Boulder’s Local Music Shop Since 1971 Shop online at hbwoodsongs.com for no contact pickup or freelocal delivery (on purchases over $20).
BY DAN SAVAGE
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APRIL 29, 2021
Dear Dan: I have a quick question about bisexuality. What if one has a preference for dating straight individuals? As a straight woman, I am only interested in dating straight men. Is that some kind of phobia? Or is it OK for that to be a preference? I’ve always wanted to ask someone this but I’m afraid of being thought of as having a phobia. —Nervously Asking Dan Something
hide their views so they’re not pariahs. Not sure how to handle — simply not responding? Citing his father’s views in the RSVP? Never going to any family function where they will be, ever? I really don’t want my kid around these people, but also, I feel like maybe I should go to set an example. But then, wearing my best suit and tie to a Trump wedding deep in a red state makes me worried for my physical safety. —What would you do?
Dear NADS: I think you’re fine, NADS, so long as you’ve taken a moment to think about why you’re burdened with this “preference.” Our sexual Dear WWYD: I would send my attractions, orientations and preferences regrets along with a broken toaster and are easily distorted and limited by prejuthe wrong receipt. dice. If you reflect on what ROMAN ROBINSON might be at the root of your Dear Dan: I just got “preference” for men who dumped in a pretty brutal are straight (or for men and inconsiderate way by a who’ll tell you they are), guy I really liked. He didn’t NADS, you might be able want to tell me it was over, to open yourself up to he just pulled away and left more partners. But a perme to figure it out on my son can reflect day and own. We were dating for a night for decades and still year and he even started feel the same way. At the dating someone else and very least, though, we can didn’t bother to inform me all be thoughtful about our but didn’t hide it from me erotic and/or sexual biases, take respon- either. I feel depressed and really sad sibility for them, be considerate about because I still like him and I miss him how we express them, and — perhaps and I don’t know what to do. most importantly — do our best not to —Sad And Depressed Over New transit them. I’m not into shame, but not Ending finding a particular group of people attractive for whatever reason is someDear SADONE: If he did that... if he thing we can keep to ourselves — not broke up with you like that... you didn’t just to avoid doing harm to people we like him. Not really. You liked the idea of aren’t attracted to, but to avoid passing him you formed in your head. He gave our erotic biases and limitations on to the you the outline of a decent guy and you next generation. filled that outline in with everything you hoped he was, i.e., a kind, loving, decent Dear Dan: My wife and I (lesbian guy who was as into you as you were moms together) have been invited to into him. Or at the very least, SADONE, her cousin’s wedding. And she’s marry- a guy who cared enough about your feeling the son of a former Republican ings to end things in a kind and considerstatewide official who, in the early ate manner if it came to that. You can 2000s, turned the power of his state and should feel sad about losing the guy against gays, especially gay parents. you hoped he was but don’t feel sad His son hasn’t renounced his views — about losing the guy he turned out to be. in fact, he’s converted his fiancée, my Because that guy was an asshole. cousin-in-law, to Trumpism. If it’s relevant, they’re more country-club homoSend questions to phobes than rednecks, they want to be mail@savagelove.net, follow Dan on seen as mainstream and pleasant, and Twitter @fakedansavage, and visit they now live in a very liberal city and savagelovecast.com. I
BOULDER COUNTY’S INDEPENDENT VOICE