her say Editor’s note
In 2005, I wrote a feature for Her Voice on Sheila DeChantal titled, “The Trials of Job,” outlining a story of personal tragedy, including the loss of her father and sister to a home fire and her mother and stepfather in a car accident. Through it all, her indomitable spirit and personal faith seemed to be guiding her toward a bright future. And then tragedy struck again. In 2015, her son Justin, 24, was killed in a car accident driving home from work. Now, two years later, Sheila shares the following with Her Voice readers, real and raw.
Real and Raw
By SHEILA DECHANTAL
When this journey began, I did not know I would live it out loud. What I did know, that day that my husband and I were there in the hospital with my son Justin, was that I knew I would not get through this without my friends. The days that followed are in some ways a blur, but also each detail so clear in my mind. I started to speak out on Facebook. When I was receiving 40-plus messages a day asking what we needed and what they could do ... and most of these messages I could not answer, I found it easier to say it out loud Justin and Sheila shared much, on Facebook -- share my including a zany side to their personalities. heart, let it spread. It seemed to work. As time went on I continued to share my absolute heartbreak with the world. My words were so caught up in my head I had to put them somewhere, so I did. A time came when I worried if I was saying too much. What 36 her voice | Spring 2017 • Share your voice with us on Facebook
if people rolled their eyes when they see something I posted? What if they thought I was looking for sympathy? What if they were waiting for me to move on? Then I decided I did not care. In this new world I live in, a world filled with grief, I had lost my need for approval. In this new world, I figured you were either with me, or you were not. And here is the thing. I started to receive messages and letters sent to my home from people thanking me for being so open about my grief. Parents told me that by sharing my relationship with Justin out loud I had caused them to see their own relationships with their children differently. Relationships, I was told, were being repaired between parents and adult children. Justin’s friends reached out to me in ways I never imagined, sending me Mother’s Day cards and calling or texting me when they were hurting because they knew I could understand. I think I adopted 30 kids through this. Thirty hurting kids, Justin’s friends, that knew I was crying and wondering why, right along with them. Some