The Pulse 10.44 » October 31, 2013

Oct. 31-Nov. 6

Vol. 10 • No. 44

POLITICS

MESSISTEXAS WITH TEXAS REALLY THE FUTURE OF AMERICAN POLITICS?

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

WHAT DO A CHAINSAW, A KEG OF BEER AND A PILE OF GLASS HAVE IN COMMON? Marc Michael visits with Subterranean Cirqus to find the (disturbing) answer.

ARTS WHITE ELEPHANTS MUSIC HALLOWEEN HAPPENINGS SCREEN A BLOODY REMAKE

2 • The Pulse • october 31-November 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

Cover Story

EDITORIAL

Managing Editor Mike McJunkin

8 THE 21ST CENTURY SIDESHOW

Contributing Editor Janis Hashe Contributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsny • John DeVore Mike Dobbs • Janis Hashe • Marc T. Michael Ernie Paik • Gary Poole • Alex Teach Editorial Interns Keith King • Chelsea Sokol

By Marc T. Michael Eighty-five million years of natural selection have produced in human beings a powerful desire to avoid pain, danger and the tendency to put oneself in harm’s way— but for Lazarus Hellgate and Pinkie, The Princess of Pain, it’s just another day at the office.

Art Director Gary Poole Cover Photographer Maria Jordania Sable Photographers Charlie Davis, Josh Lang, David Ruiz Founded 2003 by Zachary Cooper & Michael Kull

ADVERTISING

Director of Sales Mike Baskin Account Executives Chee Chee Brown • Julie Brown Rick Leavell • Leif Sawyer • Stacey Tyler Tara Viland • Jerry Ware • Candice York

Feature Stories

CONTACT

Offices 1305 Carter St., Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Fax 423.266.2335 Website chattanoogapulse.com Email info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Everything Else

10 RATTLE YOUR BONES ON ALL HALLOWS EVE

By Janis Hashe The joint will definitely be jumpin’ this Halloween night—so make your plans to get your own joints jumpin’ at one of the many great shows happening around town. We've got some ideas for you...

15 WHITE ELEPHANTS AND THE NEW DIRTY

THE FINE PRINT: The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. © 2013 Brewer Media. All rights reserved.

BREWER MEDIA GROUP Publisher & President Jim Brewer II

C

ontents

t ex

2013

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31

Y DA S lse N Pu ER e D HEROE Th MO PER k in e SU We

OCTOBER

By Rich Bailey Chad Prevost is making some big changes at C&R Press. The Chattanooga-based nonprofit, independent literary press is broadening the range of books it publishes by starting two new series.

4 5 7 11 12 16 19 20 21 32

THE BOWL THE LIST CUISINE BETWEEN THE SLEEVES MUSIC CALENDAR ARTS CALENDAR SPIRITS WITHIN FREE WILL ASTROLOGY JONESIN' CROSSWORD ON THE BEAT

18 “CARRIE” LACKS ORIGINAL’S PUNCH

By John DeVore The Kimberly Peirce re-imagining of “Carrie” might have been better without the influence of the Brian De Palma original. Given how much the films have in common, the studio should have issued a re-release.

NOVEMBER 29 - DECEMBER 1 SPECIAL ENGAGEMENT - RATED: R

D.L. HUGHLEY GROOVE 93 AFTERNOON HOST HOST OF "TRUST ME I'M A GAME SHOW HOST" ON TBS

3224 Brainerd Road, Chattanooga, TN Advance Tickets: (423) 529-2233 www.thecomedycatch.com

chattanoogapulse.com • october 31-November 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 3

BOWL

THE

let beauty awaken

Art Is For Everyone Four teenagers have decided to make some real change in Chattanooga-area schools. Rising high school seniors Ralston Hartness, Thomas West, McKenna Quatro, and Megan Daniel became aware of the underfunded (and often nonexistent) art programs in Chattanooga public schools— and decided to do something about it, with the support of Thorpe McKenzie and the McKenzie Foundation, Fletcher Bright, Pete Cooper and the Community Foundation of Greater Chattanooga, NPR’s “From The Top,” the Chattanooga Theatre Centre, WSMC, Southern Adventist University, the Chattanooga Symphony & Opera, the Chattanooga Youth Symphony Orchestra, Jim Barber—and many others.

chattanooga’s weekly alternative NEWS • COMMENTARY • BULLETINS & PUSH NOTIFICATIONS AT DIAL-UP SPEED facebook/chattanoogapulsE • TWITTER @CHATTAPULSE EMAIL LOVE LETTERS, ADVICE & TRASH TALK TO INFO@CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

With the help of these individuals and organizations, they’ve created “Let Beauty Awaken,” a performing and visual arts collaboration designed to raise money and awareness for Hamilton County public schools.

Their dream: to provide instruments, supplies, and equipment. Their methods: student-created art collections. They are accepting submissions of traditional (bluegrass, jazz, blues, classical, gospel, folk, etc.) musical performances from students between the ages of 10 and 19 in order to produce a CD that will both raise money and inspire other teenage musicians. Additionally, they will be collecting student-created visual artwork for a showcase in the lobby of the Chattanooga Theatre Centre.

This showcase will open with a CD launch party and benefit concert on November 21, starting at 7 p.m. and featuring

4 • The Pulse • october 31-November 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

the Dismembered Tennesseans, The WTM Blues Band and musicians featured on the CD. Cost is $30. Every cent donated to this collaboration will be placed in a fund for arts supplies that schools desperately need.

For more information, visit letbeautyawaken.com — Chelsea Sokol

Barley Bones Dog Biscuits

Don’t Worry, They’re Healthy With recent outbreaks of pet deaths across the nation due to contaminated dog treats from China, more and more pet owners are looking for healthy pet food options made in the USA. The organic pet food industry is one that has slowly been growing and offers pet owners new choices. But even better—all you need do is visit some local hangouts to get treats for your beloved canines.

Barley Bones is a craft dog biscuit producer that specializes in snacks made from organic and high-quality natural ingredients, including locally sourced spent malted barley, a by-product of the beer brewing process. Spent barley is high in protein and is a good source of digestible fiber, which makes it ideal in taste and substance for four-legged family members.

The Barley Bones folks currently make two flavors, Cheddar Cheese and Peanut Butter. You can find them around town at Sturm House Beer Market, Enzo’s Market, Nooga Paws, Prue tt ’s Signal

Mountain Market, The Ark, Moccasin Bend Brewing Co., and East Ridge Animal Hospital, among other places. And they have a booth at the 10 a.m. – noon Saturday Brainerd Farmers Market at Grace Episcopal Church, Brainerd Road and Belvoir Avenue. Or visit them online at barleybon.es and order there.

Those of us who love dogs would do anything to protect them from harm. In this case, ditch the big pet food names and make sure what you’re treating your pet family member to is tasty, not deadly.

— Keith King

Decosimo Lecture Series

Yes, Minister Iveta Radicová, former Prime Minister of Slovakia, comes to Chattanooga on Tuesday, November 5 as a speaker for the Decosimo Lecture Series on Global Business at TUC. From 9:45 to 10:40 in the Raccoon Mountain Room of the University Center, she will discuss her decision to oppose aid for Greece, even while under heavy pressure and scrutiny from other EU countries, in addition to explaining the economic differences between Europe and the United States.

This free lecture should be particularly interesting for anyone curious about Eastern European financial policies, which are often ignored by Americans who pay more attention to Western European news.

In addition to being Slovakia’s first female professor of sociology, Radicová also founded the country’s first NGO (The Center for Analysis of Social Policy) and served as the first female prime minister from 2010 to 2012. She became internationally known for her fiscally conservative policies. For more information, visit blog.utc.edu/news/2013.

— C.S.

LIST

THE

pulse » PICKS

• A curated weekly selection of picks from the Chattanooga Live and Arts & Entertainment calendars by Pulse staffers.

THU10.31

FRI11.01

WHISKEY MASH

BLUE COLLAR WOMAN

Chattanooga Whiskey Monster Mash

“The Tennessee Tramp” Janet Williams

• Come downtown and celebrate Halloween with DJ Tone Harm spinning all sorts of holiday dance music, brought to you by our favorite local distillery.

7 p.m. • Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 265-0771, facebook. com/ChattanoogaWhiskey

• Janet Williams brings her downhome humor to town in her many guises of crazy grandmother, wacky aunt, and nutty neighbor.

7:30, 9:30 p.m. • The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233, thecomedycatch.com

HALLOWEEN BASH

THEY'RE BAAAAAACK!

The Bohannons, Behold The Brave, Mime Game, The Nim Nims

Barenaked Ladies

• A true-blue badass rock and roll Halloween party for costume party time. Prizes for best costumes and a fantastic lineup of local favorites.

Expect the unexpected!

9 p.m. • The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy.

(423) 468-4192, thehonestpint.com

• It’s been more than one week since they headlined Nightfall (more like several hundreds of weeks). Since then, they’ve done rather well for themselves.

It will be a “Big Bang” for your buck at the Tivoli this Friday. And that’s no theory.

8 p.m. • Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5156, chattanoogaonstage.com

RAW

The Last Of The SAT11.02 Great Fall Regattas

AMERICANA FUN Harpeth Rising

The “Head of the Hooch” rowing regatta returns to the Tennessee River and downtown Chattanooga this weekend. It’s one of the world’s largest rowing regattas, with 2,000-plus boats racing over two days.

More than 9,000 seats are rowed. Twelve hundred boats compete on Saturday alone, more in one day than any other regatta. Participants come from over 200 different organizations, and in 2012 the regatta welcomed crews from 27 different states and several foreign countries, including teams from Canada, Germany, Sweden and Australia.

The regatta is a head race—competitors row a 5,000-meter (3.1 mile) course

on the Tennessee River ending at Ross’s Landing Park.

The Hooch is a unique event.

It attracts athletes, family, alumni, local residents and those who travel to attend. It combines a rowing regatta and an arts market, with supporting events and activities at the Tennessee Aquarium and other downtown businesses.

Last year, the Chattanooga Sports & Events Committee estimated the economic impact of the Hooch at around $4.8 million dollars to the economy.

Head of the Hooch Saturday 8:40 a.m. race start Sunday 8:15 a.m. race start Ross's Landing Park. headofthehooch.org

• A convergence of a classical education combined with an intuition for folk music and an undisguised passion for Americana, blues, bluegrass and all things acoustic.

8 p.m. • Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960, christunity.org

ROMEO, THE MUSICAL “West Side Story” • What would have happened if Shakespeare had been born in the 20th century and been into musical theater? Once you’re a Shark, you’re always a Shark.

And once you’re a Capulet, you’re always a Capulet.

8 p.m. • Soldiers and Sailors Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156

LIVE MUSIC & DJs EVERY WEEKEND FRI/SAT • NOVEMBER 1/2 Pistol Town $1 beer 10-11pm LIVE MUSIC STARTS @ 10:30pm FRIDAY & SATURDAY NIGHTS DJ REGGIE REG 2nd Floor 9:30pm-3am FRIDAY & SATURDAY NIGHTS

PARTY, REDEFINED.

TWO FLOORS • ONE BIG PARTY • LIVE MUSIC • DANCING • 409 MARKET ST • 423.756.1919 open 7 days a week » full menu until 2am » 21+ » smoking allowed chattanoogapulse.com • october 31-November 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 5

CHATTANOOGA AREA

CHAMBER

SPIRIT OF INNOVATION CELEBRATING CHATTANOOGA’S MOST INNOVATIVE COMPANIES

NOVEMBER 13 KEYNOTE SPEAKER: KATHARINE FRASE,

VICE PRESIDENT AND CHIEF TECHNOLOGY OFFICER, IBM PUBLIC SECTOR

TO MAKE A RESERVATION, VISIT WWW.CHATTANOOGACHAMBER.COM

Pilgrim Congregational Church

(UCC)

Has Provided the

Chattanooga community with a liberal Christian tradition since 1914.

Learn more about our mission and activities at pilgrim-church.com

Sunday Worship 11am 400 Glenwood Drive at 3rd Street (423) 698-5682 6 • The Pulse • october 31-November 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

Politics

janis hashe

Not This Time

The new vision for America is…Texas? Really?

I

SUBSCRIBE TO TIME MAGAZINE, REGARDED BY MANY AS a reliable tool of the “liberal media,” so imagine my shock when I pulled the October 28 issue out of the mailbox and was confronted with a cover story called “The United States of Texas: Why the Lone Star State is America’s Future.”

After recovering from a short fainting fit, I read the story itself. While you have to hand it to Time for putting out an issue destined to be talked about (and purchased), here’s why I disagree with many of the conclusions reached by the author, Tyler Cowan.

Cowan has heavy-duty bona fides; he is the right’s go-to economist of the moment, a tenured professor at George Mason University, a well-known polymath and author of Average is Over: Powering America Beyond the Age of the Great Stagnation, just released last month and already powering up conversations around the globe.

But Cowan, as he says himself in the Time article, is a free-market advocate and a libertarian, and therefore, his forecasts of the future look pretty dystopian to anyone who doesn’t believe in “I’ve got mine; everyone else feel free to die and decrease the surplus population.” (With apologies to Mr. Charles Dickens.)

“

dents have no health insurance. Many of its schools are less than stellar.

Property crime rate are high. Rates of murder and other violent crimes are hardly sterling either.”

Now, having read Cowan’s entire article, many of the trends he points to as reasons for the influx of residents into Texas (based on 20102011 numbers—as in pre-recession recovery—110,000 in that year) are real.

The middle class has been “hollowing out,” as he calls it. The jobs that are being created are primarily lower-sector jobs (with Texas at the top of that dubious tree). Property costs have become beyond the reach of many in some areas.

But where Cowan and I diverge is how we as a country should react to these trends.

His version: Hands off, because the free market is shaking down as it will. My version: There is a lot that we can and must do to save the middle class, create better jobs and better-educated workers and as for property costs; even Cowan points to an increasing trend of “less is more” when it comes to housing, citing the many companies building “micro-homes,” even in everything-isbigger-in Texas. Yes, the decades-old trend of bigger and bigger houses is reversing for the middle class—but in my view, that is increasingly because of choice. Online education, which Cowan touts as a magic bullet, is being shown to be more like the emperor sans clothes. And he continually refers to the Austin/Marfa area in his article—never

He also says, ‘San Francisco will have to become more like Houston when it comes to zoning.’ Perhaps when Dallas/Fort Worth freezes over.”

In the last chapter of Average is Over, Cowan spells this out: “We will move from a society based on the pretense that everyone is given an okay standard of living to a society in which people are expected to fend for themselves much more than they do now.”

That’s why it’s no surprise to find Texas on the top of his list as a model for the rest of the country—even when his own article begins by saying: “The state’s social services are thin. Welfare benefits are skimpy. Roughly a quarter of resi-

mind, apparently, that this is exactly the celebrated blue spot in a sea of red.

Here let me digress slightly and mention that Cowan compares what $300,000 will buy in housing in various places in the U.S., using Zillow as a reference. Zillow is the real estate equivalent of Wikipedia as a source and I seriously question his numbers here. He also says, with a straight face, one presumes, “San Francisco will have to become more like Houston when it comes to zoning.” Perhaps when Dallas/ Fort Worth freezes over. And also in the we-really-should-have-fact-checkedthis corner is the article’s claim that “Over the past 20 years, more than 4 million Californians have moved to Texas,” which Time had to take back on the “Editor’s Desk” page of the November 4 issue, writing penitently, “We misstated an estimate of California migration. About one-third of the more than 4 million people who left the state in the past 20 years moved to Texas.” So, about 1,333,333 people vs. 4 million.

But who’s counting?

Of course, there’s been lots of kickback to Cowan’s piece; for example, this from Robert Crook in Open Salon: “So if you are a commoner and you want to pay lower taxes but stupidly don’t give a shit

about your quality of life, then by all means, pack up your shit and move to Texas… …“And most of us Californians are fine seeing greedy, unethical business owners packing up and moving their businesses to Texas (and other red states), where, without state regulations that protect the consumer, the employee and the environment, they can rape, pillage and plunder and profiteer far more effectively than they can do here in California, where we believe in protections for the environment, the employee and the consumer.”

But perhaps from my point of view, the real response to Cowan’s view of a New Texan America comes from someone he (admirably, it must be said) quotes in his own article, Scott McGowan, former executive director of the Center for Public Policies and now a law professor at the University of Texas: “We’ve built our [Texas] economy by favoring the wealthy…if that’s the ultimate end result of the Texas model in a democratic society, it will be rejected.”

Here’s hoping you’re right, Mr. McGowan. There are those of us still out here dedicated to making sure you are.

chattanoogapulse.com • october 31-November 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 7

Come One, Come All to the 21st Century Sideshow Carny geeksmanship with Subterranean Cirqus

E

By Marc T. Michael

Photo by David Ruiz

IGHTY-FIVE MILLION YEARS OF NATURAL SELection have produced in human beings a powerful desire to avoid pain, danger and the tendency to put oneself in harm’s way—but for Lazarus Hellgate and Pinkie, The Princess of Pain, it’s just another day at the office.

8 • The Pulse • october 31-November 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

The husband-and-wife team has been performing their unique circus sideshow act for seven years now, in which time they have thrilled, shocked and occasionally had a slightly more emetic effect on audiences across the country. When spectating their complicated and genuinely dangerous panoply of stunts (there are no fake props or sleight of hand here, the risk is very real) one is fairly overwhelmed by the question, “How did they do that?” It is only afterwards during the sensory hangover that one begins to contemplate the more basic question, “Why did they do that?”

In Hellgate’s case the seed was planted early. As a wee lad of six or seven (sans trademark goatee, one presumes) he was fascinated with magic. Stage magic, street magic, cards and coins; the art of misdirection enthralled the young potential snake oil salesman, and to this day his knowledge of the subject is impressive. If he had a crush on magic, then he fell head-over-heels in love the day his father took him to the county fair, where he saw a real-life sword swallower and fire-eater for the first time.

In his own words: “I was really into comic books at the time and these guys, it was like they had superpowers. I mean they really did swallow swords and they really did eat fire. It wasn’t an illusion the way magic is, it was something tangible and I was hooked.”

Hellgate would spend his teenage years promoting various clubs, bands, DJs and other performers.

It wasn’t until the early 2000s that the carny acts would resurface in his life. By this time, he had already met wife-to-be Pinkie, and they discovered in those pre-YouTube days that they could supplement their income nicely by videotaping themselves performing various stunts and selling them online. In all fairness, many of these stunts more closely resembled the “geek” acts of antiquity than the highly polished physical feats they are known for today, but it was a start, and for a time it was good. The rise of social media more or less closed this particular revenue stream—and it was then that Hellgate first conceived of assembling a show that could be taken on the road.

He fell easily into the role of manager, barker and ringmaster, while Pinkie quickly found her place in the center spotlight. To this day, Hellgate insists that Pinkie is the star of the show as well as his demented muse, and it’s easy to see why. Hellgate’s performance pieces tend to be traditional: walking on glass, eating glass, spending an inordinate amount of time in the restroom after eating glass and other classic carny fare—but Pinkie is a child of the new millennium, a neo-traditionalist who makes the word “extreme” look rather puny. The black eyes she occasionally suffers from suspending an emp-

“

“The profound trust and understanding shared between the two gives them an almost preternatural ability to perform stunts others wouldn’t dare.” no trick. Nerves, steady hands and trust are all that stand between an impressive display and disaster.

Amazingly enough, most of the injuries they have sustained over the years haven’t been from the actual performances but from the mundane tasks associated with setting up the stunts. At an outdoor venue Pinkie was moving supplies from point A to point B in preparation for a little fire-breathing when she stepped into a gopher hole, snapping her ankle. The fire-breathing still went off flawlessly.

There is one notable exception to their otherwise impeccable safety record. Several years back, Hellgate was performing a variation of his glass-walking stunt in which he did a sort of “angry gorilla stomp,” leaping several feet in to the air before grinding his bare feet into the box of broken glass (his vague resemblance to a certain hairy, mythical inhabitant of the Pacific Northwest makes this a visually stunning feat). On this particular occasion, an errant two-inchlong piece of glass embedded itself deep in the big man’s heel, resulting

The macabre duo was once offered a shot at their own reality television series. In the end, it was an offer they decided to decline, refusing to give up creative control of their act.

A principled move to be sure—but also a shrewd one. They are respected members of the sideshow community, earning the trust and advice of old-timers and veterans and the demand for their act has never been higher. Although they are frequently joined on stage by longtime friend and fellow performer Leroy “The Irish Strongman” Lewis, whose signature move is driving nails with his forehead, it is clear that Lazarus Hellgate and Pinkie, the Princess of Pain, don’t need any help achieving fame. They just need a liitle help burying the bodies.

To find out where Subterranean Cirqus is performing, visit them at facebook.com/subterraneancirqus

Photo by Charlie Davis

ty beer keg from hooks set in her eye sockets are par for the course for the Princess of Pain who specializes in body modification, manipulation, pain tolerance and fire. Lots and lots of fire. Pinkie has become so adept at eating and breathing fire that she has been forced to invent new and … unexpected…ways of producing fire from her person. Suffice it to say that there are few, if any, who can lay a more substantial claim to the title of “hot mama.”

Over the years many people have assumed that working together the way the couple does might put considerably more strain on their relationship than the typical husband-and-wife team. Nothing could be further from the truth. The profound trust and understanding shared between the two gives them an almost preternatural ability to perform stunts others wouldn’t dare. A prime example of this is an act in which Pinkie holds an apple in her mouth while Hellgate carves his initials in to it with a fully functioning chainsaw. There are no modifications to the machinery; there is

in a great deal of blood and a wound that shoould have received stitches.

Ever a “glass is half full” kind of performer, Hellgate remarks on the occurrence: “I can’t say as I enjoyed it but it did prove once and for all that what we do is genuinely dangerous We aren’t faking anything—so I guess it was worth it.”

The popularity and success of the Subterranean Cirqus has opened a number of doors for the couple, including a warm and long-standing friendship with Troma Entertainment founder Lloyd Kaufman (“Toxic Avenger,” anyone?) and a stint working with several veterans of the Jim Rose Sideshow. Hellgate recalls one of his favorite encounters as the time he and Pinkie met veteran horror actor John Dugan (Grandpa Sawyer from the original “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”) who having just witnessed their performance admitted, “You kids scare the hell out of me. That was terrifying.”

chattanoogapulse.com • october 31-November 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 9

Music

janis hashe

Rattle Your Bones On All Hallows Eve The best parties to be seen dead at around town this Halloween

13th Annual All Hallows Eve Ball at The Honest Pint.

Not only will you get to hear the Bohannons, Behold the Brave, The Nim Nims and Mime Game, but the HP promises a costume contest with cash prizes, “spooky bar specials” and food served until late.

9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Parkway, (423) 468-4192, thehonestpint.com

T

HE JOINT WILL DEFINITELY BE JUMPIN’ THIS HALLOWEEN night—so make your plans to get your own joints jumpin’ at one of the many great shows happening around town. Check out some of these possibilities:

Halloween Show at JJ’s Bohemia.

Halloween is always a blast at JJ’s, which this year is featuring those crazy kids, Strung Like A Horse.

10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400, jjsbohemia.com

Halloween Party at Rhythm & Brews.

R&B will be partying with Opposite Box, Deep Fried 5, and the band that wins our favorite Halloween band name of the year, Demon Waffle.

9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644, rhythm-brews.com

Halloween Bash at Jack A’s Chop Shop Saloon.

Few if any places party better than New Orleans, and Jack A’s welcomes Dash Rip Rock, a lauded band from the Big Easy. Costume contest and voodoo vibes welcome.

8 p.m. Jack A’s Chop Shop Saloon, 742 Ashland Terrace. (423) 710-8739, jackaschopshopsaloon.com

Halloween Night at Tremont Tavern. tHE HEARtS IN LIGHt’s Ectoplasmic Hang out on Halloween with the good folks Halloween Extraganza at Sluggo’s. at Tremont Tavern and their musical guest, Says Kyle of the HEARtS, “Bottle Rocket will Function. be opening for us and our performance will include plenty of pro lights, lasers, fog, ecto9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, plasm, vampires, swords, and most impor1203 Hixson Pk. (423) 266-1996, tantly an amazing and innovative pop show.” facebook.com/TremontTavern 10 p.m, Sluggo’s North Vegetarian Café, 501 Sundays: Live Trivia 4-6pm, Followed by Live Music Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 752-5224.

GI Joe Army Ho-lloween at SkyZoo. If you’re serving in the military, SkyZoo is the place to be on Halloween—free admission for those with military I.D. to hear Downstream, Marlow Drive, Arythmia and DJ X’Phakder in the Boom Boom Room.

Costume contest, too.

6 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Highway.

(423) 521-2966, skyzoochattanooga.com

Halloween Night Monster Mash at Miller Plaza.

Chattanooga Whiskey hosts a costume party (and contest), dancing and cash bar at Miller Plaza. Music provided by DJ Toneharm.

7 p.m. Miller Plaza, 850 w Market St. facebook.com/ChattanoogaWhiskey

Sunday, [Free]

special halloween show 13th Annual All Hallows Eve Ball with special performances from:

The Bohannons * Behold The Brave The Nim Nims * Mime Game Costume Contest with Cash prizes.

Food served late. Spooky bar specials.

Thursday, October 31, 9pm

10 • The Pulse • october 31-November 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

Full food menu serving lunch and dinner.

11am-2am, 7 days a week.

35 Patten Parkway * 423.468.4192 thehonestpint.com * facebook.com/TheHonestPint

Between the Sleeves

record reviews • ernie paik

Take Your Pick: Parlor Folk or Death Metal

Pure and simple Lena Hughes, Gatling-gun Gorguts

Lena Hughes Queen of the Flat Top Guitar (Tompkins Square)

S

hining a light on a charming folk obscurity, collector Chris King gave new life to a record that could have easily been forever relegated to footnotes or rare eBay appearances, exchanging hands for handsome sums. The instrumental record is by the late guitarist Lena Hughes, who was born in 1904, originally entitled Queen of the Guitar Pickers and Her Flat Top Guitar; it was released on Power Records as a small press LP sometime in the ’60s and sold at her appearances at folk festivals and fiddler conventions.

One of her most well-known proponents is John Renbourn, of the British folk group Pentangle, who contributed the liner notes for this reissue and had approached King, tenaciously seeking the extremely hard-tofind recording, after first hearing one of her tracks on a compilation album 40 years ago.

Gorguts Colored Sands (Season of Mist) So what is it about this music that makes it so special and sought after? Perhaps the most striking thing about the 11-track album is just how breezy, casual and humble it sounds, which is refreshing in this new age of narcissism and showmanship.

Listeners today may associate folk music with the ’50s/’60s revival, spurred by Harry Smith’s Anthology of American Folk Music, or acoustic guitar instrumentals with the American Primitive style of John Fahey or Leo Kottke; instead, Hughes preferred to play parlor music, from the days before recorded music in the late 19th century when playing songs off sheet music was popular.

“Pearly Dew” sets the bright tone for the album, with notepatterns picked with aplomb and spirit, and Hughes uses an open tuning, allowing pedal notes to ring out; slight imperfections are

left in, which make it seem more honest, warm and human. On “Galloway Bay,” Hughes lets the bass notes pick out the melody while the upper register rhythm guitar chords push the song along. It’s an unassuming, deceptively simple album yet pure, invigorating and entrancing.

A

ll listeners tend to gravitate toward certain genres as bread and butter, while other genres may have a barrier to entry. I confess to having a soft spot for postpunk and indie pop, but when it comes to, say, reggae or metal, it has to be something really unusual or remarkable to grab my attention—unfortunately, in most cases, nonconformity is not always rewarded or valued by the public at large.

The Canadian technical death metal band Gorguts first got on my radar when the group’s 1998

album Obscura came out, distinguishing itself with extremely complicated music with a mindbending complexity and extraordinarily bizarre and sick guitar licks that sometimes sounded like tortured horses.

Now, Colored Sands is the outfit’s first studio album in twelve years, with founder and front man Luc Lemay joined by drummer John Longstreth and two members of Dysrhythmia—guitarist Kevin Hufnagel and bassist Colin Marston.

The technical death metal touchstones are all here, projecting power: Gatling gun bass drum blasts, surgically precise runs and transitions, and yes, the Cookie Monster-type vocal throaty growl. With an average song-length of about seven minutes, the tracks each have ample time to unfurl, revealing themselves as huge, twisty labyrinths; the aural onslaught is perhaps like some giant, intricate killing machine forged of metal inscribed with some ornate pattern like a prop in a Hellraiser movie.

The moment that may catch people off guard is “The Battle of Chamdo,” which is solely performed by a string quintet, evoking dread with a quasi-Jaws theme, complex melodic lines and dissonant sustained notes; oddly enough, it works and perhaps serves as a statement to draw parallels between technical death metal and classical music.

The Cookie Monster vocals are, as always, ridiculous, and while the musicianship and complexity are impressive and exhilarating, the album’s homogeneity leaves this writer wishing it had a bit more sound experimentation like certain past efforts.

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THURSDAY, OCTOBER 31

Strung Like a Horse ~ Halloween Show

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 1 WRESTLEHEMIA

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 2 Tristen

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 5

Exhumed, Unspoken Triumph, Red Necklace

231 E MLK Blvd ✴ jjsbohemia.com

chattanoogapulse.com • october 31-November 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 11

Chattanooga Live

CHATTANOOGA

MUSIC CALENDAR Behold The Brave

St. Paul & The Broken Bones

LIVE MUSIC OCT/NOV

OPPOSITE BOX

31 FRI 10p 1 SAT 10p 2 WED 9:30p 6 THU 9p 7 FRI 10p 8 SAT 9p 9

THU with DEEP FRIED 5 & DEMONWAFFLE 9:30p THE BROKEN BONES ST. PAUL AND

THE HOTTEST SHOW IN THE SOUTH!

BACK N BLACK

THE ULTIMATE ACDC TRIBUTE!

BLACK TAXI

KICK ASS ROCK ‘N ROLL

RYAN OYER

with GABRIEL NEWELL & RICK RUSHING

MINNESOTA

ARE YOU READY TO PARTY?

BIRDSMELL

BEN BRIDWELL OF BAND OF HORSES

11.13 RAVEN CLIFF 11.15 HILLBILLY SINS 11.16 FLY BY RADIO 11.21 HE IS LEGEND

COMING SOON

WHO'S BAD

FRI ULTIMATE MICHAEL JACKSON TRIBUTE 10p

22

VELCRO PYGMIES

27

WED ANNUAL PRE-THANKSGIVING PARTY 10p

ALL SHOWS 21+ UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED • NON-SMOKING VENUE

221 MARKET STREET

HOT MUSIC • FINE BEER • GREAT FOOD BUY TICKETS ONLINE • RHYTHM-BREWS.COM

THUrsday 10.31 “Pickin’ at the Post” with Bluegrass bands 5 p.m. American Legion Post, Highway 11 N. (423) 582-1337 Downstream, Marlow Drive, Arythmia 6 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533, skyzoochattanooga.com Bluegrass and Country Jam 6:30 p.m. Grace Nazarene Church, 6310 Dayton Blvd.

(423) 842-5919, chattanoogagrace.com Courtney Daly and Ivan Wilson 7 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5840 Lake Resort Ter. (423) 870-0777, bartslakeshore.com Soddy-Daisy Jamboree 7 p.m. Soddy-Daisy Community Center, 9835 Dayton Pk. (423) 332-5323 Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055, thepalmsathamilton.com Jonathan Wimpie 7 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956, sugarsribs.com Tim Neal and Mike Harris 7:30 p.m. Mexi Wings VII, 5773 Brainerd Rd. (423) 509-8696, mexiwingviichattanooga.com Dash Rip Rock

12 • The Pulse • october 31-November 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

8:30 p.m. Jack A’s Chop Shop Saloon, 742 Ashland Ter. (423) 710-8739, jackaschopshopsaloon.com Aunt Betty 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878, budssportsbar.com The Bohannons, Behold The Brave, Mime Games, The Nim Nims 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy.

(423) 468-4192, thehonestpint.com Function 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pk. (423) 266-1996, facebook.com/TremontTavern Strung Like a Horse 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400, jjsbohemia.com Opposite Box, Deep Fried 5, Demon Waffle 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644, rhythm-brews.com tHE HEARtS IN LIGHt, Bottle Rocket 10 p.m. Sluggos North Vegetarian Café, 501 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 752-5224

friday 11.01 Eddie Pontiac 5:30 p.m. El Mason, 2204

Hamilton Pl. Blvd.

(423) 894-8726, elmesonrestaurant.com Tim Lewis 5:30 p.m. El Mason Hixson, 248 Northgate Mall.

(423) 710-1201 Binji Varsossa 6 p.m. Cancun Mexican Restaurant & Lounge, 1809 Broad St. (423) 266-1461, cancunmexicanrest.com The Half & Half Band 7 p.m. Troy’s Place, 320 Emerson Dr., Ringgold, Ga. (423) 965-8346 Danny Sample/ Dave Walters 7 p.m. 212 Market, 212 Market St. (423) 265-1212, 212market.com Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055, thepalmsathamilton.com College Band Night: Telemonster, Wil Pope, Sinai Vessel, John Taylor Haston 7:30 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081, thecamphouse.com Barenaked Ladies 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5156, chattanoogaonstage.com Erin Hill Band 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Dr., Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065,

ringgoldacoustic.com Scenic City Soul Revue 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 Broad St. (423) 756-3400, chattanooganhotel.com.

Glass House Giants 8:30 p.m. Jack A’s Chop Shop Saloon, 742 Ashland Ter. (423) 710-8739, jackaschopshopsaloon.com Wrestlehemia 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400, jjsbohemia.com Jonathan Wimpee 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn) (423) 634-9191 SRO Band 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956, sugarsribs.com St. Paul and The Broken Bones, Sonic Brew 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644, rhythm-brews.com Gabe Newell 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pk. (423) 266-1996, facebook.com/TremontTavern

saturday 11.02 Jefferson Ross 12:30 p.m. Cartecay Vineyards, 5704 Clear Creek Rd. (706) 698-9463, cartecayvineyards.com

Chattanooga Live

901 Carter St (Inside Days Inn) 423-634-9191

MUSIC CALENDAR

Harpeth Rising

Thollem McDonas

Thursday, October 31: 9pm Halloween Open Mic with Hap Henninger Friday, November 1: 9pm Jonathan Wimpee Saturday, November 2: 10pm Hap Henninger, Hara Paper Tuesday, November 5: 7pm Server/Hotel Appreciation Night

Music at the Winery 1:30 p.m. Cartecay Vineyards, 5704 Clear Creek Rd. (706) 698-9463, cartecayvineyards.com Eddie Pontiac 5:30 p.m. El Mason, 2204 Hamilton Pl. Blvd.

(423) 894-8726, elmasonrestaurant.com Tim Lewis 5:30 p.m. El Mason Hixson, 248 Northgate Mall.

(423) 710-1201 Binji Varsossa 6 p.m. Cancun Mexican Restaurant & Lounge, 1809 Broad St. (423) 266-1461, cancunmexicanrest.com 24/7 Band 7 p.m. Red Clay Pickin’ Barn, 1095 Weatherly Switch Tr. (423) 464-3034 The Hopeful Country Band 7 p.m. Troy’s Place, 320 Emerson Dr., Ringgold, Ga. (423) 965-8346 Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055, thepalmsathamilton.com Harpeth Rising 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960, christunity.org Scenic City Soul Revue 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 Broad St. (423) 756-3400, chattanooganhotel.com.

DJE

8:30 p.m. Jack A’s Chop Shop Saloon, 742 Ashland Ter. (423) 710-8739, jackaschopshopsaloon.com Spand-XXX 9 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533, skyzoochattanooga.com Tristen 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400, jjsbohemia.com The Pool 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956, sugarsribs.com Back n Black: Ultimate AC/DC Tribute 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644, rhythm-brews.com Hap Henninger, Hara Paper 10 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn) (423) 634-9191

sunday 11.03 Benji Varsossa, Danny Mull, Jimmy Young 11 a.m. Great New York Flea Market, 143 Park Industrial Blvd. Ringgold, Ga. (706) 858-0188 Friends of Folk Music 2 p.m. Chattanooga Folk School, 1200 Mountain Creek Rd. (423) 827-8906, chattanoogafolk.com Bobby Denton Band Jam

2 p.m. Cheap Seats Sports Bar, 2925 Rossville Blvd.

(423) 629-5636

monday 11.04 Big Band Night 7 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055, thepalmsathamilton.com

tuesday 11.05 Jim Palmer 7:30 p.m. 1885 Grill, 3914 Saint Elmo Ave. (423) 485-3050, facebook.com/1885Grill Thollem McDonas 8:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347, barkinglegs.org Exhumed, Unspoken Triumph, Red Necklace 9 p.m. J.J.’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400, jjsbohemia.com

wednesday 11.06 Eddie Pontiac 5:30 p.m. El Meson Hixson, 248 Northgate Mall.

(423) 710-1201 David Ramirez with Ryan Culwell 7 p.m. The Camp House,

1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081, thecamphouse.com Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055, thepalmsathamilton.com Helen Highwater String Band 7:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347, barkinglegs.org Priscilla & Little Rickee 8:30 p.m. Las Margarita’s, 1101 Hixson Pk. (423) 756-3332, lasmargaritaschattanooga.com Black Taxi 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644, rhythm-brews.com Monomath, Vincas, The Powder Room 9 p.m J.J.’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400, jjsbohemia.com Infinite Orange, Opposite Box 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Parkway, (423) 468-4192, thehonestpint.com

$5 Pitchers $2 Wells $1.50 Domestics ●

●

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks!

Stop by & check out our daily specials!

Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

Facebook.com/theoffice.chatt

Hot Music • Hot Times • Hot Food

Smoke Free • 742 Ashland Terrace

31 Dash Rip Rock FRI NOV 1 Glass House Giants SAT NOV 2 DJE THU OCT

HAPPY HOUR

3P-7P • MON-FRI BIKE NIGHT EVERY

Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@ chattanoogapulse.com.

WEDNESDAY

(423) 710-8739

jackaschopshopsaloon.com

chattanoogapulse.com • october 31-November 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 13

VOLKSWAGEN SERIES

CLASSICAL’S TOP HITS November 3, 2013 at 3:00PM Volkswagen Conference Center Kayoko Dan, conductor

Tickets are $25 or $15 for students with valid I.D. 423.267.8583 • www.chattanoogasymphony.org 14 • The Pulse • october 31-November 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

Arts

rich baley

White Elephants and the New Dirty C&R Press stays literary, adds visionary

C

HAD PREVOST IS MAKING SOME BIG changes at C&R Press. The Chattanooga-based nonprofit, independent literary press is broadening the range of books it publishes by starting two new series, putting a stronger emphasis on book design and exploring the intersection of old and new publishing technologies.

“

It’s a way of embracing where we are, Southern literature in the spirit of Harry Crews, William Gay, Barry Hannah, Larry Brown, George Singleton.”

I spoke with Prevost at the Meacham Writer’s Workshop last week, where he and three of his writers—Sybil Baker and Caleb Ludwick, both of Chattanooga, and Lori Jakiela—gave readings.

Ludwick’s story collection, "The First Time She Fell", was published commercially by C&R in October.

“We’re getting away from only being a literary press,” he said.

“We’re looking for the content of our ideas and our design to set us apart from the pack.”

White Elephant Books is a new series of topical nonfiction books that’s all about concise presentations of big ideas.

He’s looking for thought leaders and change makers who want to push against conventions, starting with Chattanooga.

“We’ve been such a literary press,” said Prevost. “I love literature. That’s a passion. But the thing I’m excited about is White Elephant. This is the first line of books C&R is going to do that doesn’t purport to be literary. It’s bold ideas from visionary people who want to do social good, the subjects that everyone is aware of but no one is really talking about.”

Each White Elephant title will be a 20-to-40-page multimedia ebook.

They will be available through print-

on-demand, but the ebook will include embedded videos of the authors presenting their ideas. He’s also planning a reading series with White Elephant authors at The Fourth Floor of the Public Library.

Prevost plans to publish six White Elephant titles per year, starting with six big ideas from Chattanooga. He’s soliciting not just writers, but anyone with a bold idea in business, technology, entrepreneurship, psychology, religion and politics. Because submissions for White Elephant have been lower than for more conventional types of books during C&R’s September and October reading period, Prevost is considering manuscript submissions and concept proposals in November.

A lot of the entrepreneurs doing great things in the community aren’t writers,” he said. “There are some gigantic ideas here in Chattanooga that have been submitted to me for White Elephant.”

C&R’s other new book series is The New Dirty, the type of Southern literature often called “grit lit.”

“It’s a way of embracing where we are, Southern literature in the spirit of Harry Crews, William Gay, Barry Hannah, Larry Brown, George Singleton,” he said, quickly acknowledging, “Of course, those are all guys, and most of them are dead. It’s also the spirit of Lee Smith and Dorothy Allison.”

He’s also been talking to Terry Chouinard and others at The Open Press, Chattanooga’s brand new collaborative that’s working to revive and revitalize some very old printing technology.

While the newest printing presses are digital, and much formerly printed matter is digital-only, The Open Press is

reviving letterpress technology in which inked metal plates with letters on them are literally pressed onto paper.

Besides one collaboration with The Open Press on a small piece for the Fusebox Art+Word series a few weeks ago, it’s all in the planning stages so far. But Prevost envisions including letterpress-printed pages in a printon-demand book. Call it “letterpress on demand,” a very Southern marriage of technologies, kind of unexpected but much friendlier than a shotgun wedding.

“We are exploring ways in which some of their old technology can be combined with new printing technology to create books with a crafted letterpress look and feel but that are affordable enough to be sustainable,” said Prevost. “We believe Chattanooga is at an important time in its life, and what we need to be doing is telling stories bringing together the best of old and new delivery mechanisms, creating print artifacts that are beautiful and powerful.”

Prevost is also turning to design to distinguish his books in a crowded market.

“Design was an afterthought for the first few years of C&R Press,” he admits.

“There are so many talented designers I’m working with now, including Terry Chouinard at The Open Press and Aggie Toppins at UTC. Design is an important part of how we’re going to establish more and more of a brand and do stuff that’s way ahead of what most independent presses do.”

“I want to be part of helping develop a movement here in Chattanooga,” said Prevost. “I think the literary arts are definitely overlooked in this city. We do a great job with the visual arts and supporting those artists. But, man, the literary artists are struggling.”

For more information about C&R Press, find them on Facebook or at CRpress.org

chattanoogapulse.com • october 31-November 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 15

“One of America’s Top 101 places to visit”

Arts & Entertainment

EVENTS CALENDAR Janet Williams

National Geographic, USA 101

THUrsday 10.32

for more info call 706.820.2531

See RockCity.com ...This holiday season, make plans to

SEE ROCK CITY this holiday season!

Opens November 22 Nightly from 6-9 pm at Rock City · Open Christmas Night · Closed Christmas Eve

Spooky Night at the Library 9:30 a.m. E.G. Fisher Library, 1289 Ingleside Ave. (423) 745-7782 “To Kill a Mockingbird” 2:30 p.m. Cumberland County Playhouse, 221 Tennessee Ave., Crossville. (931) 484-5000, ccplayhouse.com Ooltewah Farmer’s Market 3 p.m. Ooltewah Nursery & Landscape Co. Inc., 5829 Main St. (423) 238-9775 Halloween Family Festival 4 p.m. Sequatchie Valley Institute, 1233 Cartwright Lp. (423) 949-4598, svionline.org Scarecrow in the Wilds Picnic and Hayride 4:30 p.m. Chattanooga Arboretum & Nature Center, 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160, chattanoogaanc.org Northgate Mall Trick or Treat 5 p.m. Northgate Mall Stores, 271 Northgate Mall (615) 771-2050, VisitNorthgateMall.com Halloween at McKay 5:30 p.m. McKay Used Books, 7734 Lee Hwy. (423) 892-0067, mckaybooks.com Soddy Trunk O’ Treats 6 p.m. Soddy Community Chapel, 194 Depot St. Hamilton Place Trick or Treat 6 p.m. Hamilton Place Mall, 2100 Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 385-4462, HamiltonPlace.com Murder, Mystery and Masterpieces: Fascinating Tales of Art Theft 6:00 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View Ave, (423) 267-0968, huntermuseum.org Chattanooga Whiskey

16 • The Pulse • october 31-November 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

Monster Mash 7 p.m. Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 265-0771, facebook. com/ChattanoogaWhiskey Noel Coward’s Hauntingly Funny Blithe Spirit Costume Party 7 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534, theatrecentre.com “Mystery of the Redneck Italian Wedding” 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839, funnydinner.com Own on the Moon 7 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge, (423) 321-2317, artsychattanooga.com “The Tennessee Tramp” Janet Williams 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233, thecomedycatch.com

friday 11.01 Scenic City 16’s 10 a.m. Jim Frost Stadium, 1101 McCallie Ave. (423) 756-8687, sceniccity16s.com Day of the Dead 2 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, artsychattanooga.com 2013 Sanders Family Christmas 2:30 p.m. Cumberland County Playhouse, 221 Tennessee Ave., Crossville.

(931 )484-5000, ccplayhouse.com Graffiti Grand Opening with Painter Miki Boni 5 p.m. Graffiti Gallery, 505 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 400-9797, hillcityart.com

"Works by John Stone" Gallery Opening 5:30 p.m. AVA Gallery, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-4282, avarts.org Open Studio Night 5:30 p.m. Chattanooga WorkSpace, 302 W. 6th St. “Truck or Treat” at Miller Plaza 6 p.m. Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 265-0771 “Mystery of the Nightmare Office Party” 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839, funnydinner.com Wide Open Floor 7 p.m. Barking Legs Theatre, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347, barkinglegs.org Whimsical Evening 7 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, artsychattanooga.com “An Evening of Opera Scenes” 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4269, utc.edu/fine-arts-center “Ragtime” 7:30 p.m. Cumberland County Playhouse, 221 Tennessee Ave., Crossville.

(931) 484-5000, ccplayhouse.com “The Tennessee Tramp” Janet Williams 7:30, 9:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233, thecomedycatch.com “Blithe Spirit” 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534, theatrecentre.com “West Side Story” 8 p.m. Soldiers and Sailors Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156

Davin Rosenblatt 9:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839, funnydinner.com

saturday 11.02 Pot Point Nature Trail Hike All Day. Outdoor Chattanooga, 200 River St. (423) 643-6888, outdoorchattanooga.com Head of the Hooch Rowing Regatta 8 a.m. Downtown Chattanooga Riverfront, headofthehooch.org Mountain Arts and Craft Celebration 9 a.m. Cloudland Canyon State Park, 122 Cloudland Canyon Park Rd. (706) 657-4050 Christmas Open House Festival 9 a.m. The Barn Nursery, 1801 E. 24th St. Pl. (423) 698-2276, barnnursery.com River GORGEous Fall Color Cruises 10 a.m. River Gorge Explorer, 1 Broad St. (423) 267-3474, tnaqua.org Scenic City 16’s 10 a.m. Jim Frost Stadium, 1101 McCallie Ave. (423) 756-8687, sceniccity16s.com Pumpkin Smash, Fall Harvest Festival 10 a.m. Crabtree Farms, 1000 E. 30th St. (423) 493-9155 “Ragtime” 2:30 p.m. Cumberland County Playhouse, 221 Tennessee Ave., Crossville.

(931) 484-5000, ccplayhouse.com Barnard Astronomical Society Star Party

Arts & Entertainment

EVENTS CALENDAR Mirabai Bellydance

"West Side Story"

naturally wonderful

RubyFalls.com

5 p.m. Cloudland Canyon State Park, 122 Cloudland Canyon Park Rd. (706) 657-4050 “Mystery of Flight 138” 5:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839, funnydinner.com Aca-Fest 2013 with the Scenic City Chorus 7 p.m. The Colonnade Theatre, 64 Catoosa Cir., Ringgold, Ga. Walking Bridge 7p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, artsychattanooga.com “The Tennessee Tramp” Janet Williams 7:30, 9:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. thecomedycatch.com “To Kill a Mockingbird” 7:30 p.m. Cumberland County Playhouse, 221 Tennessee Ave., Crossville.

(931) 484-5000, ccplayhouse.com Night Paddle on Lookout Creek 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Arboretum & Nature Center, 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160, chattanoogaanc.org “Blithe Spirit” 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534, theatrecentre.com “Mystery of the Facebook Fugitive” 8 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839, funnydinner.com “West Side Story” 8 p.m. Soldiers and Sailors Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156 Davin Rosenblatt 10:30 p.m. Vaudeville

Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839, funnydinner.com

sunday 11.03 Head of the Hooch Rowing Regatta 8 a.m. Downtown Chattanooga Riverfront, headofthehooch.org Mountain Arts and Craft Celebration 10 a.m Cloudland Canyon State Park, 122 Cloudland Canyon Park Rd. (706) 657-4050 Scenic City 16’s 10 a.m. Jim Frost Stadium, 1101 McCallie Ave. (423) 756-8687, sceniccity16s.com Erlanger Health Day 11 a.m. Chattanooga Market, First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter St., chattanoogamarket.com “Blithe Spirit” 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534, theatrecentre.com “To Kill a Mockingbird” 2:30 p.m. Cumberland County Playhouse, 221 Tennessee Ave., Crossville.

(931) 484-5000, ccplayhouse.com "Classical’s Top Hits" 3 p.m. CSO at VW, 7351 Volkswagen Dr. (423) 267-8583, chattanoogasymphony.org Fifth Annual Fringe Benefit with Mirabai Bellydance 5:30 p.m. Lindsay Street Hall, 901 Lindsay St. (423) 755-9111, mirabaibellydance.com The Pathway 6 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, artsychattanooga.com “The Tennessee Tramp”

Janet Williams 7 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233, thecomedycatch.com MES Presents: “Muscle Shoals” 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347, barkinglegs.org

monday 11.04 Books Are Fun Book Fair 10 a.m. Omniplex Hallway, Chattanooga State, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. Leaves on the Ground 5:30 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge.

(423) 321-2317, artsychattanooga.com

tuesday 11.05 Books Are Fun Book Fair 10 a.m. Omniplex Hallway, Chattanooga State, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. Walking Tour: Siege Lines, Confederate Perspective 5:30 p.m. The Chattanooga History Center, Corner of Orchard Knob and Ivey St. (423) 265-3247 Olive You 7 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, artsychattanooga.com

wednesday 11.06 Owl in a Swirly Tree 7 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, artsychattanooga.com Comedy Open Mic 7 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400,

jjsbohemia.com Helen Highwater Stringband: David Grier, Mike Compton, Missy Raines & Shad Cobb 7:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theate, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347, barkinglegs.org

ongoing “Work by John Stone” 11 a.m. - 5 p.m. Tues.- Sat. AVA Gallery, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-4282, avarts.org “Tour d’Art” 11 a.m. - 6 p.m., Mon-Sat, 1 - 5 p.m. Sun. In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9214, intowngallery.com “Miki Boni” 11 a.m, - 7 p.m. Mon-Sat Graffiti: A Hill City Art Joint, 505 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 400-9797, hillcityart.com “Icons in Transformation” 11 a.m. - 3 p.m. Tues-Fri. 10 a.m. - Noon Sat St. Paul’s Episcopal Church, 305 W 7th St. (423) 266-8195, stpaulschatt.homestead.com Rock City Raptors 11 a.m. - 3 p.m. Fri-Sat, Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd., Lookout Mtn, Ga. seerockcity.com Chattanooga Ghost Tours 9 p.m. The Little Curiosity Shoppe, 138 Market St. (423) 821-7125, chattanoogaghosttours.com

nds!

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Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@ chattanoogapulse.com. chattanoogapulse.com • october 31-November 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 17

Screen

Saving Mobile Lives

john devore

Carbon Copy of “Carrie” Lacks Original’s Punch But Julianne Moore super-scary as maniac mom

T

HE KIMBERLY PEIRCE RE-IMAGINING OF “CARRIE” might have been better without the influence of the Brian De Palma original. Given how much the films have in common, the studio should have issued a re-release of the original rather than reshooting nearly note-for-note the same scenes as the 1976 version.

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Peirce’s version isn’t bad—in fact, due to the progress made in special effects, the climax of the film looks better than ever. But Peirce is missing the breakneck pacing and disconcerting “otherness” of the De Palma film, and the new version doesn’t ever establish a personality of its own, instead relying on most of the same choices made by De Palma to tell the story. Because of this, anything new in the film seems extraneous.

The opening scene, the updated inclusion of cyber bullying, the overreliance on Carrie’s telekinetic powers to sell her strangeness, all serve to slow down what works better as a unblinking ride towards a deadly and powerful conclusion. What’s unfortunate for the 2013 version of “Carrie” is that it can’t be viewed without being compared to such a classic horror film, and couldn’t have been made without owing so much to it. Without Brian De Palma, who knows what we might have seen?

Putting comparisons aside for a moment, the film works well because of the strength of the source material. “Carrie” was Stephen King’s first novel, written before he became famous and oh-so-long-winded.

King is always at his best when writing for brevity, which is why stories like “Carrie” and “Salem’s Lot” are so memorable.

The plot is simple and relatable, the horror more rooted in the actions of normal human beings than in the supernatural. Most adults realize that people can be far more evil than any creature that goes bump in the night, and the best horror stories use the worst of humanity as a catalyst for the tragedy that unfolds onscreen. Zombies are nothing compared to the racists outside the farmhouse, and a malicious high school bully is much more of a menace than a shy, backward girl with mind powers. The film does a good job of telling the story and the story is a good one to tell, so by that measure the film is worth seeing, especially if you are dead set on seeing a

18 • The Pulse • october 31-November 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

decent horror movie in a theater on a Halloween night.

Unfortunately, comparisons are unavoidable. Chloe Grace Moretz is a fine actress and a very pretty girl, but the role of Carrie calls for someone a little more homely. Putting an attractive actress in homemade clothes and giving her frizzy hair is only an effective characterization if the film also stars Freddie Prinze Jr. Sissy Spacek’s portrayal of an abused and frightened young woman was nearly flawless.

Perhaps Moretz’s unbridled confidence as Hit Girl in “Kick-Ass” is coloring my perception, but she comes across as too in control of herself. This is even more evident in the climax of the film, as the prom scenes seem too angry and vengeful. Carrie’s reaction to the cruel practical joke planned by her classmates works better as the defensive lashing out of a cornered animal.

Carrie is broken and distraught at the end of the story, not enraged and violent. While the effects are top-notch, the tone feels off.

If there is an improvement over the original, it comes from Julianne Moore’s unhinged performance as Carrie’s mother Margaret White. Piper Laurie did an excellent job with the role in the 1976 film, but Moore is the better actress and transforms the frequently lampooned character into something more sinister and manic. Actually, the strength of Moore’s performance only amplifies the problems with Moretz in the role. Anyone raised by Margaret White would live in inescapable fear of her, telekinetic powers or not.

Moore really delves into the abhorrence and disgust of human sexuality that pervades Margaret’s persona, making it all the more real and frightening. It’s unfortunate that the film didn’t explore the character of the mother in more detail.

A real re-imagining of “Carrie” would

have really been something. It’s likely that studio interference kept that from happening—the original film is good and popular, so any experimentation with the formula might have affected ticket sales. Instead, what we got was a “Carrie” that is simply a carbon copy of the original film. It’s a shame too, given the talented cast.

I would have enjoyed two vastly different films interpreting the same material nearly 40 years apart. The possibilities were endless. For now, Brian De Palma’s version is available on Netflix for $7.99 a month (along with access to many, many more horror movies of various quality) and Kimberly Peirce’s version is available at your local multiplex for a $10 per ticket.

The choice is up to you.

Carrie Starring: Chloë Moretz, Julianne Moore Directed by: Kimberly Peirce Rating: R Running time: 92 minutes

Spirits Within

mike dobbs

Yo Ho Ho and A Cocktail With Rum Our man on the bar stool goes pirate at Hair of the Dog

0

N SATURDAY, I NEEDED A BREAK FROM THE REMOTE CONtrol and some fresh air. I sat in the car for a few minutes and decided that the word of the day was going to be: rum.

(So, when you hear the secret word, scream real loud!)

Over the river and through the woods I went and ended up with Courtney and Goran over at one of my favorite places, The Hair of the Dog pub, which is a place where I was most likely to catch a football match on the tellie. Of course I mean football played with feet and not the kind with helmets and shoulder pads. That’s “throwball,” folks.

I sidled up to the bar and said, “Let’s play. Make something up!”

Goran fiddled about the bar selec-

“

We thought a while and decided to go all out adventure drinkin’ and eventually came up with the ‘Shave and a Haircut’ using Sailor Jerry spiced rum.”

tion and started dragging out the ammo.

First up, we had a nifty green number called, “Liquid Marijuana.” Now, before you think the place is run by members of the Choom Gang, this concoction does not contain any illicit narcotics. But what it does have is Captain Morgan, coconut rum, blue Curacao, melon liqueur, pinapple and sweet & sour. It is very thirst quenching.

I’ve a special fondness for Captain Morgan. It’s a classic.

The Captain is smooth and medium bodied. This spiced rum is a secret blend of Caribbean rums, mellow spice and other natural flavors.

Yum, that went down a little too easy.

Next!

After more fiddling, Goran shifted into second gear and came up with the “Halloween Vampire Cocktail.”

The main ingredient in this pink (?) cocktail is Bacardi. Originated by Don Facundo Bacardí Massó in Cuba in 1862, Bacardi Superior is the original rum, aged between one to two years in carefully selected oak barrels. After

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classic Cuba Libre and then layered it up with a fine, black stout which caught the attention of more than a couple of onlookers.

This ominous beast had to sit on the bar for a minute while we just kinda stared at it and got the courage built up and lifted it to the light of the window to see which parts of it were more clear than the other.

Then after way too much debate, “clang!” Down it went.

“Heeey! That’s pretty darned good!”

I exclaimed.

Yes, this was far better than clicking the remote on the sofa.

I would stay and do this again but, now “throwball” was on all the tellies.

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aging, the rums are blended and passed through a second charcoal filtration. They continued to make their rum in Cuba until those godless commies ran them off in 1960, hence the slogan, “Some men get kicked out of bars, others out of countries.”

Now, this pink drink has the aforementioned Bacardi stirred up with pineapple, grenadine and cranberry juice. Spooky. I’m thinking this is more of a “Vampirella” than “Dracula.” But hey, she’s gotta enjoy endless life too.

We thought a while and decided to go all out adventure drinkin’ and eventually came up with the “Shave and a Haircut” using Sailor Jerry spiced rum.

Norman Collins (aka “Sailor Jerry”) was a tattoo artist in Hawaii and inked about everything that moved back in the day. A group of Philadelphia fans of his legendary work opened a company to make rum with his name on it.

This rum has vanilla, dry buttery toffee and subtle cinnamon notes and, like Jerry’s tattooing hand, is super smooth.

Being that this is a pub, you can’t just sit there and not have a beer so, Goran picked up a glass and made a

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chattanoogapulse.com • october 31-November 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 19

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20 • The Pulse • october 31-November 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

Free Will Astrology SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): What if you had the power to enchant and even bewitch people with your charisma? Would you wield your allure without mercy? Would you feel wicked delight in their attraction to you, even if you didn’t plan to give them what they want? I suspect these questions aren’t entirely rhetorical right now. You may have more mojo at your disposal than you realize.

Speaking for your conscience, I will ask you not to desecrate your privilege. If you must manipulate people, do it for their benefit as well as yours.

Use your raw magic responsibly.

Halloween costume suggestion: a mesmerizing guru; an irresistible diva; a stage magician.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): I had a dream that you were in the film O Brother, Where Art Thou?

You were like the character played

by George Clooney after he escaped from a prison chain gang. Can you picture it? You were wearing a striped jailbird suit, and a ball and chain were still cuffed around your ankle. But you were sort of free, too.

You were on the lam, making your way from adventure to adventure as you eluded those who would throw you back in the slammer. You were not yet in the clear, but you seemed to be en route to total emancipation.

I think this dream is an apt metaphorical depiction of your actual life right now. Could you somehow use it in designing your Halloween costume?

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): I invite you to try the following exercise.

Imagine the most powerful role you could realistically attain in the future.

This is a position or niche or job that will authorize you to wield your influence to the max. It will give you the clout to shape the environments you share with other people. It will allow you to freely express your important ideas and have them be treated seriously. Let your imagination run a little wild as you visualize the possibilities. Incorporate your visions into your Halloween costume.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): In the course of earning a living, I have worked four different jobs as a janitor and six as a dishwasher. On the brighter side, I have performed as a songwriter and lead singer for six rock bands and currently write a syndicated astrology column. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you Aquarians are primed to cultivate a relationship with your work life that is more like my latter choices than the former.

The next eight months will be a favorable time to ensure that you’ll be doing your own personal equivalent of rock singer or astrology columnist well into the future. Halloween costume suggestion: your dream job. you expand your scope.

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PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Author Robert Louis Stevenson loved the work of poet Walt Whitman, recommending it with the same enthusiasm as he did Shakespeare’s. Stevenson also regarded Whitman as an unruly force of nature, and in one famous passage, called him “a large shaggy dog, just unchained, scouring the beaches of the world and baying at the moon.” Your assignment is to do your best imitation of a primal creature like Whitman. In fact, consider being him for Halloween. Maybe you could memorize passages from Whitman’s Leaves of Grass and recite them at random moments. Here’s one: “I too am not a bit tamed, I too am untranslatable, / I sound my barbaric YAWP over the roofs of the world.”.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Once when I was hiking through Maui’s rain forest, I spied a majestic purple honohono flower sprouting from a rotting log. As I bent down close, I inhaled the merged aromas of moldering wood and sweet floral fragrance.

Let’s make this scene your metaphor of the week, Aries. Here’s why: A part of your life that is in the throes of decay can serve as host for a magnificent bloom. What has been lost to you may become the source of fertility. Halloween costume suggestion: a garbage man or cleaning maid wearing a crown of roses.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): What don’t you like? Get clear about that.

What don’t you want to do? Make definitive decisions. What kind of person do you not want to become and what life do you never want to live? Resolve those questions with as much certainty as possible. Write it all down, preferably in the form of a contract with yourself. Sign the contract. This document will be your sacred promise, a declaration of the boundaries you won’t cross and the activities you won’t waste your time on and the desires that aren’t worthy of you. It will feed your freedom to know exactly what you like and what you want to accomplish and who you want to become. Halloween costume suggestion: the opposite of who you really are.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Are you up for an experiment? Not just on Halloween, but for a week afterwards, be scarier than your fears. If an anxious thought pops into your mind, bare your teeth and growl, “Get out of here or I will rip you to shreds!” If a demon visits you in a nightly dream, chase after it with a torch and sword, screaming “Begone, foul spirit, or I will burn your mangy ass!” Don’t tolerate bullying in any form, whether it comes from a critical little voice in your head or from supposedly nice people who are trying to guilt-trip you.

“I am a brave conqueror who cannot be intimidated!” is what you could

say, or “I am a monster of love and goodness who will defeat all threats to my integrity!”

CANCER (June 21-July 22):Are you ready to be amazed? Now would be an excellent time to shed your soul’s infantile illusions . . . to play wildly with the greatest mystery you know . . . to accept gifts that enhance your freedom and refuse gifts that don’t . . . to seek out a supernatural encounter that heals your chronic sadness . . . to consort and converse with sexy magical spirits from the future . . . to make love with the lights on and cry when you come. Halloween costume suggestion: the archetypal LOVER. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Some people in your vicinity are smoldering and fuming. The air is heavy with emotional ferment. Conspiracy theories are ripening and rotting at the same time. Hidden agendas are seeping into conversations, and gossip is swirling like ghostly dust devils. Yet in the midst of this mayhem, an eerie calm possesses you.

As everyone else struggles, you’re poised and full of grace. To what do we owe this stability? I suspect it has to do with the fact that life is showing you how to feel at home in the world no matter what’s happening around you. Keep making yourself receptive to these teachings. Halloween costume suggestion: King or Queen of Relaxation.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Unification should be a key theme for you in the coming weeks. Anything you do that promotes splicing and blending and harmonizing will get extra help, sometimes from mysterious forces working behind the scenes.

The more you work to find common ground between opposing sides, the stronger you’ll feel and the better you’ll look. If you can manage to mend schisms and heal wounds, unexpected luck will flow into your life.

To encourage these developments, consider these Halloween disguises: a roll of tape, a stick of Krazy Glue, a wound that’s healing a bridge.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): What do you think you’d be like if you were among the one-percent-wealthiest people on Earth? Would you demand that your government raise your taxes so you could contribute more to our collective well-being? Would you live simply and cheaply so you’d have more money to donate to charities and other worthy causes?

This Halloween season, I suggest you play around with fantasies like that—maybe even masquerade as an incredibly rich philanthropist who doles out cash and gifts everywhere you go. At the very least, imagine what it would be like if you had everything you needed and felt so grateful you shared your abundance freely.

Jonesin’ Crossword

matt jones

“In the Cards” --I’m kind of a big deal.

Across 1 Drill sergeant’s syllable 4 Formal promise?

10 Casablanca’s country: abbr.

13 Land on the Med. Sea 14 He wrote of Walden Pond 16 Diminutive ending, in Italian 17 Pop artist who used faceless stick figures 19 Big shot in the office 20 Serial piece 21 Budget brand of Intel CPUs 23 “Comfortably ___” (Pink Floyd) 24 Jazz great with the album “High Priestess of Soul” 27 Location finder, briefly 28 High-rated search engine, once 29 Hip hop fan, maybe 30 Increasingly hard to find net surfer

31 Calvin and Naomi 33 “The Devil’s Dictionary” author 36 ___ and Guilder (warring “The Princess Bride” nations) 37 They may include twists 38 Dip ___ in the water 39 Handout after a checkup 40 Choke, or a joke 43 15th-century Flemish painter 46 “Damn Yankees” vamp 47 Vlad, as the legend goes 48 Green energy type 49 You, to Yves 50 He played Locke on “Lost” 54 “I’d like to buy ___” (“Wheel” request) 55 With great skill 56 Battle (for) 57 Ave. crossers 58 Had a debate

59 Superlative ending Down 1 Outdoors activity 2 Depletes 3 Rainbow creators 4 “Am ___ only one?”

5 “Keep it down!”

6 Condo grp.

7 Part of ETA 8 German cameras 9 Highway sections 10 Of small organisms 11 Two-person basketball game 12 Andy and Mickey 15 “Unattractive” citrus 18 Margarine holder 22 Campfire remains 24 Parachute fabric 25 Finishes a cake 26 Message response that’s not really a response 28 “Footloose” actress Singer 30 Cold sore-fighting brand in a tiny tube

31 Mall booth 32 “___ get this party started” 33 “Gimme Shelter” speedway 34 Oft-mocked treats 35 “Helicopter” band ___ Party 36 Dish served with a distinct sound 39 “Cyrano de Bergerac” star Jose 40 Become available to the general public, as a new website 41 “Thank U” singer Morissette 42 January birthstone 44 Utah ski resort 45 “I ___ drink!”

46 Reed recently deceased 48 Flooring meas.

51 D&D, e.g.

52 “___ Mama Tambien” 53 “Bravo, matador!”

Copyright © 2013 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0647

The Perfect Holiday Party team@thechurchonmainstreet.com (423) 822-8299

chattanoogapulse.com • october 31-November 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 21

On the Beat

alex teach

A Domestic Call: Big Brain On Brad His T-shirt was ruined, a once-white garment that now looked like he had a shiny red tunic draped over it, such was the volume of blood pouring from his scalp, topping faded blue jeans and an over-taxed belt starting to share the burden of fluid on its determined journey downward.

“Hey, buddy,” I said in as soothing a voice as I could muster. “How about putting that thing down?”

The Client instantly twitched his right eye, then with a subtle shake of the head started to reorient himself to his surroundings, as if a remote control had changed internal channels and he was looking for a signal.

“What, me?” he said, then glanced at his right hand. “Oh, yeah. This,” he said. Blood dripped from his nose and the point of his jaw, his face a living horror show, the blood almost giving the appearance there was no skin covering bone.

He placed the hammer on a counter next to him and continued to stand there, his mind drifting back towards the place

he was before, which of course would not do at all.

“Your girlfriend…is she here?

Is anyone else in the house?” I asked. He replied in the negative (we’d look for ourselves in a moment) so my partner followed up by asking, “Your head…what happened there, man?”

“Wha…what?” the Client asked. “Oh, yeah.” He paused.

“My girlfriend…she was going to kill herself, she swore to God, she was going to take some pills and get in the bathtub and drift

“

'Wait.' My head cocked to the side like a curious dog.

'Did you just say you hit yourself in the head with a hammer to keep her from hurting herself?'

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away and I freaked out.”

I did not doubt him, but my partner still had questions. “So she attacked you when you tried to stop her?” he said as he was looking for something for the man to put on his head; it went from interesting to just plain nasty pretty quick, actually.

“No, no, I just started hitting my head to keep her from doing it.”

Jack and I paused.

“Wait.” My head cocked to the side like a curious dog. “Did you just say you hit yourself in the head with a hammer to keep her from hurting herself?”

“Well, yeah,” he replied, as if we’d said the stupidest thing ever. (Maybe we had?)

For near-comic effect, his right eye started to drift while his left eye stayed trained on us as we spoke (so long as we didn’t speak quietly, or with “fancy words”.)

“I dunno what I was thinking,” said the Client. “I just started swinging and swinging away in front of her. I just love her, man.

You know how it is?” he pled.

“We have plans, and the thought

of her…the thought…”

He began to lose his composure all over again, and on three separate occasions he glanced at the hammer he’d put aside just moments ago.

I looked at him and said yeah, sure I understood. And I did.

Who doesn’t know the incredible lack of sanity that goes into a real relationship, and the crazy things you do for one? (Except, of course, for hitting yourself in the head with a claw hammer so hard you actually break your skull and pull out chunks of skin and hair.)

In the few seconds it took to reply, the gentleman now seemed unsteady on his feet.

I didn’t even ask, I just took a step back and called for a meat wagon to come and pick him up since he was giving every sign of traumatic brain injury I knew of.

It was as I let off the microphone on my shoulder that I heard my partner ask the gentleman, “Excuse me, sir. I don’t want to offend you or anything, but have you been drinking?”

“No,” said the Client.

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22 • The Pulse • october 31-November 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

“I guess it’s just your injuries then,” he said, “because you’re acting like you just got hammered.”

Before the ambulance finally arrived, there was an incredibly awkward moment that transpired after that poor choice in analogies was given. But the silence wasn’t just out of fear of his immediate reaction (there was none, remember—he had given himself the I.Q. of a kumquat), but also of respect for somehow making a weird situation even weirder, all on our own.

I love this job. Brains…and all.

When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at www. facebook.com/alexteach

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chattanoogapulse.com • october 31-November 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 23