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April 4-10, 2013

Vol. 10 • No. 14

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

W O H S T n E w o t P o t m P r a F U t a R P g n i r b s t e p p u P t a e M e 10 g a P • d o kwo r i K t r u C ews i v r e t n i r de w o r C k c u Ch


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Director of Sales Mike Baskin Account Executives Amy Allara • Chee Chee Brown • Eric Foster Jessica Gray • John Holland • Rick Leavell Jerry Ware



Editor & Creative Director Bill Ramsey Operations & Webmaster Mike McJunkin Contributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsny • Zachary Cooper Chuck Crowder • John DeVore • Janis Hashe Matt Jones • Mike McJunkin • Ernie Paik Sarah Skates • Alex Teach • Richard Winham Photographers Kim Hunter • Josh Lang Cartoonists & Illustrators Max Cannon • David Helton • E.J. Pettinger Richard Rice • Jen Sorensen • Tom Tomorrow Interns Gaby Dixon • Julia Sharp • Esan Swan

Offices 1305 Carter St. • Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Fax 423.266.2335 Web Email Calendar THE FINE PRINT The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. © 2013 Brewer Media. All rights reserved.

BREWER MEDIA GROUP Publisher & President Jim Brewer II

Founded 2003 by Zachary Cooper & Michael Kull • APRIL 4-10, 2013 • The Pulse • 3



girls gone gig

CoLab hosts first Female Founders launch event The Company Lab’s latest iteration of 48Hour Launch kicks off Friday, April 5, with its first-ever female-focused startup weekend spotlighting women entrepreneurs with e-commerce startups and ideas. The Company Lab’s celebration of women in entrepreneurship will include a special Demo Night announcement regarding a new female-focused funding concept. The Chattanooga-based initiative will be led by several of the city’s prominent female professionals, whose goal is to encourage the continued success of women entrepreneurs across the region.



The Lab’s “Female Founders” event kicked off March 28 with a series of preview pitches and gets under way in earnest on Friday at the Lab’s space at 55 Main St. On March 28, selected founders presented a sneak peek of their ideas to a crowd of creatives, developers and business professionals as they begin crafting their teams for this weekend’s event. Concepts range from web apps to educational tools to brickand-mortar retail shops. From April 5-7, founders and their teams will strategize, build and launch in anticipation of Demo Night. On Sunday, teams will present their startup concepts to the public. Three winners will receive sponsor-donated prize packages consisting of valuable businesses services. For more information on the event and program, visit colab. is/48hourlaunch.


‘Clean & Green’ seeks volunteers for annual event On Saturday, April 6, individuals, company teams and civic groups will volunteer their time to make downtown Chattanooga a healthier and more beautiful area for residents and visitors to enjoy. “Clean and Green,” a River City Company program, will launch its third year of improving the liveability and cleanliness of downtown districts, neighborhoods and gateway neighborhoods along with this year’s partner Chattanooga Neighborhood Enterprise and sponsor Volkswagen Chattanooga. Beginning at 8:30 a.m. in Miller Plaza, volunteers are asked to check-in, receive supplies, enjoy a complimentary breakfast and receive their designated area of downtown to cleanup for the day. With the goal of 1,000 volunteers for the event, River City Company is asking all Chattanoogans to roll up their sleeves and make a difference with us. To sign up, visit cleanandgreen to pledge your time. For more information, contact Tiffanie Robinson at or call (423) 265-3700.


Ishmael Reed visits Chatt State from April 8-12 Chattanooga State Community College’s Writers @ Work welcomes Ishmael Reed to campus as an artist-in-residence from April 8-12. Reed has two poetry readings

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scheduled that are free and open to the public. The first takes place at 6:30 p.m. on Monday, April 8, at The Public Library on Broad Street. The following evening at the Bessie Smith Hall, Reed will again read from his works of poetry at 7 p.m. Bessie Smith Hall is located at 200 East M. L. King Blvd. Both events will include a question-and-answer session and book signing. While on campus Reed will interact with students as well as faculty in the classroom, over meals and at a dance exhibition titled “Intersection of Poetry and Jazz: Interpretive and Hip Hop” at 7 p.m. on Thursday, April 11, in the Chattanooga State Humanities Theatre, followed by a “Behind the Writer” interview and book signing. The public is also welcome to attend this event. Born in Chattanooga in 1938, Reed’s family moved to Buffalo, N.Y., where he grew up and went on to attend the University of Buffalo. He has published 28 books that include novels, plays, poetry and essays. His thoughtprovoking, challenging satire focuses primarily on the hypocrisies of American society and the African-American experience. Critics have praised his experimental style in both language and theme. His work has been honored with nominations for

both the National Book Award and the Pulitzer Prize. In addition to his writing career, Reed is a teacher and a commentator. Over the years, he has taught at numerous institutions of higher learning including Harvard, Yale and the University of California at Berkeley. To learn more about Ishmael Reed, visit his website at For more details about his visit to Chattanooga State visit “Writers at Work” on Facebook.

farm to table

‘Spring-A-MaJig’ at Main St. Farmers Market The Main Street Farmers Market, located at 325 East Main St., will host a “Spring-A-Ma-Jig” from 4 to 6 p.m. on Wednesday, April 10. The special market will feature special food and beverages, live music and activities for kids, in addition to its usual offerings of locally produced vegetables, meats, cheeses, herbs, bread and honey. This event is free and open to the public. For more information, visit —Staff


The TFP’s hipster anchorman brings ‘Top 5’ to Facebook


ho watches local TV news? Not us. It’s too painful. As Emmy Award-winning former television news correspondent Ed Rabel wrote recently in the West Virginia Gazette in Charleston—where you can be sure local TV news is a bore—so-called local newscasts are a colossal waste of time. “Basically, the items they flog as news are merely undemanding fillers located between used-car commercials and mattress ads,” he writes. “Instead of focusing on original reporting, the local stations are focused on cosmetics ... the local television ‘news’ landscape is populated by bubble-heads and glib, young, sometimes pretty know-nothings.” Local TV news is so close to the parody drawn by “Anchorman” it’s difficult to tell reality from farce. Who, after all, cannot see more than a hint of longtime local Chattanooga anchor Bob Johnson in surly, self-important Ron Burgundy, the fictitious but close-to-real 1970’s TV news anchor played by Will Ferrell? So where else can one get a video news fix? Why Facebook, of course. Most weekday mornings for several months now, early risers have been treated to the embedded video of the Times Free Press’ Harrison Keely hosting the “Top 5 Things to Know in the Chattanooga Area Today.” Of course, these “five things” are usually the only things worth mentioning on any given day, but it’s more about the talking head than the talking points. With each installment, Keely, a young would-be hipster with a Beatle-esque mop of hair and a tuft of goat’s gruff chin hair, greets his viewers with a hearty “Good Morning, Chattanooga!” It’s taken some time, but Keely—who appears to be all of 16 and otherwise oversees the paper’s Facebook and Twitter pages—has grown on us, even while the TFP’s trolling Facebook posts have not. (So stop that, Harrison. Now.) Over time, Keely has evolved, growing more comfortable in the solitude of his lonely corner of the TFP. His wardrobe has also evolved. Early on, Keely favored bold colors

Dizzy Town politics, the media & other strange bedfellows and open-collar shirts, his hair still somewhat mussed, as if he’d just arrived at the paper in time to tape his segment. These days, he’s more often than not wearing a suit and tie—although someone needs to call wardrobe; these suits would not be out of place on Burgundy, but perhaps that’s part of the joke, just like the dramatic theme music and graphics that lead into the “newscast.” Despite its clunky title—“Top 5” would work just fine—Keely’s short segments have become a favorite of our early-morning trek through the wasteland that is Facebook. He’s not telling us much we didn’t already know, but Keely’s earnest appeal and his not-ready-for-prime-time appearance are refreshing. Take note, local TV news outlets: The TFP’s young anchorman is stealing your audience—if anyone’s still watching.

video memes

‘Downfall’ spoof pokes Sofa King


peaking of Facebook, a hilarious video that quickly went viral recently circulated poking fun at Sofa King Juicy Hamburgers, the “controversial” new restaurant and its trouble keeping enough food stocked to remain open at times. The video, crafted using the popular Hitler “Downfall” meme, is a skillfully scripted, sharp-edged jab at the burger shack and it’s owners, the local restaurateurs who also own Aretha Frankenstein’s and Crust Pizza. When the Red Bank burger joint recently ran out of buns, the video popped up with a fuming Hitler screaming, “It’s such a clever name, but without buns it means nothing!” and took jabs at the restaurant’s slow opening (“The Monen’s have opened four in the time it’s taken them to open,” a hungry Hitler muses, namechecking Community Pie, Taco Mamacita, Urban Stack and Milk and Honey). Indeed, it seems the Sofa King

braintrust is taking its new franchise even less seriously than it’s punny name, which ignited a minor media storm and national coverage of the sort local TV stations love. Since then, Sofa King seems to have approached an even keel, stocking enough buns to keep the doors open. Search “Hitler Reacts to Sofaking Juicyburger Out of Buns,” posted by the mysterious rockshow62, to enjoy the video. And here’s a tip to Sofa King’s owners: Use a clip from the video as an ad. It’s brilliant.

The Other F Word


ear. It’s really, traced back to its roots, all about fear. When Dr. Heidi Beirich, head of the Southern Poverty Law Center’s Intelligence Project, stood in front of a packed UTC auditorium on March 27 and talked about the explosion of hate and “patriot” groups across the country, it wasn’t hard to see that what links people in these groups is fear: Fear of a changing America, which, as Beirich noted, by sometime in the 2040s will see whites as a minority; fear of a black president so intense and paranoid that in the face of overwhelming documentation it still sees him as a “Muslim socialist;” irrational fear of a big, bad UN that is going to take your guns and force you to drive Smart Cars; fear of people who speak other languages; fear of gay people who want to marry. People this fearful are dangerous and, as the SPLC points out in a March 5 letter to U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder and Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano, the threat of domestic terrorism from a “patriot” group or “sovereign citizen” acting alone is the highest it has been since the 1990s, when the Brady Handgun Violence Protection Act and the assault rifle ban helped fuel Timothy McVeigh’s bombing of the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City. Beirich also pointed out the links between hate groups and militias, and noted that although only one Tea Party group is on the SPLC list, many overtly racist and homophobic signs have been spotted at Tea Party rallies. And what are we supposed to think about state legislators so fearful and uninformed that they mistake a mop sink for a Muslim foot-washing station? Don’t think we’re immune here in Chattanooga. The most recent SPLC map shows neo-Nazi, white nationalist and “other” hate or militia groups in or very close to the city. In her speech, Beirich made mention of recent remarks by Sheriff Jim Hammond, who noted that he routinely heard from citizens terrified of what “the government” was going to do, their fear likely fueled by poisonous outlets such as the radio program “The Political Cesspool.” The antidote to fear is both courage and knowledge. So when a young woman asked Beirich if she felt the college students in the room could counter this fear, she said yes—if you speak up, if you will become informed and active. “That’s our job,” murmured the young woman as she turned away from the microphone. Yes, it is, and it’s one that lasts a lifetime.

Crutchfield takes on haters in blog


f you’re feeling under appreciated, get off your pity pot and take a big hit of the real suffering we found on the blog posts of Education, Arts & Culture Dept. Founding Administrator Missy Crutchfield. (Can a week go by without us mentioning Missy? No. No, it cannot.) Punch up and—brace yourself—you will be stunned by the enormous headshot that will greet you—then head over to Be Magazine, the online vanity project she launched on city time that drew heavy criticism, where you can commiserate with her while reading the latest installment of “I’m Missy and This is My Story.” In a recent post, she chastises Chattanooga’s “small town newspapers” (the TFP and The Pulse, we guess) for, well, hating on her. History is littered with victims of hatred, she writes: German Jews under Hitler and Native Americans and AfricanAmericans in this country. And now ... Missy Crutchfield. Um ... OK. So she made a few bad softcore porn movies in the ’80s? (They could be called art house films!) So her dad is disgraced former State Sen. Ward Crutchfield. (Not her fault!) How long can you hate on a single mom trying to make it on $107,000 a year? “Hate—if it is not stopped, it does end somewhere, and it doesn’t end well,” Missy concludes. Despite the extreme analogies, Crutchfield is right. It will end somewhere and not well, at least not for her gig at the EAC, we figure. It’s a little too late to be asking, “What would Gandhi do?” but hey—any port in a storm.

The Southern Poverty Law Center’s Dr. Heidi Beirich shares the antidote at UTC talk By Janis Hashe

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On the Beat

alex teach

Cease Fire? Great. I

was recently asked what I thought about a truce called by local gang leaders a few weeks ago (as of press time). My response was both quick and heartfelt: “Great.” This solicited a look of caution from my host, but I understood. I’m a cop, and people tend to expect an all-or-nothing response, and with the topic being criminals, how could it be anything but negative? I meant it, though, and went on to explain that in crisis situations any communication is “good,” even when it’s negative. Does that mean this is a crisis? Not necessarily. And does that mean the call for a cease-fire was in any way negative? Of course not. But I don’t disagree with their sentiment despite my disagreement with their lifestyle choices. Emboldened by this, my host proceeded to ask that if

this proves successful, would city police be willing to meet with gang leaders to negotiate further truces? “Of course not,” I replied. Then my host went from cautious to optimistic to ... confused. “Why not?” he asked, one eyebrow slightly raised. “Because they are crimi-


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“Oh, heaven’s no?! I’m not a politician; I’m just out kissing babies.”

nals. Period.” The petitioner wordlessly cocked his head to the side, clearly indicating the needed further explanation. “Cops can have relationships with them on a business level, sure,” I offered. “What do you think a confidential informant is in most cases? But to sit down with them and give them credibility on, what, a corporate level? No. That’s not the way it works. And before you ask, no—this isn’t about ego, it’s about right and wrong. Cops don’t accommodate criminals. They arrest them.” The host’s expression shifted from confusion to the quickened pulse of intrigue when he went on to say, “But why wouldn’t you do whatever it takes to broker peace? This is about saving lives! How could you not take this opportunity under such circumstances?” “Because you may have misunderstood what I said a few moments ago. These are criminals. They have been referred to as ‘former’ gang members and ‘former’ gang leaders, sure, but that just makes them former criminals; that’s not to say they may not be better people now, but there is not a lot of credibility here, which one could go so far as to say is inherent in their business as a whole.” My host considered this for a moment, and I continued. “Criminals are simply not reliable people. You want them to be, sure. You may even be desperate for them to be, but all the wanting in the world isn’t going to keep them in compliance with a contract or even a memorandum of understanding. Contracts don’t mean much to these types of people. In fact, they don’t even comply with state and federal laws, much less other civilized agreements, which is what makes them criminals in the first place. See the pattern?”

I could tell he saw the pattern, but the “wanting” of something was overriding the logic of this. “OK,” I said, “How about credit scores. Do those make sense? Who gets the milliondollar loan … the 400 or the 800 score? Low credit doesn’t make someone a bad person, but it does mean they’re a lot less likely to get the milliondollar loan.” I was pretty sure I was getting nowhere, but I could also tell it didn’t make any difference at this point; the story would already be written based on the refusal to negotiate with criminals. Policing is all about relationships: With residents who have information (and coffee), with businesses who serve as conduits of information (and coffee), with each other, and yes, even with criminals. But to make them business partners or CEOs of a sort? No. It’s like asking Snoop Dogg to hold your joint for just a minute and not to hit it. It’s just a dumb idea no matter how much you like the guy. I’m grateful for their summit; even more grateful for the week of peace, and the acknowledgement that selfdestruction is in none of their best interests, but that’s where the gratitude stops. Those in the crime business don’t get to negotiate with those in the law business. The place for that is called criminal court. There is being open minded, and there is being close minded, but in the end there is also just not doing something stupid. And if you still think the cops are stupid for not treating criminals like CEOs, have your dog guard a pile of bacon while you go check the mailbox next time. You can be disappointed at the result, but you shouldn’t be shocked. • Alex Teach is a police officer of nearly 20 years experience. The opinions expressed are his own. Follow him on Facebook at


Intuit, producer of the top-selling tax software TurboTax, has opposed letting the government do your taxes for free—even though it could save time and headaches for millions of filers By Liz Day ProPublica


magine filing your income taxes in five minutes—and for free. You’d open up a pre-filled return, see what the government thinks you owe, make any needed changes and be done. The miserable annual IRS shuffle, gone. It’s already a reality in Denmark, Sweden and Spain. The government-prepared return would estimate your taxes using information your employer and bank already send it. Advocates say tens of millions of taxpayers could use such a system each year, saving them a collective $2 billion and 225 million hours in prep costs and time, according to one estimate. The idea, known as “return-free filing,” would be a voluntary alternative to hiring a tax preparer or using commercial tax software. The concept has been around for decades and has been endorsed by both President Ronald Reagan and a campaigning President Obama. “This is not some pie-in-the-sky that’s never been done before,” said William Gale, co-director of the Urban-Brookings Tax Policy Center. “It’s doable, feasible, implementable, and at a relatively low cost.” So why hasn’t it become a reality? Well, for one thing, it doesn’t help that it’s been opposed for years by the company behind the most popular consumer tax software—Intuit, maker of TurboTax. Conservative tax activist Grover Norquist and an influential computer industry group also have fought return-free filing. Intuit has spent about $11.5 million on federal lobbying in the past five years—more than Apple or Amazon. Although the lobbying spans a range of issues, Intuit’s disclosures pointedly note

that the company “opposes IRS government tax preparation.” The disclosures show that Intuit as recently as 2011 lobbied on two bills, both of which died, that would have allowed many taxpayers to file pre-filled returns for free. The company also lobbied on bills in 2007 and 2011 that would have barred the Treasury Department, which includes the IRS, from initiating return-free filing. Intuit argues that allowing the IRS to act as a tax preparer could result in taxpayers paying more money. It is also a member of the Computer & Communications Industry Association, which sponsors a “STOP IRS TAKEOVER” campaign and a website calling return-free filing a “massive expansion of the U.S. government through a big government program.” In an emailed statement, Intuit

spokeswoman Julie Miller said, “Like many other companies, Intuit actively participates in the political process.” Return-free programs curtail citizen participation in the tax process, she said, and also have “implications for accuracy and fairness in taxation.” In its latest annual report filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission, however, Intuit also says that free government tax preparation presents a risk to its business. Roughly 25 million Americans used TurboTax last year and a recent GAO analysis said the software accounted for more than half of individual returns filed electronically. TurboTax products and services made up 35 percent of Intuit’s $4.2 billion in total revenues last year. Versions of TurboTax for individuals and small businesses range in price from free to $150. H&R Block, whose tax filing product H&R Block At Home competes with TurboTax, declined to discuss return-free filing with ProPublica. The company’s disclosure forms state that it also has lobbied on at least one bill related to return-free filing. Proponents of return-free filing say Intuit and other critics are exaggerating the risks of government involvement. No one would be forced to accept the IRS accounting of their taxes, they say, so there’s little to fear. “It’s voluntary,” Austan Goolsbee, who served as the chief economist for the President’s Economic Recovery Advisory Board, told ProPublica. “If you don’t trust the government, you don’t have to do it.” Goolsbee has written in favor of the idea and published the estimate of $2 billion in saved preparation costs in a 2006 paper that also said return-free “could significantly reduce the time lag in resolving disputes and acceler-

ate the time to receive a refund.” Other advocates point out that the IRS would be doing essentially the same work it does now. The agency would simply share its tax calculation before a taxpayer files rather than afterward when it checks a return. “When you make an appointment for a car to get serviced, the service history is all there. Since the IRS already has all that info anyway, it’s not a big challenge to put it in a format where we could see it,” said Paul Caron, a tax professor at the University of Cincinnati College of Law. “For a big slice of the population, that’s 100 percent of what’s on their tax return.”

“This is not some piein-the-sky that’s never been done before. It’s doable, feasible, implementable, and at a relatively low cost.” William Gale

Co-director of the UrbanBrookings Tax Policy Center Taxpayers would have three options when they receive a prefilled return: accept it as is; make adjustments, say to filing status or income; or reject it and file a return by other means. “I’ve been shocked as a tax person and citizen that this hasn’t happened by now,” Caron said. Some conservative activists have sided with Intuit. In 2005, Norquist testified before the President’s Advisory Panel on Federal Tax Reform arguing against return-free filing. The next year, Norquist and others wrote in a letter to President Bush that getting an official-looking “bill” from the IRS could be “extremely intimidating, particularly for seniors, low-income and non-English speaking citizens.” Norquist, founder of Americans for Tax Reform, declined to comment, but a spokesman pointed to a letter he and other conservatives sent this month to members of Congress. The letter says the IRS wants to “socialize all tax preparation in America” to get higher tax revenues.

A year after Norquist wrote Bush, a bill to limit return-free filing was introduced by a pair of unlikely allies: Reps. Eric Cantor, (R-Va.), the conservative House majority leader, and Zoe Lofgren (D-Calif.), a liberal stalwart whose district includes Silicon Valley. Intuit’s political committee and employees have contributed to both. Cantor and his leadership PAC have received $26,100 in the past five years from the company’s PAC and employees. In the last two years, the Intuit PAC and employees donated $26,000 to Lofgren. A spokeswoman said in an email that Cantor “doesn’t believe the IRS should be in the business of filling out your tax returns for you,” and that the bill was designed to “prevent the IRS from circumventing Congress.” Lofgren did not respond to requests for comment. Intuit did not issue public statements on the return-free filing bills, but CCIA President Ed Black has called return-free filing “brilliantly Machiavellian.” When Sens. Ron Wyden (D-Ore.), and Dan Coats (R-Ind.), introduced a bipartisan tax reform bill in 2011 that included a return-free plan called “Easyfile,” Norquist blasted it. “The clear goal of this measure is to raise taxes in a way that leaves politicians with clean hands,” he wrote in a letter to the two senators. Political opposition hasn’t been the only hurdle. Supporters say return-free filing has been overshadowed in a tax debate that has focused more on rates, deductions and deficits. Further, return-free filing would not be available to everyone. It’s best for the slice of taxpayers with straightforward returns who don’t itemize or claim various credits. Still, past studies estimate that this group might include 40 percent of filers or more; the IRS expects to process 147 million individual returns this year. In separate reports, the CCIA and a think tank that Intuit helps sponsor argue that potential costs outweigh return-free filing’s benefits. Among other things, the re»P8 • APRIL 4-10, 2013 • The Pulse • 7

ports say that not many taxpayers are likely to use return-free, that new data reporting requirements could raise costs for employers, and that taxpayers could face new privacy and security risks. The reports and Intuit also note that many taxpayers can already get free tax filing through the Free File Alliance, a consortium involving the IRS and a handful of companies. But last tax year, only about 3 million filers had used Free File, according to a Treasury tally through April 28. In an SEC filing, Intuit said it provided about 1.2 million free federal returns for the 2011 tax season. The company and competitors typically advertise free federal filing on the Web but also pitch other paid services, such as filing certain state returns. Government studies have split about whether a return-free system would save or cost the IRS money, according to a 2003 Treasury report. Unless the tax code was simplified, the report said, it would add work for employers and the IRS, which would have to process tax records sooner.

“When you make an appointment for a car to get serviced, the service history is all there. Since the IRS already has all that info anyway, it’s not a big challenge to put it in a format where we could see it, For a big slice of the population, that’s 100 percent of what’s on their tax return.” Paul Caron

Tax professor at the University of Cincinnati College of Law Some independent tax experts see potential problems with a return-free system. Eric Toder, co-director of the Urban-Brookings Tax Policy Center, said the IRS, “an overpressed agency that’s being asked to do a lot of things,” shouldn’t be asked to do what software companies could easily do. James Maule, a professor at Villanova University School of Law, said the average taxpayer probably wouldn’t scrutinize a pre-filled return for accuracy or potential credits. “Some people might get this thing that says this is your tax bill and just pay it, like with prop-

erty tax bills,” said Maule. So far, the only true test case for return-free filing in the U.S. has been in Intuit’s home state. In 2005, California launched a pilot program called ReadyReturn. As it fought against the program over the next five years, Intuit spent more than $3 million on overall lobbying and political campaigns in the state, according to Dennis J. Ventry Jr., a professor at UC Davis School of Law who specializes in tax policy and legal ethics. Explaining the company’s stance, Intuit spokeswoman Miller told The Los Angeles Times in

2006 that it was “a fundamental conflict of interest for the state’s tax collector and enforcer to also become people’s tax preparer.” The following month, an ad in The Sacramento Bee, paid for by the CCIA, cautioned “Taxpayers beware” and said ReadyReturn “could be very harmful to taxpayers.” The ad pointed to a nowdefunct website,, opposing ReadyReturn. Former California Republican legislator Tom Campbell recalls being surprised at the opposition. “The government imposed the income tax burden in the first place,” he told ProPublica. “So if it wants to make it easier, for heaven’s sake, why not?” In a Los Angeles Times op-ed at the time, Campbell wrote he “never saw as clear a case of lobbying power putting private interests first over public benefit.” Joseph Bankman, a Stanford Law School professor who helped design ReadyReturn, says he spent close to $30,000 of his own money to hire a lobbyist to defend the program in the legislature. Intuit made political contributions

to scores of legislative candidates, Bankman said, and gave $1 million in 2006 to a group backing a ReadyReturn opponent for state controller. ReadyReturn survived, but with essentially no marketing budget it is not widely known. Fewer than 90,000 California taxpayers used it last year—although those who do use it seem to be happy. Ninety-eight percent of users who filled out a survey said they would use it again. The state’s tax agency has also praised ReadyReturns, saying they are cheaper to process than paper returns. Bankman thinks national return-free filing could make many others happy, too. “We’d have tens of millions of taxpayers,” he said, “no longer find April 15 a day of frustration and anxiety.” • This story was co-produced with NPR. Help us chart the cost/benefits of federal income tax prep services by telling us how you are filing. Want to keep up with stories like this? Follow ProPublica on Facebook and Twitter.



Enjoy songs from the shows “Rock of Ages,” “Smash,” “Les Miserables,” “Jersey Boys,” “Memphis,” “Man of La Mancha,” and “Spamalot.” Our very own Cool Cat Singers and Thrasher Handbell Choir directed by Betty Julian will open for the Choo Choo Kids!

809 Kentucky Ave. • Signal Mountain • (423) 886-1959

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PICK of the litter » hunter lecture series

pulse » PICKS

• A curated weekly selection of picks from the Chattanooga Live and Arts & Entertainment calendars by Pulse staffers.

THU04.04 MUSIC Shonna Tucker and Eye Candy, Uncle Lightnin’ • Ex-Drive By Truckers bassist has a new band. 9 p.m. • Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. •

Glass’s Menagerie ‘This American Life’ host Ira Glass visits to share the creative process behind his popular program comedy Etta May • The “Female Stand Up Comedian of the Year” and “Queen of Country Comedy.” 7:30 p.m. • The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Road • (423) 629-2233



ra Glass, the host and creator of the public radio program “This American Life” will be the fourth and final speaker in the 2012-13 George T. Hunter Lecture Series at 4 p.m. on Sunday, April 7, at the Tivoli Theatre. Glass’s talk, dubbed “Reinventing Radio,” will focus on his famous program and how it’s put together. The show premiered on Chicago’s public radio station WBEZ in 1995 and is now heard on more than 500 public radio stations each week—locally on Sunday evenings at WUTC-FM 88.1—by more than 1.7 million listeners. Most weeks, the podcast of the program is the most popular podcast in America. The show also airs each week on the CBC in Canada and on the Australian Broadcasting Corporation’s radio network. The lecture is free and open to the public, no tickets necessary. Doors open at 2:30 p.m. For more information, please visit, hunterlectureseries, or

Jazzanooga • Jazz Appreciation Month kicks off. See Page 16. 8 p.m. • Mocha Restaurant & Music Lounge 3116 Brainerd Road • (423) 531-4154

SPORT Lookouts vs. Huntsville • The hometown boys of summer host the Stars at AT&T Field this evening in the second game of a five-game, season-opening home stand. 7:15 p.m. • AT&T Field 201 Power Alley •

SAT04.06 MUSIC Shannon Whitworth Band • Whitworth, called “one of the most beautiful voices and enchanting performers in the acoustic music world,” returns to Barking Legs. 8 p.m. • Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. • (423) 624-5347

VOLUNTEER Clean & Green 2013 • River City Company is seeking 1,000 volunteers to come to Miller Plaza this morning and help keep downtown Chattanooga spic and span. For more on this event and how to volunteer, see The Bowl on Page 4. 8:30 a.m. • Miller Plaza 850 Market St. (423) 265-3700 • APRIL 4-10, 2013 • The Pulse • 9

Rat Farm: ‘Real Blown-Up Folk Music’ By Chuck Crowder


romoting the upcoming release of their 14th studio album, Rat Farm, as well as last year’s tell-all biography, “Too High to Die,” the legendary Meat Puppets are set to storm the stage at JJ’s Bohemia on Friday, April 12. Described by guitarist/singer/ songwriter Curt Kirkwood as “real blown-up folk music,” Rat Farm furthers the unique niche of punk-meets-folk-meets-progrock sound first created by the band in the early 1980s. “We wanted this album to be rustic, folk sounding, much like the material from our Out My Way/Huevos era,” Kirkwood said during a recent phone interview. “We wanted to become self-absorbed in the music without having to think about it too much. We didn’t want it to sound contrived.” What’s delivered on Rat Farm is just that: delightfully intricate melodies and insightful lyrics set against their signature backdrop of pure desert punk. In fact, this release is an unadulterated reflection of what brothers Curt and Cris (bass/vocals) Kirkwood first created under the ’80s Phoenix sun. The Meat Puppets first became widely known in 1984 when it seemed that every alternative CD collection in the country proudly included a copy their second album, Meat Puppets II. The band’s unique punk-folk

“I just write down stuff that sounds really cool.” Curt Kirkwood on his approach to songwriting

Storied punk-folk rockers the Meat Puppets visit Chattanooga on tour promoting their 14th studio album in the wake of the release of the band’s biography, ‘Too High to Die’ sound had grown tremendously from the pure-punk roots of their first release, Meat Puppets. Their third release, 1985’s Up On The Sun, would see the band add clean, melodic prog-rock elements to their punk-folk foundation to create an unmistakable signature sound that continues to expand their ever-growing fan base. “Just last year we were asked by Animal Collective to play a festival in England with them and perform Up On The Sun in its entirety—which is something

10 • The Pulse • APRIL 4-10, 2013 •

we’d never done,” Kirkwood said. “It’s really cool when bands of all kinds tell you that your music influenced them in some way—whether it’s a jam band or Animal Collective or like, Nirvana.” Commercial recognition came in 1993 when the band was tapped to help Nirvana cover not one, or two, but three Pup classics for their MTV Unplugged sessions. Kurt Cobain chose “Plateau,” “Oh, Me” and the haunting “Lake of Fire” (“where do bad folks go when they die …”), all from Meat Puppets II, to perform


during Nirvana’s 14-song set and asked Curt and Cris to play guitar and bass behind his accurate homage to Curt’s sometimes intentionally off-key vocals. The Kirkwood brothers’ televised appearance onstage alongside the grunge giants and threetrack inclusion on the subsequent multi-million selling album delivered a new generation of fans who were buying anything Cobain was peddling. That exposure, along with the hit single, “Backwater,” catapulted their next album, Too High To Die, to gold-record status in 1994. The band’s career seemed to be riding high in the mid-’90s, but unfortunately so were its members. Heavy drug use, in-fighting and the law split up the Kirkwoods in the early 2000s, with Cris’ conviction on assault charges and Curt’s determination to take the band in his own direction. After a few Cris-less releases, the Kirkwoods reunited in 2009 and have generated a couple of killer albums and tours since, including Rat Farm. This particular collection of material is defined by its effortless, laid-back

harmonies, distinctive guitar work and psychedelic, cosmic country sounds. With influences ranging from Marty Robbins to ZZ Top to Led Zeppelin, the Kirkwoods try to combine a diverse array of sounds and songwriting styles with every release—and Rat Farm is no different. “I wanted this album to be just chords and melodies—played as straight as possible—and focus more on the lyrics and singing,” Kirkwood said. “I tried to write stuff that would stand on its own.” When asked his approach to songwriting he added, “I just write down stuff that sounds really cool.” Other cool stuff that’s been written down lately are stories about the band told by friends, family and fans in the band’s biography “Too High to Die,” released late last year. Some truths, some memories, some happy, some scary, the book is a noholds-barred recollection of the band’s 30-year history as told by the people who witnessed their fair share of it. “Although it’s hard to read about yourself, it’s cool that it’s based on stories and not just facts,” Kirkwood said. “Besides, it evokes memories that I’d forgotten until now.” Meat Puppets Friday, April 12 JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400

Between the Sleeves record reviews • ernie paik

Various Artists Playing Hide and Seek with the Ghosts of Dawn (Lovely Sorts of Death)


ing Crimson’s 1969 album, In the Court of the Crimson King, is an undisputed prog-rock masterpiece, covering sonic extremes from the impossibly fast and tight runs of “21st Century Schizoid Man” to the pastoral “I Talk to the Wind” and the apocalyptic “The Court of the Crimson King.” Held in such high esteem, it was just a matter of time before a concerted effort was made to cover it in its entirety, and here it is—a limited-edition vinyl album entitled Playing Hide and Seek with the Ghosts of Dawn. The big name here is The Flaming Lips and the album follows that group’s cover of Pink Floyd’s The Dark Side of the Moon, with cohorts Stardeath and the White Dwarfs and about a million collaborations in the last few years. Although The Lips play on only one track, “Epitaph,” the album actually follows in the aesthetic of the band’s dark, evil-sounding 2009 album, Embryonic. Linear Downfall’s take on “21st Century Schizoid Man” is a fuzzed-out, psychedelic, sludgy, headbang-inducing monster, with female vocals that alternately sport an attitude and gasp for air. Although some of the more complex, breathtaking sequences

of the original have been simplified, it’s one hell of a track, possibly a bit like Lightning Bolt crossed with Hawkwind and ’70sera Miles Davis. New Fumes (aka Daniel Huffman) tackles “I Talk to the Wind” with faux flute and winds among uneasy electronic atmospherics, sometimes going into the cosmic realm and erupting with buzzing, jarring synthetics. “Epitaph” features a simulation of a children’s chorus and a noisy fog of an ending, and the album loses a little steam on its second half. “Moonchild” from Spaceface eschews the free-improv wandering of the original for one that maintains a basic theme and slowly dissolves, and “The Court of the Crimson King,” which would have been the most fitting Embryonic-esque track, doesn’t quite deliver an earth-shaking ending. Despite its shortcomings, the album sports a fun curiosity and the admiration of music misfits covering their heroes. New Order Lost Sirens (Rhino/Warner Bros.)


ew Order is a band that can be forgiven for its transgressions. There are the occasionally awkward lyrics—“Tonight I should have stayed at home / Playing with my pleasure zone”— from “The Perfect Kiss.” There’s the out-of-tune singing on the high notes of “Age of Consent” and the group’s live performances are known to be uneven. The members can be forgiven because despite some flaws, their songs can be absolutely sublime. Since forming after the legendary post-punk group Joy Division ceased to exist (in the wake of lead singer/

lyricist Ian Curtis’s suicide), New Order has proven to be profoundly influential, particularly to dance-oriented artists, but there’s a quality that others can’t quite capture. The newly released album, Lost Sirens, is compiled from material recorded during the sessions for the 2005 album, Waiting for the Sirens’ Call, and only one track— “Hellbent”—had been previously released, on the combination Joy Division/ New Order 2011 collection Total. “I’ll Stay with You,” with some slightly distorted guitar licks and Bernard Sumner’s familiar, comforting vocals offers nothing particularly new but works just fine as an album opener. “Sugarcane” has a post-disco, new-wave method and a chorus that isn’t shy with the hooks. And “I’ve Got a Feeling” is all about layered guitar licks and strums atop a bed of drum machine beats. “Californian Grass” has some cringeworthy lyrics, (“We can stop at a grocery store / Buy a drink for a few dollars more”) and “Shake It Up” is another offender, containing mangled clichés. However, about four minutes into the song, it throws out an irresistible twist, somewhat redeeming itself. Bassist Peter Hook—who has since left the band—acts more as a soloist than a rhythm section anchor, playing his characteristic high-onthe-fretboard notes with a specific timbre. The album ends with a remixed version of “I Told You So,” originally on Waiting for the Sirens’ Call, shedding its Swedish reggae rhythm for a slowed-down “Be My Baby” drumbeat with lowtuned drums and resembling the Velvet Underground track, “All Tomorrow’s Parties.” By New Order’s standards, it’s a sub-par album, but fans won’t be able to hate it. • APRIL 4-10, 2013 • The Pulse • 11



Banned in Chicago, Welcome in Chattanooga




FRI. 10p






901 Carter St (Inside Days Inn) 423-634-9191 Thursday, April 4: 9 p.m. Open Mic with Hap Henninger Friday, April 5: 9pm Statue of Liberty (Boulder, CO) Saturday, April 6: 10pm Kara-Ory-Oke! Tuesday, April 9: 7pm

Server/Hotel Appreciation Night $5 Pitchers $2 Wells $1.50 Domestics ●

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks! Stop by & check out our daily specials! Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

Chicago DJs Flosstradamus bring their hyperkenetic rhythms to Track 29


amn, son, where’d you find that?” asks the befuddled father over and over again on the online mix-tape, BANNED, by the two Chicago DJs known as Flosstradamus. It’s the voice of the generational disconnect that has fueled rock ‘n’ roll since the 1950s while at the same time signaling a game-changing agenda. The duo, making their Chattanooga debut at Track 29 on Tuesday, are out to redefine electronic dance music.

Within a year, Curt Camcombines hip-hop’s tempo and eruci (Autobot) and Josh Young song structure with dubstep’s (J2K) have accomplished accelerating and dropping just that by mixdrum tracks, along ing hyperkinetic with dub reggae’s rhythms with thunderous, throbthe slow drag of bing sub bass. The trap. “It’s all about name comes from building these tenthe streets, houses sions and then re- RICHARD WINHAM and corners where leasing it and chilldrug dealers and ing it out. And maybe even the their customers congregate. buildup leads up to some crazy Trap has since become the synth or some 808s or laid back foundation of every flavor of bouncy music,” J2K said in an EDM and Flosstradamus is interview on the Discobelle Rewidely regarded as the force cords site. behind the shift. Trap, first developed in the The two have been working seedier sections of Atlanta, as club DJs since 2005, but

12 • The Pulse • APRIL 4-10, 2013 •


their reputation exploded last summer following their remix of Major Lazer’s “Original Don” (the source of the befuddled father’s comment). Along with that, in the classic rock ‘n’ roll tradition, they were accused of inciting a riot last summer. Playing a set at a Chicago block party called West Fest, they reportedly brought the revelers to such a fever pitch that it took the Chicago Police Department three hours to restore order. The duo was subsequently banned from the festival. In a tweet following the incident they told their fans, “I’m (sic) extremely upset about this, but will refrain from going on any rants or tirades. Just know that we have you on our back Chicago, and we’ll be back VERY SOON!” One of their fans complained they were using the incident to hype their reputation. They’ve vehemently denied it, but they’ve since released two on-line mix-tapes stamped BANNED—the first last October and a second in February. The first tape was described by their label, Fools Gold, as “an interesting set of EDM, trap music and Southern rap, resulting in an explosion of boomin’ bass lines, rolling synths and amped-up vocals that will get any dancefloor crunk.” At just over 30 minutes, it moves swiftly with amped-up synths spiraling into overdrive before fading back into the trance-like groove that’s the glue in their sets. Talking about the origin of their wide-ranging mix, Autobot told Hype Trak TV, “In Chicago, a lot of the radio stations play urban hip-hop from all over the world. We heard music from the Bay area and we also had the New York hip-hop as well as Southern hip-hop. That’d be on the mix shows with house music being played all the time, too.”

That they spent their youth with their ears pressed to the radio is evidenced by the deep, raspy, over-amped male voice regularly interjected in the breaks between the tracks in their rapid-fire mix. If CHR radio sounded like this, it wouldn’t be hemorrhaging listeners. One of the reasons for their sets’ exuberant kineticism is that they are no longer solely reliant on other people’s music. After eight years working as club DJs, last year the duo began interpolating their own compositions into the mix. “We switched over to Ableton Live,” said J2K, explaining the shift in their approach in a 2012 interview. “It’s still a DJ set since we play other people’s music as well, but remixing and reconstructing our own music is the new live element on our end of things.” Autobot is the tech whiz with a degree in interactive multimedia, but they’re very much a team and work closely together on the mixes. Autobot handles the sound while J2K works the blazing strobe lights he’s synched with the beats, maximizing the aural and visual assault on the senses. As for the future, J2K would only say, “Ha, I only know what we’re going to do—and that’s keep making newer, weirder songs and keep trying to push the boundaries of this shit.” Flosstradamus 8 p.m. Tuesday, April 9 Track 29 1400 Market St. (423) 521-2929

• Richard Winham is the producer and host of WUTC-FM’s afternoon music program and has observed the Chattanooga music scene for more than 25 years.



MAY 17-19 LAFAYETTE, GEORGIA cherokee farm • old mineral springs road

fridaY: sTrUng like a horse • saTUrdaY: ToUBaB kreWe sUndaY: donna hopkins Band & red claY reViVal THU 04.04 Chris Gomez, Christi Roberts 7 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 Roger Alan Wade 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Drive, Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 Marc Broussard, Courrier 8 p.m. Track 29, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-4323 The Wrest Trio 8:30 p.m. Barking

honest music

ALSO PERFORMING milele rooTs • The mollY magUires maYcomB criers • digiTal BUTTer • chaTTanooga fire caBareT amBer fUlTs • Woodford sessions and manY oThers gaTes open noon fridaY • 3-daY pass: $50 • free camping

SHONNA TUCKER & EYE CANDY Tucker spent eight years playing bass with the Drive By Truckers, appearing on several seminal albums, including The Dirty South (2004), The Big To-Do (2010) and Go-Go Boots (2011), and on Grammy Award-nominated releases by Bettye LaVette and Booker T. Jones. Catch her live on Thursday with her new band, Eye Candy, along with Uncle Lightnin’ at Rhythm & Brews.

Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 Arson 9 p.m. The Backyard Grille, 4021 Hixson Pike. (423) 486-1369 backyardgrille Shonna Tucker, Eye Candy, Uncle Lightnin’

9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. The Eskimo Brothers, Turchi, Hot Damn 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192 Jet Edison 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia,


VisiT or call 423.645.9699

THURSDAY • APRIL 11 • 7 P.M. Scott Miller • the WhiSkey Gentry roGer AlAn WAde • the reverend Peyton’S BiG dAMn BAnd



local and regional shows

Wednesday, April 3 • 9 p.m. Telemonster with The Electric Sons and The Waters Bros. ($5) Thursday, April 4 • 9 p.m. The Eskimo Brothers with Turchi and Hot Damn ($5)

Special Shows

Sundays: Live Trivia 4-6pm followed by Free Live Irish Music at 7pm

Full food menu serving lunch and dinner. 11am-2am, 7 days a week. 35 Patten Parkway * 423.468.4192 *

Wed, Apr 3 Thu, Apr 4

9pm 9pm 9pm • APRIL 4-10, 2013 • The Pulse • 13

backylaerd gril



ril 4 Thurs. Ap

Rock & Roll d n a B ir a H s Arson 80

Fri. April 5


& soul k c o R ic s s of gray cla 2 Fri. April 1

lowdown & t e e w s Rock F.o.g. classic ril 11 Thurs. Ap



Between Access RoAd & AsHlAnd teRRAce

423.486.1369 • daily lunch & drink specials!

The only place in Town where you can sing karaoke anyTime.

410 markeT sT. (423) 757-wing

231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400

9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 Jacob Blazer and The Good People 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 746-1919 Kara-Ory-Oke! 10 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Departure: A Tribute to Journey, The Matt Stevens Project 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St.

fri 04.05 A Man Called Bruce, Roger Alan Wade 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Drive, Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 Statue of Liberty 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Shades of Gray 9 p.m. The Backyard Grille, 4021 Hixson Pike. (423) 486-1369 backyardgrille Ragdoll 9 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533 Southlander 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 Purple Party: Smooth Dialectics, Great Barrier Reefs 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. Jacob Blazer and The Good People 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 746-1919

sat 04.06 The Chariot, Tir Asleen, Amity, The Good Ole Boys, The Bear Comes Home 6 p.m. The Warehouse, 6626 Hunter Road Chonda Pierce 7 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave.



RTB2 is one of two Denton, Texas-based bands visiting JJ’s Bohemia on Tuesday. The duo will perform with Daniel Markham and The Bohannons. RTB2 is Ryan Thomas Becker and Grady Don Sandlin. Birthed in 2005, RTB2 has released two EPs, two full-length LPs, a live album, an exclusive 8-track tape and they have toured Texas and the Midwest. Their current release, 2, was produced by Stuart Sikes (Cat Power, Loretta Lynn, The White Stripes) and is available on vinyl, CD and digital download. Daniel Markham will release his fifth album this month, the solo follow up to his Hexagons EP available for free on Bandcamp. He formerly fronted Lubbock-based rock act One Wolf, who recorded their first record with Jason Martin of Starflyer 59 and toured with rock powerhouse Deer Tick. He has opened for a wide range of acts including Meat Puppets, David Bazan, Casiotone For the Painfully Alone, Wovenhand, Thee Ohsees, Magnolia Electric Co. and many others. Of course, we all know the rock and roll goodness that is The Bohannons—check this lineup out.

(423) 757-5156 Jim Harris 7 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Road (423) 499-5055 Shannon Whitworth Band 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347

Southern Standard Time 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Drive, Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 Leverage 9 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533 Southlander

Get Hot or Go Home, Fu Dog 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400 PeeWee Moore & Friends 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 746-1919

tue 04.09 Flosstradamus, DJ Spinz 8 p.m. Track 29, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-4323 RTB2, Daniel Markham, The Bohannons 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400

wed 04.10 Johnathan Wimpee and Andy Elliot 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 746-1919

party, redefined.

THU • APR 4 423 Bass Love FRI & SAT • APR 5/6 JACOB BLAZER & THE GOOD PEOPLE 1st Floor DJ REGGIE REG 2nd Floor SUN • APR 7 PEE WEE MOORE & FRIENDS Live on the 1st Floor MON & TUE • APR 8/9 DJ SPICOLI Dancing on the 2nd Floor WED • APR 10 JOHNATHAN WIMPEE & ANDY ELLIOT Open Players Jams

tWO fLOOrS • One big party • Live MuSic • dancing • 409 Market St • 423.756.1919 open 7 days a week » full menu until 2am » 21+ » smoking allowed 14 • The Pulse • APRIL 4-10, 2013 •

WOF: Anything Can Happen By Rich Bailey


ide Open Floor’s niche is tough to peg. What would you call a show that presents a troupe of zombies —in full undead makeup and raggedy regalia, shambling slowly closer to the improvisational house band and occasionally lapsing into modern dance—on the same bill as a steel pan player, a couple of poets and an excerpt of a one-man play on Aldo Leopold?

Emcee Marcus Ellsworth gives eight minutes to anyone who asks, but insists “It’s not just an open mic; it’s a chance to be open, to know you have audience that’s receptive and supportive,” he said. “Anything can happen.” Wide Open Floor was originally created by dancer and Niedlov’s Breadworks co-owner Angela Sweet. More than anything, it answered a need for artists to have a venue to present their work to the most exacting but supportive audience possible: other artists. Based on a similar performance series she participated in college, these public artist-to-artist exchanges began in Chattanooga at the 2010 edition of MainX24 and soon became a monthly series at Barking Legs Theater. About a year ago, Sweet passed the baton to Ellsworth. As a veteran of slam poetry competitions, he draws a sharp distinction between that competitive world and Wide Open Floor. All comers are welcome to perform, but when artists approach him he suggests that they come see a show before signing up, because the mentality

Wide Open Floor at Barking Legs is just that—an eclectic mix of storytellers, musicians, poets, comedians and actors is so different from most performance art. Normally, he says, “You come to show your work and it’s about you. When you’re done, you don’t care about anybody else who’s up there.” At Wide Open Floor, on the other hand, “When a person is on stage it’s their room for the duration of their eight-minute set. But the reality is that it’s about you sharing your work and then watching other people share their work, and then hopefully connecting, engaging in discussion, maybe learning from one another.” Shows are an eclectic mix of storytellers, musicians, poets,

comedians and actors, and Ellsperformers to Wide Open Floor worth relishes seeing these circles and encouraged all performers to expand and overlap. For example, work with the theme of pride ... of after watching each other perany kind. form several times at Wide Open “The turnout was incredible,” Floor, poet Laurie Perry Vaughen says Ellsworth. “It was the first and dancer Elizabeth Longphree time we nearly packed out the collaborated on a piece about theater,” which had been running Vaughen’s grandmother. Another about half full at best. poet, Janelle Jackson, went from Wide Open Floor’s wide-open an eight-minute slot at Wide community continues to grow, Open Floor to being a headliner along with its popularity. In at Manifest, a spoken-word seMarch, Wide Open Floor preries. Michael Gray, organizer of sented “Act Two,” a spinoff that the River City Sessions music gave four regulars a longer time and storytelling series, has tested slot: Christian Collier doing sposome of the stories he ken word performance, tells there at Wide Open Robin Burke playing Floor. steel pans, Eliza LumiAfter its first year, nara doing tribal fusion Wide Open Floor had belly dance and Andy cultivated a circle of Pyburn, whose “abrepeat performers that surdist erotica” has STAGE was something more been a consistent crowd than a community of friends and pleaser at Wide Open Floor. less than an ensemble. Although Ellsworth plans to poll the it was not an exclusive group, audience at the next Wide Open Ellsworth wanted to be sure no Floor on Friday on who they’d like one felt excluded. to see given a bigger showcase if As a gay, black male, he says he “Act Two” continues. That show encounters many people who feel will also be an experiment in itexcluded from some arts venues self, as he challenges performers in the city, but “I don’t believe to go back to basics. in that. In my experience, actu“The show’s become a little ally Chattanooga—especially the tech heavy, relying on AV and Chattanooga arts community—is pre-recorded music,” he says. “We very accepting, open-minded and think it’s taking away from the diverse.” potential for interaction. Why Last October, he wanted to not work with the visual artists in show how serious he was about the room? If you need music, we diversity in Wide Open Floor. have a full improv jazz band, the Supporting the Tennessee ValUndoctored Originals.” ley Pride event, he recruited gay, Another expansion is a sort of lesbian, bisexual and transgender a pre-show at Graffiti Gallery in


“... It’s about you sharing your work and then watching other people share their work, and then hopefully connecting, engaging in discussion, maybe learning from one another.” Marcus Ellsworth

Emcee, Wide Open Floor North Chattanooga, which has an exhibit opening every first Friday—the same day as Wide Open Floor, but at 5 p.m. For the last few months, Ellsworth has brought performers to the gallery, which has loaned a few pieces of art for the 8 p.m. Wide Open Floor performance. “Some people have thought we’re an ensemble, but we’re really random performers coming together from everywhere,” says Ellsworth. “It’s unique. It’s comfortable. It’s like hanging out with a bunch of old friends after a while.” Wide Open Floor $5 • 8 p.m. • Friday, April 5 Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 • APRIL 4-10, 2013 • The Pulse • 15


THU 04.04 CSO at Silverdale Baptist Academy 9:30 a.m. Silverdale Baptist Academy, 7236 Bonny Oaks Drive (423) 892-2319 Open Mic 7 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081 Etta May 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 The Wrest Trio 8:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347

fri 04.05 Tennessee Watercolor Society: Region III (Through May 10) 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Reflections Gallery, 6922 Lee Hwy. (423) 892-3072 EarthDayz 11 a.m.-4 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Road (800) 854-0675 Artist’s Market 11 a.m. Walls of Color Gallery, 3204 Brainerd Road (423) 710-2305 “How I Became A Pirate” 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 Etta May 7:30 & 9:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 Jazzanooga 8 p.m. Mocha Restaurant & Music Lounge, 3116 Brainerd Road (423) 531-4154 Wide Open Floor 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347

16 • The Pulse • APRIL 4-10, 2013 •

cool sounds

Jazzanooga kicks off month of music events • “April is National Jazz Appreciation Month and we are ready to once again get Chattanooga into the swing of celebrating and bring a deeper appreciation of one of our city’s greatest cultural achievement—jazz,” says Shane Morrow, co-founder of Jazzanooga, the annual jazz festival. “This is our third year organizing Jazzanooga and the synergy from it is definitely building,” Morrow adds. “Chattanooga’s role in the history of Jazz shouldn’t be understated.” Jazzanooga was established in late 2009 to spearhead the city’s celebration efforts by collaborating with local jazz musicians and vocalists, presenters, club and business owners, schools and nonprofit organizations to promote and support Chattanooga’s rich jazz tradition and assets. Jazz Appreciation Month is a project of the Smithsonian Institution’s National Museum of American History and this year marks the 12th anniversary of the national celebration.  A complete schedule and detailed information of performances can be found at Highlights of the month include: • April 5: Jazzanooga at Mocha Restaurant and Music Lounge, 5 .p.m-midnight • April 7: Jazz On The Bluff (free), 10 a.m.-4 p.m. • April 9: Jazz Performance for American Poet Ishmael Reed, 7-9 p.m • April 14: Sweet Sounds of Jazz, 2-5 p.m. • April 17: Jazz at Water House Pavilion (free), noon-2 p.m. • April 19: Latin Jazz Sessions, 6-9 p.m. • April 20: Jazz Movie Series: “Chops” (free screening), 2- 4 p.m.; Jazz at Ross’s Landing (free), 4-5 p.m.

Mo Alexander 9:30 p.m. Vaudeville Cafe, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839

sat 04.06 Out Run the Police 5K 7:30 a.m. Coolidge Park, 400 River St. CSO: “Simply Swingin” 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 642-TIXS Clean & Green 2013 8:30 a.m. Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 265-3700 EarthDayz 11 a.m.-4 p.m. Rock City,

1400 Patten Road (800) 854-0675 Color Me Chattanooga 5K 3 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley (423) 267-2208 Chonda Pierce 7 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 425-7823 Etta May 7 & 9:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 Shannon Whitworth 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347

Mo Alexander 10:30 p.m. Vaudeville Cafe, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839

sun 04.07 Jazz On the Bluff I 10 a.m.-11:45 a.m. Rembrandt’s Coffehouse, 411 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033 Jazz On the Bluff II Noon-4 p.m. Hunter Museum, 411 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033 “How I Became A Pirate” 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 Ira Glass 4 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 642-TIXS The Black Liver Theatre 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233

mon 04.08 Southside Casual Classics 7:30 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081

tue 04.09 Gallery 301 & Foodworks present an evening of Art, Wine & Food 4-8 p.m. Foodworks, 205 Manufacturers Road (423) 752-7487 “Middletown” 7:30 p.m. Ward Theatre, UTC Fine Arts Center, 736 Vine St. (423) 425-4371

wed 04.10 “Middletown” 7:30 p.m. Ward Theatre, UTC Fine Arts Center, 736 Vine St. (423) 425-4371

Eno’s Community Circle UTC’s production of ‘Middletown’ gives young cast room to research and stretch By Janis Hashe


aye Jeffers, director of “Middletown,” opening at UTC on April 9, has been thinking a lot about connection. “I was initially drawn to the play because of the questions it raised about community. ‘Middletown’ explores the beauty and awkwardness of living together,” she says. “[Playwright] Will Eno is standing on the shoulders of Thornton Wilder, Samuel Beckett and Since the mostly young cast Luigi Pirandello to speak to a did not have the life experienc21st-century audience. He is so es of many of these characters, eager to include the audience “The actors approached their that he includes a scene where roles with research,” Jeffers the audience gets to speak.” says. “One character is an as“Middletown,” Jeffers says, tronaut. We visited the Chalcenters on the journey of a lenger center on campus and newcomer, a woman who has went through the flight simumoved to the title town to start lator. I think that Will Eno is a new life. “While some of the asking us to confront the lacharacters may be unfamiliar bels and find the facts underto college students in profesneath that join us together insion or function, I think the stead of the assumptions that soul and conflict of the characpush us apart.” ters are readily recognizable,” Eno’s plays are famous for she says. “We have all been the his facility with language. newcomer, the tour“Uncovering the ist, the caregiver, the ‘Eno style’ has been outcast, the clown, an assignment. It the broken.” is extremely fastCast members inpaced and pushing clude Mac Smothforward in every erman, Madeleine moment,” Jeffers THEATRE Young, Grace Holtz, says. “I’ve spent a Kaleb Moran, Austin Blacklot of rehearsal time on hand burn, Nicole Pavol, Charlotte props and using objects to help Grater, Kinnawa Kaitibi, Magthe actors tie into the physicalgie McNulty, Mario Hoyle, ity of the character. This supRebecca Rouse, Megan Cobb, ports the language and keeps Gregory Jackson, Troy Jensen, the actors grounded in this Kristina Lumm, Jordan Coleworld. Because the play is so man, Garrett Henson, Kimepisodic in structure, each acberly Skoda, Erin England, tor brings their world onstage Gaby Dixon, Trevor Miles, with them.” Mariah Driver and John NichThat world also has to be ols. captured in the production’s


Middletown’s tour guide (Charlotte Grater, far left) gives the city’s history to a couple of tourists (Maggie McNulty and Kinnawa Kaitibi) in UTC’s production of “Middletown.”

design elements, and here, too, Jeffers found a link. “Early on in the design process, I became obsessed with one of the lines spoken by the astronaut as he is orbiting the Earth,” she says. “He says, ‘It doesn’t look lonely from up here.’ I began to envision looking down at the world, as if we are all also the audience. I researched the landscape paintings of Wayne Thiebaud—such beautiful and lovely abstracted views of the world from above. In design meetings with our guest costumer, Val Winkelman, we looked at his work together and this became our color palette. The circle is an important image used again and again throughout the play, Jeffers says. “So I created a fluid set that seems to be planted in a giant round ‘earth’ of green Astroturf. The world is constantly changing around the characters. I am making no

attempt to hide the artifice of the theatre. I think that Eno is asking us to acknowledge that we are all in the audience, watching, observing, communing.” Jeffers hopes audience members take the communing aspect seriously. “I would love for the audience members to leave the theatre having met one new person and to then immediately go home and meet and greet their neighbors. To acknowledge that in our world of bitterness, fear and cynicism—meaning survives. We are all closer than we think.” “Middletown” $12/$10 students with I.D. 7:30 p.m. • April 9-13 2 p.m. • April 13 Ward Theatre UTC Fine Arts Center Vine & Palmetto Streets (423) 425-4269 • APRIL 4-10, 2013 • The Pulse • 17


Price of ‘Admission’

Spring brings light rom-coms of no consequence, but the charm of Tina Fey and Paul Rudd helps land ‘Admission’ atop the pile By John DeVore


ow is the time of the year when there isn’t a lot worth spending money on at movie theaters. The first three months of the year are usually chock full of half-hearted horror pictures, a few CGI-stuffed action movies and a slew of lackluster family comedies that have been sitting on the shelf for a year. The films in theaters now are secondor third-string films, often riding on the charisma of their stars or the popularity of a franchise, the type that might make it to TBS on a Saturday afternoon before quickly fading from memory.

18 • The Pulse • APRIL 4-10, 2013 •

“Admission” is the perfect example of the early-spring release. It’s mostly harmless, providing a chuckle here and there, charming enough due to the likability of the leads, but ultimately a minor drop in the bucket of 2013 comedies. At current prices, it’s certainly not worth a night out. Wait a few months and rent it for a night in and it might be a nice combo with frozen mozzarella sticks. Portia Nathan (Tina Fey) is an admissions officer at Princeton whose job is to screen applicants for quality and retention. This is a film where the difficulty of college comes from gaining entrance to a choice school rather than the

greater hurdle of paying for four years of Ivy League education. Students need the right combination of grades, test scores, extracurricular activities and ethnicity to make the cut. It also helps to have a great story of overcoming the odds—dead parents or isolation in the Aleutian Islands is a key factor in winning a prize spot. And that’s how the process is treated. College admission is a game show and these kids are competing. It’s Portia’s job to travel to various prep schools and plug the university, offering tips and tricks to give the children of the privileged the best chance to go to the school of their choice. God forbid these students settle for a state school. Over the course of the film, Portia encounters John Pressman (Paul Rudd), a Dartmouth graduate, world traveler and teacher at the Quest School, which appears to focus on free thinking and farm work. John attempts to pressure Portia into helping a student of his gain admission, leading to hijinks and warm-hearted revelations. If it wasn’t for the charisma of Fey and Rudd, the film would be

much harder to sit through. Fey’s characteristic self-deprecation and Rudd’s disarming demeanor are enough to carry any film. By this measure alone, the film is worth seeing. But the plot is derivative of any number of films and it really doesn’t amount to much. I’d have enjoyed a stronger focus on the frustrations of the admission process rather than the typical rom-com situations we’ve seen in dozens of other films. It seemed a bit disingenuous for the writers to ignore the costs of college, especially at such schools as Princeton. Portia’s main student comes from a family of mini-mart workers and the film makes no mention of how they intend to pay for his philosophy degree. “Admission” is the type of film where it seems like the writers pull occupations and complications out of a hat and write a linear story without much thought. Anything that might be too serious or real is ignored. And that’s OK, I suppose. “Admission” could have been worse and that it’s not better isn’t a mortal sin. A quick prayer and it’ll be summer in no time.

Food Drink


Blacksmith’s fits Gastropub Niche

By Mike McJunkin


n Lewis Carroll’s novel “Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There,” Carroll included one of the greatest nonsense poems ever written in English—“Jabberwocky.” As Alice is trying to understand the unusual words of the poem, Humpty Dumpty tries to explain the practice of combining two words into new ones by saying, “‘Slithy’ means ‘lithe and slimy’ ... You see it’s like a portmanteau, there are two meanings packed up into one word.” This concept of combining two meanings into one word surfaced again in the world of food and drink when, in 1991, The Eagle pub in Clerkenwell, a district in London, began offering customers quality food from an open kitchen alongside the bar. The combination of chef-focused, high-quality food and a casual, pub-like atmosphere became known by the portmanteau “gastropub,” combining the French word gastronomique (pertaining to the art of good eat-

Relocating from St. Elmo to city center and adopting a new name, Blacksmith’s Gastropub is bringing thoughtfully prepared food into a new and relaxed space

ing) with the chiefly British word, pub (short for public house and generally a tavern or bar). Blacksmith’s Bistro and Bar recently moved from its longtime St. Elmo location to 809 Market Street, next to Fork and Pie, and with that move has changed from Blacksmith’s Bistro and Bar to Blacksmith’s Gastropub. True to the “gastropub” moniker, Blacksmith’s is bringing the thoughtfully prepared food they are known for into a new and relaxed space. Chef/owner Blackwell Smith

wants to focus his efforts on what he calls, “Southern Gastropub comfort foods.” “I wanted to find fun and creative ways to connect with the people that come in to eat and drink,” Smith says. “People have a personal connection to what they eat and we wanted our menu and atmosphere to respect what makes that connection possible— great food and great drinks.” The menu is expansive but not overwhelming, offering something for everyone whether you

want a light, healthy snack to munch on or are bringing your entire entourage in for a full dinner and drinks. As usual, I ordered enough food to feed a pack of ravenous wolves, causing my dining partner to give me a look of concerned resignation, knowing I cannot be reasoned with when faced with this many tempting options. First up were the chicken tenders. This being a gastropub, the typical chicken strips and fries in a basket were nowhere to be seen. Instead, we received a homage to Southern fried chicken with juicy cuts of crispy, GBD (golden, brown and delicious) breast meat topped with sweet and spicy tomato-jalapeno jam sitting on a bed of sweet potato corn hash. The best bite is a little bit of everything on your fork at once so that all of the flavors hit your taste buds at once. I will definitely be coming back for this dish. Blacksmith’s also has a large selection of satisfying, healthy alternatives such as their arugula salad. Peppery arugula comes lightly dressed with a savory black bean corn salsa, tender roasted tomatoes and several wedges of avocado. This dinner salad is a meal unto itself, but since I was trying to save room for the main dishes I let my date devour the rabbit’s share of this one. Blacksmith’s is known for their creative and delicious burgers so there was no way I could refuse their bison burger, known as the Local Vore. Their commitment to quality flavors means using the best local ingredients and this burger is a showcase for Eagle’s Rest bison, Sequatchie Cove Coppinger cheese, balsamic honey red onions, arugula, Neidlov’s ciabatta and house-made herb aioli. Again, the contrasting ingredients are designed to hit all five taste receptors on your tongue. You will love this burger; don’t try to argue with science. I couldn’t keep my fork out of my date’s main course, a bowl of mus-

Blacksmith’s Gastropub 809 Market St. (423) 702-5461 Hours/Specials • Mon.-Fri: “Business Meeting Happy Hour,” 3-6 p.m. Half0price small plates, 2-for-1 well liquor, $3 house wine, $3 Chatt Brewing Co. draft, $4 shots of Chattanooga Whiskey • Sunday brunch, 11 a.m.-3 p.m. • Mondays: Restaurant Appreciation Night with $7 burger and beer • Tuesdays: Whiskey Appreciation Night with $1.25 sliders and whiskey specials • Wednesday Nights: $3 craft draft beers and $1 monster drumsticks

sels from Brussels. In fact, I barely escaped being stabbed in an attempt to hijack my fourth mussel from my partner’s bowl. This is a classic recipe, using white wine, cream, anisette (anise flavored liqueur) served with big chunks of buttery garlic bread. For dessert, I was initially laser beam-focused on the bananas foster cheesecake, but the Dark Starr Stout Float was just too intriguing to pass up. The chocolatey and malty notes of the Dark Starr Stout pair with the vanilla ice cream to create an adult ice cream float that was familiar, yet unique. Oddly enough, it went extremely well with the milele sweet potato fries dusted with jerk seasoning. Don’t question it, just order them—it works! With daily drink specials, a killer Sunday brunch, an appreciation for local ingredients and tons of culinary creativity, Blacksmith’s Gastropub is poised to help fill the gastropub gap in Chattanooga’s restaurant scene. • Mike McJunkin loves low-country, locally sourced food and craft beers. Catch him eating everything but the kitchen sink in and around Chattanooga. • APRIL 4-10, 2013 • The Pulse • 19

Free Will Astrology ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Art cannot be modern,” said Austrian painter Egon Schiele. “Art is primordially eternal.” I love that idea. Not all of the artifacts called “art” fit that scrupulous definition, of course. Katy Perry’s music and the film Wreck It Ralph may have some entertainment value, but they’re not primordially eternal. I bring this up, Aries, because I think you have entered a particularly wild and timeless phase of your own development. Whether or not you are literally an artist, you have a mandate to create your life story as a primordially eternal work of art. TAURUS

(April 20-May 20): “All my best ideas come from having no answer,” said pioneer filmmaker John Cassavetes, “from not knowing.” I hope that testimony cheers you up, Taurus. As hard as it may be for you to imagine, you are on the verge of a breakthrough. As you surf the chaotic flow and monitor the confusing hubbub, you are brewing the perfect conditions for an outburst of creativity. Rejoice in the blessing of not knowing!

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Sant is a Hindi word that comes from a Sanskrit verb meaning “to be good” and “to be real.” Personally, I know a lot of people who are either real or good. But few are both. The good ones tend to be overly polite, and the real ones don’t put a high priority on being nice. So here’s your assignment, Gemini: to be good and real; to have compassionate intentions even as you conduct yourself with a high degree of authenticity; to bestow blessings everywhere you go while at the same time being honest and clear and deep. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you have the power to pull off this strenuous feat.

rob brezsny Darwin formulated the theory of evolution, which has been one of history’s most influential hypotheses. A crucial event in his early development as a scientist was a five-year boat trip he took around the world when he was in his twenties. The research he conducted along the way seeded many of his unique ideas. The writing he did established his reputation as a noteworthy author. And yet before his journey, his father tried to talk him out of embarking, calling it a “wild scheme” and “a useless undertaking.” Did your parents or other authorities ever have a similar response to one of your brilliant projects? If so, now would be a good time to heal the wound caused by their opposition.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): I’ve got three

sets of affirmations for you, Virgo. Say them out loud and see if they might work for you. 1. “I will be engrossed in fascinating experiences that feed my curiosity, but I will not be obsessed with grueling frustrations that drain my energy.” 2. “I will be committed to love if it opens my eyes and heart, but I will not be infatuated with maddening conundrums that jiggle my fear.” 3. “I will give myself freely to learning opportunities that

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Let’s take a

look back at the first three months of 2013. How have you been doing? If I’m reading the astrological markers accurately, you have jettisoned a portion of the psychic gunk that had accumulated in you during the past six years. You have partially redeemed the shadowy side of your nature and you have to some degree ripened the most immature part. There’s also the matter of your heart. You have managed some healing of a wound that had festered there for a long time. So here’s my question for you: Is it possible for you to do more of this good work? The target date for completion is your birthday.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Naturalist Charles 20 • The Pulse • APRIL 4-10, 2013 •

offer me valuable lessons I can use to improve my life, but I will be skeptical toward rough-edged tests that ask far more from me than they offer in return.”

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “Pole of inaccessibility” is a term that explorers use to identify places on the Earth that are hard —and interesting!_ to get to. On each continent, it’s usually considered to be the spot that’s farthest from the coastline. For instance, there’s a pole of inaccessibility near the frozen center of Antarctica. Its elevation is over 12,000 feet and it has the

planet’s coldest average temperatures. As for the oceanic pole of inaccessibility, it’s an area in the South Pacific that’s most remote from land. By my reckoning, Libra, you would benefit from identifying what your own personal version of this point is, whether it’s literal or metaphorical. I think it’s also a great time to transform your relationship with it.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Every April, the ancient Romans celebrated a festival known as Robigalia. Among the rites they performed were ceremonies to exorcize the god of rust and mildew. I suggest you consider reviving that old practice, Scorpio. You would benefit from spending a few days waging war against insidious rot. You could start by scrubbing away all the sludge, scum, and gunk from your home, car, and workplace. Next, make a similar effort on a metaphorical level. Scour the muck, glop, and grime out of your psyche. SAGITTARIUS

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.” Tinkerbell says that to Peter Pan in J.M. Barrie’s famous story. Sometime soon, I think you should whisper words like those to a person or animal you love. It’s time for you to be as romantic and lyrical as possible. You need to bestow and attract the nourishment that comes from expressing extravagant tenderness. For even better results, add this sweetness from French poet Paul Valéry: “I am what is changing secretly in you.” And try this beauty from Walt Whitman: “We were together. I forget the rest.”

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Naturalist John Muir (1838-1914) had an ecstatic relationship with the California wilderness. He studied it as a scientist and he worshiped it as a mystical devotee. During the course of his communion with the glaciers

and peaks of the Sierra Nevada mountains, he came close to seeing them as living entities that evolved over long periods of time. “Glaciers move in tides,” he wrote. “So do mountains. So do all things.” With Muir as your inspiration, I invite you to identify the very gradual currents and tides that have flowed for years through your own life, Capricorn. It’s prime time to deepen your understanding and appreciation of the big, slow-moving cycles that have brought you to where you are today.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): American author William Faulkner won a Nobel Prize for literature, an indication that he had abundant talent. The prose he wrote was often experimental, cerebral, and complex. He was once asked what he would say to readers who found it difficult to grasp his meaning “even after reading it two or three times.” His reply: “Read it four times.” My counsel to you, Aquarius, is similar. When faced with a challenging event or situation that taxes your understanding, keep working to understand it even past the point where you would normally quit. There will be rewards, I promise. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “Dear Rob:

I just consulted an astrologer, and he told me that my planets are very weak because they’re in the wrong houses and have bad aspects. Please tell me what this means. Am I cursed? Is there any way to remedy my afflictions? - Paranoid Pisces.” Dear Pisces: Whoever told you that nonsense is an incompetent astrologer. You shouldn’t heed him. There’s no such thing as one’s planets being weak or being in the wrong houses or having bad aspects. There may be challenges, but those are also opportunities. Luckily, the coming weeks will be prime time for you Pisceans to overthrow the influence of inept “experts” and irresponsible authorities like him. Reclaim your power to define your own fate from anyone who has stolen it from you. • APRIL 4-10, 2013 • The Pulse • 21

Jonesin’ Crossword

matt jones

Pulse Classifieds » In Print » Online » All Over Chattanooga

TO Place Your Classified Ad call 877.489.8250 EMPLOYMENT SERVERS WANTED FOR Blacksmith Bistro’s new downtown location at 809 Market St. Sunday brunch shift a must. Apply in person with resume from 2-4 p.m., Mon.-Fri.

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FREELANCE WRITERS FAME, BUT NOT FORTUNE awaits you when you write for The Pulse! Talented writers and reporters with clips and standout amateurs welcome to apply. Send a sample story, a pitch and a brief bio to and we’ll be in touch. Visit

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“Hey Hey Hey”—that’s what you’ll say. Across

1. In the best case scenario 7. Become droopy 10. Rooster 14. Nobel Prize winner Heaney 15. It’s hot in Hanoi 16. Tennis legend Arthur 17. Belly laugh noise 18. Total: abbr. 19. Revolved 20. 1990s children’s show about how machines work 23. Warm, so to speak 25. Chennai is there 26. Major time period 27. Anderson or Craven 28. Prof’s helpers 30. Watch sneakily over 32. Naughty by Nature hit

37. Kendrick of “Up in the Air” 38. Commie, back in the day 39. Mounties’ acronym 43. Former alternative to Twinkies 46. Like most Braille readers 49. “The Heart ___ Lonely Hunter” 50. Little troublemaker 51. TV chef Martin 52. In the red 56. Letter-forming dance 58. With 63-across, game with marbles 61. Neighborhood 62. Wedding announcement word 63. See 58-across 67. Falsehoods

68. Part of USNA 69. Guiding principles 70. Officers from DC 71. Before 72. Crowd that has places to be


1. Wednesday substance 2. Steeped stuff 3. “Who stole ___ bucket?” (LOLrus’s query) 4. Missouri River city 5. President of Indonesia for over 30 years 6. Pre-1917 Russian ruler 7. Hall of Fame pitcher Warren 8. Sportscaster Rashad 9. Mob boss John 10. House in Honduras

11. Powerful bird 12. Cinnamoncovered snack 13. Like half of Obama’s family 21. Criticize cleverly 22. “He ___ point, you know” 23. Ja’s opposite 24. Stuart Scott’s employer 27. “___ happen?” 29. Phone downloads 31. Fire setter 33. Jim Bakker mistress Jessica 34. 12 months old 35. Green light or thumbs-up 36. One of the “Friends” friends 40. Word after shabby or geek 41. NYC institution 42. Sony handheld 44. It may waft 45. Fall activity 46. One way to be reduced 47. He plays House 48. Poor 53. Crossword puzzle inventor Arthur ___ 54. “Did ___ you say that...” 55. Nine, to a Nicaraguan 57. Term of affection 59. Kyle, the other member of Tenacious D 60. F followers 64. Faux finish? 65. Corrida shout 66. Fast plane, for short © 2013 Jonesin’ Crosswords For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0617.

THURSDAY • APRIL 11 • 7 P.M. Scott Miller • the WhiSkey Gentry roGer AlAn WAde • the reverend Peyton’S BiG dAMn BAnd



The Pulse 10.14 » April 4-10, 2013  

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

The Pulse 10.14 » April 4-10, 2013  

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative