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BY DAN SAVAGE Dear Dan: Here’s a non-COVID enjoy the fucked up stories you enjoy. question for you: I’m a queer white And while there are doubtless some female in a monogamish marriage. I actual Nazis who enjoy reading dirty vote left, I abhor hatred and oppresstories about other Nazis, most peosion, and I engage in activism when I ple turned on by dirty stories about can. I’m also turned on by power difNazis are turned on despite themferentials: authority figures, uniforms, selves and their politics. hot guys doing each other. Much to Transgressive sexual fantasies don’t my horror this thing for arouse us because they ROMAN ROBINSON power differentials plus violate societal norms too many WW2 movies and expectations (in a as a kid has always safe and controlled manmeant that for my brain ner), FASH, but because (or for my pussy) Nazis they allow us to violate are hot. Fuck me, right? our sense of ourselves Other maybe reletoo (ditto). Just as a femvant bits of info: I’m not inist can have rape fantainterested in roleplaying sies without actually with actual partners, I’m wanting to be raped herfairly sure this proclivity self or for anyone else to is not reflective of any be raped, a person can deeper issues, and I’m have sexual fantasies both sexually and emotionally fairly about hot guys in Nazis uniforms well sorted. Not perfect, but fine doing each other without wanting working order and all that. And I get Nazis to come to power. it: people like what they like, don’t I have to say it was a easier to judge yourself for your fetishes, just give anti-Nazi Nazi fetishists like you a get off without being an asshole to pass — to shrug and say “you do you” anyone. The problem is that my usual but please keep it to yourself — before way of getting off on/indulging my racist demagogues, white supremafantasies is to read erotic fiction on cists and anti-Semites started marchthe internet. I’d love your input on ing around waving Trump flags. But no whether seeking out Nazi porn is one picks their kinks and being told problematic for some of the same “that shouldn’t turn you on” has never reasons that porn depicting sex with made a problematic or transgressive kids is problematic. Am I normalizing kink less arousing. And when you conand trivializing fascism? sider the number of non-erotic novels, —Freaking About Search Histories movies and television shows the cul ture cranks out year after year — and Dear FASH: Seeking out child how many actually trivialize fascism porn — searching for it online, down(I’m talking to you, Hunters) — it’s loading it, collecting images of chilseems insane to draw a line and say, dren being raped and sexually abused “OK, this story about Nazis isn’t OK — is problematic (and illegal) because because that lady over there masturit creates demand for more child porn, bated while reading it in private.” which results in more children being raped and sexually abused. The Dear Dan: I’m a teenage girl with cause-and-effect is obvious, FASH, a female friend who keeps joking the victims are real, and the harm about having sex with me. We’re both done is incalculable. into girls and sex, but while I find her But while it may discomfort somereally hot, she probably doesn’t feel one to know a nice married lady who the same about me. How can I tell if donates to all the right causes is furishe’s joking about it because she finds ously masturbating to dirty stories the idea ridiculous or if she’s joking about hot guys in Nazi uniforms doing about it because she actually wants each other, FASH, no one ever has to to? Once everything goes back to norknow that. So you do no harm — not mal COVID-wise, what should I do? even the supposed harm of discom—Getting Into Real Life forting someone — when you privately BOULDER COUNTY’S INDEPENDENT VOICE
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Dear GIRL: The ability to ask someone a direct question — particularly someone you’re interested in romantically and/or sexually — is an important skill, GIRL, and getting some practice now, when stakes are relatively low, will benefit you all your life. So get your friend on the phone and ask her this: “Are you serious about wanting to have sex with me? It’s fine if you don’t want to, but I’m actually attracted to you. Please say no if the answer’s no.” If the answer is yes, you can make a date to get together once circumstances/pandemics allow. But if the answer is no, GIRL, then you can get some practice making declarative statements: “I don’t want you to make those jokes anymore. They’re hurtful to me.” And if she continues to make jokes about having sex with you after you’ve made it clear she’s hurting your feelings, then she’s just being cruel and doesn’t deserve your time, attention or friendship.
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Dear Dan: 1. Is it safe to hook up again? 2. Will it be safe to hook up again soon? 3. You’ll tell us when it’s safe to hook up again, right? —Getting Really Impatient. Need Dick. Really. Dear GRINDR: • It isn’t. • At some point. • I will. A note from Dan: Hey, everybody: Me and Nancy and the techsavvy/at-risk youth will be doing a special Savage Love Livestream on Thursday, June 4 at 7 p.m. PST. You can send your questions to livestream@savagelovecast.com or ask them live during the event. I’ll answer as many as I can in one funfilled Zoom meeting! Tickets are $10 and all proceeds from the Savage Love Livestream will be donated to Northwest Harvest, a non-profit that distributes food to more than 370 food banks in Washington state. Go to savagelovecast.com/events to get tickets!
Send emails to mail@savagelove. net, follow Dan on Twitter @ FakeDanSavage and visit ITMFA.org. MAY 21, 2020
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