The Pulse 10.05 » Jan. 31-Feb. 6, 2013

January 31, 2013

Vol. 10 • No. 5

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

Getting Fit, Feeling Good, Looking Hot The Pulse’s Path to Heath & Fitness for a New You in the New Year

MUSIC CALIFORNIA GUITAR TRIO ARTS fit for a park screen (giving) LIFE ON THE FARM

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E BRAINERD 1414 JENKINS ROAD 423.468.4960 NORTH SHORE 214 MANUFACTURERS ROAD 423.580.1162 CHATTANOOGA@PUREBARRE.COM WWW.PUREBARRE.COM 2 • The Pulse • JANUARY 31-FEBRUARY 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

THIS WEEK IN THE PULSE »JAN. 31-FEB. 6, 2013

(GIVING) LIFE ON THE FARM SCREEN Pulse film critic John DeVore reviews “Birth Story: Ina May Gaskin and the Farm Midwives,” a documentary about the midwifery center at the Farm, a commune in Summerville, coming to Barking Legs Theater on Friday, Feb. 8.

Also, Kris Jones previews the first Gig City Film Festival.

Stories begin on Page 18.

On the cover An instructor leads a workout session at Pure Barre studio on the North Shore. • Photo by Kim Hunter

SAT • FEB 2 • 9:30PM

ADVERTISING

Director of Sales Mike Baskin Account Executives Chee Chee Brown • Eric Foster • John Holland Rick Leavell • Jerry Ware • Josh Williams

BUY TICKETS ONLINE • RHYTHM-BREWS.COM ALL SHOWS 21+ UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED • NON-SMOKING VENUE

CONTACT

EDITORIAL

Editor & Creative Director Bill Ramsey Operations Manager/Webmaster Mike McJunkin Contributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsny • Zachary Cooper Chuck Crowder • John DeVore • Janis Hashe Matt Jones • Chris Kelly • Mike McJunkin • Ernie Paik Sarah Skates • Alex Teach • Richard Winham Photographers Kim Hunter • Josh Lang Cartoonists Max Cannon • E.J. Pettinger • Richard Rice Jen Sorensen • Tom Tomorrow Interns Gaby Dixon • Julia Sharp • Esan Swan

Offices 1305 Carter St. • Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Fax 423.266.2335 Web chattanoogapulse.com Email info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar calendar@chattanoogapulse.com THE FINE PRINT The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. © 2013 Brewer Media. All rights reserved.

BREWER MEDIA GROUP Publisher & President Jim Brewer II

Don’t Go Breakin’ Our Heart

Send your Valentine a free message* in print and online in our special Valentine’s Day issue, appearing on stands Thursday, Feb. 7.

We are reviving our “Personal Ads” for this issue only. It’s a very special way to say something ... well, special. Send them to: creative@chattanoogapulse.com Subject: V-Day Personal Message Deadline: Monday, Feb. 4 *Submission does not guarantee appearance. If we don’t receive enough, we won’t print them! Messages may be edited for length and certain standards—be fun, sexy, cute, but not vulgar.

Founded 2003 by Zachary Cooper & Michael Kull

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chattanoogapulse.com • JANUARY 31-february 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 3

BOWL

THE

TALK OF THE NOOG chattanoogapulse.com facebook/chattanoogapulsE • TWITTER @CHATTAPULSE EMAIL LOVE LETTERS, ADVICE & TRASH TALK TO INFO@CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

jail art

Inmates create own ‘space’ with mural The Hamilton County Jail is harboring … artists. That’s correct. I said, artists.

As a part of a 10-week program sponsored by Mark Making, a Chattanooga arts organization that focuses on the underserved, inmates received art classes that culminated with inmates revealing a 400foot mural created with their own discretion and implementations.

Backed by funding from the State of Tennessee, Mark Making brought in Chattanooga artists Charlie Newton and Rondell Crier (who was profiled in The Pulse’s 2012 State of the Arts issue last August) to guide the incarcerated artists to create the mural, entitled “Universe Space.”

The program focused on themes such as

freedom and confinement (two elements very much on the minds of inmates) and creating an outer space when confined to an inner space (also very much on the minds of inmates).

According to Mark Making’s Frances McDonald, the project was developed as an exercise to help inmates distinguish between physical and emotional learning and examining what issues are matters of control and choice. The concept apparently touched a nerve with inmates and bore fruit in the form of an artistic achievement that also aided in personal growth.

“I have helped build something that more people can enjoy and something I can look back on and feel proud about,” artist inmate Lathe Juan Corbin said. “I learned how to pace myself when dealing with something new to me and that with every stroke of color brings a smile to someone else’s future.”

The mural and its creation, documented in photographs, will be presented as an exhibit downtown at the Hamilton CountyChattanooga Courts Building lobby at 600 Market St. The opening reception for “Universe Space” will take place at 9:30 a.m. on Tuesday, Feb. 5. The exhibit will be on display until May 3. —Esan Swan

galleries

Walls of Color opens at Melrose Boutique Walls of Color Gallery, the newest department of Melrose Boutique located at 3204 Brainerd Road, will celebrate its grand opening on Friday.

Chattanooga’s latest art gallery is situated in the Historic Brainerd/Midtown area, just outside the Brainerd Tunnel.

Walls of Color will feature original art and print selections from world-renowned artists including Annie Lee, Curtis James and George Hunt to name a few.

Gallery hours are 11 a.m. to 6 p.m., Wednesday through Saturday. The gallery is open Mondays or Tuesdays by appointment only.

For more information about Walls of Color Gallery contact Melanie Settles at (423) 710-2305, or email the gallery at contact@brainerdart.com.

—Staff

4 • The Pulse • JANUARY 31-FEBRUARY 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

FILM

Outsider? Come in for Reel Rock 7 Film Tour Head’s up, sport-climbing adventurers and enthusiasts, your Sundance is here!

Well, not really, but sort of.

The seventh annual Reel Rock 7 Film Tour has been selling out theaters across the country and is coming to the UTC’s University Center auditorium Friday, Feb. 15, as a benefit event for the Southern Climbers Coalition.

Having sold dozens of shows in the U.S. and overseas, the Reel Rock Film Tour brings the best in climbing-themed films for local nature-lovers, outdoor sports enthusiasts and rugged types. The film tour boasts more than 300 shows worldwide so far, with more than 65,000 viewers.

Four films will be featured at the event.

“Dura Dura” kicks off the screenings and focuses on Chris Sharma, the “king” of sports climbing for a decade who was dethroned by a 19-year-old Czech kid, Adam Ondra, on Spanish turf. Next, “The Shark’s Fin” chronicles Conrad Anker and his team on their second attempt to scale granite buttress in India from which the film takes its title. In “Wide Boys,” two Brits who aren’t afraid to bleed their way up a route want to become the first to ascend the world’s hardest off-width, Century Crack. Finally, the event concludes with “Honnold 3.0,” following Alex Honnold as he prepares for his biggest adventure to date. This ambitious kid takes on the Yosemite Triple—El Capitan, Mount Watkins and Half Dome— in under 19 hours.

If you’re interested in watching some epic climbs, and maybe some epic falls, the Reel Rock film series if for you. Tickets for the event are $12 in advance, $15 at the door and are available online at imathlete.com.

The UTC University Center is located at 642 E. 5th Street.

For more information about Reel Rock 7, or to view the trailer, visit reelrocktour. com.

—Esan Swan Esan Swan is a senior at UTC majoring in communications and an intern at The Pulse. The Franklin native is also a staff reporter for UTC’s Echo newspaper.

On the Beat

alex teach

Death of a Giant I walk in the forest and I see the trees around me with not a leaf on their branches at this time of year. They crunch under my feet as dry as the twigs that once held them, making that the only sound I hear outside of that of my increasingly harsher breaths ...

It is winter.

Saplings cast branches low enough that I must push them from my face lest they catch my eye or cheek, but I am otherwise focused on walking up the steep grade that is the hill upon which my home rests.

People do not often consider the fact that Chattanooga rests in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains. These foothills rarely possess the sheer cliffs of their cousins to the west, but their grades and inclines are as severe.

Personally, I hate them for the views they obstruct rather than those they present, but they are my home all the same ... and they have taught me.

The limbs I push out of my way are pliant yet resilient, while some of the older trees are as tough as iron, taller and thicker than the rest.

They are much akin to people, like the public I serve. I walk amongst them, ignoring most, but helping the ones in need that might be weighed down by some other force or peril.

I have seen this forest many times, yet I have rarely seen its trees.

I have seen death many times and in many ways. It’s forms are varied and sometimes defy category. I see those forms in the neatly packaged instances that I am called upon to view, to investigate and judge—but not to take home with me.

Last weekend it hit home in a way that has never struck me in the years I’ve served these mountains, these people.

Death struck at my father’s house, and despite the signs and my ever present pessi-

mism, I never saw it coming.

This wasn’t a horrific instance I was called into and forced to communicate with the freshly bereaved; I was the victim. I was the one who would seek answers after officials left the house. I was the one left to cry, instead of the one giving reassuring pats on the backs to the grieving. I was the one left with the aftermath instead of the one with the next call for service.

How is it that people prepare for such events, much less survive them? It’s terrible, but it’s real. And so am I. Every object found, every familiar sound heard, every familiar smell drove it back home, but it was never the same. My dad, like so many others, was simply not supposed to be gone, as were the fathers of those I served in unnumbered calls before.

I just know that as I walk this forest, amongst its strongest saplings and youthful trees, now and again I come upon a giant one, a Sequoia amongst the oaks, and I drink in its magnificence as I both approach and observe it from afar. For I know that no matter how mighty the tree, one day it too must fall, and it will do so with a mighty crash that will shake the earth.

Such a tree has crashed for

I have seen death many times and in many ways. It’s forms are varied and sometimes defy category. I see those forms in the neatly packaged instances that I am called upon to view, to investigate and judge—but not to take home with me.

me, and its trembling will reverberate for quite some time in my life. I will adjust, as all young saplings do. But the forest will not be the same.

Light shall be cast differently and nature will adjust where it nests and holds its stores. The

world around it will move on and survive, but the falling of that tree and the earth it pierces with its branches will leave a crater that shall not soon be filled in.

In the absence of its shadow I, too, shall flourish and grow into a giant in my own right, if I am lucky. But I will never forget that I am but a seed of a once even greater specimen from whom my roots now take nourishment. And I, too, shall one day fall to make room for more. But until then, I shall weep and mourn the loss of a giant until we are both one again, nourishing yet another young seed that shall grow in the spaces we once occupied for such a brief time.

(I love you, Dad. You were …

Profound.)

Alex Teach is a police officer of nearly 20 years experience.

The opinions expressed are his own. Follow him on Facebook at facebook.com/alex.teach.

chattanoogapulse.com • JANUARY 31-february 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 5

❤ Join us aboard the Delta Queen on the Tennessee River for

An Unforgettable Valentine’s Day Experience

Chattanooga’s Newest & Best Top 40 & Hip-Hop Dance Club & VIP Lounge Happy Hour • 3-10 p.m • Tuesday-Saturday Saturday, February 9

Dinner 5:30 p.m. choice of Twin Filet or Salmon Dish Music by The Beaters at 8:30 p.m.

Dinner, Show, Room & Breakfast $189 per couple Dinner & Show only $33 per person

Reserve today by calling 423.468.4500 Visit www.deltaqueenhotel.net

Thursday 7-9 pm CSA Writers Night Enjoy Our $7.95 Dinner Special!

Late Night Fri. & Sat. • 10 p.m. to 3 a.m.

511 Broad Street • 423.386.5921 southerncomfortchatt.com

6 • The Pulse • JANUARY 31-FEBRUARY 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

LIST

THE

A curated selection of highlights from the live music and arts and entertainment calendars chosen by Pulse editors.

» pulse weekend PICKS

FRI02.01 MUSIC Down • Ex-members of Pantera, Corrosion of Conformity, Crowbar and Eyehategod storm T29.

8 p.m. • Track 29 • 1400 Market St. (423) 521-2929 • track29.co

art Ashley Hamilton & Laura Little • First show of the new year at Gallery 301.

5-8 p.m. • Gallery 301 1800 E. Main St. • gallery301.org

SAT02.02 MUSIC College Band Night • Could be great, surprising, but surely cheap fun at the ever-cool Camp House.

7:30 p.m. • Camp House • 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081 • thecamphouse.com

EVENT Save Water, Drink Wine • Sea-change eco-meets-alcohol event.

6-9 p.m. • The Barn Nursery • 1801 E 24th St. (423) 698-2276 • caribbean-sea.org

honest music

» CONCERTS elton john

» PICK of the litter DRIVIN’ N CRYIN’

Fly Courageous Again

Honky ‘Châtteau’

Perhaps the best modern Southern hard rock/punk band flies into town for a concert at Rhythm & Brews • If you only know Drivin’ N’ Cryin’ from their 1991 album “Fly Me Courageous,” you’re not alone. The band, formed in 1985 by singersongwriterguitarist Kevin Kinney, fused Southern rock, punk and acoustic folk, emerging from Atlanta with an increasingly harder-rocking sound as it entered the ‘90s.

But it’s follow-up to “Courageous,” 1993’s “Smoke” failed to catch fire and the band moved away from its heavy guitar-based sound.

Times and musical tastes shifted quickly in that decade, and DNC were caught in the undertow.

A “best of” collection followed and then in 2009, the band released its first studio album in 12 years, “The Great American Bubble

Factory.” The band hit the road and began to rebuild its core fan base and attract new fans who were too young to have experienced their earlier fame.

Last year, the band released a series of four EPs based around a theme or story, dropping at a rate of about once a month. Director Eric Von Haessler has been trailing the band since its 25th anniversary tour in 2011 for the documentary “Scarred But Smarter: The Life and Times of Drivin’

N’ Cryin,’” which was completed in November 2012 and should be released this year.

With all that behind them, DNC visits Chattanooga this Saturday for a show at Rhythm & Brews, reenergized and rocking harder than ever. It should be quite a night.

Drivin’ N’ Cryin’ 9:30 p.m.

Saturday, Feb. 2 Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com

• In case you haven’t heard by now, Elton John returns to Chattanooga on March 23 for his second concert in less than three years at The Roundhouse. Captain Fantastic last visited the Scenic City for a sold-out show in November 2010, featuring Leon Russell—an influential musician who had fallen on tough times, but to whom Elton owed much in terms of piano style and inspiration—in support of their collaboration, “The Union,” released that year. This time around, it’s the 40th anniversary of Elton’s classic “Rocket Man (I Think It’s Going to Be a Long, Long Time),” a song from his 1972 album, “Honky Château”—one of his finest—that echoed David Bowie’s “Space Oddity,” from an era that reflected on NASA’s increasingly ordinary missions beyond the Earth’s atmosphere.

The forthcoming concert—an obvious “greatest hits” package (but do we want much else?)— features just Elton and “his band,” with no warm-up act, and quickly sold out the 10,300-seat capacity of the arena. With reasonably priced tickets—$37, $77 and $137, from floor to mid- and upper-levels, respectively—ticket resellers were quick (as usual), buying up huge blocks and offering them up (even before the show sold out) at two or three times the top price of even the highest-priced seats. Elton, 65, a legend who lives part-time in Atlanta, will not tour forever and the prices match their expectations.

We suppose. The Pulse will feature an examination of Elton’s career, focusing on those early “Rocket Man” years the week before the show.

Elton John 8 p.m. • Sold out (besides ticket resellers) Saturday, March 23 UTC McKenzie Arena 720 E. 4th St. • (423) 266-6627

local and regional shows

Radiolucent with Nothing and Nobodies and Sick Sea ($3) Kentucky Knife Fight with Long Gone Darlings ($5) Marbin with Function ($3) If Birds Could Fly with Hot Damn ($5)

Wed, Jan 30 Thu, Jan 31 Wed, Feb 6 Thu, Feb 7

Special Shows Sundays: Live Trivia 4-6pm • Free Live Irish Music at 7pm Feb. 3 : Old Time Travelers [free] • Feb. 17: Pan ($3)

9pm 9pm 9pm 9pm

Full food menu serving lunch and dinner.

11am-2am, 7 days a week.

35 Patten Parkway * 423.468.4192 thehonestpint.com * Facebook.com/thehonestpint

chattanoogapulse.com • JANUARY 31-february 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 7

LIVE MUSIC JAN/FEB

THE BLACK CADILLACS THU. 9:30p 31 with SIDECAR SPECIAL ... Rock & Roll

SPACE CAPONE with SMOOTH DIALECTS

FRI. 10p

DRIVIN N CRYIN GREAT SOUTHERN ROCK

SAT. 9:30p

MINGO FISHTRAP ONE BAD ASS BAND!!!

WED. 9:30p

CORB LUND

THU. 9:30p

with PEEWEE MOORE

1 2 6 7

2.8 WHO’S BAD: ULTIMATE MICHAEL JACKSON 2.9 EMANICPATOR 2.13 SINNER OF ATTENTION ALL SHOWS 21+ UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED • NON-SMOKING VENUE

221 MARKET STREET

HOT MUSIC • FINE BEER • GREAT FOOD BUY TICKETS ONLINE • RHYTHM-BREWS.COM

901 Carter St (Inside Days Inn) 423-634-9191 Thursday, Jan. 31: 8 p.m.

Open Mic with Hap Henninger Friday, Feb. 1: 9pm Kara-Ory-Oke Saturday, Feb. 2: 10pm Husky Burnette Monday, Feb. 4: 10pm Comedy Night with Tony Levi Tuesday, Feb. 5: 7pm Server/Hotel Appreciation Night $5 Pitchers $2 Wells $1.50 Domestics ●

●

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks!

Stop by & check out our daily specials!

Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

Facebook.com/theofficechatt

Photo • Joe Del Tufo

Passionate Virtuosity California Guitar Trio’s dynamic intensity never fails to dazzle

By Richard Winham

T

he California Guitar Trio, returning Tuesday to Barking Legs Theater, are three of the best guitarists that, odds are, you’ve never heard. That’s partly because these world-class musicians are remarkably self-effacing. They don’t have a promotional team hyping their concerts. They don’t make million-selling albums. And yet whenever they play anywhere in the world they rarely fail to excite audiences with their dynamic intensity.

They give very little credence to showbiz and its conventions because their only concern is the music— about that they are passionate.

You can listen to any of their albums in their entirety on their website (cgtrio.com) for free, but looking for information on them on the site is fruitless. Click on their biography and you’ll be re-directed to a Wikipedia article about them. Perhaps, as a reviewer quoted on their website suggests, they enjoy the kind of open-mouthed reaction they get from new audiences.

“Half of the fun of a concert

by The California Guitar Trio,”

8 • The Pulse • JANUARY 31-FEBRUARY 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

he wrote, “comes from scanning the reactions of patrons witnessing the group for the first time.”

It’s the only concert review on the website, and as they’ve played hundreds of shows since forming in 1991 you have to wonder why. I think it’s because they’re passionate about playing together, even after 20 years, and they’re content to let the audience find them.

“In any given tour we may find ourselves playing a festival

for several thousands of people (like last year in Quebec City), and the next week we might play a small club on a Monday evening for a handful of people,” guitarist Bert Lams said.

If there was ever any doubt that they are in it for everything but the money, that comment serves to dispel them.

The three musicians met in England where they’d all gone to study with Robert Fripp. Fripp is probably best known, if he’s known at all, as the mastermind behind King Crimson.

Nominally a rock band, King Crimson took music to places others may have imagined, but very few had the chops to take it.

In the mid-1980s, after disbanding one of the more celebrated incarnations of Crimson featuring the guitarist Adrian Belew and bassist Tony Levin, Fripp began teaching and touring with some of his students, calling the band The League of Crafty Guitarists. Lams, Paul Richards and Hideyo Moriya were among the first crafty guitarists and spent several years in the late ’80s touring with Fripp.

All three were already ac-

complished players when they joined Fripp’s class in 1987.

Moriya, born in Tokyo, loved The Ventures and began playing surf music when he was 12. By the time he joined Fripp he’d been playing for nearly two decades. Lams had been playing for more than a decade, including six years studying classical technique at the Royal Conservatory of Music in his native Brussels. Richards, who was only 21 when he joined the class, had already been playing for eight years.

When The League of Crafty Guitarists disbanded in 1990, Richards, Lams and Moriya bonded and banded together, moving to Los Angeles, where they began playing anywhere they could as The California Guitar Trio.

Their repertoire, then as now, was an eclectic mix. Moriya is still a surf guitar fan. He’s the one responsible for the inclusion of vintage classics like The Ventures’ “Walk, Don’t Run” and “Pipeline” in their repertoire. Richards is a rocker whose early influences included Jimmy Page and is behind the inclusion of their covers of Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” and Michael Oldfield’s “Tubular Bells.”

So while they may be playing acoustic guitars, the trio has all of the power and intensity of an electric rock band.

“My feeling about technique in art,” wrote John Barth, “is that it has about the same value as technique in lovemaking, heartfelt ineptitude has its appeal and so does heartless skill; but what you want is passionate virtuosity.”

He could have been talking about The California Guitar Trio.

The California Guitar Trio 7:30 p.m.

Tuesday, Feb. 5 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 barkinglegs.org

Richard Winham is the producer and host of WUTC-FM’s afternoon music program and has observed the Chattanooga music scene for more than 25 years.

Chattanooga Live

sat 02.02

CALENDAR@CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

THU 01.31 Dan Sheffield 7 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 sugarsribs.com Open Mic 7 p.m. Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081 thecamphouse.com Open Mic with Hap Henninger 8 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Western Medication, Hermosa, Marina Orchestra, Endelouz 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400 Kentucky Knife Fight, Long Gone Darlings 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy.

(423) 468-4192 thehonestpint.com The Black Cadillacs, Sidecar Special 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com 423 Bass Love 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919

FRi 02.01 Down, Warbeast, Venomous Maximus 8 p.m. Track 29, 1400 Market St. (423) 521-2929 track29.co David Anthony The Foundry, 1201 Broad St.

(423) 756-3400 chattanooganhotel.com.

Nathan Farrow 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Drive, Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 ringgoldacoustic.com Eight Knives, Behold The Brave, Rigoletto, The Water Brothers 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400 Kara-Ory-Oke 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Corbitt Brothers 9 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533 skyzoochattanooga.com Southlander 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road (423) 499-9878 budssportsbar.com Rick Rushing and the Blues Strangers 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 sugarsribs.com Space Capone, Smooth Dialects 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Jordan Hallquist 10 p.m. Northshore Grille, 16 Frazier Ave. (423) 757-2000 northshoregrille.com Stereotype 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919

Behold The Brave, Lions, Oaklynn, Tree of Life, Mikey Oppizzi, John Ball 6 p.m. The Warehouse, 6626 Hunter Road, Harrison warehousevenue.com College Band Night 7:30 p.m. Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081 thecamphouse.com Collins Brothers Band 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Drive, Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 ringgoldacoustic.com The 3 Dudes Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730 southsidesaloonandbistro.com Blind By Sight, Howard Cheese, Kiserolls, Yogi Bone, Blind

By Sight, Subkonscious 9 p.m. Ziggy’s Underground Music, 607 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 265-8711 Corbitt Brothers 9 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533 skyzoochattanooga.com Southlander 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road (423) 499-9878 budssportsbar.com Downstream, Marlow Drive 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400 Drivin’ N’ Cryin’ 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Rick Rushing and the Blues Strangers 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956

RAW party, redefined.

sugarsribs.com Husky Burnette 10 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Stereotype 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919

sun 02.03 Rick Rushing and the Blues Strangers, DJ Scubasteve, Tara Plumlee 7 p.m. The Car Barn, 6721 Heritage Business Court (423) 508-4481 thecarbarnchattanooga.com

tue 02.05 California Guitar Trio 7:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 barkinglegs.org Dirty Bourbon River Show, Twitches, Joshua Songs 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400

wed 02.06 Prime Cut Trio 7 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Road (423) 499-5055 thepalmsathamilton.com A Man Called Bruce 7:30 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Drive, Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 ringgoldacoustic.com Marbin, Function 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy.

(423) 468-4192 thehonestpint.com Mingo Fishtrap 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com

Thursday • January 31

Free early show at 7pm: Western Medication • Hermosa Later: Endelouz • Marina Orchestra

Friday • February 1

Behold the Brave • Eight Knives Rigoletto • Waters Brothers

Saturday • February 2

Downstream • Marlow Drive

Tuesday • February 5

Last of the Horsemen Stoop Kids • Spoken Nerd

Wednesday • February 6 Dirty Bourbon River Show Twitches • Joshua Songs

Thursday • February 7 Leogun • Gold Plated Gold

JJ’s Bohemia • 231 E MLK Blvd 423.266.1400 • jjsbohemia.com

LIVE MUSIC & DJs THIS WEEK THU• JAN 31 423 Bass Love FRI & SAT• FEB 1/2 STEREOTYPE 1st Floor DJ REGGIE REG 2nd Floor SUN• FEB 3 PEE WEE MORE & FRIENDS Live on the 1st Floor MON & TUE• FEB 4/5 DJ SPICOLI Dancing on the 2nd Floor WED• FEB 6 JOHNATHAN WIMPEE & ANDY ELLIOT Open Players Jams

tWO fLOOrS • One big party • Live MuSic • dancing • 409 Market St • 423.756.1919 open 7 days a week » full menu until 2am » 21+ » smoking allowed chattanoogapulse.com • JANUARY 31-february 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 9

The Pulse Path to Health & Fitness

Getting Fit, Feeling Good & Looking Hot in 2013 Fitness resolution? Local studios, trainers and specialists are here to help

By Bill Ramsey

View a gallery of photos from our Chattanooga fitness trail excursion on chattanoogapulse.com

Photos by Kim Hunter

L

ike Elvis at 40—when “fat and forty” was the catch phrase of the day back in 1975—I considered my New Year’s resolutions, the ones to stop abusing my body, once again this year. I was not fat, was way past 40, but feeling the effects of a Presley-esque lifestyle that had left me a little soft in the middle and, like The King, unwilling to do much about it until vanity or the next gig coaxed a reaction. And, of course, the Elvis Way didn’t work out too well for him.

Elvis, who died at 42 in 1977 and was considered “middleaged” at the time, would have been 78 this year. I’m 30 years younger than Presley would have been, but his own daughter, Lisa Marie, is now 42. So is Rachael Ray, LL Cool J, Thom Yorke and Tony Hawk, among other celebrities. None of them is exactly washed up, out of shape or what you’d call “middle-aged” today. I perked up at that revelation.

Unlike Elvis, I did not use bennies to keep me awake or lose weight—but I nevertheless pondered a healthier, less chemically and fast food-dependent lifestyle. I was not on death’s doorstep by any means, but I could use a tune-up.

Fortunately, Chattanooga is a mushrooming hotbed of fitness and there’s no shortage of studios and gyms around town.

But my direction was not only

focused on getting “fit,” but also feeling and looking good once the heavy lifting was done. Calls were made, appointments were set, the time—and my deadline—approached. What follows are my personal adventures and observations. And while I did not sign-up, suit-up and showup at every stop, I enjoyed the process more than I thought. So tag along for a day-trip on The Pulse Fitness Trail ...

M

y first priority was to check out a fitness studio—but not necessarily a gym, which I often found cold and utilitarian.

Working downtown, I wanted a quick fitness fix in a nearby, hip center that I could visit frequently and feel comfortable with. Thrive Studio in Coolidge Park met all those requirements and more.

I met owner Kim Gavin, who

10 • The Pulse • JANUARY 31-FEBRUARY 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

If it’s 5:15 p.m. on Friday, it’s Raunchy Ryde time at Thrive in Coolidge Park.

launched Thrive last summer, in the warm, welcoming and spacious studio to learn more.

“Thrive is based on the idea that fitness is not one size fits all,” Gavin said, immediately striking my interest. “We’re tailored to the individual. People need different things at different times—not just fitness, but nutrition and attitude adjustments.”

Thrive is a holistic environment combining exercise with nutrition (from their excellent vegetarian cafe). Here, trainers customize the entire fitness experience to your needs, and on the way out you can enjoy a snack or a full healthy and nutritious meal.

All the usual high-end exercise equipment abounds—

indoor cycling, fitness and strength-training machines— but Thrive also offers yoga. Connecting the triad of fitness, nutrition and the healing powers of yoga, the studio truly earns its slogan, providing a “healthy body and a happy mind.”

As many know, it’s often not enough to just go sign up. My best efforts succeeded with the encouragement and prodding of a like-minded buddy. Thrive offered classes or training buddies in a group or personal session that provided that support system.

Since opening in July 2012, class offerings have shifted, Gavin said. “We’ve added some new classes and moved times to accommodate the busy schedules of our clients. We’ve also added kickboxing and cardiokickboxing, and we’re listening to what people want in terms of times and types of workout. “ Thrive is also a thriving social setting. The studio’s two-hour fitness classes carry fun and revealing names like “The Nutcracker” and “Jingle Your Balls,” which they hosted during the holiday season. “Fun names,” Gavin said, “but it’s a hard-core workout.” That same adjective can be applied to Thrive’s Boot Camp, which meets every

morning at 6 a.m. for a “buttkicking, rain or shine” exercise fest not for the weak of heart.

Next up is the Chattanooga Upchuck Challenge on Groundhog Day on Saturday, Feb. 2, a special two-hour class that sounds like Thrive’s version of an Iron Man competition and offers cycling, yoga and circuit training.

Another popular class is the Raunchy Ryde, held every Friday at 5:15 p.m., where stressed out professionals climb aboard one of their Ryde cycles to sweat off the pressures of the week.

The lights go down, a disco ball begins to spin and the instructor eggs on riders by “talking dirt,” Gavin said with a wink, all set to pounding music that would not be out of place in Alan Gold’s.

I asked Gavin about the rise of fitness-related businesses in Chattanooga: Why now?

“If you think about it, you’ve got aging baby boomers out there,” she said. “That fuels a lot, but we’re all in various stages of losing our youth. The new generation is amazingly fit and intends to stay that way.”

Thrive is located at 191 River Street in Coolidge Park. For more information, call (423) 800-0676 or visit thrivestudio. net.

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fter spending time at Thrive, I reasoned I might want to repeat some of this training at home.

But I’d rejected most home workout machines I’d considered in the past—you know the machines of which I speak, the Ab-Masters, Thigh-Masters and other such equipment advertised ad nauseam on late-night infomercials that practically seem designed to injure you before you can begin to see results.

Heading over to Hamilton Place, I found Physique Fitness, Chattanooga’s largest high-end fitness equipment retailer. Physique’s retail outlet has been open for a year, but they’ve been servicing health-club level exercise equipment for six years from their Lee Highway location. When the company recognized the need for a specialty fitness store that offered both sales and service, Physique stocked its showroom with the kind of quality exercise machines you’d find only in a health club or gym, but designed for home use.

“We sell higher end, healthclub-level equipment you see in clubs made by the same manufacturers for home use and we service all models, even ones we don’t

A customer tries out Jacob’s Ladder (the excercise climber used on “The Biggest Loser”) as Physique Fitness manager Jay Jackson adjusts the speed.

sell,” Physique’s Jay Jackson said.

These machines aren’t cheap, but are designed for the home workout enthusiast who wants to mimic a fitness studio-style workout on the same quality equipment.

Not surprisingly, treadmills dominate, because “it’s something

anyone can do,” Jackson said. But Jackson said he sees a trend in the development of cross-training products and a huge emphasis on quality ellipticals.

“We’ve sold more in the past year,” he said. “There’s such a nice variety and people are hearing better things about them. They weren’t reviewed in the past but now such reviewers as Consumer Reports are including them.”

One such popular item is the Elliptigo, Jackson said. “It’s a lot of fun. There are three different models, but the eight-speed will help conquer Chattanooga hills— not Lookout Mountain, but it’s a great overall workout that engages all your senses.”

Physique Fitness is located at 7200 Shallowford Road. Call (423) 499-0842 for more information or visit physiquefitnessequipment.com.

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y fitness trail veered north from Hamilton Place to Hixson, to the Chattanooga Jiu-Jitsu Academy.

Like many, I’d always been attracted to the martial arts thanks

to the fast feet and fists I’d witnessed in TV shows and movies starring Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris. I’d even been exposed to some training in the military, but that was years ago and I wanted to see what was new.

Hixson, I curiously observed, has more than its share of martial arts studios for a community its size, but only one jiu-jitsu academy. CJA is the largest in the region teaching self-defense techniques with the added benefit of a fun, high-energy workout.

Black belt owner and instructor Mickey Swafford found his calling early in life, has trained Gracie Jiu-Jitsu for more than 15 years and is a certified instructor under both Eddie Camden and Professor Pedro Sauer, a sixth-degree black belt under Helio Gracie.

“When I was younger, I sort of had a chip on my shoulder,” Swafford said. “I was big, played football and sports in college, but I always felt a need to prove myself. Once I discovered jiu-jitsu, I found I didn’t need to do that—it gave me a confidence I had never had and changed my life.”

To hear Jackson tell it, his experience is not exclusive; his wife and children are devotees, and he said his clients frequently repeat to him the same feelings he discovered after practicing the art.

“That’s just a priceless feeling,” Swafford said, “but it’s not me.

I just train. Somewhere the art takes over and fills that void.”

Because of this, Swafford said he views his academy—which moved into a 6,000-square-foot space last year previously occupied by Blockbuster Video—as not just a martial arts studio, but a self-defense program and a fitness studio where the added benefits of self-confidence and maturity develop alongside the training.

It’s a fun, high-energy martial art and a proven self-defense technique, emphasizing ground position. Studies show, Swafford said, that 95 percent of all violent attacks end up with one or both subjects on the ground. “If you end up on the ground and only have kicking and punching in your toolbox,” Swafford said, “you »P12

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are in for a long day.”

Swafford offers classes for men, women and children—with an emphasis on women’s selfdefense. “You can carry a gun or cans of mace,” he said, “but sooner or later you’re going to find yourself in a situation without them and you need to know how to defend yourself.”

And, he added, the first 10 calendar days of training are free to new students—take as many as you can or want. “There’s no sales pressure,” he said. “I’ve had students come up to me 15 or 20 days in and say, ‘Hey, I need to pay you!’”

Chattanooga Jiu-Jitsu Academy is located at 3901 Hixson Pike (in the old Blockbuster Video).

For more information, call (423) 874-0222 or visit chattanoogajiujitsu.com.

M

y day wasn’t half over and I was already working up a sweat without even working out. Heading back downtown, however, I wanted to stop by the new Pure Barre studio on the North Shore.

The local franchise, young and thriving and owned and operated here by Amanda Holmes, was expanding from its East Brainerd outpost and I wanted to check it out.

Pure Barre is, for the record, not a women-only fitness studio, but it’s barre-focused method (the only one in town) is a safe, lowimpact workout that appeals to a largely female clientele—especially, Holmes told me, a growing (pardon the pun) group of pregnant women seeking just that.

Any woman—or man, for that matter—who has taken ballet classes will be familiar with the movements, but that’s where the comparison ends, said Holmes.

“You’re not hearing those commands, the terminology. It’s not jumping up and down, but it’s safe—and very effective if you commit. You’ll see the results we promise—flatter abs, a lifted seat, more toning.”

Like every worthwhile endeavor, one attempt won’t work.

But, Holmes said, those who do investigate and sample the method are quickly hooked. For

12 • The Pulse • JANUARY 31-FEBRUARY 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

those who can’t commit to a fouror five-day-per-week schedule, Pure Barre offers “Barre Light,” a three days-per-week, less intense, slower-paced workout. “The pace shouldn’t be intimidating,” Holmes said, “and we do the best we can to eliminate intimidation.”

That formula has obviously worked for Holmes and Pure Barre. She opened the first location in August 2010, her second in September of last year. And she was introduced to the method only briefly before opening her own studio here.

“I was introduced by a friend who opened a studio in Birmingham,” said Holmes. “She had the first franchise at the beginning of 2010. I went down, took a class and found it’s not just a great workout, but addictive. I love the feeling you get. It really creates that ‘runner’s high’ without the joint impact.”

Because class sizes max out at 20 people, the group is smaller, the feeling more intimate and there’s an undercurrent of collective enthusiasm, Holmes said.

A typical class begins with a ba-

sic warm-up, followed by weight work, then moves to the barre.

Stretching ensures, back to the barre, working the “seat,” stretching again, and finishing with an intense ab workout on the floor.

That’s about an hour, three or more times a week and, Holmes said, results are quick and encouraging.

Pure Barre has two locations: 1414 Jenkins Road in East Brainerd and 214 Manufacturers Road on the North Shore. Call (423) 468-4960 for the former; (423) 580-1162 for the latter, or visit purebarre.com.

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fter a quick lunch, I was ready for the “looking hot” portion of my tour. Yes, it’s winter—such as it is, what with global warming adjusting the temperature every other day from icy to downright spring-like—but that roller-coaster makes it all the easier to justify a savage tan. Well, not “savage,” but a little less pasty would work just fine for me.

So I entered Sophia Bridger’s new Healthy Glow Studio on Manufacturer’s Road, which

opened just before the holidays and brings a new, organic and healthy method of tanning to Chattanooga. No tanning beds here—just an eye-opening, in the “why didn’t they think of that sooner”sense.

Bridger, a Polish native who spent 30 years as an interior designer before moving to Chattanooga and opening the salon, said she wanted to do something fun to complement her daughter’s thriving North Shore business (that would be hairstylist Elizabeth Tate, who owns and operates Hair a Go-Go) and share her “healthy glow” with the Scenic City.

“My daughter, who used to live in L.A., brought Infinity Sun to my attention,” Bridger said. “Then I visited a salon in Ashville (N.C.) and I grinned from ear to ear. I knew Chattanoogans would love this approach to tanning. Who wouldn’t?”

Indeed, the art of airbrush tanning is hot—in L.A., New York and in progressive Southern cities such as Asheville—bringing a touch of Beverly Hills (where

Bridger and her staff received intensive training) to Chattanooga.

The method is, like most brilliant ideas, surprisingly simple.

Technicians confer with clients, assess their tanning needs and desires, work with them to achieve the perfect matching skin tone, assist them in exfoliating and then literally spray them all over with a bronzing solution that also moisturizes the skin with pure botanicals, aloe and antioxidants.

The result? “The bronzers are fabulous,” Bridger, who is both owner and a client, said. “It’s natural, shimmering and rejuvenating—there’s no chemicals or UV rays and you’ll never leave with that ‘orange’ glow, just a healthy glow.”

After a consultation, clients shave, exfoliate—at home or in the studio, which also offers a shower and disposable garments—arrive in comfy clothes, change (into a bathing suit or naked, if they feel comfortable) and a technicians applies the perfect tan—in five minutes. After a short drying period, you’re out the door with a

ment by professional therapists and estheticians, who customize massages, Murad facials and other body-centric treats to complement a healthy lifestyle. In my case, it was pure indulgence— which is reason enough.

Massage Envy is located at 345 Frazier Ave. Call (423) 757-2900 or visit massageenvy.com for more information or to schedule an appointment.

percent off a full-body spray tan, I was on my home to exfoliate! I know—how “metrosexual” of me, but whatever works.

Healthy Glow Studio is located at 307 Manufacturers Road. For more information, call (423) 4861700 or visit healthyglowstudio. com.

B Sophia Bridger spray tans a client at Healthy Glow Studio on the North Shore.

super, natural-looking tan.

“And in the summer if you like to lay out in the sun to absorb its natural effects,” Bridger added, “a pre-outdoor tan with an airbrush tan will advance the process so you aren’t exposed to harmful rays for too long.”

I was sold. And with a grandopening special that takes 50

efore returning home and exfoliating, I decided to make a quick stop at Massage Envy on Frazier Avenue to visit with Christine Helms and her staff. I did very much envy a massage, perhaps even a facial while I was at this metrosexual thing.

I was, of course, well aware of Massage Envy’s relaxing allure and needed to book a massage— my first of the new year—to go ease the pain from my journey (if not actual exercise, so far) before hitting the home stretch of my tour.

Because it’s near Valentine’s Day, Massage Envy is offering a couples massage for $78. Food for thought in the upcoming weeks, but I needed relief prior to my big

An esthetician provides a custom facial to a client at Massage Envy on the North Shore.

V-Day date.

Because I had not yet availed myself of the services it offers, I took advantage of Massage Envy’s introductory one-hour massage session and it’s companion introductory healthy skin facial treatment. Two full hours of pampered bliss for $39 and $49, respectively—a bargain any way you cut it.

The treatment is relaxing, performed in a soothing environ-

M

y penultimate visit was piqued more by a voyeuristic interest than personal needs. I’ve been tattoofree all my life and while I consider it an artform if done well, no lover—or even my mother—was so influential that I wanted to “brand” myself with their names.

It’s a personal thing, but plenty of people have tattoos they’d rather forget. And if they don’t exactly want to erase the memory, ridding themselves of the indelible ink would be nice.

Enter Jerry Manning and New Image Laser, whose website, erasemytattoo.com, says it all. »P14

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Manning is a certified laser operator, having mentored in the technique with Lorenzo Kunze Jr., whose father founded the world-renowned Rocky Mountain Laser College and spent 35 years developing and teaching laser technology.

Turns out lasers are the perfect antidote to removing the permanent pigments used by tattoo artists. Today, lasers are the standard treatment for tattoo removal, Manning said, and offer an effective, low-risk procedure with minimal side effects.

“Most tattoos can be removed completely,” Manning said, but results vary.

“Some colors are harder to remove than others. Darker colors are the easiest, but we’ve had great success with many clients.”

The size of the tattoo determines the cost per treatment, Manning said, but most cost between $125 and $200 per treatment, generally the equivalent of having them applied in the first place. But if you’ve got an embarrassing or increasingly irrelevant tattoo—say, “I Heart Ruby,” and you’re now married to Jane—well worth the price.

New Image Laser is located at 6250 Ringgold Road, but call (423) 4639547 for a consultation appointment first or email erasemytattoo@gmail. com. Visit erasemytattoo. com for more information.

Hair a Go-Go’s hip salon on Manufacturers Road.

E

ducated, enlightened and inspired, I finished my day with a fresh new look by way of a haircut. After all, what else offers such instant gratification—if done professionally—so quickly and has the added bonus of boosting one’s self-esteem?

“I think one great way to stay inspired is to look good while you’re doing it,” Elizabeth Tate, owner of Hair a Go-Go on the North Shore, said. “Looking good helps keep you motivated, it’s a cool reward and a finishing touch for all the hard work you put in at the gym.”

Hair a Go-Go is beginning it’s 10th year as the go-to salon for “rockin’ hair for real people,” in a twist on her slogan. It’s a full-service salon that’s not only about creating greatlooking hairstyles, but also teaching clients to maintain their hair. “It’s not enough that you look great when you leave,” Tate said, “but it’s awesome to look good all the time. Our styl-

ists teach you how, with prescriptions for keeping you looking great all the time.”

With a new renovation completed just last year, Tate and her staff are literally on the “go-go,” following trends and improving their techniques. The service is personalized, the salon intimate and the vibe?

In one word: Cool.

Tate returned to Chattanooga at the dawn of the city’s renaissance, surveyed the burgeoning North Shore and wanted to be part of the culture.

“I was studying in L.A., taking classes in period films, trying to make a decision about staying and doing movie star’s hair or joining a bunch of cool new businesses just developing on the North Shore. I chose the latter, obviously, and it’s been great being part of that unifying momentum here.”

And that is very happy ending indeed.

Hair a Go-Go is located at 307 Manufacturers Road. For more information, call (423) 752-0500 or visit hairagogo.com. n

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Main Terrain, Anything But Plain New urban fitness art park took many turns on road to completion

By Rich Bailey

M

ain Terrain is a surprising place. The new urban art and fitness park opened to the public last week on the west end of Main Street. And if the surprise of finding steel bridge trusses 25 feet above your head isn’t enough—hand crankable to spin 360 degrees, no less—maybe creating such a park from a 1.7-acre strip of land mostly surrounded by buildings in the middle of a block on the Southside is. Need more? Add to that the idea that one tiny place can combine open space, public art, fitness and stormwater management, then consider even more surprises.

“Who would have guessed the shadows would be as good as they are?” asked designer Christian Karkow of Clearscapes last week after Main Terrain’s grand opening.

According to Christian Karkow of the multi-discipline design firm Clearscapes, which designed and fabricated the sculptures: • Steel for those bridges fit in the back of a pickup before they were assembled; • The design team created only one-and-half blueprints for the three pivoting bridge elements; and ...

• If you line the bridges up at night, they won’t be aligned the same way the next morning.

The idea of looking for surprises in this project started when Peggy Townsend, director of Public Art Chattanooga, listed a few unexpected turns the project took.

Early on, the planning team

metaphorically, said Townsend.

PlayCore’s role designing adult fitness equipment to the park was also not part of the original plan.

The firm began as a safety consultant for the active art, but got so excited by the developing plans that they volunteered to create a new line of adult fitness equipment. PlayCore worked with Get Built, a CrossFit gym less than a block away on Main Street, to develop all-hours outdoor equipment that mimics activities in the workout studio—climbing, squatting, jumping, hanging.

Clearscapes’ Karkow worked most intimately with the making and assembly of both the steel bridge trusses and the cast-concrete pylons that support them.

Asking him about surprises in the creation of these sculptures leads to a flood of insights.

was focused on sidewalks, she said. Landscape architect Mike Fowler wanted to look instead at this one block stretch of former rail right of way. The 1994 Southside plan, which first began formally imagining something besides blight south of TVA, tagged it as a possible greenway, but it was still mostly overgrown.

When the development team began interviewing artists, Thomas Sayre—co-founder of Clearscapes, the firm that eventually won the contract—told planners they had the wrong idea for the art. Instead of using the land like a gallery for five distinct pieces of art, he proposed a unified work in several pieces that bridged the site, both literally and

Arts

He was surprised by how little space the three unassembled bridge elements occupied. The pieces were cut from steel sheets by an industrial water-jet cutter.

(Imagine a home pressure washer with the water pressure cranked really high, abrasive material added, and the spray honed to a tiny cutting stream—like a laser, only with water.) “It all came on two or three little pallets. My pickup truck was [surprisingly] light getting it from the cutter,” he said.

The shapes of the assembled bridge trusses are reminiscent of the Walnut Street Bridge, but they twist in a way no real bridge ever would. The steel “camelback trusses” of the walking bridge look like boxes, with a floor, two walls and an irregularly shaped ceiling. The bridge pieces of Main

Terrain start out as triangles and then twist in the middle. As a result of that spiraling twist, according to Karkow, “I made one and a half bridges out there. I thought I was making three.”

He explained that the bridges on both ends are identical, mirror images of each other. When they are lined up to make the ideal bridge shape, the outside ends taper to a point and the inside ends look like triangular cross sections ready to connect to the middle piece.

“The bookends are identical, the one in the middle is unique.

The one in the middle, though, is bilaterally symmetrical. Starting at one end of the piece, it’s identical, a mirror image of what’s on the other side,” with a spiraling twist in the middle, he said.

“So what I did was I made oneand-a-half bridges times two,” he added. “It just worked out that, magically, with this mirroring effect of the spiral, all I had to do was go from the end of one to the middle of the second and it would finish itself.”

But all is not symmetrical.

“Line the bridges up at night,” he pointed out, “and you’ll probably use the lights on the top. They won’t be aligned in the morning because the geometry of those shapes is different from how the red lights line up. I was going to put the light dead center on the back of the two tails, but it didn’t feel right. So we just said, let’s make it look right and people will figure out their own version.”

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Arts Entertainment

Save Water, Drink Wine 6-9 p.m. The Barn Nursery, 1801 E 24th St. (423) 698-2276 caribbean-sea.org Dale Jones 7 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com CSO Masterworks: “Variations” 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 642-TIXS chattanooga.gov “The Foreigner” 9 p.m. Closed Door Entertainment, UTC Fine Arts Center, 736 Vine St. (423) 425-4371 utc.edu

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GIG CITY FILM FESTIVAL The evening finale of this inaugural film festival on Saturday, Feb. 2, is the uplifting and humorous international feature “The Intouchables,” a 2011 French film based on the true story of paralyzed aristocrat Philippe (Francois Cluzet) and his choice of a street-smart con man, Driss (Omar Sy) to be his live-in caretaker. The Gig City Film Festival seeks to be annual event, launching this year under the theme of “A Season of Nonviolence.” For more, see preview on Page 18.

THU 01.31 “Celebrate Cycling” Open House 5-8 p.m. Suck Creek Cycle, 321 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 266-8883 suckcreek.com UTC String Project 6-7 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, 736 Vine St. (423) 425-4371 utc.edu “The Amazing World of Cellphone Photos” 6-7:30 p.m. Hunter Museum, 10 Bluff View (423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org Dale Jones 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

fri 02.01 Bike2Work Breakfast 7-8:30 a.m. Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com “The Traveling Paints” (through Feb. 28)

16 • The Pulse • JANUARY 31-FEBRUARY 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

5-8 p.m. In-Town Gallery, 26 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9214 intowngallery.com Gallery 301 Opening: Ashley Hamilton & Laura Little 5-8 p.m. Gallery 301, 1800 E Main St. gallery301.org “Inner Thoughts” (through Feb. 28) 6:30-8 p.m.

River Gallery, 400 E 2nd St. (423) 265-5033 river-gallery.com Dale Jones 7 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com “The Red Badge of Courage” 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com “Wide Open Floor” 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 barkinglegs.org “The Foreigner” 9 p.m. Closed Door

Entertainment, UTC Fine Arts Center, 736 Vine St. (423) 425-4371 utc.edu Donna Carter 9:30 p.m. Vaudeville Cafe, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839 funnydinner.com

sat 02.02 Gig City Film Festival 9 a.m.-10 p.m.

Heritage House, 1428 Jenkins Road (423) 855-9474 Wine & Chocolate Noon-4 p.m.

Georgia Winery, 6469 Battlefield Pkwy.

(706) 937-WINE georgiawines.com Walls of Color Gallery Opening Exhibit 4-6 p.m. Walls of Color Gallery, 3204 Brainerd Road (423) 710-2305 brainerdart.com “The Red Badge of Courage” 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com

“The Red Badge of Courage” 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com

mon 02.04 UTC String Project 6-7 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, 736 Vine St. (423) 425-4371 utc.edu Comedy Night with Tony Levi 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191

tue 02.05 “A View of Jerusalem From Late Medieval England” 5:30 p.m. Racoon Mountain Room, UTC University Center 615 Mccallie Ave. (423) 425-4111 utc.edu California Guitar Trio 7:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 barkinglegs.org Patten Performances: Jesse Cook 7:30-9:30 p.m.

UTC Fine Arts Center, 736 Vine St. (423) 425- 4371 utc.edu

wed 02.06 Kayak Roll Class 6-8 p.m. 1010 N. Moore Road (423) 425-3600 outdoorchattanooga.com

chattanoogapulse.com • JANUARY 31-february 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 17

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Film Festivals

A Nonviolent Gig Gig City Film Festival debuts on Saturday

By Kris C. Jones

T

here is a rite of passage in any city within the various elements of its arts community whereupon each locally supported form of artistic endeavor builds until it attains an annual event of must-go stature.

In Chattanooga, these events include the Meacham Writer’s Workshop, Riverbend, the 4 Bridges Arts Festival and Mainx24. But there is not yet such a worthy event devoted exclusively to film. That is about to change.

The city’s Department of Education, Arts & Culture has partnered with the Nashville Film Festival, the Tennessee Film, Entertainment & Music Commission and the Coalition for Independent Film Organizations in bringing to life the first Gig City Film Festival, which is hoped be an annual event that more than meets that criteria.

Echoing the September 2012 visit of Dr. Arun Gandhi, grandson of Mahatma Gandhi, the festival carries the theme of “A Season of Nonviolence” and films in the premiere year of the fest all extol the meanings of tolerance and nonviolence. The festival, slated for Saturday, Feb. 2, at the Heritage House in East Brainerd, leads off the period of nine weeks known worldwide as the “season for nonviolence,” a time span bookended by the dates of the assassinations of Gandhi and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Attendees can prepare themselves for a day of rich cinema fare. Together the films being screened have won more than 50 national and international awards, including an Oscar nominee for Best Foreign Film, two Sundance featured selections, a Critics Choice Award for Best Documentary and one

of Roger Ebert’s “Top 11 Films of 2011.”

The point of Gig City is to be locally relevant and the festival is designed to have a rotating theme each year to reflect the most pressing issues of the community.

With that in mind, the festival leads off with the timely “The Interrupters,” a film directed by Steve James about a group of former inmates who go into the toughest neighborhoods of the South Side of Chicago to talk down simmering hostilities before they erupt in deadly violence.

The next film, “Kinyarwanda,” is Alrick Brown’s very personal take on the 1994 Rwandan genocide.

The drama follows three interconnected lives, telling the story of a young Tutsi woman and a young Hutu man who fall in love amidst the chaos of intracountry genocide.

The midday offering of the festival is “Bully,” a film which hits especially close to home with the death in 2009 of young Tyler Long. The screening will be accompanied by an expert panel featuring Long’s parents as well as other guests.

The afternoon selection is the edgy “Erasing Hate,” a documentary which takes viewers inside

a Michigan branch of the white supremacy movement. Beginning life as an MSNBC special, the initial airing stirred up so much interest that a series of independent film fest screenings soon followed.

The evening finale of the fest is the uplifting and humorous international feature “The Intouchables,” a 2011 French film based on the true story of paralyzed aristocrat Philippe (Francois Cluzet) and his choice of a street-smart con man, Driss (Omar Sy) to be his live-in caretaker.

The films will be screened at the Heritage House, a civic arts center located at 1428 Jenkins Road. The festival will be a true all-day event, with features running back to back and interspersed with expert panelists and discussion, with ample lunch and dinner breaks.

An all-day pass is $15, individual tickets are $5 (plus the usual ticketing fees). Tickets are available at the Memorial Auditorium or online at etix.com.

For more information, call (423) 855-9474 or visit facebook.com/gigcityfilmfestival.

Kris Jones is co-chair of the Gig City Film Festival, a film historian, journalist and a veteran of many local film productions.

Screen

(Giving) Life on the Farm ‘Birth Story’ brings to life tale of Tennessee commune’s midwives

By John DeVore

I

’m not necessarily the best person to review “Birth Story: Ina May Gaskin and the Farm Midwives,” a film to be screened at Barking Legs Theater on Feb. 8. I was present for my son’s birth, which happened in a hospital surrounded by beeping machines and a staff who seemed to vanish whenever we needed them.

As a second-hand observer of such an awesome event, I can understand where Ina May is coming from when she described the clinical and impersonal nature of her first birthing experience. I was my wife’s only source of support during her 12-hour labor and I can attest that it was lonely and terrifying—and all I had to do was stand next to her.

Her experience was nothing at all like those seen in “Birth Story,” where the women are surrounded by family and friends, all encouraging and supporting them through the process. For those scenes alone, anyone interested in the subject matter will find the film engaging and uplifting.

But even if you don’t have children, or haven’t seen childbirth, the film has a secondary tale, the story of the Farm, an “intentional

community” in Summerville that at one point boasted 1,000 residents, all living together, growing food, raising children and experience their youth through hippie ideals of the 1960s and ’70s.

“Birth Story” is an effective documentary in that it shows its subject matter through the lens of the people involved. Poor filmmakers insert themselves into the narrative, good filmmakers let their narrative unfold through the words of their subjects.

Ina May met her husband in the heyday of the hippie commune and spent several years travelling by bus around the country as her husband, counterculture icon Stephen Gaskin, spoke to various groups. Her interest in childbirth grew out of necessity—the busses travelled with several pregnant women who sometimes went into

Ina May Gaskin and midwife students attend to a pregnant mother at the Farm in Summerville. Photo • Sara Lamm

labor. Rather than taking them to a hospital, Ina May and her friends handled the deliveries themselves.

The unbridled youthful optimism (and irresponsibility) of the story is captivating. They were lucky, to be sure, and the possibility of a different outcome doesn’t seem to have occurred to anyone. Due to this success, and the overall attitudes of the women involved, Ina May established the Spiritual Midwifery Center at the Farm in 1971, one of the first nonhospital birthing centers in the

U.S. It continues operating to this day and Ina May and her midwives have been present at more than 1,200 births.

While the film focuses on Ina May’s success and promotes a certain viewpoint on childbirth, there is a subtext that is as fascinating as the center itself. The film shows, intentionally or unintentionally, a fading lifestyle on the communal farm. Some of the women describe a mass exodus from the Farm as age and responsibility crept up on unsuspecting hippies. Living on top of on one another without much money, running water or electricity loses its luster after a few children come along. We can see this as we watch Stephen Gaskin putter

around his house, bent and frail, no longer the tranformative figure he once was.

Ina May is much more vibrant, possibly because out of all of the endeavors found in the Farm’s history, the midwifery center is still going strong and will likely be the legacy of the experiment.

While residency at the Farm has dwindled from 1,000 to a few hundred, she has created a childbirth movement that appeals to a great number of people.

I had a few questions about the center that aren’t answered by the film. Questions about insurance, mortality, liability and licensing automatically sprung to my mind. I’m the type of person that wonders about the nuts and bolts. Given that the center has been in existence for so long, these questions are likely not pertinent. More important is the work done and the focus on the needs of women in an oddly male-dominated practice. I don’t know that my wife would be interested in their services were they needed again. I also don’t know that Ina May’s solution is viable for women in the high-risk pool. But for those that are so inclined, I can’t imagine a better way to bring a life into the world.

“Birth Story: Ina May Gaskin and the Farm Midwives” 90 minutes, followed by a panel discussion. $8 (advance); $10 (door) 7 p.m.

Friday, Feb. 8 Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 barkinglegs.org birthstorymovie.com

chattanoogapulse.com • JANUARY 31-february 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 19

Free Will Astrology AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Poet

Jacob Nibengenesabe was a member of the Swampy Cree, a First Nation tribe in Canada. He wrote shamanic poems from the point of view of a magical trickster who could change himself into various creatures. In one poem, the shapeshifter talked about how important it is to be definite about what he wanted. “There was a storm once,” he said. “That’s when I wished myself / to be a turtle / but I meant on land! / The one that carries a hard tent / on his back. / I didn’t want to be floating!” By the end of the poem, the shapeshifter concluded, “I’ve got to wish things exactly! / That’s the way it is / from now on.” I hope that will be the way it is from now on for you, too, Aquarius. Visualize your desires in intricate, exact detail. For example, if you want to be a bird for a while, specify what kind.

PISCES

(Feb. 19-March 20): As you sleep, you have at least a thousand dreams every year. But if you’re typical, you may recall only a few of them. Doesn’t that bother you? To be so ignorant of the stories your subconscious mind works so hard to craft? To be out of touch with what the Iroquois call “the secret wishes of your soul”? Now is an excellent time to develop a stronger relationship with your dreams,

rob brezsny Pisces. It’s high time to explore the deeper strata of your life’s big mysteries.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): *Wageni ni baraka* is a Swahili proverb that means “guests are a blessing.”

That’s not always true, of course. Sometimes guests can be a boring inconvenience or a messy burden.

But for you in the coming weeks, Aries, I’m guessing the proverb will be 98 percent correct. The souls who come calling are likely to bestow unusually fine benefits. They may provide useful clues or missing links you’ve been searching for.

They might inspire you to see things about yourself that you really need to know, and they might even give you shiny new playthings. Open your mind and heart to the unexpected blessings.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “I feel my fate in what I cannot fear,” said Theodore Roethke in his poem “The Waking.” I invite you to try out that perspective, Taurus. In other words, learn more about your destiny by doing what makes you feel brave.

Head in the direction of adventures that clear your mind of its clutter and mobilize your gutsy brilliance. Put your trust in dreams that inspire you to sweep aside distracting worries.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): It’s the First Annual Blemish Appreciation Week—for Geminis only. One of the best ways to observe this holiday is to not just tolerate the flaws and foibles of other people, but to also understand them and forgive them. Another excellent way to celebrate is to do the same for your own flaws and foibles: Applaud them for the interesting trouble they’ve caused and the rousing lessons they’ve taught. I may be joking a little about this, but I’m mostly serious. Be creative and uninhibited as you have fun with the human imperfections that normally drive you crazy.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): When I turn my psychic vision in your direction, I see scenes of heavy rain and rising water, maybe even a flood. I’m pretty sure this has a metaphorical rather than literal significance. It probably means you will be inundated with more feelings than you’ve experienced in a while. Not bad or out-ofcontrol feelings; just deep and enigmatic and brimming with nuance. How to respond? First, Cancerian, announce to the universe that you will be glad and grateful to accept this deluge. Second, go with the flow, not against it. Third, promise yourself not to come to premature conclusions about the meaning of these feelings; let them evolve.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “I want to know more about you” may be the most potent sentence you can utter in the coming week. If spoken with sincere curiosity, it will awaken dormant synergies. It will disarm people who might otherwise become adversaries. It will make you smarter and work as a magic spell that gives you access to useful information you wouldn’t be able to crack open with any other method.

To begin the process of imbuing your subconscious mind with its incantatory power, Leo, please say “I want to know more about you” aloud 10 times right now.

20 • The Pulse • JANUARY 31-FEBRUARY 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): My hotel was

nice but the neighborhood where it was located seemed sketchy. As I returned to my room after a jaunt to the convenience store, I received inquiries from two colorfullydressed hookers whose sales pitches were enticingly lyrical. I also passed a lively man who proposed that I purchase some of his top-grade meth, crack, or heroin. I thanked them all for their thoughtful invitations but said I wasn’t in the mood. Then I slipped back into my hotel room to dine on my strawberry smoothie and blueberry muffin as I watched HBO. My experience could have something in common with your immediate future, Virgo. I suspect you may be tempted with offers that seem exotic and adventurous but are not really that good for you. Stick to the healthy basics, please.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): A West Coast DJ named Shakti Bliss wrote a remarkable status update on her Facebook page. Here’s an edited excerpt: “In the past 24 hours, I did yoga in a bathtub, hauled furniture by myself in the rain, got expert dating advice from an 11-year-old, learned the lindy hop, saw a rainbow over the ocean, had thrift store clothes stolen out of my car by a homeless man, made a magic protection amulet out of a piece of cardboard, was fed quinoa soup by the buffest 50-year-old South African woman I’ve ever met, bowed to a room full of applause, and watched two of my favorite men slow dance together to Josephine Baker singing in French.” I suspect that you Libras will be having days like that in the coming week: packed with poetic adventures. Are you ready to handle more than the usual amount of stimulation and excitement?

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Thomas Jefferson, third President of the United States, called himself a Christian. But he also acknowledged that there weren’t any other Christians like him. He said he belonged to a sect consisting of one per-

son—himself. While he admired the teachings of Jesus Christ, he had no use for the supernatural aspects of the stories told in the New Testament. So he created his own version of the Bible, using only those parts he agreed with. Now would be an excellent time for you to be inspired by Jefferson’s approach, Scorpio. Is there a set of ideas that appeals to you in some ways but not in others? Tailor it to your own special needs.

Make it your own. Become a sect of one.

SAGITTARIUS

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “Everyone is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day,” said writer Elbert Hubbard. “Wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.” Judging from my personal experience, I’d say that five minutes is a lowball figure. My own daily rate is rarely less than half an hour. But the good news as far as you’re concerned, Sagittarius, is that in the coming weeks you might have many days when you’re not a damn fool for even five seconds. In fact, you may break your all-time records for levels of wild, pure wisdom. Make constructive use of your enhanced intelligence!

CAPRICORN

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “Most humans have an absolute and infinite capacity for taking things for granted,” said Aldous Huxley. If that’s true, Capricorn, it’s important that you NOT act like a normal human in the next few weeks.

Taking things for granted would be a laziness you can’t afford to indulge. In fact, I think you should renew your passion for and commitment to all your familiar pleasures and fundamental supports. Are you fully aware of the everyday miracles that allow you to thrive? Express your appreciation for the sources that nourish you so reliably.

Homework

Talk about how you infused your spiritual path with eros and humor. Go to Freewillastrology.com; click on “Email Rob.”

Jonesin’ Crossword

matt jones Down

“It Takes a Village”—feeling a little blue?

Across

1. That is, to Nero 6. “All-American Girl” Margaret 9. Elite U.S. Navy squad 14. It’s struck from a book 15. “Whadja say?”

16. 2005 “Survivor” locale 17. Big book of stories 19. Sean of the “Lord of the Rings” series 20. He’s always dropping dishes?

22. Peppermint Pattie brand 23. Gargantuan Brit. lexicon

24. Uneventful 26. Nick at ___ 29. “Sands of ___ Jima” 32. Komodo dragon or Tasmanian devil 36. Ore-___ (tater tots brand) 37. Bedroom area that’s useful to have around?

39. ___ Wafers 41. Constrictive critter 42. Sci-fi author Asimov 43. He has a corny sense of humor?

46. Deadlock 47. Dutch beer 48. ID-assigning org.

49. Chip’s pal

50. “The Kids in the Hall” bit 52. Blue ball on the table 54. Fashion legend Christian 57. Guy who trimmed Dad’s beard?

63. Texas A&M athlete 65. Doesn’t lose it 66. Crosses (a river) 67. One of seven: abbr.

68. A few extra pounds 69. Pecan and walnut 70. Torn of “Men in Black” 71. It follows either word in the four long answers

© 2013 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0608.

1. Apple on a desk 2. Short name for Boone or Webster 3. Query to Brutus 4. Average fool 5. Things out of reach?

6. Neapolitan layer, for short 7. Laurie on “House” 8. “I just remembered...”

9. Detoxifying place 10. Top vs. bottom-seed shutouts, for instance 11. Low choral part 12. Grizzly’s hangout 13. Destroyed a destroyer 18. Actress/model/ socialite ___ Hearst-Shaw 21. Griff and D’s Public Enemy cohort 25. Recording studio sign 26. Silent killer?

27. Turn of phrase 28. Peace conference events 30. Liberty’s org.

31. Reasons for insoles 33. Mazda model 34. “Garfield: ___ of Two Kitties” 35. School for French students 37. She portrayed Kahlo 38. Thanksgiving items 40. Biker’s exit line 44. Go berserk 45. Date on some food packaging 49. The back, in medical textbooks 51 Weapon often seen on “24” 53. Nest residents 54. Nutty 55. Composer Stravinsky 56. Shrek, e.g.

58. Spittoon noise 59. Org. for seniors 60. “On & On” singer Erykah 61. MIT grad, maybe 62. Hazard for a hull 64. Ending for heir or host

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Mitch & Deborah Everhart chattanoogapulse.com • JANUARY 31-february 6, 2013 • The Pulse • 21

Life in the Noog

chuck crowder

Scoop the Poop F or the last several days I have been stepping over a pile of dog crap that’s nestled in the little strip of grass between the sidewalk in front of my Southside home and the curb where my car is usually parked. Even the six-day rain out we had during the last week or so didn’t have the power to pummel Fido’s gift of naturally biodegradable fertilizer into the earth. If it didn’t resemble a disgusting output of Hormel Chili (beans and all) I wouldn’t mind it as much. But there’s a bigger problem here.

The biggest problem is that people love dogs. Don’t get me wrong—I love dogs, too, but a 100-pound Labrador might not belong in a 1,000-square-foot townhome. The math just doesn’t add up. And if that same pooch can’t perch over a human-scale toilet to do its business, then there will be a daily pile of poop outdoors the size of which might as well have been left by its “person.”

Therein lies the second problem.

The Southside is downtown, and downtown is paved. Roads,

22 • The Pulse • JANUARY 31-FEBRUARY 6, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

sidewalks and buildings make up roughly 97.5 percent of the real estate in downtown Chattanooga.

Grassy patches make up the other 2.5 percent. By comparison, according to my crude calculations, 96.8 percent of Southside homeowners own a dog (or two). This means there are literally thousands of mutts mucking up our postage stamp of downtown yardage—every single day. This brings me to the third problem.

For every hip, downtown dweller with a dog, there are three more who find it incomprehensible to pick up their dog’s leave-behinds.

“Oh! Look at me! I’m on the cutting edge of cool by living in walking distance from simply everywhere—just like New York!”

But did you know that in New York City you’d be fined $250 for not picking up your dog’s poop? It’s known there as Public Health Law 1316.

Know why? Because it’s a health hazard to have excrement laying around town—just think of the middle

ages. The Plague!

Currently, there are very few public places downtown where man’s best friend is welcome. Renaissance Park is the only one I can think of, actually. That’s because people around here are so lazy they want others to do their dirty work.

You can put a million pet waste stations with little baggies and a garbage can and people will still let their dog shit on the Walnut Street Bridge and keep on walking. We may be a “progressive” city on paper, but remember the movie “Deliverance” was filmed just about 30 miles from here.

Think about it.

So yes, we need more pet stations—certainly at each new downtown housing development.

Maybe it ought to be written into the building code. And then maybe we should institute fines for irresponsible pet owners who don’t scoop their pooch’s poop.

Not just to satisfy complainers such as myself, but for the

dogs, too!

I feel sorry for the canines that have to use the same old patch of grass as all the other dogs on their block. The massive mine field of feces poses one obvious obstacle, but what about marking “territory”? That would be very frustrating for locating the perfect spot to poop. Sharing facilities like that in a dog’s world is probably the equivalent of having to use a disgusting roadside gas station bathroom every time you have to go two-sies. The humanity!

Now before the cards and letters start rolling in from dog owners personally offended by these observations, let’s step back for a minute and look at this objectively. Don’t you agree that downtown dog ownership carries with it the duty of proper waste disposal so that those like me who don’t own a dog will never have to spend time flicking your dog’s poop out off the treads of our shoes with a sharpened stick? Good boy.

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and man about town. His opinions are his own.

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