Page 1

Oct. 11-17, 2012

Vol. 9 • No. 41

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative



P. 6




THE PULSE •OCT. 11-17, 2012 • VOL. 9 •NO. 41


Don’t Be Embarrassed

• We interview Emmy Award winning artist Wayne White who is returning to his hometown of Chattanooga with a documentary film about his life and his work. The film has received rave reviews and awards around the country. By Chuck Crowder On the cover: Wayne White’s “Big Lectric Fan to Keep Me Cool While I Sleep”

Since 2003

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Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

Since 2003


Publisher Zachary Cooper Creative Director Bill Ramsey Contributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsny Chuck Crowder • John DeVore • Janis Hashe Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative Matt Jones • Chris Kelly • D.E. Langley Mike McJunkin • David Morton • Patrick Noland Ernie Paik • Cole Rose • Alex Teach Richard Winham Cartoonists Max Cannon • Richard Rice Tom Tomorrow Photography Jason Dunn • Josh Lang Interns Erin McFarland

Since 2003

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

Phone 423.265.9494 Fax 423.266.2335 Email Got a stamp? 1305 Carter St. • Chattanooga, TN 37402


The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. © 2012 Brewer Media

BREWER MEDIA GROUP President Jim Brewer II




r U o h Y haPP


River City Plans to Bring the Outdoors Inside

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L A S T T H U R SDAY R I V E R C I T Y Company announced plans to transform the former Bijou Theater into a downtown health and wellness centric hub called “The Block”. This $4 million investment plans to open a flagship store of Rock/Creek Outfitters and High Point Climbing & Fitness among other potential retail spaces with construction beginning in January 2013. Despite Chattanooga’s reputation as a family friendly tourist attraction for decades, since an Outside Magazine poll deemed Chattanooga “The Best City Ever” in 2011, we’ve very quickly become a recreational junkie’s household name. And with the recent addition of The Crash Pad, a progressive hostel geared toward out-of-town climbers, Chattanooga is now an affordable mecca for all things outdoor. If locals didn’t already know this was our shtick, The Block’s focal point, a giant 16,500 square foot rock wall, will face the Broad Street side of the new development. High Point Climbing & Fitness will tentatively open to the public in August 2013, so although Chattanooga sits nestled between perfectly climbable mountain ranges The Block will allow visitors, particularly families, to enjoy the famous downtown attractions and enjoy a taste of our outdoor appeal, all the while remaining comfortably indoors. —Erin McFarland


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The state Attorney General has rejected the idea that Hamilton County could move forward on it’s own legislation to allow liquor distilleries within it’s borders. According to Attorney General Robert E. Cooper, JR., Hamilton County will have to seek a referendum. This would put the measure to a vote if enough signatures, 15,000 at least, could be collected. The county government has members who still like the idea of prohibition such as Rep. Richard Floyd, R-Chattanooga. Rep. Floyd has all but declared our country would suffer the fate of Gomora should it allow this. But, there are more progressive voices who will be moving forward on this measure. More on this will develop in the coming months with estimates that the referendum could be presented in early 2013 at best. Cheers!

On the Beat


Extremes C ops occu p y a f u n n y n iche i n t his wor l d. Th e job i tse l f is like most others and it’s easy to forget the more mundane days as the months, years, and eventually decades blend together…but for the most part, it’s a job of extremes (or as several veterans have surmised, 95% eye-glazing boredom with about 5% barely-controlled terror). 21 degrees Fahrenheit in a steady downpour on a dark stretch of Interstate at 4 a.m. working a wreck, the ink in my pen freezing while I lean forward to keep the rain off my note pad as it drips from my nose and the tip of the flashlight that’s clenched between my teeth so I can copy down the VIN number from the dashboard of a ruined car in freezing darkness, human hair still wedged into the cracked glass above the steering wheel, blood around it still not dried... That little scene? That was me while you slept. The drowning victim found floating in the polluted streams of Chattanooga Creek, blackened and partially consumed by animals, skin sloughing off in sheets with a stench that would make a billy goat puke? The grandmother beaten open and apart with an iron fire poker by a delusional, drug-addled grandson? These are the images I get to take home at night (mostly) free of charge. Cops have an amazing front-row seat to the worst society has to offer…but, by the nature of the same job, we also have access to the extreme opposite. The badge that puts us between order and chaos and at the feet of the dead also puts us at the head of some unique tables.

All those memories listed above (and all the ones not listed) are given balance from time to time, and this week I had one of the most memorable events of my career take place in a hotel kitchen of all places. (I love it.) I was pulling 12 hour shifts on vacation days at one of my more unique side jobs out of town as a driver for professional athletes at a fairly significant sporting event. The shifts end at 6 a.m., so coffee is my friend…and the best coffee is where they make it in the bowels of the resort hotel I was based out of. I’m grabbing a cup when a set of double doors opened at the end of a cluttered hallway and more men in suits of superior quality to mine poured in escorting what turned out to be a former President of the United States. I was thinking about how funny it was that a man of such power must have been relegated to a thousand industrial kitchens over the last dozen years (and also focusing on not making a single damn furtive movement) when as he passed,

he gave an affable smile and glanced down at the badge on my belt (I was off duty, but it’s a great security pass for checkpoints) and he raised his hand to halt his detail. No cameras, no “points” to be made or babies to be kissed…he just stopped, reached out, and shook my hand saying “Thanks Officer, for what you do.” “It’s my pleasure, Mr. President.” (What do you say at times like these?) “Thank you.” He winked, and moved on. That handshake was nothing he had to do, and I was no one to him… one of millions of people he would never know, or need to know. But there it was, six seconds in a dimly lit kitchen hallway I’ll remember for the rest of my life, and I was there by the same stroke of fate that places me in harms way any other day of the week. I only had that job because I was a cop. Paupers and presidents, the shield sees them all. Ask me why I love this job? I can only describe it in extremes, and barely, even then. (But yes – it’s all worth it.) Look, it’s 6 a.m.; another shift over. Another shift begins. Alex Teach is a fulltime police officer of nearly 20 years experience. The opinions expressed are his own. Follow him on Facebook at facebook. com/alex.teach.








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BEAUTY IS EMBARRASSING Wayne White might possibly be one of the most versatile and celebrated

artists of our time. Mention his name at swanky parties in New York or L.A. and you’ll invite accolades over his brand of innovative “word paintings” combining found art with a modern, Southern twist.


peak of him among entertainment critics and you may just hear about his award-winning work on Pee Wee’s Playhouse and several music videos (back when MTV still played music videos). But sadly, if you utter his name right here in White’s hometown of Chattanooga, Tennessee you’ll likely be met with a response of “who?” Seems even though Wayne White is considered creative royalty in places on the cutting edge of modern art, with pieces displayed in galleries, museums and even the living rooms of famous hip people across the country, you can’t

find one inkling of his work around here. Not one of our downtown’s many, many outdoor sculptures bears his name, even though he’s famous worldwide for installations of wacky, thought-provoking 3D pieces, including a room size exhibit at Rice University in Houston, Texas. There isn’t a single one of his paintings or puppets displayed in the Hunter Museum of American Art, although his work was recently the focus of a major exhibit at the Taubman Museum of Art in Roanoke, Virginia. And if that’s not enough, there isn’t even a tiny plaque commemorating his legacy at his alma mater of Hixson High School, even though he still ends conversations >> during his brief visits

by Chuck Crowder

honest music

local and regional shows

Not Tonight Josephine w/ Mobley, Monomath ($3)

Thu, Oct 11


John Lathim and Company [$3]

Sun, Oct 14


Earphunk with Swift Earl and The Bumper Jacksons [$3]

Wed, Oct 17


13 ANNUAL ALL HALLOWS EVE! with Bohannons, Eight Knives, How I became The Bomb

Sat, Oct 27


Free Live Irish Music Sundays at 7pm


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WAYNE WHITE “I had to leave Chattanooga to be the artist I wanted to be,” said White in a recent phone interview. “I had to leave Chattanooga to be the artist I wanted to be,” said White in a recent phone interview. “This was not the place to be for an artist in the mid-seventies. I had to forsake my hometown in order to not be embarrassed about the beauty I was creating.” Beauty Is Embarrassing is a new documentary about Wayne White’s life and work. Currently opening in theaters around the country after receiving successful nods at SXSW in Austin and the Toronto Film Festival, as well as “Best Documentary” awards at the Nashville Film Festival and the nationally renowned Cleveland Film Festival. In fact, just so his hometown friends, fans and family could see the film on the big screen, White is premiering the film in Chattanooga right along with stints in just about every major city in America. Therefore, Beauty Is Embarrassing will be featured at the Carmike Wynnsong 10 cinema this weekend, October 12-14th, with a special Q&A featuring White himself after the showing on Saturday, October 13th.

The documentary chronicles White’s unique Southern upbringing, which is the inspiration for his art, the struggles he’s encountered throughout his career, and what makes him one of America’s most important artists today. In fact, contemporary artists of note praising White in the film include heavy hitters such as DEVO’s Mark Mothersbaugh, Simpsons creator Matt Groening, Paul Reubens, and designer Todd Oldham, who helped White assemble a substantial coffee table book of his work titled Maybe Now I’ll Get The Respect I So Richly Deserve in 2009. The massive 382-page book features hundreds of images from Wayne’s earliest work as an illustrator all the way up to his most recent fine art and sculptures. Since the book’s release, White has been traveling the country delivering incredibly enlightening hour-long talks where he discusses his life and work, and makes time for a little banjo and harmonica playing. The newly released film version of the book and those highly entertaining presentations, Beauty Is Embarrassing, chronicles White’s childhood in Chattanooga soaking up Southern culture, his college years at

Middle Tennessee State University learning how to apply his inspiration artistically, and his post-graduation jaunt to New York to start his career as an illustrator for the East Village Eye, New York Times, Raw Magazine and the Village Voice. The film explores White’s rise to prominence, the tolls of being in high demand, and how he’s come to find a balance between a bill-paying career and everyday life. “Like everybody, I’m just striving for that ‘f-you money’,” White says in the documentary. “You know, if you get enough money, you can say ‘f-you’ and do what you want instead of worrying about producing art just to pay bills.” Narrated by White, the film details his fateful partnership with Paul Reubens (aka Pee Wee Herman) in 1986 to help create the set design and puppets for the hit television show Pee Wee’s Playhouse, which earned White three Emmy awards. White and wife Mimi Pond relocated to Los Angeles for the show’s last few seasons, where they still reside today with their two grown children. After Playhouse ended due in part to Rueben’s’ unfortunate brush with the law in 1990, White continued creating

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Wayne White set designs and characters for television shows such as Beakman’s World, Riders in the Sky, and Bill & Willis. White was also tapped to art direct a few music videos, including the Smashing Pumpkins’ Tonight, Tonight and Peter Gabriel’s Big Time, both

Real People, Rockin’ Hair CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • OCT. 11-17, 2012 • THE PULSE • 7

Wayne White in his Los Angeles Studio of which earned him Billboard and MTV Music Video Awards. Over the years White has also received great praise for his room size 3D installations including Big ‘Lectric Fan To Keep Me Cool While I Sleep – featuring the world’s largest puppet head of George Jones lying on its side in peaceful slumber as whiffs of Jack Daniels emit from its snoring mouth. And, more recently, White took over a large portion of the Taubman Museum of Art in Roanoke, Virginia for what he calls an “explosive motif” of “cartoony expressionism” in an exhibit titled BIG LICK BOOM which gives tribute to Roanoke’s transformation from a little town called Big Lick, Virginia into a boomtown during the height of railroad expansion in the late 1800’s. White has continued incorporating his humorous visual imagery into video formats, including television advertising campaigns for Snapple and Old Spice. The Snapple ad series features its products’ bottles personified in puppet form, as a boy band, skateboarding, break dancing and head banging among other things. And, you may remember the Old Spice spot, where a wise pitchman is pontificating about “how much is enough” as he walks through a room with

Speaking of a long time coming, White is finally being recognized right here in his hometown. With the help of the Shaking Ray Levi Society, he’s in negotiations with Chattanooga city officials and private investors to have a large-scale outdoor sculpture of one of his word paintings permanently on display along the Riverwalk. “The greatest compliment I ever received was when my first grade teacher, Mrs. Stoddard at Hixson Elementary, told the whole class that she knew I was going to be an artist someday,” White said. “And now that this city has grown to embrace art and local artists like me it’s very inspiring, which brings me to the second greatest compliment I ever receive – when someone tells me that I’ve inspired them. That’s what it’s all about.”

a seemingly never ending painting of a ship created by White. Maybe this gig inspired White in some way, because for the past several years his focus has been renewed on painting. Trips to thrift stores to buy old cheesy landscape reproductions just for the frames turned into a new creative direction – painstakingly incorporating three-dimensional text into the existing paintings. Adding a sense of humor to the sensibility of Southernisms, White’s “word paintings” feature Escher-style lettering stating such off the wall phrases as “NASCAR Sugar Tits,” “Fanfuckingtastic,” and “You’re boring the shit out of me” among many, many others. And, much to White’s pleasant surprise, West Coast art critics and gallery owners took to his uncanny style with enthusiastic fervor. “I was amazed at the reception these paintings received, both from admirers to actual buyers and collectors. It made me feel really good to be recognized for yet another medium besides puppeteering and illustration,” White said. “Finally, in my mid 40’s I was able to focus on the painting career I always wanted. It was a long time coming.”

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OCT. 11-17

CHATTANOOGA OKTOBERFEST OCT. 13 & 14 Sat & Sun 12 pm till 4:30 pm •It’s time for the regions largest and oldest German celebration at the Chattanooga Market. The Chattanooga Oktoberfest features live music,48 world and regional brews, authentic Bavarian food and an Oompah band.




Let’s Go Bananas!


Uncle Lightnin’ • CD release party for Ted the Cowboy Eisenhower. 6:30 p.m. - Hunter Museum - 10 Bluff View (423) 267-0968 -

Party at the

All Week Long!

Mon & tue LIVE DJ

Wii on the Big Screen wednesdays


Jonathan Wimpee Jam Session

Bobby McMullen - Film & Speaking • One of the worlds most inspiring athletes visits UTC. 6:00 p.m. - UTC, University Center - 615 McCallie Avenue Call for info. - 423.425.5750





MUSIC Band of Horses


• Hitting the Track 29 stage on their world tour. 8:00 p.m. Track 29 - 1400 Market Street


EVENT Works of Kevin Bate at Gallery 301 • Opening night reception for the iconic works of Kevin Bate. 5:00 p.m. - Gallery 301 - 301 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 531-7411 -

SAT10.13 MUSIC RiverRocks Finale Concert • Huge line-up headlined by Secret Sisters 7:00 p.m. - Coolidge Park - 150 River Street

EVENT Hellbender 12 • Endurance race that will test your stamina and strength! 9:00 a.m. - N. Chickamauga Creek Conservancy - 5051 Gann Store Road


he Chattanooga Zoo is celebrating it’s 75th anniversary this year. New initiatives and partnerships have been developed to place emphasis on the milestone and to ensure the future growth of the zoo which was established in 1937. One of the organizations highly anticipated events is the annual Banana Ball which is held at the Zoo’s facilities in Warner Park. Dedicated attendee’s have a strong affection for this yearly celebration, which certainly has much to do with the unique setting.

Adding to the mix again this year is a special guest appearance from Jack Hanna who will be giving an exclusive presentation. Hanna is known for his activism in animal rights, endangered species protection and his decades of experience with zoos and conservation efforts around the world. He also posses a dry, and at times unpredictable sense of humor. You never know what Hanna might interject, but you can always expect an interesting perspective from him. The Banana Ball will welcome The Maxx for the

evening entertainment. The ticket also includes the presentation from Jack Hanna, open bar for beer and wine, catering from Lee Towery and all access to the Zoo’s exhibits. Up close and personal experiences with some of the animals will be available as well. Banana Ball 2012 6:30 - 11:30 p.m. Saturday October 13th Chattanooga Zoo 301 N. Holtzclaw Ave


Pretty Up Church sat $1 BEER 10-11PM LIVE MUSIC WITH

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Between the Sleeves


Arthur Russell · Pacha In the last few years, there’s been growing interest in the fascinating work of the late cellist/composer/singer/songwriter Arthur Russell, thanks to the documentary Wild Combination, Tim Lawrence’s biography, and most importantly, archival releases on the Audika label, each made with incredible care and thought, in an attempt to classify Russell’s sometimes unclassifiable pieces. The release at hand is the soundtrack to the film Keep the Lights on, drawing from Russell’s Audika output, and for newcomers, it can serve as a roadmap for Arthur Russell navigating parts Keep the Lights On of his incredibly (Audika) diverse career. The 2004 compilation The World of Arthur Russell on Soul Jazz, while excellent, focused primarily on Russell’s electronic/ dance music facet, which is just briefly explored on Keep the Lights on, with the track “I Like You!” from the 2004 collection Calling Out of Context. Most of Keep the Lights on leans on the two releases World of Echo and Love Is Overtaking Me; the former is Russell’s stunning, singular 1986 album featuring just his vocals, his amplified cello, and an echo box, and the latter is a collection of Russell’s poporiented material with forays into cowboy campfire songs, one of which, “Goodbye Old Paint,” features a distinct (Asian) Indian influence with a tamboura drone and tabla beats. The slowly moving selection from First Thought Best Thought, which documents Russell’s modern classical chamber pop side, is a puzzling one; this writer would have instead picked the moving, transcendental first track from “Instrumentals” Volume 2 to represent the genius of that side of Russell. Of particular interest to fans is the inclusion of the outstanding “Come to Life,” starting with a gentle ramble that weaves itself into a persuasive pop number. It’s not a best-of album, and the uninitiated can simply dive in with one of Audika’s previous releases, based on personal genre preferences; but for the timid who prefer a sort of appetizer sampler platter, it’ll do.


While true invention in music is rare nowadays, new takes on genre-mashing can be refreshing if done properly, and one notable and stimulating example is the album Pacha Affaires Étrangères Affaires Étrangères from the Canadian per(Constellation) cussionist Pierre-Guy Blanchard, a.k.a. Pacha, who draws musical experience from his travels to places including Beirut, Istanbul, and Serbia and frequent collaborations. The material on Affaires Étrangères (which appropriately means “foreign affairs” in French) was expertly home-recorded in 2009 and originally released as a small batch of CD-Rs; for its current manifestation, the music was re-sequenced and remastered, and it’s available both as a part of the new 3-vinyl-LP collection Musique Fragile 02 (alongside two other acts) and individually as a digital download. Blanchard has managed to stake out his own fascinating territory, although a number of acts come to mind when listening to the largely instrumental Affaires Étrangères. The minimalist keyboard vamps evoke the duo Suicide , and the fluttering Middle Eastern twists may appeal to fans of Omar Souleyman’s modern Syrian music. The moments with wandering guitar melodies, played by Jérémie Roy who also contributes bass playing and tape loops, such as the track “Tunel,” bring to mind Sir Richard Bishop in northeast African mode, but not quite as surgically frenetic. Being a percussionist, Blanchard has made the rhythms the backbone of the album, and the tracks “L’Aeroport De Charlo” and “Macedonian Mind” serve as an exciting, intriguing opening salvo. “La Gare De Podgorica” is marked with frantic hand drumming and ghostly atmospherics, including what sounds like a mysterious muted orchestra sample loop, while “Ankara” is busy yet not frazzled, featuring Omar Dewachi playing saz and oud, which are Turkish lutes. The album is solidly interesting and engaging, being an invigorating and sometimes enigmatic percussion-heavy contemporary imagining of east European and Middle Eastern music.



Escape Fire One of my common complaints about Chattanooga is that it exists between two major film markets. Many times we don’t get quality films simply because the tickets are more likely to be sold in Atlanta or Nashville. We get all of the major releases, of course and there is quality film out there; it just doesn’t always get here. Technology, however, is steadily beginning to bridge this gap. This week the documentary Escape Fire: The Fight to Rescue American Healthcare was released wide. It is playing in both Nashville and Atlanta, but not here. To their credit, the filmmakers were wise enough to release the film on iTunes as well, where you can rent it for only $3.99. Not only does this broaden the potential audience, but it also allows for people in our city to join in an important conversation about healthcare. An escape fire is a means of escaping a wildfire by deliberately setting aflame surrounding vegetation in order to rob an approaching dangerous fire of fuel. Escape Fire seeks to encourage something similar in our health care industry – a radical overhaul of the current system to save it from its own well-intentioned destruction. There have been a wide variety of documentaries over the years that point out the flaws in our health care system. Films like Michael Moore’s Sicko advocated sweeping reform through universal healthcare. To Moore, the solution was more government oversight and universal access for all Americans. Escape Fire argues that the entire system is broken, regardless of who pays for it, because it focuses too much on disease management rather than preventative care. It takes aim at everyone – from Medicare’s pay for procedure policies to pharmaceutical companies withholding dangerous information from consumers in order to sell more drugs

to the dangerous power of medical industry lobbying. The premise is that every part of our healthcare industry can be improved, if only we can get out of our own way and remove profit from an industry concerned with healing. Unlike other documentaries on the subject of healthcare, Escape Fire doesn’t simply focus on civilian health. A significant portion of the film shows the problems inherent in military healthcare as well. If the current healthcare system for civilian Americans is collapsing, the military healthcare system has already imploded. The film takes its time following an infantry soldier on the road to recovery, while pointing out that suicide rates among soldiers have risen. A soldier is more likely to die from suicide than in combat. We see how the young man in the film was given a wide variety of narcotics to manage pain, given a wide variety of anti-depressants to manage mood disorders, and given

very little in the way of actual recovery options. His symptoms were managed, but the root of the problems remained. It takes preventative, low-cost methods like acupuncture and meditation to heal him. Ultimately, the film argues that holistic approaches and life style changes that encourage the body to heal itself are far more cost effective and provide better treatments than high tech options like surgery or prescription drugs. The problem is that the healthcare field resists changes of this nature due to a profit driven industry. The health care industry is stuck in a numbers game, forgetting that each number represents a person in need of healing. The documentary clearly states its purpose and provides steps that are needed to move in a better direction. It’s not a complaint, but a conversation, one that is very much worth having. $3.99 isn’t too much to ask for a little information.


Chattanooga Live


THU 10.11 Wednesday • October 10 Soul Mechanic • UV Hippo

Thursday • October 11

Natural Habits • Toxic Shock Syndrom

Friday • October 12

B-DAY BLOW OUT w/ Birdlcloud • Roger Alen Wade • Scum of the Earth SoCro • Planet Hate

Saturday • October 13 Arpetrio • White Noise

Sunday • October 14 Sphynx • White Girl

Monday • October 15 Nim Nims • Orca Team • Mythical Motors

Tuesday • October 16 Blacktusk • Oxxen • Unspoken Triumph Wednesday • October 17 Zoobombs (Japan)

JJ’s Bohemia • 231 E MLK Blvd. 423.266.1400 •


Tim O’Brien 7:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theatre, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 Benefit Show with Natural Habitz, Toxic Shock Syndrome & Strata G 8:00 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400 Not Tonight Josephine with Mobley and Monomath 9:00 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192 Callooh! Callay! with Bearhound 9:00 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192 Uncle Lightnin’ 9:00 p.m. Rhythm and Brews, 221 Market St.

FRI 10.12


11 Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers Show FRI. 9:30p12 SAT. WHO’S BAD: 9:30p13 SINNER OF ATTENTION MON. 9p 15 WED. LERA LYNN 9:30p17 UNCLE LIGHTNIN’


THU. 9p




Band of Horses 7:00 p.m. TRACK29 - Chattanooga Choo Choo Campus, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-4323 Indie Folk Night featuring Concerning Lions, Time Sawyer & Lower Valley Authority 7:30 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081

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BDAY BLOWOUT AT JJ’S BOHEMIA • JJ’s Bohemia celebrates their anniversary with, what else, but an eclectic line-up of some of their favorite performers. Birdcloud, Roger Alan Wade, Scum of the Earth, SoCro and Planet Hate take the stage Friday night for the festivities. FRI 10.12 • 8:00 p.m. • JJ’s Bohemia • 231 East MLK Blvd. • (423) 266-1400 •

Sphynx with White Girl 9:30 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. (423) 266-1400

MON 10.15

Nim Nims, Orca Team & Mythical Motors 9:30 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. Sinner of Attention 10:00 p.m. Rhythm and Brews, 221 Market St. com (423) 266-1400.

TUE 10.16

BLACKTUSK, Oxxen & Unspoken Triumph 7:30 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

RIVERROCKS FINALE’ AT COOLIDGE PARK • From Muscle Shoals, Secret Sisters are getting much deserved attention these days. They signed with T-Bone Burnett who has produced their new, self titled album. The duo will headline Saturday night’s performance at the RiverRocks Finale’ stage at Coolidge Park. SAT 10.13 • 7:00 p.m. • Coolidge Park • 150 River Street • Full performance line-up at

Channing Wilson 8:00 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Dr., Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 BDAY BLOWOUT with Birdcloud, Roger Alan Wade, Scum of the Earth, SoCro & Planet Hate 8:00 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400 Kathy Tugman 8:30 p.m. The Foundry (at the Chattanoogan Hotel), 1201 Broad St. (423) 756-3400 Jenny Holder 9:00 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Bud Lightning 9:00 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533

The Sundogs present: Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers Show featuring Jon Harris 9:30 p.m. Rhythm and Brews, 221 Market St. Queen B & the Well Strung Band 10:00 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878

SAT 10.13

Brock McQuire Band 8:00 p.m. Barking Legs Theatre, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 6245347. Manifest 8:00 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 7028081. Kathy Tugman 8:30 p.m. The Foundry (at the Chattanoogan Hotel),

1201 Broad St. (423) 756-3400. Queen B & the Well Strung Band 9:00 p.m. SKYZOO, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533. Arpetrio with White Noise 9:30 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400 Mark “Porkchop” Holder 10:00 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191. Who’s Bad: The Ultimate Michael Jackson Tribute 10:00 p.m. Rhythm and Brews, 221 Market St.

WED 10.17

Thursday, Oct. 11: 8pm Open Mic with Mark Holder

Friday, Oct. 12: 9pm Jenny Holder

Saturday, Oct. 13: 10pm Mark “Porkchop” Holder

Tuesday, Oct. 16: 7pm

Server Appreciation Night $5 Pitchers $2 Wells $1.50 Domestics All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks! Stop by & check out our daily specials! ●

Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

Chris Gomez & Greg Rudder 9:00 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 4999878. Earphunk with Swift Earl and The Bumper Jacksons 9:00 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192. Zoobombs 9:30 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. Lera Lynn 9:30 p.m. Rhythm and Brews, 221 Market St.

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SUN 10.14 Queen B & the Well Strung Band 1:00 a.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 4999878.

901 Carter St (Inside Days Inn) 423-634-9191

Map these locations at chattanoogapulse. com. Send live music listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@

Full Event Coordination Packages: Starting at $500.00 Holiday Event Packages: Starting at $150 *Wedding Coordination fees not listed above.


HALLOWEEN GUIDE LOCAL HAUNTS Blowing Screams Farm 271 Chattanooga Valley Road, Flintstone, Ga. Hours/Dates: 7 p.m. Every Friday & Saturday in October Tickets: Forest of Fear $15; Ghost Ride $15; $25 for both

Enchanted Maize

271 Chattanooga Valley Road, Flintstone, Ga. Features: “Another Y-Ear of Corny Fun” Hours/Dates: Sept. 20-23 & 27-30; Oct. 4-7, 11-14, 18-21 & 25-28 Tickets: $9 adults; $7 children

Ruby Falls Haunted Cavern

1720 S. Scenic Hwy. Hours/Dates: 8 p.m. Fridays,

PANIC ALERT! The Pulse’s Panic! Halloween Guide will appear each week through Halloween (Oct. 4, 11, 18 and 25). Listings are updated weekly. If you operate a haunted house or event and would like to be listed or your listed event changes, submit information as formatted here and email to Saturdays and Sundays in October & Oct. 31 Tickets: $21 online; $17 Sundays

Halloween Express

7425 Commons Blvd. Large selection of costunes, accessories, props and decorations.

Doc Shock Horror Movie Night

1720 S. Scenic Highway Hours/Dates: 7 p.m. Saturday, Sept. 29; Friday, Oct. 5;


Wednesday, Oct. 31 Tickets: $60

Chattanooga Ghost Tours

100 Walnut St. Features: Walking ghost tours, ghost hunts with the talking Ovilus X and extended tours with an inside visit to a haunted location. Hours/Dates: Walking Ghost Tour 7:30 p.m. nightly; 9 p.m. Thursdays, Fridays & Saturdays in October; Extended Ghost Tour: 7:30 p.m. Thursdays & Saturdays;

Ghost Hunt 9:30 p.m. Fridays & Saturdays Tickets: Tour $14 adults, $9 kids; Hunt $20 adults only

McDonald, Tenn. Hours/Dates: 7 p.m. Oct. 5-6, 12-13, 19-20, 26-27 & Nov. 2-3 Tickets: $15

301 N. Holtzclaw Ave. Hours/Dates: 5:30-8:30 p.m. Oct. 19-20 & 26-27 Tickets: $8.95 adults; $5.95 children

8235 Hwy. 58 Hours/Dates: 7 p.m.-1 p.m. Oct. 5-6, 12-13, 1920 & 26-27 Tickets: $18

Boo in the Zoo

Halloween Eerie Express

Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum 4119 Cromwell Road thehauntedbarnchattanooga. com Hours/Dates: Oct. 12-13, 19-20 & 26-27; trains depart at 5:45 p.m. & 7:45 p.m. Tickets: $22 ages 2 & up

The Haunted Barn 5107 McDonald Road

The Haunted Hilltop

Haunted Depot & Hayride

155 Depot St Ringgold, Ga. Hours/Dates: 7 p.m. Oct. 12-13, 19-20 & 26-27 Tickets: $5 for Depot; $3 for Hayride Mystery Dog Ranch 975 Wooten RoadRinggold, Ga. Features: “The Headless Horseman” Hours/Dates: 7 p.m. Oct. 12-13,

Chattanooga’s Most “Purrfect” Costumes


Sluggo’s North 501 Cherokee Blvd. Hours/Dates: 7:30 p.m. Every Sunday in October. Tickets: $2 (donation) Double Features: • Oct. 7: “Phantasm” and “Maniac” • Oct. 14: “The Beyond” and “Demons” • Oct. 28: “Private Parts” and “Halloween”

BARS & CLUBS The Honest Pint

Open every Friday and Saturday night in October, Rock City’s seasonal haunt offers more than your traditional haunted house experience. They start taking victims at 7:00 pm and continue until the last scream is heard. At the farm, you’ll find the Forest of Fear and the Ghost Ride. Tickets can be combined at $25 dollars for both attractions, or $15 individually. Prepare for an assault on your cerebral cortex, as every sense is tantalized to the extreme. Matt Dutton and his team flex their creativity with such devices as the audio pulsator, the laser beam visuo distractors, and the hilarious yet genius way to separate you from your friends, thus increasing levels of fear.

Hours of Operation Fridays & Saturdays in October Fri/Sat: 7:00 pm - until the last scream is heard

Tickets: Forest of Fears: $15 Haunted Hayride: $15 Two haunt combo - $25 271 Chattanooga Valley Road Flinstone, GA 30725 (706) 820 – 2531

5036 Hyw. 58 Chatt., TN 37416 423-899-4401 Mon-Sat 10 AM til 7 PM

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35 Patten Pkwy. • Oct. 27: 13th Annual All Hallows Eve Bash with The Bohannons, Eight Knives and How I Became The Bomb. Costume contest with cash prize. • Oct. 31: Second Annual Halloween Night Show with Opposite Box, Subterranean Cirqus and Smooth Dialects. Costume contest with cash prize.

Blowing Screams Farm


Sunday Slasher Cinema


meow meow meow meow meow meow

19-20 & 26-27 Tickets: $10


Arts & Entertainment


THU 10.11 Street Food Thursdays 11 a.m. Motor Court at Warehouse Row, 1110 Market St. Yoga Underwater 7 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad St. (423) 402-9960. Five for Five Thursdays at The Foundry 5 p.m. The Chattanoogan Hotel, 1201 South Broad St. (423) 266-5000 Cory Richards 5:30 p.m. Coolidge Park, 150 River Street, Creative Discovery Museum Free Night 5:30 p.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chesnut St. (423) 756-2738, Bobby McMullen Speaking and Film 6:00 p.m. University Center and Auditorium, 615 McCallie Ave, (423) 425-4111, Stand-Up Comedy: Jack Willhite 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233

FRI 10.12 Fresh on Fridays 11 a.m. Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 265-3700 Animals All Around US 2:45 p.m- 3:45 p.m. Chattanooga Arboretum & Nature Center, 400 Garden,(423) 821-1160, Urban Rocks BouldeRave 5-midnight Urban Rocks Gym, 1007 Appling Street, 423-475-6578. Monster Bash 5:30 p.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut


WORKS OF KEVIN BATE AT GALLERY 301 •Kevin Bate’s work has been seen throughout the city with his instantly recognizable mural style on the sides of buildings throughout downtown. At the Gallery 301 opening, Kevin will exhibit his works on canvas. -Opening night reception for the iconic works of Kevin Bate. FRI 10.12 • 5 p.m. - Gallery 301 - 301 Cherokee Blvd. - (423) 531-7411 -

St. (423) 756-2738, Halloween Eerie Express 5:45 p.m. Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum, 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-8028 The Works of Kevin Bate at Gallery 301 5 p.m. Gallery 301, 301 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 531-7411. Mystery Dog Ranch Haunted Hayride 7 p.m.-11 p.m. Mystery Dog Ranch, 975 Wooten Rd. Ringgold, GA (423) 902-5183, Sir Gooney’s Haunted Carnival of Nightmares 7 p.m. Sir Gooney’s, 5918 E. Brainerd Road. (423) 892-5922. The Haunted Hilltop 7 p.m. The Haunted Hilltop, 8235 Highway 58. (423) 488-3956. Stand-Up Comedy: Jack Willhite 7:30 p.m./10:00 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. God of Carnage 8:00 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8538. Ruby Falls Lantern Tours 8:30 p.m. 1720 South Scenic Highway. (423) 821-2544. Pro Stand-Up with Mikey Mason and Mike Bobbit 9:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839.

SAT 10.13 Ram Run 7:30 a.m. First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter St. page/programs/culture-fest

Football at the Falls (Sept. Sat/Sun) All Day (8 a.m.-8 p.m.) Ruby Falls, 1720 South Scene Highway. (423) 821-2544. ChattaJack 31 8:00 a.m. Coolidge Park, 150 River Street, River Market 10 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad St. (423) 402-9960 Thrills, Gills and Chills 10 a.m.-8 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad St. (423) 402-9960. Bark in the Park 10 am-3 p.m. Heritage Park, 1428 Jenkins Rd. (423) 855-8474 Edible Landscaping Workshop 10 a.m.- noon Crabtree Farms, 1000 East 30th Street (423) 493-9155

River St. (423) 267-8538. River Rocks Finale: Sculpute Burn with Andrew Nigh 9:00 p.m. Coolidge Park, 150 River Street, Pro Stand-Up with Mikey Mason and Mike Bobbit 10:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839.

SUN 10.14

BEAUTY IS EMBARRASSING - FILM AND Q&A • ‘Beauty Is Embarrassing’ is a documentary about Chattanooga native artist Wayne White. The film has garnered a ton of awards and accolades at screenings throughout the country. The Saturday and Sunday 6:50 screenings will feature Wayne himself for a Q&A after the film. SAT 10.13/SUN 10.14 • 6:50 p.m. - Carmike Wynnsong 10 - 2210 Gunbarrel Road. - Wynnsong 10 phone: (423) 855-1005 - Film website:

Hike to Laurel Falls 10:00-3:30 Tennessee Aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad St. (423) 402-9960. River Rocks Finale 11-6 p.m. Coolidge Park, 150 River Street, Urban Nature 10k 11:30 a.m. Stringers Ridge, 488 E. Midvale Ave ChickStock12 12:00 p.m. Greenway Farms, 5051 Gann Store Road. (423) 643-6888. The BIG Picnic 12:00 p.m. Coolidge Park, 150 River Street, Rocktoberfest 12:00-5:00 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout, GA, 800-854-067 Banana Ball 6:30 p.m. Chattanooga Zoo, 301 North Holtzclaw

Avenue (423) 697-1322, Monster Bash 5:30 p.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 756-2738, Halloween Eerie Express 5:45 p.m. Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum, 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-8028 Hot Air Balloon Tethered Rides presented by BlueCross BlueShield 6:00 p.m. Coolidge Park, 150 River Street, Star Party 6-10 p.m. Chattanooga Arboretum & Nature Center, 400 Garden,(423) 821-1160, Ruby Hurley Image Awards 7:00 p.m. Tivoli Theater, 709 Broad St. (423) 642-TIXS Sir Gooney’s Haunted Carnival of Nightmares

7 p.m. Sir Gooney’s, 5918 E. Brainerd Road. (423) 892-5922. The Haunted Hilltop 7 p.m. The Haunted Hilltop, 8235 Highway 58. (423) 488-3956. River Rocks Finale: Gig City Entertainment 7:00 p.m. Coolidge Park, 150 River Street, Stand-Up Comedy: Jack Willhite 7:30/10:00 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. Mike Epps: I’m Still Standing 8:00 p.m. Soldiers and Sailors Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave, (423) 757-5156, God of Carnage 8:00 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400

Downtown Kayak Tour 9 a.m. Outdoor Chattanooga, 200 River St. (423) 643-6888 Chattanooga Market: Live United 11 a.m. First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter St. (423) 402-9960 Jazz Brunch with The Dave Walters Trio 11 a.m. 212 Market Restaurant, 212 Market St. (423) 265-1212

TUE 10.16 Rapid Learning Roll Practice 5:30 p.m. Greenway Farms, 5051 Gann Store Road (423) 643-6888 Live Team Trivia 7:30 p.m. BrewHaus, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 531-8490

Map these locations at chattanoogapulse. com. Send calendar listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@



“One of the top 10 ghost tours in the country” — TripAdvisOr.cOm RICHARD WINHAM

50 years ago today



Janie T. Shetter

Nationwide Insurance

300 Ashland Terrace • (423) 877-7576 Janie Shetter Insurance Agent


It was 50 years ago this month that The Beatles’ first single made it to the air. After years of dingy clubs in Liverpool and Hamburg, the band felt that their work was finally beginning to pay off. They had a record and they were sure it was going to seal their fortunes. It didn’t. “Love Me Do” made it as far as number 17 on the pop charts that fall, but their big break was still a few months away. As the 2012 BBC radio documentary, Love Me Do: The Beatles ’62, put it, when “Please Please Me” was released in January 1963, “a monochrome world had suddenly turned to color—the 60’s had begun.” Through 1962, their new manager, Brian Epstein, had been grooming the band for the break he knew was imminent. But the year began badly. Epstein had gotten them an audition with Decca Records on New Year’s Day. The band, Lennon, McCartney, Harrison, and drummer Pete Best, had made the eighthour drive down from Liverpool to London the day before. Epstein had clearly intended for them to arrive at Decca the following morning fresh and ready to impress, but they arrived next morning for the audition late and hung-over. The label turned them down. But, according to the BBC documentary, it wasn’t Dick Rowe, the head of A&R for Decca, who passed on The Beatles. The man actually responsible for rejecting The Beatles was Rowe’s hapless assistant, Brian Smith. Smith had produced the

session in which the young hopefuls had sung many of the songs from their stage act, including covers ranging from The Coasters’ “Three Cool Cats” to mainstream pop songs such as the unlikely “Besame Mucho.” Epstein wanted to show the band’s “versatility,” but their performance didn’t distinguish them. Rowe gave Smith the option of signing either The Beatles or a London-based band, Brian Poole and the Tremeloes. Smith opted for the latter. According to Bill Harry, editor of Merseybeat, the local weekly championing the burgeoning music scene in Liverpool, The Beatles, pre-Epstein, “were wilder than The Rolling Stones ever were.” Wearing leather jackets and blue jeans, they were ringers for The Ramones around the time of their first album. Epstein sent them to a hairstylist and to an upscale, Liverpool tailor to be measured for mohair suits for “the posh look.” “No more chewing gum on stage,” Epstein instructed. “No more taking requests from fans in the audience, and I want you to bow and smile at the end of your set.” It may have been 1962, but the music business was still mired in the conservative mores of the

1950’s. But, according to Klaus Voorman, one of The Beatles’ closest friends in Hamburg, as they gained mainstream polish, they lost some of their essential rock ‘n’ roll grit. Lennon reportedly said, The Beatles’ finest and most exciting work was never recorded. Like Epstein, producer George Martin takes some heat in the documentary, in his case for initiating what some consider another particularly damning decision. Epstein had arranged for the band to audition for Martin at EMI’s Abbey Road studios in the summer of 1962. They played four songs, including “Love Me Do,” which Martin thought was the “best of the bunch,” but he didn’t like Best’s drumming. The other three, apparently concerned that they might again be turned down, decided to bounce Best from the band, replacing him with Ringo Starr, widely regarded as one of the best drummers in Liverpool at the time. That we’re still talking about The Beatles 50 years later is a testament to their game-changing impact, but the compromises they made to make it are telling. Within a few years they had regained control of their image and their work, but for a time even the Beatles had to abide by the starmaking machinery. Richard Winham is the host and producer of WUTC-FM’s afternoon music program and has observed the Chattanooga music scene for more than 25 years.


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Free Will Astrology LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): A sinuous

and shimmering archetype that begins with the letter “s” has been trying to catch your attention, Leo -- sometimes in subliminal and serpentine ways. Why haven’t you fully tuned in yet? Could it be because you’re getting distracted by mildly entertaining but ultimately irrelevant trivia? I’m hoping to shock you out of your erroneous focus. Here’s the magic trigger code that should do the trick: Psssssssssst! Now please do what you can to make yourself very receptive to the slippery, spidery signals of the simmeringly sublime surge.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Don’t

burn down a bridge you haven’t finished building yet. OK, Virgo? Don’t try to “steal” things that already belong to you, either. And resist the urge to flee from creatures that are not even pursuing you. Catch my drift? Stop yourself anytime you’re about to say nasty things about yourself behind your own back, and avoid criticizing people for expressing flaws that you yourself have, and don’t go to extraordinary lengths to impress people you don’t even like or respect. This is a phase of your astrological cycle when you should put an emphasis on keeping things simple and solid and stable.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Hello Dear Sir: I would like to place a large order for yellow chicken curry, cherry cream cheese cupcakes, and sour, malty Belgian golden ale. It’s for my birthday party this Saturday, and will need to serve exactly 152 people. My agent will pick it up at 11 a.m. Please have it ready on time. - Ms. Lori Chandra.” Dear Ms. Chandra: I am an astrologer, not a caterer, so I’m afraid I can’t fulfill your order. It’s admirable that you know so precisely what you want and are so authoritative about trying to get it; but please remember how crucial it is to seek the fulfillment of your desires from a source that can actually fulfill them. Your birthday is this week? Thanks for giving me an excuse to send this timely message to all of your fellow Libras.


(Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Here comes the big reveal of the month; the trick ending of the year; and maybe the most unusual happiness of the decade. Any day now you will get the chance to decipher the inside story that’s beneath the untold story that’s hidden within the secret story. I won’t be surprised if one of your most sophisticated theories about the nature of reality gets cracked, allowing you to at recover at least a measure of primal innocence. I suggest you



start practicing the arts of laughing while you cry and crying while you laugh right now. That way you’ll be all warmed up when an old style of give-and-take comes to an end, ultimately making way for a more profound new give-and-take.


(Nov. 22-Dec. 21): There’s almost nothing about the dandelion that humans can’t make use of. People of many different countries have eaten its buds, leaves, and greens. It contains high levels of several vitamins and minerals, its flowers are the prime ingredient in dandelion wine, and its roots have been turned into a coffee substitute. Herbalists from a variety of traditions have found medicinal potency in various parts of the plant. Last but not least, dandelions are pretty and fun to play with! In the coming weeks, Sagittarius, I invite you to approach the whole world as if it were a dandelion. In other words, get maximum use and value out of every single thing with which you interact.


(Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “Intellect confuses intuition,” asserted painter Piet Mondrian. I don’t think that’s always true, even for creative artists. But in the coming week I suspect it’ll be important for you to take into consideration. So make sure you know the difference between your analytical thinking and your gut-level hunches, and don’t let your thinking just automatically override your hunches. Here’s more helpful advice from painter Robert Genn: “The job of the intellect is to give permission to the intuition, and it’s the job of intuition to know when intellect is once again appropriate.”


(Jan. 20-Feb. 18): It’s time to seek help from outside the magic circle you usually stay inside. You need to call on people, animals and deities who can offer useful interventions and delightful serendipity and unexpected deliverance. The remedies that work for you most of the time just won’t be applicable in the coming days. I’m not saying that you are facing a dire predicament; not at all. What I’m suggesting is that the riddles you will be asked to solve are outside the purview of your customary guides and guidelines.


(Feb. 19-March 20): These days lobsters are regarded as a luxury food, but that wasn’t the case among early Americans. In the 17th and 18th centuries, the large crustaceans were meals that were thought to be suitable only for poor people and prisoners. Wealthy folks wouldn’t touch the

stuff. I think there could very well be a rags-to-riches story in your future in which an ignored or denigrated thing ascends to a more important role.


(March 21-April 19): Ten percent of all sexually suggestive text messages are delivered to the wrong number. Take precautions to make sure you’re not among that ten percent in the coming weeks. The stakes will be higher than usual. Togetherness is likely to either become more intensely interesting or else more intensely confusing -- and it’s largely up to you which direction it goes. For best results, express yourself clearly and with maximum integrity.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): If it

were within my power, I’d help you identify the new feelings you have not yet been able to understand. I would infuse you with the strength you would need to shed the wornout delusions that are obstructing your connection to far more interesting truths. Alas, I can’t make this happen all by myself. So I hope you will rise to the occasion and perform these heroic feats under your own power.


(May 21-June 20): Dutch graphic artist M.C. Escher (1898-1972) was a Gemini. He liked to depict seemingly impossible structures, like stairways in which people who climbed to the top arrived at the bottom. I nominate him to be your patron saint in the coming week. Here are three Escher quotes you can feel free to use as your own. 1. “Are you really sure that a floor can’t also be a ceiling?” 2. “My work is a game, a very serious game.” 3. “Only those who attempt the absurd will achieve the impossible.”

CANCER (June 21-July 22): The

Venus flytrap is a remarkable plant that gobbles up insects and spiders. Its leaves do the dirty work, snapping shut around its unsuspecting prey. Evolution has made sure that the flowers of the Venus flytrap sit atop a high stalk at a safe distance from where all the eating takes place. This guarantees that pollinators visiting the flowers don’t get snagged by the carnivorous leaves below. So the plant gets both of its main needs met: a regular supply of food and the power to disseminate its seeds. I’ll ask you to derive a lesson from all this, Cancerian. Be sure that in your eagerness to get the energy you need, you don’t interfere with your ability to spread your influence and connect with your allies.

Jonesin’ Crossword


“Fore and Aff”--you’re surrounded. ACROSS

1. 1972 Bill Withers hit 6. “Hair” co-author James 10. “The Naked ___” (Goya painting) 14. Their fight song says “There goes old Georgetown” 15. Dedicated poems 16. Fits of anger 17. Fancy sleeve adornment 19. “___ not good, I’ll call you back” 20. In an aerodynamic way 21. Home of a Herculean lion 22. “I ___ the fool who...” 24. Badminton divider 25. He preceded Jimmy 26. Like factory second clothing: abbr. 27. Table scrap (hidden in PORTABLE) 28. Elevated flat top 29. When doubled, a Teletubby 30. Financial coinage in 2012 headlines

35. Grammywinner Baker 37. Make eggs 38. Ed of “Up” 39. Ate the rest of 42. Forbes 400 member, often 43. What some rings read 44. Inc., in Paris 45. “Deep Space Nine” shapeshifter 46. Humanoid creature 49. Three-letter diner order 50. “Hey, over here!” 51. “Barracuda” band 52. Send the family newsletter, say 54. Prefix meaning “within” 55. “And don’t try any ___!” 58. Query to Brutus 59. “___ Love Her” 60. Pole dance? 61. Picks up the tab 62. Anjou alternative 63. ___ a million


1. “Weird Al” Yankovic movie 2. Group of Greeks: abbr. 3. It may be caused by too much screen time 4. Macho 5. Ending for coal or opal 6. Device used in speed tests 7. “[___ swim]” 8. Go against 9. Annual Ashland event, for short 10. They make hard water hard 11. Bakery draw 12. Amethyst or turquoise 13. Syria’s president 18. Painter Matisse 21. Brand near the Sanka 22. Rice side 23. Tabriz resident 25. Toothpaste variety 27. Categorized similarly 28. Minnesota medical group 31. Heel 32. All dressed up, perhaps

33. News sources 34. ___ Loops 36. Fearful 40. Blanket stealer 41. How marathon runners walk around 46. Baby bird sound 47. Gossipmonger 48. Totally bonkers 49. Battle groups? 50. Vladimir of Russia 52. Monocular character on “Yo Gabba Gabba!” 53. Capitol on a fjord 55. Awesome 56. J. Edgar Hoover ran it 57. Sprint calling card from the 1980s

Jonesin’ Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2012 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0585. CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • OCT. 11-17, 2012 • THE PULSE • 21

Life in the Noog


Park at Will RECENTLY THE CITY ANNOUNCED THAT CARTA HAS TURNED OVER parking enforcement duties to third party administrator Republic Parking starting this month. Seems that our City administration and CARTA are having trouble keeping up with the demand of placing revenue-generating yellow slips on cars illegally parked or those sitting next to expired meters. The revenue derived from parking citations last year was about $480,000ish. CARTA will now pay Republic Parking a flat fee of $20-some-odd-thousand annually for the next five years plus expenses, including salaries for parking enforcement personnel, in order to singlehandedly handle meter maid duties. The remaining monies collected will go straight to the City. According to officials, these types of arrangements with private administrators are becoming more and more typical in cities across the country. Meter maids are quite possibly one of the most hated species of our genus. It’s widely known that they eat their young. I mean, really, you’d have to have that sort of heartless demeanor to justify a career of handing out $11 tickets to poor, mean-well souls who couldn’t make it back to their meter just in time to drop another quarter in. Maybe that’s why CARTA and Republic Parking also announced that they’ve come up with a new breed of meter maid they call - “ambassadors.” In addition to cracking down on parking scoff laws with ticket book and wheel boot at the ready, these dogooders will also have in their enforcement arsenal informative pamphlets on tourist attractions, hotels and restaurants in the downtown area. I can see it now:


TOURIST: “What are you doing? The meter expired as I was walking up to my car!” AMBASSADOR: “Sorry sir, just a helpful city ambassador doing my job. Oh, I see you’re from Kansas. I have an uncle in Topeka.” TOURIST: “We’re from KC, just down here visiting you’re amazing downtown and ‘makin’ it rain’ in your local economy with thousands of dollars including – let me see that - $11 to Republic Parking, whoever that is.” AMBASSADOR: “In addition to the citation, here’s a brochure on the Lost Sea and might I suggest a nice place for dinner?” It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you don’t feed meters or park illegally then you’re setting yourself up for a costly citation or, if you’ve already accumulated three unpaid fines, the boot. But that doesn’t lessen our inherent disdain for finding those yellow bastards on our windshield when we didn’t want to get up in the middle of our movie at the Majestic just to donate another quarter to the City – no matter how friendly the Ambassadors are.

Part of the problem is that pay lots, also owned and operated by Republic Parking, have the perception of being too expensive. I don’t care if a lot space is as cheap as $3, we will circle the block for hours just to find that meter spot that takes a shitload of quarters. And when the time allotted by those quarters runs out, we better be at the ready to pump another shitload of quarters in or we’ll get an $11 ticket. Meanwhile that $3 lot space with no time limit sits there right next to our meter, empty. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an advocate of pay lots. In fact, I’m not an advocate of paying to park at all. I live here. I know where you can park without paying. And if that’s not an option, I know the cheapest spots to park my ride. But I do miss the days back in the 80’s when you didn’t have to be so careful. In fact I don’t think I ever bothered to feed a meter until that damn Aquarium opened. That’s one thing New Yorkers don’t have to bother with – parking meters. You won’t find them there. I guess the thinking there is, “hey, if you can find a place to park, you deserve it for as long as you want.” I wish the same were true around here. Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are his own.

D E R O S N CE 45 minutes of foul-mouthed fun. Sweat more than you ever thought possible.


Get Dirty. Fridays, 5:15 p.m. at Thrive

Thrive Studio also offers yoga, general fitness classes and custom personal training.

Thrive Studio • 191 River St. • 423.800.0676 • Facebook/ThriveStudio • Twitter: @thrivestudio1

Thrive Studio—Healthy Bodies, Happy Minds CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • OCT. 11-17, 2012 • THE PULSE • 23

Oct. 11-17, 2012 Vol. 9 Issue 41  

Oct. 11-17, 2012 Vol. 9 Issue 41

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