The Pulse 14.46 » November 16, 2017

BOB FAZIO POTTERY · BURLY TEMPLE MUSIC · A MOVIE MUSTACHE

NOVEMBER 16, 2017

CHATTANOOGA'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE

Make Santa Your Holiday Companion!

SANTA 106.9 All Holiday Music 24/7 merrychristmaschattanooga.com 2 • THE PULSE • NOVEMBER 16, 2017 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

VOL. 14, NO. 46 • NOVEMBER 16, 2017

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300 DAYS OF DESTRUCTION

After 300 days of lies and incompetency, the Trump train has left the rails of reality. Under the Trump dictatorship of right wing extremists, America has abdicated its world leadership.

THE TALE OF A MAGNIFICENT MUSTACHE

There is no tradition in English literature quite as popular as the mystery. There are mysteries of every type—suspense, historical, true crime, noir, private eye, supernatural etc.

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BOB FAZIO: SO MUCH MORE THAN POTTERY

This weekend, one of Chattanooga’s human treasures is gifting the community with a rare opportunity to visit his studio. A lifelong artist, Bob Fazio is a veteran art teacher and member of the Rising Fawn school of pottery.

BURLY TEMPLE FLYING HIGH WITH ICARUS

An artist here in town, one I have a great deal of respect for and have written about on more than once occasion, hit me up the other day and said he had a new project he wanted to share with me.

ALSO INSIDE

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Thanksgiving Memories, Tips & Tricks It’s a busy Saturday afternoon on the Southside at Feed Co. Table & Tavern. Executive Chef Charlie Loomis moves through the kitchen like a maestro, overseeing the cooks with a keen attention to detail, a soft smile stretching across his face.

FEATURED CONTRIBUTORS

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CONSIDER THIS

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MIXOLOGY

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JUST A THEORY

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MUSIC CALENDAR

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NEW IN THEATERS

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MUSIC REVIEWS

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ARTS CALENDAR

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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY

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CLEVELAND ROCKS

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JONESIN' CROSSWORD

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THE COMIX

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ON THE BEAT

Gary Poole has been a longtime presence in Chattanooga media and entertainment. He's been a radio talk show host, a performing musician, and has held just about every job here at The Pulse at one time or another over the past decade.

Alex Teach is a California native and a 20+ year veteran police officer. He’s a street cop who found a cathartic outlet for rampant cynicism in the form of writing. “I have a front-row seat to the most disturbing show on earth.”

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POLITICS ∙ ONE MAN'S OPINION

300 Days Of Destruction It's been nearly a year since Trump took office. It hasn't gone well.

By Terry Stulce

Pulse contributor

BREWER MEDIA GROUP Publisher & President Jim Brewer II FOUNDED 2003 BY ZACHARY COOPER & MICHAEL KULL

EDITORIAL

Managing Editor Gary Poole Assistant Editor Brooke Brown Music Editor Marc T. Michael Film Editor John DeVore Contributors Rob Brezsny • Steven W. Disbrow Matt Jones • Mike McJunkin Tony Mraz • Ernie Paik Rick Pimental-Habib • Terry Stulce Alex Teach • Michael Thomas Editorial Interns Kelley J. Bostian • Jessica Manning Cartoonists Max Cannon • Rob Rogers Jen Sorenson • Tom Tomorrow

ADVERTISING Director of Sales Mike Baskin

Account Executives Chee Chee Brown • Rick Leavell Cindee McBride • Libby Phillips John Rodriguez • Logan Vandergriff

CONTACT

Offices 1305 Carter St. Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Email info@chattanoogapulse.com Website chattanoogapulse.com Facebook @chattanoogapulse THE FINE PRINT: The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue.

The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

Contents Copyright © 2017 by Brewer Media. All rights reserved.

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FTER 300 DAYS OF LIES AND incompetency, the Trump train has left the rails of reality. Under the Trump dictatorship of right wing extremists, America has abdicated its world leadership and has abandoned its contract with its citizens to protect their life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness.

They are well on their way to destroying our health care system and have their sights on Medicaid, Medicare, and Social Security. Their only priority is assuring tax cuts for the superrich and supporting the lavish lifestyles of Trump and his Cabinet.

Betsy De Voss plans to destroy public education and sell it to the highest bidder. After all, education is a privilege not a right.

You don’t need an education to sell Amway.

The Department of Interior wants to shrink our national monuments and parks to the size of postage stamps and open them up to exploitation by oil, gas, mineral mining, and timber corporations. Big money for rich corporations is more important than preserving the beauty of the natural world for enjoyment of American citizens.

Scott Pruitt is hard at work destroying America’s environment. He may find a way to charge for the air you breathe. After all, you already have to pay for the polluted water you drink.

However, Pruitt is not content with destroying the American environment, he wants to destroy the world with CO2. He wants to unleash massive amounts of CO2 to enrich the oil, gas, and coal corporations and to speed up climate change and ensure world destruction.

As these destructive forces eat away at the fabric of our nation, Trump and his sycophants are filling the airways and Twitter feeds with a plethora of disinformation, propaganda, and just plain lies. They are

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President Donald Trump

Senator Bob Corker described Trump as “utterly untruthful” and was “debasing the nation”. attacking reality itself.

As the jaws of the Mueller investigation close around the Russian conspiracy, the attempts to warp reality have multiplied. Even before Mueller indicted Paul Manafort and Rick Gates and George Papadopoulos pleaded to guilty to lying to the FBI, Senator Bob Corker described Trump as “utterly untruthful” and was “debasing the nation”.

Senator Jeff Flake said Trump had “flagrant disregard for the truth and decency”.

Since those indictments and guilty pleas, Trump has thrown his distortion machine into high gear.

His desperate defense has devolved to junior high school taunts, transparent false equivalencies, desperate pleas of innocence, and “DO SOMETHING” tweets.

His “base” has been bombarded with misinformation by Trump and his echo machine. They have consumed so much false information

that it has severely damaged their reality testing. They are caught between what their own senses tell them and the lies that Trump insists they believe.

The reality testing of the Trump base is so impaired that they are willing to accept treason. A recent study found that 80 percent of Trump’s Republican supporters are willing to continue supporting Trump even if he is convicted of conspiring with Russia to sabotage the 2016 election.

Electing an incompetent, narcissistic liar to the Presidency may spell the end of America as we have known it. Game over—Putin wins. The November 7th elections are a ray of hope that all Americans are not brain dead.

Terry Stulce served two combat tours in Vietnam, one with the 101st Airborne and one with the 69th Border Rangers. He was an LCSW and owner of Cleveland Family Counseling before retirement in 2009.

Consider This with Dr. Rick

EdiToon

by Rob Rogers

“Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.” — Judy Garland

Ice Ice Baby At The Chattanooga Choo Choo Starting this Friday at 6 p.m., Chattanooga Presents will partner with Volkswagen to open Ice on the Landing at the Choo Choo Gardens once again, featuring holiday music by organist Buddy Shirk on opening night.

The 140’ by 40’ skating rink will get you in the holiday spirit as your surrounded by gas lanterns, fountains, and holiday splendor. Ice on the Landing will be open daily for nine weeks, closing on January 21st.

You can expect weekly events throughout the season ranging from Family Night, Student Night, Charity

Night, 80s Night, Pajama Night, Tacky Christmas Sweater Night and even gingerbread decorating opportunities.

Ticket pricing will remain at $10 for

an adult ticket, and $8 for ages 12 and under. This includes skate rentals and a two-hour skate session.

Individual season passes will be available for $100 and family season passes for $200, as well as gift cards for the rink. Ice on the Landing will also offer a basic skills skating course every Saturday and Monday morning prior to opening hours.

If you work up an appetite while skating you can grab a rink-side snack with cold beverage or hot chocolate, Nutella crepes, ham and cheese crepes all from Adelle’s Creperie — Jessica Manning

As humans we tend to compare up.

By that I mean we tend to see others as better than us. She’s more beautiful than I am. He’s more successful than I will ever be. Their kids do better than mine. That family has more advantages than ours.

Okay, some degree of these things may be true. So what? The Law of Attraction teaches us that what we focus on, we get more of. So if we’re obsessing over how we have “less than,” then that’s what we’ll continue to receive, as we stay stuck in “less than” mode.

If, however, we focus on the beauty we do possess, the success we do have (which comes in many forms), all that we can be grateful for, then guess what? We’ll stop seeing the world through glasses of envy, and start feeling beautiful, successful and most importantly, grateful. Wouldn’t that be a happier way to go through life?

— Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D.

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COLUMN ∙ JUST A THEORY

It’s A New Kind of Astronomy Gravity waves aren't for surfing, but they are scientifically amazing

Steven W. Disbrow Pulse columnist

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S WE WENT TO PRINT LAST month, news was swirling about an “Unprecedented” announcement that would be coming from the folks at the LIGO observatory. “LIGO,” if you don’t remember, is the “Laser Interferometry Gravitational-Wave Observatory.” There are now three of these observatories in operation; two in the United States (in Washington and Louisiana) and one (called “VIRGO”) in Italy.

As the name suggests, what these Observatories are looking for are Gravitational Waves. These waves are produced when massive objects smash into each other and create literal waves in the space-time fabric of the universe.

It’s sort of like the waves you get when you throw a stone into a pond. But, instead of moving along with the waves as they pass, these waves pass through everything in their path, stretching and pulling the fabric of reality as they sweep past.

So, how do you detect something like that? Well, basically, each of these Observatories is a huge “L”-shaped building with lasers being fired down each of the arms of the “L.” At the end of each building (about 4 kilometers away) is a mirror that bounces the laser back to the source. Since we know the speed of light, and we know the distance the lasers should travel round-trip, we know how long it should take for the laser to bounce back.

However, if a gravity wave passes through

the Observatory, one of the limbs will be stretched (or compressed) ever so slightly (typically, less than the width of a proton), changing the time it takes for the trip. Special software is constantly looking for these tiny differences and translates them into “chirps” that signify the passing of a gravity wave.

Simple.

Since it started operation a couple of years ago, LIGO has detected a couple of gravity waves, both produced by the collisions of massive black holes. This time however, with the newer VIRGO Observatory operational, they were able to do something much more interesting: Detect and pinpoint the location of two colliding Neutron stars.

(Neutron stars are very small, but very dense objects. How dense? A teaspoon of Neutron star material would weigh about a billion tons.)

But, even that’s not the most interesting bit. You see, because gravity waves travel at the speed of light, and because the addition of the third VIRGO observatory allowed scientists to pinpoint the location of the event (via triangulation), special software was able to match the gravity wave location to a Gamma-ray burst event that had been detected in the same spot by NASA’s Fermi space telescope.

That then led to telescopes of all types, from all over the world, being turned towards that patch of sky to observe the event using every type of wavelength that we can observe.

The end result is that this was the

Gravirty Waves courtesy NASA

“Since it started operation a couple of years ago, LIGO has detected a couple of gravity waves, both produced by the collisions of massive black holes.” first gravity wave event that’s also been seen in actual wavelengths of light. And, since various telescopes are still looking at it, it’s also going to be one of the most observed and studied celestial events in human history.

But, what’s so fascinating about colliding Neutron starts anyway?

Well, it’s long been theorized that these sort of collisions are what produce the heaviest elements.

Things like lead and gold all get their start in these insanely powerful collisions as the resulting fireball (called a “kilonova”) flings them out into interstellar space.

Until this event, that’s been just a theory. Now however, observations are already coming in that seem to confirm it.

The future for this new kind of

astronomy is bright. In the next few years, even more Gravitational Wave Observatories will come on line around the world (India and Japan are next up), which should make it even easier to see even “smaller” events and to pinpoint their locations even more precisely.

Combine this with all the other new ground- and space-based observatories that are coming online soon, and it’s looking like we are about to enter an exciting new era in astronomy. One that could well change everything we know about the universe and our place in it!

Steven W. Disbrow is a programmer who specializes in e-commerce and mobile systems development, an entrepreneur, comicbook nerd, writer, improviser, actor, sometime television personality and parent of two human children.

CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • NOVEMBER 16, 2017 • THE PULSE • 7

COVER STORY

Thanksgiving Memories, Tips & Tricks Chatting with Chattanooga's own celebrity chef Charlie Loomis

By Gary Poole

Pulse Managing Editor

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T’S A BUSY SATURDAY AFTERNOON ON THE Southside at Feed Co. Table & Tavern. Executive Chef Charlie Loomis moves through the kitchen like a maestro, overseeing the cooks with a keen attention to detail, a soft smile stretching across his face.

Executive Chef Charlie Loomis

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The clattering of pots and pans, the scattered conversations between the cooks and the servers, the background hum of happy diners all create a symphony of culinary bliss.

He is exactly where he loves to be.

And probably the only thing that Loomis loves more than cooking is talking about cooking.

Taking a break, we sat down in a back room where college football fans were gathering to watch their beloved team play on a wall of a large-screen televisions. But today, the conversation wasn’t about Feed Co. or football. It’s about the most culinary-oriented of all holidays: Thanksgiving. It’s the most American of all holidays, where past and present live together.

“Growing up, Thanksgiving was hands-down one of my favorite holidays,” Loomis says, his ever present smile growing wider. “Everyone in my family has always been real competi-

tive as far as cooking goes. We had my aunt against my other aunts’ stuffing, for example. It would be the turn of one aunt to make the stuffing and then another aunt would turn up with her cornbread dressing. It was always a contest to see who was doing better, who had their game on.”

That familial competition is part of what drives Loomis to this day. This competitive experience held him in good on his turn on the Food Network’s “Cooks vs Cons” show in 2016, as he prevailed and took home the $10,000 grand prize for best professional chef.

“Cooking has always been an emotional thing for me,” he explains. “If I can nail it and bring myself back to a special time, it’s a win for me.”

Thanksgiving itself has always been as much about memory as it has been about food. Childhood memories of holiday feasts have long played in a part in how we all prepare for Thanks-

COVER STORY

giving today. Loomis likes to draw a lot of his holiday cooking inspiration from his childhood.

“Thanksgiving has been about 5050 for me,” he says. “It’s either I’m going out to do something completely different or I want to mimic something I remember. One Loomis family tradition is my mom’s sour cream potatoes.

She uses buttermilk, sour cream, and lots of butter. She’ll boil the potatoes off and whip them, put them in a pan and cool them for a day, then bake them off. They don’t have that nasty texture of a re-heated potato and it’s just unbelievable. Me and my brother would fight over the leftovers.”

Just don’t expect to this on the Feed Co. menu anytime soon, as Loomis admits that’s he’s never been able to duplicate his mother’s recipe.

“I can’t do it the way she does,” he says wistfully. “She’ll show me how to

“Cooking has always been an emotional thing for me,” Loomis explains. “If I can nail it and bring myself back to a special time, it’s a win for me.” do it, but she doesn’t use a recipe… she just throws things in there. It just drives me crazy because I can’t mimic it.”

For many, if not most, people, Thanksgiving is all about the turkey.

And even though Loomis is a big fan of dark meat, he surprisingly turns out to not be as much about turkey as he is about everything else on the table.

“I’ve never been that big of a meat eater,” Loomis explains. “I enjoy it, but I always treat it more as a condiment. I really like all the different things on the plate and how they play

together. Having that many different things, picking and choosing, playing with a little bit of cranberry sauce with the gravy and the turkey, that’s what makes it fun.”

That’s not to say he doesn’t have plenty of ideas of how to change up the “turkey filled with stuffing and roasted in the oven” that is the traditional method.

“Turkey breasts are just kind of boring to me,” he says. “Sometimes I’ll braise the legs off, take the breasts off, splay it open and stuff the breast with the dark meat and roast that off.

And then do a cranberry barbecue sauce with it.”

His mother, whom he obviously inherited his love of creative cooking from, had her own interesting take on roasting a turkey.

“My mom would like to cook a roux and smother that on the outside of the turkey and then roast it like that,” he recalls. “The oil from the roux would interact with the skin and crisp it up a little bit, but it would have this kind of cakey texture on the outside. It was unbelievable. That was like a game changer for me.”

As a chef, a large part of Loomis’ success over the years has been his creative takes on many traditional dishes. Naturally, this extends beyond the restaurant and into his own holiday cooking. For example, his love of cranberry sauce. >> Continued on pg. 10

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COVER STORY

“I’ve got to have cranberries,” he says. “I buy them whole and then cook them down with water, sugar, a little bit of orange juice, and a little bit of ginger until the berries begin to pop. Then I stir them vigorously to break them up, taste them to see if they need a bit more sugar, and then they gel right up.”

One of the more interesting facets of Thanksgiving food is how regional it still is. What many people think of as a standard dish may be all but unheard of in other parts of the country.

“My grandmother used to make a baked pineapple dish with cheddar cheese and butter and Ritz crackers on top of it,” Loomis remembers.

“Every Thanksgiving it was on the table. I loved it. But everyone I’ve told this to, out of ten people there may be one who has heard of it. And we also used to always have a can of those cheap black olives that I put 10 • THE PULSE • NOVEMBER 16, 2017 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

on the ends of my fingers.”

But even as many of us still view Thanksgiving in the classic Norman Rockwell all-the-extended-familyaround-the-table fashion, the truth is many people are going small. Smaller meals, smaller groups, smaller thinking.

Which means an ever-larger number of people are now in charge of preparing the Thanksgiving meal themselves instead of just showing up at the family house. And even the smallest of Thanksgivings still involves more than a regular sit-down meal, which can be a bit daunting, especially for first-timers.

“My biggest advice would be to plan ahead, get a really good game plan in place,” he says. “Get your shopping done three days ahead of time, at least. More times than I can tell you I’ve been last-minute and showed up and there were no more green beans at the store. Or cran-

COVER STORY berries or something like that. Oh, and when cooking, use a lot of herbs.

That’s one thing a lot of people don’t take advantage of. I absolutely love a lot of rosemary, a lot of thyme, a lot of fresh parsley. It’s something that really sets things apart and adds so much.”

In addition to getting a game plan together and shopping well in advance (don’t forget the fresh herbs), Loomis says that actual food prep work can and should be done in advance.

“I enjoy getting all my prep done the day before and being able to enjoy myself on Thanksgiving,” he explains. “If I can just focus on the turkey then it’s not necessarily a bad thing to open the wine a little early and not worry so much about messing

“When cooking, use a lot of herbs. That’s one thing a lot of people don’t take advantage of. I absolutely love a lot of rosemary, a lot of thyme, a lot of fresh parsley. It’s something that really sets things apart and adds so much.” things up.”

Ah yes, the wine. For those of us who enjoy a nice glass or two on Thanksgiving, there are many choices. Loomis says it’s really up to your own preferences, as there isn’t a specific “right” answer. He’s a personal fan of an oaky Chardonnay but also doesn’t mind a Rosé. For many, a nice dry white such as a Sauvignon Blanc,

a Pinot Gris, or even a dry Chenin Blanc are well received. For others, a semi-sweet wine like a Riesling, a Gewürztraminer, or a classic White Zinfandel hit the spot.

But the most important question of them all, even beyond roasting vs frying a turkey, dressing vs stuffing, or mashed potatoes vs sweet potatoes is the debate that has separated entire

families for generations: pumpkin pie of pecan pie?

For Loomis, the answer is a bit more complex. “I grew up in Virginia and we had three different pie shops in town that were just pies,” he remembers. “We grew up in apple country, so apple pie was a big focus, and one of our favorites that we still do is chocolate chess pie. And blueberry pie is also a favorite. Even when it’s just me, my wife and our two kids, we’ll often bake up three pies just for the four us. And yes, that includes pumpkin and pecan.”

But when pressed on the question as to which is the best, pumpkin or pecan, Loomis has a simple answer “Both,” he says with a huge smile.

Spoken like a true chef of the people.

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FILM & TELEVISION On The Map

The Tale Of A Magnificent Mustache Kenneth Branagh brings back a classic mystery

Jewish Film Series Kicks Off Monday Coming back for a third year, the Documentary Jewish Film Series returns starting Monday with a trio of intriguing films that have received recognition at film festivals throughout the country.

Next Monday, Nov. 20th, the series kicks off with On The Map, an inspirational story of the 1977 Israel-Russia basketball European Cup championship game and the unlikely players who won. More than just a basketball game, this film talks about pride and determination against all odds.

The following Monday, Nov. 27th, The Outrageous Sophie Tucker screens. The story of a Ukrainian-born American singer, comedian, actress and radio personality who is best known for her powerful delivery of comical and risqué songs during the first half of the 20th century.

And for the finale, on Monday, Dec. 4th, Rabin In His Own Words will be presented. Through a combination of rare archival footage, home movies and private letters, the personal and professional drama of former Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin, who was assassinated in 1995, unfolds before the viewer’s eye.

Individual tickets are $8 per person and include complimentary popcorn and a soft drink. And all are welcome, regardless of religious affiliation or lack thereof.

— Michael Thomas Documentary Jewish Film Series Mondays at 7 p.m., Nov. 20 through Dec. 4 Jewish Cultural Center 5461 North Terrace (423) 493-0270 www.jewishchattanooga.com 12 • THE PULSE • NOVEMBER 16, 2017 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

Kenneth Branagh as Hercule Poirot

By John DeVore Pulse Film Editor

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HERE IS NO TRADITION IN ENGLISH literature quite as popular as the mystery.

There are mysteries of every type—suspense, historical, true crime, noir, private eye, supernatural etc. My mother is even a fan of a series of mysteries that somehow involves cats (cats make the best detectives—they have an eye for detail that a dog could never muster).

People love mysteries because they allow the reader into a brilliant mind, encouraging them to stretch their own deductive muscles and outsmart the villains again and again. We all love a twist, but we love seeing it coming even more.

For most, the love of mysteries start early, with Caroline Keane’s “Nancy Drew” or “The Hardy Boys” or even “Scooby Doo”. These easy myster-

ies for children have their roots in the classics, in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s “Sherlock Holmes”, which himself can be traced back to Edgar Allen Poe’s “C. Auguste Dupin”.

While Holmes might be the best-known detective, Hercule Poirot, the brilliantly mustachioed Belgian detective created by Agatha Christie, is famous in his own right. Poirot has had a long career, performed on screen by actors that range from Albert Finney to Tony Randall to Orson Welles. Sir Kenneth Branagh is the most recent to tackle the character in one of his most famous tales, Murder on the Orient Express.

Hercule Poirot is a detective in the classic tradition. He is preternaturally obsessed with detail. It’s balance, you see. Poirot needs to the world to be perfect, from his breakfast to his sense of justice.

His work as a detective is simply a means to exert his control on an imperfect world. This is, of

FILM & TELEVISION

“People love mysteries because they allow the reader into a brilliant mind, encouraging them to stretch their own deductive muscles and outsmart the villains again and again.”

✴ ✴ NEW IN THEATERS ✴ ✴

course, an exhausting way to view the world. And so, Hercule Poirot is in dire need of a vacation.

While attempting to take time off in Istanbul (not Constantinople), Poirot meets his friend Bouc, the lecherous director of the Orient Express, who offers him a cabin and passage to London. Poirot accepts eagerly aboard an unusually packed winter train, hoping to take a break from solving crimes.

This is not to be, however, as a murder occurs just a few feet from his cabin and Poirot is forced to solve the case on a snowbound train, locked in with the murderer.

The new film is, as most films are now, a remake. The original film in 1974 is considered a classic, likely the most authentic telling of an Agatha Christie story. Ingrid Berhman even won an Oscar for her performance

as Greta Ohlsson and rest of the cast had numerous nominations.

This begs the question of whether a new version is necessary. Does a classic movie that holds a 95 percent Fresh Rating on Rotten Tomatoes really need another adaptation? What else is there to be said? Branagh certainly feels there is more to uncover. His version is no less classically made than the original film—he has a keen eye for direction and his acting is as strong as ever.

The cast of the film itself is packed with some of the best Hollywood has to offer. Judi Dench, Penelope Cruz, Willem Dafoe, Josh Gad, and Michelle Pfeiffer all provide excellent performances in their roles, though most are underused in favor of Branagh’s fun interpretation of the genial, fussy detective.

Justice League Fueled by his restored faith in humanity and inspired

by Superman's selfless act, Bruce Wayne enlists the help of his newfound ally, Diana Prince, to face an even greater enemy.

Director: Zack Snyder Stars: Ben Affleck, Gal Gadot, Jason Momoa

If anything, every film starring Kenneth Branagh is worth your time. Even when the movie itself is underwhelming, Branagh’s performance is great.

Here, he is clearly enjoying himself and pouring his talents into the character.

But that doesn’t necessarily equal an essential film. Overall, Murder on the Orient Express is entertaining and beautifully shot. No one who sees the film will be angry they did. It’s not an improvement over the original, however.

The question of why it was made, and why it was made now, is hard to answer. If there is a purpose, it could be to expose a new audience to Agatha Christie’s detective and maybe spur new interest in Poirot.

Given the average age of the audience who saw the film with me, the millennial generation and younger isn’t turning out.

There is another possibility, though.

The film debuted between Thor: Ragnarok and Justice League. Maybe it’s simply an alternative to the glut of superheroes, giving adults a reason to go the movies.

That’s a nice thought. Let’s go with that.

Wonder The incredibly inspiring and heartwarming story of August Pullman, a boy with facial differences who enters fifth grade, attending a mainstream elementary school for the first time.

Director: Stephen Chbosky Stars: Julia Roberts, Jacob Tremblay, Owen Wilson CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • NOVEMBER 16, 2017 • THE PULSE • 13

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

Bob Fazio: So Much More Than Pottery Combining the art of clay and a lifetime of teaching

Finding Voices Through Photography “Dear World” will be in UTC’s Roland Hayes Auditorium Thursday night at 7 p.m. This movement began in 2009 as “Dear New Orleans” where residents were asked to write a “love letter” to their city.

“Dear World” is now an internationally recognized portrait and storytelling project. “Dear World” has taken over 70,000 photographs as they travel around the globe seeking to help others find their voice and tell their own stories.

Each place they go, they ask people to share something about themselves or to send a message to someone or something they care about regardless of religion, race or language. Participants choose a few words to tell their personal story or message that they then write on their body with a Sharpie.

Founder Robert Fogarty believes, “We all have hopes and fears, losses and joys, and this is just one other way to express our desires to be heard.”

This storytelling event will be in town for one night only to feature and celebrate stories and voices from around the world. There will also be an after-party event where your portrait can be taken to share your personal story with the rest of the world. — Jessica Manning Dear World Thursday, 7:30 p.m.

UTC Fine Arts Center 752 Vine St. (423) 452-4269 utc.edu/fine-arts-center 14 • THE PULSE • NOVEMBER 16, 2017 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

Bob Fazio pottery

By Tony Mraz

Pulse contributor

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HIS WEEKEND, ONE OF CHATTANOOga’s human treasures is gifting the community with a rare opportunity to visit his studio. A lifelong artist, Bob Fazio is a veteran art teacher and member of the Rising Fawn school of pottery. Many patrons of Area 61 Gallery are familiar with his signature style of ceramic work, a beautiful and playful merging of functional pottery and sculpture.

Though Fazio is retired after 40 years of teaching, he still works regularly in his studio. For the last 28 years of his teaching career, he was at Baylor School, where he was eventually head of the fine arts department.

“In teaching studio arts, you become familiar

with different procedures, different techniques, and different materials, because you have to teach those skills,” he says about this experience.

“I like to be known as a potter, but I’m also a painter and a sculptor. I’ve taught just about every kind of art project you can think of. In my years of teaching, I experimented with many different materials, but I always come back to my first love—clay.”

He tells us about how he started making clay objects when he was a child.

“I started sculpting when I was maybe four or five years old with modeling clay, making space ships, fast cars, and that sort of thing. I always loved to move the material around and change it.”

In 1973, he took a potter’s seminar from Charles Counts at Rising Fawn. At the time,

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

“In my years of teaching, I experimented with many different materials, but I always come back to my first love—clay.”

Counts was a local guru of pottery, and was renowned nationally as a potter. His work can be found today in the Smithsonian.

After learning pottery from Counts, Fazio bought himself a potter’s wheel and a kiln, and the rest is history.

“From 1973 to today, I still throw pots on a regular basis,” he says.

“Most of the work that I make is functional, and can be used for eating and drinking. I also do decorative pieces, like vases and sculptures.”

One of the hallmarks of the Rising Fawn school is the combining of sculptural elements with functional pottery. Fazio works in three different clays—porcelain, stoneware, and a high-fire terra cotta. He uses terra cotta to sculpt, because it has a lot of strength and resilience. He makes figurative sculptures, focusing on the human form and creating multiple pieces at a time.

Each series is united by a theme, and his newest is no exception.

“We’re getting ready to move Area 61 from Main St. to the plaza sur-

rounding the new Weston Hotel,” he explains. “I’m creating a whole new line of pots and sculptures for that move. In the new space, people will see a series of mermaid pieces that I have made. There will be new, intriguing, and different things from what I have done in the past.”

The new series will feature mermaid sculptures and pots with mermaids on them. He has made many coffee mugs with faces on them.

“I call them face mugs, they’re lots of fun, they have different expressions on them,” he says. “I also do casserole dishes, pitchers, cream & sugar sets, things like that with faces on them. My newest work will also include a Chattanooga stamp on a beer stein sized mug.”

Fazio also paints in acrylic, watercolor, and gouache, but he overall love is simply spending time in his studio.

“First of all, as an artist, I try to have fun when I’m working because if it’s not fun, I don’t want to do it,” he explains. “I’m 71, and I’ve made

a lot of stuff. I’ve been through lots of phases of production. I try to challenge myself every time I go into the studio, to create a new line of something. As a retired person, I have this freedom, which is very wonderful.

The great thing about being retired is that every day is like a Saturday. I can model every day of my life to suit myself. Having a home studio makes it even easier—I can work there in the mornings, in the evenings, whenever I want.”

Fazio’s studio is located at Blueberry Hills Farm in Soddy Daisy. He is having an open house and art show there this Saturday.

“I’m trying to thin out my inventory of older pieces that were at Area 61, so that I will have room for the new inventory I’m making for our new location,” he notes. “In this sale, I will have everything from face mugs to teapots, paintings, and sculptures— and the price of everything will be drastically reduced so that I can make room for my new inventory.”

Trunk Show Saturday, November 18, 1-5pm Blueberry Hills Farm 8319 Gann Rd. Soddy Daisy, TN (423) 802-7921

THU11.16

FRI11.17

SAT11.19

Introduction to Stand Up Comedy

The Crucible

Regina James: Fit For A Queen Fashion Show

Do you make people laugh?

Ever wanted to take it to the stage? Here's where you can learn how.

6 p.m.

Chattanooga WorkSpace 302 W. 6th St. chattanoogaworkspace.com

Arthur Miller’s legacy drama is set during the Salem Witch Trials of the 1800's with ties to the “Red Scare” of the 1950's.

7:30 p.m.

Mars Theater 117 N. Chattanooga St. bapshows.com

This fashion experience

by Veatrice Conley will celebrate Queens of all shapes and sizes!

8 p.m.

Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. barkinglegs.org

CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • NOVEMBER 16, 2017 • THE PULSE • 15

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT CALENDAR

When the Drummers Were Women

THURSDAY11.16 Dana Shavin 5 p.m.

Plum Nelly Shop & Gallery 330 Frazier Ave. plumnellyshop.com Kegs for Kindness 5 p.m.

OddStory Brewing Company 336 E. MLK Blvd. oddstorybrewing.co Fearless & Resilient 5:30 p.m.

UTC Fine Arts Center 752 Vine St. utc.edu/fine-arts-center Book Reading with Martin Luther King lll 5:30 p.m.

Redemption to the Nations Church 1908 Bailey Ave. rttnchurch.com Introduction to Stand Up Comedy 6 p.m.

Chattanooga WorkSpace 302 W. 6th St. chattanoogaworkspace.com The Work 6 p.m.

Picture Palace House 818 Georgia Ave. chattpalace.com House of Views: Day of the Dead 6:30 p.m.

AVA Gallery 30 Frazier Ave. avarts.org Listen Local: Love & Baseball 7 p.m.

16 • THE PULSE • NOVEMBER 16, 2017 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

The Camp House 149 E. MLK Blvd. thecamphouse.com Left Out Stories of Chattanooga 7 p.m.

The Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View Ave. huntermuseum.org Dear World 7:30 p.m.

UTC Fine Arts Center 752 Vine St. utc.edu/fine-arts-center Reno Collier 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. thecomedycatch.com My Friend Dahmer 8 p.m.

Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. chattpalace.com

Mansfield 66/67 10 p.m.

Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. chattpalace.com

FRIDAY11.17 My Friend Dahmer 6 p.m.

Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. chattpalace.com 9th Annual Three Blind Wines 6 p.m.

Stratton Hall 3146 Broad St. strattonhall.com Photographer’s Choice 6:30 p.m.

Gallery at Blackwell 71 Eastgate Loop chattanoogaphoto.org

ENTERTAINMENT SPOTLIGHT With a contagious laugh and friendly demeanor, Reno's observations often find him recalling mishaps of his West Virginia cousins, his Scottish heritage, unruly in-laws and even alien abductions.

Reno Collier The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com

When the Drummers Were Women 6:30 p.m.

Movement Arts Collective 3813 Dayton Blvd. movementartscollective.com Silent Sky 7:30 p.m.

UTC Fine Arts Center 752 Vine St. utc.edu/fine-arts-center The Crucible 7:30 p.m.

Mars Theatre District 117 N. Chattanooga St. LaFayette Ga. bapshows.com Reno Collier 7:30, 9:45 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. thecomedycatch.com The Square 8 p.m.

Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. chattpalace.com Improv Showdown 8 p.m.

First Draft Theater 1800 Rossville Ave. improvchattanooga.com Man of La Mancha 8 p.m.

Covenant College’s Sanderson Auditorium 14049 Scenic Hwy. covenant.edu Lantern Tours 8:30 p.m.

Ruby Falls 1720 Scenic Hwy. rubyfalls.com The Long Game

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT CALENDAR

Man of La Manca 10 p.m.

First Draft Theater 1800 Rossville Ave. improvchattanooga.com I Remember You 10:30 p.m.

Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. chattpalace.com

SATURDAY11.18 Pangorge 7:30 a.m.

Tennessee River Gorge Trust 1214 Dartmouth St. pangorge.com 5K Run to Remember 7:30 a.m.

Tennessee Riverpark 4301 Amnicola Hwy. alz.org/altn 5th Annual Autism Awareness Walk 8:30 a.m.

Coolidge Park chattautismwalk.com 154th Anniversary of the Battles for Chattanooga 9 a.m.

3370 Lafayette Rd. Fort Oglethorpe, GA nps.gov Soul Soother 10 a.m.

Purple Sky Healing Arts 625 E. Main St. purpleskyhealingarts.com Guitaranooga 10 a.m.

Songbirds Guitar Museum 35 Station St. songbirdsguitars.com

Barre On The Bridge 10 a.m.

Walnut Street Bridge 200 Frazier Ave. purebarre.com HoHo Expo 10 a.m.

Chattanooga Convention Center 1 Carter Plaza hohochatt.com Nature Nuts: Fairy Houses 10 a.m.

Reflection Riding Arboretum & Nature Center 400 Garden Rd. reflectionriding.org Fire Building 101 10:30 a.m.

Reflection Riding Arboretum & Nature Center 400 Garden Rd. reflectionriding.org Red Wolf Feeding and Talk Noon Reflection Riding Arboretum & Nature Center 400 Garden Rd reflectionriding.org My Friend Dahmer 2, 11 p.m.

Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. chattpalace.com UTC vs ETSU 2 p.m.

Finley Stadium 1826 Carter St. utc.edu Silent Sky 2 p.m.

UTC Fine Arts Center 752 Vine St. utc.edu/fine-arts-center

The Square 4, 8:30 p.m.

Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. chattpalace.com The Temptation of Adam Launch Party 6:30 p.m.

Arts Build 301 E. 11th St. Ste 301 artsbuild.com I Remember You 6:30 p.m.

Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. chattpalace.com The Crucible 7:30 p.m.

Mars Theatre District 117 N. Chattanooga St. LaFayette Ga. bapshows.com Reno Collier 7:30, 9:45 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. thecomedycatch.com Man of La Mancha 8 p.m.

Covenant College’s Sanderson Auditorium 14049 Scenic Hwy. covenant.edu Regina James: Fit For A Queen Fashion Show 8 p.m.

Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. barkinglegs.org

SUNDAY11.19 154th Anniversary of the

Battles for Chattanooga 9 a.m.

3370 Lafayette Rd. Fort Oglethorpe, GA nps.gov HoHo Expo 10 a.m.

Chattanooga Convention Center 1 Carter Plaza hohochatt.com Chattanooga Market 11 a.m.

First Tennessee Pavilion 1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com The Square 2, 6:30 p.m.

Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. chattpalace.com Free Fiddle School 2 p.m.

Fiddlers Anonymous 2248 Dayton Blvd.

The Crucible 2:30 p.m.

Mars Theatre District 117 N. Chattanooga St. LaFayette Ga. bapshows.com I Remember You 4:30 p.m.

Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. chattpalace.com Alton Brown Live: Eat Your Science 7 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. tivolichattanooga.com Reno Collier 7:30 p.m.

CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • NOVEMBER 16, 2017 • THE PULSE • 17

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT CALENDAR

Traffic Skills for Bike Commuting The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. thecomedycatch.com My Friend Dahmer 9 p.m.

Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. chattpalace.com

MONDAY11.20 1TABLE 11:30 a.m.

The Bessie Smith Cultural Center 200 E. MLK Blvd. bessiesmithcc.org Traffic Skills for Bike Commuting 6 p.m.

Outdoor Chattanooga 200 River St. outdoorchattanooga.com

TUESDAY11.21 Northside Farmers’ Market 3 p.m.

Northside Presbyterian Church 923 Mississippi Ave (423) 266-1766 I Remember You 3:30 p.m.

Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. chattpalace.com My Friend Dahmer 5:30 p.m.

Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. chattpalace.com The Square 7:30 p.m.

18 • THE PULSE • NOVEMBER 16, 2017 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. chattpalace.com Top Secret Tuesday 10 p.m.

Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. chattpalace.com

WEDNESDAY11.22 Middle Eastern Dance 10:30 a.m.

Jewish Cultural Center 5461 North Terrace jewishchattanooga.com I Remember You 6 p.m.

Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. chattpalace.com Comedy Open Mic 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. thecomedycatch.com The Square 8 p.m.

Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 803-6578 chattpalace.com My Friend Dahmer 10:30 p.m.

Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. chattpalace.com Map these locations on chattanoogapulse. com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Cleveland Happenings A look at what's going on in and around Bradley County

Hidden Figures Movie Showing Thursday, 6:30 p.m.

Cleveland State Community College 3535 Adkisson Dr. In 1961, three African-American women began working for NASA as "human computers", working on the Space Task Force to solve problems for engineers and others at NASA. They face discrimination both as African-Americans and as women, but succeed in pursuing their dream careers.

Hidden Figures is an award-winning movie based on a true story and was nominated for multiple Oscars, including Best Picture and Best Supporting Actress. This event is free and open to the public.

Fly-In/Drive-In Breakfast Saturday, 8 a.m.

Cleveland Regional JetPort 251 Dry Valley Rd. NE Monthly Fly-In/Drive-In breakfast, presented by the Cleveland Squad-

ron of the Civil Air Patrol, is held the third Saturday of each month, rain or shine.

Mistletoe Market Holiday Craft & Vendor Show Saturday, 10 a.m. & Sunday, 1 p.m.

Cleveland Middle School 3635 Georgetown Rd. NW Shop over 125 vendors to get started on that Christmas list! Skip the long Black Friday lines and complete all of your shopping with local craft and business vendors right here in Cleveland!

The Cleveland Orchestra and Chorus of Tennessee Present Messiah Sing-A-Long Saturday, 7:30 p.m.

Cleveland State Community College 3535 Adkisson Dr. This is a must attend event that will provide an opportunity for everyone to help sing this classic. This event is free and open to the public.

1st Annual "Conservation Skillathon" Monday, 9 a.m.

Cleveland State Community College 3535 Adkisson Dr. The Greg A. Vital Center for Natural Resources and Conservation is proud to host teams from area high schools as they compete in conservation based events.

Thanksgiving Day 5k Thursday, 7:30 a.m.

Tinsley Park Mouse Creek Rd. NW Join us for the 2nd Annual Thanksgiving Day 5k in Cleveland presented

by Terra Running Company. The first 200 registered participants are guaranteed a registration prize! Participants over 18 get a commemorative Thanksgiving Day 5k apron, perfect for helping in the kitchen on Turkey Day and all year long. Participants 17 and under get a commemorative turkey plush toy.

CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • NOVEMBER 16, 2017 • THE PULSE • 19

THE COMIX

20 • THE PULSE • NOVEMBER 16, 2017 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

FOOD & DRINK ∙ MIXOLOGY

Thankful For Holiday Libations Finding the perfect drinking companion for your Thanksgiving feast

By Jessica Manning Pulse contributor

I

F YOUR THANKSGIVING DAY IS anything like mine, it starts early and is packed full of gatherings that are filled with all your loveable, and sometimes notso-loveable family members.

Maybe you wake up early to watch the annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade held in New York City, or maybe you must hit the ground running, as you begin cooking the traditional Thanksgiving meal for your entire extended family.

Maybe you are lucky enough to stay camped out in front of the television watching some of the most crucial football games of the season.

Or maybe your filled with thrill, as you collect the Black Friday sales ads, so you can start mapping out your strategic shopping game plan for the following morning, in attempt to collect 2017’s must-have Christmas gifts.

This delightful holiday offers you countless opportunities to drink with your family or because of your family, as this is one of the few holidays that forces you to spend time with some your usually avoided extended family members.

Either way you’ll most likely need something stronger than coffee to get you through the long day. This year consider spicing up your coffee with some Bailey’s Irish Cream or, before you start slaving over the hot stove, whip yourself up a dependable Bloody Mary.

Thanksgiving is the single most important day for food. Most of the day is focused on preparing and consuming the delicious traditional family meal, including but not limited to: turkey, ham, dressing or stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes, casseroles of every kind, rolls, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie,

pecan pie, and an assortment of your other favorite odd dishes.

This wide selection of food makes it difficult to pinpoint the perfect drink to accompany the meal. If you are strictly a beer person you won’t even think twice about your drink selection, but if you want to offer your guest the perfect drink to accompany your feast you might find some difficulties.

What drink goes with the variety of tastes, textures, and flavors that present themselves on Thanksgiving Day? Should you choose one drink to carry you from appetizer to dessert? Or should you choose several drinks to accent the different areas of the meal?

The choice is entirely up to you, but I would suggest presenting sparkling wine to your guests.

Sparkling wine has become quite popular for all types of holiday meals. These wines typically carry

“This delightful holiday offers you countless opportunities to drink with your family or because of your family.” a decent dose of acidity, which increases its pairing potential, while also adding a festive feel to your dinner table.

It is completely capable of handling an assortment of appetizers, and even foods that are fried or

salty, making it a great match for turkey and dressing.

Since this is the holiday all about sharing with your family, I suggest going with a punch, which ensures you’ll have enough for the whole crazy gang.

Sparkling Fruits Party Punch Ingredients • 1 (12oz) can frozen lemonade • 1 (12oz) can frozen apple raspberry juice • 1 (12oz) can frozen apple cherry juice • 3 (6oz) cans pineapple juice • 5 cans water • 2 liters lemon lime soda or ginger ale or 1 bottle sparkling

wine or sparkling cider • Small bag frozen berries • Slices of lemon • Ice Directions Add all the frozen juice concentrates into a large pitcher.

Using one of the empty frozen juice cans, add 5 cans of water to the pitcher.

Add pineapple juice and mix until everything is combined.

Keep pitcher in the cooler until ready to serve.

To serve, add juice to a punch bowl or drink dispenser with some ice.

Then add your favorite fizzy beverage.

Garnish with frozen fruit and sliced berries.

CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • NOVEMBER 16, 2017 • THE PULSE • 21

MUSIC

Burly Temple Flying High With Icarus Necrolemurs Work The Microphone Necrolemurs may have faced extinction 30 million years ago, but the badassery of their existence and name have trickled down into modern Chattanoogan culture in the least expected way.

Preforming at the 2017 Chattanooga Hip Hop Festival, Necrolemur is a “psychedelic triphop” rap collective that has sprouted from the diverse UTC student body. Founded

by Kid Cuebas, a Creative Writing major in the English Department of UTC, the rap collective strives to reach out to “anyone and everyone who wants to be part of something that’s a bit darker, but also positive because it’s a creative outlet for the people who’ve created it.”

Necrolemur draws large crowds at every live performance because they appeal to a niche in the rap genre that hasn’t been exploited locally. As Kid Cuebas explains, that “niche” is “sad and angsty lyrical themes blended with modern 808 beats and psychedelic melodies.”

Cuebas himself remembers first being inspired to pursue rap after the release of the Eminem Show in 2002, but has invested his creative ability fully in the genre because it allows connection to people through introspection.

Though the local rap group has employed various other artists in their work, it primarily consists of Kid Cuebas and Melancholy Dupree as mainstay vocalists. The two released their first EP Grave Plot just this August under the Necrolemur title and are planning to debut a new single at 2:45 p.m. during the Hip Hop Chattanooga festival, the first of many big performances for Necrolemur.

— Kelley J. Bostian Chattanooga Hip-Hop Festival Saturday, 2 p.m.

Revelry Room 41 Station St. (423) 521-2929 www.revelryroom.co 22 • THE PULSE • NOVEMBER 16, 2017 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

Unique local side project presents a two-song album

Burley Temple

By Marc T. Michael Pulse Music Editor

A

N ARTIST HERE IN TOWN, ONE I have a great deal of respect for and have written about on more than once occasion, hit me up the other day and said he had a new project he wanted to share with me. I listened, loved it, decided to write it up, but there was a caveat. This project had to be kept entirely separate from his

other work.

Plenty of artists have multiple bands, multiple projects or multiple personas, and sometimes it’s okay for that artist to be recognized in each incarnation (Les Claypool, for instance.) Other times, though, anonymity is necessary, like the kid who plays in the church band on Sunday and has a makeupwearing, pentagram-having, Satan-hailing death metal band the rest of the week. It’s just better for business if never the twain

MUSIC

“As a rule, I’m not a huge fan of songs that are 17 minutes long, but in this case I’ll happily make an exception because, again, this guy’s lyrical chops are second to none.” meet.

I get it, completely, and will of course respect the artist’s wishes, but this presents me with a downside in that I can’t really discuss the new music in terms of how it expands upon the old.

So, for our purposes here today, Burly Temple is a completely independent artist in no way affiliated with any other performer in the area, although he does share a propensity for fiendishly clever lyric writing with another fellow I consider to be one of the very best songwriters I’ve ever heard, bar none.

The new album Icarus features just two songs, “The Ballad of Bill Bailey: The Making of Chinese Democracy and the Unmaking of Axl Rose” and “The Chris Anderson Trilogy.”

Yes, I referred to two songs as an album, but consider that each tune chimes in just a little bit past the 17 minute mark and there’s no denying, if this were on vinyl, it would be two whole sides comprising one whole album.

As a rule, I’m not a huge fan of songs that are 17 minutes long, but in this case I’ll happily make an exception because, again, this guy’s lyrical chops are second to none. Not only is his wordplay rapid-fire funny and intelligent, the larger points he makes are valid, and extremely well thought out.

The first song’s subject matter is pretty self-explanatory but his handling of the material, the rise and fall of a certain group from the late eighties, is so simultaneously hilarious and yet spot-on, it’s great fun to listen to whether

THU11.16 An Evening with Ken Block and Drew Copeland of Sister Hazel

you ever cared about that certain group or not.

The second tune (“The Chris Anderson Trilogy”) carries the gravitas of this two song set. Dealing with some very local politics, the tune yet again manages to combine some wicked humor with genuine, sincere insight.

Any clown can make a person laugh, but it takes an artist of a high degree to simultaneously make you laugh and think, while delivering observations with such acuity that I’m starting to think of this guy as the musical version of Jonathan Swift or H.L. Mencken.

He’s just that good and there is no reason to take my word for it, you can hear these tow marvelous little ditties for free at the Burly Temple Bandcamp page.

An intimate setting with two very talented musicians.

7 p.m.

Songbirds Guitar Museum 35 Station St. songbirdsguitars.com

FRI11.17 Bill Fox, Dead Testaments, Smoking Tombs, Hans Chews

Kick off the weekend with some good old fashioned rock-n-roll. ​9 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com

SAT11.19 Jess Goggans Band

Funktified blues with a heaping helpin' of soul shaking gyratin' groove laying original music that'll get your feet moving!

10 p.m.

Clyde’s On Main 122 W. Main St. clydesonmain.com

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Send your resume and cover letter to: Mike Baskin, Director of Sales mikebaskin@brewermediagroup.com In the subject line, please include: Brewer Sales Position Learn more about us at BrewerMediaGroup.com.

Brewer Media is an equal opportunity employer.

brewer media everywhere. every day.

CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • NOVEMBER 16, 2017 • THE PULSE • 23

LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR

Lord Nelson

THURSDAY11.16 James Crumble Trio 6 p.m.

St. John’s Meeting Place 1278 Market St. stjohnsrestaurant.com Bluegrass Jam 6 p.m.

Whole Foods Market 301 Manufacturers Rd. wholefoodsmarket.com Prime Country Band 6:30 p.m.

Motley’s 320 Emberson Dr. Ringgold, GA (706) 260-8404 An Evening with Ken Block and Drew Copeland of Sister Hazel 7 p.m.

Songbirds Guitar Museum 35 Station St. songbirdsguitars.com Cabert 120 7 p.m.

Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. barkinglegs.org Toby Hewitt 7 p.m.

Backstage Bar 29 Station St. backstagechattanooga.com Open Mic Night with Ryan Oyer 7 p.m.

Moccasin Bend Brewing Company 3210 Broad St. bendbrewingbeer.com Heatherly

24 • THE PULSE • NOVEMBER 16, 2017 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

7 p.m.

The Social 1110 Market St. publichousechattanooga.com Vivaldi: The Four Seasons 7:30 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. tivolichattanooga.com Bluegrass Thursdays 7:30 p.m.

Feed Co. Table & Tavern 201 W. Main St. feedtableandtavern.com Jesse James & Tim Neal 7:30 p.m.

Mexi-Wing VII 5773 Brainerd Rd. mexi-wingchattanooga.com UTC Jazz Band, Marching Mocs and Alumni Jazz Band present “MocWave” 7:30 p.m.

Roland Hayes Concert Hall

752 Vine St. utc.edu/fine-arts-center Keepin’ It Local 8 p.m.

The Social 1110 Market St. publichousechattanooga.com Elizabeth Cook 9 p.m.

Revelry Room 41 Station St. revelryroom.co Lacing, Ruined 9 ​ p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com Open Mic Night with Jonathan Wimpee 9 p.m.

The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com

PULSE MUSIC SPOTLIGHT A Grand Ole Opry regular and SiriusXM Outlaw Country hostess, Cook fuses her twang and whiskeysoaked vocals to create her own brand of modern country.

Elizabeth Cook Thursday, 9 p.m.

Revelry Room 41 Station St. revelryroom.co

FRIDAY11.17 Binji Varsossa 6 p.m.

Cancun Mexican Restaurant 1809 Broad St. (423) 266-1461 Tim Lewis 7 p.m.

El Meson 248 Northgate Park elmesonchattanooga.com Hush Money 7 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. tivolichattanooga.com Russell Gulley, Jerry Grant & The Corruptors 8 p.m.

Music Box @ Ziggy’s 607 Cherokee Blvd. ziggysbarandgrill.net Eric Turner 8 p.m.

The Casual Pint 5550 Hwy. 153 hixson.thecasualpint.com Priscilla and Lil’ Rickee 8:30 p.m.

The Foundry 1201 Broad St. chattanooganhotel.com Andy Leichty 9 p.m.

The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com Highbeams 9 p.m.

Puckett’s Restaurant 2 W. Aquarium Way puckettsgro.com

LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR

February Sky The Ultimate Led Zeppelin Experience 9 p.m.

Revelry Room 41 Station St. revelryroom.co Bill Fox, Dead Testaments, Smoking Tombs, Hans Chews ​9 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com Lord Nelson 10 p.m.

Clyde’s On Main 122 W. Main St. clydesonmain.com Jolt!

10 p.m.

Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com

SATURDAY11.18 Bluegrass Brunch Noon The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy. thehonestpint.com Manheim Steamroller 3, 7 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. tivolichattanooga.com Binji Varsossa 6 p.m.

Cancun Mexican Restaurant 1809 Broad St. (423) 266-1461 ALS Bluegrass Benefit 6 p.m.

Harrison Ruritan Club

5637 Hwy. 58 harrisonruritanclub.webs.com Tim Lewis 7 p.m.

El Meson 248 Northgate Park elmesonchattanooga.com Cerulia, Sparrus, Where’s The Fire 8 p.m.

Music Box @ Ziggy’s 607 Cherokee Blvd. ziggysbarandgrill.net Matt Foster 8 p.m.

The Casual Pint 5550 Hwy. 153 hixson.thecasualpint.com Charley Pride with Roots & Boots 8 p.m.

Memorial Auditorium 399 McCallie Ave. tivolichattanooga.com Febuary Sky 8 p.m.

Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse 105 McBrien Rd. christunity.org Chattanooga HipHop Festival 8 p.m.

Revelry Room 41 Station St revelryroom.co Cornbred 8 p.m.

Mayo’s Bar and Grill 3820 Brainerd Rd. mayosbarandgrill.com Priscilla and Lil’ Rickee 8:30 p.m.

The Foundry 1201 Broad St.

chattanooganhotel.com Jess Goggans Band 10 p.m.

Clyde’s On Main 122 W. Main St. clydesonmain.com Karaoke with M.J. 10 p.m.

The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com Jolt!

10 p.m.

Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com

SUNDAY11.19 The Mailboxes 11 a.m.

Flying Squirrel Bar 55 Johnson St. flyingsquirrelbar.com Heidi Holton 12:30 p.m.

First Tennessee Pavilion 1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com Tobi D’Amore 1:30 p.m.

Flying Squirrel Bar 55 Johnson St. flyingsquirrelbar.com Drakeford 2 p.m.

First Tennessee Pavilion 1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com Bluegrass Jam 4 p.m.

Fiddler’s Anonymous 2248 Dayton Blvd.

(423) 994-7497 Open Mic with Jeff Daniels 6 p.m.

Long Haul Saloon 2536 Cummings Hwy. (423) 822-9775 Gabrielle Sweet 6:30 p.m.

Granfalloon 400 E. Main St. granfalloonchattanooga.com Younger Years: T.J. Carson 7:30 p.m.

First Draft Theater 1800 Rossville Ave. improvchattanooga.com Maria Sable 8 p.m.

Southside Social 1818 Chestnut St. thesouthsidesocial.com

MONDAY11.20 Open Mic Night 6 p.m.

Puckett’s Grocery 2 W. Aquarium Way puckettsgro.com Monday Nite Big Band 7 p.m.

The Coconut Room 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com 21st Annual “Beat Hunger” Concert 7:30 p.m.

Roland Hayes Concert Hall 752 Vine St. utc.edu/fine-arts-center Open Air with Jessica Nunn 7:30 p.m.

The Granfalloon CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • NOVEMBER 16, 2017 • THE PULSE • 25

LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR

20 Watt Tombstone 400 E. Main St. granfalloonchattanooga.com Very Open Mic with Shawnessey Cargile 8 p.m.

The Well 1800 Rossville Blvd. #8 wellonthesouthside.com 20 Watt Tombstone, MPH 9 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com

TUESDAY11.21 Bill McCallie and In Cahoots 6:30 p.m.

Southern Belle 201 Riverfront Pkwy. chattanoogariverboat.com Danimal 7 p.m.

Backstage Bar 29 Station St. backstagechattanooga.com Open Mic Jam Session 7 p.m.

Crust Pizza 3211 Broad St. crustpizza.com Open Mic with Mike McDade 8 p.m.

Tremont Tavern 1203 Hixson Pike tremonttavern.com Tom Carter (Charalambides) 8:30 p.m.

Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Av e. barkinglegs.org

26 • THE PULSE • NOVEMBER 16, 2017 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

WEDNESDAY11.22 The Other Guys 6 p.m.

SpringHill Suites 495 Riverfront Pkwy. springhillsuites.com Old Time Fiddle & Banjo Show 6:30 p.m.

Fiddler’s Anonymous 2248 Dayton Blvd.

(423) 994-7497 Jesse James Jungkurth 7 p.m.

Backstage Bar 29 Station St. backstagechattanooga.com Joel Brothers 8 p.m.

The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com Priscilla & Little Rickee 8 p.m.

Las Margaritas 1101 Hixson Pike (423) 756-3332 Jazz In The Lounge 8 p.m.

Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. barkinglegs.org Prime Cut Trio 9 p.m.

The Palms at Hamilton 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Map these locations on chattanoogapulse. com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

RECORD REVIEWS ∙ ERNIE PAIK

Music From Nazoranai, Rez Abbasi

Nazoranai Beginning to Fall in Line...

(W.25th)

Rez Abbasi Unfiltered Universe (Whirlwind)

T

invocation, before O’Malley introduces his monolithic electric bass notes; the tones slowly modulate, and any variation registers as a seismic disturbance that reverberates heavily.

Ambarchi provides a rustling of taps from his drum kit, gradually going from constant, pattern-free eighth notes to quicker yet subtle rhythms. Meanwhile, Haino stretches his arms the most out of the three, sonically; in the first of two parts, he offers his own Danse Macabre by playing a hurdy-gurdy, which is a sort of violin/keyboard hybrid, making ghostly sounds.

About halfway through the first part, a peak is reached before the sound retreats, only to build again to a powerful climax with atonal and disturbing squealing and rubbing on the hurdy-gurdy; however, in a tantalizing move, the part ends when it gets hot (perhaps unfortunately due to the side-length limit for a vinyl record release).

On the second part, Haino picks up his electric guitar, first meandering with onenote-at-a-time melodies us-

his writer remembers witnessing the trio of the uncompromising Japanese noise-monger Keiji Haino, Sunn O co-founder Stephen O’Malley and Australian multi-instrumentalist Oren Ambarchi in Knoxville in March of 2014 at the Big Ears Festival.

It was a punishingly intense set with ample moments of glorious chaos, but one scene in particular stuck in this writer’s memory, where Haino was frantically motioning toward his bandmates, as if to say, “More! GIVE ME MORE!” The new record at hand has a mouthful of a title, translated from Japanese: Beginning to Fall in Line Before Me So Decorously, the Nature of All That Must Be Transformed. It was recorded at a live performance in Japan a few weeks before the aforementioned Knoxville show, and the trio, named Nazoranai, has only the faintest semblance of structure to frame their improvised sets—just enough to hint at the formality of a ritual.

With this in mind, the album begins with random glockenspiel notes as sort of

ing a piercing tone; again, halfway through this part, things get quiet and minimal with a sparseness and occasional guitar stabs. Haino speaks, saying lines such as “I saw a spirit speaking to me.

Do you still have a mystery?” and “No one can change anything! I keep on changing!”

The chaotic and harrowing ending is worth the wait, with a barrage of apocalyptic sound. Clearly, Haino is in the spotlight, both with theatrics and sonic variation, but recalling Haino’s hand motions at the trio’s Knoxville show, this writer believes that Haino recognized the imbalance and wanted to push his bandmates more. Still, O’Malley and Ambarchi provide an intense bed of electrified nails on which Haino is free to dance.

J

azz guitarist and composer Rez Abbasi was born in Pakistan but was raised in the United States, where he grew up listening to hard rock and prog rock and picked up the guitar; after shifting to jazz, in his twenties he took an interest in the music of Pakistan and India, but his relationship with south Asian music, and how he uses it in the jazz idiom, isn’t straightforward.

Abbasi’s sextet Invocation features an incredible array of talent, including pianist Vijay Iyer, alto saxophonist Rudresh Mahanthappa, drummer Dan Weiss, bassist Johannes Weidenmueller and guest cellist Elizabeth Mikhael.

Abbasi’s new album Unfiltered Universe, created with his Invocation lineup, is spirited and sophisticated; it’s

consciously directed without feeling rigid, with the players allowed to show their individual strengths. Nimble runs from Abbasi pepper the album, with his electric guitar tone using a hint of overdrive distortion, so that each note remains clear, without any mud to hide in.

One particular Indian influence is the inclusion of jugalbandi duets, which in Indian classical music are performances featuring twin soloists who are “tied together,” as suggested by the word “jugalbandi.”

On “Turn of Events,” the quick interplay between Abbasi’s guitar and Mahanthappa’s sax is breathtaking, with the two players lining up at key moments with a natural, unforced synchronicity, before diverging.

The rhythmic precision is also remarkable between the players; for example, the beginning of “Disagree to Agree” features chords cycling through a progression with a ramping tempo, with the players tuned in with each other in an impressive mindmeld.

One thing the listener might notice is that there are no Indian instruments, such as the sitar or tablas. Also, there isn’t the use of blatant Carnatic (southern Indian classical) scales.

Instead, Abbasi’s compositions are very much rooted in the jazz world with subtle Indian influences, where he relies upon his sidemen’s own internal jazz-Indian hybrids— the result is an influence that is more organic and natural, relying less on formal structures to manifest itself.

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CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • NOVEMBER 16, 2017 • THE PULSE • 27

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY In my astrological opinion, you’ll be more likely to accomplish good and useful things if you’re willing to look uncool.

ROB BREZSNY SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “Everything that can be invented has been invented.” – Charles H. Duell, Director of the U.S. Patent Office, 1899.

“Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible.” – Lord Kelvin, President, Royal Society, 1895. “All the music that can be written has already been written. We’re just repeating the past. – 19th-century composer Tschaikovsky. “Video won’t be able to hold on to any market it captures after the first six months. People will soon get tired of staring at a box every night.” – filmmaker Darryl F. Zanuck, commenting on television in 1946. I hope I’ve provided enough evidence to convince you to be faithful to your innovative ideas, Scorpio.

Don’t let skeptics or conventional thinkers waylay you.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Of all the signs in the zodiac, you Sagittarians are most likely to buy a lottery ticket that has the winning numbers. But you’re also more likely than everyone else to throw the ticket in a drawer and forget about it, or else leave it in your jeans when you do the laundry, rendering the ticket unreadable. Please don’t be like that in the coming weeks. Make sure you do what’s necessary to fully cash in on the good fortune that life will be making available.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In the game of basketball, if a player is fouled by a member of the opposing team, he is given a “free throw.” While standing 15 feet away, he takes a leisurely shot at the basket without having to deal with any defenders.

Studies show that a player is most likely to succeed at this task if he shoots the ball underhanded. Yet virtually no professionals ever do this.

Why? Because it doesn’t look cool.

Everyone opts to shoot free throws overhand, even though it’s not as effective a technique. Weird! Let’s invoke this as a metaphor for your life in the coming weeks, Capricorn.

28 • THE PULSE • NOVEMBER 16, 2017 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): In 1991, Aquarius rock star Axl Rose recorded the song “November Rain” with his band Guns N’ Roses. It had taken him eight years to compose it. Before it was finally ready for prime time, he had to whittle it down from an 18-minutelong epic to a more succinct nine-minute ballad. I see the coming weeks as a time when you should strive to complete work on your personal equivalent of Axl’s opus.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Thomas Edison was a prolific inventor whose work led to the creation of electric lights, recorded music, movies, and much more. When he was 49 years old, he met Henry Ford, a younger innovator who was at the beginning of his illustrious career. Ford told Edison about his hopes to develop and manufacture low-cost automobiles, and the older man responded with an emphatic endorsement. Ford later said this was the first time anyone had given him any encouragement.

Edison’s approval “was worth worlds” to him. I predict, Pisces, that you will receive comparable inspiration from a mentor or guide or teacher in the next nine months. Be on the lookout for that person.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Many people go fishing all their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after,” observed Henry David Thoreau. The spirit of Thoreau’s observation is true about every one of us to some extent. From time to time, we all try to satisfy our desires in the wrong location, with the wrong tools, and with the wrong people.

But I’m happy to announce that his epigram is less true for you now than it has ever been. In the coming months, you will have an unusually good chance to know exactly what you want, be in the right place at the right time to get it, and still want it after you get it. And it all starts now.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I predict that during the next ten months, you will generate personal power and good fortune as you ripen your skills at creating interesting forms of intimacy. Get started! Here are some tips to keep in mind. 1. All relationships have problems. Every single one, no exceptions! So you should cultivate relationships that bring you useful and educational problems. 2. Be very clear about the qualities you do and

Homework: Is there a belief you know you should live without, but don’t yet have the courage to leave behind?

FreeWillAstrology.com don’t want at the core of your most important alliances. 3. Were there past events that still obstruct you from weaving the kind of togetherness that’s really good for you? Use your imagination to put those events behind you forever.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You may be entertaining an internal dialog that sounds something like this: “I need a clear yes or a definitive no…a tender revelation or a radical revolution…a lesson in love or a cleansing sex marathon—but I’m not sure which! Should I descend or ascend? Plunge deeper down, all the way to the bottom? Or zip higher up, in a heedless flight into the wide open spaces? Would I be happier in the poignant embrace of an intense commitment or in the wild frontier where none of the old rules can follow me? I can’t decide! I don’t know which part of my mind I should trust!” If you do hear those thoughts in your brain, Gemini, here’s my advice: There’s no rush to decide.

What’s healthiest for your soul is to bask in the uncertainty for a while.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): According to storyteller Michael Meade, ancient Celtic culture believed that “a person was born through three forces: the coming together of the mother and father, an ancestral spirit’s wish to be reborn, and the involvement of a god or goddess.”

Even if you don’t think that’s literally true, the coming weeks will be a favorable time to have fun fantasizing it is. That’s because you’re in a phase when contemplating your origins can invigorate your spiritual health and attract good fortune into your life. So start with the Celtic theory, and go on from there. Which of your ancestors may have sought to live again through you? Which deity might have had a vested interest in you being born? What did you come to this earth to accomplish? Which of your innate potentials have you yet to fully develop, and what can you do to further develop them?

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): I predict that

starting today and during the next ten months, you will learn more about treating yourself kindly and making yourself happy than you have in years. You will mostly steer clear of the mindset that regards life as a numbing struggle for mere survival. You will regularly dream up creative ideas about how to have more fun while attending to the mundane tasks in your daily rhythm. Here’s the question I hope you will ask yourself every morning for the next 299 days: “How can I love myself with devotion and ingenuity?”

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): This may be the most miscellaneous horoscope I’ve ever created for you.

That’s apropos, given the fact that you’re a multifaceted quick-change artist these days. Here’s your sweet mess of oracles. 1. If the triumph you seek isn’t humbling, it’s not the right triumph. 2. You may have an odd impulse to reclaim or recoup something that you have not in fact lost.

3. Before transmutation is possible, you must pay a debt. 4. Don’t be held captive by your beliefs. 5. If you’re given a choice between profane and sacred love, choose sacred.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The next ten months will be an ideal time to revise and revamp your approach to education. To take maximum advantage of the potentials, create a master plan to get the training and knowledge you’ll need to thrive for years to come. At first, it may be a challenge to acknowledge that you have a lot more to learn. The comfort-loving part of your nature may be resistant to contemplating the hard work it will require to expand your worldview and enhance your skills. But once you get started, you’ll quickly find the process becoming easier and more pleasurable.

Rob Brezsny is an aspiring master of curiosity, perpetrator of sacred uproar, and founder of the Beauty and Truth Lab. He brings a literate, myth-savvy perspective to his work.

It’s all in the stars.

JONESIN' CROSSWORD ∙ MATT JONES

“Ate by Ate”—it does not make 64.

ACROSS 1 One who saves the day 5 ___ vu 9 Pricey violin, for short 14 It has pressing work to do 15 Bus. boss 16 Type of twisted wit 17 Rock, in rockpaper-scissors 18 Ceremony 19 Flaxen fabric 20 Warring with words 23 Camera or eye part 24 Binary digit 25 Bat symbol in the night sky, e.g.

28 Maggie’s big brother 30 P.I., slangily 33 Start of a rhyming fitness motto 34 Timbuktu’s country 35 Orange pool ball number

36 Like some raisins and pretzels 39 Took the bus 40 Crowning point 41 Creator of Winnie-the-Pooh 42 Mom on the farm 43 Gripe 44 Soft stroke 45 “Yes” indication 46 Stereotypical reactions to fireworks 47 “Ignore the critics,” in modern parlance 55 Pearl Jam’s debut single 56 Eager 57 Graph line 58 Fixes, as a piano 59 Suspense novelist Hoag 60 1996 GOP running mate Jack 61 Stylish 62 It may go downhill near the end of the year 63 Garden in Genesis DOWN

1 Old audio system 2 “___ Brockovich” (Julia Roberts film) 3 Civil rights icon Parks 4 In a risky situation 5 Throw off course 6 Interstate driver’s options 7 Ballet leap 8 Breezed through a test 9 Like some initial P’s 10 Large family group 11 “Class Reunion” author Jaffe 12 Work without ___ (be daring) 13 Small unit of force 21 Muse of love poetry 22 Order of Greek architecture 25 Bolivia’s constitutional capital 26 “This ___ We Do It” (1995 R&B hit) 27 Crystalcentered rock 28 “Disjointed”

star Kathy 29 The “A” in A-Rod 30 Book cover info 31 2, 4, 6, 8, e.g.

32 Gives up 34 GPS displays, often 35 Reasonable treatment 37 Glorifies 38 Warren Buffett’s city 43 Wooded area 44 Frank 45 When to look a gift horse in the mouth 46 “Astro Boy” genre 47 Roles, proverbially 48 Reunion attendee 49 “Proud Mary” singer Turner 50 Gangsters’ heaters 51 Horse track shape 52 Canned 53 End-of-exam announcement 54 Channel that debuted in 1979

Copyright © 2017 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents perminute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 858 CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • NOVEMBER 16, 2017 • THE PULSE • 29

COLUMN ∙ ON THE BEAT

Career Day With Officer Alex Some professions just aren't suited for certain people...or their wardrobe

Alex Teach

Pulse columnist

N

ATURALLY LIKE ALL COPS I'M part man, part eagle, part wildebeest, part bloodhound, part cheetah, and part bear. But mostly I'm just really good at finding obvious stuff, which was the case this evening when I found a trail of money leading into the woods from the Family Dollar that had just been robbed.

Despite my multi-genomic resume listed above I've never felt like a particularly fantastic police officer, but it still seemed like a good fit and I can get by day by day with relative confidence. I'm not the best at what I do, but I'm decent at it. Make sense? I say all that to show the contrast with the young man I met tonight who was actually fairly terrible at being a criminal, which I discussed with him at length on the way to the jail.

"Sweatpants," I said. "Huh?" He responded from the other side of the Plexiglas behind me.

"You shouldn't have worn sweatpants. Or at least you should have worn some with an elastic waist. If that knot hadn't come undone, you wouldn't have tripped when you ran out the door."

"Yeah," he said as he stared out the somewhat soiled window as the businesses slowly passed in the distance.

"And if you hadn't tripped that cash tray wouldn't gone all over the parking lot."

"Mm-hmm."

I paused for a moment, not being in a particular hurry.

"And you wouldn’t have lost your gun either. I mean that had to be awkward. I can imagine the sound of that thing just skidding across the concrete there…horrible."

I gritted my teeth at the thought.

He looked downward and raised an eyebrow.

"But I mean, you did snatch up as much of that cash as you could, so there's that. But again, the sweatpants didn't have pockets. I mean really, who would think your pants would come into play like that? Because once you started dropping bills, I mean it might as well have been donuts I was tracking, right?"

I laughed a little, trying to lighten up the mood.

He didn't laugh.

"So seriously," I went on, "let's be straight here. I'm really thinking it didn't matter what kind of pants you would have worn today. This just isn't a good fit for you." (silence) "I mean you could have worn some MC Hammer pants, that elastic was tight and you could have just shoved that cash down the waistband and it would have never gotten past your ankles.

Wait, do you even know who MC Hammer is?" I paused. "Never mind. What was I saying?"

"You was saying this wasn't a good fit," my client said softly.

"Yeah! That was it. Thanks. Anyway, no matter the pants, thinking you need to move into a different field of work. I mean, maybe even get a technical certification or something. Driving trucks? Weld-

30 • THE PULSE • NOVEMBER 16, 2017 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

“Do you have any hobbies you can turn into application? Do something you love and you never work a day in your life, that's what I did." ing? Welding is huge now, Mike Rowe says it all the time on his Facebook page. Do you have any hobbies you can turn into application? Do something you love and you never work a day in your life, that's what I did."

"Well…I mean I used to ball real good, but I ain't no NBA. I mow lawns though. Ain't no hobby but I can do it." He sat a little straighter now.

"Landscaping! See, that's good!

All you gotta do is show up, work your way up, and maybe set up your own shop! Everybody's got grass and plants, and nobody wants to cut them. You need to look into that."

"You right, you know. I think I could do that. This is crazy, my hands are all skinned up, I think you're right."

"Of course I'm right!" I said. "But I mean, you still going to jail. So there's that. But maybe after?"

He slumped down again. I probably should have left that part out.

"Hey. Relax. Tell you what, I won't show anyone the video of you face diving in the parking lot, someone will YouTube that shit in a heartbeat and I want you out there working, not getting laughed at."

"Yeah…uh, thanks man." He was staring out the window again.

Did I mention that I still loved my job? My hands weren’t even skinned up or anything.

(That video was probably getting posted, though.)

When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center.

CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • NOVEMBER 16, 2017 • THE PULSE • 31