Vol. 10 • No. 9
February 28, 2013
Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative TANOOGA MAY CHAT O
CAMPAIG S N N TIO
UKAH 2013 A S E EP
CITY COUNCIL ELEC
MUSIC road to nightfall ARTS film music symposium SCREEN a visit to the BACkLOT
2 • The Pulse • february 28-march 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com
THIS WEEK FEB. 28-march 6 IN THE PULSE
DIZZYTOWN P5 & ROUNDUP P11 Cover Illustration by David Helton • Above Andy Berke 02.14.13 • Photo by Kim Hunter
Director of Sales Mike Baskin Account Executives Chee Chee Brown • Eric Foster • Jessica Gray John Holland • Rick Leavell • Jerry Ware Josh Williams
Editor & Creative Director Bill Ramsey Operations Manager/Webmaster Mike McJunkin Contributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsny • Zachary Cooper Chuck Crowder • John DeVore • Janis Hashe Matt Jones • Mike McJunkin • Ernie Paik Sarah Skates • Alex Teach • Richard Winham Photographers Kim Hunter • Josh Lang Cartoonists Max Cannon • E.J. Pettinger • Richard Rice Jen Sorensen • Tom Tomorrow Interns Gaby Dixon • Julia Sharp • Esan Swan
Offices 1305 Carter St. • Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Fax 423.266.2335 Web chattanoogapulse.com Email email@example.com Calendar firstname.lastname@example.org THE FINE PRINT The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. © 2013 Brewer Media. All rights reserved.
BREWER MEDIA GROUP Publisher & President Jim Brewer II
Founded 2003 by Zachary Cooper & Michael Kull
chattanoogapulse.com • february 28-march 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 3
Future of auditorium hot topic at gathering The Pulse certainly enjoys good theatre and is a strong advocate for the progression of arts and culture in Chattanooga—unless theaters (note the difference) become political and antiquated buildings sit unused most of the year. Carlos C. Smith, chairman of the Soldiers & Sailors Memorial Auditorium Advisory Board of Directors, said recently the facility was busiest in May with high school graduations, being booked twice a day sometimes. But can commencement ceremonies and a few monthly programs justify keeping the auditorium, or even the Tivoli Theatre, in the dark (and operating in the red), yet public domain? At a public forum on Tuesday addressing
TALK OF THE NOOG chattanoogapulse.com facebook/chattanoogapulsE • TWITTER @CHATTAPULSE EMAIL LOVE LETTERS, ADVICE & TRASH TALK TO INFO@CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
the future of both venues, Missy Crutchfield, administrator of the city’s Education, Arts & Culture Department, made impassioned statements about their cultural and historical value, recent financial success and long-awaited renovations to the Community Theater. Naturally, she argued for the continuation of the separation between the EAC and the Parks & Recreation Department, on grounds of unequal funding in favor of recreation centers over civic centers. The “veteran card” was played multiple times in statements from Crutchfield, Smith and members of the Auditorium & Tivoli Steering Committee. The general sentiment was that our freedom came at a cost and we have the responsibility to honor our veterans (a sentiment we do not question and one that goes without saying). But to state that Chattanooga would become a “laughing stock,” to quote retired Admiral Vance Fry, if we tried to sell or lease the auditorium is a bit of hyperbole, to say the least. Fry
used the (odd) analogy that Washington, D.C., would be ridiculed if it were to sell the Vietnam War Memorial, saying that selling or leasing the Memorial Auditorium would elicit the same response. There is a vast difference, however, between a commemorative wall and a building whose name honors veterans. The latter requires money to justify salaries, upkeep and maintenance, while the former is an essentially low-maintenance slab of marble and a true, symbolic national monument. Despite the restoration of a world-famous organ, the use of state-of-the-art technology and renovations, problems persist— not the least of which are the annual losses both venues incur. Other issues, such as cash-only bars (that restrict alcohol within the venues), non-working ATM machines, poor parking and general lack of use—to say nothing of the lackluster booking of the auditorium in particular—were not mentioned in any depth at the forum. District 4 City Councilman Jack Benson said the future of both venues was also a “political issue, because some candidates [for city council] want abolish the EAC and rejoin it with Parks & Rec.” He related the importance of art in a city to that in a home, saying, “you don’t want your house cluttered with art, but you need a few for aesthetic appeal.” But art can’t be merely pretty for the sake of making something else pretty. If there isn’t a larger purpose and sustainable foundation for these artful buildings, who will pay for them? Taxpayers. Selling the auditorium outright might be blasphemous to aging veterans, but leasing the venues to professional management agencies is the only reasonable way to keep them economically stable while maintaining their integrity as arts venues and concert halls. —Julia Sharp
Festival a Bonnaroo of Appalachian music BonNanooga? Not exactly, but The Friends of the Cumberland Trail are presenting an Appalachian-themed music festival at the Tivoli Theatre on Friday, March 22, that could also be known as the Bonnaroo of Mountain Music.
4 • The Pulse • february 28-march 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com
The Cumberland Trail Suite Appalachian Music Festival will entertain the valley with some big names, including host Grammy Award-winners Tim O’Brien and Rhiannon Gibbons of the Carolina Chocolate Drops. A high time for mountain folk and lovers of indigenous music, the special benefit concert features a long list of performers including Ed Brown, Clyde Davenport, Downers and Williams the Old Time Travelers, Fletcher Bright and the Dismembered Tennesseans, Meredith Goins, The Chattanooga Choral Society for the Preservation of African American Song, Tom and Charlie McCarroll with Tammi McCarroll-Burroughs, Chris Ryan, Nancy Foreman Westmoreland and the Booker T. Scruggs Ensemble. The Friends of Cumberland Trail is a nonprofit organization that supports (you’ll never guess) the Cumberland Trail State Scenic Trail and it’s development as well as surrounding parklands and natural areas. Tickets are $20 plus convenience fees, with a limited number of VIP seats available for $100, which includes prime seating and a gala reception. Tickets are available now at the Memorial Auditorium box office, online at chattanoogaonstage.com or by phone at (423) 642-8497. —Esan Swan
PLAYING OUR SONGS
Tennessee to star in OA’s music issue Tennessee’s rich musical heritage, with its indelible contribution to the world stage, will be the focus of the 2013 edition of the Oxford American magazine’s awardwinning and critically acclaimed annual Southern music issue. The issue will be published in December and available on newsstands nationwide. It will be packaged with a compilation CD dedicated to Tennessee music, including the music of Memphis, “Home of the Blues” and “Birthplace of Rock ‘n’ Roll,” “Music City” Nashville, Bristol, the “Birthplace of Country Music,” and all points in-between. The print issue will include a special editorial section comprised of articles about the artists and songs featured on the Tennessee CD. “In addition to delving into the state’s many noteworthy historic recordings and figures, we will also put emphasis on Tennessee’s current vibrant creative artistic culture,” said Rick Clark, the magazine’s music editor. The issue and compilation CD is being produced in partnership with the Ten-
nessee Department of Tourist Development. After the issue’s release, the magazine and the agency will work together to hold events around the state to celebrate the remarkable musical energy of Tennessee, from its legendary musicians, such as Johnny Cash, Elvis Presley, Dolly Parton, B.B. King and Al Green, to today’s top artists and recent Grammy Award winners, including The Black Keys, Taylor Swift and Kelly Clarkson. For more information, visit oxfordamerican.org. —Staff
Bonnaroo introduces solar power system Aside from the luscious fields of Manchester and the plants visitors sometimes try to sneak past security, Bonnaroo is indeed going green (and not that kind of green, at least not officially). The annual summer musical festival plans to reduce its reliance on electrical power by introducing a 50-kilowatt solar system to aid in providing approximately 20 percent of its needs. “We did it because it was the right decision to make and the fans want it,” said Laura Sohn, Bonnaroo’s sustainability coordinator. An “opt-in” contribution of $1 for fans, available for the last three years on Bonnaroo’s website when purchasing tickets, was launched to help improve the festival’s sustainability with such structures as a compost pad, demonstration garden and a mobile tower of power allowing visitors to charge their phones. Last year, a regular fee of $1 was added to the total cost for more green initiatives. “As a result, Bonnaroo fans can take full credit for helping Bonnaroo expand its commitment to environmentally focused projects and programs,” said festival spokeswoman Ann Ewing. There will also be an educational display of the new sustainability project at Plant Roo and fans will be able to see how much power is being generated on the festival website, bonnaroo.com. Although you might not be able to see them entering into the festival this summer, 196 solar panels are already in place atop metal structures of backstage roofing and are currently taking in solar energy for the June 2013 dates. Arguably the best music festival in the U.S., Bonnaroo will be held from June 13-16 in Manchester. The full lineup has been announced, with Paul McCartney topping the bill (see back cover for the full list of acts). As usual, The Pulse will cover the highlights of the annual festival in our Summer Guide. Look for updates on our website, chattanoogapulse.com, and on our Facebook page, facebook.com/chattanoogapulse. —E.S.
politics, the media & other strange bedfellows
The Coronation Is it mere coincidence that Andy Berke’s path to the mayor’s office was paved so easily and lined with only token opposition? Probably not.
hile it is not publicly acknowledged, longtime Chattanoogans with even surface familiarity of the way politics work here know that Andy Berke’s smooth transition from the state senate to the mayor’s office is no mere coincidence.
Berke’s coronation was likely pre-determined and pre-ordained long ago, although his destiny may have always played a role in his political ascent. But with Democrats left with no power in Nashville, beaten down by the triple threat of the Tea Party, the South’s now traditionally conservative politics and the party’s own disarray, Berke’s time arrived, perhaps ahead of schedule. Redistricted into a no-win scenario in his 10th Senate District legislature seat, the young lawyer and scion of the Berke family quickly segued from minority legislator to mayoral frontrunner seamlessly last year, with his prospects becoming even clearer as the Recall Ron effort took hold and almost unseated our divisive current mayor. Many had positioned themselves to take Littlefield’s place, if only for an interim period of seven months, before the movement ran aground. But Berke had already aligned himself with the “powers that be,” as they say, launching his campaign in May of last year and amassing support and a massive war chest that has exceeded even Bob Corker’s when he ran for mayor. And then, almost magically, the opposition folded—any real opposition, that is. Berke’s most viable foe, Rob Healy— Littlefield’s main challenger in 2009—ended his brief campaign in December, citing lack of resources to battle Berke,
leaving only dark horse Guy Satterfield and perennial candidate Chester Heathington Jr. to fill out the lackluster ballot. Call us cynics, but that bit of serendipity could be nothing more than the hands of power clearing the way for Berke. Now, before we wander into the weeds of conspiracy, let us say this: Berke would likely rank atop almost anyone’s list as a top choice to lead the city. He is highly educated, a well-regarded attorney and state legislator who possesses little of the hubris or self-importance many of his colleagues in the legislature are burdened with. He’s a hometown boy with a family legacy and an earnest, low-key manner that has made him a rising star in Tennessee’s decimated Democratic Party. He’s young, energetic and full of the “vision thing” that has propelled others of his ilk to higher office. Berke may, in fact, be the best-qualified candidate at any time in modern history to run for mayor and he may indeed do great things for Chattanooga. But in light of Littlefield’s sad stature and the considerable damage he has wrought (while admittedly presiding over a term of growth and attraction of such jewels as Volkswagen and Amazon) and the loud cries of foul resulting in the recall petition—a first in Chattanooga history—it is remarkable, to say the least, that not one of the city’s formidable, talented, well-positioned and
savvy community leaders or businesspeople would rise to the challenge. Curious, no? The usual suspects—Healy, Folkner, Satterfield, Heathington and other also-rans—were predictable entrants who lack Berke’s résumé, clout, connections and backing, but positioned themselves as “grassroots” alternatives to “big money” politicians returning from Nashville to rule the roost—let alone another Democrat. In a race that is non-partisan in format only, there was wide berth for a smart, straighttalking conservative to mount a vibrant campaign, tapping the strong undercurrent of anger over what is often perceived as a liberal bias, political nepotism and quid pro quo machinations at city hall. One has only to consider the furor over such appointments as Missy Crutchfield, each acquisition of public art and almost any move that is viewed as progressive to understand that
everything in Chattanooga city government is political, as it is in every city everywhere. To believe otherwise is naive. Asked why he thought no such challenge occurred, Berke told The Pulse, “My personality is to think about the things that I can control and I’m relatively good at not worrying about the things that I can’t.” Such platitudes, often invoked by longtime friends of Bill W., are admirable traits, but shade the truth coming from the mouth of a professional politician, no matter how earnest. Can it be that at this point in our evolution, after decades of dogged reinvention and rebirth, after all the heavy lifting has been done, that no one save Berke came forward to lead the city at the zenith of its emergence as one of the South’s most amazing revivals? Had that happened, our best inclinations would have tilted naturally toward Berke. And he may yet earn our now reserved blessings. We certainly hope so. But if he proves to be only a solid steward on his way to higher office, we will be sorely disappointed. Good luck, Andy. The keys are yours. Prove us wrong and make us proud.
chattanoogapulse.com • february 28-march 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 5
On the Beat
Rights & Responsibilities F reedom of speech in America is an argument that never gets old, and the indigenous people of Hamilton County have continued the argument following the recent events surrounding a local man charged with the felony crime of “Retaliation for Past Actions.”
Free speech is only free when it is not taken for granted
Despite the public records attesting to my statements, for the sake of maintaining solid bowel movements for The Pulse legal team I will refer to this man only as “Bill” for the duration of this column. Bill’s wife was pulled over for a traffic violation and in the course of her detainment she was found to have what turned
out to be Bill’s late grandmother’s slapjack. A slapjack is a piece of metal (usually lead) with a long, stout spring attached to it that is wrapped in leather, about 8 to 10 inches long. You hold it by the nar-
2013 B s lack mith’s Bistro & Bar
Troy was all about living in the moment, specifically if the moment included cold Pop Tarts and the brief nudity of the “Airplane” movies.
6 • The Pulse • february 28-march 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com
row spring-end and when you “slap” the thick metal end against someone’s head, it has the expected effect of knocking the shit out of them and usually splitting the skin in the process (and getting them to pause for the effect, which was the point), such is the impact to the skull. For obvious reasons, police were banned from using these a few decades ago. And for obvious reasons, Bill’s wife was given a misdemeanor citation for possessing this wigsplitting weapon, in addition to the traffic offense for which she was stopped for in the first place. This seems pretty straight forward until we discover that Bill has become so incensed over the incident that he asks on “the Facebooks” if anyone knows the officer in question by name and unique badge number (“Officer Doe,” as I call him for similar reasons as outlined before) and states that, “I am going to kill this son of a bitch and any other cop who wants to cross me. No point in living like a slave. Come get me you Godless Nazi shit heel. Anyone who knows [“Ofc. Doe”] PLEASE send him my way so that I may send him to Hell. Thank you.” Before I go much further, I ask if this sounds nonchalant or off the cuff: He cites the officer’s name, badge and makes the statement that “I am going to kill him and any other cop who wants to cross me.” Do you take this as “hah-hah funny,” or a fairly literal statement? Any wiggle room? Or is it just “OK,” since the person being threatened is a cop and being threatened is not only “our job,” but nothing to take seriously? If so, what if you replace “Officer Doe” with your son’s or daughter’s name or your parent’s names. Still funny?
“I’m going to burn down John Doe’s House (yours) at (a specific street address) and kill anyone that tries to stop me.” “Hahaha!” says the reader in response. Seem as likely now? Well, it did to a local magistrate who has this anti-government, law-enforcement threatening nimrod siting in the pokey as we speak on a $175,000 bond. Freedom of speech does exist. It is important. But so is the accountability that accompanies those words, and in this case it turns out the specific threat and/or solicitation of murder of a peace officer is not constitutionally protected and the accountability for such is a Class E felony. Bill isn’t a hero. He isn’t a farmer feeding his family from the land who has aimed a double-barrel shotgun at a burglar that has crept through his window in the darkness; Bill is an idiot who needs a serious amount of time to get his head right,and learn to equate a “misdemeanor ticket for a clearly dangerous weapon” as something other than a literal death warrant for the one that found his wife in possession of such. He’s loyal to his wife, I get it … but capital murder over a ticket? Please. Take advantage of your inalienable rights. Stand up for yourself and others, and more importantly for others who cannot stand up for themselves—but keep your head about you and you can keep $175,000 dollars in bond and a shitload of unnecessary shame and embarrassment. Our forefathers fought for our liberties. They didn’t fight for you to be a bullying moron.
Alex Teach is a police officer of nearly 20 years experience. The opinions expressed are his own. Follow him on Facebook at facebook.com/alex.teach.
A curated selection of highlights from the live music and arts and entertainment calendars chosen by Pulse editors.
pulse » PICKS
THU02.28 MUSIC England in 1819, Behold the Brave, Elk Milk, Evilfoot • Local bands Behold the Brave and Elk Milk add extra punch to this bill. More on Elk Milk on Page 8. 10 p.m. • JJ’s Bohemia • 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400
PICK of the litter » con nooga
Major Con, Nooga • Chattanooga’s first and only “multifandom” (aka multiple genre) convention opens Friday and runs through Sunday at the Chattanooga Choo Choo and exands this year to the Chattanooga Convention Center. During the three-day event, participants will experience endless adventures attending various programming panels featuring celebrities, artists, authors, filmmakers across genres such as sci-fi, horror, fantasy, anime, comics, the paranormal, along with
in the exhibit hall, and more than 100 special guests, dealers and fan groups will roam the streets of Chattanooga. Check out the parade on Saturday beginning at 8:30 a.m. at the Choo Choo and traveling down Market Street to 13th Street before ending at the convention center.
costumes, concerts, shows, contests and gaming, seminars and workshops. Numerous dealers and exhibitors will fill more than 40,000 square feet of space
Con Nooga March 1-3 Chattanooga Choo Choo, 1400 Market St., and Chattanooga Convention Center, 1100 Carter St. (423) 756-0001 connooga.com Con Nooga poster art by Mark Helwig
COMEDY Brian Regan • Rising comedy star and veteran opening act for Jerry Seinfeld takes the Tivoli stage tonight for a one-night stand. 7:30 p.m. • Tivoli Theatre • 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5156 • chattanooga.gov
FRI03.01 MUSIC Road to Nightfall
College Band Night
Sunday nights are all right for listening to local radio
• Always fresh and intriguing, CBN features Ted Bartram, Family Airplane, Canadian Coldfront and Brandon Snipes on stage tonight. 7:30 p.m. • The Camp House 1427 Williams St. • (423) 702-8081 thecamphouse.com
• Local bands vie for a headline spot and cash as the competition begins tonight. 8 p.m. Rhythm & Brews • 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com
• Former Chattanooga George S. Clinton returns to town to guide this first symposium focusing on film scores with panels and performaces. Clinton now leads the film scoring department at the Berklee College of Music in Boston and scored the three Austin Powers movies. Read our interview with Clinton on Page 15. The Read House • 827 Broad St. and the Tivoli Theatre • 709 Broad St. (423) 267-8583 • chattanoogasymphony.org
“You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown” • After 46 years and productions too numerous to count, Charles is still (reluctantly) in charge. Read Janis Hashe’s preview on Page 17. 7:30 p.m. • Chatt State Humanities Theatre 4501 Amnicola Hwy. • (423) 697-3246 chattanoogastate.edu
Southeast Film Music Symposium
The is little to be desired musically on WUTC-FM beyond Richard Winham’s daily show and the station’s Sunday-night programs, which Winham produces. Each of these shows is a model for inventive, original local programming: • First Sunday The Reverend Douglas Cook, ministering to the sick and infirm at 8 p.m. with the healing salve of vintage soul. • Second Sunday Hayley—rock ‘n’ roll from an 18-year-old’s perspective at 7 p.m.; the Dortches, Senior and Junior, “Connect the Dots” at 8 p.m. • Third Sunday “Words & Music” at 8 p.m. with Jason Kelly and Kevin Bate (with asides from Winham). Kelly likes them words while Bate, he just likes a big ol’ beat. • Fourth Sunday “River City Sessions,” hosted by storyteller Michael Gray, Chattanooga’s version of “A Prairie Home Companion,” at 7 p.m., followed by a second helping of Chris & Chris Dortch with “Connect the Dots” at 8 p.m.
Take the Beach Body Challenge
Looking to step it up in the next 30 days? Be beach body read with our 30-day challenge. Complete 20 classes in 30 days and earn your next month unlimited for $100. Classes are filling up. Sign up at purebarre.com to reserve your spot. Contest runs through March 24 Challenge boards at both locations. One class per day max counts. toward your 20. Cancellation policy will be enforced. Visit the front desk for rules and information.
E BRAINERD 1414 JENKINS ROAD 423.468.4960 NORTH SHORE 214 MANUFACTURERS ROAD 423.580.1162 CHATTANOOGA@PUREBARRE.COM WWW.PUREBARRE.COM
chattanoogapulse.com • february 28-march 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 7
The Road to Nightfall The annual competition is more showcase than battle of the bands By Richard Winham
he Road to Nightfall isn’t a battle of the bands, but a showcase for the growing community of talented musicians in Chattanooga. That was Jonathan Susman’s vision when he returned to Chattanooga after moving with his band, The Hopsing Project, to Nashville for several years. It was in Music City that he heard about a competition called Road to Bonnaroo. Staged by a local club, it served both as an incentive and a showcase for area musicians. When he returned to Chattanooga nearly three years ago, Susman took the idea to Carla Pritchard and The McKay Road to Nightfall, as it is formally known, was born. This year, 25 bands will compete for a headlining slot this summer and $1,000. And, like the young musicians who entered the competition before them, they too will make new friends, form new alliances and play for people who might otherwise never have heard them—just as Susman intended. The competition also serves as a showcase for Rhythm & Brews, where many of the featured bands frequently appear. After scheduling the shows on an off night for the past two years, this year manager Mike Dougher has given The Road To Nightfall center stage for two consecutive Fridays and Saturdays beginning this week. The four finalists will face off on Friday, March 15. All shows start at
8 p.m., with bands playing 15-20 minute sets. While the competition will almost certainly challenge the musicians, it’s also a gift for the audience. For two successive weekends, six of the best bands in Chattanooga will perform on the same stage, and the admission is less than the cost of a CD. If some of the names are unfamiliar, this brief primer should help. The bands are listed in the order in which they’ll appear on the nights noted. A similar summary will appear next week for the final two nights of the competition.
Friday, March 1
Blues Hammer Proclaiming “the time has come for the Gods of Rock ‘n’ Roll to reclaim this world from the bubble gum fluff of today’s modern music,” Blues Hammer returns to the blues rock favored by Brits and Americans
RAW party, redefined.
Rigoletto Having fun yet? The band competes on Saturday during The Road to Nightfall at Rhythm & Brews.
alike in the late 1960s and early ’70s. Blues Frog & The Georgia Rhythm Crickets While there are echoes of both “Beggar’s Banquet”-era Stones and early Allman Brothers Band, this funky, Delta-leaning blues band often comes closer to the slippery, greasy gumbo of the Lowell George-era Little Feat. Function “We specialize in bringin’ the noise to keep people on their feet,” the band’s Facebook page says. Five-piece with “special guests” playing funk, blues, jazz, rock and R&B. Elk Milk Characterized (by them) as “the sound of stones struck together and sticks beating
rugs, with harmonies,” Elk Milk’s music is a grungy, bass-heavy mix of The Police and Black Sabbath. Summer Dregs Described on their website as “aggressively ecstatic indie pop,” the music they make is synth-based, punky artpop in the mode of a band like Ra Ra Riot. Carl Cadwell and Josh Green have played together in a couple of excellent bands (Infradig and The Distribution). The Distribution may have been more of a crowd pleaser, but this little band is easily the most musically imaginative of the evening. The Maycomb Criers While they may be “a loud and rowdy Americana band hell-bent on total world domination,” they sound like rural bar-band rockers with a taste for Creedence-style downhome blues. The Criers are a highenergy, good-time band with an infectious sense of fun. The Odds If originality is the deciding factor, this contest will be between Summer Dregs and Elk Milk. But since the audience will decide, it’ll probably come down to Blues Frog versus The Criers.
Saturday, March 2
Rick Rushing & The Blues Strangers Related to the late, great Jimmy Rushing, blues shouter with Count Basie’s band, the blues is in Rick’s bloodline and it shows. Soft spoken and genial he may be, but put a guitar in his hand and he controls the room. Rigoletto Straddling the line between punk and prog, Rigoletto are yet another talented group of musicians schooled at Covenant College. “There is value in changing people’s lives and in creating pure beauty,” said guitarist David
Griffis. The result is accessible art rock with a thunderous bottom end. Stereo Dig Currently second to Behold The Brave on Reverb Nation’s Chattanooga rock chart, Stereo Dig has crafted a rousing blend of Radiohead’s robotic rhythms and steely guitar with Arcade Fire’s chunky harmonies and widescreen production. Smooth Dialects Sounding at times like Sade in dub, they’re currently No. 1 on Reverb Nation’s jazz chart. Woodford Sessions Now with sweet, airy three-part harmonies, the expanded band also includes Jessica Nunn’s virtuosic viola. They were good as a duo; as a four-piece they may well be the band to beat on this night. Ryan Oyer Band Often tagged as a singer/songwriter, for a time he was, with an acoustic guitar and a batch of songs in hand. But now Ryan Oyer rocks with a band that blends Oasis’ burr with McCartney’s melodicism. Shark Week “It’s like the Police and Trent Reznor got in a fight and ended up all twisted and bloodied,” said frontman Bijan Dhanani when asked to describe the band. Listening to them, it does sound as if Andy Summers’ guitar has been “bloodied and twisted.” The Odds Handicapping this lineup is impossible. This evening is the local live-music bargain of the year. Richard Winham is the producer and host of WUTC-FM’s afternoon music program and has observed the Chattanooga music scene for more than 25 years.
THU • FEB 28 423 Bass Love FRI • MAR 1 CRANE 1st Floor DJ REGGIE REG 2nd Floor SAT • MAR 2 CRANE 1st Floor DJ REGGIE REG 2nd Floor SUN • MAR 3 PEE WEE MOORE & FRIENDS Live on the 1st Floor MON & TUE • MAR 4/5 DJ SPICOLI Dancing on the 2nd Floor WED • MAR 6 JOHNATHAN WIMPEE & ANDY ELLIOT Open Players Jams
tWO fLOOrS • One big party • Live MuSic • dancing • 409 Market St • 423.756.1919 open 7 days a week » full menu until 2am » 21+ » smoking allowed 8 • The Pulse • february 28-march 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com
Chattanooga Live CALENDAR@CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400
ELK MILK The Chattanooga trio has been holed up in the studio for most of the winter working on two different EPs, the first of which is set to be released in March, the second early this summer. The band kicks off a tour at JJ’s on Thursday, Feb. 28, on a bill with Chattanooga’s Behold the Brave, Evilfoot (formerly The Dead Rabbits) and England in 1819. Elk Milk then heads south to Texas and Louisiana before returning to town for a St. Patrick’s Day show at JJ’s. The tour continues with performances in Knoxville, Athens and Nashville. With more shows in April and a May 3 gig at JJ’s with Savannah, Ga.’s Cusses and Chattanooga’s Rigoletto, Elk Milk is steaming.
THU 02.28 Open Mic 7 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081 thecamphouse.com The Loop 7 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 sugarsribs.com Open Mic with Hap Henninger 8 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Andy D, The Hearts in
Light, Stereo Dig 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192 thehonestpint.com Josh Lewis 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road (423) 499-9878 budssportsbar.com 423 Bass Love 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919 England in 1819, Behold the Brave, Elk Milk, Evilfoot 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia,
Angie McDaniel 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Drive, Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 ringgoldacoustic.com Road to Nightfall 8 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Nikki Talley 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Code Blue 9 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533 skyzoochattanooga.com Mad River Rising 9 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730 southsidesaloon andbistro.com One Night Stand 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 sugarsribs.com Crane, DJ Reggie Reg 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919
sat 03.02 College Band Night: Ted Bartram, Family Airplane, Canadian Coldfront, Brandon Snipes 7:30 p.m. The Camp
THURSDAY • MARCH 7 • 7 P.M. ST. PAUL & THE BROKEN BONES JOHNNYSWIM • THE STEELDRIVERS WTM BLUES BAND LIVE FROM TRACK 29
LIVE BROADCAST ON LISTEN TO SUMMER FOXX FROM 3-7 FOR YOUR CHANCE TO WIN FREE TICKETS TO THE LIVE SHOW!
local and regional shows
Another Close Call with Scenic and Good Field ($5) Andy D with The Hearts in Light and Stereo Dig ($7) Grown Up Avenger Stuff, Stereo Dig, Ribbons Make Music ($5) Copper into Steel, 2/3 Goat, Nick Lutsko & the Sam Jackson 5 ($5)
Wed, Feb 27 Thu, Feb 28 Wed, Mar 6 Thu, Mar 7
9pm 9pm 9pm 9pm
St. Patrick’s Day • Mar 17 • Music 2 p.m. to Midnight Molly Maguires • John Lathim & Company • The Fabled Canelands Olta• The Punknecks Sundays: Live Trivia 4-6pm • Free Live Irish Music at 7pm
Full food menu serving lunch and dinner. 11am-2am, 7 days a week. 35 Patten Parkway * 423.468.4192 thehonestpint.com * Facebook.com/thehonestpint
chattanoogapulse.com • february 28-march 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 9
901 Carter St (Inside Days Inn) 423-634-9191
sun 03.03 Glory, Milele Roots 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400 Pee Wee Moore & Friends 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919
ASHLEY & THE X’S
27 FRI. 8p 1 SAT. 8P 2 TUE. 9p 5 WED. 9p 6
WED. GREAT FEMALE-FRONTED ROCK & ROLL 9:30p
ROAD TO NIGHTFALL
ROUND 1: SUMMER DREGS, THE MAYCOM CRIERS, BLUESFROG & THE GEORGIA RHYTHM CRICKETS, FUNCTION, BLUES HAMMER, ELK MILK ROUND2: RIGOLETTO, WOODFORD SESSIONS, SHARK WEEK, RYAN OYER, STEREODIG, SMOOTH DIALECTS, RICK RUSHING AND THE BLUES STRANGERS
THAT 1 GUY
with WOLFF AND TUBA
with CLEAR PLASTIC MASKS & 8 KNIVES
3.07 LERA LYNN 3.08 ROAD TO NIGHTFALL 3 3.09 ROAD TO NIGHTFALL 4 3.10 GLASS HAMMER ALL SHOWS 21+ UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED • NON-SMOKING VENUE
221 MARKET STREET
HOT MUSIC • FINE BEER • GREAT FOOD BUY TICKETS ONLINE • RHYTHM-BREWS.COM
Thursday, Feb. 28: 8 p.m. Open Mic with Hap Henninger
mon 03.04 Secret Weave & Shaking Ray Levi Society present Vest Fest 2013 9 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 barkinglegs.org DJ Spicoli 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919
Friday, March 1: 9pm Nikki Talley (Ashville, NC) Saturday, March 2: 10pm Kara-Ory-Oke Tuesday, March 5: 7pm
Server/Hotel Appreciation Night
$5 Pitchers $2 Wells $1.50 Domestics ●
All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks! Stop by & check out our daily specials! Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers
THAT 1 GUY brings his pioneering main instrument, The Magic Pipe, a monstrosity of metal, strings and electronics, to Rhythm & Brews on Tuesday, March 5, promising a dynamic live creation of music and magic in ways only That1Guy can conjure.
House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081 thecamphouse.com Nothing and the Nobodies 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Drive, Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 ringgoldacoustic.com Road to Nightfall 8 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Steve Monce Band 8:30 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533
THURSDAY • MARCH 7 • 7 P.M. ST. PAUL & THE BROKEN BONES • JOHNNYSWIM THE STEELDRIVERS • WTM BLUES BAND LIVE FROM TRACK 29
LIVE BROADCAST ON LISTEN TO SUMMER FOXX FROM 3-7 FOR YOUR CHANCE TO WIN FREE TICKETS TO THE LIVE SHOW! 10 • The Pulse • february 28-march 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com
skyzoochattanooga.com One Night Stand 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 sugarsribs.com Kara-Ory-Oke 10 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Crane, DJ Reggie Reg 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919 Birdcloud 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.
Wendell Matthews 7 p.m. North Chatt Cat, 346 Frazier Ave. (423) 266-9466 That 1 Guy, Wolff, Tuba 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com
wed 03.06 Husky Burnette 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Drive, Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 ringgoldacoustic.com Banditos, Clear Plastic Masks, 8 Knives 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Johnathan Wimpee, Andy Elliot 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919
h THE PULSE 2013 SHORT STORY CONTEST • 1,000 words • Southern theme. • Submit stories in document format, include your name, phone number and a brief biography. Email-only entries. The judges’ top choice will be published on April 18 in The Pulse. Email to: email@example.com Subject: 2013 Short Story Contest Deadline: March 28, 2013
TIONS CAMPAI ELEC
election guide & recommendations
PESAUKAH 201 GNE
election day: tuesday, march 5, 2013
R & CITY COUNCIL AYO
Chattanooga’s Next Mayor In a race that never was, Andy Berke parachutes into destiny with only minor scratches, But Guy Satterfield is an attractive alternative, if only because he is the only alternative Interviews & Impressions by Bill Ramsey
Andy Berke, Vague Visionary
Guy Satterfield, Myopic Repairman
hattanooga has often needed a knight in shining armor, a political visionary who could see beyond the tattered remains of a once proud city. The city’s modern mayors—Jon Kinsey, Bob Corker and Ron Littlefield—all rode in on horses of different colors with bullet-point agendas that moved the chess pieces forward in the aftermath of Gene Roberts’ long, unprecedented (and never to be repeated) reign. Now comes Andy Berke, annointed and seemingly pre-destined (if not pre-ordained) to lead the Scenic City to the proverbial next level.
uy Satterfield is not without merit or beneath consideration. But then again he has the luxury of a candidate who cannot match nor expect to equal Andy Berke’s widespread support and hefty campaign war chest. Satterfield candidly acknowledges this, says his opponent is the likely winner, yet still paints himself as a viable alternative, sans Berke’s impressive education and resume, whose basic platform he says reflects the interests of the majority of Chattanoogans. And as a retired city employee with more than 30 years of experience, his ideas are hard to ignore.
When we last tuned in, Corker ran off with that flag, escaping to a U.S. Senate seat having taken a victory lap in a car driven by others on a slow if “heroic drive.” Having reinvented itself and reclaimed its rightful (and self-annointed) title as ... pick one, they are coined almost every week ... the city now has many fathers eager to claim paternity as the guiding hand of providence. And so we arrive in 2013, patting ourselves collectively on the back for our wonderous revival only to be confronted by the challenges faced by all cities— crime and violence, decay and neglect, economic circumstance and reality. With all that is right about Chattanooga—and there is much right, with no shortage of cheerleaders—there is much wrong. Andy Berke’s “Renew Chattanooga” campaign claims not a panacea, but a transparent and holistic remedy, as best we can figure. When The Pulse and other news organizations ask for specifics, he offers broad strokes and outlines. Our concerns are those of every dweller of the city and its suburbs, but our focus as a newspaper is narrowed by the scope of our coverage and the limitations of our influence. By that we mean, of course, the arts, culture and politics of Chattanooga, subjects we have tirelessly devoted our pages to since launching in 2003. With regard to the arts, we are comfortable with Berke, 44, who says had he not been an attorney or a politician he would
Satterfield is very much the Everyman. Unlike Berke, whom we were scheduled to meet and met in his busy law offices on the North Shore (with the requisite wide-eyed, young staffer in tow), Satterfield publishes his sometimes dysfunctional cell phone number on his website, inviting any and all to call him. We did. Satterfield, 59, spent 39 years in the city’s public works department, and spoke frankly and candidly with us for more than 45 minutes before excusing himself to attend another opportunity to present his ideas at yet another public forum, most of which have gone undocumented by the local media. To be clear, Satterfield readily acknowledges himself as an extreme longshot, but has not written himself off. “I think he thinks he’s already got it,” Satterfield was quoted recently in the Times Free Press. Satterfield also affirms he is a conservative who says that while he and Berke share the same ultimate goals, he finds fault with a vision that lacks specifics. In contrast, Satterfield said he knows the halls of city government intimately after a career as a public works employee cut from similar, but not the same cloth as Ron Littlefield. To be sure, there is a homespun appeal, an underdog attraction to Satterfield that cannot be denied. “We can turn it around,” Satterfield said. “We’ve got a spending problem, not a revenue problem. Chattanooga’s like a drunk sailor, but even the sailor quits
have pursued a career as a film director. Berke says he values the arts and counts them as integral to the city’s growth, an intangible asset for those seeking to relocate here, whether they be ordinary men or women, artists, musicians, entrepreneurs or businesses. And we believe him. On much else—the specifics of what hands he would play, what cards he would keep or discard—he is less direct. For instance, he won’t say if he will dismantle the much-criticized Arts, Education & Culture Department administered by the embattled Missy Crutchfield (daughter of Ward, whose state senate seat Berke won in a 2007 special election). He also won’t say if he’ll lease or sell the Tivoli or Memorial Auditorium, nor will he firmly endorse the broad sentiment that alcoholic beverages should be allowed within those venues. Such are the spoils of a race that never was. When he speaks of his broad, grassroots support and the unity behind his campaign, Berke allows himself the mantle of opacity to the disgruntlement of more than a few Chattanoogans who see him as another link in a chain of liberal spenders with, in his case, an eye on a prize distant from the concerns of most humble locals. With little alternative, we tacitly accept Berke’s vague vision. We share his basic premise, but are cautiously optimistic at a point in time when we might otherwise have been enthusiastically enthralled.
when he runs out of money.” We’ll give him this: Satterfield is nothing if not specific, at least with regard to the same topics we broached to Berke. He’d return the ailing AEC to Parks & Rec, dismiss Crutchfield, abandon the city’s multicultural mission, lease or sell the Tivoli and Memorial Auditorium, as well as The Chattanoogan Hotel, dispatch the various servants to the mayor’s office and cap the black hole of waste, bloated salaries and spending that have plagued the Littlefield administration. Then, he said, he’d meet head on the many challenges the city faces—police and fire protection, water and utilities, the core mechanisms that working Chattanoogans complain have been neglected, if not robbed from them by the purchase of yet another Blue Rhino. “I appreciate art and sculpture,” he said, “but that’s not sustainable.” Besides the latter, we applaud him. These are the bottom-line concerns of any city. But Satterfield comes from a generation whose leadership ignored Chattanooga’s progressive destiny. The city is not London after the Blitz, nor is it still struggling to overcome the old “Dirtiest City in America” tag. Therein lies the rub. A competent administrator can cure the common ails, but can he also pave the way to destiny? History has told us unequivocally and emphatically, “No.” To Satterfield, we say “Appreciate-cha,” but we’ll pass.
chattanoogapulse.com • february 28-march 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 11
CITY COUNCIL RACES
Intent, Method, Results
hat began as an attempt to offer an alternative to Chattanooga’s daily newspaper election coverage has unexpectedly, but delightfully, evolved into a social experiment that serves both our readers and celebrates the engagement of young people within the realm of local politics. The Pulse sought early on to forge a partnership with Nooga.com (a natural alliance, we wrongly presumed) to offer readers in print and those who visit that website with a true alternative to the Time Free Press’ election coverage. That call went unanswered. In the time since, the TFP has offered lop-sided coverage of Andy Berke’s mayoral campaign, paying only scant attention to challenger Guy Satterfield and, most recently to flame-throwing (and perennial) candidate Chester Heathington. Nooga.com launched its own election site, keencitizen.com (whatever that means), a low-profile experiment backed by the Lamp Post Group (home of Weston Wamp and not without its own political agenda) that provides visitors the opportunity to “give a hand” to candidates in what amounts to a popularity contest. Got fans, candidates? Click. What transpired at The Pulse is much different. Assigning our interns to canvass city council candidates from their perspective as youthful voters succeeded on all levels. While the basic information contained here is readily available almost anywhere (but even much of that is not included elsewhere), we asked our interns to rate and offer their perceptions of the candidates based on their encounters. To their credit, most, but not all, eagerly received their inquiries and responded enthusiastically. The results are presented here, not in the wildly fantastic graphic form we first intended, but with revealing honesty and with a bonus perspective from those who stand to inherit the government we who are engaged and actually vote give them, for better or worse. The ratings system worked like this: Interns called or confronted candidates in person, filling in the blanks and basic details. Their ratings—on a scale of 0 to 10 (bad to best) were based on a candidates’ accessibility, responsiveness, earnestness, a pleasant reception and eagerness to speak with them—are recorded here along with their impressions and recommendations. Some may find them lacking; we find them illuminating and often instructive. On Page 13, we’ve culled some simple data from these interviews and offer our recommendations (but not endorsements), for what they’re worth. To say our own perceptions were colored by those of our interns is to understate our cause. Given the historically low voter turnout for city elections—18 percent in 2009—we value these impressions even more. And, given the non-value of dueling endorsements that cancel themselves out at the TFP, and the self-serving “ovations” on keencitizen.com, we hope our efforts offer something more valuable. Form your own opinions, but vote. The consequences of not participating are obvious. —The Editor
Precincts: Hixson 1, Lookout Valley 1 Moccasin Bend, Mountain Creek 1 & 3, Northwoods 2
Pat Hagan Age: 62 Occupation: Patient care technician at Memorial Hospital, retired TVA accountant Website/Facebook Page: Facebook.com/ pathaganforchattanoogacitycouncil I’m running because … “I know I can handle the job of a city council person. I’m a common citizen with common sense.” And from his website: “The City Council represents the people, it is not a place to make a name for yourself.” Pulse Intern Rating Accessibility: 8 Responsiveness: 7 Earnestness: 6 Pleasant/Eager to Talk: 7 Perception: 6 • Seems like a neat guy, but he doesn’t have the political strategies other candidates have to achieve the goals of their platforms.
IONS CAMPA T C E I EL
PESAUKAH 201 E N G
R & CITY COUNCIL AYO
Age: 52 Occupation: Owner, Henderson Construction Company Website/Facebook Page: Facebook. com/electchiphenderson I’m running because … “I got into the race after members of the community suggested I consider running and now I feel I can make a difference. I have 22 years of running a successful business.” Pulse Intern Rating Accessibility: 3 Responsiveness: 7 Earnestness: 7 Pleasant/Eager to Talk: 8 Perception: 7 • Accessibility was an issue, but I could see him doing a good job. I’d be most likely to vote for him (our intern said).
Jim Folkner Age: 61 Occupation: Semiretired businessman Website/Facebook Page: electjimfolkner.com I’m running because … “The government has lost touch. I’m tired of seeing money wasted on irrelevant issues. Wages of city workers and the police are too low, crime too high, and funding for the essential services is blown on wellness issues. I’m the right person to change that.” Pulse Intern Rating Accessibility: 7
12 • The Pulse • february 28-march 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com
Responsiveness: 8 Earnestness: 7 Pleasant/Eager to Talk: 9 Perception: 8 • Led citizen group to recall Mayor Ron Littlefield. Funny guy, pleasantly chatted for 10 minutes. He knows his stuff and is interested in public safety. I liked him (said our intern), but Henderson is the better choice. Editor’s note: Folkner is the Tea Party gadfly who led the unsuccessful Recall Ron efforts. He bounces between Chattanooga and Red Bank in attempt to find support and an office.
Tom McCullough Age: 66 Occupation: Recently “retired” principal of Signal Mountain Middle/High School. I’m running because … “I’ve spent 36 years in the education system and now want to continue that public service and make a difference in peoples’ lives in the community.” Pulse Intern Rating Accessibility: 5 Responsiveness: 3 Earnestness: 3 Pleasant/Eager to Talk: 4 Perception: 4 • McCullough was suspended (later lifted) then retired from his post as principal of Signal Mountain Middle/ High School when a scandal put him in the crosshairs after a supervised student trip involving alcohol came to light. He said he couldn’t handle the nepotism and “it’s-who-you-know” at Signal Mountain High. Can he remain fair in a city council position and not bow to those with high demands? Editor’s note: McCullough was principal at Hixson High in the early 1980s, where he could have been the model for the fictional principal in “The Breakfast Club.” Some things never change.
Precincts: Lupton City, North Chattanooga 1 & 2, Northgate 1 & 2, Riverview Stuart Heights
Jerry Mitchell Age: 57 Occupation: Full-time candidate Website/Facebook: mitchellforcitycouncil.com, facebook. com/jerrymitchelldistrict2 I’m running because … “I want Chattanooga to be the best it can be.” Pulse Intern Rating Accessibility: 10 Responsiveness: 10 Earnestness: 9 Pleasant/Eager To Talk: 10 Perception: 10 • Mitchell is one smooth-talking, cool customer coming out District 2 with a lot of support from his neighborhood. He’s a confident guy
who feels great about his position in the race, and it shows. If attitude alone could determine a winner, this contest would be over.
Priscilla Simmons Age: 63 Occupation: Retired government financial manager Website/Facebook: electpriscillasimmons.com, facebook. com/priscillasimmonsforcitycouncil I’m running because … “I want to protect the taxpayers’ money.” Pulse Intern Rating Accessibility: 10 Responsiveness: 9 Earnestness: 9 Pleasant/Eager To Talk: 10 Perception: 9 • Simmons is a nice woman with a genuine Southern charm. Her eagerness is unmatched in this race and her determination serves her well against her competitors. She’s a motherly type, very concerned about the finances of the city, the people who pay taxes and you get the sense she’s trying to help.
Rodger Tuder Age: 62 Occupation: President and CEO, Associated General Contractors Website/Facebook: rogertuder. com, facebook.com/roger.tuder I’m running because … “I’ve got 37 years of professional and private experience that I can offer to my community.” Pulse Intern Rating Accessibility: 9 Responsiveness: 8 Earnestness: 7 Pleasant/Eager To Talk: 7 Perception: 7 • Tuder is a politician’s politician. The first time I met him, he hit me with the “Hey, I’ve met you before” reel. I don’t think I’ve ever set foot in his district. Other than that, he seemed to be a good guy, but responded with the typical canned answers you’d expect from a politician.
Precincts: Dupont, Hixson 2 & 3, Murray Hills 1 & 2, Northwoods 1
Pam Ladd (Incumbent) Age: 55 Occupation: Former owner, Custom Custodial Website/Facebook: pamladd.com I’m seeking reelection … “So that I can use my council experience to continue capital improvements in the district— especially including an expanded paving program citywide—and also to help resolve the main issues facing the city. Specifically, during my tenure on the council we obtained the title to the old Hixson Middle School and began converting it to a community
center that has Pulse Intern R Accessibility: 6 Responsivenes Earnestness: 8 Pleasant Eager Perception: 7 Editor’s note: L effective, faces Ken Smith. He’s savvy and forwa
Age: 40 Occupation: Sm for 10 years bef information offi Group, a local a Website/Faceb electkensmith.c I’m running be my experience as a long-time b an active civic le fiscally conserv sense approach that is more com transparent and to the taxpayer core values of o Pulse Intern R Accessibility: 1 Responsivenes Earnestness: 8 Pleasant/Eage Perception: 9 • My candidate 3 (says our inte toward the futu willing to answe his wife’s name
Precincts: Con East Brainerd 1
Age: 83 Occupation: Fu previous occup director of Big B and assistant su Chattanooga C I’m seeking ree “I want our elec serve the best i being represent values, vision, w and judgment n District 4 and th Pulse Intern R Accessibility: 8 Responsivenes Earnestness: 3 Pleasant/Eage Perception: 2 • Benson claims health, but at 83 Chattanooga’s at heart? Some fresh ideas from Editor’s note: A to discount a ca advanced age s
of choice for District ern). Young, looking ure and eager and er questions. Also, e is Cinnamon.
ncord 2, 4, 5, & 7, 1 & 2, Summit 4
ull-time councilman, pations include Brothers, Big Sisters uperintendent of City Schools election because … cted officials to truly interests of those ted. I believe I have the wisdom, experience necessary to represent he city correctly.” Rating 8 ss: 4 3 er to Talk: 3
s to be in good 3 can he really have progressive instincts etimes it’s best to get m a new leader. Age is no reason andidate, but at an some candidates
Age: 65 Occupation: Sales manager at Sears, taught secondary education (social studies and science) Website/Facebook Page: electlarrygrohn.com I’m running because … “Citizens of the fourth district and Chattanooga deserve a councilperson willing to tackle the problems that the past two councils have refused to address. They deserve a council willing to reduce the size of the city government and eliminate the waste and cronyism rampant throughout the budget.” Pulse Intern Rating Accessibility: 7 Responsiveness: 8 Earnestness: 9 Pleasant/Eager to Talk: 8 Perception: 8 • Grohn’s Facebook page, website and basically every comment challenges Benson and the goodol’-boy system. Right on. I’d vote for him (says our intern).
Ryan King Age: 38 Occupation: Realtor Website/Facebook Page: voteryanking.com I’m running because … “For far too long the most crucial decisions that affect all of us been made in a vacuum and divorced from public input. It’s time to return the reigns of city government back to the residents of Chattanooga. Smart government over just smaller government.” Pulse Intern Rating Accessibility: 5 Responsiveness: 4 Earnestness: 7 Pleasant/Eager to Talk: 6 Perception: 6 • Made good points, but mostly said exactly what was on his Facebook page and website. King seems ultraprofessional, maybe a little too slick. He actually asked me “when I needed a statement from him,” as if he needed to think about the one question I asked, which was simply why he was running for office. Editor’s note: King’s website unintentionally (and hilariously) reads “voter yanking.”
Scott McColpin Age: 46 Occupation: President, Chattanooga Title, Inc. Website/Facebook Page: scott-for-city-council.com I’m running because … “I believe I can make a difference in the community by requiring the city to spend taxpayer money more efficiently and make the
Tom Tomisek Age: 64 Occupation: Owned and operated TNT Auto Parts for 20 years, now owns and operates TNT Coin Laundries Website/Facebook Page: Facebook. com/tomtomisekdistrictrcitycouncil I’m running because … “The city is constantly working in a way that hurts small business by always coming up with new mandates made by people who have never been in the business. From a business owner’s standpoint, too much money is wasted on pet projects.” Pulse Intern Rating Accessibility: 8 Responsiveness: 8 Earnestness: 7 Pleasant/Eager to Talk: 8 Perception: 8 • Tomisek has a good website and an updated Twitter account for his campaign. He seems to know what small business owners need and is willing to be their advocate on city council.
Precincts: Bonny Oaks, Dalewood, Eastgate 1 & 2, Kingspoint 1, 2 & 3, Lake Hills, Woodmore 1 & 2
Russell Gilbert (Incumbent) Age: No response Occupation: Food services manager Website/Facebook: russellgilbertbeyond.com, facebook. com/voterussellgilbert (Running unopposed but) I’m seeking reelection because … “I want to be the voice of the people.” Pulse Intern Rating Accessibility: 4 Responsiveness: 4 Earnestness: 2 Pleasant/Eager To Talk: 1 Perception: 3 • Gilbert can be a jerk (claims our intern). In an uncontested race, he doesn’t have anything to lose by talking down and being completely
TIONS CAMPAI ELEC
PESAUKAH 201 GNE
R & CITY COUNCIL AYO
mall-business owner fore becoming chief ficer for The Johnson advertising agency book: com ecause … “I believe and background businessman and eader will bring a vative, commonh to city council—one mmunity oriented, d held accountable rs and reflects the our community.” Rating 10 ss: 9 8 er to Talk: 8
tough decisions even though they may not be politically correct.” Pulse Intern Rating Accessibility: 6 Responsiveness: 3 Earnestness: 4 Pleasant/Eager to Talk: 5 Perception: 4 • McColpin has a poorly organized website and is very poor speller. Editor’s note: McColpin reeks of right-wing, backwards notions and has said the new Main Terrain park (which he noted in the Times Free Press is located near the Pachyderm Club, the old-school, white Republican feeding ground) should have been sold to a developer rather than being used as a public park with “no parking.” Sigh.
Ladd, while thoughtful s a real threat from s young, media ward thinking.
seem to turn off more voters than they turn on. Knowing when to step aside is often the higher road.
s become very popular.” Rating 6 ss: 7 8 r to Talk: 8
he Pulse has declined to endorse candidates for local office in the past, but this year we decided to renew our activism, not with endorsements but with recommendations. Because we did not invite each candidate to full interview sessions, our recommendations are based on our own impressions and those culled from other news organizations and candidate forums, as well as the opinions of our youthful interns.
Mayor • Andy Berke While we are frustrated by his lack of a specific agenda (an accusation the candidate denies, but continues to paint in only broad strokes, as the TFP put it), Berke is the best bet to lead Chattanooga after the divisive years of the Littlefield administration and refocus the city’s trajectory. The alternatives are simply that, each lacking Berke’s vision, résumé, experience and wide support. We do note our disappointment that no truly viable candidate chose to challenge Berke, but that point is moot. We were excited by Berke’s entry, but that excitement dwindled when no real opposition emerged. Consider us cautious optimists.
a focus on transparency.
District 3 • Pam Ladd While we were attracted to the youthful challenger Ken Smith, Ladd offers a better path for Hixson. Her views are in line with ours concerning the arts and we support her reelection.
District 4 • Tom Tomisek Again, we are attracted to youthful challengers such as Ryan King, but Tomisek, like Henderson, seems least consumed with politics and agendas. It’s time for Jack Benson to step aside. Tomisek can be a strong advocate for District 4.
District 5 • Russell Gilbert Sadly, running unopposed. Gilbert would not even supply us with his age.
District 6 • Carol Berz Running unopposed, we like Berz but she’s hard to reach.
District 7 • Chris Anderson Young, energetic and fresh. District 7 needs all of these traits. We hesitate to highlight that he’s gay, but that’s a first for Chattanooga.
• Chip Henderson Frankly, none of the candidates moved us, but Henderson at least seems engaged and, along with Hagan, the least consumed by a political or personal agenda.
• Moses Freeman At 74, Freeman is the secondoldest candidate behind Benson, but he has much to offer in experience, vision and direction. We appreciate Andraé McGary’s zeal, but his talents are often overshadowed by his personal and political agendas.
• Jerry Mitchell The only real choice. Mitchell is a veteran of the Kinsey and Corker administrations and possesses vision with
• Peter Murphy No contest here. Incumbent Murphy ticks all our boxes for an effective, engaged council member.
Candidates by the numbers Candidates: 27 Incumbents: 7 Candidates running unopposed: 2 — Russell Gilbert (District 5), Carol Berz (District 6) Longest serving council member/candidate: Jack Benson (District 4), since 2001 Highest paid council member: Pam Ladd (District 3), current council chair Male candidates: 24 (3 for mayor, 21 for council) Female candidates: 3 Current council gender makeup: 5 men, 4 women White candidates: 16 Black candidates: 4 Hispanic candidates: 1 Current council racial makeup: 6 Whites, 2 Blacks, 1 Hispanic Openly gay candidates: 1 Youngest candidates: Andraé McGary, Chris Anderson — 32 Oldest candidate: Jack Benson — 83 Highest Intern Ranking: Jerry Mitchell (District 2) Lowest Intern Ranking: Scott McColpin (District 4)
Show me the money
• Salaries for Chattanooga mayor and city council vs. county mayor and commission. Unless you’re the mayor, or are independently wealthy or retired, you need a full-time job to be a council person. Mayor: $151,006 County Mayor: $151,006 Council Chair: $27,651 Commission Chair: $27,913 Council Vice Chair: $25,151 Commission Vice Chair: $24,639 Council member: $22,651 County Commissioner: $21,368
chattanoogapulse.com • february 28-march 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 13
disrespectful to those seeking information from him. On first impression at the UTC forum, he seemed understanding of the plight and hardship of Chattanoogans. However, later over the phone Gilbert was rude and completely intolerable, refusing to answer simple questions about his age and other basic information about himself that should be known if one is running for a public office. Editor’s note: Nobody wanted to challenge Gilbert? Really?
Precincts: Airport, Brainerd, Brainerd Hills, Concord 1, 3 & 6, Ooltewah 3, Summit 1, Tyner 1 & 2
Carol Berz (Incumbent) Age: No response Website: carolberz.com (Running unopposed but) I’m seeking reelection because … “I really believe in my district and how it can grow and change for the better. For the past five years we have come together and defined our goals of community, connectivity, diversity and durability and then, together, have devised a plan for public/private partnerships that will engender the economic development necessary to implement that plan.” Pulse Intern Rating Accessibility: 8 Responsiveness: 7 Earnestness: 9 Pleasant/Eager to Talk: 8 Perception: 8
Precincts: Alton Park 1 & 2, Downtown 1 & 2, East Lake, St. Elmo 1
Manuel Rico (Incumbent) Age: 67 Occupation: Full-time councilman Website/Facebook: chattanooga. gov/city-council/councilmembers/manuel-rico-district-7 I’m seeking reelection because … “I’ve done a good job in the city and I’ve been told what a good job I’m doing.” Pulse Intern Rating Accessibility: 9 Responsiveness: 8 Earnestness: 7 Pleasant/Eager To Talk: 8 Perception: 8 • Manny Rico is, well, Manny Rico. He’s a considerate man and seems honest, if a little self-absorbed (if you can’t tell from the quote he gave us). Dedicating all of his time to the city council, he is an open and positive person. Rico did have a sense of disengagement from the race. He seemed a little too confident about his prospects of winning. Editor’s note: Oh, Manny, how insightful, ranking yourself so high!
Precincts: East Chattanooga 1 & 2, Eastdale, Glenwood, Missionary Ridge, Ridgedale 1 & 2
Age: 32 Occupation: Director of food and beverage at Bluff View Art District Website/Facebook: andersonforcitycouncil. com, facebook.com/ andersonforcitycouncil I’m running because … “The people of my district deserve safe streets, good jobs and a strong neighborhood they are not getting it from current administration.” Pulse Intern Rating Accessibility: 4 Responsiveness: 7 Earnestness: 8 Pleasant/Eager To Talk: 8 Perception: 8 • Anderson is a young, first-time candidate who is trying too hard to make all the right moves instead of putting himself out there for the people to judge. My first impression of him? Too rehearsed. He didn’t seem comfortable enough to be running for public office. Anderson seems like a terrific guy, very nice, but a tad too inexperienced. Editor’s note: First openly gay candidate ever (to our knowledge) in Chattanooga. Even if he loses, he opens doors.
Karl Epperson Age: 67 Occupation: Retired Website/Facebook: karlforcitycouncil.com, facebook. com/pages/karl-for-city-council I’m running because … “I think it’s important to have someone represent and know what the people are going through.” Pulse Intern Rating Accessibility: 4 Responsiveness: 7 Earnestness: 8 Pleasant/Eager To Talk: 8 Perception: 8 • Epperson might be running for city council, but he might want to give the CIA a shot. The man is incredibly difficult to find. Said to be a “regular” at Greyfriar’s, trying to find Epperson is hit or miss. Needless to say, he is a wide-eyed, would-be politician hopeful of change in his community. Epperson is optimistic that he can make a change and he’s a refreshing voice in the race.
Tramble Stephens The Pulse was unable to contact Stephens. In fact, no one in the media has been able to contact Stephens, who filed early, qualified, then disappeared. Why waste our time and yours, Tramble?
Precincts: Amnicola, Avondale, Bushtown, Courthouse 1 & 2, Eastside 1 & 2
14 • The Pulse • february 28-march 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com
Peter Murphy (Incumbent) Age: 39 Occupation: Attorney Website: chattanooga. gov/city-council I’m seeking reelection because … “I want to improve Chattanooga and particularly District 9. We need to continue the incredible momentum of the last four years in our improvements in public safety, neighborhood renewal and increased citizen involvement in our community.” Pulse Intern Rating Accessibility: 7 Responsiveness: 9 Earnestness: 9 Pleasant/Eager to Talk: 10 Perception: 9
Photo • Kim Hunter for The Pulse
Mayoral candidate Andy Berke responds to questions from Pulse editor Bill Ramsey during an interview on Valentine’s Day at his Frazier Avenue law offices.
Andraé McGary (Incumbent) Age: 32 Occupation: Before becoming a councilman, McGary was a talk show host at WGOW-FM 102.3 Talk Radio, hosting “Live and Local.” He ran unsuccessfully last year for state senate. Website: chattanooga. gov/city-council I’m seeking reelection because … “District 8 residents know there’s no substitute for action. They’ve seen a man who speaks out on issues to his own hurt, a man not afraid to stand up to the mayor and a man who seeks to deal fairly with all people. I am their councilman.” Pulse Intern Rating Accessibility: 7 Responsiveness: 8 Earnestness: 7 Pleasant/Eager to Talk: 8 Perception: 7 Editor’s note: Smart, savvy and thoughtful, but prone to knee-jerk reaction (possibly as a result of hosting a radio talk show), McGary is ambitious and seeking a path to higher office. With some more polish, he’ll get it and we’ll reap the benefits.
Moses Freeman Age: 74
Occupation: Former Howard High teacher, graduate and student activist who participated in the Civil Rights Movement in Chattanooga. Freeman now serves as the co-owner of the Urban Development Corporation and is a commissioner for the Chattanooga Metropolitan Airport Authority. He is also executive director and past president of the Riverbend Festival. Website: mosesfreeman.com I’m running because … “I envision Chattanooga as a place that will attract people from all over the world to not only visit but to live. Chattanooga will become a model for other cities to aspire to, not only because of what we did, but how we achieved it: in a collaborative cooperative way.” Pulse Intern Rating Accessibility: 10 Responsiveness: 9 Earnestness: 9 Pleasant/Eager to Talk: 9 Perception: 10 Editor’s note: Despite his age, Freeman is an exemplary choice and the antithesis of his elder, Jack Benson. There is much wisdom Freeman can pass on and he has much left to offer the city.
Age: 64 Occupation: Recently resigned appointment by former Gov. Phil Bredesen as state parole board member, former councilman Website: yusufhakeem.net I’m running because … “Residents, labor and business leaders approached me expressing the need for better leadership. They want a representative who creates real change, getting people to jobs and jobs to people, someone who continues small business development through the chamber, Urban League and other groups. And crime and safety must be more than a talking point.” Pulse Intern Rating Accessibility: 4 Responsiveness: 7 Earnestness: 6 Pleasant/Eager to Talk: 4 Perception: 4 • The Hamilton County Election Commission allowed Hakeem to stay on the ballot despite questions over his failure to provide campaign finance records regarding $33,000 left over from previous campaign funds. Hakeem’s website announces only his November 2012 campaign kick-off. There is no email or phone contact information on his fliers or on the Internet. Wouldn’t even look me in the eye or open his mouth, just handed me some fliers (our intern reports). Editor’s note: ’Nuff said. —Pulse interns Gaby Dixon, Julia Sharp and Esan Swan contributed mightily to this project. The comments following their ratings are their own and do not reflect the opinion of The Pulse. The editor’s notes are his own opinions and do not reflect those of Brewer Media, but do reflect those of The Pulse.
Austin Powers’ Music Agent The other George Clinton returns to Chattanooga for the CSO’s Southeast Film Music Symposium By Rich Bailey
ormer Chattanoogan George S. Clinton is back in town for the Chattanooga Symphony Orchestra’s inaugural Southeast Film Music Symposium. (The “S” is your convenient way to distinguish this George Clinton from the George Clinton who’s famous for funk.) George S. Clinton is known for composing the scores for the three Austin Powers movies, as well as a dozen or so others. He was responsible for all the music, except for that kitschy trill that became synonymous with the cheeky spy. According to Clinton, that little set of notes was actually a melody written by Quincy Jones in 1962 called “Soul Bossa Nova.” It was also the theme song for a Friday night quiz show Mike Myers grew up listening to in Canada. “By the time they hired me to do the music, that theme was already there as the silly Austin Powers theme,” Clinton said. “My job was to take that and make it into movie music and also add my own theme—the adventurous Austin Powers, the romantic Austin Powers, all those other things.” After growing up in Chattanooga, Clinton received degrees in music and drama at MTSU while working as a session musician in Nashville. He headed to Los Angeles in 1969 to become a rock star. He played in bands and recorded albums for about 10 years. He scored his first film for Cheech & Chong after they saw his band play in a club. Last year he became the chair of the Film Scoring Department at the Berklee College of Music in Boston. According to Clinton, who serves as artistic adviser for the symposium, similar events are rare in the U.S. but common in Europe. During the three-day
George S. Clinton at work in his Hollywood “office.”
event, Clinton will talk about the process of composing a film score using examples from his own work. He will also direct the CSO in a performance of his “Austin Powers Suite” based on the scores for all three movies. The symposium will also include “The Matrix Live,” a showing of the iconic film with the score performed live by the Chattanooga Symphony under the direction of Don Davis, who composed it. There will also be a screening of “These Amazing Shadows,” an awardwinning documentary about the National Film Registry, as well as panels and open performance rehearsals. The creative process for Clinton begins when he receives a near-finished copy of the film, a “work print” that hasn’t got-
ten a final edit and doesn’t have all the effects added yet. He immerses himself in the film, starts to develop his ideas, has a few discussions with the director. “Then we have a spotting session, where we choose spots in the film where music needs to help tell the story,” he said. “That’s the first real creative meeting with director and composer. We’ll talk about what kind of music should it be at a certain spot: scary, happy, whatever. Then I go away and I
Photo • Dan Goldwasser
come up with my themes.” Clinton develops a musical identity for each character at the piano, then shifts to the computer where he writes music in tandem with the movie images, “So I can know where to use which theme, if it should be a happy version of the theme or sad, or big or not so big, and really get into the actual storytelling.” For the Austin Powers movies, rather than composing a musical signature that represented each character, Clin-
ton asked himself what kind of music the characters would want to hear: “What kind of music would Austin Powers like to hear right now, while he’s doing his detective thing or spy thing? What kind of music would Doctor Evil want to hear while doing his evil thing?” For the transition from film score to 12-minute concert suite, Clinton had to rethink those themes for a different setting. The concert version has to be short enough to fit on an orchestra program with other pieces, and it needs to be fun for the orchestra to play and fun for the audience to hear. “Film music is a very practical music,” he said. “It’s not like music that’s designed to be heard in concert. It serves the purpose of helping the director tell the story. That’s really the only purpose it has.” After going back and forth with the director, the creative process culminates in a “scoring session” where Clinton conducts an 80-piece orchestra playing the score. “That’s my favorite part of process, that moment where I’m conducting it and hearing it played by this amazing group of musicians,” he said. “That’s why the suite is going to be so much fun. Once the film score is recorded, you don’t ever get to hear it live again unless it’s performed by a symphony.” Southeast Film Music Symposium $150 • March 1-3 The Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. (423) 267-8583 chattanoogasymphony.org
chattanoogapulse.com • february 28-march 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 15
Arts Entertainment CALENDAR@CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
BRIAN REGAN Rising stand-up comedian visits Chattanooga for a one-night stand on Thursday at the Tivoli. Read our interview Regan online at chattanoogapulse.com.
THU 02.28 Out of This World: Dr. Mae Jemison 5:30 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1100 Carter St. (423) 756-0001 chattanoogaconvention center.org Brian Regan 7:30 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5156 chattanooga.gov Janet Williams 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com
fri 03.01 Southeast Film Music Symposium The Read House, 827 Broad St., and the Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. (423) 267-8583 chattanoogasymphony.org Con Nooga Noon-midnight. Chattanooga Choo Choo, 1400 Market St., and Chattanooga Convention Center, 1100 Carter St. (423) 756-0001 connooga.com Exhibit: Lisa Ernst & Karen Linduska 6:30-8 p.m.
16 • The Pulse • february 28-march 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com
River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033 river-gallery.com “Dances Across the Americas” 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, 752 Vine St. (423) 425-4601 utc.edu/academic/music “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown” 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga State Humanities Theatre, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3246 chattanoogastate.edu Janet Williams 7 & 9:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com Wide Open Floor 8p.m. Barking Legs Theatre, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 barkinglegs.org Alex Ortiz 9:30p.m. Vaudeville Cafe, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839 funnydinner.com
sat 03.02 Southeast Film Music Symposium The Read House, 827 Broad St., and the Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. (423) 267-8583 chattanoogasymphony.org
Con Nooga 9 a.m.- midnight. Chattanooga Choo Choo, 1400 Market St., and Chattanooga Convention Center, 1100 Carter St. (423) 756-0001 connooga.com Exhibit: Lisa Ernst & Karen Linduska 2-4 p.m. River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033 river-gallery.com Shamrock Celebration 2-5 p.m. Georgia Winery, 6469 Battlefield Pkwy, (706) 937-2177 georgiawines.com Paul Belcher Gospel Concert 6:30 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156 chattanooga.gov Janet Williams 7 & 9:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown” 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga State Humanities Theatre, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3246 chattanoogastate.edu “An Evening With Debussy” 7:30p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, 752 Vine St. (423) 425-4601 utc.edu/academic/music Luken Holdings Pops Series: “The Matrix” 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5156 chattanooga.gov Alex Ortiz 10:30p.m. Vaudeville Cafe, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839 funnydinner.com
sun 03.03 Southeast Film Music Symposium The Read House, 827 Broad St., and the Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. (423) 267-8583 chattanoogasymphony.org Con Nooga 9 a.m.-2 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo, 1400 Market St., and Chattanooga Convention Center, 1100 Carter St. (423) 756-0001 connooga.com “You’re a Good Man,
GEORGE S. CLINTON Former Chattanoogan Clinton is now chair of the Film Scoring Department at the Berklee College of Music in Boston. He scored the music for the three Austin Powers films and will direct the CSO in performing his “Austin Powers Suite” during the first Southeast Film Music Symposium this week at the Tivoli Theater and the Read House hotel. For more on Clinton and the symposium, see Arts on Page 15.
Charlie Brown” 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga State Humanities Theatre, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3246 chattanoogastate.edu Luken Holdings Pops Series: “Hooray for Hollywood” 3 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5156 chattanooga.gov/educationarts-and-culture
mon 03.04 Vest Fest 2013 9 p.m. Barking Legs Theatre, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 barkinglegs.org
tue 03.05 Dinosaurs: Land of Fire & Ice 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 756-2738 cdmfun.org
wed 03.06 River North Chicago Dance 7:30-9:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, 752 Vine St. (423) 425-4601 utc.edu/academic/music
Community Theatre hosts ‘The Foreigner’
Oh, Charlie Brown G
ood grief! It’s been 46 years since “You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown” first brought the “Peanuts” gang to life on the stage. Yet the perpetually young and prematurely mature characters still have as much to say to us as ever, says Jeffrey Parker, director of the version of the show playing at Chattanooga State from March 1-3. “We all know a Lucy. We all know a Linus. And we all know a Charlie Brown,” says Parker. “These characters are supposed to be little kids, but they have a rich and complex knowledge of the world.” The subtleties of a character like Lucy, for example, don’t dawn on you until you are an adult. As crabby and bossy as she is, she nurses a forever-unrequited love. And, of course, all the characters are still funny, and still with us every year at Halloween, Christmas and in Met Life commercials, as well as in reruns in newspapers. (Creator Charles Schultz died in 2000.) Parker notes that he has a special personal connection to the musical. “It made
ABOVE Bobby Burkich as Charlie Brown and Paige Salter as Snoopy in Chattanooga State’s production of “You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown.” my mother decide that she loved musicals. And I was in the West Coast premiere of the revival in 2001. It seemed like the perfect time to bring it to Chattanooga.” The Chattanooga State version, which will use the slightly altered revival script and score, will also feature a multi-racial cast and a female Snoopy. “The actors have really done their homework and came in to rehearsals with what their characters are to them,” Parker says. All cast members are either part of Chatt State’s Professional Actor Training Program, or, in two cases, are graduates of it. The show’s designers have kept the iconic images we all know—Snoopy’s doghouse, Lucy’s roadside psychiatrist stand—but added something fresh, particularly, says Parker, in the case of at least one of the costumes. He also singled out Lindsay Fussell’s
choreography as being a highlight of the production. The Sunday matinee performance will be captioned for hearing-impaired audience members, using the LED electronic captioning board of HLAA Chattanooga Walk4Hearing. “We also hope some of the younger audience members might want to stick around afterwards and meet the characters,” says Parker. “You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown” isn’t children’s theatre—it’s multigenerational theatre, he says. “This production of the show reinvigorates it, but is still authentic and true. It’s funny and sweet.” But— there is still that football … —Janis Hashe “You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown” $10 7:30 p.m. Friday, March 1, and Saturday, March 3 2:30 p.m., Sunday, March 3 Humanities Theatre C.C. Bond Humanities Bldg. Chattanooga State 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3246 chattanoogastate.edu
The city’s Education, Arts & Culture Department announced the first event scheduled in the newly renovated Community Theatre upstairs at the Memorial Auditorium. Following the Community Theatre’s grand rededication on Thursday, Feb. 28, Closed Door Entertainment will kick off its 2013 season on Friday and Saturday, March 8-9, with three performances of “The Foreigner.” Show times are 7:30 p.m. on Friday and Saturday evenings, with a 2 p.m. matinee on Saturday. This two-act comedy by American playwright Larry Shue has become a favorite of both professional and amateur theatre. “The Foreigner” earned two Obie Awards and two Outer Critics Circle Awards as Best New American Play and Best OffBroadway Production. Closed Door Entertainment is a community theater group founded in 2006 by executive director J.C. Smith. After its first production at Barking Legs Theatre that year under the name M.M. Productions, CDE produced one show at the Chattanooga Theatre Centre and then found a home at the Catoosa County Colonnade in 2008. Since then, CDE has presented over 40 productions including “Annie,” “Camelot,” “Rent,” “The Music Man,” “White Christmas,” “My Fair Lady” and “Grease.” It also provides live entertainment to those who would otherwise be unable to buy tickets, by donating tickets to organizations like Big Brothers/Big Sisters and Hosanna House. CDE offers theatrical opportunities to stage enthusiasts of all kinds, from carpenters, set designers and painters, to singers, dancers and actors. “The Foreigner” $16-$20 Friday & Saturday, March 8-9 Community Theatre Memorial Auditorium 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 642-TIXS chattanoogaonstage.com chattanoogapulse.com • february 28-march 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 17
Screen Through Feb. 28
Many to choose from. Drive away in yours today.
A Place for Film By John DeVore
eople are the asset needed for success in every venture. Chattanooga has seen an explosion in the music scene over the past few years because people have invested in encouraging its growth and nurturing a distinctly local culture. From Track 29 to JJ’s Bohemia, Nightfall to Riverfront Nights, music in Chattanooga has never been stronger or more at the forefront of the arts community. This has happened because the people of this city— the artists, business owners and fans—have come together to make it happen. Now, there is another piece of the arts that is poised to have a revolution.
Subaru XV Crosstrek KELLY CARS
900 Riverfront Parkway • (423) 490-0181 • kellysubaru.com
18 • The Pulse • february 28-march 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com
Slowly, the film community is beginning to come together. We have active filmmakers in Chattanooga right now turning out quality work and joining together to encourage the industry here, just like the music scene over the past few years. Groups like the Chattanooga Film Society and Mis En Scenesters, and institutions such as Chattanooga State and Southern Adventist University are making film more important and visible and each are giving filmmakers the resources to create their art. One of the newest places that encourages this collaboration is The Backlot at the Heritage House, located at 1428 Jenkins Road in East Brainerd, where a meeting of like-minds occurs every third Monday. Heritage House manager Chris Holley created The Backlot after talking to area filmmakers about their needs. “We work with a lot of filmmakers and film students and it came up over and over again that there was no central place to meet or do things like casting calls, screenings, readings and general collaborating. So, we created a ‘place’,” she says. “I want to emphasize place because we are not a group. We are a place for all of the
many diverse film groups and individuals to meet.” This type of gathering is absolutely essential in creating an open atmosphere for the film scene to grow in Chattanooga. In most parts of the country you can’t throw a rock without hitting a musician. Bands are easily formed and sprout almost weekly. But film is much more specialized, requiring many more people who are willing to donate their time and energy to a project. A filmmaker can’t expect to show up in someone’s garage every Tuesday for two hours and hope to create a watchable movie. The Backlot provides a place for filmmakers, actors, writers, composers and film enthusiasts to meet and exchange information, collaborate on projects and generally be productive in a field where it is sometimes difficult to find interested, capable collaborators. During any given meeting, participants might screen a local project, meet people who have worked on big projects like “42,” engage in a script reading, audition for a part in a film or listen to a film score composed right here in Chattanooga. The first meeting, held on Feb. 18, screened “In The Grey,” a
short student film from Southern Adventist University which can currently be viewed on The Backlot’s Facebook page. The film is surprisingly well acted, with excellent cinematography and production values—a wonderful achievement for a student film. Talent is not in short supply in Chattanooga and The Backlot is the perfect place to encounter it first. The next meeting is set for 6 p.m. on Monday, March 18. Anyone interested in film, those with current projects or finished films, or those with just basic ideas or who are looking for ideas should make an effort to attend. If you’d like to screen your film, contact Holly at the Heritage House. The Backlot is free, no cover charge (but no popcorn). Even if you don’t make films, but you think you might want to, The Backlot is the place to be. Keep your finger on the pulse of a rising and exciting arts community that is just now beginning to make waves in the area. Check out The Backlot. Like them on Facebook. Support local film. For more information or reservations, contact Heritage House manager Chris Holley at (423) 855-9474 or email at holley_c@ chattanooga.gov.
SUSHI & BISCUITS
Breaking Up is Hard to Do Once necessary, Whole Foods has become a shadow of its former self By Mike McJunkin
n many relationships, there comes a time when one person begins to feel like things have run their course. The spark that once ignited a flame of desire becomes a weak glimmer of what once was. The excitement and anticipation that once preceded every visit begins to wane and the thought of being together becomes a mundane ritual of habit. You begin to feel as though spending time together has turned into a chore and a duty rather than a pleasured privilege. You realize that it’s time to move on.. I’m sorry Whole Foods, but I think we need to breakup. I have such fond memories of when we first met. I was visiting Atlanta and spotted you out of the corner of my eye as we passed each other on Briarcliff Road. You were like a beacon of freshness and beauty in an otherwise bleak market landscape. You welcomed me with open arms and showed me things I had never seen before—exotic tastes and unknown pleasures of the tongue awaited me around every corner. I can still vividly recall the intoxicating smell of vanilla and cinnamon as I passed your bustling bakery and my first glimpse of your sparklingly beau-
tiful seafood display nearly took my breath away. Even your 365 Brands had a certain je ne sais quoi that hometown store brands just couldn’t match. Before long, you became an integral part of my life. I looked forward to those monthly trips to Atlanta so that I could spend hours inside you. You were special and gave me something I could not find in Chattanooga. You gave me hope that there was more out there than the unhealthy, packaged foods that I had been getting from Bi-Lo and that whore Walmart. I even introduced my children to you and they quickly fell for your exotic wonders and pledges
At first, it was the little things. A Whole Foods logo here, a 365 brand there, but before long you began to disrespect what I had built with Greenlife over the years and eventually pushed her out of my life completely. It was all about you and your Whole Foods “mission” that left no room on your shelves for so many of the things I loved about Greenlife. of purity that enticed me in the beginning. Imagine my delight when I found out Whole Foods had decided to come to Chattanooga. I felt some trepidation since I had a very successful “friends with benefits” relationship with a sweet lo-
cal by the name of Greenlife, but you promised things would be better when you moved to town. You said that you respected what I had with Greenlife and that you would never come between us. Things went just as you promised for a while, but then you started to change. At first, it was the little things. A Whole Foods logo here, a 365 brand there, but before long you began to disrespect what I had built with Greenlife over the years and eventually pushed her out of my life completely. It was all about you and your Whole Foods “mission” that left no room on your shelves for so many of the things I loved about Greenlife. To make matters worse, you left all of the focus on what was important for our relationship behind. The things I originally fell in love with Whole Foods for were starting to disappear and it wasn’t long before your commitment to providing me with a wide variety of fresh, healthy foods and quality grocery items began to take a back seat to other priorities. I should have seen it coming when you first started fooling around with prepared foods. I tolerated the experiments with sandwiches, sushi and pizza, and
even participated from time to time, but it just felt wrong and we both knew it. But when you installed a salad bar and a hot bar, it marked the beginning of the end for us. By the time you remodeled the entire store and turned it into a bad buffet restaurant that stores it inventory on the shopping aisles, I knew it was over. I feel lied to, betrayed and deceived by promises of a principled business model that was pushed aside once you became popular. Whole Foods, you’ve become a trollop in activist’s clothes that plays with people’s desire to do the right thing for your own gain. Those of us who have known you for all of these years see clearly how your original goal to sell the highest quality products available is being drowned out by the drive for profits and growth. So, we have to break up Whole Foods. If you decide to settle down and return to the beautiful oasis you once were, I will be here waiting. Until then, take care of yourself and don’t let your CEO abuse your natural beauty until you become unrecognizable, you’re too good for that. Goodbye, Whole Foods. Chef-musician Mike McJunkin secretly shops at Bi-Lo, Walmart and other down-market markets and keeps a Food Lion Cub Card in his wallet. He once uttered the word “check” into a microphone at the US Festival, sending shockwaves through the crowd. Spare him no pity, but “like” him at facebook.com/sushiandbiscuits.
GET ON A ROLL
at Totto—Chattanooga’s Premier Sushi Bar & Grill on the North Shore » ALL YOU CAN EAT SUSHI LUNCH—MON-SAT $11.95! » SPECIAL ROLL 1/2 PRICE DINNER—SUN & TUE
DAILY DRINK SPECIALS
MON & TUE: 1/2 PRICED BEER WED: 1/2 PRICED WINE THUR: 1/2 PRICED MARGARITAS & WELL/CALL DRINKS FRI & SAT: 1/2 PRICED BEER & HOT SAKE SUN: 1/2 PRICED HOUSE WINE & HOT SAKE
CHECK OUR DAILY SPECIALS AT TOTTONOOGA.COM • 330 FRAZIER AVE • STE 124 • 423.508.8898 • TOTTONOOGA.COM chattanoogapulse.com • february 28-march 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 19
Free Will Astrology PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20): “I have decided to rename the constellations that have domineered our skies too long,” writes an Internet denizen named Hasheeshee St. Frank. He gives only one example. The Big Dipper, he says, shall forevermore be known as The StarSpangled Gas Can. I invite you to come up with additional substitutes, Pisces. It’s an excellent time for you to reshape and redefine the high and mighty things to which you have given away too much of your power. It’s a perfect moment to reconfigure your relationship with impersonal, overarching forces that have wielded a disproportionately large influence over your thoughts and feelings. How about if you call the constellation Orion by the new title of Three-Eyed Orangutan? Or instead of Pegasus, use the name Sexy Dolphin? Other ideas?
ARIES (March 21-April 19): In 1993, Frenchman Emile Leray was on a solo trip through the Sahara Desert. In the middle of nowhere, his car suffered a major breakdown. It was unfixable. But he didn’t panic. Instead, he used a few basic tools he had
rob brezsny on hand to dismantle the vehicle and convert its parts into a makeshift motorcycle. He was able to ride it back to civilization. I foresee the possibility of a metaphorically similar development in your future, Aries. You will get the opportunity to be very resourceful as you turn an apparent setback into a successful twist of fate.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Your power animal is not the soaring eagle or the shrewd wolf or the brave bear. No, Taurus, it’s the rubber chicken. I’m serious. With the rubber chicken as your guardian spirit, you might be inspired to commit random acts of goofiness and surrealism. And that would reduce tension in the people around you. It could motivate you to play jokes and pull harmless pranks that influence everyone to take themselves less seriously. Are you willing to risk losing your dignity if it helps make the general mood looser and more generous? Nothing could be better for group solidarity, which is crucial these days. (Thanks, Gina Williams.) GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In the language of the Huron Indians, “orenda” is a
word that refers to the spiritual power that resides in all creatures and things. If you’ve got enough of it, you may be able to declare at least partial independence from your own past. You can better shape the life you want for yourself rather than being so thoroughly subject to the limitations of your karma and conditioning. I happen to believe that your current supply of orenda is unusually abundant, Gemini. What’s the best use you can make of it?
CANCER (June 21-July 22): When I lived in Santa Cruz years ago, some of my published writings were illustrated by a local cartoonist named Karl Vidstrand. His work was funny, outrageous, and often offensive in the most entertaining ways. Eventually he wandered away from our colorful, creative community and moved to a small town at the edge of California’s Mojave Desert, near where the Space Shuttles landed. He liked living at the fringes of space, he told journalist R. D. Pickle. It gave him the sense of “being out of bounds at all times.” I suggest you adopt some of the Vidstrand spirit in the next three weeks, Cancerian. Being on the fringes and out of bounds are exactly where you belong. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The history of your
pain is entering a new phase. Gradually, almost imperceptibly at first, an emotional ache that has been sapping your vitality will begin to diminish. You will free yourself of its power to define you. You will learn to live without its oddly seductive glamour. More and more, as the weeks go by, you will find yourself less interested in it, less attracted to the maddening mystery it has foisted on you. No later than mid-April, I’m guessing that you will be ready to conduct a ritual of completion; you’ll be able to give it a formal send-off as you squeeze one last lesson out of it.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “When look20 • The Pulse • february 28-march 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com
ing for a book, you may discover that you were in fact looking for the book next to it.” Italian writer Roberto Calasso told that to The Paris Review, and now I’m passing it on to you. But I’d like you to expand upon its meaning, and regard it as a metaphor that applies to your whole life right now. Every time you go searching for a specific something—a learning experience, an invigorating pleasure, a helpful influence—consider the possibility that what you really want and need is a different one that’s nearby.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): At least once a day, a cell in your body mutates in a way that makes it potentially cancerous. Just as often, your immune system hunts down that dangerous cell and kills it, preserving your health. Do you understand how amazing this is? You have a vigilant protector that’s always on duty, operating below the level of your awareness. What if I told you that this physical aspect of your organism has an equivalent psychic component? What if, in other words, you have within you a higher intelligence whose function it is to steer you away from useless trouble and dumb risks? I say there is such a thing. I say this other protector works best if you maintain a conscious relationship with it, asking it to guide you and instruct you. The coming weeks will be an excellent time to deepen your connection. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Some rules in the game of life don’t apply to you and can therefore be safely ignored. Do you know which ones they are? On the other hand, do you understand which of the rules in the game of life are crucial to observe if you want to translate your fondest dreams into real experiences? To recognize the difference is a high art. I’m thinking that now would be an excellent time to solidify your mastery of this distinction. I suggest that you formally renounce your investment in the irrelevant rules and polish your skills at playing by the applicable rules.
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “Don’t think the garden loses its ecstasy in winter,” wrote the Persian mystic poet Rumi. “It’s quiet, but the roots are down there riotous.” I think you’re like that winter garden right now, Sagittarius. Outwardly, there’s not much heat and flash. Bright ideas and strong opinions are not pouring out of you at their usual rates. You’re not even prone to talking too loud or accidentally knocking things over. This may in fact be as close as you can get to being a wallflower. And yet deep beneath the surface, out of sight from casual observers, you are charging up your psychic battery. The action down there is vibrant and vigorous.
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “When you come right down to it,” says religion writer Rabbi Marc Gellman, “there are only four basic prayers. Gimme! Thanks! Oops! and Wow!” Personally, I would add a fifth type of prayer to Gellman’s list: “Do you need any assistance?” The Creator always needs collaborators to help implement the gritty details of the latest divine schemes. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you would be an excellent choice to volunteer for that role right now—especially in tasks that involve blending beautiful fragments, healing sad schisms, furthering peace negotiations, and overcoming seemingly irreconcilable differences.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): In the
movie Fight Club, there is an animated scene at the very end that required an inordinate amount of time to produce. Each frame in this scene took the editors eight hours to process. Since there are 24 frames in each second, their work went on for three weeks. That’s the kind of attention to detail I recommend you summon as you devote yourself to your labor of love in the coming days, Aquarius. I think you know which specific parts of your creation need such intense focus.
“What Is This?”*—You tell me. Across
1. Smoky entree 5. It may be enough 9. Picks a candidate 14. *Phrase once heard before a long beep 16. What “X” may mean 17. *Part of a memorable anti-drug commercial 18. He jumps on turtles frequently 19. Former Texas Gov. Richards 20. Karaoke joint, usually 21. Viper relative 23. Unit of resistance 24. Fire, euphemistically 26. *Cliche line from bank robbers 28. Furniture maker ___ Allen 31. Mentalist Geller 32. *Short poem by William Carlos Williams
36. Cyberspace 40. St. Louis attraction 41. Brilliance 43. Up to the task 44. “But you told me that...” retort 46. *1995 hit for Montell Jordan 48. Backtalk 50. Windshield problem 51. *Game show intro 55. Like Boston accents, as it were 59. Fight club? 60. Howard in the director’s chair 61. Number cruncher 63. Snitch 64. Tabriz resident 66. *Dignified (but angry) complaint 69. Kenneth and Ashley 70. *Movie with the line “It’s such
a fine line between stupid and clever” 71. Make into law 72. Sea birds 73. Mumford & ___
1. Kingly 2. “___ ear and out the other” 3. Dull 4. Leb. neighbor 5. ___ vez (“again,” in Spanish) 6. Handy 7. Series set in Las Vegas 8. Lab heaters 9. “Twilight” characters 10. ___ Mae Brown (Whoopi Goldberg’s “Ghost” role) 11. “Dinosaur Hunter” in a Nintendo series 12. Former Secretary
of State Root 13. Broadway show with trash can lids 15. Comedian Bud 22. “The Fifth Beatle” Sutcliffe 25. Start seeing a shrink 26. Comparison 27. Military school, with “The” 29. Tilling tool 30. Writer Sholem 32. ___ alai 33. It usually starts with www. 34. Chem., e.g. 35. Small ship 37. “Girls” network 38. Peyton’s brother 39. No longer working: abbr. 42. Airline until 2001 45. Bridget Jones or Samuel Pepys 47. List of mistakes 49. Paid athlete 51. Power 52. Actor Zac 53. Florida city 54. Enzyme that breaks down genetic material 56. One of the Muses 57. “Cosmos” author Carl 58. Front porch attachment 61. Quarter, say 62. Painful plays on words 65. Japanese computer company 67. “This American Life” network 68. “Treasure Island” monogram © 2013 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0612.
MORE MONEY FOR YOUR GOLD CHATTANOOGA’S #1 GOLD BUYER wants to give you MONEY for your jewelry! Get paid TOP-DOLLAR just like Rick’s thousands of satisfied customers!
RICK DAVIS GOLD & DIAMONDS
Retail Merchandiser Bonide Products, Inc., a nationallyrecognized manufacturer of Lawn & Garden products, is seeking candidates for a Retail Merchandising position. The position requires that the candidate be self-motivated and goal-oriented. The candidate will be responsible for merchandising the shelf space of Bonide products in a variety of retail outlets in the market area of TN, KY, W.VA,VA, DE, MD, AL, GA, FL, NC, & SC. Merchandising experience would be beneficial, but is not required. Responsibilities will include: • Planning, implementing, and increasing shelf space within retail outlets • The set up of end caps and displays. • Installation of P.O.P. materials • Working with the Bonide sales force to grow business in key accounts
The successful candidate will possess: • A High School Diploma • Proficiency in the use of Microsoft Office (Excel, Word, & Outlook) • The ability to work from a home-based office and travel 3-4 nights per week. • The ability to lift fifty (50) pounds to display products at retail store locations • A reliable car, a valid driver’s license, and proof of insurance. Bonide Products, Inc. offers a competitive benefit package, which includes Health, Dental, Life and Long-term Disability Insurance. Along with our 401k Plan, Bonide also offers our employees a Company-paid Pension Plan. The Retail Merchandiser position offers a salary commensurate with experience, a car allowance, and reimbursed business-related expenses. If interested, please email a resume to firstname.lastname@example.org EOE – M/F/D/V
5301 Brainerd Rd at McBrien Rd • 423.499.9162 chattanoogapulse.com • february 28-march 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 21
Life in the Noog
Street Talk L
ately I’ve noticed a few aspects of our downtown that give me reason to bitch (as if I have to look too hard for a reason). It’s the streets, sidewalks, parking spaces and those pesky pedestrians commuting within our city center. We’ve got to all come together and make a change or someone’s gonna have to bail me out of jail.
Real-World Self-Defense Practical Training • Postive Environment Family Friendly • Clean & High Energy Proven Techniques for Men, Women & Kids
• train safely and effectively • build self-confidence while getting a great workout in a fun, high-energy environment • take 10 calendar days of training, as many classes as you want or can—absolutely free! • no sales pressure, Just pure, effective training and fitness that will bring positive results in mind, body & spirit
Gracie Jiu-Jitsu Self-Defense Women’s Self-Defense Bullyproof Your Child Visit & Tour Our Facility Today
• new 6,000 square foot facility • run daily by true black belt experts and a professional staff • super clean training environment • diverse range of students— business professionals to mixed martial arts fighters • exclusively dedicated to the teaching of gracie Jiu Jitsu technique, the only martial arts system proven effective in self-defense
3901 HIXSON PIKE • (423) 874-0222 • CHATTANOOGAJIUJITSU.COM 22 • The Pulse • february 28-march 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com
First let’s talk about the streets. I don’t know who thought it was a good idea to put bricks in the middle of the major intersections, but they should have been fired or at least issued a strongly worded reprimand. When the city tore up the perfectly paved cross sections to brick them in, they didn’t fill the gap between the asphalt lane and the brick intersection, so there’s a harsh bump at what seems to me like each and every damn seam. This is not only bad for my tires, but sends a shock wave through my lower back at every bump. Speaking of bumps, Broad Street and most of the numbered streets between 5th and MLK need to be completely repaved. There are holes, bumps and grooves that have me believing that long ago when these streets were initially laid, they took up the barricades and let traffic flow while the cement was still wet. Not only is this an annoying disgrace, but it’s also extremely dangerous to those cyclists we’re supposed to be encouraging and pedestrians like me who hate tripping over divots on what should otherwise be a continuously flat surface. This brings me to the multitude of local pedestrians who are literally too stupid to have the right of way. I’m talking about the two most annoying types.
First are the people who jaywalk between intersections, slowly inching their way between oncoming traffic much like Frogger did back in the ’80s. But if you squash these reptiles you’ll be brought up on charges. Then there’s the foot-traffic crowd, determined to cross the street no matter what action the flashing orange stick figure on the light pole suggests. The only thing that’s worse than getting hit by a car when crossing at the inappropriate times is dodging the F-150’s of those drivers from parts unknown who’ve obviously never had to encounter someone actually crossing a street on foot. Riverbend is the worst time of year for pedestrians. Funnel cakes and Miller Lites dangerously impair once alert drivers as they traverse the downtown streets back to Corridor J. Then there’s those random nights of terror—I was almost run over by a Texas-size pickup truck after the recent Merle Haggard show when the driver thought the green light was only for him. The biggest obstacle of motoring downtown,
however, is parking. Being a savvy native, I know the hidden spots around town where one can park for free for just about any event or occasion. But even I‘m floored by the stretches of prime street locations unavailable for parking at all. Why does Power Alley between the IMAX Theater and AT&T Field need to be reserved for buses 24/7? Why can’t there be at least meters there on the days when I’ve never ever seen a bus there—like any time it’s dark outside? And why are precious loading zones protected from parking in the middle of the night? Who or what is being loaded at a moment’s notice at any given time? But God forbid, don’t park illegally—at any hour—or you’ll be slapped with a ticket or one of those ugly “Violation” stickers. The other night I got a ticket for parking in the lot behind the Meeting Place. This is a lot that I’ve parked in for free at night for years. However, the new owners—that locally based toll-taker we all know and don’t necessarily love—found it necessary to charge me $13 to park for the two precious hours between 9 and 11 p.m. You know—prime parking time. I paid it, but I’ll never park there again. I guess $13 instead of an initial warning is more profitable than future business. At least we still get free parking meters after 4:30 p.m.—if you can find one. Chuck Crowder is a local writer and man about town. His opinions sometimes create parking problems for The Pulse.
Audi Certiﬁed pre-owned vehicles must pass 307 inspection points. More than any other luxury brand. Audi Certiﬁed Pre-owned coverage includes:
• The remainder of the new vehicle limited warranty • The balance of the no-charge scheduled maintenance • A complimentary service loaner • 24-hour customer service support
2011 A3 TDI Premium Sportback
2012 Audi A4 2.OT Premium Sedan
2011 A5 2.OT Premium Cabriolet
Gray - FrontTrak FWD
Gray - FrontTrak FWD
White - FrontTrak FWD
See John Adams
6001 International Drive
or Dan Chandler
Prices + tax & title, incl. $439.50 DOC and $695 aquisition fees. Photos used for illustration. Price not good with any other oﬀer. SN V13212A, P2553 & A13010A. With approved credit.
chattanoogapulse.com • february 28-march 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 23