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January 16-22



Vol. 11 • No. 3


Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative



CAFFEINE There's a third wave of coffeehouses and coffeeshops set to tempt your taste for the perfect cup of java.


Please Join Us for TerraMáe’s 1 Year Anniversary Celebration Explore, taste, & experience the Appalachian Trail

Thursday, January 30th starting at 6:00pm Join us in celebrating the 1 year anniversary of Chattanooga’s buzziest restaurant in town. Sample the unique regional dishes and drinks from TerraMáe’s phenomenal Chef Shelley, as well as 5 more featured chefs — Chefs Bruce Lafone & John Campbell from North Carolina, Chefs Kyle & Emily Woodruff from Virginia, and Chattanooga’s own Chef Rebecca Barron from St. John’s Restaurant. Explore the historic StoneFort Inn while listening to live music from performers representing the featured chefs’ regional personality. Then top it off by celebrating with a cause by participating in our Silent Auction to benefit Siskin Children’s Institute.

$115 Per Person // $50 of each ticket goes to Siskin Children’s Institute

As well as proceeds from the Silent Auction

Reserve Online or Call 423.710.2925 Located in the historic StoneFort Inn

122 E 10th Street | 423.710.2925

2 • The Pulse • January 16-22, 2014 •




Managing Editor Mike McJunkin

THE BOWL: Luke Banderloft lives... Broo up a masterpiece... Art throw down

Contributing Editor Janis Hashe Art Director Gary Poole Contributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsny • John DeVore Mike Dobbs • Janis Hashe • Lauren Haynes Matt Jones • Marc T. Michael • Mike McJunkin Ernie Paik • Gary Poole • Alex Teach


Editorial Interns Madeline Chambliss • Dea Lisica • Leith Tigges Cartoonists & Illustrators Max Cannon • Sketch Crowd Jen Sorenson • Tom Tomorrow Photographer/Webmaster Josh Lang Founded 2003 by Zachary Cooper & Michael Kull


Director of Sales Mike Baskin

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brewEr media group

Publisher & President Jim Brewer II


29 NG lse CK LO e Pu A h TRA LS in T L ek RO We




JUMPING JAVA BEANS Chattanooga coffeehouses riding the "Third Wave" By Lauren Haynes


Features TECH: Building a coworking community

Account Executives Chee Chee Brown • Julie Brown Lisa Dicaire • Rick Leavell • Leif Sawyer Stacey Tyler • Jerry Ware • Candice York

ARTS: Stringing along Thom Yorke with Sybarite5


Offices 1305 Carter St., Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Website Email Calendar THE FINE PRINT: The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. Contents Copyright © 2014 by Brewer Media. All rights reserved.




Tedeschi and Trucks make a beautiful musical combination By Marc T. Michael

ALEX TEACH: Pension Fromage MIKE DOBBS: Some Mo So-Co in N’awlins • January 16-22, 2014 • The Pulse • 3




Pirates Web Series

Luke Banderloft Lives! Chattanooga is proud of its local talent, and Rocky Perry is one such gem. The author, currently working on the fifth book of a series he began in 2009, is hoping to adapt the story of “Luke Banderloft and the McFarven Pirates” into an episodic web series featuring a Chattanooga cast and crew. The mythological story of Luke Banderloft, an unlucky and outcast elf, was inspired by Perry’s struggle with dyslexia. Previously a painter, his disability kept him from writing down his stories until speechto-text software emerged, allowing him to write more easily. With the release this past June of the fourth book in his planned tenbook series, “Luke Banderloft and the War Orphan’s Army”, Perry’s story of Banderloft is in full swing. Perry has teamed up with Trey Cook of Cook Box Productions to complete the web series, starting a Kickstarter campaign to help fund the project. The campaign goal is to raise $15,000 by March 1 for filming and production, and those who donate receive a variety of rewards, from a personal tweet to producer credits or a chance to appear in the series. For more information about the web series and how you can help support the project, visit the Luke Banderloft Kickstater page: — Dea Lisica

Bonnaroo Art Contest

Broo Up a Masterpiece Hey, Broo-heads! Can you draw, paint or sculpt? Then have we got the contest for you. A partnership between Bonnaroo and the Metropolitan Nashville Airport is calling for artist entries into a brand-spanking-new contest that will give winners A) money and B) a chance to have their work displayed in the Nashville airport “in the largest Arts at the Airport skylight display since the program’s inception 25 years ago,”

4 • The Pulse • January 16-22, 2014 •

according to organizers. Artists should submit proposals that include iconic festival elements, a nod to Bonnaroo’s home base in Manchester, Tenn., and recognition of the festival’s 2014 lineup. Proposals will be accepted until Jan. 29 (so get cracking!), and the selected pieces will be installed between Apr. 28 - May 9, 2014. Full proposal details and requirements are available online at, or Selections will be made by Feb. 14. Each artist will receive a $3,000 honorarium. And who knows what rock star might see and love your work? — Staff

Battle of the Artists

Art Throw Down! The creative process, whatever art or hobby it may be applied to—a painting, song, novel or toothpick model—is as varied as the artists who practice it. It is also often a private, almost intimate process. Opportunities to witness and gain insight into an artist’s method, therefore, are golden for the aspiring artist, interesting for the uncreative, and in the case of Art Throw Down!, at Townsend Atelier, amusing for everyone. On Jan. 17 from 6 – 9 p.m., Townsend Atelier will again open their doors to the public for a “throw down” between visiting artist Lisa Gloria and local artist Cindy Procious, Both will create a painting from conception to completion for a live audience, which is welcome to question, comment, or holler (according to the studio) at any time. At the end of the evening—one full of laughs and likely surprises—the paintings will be auctioned off, allowing those particularly inspired by the demonstration the opportunity to own one of the original artworks. $15. Townsend Atelier, 201 W. Main Street, Ste. 107. (423) 266-2712, — D. L.


Pulse.2.563x10.4.pdf 1 1/7/2014 8:01:02 AM


pulse » PICKS

• A curated weekly selection of picks from the Chattanooga Live and Arts & Entertainment calendars by Pulse staffers.

Devils & Priests The merry movie-loving band of madmen (and women) who make up the local film group Mise En Scenesters kick of their 2014 season with one of ther favorite horror flicks in recent memory, filmmaker Adrian Garcia Bogliano’s genuinely spooky "Here Comes The Devil". In addition to the screening, musical entertainment will be provided by Priests, who not only have the perfect name to round round out an evening filled with otherwise demonic delights, but are one of MES's favorite new bands.








Screening: “Here Comes the Devil” Saturday, January 18, 8:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347,








String Theory at the Hunter: Works by Saint-Saens

Chattanooga Clarinet Choir

Book Signing: “The Ex-Club Tong Pang”

• The works of the French composer highlight a classical evening. 6:30 p.m. • Hunter Museum, 10 Bluff View. (423) 267-0968,


• If you thought the clarinet wasn't cool, you've never heard them played by these local masters. 7 p.m. • North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr., Hixson, (423) 870-8924.


Of Montreal

2014 Trumpet Festival of the Southeast

• Named after a failed romance with a woman "of Montreal" this Athens, GA group melds together electronica, funk, glam, and afrobeat. 9 p.m. • Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644,

• A whole lot of horn blowing, featuring Tito Carrillo and the Dave Pope Trio along with lots of special guests. 7:30 p.m. • UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4269,

• Our own contributing editor, Janis Hashe, signs her brand-new novel. 2 p.m. • Winder Binder, 40 Frazier Ave. (423) 413-8999,

SUPPORTING A GOOD CAUSE Hullabowloo • An evening of great musical entertainment benefiting the Chattanooga Area Food Bank. 9 p.m. • Track 29, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-4323, • January 16-22, 2014 • The Pulse • 5




The local coffeehouse scene rides the third wave by Lauren Haynes

6 • The Pulse • January 16-22, 2014 •

The third wave is focused on the science and the basic elements of the coffee.


he coffeehouse landscape of Chattanooga is on the brink of a major explosion. The third wave of coffee culture is surging in—and the levees don't stand a chance. "Chattanooga has been stuck in this wave of coffee culture in which people are spending four to five dollars on a cup of coffee," says Andrew Bettis, part owner of Copacetic Coffee. "What we are trying to do in the third wave is make that value a bit more defined." Five coffeehouses in town are on the forefront of the revolution, with two more, Make Coffee and Brash Coffee coming to Walnut Street and Warehouse Row, respectively, this year. One of the earliest arrivals on the Chattanooga coffee scene, Greyfriar’s looks and feels today much as it did back in 1996. Laptops grace coffee tables strewn with books. Wooden tables, whimsical art, exposed brick—the standard outfit. Greyfriar’s is one of few places in town to roast their beans in-house. Ten feet away from the cash register in a back room looms a giant red roaster, and at the helm, Kevin Ricks. Ricks has been at Greyfriar’s for four years, and is the master roaster and manager. “Over the past two years there has really been a boom in shops opening up around town,” he says. “People are asking more pointed questions, [like] where do I get the beans from, or how they can re-create their coffee experience at home. There is a

growing respect for what we are doing in the coffee industry.” Greyfriar's has offered Frenchpressed coffee since the early days, and has been offering pour-overs for the past year and a half. Smackdab in the middle of the tourist area, even with the new boom of progressive coffee shops it holds fast with its regulars alongside the tourist traffic. In the summer, it is a wonderful place to sit and watch the world turn before hitting any of the downtown destinations, like the Tennessee Aquarium. Greyfriar’s is also open until 8 p.m. on the weekends, making it easy to stop by and fuel up for the nightlife.


n the tiny town center of St. Elmo is Pasha Coffee & Tea, which is under new ownership. “I worked here for two years and then I moved away for awhile, and came back in August when I bought the shop,” says Pasha’s current owner Matt Skudlarek. “Pasha is kind of like a living room for the whole neighborhood—with high-end coffee gear. I love this neighborhood.” It is this love of neighborhood that gives Pasha its charm. That, and the delicious Bongo Java coffee. Says Julia Hunter, Skudlarek’s girlfriend and a regular customer, “The whole staff works really hard to care about every single customer and give them the best experience they can.” A group of seven 20-somethings sits near the door, talking loudly while studious businessmen

type away in the back corner. “The clientele is always changing,” says Skudlarek. “I just want to provide a friendly atmosphere with great products. We’re here for the people who want to stay and hang out.” Pasha also keeps up with trends in coffee culture. “We’ve changed a lot of our gear around in the past two months to follow more of the SCAA (Specialty Coffee Association of America) standards for espresso and coffee preparation, introducing people to the third wave,” Matt explains. “There are basically three waves of coffee culture. The first is when coffee initially came on the scene, historically, and then there’s the ’90s-era of coffee, which was focused on superstrong, really dark coffee, and that kind of morphed into a quick-in, quick-out model of coffee, like the Starbucks model, which was a ‘get the customer out the door’ mindset. The third wave, which is what we’re based on, is focused on the science and the basic elements of the coffee.” By this, he means the very basics: the beans and the water. “We don’t serve any

blends at all. It’s all single origin. We have three different Ethiopian coffees, depending on what’s in season, instead of just ‘here’s a dark coffee, hope you like it.’” Skudlarek feels the coffee landscape of Chattanooga is climbing to new peaks, and he strives to keep up. “If you want to open a restaurant or coffee shop in Chattanooga,” he says, “you have to have something really really good.” » p.8 • January 16-22, 2014 • The Pulse • 7

« p.7


he Camp House is another local favorite, tucked away betwixt two warehouses on the Southside. “We were the first ‘third wave’ shop in Chattanooga,” says Camp House director Matt Busby. “From the beginning, we were highly focused on latte art, and true six-ounce cappuccinos, pour-overs and that kind of thing.” The Camp House is packed. It’s a Monday afternoon, and there is a line out the door. The Camp House brews Counter Culture coffee, which is based in the Southeast but boasts international acclaim. “They’re by far the most transparent coffee company out there,” says Busby. “Through Counter Culture, we have been able to access some really unique coffees that we wouldn’t have been able to access otherwise. Counter Culture has consistently been rated one of the best roasters in the world.” Busby feels this is a really exciting time to be in Chattanooga. “Coffee scenes are exploding in the cities around us, like Nashville,” he says. “We’re next.” “Our coffee scene is really getting there,” says Camp House regular Flynn Glover, an entrepreneur who typically uses coffeehouses as his office. “It’s really strong for the size of our population.” The Camp House is also one of the only shops in town to host live music. “We book a lot of different genres but it tends to be singer-songwriter, bluegrass, folk, Americana,” says Busby. “We also have a live storytelling event called Another Story, which has a spot on WUTC as well. Our vision is to offer good culture, whether that’s coffee or music or different cultural events like storytelling. We want to be here to help create culture in Chattanooga.”


cross the street is Mean Mug, the new kid on the block. Mean Mug has been a flyaway success from the minute it opened its doors, and it is easy to see why. Nestled in what used to be Hiroshi’s Sushi, Monica Smith and her team are working away. “I grew up in a family that owned a couple of restaurants,” Smith says. “That’s where I started getting a passion for this food industry. My business partner Matt Lewis also has a long history in restaurants. We also both have a passion for coffee, so we wanted to dive into that.” Smith says she sees the the coffee culture in Chattanooga progressing rapidly.

“Over the last three or four years, it has really begun to get onboard with the larger cities as far as roasting and brewing techniques,” she observes. Smith and Lewis teamed up with Andrew Gage of Velo Coffee Roasters, which is what they serve their customers. “Before we opened, Matt and I did lots of training with Velo, like cuppings and just understanding of the culture,” says Smith. “So when we hire people, we do lots of training of what we learned and we do shadowing for awhile. We also send them to Velo to brush up on knowledge when they have classes or cuppings.” They also strive to be top contenders in the growing latte art scene. “It definitely takes a lot of work but we want to be in the top,” she says. The menu is down to earth, but classy. The coffee couldn’t get any better and is some of the most caffeinated in town. As far as third wave coffee prep, Mean Mug offers cold brews, cold press, pour-overs. “Our pour-over is really popular,” says Smith. “We are looking into possible siphon capabilities,” with which they would be the first in town. “It’s an industry where you have to be consistent but evolve with things that pop up and what’s changing.” Mean Mug plans to extend its hours in the near future, starting on the weekends, and gradually opening later through the week. “’Coffee bean' is actually a misnomer," begins Andrew Gage, Chattanooga's master of coffee education. "They are actually seeds. You can talk to someone about all these aspects of coffee, how it’s brewed, roasted, and then it comes down to the fact that it’s two seeds from a fruit that grew on a plant and it just blows people’s minds." It's fair to say that when Gage opened Velo Coffee Roasters in April of 2010, the coffee scene in Chattanooga was in a different place. He paved the way for local third wave coffee with his smallbatch roasting, community outreach, and fresh approach to brewing.


age is as humble and nice as they come, and many will tell you his coffee is the best around. But what’s most important to him is sharing the knowledge he is continually gathering. “A lot of what we do as a roastery is educational because there is a need for it,” says Gage. “People want to feel good about their purchase but maybe not spend a lot of

8 • The Pulse • January 16-22, 2014 •

time researching it. We try to put as much information as we can on the bag, and try to be as transparent as possible.” Gage wants Velo to be an educational outlet for people as much as he wants to be a place to buy coffee. He says one of the harder things has been trying to find the right opportunities for education, and encourages customers to ask questions. “Our big thrust has been weekly cuppings which would give anyone the opportunity to juxtapose coffees next to each other, and hear a brief explanation,” he says. “It’s an open forum—but you get free coffee.”


inally, across the river in Riverview is the newly opened Copacetic Coffee. A joint venture between Andrew Gage, Andrew Bettis, and Scott Porbansky, the coffee aspect of restaurant The Farmer’s Daughter has taken the coffee culture of Chattanooga to new heights. “Copacetic wants to focus on the details but do it in a very simple facade, so we stay approachable,” says Andrew Bettis. “Our menu has a few items offered without substitution so that it maintains its flavor profile and history. The cortado is a Spanish drink that has equal parts milk and espresso that we serve in a gibraltar glass in the traditional manner.” Copacetic recently hosted a latte art competition and plans to do more workshops and educational outreach. “I think things are changing and there’s going to be a lot of really nice spots here in town in the next year,” says Bettis. Copacetic also offers a choice between two regionally sourced milks. Their espresso is “dine-in only,” a mandated “relax and enjoy.” Drip coffee comes to you in a personal French press, along with a cream pitcher and an adorable empty coffee mug. They are what the third wave is all about, simple, well-crafted beverages to be savored mindfully.


hichever may be your coffeehouse of choice, the consensus is that craft coffee is in. It must be noted that the community of coffee aficionados in this town couldn’t be any friendlier or more supportive. They strive only for progress, quality, and integrity. Not to be forgotten as well are Chattz, Stroud’s, Rembrandt’s, and Stone Cup—and with more on the way you should never get bored, or tired.

Chattanooga Coffee Houses Brash Coffee 1110 Market St.

Cadence Coffee Company

16 Patten Pkwy • (423) 521-7686 cadencecoffeecompany

Chattz Coffee

1010 Market St. • (423) 756-8890

Copacetic Coffee

1211 Hixson Pike • (423) 667-4663


406 Broad St. • (423) 267-0376 Make Coffee (coming soon) 204 Walnut St.

Mean Mug Coffeehouse

114 W Main St. • (423) 825-4206

Pasha Coffee & Tea

3914 St Elmo Ave. • (423) 475-5482

Rembrandt’s Coffee House 204 High St. • (423) 265-5033

Stone Cup Cafe

330 Frazier Ave. • (423) 521-3977


1201 Broad St. • (423) 424-3770

The Camp House

1427 Williams St. • (423) 702-8081

Velo Coffee Roasters

509 East Main St. • (423) 718-8161

Healthy, Freshly Prepared, Incredible Paninis, Salads, Soups & Entrees Dine-in Take Out Catering Online Ordering

Fresh To Order, Chattanooga 1919 Gunbarrell Rd. Suite103 Chattanooga, TN 37421 423.826.5000 • January 16-22, 2014 • The Pulse • 9

Chattanooga Coffee Shops Aretha Frankenstein's 518 Tremont St. (423) 265-7685

Hot Chocolatier

201 W. Main St. #101 (423) 266-3066

Ice Cream Show

129 Walnut St. (423) 702-5173

Milk & Honey

135 N. Market St. (423) 521-3123

New Moon Gallery & Tea Room

307 Manufacturer's Rd. # 1051 (423) 265-6321

Niedlov's Breadworks 215 E. Main St. (423) 756-0303

Panera Bread

417 Market St. • (423) 266-2253 620 Northgate Mall • (423) 877-0223 1810 Gunbarrel Rd. • (423) 899-2253

Starbucks Coffee Company Everywhere

Thrive Cafe

191 River St. (423) 800-0676

Yellow Deli

737 McCallie Ave. (423) 468-1777


How the single-cup revolution went global...and green by Gary Poole


or decades, coffee drinkers basically had three choices for their cup of Joe: brew a pot at home (and throw half of it out unused), grab a cup from the local diner or convenience store, or brave the who-knows-how-old breakroom coffee at the office. But with the advent of coffee culture came an explosion of coffeehouses that began brewing excellent coffee, far superior to what you could make at home or at work. Even the corner convenience store upped their brewing game, making the “pot sitting on the warmer for six hours” a thing of the past.

However, for those that didn't want to venture out and didn't feel like trying to come up with the exact blend of grounds and water to make a single cup using the old drip-brewer at home, the advent of the single-serve brewer popularized by companies such as Keurig, Bunn, and Hamilton Beach has been like a gift from the coffee gods. You grab a little package, plop it in the machine, hit a button and wait a minute or so for a fresh cup of tasty java. Single-serve coffee is the fastest growing category in the home coffee market. Vermont-based Green Mountain Coffee, the parent company of the market-leading Keurig brand of single-serve machines, took in over $3.85 million in sales in 2012 (their 2013 report is still being worked on), which was 46 percent more than they had made in 2011. People love the convenience of the process and the variety of choices available. So what could be better? What could be better indeed? The answer for the single-serve providers has been to follow along with the trends in the coffeehouses: better beans, better sources, and better use of green thinking. For example, Green Mountain Coffee has been at the forefront of bringing Fair Trade beans and organic coffees to the single-use market, along with familiar names such as Newman's Own and Van Houtte. Even better, the Rainforest Alliance, a non-governmental organization (NGO) that works to conserve biodiversity and ensure sustainable livelihoods by transforming land-use practices, business practices and consumer behavior, has worked with Timothy's, Emeril's, and Caribou Coffee to market a variety of coffee packs that meet their rigid certification standards. In fact, pretty much the only knock against single-serve brewers has been their cost. Even a basic machine can cost more than $100, and the individual packs can be a bit pricey. The average price of a box of 18 K-Cups is right at $12, which works out to 67 cents per cup. Doing the math, with the average coffee drinker consuming three cups a day, that works out to about $733 a year. However, there is very simple solution that can not only dramatically cut that annual cost but also lead to an ever-better cup of coffee: the reusuable cup. Most stores offer them (they average around $10 apiece) and can be filled with your choice of ground coffee, washed, rinsed and repeated for as long as you like. If you, like myself, enjoy buying fresh-ground beans from one of the local stores, this solution is truly the best of all worlds: buy local, drink global, save money.

10 • The Pulse • January 16-22, 2014 •

The Ice Cream Show is changing the way Chattanoogan’s think about Ice Cream, one scoop at a time. Now it’s time you knew that our coffee is also world class! Our roaster was voted “Roaster of the Year” 2011 and we are proud of that fact. We serve the smoothest coffee in the world. Our espresso specialty coffee drinks are unsurpassed. Chai Lattes, Hot Chocolate and Mexican spiced Hot Chocolate round out our menu of drinks that will keep you coming back for more all winter long. It is always Ice Cream weather in Chattanooga and the combination of Ice Cream and Coffee at “The Show” is also always in season. Try our “Barrel Racer.” This is a double shot of our espresso in a milk shake. Smoooth! How about an “Affagato”? We create this authentic Italian desert with a double shot of our own espresso over a scoop of vanilla ice cream, drizzled with chocolate and carmel syrup and topped with our own homemade whipped cream! It doesn’t get any better than that. We are open until 11PM every evening. Enjoy our smoke-free patio. This is the place to meet and hangout with your friends any night of the week. Wi-Fi available for customers and gift cards are always available. Even easier, DINNER DELIVERED will come pick up your order and deliver it to you at home.

The Ice Cream Show Purchase your MyChoice Discount Card at for a discount with every purchase

The Secret's in the Combination Hot Coffees & Hot Chocolate Cappuccino Mochas Lattes Hot Chocolate Mexican Hot Chocolate Chattanooga’s Best Ice Cream

17,000 Flavors

Custom-Blended Ice Cream and Yogurt

Mon-Sat 9am-11pm • Sun 1-11 pm 129 Walnut Street, at the south end of the Walnut Street Bridge Chattanooga • 423-702-5173

1.00 OFF ONE $4.00 ITEM


ICE CREAM OR GOURMET COFFEE • January 16-22, 2014 • The Pulse • 11


marc t. michael

Tedeschi Trucks Band: Bottleneck Blues and Soulful Singing Husband and wife make beautiful music together

12 • The Pulse • January 16-22, 2014 •


IXING MARRIAGE and music is a risky business—just ask Linda Thompson, Cher or Kurt Cobain. OK, maybe don’t ask Kurt Cobain, but the point is that the stress of maintaining a healthy marriage combined with the stress of dual music careers has led many an idyllic couple down a dark and destructive path.

On the other hand, when it works, it really, really works and if there is a better example of that than the Tedeschi Trucks Band, I don’t know about it. You needn’t take my word for it; the Tedeschi Trucks Band is scheduled to play Chattanooga’s very own Tivoli Theatre on January 21. Derek Trucks was a child prodigy, a guitar wunderkind who started playing at age nine and was playing for pay just two short years later. Two years after that, he was sharing the stage with Buddy Guy and the Allman Brothers. His mastery of bottleneck blues paved the way to performances with the likes of Joe Walsh and Eric Clapton and his guest shot with the Allman Brothers turned into a formal induction into the band. Rolling Stone has twice listed him as one of the 100 greatest guitar players of all time and his list of awards, accolades and collaborations cement the reputation of being one of the new guitar legends, a worthy successor to geniuses like Duane Allman and Ry Cooder. In short, Derek is good at what he does. Susan Tedeschi discovered Broadway at age six, graduated from the Berklee College of Music at 20 and was a regular performer at Lilith Fair in addition to sharing stages with John Mellencamp, B.B. King and Bob Dylan, to name a few. A skilled blues guitarist in her own right, Tedeschi’s real treasure is her voice. A gritty, powerful, soulful singer who has been compared to Billie Holiday, Janis Joplin and

honest music

When you’ve genuinely got the goods there is no need or use for gimmicks, pseudo clever names, flashy outfits or any of the other trappings generally reserved to make humdrum performers more interesting.” Bonnie Raitt, Tedeschi humbly accepts the comparisons acknowledging that they are among her greatest influences. A recent performance of “Angel from Montgomery” is all the proof one needs to accept that Tedeschi’s vocals are of the same legendary caliber as Trucks’ slide guitar. Susan is also good at what she does. Now: Take two individuals like that with long and impressive resumes, successful solo

careers and the respect and admiration of not merely the giants of the industry, but some of the genuine gods themselves and put them together. The result? Thirteen years of marriage so far and a collaboration of talent damn near unheard of—and yet despite this, they maintain the down-to-earth style of the truly talented. Even the name of the band is as about as straightforward as it gets and why not? When

you’ve genuinely got the goods there is no need or use for gimmicks, pseudo clever names, flashy outfits or any of the other trappings generally reserved to make humdrum performers more interesting. When they stroll out on stage they may as well be Bill and Linda from down the street who sometimes like to shoot pool on a Friday night. Then they play, and it is immediately clear that when you play like Trucks and sing like Tedeschi there isn’t any need for superficial trapping. You just play and you just sing and it’s much more than enough. After numerous crossovers and collaborations between their solo acts, the couple finally put that work on hold to form their current collaborative effort in 2010. Despite extensive touring, the group has managed to produce an album per year, starting in 2011 with their debut album Revelator, scoring a Grammy for Best Blues Album in 2012. Blues is the bottom line of course, but it’s hardly a complete description of what they do. Jam band, Southern rock, soul, R&B and good-old-fashioned rock & roll are all monikers easily applied to the dynamic duo, which rightfully suggests that their appeal is broad, their audience diverse. Through all of this Trucks has maintained his status as a regular member of the Allman Brothers but has recently announced that 2014 will be his final year with the band, presumably to allow more time and attention to the work he and Susan are doing. Given the success and accolades of their first three albums, it’s a safe bet that with all their time and attention focused on their next project, it should be nothing short of legendary. Between Derek’s playing and Susan’s singing and composition skills, it is clearly a match made in heaven, a clear case of the whole being greater than sum of its parts. A little bit of that yin-and-yang magic comes to the Tivoli Jan. 21. Tickets are on sale now—but if you haven’t already gotten yours you’d better act quickly. A performance like this is bound to sell out.

local and regional shows

Wilkesview with surprise local band [$5] Moseley with Medicine Tree [$3]

Wed, Jan 15 Thu, Jan 16

9pm 9pm

Live Trivia every Sunday from 4-6pm, followed by Free Live Music Sunday, January 12: Endelouz with Dark Horse Ten [FREE]

Full food menu serving lunch and dinner. 11am-2am, 7 days a week. 35 Patten Parkway * 423.468.4192 * • January 16-22, 2014 • The Pulse • 13

Chattanooga Live





The Delta Saints

THU 9p









FRI 9:30p








THUrsday 1.16 “Pickin’ at the Post” with Bluegrass bands 5 p.m. American Legion Post 95, 3329 Ringgold Rd. (423) 624-9105, String Theory at the Hunter 6:30 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View Ave. (423) 267-0968, Bluegrass and Country Jam 6:30 p.m. Grace Nazarene Church, 6310 Dayton Blvd. Hixson. (423) 842-5919, Songwriter Shootout 7 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081, The Loop 7 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956, Courtney Daly and Ivan Wilson 7:00 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777, Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055, Soddy-Daisy Jamboree 7 p.m. Soddy-Daisy Community Center, 9835 Dayton Pk. (423) 332-5323 Tim Neal and Mike Harris 7:30 p.m. Mexi-Wing VII, 5773 Brainerd Rd. (423) 509-8696,

14 • The Pulse • January 16-22, 2014 •

Of Montreal, Wild Moccasins 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644, Moseley, Medicine Tree 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192, Emancipator Ensemble, Blockhead, Real Magic 9 p.m. Track 29, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-4323, Open Mic with Hap Henniger 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn) (423) 634-9191. Sacred Harp Singing 7 p.m. Folk School of Chattanooga, 1200 Mountain Creek Rd., #130. (423) 827-8906 DJ Puddin 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878,

friday 1.17 Charley Yates 4:30 p.m. Wimpie’s Country Restaurant, 9826 Dayton Pk. (423) 332-6201 Jason Thomas – The Man in Black Tribute 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo—Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000, Danny Sample/ Dave Walters 5 p.m. 212 Market, 212 Market St. (423) 265-1212, Matt’s Traditional

Music Workshop 5:30 p.m. Folk School of Chattanooga, 1200 Mountain Creek Rd., #130. (423) 827-8906 Eddie Pontiac 5:30 p.m. El Mason, 2204 Hamilton Pl. Blvd. (423) 894-8726, Tim Lewis 5:30 p.m. El Mason Hixson, 248 Northgate Mall. (423) 710-1201 Binji Varsossa 6 p.m. Cancun Mexican Restaurant and Lounge, 1809 Broad St. (423) 266-1461 Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, Coconut Room. 6925 Shallowford Rd. (423) 499-5055, Chattanooga Clarinet Choir 7 p.m. North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr. Hixson. (423) 870-8924 Anthony Quails, Jessica Nunn 7 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St, (423) 702-8081, 2014 Trumpet Festival of the Southeast with Tito Carrillo and Dave Pope Trio 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4269 Jason Crabb 7:30 p.m. ICCM World Headquarters, 5746 Marlin Rd, (800) 854-5891, One Night Stand Band 8:30 p.m. Jack A’s Chop Shop Saloon, 742 Ashland Terr. (423) 710-8739, Friday Karaoke

9 p.m. McHale’s Brewhouse, 724 Ashland Terr. (423) 877-2124, DJ Dance Party 9 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, Lounge. 6925 Shallowford Rd. (423) 499-5055, Blackberry Smoke, The Delta Saints 9 p.m. Track 29, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-4323, Tony Mraz 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn) (423) 634-9191 2014 Trumpet Festival of the Southeast Reception 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956, We Will Rock You: A Tribute to the Music of Queen 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644, Dave Pope Trio 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956, Hillbilly Sins 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878, Front Porch Junkies 10 a.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240,

saturday 1.18 Jason Thomas – The Man in Black Tribute 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo—Victorian Lounge,

Chattanooga Live

My Heart To Fear

1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000, Eddie Pontiac 5:30 p.m. El Mason, 2204 Hamilton Pl. Blvd. (423) 894-8726, Tim Lewis 5:30 p.m. El Mason Hixson, 248 Northgate Mall. (423) 710-1201 Binji Varsossa 6 p.m. Cancun Mexican Restaurant and Lounge, 1809 Broad St. (423) 266-1461 Armon Jay Listening Party, Rachel Smith 7 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081, Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, Coconut Room. 6925 Shallowford Rd. (423) 499-5055, Hullabowloo: Benefiting the Chattanooga Area Food Bank 9 p.m. Track 29, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-4323, My Heart To Fear 7 pm. Warehouse 260 2nd St. NE, Cleveland. 2014 Trumpet Festival of the Southeast: Allan Dean recital with Tim Hinck 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4269 Don Williams 8 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156,

901 Carter St (Inside Days Inn) 423-634-9191


Saturday Karaoke 9 p.m. McHale’s Brewhouse, 724 Ashland Terr. (423) 877-2124, DJ Dance Party 9 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, Lounge. 6295 Shallowford Rd. (423) 499-5055, Soul Survivor 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956, Samuel Warner 10 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn) (423) 634-9191 Hillbilly Sins 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878, Jerry Garcia Tribute Band 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644, Robbie Hopkins 10 a.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240, Those Darlins 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400,

sunday 1.19 Southeastern Bluegrass Association Jam Session 2 p.m. Silverdale Cumberland Presbyterian Church, 7407 Bonny Oaks Dr. (423)-892-8710 Annual Chattanooga Music Club and MacDowell Club Joint Concert 2:30 p.m. First Cumberland Presbyterian Church, 1505 N.

John Cowan Band

Moore Rd. (423) 529-0315 Sunday Jam Session 3 p.m. McHale’s Brewhouse, 724 Ashland Terr. (423) 877-2124, Irish Traditional Music 5 p.m. Moccasin Bend Brewing Company, 4015 Tennessee Ave. (423) 821-6392, Dark Horse Ten, Endelouz 7 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192, John Cowan Band 7:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347, Blind Draw 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878,

monday 1.20 Endeavor 5 p.m. The Warehouse, 6626 Hunter Rd. Babershop Harmony Group 7 p.m. All Saints Academy, 310 East 8th St. (423) 876-7359 Big Band Nite 7:30 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, Coconut Room. 6925 Shallowford Rd. (423) 499-5055,

tuesday 1.21 Chattanooga Songwriters Association Free Concert 6:30 p.m. Heritage House

Arts and Civic Center, 1428 Jenkins Rd. (423) 855-9474 Tim Starnes & Friends 7 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956, Tedeschi Trucks Band 7:30 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 642-TIXS, Open Mic with Mike McDade 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996,

Thursday, January 16: 9pm Open Mic with Hap Henninger Friday, January 17: 9pm Tony Mraz Saturday, January 18: 10pm Samuel Warner Tuesday, January 21: 7pm Server/Hotel Appreciation Night $5 Pitchers $2 Wells $1.50 Domestics ●

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks! Stop by & check out our daily specials! Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

Join us on Facebook

wednesday 1.22 Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, Coconut Room. 6925 Shallowford Rd. (423) 499-5055, Dan Sheffield 7 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956, Roger Alan Wade 7:30 p.m. Jack A’s Chop Shop Saloon. 742 Ashland Terr. (423) 710-8739, kidDEAD, Kids From Across The Street, Stoop Kids 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy, (423) 468-4192,

Map these locations on Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@

Saving Mobile Lives

1906 Gunbarrel Rd. 423-486-1668

(Next to GiGi’s Cupcakes)

M-F 10am-7pm Sat: 11a-4pm Closed Sunday • January 16-22, 2014 • The Pulse • 15

Between the Sleeves

record reviews • ernie paik

Halo and Hancock Electronic alchemy and the complete Herbie










Laurel Halo Chance of Rain (Hyperdub)


n armchair-psychologist mode, this writer feels that NYC-based electronic musician Laurel Halo has documented a sonic identity crisis on her second album, Chance of Rain, not cleanly addressing what aims might be afoot, with a incongruous jumble of dance music, glitchy electronic alchemy and the warm, polyester sound blankets of ambient music. Of course, dance music and synthetic experimentation need not be mutually exclusive, but it seems like Halo is fighting certain urges, producing a conflict that can be alternately interesting and messy, trying to appeal to the instinctual physical response of movement and the more cerebral, art-minded appetites. Early on Chance of Rain, Halo seems to be consciously ruffling the obvious four-on-the-floor bass drum dance-music backbone, adding extra beats to slip up any potential dancer, and

16 • The Pulse • January 16-22, 2014 •

Herbie Hancock The Complete Columbia Album Collection 1972-1988 (Columbia/Legacy) atop the bed of synthetic strata, non-obvious rhythmic patterns emerge in the listener’s consciousness, with abrupt, sharp hits and jagged shards. There’s a clinical precision at work, with stark, clean beats without reverberation, but a sort of odd warmth is also present from unusual places, like pitter patters of static. The disorderly title track sounds like its dominating bass-drum pulse is fighting every other aspect, including electric piano loops and glistening synth icicles, evoking tension with an underlying serenity. For this writer, the album improves on its second half, starting with “Melt” featuring sliced-and-diced reeds and proceeding with album highlights “Thrax” and “Ainnome,” where the feeling of purpose is more apparent; the elements work together as a looming mass for experimental dance tracks delivered without reservations, with the glurpy synthetics and

ghostly sustained chords confidently standing aside the beatbox spinal column. Then, the album concludes with the brief track “-Out,” with piano jazz and disquieting atmospherics, further confusing the listeners, as if a pointed statement to defy classification.


y the time jazz keyboardist and composer Herbie Hancock joined Columbia Records in 1972, he was already a proven artist, with fruitful stints on Blue Note and Warner Bros. Records and a key role in Miles Davis’ mid’60s “Second Great Quintet.” However, as the overwhelmingly bountiful 34-CD set at hand demonstrates, many of Hancock’s innovations were yet to come, with his unimpeachable technical ability combining with a willingness to explore new technology and merge jazz with other genres. The collection begins with the final album of his African-

influenced Mwandishi ensemble, Sextant, an ear-opening triumph of refreshing, percolating electronic jazz-fusion, which unfortunately had a lukewarm reception; as documented in the included 200-page book, Hancock was not satisfied with the response, wanting to reach bigger audiences and garner more energetic reactions. The result was Head Hunters, the hugely successful jazz-funk masterpiece that set Hancock’s new course for the next several years, before infusing dance music into his work, notably on 1978’s Sunlight, which uses Vocoder-treated vocals and a more outwardly pop attitude. Hancock’s next crossover success was in 1983 with “Rockit” on Future Shock, fusing electro-funk with hip-hop drum machines and turntable scratching; while purists were aghast, everyone else loved it, and it holds up well, even today. All the while, Hancock never let up with his acoustic jazz chops, with consistently highquality albums using solo, trio and quartet configurations, and the complete official recordings of his masterful quintet V.S.O.P., a reincarnation of Davis’ Second Great Quintet with Freddie Hubbard taking Davis’ place, are here, along with other odds and ends including soundtracks and collaborations with artists including Gambian kora player Foday Musa Suso and Japanese vocalist Kimiko Kasai. This writer can forgive a few of the disco-pop albums, and with eight albums previously unavailable outside Japan, this is a worthwhile set for both completists and jazz aficionados who are ready to take the deep dive.




Music for Chattanooga’s Coolest Generation • January 16-22, 2014 • The Pulse • 17


rich bailey

Building a Coworking Community Society of Work helps entrepreneurs bid the cube farm good-bye


ESK SPACE BY THE DAY. CHECK. Conference room, check. Crew of unrelated startups and solo professionals, check. Landlord offering resources to grow your business, check. Dart board, blank wall for drawing and beer in the kegerator—check, check, check. Welcome to Society of Work, a four-month old coworking space in downtown Chattanooga that aims to create a self-nurturing community of practice among startups, freelancers, creative professionals and corporate employees who need to escape their cubicle farm for an afternoon—or longer. OK, so a company that rents office space can’t really be considered a technology venture—the usual focus of these little glimpses inside Chattanooga enterprises. But coworking is one of those places where the Venn diagram circles for old economy and new economy overlap. The prehistory of coworking began, according to Kelly Fitzgerald, founder of Society of Work, when “the Amazons and Googles of the world” began shifting some of their employees from physically commuting long distances to telecommuting. Coworking spaces began popping up to offer table space and a wireless connection as an alternative to working at home or in a coffee house. Fitzgerald was trained as an architect, and her interest in creating a coworking space began when she was working fulltime for architectural firms. After sitting at a desk all day for a few years, she realized she preferred client interaction and that it would be eight-to-ten years of dues paying before she could do much of it. She was drawn to coworking because she had

With about 20 out of 50-60 membership slots taken, Fitzgerald is working on filling half a floor in the First Tennessee bank building, then expanding into the other half and eventually opening another location.”

18 • The Pulse • January 16-22, 2014 •

enjoyed working on side projects with people from other professional disciplines. She had gone through CoLab’s Springboard course to refine her business plan when she was laid off. “I was like, that’s it, here you go—do it,” she says. “You weren’t going to jump, somebody pushed you, just go.” In coworking, she saw an unfilled niche in Chattanooga. “I realized in working with people who had their own businesses—and when I got laid off it was very apparent—that there’s no place in Chattanooga for small-business people to work at an affordable rate in a location downtown, which is where people who are growing ideas and really want to be on the cutting edge of things want to be located,” she says. “There’s no place for them to locate their business with a community of people that they can work with and

learn from.” Society of Work offers flexible office space, ranging from space on a table to an office with a door, and from two days a week up. Hours are entirely open, and a conference room is available. Rent is month-to-month, with no commitment required. And Fitzgerald works to create a culture. “We try to let it happen on its own but we provide tools that sort of push it,” she says. Those tools include good coffee, beer, dartboard and drawing wall, as well as business programming, happy hours, community events like Pecha Kucha and a CoStarters workshop (formerly Springboard), and referrals to trusted resources, like attorneys and accountants willing to work with startups. Society of Work has attracted photographers, a writer, programmers, graphic

designers, a user experience designer, a consultant and a STEM educator, among others. Fitzgerald has two employees of a company in Ooltewah who live downtown and don’t want to drive all the way to Ooltewah every day. A good mix is key to her business model. Eventually, she expects to see a lot of cross-pollination, like the programmer who is developing an idea for a side project. “He has an idea, he’s curious to see if he can push it forward so he pinged a lot of people to say what do you think,” she says. “It’s a perfect place for that kind of thing.” “It’s a group of people that want to get stuff done and are reaching to do as much as they can, but it's also pretty relaxed,” she says, quickly adding, “I say that hesitantly because people get the wrong picture sometimes, that it’s all fun

and games. On any given day, you can hear a pin drop in here, and that’s the way most people like it. They want to be in here and quiet and just get to work.” With about 20 out of 50-60 membership slots taken, Fitzgerald is working on filling half a floor in the First Tennessee bank building, then expanding into the other half and eventually opening another location. “I tell people all the time everything we’re doing here is an experiment to me,” she says. “I’ve researched coworking across the country and I’ve talked to people with different spaces and absorbed everything I possibly can. But everything is an experiment because we’re in a totally different market. I didn’t want to pick up and copy a bus model from Asheville or Nashville or Knoxville. This is to be uniquely to serve Chattanooga, because we’re not the same as everyone else.”

Learning Working giving This is the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers Local 175. Connecting Chattanooga for more than 100 years. • January 16-22, 2014 • The Pulse • 19


janis hashe

Stringing Along Thom Yorke Sybarite5 is classically trained to rock you

20 • The Pulse • January 16-22, 2014 •


hen you think of chamber music, Radiohead and “Packt Like Sardines in a Crushd Tin Box” is likely not the first thing that comes to mind. But that’s why the string quartet Sybarite5, coming to UTC’s Patten Performances series on Jan. 27, has found audiences outside the traditional classical music world.

“Radiohead was a huge part of what I listened to in high school,” says cellist Laura Metcalf. “And they are one band all five of us had a strong interest in…the music has really interesting textures and lends itself to string instruments. Although we have to figure out how to recreate the percussion… sometimes we use props.” As they likely will in the Chattanooga performance, she says. The group’s most recent release is a whole album of Radiohead music, called “Everything In Its Right Place.” Sybarite5 in its (mostly) current incarnation was founded in 2008 at the Aspen Music Festival. “In the beginning, Louis [Levitt, the double bassist], was just getting students together to play on street corners,” Metcalf says. Now it isn’t crazy to say that the group, currently comprised of Sami Merdinian and Sarah Whitney, violins; Angela Pickett, viola; Metcalf and Levitt, is bringing the sexy back to chamber music.

While the UTC Fine Arts Center may not be quite as racy as the Museum of Sex, ditch the white wigs and buckled shoes, baby. This is chamber music for the 21st century.”

And lest you think there was never any sexy to bring back, consider this, from Donald Francis Tovey’s “The Main Stream of Music and Other Essays”: “Haydn, whose first quartets became rapidly and widely popular, was frowned upon by this and that preserver of the official dignity of music who could predict no good from such vulgar beginnings; nor was Haydn ever spared the charge of rowdiness even in his ripest works.” The name, Metcalf says, comes from the ancient city of Sybaris, where music charmed the inhabitants. Asked about the connotation of “lover of luxurious indulgence” with the word “sybarite,” she laughs. “That too—Aspen is a pretty luxurious place.” The group sometimes commissions work especially for them, as in the concerto currently being composed for them by Dan Visconti, and sometimes a member hears a piece and knows it’s right for Sybarite5, as in the case of a jazz piece by Sean Connolly that Levitt heard at a convention of bass players. (The latter piece will also be on the list for the Chattanooga performance.) But, as Metcalf explains, the decision to work on a piece of music has to be unanimous,

“although,” she says, “we sometimes have to convince one or two people. We have to choose music we feel complete conviction about.” One of Sybarite5’s main missions, Metcalf says, is to bring in audience members who are not traditional chamber music fans. To that end, the group has played in all kinds of venues: Carnegie Hall, the Library of Congress, Lincoln Center—and Galapagos Artspace, the Apple Store, the Museum of Sex, the Core Club, and the Cutting Room, and at the Cell Theatre, where the group maintains a residency. “We love audiences that are receptive and responsive,” says Metcalf. “That inspires us to play with even more conviction.” And passion, one suspects. While the UTC Fine Arts Center may not be quite as racy as the Museum of Sex, ditch the white wigs and buckled shoes, baby. This is chamber music for the 21st century. Sybarite5 $24 ($21 seniors) 7:30 p.m. Monday, Jan. 27 UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4269, • January 16-22, 2014 • The Pulse • 21

“One of America’s Top 101 places to visit”

Arts & Entertainment


"The Stranger"

Matt Mitchell

National Geographic, USA 101

THUrsday 1.16

for more info call 706.820.2531

Each Season, New Reason! For less than the cost of two single admissions to Rock City, you can come back again and again... for FREE!

Orson Welles’ “The Stranger” film screening 2, 7 p.m. Heritage House Arts and Civic Center, 1428 Jenkins Rd, (423) 855-9474 Winter Workshop: What’s SUP? 6 p.m. Outdoor Chattanooga, 200 River St. (in Coolidge Park), (423) 643-6888, String Theory at the Hunter: Works by Saint-Saens 6:30 p.m. Hunter Museum, 10 Bluff View. (423) 267-0968, “Mystery of the Redneck Italian Wedding” 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St., (423) 517-1839, Owl in Swirly Tree Workshop 7 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, Matt Mitchell 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233,

22 • The Pulse • January 16-22, 2014 •

“The Color Purple” 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 5900 Brainerd Rd. (423) 987-5141,

friday 1.17 Artful Yoga 1:30 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 267-0968, Painting Workshop: Flying Owl 2 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, Matt Mitchell 7:30. 9:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd, (423) 629-2233, Gospel Chattanooga 7 p.m First Church of the Nazarene, 5455 North Ter. (423) 893-7756, Venetian Windows workshop 7 p.m.. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, Chattanooga

Clarinet Choir 7 p.m. North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr., Hixson, (423) 870-8924 “The Color Purple” 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 5900 Brainerd Rd. (423) 987-5141, “Mystery of the Nightmare Office Party” 9 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St., (423) 517-1839, Stand Up comedy: Grant Lyon 9:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839,

saturday 1.18 Painting Detail and Realism Workshop with Lisa Gloria 9 a.m. Townsend Atelier, 201 W. Main Street, Ste. 107. (423) 266-2712, Red Wolf Program 11:30 a.m. Chattanooga Arboretum and Nature Center, 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160 Book Signing: “The Ex-Club Tong Pang”

2 p.m. Winder Binder, 40 Frazier Ave. (423) 413-8999. “Mystery of Flight 138” 5:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St., (423) 517-1839, Matt Mitchell 7, 9:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233, Chattanooga Vertical/ Horizontal Workshop 7 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, “The Color Purple” 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 5900 Brainerd Rd. (423) 987-5141, “Mystery of the Facebook Fugitive” 8 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St., (423) 517-1839, Screening: “Here Comes the Devil” 8:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347,

Arts & Entertainment


Grant Lyon

sunday 1.19 Painting Detail and Realism Workshop with Lisa Gloria 9 a.m. Townsend Atelier, 201 W. Main Street, Ste. 107. (423) 266-2712, “The Color Purple” 2:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 5900 Brainerd Rd. (423) 987-5141, Matt Mitchell 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233, Miss Gay Chattanooga Pageant 10 p.m. 6005 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210,

monday 1.20 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorial March 4:30 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (starting point) Painting Workshop: Dragonfly (Family Night) 5:30 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, “Designing WWII” and “Evatt & Bloom 2014 Casting Call” 6 p.m. Heritage House Arts and Civic Center, 1428 Jenkins Rd. (423) 855-9474. Another Story Live 7:30 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081,

tuesday 1.21 “Shall We Dance?” Chattanooga Ballroom Dance Club 7:30 p.m. Allemande Hall, 7400 Standifer Gap Rd, (423) 899-9913,

wednesday 1.22 VanGogh 2 Workshop 7 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317,

ongoing “Contemporary Arts & Crafts” 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. Mon-Sat, 1 - 5 p.m. Sunday

River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033, “Celebrate Art!” 11 a.m. - 6 p.m., Mon-Sat, 1 - 5 p.m. Sun. In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9214, “Pictures Tell The Story” 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. Mon-Fri, Noon - 4 p.m. Saturday, Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-8658, “Winter Wonder Exhibit” 10 a.m. – 5 p.m. Mon-Sat Noon -5 p.m. Sun The Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 756-2738, “Harmony & Hostility” art exhibit by John McLeod 10 a.m. - 5p.m. Mon-Fri. St. Paul’s Episcopal Church, 305 W. 7th St. (423) 266-8195, “Go Figure: Selections from the Permanent Collection” 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. Mon-Sat,

Noon - 5 p.m. Sunday, Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 267-0968, “Photographic Prints” 8 a.m. - 5:30 p.m. Mon-Fri, 8 a.m. - Noon, Saturday, Gallery at Blackwell, 71 Eastgate Loop. (423) 894-7112 “Small Works and Miniature” art exhibit 9:30 a.m. - 5:30 p.m. Mon-Fri 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. Saturday. E.G. Fisher Library, 1289 Ingleside Ave., Athens. (423) 745-7782, Rock City Raptors 11 a.m. - 3 p.m. Fri-Sat, Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd., Lookout Mtn, Ga. Chattanooga Ghost Tours 9 p.m. Nightly. The Little Curiosity Shoppe, 138 Market St. (423) 821-7125, Map these locations on Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@

Named “One of the Ten Most Incredible Cave Waterfalls on Earth”

World Reviewer

423.821.2544 • January 16-22, 2014 • The Pulse • 23


john devore

Not-So-Smooth Operators Great acting shakesdown “American Hustle”


MERICAN HUSTLE” ISN’T QUITE THE SHAKEDOWN FILM YOU MIGHT EXPECT. Despite being about con artists, it doesn’t follow the formula of films like “The Sting” or “Oceans 11”—those films had extremely attractive people doing impossibly complicated operations to steal enormous amounts of money from very dangerous people.

24 • The Pulse • January 16-22, 2014 •

“American Hustle” isn’t like that. Instead, it features a small-time smooth operator with a gravity-defying combover and a closet full of velvet leisure suits. The film is funny in a sort of inexplicable way. It’s not like watching the amplified excess of “The Wolf of Wall Street,” with stunned, wide-eyed disbelief at the behavior of grown men. It’s not the groan-inducing discomfort found in the films of Melissa McCarthy. The humor is rooted in the realism behind the characters, which exist in this strange backdoor universe of the 1970s. The film is part nostalgia, part character study, part crime drama—it’s fascinating to watch and genuinely engaging, if a bit slow in certain parts. “American Hustle” isn’t quite as wonderful as its reputation suggests, but the performances make up for any limitations in the story. The story is loosely based on a real FBI investigation that happened in the late ’70s, one that led to corruption convictions for several congressmen, a member of the New Jersey state senate, a few members of the Philadelphia city council, and the mayor of Camden, New Jersey. The plot hinges on the participation of two low-level charlatans who run a fake loan scam in New York City. Irving Rosenfield (Christian Bale) is an overweight, bald, tacky man who inexplicably attracts the attention of the beautiful Sydney Prosser (Amy Adams). Irving has been a hustler for most of his life, starting young by breaking windows in his neighborhood to drum up business for his father’s glass company. Sydney is a transplant to the city, a woman who wants only to be anyone other than who she really is. The two meet at a party and begin a relation-

ship, which later evolves into a professional one, as Sydney adopts the identity of a wealthy British aristocrat to lend credence to the lie that their loans are backed by British bankers. Their activity attracts the attention of Richie Di Masso (Bradley Cooper), an ambitious young FBI agent who breaks up their scam and threatens them with jail time unless they help him land bigger fish for the bureau. While Bale and Adams soak up a majority of the

The combination of talent from both ‘The Fighter’ and ‘Silver Linings Playbook’ is truly something to behold.”

screen time, the movie is stolen by Jennifer Lawrence, who plays Irving’s lazy, New Jersey housewife. Irving married her long before meeting Sydney, adopted her son, and while he no longer wants to be married, he stays out of duty to the child. Lawrence is electric on the screen, creating a character sympathetic and horrible, a real person out of what a lesser actor might have played as a stereotype. Scenes between Lawrence and Bale are absolutely engrossing. The film uses her sparingly, as a foil to both Irving and Sydney, but like Falstaff or “The Hangover”’s Alan; she is a presence that the audience does not forget and craves more from. Luckily, a director the caliber of David O. Russell is unlikely to bring her back for her own spin-off. All the actors in the film are excellent—I certainly don’t want to disparage their performances—but Lawrence created something much more memorable, further solidifying her place among the best Hollywood has to offer. “American Hustle” is yet another film from David O. Russell that is likely to be nominated for an Oscar. He pulls from a familiar stable of actors, like most good directors, and the combination of talent from both “The Fighter” and “Silver Linings Playbook” is truly something to behold. “American Hustle” deserves the nomination more than “Silver Linings Playbook”—it’s a better film and doesn’t have the cookie-cutter romance ending kept “Silver Linings” from resonating emotionally as much as it hoped. “American Hustle” is more straightforward as a comedy, and its ending is already recorded in history. The film may not be nominated for Best Picture, but there’s a “Best Supporting Actress” nomination waiting for Jennifer Lawrence very soon.

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Free Will Astrology

rob brezsny

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Metaphorically speaking, you have recently come into possession of some new seeds. They are robust. They are hardy. They have the potential to grow into big, strong blooms. So when should you plant them, metaphorically speaking? I’m going to suggest that you wait a while longer. It wouldn’t be bad for them if you sowed them right now, but I think their long-term vitality will be even greater if you postpone the planting for at least a week. Two weeks might be better. Trust your intuition. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The Flemish artist Jan van Eyck (1385-1441) was renowned for his innovative mastery of oil painting. He signed many of his works not just with his name but also with his motto: Als ick kan, Its idiomatic translation is “The best I can do.” What he meant was that he had pushed his talent and craft to the limit, and then stopped and relaxed, content that he had given all he could. I invite you to have a similar attitude as you wrap up the projects you’re currently involved in, Aquarius. Summon all your passion and intelligence as you create the most excellent outcome possible, but also know when to quit. Don’t try too hard; just try hard. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): It’s an excellent time to rise up and revolt against conventional wisdom. I urge you to immunize yourself against trendy groupthink as you outwit and outmaneuver the status quo. Have fun and activate your playful spirit to the max as you create workarounds to the way things have always been done. At the same time, Pisces, stay acutely attuned to your compassion and common sense. Don’t be a quarrelsome intransigent. Don’t be rebellious just to please your ego. If you follow these guidelines, you will be able to pull off a graceful insurrection that both soothes and stimulates your soul. ARIES (March 21-April 19): Whose enemy are you? Are you anyone’s adversary or obstructionist or least favorite person? Answer honestly, please. Don’t be in denial. Next question: Do you derive anything useful from playing this oppositional role? If your answer is yes, that’s fine. I won’t try to talk

26 • The Pulse • January 16-22, 2014 •

it. Be crafty as you gather it in and harness it for your use.

you out of it. Continue to reap the benefits of being someone’s obstacle. But if, on the other hand, you get little value out of this negative relationship, now would be a good time to change it. You have more power than usual to free yourself from being an antagonist. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You Tauruses are customarily more grounded than the rest of us. But this week, I’m wondering if you will be tempted to escape the laws of gravity and rebel against the call of duty. I suspect that your dreams, at least, will feature uninhibited forays into the wild blue yonder. While you’re sleeping you may float weightlessly in an interplanetary spaceship, become an eagle and soar over forests, wear a futuristic jet pack on your back and zip through the sky, sail across the Serengeti Plains in a hot-air balloon, or have a picnic on a cloud with a feast of cotton candy and sponge cake and mint tea. Would you consider bringing this kind of fun into your waking life? GEMINI (May 21-June 20): What part of your life is too small, and you want to make it bigger? Is there a situation that’s overly intense and dramatic, and you wish you could feel more light-hearted about it, less oppressed? Are you on a quest that has become claustrophobic, and you’d love to find a way to make it more spacious and relaxed? If you answered yes to any of those questions, Gemini, there’s good news. Very soon now, you will have a close encounter with the magic you need to open what has been closed and expand what has been narrow. Be alert for

CANCER (June 21-July 22): In her poem “Catch a Body,” Ilse Bendorf says she dislikes the advice “Don’t ever tell anybody anything.” On the other hand, “Tell everyone everything” isn’t the right approach, either, she says. Judging from your astrological omens, Cancerian, I surmise that you’re wavering between those two extremes. You’re tempted to think you’ve got to do one or the other. Should you cultivate the power that comes from being silent, and keep people guessing about your true feelings? Or should you seek greater intimacy but risk giving away your power by confessing all your inner thoughts? I suggest you take a middle path. Tell the vivid truth, but carefully and incrementally. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): If a substance has been burned, it can’t be burned again. There’s no flammable stuff left to feed a fire. That’s simple physics. Now as for the question of whether a person can be burned more than once—we’re speaking metaphorically here—the answer is, unfortunately, yes. Some folks don’t learn from their mistakes and don’t have enough emotional intelligence to avoid the bullies and manipulators who burn them again in the future. But I’m confident that you aren’t one of these types, Leo, or that at least you won’t be in the coming days. You may have been burned before, but you won’t be burned this time. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “People who don’t take risks generally make about two big mistakes a year,” said author Peter Drucker. “People who do take risks generally make about two big mistakes a year.” In general I agree with that assessment. But I think it needs to be altered for your situation in the coming months. Here’s the adjusted version of the formula: Virgos who don’t take risks in 2014 will make an average of 3.1 big mistakes. Virgos who do take risks in 2014 will make, at most, a half a big mistake. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “You know what the greatest tragedy is in the whole world?” asks novelist Terry Pratchett. “It’s all the people who never find out what

it is they really want to do or what it is they’re really good at. It’s all the people who never get to know what it is that they can really be.” If that description applies to you even a little, Libra—if you’re still not completely sure what you’re good at it and what you want to do—the coming months will be prime time to fix that problem. Start now! How? Open your mind to the possibility that you don’t know yourself as well as you someday will. Take vocational tests. Ask smart people you trust to tell you what they think about your special aptitudes and unique qualities. And one more thing: Be wildly honest with yourself about what excites you. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In his book Schottenfreude: German Words for the Human Condition, Ben Schott dreams up new compound German words for use in English. Here’s one that would serve you well in the coming week: Fingerspitzentanz, meaning “fingertips-dance.” Schott says it refers to “tiny triumphs of nimble-fingered dexterity.” His examples: fastening a bracelet, tightening a miniscule screw, unknotting, removing a recalcitrant sticker in one unbroken peel, rolling a joint, identifying an object by touch alone, slipping something off a high shelf. Both literally and metaphorically speaking, Scorpio, you now have an abundance of this capacity. Everything about you is more agile and deft and limber than usual. You’ll be a master of Fingerspitzentanz. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The four elements that compose cocaine are the same as those that make up TNT, caffeine, and nylon: hydrogen, carbon, nitrogen, and oxygen. The combinations and proportions of elements are different in each substance, of course. But the point, for our purposes, is that the same raw materials lead to different results. I foresee a similar drama unfolding in your own life, Sagittarius. How you assemble the ingredients you currently have at your disposal could produce either a rough and ragged high, a volatile risk, a pleasant stimulation, or a useful resource. Which will it be?

Homework: When they say “Be yourself,” which self do they mean? Testify at

Spirits Within

mike dobbs

Some Mo So-Co in N’awlins Our man on the barstool makes himself Southern Comfortable


HEN I THINK OF NEW ORLEANS, THE first things that come to mind are its beautiful art museums, symphony and exquisite ballet company. The sights and sounds of the Crescent City are never more alive than a night spent with my colleagues in black tie and evening gowns, sampling haute culture associated with New York, Paris and Milan. And if you believe that, pull my finger. It plays, “Jingle Bells”. The Earth cooled and a couple of single cells bumped into each other in what is now New Orleans. They immediate ordered a round and the party hasn’t slowed down a bit since. From Pat O’Brien’s and Old Absinthe House to The Carousel Bar and Lounge (it spins… Wheee!), the Big Easy is the buckle in taking a belt. Back in 1874, a fella named Martin Wilkes Heron was working the bar at McCauley’s Saloon and experimented with spices and fruits to come up with a mixture he called, “Cuff and Buttons”. After about ten years of trying to explain why it was called something so silly, he changed the name to Southern Comfort. This required no special explanation on his part—and a legend was born.

Add a splash of grenadine and a cherry on top, you’ve got a glass of Mardi Gras. All that’s missing are the beads, and how you obtain those is your own business.”

In case you’re one of the few people on the planet that’s never sampled this tavern staple, here’s the run-down. The original labeled So-Co, as we called it in college, is a liqueur that’s whiskey-flavored. It comes in 70 proof for the white label and 100 proof for the black label. It’s a thicker–than-water, caramel–colored concoction with a sweet, spicy aroma reminiscent of vanilla and cinnamon. To taste it you will swear it’s a whiskey. But again, it’s not. Although nobody knows the original recipe, there’s an old, old rumor that it goes something like, “An inch of vanilla bean, about a quarter of a lemon, half of a cinnamon stick, four cloves, a few cherries and an orange bit or two. He would let this soak for days. And right when he was ready to finish, he would add his sweetener. He liked to use honey.” Many a folk are apt to tip this one back all by its lonesome, which is perfectly acceptable and darn tasty. However in The City that Care Forgot, you’re more likely to see signature cocktails on the bar top. At Arnaud’s Richelieu Room on Rue Bienville, you’ll likely encounter Scarlett O’Hara. In this instance, she’s stepped out of the book and into a glass. She’s

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made with Southern Comfort, cranberry juice cocktail, club soda and lime. And naturally, there’s a Rhett Butler which is the same thing with orange liqueur instead of the cranberry. (I’ve yet to discover one named, “Prissy”.) And as Pat O’Brien has the famous Hurricane, you bet they’ve also got a Southern Comfort version which has sweet & sour, orange juice and pineapple. Add a splash of grenadine and a cherry on top, you’ve got a glass of Mardi Gras. All that’s missing are the beads, and how you obtain those is your own business. Ya really can put this Southern classic with about anything reasonable and not go wrong. The mixtures are almost as limitless as your own imagination. And if that craps out on you, take into account that So-Co also comes in Black Cherry and Lime flavored varieties as well. So put that in your crawdad and smoke it! Cheers!

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@athenschatt • January 16-22, 2014 • The Pulse • 27

COMIX Hey boy,

Let's cry over the death of the author together.

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28 • The Pulse • January 16-22, 2014 •

Jonesin’ Crossword

matt jones

“A PX Upon You”

--the same from start to finish.



Across 1 Salon cut? 5 More crafty 11 “Batman” fight scene word 14 1995 role for Kenneth Branagh 15 Jumpsuit hue 16 Chapter of history 17 House funding? 19 “Excitebike” gaming platform 20 Put some muscle into cleaning 21 No-wheel-drive vehicle 22 It may be used in a pinch 23 Occupation with its own category of jokes 25 Disloyal 26 Smoothie ingredient, often 29 On the agenda 30 Winter exclamation 31 Barely make it 35 Compete like Ted Ligety 36 “Her” star Joaquin 37 Meadow murmur

40 Stuffed animal of the ‘80s 42 Dix or Knox 43 First game 45 “The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian” author Sherman 47 Like pickle juice 48 Moved like a crowd, with “about” 51 “___ of Anarchy” 52 Strip in the news 53 Anthony Edwards, in “Top Gun” 57 Pet Shop Boys song “West ___ Girls” 58 Cause of subzero temperatures in the US in 2014 60 Fr. holy title 61 Cheese in some bagels 62 “Take ___ from me...” 63 “Red” or “White” team 64 Bond’s martini preference 65 Just meh Down 1 Doesn’t throw back

2 Traffic cop? 3 “Frankenstein” assistant 4 Well-liked 5 “___ blimey!” 6 Quirkily creative 7 “Don’t It Make My Brown Eyes Blue” singer Crystal 8 Latin for “between” 9 Posh exclamation 10 Harrison of “My Fair Lady” 11 The sin bin 12 “Otherwise, I might do something you’ll regret!” 13 Trashed 18 “Electronics, Cars, Fashion, Collectibles, Coupons and More” website 22 Swedish car brand founded in 1945 24 Laundromat fixture 25 Show off “these bad boys” 26 “Frontline” network 27 Early boat 28 Economist’s average 29 Quarterback’s pass, hopefully

32 Corn-centric zone? 33 “Riddle-me-___” (line in a children’s rhyme) 34 Gasteyer of “Suburgatory” 36 The hunted 38 Onassis’ nickname 39 Took in take-out, e.g. 41 Curry and Wilson 42 Hipsters’ hats 43 Get way too into, with “over” 44 Now if not sooner 46 Block you don’t want to step on in bare feet 48 Radiance, to the Secret Service 49 “The Compleat Angler” author Walton 50 Onion rings option 52 “Heavens!” 54 “The Simpsons” character always shown wearing a walkman 55 Six of Juan? 56 Former Montreal baseball player 58 Faux ___ 59 Actor Max ___ Sydow

Copyright © 2014 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0658 • January 16-22, 2014 • The Pulse • 29

On the Beat

alex teach

Pension Fromage Officer Alex gets to keep his cheese “You’re worried about your cheese,” my sergeant said. “What?” I replied, slowing the rise of a sloppily made cheeseburger to my lips as I sat in a greasy spoon that no longer exists on the corner of Bonny Oaks and Lee Highway at 2 a.m., our customary lunch time. “Your cheese,” he explained. “We run around this city chasing every piece of shit and every disease and every false call because it’s fun for a while, but after a while it stops being fun.” He paused to look over my shoulder at nothing in particular before he went on. “After a while, this gets kinda old, but we have to keep chasing shit around and getting it on your hands because you know that if you just keep doing it long enough, you’ll get to the center of the maze and you’ll finally get your cheese. That’s your pension. Your prize at the end of the race, and it scares the hell out of folk when someone touches it.” The smile left his face and he looked downward towards is food. “And it should.”

I’m not sure if you understand the concept of a 60-plus-year-old cop here. One patrolman in that category would start his day at work slowly dragging an oxygen cylinder behind him up a set of steel-andconcrete stairs.”

That was my first discussion about a pension change with my first real supervisor in 1998. I’d been on the job a few years by then, but he was the first sergeant to actually supervise me and this was the first of four times since I started working that some official had decided it was about time to stick their

hands in the fire and police pension tar baby. To their credit, the changes that came about a year later in 1999 were the best our fund has ever seen. Without getting into the math, we were overfunded, but the benefits paid out so low guys genuinely couldn’t afford to retire, so they worked until they were 60 years old or older. Now, I’m not sure if you understand the concept of a 60-plus-year-old cop here. One patrolman in that category (God rest his soul) would start his day at work slowly dragging an oxygen cylinder behind him up a set of steel-and-concrete stairs at the back of headquarters. “CLANG,” pause. “CLANG,” pause. “CLANG,” pause…this happened 24 times in succession because there were 24 steps to that back door, and he wouldn’t even turn off the tank to smoke outside on a stoop. He’d just jerk the nasal cannula to the side and fire up a cig. This man had no business being in a uniform anymore, but there he was, and

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he was not unique. Now this recent thing is just about settled (thanks to equal shares of foul language and patience), but not before more than double the average amount of people retired this year, including the chief of police and all but one of his command staff giving mere two week notices…but I think we’re back on solid ground again, and with a bit of luck a lesson was learned on both sides. That said? This isn’t about the details of the changes proposed this week. No, sir and ma’am…that would take several more pages than I’m allowed to use, but I did want to give you an idea of why it spooked us all so. And it was as simple as saying someone was messing with our cheese. This isn’t always “just a job”. After a while, it’s kind of a sentence when you experience a few decades of horror, so to get more time tacked on to the end

of your sentence when you’re so close to the end? It borders on being dehumanizing. It HAS to end at some point because we can’t sustain this life, these things we see, these things we have to do, with the bodies we have breaking down and with this level of expected perfection because you’ll just tell us to quit and we’ll have nowhere else to go. But if we can just get to the center of that maze? We’re home free. Just let us run this maze. We’re almost there. When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at www.




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1/6/14 11:27 AM

The Pulse 11.03 » January 16, 2014  

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative.

The Pulse 11.03 » January 16, 2014  

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative.