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Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

FREE • News, Views, Music, Film, Arts & Entertainment • September 9, 2010 • Volume 7, Issue 36 •

President Jim Brewer, II Publisher Zachary Cooper Contributing Editor Janis Hashe News Editor / Art Director Gary Poole Advertising Manager Rhonda Rollins Advertising Sales Rick Leavell, Jonathan Susman, Townes Webb Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier Staff Photographer Louis Lee Contributing Writers Gustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny Chuck Crowder, Michael Crumb John DeVore, Joshua Hurley Matt Jones, D.E. Langley, Tara Morris-Viland, Ernie Paik Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D. Gary Poole, Alex Teach Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Calendar Editors Bryanna Burns, Josh Lang Editorial Assistant Sean Lee Contact Info: Phone (423) 265-9494 Fax (423) 266-2335 Email Inquiries Calendar Submissions The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

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Brewer Media 1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity. Please keep letters within 300 words in length. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.



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Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

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12 THE HEALER WITHING By Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D. When I was 20, I suffered a skiing accident that badly tore the meniscus in my left knee. I remember woozily looking down at my oddly bent leg, and feeling the most excruciating pain I’d felt before or since. There I was, thousands of feet up, in the snow, leaning on friends and wondering how I was going to get down the mountain.

feature stories 16 AHLEUCHATISTAS ERUPTS By Janis Hase In March 2010, the ears present at Knoxville’s Big Ears Festival were wooed by the sounds of the newest configuration of the music project Ahleuchatistas. Pronounced AH-LOO-CHA-TEES-TAS, the Ashville, N.C.based project is now a duet.

24 HOPPING AROUND DOWNTOWN & BEYOND By Michael Crumb Although September 11 has become an anniversary of remembrance of the terrorist attacks of 2001, we should also recall that artistic expression celebrates visions that enable our deeper appreciation of life, of peace, of tolerance, and of cultural accomplishment.

31 MACHETE: HEADS WILL ROLL By John DeVore When we were promised Machete as a coming feature during Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino’s Grindhouse, I didn’t actually expect it to be made

news & views 5 6 10 20 28 34


everything else 4 4 9 9 17 18 25 27 27 32 33


Letters to the Editor Buying The Nuclear Farm If you think spending the $8 billion on the Alabama plant without generating one watt of electricity is wasteful, then please ask Lamar Alexander to support Smart Grid Technology and get us on a sustainable path. The TVA board should wait until the new board appointees are “on board” before they dedicate our money to an out dated, costly nuclear program. The people who mine uranium have a life span of 45 years. You are connected to this deadly practice when TVA throws money down the nuclear sink hole for your electricity. TVA, ChattState and UTC received a grant to train Smart Grid Technicians. Now it is our turn to urge Lamar Alexander to steer us on a sustainable course. How else can we prevent the TVA board from throwing away our money and denying our bright green scientists, technicians, manufacturers and contractors the funding to move us into this century: the urban century. Jeannie Cerulean This article was fabulous [“Shades Of Green”]. It is the best explanation I have ever read of nuclear power—its huge high-dollar cost to the taxpayers and the high-risk cost

in health, safety, and the environment for the communities in which it is located. This should be in the New York Times, Washington Post, and every major newspaper in the country. Barbara O’Neal The Real Blue Line Movies and television do not tell the real story. Your experience is the real thing. I am glad it turned out well. Good job, Alex! Deputy Jim Cox Wythe County Sheriff ’s Office And the congregation said, “Amen!” Nicely done, Officer Teach. Kelley G Miller More Gang Trouble Why doesn’t the Chattanooga police department bring in the Feds and have them handle these gangs? Treat them just like the Mafia was treated and lock these criminals up with the Racketeering Influenced and Corrupt Organizations act—RICO for short—so that they can impose stiffer penalties against these thugs who are assaulting our citizens. It provides

stiffer penalties for acts as part of a criminal organization such as the Mafia and gangs. That’s how they got rid of the Mafia in New York. We definitely need to get tough with these gangbangers who are terrorizing our city. In Chicago, they called the gang leaders together and told them that if killings were traced back to the gangs that they would be arrested under the RICO act. Sounds good to me because the gangs are getting completely out of hand here. Susan Nicholas Vinyl vs CD vs Chuck I found Mr. Crowder’s recent comments on vinyl records to be insulting, narrow-minded and immature. To call vinyl-lovers “suckers” is childish language fit only for a playground. To describe all records as “static-laden, scratchy, wobbly hunk[s] of petroleum” is —a well-cared for vinyl album will be free of all these defects and should play all the way through problem-free. Anyway, Mr. Crowder argues a moot point—CDs are quickly becoming obsolete with the advent of MP3s. I doubt that CDs will ever experience a renaissance in the way records have. Doug Saldana

Send all letters to the editor and questions to We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.


The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 36 | September 9, 2010 |

Pulse Beats

Quote Of The Week:

A rundown of the newsy, the notable, and the notorious...

“I haven’t seen a city or a county with a revenue problem. They have spending problems.” —Dalton Mayor David Pennington, after announcing plans for a third consecutive tax rate decrease for the North Georgia city.

Chattanooga Crime Is Down—And Up The good news is that according to FBI data, crime in the city of Chattanooga is down over the last five years. The bad news is that crime is up in other parts of the region and Chattanooga continues to have one of the highest crime rates of U.S. cities with 100,000 or more people—eleventh in 2009, based on preliminary data for that year,” said David Eichenthal, President of the Ochs Center for Metropolitan Studies. Between 2003 and 2008, violent crime decreased by 5 percent in Chattanooga and increased by 2.8 percent in the rest of the Metropolitan Statistical Area (MSA). Property crime declined by 1.7 percent in Chattanooga and increased by 4.6 percent in the rest of the MSA. While crime in Chattanooga is down, FBI Uniform Crime Report data from 2008 show that the city—which accounts for approximately one-third of the population in the metropolitan area—had 58 percent of the region’s property crime and 61 percent of violent crime. Within Hamilton County, five subregions, out of a total of 36, accounted for a disproportionate amount of crime. Ridgedale/Oak Grove/Clifton Hills, Bushtown/Highland Park, South Chattanooga, Downtown and Amnicola/East Chattanooga accounted for 14.2 percent of the county population, but 40 percent of robberies, 41 percent of aggravated assaults, 32 percent of simple assaults, 31 percent of burglaries and vandalism, and 40 percent of drug offenses. Other subregions have experienced increases in crime rates over the last five years, placing them in the top five highest crime rates for specific offenses: Dupont/Murray Hills and Woodmore/Dalewood for robbery; Brainerd for burglary; and Soddy-Daisy for drug offenses. “When we talk about crime—and the response to crime— we shouldn’t just focus on the police, in Chattanooga or throughout the region. What happens to offenders after they are arrested is also an important issue. After all, out of over 18,000 arrests in Hamilton County last year, only 339 offend-

ers went to prison,” said Eichenthal. “More offenders came home from prison to Hamilton County than went to prison in 2009. At the same time, a large portion of local jail beds are being used to incarcerate misdemeanants awaiting trial.” Since 2006, arrests in Hamilton County have decreased by 16 percent to 18,068 in 2009. Ten offenses account for more than half of all arrests in Hamilton County: drug/ narcotic violations, simple assault, shoplifting, DUI, family non-violent offenses, aggravated assault, drunkenness, disorderly conduct, bad checks, and burglary. Arrestees were disproportionately men, African American and between the ages of 18 and 44. In 2009, among offenders going to prison from Hamilton County, most were men (89 percent), African American (53 percent) and between 25 and 44 years old (55 percent). Benchmark data also show that other Tennessee cities— Knoxville, Memphis and Nashville—also had high crime rates when compared to other U.S. cities. The State of the Region Public Safety Report is available at www.ochscenter. org/socrr_publicsafety.php

Walk or Ride, But Leave The Car At Home The National Center for Bicycling & Walking (NCBW) will come to Chattanooga next week (Sept. 13-17) for the annual Pro Walk/Pro Bike conference. This year’s theme, “Bringing Livable Communities and Regions to Scale,” will help attract a diverse representation of community planners, engineers, transportation and elected officials, as well as those concerned with the environment, public health and energy policies. The conference will bring more than 600 people to town with an estimate economic impact of nearly $400,000, making it North America’s premier conference on walking, biking, and livability. Attendees will be able to choose from more than 70 panel sessions on bicycling and walking issues, and a host of mobile workshops over the course of the conference. With attendees coming from all 50 states, as well as from Canada, Mexico and further abroad, Chattanooga Bicycle Coordinator Philip Pugliese notes that regional participation is very important for the goals of the conference. “Local attendees are vital to the success,” says Pugliese. “As we showcase Chattanooga’s accomplishments for sustainable transportation, we will also be learning from other communities on how best to prepare for the future, both locally and regionally.” In addition to the regularly scheduled panel sessions and mobile workshops, there will also be a special conference session on creating a more livable Chattanooga, geared towards local leadership, hosted by the Active Living Transportation Network, Choose Chattanooga and the Pioneering Healthy Communities initiative. To learn more about the conference or register, visit | September 9, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 36 | The Pulse


Beyond The Headlines

Park It And Mark A Park

By Janis Hashe

“The original PARK stood in place for two hours—the term of the lease offered on the face of the parking meter.”



n September 19, 2008, downtown Chattanoogans were somewhat mystified to discover tiny mini-parks had sprung up overnight in city parking places. They’re baaaak—for the third year. Prepare for PARK (ing) Day 2010 on September 17, as CreateHere teams up with Outdoor Chattanooga to host and facilitate the now global event. “PARK(ing) Day gives us the opportunity to demonstrate how more urban green space would make an indelible impact on the way we live, work, and play in Chattanooga and across the country,” says

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Helen Davis Johnson, co-founder and creative strategist at CreateHere. “We’re one of many cities participating and we get to demonstrate the local flavor, personality, and imagination we have in Chattanooga as it pertains to urban green space.” In 2009, more than 700 “parks” were created in 140 cities in 21 countries on six continents. But the origins of PARK (ing) Day were quite modest. The idea began in San Francisco in 2005 when an art and design studio named Rebar transformed a single metered parking space into a temporary public park in a section of the city that was lacking public space. According to Rebar, “The great majority of San Francisco’s downtown outdoor space is dedicated to movement and storage of private vehicles, while only a fraction of that space is allocated to serve a broader range of public needs. Paying the meter of a parking space [enabled us] to lease precious urban real estate on a short-term basis. The PARK(ing) project was created to explore the range of possible activities for this short-term lease, and to provoke a critical examination of the values that generate the form of urban public space." The first PARK(ing) project in 2005 transformed a single metered parking space into a temporary public park in an area of San Francisco the city had designated as lacking open public space. The original PARK stood in place for two hours—the term of the lease offered on the face of the parking meter. When the meter expired, Rebar “rolled up the sod, packed away the bench and the tree, and gave the block a good sweep, and left.” A few weeks later, as a single iconic photo of the project traveled across the web, Rebar began receiving

requests to create the PARK(ing) project in other cities. Rather than replicate the same installation, the studio decided to promote the project as an “open-source” project, and created a how-to manual to empower people to create their own parks without the active participation of Rebar. And thus PARK(ing) Day was born. The project continues to expand to include interventions and experiments well beyond the basic “tree-bench-sod” park typology first modeled by Rebar. In recent years, participants have built free health clinics, planted temporary urban farms, produced ecology demonstrations, held political seminars, built art installations, opened free bike repair shops and even held a wedding ceremony. So—who knows what will be parking in Chattanooga on September 17? You’ll just have to get out there and see for yourself. Less than two weeks ago CreateHere hosted City R&D, a summit of 40 of Chattanooga’s best and brightest minds that focused on issues of connectivity in the city. One of four primary discussions at City R&D was the use of public parking areas to generate interest in the local economy and to build community. The mission of PARK(ing) Day, as stated on, fits perfectly with this vision: “to call attention to the need for more urban open space, to generate critical debate around how public space is created and allocated, and to improve the quality of urban human habitat.” For more information about PARK(ing) Day and to read about its inspiring history, visit To participate in Chattanooga’s PARK(ing) Day or for more information about CreateHere, visit www. or e-mail | September 9, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 36 | The Pulse



The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 36 | September 9, 2010 |

A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

• No matter how tempting it may be, never take the law into your own hands. A local high school teacher is in trouble after holding nine teens at gunpoint. The 45-year-old teacher called the law after he heard gunshots coming from the cemetery near his home. When deputies got to the scene, they found him holding a gun on the teenagers. The teens said they were at the cemetery checking out a ghost story they had just read on the Internet, but when they tried to leave, they said that the teacher blocked their exit with his vehicle and threatened them with a rifle. The teacher was arrested on charges of aggravated assault and false imprisonment. • It seems a Cleveland man wanted to go into the landscaping business, but didn’t want to invest his own money. Bradley County Detectives arrested a 38 year old for theft, burglary and vandalism after it is believed the man cut locks on three different county properties and helped himself to a van, a trailer, an ATV and lots of lawn-care equipment. The van was located in Sequatchie County

by deputies. During the investigation, all three crime scenes were tied together, with the same suspect as the common factor. He was arrested under a wide variety of charges, including auto burglary, vandalism, and both theft over $1,000 and theft under $500. Bradley County Sheriff Tim Gobble expressed appreciation to the Sequatchie County Sheriff ’s Office and the Dunlap Police Department for their assistance recovering the stolen property. • A 13-year-old boy at the Creative Arts Center said he just wanted his friends to think he was cool. That’s why he brought a bag of marijuana to the facility. The boy says he got the bag from another person for the purpose of impressing his friends. His friends were probably very impressed when the boy was carted off by Chattanooga police officers. He was eventually cited for possession and released to his parents. Whom we are sure were just as impressed as his friends, but in a much better position to express their appreciation more directly.

The List Random Lady Gaga Tweets

• A Chattanooga man has been charged with kidnapping…after a botched furniture delivery. A 76-yearold man was expecting his new bed to be delivered to his home, but when the delivery truck got there, something was wrong with the order. The man then allegedly pulled a gun from his desk drawer and forced the two delivery men into an SUV and told them to drive him to Hamilton Place Mall. However, before the pistol-packing senior citizen and his victims could enter the mall, they were stopped by police. The man is now facing charges of aggravated assault, kidnapping and possession of an unlawful weapon. It is unknown if he ever got the correct bed delivered.

• Little monsters heart I keep, and as I lay me down to sleep, I dream of rainbow roads to love, for now New York city’s my drug • Nothin like watchin Maiden videos with a Jameson diet in my paw. Is it considered studio rehab if it involves inspirational hairmoves+booze? • I see Love in Black and White. Passion in shades of “Gris”. But when it comes to You and I, Color is all I see. • I push harder, dance longer, bleed stronger. I don’t want the greatest KISS tribute band of all time, I want the real band. I want KISS. • I would stare into the brightlights and imagine I could do anything. Be anything. And I would tell myself it would be me up there one day. The mind of a modern pop star. | September 9, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 36 | The Pulse


Shrink Rap

By Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D

A Labor (Day) Of Love

Editor’s note: We are reprinting a “best of ” Shrink Rap from last year.

On a bit of a whim I was able

“Perhaps we need more of these opportunities for freedom and permission to take a deep breath and ask, ‘What parts of me haven’t been getting enough of my focus lately, and need some nurturing?’” Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, minister, and educator, in private practice in Chattanooga, and the author of “Empowering the Tribe” and “The Power of a Partner.” Visit his new wellness center, Well Nest, at www., and his web site at


to take off for the recent Labor Day weekend and drive to one of Tennessee’s beautiful state parks. I called a friend to meet me, packed up the truck with some provisions (including Betty Lou the wonder pup), and headed out. I really cherish these little getaways, these wanderings, as part of a healthy prescription for mental well-being. It’s a way to provide balance to living in a hectic world, and perhaps gain some perspective on any build up of worries or concerns that are a natural part of life. Specifically, I find that little breaks throughout the year can serve to: 1. Provide some fresh scenery and surroundings in which to exhale and physically de-stress. 2. Allow for the mind to settle down, to ponder, and let thoughts, creative ideas, and answers arise naturally. 3. Offer a different way of life, if only for a few days, where there are no concerns about mowing the lawn, running errands, or any of the usual “to-do’s.” In just a few days I was able to explore nature, eat some hearty Southern cooking,

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have great conversations, spend quality meditative time alone, enjoy meeting new people, swim, read, and just relax. It isn’t that I can’t enjoy similar experiences at home, but there’s something about being away that offers a kind of freedom. Maybe it’s about feeling the permission to “just be”, whatever that may mean at any given moment. In this moment I want to be a hiker. Then later I’ll be a reader. Then a sleeper. Then…whatever feels good and right in that moment. Pretty nice, right? Perhaps we need more of these opportunities for freedom and permission to take a deep breath and ask, “What parts of me haven’t been getting enough of my focus lately, and need some nurturing, or need to come up from the dusty depths for some fresh air? Are there areas of confusion, worry, sorrow, or pain that I’ve been ignoring? Have I not been a very good friend to myself? Can I now give myself a little lovin’, a bit of kindness and attention? If I don’t do it here and now, if I don’t create the space to love myself, so I can be better at loving others, then when will I?” I suggest that these kinds of questions are a very worthy use of your time, whether away or at home. You likely pay attention to your bills and bank balance, to your tasks at work, to the needs of kids or older relatives, and much more, all on a daily basis. Your responsibility to yourself—your mental, physical, and spiritual well-being—may

take more conscious effort. And can be challenging as hell! Just when you feel like you’re making progress in one area of life, another may be troubling you. For instance, you’ve worked through some difficult emotions recently—but you gained 10 pounds. Or you’re good physically, but an addiction has reared its head…again. Or all your “tasks” are taken care of, but you feel disconnected from your Higher Power and those around you. You get the idea. Everyone struggles, at one time or another, with this kind of balance, this type of “wellness dance.” Remember this: Every time you treat yourself well, you give yourself the message that you are worthy. When I arrived home, I found some wonderful meditative quotes had been sent my way, which served to keep the gentle ponderings alive, and allowed for a healthy transition back to daily life. So in the spirit of loving oneself, and pondering life’s lessons, I want to share a few favorites with you: “The best we can give each other is our love—not our advice, and certainly not our judgment.” “Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.” “Everything that annoys us about others can help us understand ourselves.” “The cheapest facelift is a laugh.” And until next time, “Being, not doing, is my first joy.” (Theodore Roethke) | September 9, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 36 | The Pulse


Cover Story

The Healer Within

By Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D.

“Chattanooga is rapidly becoming the Taos of the South, with good natural energy attracting wholefood providers, organic farming and co-ops, fitness enthusiasts, and complementary wellness providers.” 12

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W hen I was 20, I suffered a skiing accident that badly tore the meniscus in my left knee. I remember woozily looking down at my

oddly bent leg, and feeling the most excruciating pain I’d felt before or since. There I was, thousands of feet up, in the snow, leaning on friends— literally—and wondering how I was going to get down the mountain when I couldn’t even tap my toe to the ground without bolts of sharp, blinding pain shooting through my body. This was in Palm Springs, California, and my friends and I had taken the sky tram up from the valley of the desert resort town, where temperatures were in the 90s, to the top of Mt. San Jacinto, which was refreshingly cool, delightfully scenic, with snow-covered views to die for. It would have been magical were it not for my torn-up knee and pain-induced hallucinations. Several agonizing hours later began what would become a series of consults with physicians to see what exactly had happened and what could be done about it. The news wasn’t good. A few decades back, medical technology wasn’t what it is today. Nowadays, similar knee injuries are addressed with laser surgery, advanced recuperative techniques, and much more sophisticated pain medications. Back then, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, the best odds the docs could give me for recovery, and no guarantee of a full recovery, mind you, was 50 percent. Given the surgical costs involved, the recuperation time, and the odds, that just didn’t seem good enough to me. So right then and there I asked for a knee brace, decided I would help my body heal itself, and embarked on a journey of holistic options that would be noninvasive and encourage my body’s innate intelligence. And as I turned to walk out the door, I gratefully pocketed the great big bottle of pain meds!

Cover Story Educating Yourself That was my decision. Someone else might have chosen to go the surgery route, which perhaps would have been right for them. But it wasn’t right for me, and that’s the first point I want to make here: When we’re talking about traditional versus non-traditional healing modalities (and that’s “nontraditional” to us Westerners—healers in the East have been practicing what we tend to term “new age” for, in some cases, thousands of years), I believe each individual needs to go with what feels right for them. That which we believe in stands the greatest chance of working, because our mind and body are then playing for the same team. That which we resist, or don’t believe in, stands less of a chance of success because of our tendency to sabotage, consciously or unconsciously, what we really don’t want to do in the first place. So what’s the first step in deciding what’s right for you? Educating yourself about the options. And that’s what this article will try to provide for you: a starting point for educating yourself and de-mystifying some of the cutting-edge, alternative/holistic/complementary methods for healing that are readily available right here in our community. And the choices are many! But first, let’s define what we’re talking about. “Complementary” and “alternative” medicine (or “CAM”), along with “holistic medicine” are some of the terms that may confuse someone looking for non-traditional methods of wellness for mind, body and spirit. These all basically refer to the same type of care: non-mainstream, sometimes helpful on its own, sometimes as an effective “complement” to traditional care, and tending to be “natural” (non-pharmaceutical and noninvasive) in its healing properties. Wikipedia adds, “The major CAM systems have many common characteristics, including a focus on treating the whole person, promoting self-care and self-healing.” But let’s face it: the thought of someone putting a dozen tiny needles into your body can be a bit intimidating for the uninitiated. A person passing their hands over you and “taking a reading” as to where your problem areas are and how the pain likely originated can seem a little, well, out

there. And the idea of being twisted to resemble the DNA model from seventh-grade biology class in an attempt to snap, crackle, and pop your spine into better health can be downright frightening. But once you open yourself up to the possibilities, and learn a bit about how they work, you’ll get a sense of the tremendous healing potential that can come from the many methods that perhaps you’ve heard of, but have felt too timid or confused to explore for yourself. The following is an example of what I mean.

Keeping an Open Mind When I was in my mid-20s, several years after the knee debacle, I was working in television production in Los Angeles and, simply by reaching for something the “wrong” way, I threw out my lower back. (I’m happy to report the major body mishaps ended here, and I’ve not had any accidents, sports injuries, or the like for these past several decades.) I immediately sought out the help of a local chiropractor who was referred by a friend. The chiropractic adjustments and manipulations instantly helped, and began for me a life-long belief in wellness maintenance through massage, chiropractic care, acupuncture/acupressure, and meditation (and more recently, yoga). But the part of this story that relates to keeping an open

mind comes when my friend, Terry Jeanne, a licensed acupuncturist here in Chattanooga, offered to let me experience the benefits of a “resonance device” that affects the energy fields in the body for help with pain management. Terry has recently started working with this non-intrusive device with impressive results. (I think of it as acupuncture without the needles.) Well, on this day, my lower back was acting up a bit and causing me some discomfort. I admit I was a touch skeptical at first, but enthusiastically up for experimenting with a new healing technique, and figured the experience would also be good research for this article. As she moved the penshaped device over different parts of my body, many of the same areas she might have poked a few needles in, I began to feel a very pleasant tingling sensation in corresponding areas. And wouldn’t you know, after about 10 minutes I stood up and—drum roll, please—my back pain was gone. Now that’s my kind of treatment. Not convinced that alternative methods may be worth a try? Consider this: As reported by Life Extension Magazine, a group of researchers from the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality, and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, have discovered some worrisome statistics about the state of our present medical system. They conclude that, “The number of people having in-hospital, adverse reactions to prescribed drugs is 2.2 million per year. The number of unnecessary antibiotics prescribed annually for viral infections; the number of unnecessary medical and surgical procedures performed annually; the number of people exposed to unnecessary hospitalization annually; each number in the millions per year. The most stunning statistic, however, is that the total number of deaths caused by conventional medicine is an astounding 783,936 per year, over 200,000 more than the number of deaths attributable to cancer, which is 553,251 per year.” Ouch. Even given these sobering stats, am I glad we have the pharmacological plethora we do here in America? Absolutely. There is definitely a time and place for Western meds. But in my private practice, I encourage folks to first try “homeopathic” (or natural) options for healing, and we | September 9, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 36 | The Pulse


Cover Story look at the whole picture with an eye toward balance. In other words, to ask yourself, How satisfied am I with my relationships? My home life? Work life? Spiritual life? How’s my nutrition? Do I get enough sleep? And further... What issues plague me from childhood and do my early life messages still serve me? What are the issues affecting my self-esteem? Am I I I motivated to get well and stay well, and to take ultimate responsibility for my mental, physical, and spiritual health? You know, people sometimes mistake being hungry (low blood sugar) for being depressed. You certainly don’t want to go on anti-depressants when what you really need is a good meal! Multi-Talented Practitioners One of the wonderfull—and handy—results of a community of holistic healers is that more times than not the practitioner has what I call a “cluster of skills.” In other words, their career paths, personal exploration and discovery, and education, have given them the ability to offer more than one form of healing. For example, my colleague Carole Guest is a Reiki master, an intuitive counselor (also referred to as “medical intuitive”), a reflexologist, and works with “emotional clearing” and “energy healing” at her lovely, peaceful locale on the Tennessee river. Now, you’ll have to contact her for a couple of those definitions, but my point is that she has many skills at her fingertips (literally!) for healing. She believes in helping the patient to “find the wisdom within,” a philosophy shared by many professionals


in the alternative healing fields. Another colleague, Dr. Lilan Laishley, is a Holistic Counselor, Life Coach, and Astrologer. You may wonder how someone ends up with a combo like that on their resume. She believes in using “the rich, mythic imagery of astrology to describe the inner working of the help define complexities, and find deeper meaning and direction for the journey.” Nice. Not a pill in sight. Dr. Laishley understands that “we are all wounded by life’s circumstances in some manner, which affects our body, mind and spirit.” So why wouldn’t we want to engage in a healing that also occurs on these levels? Dr. Charles C. Adams, M.D., heads the Full Circle Medical Center for Integrative Internal Medicine. A mouthful, certainly, but his philosophy is quite simple: If you give the body what it needs to get back in balance, it will. “Integrative” means that the center offers both conventional and complementary approaches to healing. And so his team offers hormone therapy for men and women, hyperbaric oxygen therapy, chelation, detoxification, prevention, and nutrition, as well as treating “regular medical challenges.” And the list continues. At my own East Ridge wellness center, Well Nest, we have a counselor who leads healing workshops in “Urban Shamanism” and storytelling; a yoga instructor who also teaches nutrition…and Shakespeare. The massage therapists have hands that can read you like a book, before ever touching you. Practitioners of wellness come to their fields through fascinating journeys, often upon

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discovering some aspect of healing that has helped them or a loved one. And so the wealth of knowledge they share, and their belief in using multiple modalities in order to provide quality care, makes for a more valuable and interesting menu of options from which to choose. The Complementary Health Education Organization, or “CHEO,” is a professional networking organization that holds monthly meetings, annual wellness fairs, and publishes a directory of integrative and holistic health service providers, ( According to Tami Freedman, former president of CHEO, there are upwards of 200 members in Chattanooga, and another 150 in Knoxville. With that many practitioners of alternative medicine in our community, something powerful is happening. A person would be hardpressed to find a non-traditional, creative form of healing that’s not offered somewhere in the Chattanooga area. Taking a Pro-Active Stance The holistic crowd will often use words like “balance,” “whole self,” “transformation,” and “inner wisdom.” And if you really think about it, there’s nothing mysterious or fearinducing about these terms. They basically refer to getting well by listening to yourself, looking at the picture of your life in its entirety, and moving in the direction that’s healthiest for you. And in the process, taking a pro-active stance for your own wellness. As Terry Jeanne puts it, “We all have everything available to us that is needed to heal profoundly.” My chiropractor, Dr. Stephen Swann, believes it’s important

Cover Story “That which we believe in stands the greatest chance of working, because our mind and body are then playing for the same team.” for a person to not only want to get out of pain, but to take ongoing responsibility for their own health, and eliminate all unnecessary drugs from their routine. He talks about considering the many other healthy opportunities within Chattanooga’s wellness community, such as hiking, cycling, and running groups, fitness centers, and the abundance of organic produce that can be found at the farmers markets. “Now that people are having a hard time affording health insurance and prescription costs, they are more interested in not becoming sick in the first place, rather than hopping on the endless treadmill of one drug after another,” he says. “As the patient becomes out of balance, the sooner they address their issues, the easier they are to solve.” Local acupuncturist and Chinese herbalist Susan Mosley puts it this way: “Chattanooga is rapidly becoming the Taos of the South, with good natural energy attracting whole food providers, organic farming and coops, fitness enthusiasts, and complementary wellness providers. This area has a long tradition of avoiding traditional medicine. Locals have faith that the Creator has provided us with all the tools we need to keep ourselves healthy.” An Integrative and Holistic Future Dr. Jeffrey Jump, M.D., is the medical director of the Center for Integrative Medicine in Chattanooga. Philosophically, Dr. Jump’s approach revolves around the belief than “an individual’s health is inextricably linked to their physical, emotional, spiritual and social lives.” And toward that end, the center offers services ranging from primary care medicine to biofeedback, nutrition, Chinese medicine, counseling and health coaching. While it’s impossible to be an expert in all methods of healing, the staff at CIM strives to have a well rounded knowledge of many modalities. Dr. Jump shares my own concern about the lack of regulation and credibility among some alternative practices, although this is not unique to Chattanooga. Just as “natural supplements” are not subjected to the same FDA requirements as their Western counterparts, the myriad fields of holistic methodology cannot conform to a standardized set of measures, nor do they

evolve at the same rate; resulting in wide fluctuations in the education and required certifications of the practitioners. “Wellness” has different meaning to different healers and indeed “wellness center” is sometimes a loosely used term. As methodologies continue to grow and prove their worthiness for healing, however, I believe that time will weed out those that are ineffectual, and community acceptance will reflect this. All of the practitioners I spoke with believe that, increasingly, people are opening up and exploring holistic ways of healing, and integrating what they learn into their daily lives. Folks are trying gentle, less invasive approaches to becoming well and staying well, such as yoga, T’ai Chi, and meditation. As yoga instructor Cecilia Keefer says, “Yoga allows one’s body to feel strong and supple, and one’s mind to be focused and calm. These are key elements for a long, healthy life.” In my own practice I have more people interested in hypnotherapy now than in my previous 24 years as a psychotherapist. And, more and more, Chattanoogans are understanding the link between local organic foods and better health. I can still remember my grandmother saying, “An ounce of prevention...” My mother, a woman ahead of her time, says, “You know your body better than doctors can…you live in it!” And so for my money, the best healers are compassionate listeners, they are guides and teachers, they are wise, kind and supportive, and are there to catch us when we stumble. And whether they bring out a needle, a pill, an herb, a story, some massage oil, a yoga mat, or an astrological chart, they are willing to use everything they know in order to help us help ourselves. And that is very good medicine indeed. I’ll close with a reminder from Dr. Charles Adams: “What’s important is what you learn after you know it all.” Two recommended sites for further reading: www.wholefoodsmagazineonline. com; (My appreciation to the following individuals who agreed to be interviewed for this piece: Tami Freedman, Terry Jeanne, MSOM; Susan Mosley, LAc., Dipl.C.H.; Dr. Lilan Laishley, Ph.D.; Dr. Stephen Swann, D.C., CCEP; Jeffrey Jump, M.D.; Charles C. Adams, M.D.; Cecilia Keefer) | September 9, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 36 | The Pulse


Music Feature

Ahleuchatistas Erupts at Barking Legs flights for a week. “So it goes,” notes a band release.

By Janis Hashe

“John Zorn’s Tzadik label ... is known for housing a lot of music that would sooner hit you with a shovel than caress or soothe you.”



n March 2010, the ears present at Knoxville’s Big Ears Festival were wooed by the sounds of the newest configuration of the music project Ahleuchatistas. Pronounced AHLOO-CHA-TEES-TAS, the Ashville, N.C.-based project is now a duet with Shane Perlowin on guitar and Ryan Oslance on drums. The Big Ears premiere was following by 23 concerts in Europe, finishing with an extended stay in Dresden as the Eyjafjallajökull volcano in Iceland spewed ash into Europe’s airspace and grounded all

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Ahleuchatistas will play Barking Legs on Thursday and hopefully Lookout Mountain will remain dormant. But don’t count on it. “There’s noise and fire in their playing,” said the New York Times, “but most of these tunes are also studded with signposts, demanding close attention and clear execution.” According to band materials, “Since its inception in 2002, the music of Ahleuchatistas has always been difficult to pin down with words. The current sound has broadened the band’s palette with elements of noise, African music, ambient/drone, Chinese traditional music, minimalism, classical music, and electronica. It blends block-form, thrucomposition, and improvisational musical strategies. “Perlowin and Oslance have a unique psychic interplay that can be incredibly elastic or razor-sharp tight. Ominous walls of sound morph into tight-knight rhythmic figures, haunting melodies float over martial drumming, roaring moments of sustained tension acquiesce into screaming silence, a musical promise is fulfilled. On the earliest recordings, an interest in pure sound and texture can be heard on select cuts. This tendency became more prevalent with each successive album. The new music continues to push in this direction, still with the characteristic rhythmic intensity.” Pitchfork wrote about the earlier, threeman incarnation of the project: “Throughout its history, this band has sounded more

like a trio with the power on the fritz, their instrumental music a series of sputtering Beefheartian paroxysms wedded to fleeting passages of muscular groove. They don’t like you to get comfortable listening to their records, preferring to throw you off the scent of a rhythm with a sudden time change or all-out shift into dry, clattering freakout. So it makes sense that they’ve landed on John Zorn’s Tzadik label, which is known for housing a lot of music that would sooner hit you with a shovel than caress or soothe you.” Ahleuchatistas has released five albums, and one, The Same and The Other, was rereleased in 2008 by their current label. The most recent release, 2009’s Of The Body Prone generated this from All About Jazz: “Relying on quicksilver transitions and fragmentary themes, these effusive throughcomposed pieces blur the line between the composed and improvised, trading longform melodic development for impetuous virtuosity. Challenging yet rewarding, Of The Body Prone is a masterful example of contemporary instrumental prog-rock at its most adventurous.” Production of a new album is underway. If you loved the recent improviser shows at Barking Legs, or if you didn’t get a chance to catch those and would like to find out what all the noise is about, head down to Dodds Avenue Thursday night.

Ahleuchatistas $10 8 p.m. Thursday, September 9 Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Avenue (423) 624-5347.

New Music Reviews

By Ernie Paik

Kemialliset Ystävät





(Cherry Red)

Finnish soundsculptor Jan Anderzén is the man behind the recording project Kemialliset Ystävät (“chemical friends” in Finnish), which serves up joyously chaotic pieces that each seem to feature about a million different sounds vying for attention. Though technically, hearing is the only sense involved, listening to Kemialliset Ystävät provides a sensory overload, inspiring thoughts of complicated visuals—possibly, somewhere between a Bosch painting (though more on the “weird” side than the “nightmarish” side) and a page from a “Where’s Waldo?” book. The latest release from Kemialliset Ystävät is Ullakkopalo, a twisted, manic carousel ride of an album with seemingly disconnected tidbits from geographically and aesthetically disparate sources; everything is rolled up and stuck together, Katamari Damacy-style, making a great, gloriously messy ball of sound. Loops are frequently used, but often in a way that doesn’t necessarily dictate a strict rhythm, although pieces may be anchored and glued by a loosely congregating beat. Damaged electronic sounds mingle with acoustic instruments and sound effects, so the listener’s attention may dart violently back and forth to focus on elements like tabla pitter-patters, the sound of water, buzzing synthetics, or manipulated, plucked strings. Any given selection on Ullakkopalo is busy and kinetic, and with all tracks taken together, in one big dose, it’s very nearly overwhelming. However, it’s important to note that it’s not merely some random mix of sounds; there’s a sense of balance among the commotion, and things line up at times—just enough to suggest the notion that there’s a method to the madness. Many may find it to be simply too much and too “out there”; a listener who finds, say, the Residents or Animal Collective too strange should probably steer clear of this. Certainly, it’s disorienting, scattered, and boldly eccentric stuff, but that’s what makes it fascinating listening, leaving one to constantly anticipate its next step.

The musical term “shoegazer” is used as shorthand, often referring to bands (particularly in the early ’90s) who created effects-heavy, guitar-driven, amorphous washes of sound, but it’s easy to forget that it was partially used in a derogatory manner—to point out the lack of showmanship of such musicians who’d stand motionless and simply stare downwards while playing. Perhaps that was the point, though; for such enveloping music, one didn’t need to watch people waggling their cabooses onstage—it was enough to close one’s eyes and be swept away. The British group Slowdive is one of the most enduring bands associated with this era, and although the group’s direction had changed drastically by the time it disbanded, it always had a knack for making gorgeous, blissed-out sounds. Slowdive’s third and final album from 1995, Pygmalion, never really had a chance to find its audience; soon after it was released, the band was dropped from its label, Creation Records, which apparently anticipated a pop album. This new edition of Pygmalion on Cherry Red Records expands upon the previous one, with a second disc entitled Pygmalion Demos; that’s misleading, since only two Pygmalion tracks are represented. Still, there’s an album’s worth of unreleased home recordings—a bit unpolished, yet full of entrancing moments with gentle, shimmering guitar patterns. Pygmalion opens with the compelling, tenminute “Rutti,” which is one of the band’s finest tracks; it’s a masterfully restrained piece with pristine electric guitar notes and a careful use of space—it’s the opposite of the stereotypical crowded, wall-of-sound shoegazer approach. Many songs do feature a sound-haze, but it lingers in the background, letting the spotlight shine on the willowy, reverb-drenched singing from Neil Halstead and Rachel Goswell and the measured guitar parts. Others avoid the fog completely, like “Visions of La,” which simply features an acoustic guitar and Goswell’s voice. It’s incorrect to call Pygmalion an essential shoegazer album, since the band’s sound had evolved beyond shoegazing, but it’s an essential Slowdive album. | September 9, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 36 | The Pulse


Music Calendar Thursday Spotlight

Ahleuchatistas On-the-edge guitar and drum duo were at a hit at Big Ears last March. $10 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347.

Thursday Happy Hour Serenade with David Anthony 5 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. Rodney Carrington 7 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5050. Live Team! 7:30 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. Jimmy Harris 7:30 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. Ahleuchatistas 8 p.m. Barking Legs, 1322 Dodds Avenue. (423) 624-5347. Tim and Reece 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. Open Mic with Gabe Newell 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. Soul Crush Acoustic 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.


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Friday Spotlight

Paleface, Moon Slew 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. Big Kitty 10 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). Soul Sessions 10 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253.

Friday Happy Hour Serenade with David Anthony 5 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. Ben Friberg Trio 6 p.m. Table 2, 232 E.11th St. (423) 756-8253. Third Lobby 7 p.m. Miller Plaza, Nightfall Concert Series, 850 Market St. Jimmy Harris 7:30 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. Rock N’ Roll Spectacular 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Centennial Theatre, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. Booker Scruggs Ensemble 7:30 p.m. Blue Orleans Creole Restaurant, 3208 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 629-6538. Georgia Skruff 8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730.

Brooks Brough Blues Band 8 p.m. Riverhouse Pub, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 752-0066. Katie Herzig 8 p.m. Miller Plaza, Nightfall Concert Sries, 850 Market St. Divine Jazz 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). Nic Cowan 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. Moonslew 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. Shades of 7, Ordain, The Devils Got a Hold on me 9 p.m. Ziggy’s Underground, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 756-4786. Wrestlehemia 2 w/ Subterranean Circus, The Unsatisfied 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. Lord T and Eloise with Hill Krunk & Free Sol 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. Subway Mars 10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260.

Saturday Ryan Oyer 5:30 p.m. BlueCoast Burrito, 5523 Hwy 153. (423) 877-1880. Matt Turnure Trio 7 p.m. Blue Orleans Creole Restaurant, 3208 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 629-6538.

Lord T and Eloise Time once more for your aristocrunk fix. $7 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. Stratospheerius 7 p.m. Chattanooga Riverfront, 201 Riverfront Pkwy. (423) 424-2000. Between Two Seas, Failing the Fairest, EWAP, From Tomorrow, Signal in the Firestorm 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. Jimmy Harris 7:30: p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. Rock N’ Roll Spectacular 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Centennial Theatre, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. Big Band Dance 7:30 p.m. American Legion Post 95, 3329 Ringgold Rd. (423) 624-9105. Never Surrender 8 p.m. Riverhouse Pub, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 752-0066. Laura Walker, Daniel Parkin, Kathy Veazey, John Rawlston 8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. Hungry Town 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960.

Music Calendar

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Saturday Spotlight

All Night Drug Prowling Wolves Record release party with the punkWolves from ATL. $6 10 p.m. Discoteca, 304 E. Main St. Hegarty and Deyoung 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn) Gabe Newell 9 p.m. Raw Sushi bar, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. Edge of Mercy, The Hollywood Kills 9 p.m. Ziggy’s Underground, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 756-4786. ziggysundergroundmusic Open Mic Night 9 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043. Wrestlehemia 2 w/ Double Dick Slick, Lifecurse 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. Second Saturday DJ Party 10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. All Night Drug Prowling Wolves 10 p.m. Discoteca, 304 E. Main St. (423) 386-3066. The Dirty Guv’nahs 10 p.m. Midtown Music Hall, 820 Georgia Ave. (423) 752-1977.

Sunday Spotlight

Abbey Road Live: Tribute to the Beatles 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.

Sunday New Binkley Brothers Noon. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mountain, GA. (706) 820-2531. Kate Klim 12:30 p.m. Chattanooga Market, 1826 Carter St. (423) 266-9270. Adlai Waxman 2 p.m. Chattanooga Market, 1826 Carter St. (423) 266-9270. Open Mic w/Jeff Daniels 4 p.m. Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge 4762 Highway 58, (423) 485-0966. Irish Sessions Music 6 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. Open Mic 8 p.m. Gene’s Bar & Grill, 724 Ashland Terrace, (423) 870-0880. Madeline 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Monday Old Tyme Music 6 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. Paul Lohorn and the Monday Nite Big Band 7:30 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. Speakeasy The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn) An Evening With Shelby Lynne 8 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.

Tuesday Ben Friberg Trio 6:30 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. The Letter Black, Children 18:3, The Well Experience, Cutting Through Clouds, The Victory Lap Kids 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. Gentlemens Jazz Quartet 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. Open Mic with Mike McDade 8 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. Spoken Word/Poetry Night 8 p.m. The Riverhouse, 224 Frazier Ave., (423) 752-0066 Tim Starnes with Special Guests 9 p.m. Bart's Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. Shake it like a Caveman, Somebody’s Darlin 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. DJ ScubaSteve Fox and Hound Pub & Grille, 2040 Hamilton Place Blvd #150, (423) 490-1200.

Music at the Market It’s Hot Rod week, so check out the wheels while you listen. Free 12:30 p.m. Kate Klim 2 p.m. Adlai Waxman First Tennessee Pavilion, 1826 Reggie White Blvd. (423) 266-9270.

Wednesday Ben Friberg Quartet 7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. Jimmy Harris 7:30 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. Johnny B. and Friends 8 p.m. Bourbon Street Music Bar, 2000 E. 23rd St. (423) 826-1985. Infamous Stringdusters with the New Familiars 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. Open Mic Night 9 p.m. Riverhouse Pub, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 752-0066. Open Mic with Mark Holder 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. DJ GOP The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. | September 9, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 36 | The Pulse


Life in the Noog

By Chuck Crowder

Tune In And Rip The Knob Off! I love television. To me it’s

incredibly relaxing to lie around the sofa and flip through endless channels of nonsense for hours. But apparently these days it’s not hip at all to dig the tube. I think it’s a generational thing. My parents didn’t really “grow up” on TV, but they certainly embraced the babysitting aspects of it when they first introduced my young impressionable mind to its glowing screen. However, the same affection for mindless entertainment is lost on my teenage daughter, who couldn’t tell you the name of a single show on any given night if her life depended on it. But for us “GenX’ers,” TV is perhaps the greatest thing to happen since our first kiss. Back in the day, however, things were tough, real tough. Our television-viewing experience was limited to three network channels (CBS, ABC, NBC) with broadcast quality dependent on your skill at carefully positioning the rabbit ears atop the “TV set.” First you had to flip on the TV and “let it warm up” before you could watch anything. And forget about remote controls. My brother and I would argue to a stalemate as to which one of us was going to get up off the couch, walk over to the set and manually turn the channel knob or adjust the volume. Come to think about it, I can’t understand why the channel knob had 13 numbers on it when it was painfully clear that 3 networks were all we’d ever get—until cable. It was May of 1982. I remember it as if it were yesterday. The cable man was in our driveway—and what timing. I was just about to finish ninth grade for the summer, so I’d have three whole months to break in the two dozen channels that came along with it.


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One of those channels would change my life in a very profound way from the day I discovered it onward. Literally, the day I “tuned in” channel to 25, I “ripped the knob off ” just as Pete Townshend commanded us to do on our new favorite time waster, MTV. It didn’t matter if it was Men Without Hats or Dexy’s Midnight Runners, I found myself watching every single video about a million times, no matter how crappy the song. That’s why people love those god-awful ’80s tunes. It was the first generation of music to have a campy visual accompaniment to go along with the campy song played by the campy band. I’m guilty as charged myself, because nothing had changed my affection for television programming more since the weekend I first discovered Saturday Night Live. It was probably the second or third season (’76 or ’77) when my 10-year-old mind was introduced to the likes of John Belushi, Dan Aykroyd, Billy Murray, Gilda Radner, Chevy Chase, Lorraine Newman and Garrett Morris performing some of the stupidest, but most infectious skits I’d ever seen—and it was live and late at night. They were dressing up like land sharks, bumble bees, coneheads, punk rockers, blues performers, sleezy pitchmen and of course, fake news anchors. It was awesome. And the musical guests. SNL was the first to introduce me to the Ramones, The Clash, Elvis Costello and even the Stones, to name just a few. Those were also the days when my family would gather around the one television set in our house for group viewings of our favorite shows—Bob Newhart, Mary Tyler Moore, Barney Miller, 60 Minutes, Good Times, Welcome Back Kotter, and of course, All In The Family. Nothing was funnier than hearing Archie Bunker misuse or mispronounce a phrase he clearly didn’t understand or be cleverly shot down by

Lionel or Meathead. Most shows today don’t hold a candle to the real “situation” comedies of ’70s TV. Some, like It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Curb Your Enthusiasm and The Office at least have room to go way beyond their already interesting boundaries. And new shows like Louie and Modern Family have the same potential. But very few and far between are the heavily syndicated shows like Seinfeld. I find myself watching it any time it happens to be on TV no matter how many times I’ve seen (or even dislike) that particular episode. It’s like crack. Or maybe I’m hoping that this time the episode will take a new and different direction with a completely unexpected outcome. Never happens. Some cable channels aren’t even trying when it comes to program content. If there’s one thing reality TV has taught us, it’s that even rock-star families, junkpickers, ice road truckers, high-end publicists, tattoo artists and big-city housewives can lead seemingly boring lives, too. Makes me feel better when I see how much fun my friends and I are having when I check my Facebook—during commercial breaks, of course. Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his popular website | September 9, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 36 | The Pulse



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Arts & Entertainment

Hopping Around Downtown and Beyond T

By Michael Crumb

“AVA, producer of the Hop, will open FRESH at its space on Frazier. Represented are young, emerging artists, and they add an important dimension to the arts scene.”


he Fifth Annual Gallery Hop on Saturday will feature new venue openings in its embrace of many locations around the city. Although September 11 has become an anniversary of remembrance of the terrorist attacks of 2001, we should also recall that artistic expression celebrates visions that enable our deeper appreciation of life, of peace, of tolerance, and of cultural accomplishment. AmericanStyle magazine has again recognized Chattanooga among the top 25 arts destinations in America. During the Gallery Hop, many galleries will feature special exhibitions and demonstrations in various media. Also, a number of studio spaces will be open for tours. The Southside District will see two new venues that both seek to be more than galleries. Opening at the Loose Cannon complex, 1800 Rossville Ave., ChenowethHalligan Studios will provide both a front gallery and open studio space. Roger Halligan and Jan Chenoweth believe their space will be supplemental to other art spaces. They are happy to be a part of “the camaraderie and cooperation” on this block. Look for interesting non-local art shows during the fall. Currently, both are showing their own three-

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dimensional works in painting and sculpture. Two other artists, Karen Rudolf, who is a metalsmith and blacksmith, and Mary Helen Robert, a jeweler, will be joining them in both exhibition and studio visits. In that same complex, Ignis Glass will feature glassblowing demonstrations from 4 to 9 p.m. Look for Pain’s work there as well. Go up to the corner of Rossville and Main Street and check out Area 61’s varied and interesting offerings. There’s also serious buzz concerning the opening of Townsend Atelier (corner of West Main and Williams St.). They will be featuring life-drawing sessions by the artists who have been participating in their classes. This location promises to be a source for artist services. Further up Williams Street, 1401 Gallery features stunning new work by Daud Ahkriev. Look out also for landscape work by Victoria Permain and pastels by Mimi Herbert, as well as work by Elizabeth Rogers and Cessna Decosimo. On the same block, Windfarm Coffeehouse will be holding special Saturday hours, with an array of fine coffees (1- 7 p.m.) Windfarm features the art of Rondell Crier. On the other side of the river, AVA, producer of the Hop, will open FRESH at its space on Frazier. Represented are young, emerging artists, and they add an important dimension to the arts scene. In the immediate vicinity of AVA, In-Town Gallery and Leo Handmade will offer their absorbing work. Frazier has significant gallery identity, and other galleries are found on nearby streets. Unfortunately, we are mourning the untimely passing of Diane Marek. In her absence, the Cress Gallery at UTC is featuring

a show of visiting artists’ work. These visiting artists’ shows had been funded by Diane and her husband, John, who survives her. An excursion down Broad Street will take you first to Shuptrine’s (2646 Broad), which presents a juried show from the Tennessee Watercolor Society focused on “Americana— Freedom Themes.” This show comments on the September 11 anniversary. In St. Elmo (3913 St. Elmo Ave.), silk artist Traci Bachelor will be featured at an artist’s reception at Umbra Essence. Hoppers should seek out Asher Love’s highly regarded photographic work. Heading deeper into the city to the Rivoli Art Mill (2301 East 28th St.), you’ll find a number of artists offering studio tours in a variety of media. The River Gallery in the Bluff View Arts District (400 East 2nd St.) always presents a wide variety of fine work, and artist Anne Bagby will be demonstrating painting/mixed media techniques. Remember—the River Gallery’s fine sculpture garden remains an excellent start to public sculptures next to the Hunter Museum and adjacent streets. Jerry Dale McFadden has been radiant about organizing this “citywide celebration of the arts.” There are wonderfully clever maps of the Hop available. There are more galleries involved than those mentioned here, and seven hours may pass more quickly than anticipated. Hop on!

Gallery Hop Free 2 – 9 p.m. Saturday, September 11 Various locations.

A&E Calendar Highlights Friday


Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work Doc follows the legendary comedienne for a year. 12:30, 2:45, 5, 7:45, 10 p.m. Carmike Majestic 12, 311 Broad St.

Send your calendar events to us at

Chattanooga Market Thursday Plaza Party 11 a.m. Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. Back Row Film: Race Across the Sky 6 p.m. CreateHere, 55 East Main St. (423) 267-1218. 3rd Annual Paws for the Cause 6 p.m. The Mill, 1601 Gulf St. (423) 664-1900. Rodney Carrington 7 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5050. Fall 2010 WOW - Women on the Water 7 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. www. “The Clarinet in the New World” 7:30 p.m. Roland Hayes Concert Hall, UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4601. Laurie Kilmartin 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

Wrestle-Hemia 2 Part 1 of two-night event featuring wrestling, Subterreanean Circus and The Unsatified. $7 10 p.m. – 2 a.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.


Gallery Hop This year, more than 30 galleries and studios are hopping. Download free map. Free. 2 – 9 p.m. (423) 265-4282.

Hubble in 3D 11 a.m., 1, 3, 5 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. A Little Bit of Country & Rockn-Roll 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. Laurie Kilmartin 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. Romeo & Juliet 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. USA Dance “Swingin’ From Coast to Coast” 7:30 p.m. Allemande Hall, 7400 Standifer Gap Rd. (423) 499-5738. Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work 7:45, 10 p.m. Majestic 12, 215 Broad St. Inception 8 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

Chattanooga Ghost Tour 8:15 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. Mystery of Flight 138 8:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. Lantern Tours 8:30 p.m. Ruby Falls, 1720 South Scenic Hwy. (423) 821-2544. Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. “Flavors of Tuscany” by Cam Busch North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr. Ste. 102. (423) 870-8924. “Kathleen Mack Exhibit” Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. Local Artists Exhibit Reflections Gallery, Eastgate Town Center, 5600 Brainerd Rd. (423) 892-3072.

Sunday 6th Annual Open Arms Bike Challenge 8 a.m. Open Arms Care Support Office, 6711 Mountain View Rd., Ste. 111. Chattanooga River Market 10 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. Mosaic Market 11 a.m. 412 Market St. (corner of 4th/Market). (423) 624-3915. Art Til Dark Noon. Northshore. (423) 413-8999. Romeo & Juliet 2 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. Works by Mary Britten Lynch Opening Reception 2 p.m. St. Paul’s Episcopal Church, 305 West Seventh St. (423) 756-8553. “Buy Local Authors” Fundraiser: Non-Fiction Writers Book Presentation 2 p.m. Eastgate Library, 5705 Marlin Rd. Suite 1500, (423)757-5310.

Happenings 4 p.m. Pee Wee’s Farm, 830 Cureton Mill Road, Rising Fawn, G.A. Opening Reception: “AmericanaFreedom” Juried Exhibition 5 p.m. Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. Pure Barre grand opening party 6 p.m. 1414 Jenkins Rd. (423) 468-4960. Art-N-Party 7 p.m. Rivoli Art Mill, 2301 East 28th St. (423) 883-7825. Laurie Kilmartin 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. A Little Bit of Country & Rockn-Roll 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. Chattanooga Ghost Tour 8:15 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125.

Wild Grass Second film in AEC fall series is Alain Renais’s look at a couple and a wallet lost and found. For showtimes, contact Carmike Majestic 12, 311 Broad St.

Chattanooga Market 11 a.m. First Tennessee Pavilion, 1826 Carter St. (423) 266-4041. Arts in the Park Festival Noon. Collegedale Veterans Memorial Park, Intersection of Apison Pike and Little Debbie Pkwy. (571) 224-5680. “Buy Local Authors” Fundraiser: Non-Fiction Writers Book Signing 1 p.m. Eastgate Library, 5705 Marlin Rd. Suite 1500, (423) 757-5310. Romeo & Juliet 3 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. Taste of Hamilton Place 7 p.m. Hamilton Place Mall, 2100 Hamilton Place Blvd. (423) 8947177. Laurie Kilmartin 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. “The World Within” River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033. | September 9, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 36 | The Pulse


A&E Calendar Highlights Monday Pro Walk/Pro Bike® 2010 Conference 6 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. (423) 643-6887. Live Team Trivia 6 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5840 Lake Resort Terr. (423) 870-0770. Hixson Movie Makers Meetup 8 p.m. Blue Ribbon Cafe, 9705 Dayton Pike, Soddy Daisy. (423) 332-5005. Works by Lynne A. Mayer and Deidra Nehrenz My Color Image Boutique and Gallery, 330 Frazier Ave. (423) 598-6202. “Collecting is a Legacy: The Thompson-Wilson Collection” Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. Martin Luther King Blvd. (423) 266-8658. “Street Art” The Arts Center, Athens, TN. (423) 745-8781.


Tuesday Pro Walk/Pro Bike® 2010 Conference 8 a.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. (423) 643-6887. Live Team Trivia 7:30 p.m. Riverhouse Pub, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 752-0066. “The Flag in Our Hands, Seeking America in 2009” Saint Andrews-Sewanee School, 290 Quintard Rd, Sewanee, TN. (931) 598-5651. Stephen Rolfe Powell Glass Exhibition Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. “Nature’s Way” Bill Shores Frame and Gallery, 307 Manufacturers Rd. (423) 756-6746. “Solo Photography” by Asher Love Mendonsa Asher Love Studio and Gallery, 3914 St. Elmo Ave., Ste. G. (423) 822-0289.

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 36 | September 9, 2010 |

Wednesday Pro Walk/Pro Bike® 2010 Conference 6 a.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. (423) 643-6887. Main Street Farmers Market 4 p.m. Main St. at Williams St. Live Team Trivia 7 p.m. Buffalo Wild Wings, 5744 Highway 153. (423) 877-3338. Live Team Trivia 7:30 p.m. Buffalo Wild Wings, 120 Market St. (423) 634-0468. Live Team Trivia 7:30 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043. “Myth of Man” In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423)267-9214. “Transformation 6: Contemporary Works in Glass” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944.

Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week

Romeo and Juliet Six-member cast performs dance/theatre version of Bard favorite, with choreography by Ann Law. Buzz on this show is outstanding. $10 7:30 p.m. Friday, September 10 2 p.m. Saturday, September 11 3 p.m. Sunday, September 12 St. Andrews Center, 1918 Union Avenue (423) 987-5141.


“I ? NY” –where's the love?

Free Will Astrology VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): I’ve been playing with a fun hypothesis lately: that absolutely everyone in the world has the power to heal someone else. At one end of the spectrum are the doctors and shamans and therapists who can summon the means to cure lots of people. At the other end are individuals with the power to improve the health or smooth out the distortions in just one other person. Wherever you fit in this range, Virgo, I’m happy to tell you that your healing mojo is now at a peak. Please invoke it in all of its intensity and point it in the direction of whomever can benefit. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): As I studied the astrological configurations for you, I realized I had to leave the bubble of my office. The omens suggested that you would benefit from escaping your usual frames of reference, and I felt I had to do the same if I wanted to get the best oracle. So I hiked out to my favorite boulder, where the creek forks into two streams. I sat down and addressed the spirits: What’s the advice Libras need most? Soon, a dragonfly landed on my shoulder. For the next ten minutes I asked it questions about how you should proceed. Here’s the gist of its telepathic message: “I gently shatter illusions. My power is graceful and lilting. I sew up the wounds of snakes. Nothing eludes my uninhibited vision. I don’t bite. I am a professional and primeval transformer.” SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Of all the noses of all the famous actresses in the world, my favorite is Cate Blanchett’s. It’s strong and forceful, yet buoyant and irregular. It’s wider and fleshier than most noses that are considered “feminine,” but sensual and seductive. Best of all, it has so many different aspects, and looks so varied from a variety of angles, that it seems to shift its shape as you watch it. It’s gorgeous! Please take a cue from me as you evaluate the unacknowledged beauty in your own sphere, Scorpio. It’s crucial that you rebel against our culture’s absurdly generic standards.

Across 1 “Saved by the Bell” stud 5 Lead male or female 10 Glowing ring 14 “Four Leaf Clover” folkrocker Moore 15 Holiday changed to Thanksgiving in “For Your Consideration” 16 Alternative to Visa or MC 17 Drescher with a distinctive laugh 18 Humiliating way to live 20 T as in transmission? 22 “Leading with My ___” (Jay Leno book) 23 Original makers of Rubik’s Cube 30 Diploma alternative 31 End of a belief? 32 Neptune, for one 33 To no ___ 35 Squeamish person 36 Rare postage stamp with an upside-down airplane 41 Exotic berry in some diets 42 Crossword parts 43 Throw a party for 46 Director Roth 47 Chow down 50 Comment after a lame joke others are laughing at 54 “Beat it!”

55 Athletic centers that got renamed in 2010 56 Hackneyed birthday girl’s request 62 A little, in sheet music 63 Football game divs. 64 Finnish mobile phone maker 65 Brockovich played by Julia Roberts 66 Living room furniture 67 In a sneaky way 68 TV rooms Down 1 “Pleasingly plump,” according to Merriam-Webster 2 Get grating 3 Turned one’s neck 4 Roo’s mom 5 Bee: pref. 6 “Un ___ Dun” (2007 fantasy novel set in a mirror version of the UK) 7 Not so cheap 8 Tough-to-hit note 9 Some pregnancy tests, for short 10 Bad actor 11 “___ making myself clear?” 12 Spy novelist Deighton 13 Clearasil competitor 19 “Drinks are ___!” 21 Martini garnish

24 Ruler pre-1917 25 Leave off 26 Sells back 27 “Son of ___!” 28 Prying 29 RB stat 33 For the birds? 34 Section of a race 36 “New Jack Hustler” rapper 37 Annoying people 38 “The Sopranos” actress de Matteo 39 Ditch instead of hitch 40 Enlighten 41 “All Things Considered” reporter Shapiro 44 In need of GPS 45 Actors Hawke and Suplee 47 Request at the concert’s end 48 Advil competitor 49 Cicely and Mike 51 “Fiddler on the Roof ” star 52 Play ___ (skip class) 53 Did some diamond appraisal? 56 Mensa nos. 57 Org. protested in the 1999 “Battle of Seattle” 58 Sound from a kennel 59 Codebreaking govt. org. 60 Zip 61 “Let’s get milkshakes!” response

Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2010 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0484.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “The best guide in life is strength,” said Swami Vivekananda. “Discard everything that weakens you, have nothing to do with it.” In accordance with the astrological omens, Sagittarius, I’m making that your rallying cry. You not only have the right to align yourself with only the most potent, life-giving sources; you have an urgent need to do so. So be audaciously discerning as you evaluate each person and situation that comes before you. Ask, “Will this feed my vitality or will it not?” CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): What happens in your bedroom, Capricorn? What stories swirl around in your mind while you’re there? What secrets simmer and ferment? What feelings do you gravitate toward? Judging from the astrological omens, I’d say it’s time to expand your notion of what goes on in that sanctuary. How about embarking on a new playtime activity or introducing a pleasurable commotion you’ve never tried? At the very least, unleash your imagination while relaxing there. Give yourself permission to have bigger fantasies. Tell yourself more epic stories, develop a more active relationship with your secrets, and welcome unfamiliar feelings. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Last May, riots in Santa Cruz, California trashed 18 buildings in the downtown area. But for one store owner, the mayhem brought unexpected blessings. She was able to tap into a city fund that not only paid for her broken front window, but also allowed her to make several improvements, like adding fresh paint, a new awning, and better lighting. “I never would have thought when I got that call at 1 in the morning that this was going to turn into such a wonderful thing for us,” Diane Towns told the Santa Cruz Sentinel. I predict a similar progression for you, Aquarius. An event that seemed like bad luck at the time will ultimately lead to good luck. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): French painter Paul Cezanne (1839-1906) declared early in his career that he wanted to “conquer Paris with an apple.” He

By Rob Brezsny meant that he wanted to become a major force in the art world by revolutionizing the way that still-life paintings were done. He must have been successful, because two prominent modern painters, Picasso and Matisse, referred to Cezanne as “the father of us all.” Your assignment in the coming months, Pisces, is to make a splash in your own chosen field with an innovation that’s as simple and basic as Cezanne’s reconfigured apple. ARIES (March 21-April 19): My friend Alana suffered from a mysterious ailment for months. Symptoms included vertigo, stomach pains, and numbness in her legs. After being treated unsuccessfully by six health care practitioners, both mainstream and alternative, she went to see Dr. Ling, a Chinese herbalist recommended by a friend. Ling was a dour woman who made no eye contact. Her office was dingy, cramped, and windowless. Alana felt a bit depressed by the visit. Yet when she took Dr. Ling’s herbs, she felt better. In three weeks she was cured. The moral of the story, Aries: The restorative agent you need may not come in the most inviting form. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): A spider spun gorgeous cobwebs on my car’s back window. Anchored on the window wiper, they’re artfully woven spiral tunnels decorated with white flower petals sent by the wind. This sculpture is so beguiling that it caught the attention of a stranger who was walking through a parking lot as I was getting in my car, and we struck up a conversation that led to him inviting me to a party where I had maximum fun. So kudos to me for not mindlessly sweeping away the cobwebs. My decision to honor the spider’s small masterpiece proved fortuitous. I encourage you to learn from my example in the coming week. Be alert for nature’s subtle gifts. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The band Tinariwen is from the Sahara Desert. Its members describe themselves as “soul rebels.” Their influences include traditional West African music, Santana, Jimi Hendrix, and the Berber music of northern Algeria. I listen to them whenever I’m feeling wan and spiritually tired. Their infectious melodies and serpentine rhythms have a medicinal effect; they toughen me up, fueling the rowdy love I need to keep fighting for truth and justice. They’re your featured artist of the week, Gemini. As you face down the dangers of apathy, you could use the shot of courage and audacity they might provide. Listen here: and CANCER (June 21-July 22): Afghanistan is a wasteland of desert and rocks, right? Well, no, actually. It harbors huge deposits of minerals that are critical to the industrialized world. There’s a complication, though. To succeed, the arduous business of mining such minerals needs lots of water and electricity as well as political stability and a good infrastructure— all of which are in short supply in Afghanistan. In offering this scenario for your consideration, Cancerian, I’m suggesting that you make a comparable re-evaluation of a certain situation in your own life. According to my reading of the omens, someone or something you’ve considered barren may in fact harbor resources that are useful to you. Here’s the rub: Are you in position to get access to them? If not, what would it take to do so? LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): For years I’ve been in love with a woman who is also in love with me. Hooray! But when I was younger, I sometimes got embroiled in obsessive adorations for unavailable women. One didn’t want me, another was already in a committed relationship, still another lived 6,000 miles away, and a fourth was a lesbian. The pain of those impossible attractions eventually prodded me to retrain myself so as to not keep repeating the pattern. Can I convince you to learn from my hardship? According to my reading of the omens, the next few months should be a time when you put a strong emphasis on allies who are available, not on the other kind. | September 9, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 36 | The Pulse


On The Beat

By Alex Teach

Protect and Assume A

cademy training. Field training. In-service training. Schools. Qualifications. Experience.

“‘Hello, officer! I’m so embarrassed,’ she said through withered and toothless lips below striking light-blue eyes sunken into sockets; thin, sparse hair that couldn’t cover the liver spots on her scalp.” When Officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student, carpenter, boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. To contact him directtly, follow him on Facebook at


Like any real profession, my job is made of the above…a perpetual stream of learning, because police deal with what the learned refer to as “Everything”, and “Everything” has two nasty characteristics: It never ends, and it never stays the same. (Give it a thought.) We learn the basics, and from there place upon them generalities. After that, we work on specialties, and some of us, on rare occasions, even become subject experts. So resume in hand, I can tell you that after years of life, death, the mundane, more death, some pretty funny stories and a few that would have made a normal person take a Brillo pad to their brains, you come to a point in your career in which you pretty much know what time it is without a clock. You “got this”; you “own it”. So despite the shell of professionalism the job requires, it can occasionally piss me/us off when our time is repeatedly wasted with the truly mundane. Examples: Last week, someone called the police because their car door was unlocked and they wanted it documented. Someone went out to go to work, and found their car unlocked. Nothing was broken or missing, no damage or any reason to believe a crime occurred or was about to occur…they were just certain they had locked it 18 hours before, and wanted its unlocked state documented in an official police record. “Just in case, you know?” the client said. Well, no, I didn’t, but I kept that to myself. (Professionalism, remember?) This is petty, I am aware, but try this analogy: You are a chef who is a graduate of

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 36 | September 9, 2010 |

French Culinary Institute, NYC, educated in French techniques with American inventiveness in a curriculum taught by no less than the master chefs and sommeliers. Sixteen years into the job, a new patron of your restaurant orders your specialty: Filet Mignon aux Oignons, Gratin dauphinois (a pork filet mignon with onions and Dauphiné oven-baked potatoes, quite lovely I assure you). You slave over it with a mother’s care and patience and present it to said customer… only to have him request a bottle of ketchup on the side. The gritting of your teeth would be audible. (If you don’t get this, I understand.) It had been such a day when I received a call to give someone a sip of water. “Repeat that?” I said (through similarly gritted teeth), and they did so. Verbatim. Unbelievable. I glanced down at the .45 on my hip, the cuffs, the Tazer, thought of all I was able to do after all these years…and I was being called to give someone a sip of water. It had been a day of such calls, and this one? Unbelievable. I arrived in this state of mind at a house a block from E. Main St. and Dodds Avenue. It was old but tasteful, and I knocked on the door. No answer. (My teeth went from gritting to grinding.) I contacted dispatch to see if they were still home, and they said yes— just open the door, it should be unlocked. Not normal in this neighborhood, but what was normal in my area? I entered and walked into the smell of medicine and mustiness we all associate with the elderly, and through the kitchen door I saw a robed figure sitting awkwardly at an angle in a wheelchair in front of an ’80s-era television with their back to me. The head moved slightly. “Hello?” the head asked.

Somewhere in my mind, the dark fog lifted from my mood and was replaced with a spark of understanding. “Hi! I’m Officer Teach!” I said with forced enthusiasm. “Hello, officer! I’m so embarrassed,” she said through withered and toothless lips below striking light-blue eyes sunken into sockets; thin, sparse hair that couldn’t cover the liver spots on her scalp. “But could you please give me a sip of that water on the counter?” She was a paraplegic; 84 years old and wrapped in a hospital-style cotton blanket, propped at an angle in her chair, she had to sit alone in the house for at least six hours a day since the state cut her home healthcare nursing assistance; her remaining relatives were long since dead. She couldn’t operate the remote on the television, get a drink, or clean herself, yet her spirits were as bright as her eyes, her wits well about her. Righteous indignation turned to shame in less than a second, and I indeed held her glass of water with its flexi-straw to her lips, and smiled. Then sat and talked to her, nearly every day I worked for the rest of that year. She died on a warm Tuesday, as I recall, and I took that report, too. She was an extremely uncommon lady who reminded me of something they taught me in training so many years ago: There is no “average” call, and if this didn’t bring that full circle I don’t know what could have. I still don’t care that you left your car unlocked; I will not fix your cable…but I’ll bring water to a nice lady (and even clean out her gutters) and may not presume the worst before I do so. Cynicism comes with experience. But eventually, so does humility. Training, after all, never ends. (Thanks for that; miss you, Ruby.) | September 9, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 36 | The Pulse



The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 36 | September 9, 2010 |

Film Feature

By John DeVore

Machete: Heads Will Roll When we were promised Machete as

a coming feature during Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino’s Grindhouse, I didn’t actually expect it to be made. Although it seemed more complete than the rest of the fake trailers included in the double feature, I just thought it was a fun addition to the exploitation throwbacks of Planet Terror and Death Proof. However, Rodriguez had other plans for Danny Trejo. His Troublemaker studios has produced a mainstream illegal immigration exploitation film filled with blood, gore, sex, movie stars, and wonderfully atrocious writing that only fans of C movies will appreciate. I criticized Piranha 3D for excessive violence and nudity; Machete certainly has its fair share. While this film isn’t for everyone, and at 1 hour 45 minutes might outstay its welcome, the cartoonish violence and ridiculous premise makes for an enjoyable flick, while simultaneously giving proponents of tough illegal immigration laws the middle finger. We start where all movies about Mexican federales do: in Mexico. Our hero is Machete, (Danny Trejo) an antihero bent on the takedown of a powerful drug kingpin known as Torrez (Steven Seagal). His preferred weapon is his namesake, along with any other sharp-edged weapons, gardening tools, kitchen appliances, or knitting equipment that might be within reach. His expertise with handheld objects is unmatched; he can decapitate a man with just about anything. He may be a hardened federal agent with a license to kill, but his heart lies at home with his family. Unfortunately for Torrez, he makes the classic bad-guy blunder—he kills Machete’s family and leaves Machete for dead. Revenge is brewing the behind the wronged family man’s scarred visage.

Years later, while Machete is working as an illegal day laborer in Texas, he becomes embroiled in a plot to kill a state senator, played by Robert De Niro (yes, that Robert De Niro). Like most people, he prefers political assassination to septic-tank work at $125 a day. Through a series of convenient meetings with increasingly attractive ladies (Michelle Rodriguez as a street meat vendor/revolutionary, Jessica Alba as an INS agent, and Lindsay Lohan, playing herself), our tattooed hero becomes a symbol of the network of illegal immigrants who are gearing up for a war against a wellfunded and well-armed border control militia. While Danny Trejo doesn’t have many lines in this film, it isn’t because he is an incompetent actor. Anyone who has seen his independent work in films like SherryBaby can attest that the man knows what he’s doing. He plays Machete the way it needs to be played; with silent determination and absurd one-liners (my favorite being “Machete don’t text.”). There isn’t much in his performance, or anyone else’s in the movie, that needs deconstructing. Machete is just a silly movie of Latin stereotypes, from taco stands to sombreros to hydraulic cars with airbrush paint jobs. Its ludicrous violence is funny in a way that Piranha 3D wasn’t; the humor contained in a fight scene with Machete wielding a weed whacker just can’t be described effectively. We know that when a doctor tells a nurse that human intestines are more than 60 feet long, we’re going to see just how long they are. Heads bounce off wall and floors like basketballs. It isn’t realistic, but this is a film where Jessica Alba makes out with Danny Trejo; one needs a certain amount of suspension of disbelief. I felt that the campy dialogue wasn’t always as good as it could have been, but then again, this is a film that’s

based on a two-minute joke trailer. If there is one point to take away from this review, it’s that you can’t expect much more from this movie than what you already know about it. But that’s OK, because you know this movie is about a machete-wielding Mexican superhero. There are rumors that Eli Roth is making Thanksgiving, which is another of the Grindhouse trailers. I hope not, because Roth has proven that he doesn’t have the restraint to make a film without buckets of blood. When making homage to a genre, it is important to do so without overindulging the conventions. There is a razor-thin line between doing justice to a style and stepping into parody. Roth just doesn’t have the subtlety required. Rodriguez clearly does. Besides, I would much rather see someone make Werewolf Women of the S.S. That would be movie gold.

Machete Directed by Robert Rodriguez Starring Danny Trejo, Steven Seagal, Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba Rated R Running time: 1 hour, 45 minutes | September 9, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 36 | The Pulse


Spirits Within

By Joshua Hurley

Revolutionary Bourbon Fall is here. For some people, the change of season means it’s time to go back to school, for others it’s time to cheer their favorite football team onto the field. Well, for customers at Riley’s, voted Chattanooga’s Number One wine and spirits store, it’s time to try another single-barrel bourbon picked by the owners and available exclusively at Riley’s Wine and Spirits. Last year, you may remember Buffalo Trace Bourbon as a “Great Buy”. This year it’s Evan Williams Single Barrel Bourbon Whiskey. Great Buys is where Riley’s Wine and Spirits on Hixson Pike in Hixson picks something from the area’s largest selection of wine and spirits from around the world and shares them with the readership of The Pulse. Evan Williams, like Jack Daniels, was born a Welshman. He landed in Virginia soon after the American Revolution and settled in the area that would soon become Kentucky. He was a farmer who found out that not only was it more economical to brew leftover corn and grain into whiskey, rather than let it rot, but downright rewarding as well. So, in 1783, he became Kentucky’s first distiller, setting up shop on the Ohio River in Louisville. Evan Williams was well known and respected in Louisville. He sat on the city’s board of trustees and always carried a bottle of his own bourbon to the meetings. Williams also served as harbormaster for the Port of Louisville. He died 200 years ago in October, 1810. Today, Evan Williams is operated by Heaven Hill and is the second bestselling bourbon in the United States. Evan Williams Bourbon is available at Riley’s, and always on sale, in its seven different varieties: Evan Williams Black Label Bourbon (86 proof), Green Label (80 proof), White Label (100 proof), Evan Williams 1783 (86 proof), Evan Williams Honey Reserve (70 proof), Evan Williams Egg Nog (available in December!) and Evan Williams Single Barrel Vintage (86.6 proof). Evan Williams Single Barrel Bourbon Whiskey comes from the master distiller’s excellent taste. He tries each and every bourbon barrel in the distillery, setting aside only a few he deems the best, and then ages them a little longer. Each bottle of Single Barrel comes from an individual barrel, not from many barrels blended together. The whiskey from each individual barrel is bottled bearing the barrel’s number and the date it began aging. Each barrel has its own unique flavor; all are good. Six or so months ago, the owners at Riley’s expressed interest in buying a barrel from Evan Williams; they obliged by sending five different samples from five different barrels. One barrel won out, and it is on display, along with its whiskey, only at Riley’s. Try it today. Just ask for Barrel Number 785. $23.57 plus tax.


The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 36 | September 9, 2010 |

The Pulse • Dining Out Spotlight

Brews, Cues, and ‘Cue on the Border by D. E. Langley When local businessman Mark Chitwood decided to expand his portfolio into the restaurant business, he chose the location of Southern Brew and Cue for a good reason. “There’s been a lot of development downtown, which is good— but there are other areas of town that deserve that kind of attention, too. The City of Rossville and the State of Georgia have done a great job of that.” The Chattanooga Metropolitan Area consists of six counties, three in Tennessee, and three in Georgia. “There are a lot of professional buildings and good businesses in that area of Northwest Georgia. It’s a great area of town with good people, and they deserve good entertainment without having to drive half an hour to get downtown.” And so, he opened Southern Brew and Cue earlier this year at 5017 Rossville Boulevard, quite literally just a stone’s throw from the Georgia border. A restaurant and billiard hall, it features not only food and games, but also live music on the weekends, and for the particularly uninhibited, karaoke on Thursday and Sunday nights. The interior of the spacious building is ideally laid out and furnished. The front half is dominated by pool tables, and a stage sits in the middle of the space. Further on are dining tables, and finally, in the back, is a large horseshoe bar, centered around a mirrored back bar and a 55-inch TV—perfect for watching some sports after you’ve finished some games of your own up front. (They’ll be

opening at noon on Saturdays and Sundays this autumn for you football fans.) Behind the bar on the day I visited was Michelle, whose specialty is a Calypso Cocktail, a concoction containing coconut tequila and cranberry juice, perfect for a warm summer day, a long autumn night, or just to accompany some of the savory barbecue that the restaurant dishes out. That barbecue comes in several varieties. Southern Brew and Cue serves pork, beef, chicken, and even prime rib, all smoked by the kitchen staff themselves. Jumbo chicken wing drums, in a unique twist on a classic bar food favorite, are smoked for four hours before being fried to crisp perfection. Other offerings include stuffed baked potatoes (with your choice of smoked meat) and salads for those looking for something a bit lighter. When I visited, I sampled the barbecued

beef brisket, smoked and pulled. It was accompanied by coleslaw and Brew and Cue’s Smokehouse Potato Salad, a tangy, creamy invention that caught me totally off guard. All were delicious, and the more than half pound (yes, I said more than a half pound) of brisket ensured I filled up. I managed to fit in a bite or two of the smoked chicken. It was equally wonderful. Drink specials are yet another enticement to visit. On Mondays, the bartenders pour $3 margaritas, and games of pool are free! Tuesdays mean $5 shots of Jagermeister and dollar longnecks. Dollar drafts are the Wednesday special, and $5 Jager shots return on Thursdays in time for karaoke. Well drinks are only $3 every weekday, and happy hour is from 3 to 7 p.m. An added bonus of the location, as far as Georgia residents are concerned, is that the establishment operates under Tennessee law, which means they stay open well after other options close—especially important for getting the most out of your Saturday nights! You won’t find a closer late-night entertainment option. As I mentioned earlier, the restaurant also serves as a venue. This Friday, the band Black Friday will take the stage, and there’s no cover charge. They usually draw a pretty big crowd, so come out early and grab a bite before the show begins. Southern Brew and Cue, 5017 Rossville Boulevard. Open Monday - Friday, 4 p.m. to close, Saturday and Sunday, 12 p.m. to close. Call (423) 468-4222 for more info. | September 9, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 36 | The Pulse


Ask A Mexican!

By Gustavo Arellano

Mexican Independence Day Edition Dear Readers, ¡VIVA MÉXICO, CABRONES! Happy 200th cumpleaños to America’s favorite country, to the land of pretty señoritas and eternal economic crises, to the world’s greatest, drunkest bola de hijos de la chingada! Celebrate this 16th, drive safe, and guys: remember to wear a helmet before going into battle with a gabacha, if you coger my drift. On with the questions!

“Black velvet Elvis portraits, additions to homes, fitting 19 to a car, the entirety of Mexico City, and the comedic styling of George Lopez—all rasquache.”

Ask the Mexican at themexican@, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at!


Dear Mexican, On the Fourth of July, my mother’s neighbors in Pico Rivera decided to rope off the street and have a block party. She was given a flier that said in English, “Come Celebrate Independence Day!” but on the flip side, in Spanish, it said, “Vengán a Celebrar el Día de la Manzana!” I’ve Googled my culo off and I can’t find any reference to celebrating Apple Day in July. Is this just a made-up holiday by illegal immigrants so they can party down on the Fourth and still thumb their noses at the gringos by NOT celebrating American Independence Day? It doesn’t make sense—my wife’s family snuck over here illegally in the 70’s and they always looked forward to the 4th of July barbecues, etc., and the only Apple Day I can find is in Great Britain in October. My mom said that if they had put “Independence Day” on the flier, they would have all shown up two months late on September 16th. What gives? — Ready to Pop Some Picollo Petes Dear Wab, I think what we see here is what Chicano scholars like to call rasquache: the uniquely Mexican art of creating beauty from crap. I’m talking black velvet Elvis portraits, additions to homes, fitting 19 to a car, the entirety of Mexico City, and the comedic styling of

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 36 | September 9, 2010 |

George Lopez—all rasquache. In this case, it seems your neighbors apply rasquachismo to semiotics by associating the Fourth of July with apple pie and creating a new nickname for the holiday, so don’t take offense. Hey: at least they translated the invitation, instead of the usual gabacho ruse of calling the police when Mexis start parking on lawns because they invited too many people to the house again. Dear Mexican, Why are Mexicans in Southern California professing so much hate against African-Americans? Especially since they are mostly Catholics and I believe racism is against all Catholic teachings? Who’s teaching these mostly young Mexicans to hate and kill African-Americans? I’m not talking about killing gang-banging African Americans, but innocent people like the girl murdered in Long Beach. I’m sure you know that an African was the president of Mexico, and fought for its independence! So, what’s the problem? — Know Nothing, and Proud Dear Readers, I received the above carta a couple of years ago, when a spate of murders and beatings between Mexicans and African Americans because of race got the media to do specials, write breathless stories, and wonder out loud if the reason that Mexicans targeted negritos was because of an anti-black gene embedded in the Mexican soul. Know Nothings, of course, used the anti-negrito crimes to further push their claim that Mexicans are evil and thus worthy

of deportation. Flash-forward to this year, in Staten Island, where it emerged that Mexicans were being targeted by African Americans because of their ethnicity. Did the media push the story that the perps targeted Mexis because African Americans are inherently racist? No, because that’s faulty logic, just like the antiblack-gene canard. Ethnic conflict in the United States is as American as Apple Day—not excusing it, and not denying that Mexico does have its own unique racial pendejadas, but the Mexican finds its highly amusing at how easily the media and Know Nothings cast us as inherent racists, yet don’t apply the same standard to our persecutors. What’s good for the ganso isn’t good for the gander, apparently. Finally, yes: Mexico had a black president (Vicente Guerrero) and a freedom fighter (José María Morelos).

The Pulse - Vol. 7, Issue 36  

The Pulse - Vol. 7, Issue 36