. er Avenue, Suite 108 Convenient Hours · Franchises Available specific location or see Each locations is independently owned and operated. ©2013 Massage Envy Franchising, LLC. egions Bank Open 7 Days: M-F 8am-10pm, -2900 Sat 8am-6pm, Sun 10am-6pm




The Pulse 11.07 » February 13, 2014  

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative.

The Pulse 11.07 » February 13, 2014  

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative.