NO. 37 â€¢ SEPTEMBER 14, 2017
CHATTANOOGA'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE
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VOL. 14, NO. 37 • SEPTEMBER 14, 2017
THE PHILOSOPHER OF THE NORTH SHORE
The velvet in Justin Michael Reaux-Colvin’s drawl and rollicking smile, intoxicating as a riverboat ride down the Mississippi, is an inviting welcome on a warm Friday evening.
THE SCARY KING OF THE MOVIES
There is a Stephen King story for everyone. It might not be “The Stand” or “The Children of the Corn,” or “Salem’s Lot”.
THE NEW WORLD OF SERITHEA SILK SCARVES
Fine artists Melissa Hefferlin and Daud Akhriev are taking their talents to another dimension with the introduction of Serithea silk scarves. But it’s not simply transferring their amazing visual art into textiles.
A BAND THAT SHOULD BE OBSCENE AND HEARD
It has been two years since the last release by Opposite Box and by the sound of it they have spent every minute between then and now crafting what promises to be the most phenomenal album yet.
What We Listen To On Our Phones Chattanooga’s podcasting—and whether you like noir radio drama, current events or geeky fandom, there’s likely local-focused audio out there for you. If you want to keep up with urban development and education politics, check out The Camp House.
SHADES OF GREEN
NEW IN THEATERS
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
ON THE BEAT
Jenn Webster is a dancer and technical writer by trade who has also written for marketing, educational, and consumer publications. She’s an Army veteran and a member of WEAVE: A Conceptual Dance Company.
Sandra Kurtz has long been active in environmental education and activism. She founded Tennessee Environmental Education Association, and has consulted with National Environmental Trust, Clear the Air, and the Sierra Club.
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BEGINNINGS ∙ CITY LIFE
North Shore Philosopher Justin Michael Reaux-Colvin combines drinks and widsom By Jason Tinney Pulse contributor
BREWER MEDIA GROUP Publisher & President Jim Brewer II FOUNDED 2003 BY ZACHARY COOPER & MICHAEL KULL
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Offices 1305 Carter St. Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Email firstname.lastname@example.org Website chattanoogapulse.com Facebook @chattanoogapulse THE FINE PRINT: The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. Contents Copyright © 2017 by Brewer Media. All rights reserved.
HERE HE IS!” THE VELVET IN Justin Michael Reaux-Colvin’s drawl and rollicking smile, intoxicating as a riverboat ride down the Mississippi, is an inviting welcome on a warm Friday evening. Stepping up to the bar at Beast and Barrel, though his hands are giving furious attention to two silver shakers, he is quick to inquire, “Where you at?” Tall and lanky, bespectacled with thick, tortoise-shell frames, decked in black from toe to top—jeans, vest, bow-tie, and driving cap—Reaux-Colvin, like one of his complex cocktails, is equal parts country gentleman, urban hipster, and sublime sage. A master of mixology and gifted spinner of yarns, it’s not only the drinks he pours that entice, it’s also the conversation he serves on the side, waxing poetic about the lives of ancient Irish saints or the origins of the “Aviation” and how he first discovered the cocktail while reading “The Great Gatsby”—or fish: “When you blacken anything you are speaking directly to my heart.” In short, Reaux-Colvin is here to elevate patrons from doing good to “doing better.” Reaux-Colvin cut his teeth tending bar in New Orleans and has honed his craft around the world, serving libations in public houses from New York to Dublin, Houston to Los Angeles. In 2016, Reaux-Colvin moved to Chattanooga and quickly fell in love with the Scenic City. “The city breathes with enthusiasm,” he says. “It’s this idea that it’s perfectly acceptable to be excited about something. I think that’s a neat thing to be a part of,” adding, “Everyone’s got a smile for you. It’s truly fantastic.” Reaux-Colvin’s skills were displayed at this year’s annual Bartender Brawl where he placed a respectable second in both the judge’s and people’s choice categories. His
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Photo by Holly Morse-Ellington
talents, however, are not limited to behind the bar. Having graduated magna cum laude with honors in both History and Religion from Columbia University, Reaux-Colvin earned his master’s degree in Medieval History at Fordham University. He studied at the University of Notre Dame and University of Southern California, respectively, where he taught history and Latin while working toward his PhD. Next spring, he joins the Modern and Classical Languages and Literature Department at UTC teaching a course in Roman mythology. “Teaching has made me a better bartender and bartending has made me a better teacher. I’m just nerdy enough to approach what I do in terms of an academic discipline. There’s this whole field of cocktail theory,” he says. “And then, of course, there is the history of cocktails themselves. I have a collection of cocktail manuals dating back to 1839. The methods by
which I approach history, I also approach bartending.” Scott Lackman, Beast and Barrel’s general manager, says it’s this approach that makes Reaux-Colvin an exceptional bartender. “He has a great passion for what he does and that just comes through,” Lackman says. “Justin, just with his knowledge and background of obscure ingredients, really understands the flavors and how to balance something. He understands how to take that knowledge and apply it to the individual. He knows how to ask the right questions.” So, what is Reaux-Colvin’s favorite cocktail to make? “The one that puts a big smile on your face,” he says. “If you understand cocktails as empty vessels— they’re fundamentally vehicles for the bartender to reach over to you and share a human moment and allow you, ideally, to share in that bartender’s enthusiasm. It’s all about conveying enthusiasm.”
Consider This with Dr. Rick
EdiToon by Rob Rogers
“Be kinder to yourself. And then let that kindness flood the world.” — Pema Chodron
Predator vs. Carcass (Plus Some Alcohol) There’s nothing more satisfying to the human carnivore than watching an even bigger and badder carnivore take down a seemingly helpless prey. In a way, it brings that person down to a more primitive state, like the moment right before that first bite of a hamburger when your mouth begins to water and your pupils dilate uncontrollably. And what better way to experience this feeling of animalistic hierarchy than from behind a very strong wall holding a very strong drink? On Friday night, the Chattanooga Zoo will be providing an opportunity to observe live jaguar, cougar and
komodo dragon carcass feedings up close. The best part? Carcass feedings are completely beneficial for the natural predators (unfortunately, not for the prey). Carcass feedings help to emulate a more naturalistic setting in artificial
habitats. It’s also been proven to stimulate natural sharing behaviors, provide nutritional benefits, and increase an animal’s mental and physical activity. Plus, it’s a rare opportunity to see these animals display their realistic natural hunting abilities in a setting that’s not a slow-motion nature documentary. If the idea of watching some of nature’s most ferocious predators devour carcasses sounds intriguing, you don’t want to miss out on the Chattanooga Zoo’s first educational public carcass feeding. The opportunity to finally indulge in your inner primal mentality is here. — Kelley J. Bostian
Nothing like a massive hurricane to spark the caring part of us to be concerned for our loved ones. We hope they’re okay, while we might feel helpless to help. And if we cannot do anything to ease their predicament, should they be vulnerable or in danger, we can always send caring thoughts, meditations/prayers, and energy that helps to keep them safe and surrounded with white light and protection. If that sounds “out there,” what is meditation and/or prayer besides reaching out, connecting, asking for and sharing blessings? For our loved ones—or anyone—going through a struggle now and in Irma’s aftermath: May you be held safely, protected in the arms of Spirit. May you feel our love and concern, even from miles away, and know that you are part of everything good. May we all keep the faith, especially during challenging times, and know, deep inside, that all will be okay. — Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D.
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COLUMN ∙ SHADES OF GREEN
Curing Nature-Deficit Disorder Why it is vitally important for kids to go outside and explore nature
OW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU heard someone say, “Yeah, when I was a kid, my mom would kick us out of the house and say ‘don’t come back ‘til dinner’?” Maybe it was even true for you. These days, however, mothers will likely say, “it’s dinner time—turn off that video game” or “get off that tablet”. Kids have moved indoors. As one youngster explained, indoors is preferable because that’s where the electrical sockets are. Have kids and adults lost sense of connection to nature? If so, that’s not good. The National Wildlife Federation reports that kids on average spend seven hours each day in front of electronic screens and as little as 30 minutes in unstructured play outdoors. That varies widely from kid to kid, but consequently there is an increased number of kids that have lower fitness levels, more obesity, diabetes, and nearsightedness plus increased Vitamin D deficiency and, surprisingly, higher stress levels and poorer school performance. Critical thinking, problem solving, and social relation skills suffer. Health professional Leyla McCurdy says that today’s children may be the first generation at risk of having shorter lifespans than their parents. Richard Louv in his book “Last Child in the Woods” calls it Nature-Deficit Disorder. Pediatricians should be prescribing time outdoors for their young patients. Now, to address this problem comes Forest Kindergarten using the principle of
learning through outdoor play. It’s spreading quickly with programs beginning at Red Bank, Rivermont, and Woodmore schools, but it has really taken off in Gilbert School in Walker County thanks to Matt Harris, Coordinator of Innovation K-12. Each student at Gilbert spends two hours each day outdoors. Trails have been built. Outdoor discoveries and learning abound. Kindergarteners raise two breeds of chicken comparing egg sizes and weights. First graders have a Pollinator Garden. Second graders conduct a native plant study while third graders try their hands at organic gardening and vermiculture. Fourth graders study forest management and soils. They build trails while learning how to use associated tools. Fifth graders build a generator and learn about passive solar energy, energy efficiency, climate change and reducing carbon footprints. For gifted students, it’s water studies through raising tilapia fish in an aquaponics setting and catfish in a pond. In addition to these directed studies, there are opportunities to just play with fellow students outdoors in an unstructured setting. Teachers are within earshot and may ask questions leading to investigation, but students are creating their own social interactions, critical thinking and problem solving. One of the forces behind the Walker County program is Dr. Jean Lomino, former director of Chattanooga Nature Center. She
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“Today’s children may be the first generation at risk of having shorter lifespans than their parents.” now heads up Wauhatchie School. According to the website, it’s a nature-based school promoting place-based, nature immersion experiences that foster holistic growth, the love of learning, and compassion for all. There are full and half-day programs for ages 2-6 plus teacher training programs. “We’re there to listen to their questions and to guide them to finding the answers. So they explore the world around them using all of their senses, which children are losing today,” said Dr. Lomino. For older students in the area, outdoor learning is practiced at Ivy Academy and Ridgeland High School. Well then, what kind of kid do you get through this outdoor-immersion approach? Of course, the connection to nature is inevitable.
Additionally, according to Matt Harris, you get a creative hard worker that wants to ‘do stuff’ and has the grit to overcome. School performance is slightly above peers. For all these students, and for adults too, time in nature serves as an emotional salve. Loving nature and understanding our interdependent connection to all there is makes us nicer. To quote Shakespeare, “One touch of nature makes the whole world kin.” We sure need more outdoor connecting these days. “The lover of nature is he whose inward and outward senses are still truly adjusted to each other.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson Sandra Kurtz is an environmental community activist and is presently working through the Urban Century Institute. You can visit her website to learn more at enviroedu.net
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What We Listen To On Our Phones
How podcasting moved from the fringe to the mainstream of entertainment By Jenn Webster Pulse contributor
HATTANOOGA’S PODCASTING—AND WHETHER you like noir radio drama, current events or geeky fandom, there’s likely local-focused audio out there for you. If you want to keep up with urban development and education politics, check out The Camp House.
The church/coffeehouse/meeting place offers a weekly long-form deep dive into community events at thecamphouse.simplecast.fm. Last week, they scored an interview with new Hamilton County Schools superintendent Bryan Johnson, Ed.D. Like sports? The Chattanooga Football Club podcasts about all things CFC during the season (looks like they’ve been on hiatus a few weeks now). Or if you’re god(s)-fearing, it seems like almost every church in town has a podcast, from professional productions to simple playbacks of services. A podcast is simply a digital audio program available as a download file; some podcasts are conceived and produced specifically for download, while others have a dual purpose as live audio on radio or another medium. More and more, radio programs are drawing listeners who visit their websites to download and listen to 8 • THE PULSE • SEPTEMBER 14, 2017 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
shows on their own schedules. This is especially true with long-form audio or shows that air in installments, such as stories with multiple segments. TALES OF THE CITY One such tale WUTC’s “Operation Song” series, covering the Nashvillebased nonprofit of the same name, which is dedicated to supporting veterans through songwriting. Featured on Around and About Chattanooga, the stories were popular radio broadcasts, but, as a series of downloads, spin a larger saga. Listening to a segment of the Memorial Day special, I hear a choir singing, a woman speaking about the death of her husband in the Chattanooga terrorist attack, and different takes, from rough to finished, of the commemorative song “Chattanooga Rain.” The listener is immersed in the music and raw emotion. Around and About’s news director and executive producer
Michael Edward Miller’s voice appears late and infrequently. “I was there during the [song-writing process], so I have different versions,” Michael says. “Like any writing process, you make a way-too-long first draft, and then you play it for people, get guidance on what to cut out and rearrange, and then get guidance from more people, and just slowly winnow it down into something that makes sense without narration, and that flows logically and can tell the entire story without having to have somebody there to literally tell the story. “And that is by far the most difficult kind of audio thing to do. Even with TV or film or documentary, you can do a lot with images…trying to do something like that without any narration…if you didn’t get the right sound bite you just have to figure out what you can do.” To make that happen—an audio story told largely without a narrator— Michael draws on exhaustive on-theground research. Once interviews and sound files are collected, he creates a
“Even with TV or film or documentary, you can do a lot with images…trying to do something like that without any narration… if you didn’t get the right sound bite you just have to figure out what you can do.” story just like a writer would. Michael notes that podcasting is a continuum from amateur to professional. Around and About is designed as a radio program that’s also a podcast, but there are many similarities with home podcasters, such as delivery method. On the other hand, WUTC’s podcasts stay broad in topic rather than appealing a niche market, as would be more common for a hobbyist. In another difference from live broadcast, a podcast’s biggest audience is at the beginning of a file, Michael says. People leave if they’re bored. “Radio is much less linear,” he says. “People are tuning in and out all the
time. You can never know for sure at what point in a radio story the most people are going to be listening. So, particularly in a long-form interview, you have to be careful to constantly re-introduce the subject and, for a feature piece, to produce it in a way that it still makes sense if somebody only caught the last half of it.” Podcasts, by contrast, have a steep initial demand for a strong grab, but once the listener is hooked, it’s less important to keep hooking him or her. In any case, it’s the story that matters, Michael says. “You’re thinking of the sound, because that’s what makes audio great,” he says. “But if you’re a good writer and you don’t have a great voice, you
can still make a great podcast and do good audio journalism.” WHO KNOWS WHAT EVIL LURKS? Podcasts don’t have to be non-fiction! Old-time radio stories ranged from police procedural to slapstick, and podcasts do the same. One favorite mode is noir thriller—if you liked “The Shadow”, check out the delightfully creepy stories on Dark Princess Theatre’s podcast. These are elegant, textured listens averaging 25 minutes in length, featuring the adventures of the evil, charmingly Southern (and possibly undead) Lady Gwendolyn and her “bloody butler,” Aleistaire Rook. In addition to the voices of writers/ stars/producers Hope Holloway and Marcus Patrick Ellsworth, listeners will hear spooky organ music, creamy accents, and screams—lots of screams. Hope’s background is in film and radio. She came to podcasting through the route of a voice talent interview. “I met my co-star Marcus Ellsworth >> Continued on pg. 10
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when I interviewed for a podcast,” she says. “Marcus was interviewing me for the Tennessee Paranormal Investigative Team. We got to talk ghosts all night on the Delta Queen. We had an instant chemistry. We’ve been working together on different projects ever since.” Dark Princess, as a hosting and performance troupe, is more than their podcast, but sound is at the heart of the production company’s work, whether they’re hosting balls or giving live readings. Their influences span from anime (think Black Butler) to 1960s gothic soap opera. “We loved old classic horror movies, Edgar Allen Poe, Oscar Wilde,” Hope says. “Marcus writes [the scripts] but from the beginning stages, our process is a group effort. We chat and develop our ‘brain babies’ as we call our ideas. Marcus finesses our thoughts into dialogue.” Then, Hope says, they find sound effects to fit the story. It’s the reverse of the editorial process Michael describes—the script comes first, then 10 • THE PULSE • SEPTEMBER 14, 2017 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
the sound. Now in pre-production for a new podcast season, Dark Princess is looking to add an audio production specialist to their roster. With a cast of five for Season 2, they’re keeping busy. “We have some amazing new characters and storylines to reveal,” Hope says. “We’re mixing things up a bit with some hilarious and dark characters you’ll love.” One new character, known as Wampus, is a supernatural cat based on Cherokee lore. “It’s a speaking part,” Hope says. “She is quite a character—a bit of a smarty pants with her own ideas about things. You’ll recognize the cat in her for sure.” As with news and community programming, fictional podcasts lend themselves well to story arcs. Instead of catching an episode at random, the dedicated listener can visit a website and listen in order. “It’s different from live productions,” Hope says. “We started out
COVER STORY as a horror hosting company, but soon realized we were bigger than that. Our characters told us stories in our heads. [We use podcasting] to get those stories told. In our live theater, we’re mindful of how the story’s developed in the podcast.” Hope advises readers to check the website for an upcoming Halloween special. Brrr! A VOICE IN THE WILDERNESS When it comes to starting your own podcast, advice varies wildly. There’s no legal bar to entry; unlike radio broadcasting, you don’t need a license. Beyond that, some podcasters recommend caution and preparation. “Legally, you don’t need anything to podcast,” Mike says. “But if you want people to actually listen, you should invest in some decent equipment. You
“Take that first step. When I started, I had experience writing, but I figured out the podcast part as I went. You can build up the equipment and knowledge as you go.” should definitely try to find a specific focus and have some sort of editorial process where people other than you listen and make suggestions…even if it’s a subject you care a lot about, you’re not the audience. You have to be mindful of who the audience is and what they want.” For the equipment, Popular Mechanics offers a beginner’s shopping list, along with troubleshooting tips. Search “podcasting” on their website to find the list and several how-to articles.
Hope, on the other hand, urges less caution and more diving head-first into podcasting. “Just do it!” she says. “Don’t let lack of equipment hold you back. Try it on your computer. Take that first step. When I started, I had experience writing, but I figured out the podcast part as I went. You can build up the equipment and knowledge as you go.” Professional and amateurs alike can benefit from research about what draws listeners to click on—and listen all the way through—podcasts. With
many radio stations adopting a podcast model, it’s possible to measure listening time, “likes” and “shares.” Doing just that, experts at NPR.org learned a lot about what generates good numbers: • Grab your listeners’ attention with the first words. Tease them. Pique their interest. • But don’t be too mysterious. Quickly tell listeners what the story’s about and why it matters. • Keep it short. Podcasts around 3–5 minutes long attract the most listeners, according to NPR’s research. Podcasts can be anything: Drama. Music. Hard news. Game show. Opinion. If you have a story to tell, a podcast is a great way find an audience. “Think of your story,” Hope says. “Put it together and get it out there!”
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FILM & TELEVISION
The Scary King Of The Movies
Stephen King brings the scary to the screen with It
The Most Famous Long-Distance Call To say that Steven Spielberg has made a major impact on science-fiction filmmaking is a bit of an understatement. The man who brought us classics such as Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Jurassic Park, and Minority Report has long had a fascination with telling stories about society through the lens of science-fiction storytelling. But arguably his most famous work, E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial, first burst upon theaters 35 years ago. And the original 1982 classic has been remastered and is returning to the big screen to transport audiences back to a time when we first learned that aliens, instead of being frightening monsters, could actually be both lovable and able to touch our hearts. Legendary critic Leonard Maltin believes that E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial is “one of the great American films”, and we are certainly not going to disagree with him. At heart, it's a simple story of a lost alien who teams up with a group of kids, led by Henry Thomas as Elliot and an unbelievably precocious Drew Barrymore as Gertie, the titular extraterrestrial battled faceless government agents and won the hearts of audiences worldwide. And with a worldwide gross of nearly $800 million (and counting) off of an estimated $10.5 million budget, it also ranks as one of the most profitable films Spielberg has ever made. Come see the magic again, and discover why “phoning home” is still as important now as it was in 1982. — Michael Thomas E.T. The Extraterrestrial Sunday, 2 p.m. Sunday, 2 & 7 p.m. East Ridge 18 Hamilton Place 8 5080 South Terrace 2000 Hamilton Pl. Blvd. (423) 855-9652 (844) 462-7342 www.fathomevents.com
By John DeVore Pulse Film Editor
HERE IS A STEPHEN KING STORY FOR everyone. It might not be “The Stand” or “The Children of the Corn,” or “Salem’s Lot”. It might be “Rita Haywoth and the Shawshank Redemption” or “The Body,” or even his Dark Tower fantasy series. There’s always one, though. King has, for good reason, crafted a reputation as a writer of penny dreadfuls, of popular horror shlock, a purveyor of mainstream airport literature to be read and forgotten. But there is no doubt that his ideas have shaped the common language of popular culture, inspiring countless writers and filmmakers to great heights in the crafting of a story. American literature owes a great deal to Stephen King—in fact, it owes as much to him as it does Poe or Lovecraft or Irving. He has created
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worlds and terrors unimaginable, beauty and inspiration in the dark, and anyone that’s read even one book by him is better off for it. The adaptations of his work, however, the films and miniseries and television shows that recreate his tales for the screen, are entirely hit and miss. In particular, certain books have been attempted and later deemed unfilmable simply due to the scope and breadth of the source material. It is one of those books. It is a magnum opus that sprawls a thousand pages or so and it was never going to be successfully told in a low budget miniseries from the ‘90s, no matter what nostalgia tells us. Tim Curry might have been memorable, but the rest of the project was not. Someone was bound to try again, though. The novel is arguably his best (it’s certainly my favorite) and the tale is so quintessentially King that a good adaptation is practically demanded. Andy Muschietti, of Mama fame, gives it his best shot. The
FILM & TELEVISION
“[King] has created worlds and terrors unimaginable, beauty and inspiration in the dark, and anyone that’s read even one book by him is better off for it.”
✴ ✴ NEW IN THEATERS ✴ ✴
2017 adaptation succeeds in many places, fails in a few others, but manages to deliver a solid film, at least if you haven’t read and love the novel. For those that have, it was always going to seem a bit thin. The trouble with It is that the novel is long, complex, and detailed. It is not simply the tale of a killer, pan-dimensional, shapeshifting clown that feeds on the flesh of children seasoned with fear. It is the story of a town that gives in to its worst impulses, again and again. It is a reminder of the casual hell of childhood and the scars that it leaves as we transition to adulthood. It is a love letter to the bonds of friendship forged in the fires of adolescence. And yes, it is a terrifying tale of an eldritch horror beyond the comprehension of man. King weaves these ideas together through dynamic, relatable characters
and an omniscient third person point of view. A film doesn’t have the tools to adapt this into a two-hour blockbuster. Even if it were a prestige drama like Game of Thrones, something of the story would be lost. And so, 2017’s It succeeds where it can. The relationships between the Loser’s Club are terrific, with perfectly crafted characters and interactions that seem genuine from the outset. In particular, Finn Wolfhard (Mike Wheeler from Stranger Things) as Richie Tozier is wonderfully and expertly performed. Additionally, the new adaptation hits all the right notes from King’s novel: neglectful parents, dangerous bullies, simple pleasures, a strong smattering of atmosphere. The movie falters, however, in its primary purpose: sheer terror. The fault does not rest with Bill Skarsgard. His interpretation of Pennywise the Dancing Clown fits with how I saw the de-
Mother! A couple's relationship is tested when uninvited guests arrive at their home, disrupting their tranquil existence. Director: Darren Aronofsky Stars: Jennifer Lawrence, Javier Bardem, Ed Harris, Michelle Pfeiffer
mon from another world—a predatory mimic that is only wearing the skin of a trusted stereotype, performing the role just enough to attract the attention of prey before springing the trap. The script, however, focuses on the monster as a physical threat, one that might be stopped through normal violence. The novel makes the creature far more supernatural, a being that lives in multiple planes of existence with forms incomprehensible to mortal man. This distinction becomes important when considering how the Loser’s Club is affected, how changes the direction of their lives, and just how terrifying the creature really is. But maybe Hollywood films aren’t the place for such beings, with their world creating turtle nemesis’ and insanity inducing orange lights. The film references many of these things, and perhaps they will be revisited in the sequel, which focuses on the adult Loser’s Club. I wouldn’t hold my breath. Regardless, It is an improvement on the previous incarnation and an overall good film. If book readers will temper their expectations, they’ll likely be pleasantly surprised.
American Assassin Mitch Rapp lost his girlfriend to a terrorist attack just as they were engaged. Seeking revenge, he is enlisted by the CIA as a black ops recruit. Director: Michael Cuesta Stars: Dylan O'Brien, Michael Keaton, Sanaa Lathan, Taylor Kitsch CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • SEPTEMBER 14, 2017 • THE PULSE • 13
ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
The New World Of Serithea Silk Scarves Exploring a new dimension with Hefferlin and Akhriev
We’re Definitely Not In Kansas Anymore In October of 1974 an innovative urban spin on the classic children’s novel “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz” opened in a Maryland theater. Since then, The Wiz has won seven Tony awards for its Broadway production and has been converted into a full-length feature film now considered a true cult classic. It’s alteration of the original MGM movie serves as a cultural allegory that reimagines the familiar setting in a modern context, using the power of song to twist the original narrative and leave the audience gasping for more. This Friday, the Chattanooga Theatre Centre will be opening their theatre season with The Wiz, which will see ten performances running through October 1st. It’s an adaptation of the original Broadway production that features a talented multicultural cast under the guest direction of Shane Morrow. Maya Jaffar will be making her debut at the Theatre Center as Dorothy. “When you are a teacher you are always pouring into your students and you tend to neglect ‘the performer’ in you,” says Neshawn Calloway, who plays both Auntie Em and Glinda. “Being a part of The Wiz has been a wonderful experience and I have a new respect for the artists that perform for a living. I do a lot of singing outside of school but being on stage as a singer and actor is something totally different.“ Performances are sure to satisfy, and tickets are limited on a first come basis. Reserve your seats today and experience the truly unique musical phenomenon 43 years in the making. — Kelley J. Bostian The Wiz Sep. 15th – Oct. 1st Chattanooga Theatre Center 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 www.theatrecentre.com
By Kevin Hale
INE ARTISTS MELISSA HEFFERLIN AND Daud Akhriev are taking their talents to another dimension with the introduction of Serithea silk scarves. But it’s not simply transferring their amazing visual art into textiles, it’s sometimes creating a whole new medium. The couple spends their time between Chattanooga and a quaint pueblo blanco, also known as a historic white washed village, in the Spanish hills between Ronda and Seville. Nearby in Granada, lies the Alhambra castle, which began construction by the Sultan Nashid Dynasty in 1232. Considered by some to be the eighth wonder of the world, the palace’s decorative, complex geometric tile dadoes (lower wall panels distinct from the area above) and carved stucco panels are truly a sight to behold. “The walls in the Alhambra palace reveal themselves not to be beautifully painted tiles, but mosaics from minuscule bits of hand-tooled, glazed
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ceramics,” explains Hefferlin. It’s where she got the inspiration for at least one of her scarves. It’s another older type of textile Hefferlin uses in creating images ultimately intended for her silk scarves. “I just get an old battleship grey piece of linoleum,” she says. “Warm it with an iron and take about eight tools, mine trowels really and cut and dig out the character in the vinyl.” It takes about a week to cut and craft the images she intends to scan for the scarves. “I then roll ink on what is sticking up,” she explains. “Take a piece of paper and lay it over the linoleum.” She then evenly rolls the paper over the piece then peels back the print. “Alhambra Lemons” encapsulates the geometric mosaics found all around the castle in a sort of still life setting. Akhriev’s “Caucasian Dances” continues some of the geometric themes of Hefferlin’s work, with an almost art nouveau rolling waves pattern repeating itself. “My people come from the Caucasus Mountains (of Russia), where the women’s dances are elegant and subtle, featuring expres-
ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
“Fine art is different than graphic design,” explains Hefferlin. “Logos, colors and format don’t apply in our world. ” sive movement mostly in the hands, arms and feet,” says Akhriev. “There is a sensation of the dancer floating.” Hefferlin first fell in love with scarves when her grandma used to give them to her as gifts. Then, the couple’s cousins in Switzerland wanted them to design their curtains. “We couldn’t find a supplier at that time,” says Hefferlin. Finally, earlier this year after developing prototypes, their work began to take shape. “We wanted to do it right. We didn’t know what to expect.” It wasn’t until the scarves arrived in the mail that their work came to fruition. She describes it as a spiritual experience. “It felt like 15 Christmases all at once,” exclaims Hefferlin. “This has been a real labor of love, realizing a dream to create wearable art.” Even though the scarves are made in a factory, they retain a handmade-like quality. But making the transition from fine art to silk scarves and marketing them wasn’t always easy, especially when it came to setting up their website. “Fine art is different than graphic design,” explains Hefferlin. “Logos, colors and format don’t apply in our world. Plus we had to launch a website since men don’t like to shop.” What could have been a grueling endeavor and did involve a massive learning curve
was made easy by Chattanooga’s Three Twelve Creative, who launched the site just weeks ago. The team decided on the name Serithea for the scarfs. In Greek, Seri means silk and thea means goddess. “Scarves are a big part of fashion on this side of the Atlantic,” says Hefferlin when I spoke with her from Spain. “You can take simple jeans and sandals, and a scarf adds emotion. Don’t get me wrong, though. I’ve seen some fashionistas in Chattanooga as well.” Lovers of rugs, scarves and textiles of all kinds, Akhriev’s family mourned their beloved heirlooms lost in the wars after the breakup of the Soviet Union. Hefferlin’s descendants include architects, quilters, and seamstresses. It was these women who lovingly passed down earrings, a Hermes scarf, and a fine pair of brogues—a strong outdoor shoe with ornamental perforated patterns in the leather. The couple still consider themselves fine artists but wanted, like their ancestors, to create a tangible heirloom to be cherished for generations to come. “Silk is such a wonderful and sensuous fabric perfect to be worn against the skin,” says Hefferlin. “We hope that your life and the lives of those you love are enriched by Serithea’s offerings.”
CSO Opens 85th Season With Mahler’s Symphony No. 1 The Chattanooga Symphony & Opera opens their 85th season on Thursday, Sep. 28th with Mahler’s Symphony No. 1 “The Titan”. Around 85 musicians will take to the stage at the Tivoli Theatre in this dramatic and powerful piece. Featuring a finale with eight French horns performing on their feet to create “the greatest possible noise,” this is sure to be an awe-inspiring performance. The performance will begin with Britten’s “Young Person’s Guide to the Orchestra”. A fun and brilliantly-orchestrated piece, each family of instruments gets a moment in the spotlight and will showcase their unique sound and ranges. This playful piece is sure to be enjoyed by all ages. Movie enthusiasts will immediately recognize the evening’s second piece, Tan Dun’s Crouching Tiger Concerto. This concert work is based on Dun’s
Oscar-winning score for the film Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Performed by guest cellist, Benjamin Karp, this concerto for cello and orchestra was heavily influenced by the movie’s poetic imagery, complex emotions, and exotic landscapes. “I am excited to bring Mahler’s Symphony No. 1 ‘The Titan’ to the stage on opening night. His magnificent and powerful symphony will be quite the performance,” said Kayoko Dan, CSO Music Director, “I am also thrilled to collaborate with my friend Benjamin Karp on Tan Dun’s beautiful and inspiring Crouching Tiger Concerto. With such a wide range of music, there’s going to be something for everyone.” Tickets range from $21 to $85 with discounts for students and educators.Get tickets at the CSO box officer at (423) 267-8583 or online at chattanoogasymphony.org — Andre Charitat
Adulting 101: Living With Artful Intention
Red Tent Gathering
Siskin Air Show
This is for anyone who would like to add creative style to their lives but claims to have no artistic talent. 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View Ave huntermuseum.org
Gather together to explore our wisdom and inner voice, share lessons learned, and offer our stories and guidance. 6:30 p.m. Movement Arts Collective 3813 Dayton Blvd. movementartscollective.com
Radio controlled planes, high performance jets, helicopters, quadcopters, and much more. 10 a.m. Summit of Softball Complex 8915 Apison Pike (423) 648-1700 siskin.org
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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT CALENDAR
THURSDAY9.14 Ingrid Goes West Noon Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 803-6578 chattpalace.com The Oath 2 p.m. Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 803-6578 chattpalace.com Ooltewah Farmers Market 3 p.m. Ooltewah Nursery 5829 Main St. (423) 238-9775 ooltewahnursery.com Signal Mountain Farmers Market 4 p.m. Pruett’s Market 1210 Taft Hwy. (423) 902-8023 signalmountainfarmersmarket.com Lemon 4:15 p.m. Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 803-6578 chattpalace.com Adulting 101: Living With Artful Intention 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View Ave. (423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org Jen Kober 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch
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1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com Whose Streets? 10:30 p.m. Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 803-6578 chattpalace.com
FRIDAY9.15 Fall High Cotton Market 8 a.m. Ringgold Feed & Seed 403 High St. (706) 935-7333 ringgoldfeedandseed.com Chattanooga Market at Erlanger 10:30 a.m. Erlanger Hospital Medical Mall 975 E. 3rd St.
chattanoogamarket.com Park(ing) Day 11 a.m. River City Company MLK Blvd. (423) 265-3700 parkingdaycha.org Cambridge Square Night Market 5 p.m. Cambridge Square 9453 Bradmore Ln. (423) 531-7754 cambridgesqauretn.com Nathan Kilpatrick Artist Reception 5 p.m. Reflections Gallery 6922 Lee Hwy. (423) 892-3072 reflectionsgallerytn.com Beast Feast 6 p.m. Chattanooga Zoo
ENTERTAINMENT SPOTLIGHT An original blend of stand-up, story telling, and improvised rock-n-roll comedy. Phenomenally funny, Kober commands the stage and dares you not to laugh. Jen Kober The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com
301 N. Holtzclaw Ave. (423) 697-1322 chattzoo.org An Evening in Venezuela 6 p.m. Bascilica of St. Peter and Paul 214 E. 8th St. (423) 724-7654 madpriestevents.ticketleap.com Red Tent Gathering 6:30 p.m. Movement Arts Collective 3813 Dayton Blvd. (423) 401-8115 movementartscollective.com The 154th Anniversary of the Battle of Chickamauga 7 p.m. Chickamauga Battlefield 3370 Lafayette Rd. (706) 866-9241 nps.gov/chch Jen Kober 7:30, 9:45 p.m. The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com Improv Showdown 8 p.m. First Draft Theater 1800 Rossville Ave. (423) 843-1775 improvchattanooga.com The Wiz 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com The Glass Menagerie 8 p.m. Mars Theatre District 117 N Chattanooga St.
ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT CALENDAR
The Glass Menagerie (706) 483-6541 bapshows.com Beach Rats 8 p.m. Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 803-6578 chattpalace.com The Long Game 10 p.m. First Draft Theater 1800 Rossville Ave. (423) 843-1775 improvchattanooga.com
SATURDAY9.16 Fall High Cotton Market 8 a.m. Ringgold Feed & Seed 403 High St. (706) 935-7333 ringgoldfeedandseed.com Swap-a-Palüza 8 a.m. Camp Jordan Park 323 Camp Jordan Pkwy. (423) 899-6653 swapapaluza.com Fall Plant Sale and Festival 9 a.m. Crabtree Farms 1000 E. 30th St. (423) 493-9511 crabtreefarms.org St. Alban’s Hixson Market 9:30 a.m. St. Alban’s Episcopal Church 7514 Hixson Pike (423) 842-6303 Battlefield Bike Ride 9:30 a.m. Chickamauga & Chattanooga
National Military Park 3370 Lafayette Rd. (423) 752-5213 nps.gov Siskin Air Show 10 a.m. Summit of Softball Complex 8915 Apison Pike (423) 648-1700 siskin.org Chattanooga Art Tour 10 a.m. Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View Ave. (423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org Northside Farmers Market 10 a.m. Northside Presbyterian Church 923 Mississippi Ave. (423) 266-7497 Chattanooga River Market 10 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium Plaza 1 Broad St. (423) 648-2496 chattanoogarivermarket.com Snakes of Tennessee 10:30 a.m. Reflection Riding Arboretum 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160 reflectionriding.org Brainerd Farmers Market 11 a.m. Grace Episcopal Church 20 Belvoir Ave. (404) 245-3682 Farmer’s Market 11 a.m. Nutrition World 6237 Vance Rd. (423) 892-4085 nutritionw.com
Red Wolf Feeding 12 p.m. Reflection Riding Arboretum 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160 reflectionriding.org Mural Reveal Party 5 p.m. En Root House 1206 Duncan Ave. (423) 504-4408 enroothouse.com UTC vs. UT Martin 6 p.m. Finley Stadium 1826 Carter St. finleystadium.com Beach Rats 7 p.m. Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 803-6578 chattpalace.com Jen Kober 7:30, 9:45 p.m. The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com Nooga! 8 p.m. First Draft Theater 1800 Rossville Ave. (423) 843-1775 improvchattanooga.com The Wiz 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com The Glass Menagerie 8 p.m. Mars Theatre District
117 N. Chattanooga St. (706) 483-6541 bapshows.com Good Ol’ Fashioned Improv Show 10 p.m. First Draft Theater 1800 Rossville Ave. (423) 843-1775 improvchattanooga.com
SUNDAY9.17 Fall High Cotton Market 8 a.m. Ringgold Feed & Seed 403 High St. (706) 935-7333 ringgoldfeedandseed.com Chattanooga Market 11 a.m. First Tennessee Pavilion 1829 Carter St. (423) 648-2496 chattanoogamarket.com Family Fun Day: Wayne’s Wild World 2 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art 10 Bluff View (423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org Little Owl Village Tour 2 p.m. Audubon Acres 900 N. Sanctuary Rd. (423) 892-1499 chattanoogaaudubon.org Bill Goats Gruff and Other Stuff 6:30 p.m. Wayne-O-Rama 1800 Rossville Ave. CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • SEPTEMBER 14, 2017 • THE PULSE • 17
ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT CALENDAR
The Backlot: A Place for Filmmakers wayneorame.org Jen Kober 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com Beach Rats 8 p.m. Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 803-6578 chattpalace.com
MONDAY9.18 Red Bank Farmers Market 3 p.m. Red Bank United Methodist 3800 Dayton Blvd. (423) 838-9804 Arthur Miller’s “The Crucible” Auditions 6 p.m. Back Alley Productions 117 N. Chattanooga St. LaFayette, Ga (706) 996-8350 backalleyproductions.org The Backlot: A Place for Filmmakers 6:15 p.m. Heritage House Arts & Civic Center. 1428 Jenkins Rd. (423) 855-9474 chattanooga.gov
TUESDAY9.19 Tuesday Night Chess Club 6 p.m. Downtown Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 643-7700 chattilibrary.com Arthur Miller’s “The Crucible” Auditions 6 p.m.
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Back Alley Productions 117 N. Chattanooga St. LaFayette, Ga (706) 996-8350 backalleyproductions.org Beach Rats 8 p.m. Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 803-6578 chattpalace.com Top Secret Tuesday 10 p.m. Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 803-6578 chattpalace.com
WEDNESDAY9.20 Chattanooga Market at Erlanger East 10:30 a.m. Erlanger East Hospital 1751 Gunbarrel Rd. (423) 648-2496 chattanoogamarket.com Main Street Market 4 p.m. 522 W. Main St. mainstfarmersmarket.com Comedy Open Mic 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com Beach Rats 8 p.m. Palace Picture House 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 803-6578 chattpalace.com Map these locations on chattanoogapulse. com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: email@example.com
FOOD & DRINK ∙ MIXOLOGY
Science Fiction & Fantasy Drinking Alcohol plays a pervasive part in many of our favorite fictional worlds By Kelley J. Bostian Pulse contributor
N THE DARK REACHES OF A FUTURistic universe, the expansive lands of a poetic fantasy, the eerily familiar dystopian society—what could these fictional settings possibly have in common? If you guessed alcohol, you’re correct. It is often the case that we attach semblances of our own reality to our fictional alter egos. In doing so, these constructed realities become both foreign and familiar. What better substance than alcohol, which stretches across all cultures and customs in our own world, to be used as a common fictional motif? Even the very idea of alcohol can make its way into fiction under the guise of something completely innocent. The best example, Butterbeer, is found exclusively in the Harry Potter universe. Aside from the name, fans have speculated it could be the magical universe’s inebriant of choice following the release of the fifth book in the series, in which Harry was worried his friends might “fall under the influence of butterbeer.” Perhaps even wizards need something to take the edge off every now and then, but it makes you wonder how they would enforce a BUI (brooming under the influence). Outside of the realm of complete fantasy however, fictional alcohol often becomes a reflection of our own societal preferences. In America, beer has a pervasive influence in the fiction we consume. From “BuzzBeer” to “Heisler”, there’s a list of fictional lagers large enough to deserve their own article. But, the most recognizable fictional beer by far is “Duff”, originating from the long running television series The Simpsons.
Duff is the same as any other fictional 12oz, a parody of giant alcohol conglomerations. The name likely originates from the English word “duffer,” defined as an “incompetent or stupid person.” This definitely explains why it’s Homer’s drink of choice, but it also might reveal why Duff is as recognizable as any other massproduced beer—it’s a fictitious reflection of our own alcoholic palates. However, fictional alcohol doesn’t always have to remind us of societal stereotypes. It can also represent just how creative our concoctions can become. Take the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster for instance; the supposed best drink in galaxy from the popular British radio/novel/film series The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. Much can be said about this in-
“Outside of the realm of complete fantasy however, fictional alcohol often becomes a reflection of our own societal preferences.” tergalactic cocktail, but it’s better left in the words of the ex-president of the galaxy. He claims that drinking just one of these cocktails is like “having your brains bashed in by a slice of lemon wrapped in a gold brick.” If that isn’t descriptive enough, he also states that you shouldn’t drink two unless you’re a “thirty-ton mega elephant with bronchial pneumonia.” Hilarious as it may be, it might be the most enticing fictional cocktail ever devised. From fantastical to satirical, the use of alcohol in fiction is defi-
nitely prevalent. It helps us find a common ground in the stories we consume and reveals a lot about our own societal desires. And yet, as deep as this analysis may be, I find myself now wondering who’s created the most accurate rendition of Romulan Ale. Perhaps the use of alcohol in fiction allows us to connect more intimately with our favorite stories. Regardless, it definitely allows one to escape the confines of reality, including the sub-standard drinks that often drain our bank accounts.
CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • SEPTEMBER 14, 2017 • THE PULSE • 19
A Band That Should Be Obscene And Heard New release from Opposite Box is everything you need
Travis Bowlin Band Shoots To The Top The Travis Bowling Band comes to town this Friday to share his unique combination of soul, blues, and rock at Chattanooga’s weekly Cambridge Square Night Market. Travis found his love for music at only 11 years old and nourished this love throughout his school years with the help of his school band and choir. His grandmother helped foster his passion by presenting him with her old acoustic guitar at the age of 15, allowing him to start writing his very own music. He was quickly recognized and given the opportunity to sing solo at the Indianapolis 500, Cedar Point, and twice at Disney World. In 2012, Travis moved to Nashville where he quickly gained popularity, respect, recognition, and music business contacts that would help further his growing career. In March of 2014, Travis released his first studio single, “Bad, Bad Men” and in June of that year his song, “Traveling Man” was debuted on the popular TLC show “19 Kids & Counting” giving him well deserved media attention. Since 2015, Travis has performed over 200 shows a year, and shows no signs of slowing, performing all across the country and even as far away as Australia. — Jessica Manning The Travis Bowlin Band Friday, 6 p.m. Cambridge Square Night Market 9453 Bradmore Ln. (423) 648-2496 www.chattanoogamarket.com
By Marc T. Michael Pulse Music Editor
T HAS BEEN TWO YEARS SINCE THE LAST release by Opposite Box and by the sound of it they have spent every minute between then and now crafting what promises to be the most phenomenal album yet. The big reveal is scheduled for Friday at Clyde’s On Main. They’ll be joined by Dirty Girl from Alabama, a smoking hot blues/funk band in their own right, but that’s not what we’re talking about today. Today we’re talking about Obscene, the latest and greatest release from Opposite Box, and it sizzles. The first single from the album is “If You Wan-
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na,” and at 7:58 it represents Opposite Box more perfectly than any other single I’ve heard from the group. The tune starts out as blistering funk, segues into psychedelia, erupts in to full-blown progrock, and then wraps it all up in a triumphant funk finale. That’s “If You Wanna,” and that’s Opposite Box. The band’s musical range damn near makes them three bands in one, and the artistry with which they blend and weave those styles and genres is superb. The band manages to capture the height of the seventies while still sounding absolutely fresh and new. Had they been born several decades earlier, one could easily imagine them touring with the likes of Bootsy Collins and Parliament/Funkadelic. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear “Afternoon Sex”
“The band’s musical range damn near makes them three bands in one, and the artistry with which they blend and weave those styles and genres is superb.” was produced by Prince himself. The horns alone are a testament to superior musicianship. The backing vocals drip with soul and the rapped lyrics give it just enough contemporary flavor to put it firmly in the 21st century. “Birds On a Fence (Sarah)” is another exploratory tune whose classical synth sounds meld with heavy, mean guitar work in a synthesis of styles that Opposite Box has mastered. This is a song for putting on the headphones and taking a journey in the comfort of your head (and overstuffed chair to my way of thinking). The guitar solo work is fast-paced and, yes, funky, and the overall dynamic of the song borders on jam band, but with something more substantive and real than typical jam band music (which is why I refuse to label the band as such.) “Anteater Molly” is yet another classical sounding tune with a horn that speaks to your soul and an extended interplay between drums and bass that, frankly, is long overdue. One of the biggest problems I have in writing about music is giving the bass and drums their due. Truth is, if they’re doing their job right, they generally form the backbone, the platform from which the other instruments take off, and it can be a thankless job. This tune is
one that gives the rhythm section a spotlight, evincing a level of a virtuosity on both instruments that too often goes overlooked. “Creatures” is as smooth and mellow a song as you’ll hear, something equally at home on the stage or in the bedroom. Seriously, just listening to it makes you feel several degrees cooler than you are. For all the energy the band puts in to their music, it’s a lovely touch and a pleasant surprise to hear a song that shows the power of restraint. It’s an audio aphrodisiac. The band rounds out the selection with “NuJazz,” a tune that seems to take the best bits and pieces of every other tune on the album and recombines in to one brilliant song. Beginning to end, this new album is the cream of the crop from a band that already has a reputation for excellence. Available now on bandcamp, the very best way to hear this for the first time will be at Clyde’s On Main Friday night. If you are still one of those folks who doubts the musical scene in Chattanooga, this show alone should show you the error of your ways in a most glorious and satisfying fashion because the scene is thriving and with this release, Opposite Box has put themselves firmly at the head of it.
Kay B Brown
There's Plenty To See And Hear This Weekend Plenty to do this weekend, kids but there are three particularly big shows you need to know about. Friday night Clyde’s On Main hosts the CD release party of the latest by Opposite Box, Obscene. Joining them will be Dirty Girls, a hot blues/funk act from down south. Show starts at 9 p.m. Saturday night, The Music Box at Ziggy’s presents Harmony in the Chaos featuring the talents of Kay B Brown, Heatherly, and Rick Rushing with Dakari. The show is a
wonderful blend of acts all coming together as testament to the unity of music. Show starts at 9 p.m. Also, Saturday night is the fourth annual Half Way to St. Patrick’s Day show at Honest Pint. The show starts at 8:00 p.m. and features Olta, The Trinity Sisters, The Wolfhounds, The Secret Commonwealth and the Molly Maguires in what promises to be the biggest Celtic bash second only to the actual St. Patrick’s Day. — Marc T. Michael
Derek Wayne Martin
Chad Chig Martin & The Alabama Outlaws
Honest songs that question, comment, and reflect on life in hopes that his audience can make a meaningful connection. 7 p.m. The Granfalloon 400 E. Main St. granfalloonchattanooga.com
An eclectic mix of acoustic, melodic art/ folk, with flavors of jazz, vaudeville and cabaret. 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse 105 McBrien christunity.org
Gold old fashioned outlaw country with heart and soul. This ain't your "pop" country: this is the real deal. 9 p.m. Puckett’s Restaurant 2 W. Aquarium Way puckettsgro.com
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LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR
THURSDAY9.14 Kelle Jolly & The Will Boyd Project 5:45 p.m. Bessie Smith Cultural Center 200 E. MLK Blvd. bessiesmithcc.org James Crumble Trio 6 p.m. St. John’s Meeting Place 1278 Market St. stjohnsrestaurant.com Rick Rushing 6 p.m. Backstage Bar 29 Station St. backstagechattanooga.com Terrance Simien & The Zydeco Experience 7 p.m. Bessie Smith Cultural Center 200 E. MLK Blvd. bessiesmithcc.org Derek Wayne Martin 7 p.m. The Granfalloon 400 E. Main St. granfalloonchattanooga.com Tim Lewis 7 p.m. Southside Social 1818 Chestnut St. thesouthsidesocial.com Keepin’ It Local 8 p.m. The Social 1110 Market St. publichousechattanooga.com Open Mic Night with Jonathan Wimpee 9 p.m. The Office @ City Cafe
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901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com Flow Tribe 9 p.m. Revelry Room 41 Station St. revelryroom.com In The Whale & Terror Pigeon 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com
FRIDAY9.15 The Travis Bowlin Band 6 p.m. Cambridge Square Night Market 9453 Bradmore Ln. chattanoogamarket.com Alexander Wren 7 p.m. Slick’s Burgers
309 E. Main St. slicksburgers.com Ritch Cheesecake, Genki Genki Panic, Lilith the Clown 7 p.m. Frequency Arts 1804 E. Main St. (423) 260-8387 Side Affect, Lenox Hills, Over Easy, Ben Strawn 7 p.m. The Camp House 149 E. MLK Blvd. thecamphouse.com Diamond Dogs: A Tribute to David Bowie 7 p.m. Songbirds Guitar Museum 35 Station St. songbirdsguitars.com Waymore’s Outlaws 7 p.m. Thunder Creek Harley-Davidson
PULSE MUSIC SPOTLIGHT We're not sure how they're going to all fit into The Office, but we guarantee you'll have a night to remember as the funtastic funkmeisters party down and get your feeling happy! Klusterfunk Saturday, 10 p.m. The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com
7720 Lee Hwy. thundercreekharley.com Side Affect, Lenox Hills, Over Easy, Ben Strawn 8 p.m. The Camp House 149 E. MLK Blvd. thecamphouse.com DJ Sleepy, Keem the Cipher, DJ Sphynx 8 p.m. SPOT Athletic Arts Venue 3210 Brainerd Rd. spotvenue.com Rupert Wates 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse 105 McBrien Rd. christunity.org Priscilla and Lil’ Rickee 8:30 p.m. The Foundry 1201 Broad St. chattanooganhotel.com Alright Junior 9 p.m. Music Box @ Ziggy’s 607 Cherokee Blvd. ziggysbarandgrill.net Hive Theory, SunSap, Monday Night Social 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com Freejam 9 p.m. Coyote Jack’s Saloon 1400 Cowart St. coyotejackssaloon.com Rumours – A Fleetwood Mac Tribute 9 p.m. Revelry Room
LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR
Southern Culture On The Skids 41 Station St. revelryroom.com Jonathon Wimpee 9 p.m. The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com Arlo Gilliam & Robert Lee 9 p.m. Puckett’s Restaurant 2 W. Aquarium Way puckettsgro.com Husky Burnette 9:30 p.m. Brew & Cue 5017 Rossville Blvd. (423) 867-9402 Dirty Girl & Opposite Box 10 p.m. Clyde’s On Main 122 W. Main St. clydesonmain.com Outlaw 45 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com
SATURDAY9.16 Sweet GA Sound 12:30 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium Plaza 1 Broad St. chattanoogarivermarket.com The Stephen Busie Band Camp Jordan 7 p.m. 323 Camp Jordan Pkwy. eastridgeparksandrec.com Misfit Toyz 7 p.m. The Tap House
3800 St Elmo Ave. Ste. 114 taphousechatt.com EnVaGe performs Mahler’s Fourth Symphony 7:30 p.m. Roland Hayes Concert Hall 615 McCallie Ave. utc.edu/fine-arts-center Lindi Ortega & Andrew Combs 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. barkinglegs.org Natasha Anderson & River Moon Express 8 p.m. Rumors 3884 Hixson Pike (423) 870-3003 Sparky, The Band with Antler Hopkins, SunSap, Hunting Humans 8 p.m. Mayo’s Bar and Grill 3820 Brainerd Rd. mayosbarandgrill.com Mean Mary 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse 105 McBrien Rd. christunity.org Priscilla and Lil’ Rickee 8:30 p.m. The Foundry 1201 Broad St. chattanooganhotel.com Kay B Brown, DJ D-Whit, Rick Rushing with Dakari, Heatherly 9 p.m Music Box @ Ziggy’s 607 Cherokee Blvd. ziggysbarandgrill.net Nameless Nameless
9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com Southern Culture On The Skids 9 p.m. Revelry Room 41 Station St. revelryroom.com Chad Chig Martin & The Alabama Outlaws 9 p.m. Puckett’s Restaurant 2 W. Aquarium Way puckettsgro.com The Stolen Faces 10 p.m. Clyde’s On Main 122 W. Main St. clydesonmain.com Klusterfunk 10 p.m. The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com Outlaw 45 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com
SUNDAY9.17 Nick Lutsko 11 a.m. Flying Squirrel Bar 55 Johnson St. flyingsquirrelbar.com Ink + Ash 1:30 p.m. Flying Squirrel Bar 55 Johnson St.
flyingsquirrelbar.com Southlander 7 p.m. Brew & Cue 5017 Rossville Blvd. (423) 867-9402 Maria and Josh Sable 7 p.m. Southside Social 1818 Chestnut St. thesouthsidesocial.com Mathis & Martin 7 p.m. The BackStage Bar 29 Station St. (423) 629-2233 The Lonely Biscuits 9 p.m. Revelry Room 41 Station St. revelryroom.com Bronzi Blonde, Shabti, Whiskey Angel 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com
MONDAY9.18 Monday Nite Big Band 7 p.m. The Coconut Room 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Open Air with Jessica Nunn 7:30 p.m. The Granfalloon 400 E. Main St. granfalloonchattanooga.com Very Open Mic 8 p.m. The Well CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • SEPTEMBER 14, 2017 • THE PULSE • 23
LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR
Chris Robinson Brotherhood 1800 Rossville Blvd. #8 wellonthesouthside.com
TUESDAY9.19 Danimal 6 p.m. Backstage Bar 29 Station St. backstagechattanooga.com Bill McCallie and In Cahoots 6:30 p.m. Southern Belle 201 Riverfront Pkwy. chattanoogariverboat.com David Shifrin, Paul Neubauer, Gloria Chien 6:30 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art 10 Bluff View Ave. huntermuseum.org Courtney Holder 7 p.m. Southside Social 1818 Chestnut St. thesouthsidesocial.com U.S. Navy Band Brass Quintet 7:30 p.m. Roland Hayes Concert Hall 615 McCallie Ave. utc.edu/fine-arts-center Open Mic with Mike McDade 8 p.m. Tremont Tavern 1203 Hixson Pike tremonttavern.com Chris Robinson Brotherhood 9 p.m. Revelry Room 41 Station St. revelryroom.com Morning Teleportation, Over Easy 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia
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231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com
WEDNESDAY9.20 Toby Hewitt 6 p.m. Backstage Bar 29 Station St. backstagechattanooga.com No Big Deal 6 p.m. SpringHill Suites 495 Riverfront Pkwy. springhillsuites.com Bike Night with Eric & Eric 6 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com Amber Carrington 7 p.m. Southside Social 1818 Chestnut St. thesouthsidesocial.com Joel Clyde 8 p.m. The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com Priscilla & Little Rickee 8 p.m. Las Margaritas 1101 Hixson Pike (423) 756-3332 Jazz In The Lounge 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. barkinglegs.org
Map these locations on chattanoogapulse. com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: firstname.lastname@example.org
RECORD REVIEWS ∙ ERNIE PAIK
New Music From Tony Buck, Tara Jane O'Neil
Tony Buck Unearth (Room40)
Tara Jane O’Neil Tara Jane O’Neil (Gnomonsong)
guitar part sounds like it could wander into a dissonant nowave track with a little morphing. Small patterns evoke minimalism but without rigorous structures, and the cumulative sonic bundling could almost (almost!) tempt a listener to corral the album into the realm of noise. A disembodied, unfamiliar voice speaking in Japanese emerges from field recordings among uneasy rumbles, metallic rattling, tinny string scrapes, drum rolls, gong strikes, woodblock taps, whistles and more. Its title, Unearth, perhaps hints that it is a sibling record-
he stunning new solo album from percussionist Tony Buck—best known as a member of the Australian piano/ bass/drums trio The Necks— hovers on its own plane of existence, hinting at genres yet never giving in to conformity. In a single 51-minute track, the threads of Unearth drift together in such a subtle way that toward its conclusion, it’s a bit of surprise just what a formidable, massive ball of fiery sound it’s become. There are many suggestions here but never clear answers— a rattling drone approaches the timbres of an Indian tambura, or a questioning electric
ing to The Necks’ captivating double-album Unfold which was released earlier this year. Those familiar with The Necks have observed subtle changes with its recordings, going from pure improvisation with 4560 minute long tracks to using the tools of the studio to enhance their strategies; Unearth could be seen as this evolution gone beyond the tipping point, where these deep sonic layers could only feasibly be produced in a studio, although the instinctual talents of a good improviser are still utilized here. The title also could hint at being something dirty, under layers of soil; fascinatingly complicated and evoking tangled moods, what’s being unearthed could be organic and nourishing, with intricate networks of roots, while simultaneously being harrowing and horrific, like a corpse.
his writer found himself recently using the term “NPR-friendly” to describe some music and then immediately cringing at what he had done. It’s a broad but not en-
tirely meaningless category; at its most disparaging, it could refer to a strain of ambitious folk/country-influenced artists (where attention trumps artistry) who self-consciously pander to the Whole Foods crowd. (One giveaway is having vocals treated with radio-friendly dynamic compression.) One key to artistic fulfillment is creating what you want, according to your own vision; then, you find your audience— all the people, which could be a large or a small audience, who might appreciate what you’ve done. This notion came to mind while this writer was savoring the new self-titled solo album from Tara Jane O’Neil, who was in bands including Rodan, Retsin and the Sonora Pine in the ‘90s—it’s a tender yet mature, confident effort that’s self-aware but not selfconscious. With a relaxed vibe (think The Trinity Session by Cowboy Junkies) and strum/sing arrangements with folk or country-infused accents from guest artists, O’Neil’s ninth solo album would indeed be
“NPR-friendly” without feeling contrived or forced at all. Every note and strum feels like it has a purpose, from the tasteful gliding of a pedal steel guitar on “Kelly,” adding to its gentle country amble, to the easygoing vocal harmonies on “Blow.” O’Neil sings with a clear, unpretentious style usually without vibrato, and her lyrics don’t scream for attention; however, they offer mysteries for discerning listeners who are paying attention. On the gorgeous closing track “Metta,” O’Neil sings, “The movement of the messenger has gone direct / Delivering disquieting quiet / With its trap doors and magic carpets, the path forward is well lit.” The feeling from uneasy travels is echoed elsewhere, like on “Cali,” with the opening line, “We called out just to hear the sound after all the maps had burned.” O’Neil new album bespeaks a sense that things aren’t what they seem, and what’s an ostensibly straightforward country-folk album has an uncertainty and complexity for those who dig further.
Chattanooga’s Greatest Hits
everywhere. every day.
CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • SEPTEMBER 14, 2017 • THE PULSE • 25
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY least a partial respite. To get the maximum benefit out of “Compose Your Own Oracle,” identify three plot developments you’d like to weave into a self-fulfilling prophecy for your immediate future. Then start weaving.
ROB BREZSNY VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): In the coming weeks, you might want to read the last few pages of a book before you decide to actually dive in and devour the whole thing. I also suggest you take what I just said as a useful metaphor to apply in other areas. In general, it might be wise to surmise the probable outcomes of games, adventures, and experiments before you get totally involved. Try this fun exercise: Imagine you are a psychic prophet as you evaluate the long-range prospects of any influences that are vying to play a role in your future. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “Dear Dr. Astrology: I’m feeling lost, but am also feeling very close to finding my new direction. It hurts! It would be so helpful if I could just catch a glimpse of that new direction. I’d be able to better endure the pain and confusion if I could get a tangible sense of the future happiness that my pain and confusion are preparing me for. Can you offer me any free advice? — Lost Libra.” Dear Libra: The pain and confusion come from the dying of the old ways. They need to die a bit more before the new direction will reveal itself clearly. I predict that will happen soon—no later than October 1. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Welcome to “Compose Your Own Oracle,” a special edition of Free Will Astrology. Departing from tradition, I’m temporarily stepping aside so you can have the freedom to write the exact horoscope you want. Normally, you might be in danger of falling victim to presumptuous arrogance if you imagined you could wield complete control over how your destiny unfolds. But in the days ahead, that rule won’t be as unyielding, because cosmic forces will be giving you more slack than usual. Fate and karma, which frequently impel you to act according to patterns that were set in place long ago, are giving you at
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SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Almost two-thirds of us confess that if we are alone, we might sip milk directly from the carton rather than first pouring it into a glass. Fourteen percent of us have used milk as part of our sexual activities. One out of every five of us admit that we have “borrowed” someone else’s milk from the fridge at work. Most shockingly, four percent of us brag that we have blown milk out our noses on purpose. I expect that in the next two weeks, you Sagittarians will exceed all these norms. Not just because you’ll be in the mood to engage in mischievous experiments and playful adventures with milk, but because you’re likely to have a loosey-goosey relationship with almost everything. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The coming weeks will an excellent time for you to raise funds in support of political prisoners, or to volunteer at a soup kitchen, or to donate blood at a blood bank. In fact, any charitable service you perform for people you don’t know will be excellent for your physical and mental health. You can also generate vivid blessings for yourself by being extra thoughtful, kind, and generous toward people you care for. You’re in a phase of your astrological cycle when unselfish acts will yield maximum selfish benefits. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): In his novel The Jungle, muckraker Upton Sinclair (1878-1968) exposed the abominable hygiene and working conditions of the meat-packing industry. The uproar that followed led to corrective legislation by the U.S. Congress. Sinclair remained devoted to serving the public good throughout his career. He liked to say that the term “social justice” was inscribed on his heart. Drawing from his inspiration, Aquarius, I suggest you decide what your soul’s main motto is— and imagine that it is written on your heart. Now is a perfect moment time to clarify your life’s purpose, and intensify your commitment to it; to devote even more practical, tender zeal to fulfilling the reason you were born. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You know that “patch of bothersome weeds” growing right in the middle of your
Homework: Are you ready for an orgy of gratitude? Identify ten of your best blessings. Tell me all about it at Freewillastrology.com life? Is it really a patch of bothersome weeds? Or is it perhaps a plot of cultivated blooms that once pleased you but has now turned into a puzzling irrelevancy? Or how about this possibility: Is it a chunk of languishing beauty that might flourish and please you again if it were cared for better? Those are excellent questions for you to pose in the coming days, Pisces. According to my interpretation of the astrological omens, it’s time for you to decide on the future of this quizzical presence. ARIES (March 21-April 19): Two animals are pictured prominently on Australia’s coat of arms: the kangaroo and the large flightless bird known as the emu. One of the reasons they were chosen is that both creatures rarely walk backward. They move forward or not at all. Australia’s founders wanted this to symbolize the nation’s pledge to never look back, to remain focused on advancing toward the future. The coming weeks will be a favorable time for you to make a similar commitment, Aries. Is there a new symbol you might adopt to inspire your intention? TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The Simpsons is an animated sitcom that will soon begin its 29th consecutive year on TV. During its run, it has told over 600 stories. The creators of another animated sitcom, South Park, once did an episode entitled “Simpsons Already Did It,” which referenced their feelings that it was hard to come up with new tales because their rival had already used so many good ones. I bring this up, Taurus, because I suspect your life story will soon be spinning out novel plots that have never before been seen, not even on The Simpsons or South Park. You could and should be the Best Storyteller of the Month. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Love won’t exactly be free in the coming weeks, but there should be some good deals. And I’m not referring to risky black-market stuff obtained in back alleys, either. I mean straightforward liaisons and intriguing intimacy
at a reasonable cost. So if you’re comfortably mated, I suggest you invest in a campaign to bring more comedy and adventure into your collaborative efforts. If you’re single, wipe that love-starved look off your face and do some exuberant windowshopping. If you’re neither comfortably mated nor single, money may temporarily be able to buy you a bit more happiness. CANCER (June 21-July 22): The current state of your fate reminds me of the sweet confusion alluded to in Octavio Paz’s poem “Between Going and Staying”: “All is visible and elusive, all is near and can’t be touched.” For another clue to the raw truth of your life right now, I’ll quote the poet William Wordsworth. He spoke of “fleeting moods of shadowy exultation.” Is the aura described by Paz and Wordsworth a problem that you should try to fix? Is it detrimental to your heroic quest? I don’t think do. Just the opposite, really: I hope you can hang out for a while in this pregnant mystery -- between the yes and the no, between the dark and the light, between the dream and the reality. It will help you learn what you’ve been too restless to tune in to in the past. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The imminent future will be a favorable time for refurbished models and revived originals. They are likely to be more fun and interesting the second time around. I suspect that this will also be an auspicious phase for substitutes and alternatives. They may even turn out to be better than the so-called real things they replace. So be artful in formulating Plan B and Plan C, Leo. Switching over to backups may ultimately bring out more of the best in you and whisk you toward your ultimate goal in unexpected ways. Rob Brezsny is an aspiring master of curiosity, perpetrator of sacred uproar, and founder of the Beauty and Truth Lab. He brings a literate, myth-savvy perspective to his work. It’s all in the stars.
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JONESIN' CROSSWORD ∙ MATT JONES “Outsider Knowledge” —I think you’ll see the appeal. ACROSS 1 Leave out 5 Manufacture skillfully 10 “Dear” columnist 14 Austrian physicist Ernst 15 Vietnam’s capital 16 Like leafless trees 17 Burn-soothing plant 18 Beermaking phase 19 BBQ side dish 20 Puts the past behind with fond memories 23 Dorm floor supervisors, for short 24 Driveway goo 25 Brownish eye color 28 Curve in the water? 34 Annoyed persistently 35 Certain collars or jackets 36 Dict. spelling designation 37 “Who is John ___?” (“Atlas Shrugged” opener) 38 Rattles off 39 Say nay 40 Jackie O’s husband 41 It’s propelled by a paddle 42 Europe’s “The ___ Countdown” 43 It’s usually used to cross your heart 45 Bohemian 46 Chicago hub, on luggage tags 47 Green Day drummer ___ Cool 48 Hightail it 56 Shiraz, for one 57 Egger-on 58 “Garfield” beagle 59 Musical Redding 60 Make amends (for) 61 “Livin’ La Vida ___” (#1 hit of 1999) 62 Brightness measure 63 “Siddhartha” author Hermann 64 Ran away Down 1 “The Wire” character Little
2 Bamako’s country 3 Computer program symbol 4 Epithet for Alexander, Peter, or Gonzo 5 Mass confusion 6 Barilla rival 7 Have ___ to pick 8 Times New Roman, e.g. 9 Uses an Allen wrench, maybe 10 Suck up 11 Shagger’s collectible 12 Country singer Paisley 13 Archery bow wood 21 Caramel addition, in some ice cream flavors 22 Corn purchases 25 “Horrible” Viking of the comics 26 Arcade console pioneer 27 1983 Woody Allen mockumentary 28 Isabella II, por ejemplo 29 “Let’s do this!” 30 Cast ballots 31 Decathlon tenth 32 Moms’ moms, affectionately 33 In a boring way 38 “Well, ain’t that just something!” 39 Ice Age canid that shows up on “Game of Thrones” 41 PC key below Shift 42 Subway rider’s payment 44 “I kid you not!” 47 Number of bears or pigs 48 Multiple awardwinner Moreno 49 Dram or gram, e.g. 50 McKinnon of “The Magic School Bus” reboot 51 Love, personified 52 Bills picturing Hamilton 53 Megacelebrity 54 Delightful 55 Drained down to zero percent 56 “Impressive!”
Copyright © 2017 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per3minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 849.
CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • SEPTEMBER 14, 2017 • THE PULSE • 29
COLUMN ∙ ON THE BEAT
The Trepidation Of Oxidation Officer Alex offers up a tale of handcuffs and a singular dilemma
He came into the sally port of the jail with an air of confusion, something well-earned since he hadn’t been inside there in longer than anyone—including himself—could remember. “Big Al” had been a cop longer than most people in the intake room had been alive so his lack of performance gave him some leeway, but then there was the fact that he was also the largest man anyone there had ever seen. He actually had to tilt his head to avoid hitting the top of the steel doorframe, and folks: Jail intake doors are not small. Al normally had a jovial grin, but at the moment, it was painted on at best, his eyes cautiously looking left and right as he led his unfortunate customer inside the light blue concrete block walls adorned with stainless steel accent seating, the harsh light of the overhead fluorescents causing him to squint a little at the same time. He came to a sudden halt when he saw an officer with a laptop computer out typing in his arrest narrative, and he looked back at his car just as the steel doors came to a steady electric halt behind him. He shrugged. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys, his enormous fingers manipulating the ring to acquire the tiniest of keys present: His handcuff key. (Imagine trying to use two uncooked bratwurst sausages to pick up a safety pin, and you can better join me here.)
As in most things he took his time, raising his customers cuffs up behind his back in order to find his target, and with a strange innocence he ignored the amount of pain this caused the young man who like everyone else present had the sense to keep his mouth shut. Stab after stab, he worked to get the key in place until finally (if not statistically) the key found its home and Al smiled as he slowly turned it to the right, until he heard a small “tink” sound. The key had broken. Al stopped smiling. He withdrew the key and held it up before his eyes, the silver shaft now devoid of the one metal tab that used to live atop it. We exchanged nervous glances in the room, and Al’s client began to bite his quivering lower lip. To this point no one had spoken a word so I put on a fake smile and broke the silence. “Hey Al! Great to see you! Hey that happened to me just the other day, let me give you a hand.” (I was totally comfortable with the lie.) I approached and brought out my own cuff key, one made larger so that human hands could actually utilize it and lowered his customers wrists bringing him both immediate physical and psychological relief. He mouthed the words “thank you” with silent sincerity. I went to work on the cuffs, and was about to flesh out the story of my lie when I too heard a “tink,” and withdrew my own freshly broken cuff key. What the hell?
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“Al Johnson hadn’t used his handcuffs—I mean so much as taken them out of their carrier—in SO long, they had literally rusted shut.” Al Johnson hadn’t used his handcuffs—I mean so much as taken them out of their carrier—in SO long, they had literally rusted shut. All the rain and sweat and humidity had finally done their work on the inner working of the stainless steel, and here we were. I actually don’t know how he placed them on this guy’s wrists, and when I asked, he just shrugged his shoulders and said “Well they WAS kinda hard to put on.” This from a guy who can open a can of beer by squeezing his hand around it. His customer’s chin dropped to his chest, thanks turning yet again to defeat. I left as the Fire Department arrived. I was going to stay, but be-
tween the lack of space in the parking area and the look in the young man’s eyes as he was told the bolt cutters wouldn’t work so they were going to have to get out “a small grinder saw to remove them, but this probably shouldn’t hurt,” I just had to go. I turned right and closed my eyes as I heard the electric “SkreeeEEEE!” sound echo from the concrete chamber behind me, and made some mental notes as I headed towards the nearest Ace Hardware. I needed some WD-40. When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center.
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