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‘Death of a Unicorn’ is a shallow satire with nothing to say BY MICHAEL J. CASEY
D
Leoni) is the reverential wife, eep in the heart of a Be very quiet, Paul and Shepard (Will Poulter) is nature preserve, a bilRudd and Jenna the requisite smart-ass son lionaire is dying from Ortega are hunting with a drink and drug probcancer. The specificity of the unicorns. Credit: lem. If that might make cancer goes unmentioned, as do Balazs Goldi / A24. Unicorn sound like a satirical the location of the preserve and creature feature, reader, you wish. A bad the source of the his wealth. They’re not remake of Jurassic Park with crappy important. What is important is that a CGI unicorns hits closer. large electromagnetic cloud conjured by As visually bland as the unicorns are, the unicorns renders cell phones inert the human characters are somehow and causes technology to malfunction worse. Like Odell, Belinda and Shepard when you need it most. Seems like a are equally broad types with no personpoor place to put a state-of-the-art compound in a spare-no-expense situation to ality and plenty of bad jokes. Meanwhile, Ridley voices concerns, but no one lissave a dying man. tens. Most frustrating is Elliot, who is One of the many frustrations of Death willing to sell his soul for a handsome of a Unicorn, written and directed by sum, only for the script to try and Alex Scharfman, is how shockingly literredeem him by laying the blame at the al it is. The billionaire on death’s door foot of his dying wife’s wish. I’m sure a needs unicorn blood to live — that old lot of wives on death’s door implore their chestnut — and he’ll do anything to live husbands to take care of the children. another day. And not for reasons, but Only Elliot is dense enough to think this because that’s how wealthy people behave, right? He’s not a character; he’s is what she meant. Then there’s the whole third act where a type. One cut from the same cloth as bloody violence cleanses and sanctifies Mark Ruffalo’s broadly gestured demigod at the center of Mickey 17. Saturday the nuclear family, the compound staff bound by duty but constantly displaying Night Live skits feel more nuanced. moments of false agency, and, and — Anyway, the story: The titular unicorn and I can’t. It’s too dumb, and the world dies — sort of — when spineless family attorney Elliot (Paul Rudd) and daughter is too beautiful to go on thinking about this stupid movie. Pass. Ridley (Jenna Ortega) strike it with their car. Not the sharpest tools in the shed, they shove it in the back of the SUV and continue to the billionaire’s compound ON SCREEN: Death of a where Elliot is to iron out the details of Unicorn opens in theaters the estate. Odell (Richard E. Grant) is March 28. the terminal patriarch, Belinda (Téa BOULDER WEEKLY
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