Christian Weddings Magazine

The 7 Commandments of Christian Marriage

Planning a Christian wedding? Be proactive and learn what a Christian marriage should look like after the festivities are over. Here’s 7 quick tips to help you and your future spouse remember what God wants for your marriage.

1. Thou shalt serve one another. A good marriage practices mutual submis sion. Ephesians 5:21 commands us to submit to one another out of reverence Christ. Marriage is not a 50/50 deal. It’s a 100/100 deal—each willing to surrender all to the other person. How are you at serving your spouse? Would they say you strive to serve them more everyday? Are you more the giver or the taker in the relationship? Be honest.

I’ll love you even if not. God commands us to love our enemies. How much more should this commit ment be strong within a marriage? Are you loving

highest regard for them—always?

2. Thou shalt love unconditionally. Unconditionally means without condi tions. (See how deep this blog can be.) I’ll love you if… is not the command. It’s

3. Thou shalt respect one another. The Golden Rule covers this one. Everyone wants to be respected—so in any good mar riage respect is granted to and by both par ties. And, by the way, I believe respect too is to be unconditional. In my experience, this one is sometimes easier for one spouse to give than the other, especially the one who works hardest in the marriage. Respect is mostly given because of actions. But respect is important for both spouses. Most people grant respect only when all conditions are met to be respected. That makes sense, but it doesn’t provide motivation to improve when the other party needs it most. All of us need someone who believes in us even when we don’t believe in ourselves. That’s the grace of respect. When most of us feel respected we will work harder to keep that respect.

4. Thou shalt put no other earthly relationships before this one.

“Let not man put asunder” is not just a good King James Version wedding line. It’s God’s desire for a mar riage. Great couples strive to allow no one—even children—even inlaws—to get in the way of building a healthy marriage.

5. Thou shalt commit beyond feelings. The Bible talks a great deal about the renewal of our mind (Romans 12:2, for example). The mind is more reliable than emotions. You may not always feel as in love as you did the day you married. There will be tough seasons in any marriage. Strong marriages last because they have a commitment beyond their emotional response to each other. And when that’s true for both parties, feelings almost always reciprocate and grow over time.

As true and necessary as this is, great marriage partners continue to pursue each other—they date one another— fostering the romantic feelings that everyone craves in a relationship.

6. Thou shalt consider the other person’s interest ahead of thine own.

Again, we are commanded to to do this

in all relationships. How much more should we in marriage?

Over the years, as couples get comfortable with one another, I’ve observed couples who become very selfish with their individual time. Sometimes, for example, one spouse pursues a hobby that excludes the other one, and more and more time is commit ted to that hobby. The other spouse begins to feel neglected. It may be allocation of time, in actions or the words used to communicate, but sometimes a spouse can make the other spouse feel they are no longer valuable to them.

7. Thou shalt complete one another. The Biblical command is one flesh (Ephe sians 5). I’m not sure that’s anymore possi ble than the command that our individual flesh be molded into the image of Christ.

It’s a command we obey in process. We are saints still under construction. We still sin. And that process isn’t completed here on earth in my opinion. So it is in a marriage. We never completely “get there,” but we set such a high standard for our marriage that we continue to press towards the goal.

These are obviously not the “10 Command ments.” They aren’t even necessarily God’s commandments—although I do believe they are based on the commands of God. The point is to take Biblical principles and apply them to our marriage.

And what marriage wouldn’t benefit from that?

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