BY DAN SAVAGE
is kind of playing with my head so I can’t just relax and enjoy myself when topping. Should I just accept that topping isn’t for me? —Subpar Orgasms From Topping
Dear Dan: I’m a heavy sleeper, and my wife knows that, but not so heavy that I don’t wake up when she Dear SOFT: You could accept that periodically masturbates next to me topping isn’t for you and swear off and has the bed shaking pretty hard. topping forever... but that seems a little She doesn’t know this wakes me. How dramatic, SOFT, and a whole lot drastic. do I handle this? Do I offer a hand (or How about accepting this instead: while a dick) the next time? Talk to her when you prefer bottoming to topping and she’s not having her moment and ask your orgasms are better when you botif she feels like our sex life is lacking? tom, you also enjoy topping occasionalOr just let it go and continue to pretend ly, so long as you don’t push too far in that I’m still asleep when this happens? and/or get ridden too hard. You might Our sex life seems healthy to me also wanna accept the compliments otherwise. you’ve been getting about your topping —Nocturnal Incidents skills/style. Instead of ROMAN ROBINSON That Erupt Necessitate assuming the guys you’ve Inquiries To Elucidate topped are lying to you, give them the benefit of the Dear NITENITE: doubt and assume they’re The wife masturbating in telling the truth: you’re a the middle isn’t by itself good top and bottoming evidence your sex life for you is a good time. is lacking, NITENITE. And with more experience, She’s most likely waking SOFT, you’re likelier to get up horny at 3 a.m. and even better at it, earn more rubbing one out to get praise and grow to enjoy back to sleep. You can topping more. and should tell her over breakfast—with a loving and supportive Dear Dan: I am a 60-year-old woman smile on your face—that you sometimes who has had a lot of lovers. My current wake up when she’s masturbating, and lover does not enjoy cunnilingus, which that you’re happy to help her out. But happens to be the only reliable way to get if all your wife wants and/or needs at 3 me off. How can I make cunnilingus more a.m. is a quick orgasm, she may not be enjoyable for him? I thought about getting interested in a full-blown sex session. a can of whipped cream to “sweeten the And if “helping her out” means she’s deal,” but will that work? obligated to get you off before she can —Exciting Additives That Make go back to sleep, NITENITE, don’t be Eating Pussy A Lark surprised if she passes (and slips out of bed the next time she needs to have Dear EATMEPAL: It won’t work. a wank). First, putting whipped cream on your clit and labia isn’t good for pussy— Dear Dan: Gay man here with a and since whipped cream rapidly question about topping. I was a top with melts after being applied to the body, my college boyfriend but switched to EATMEPAL, it’s not going to look sexy being mostly a bottom in my early 20s. or taste good for long. Minutes after I’m in my late 30s now, and recently got emptying that can of whipped cream, out of a decade-long relationship, so you’re gonna look and smell like a I’ve been doing a lot of exploring and newborn puked on your lap. Chocolate rediscovering what I want in bed. While sauce, flavored lubes, whipped cream— I’m very experienced as a bottom, I feel none of those things have the power to a bit like a fish out of water when I’m turn someone who doesn’t like eating topping. The guys I’ve fucked have all pussy or sucking dick into someone been very complimentary, so it doesn’t who does. Pussy is not a sundae, dick seem to be a problem with my techis not a candy bar. If cunnilingus is the nique, but it’s just not as intense for only thing that reliably gets you off, it’s me. Also, I’m uncut and I find that if I’m a new lover you need, EATMEPAL, not pushing deep inside someone then my a dairy product. foreskin pulls all the way back while I’m inside to the point that it hurts. (This is Email questions@savagelove.net especially a problem when a guy rides Follow Dan on Twitter @FakeDanSavme.) I’m with a new boyfriend who has age. Find columns, podcasts, books, enjoyed bottoming for me, but all of this merch and more at savage.love. BOULDER COUNTY’S INDEPENDENT VOICE
l
APRIL 28, 2022
l
31
