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January 9-15

on the beat

Vol. 11 • No. 2

thewarming coldnado up to street life

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

oneonone with

toddstailey award-winning

tn aquarium photographer

by jennifer crutchfield

musicthenimnims artsgoingoldschoolwithopen press screen wall stwolf

2 • The Pulse • January 9-15, 2014 •




Managing Editor Mike McJunkin

THE BOWL: Divine Dancing... Paddleboarding in winter... Tastefully twisted recipes

Contributing Editor Janis Hashe Art Director Gary Poole Contributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsny • Jennifer Crutchfield John DeVore • Mike Dobbs • Janis Hashe Matt Jones • Sandara Kurtz • Marc T. Michael Ernie Paik • Gary Poole • Alex Teach


Editorial Interns Madeline Chambliss • Dea Lisica • Leith Tigges Cartoonists & Illustrators Tom Tomorrow Photographer/Webmaster Josh Lang Founded 2003 by Zachary Cooper & Michael Kull


Director of Sales Mike Baskin


Aquarium photographer Todd Stailey captures the wonders of underwater worlds


Features MUSIC: Meeting The Nim Nims (parking lots aside, this local band is rocking solid)

By Jennifer Crutchfield

Account Executives Chee Chee Brown • Julie Brown Lisa Dicaire • Rick Leavell • Leif Sawyer Stacey Tyler • Jerry Ware • Candice York

SCREEN: The "Wolf of Wall Street” eviscerates unbridled greed


Offices 1305 Carter St., Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Website Email Calendar THE FINE PRINT: The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. Contents Copyright © 2014 by Brewer Media. All rights reserved.

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brewEr media group

Publisher & President Jim Brewer II


L E se SU ul IS he P ANNUA EE T FF ek in CO We







A vinyl moment with the artisanal devotees at The Open Press By Rich Bailey

ALEX TEACH: Offering cold comfort to the ladies of the street SANDRA KURTZ: Green goals to make this year a turning point • January 9-15, 2014 • The Pulse • 3




Defining Shen Yun

Divine Dancing Chinese theatre extends back more than 5,000 years, more recently flowering in the Peking (now Beijing) Opera— and its eye-popping acrobatics and overthe-top dramatics inspired no less than Cirque du Soleil. Here in town, we’ve got one night to see a New York-based descendant of the tradition, which blends dance (both classical and folk), music and martial arts. “Shen Yun” will light up the Tivoli at 7:30 p.m. on Tues., Jan. 14 only, bringing a live orchestra and performers whose extraordinary skills will amaze you. In English, “shen yun” translates approximately to “the beauty of divine beings dancing.” Not far off in this show. $50-$120. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 642-TIXS, chattanoogaonstage. com Paddleboard basics

What’s SUP? As this is being written, the last thing anyone in their right mind would be considering (and we do not consider members of the Polar Bear Club to be in their right minds) is standing upright on a board in the middle of the Tennessee River. Instant icicle is the phrase that seems apropos. But as Shelley reminds us, “O wind, if winter comes/Can spring be far behind?” Keeping that in mind as we pile on 12 layers of clothing, it is not too soon to think about spring sports, and the hottest one around is SUP—as in Stand-Up Paddleboarding. Outdoor Chattanooga is providing an opportunity to learn about this everything-old-is-new-again sport (immortalized by Chattanooga’s own Ben Friberg in his record-setting Cuba-to-Florida paddle). And it’s free and you do not have to get wet. 4 • The Pulse • January 9-15, 2014 •

On Thursday, Jan. 16, from 6-8 p.m., Mark Baldwin of L2Boards will talk to interested future SUP-ers about the types of boards, essential equipment beyond the board, and how to get started SUPing—in the spring. All ages are welcome. Outdoor Chattanooga, 200 River St. (423) 643-6888, online at Twisted Recipe Contest

Tasteful Art How many of you out there are aware that the people behind a very well known art gallery here in town also have a line of tasty condiments? Here’s your chance to find out all about that venture into the art of cuisine—as well as help decide a contest: Shuptrine’s Twisted recipe contest. Shuptrine folks reviewed recipes using Twisted relishes, salad dressings and marinades and “juices.” Five finalists were selected and will Iron Chef-it against each other from 5:30 to 8 p.m. on Tuesday, Jan. 14 to determine the ultimate winner, who gets $250. Audience members will help select the best brew pairings with each recipe. The throw-down happens at Strumhaus Beer Market, 1120 Houston St, #120. Visit shuptrinestwistedproducts. com for more info.



Saving Mobile Lives

pulse » PICKS

• A curated weekly selection of picks from the Chattanooga Live and Arts & Entertainment calendars by Pulse staffers.

Southern Culture Reclaimed and Unchained The monthly gathering of Southern Culture at The Camp House features a stellar lineup including Russell Gulley, Gobblers Knob String Band, Rick Davis, and poet and storyteller Finn Bille. Russell Gulley (above) was a founding member of Jackson Highway, part of the legendary collection of studio musicians who helped to put the famous Muscle Shoals recording studio on the musical map. Gobblers Knob String Band is the most popular band in Licklog, Georgia. Need we say more?

Finn Bille is a poet, educator, internationally known storyteller. A member of the Southern Order of Story Tellers, he will be teaming up with hammered dulcimer master Rick Davis for a combination of poetry and Irish, Scottish, English, and American Old-Time music. The River City Sessions 7:30 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St, (423) 702-8081,






Steve O

Chattanooga Model Con

• The maniacal genius of "Jackass" legend, a man made famous for inflicting pain on himself for TV notoriety, Steve O tries his hand at stand-up. 7:30 p.m. • The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233,

• Model Con is a Scale Model contest held each year in January by Chattnanooga Scale Modelers IPMS / AMPS Club. Fun for kids and adults who still like being kids. 2 p.m. • Chattanooga Convention Center, 1100 Carter St., (423) 649-2496.

“Skullduggery: How to ID an Animal Skull”



Johnette Napalitano

Elkmilk, Scenic, Penicillan Baby, Western Medication • Four great bands who know how to turn it up to 11 team up for a great night of rock-n-roll the way it was meant to be played: loud and proud. 10 p.m. • JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400,

(Next to GiGi’s Cupcakes)

M-F 10am-7pm Sat: 11a-4pm Closed Sunday

is looking for a few good


• The Concrete Blonde frontwoman takes her solo acoustic show on the road with an evening of old favorites and new tunes, and maybe even a little Flamenco dancing. 8 p.m. • Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644,

1906 Gunbarrel Rd. 423-486-1668

• Find a skull, but don’t know what animal it’s from? Learn how to tell the difference during their basic Skull I.D. class. Sure it's a bit creepy, but what kid doesn't like creepy? 2:30 p.m. • Chattanooga Nature Center, 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160,

CHATTANOOGA UNPLUGGED Patten Unplugged: Lon Eldridge • The "Ragtime Raconteur" brings his intricate fingerstyle guitar work and clever and thought-provoking lyrics to the Patten Unplugged series. 7 p.m. • UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4249,


Can you craft a compelling 650-word short feature or profile—and a longer, in-depth feature worthy of our cover? If so, let’s talk. The Pulse is seeking a few good freelance writers to join our stable of news, feature, music, political, fashion and arts writers. We reward our writers with fair pay and a showcase for their skills. If you’ve got the “write stuff,” we want your voice in The Pulse. Email samples of your best clips along with a brief bio to: • January 9-15, 2014 • The Pulse • 5

Join us Thursday January 9th from 7-9 pm

Federally insured by NCUA 6 • The Pulse • January 9-15, 2014 •

14 convenient locations 423-634-3600

On the Beat

alex teach

Freeze Warning, aka “Coldnado” Officer Alex offers cold comfort to the ladies of the street

It was the whores I was worried about. Temperatures were dropping to alarming levels, as low as five degrees in the next 48 hours, and the tightening of my jaw was nearly audible in the team office. “Sweet Jesus,” I said. “My hookers!”

 I was neither a participant nor a profiteer in the skin trade, but I had taken it upon myself long ago to be the guardian of our town’s whores. Most of my brothers and sisters shied away from them as a rule, but even in my earliest days I knew that these wretched specimens were in dire need of a champion. 

 As a member of the “COPS” television crew once objectively pointed out, the city of Chattanooga has, by far, the ugliest prostitutes in this great nation of ours. And I’m not talking about unattractive here, I’m talking ugly: The kind of ugly that could make a Happy Meal cry, or Barack Obama lose hope. The kind of ugly that makes a pillow cry in advance...

A blanket’s a blanket at five degrees when you still have shorts and sandals on (and a set of dirty tracked-up knees and feet between them).”

I’m talking pure horror here.

 As such, these ladies would have a hard time getting a date at the Humane Society. Couple that with some high-metabolizing addictions and a cargo ship container full of daddy issues and you have an entire demographic that needs looking after, and not with a lot of interested parties to do so. So I knew that the first time I had to choke back both tears and vomit on a chance meeting during training years ago that I had found my niche.

And no, not as some kind of Robin Hood of Pimps; nothing trashy like that. I just knew that I was to be The Whore King.

 My ladies of the walking dead range from 16 to 60, and while they are usually adept at finding regular shelter, I still make my rounds as best I can. All hookers have a preternatural gift for disappearing into thin air upon an attempted second viewing by anyone who wasn’t sure on the first viewing if they just saw a whore or not. But that doesn’t mean there is always room at the inn for these ladies, and it’s even more dangerous with temperatures this low combined with rain, because of the predilection some folks have for running close to the curb to splash a wall of water on them from the gutter, because hey, “Wet hooker!” Funny stuff, granted, but they’ve already given every ounce of body fat to that sweet, sweet mistress, methamphetamines, so they’re just not in much physical condition to deal with that kind

“These girls around here? These are hookers. Prostitutes are hot, and they aren’t considered ‘hookers’ until they are found dead. These girls? Already dead. Well, practically. Get it straight.” I paused to regain my composure. “Whore coats and whore blankets, folks. Keep an eye out for me, will ya?” A few heads nodded, and that would just have to do. I pulled the rare toboggan onto my head (I don’t like things touching my head, much less hugging it—go easy on me) and headed out into the world to begin my rounds. Everybody needs a champion. The whores had me, and that would just have to do. When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at www.

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of thing in general. “Whore blankets,” I said. “Come on, guys, got any blankets? Like those old wool Army ones they’d give out now and then?” I was actually talking about some old civil defense blankets they’d gotten out of an old Cold War-era emergency operations center below the jail for just this kind of occasion, but who cared? A blanket’s a blanket at five degrees when you still have shorts and sandals on (and a set of dirty tracked-up knees and feet between them). I got no response. “What’s with you and the prostitutes anyway, man?” I received instead from a 20-something who’d been on our shift a few weeks now. I closed my eyes and began speaking before opening them. “They’re not called ‘prostitutes’, Thompson. These are hookers.” I probably had to have this talk with someone every few weeks. “Prostitutes are attractive. Pricey. Decent folks,” I went on.

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@athenschatt • January 9-15, 2014 • The Pulse • 7


toddstailey Aquarium photographer Todd Stailey captures the wonders of underwater worlds by jennifer crutchfield


n March of 1992, Chattanooga had a dream. The Tennessee Aquarium would anchor a revitalization that could change the city—and Todd Stailey wanted to work there. Now, 22 years later, the iconic six glass peaks sit atop the River Journey and Ocean Journey buildings, the Tennessee Aquarium brings Chattanooga an annual economic impact of approximately $77.4 million dollars and it has become a “cathedral of conservation.” And Todd Stailey has not only achieved his dream of working at the Aquarium but has also become an award-winning photographer. Todd was a “runner”, serving as a courier for local law firms and doubling as a process server when he applied to work at the Tennessee Aquarium. He didn’t care what job he got. At the time, the Aquarium was still several months away from opening and administrators didn’t even realize they would need a dedicated mailroom. When Todd applied, they created a position and the Boyd-Buchanan graduate, a native of Tiftonia, went to work setting up a mailroom and protocols that are still used. Todd is best described as a

8 • The Pulse • January 9-15, 2014 •

photos by Todd Stailey

go-getter—and the Tennessee Aquarium is a nonprofit with an eye for making the most of the talents of its employees. When the staff noticed Todd taking pictures, they gave him a camera and a strobe light and put him to work. There was no staff photographer at the time, and without a local network of wildlife aquarium photographers to learn from, Todd’s work was experimental. As usual, he dove into his new role. Now his mixture of art and photojournalism inspires wonder and appreciation, while also helping guests identify species. Today, Todd wins awards for his pictures, and was just named by the Association of Zoos and Aquariums as the 2013 Photo Contest Winner for his photo of the spine-cheeked anemonefish. Capturing animals on film can be tricky—and in an aquarium environment, it is even more challenging. Reflecting on that photo, Todd says, “This fish is usually quite shy, but for some reason he decided to come right out and pose for me. Sometimes, catching a great shot involves a little luck.” If a photograph is worth a thousand words, Todd’s body of work would fill volumes. The Tennessee Aquarium is a multimedia venue, and Todd supports the Aquarium’s mission by photographing all of the animals for the animal ID panels, managing and maintaining all of the A/V equipment and providing the construction and maintenance of the dive communications system that allows guests to interact with the divers in the aquarium exhibits. Todd is also passionate about his role supporting the Tennessee Aquarium Conservation Institute and his photographs may help introduce the importance of conservation to a new generation of Americans.

His mixture of art and photojournalism inspires wonder and appreciation, while also helping guests identify species. The Coosa River Basin has been the site of 41 out of the 72 documented mollusk extinctions in North America and the Tennessee Aquarium Conservation Institute is working to halt those tragedies through scientific research, ecosystem restoration, education programs and public outreach. TNACI was able to restore more than 150,000 imperiled mussels and snails to their native homes in the Mobile and Tennessee rivers. Its focus on ichthyology continues to impact what’s known about population health and evolutionary pathways for southeastern fish. The recent release of Southern Appalachian brook trout fry was the culmination of the first time

that they have ever been raised in a closed-circulation system. Todd’s eye for capturing wildlife brings focus on these efforts and introduces new warriors to the battle for conservation. Jackson Andrews, the Aquarium’s director of husbandry and operations says, “The size and design of our exhibits gives our visitors the chance to experience an ecosystem in a way that, until now, only divers could.” Todd Stailey takes that experience and shares it with the world, educating and engaging people from all over about our waterways, environment and the species that live within it, building bridges to a healthier and more vibrant future for us, our

children and our Tennessee Valley community. Photo Tips from Todd Taking photographs at an aquarium can be tricky. Here are some tips from Todd so that you and your family can create lasting memories of your trip to Chattanooga’s famous aquarium. 1. Capturing great images through the acrylic panels at the Aquarium is challenging. Reflections can appear from a variety of sources—gallery graphic panels, lighting from other exhibits and even reflections of

you. To avoid reflections in your photos try these tips. First of all, do the obvious...take a minute to stand back and look for any reflections in the acrylic. This will help you eliminate the majority of problematic reflections in your photos. Second, using a flash (where allowed) can introduce even more reflections and enhance subtle reflections and make them more of a problem. So, you might try capturing images without using your flash. Third, use a telephoto lens. You can zoom in

tight on your subject and drastically reduce the area for reflections to show up in your photo. 2. Shoot perpendicular to the acrylic. This is important. You always should shoot as perpendicular to the acrylic as possible to attain the sharpest focus. When you shoot at an angle through the acrylic, it softens and can distort your image. The greater the angle, the greater the effect. 3. Let your subject get close. When photographing the animals in our exhibits, you want your subject to be close to the acrylic. You will have much sharper focus this way. You are not only

shooting through the acrylic but also through a large volume of water. This can cause images to appear soft and distorted. The more water you shoot through, the softer and more distorted your image will be. So, let them get close before you trip that shutter release. Jennifer Crutchfield is a Chattanooga native and mother to three sons. Jennifer is the Director of Communications and Community Engagement at WTCI, is the author of “Chattanooga Landmarks” and has served as a relocation agent for global families transferring to Chattanooga since 2009. • January 9-15, 2014 • The Pulse • 9


marc t. michael

Meeting The Nim Nims Parking lots aside, this local band is rocking solid


N THE INTEREST OF FULL DISCLOsure I feel compelled to say that my very first meeting with the Nim Nims did not go so well. It wasn’t their fault, it wasn’t my fault. It was really the fault of the loudmouthed fraudulent promoter/restaurateur who had triple-booked the venue that night while promising each band at least four times as much as any venue that size could have reasonably paid. It seems none of us had learned the, “If it sounds too good to be true” maxim yet. My band rolled in to the crowded parking lot. The parking lot was crowded mainly because of the other two bands unloading THEIR equipment. Inquiries were made, opinions exchanged and shortly thereafter we left to do an impromptu show at The Local Performance Hall. I don’t know if the Nim Nims toughed it out at the original venue that night or went their own way, but for a short while thereafter whenever I heard mention of the band I would think, “Oh, those guys…” That was wrong of me, of course; they hadn’t tried to beat us out of a gig, they had been given the same line of rectally administered smoke we had. Fortunately, it wasn’t very long before we wound up playing at the same festival and I actually got to hear them. I was so impressed with the performance I finally realized my lingering resentment was entirely misplaced. After the gig, I related this story and offered my most heartfelt apologies and sincere respect and appreciation for their art. As I was drinking more in those days it is entirely likely that I delivered that monologue to a denim jacket hanging on the back of a chair—but it’s the thought that

10 • The Pulse • January 9-15, 2014 •

counts, after all. All of this brings us to the matter at hand: the Nim Nims’ most recent album, Baristas, Fashionistas and Mother Teresas. There are nine tracks on this album and not a weak one in the bunch. The entire album is rock solid and covers a lot of ground, musically speaking. The opening track, “Recognition” is an acoustic anthem, a tribute to the underappreciated that evokes overtones of Damien Rice and the singer/songwriter genre as a whole. I’m not going to try and interpret it here; that’s the listener’s privilege, but I feel certain that the tune is a deeply personal one drawn from real-life experience. Track Two is “Found,” a dreamy and trance-like love song that begins with a simple droning repetition, quickly stacking layer upon layer until it climaxes in a lush wall of sound (and a cigarette, most likely). There is no mimicry in the tune but one suspects that at least one member of the band is a fan of Elliott Smith. Track Three, “A Time or Two,” is a departure from the more somber tone of the first two cuts, replete with a brass section and a punchy rhythm. It’s a downright jaunty tune, the sort of thing you might hum to yourself while strolling down the sidewalk in spring— earworm material to be sure. Since I’ve already played “guess the influence” with the other two tracks, I may as well go ahead and say that this tune reminded me so much of Del Amitri I had to go back and listen to that one song they had in 1995. It is with Track Three that you first realize what the unifying thread is with the music of the Nim Nims.

honest music

Each track is brilliant in its own right, but each track is so stylistically different you might not guess it was the same band. That isn’t a slight—I say it with the utmost respect—it’s a testament to the flexibility and creativity of the band. Regardless of instrumentation or influence or approach, the one thing you can count on in every Nim Nims songs is clever, well-written lyrics.

Fortunately for you, dear reader, the Nim Nims are still one of the most popular and active bands in the area, so catching a live show should be no problem.

It’s no secret I’m a “words” kind of guy. I’ll take strong lyrics over anything else every time, and the Nim Nims deliver in spades with lyrics that are catchy and clever; poignant without being heavy-handed. “I was a hipster, you were a hippie” may not sound like the opening of a literary masterpiece, but the tune goes on to paint a familiar and charming picture of twentysomethings struggling for identity while awkwardly going through the motions in coffee shops, campuses and bars. In less skilled hands, this would be a cliché, but the boys breathe life into it so that I would dare anyone “of a certain age” to hear it and NOT smile wistfully. Perhaps it takes another 20 years of living to appreciate the wonder of being 20, but the band has genuinely captured a slice of life in this track. There are six more tracks on this album, and I have run out of time and space to tell you how great they all are, so I suppose it is hackneyed metaphor time. It is like a box of chocolates, minus the god-awful coconut-filled travesties. You never know what you’re going to get, but every track is a winner. Overall the album has (to me) a very ’90s feel, and that isn’t a bad thing at all. The ’90s produced some truly phenomenal music, and I suspect that the boys in the band drew some inspiration from that period of musical history. Fortunately for you, dear reader, the Nim Nims are still one of the most popular and active bands in the area, so catching a live show should be no problem. Their discography is widely available online. Frankly, I can’t wait to see what they do next.

local and regional shows

Nosecone Prophets, Toxic Shock & Hill St Hooligans [$5] Vagabond Philosophy with The Vino Takes [$3]

Wed, Jan 8 Thu, Jan 9

9pm 9pm

Live Trivia every Sunday from 4-6pm, followed by Free Live Music Sunday, January 12: The Bumper Jackson with The 9th Street Stompers [FREE]

Full food menu serving lunch and dinner. 11am-2am, 7 days a week. 35 Patten Parkway * 423.468.4192 * • January 9-15, 2014 • The Pulse • 11

Chattanooga Live


James Legg



MUSIC CALENDAR Machines Are People Too










FRI 9:30p








THUrsday 1.09 “Pickin’ at the Post” with Bluegrass bands 5 p.m. American Legion Post 95, 3329 Ringgold Rd. (423) 624-9105, Scenic City Roots: Big Kitty, Striking Matches, Ashley Monroe, Ben Sollee 6 p.m. Track 29, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-4323, Bluegrass and Country Jam 6:30 p.m. Grace Nazarene Church, 6310 Dayton Blvd. Hixson. (423) 842-5919, Courtney Daly with Ivan Wilson 7 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5840 Lake Resort Terr. (423) 870-0777, Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055, Jonathan Wimpee 7 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956, Soddy-Daisy Jamboree 7 p.m. Soddy-Daisy Community Center, 9835 Dayton Pk.

12 • The Pulse • January 9-15, 2014 •

(423) 332-5323 Bluegrass Jam 7 p.m. Poppy's Smokehouse, 2102 Taft Hwy, Signal Mountain, (423) 305-1936, Tim Neal and Mike Harris 7:30 p.m. Mexi-Wing VII, 5773 Brainerd Rd. (423) 509-8696, Southside Casual Classics 7:30 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081, Richie Ragsdale 7:30 p.m. The Brew and Cue, 5017 Rossville Blvd. (423) 867-9402 Johnette Napalitano (of Concrete Blonde) 8 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644, Open Mic with Hap Henniger 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn) (423) 634-9191. James Legg, Alcohol Stunt Band 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400, Vagabond Philosophy, The Vino Takes 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192,

friday 1.10 Charley Yates 4:30 p.m. Wimpie’s Country Restaurant, 9826 Dayton Pk. (423) 332-6201 Jason Thomas – The Man in Black Tribute 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo—Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000, Danny Sample/ Dave Walters 5 p.m. 212 Market, 212 Market St. (423) 265-1212, The Silver Creek Band 5 p.m. American Legion Post 95, 3329 Ringgold Rd. (423) 624-9105, Eddie Pontiac 5:30 p.m. El Mason, 2204 Hamilton Pl. Blvd. (423) 894-8726, Tim Lewis 5:30 p.m. El Mason Hixson, 248 Northgate Mall. (423) 710-1201 Binji Varsossa 6 p.m. Cancun Mexican Restaurant and Lounge, 1809 Broad St. (423) 266-1461 Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton,

6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055, River City Sessions 7:30 p.m., The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081, “Mountain Opry” Bluegrass and mountain music 8 p.m. Walden’s Ridge Civic Center, 2501 Fairmount Pk. (423) 886-3252 Crosstown Traffic 8 p.m. VFW Hall, 3370 N. Ocoee St., Cleveland. 1 Shot Ellie 8:30 p.m. Jack A’s Chop Shop Saloon, 742 Ashland Terr. (423) 713-8739, Power Players 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956, Statue of Liberty 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn), (423) 634-9191 Elkmilk, Scenic, Penicillan Baby, Western Medication 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400, Machines Are People Too 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644,

Chattanooga Live

901 Carter St (Inside Days Inn) 423-634-9191


The Machine

Thursday, January 9: 9pm Open Mic with Hap Henninger Friday, January 10: 9pm Statue Of Liberty (from Boulder, Colorado) Saturday, January 11: 10pm She-She Dance Tuesday, January 14: 7pm

saturday 1.11 Jason Thomas – The Man in Black Tribute 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo—Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000, Eddie Pontiac 5:30 p.m. El Mason, 2204 Hamilton Pl. Blvd. (423) 894-8726, Tim Lewis 5:30 p.m. El Mason Hixson, 248 Northgate Mall. (423) 710-1201 Binji Varsossa 6 p.m. Cancun Mexican Restaurant and Lounge, 1809 Broad St. (423) 266-1461 Patten Unplugged: Lon Eldridge 7 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4249, Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055, Abbey Road LIVE! 7 p.m. Track 29, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-4323, Emily Hearn, Darren Johson Effort 7 p.m. The Camp House,

1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081, The Hopeful Country Band 7 p.m. Troy's Place, 320 Emerson Dr, Ringgold, GA (423) 965-8346 Grown Azz 8 p.m. VFW Hall, 3370 N. Ocoee St. Cleveland TN, (423) 476-8442 The Countrymen Band 8 p.m. Eagles Club, 6128 Airways Blvd. (423) 894-9940 The Machine: A Pink Floyd Experience 8 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644, DJ Hitman 8:30 p.m. Jack A’s Chop Shop Saloon, 742 Ashland Terr. (423) 713-8739, Full Axess 8:30 p.m. American Legion, 227 James Asbury Dr NW, Cleveland, TN. (423) 476-4451 SRO Band 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956, She-She Dance 10 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn) (423) 634-9191 Soul Survivor 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road (423) 499-9878, Future Virgins, Bohannons 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400, Duane Cliatt 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240,

sunday 1.12 Jam Session 2 p.m. Chattanooga Folk School, 1200 Mountain Creek Rd., Suite 130. (423) 867-3092 Open Jam Session 5 p.m. Cheap Seats Sports Bar, 2925 Rossville Blvd. (423) 629-5636. The Bumper Jacksons, The 9th Street Stompers 7 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192, Pop Evil 8 p.m. Track 29, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-4323,

monday 1.13 Babershop Harmony Group 7 p.m. All Saints Academy, 310 East 8th St. (423) 876-7359 Monday Night Big Band

11 a.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055,

tuesday 1.14 Wendell Mathhews 7 p.m. North Chatt Cat, 246 Frazier Ave. (423) 266-9426 Open Mic with Mike McDade 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996,

Server/Hotel Appreciation Night $5 Pitchers $2 Wells $1.50 Domestics ●

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks! Stop by & check out our daily specials! Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

Join us on Facebook

wednesday 1.15 Wilkesview 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192, Drake White, The Big Fire 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644, Test Dream 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400,

Map these locations on Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@ • January 9-15, 2014 • The Pulse • 13

Between the Sleeves

record reviews • ernie paik

Is English Over—and Is There Peace on Venus? Songs in Spanish from Destroyer, space rock from Bardo Pond











Destroyer Five Spanish Songs (Merge)


an Bejar, the consistent member of the Vancouver concern Destroyer, wrote, “It was 2013. The English language seemed spent, despicable, not easily singable. It felt over for English...” You read it here, folks—English is over. Having created no fewer than two masterpieces over the last half-dozen years (Destroyer’s Rubies and Kaputt), perhaps Bejar needed a break, a cleansing of the palate and something new to try, and the new EP Five Spanish Songs serves that purpose, which solely consists (apart from a throwaway 46-second track of conga drums) of covers of songs by the Spanish musician Antonio Luque of the band Sr. Chinarro. Bejar is at the point in his career where he pretty much has carte blanche to try anything he damn well pleases, and nevertheless, this may seem like an

14 • The Pulse • January 9-15, 2014 •

Bardo Pond Peace on Venus (Fire) odd move; one of Destroyer’s strong points is its enigmatic, crafted lyric-work, and with these five songs sung in Spanish, Bejar is apparently leaning toward extra obliqueness rather than clarity. This writer is reminded of the cryptic book Codex Seraphinianus by Luigi Serafini, written in a completely undecipherable, invented language in order to invoke the sensation of being a toddler looking at a book with fascination, not yet understanding the words on the pages. However, this EP is not undecipherable; that’s what Google Translate is for. Perhaps something is lost in translation, but the opening middle-of-the-road rock of “Maria de las nieves” offers a puzzling portrait of “practitioners of a weird religion, as a beautiful nun.” “Del monton” delivers a jaunty strum for its seaside setting, speaking of a gi-

ant pumpkin and Franz Kafka, and the glam-pop of “El rito” and upbeat “Babieca” push the album along with an infectious spirit. It’s an EP in the “Oh, why not?” category that ostensibly serves up easy pleasures but underneath offers obscure headscratchers.


he Philadelphia fivepiece band Bardo Pond, active for over two decades, has formulated its own fuzzy, monumental rock with a sound that might be considered the theoretical confluence of the heavy sludge of The Melvins, the psychedelia of Spacemen 3, a hippie cult and a roomful of pharmaceuticals. Imagine long Neil Young and Crazy Horse jams with more fried-sounding guitar work and towering projections of power, proceeding at a dirge pace. The

new 5-song full-length album, Peace on Venus, unrolls the interstellar magic carpet with “Kali Yuga Blues,” named after the stage of spiritual degeneration in Hinduism that the Earth is apparently currently experiencing; it sets the stage aesthetically for the album, with energysustaining distorted guitar licks from brothers Michael and John Gibbons, the rhythm section of bassist Clint Takeda and drummer Jason Kourkonis and vocalist/flutist Isobel Sollenberger. Sollenberger wanders in a daze with glassy-eyed, disorienting singing and echoing flute passages that work, strangely enough, over the hefty rock juggernaut. The second half of Peace on Venus consists of two 10-minute long tracks, starting with “Chance” which opens with a flower-people acoustic guitar and flute peace-out for a mere 40 seconds, just as a tease, before the guitars and drums join in and proceed with largely the same manner heard before. For this writer, the frustrating thing about Peace on Venus is the lack of variation—the album is all too happy to lumber along as a space-rock behemoth for its duration. While other groups such as Mogwai or Explosions in the Sky offer lengthy, dramatic builds and ejaculatory payoffs, Bardo Pond avoids the catharsis, with no real resolution at the end. To be fair, though, maybe that’s not the point, with the group content to hypnotize the listener into a certain state, zoning out without jarring interruptions.

Shades of Green

sandra kurtz

Green Goals for 2013 If we pull together, this year can be a turning point

2014 begins! What do we want to be? Where do we want to go? How can we get there? From an environmental perspective, these questions require a review of general guidelines that will help get our “ducks in a row”. For starters, it’s important to remember that all animals (including humans) and plants must make use of a habitat that provides food, water, and shelter in a suitable arrangement. That last part is key, because if you can’t get to the food, water or shelter, or if it’s polluted, it does you no good. The poor and homeless can especially testify to that. Because all life on Earth depends on a suitable habitat and a healthy ecosystem, what can be done to guarantee sustainability now and in the future? Keep in mind four other things as you ponder: 1) As population increases there is growing demand on a resourceconstrained planet; 2) We live on a planet with ever-changing climate patterns (whether our fault or not) and that fact requires adaptation for species

All animals (including humans) and plants must make use of a habitat that provides food, water, and shelter in a suitable arrangement.” survival; 3) The most biodiverse ecosystem is strongest; 4) Energy is required for life (ultimate source is sun). That’s a lot of balls in the air as we think about solutions. We must also consider whose responsibility it is to make us sustainable. What can we do at home or in social, school or neighborhood networks? What should our local, state, national or other nations do? We can’t cover all possible solutions in one column. How-

ever, here are some thoughts to help us reach more sustainable harmony with the planet on which we depend for life: Set up goals for sustainability As the Cheshire Cat told Alice, it doesn’t matter which way you choose if you don’t know where you want to go. For example, determining how much to divert from landfill waste both from homes and regionally. How much can we increase recycling amounts? How many trees should we plant to help slow climate change disruptions, prevent flooding and absorb stormwater? How many houses should be built with energy efficiency in mind, thereby reducing demands for energy from unhealthy coal and nuclear sources? How much land should be designated for growing local food and to support farmers? What steps could be taken to establish access to healthy food and provide green farming, weatherization and manufac-

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turing jobs? How many cars can we divert from roads by creating more transportation choices through expansion of greenways, bikeways, and bus use? Work for habitat in a suitable arrangement Food, water and shelter all require land. Yet we have established land-use requirements that allow for their disappearance. We allow the destruction of wetlands, filling floodplains, water pollution, and excessive impervious paving for development purposes. We hinder natural or edible landscaping and chickens in the city. We isolate ourselves from daily living supplies and diverse community life through urban sprawl and R-1 zoning. These patterns cause limited transportation choices, thereby contributing to more air pollution from vehicles and increases in asthma cases. We have lost access to farmland, forests and biodiversity by cutting up land

into small, unconnected parcels. There’s plenty to do—and remedies, too. We’ve started on some, and many entrepreneurs have healthier green solutions and jobs in the pipeline. You can start today with a changeover to LED light bulbs in your home as energy-wasting incandescent light bulbs leave the market. Support a transition to sun and wind as our energy sources of the future. Bottom line for sustainability: Use less energy. Use less stuff. Avoid waste. Share space with humans and other life in a suitable arrangement. It’s all connected. Sandra Kurt is an environmental community activist and is presently working through the Urban Century Institute. Visit her website at

Chow Beeps The Pulse


RICK DAVIS GOLD & DIAMONDS 5301 Brainerd Rd at McBrien Rd • 423.499.9162

Keep up to date with the latest restaurant specials, deals and more

Follow us on Twitter @chowbeeps • January 9-15, 2014 • The Pulse • 15


rich bailey

Letterpress Printing Is Having Its Vinyl Moment It’s back to handmade for artisanal devotees at The Open Press

16 • The Pulse • January 9-15, 2014 •


HILE SOME TECHNOLOGIES JUST FADE AWAY, OTHERS—LIKE RAdio, books and newspapers—seem to stay on forever, surviving one obituary after another. And a few miraculously rise from the dead, not just living but more alive than ever, imbued with a more-than-healthy glow from a mysterious combination of being practically unnecessary yet artistically desirable. Letterpress printing is one of those resurrected technologies, loved by designers and others who can’t get enough of its old-school aesthetic. “There’s something imperfect about it for sure, not everything is perfectly the same,” says Paul Rustand, owner of Widgets and Stone graphic design firm and one of the instigators of The Open Press, a new Chattanooga workshop where people can learn and use letterpress equipment. “There are little nuances and touches that have a humanness to them.” Those human touches are what printers worked hard to eliminate in their quest for uniform reproduction quality during a time this type of equipment was state of the art. “That’s really what we designers like about it, the tactility of it, because everything is so digital nowadays,” says Rustand. “We all spend so much time in websites which don’t really exist as something you can hold. But having the feel of the paper and something pressed into it, the smell of the ink, particularly if it’s something you’ve made—here’s something almost childish in that pleasure of ‘look what I made!’ There’s something really rewarding about it.” He explains that contemporary printing places a layer of ink onto the surface of the paper, while the older technology presses the ink into its surface. In fact, it was once a test of the pressman’s skill to make a “kiss impression,” where the three-dimensional letter or image made the lightest possible touch on the paper. “Today, we like that big ‘ink at the bottom of

“ It was once a test of the pressman’s skill to make a ‘kiss impression,’ where the three-dimensional letter or image made the lightest possible touch on the paper.”

a ditch’ feel,” says Rustand, but an old-school printer would have found that to lack finesse. The idea for the Open Press began with Rustand about two years ago. He had restored letterpress equipment and used it both as a hobby and to print small-run items for his design clients. Over time, it got less and less use, then went into storage when his company moved to new offices. When Matt Greenwell, a design collaborator and head of the UTC Art Department, told him the university had unused fine-art printmaking equipment sitting in storage, the two began planning to create a workshop that would combine the two collections. After a 2012 MakeWork grant and a few twists and turns, The Open Press began offering classes in October 2013, focusing on artisanal letterpress printing, fine-art printmaking and handmade book arts. The equipment that supports those three areas includes a Heidelberg press, four Vandercook proof presses (formerly used only for proofs before transferring plates to a high volume printer), several printmaking presses, a foil stamper, a Smyth sewer for stitching book signatures together, and a collection of metal and wood type that can be hand set. The images that ultimately become ink on paper here can come from that movable type or from photopolymer printing plates made through a transfer process that begins with a piece of photographic film created on a computer. That process is newer than handset type but also a dying print technology, as nearly all printing has moved on to a fully digital, direct-to-plate technology. In addition to Rustand and Greenwell, the Open Press leadership team includes Printmaking Director Juanita Tumelaire, a printmaker, and Director Wendy Halvorson, who brings both letterpress and business experience to the project. Halvorson’s background is in finance, but she became a letterpress devotee after having her wedding invitations printed that way. Years later, having moved to Chicago, she stumbled onto a letterpress class at Colum-

bia College and got hooked. She kept taking classes in Chicago and in Los Angeles after another move. When she and her family returned to Chattanooga a year and a half ago, she was drawn to Rustand’s project to create a letterpress workshop that is open to the community. “Our desire is to teach and then have the presses available for rent so people can come in and work on their own projects, for sure, but also working together and pulling all the different aspects of the shop together and creating beautiful things,” she says. In the not-too-distant future, Rustand hopes to see letterpress and digital technologies combined in one project, using each approach for its strengths to create a unique collaboration. The team is also working to find funding for scholarships to make classes accessible to anyone who is interested. “The longer term dream would be that this becomes a little bit more like a laboratory so that when we have the open press times that it’s fun to come in here and see what different people are doing and what they’re collaborating on and learning from each other,” says Rustand. For more information or a schedule of 2014 classes, visit • January 9-15, 2014 • The Pulse • 17

“One of America’s Top 101 places to visit”

Arts & Entertainment


Chattanooga Symphony

Steve O

National Geographic, USA 101

THUrsday 1.09

for more info call 706.820.2531

Each Season, New Reason! For less than the cost of two single admissions to Rock City, you can come back again and again... for FREE!

Art + Issues: “Different Views, Different Sense of Space” 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View Ave. (423) 267-0968, Free Family Night 5:30 p.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 756-2738, CSO Masterworks: “Beethoven’s 7th” 7:30 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5156, Painting Workshop: Branch on Black 7 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, “Mystery of the Redneck Italian Wedding” 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839, Steve O (of “Jackass”) 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233,

18 • The Pulse • January 9-15, 2014 •

friday 1.10 Kids Day Out Holiday Camp 8:30 a.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 756-2738, Painting Workshop: Sunset Love 2 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, Chattanooga Modelcon 2014 2 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1100 Carter St., (423) 649-2496. “Mystery of the Nightmare Office Party” 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839, Gospel Chattanooga 7 p.m. First Church of the Nazarene, 5455 North Ter. (423) 893-7756 Painting Workshop: Doorway 7 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, River City Sessions 7:30 p.m., The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081, “Les Miserables” 7:30 p.m. Abba’s House, 5208 Hixson Pike. (423) 290-8515, Steve O (of “Jackass”) 7:30, 9:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233, Dance and Drag at Images 9 p.m. Images, 6505 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210, Stand-up Comedy: Paul Strickland 9:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839,

saturday 1.11 Sandhill Crane and Eagle Cruise 9:30 a.m. Blue Moon Cruises, 301 Riverfront Pkwy. (888) 993-2583, Chattanooga Modelcon 2014 9 a.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1100 Carter St. (423) 649-2496 CSO Lecture Series: “If On A Desert Island” 11 a.m. Tivoli Center, 701 Broad St. (423) 757-5156, “Birds Of Prey” 11:30 a.m. Chattanooga Nature Center, 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160, “Skullduggery: How to ID an Animal Skull” 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Nature Center, 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160, “Mystery of Flight 138” 5:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839, Painting Workshop: Praying Owl 7 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, “Les Miserables” 7:30 p.m. Abba’s House, 5208 Hixson Pike. (423) 290-8515, Steve O (of “Jackass”) 7:30, 9:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233, “Mystery of the Facebook Fugitive” 8:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839,

Arts & Entertainment


Dance and Drag at Images 9 p.m. Images, 6505 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210, Stand-up Comedy: Paul Strickland 10:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839,

sunday 1.12 The Fresh Beats Band 5 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156, Winter Jam Spectacular 2014 featuring Newsboys 7 p.m. UTC McKenzie Arena, 720 E. 4th St. (423) 266-6627 D.J. Lewis 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233,

monday 1.13 Small Fry MiniPrograms: Butterflies 10 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (423) 402-9960, Painting Workshop: Bone (Family Night) 5:30 p.m. Artsy-U,

5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317,

tuesday 1.14 Taking Better Pictures with Tom & Pat Cory 6:30 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (423) 402-9960, Shen Yun World Tour 2014 7:30 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 642-TIXS, Painting Workshop: Two Birds at Sunset 7 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317,

wednesday 1.15 Painting Workshop: Open Studio 7 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, Kids Day Out Holiday Camp 8:30 a.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 756-2738, Harlem Globetrotters 7 p.m. UTC McKenzie Arena, 720 E. 4th St. (423) 266-6627

Shen Yun World Tour

ongoing “Contemporary Arts & Crafts” 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. Mon-Sat, 1 - 5 p.m. Sunday River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033, “Members Exhibit” 11 a.m. - 5 p.m. Tues.- Sat. AVA Gallery, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-4282, “Celebrate Art!” 11 a.m. - 6 p.m., Mon-Sat, 1 - 5 p.m. Sun. In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9214, “Pictures Tell The Story” 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. Mon-Fri, Noon - 4 p.m. Saturday, Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-8658, “Wrapped In Tradition” 11 a.m.- 6 p.m., Mon- Thurs 9 a.m. - 4 p.m. Fri Jewish Cultural Center 5461 N. Terrace. (423) 493-0270, ext. 13 “Harmony & Hostility” art exhibit by John McLeod 10 a.m. - 5p.m. Mon-Fri. St. Paul’s Episcopal Church, 305 W. 7th St.

(423) 266-8195, “Go Figure: Selections from the Permanent Collection” 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. Mon-Sat, Noon - 5 p.m. Sunday, Hunter Museum, 10 Bluff View. (423) 267-0968, “Photographic Prints” 8 a.m. - 5:30 p.m. Mon-Fri, 8 a.m. - Noon, Saturday, Gallery at Blackwell, 71 Eastgate Loop. (423) 894-7112 “Small Works and Miniature” art exhibit 9:30 a.m. - 5:30 p.m. Mon-Fri 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. Saturday. E.G. Fisher Library, 1289 Ingleside Ave., Athens. (423) 745-7782, Rock City Raptors 11 a.m. - 3 p.m. Fri-Sat, Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd., Lookout Mtn, Ga. Chattanooga Ghost Tours 9 p.m. Nightly. The Little Curiosity Shoppe, 138 Market St. (423) 821-7125, Map these locations on Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@

Named “One of the Ten Most Incredible Cave Waterfalls on Earth”

World Reviewer

423.821.2544 • January 9-15, 2014 • The Pulse • 19


john devore

Blowing the House Down “Wolf of Wall Street” eviscerates unbridled greed


ARTIN SCORSESE’S “THE WOLF OF Wall Street” is an example of how a good film can be made without having any likable characters. The men and women shown in this film are terrible people—greedy, lecherous, foul-mouthed, callous, predatory and single-minded are just a few words that can be used to describe the employees at Stratton Oakmont, the brokerage firm started by Jordan Belfort, one of the few men in the U.S ever punished for financial crimes. It is based on a real person and inspired by an autobiographical book of the same name.

20 • The Pulse • January 9-15, 2014 •

The film is graphic in its depiction of the debauchery that took place at Stratton Oakmont, focusing more on the afterhours parties and drunken celebrations than the act of defrauding the public on a massive scale. No one in the film is identifiable, at least for me, but at the same time it’s a story that is engrossing in the same way a train wreck or a car chase holds onlookers spellbound by potential tragedy. It’s ostensibly a dark comedy, and judging from the audience reaction it will be received as such. But this is very much a surface reading of the film. “The Wolf of Wall Street” is far sadder, more desperate, and more subtle than the trailer suggests. Scorsese doesn’t approve of Belfort—he simply shows the wolf as he is: a ravenous, uncompromising leader of carnivorous beasts. Jordan Belfort (Leonardo DiCaprio) started his career as in the stock market during the late ’80s, working for Mark Hanna (Matthew McConaughey), a drugged-out power broker who introduces Belfort to the stock market culture of cocaine, strippers and prostitution. Stock trading is dominated by testosterone-driven sociopaths, a n d Belfort immediately felt that he had found a home, despite being married with children. After taking his Series 7 exams, Belfort ends his first day as a stock broker on Black Monday, promptly losing his

What is so striking about the film is that despite Belfort’s bravado and obstreperousness in the face of the law, his defiance of court orders, his genuine belief that rules don’t apply to him, his punishment is so minimal.”

job. On a whim, he travels to Long Island, where he discovers a firm selling penny stocks to working-class men. He learns that there is a 50 percent commission on all stocks sold at this level and amps up his game, selling thousands of shares to plumbers at five cents a share. A new money-making scheme is born, shamelessly creating profit in an industry full of worthless investments. As time goes on, Belfort does the same with wealthy investors and Stratton Oakmont is created. Belfort staffs his agency not with the highly educated individuals generally associated with the financial agency, but with two-bit hucksters and drug dealers. The looser the morals, the lower the standards, the more money Stratton Oakmont stands to make. It’s a brilliant plan that makes him and his associates very, very rich. Of course,

most of the business done Stratton Oakmont is highly illegal. Stock manipulation is only a small part of the financial crimes perpetrated by the brokerage. Not that it matters. What is so striking about the film is that despite Belfort’s bravado and obstreperousness in the face of the law, his defiance of court orders, his genuine belief that rules don’t apply to him, his punishment is so minimal. Belfort spent 36 months in prison because of his refusal to cooperate with the SEC. In the film, the character

talks about how terrified he was of prison—only to remember later that he was rich. He spent his time incarcerated playing tennis. Anyone that has followed Matt Taibbi’s articles in Rolling Stone about Wall Street understands how rare it is for anyone to go to prison at all for these type of crimes. Fines and wristslapping are more common for the executives that have fewer principles than Belfort. What it comes down to is that money has no real value for two classes of people in America: the very rich and the very poor. I don’t mean in terms of fiat currency or some lofty notion of a gold standard. No, it is just that for some, money is simply an idea, one that has very little effect on day-to-day life. For the rich, it is easily attainable and easily expanded, numbers on paper to be moved from one balance sheet to another. It’s the opposite for the poor, but no more real. Debt is just one more bill that will never be paid, one more late fee added to an incomprehensible amount of nothing. The real difference between classes is shown in the justice system, the sentencing of criminals. Stealing a car is a felony. Stealing a life is merely the byproduct of American capitalism. • January 9-15, 2014 • The Pulse • 21

Free Will Astrology

rob brezsny CANCER (June 21-July 22): “Human beings are often unable to receive because we do not know what to ask for,” says the writer Malidoma Somé in his book Water and Spirit. “We are sometimes unable to get what we need because we do not know what we want.” With that in mind, Cancerian, hear my two pleas: first, that in the next six weeks, you will work diligently to identify the goodies you want most; and second, that you will cultivate your capacity to receive the goodies you want most by refining your skill at asking for them.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Can you guess what combination of colors makes the most vivid visual impact? Psychologists say it’s black on yellow. Together they arrest the eye. They command attention. They activate a readiness to respond. According to my reading of the astrological omens, this is the effect you can and should have in the coming weeks. It’s time for you to draw the best kind of attention to yourself. You have a right and a duty to galvanize people with the power of your presence. Whether you actually wear yellow clothes with black highlights is optional as long as you cultivate a similar potency. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I’m guessing that in a metaphorical sense, you’ve been swallowed by a whale. Now you’re biding your time in the beast’s belly. Here’s my prediction: You will be like the Biblical Jonah, who underwent a more literal version of your experience. The whale eventually expelled him, allowing him to return to his life safe and sound—and your story will have the same outcome. What should you do in the meantime? Here’s the advice that Dan Albergotti gives in his poem “Things to Do in the Belly of the Whale.” “Count the ribs,” he says. “Look up for blue sky through the spout. Make small fires with the broken hulls of fishing boats. Practice smoke signals. Call old friends. Organize your calendar. Dream of the beach. Review each of your life’s ten million choices. Find the evidence of those before you. Listen for the sound of your heart. Be thankful that you are here, swallowed with all hope, where you can rest and wait.” PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): How do you like your tests? Short, intense, and dramatic? Or leisurely, drawn-out, and low-pressure? Here’s another question: Do you prefer to pick out the tests you take, making sure they’re good fits for the precise lessons you want to master? Or do you find it more exciting and adventurous to let fate determine what unpredictable tests get sent your way? Ruminate about these matters, Pisces. You’re due for a nice big test sometime soon, and it’s in your interest to help shape and define how everything unfolds. ARIES (March 21-April 19): You can blame it on the coming full

22 • The Pulse • January 9-15, 2014 •

moon. You can blame it on the gorgeous storm or the epic dream or the haunting song or the suffering you’re struggling to vanquish. All I ask is that you don’t blame it on the alcohol. OK? If you’re going to do wild and brave and unexpected things, make sure they are rooted in your vigorous response to primal rhythms, not in a drunken surrender to weakness or ignorance. I’m all for you losing your oppressive self-control, but not the healthy kind of self-control. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): When is the last time you did an experiment? I’m not talking about scientific tests and trials that take place in a laboratory. I’m referring to real-life experiments, like when you try out an unfamiliar experience to see if it appeals to you… or when you instigate a change in your routine to attract unpredictable blessings into your sphere. Now would be an excellent time to expose yourself to a few what-ifs like that. You’re overdue to have your eyes opened, your limits stretched, and your mind blown. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): To help take the edge off the darkness you have been wrestling with, I offer you these lines from a poem by Kay Ryan: “The day misspent, / the love misplaced, / has inside it / the seed of redemption. / Nothing is exempt / from resurrection.” In other words, Gemini, whatever has disappeared from your life will probably return later in a new form. The wrong turns you made may lead you to a fresh possibility. Is that what you want? Or would you prefer that the lost things stay lost, the dead things stay dead? Make a decision soon.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Julia Morgan (1872-1957) was the first woman licensed as an architect in California. She designed over 700 buildings in the course of her brilliant career, and thrived both financially and artistically. One key to her success was her humility. “Don’t ever turn down a job because it’s beneath you,” she advised. That’s a helpful message for you to hear, Leo. It applies to the work-related opportunities you may be invited to take on, as well as the tasks that your friends, associates, and loved ones ask you to consider. You can’t possibly know ahead of time how important it might ultimately be to apply yourself conscientiously to a seemingly small assignment. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): One of Beethoven’s music teachers said, “As a composer, he is hopeless.” When Thomas Edison was a kid, a teacher told him he was “too stupid to learn anything.” Walt Disney worked at a newspaper when he was young, but his editor fired him because “he lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” I’m sure there was a person like that in your past -- someone who disparaged and discouraged you. But I’m happy to report that 2014 will be the best year ever for neutralizing and overcoming that naysayer’s curse. If you have not yet launched your holy crusade, begin now. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): As a child, French philosopher and writer Blaise Pascal (1623-1662) loved math. But his father, who homeschooled him, forced him to forego math and concentrate on studying the humanities. Blaise rebelled. When he was 12 years old, he locked himself in his room

for days and immersed himself in mathematical investigations. When he emerged, he had figured out on his own some of Euclid’s fundamental theorems about geometry. Eventually, he became a noted mathematician. I see the coming weeks as prime time to do something like the young Pascal did: Seal yourself away from other people’s opinions about who you’re supposed to be, and explore the themes that will be crucial for the person you are becoming. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In 1609, Dutch sea explorer Henry Hudson sailed to America and came upon what we now call Coney Island. Back then it was a barren spit of sand whose main inhabitants were rabbits. But it was eventually turned into a dazzling resort—an “extravagant playground,” according to the documentary film Coney Island. By the early 20th century, there were three sprawling amusement parks packed into its two square miles of land, plus “a forest of glittering electric towers, historical displays, freak shows, a simulated trip to the moon, the largest herd of elephants in the world, and panoramas showing the Creation, the End of the World, and Hell.” I mention this, Scorpio, because 2014 could feature your very own Henry Hudson moment: a time when you will discover virgin territory that will ultimately become an extravagant playground. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “If men had wings and bore black feathers, few of them would be clever enough to be crows,” said 19th-century social reformer Henry Ward Beecher. That might be an accurate assessment for most people, but I don’t think it will be true for you Sagittarians in the foreseeable future. Your animal intelligence will be working even better than usual. Your instinctual inclinations are likely to serve as reliable guides to wise action. Trust what your body tells you! You will definitely be clever enough to be a crow.

Homework: Imagine that one of your heroes comes to you and says, “Teach me the most important things you know.” What do you say?

Jonesin’ Crossword

matt jones

“Words That Never Were” --a mashup from 2013 lists.

• casual • delicious affordable

green / local since ‘92 • weekend brunch


423.265.1212 •


Across 1 Agile 5 Give the appearance of 9 Potato chip flavor 14 Herbal medicine succulent 15 Meat approver, for short 16 “A Delicate Balance” playwright 17 “Damn Yankees” temptress 18 DC team 19 Epic about the Trojan War 20 They stand up for a cause by bumping and grinding? 23 Industry, casually 24 Rare batteries 28 The act of working out a national budget with new fried desserts? 33 Babbling waterway 34 Clashing 35 Come ___ standstill

36 Place to play hockey 37 Hatch at the Capitol 38 Web address letters 39 Thurman who played June in “Henry & June” 40 Oven setting 41 Where much of “Torchwood” takes place 42 Came up with a rational reason for taking one’s own picture? 45 Tried, with “at” 46 World of Warcraft, for one 47 Giant swirl of Buzzfeed posts? 54 Sugar frontman Bob 57 Conical-bore instrument 58 Part of USNA 59 Birchbark vessel 60 Grumpy Cat, e.g. 61 Grooving on 62 Sports forum 63 “South Park” kid 64 British king

of literature Down 1 Everything bagel topping 2 Blizzard battler 3 Casting director’s offer 4 It gets signed at school 5 General who wrote of military arts 6 “Caprica” actor Morales 7 1999 reality-show satire 8 “Heroes” star Oka 9 Not a good thing to hotwire 10 Prepared 11 MLB stat 12 One of Estelle’s co-stars 13 Letters in math proofs 21 Garden hose crimp 22 ___ Wrap 25 Minute 26 Smashed and grabbed 27 Loses it 28 Combat site of the 1850s

29 Mr. McDonald 30 Hawaiian staples 31 Word before mine or mall 32 Suit fabric 33 Art store purchase 37 Cookies since 1912 38 Digital annoyance? 40 Earth-shaking concept 41 Changing table cloth 43 Leno successor 44 Former “America’s Funniest People” host Sorkin 48 ___ of Maine (toothpaste brand) 49 “Yeah, as if!” 50 Time out? 51 Breakout phenomenon 52 Mined-over matter? 53 Scent 54 Late Beastie Boy 55 Dinghy thingy 56 “Ceci n’est pas ___ pipe” (Magritte caption)

Copyright © 2013 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0657


Sell Your Car, Truck, Boat, Motorcycle or RV for only

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Car, Truck, Boat, Motorcycle or RV L EforYonly ’S




S H O P P I N G TO O L • January 9-15, 2014 • The Pulse • 23

TerraMae Appalachian Bistro “…one of Chattanooga’s buzziest new restaurants” —Travel & Leisure Magazine

Dinner: Tues. – Sat. 5–9pm Lunch: Tues. – Fri. 11–2pm Sunday Brunch 10–2pm Make your Reservations Today! Closed: 01/06 – 01/08 for Staff Holiday

Located in the historic StoneFort Inn

122 E 10th Street / 423.710.2925

The Pulse 11.02 » January 9, 2014  

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative.

The Pulse 11.02 » January 9, 2014  

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative.