Parkys Adventures

parkys adventures BLAIR PARKINSON

PARKY PUBLISHERS First published in Australia in 2012, by Parky Publishers Copyright Š Blair Parkinson 2012 Blair Parkinson has asserted his rights under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1998 to be identified as the author of this work.

This book is a work of non fiction, based on the life, experiences and recollections of the author. The author has stated to the publishers that, except in some minor respects not affecting the substantial accuracy of the work, the contents of this book are true

For Mum and Dad. Thank you

NEW ZEALAND AUSTRALIA THAILAND INDIA UNITED STATES OF AMERICA ENGLAND SPAIN FRANCE MONACO ITALY VATICAN CITY GREECE ALBANIA MONTENEGRO BOSNIA CROATIA SLOVENIA AUSTRIA GERMANY LIECTHENSTEIN SWITZERLAND NETHERLANDS EGYPT JORDAN CZECH. REPUBLIC MALAYSIA WALES IRELAND SCOTLAND SWEDEN ICELAND PORTUGAL BELGIUM LUXEMBOURG MOROCCO LAOS VIETNAM CAMBODIA

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 2005

and so it

BEGINS

As you can imagine, when a class of thirty-three keen and eager design students get an opportunity to travel to India for a 6 week study course, a combination of excitement and nervousness quickly follows. It has been a busy few weeks doing all things possible to prepare for this trip; one that will take us through the beauty and chaos of the Rajasthan district of India, in addition to Bangkok, the Capital City of Thailand.

Lately, and on multiple occasions, needles have punctured my skin, pumping me full of anti rabies, hepatitis, yellow fever and typhoid drugs. I have been prescribed so many jabs that my arms have felt like pin boards or a type of fine Swiss cheese. There has been the saving of cash; making sure there is enough money in the bank to get me through not only India, but also the impending Summer. Stress came upon me as I struggled to ensure that all things at home are set so I don’t experience any hassles whilst overseas. The last thing I want to hear is that my belongings have been stolen by the local punks due to my storage preparations not being completely legit. (Thank you to my boss for letting me store my belongings for free at the hostel! Ace.) A couple of weeks of class time prep has been completed and this has taken us through the ‘whatto-expects’ and the ‘what-to-knows’. This class time has also served as a brilliant way to get to meet the other students and fellow travellers, all of whom seem exceedingly awesome. Taylor, Matt-Lee and Nyree are my fellow architecture students - re-pre-senting.

Now finally, the journey has begun:

quicker than he appeared.

The flight into India was bumpy. Our bleary eyes spoke of our extreme tiredness, yet this didn’t affect our military like precision in pushing away wannabe bag handlers. We had been warned about these guys prior to the trip and combined with the expectations of the country, we were potentially a little heavy handed as we denied the locals before they could even open their mouths.

Dan Brown, our teacher and fearless leader took a few of us, Taylor and myself included, to a special late night prayer at a Buddhist temple close to the YMCA we were staying in. The change in geographical context is extraordinary and it seemed at that moment that the 18 hours worth of flight time that got us from New Zealand to India had taken us to a different world. I had never seen anything like it, though I am rather inexperienced when it comes to Buddhist led, third world countries. Religious followers submerged themselves in a large lake, full of catfish the size of your arm, and prayed to their gods. A repetitious sermon blasted out over loudspeakers, yet the distinct silence between prayers was unnerving. We quietly sat and watched the events unfold.

Boiled eggs awaited us for breakfast, which was a shame as I cant stand the things. I went hungry.

Then, as the class were about to set out for a day trip around Delhi, disaster struck..........my guts.

I was physically shaking as I finished off in the bathroom after a severe bout of food poisoning. With sweat dripping from my brow I pondered the next few weeks and prayed out loud to all 1000 or so Buddhist gods for that not to happen again. At least not to that extremity. A tear left my eye as I got all emotional thinking of the poor YMCA cleaners.

On a positive turn, we were treated to a superb orientation of the Delhi streets. The first impressions were like nothing I could have imagined.

India seems as if everything has been compressed, scrunched tightly into a ball and left to rest; expanding slowly but still screwed. Large temples and shrines

A brisk one night stay in Bangkok set up the tour.

During a quick city tour focussing on the food markets of Bangkok, I foolishly fell behind the group and almost got dragged into a seedy back alley behind a fruit stall for playing with my DSLR in the public eye.

A swiftly raised backhand was necessary to ward off Right: Two small children attempt to wrestle me out my scrawny attacker. He let go of my arm and fled of a few rupees as they pose at the Great Temple

dominate dream urban setouts, whilst the active streets are filled with a mind bending chaos. That is the only word I can think of - ‘chaos’. Bunches of electrical cabling, that no electrician would want to deal with, border streets of turbulent cars, buses, motorbikes, people and animals. We saw the Great temple of Delhi and were required to wear cheap airline socks so that the bat shit wouldn’t infuse our feet with a deadly fungus. Outside the calmness of the temple it was a different world. Children with polio crawled up to us with drooping legs, babies that had been injected with heroin lay weeping in their mothers arms as the destruction of their lives was used as a ploy to get beggar tips.

We were asked to ignore them, though it was difficult.

Rickshaws awaited us outside the temple and I boarded the back of one. It felt extremely demeaning being driven around the streets by a poor man on a bicycle. A street cleaner was seen in the midst of the beggars and street urchins. He was crawling along the gutter line, scraping faeces out of the storm water drains. His shins had been tied to his thighs with a bind so tight that it was trembling. His feet dangled down lifeless, obviously dead from years of not being used. He quietly went about his days work.

The class were taken on a train ride out to Chandigarh for a day. The city, designed by le Corbuiser, is an architects mecca and a must do for anyone in the profession. I was happy to witness my first buildings designed by the great architect yet disappointed with the upkeep. We were taken through the parliamentary buildings, shocked to see a whole pile of shit in the water that was meant to be used for the reflection of the gods. All guards carried sub machine guns.

So here we are back in Delhi, awaiting our departure to other cities in Rajasthan. Yesterday, I saw a beggar that had elephantitus of the nut sacks. He looked like he needed a little TLC (excuse the pun). We also got the chance to visit Ghandi’s tomb (disappointing) and some further temples (strangely arousing). Work on the notebook has begun. Talk soon.

Top Left: Taylor and I struggle with the brise soleil of le Corbusiers High Court in Chandigarh Centre Left: The faecal pools Bottom Left: Posing with guards. We eyed up the guns Above: A large lotus flower sculpture nestled in one of the temples in New Delhi

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 2005

City The

of the

Dead

& Wonder The

of the

World

It was a long bus drive that took us from the chaos of Delhi into the sacred heart of Varanasi, known unofficially as the City of the Dead. It was a huge departure from what we had already seen in the few days we had spent in India. The urban design of the city tends to more pedestrianised streets. Large steps, known as ghats, lead down to the most sacred body of water in the world; the River Ganges. We spent the first night being overly obnoxious whilst trying to take in the local custom of offering sacrifices to the gods. I was blabbing about, joking, laughing, and being all too disrespectful when an old Indian man, wrinkle lines etched deep into his face, tapped me on the shoulder and quietly held his index finger to his lips. His calm nature sent me into a brief spiral of self loathing. How could I be so rude?

We have quickly discovered that the bulk of Rajasthan is a dry state, meaning - NO BOOZE. Our hotel staff have been gracious enough to head out to back alley places to keep us topped up with beers and wines.

The other night however, they were running low so myself and a few of the other boys decided to go looking for ourselves “Just go out the gate, down this road, turn right here and here, and you will get to a black market supplier” our mate Johann informed us, as if he could smell the liquor from where we stood.

We found the place easily enough and were directed out to the back. If you can imagine the perfect setup for an illegal supplier of alcohol, this was it. Large beer crates filled the back room, some turned over to create a makeshift poker table (gambling was probably also illegal) and a small bunch of tough Indians glared up at us when we entered. One guy had a pirate eye patch and a snake tattoo wriggling around his arm.

“Can we get some b-b-b-beer please” Robin stammered, for effect I’m sure.

A case of unlabeled beer was thrust into our arms at an all too reasonable price, but one we knew was possibly too high. We didn’t argue, especially not to those snarls.

We drank alot, did a Haka, randomly joined a wedding ceremony that was happening nearby to the hotel and

then got yelled out extremely loudly by our more than unhappy teacher in the morning. His sharp, accurate words didn’t help our hangovers, or our guilt.

He took us out very early in the morning to witness the sunrise over the banks of the Ganges. As a rule that has lasted centuries, the Indians have purposely built only on one side of the Ganges, so that the worshipping of the morning sun to the East is undisturbed. The water was still as we boarded a quiet, yet very large rowboat and set out onto the water. The first rays of morning were already peering over the horizon. A young boy and girl snuck aboard the boat (although I think it was a mutual agreement between them and the boat captain) so they could sell small tributes that we would release into the water.

The sunrise was impressive, made all the more so by the huge amounts of smog sitting heavily in the sky.

One could physically see the sun, free of its bright glare, as it speed its way to a full rise in a little over 10 minutes.

“The Ganges is the most pure water in the world” the captain tells us as he lifted a small handful out of the river.

“See, no pollution” he continues.

“I don’t know about him” Taylor muttered through the side of his mouth in my direction, “but I lose sight of that oar head when it dips more than half a foot into the water”.

I chuckled. The Captain glared.

The burning stacks of the ghats were discretely shown to us by Dan. These stacks of wood are used to cremate dead human bodies, at the cost of the wood. Cremation of a body and the sprinkling of ones ashes into the Ganges is one of the surest ways of getting put on one of the many Buddhist Gods party lists. This brings about an interesting point regarding the poverty of India. So many people cannot afford to purchase this wood for their own cremation, that they will undertake a pilgrimage to Varanasi and rest upon Right: The banks of The River Ganges at Varanasi Far Right: A brother and sister stow away aboard our boat during sunrise

the steps until they die. Upon death their body will hopefully roll into the water and thus be immortalised due to the properties inherent within. Such, is the sacredness of this river.

We got some free time to walk the streets that day, and we took full advantage. Day quickly turned to night as we wound our way through the tight walkways dodging street children and bulls with horns larger than any horn should be. We must have got ourselves in too deep at one point and some local realised as he dropped what he was holding and led us out into the main tourist area. We could have potentially been walking for days without his help.

Our time in Varanasi ended almost as abruptly as my recount of it and we were whisked to the city of Agra, famous for the Wonder of the World that is the Taj Mahal.

It did not disappoint us in the slightest.

We walked through the arched entrance and stared in awe at the building before us. There were people everywhere, hustling and bustling around the monument dedicated to a long lost love. We took a quick group photo and then got some time to venture around. This Indian guy took note of my camera and made himself my unofficial photo tour guide. To be fair, he did have some good spots figured out for some amazing photos. I tried to lose him but was forced to fork out 20 rupees, an amount he seemed outwardly disgusted about.

Dan Brown went mental at one of the students for deciding to order chicken for dinner that night, and for good cause. It is a well known fact to the hardened traveller of India that faeces prefers meat over vegetables. Given the amount of faeces in the air and on the hands of chefs, it was a unanimous decision for the class to go vegetarian for our entire trip.

We took a fleeting day visit out to some further temples located on the outskirts of Agra before Dawn Rising, Varanasi, India The morning sun rises over the hazy horizon. The river Ganges is illuminated in a colourful hue as tourists, locals and foreign bodies witness the sight.

leaving the city entirely en route to Jaipur.

The forgotten city of Fahtepur Sikra stood in our way.

The name was somewhat misleading, as we seemed to find it easily enough. The entire complex, a temple that felt abandoned, spoke of lost lands and different eras. Put simply, it resembled a perfect stage for Mortal Kombat. Taylor and I set about making a small video that would take us fighting through the rest of the trip, culminating in the final brawl at Fahtepur Sikra. Fists and roundhouse kicks ensued.

There was blood.

I Raiden-power-surged my way to a draw.

Finished with our fighting we ventured further into this forgotten palace. Small waterways wound their way through the temple complex, carrying rainwater between the various pools and moats.

The bus transport we have had the pleasure to experience throughout India has made us realise the dangers we are facing, and those dangers are all about traffic.

They drive like animals, these Indians.

Literally.

A dog drove our rickshaw the other night. I asked “how much?” and he barked at me, glaring his teeth in the process. I gave him a 10 rupee tip.

Our tour bus was heading to some place and to speed things up our driver decided to move onto the other side of the highway. This would have been mildly acceptable had there been no oncoming traffic and a suitable reason for doing so. Unfortunately neither of these conditions were evident. He swerved huge trucks and farm animals as the sounds of horns blared away. We were close to having a head on collision with a semi-tanker when he swerved back into our lane at the last second, saving 35 lives in the process, all ours.

The roundabouts are a similar story. What’s the point in driving clockwise around them if I want to simply go to my right? They are an insurance companies nightmare. Lets hope things calm down.

Taj, Agra, India The Taj Mahal did not disappoint. The view down the reflection pools was the most impressive, helped along by the blue marble base.

“That’s the alcohol percentage” he retorted, proud of his efficient answer.

“30% alcohol!” I stammered, “for a beer! That had better be one hell of a beer.”

Needless to say, we got to the bottom of his little hustle and walked off with a few large bottles of his We stayed briefly in Jaipur. Lee, my tutor, grabbed a good stuff. tuk-tuk with me so we could get out of the hotel and find an internet cafe. The driver was very friendly and I spewed that night. Hard. offered his left hand for a shake. We were extremely hesitant. Indians wipe their ass with their left hand Other than these episodes, Jaipur wasn’t as in lieu of toilet paper. Hence, most Indians eat food interesting as the cities we had visited previously. with their right hand only and also greet with their The Temple of the Wind, apparently the second most right hand only. It just so happened that on this one visited monument in the whole of India, was hugely occasion, the driver was tied up with steering the disappointing. I did manage to haggle down a shop vehicle between all the traffic and his left hand was keeper for a very cool silver bracelet, and through the all that was on offer. I noticed Lee thrust his hand out help of my teacher, I got a great deal on it. and then pull back sharply as he realised what he A quick visit to the Jantar Mantar; huge astronomical was about to touch. A slight “gaaaahh” left his mouth. instruments with very little safety regulations capped It was a nervous second or so before he decided to off our time in Jaipur. Taylor and I continued a fight tempt fate and shake the mans hand. I was also asked through India, the creativity reaching inhuman levels. to do so and I gave the quickest handshake in human history; about a nanosecond in length. I immediately An overnight train was boarded and we were taken wiped my hand on my shirt and searched my pockets across the Indian countryside to the city of Jaisalmer, frantically for the Dettol. located extremely close to the Pakistan border. It was

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 2005

The

J Cities

That night, a few of the group members decided a drink was in order. Experienced due to our time in Varanasi, we searched for the nearest black market seller to provide us with some beer. Possibly the dodgiest looking beer bottle was on offer at the small setup we found. ‘Bullit’ - not your standard beer of choice.

“How much,” I asked and then I noticed the price tag of 30 rupees a bottle stickered to each beer.

“120 rupees a bottle” was the response, to which I scoffed, rather loudly and with a posh accent.

“Well hang on, why does it say 30 on the bottle?”

I queried back, sharply and succinctly Top Left: An island temple off the banks near Jaipur Centre Left: Myself and a small group of the team perched atop a temple Bottom Left: The kings swimming pool. When the water rises (with the rains) the outline of the pool will adjust to suit. A neat idea.

a hugely different city to what we had already seen and witnessed. The train ride was interesting enough.

I was stationed rather un-strategically on one of the top bunks under the main light of the passage. I didn’t realise from the outset that the train would be making multiple stops along the way and everytime it did stop, the light flickered into action, mere inches from my face. Random Indians then piled on and started sleeping all around me in a rather uncomfortable setup.

Jaisalmer is influenced alot by its’s location. It is a sandy city with a central walled town at it’s heart. The entire architecture seems to be made of sand itself as the light of the sun brings a yellow hue to the streets.

I experienced a mild dose of homesickness, brought about through the constant travel and the constant barrage of the senses that India throws at you. I was just glad that it wasn’t proper sickness. As a group we have been fortunate, with only a few rare instances

Classmates, Jaisalmer, India Our group venture out to the border between Pakistan and India to watch the sunset.

Beers are in hand

of Delhi Belly. The success of which is potentially down to our vegetarian only diet, which restricts the passage of faecal chloroforms from entering the stomach. Good stuff.

It was Nigels birthday so Dan Brown set up a quirky present; taking the class to the very edge of the Indian / Pakistan border via camel back. Beers materialised out of nowhere (thankfully not ‘Bullit’) and we sat quietly with the camel herders and watched the sun set over the Western horizon.

The memory will possibly stay with me forever - that beer was delicious!

Other sights in Jaisalmer included feeding catfish the size of whales, all living in a giant manmade lake and rather unfortunately seeing a dog skip around town on his last legs as he had just been skull capped by a nearby Jeep Cherokee.

Brains. Were. On show.

The blue city of Jodhpur was next on our travel radar after yet another overnight train. We have become rather accustomed to long road and rail trips. I had to laugh during this train ride when I visited the bathroom and noticed it was simply a hole in the floor.

A sign nearby almost pleaded the user not to use the toilet whilst the train was stationary.

Johdpur is a short stop. The walls of the houses throughout the city are painted with a blue tone to not only offer praise to the god Shiva, but also help cool the interiors through the use of a matt colour. A visit to the local palace has been the highlight of the city so far.

The class work is ramping up as we now have to start work on a series of presentation drawings. Luckily for us we have a solid week of drawing time set aside in the next city.

Till then.

Top Right: The blue houses of Jodhpur Centre Right: A cannon overlooks Jodhpur Bottom Right: The hilltop fort of Jodhpur Far Right: An elderly bull looks me over

Man-made Lake, Jaisalmer, India To provide the city with water, the people decided to make their own lake, complete with shrines and catfish

Floating Palace, Udaipur, India The beautiful city of Udaipur. Our hotel is the white building in the far right of the shot

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 13, 2005

Returning Home Back at the start of this trip, I would have never imagined the time would fly by as fast as it has. We now find ourselves at our last destination with our hopes and wishes fulfilled and our hearts heavy.

Udaipur had been by far the most relaxed city on the trip, and one of the most beautiful. Centred around a giant lake, our hotel at the very edge, the class set about the final stages of our individual projects.

We spent days drawing and dotting (the callous has already formed) whilst staring out at remarkable views, unlike any classroom I have certainly studied within. The only disadvantage with Udaipur was that we had to spend most of our time working. One night Taylor, Matt and I were drawing quietly in our room when the movie ‘Pretty Woman’ came on the 21”, full colour TV set.

“Oh yeah” I said, rather too excitedly, “I haven’t seen this film. I hear it’s actually OK” Taylor didn’t seem as enthusiastic as I did “Yeah, its an OK film”, and he screwed up his piece of paper; a failed drawing, and threw it at the set. The next 2 seconds seemed to happen in slow motion, as we watched the paper soar through the room in a perfect arc to land squarely on the ‘off’ button, not only hitting it but turning the TV off in the process. We stared at each other for five minutes with our mouths open and our eyes wide in silent awe. We had to analyse what we had just witnessed. Not only did Taylor throw a piece of paper, with little-to-no weight, at the TV so accurately, he also threw it with enough pressure to depress the button and switch it off. I logged this story as my go-to discussion topic when I attended future parties.

Taylor and I, fed up with the constant drawing work, decided to step out one night and go on a ‘mission’, as he would call it. We found ourselves on the other

side of the lake, dancing away at a private office party. Everything was gong surprisingly swimmingly, as the Indians warmed to our presence. Then Taylor decided he was thirsty and asked for a Coke.

We were pulled out by our ears as the invite to stay was swiftly revoked.

We ventured into the mountains for a day trip to see a Jain temple and hike our way up an absurdly high fort. It was a great de-stresser from the work awaiting us back in Udaipur.

Our time ended sharply in India, as we flew up to Ahmedabad for our last few days of the trip. The stepped wells and some Le Corbusier & Louis Kahn buildings were the highlights of this city, one that was just as unimpressive as Jaipur, yet still incredible.

I collapsed onto the plane back to Bangkok, exhausted. I have had some heavy gastric influx and find myself skulling back Mylanta in between drawings. There does seem to be a very realistic ending in sight now as we make the finishing touches to our projects. The trip around India has been aweinspiring, if not life changing. It has definitely been life affirming.

These last few nights in Bangkok will no doubt be spent in joy as we will finish our drawings and head to a ping pong show.

What a trip this has been and what an experience.

Top Right: Taylor and I at the top of a fort on the outskirts on Udaipur Centre Right: The stepped wells of Ahmedabad Bottom Right: A different kind of well in Ahmedabad. No need for balustrades or safety nets and we were allowed to walk freely around the columns with a 10m drop directly beneath them.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 23, 2007

LA - The Initial stages

Well.

I think I am pretty much done with LA. I’m not saying that it is really that bad but I just feel like I was anticipating something completely different to what this city is really like. I knew it was all about big four wheel drives, low height slum dwellings set amongst opulant mansions and expensive food stores, but I didn’t realise to which extent. I am, as of yet, to find a supermarket or some place to get a lot of food in one go and I feel that the earth itself is struggling for breath under this mass of sprawling concrete highways and houses.

Our hostel, however, is nice enough.

Its funny. I actually felt much more safer walking the streets of India than I do in L. A. Go figure.

A couple of days back we headed to Hollywood Ave and checked out all the stars on the footpath. WOW, what a big deal! That was the best time I have had in my life...... (I don’t know if sarcasm translates easily through written word. Lets hope it does!). It was the biggest disappointment in my life (mild exaggeration).

Furthermore, we got conned (rather easily I must admit. Too easily) into taking a tour of the movie stars houses. This required sitting sideways in a limo, struggling not to spew because my stomach had not traveled this way before, and looking at a whole lot of covered up gates and shrouded fence lines.

For the $20 fee; it was an alright tour I suppose. We did manage to see the ‘Fresh Prince of Bel Air’ house, and the entrance to the Playboy Mansion.

Rodeo Drive offered over the top opulence and had some nice design ideas for the upper class fashion stores. It was very nearly a waste of time until the driver asked if we knew of Antoni Gaudi and if we wanted to see one of the houses he designed. I was flawless in pulling out my camera and pushing past the Aussies travelling with us to grab some photos of that. Ahhh good times. (Editor Note: Upon researching the aforementioned story, there is no way in the world that Gaudi ever designed anything in LA, thus proving my chumpness) Right now, we have just got back from checking out the Walt Disney Concert Hall, which thankfully, did live up to expectations. As a building it is a fine statement of architecture though I did notice the craftsmanship got a bit ‘iffey’ around the corners. Access to the roof was discovered which allowed for an exploration of the building I hadn’t planned. The visit to this building only increased my excitement of venturing to Gehry studios, which is due to happen tomorrow. A block in either direction of the Concert Hall was nothing but homeless people and Chinese food stalls.

Not much else to report. Spending more money than expected...............

Which I suppose is to be expected.

The Streets of Hollywood, en route to the Kodak Theatre and Hollywood Walk of Fame

Walt Disney Concert Hall, Los Angeles, USA The Gehry designed concert hall, located in dodgy downtown LA

The Studio of Gehry, Los Angeles, USA Architects and designers hurry about their day to day business while the great man watches over.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 27, 2007

It was bound to happen...........

British Airways, our trusty travel airline has decided to strike. Our flight to London was surprisingly, and without warning, cancelled due to strike action. How did we find out? Through an email from a friend. Thanks BA for keeping us in the loop.

Upon hearing this, stress levels hit record highs and military efficiency with the internet and phone had to come into play. It took a good hour and a half on the phone to finally get our flights changed from Thursday the 1st of February to this coming Monday the 29th of January. It honestly took a good 5 mins for them to understand our booking reference number because they thought we couldn’t pronounce the letter ‘z’ properly. The reason behind them changing it in the end was based on the operator having cousins that live in New Zealand. You take chances when they come, I tell ya.

Apart from that, everything is fine and dandy. The visit to Gehry Studios was amazing. The place is huge and I snuck a few photos to look back on. (They didn’t actually allow it but I think I got some good ones of the entire place). I will talk alot about it in the lecture so I think I will save most of that info till then.

I managed to get stranded in South Central for an hour which was an eyebrow raiser. Tumbleweed was blowing by as we got off our bus to wait for a 45 minute stint in Slaughson Avenue. It wasn’t until a bus driver (black - just specifying) pulled over and basically told us “You are in the wrong place” that we realised where we had gone wrong. He was a nice enough driver; talkative like hell.

“This busline is know as the crime line”, was but one phrase that was spoken in the journey. We would be in a different place if it weren’t for him, he who drove off his bus route to get us to where we needed to go.

After the Studios, we visited Santa Monica and Malibu Beach. It was a refreshing change as the sun shone down and playboy models with bikinis on rollerskated by. The stroll was finished off with a walk along the Santa Monica pier.

Beach Combing, Los Angeles, USA A view down one of the worlds most famous stretches of sand, taken from Santa Monica pier

Because of the change in flights I probably wont get a chance to visit any mini putts considering the nearest one is about a 3 hour bus ride away. I have already done a few of those journeys and let me tell you, they are not fun. Especially when you are sitting near homeless people who have found just enough money for a fare and have just pissed themselves. The stench, is, formidable.

On a lighter note, i visited Burger King (my first true fast food joint here so far) and I have concluded that American fast food is not actually that much tastier than New Zealand fast food, as I was led to believe. Still delicious though, and enormous; the coke bottle about the size of a small whale enclosure I am also missing out on the Getty Centre which is a bit of a shame but I figure I would rather be in London with a (pretty much) guaranteed trip home than stranded in LA.

FAR OUT

MONDAY, JANUARY 29, 2007 So now British Airways have decided that they are not striking. This means that I now have to miss out on the Getty Centre and Universal Studios all because of their stupid reliability.

Rage is fueling me now. I simply cant be bothered. What a stuff up.

It was probably a blessing in disguise though. I am kind of sick of LA. It certainly hasn’t lived up to expectations.

Hollywood Central, Los Angeles, USA A view of LA taken atop the hill with the Hollywood sign

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 31, 2007

What a relief London is a breath of fresh air (in a vacational sense).

I’ve been here only a day and already I am digging the place. The flight from LA was fine, a free four seats in a row seeing to that, and we slept for 18 hours straight as soon as we got in.

I am fully refreshed now and glad to have escaped the clutches of Los Angeles. I now know how Kurt Russells character felt in the movie ‘Escape from LA’.

However, having said that, I cannot believe the price of things over here (bearing in mind the exchange rate of NZ $3 to UK £1). I am buying bottles of water and paying £1.50 for them, which seems fine as you frisk around in your pocket whilst the shop keeper glares at you. It is only until you do some converting that you calculate that it is $4.50 you have just spent on a bottle of water. Ouch. Train rides are expensive too with an all day pass costing around $30 with peak fares snapping you at $50.

We are currently residing in a nice little town called Tunbridge Wells, staying with a young couple who go by the names of Tim and Mel. Great people. So great in fact that we are about to hit some ‘Olde English Pubs’ with them in a bit. To finish my tirade on the cost of living, lets put this in perspective. For a year long travel pass on the trains (which they have - you don’t use cars in London) it cost him $7500.

I am so glad that I can just walk to work in NZ. We are to go into the centre of London tomorrow and we will look to check out the Houses of Parliament, and Tower Bridge, among other tourist attractions.

I am also going to check out the Channel 4 headquarters and the London Eye as they are quite Left: The famous Clock Tower at the Houses of the fancy design.

Parliament Talk in a bit Above: The quaint streets of London were a vast departure from our experience in LA. Brick anyone?

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 2, 2007

England so far Tunbridge Wells is the kind of place my Mum would love. Quaint little boutique shops that sell antiques, combine with terraced houses and one way lanes to create a distinctly English feel. We had a big walk around the town on Thursday. It is such a lazy area, in a good way. In the centre of the town lies an old church that was built in the 1600’s. Squirrels and foxes are everywhere, ducking and diving around the lonely parks. It is proving pretty fun trying to lull them into a good range for photographs.

a significant building. However just next door to it was an amazing building; Lloyds of London by Richard Rogers. It is crazy cool.

All the elevators and air ventilation pipes have been pushed to the exterior and accentuated. The lifts are toughened glass boxes, designed so you can see all their internal workings as they shoot up the side of the building. Upon experiencing this building I must conclude that Rogers would have to be one of my favorite architects out there.

Just around the back of Lloyds lies a large covered market. It was basically a booze market. All the suits were drinking already at about 12 in the afternoon.

People, everywhere. I noticed that you don’t even need to stay within the limits of a bar to have your beer. It seems as if you just buy the beer and go for a We went and had a few beers during a dinner out a wander around the place. couple of nights back which was good fun. The pub is definitely the heart of the community over here. You We saw the Tower of London and London Bridge go there every night just to have a few drinks and before travelling on another train to see Big Ben a laugh. The ration of pubs to shops is around 1:3. and the Houses of Parliament which were really impressive. The size of it is understated somewhat in They are everywhere. photographs and movies. The place is huge.

English beer is pretty crap however.

I have refused to have a warm one yet.

We got lost looking for the Channel 4 headquarters Today was a monster day. We travelled into the heart (another building designed by Richard Rogers) and of London and went crazy, literally. Our first stop upon finding it, we got told off for taking photos of a was the Tate Modern, which is all contemporary art building on private property. A mere two steps back - Salvador Dali, Jackson Pollock and the likes. Pretty onto the footpath solved that issue. amazing stuff when you see them for real. Especially To cap it all off and as it was getting a bit dark we brought some tickets for the London Eye. The Eye the Dali ones.

There was also an exhibit (well at least we think it is a massive ferris wheel which rotates slowly, lifting was an exhibit) which was a 5 storey water slide only each pod that it holds some 135m into the air. It was without the water. so I guess you would call it a ‘slide’. very, very cool and worth the $45 I had to pay for the Tim and I had a ‘slide’ on it and found out that you pleasure. can gather some serious speed on a helix shaped, As for now we are just about to eat a curry and get on ummm, ‘slide’........

St Pauls Cathedral followed the Tate. It is absurdly the booze. Going to visit Leeds Castle and Windsor large. We had a quick perve inside and couldn’t Castle tomorrow which are meant to be the two best be bothered with the cover charge so skipped out castles in England. Also we are going to Spain on merrily. A few short streets later and we confronted Monday to see the work of Santiago Calatrava. It the Swiss Re Tower; a building known as the ‘Gherkin’ may just change my opinion of my favourite architect. and designed by the great Lord Norman Foster. It doesn’t look anything special really but it is still quite Right: Lloyds of London

On Saturday Tim and Mel took us out to see Windsor Castle. It was massive. The queen really does know how to spoil herself! The building itself, housed within the castle walls, was impressive and displayed some pretty amazing works of art - Da Vinci, Michelangelo and Raphael drawings among a few other statues and portraits. Apparently the Windsor family have some 600 works by Da Vinci. We then spent a ridiculous amount of money buying Cornish pasties (so, so good) and sausage rolls before calling it a day.

The Sunday was relaxed and Tim and I played some pretty full on touch rugby before we visited a pub that he use to work at. The pub itself was some 400 years old and word has it that King Henry the 8th used to drink there back in the day, after shooting pheasants, or some bird of game.

As I write we are now within a colourful hostel in the city of Valencia in Spain. I did not expect a giant culture shock, but I guess I have received one. I suppose we have just been ignorant to the fact that not everyone on the planet can speak English, and when we are guests in their country it is us who has to learn. They don’t even speak it a little bit; even the computers are in Spanish. In fact, it is taking me a while to figure out how to work this one properly. It also took 25 minutes for me to copy photos to a CD, with the internet lady having to ring a friend of hers that spoke a little English so he could talk me through the program. Ha. I would be screwed if I was trying to do this in China - at least you can kind of make out words in Spanish.

We have just got back from a night time walk through the streets of Valencia that was beyond pleasant. The buildings and churches that border the various plazas are massive. Some 10 - 13 stories tall, and they don’t really have those floors in between, just open height space. We are off to look at the works of Santiago Calatrava tomorrow and we were recommended by our waiter at the restaurant to hire a bike to get there.

Which we may as well do.

Right: The main square of Valencia, at night

VALENCIA MONDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 2007

The Tree of Life, Valencia, Spain One of the largest trees I have ever seen. You could fit a human quite easily in the cracks

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 2007

Calatrava A couple of days back I checked out Santiago Calatrava’s work in Valencia.

I. Am. In. Awe Apart from the shear size of the buildings, it would probably have to be the most beautiful architecture I have seen with my own two eyes. It is so, so, sleek and so, so, stylish. Alliteration cant even comprehend the awesomeness of it all.

The most impressive thing - every structure is clad in mosaics. Yes, that big white building - all of that is mosaics. Who are these craftsmen of the small tile?

We strolled into the Science Museum and gazed around, open jawed. Outstanding.

We didn’t end up getting bikes there though, which was a mistake - a solid hour walk. Things just look a smaller distance when you see them on a computer screen.

“Oh, its only 2Km. That’s not that far....”

It is.

I would recommend to anyone to come and see this place. It truly is a great sight.

On the other hand, I have been getting some sore bellies recently and I’m not really sure what it is all from. My first guess is the food, but it could be the shopping. First off, the food which we brought from the supermarket (fresh pasta and some salami) tastes like ass. It is so salty i nearly hurled but the salt had quickly evaporated all liquid in my body. I was truly gutted as well. My face was hung in a depressed frown for around an hour. To battle the bum runs, we have been ordering McDonalds for lunch for the past three days because there are alot of them here, they are easy to order at (language barrier and everything) and we know what we are getting.

Went shopping today....Pretty boring for me. There was one occasion where four shoe shops sat right next to each other. I thought someone up high really had it in for me.............

Various Images of Calatrava’s structures in Valencia

Calatravas Seduction, Valencia, Spain The City of Arts and Sciences museum located on an existing river bed

Atop Monument, London, England The view of London from the top of Monuments ‘monument’. A fitting name

We travelled back to London on Thursday and were lucky to get out of Spain as they were closing airports all over Europe due to recent heavy snow. Tim and Mel were going to be out for the night so we grabbed a hostel in the centre of London hoping to hit the streets and check out the nightlife. We got a fair way out of the door before we realised that being numb from head to toe probably wasn’t the best mood to be in to party. The streets seemed bare anyway. Despite its pub culture, finding a nightclub is liking finding a needle in a haystack, it seems. We managed to get back to the London Eye and I got some quick photos of it while trying to stop my uncontrollable shakes and teeth chattering.

The hostel itself was expensive and pretty shit. The room was the size of our linen cupboard back home, and the all-inclusive breakfast was a pack of bread and a toaster thrown in the corner of a makeshift kitchen. Had a nice enough chat to one of the other tourists staying there before deciding to get the hell out and hit the road.

That Friday we went and checked out the National Gallery which was pretty awesome. It housed alot of paintings from Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Rembrandt, Picasso and Van Gogh. We lost time there and realised that we had been wandering around for a good four hours. My favourite artist on exhibition was probably Monet. His paintings looked like squiggles up close but when you stood a good six or eight steps away from them, you could see an amazing amount of detail. I literally have no idea how he painted them. He must have used a 6 metre long paint brush or something, and really delicate flicks of his wrist.

Today we went to the biggest mall in Europe which was quite true to its title. It was big. The carpark alone was about twice that of Bayfair. There was a pretty sweet Lego store and I was tempted to purchase a large Lego Batmobile but my conscience steered me away from it. (Editor Note: I am officially gutted that I failed to purchase that Batmobile, considering the increased value it has nowadays) Just got back from another pub (the amount of pubs I have been to and the amount of beers I have had over here in the few short days must be some kind of human record. I am sure no one in the history of earth has ever drank as much).

This one pub had a beer which was infused with a raw cherry or strawberry flavour. It didn’t taste too bad. The bad thing was that it cost about $15. My wallet was crying as he saw me drinking it.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2007

BACK IN

LONDON

Going to Canterbury tomorrow to check it out whilst Tim and Mel play some touch and then we are back off into central London on Monday before Paris on Tuesday

Left: Possibly one of the most famous bridges in the world - The Tower Bridge of London

The City of Lights WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 14, 2007

On Sunday Tim was kind enough to drive us out to see Canterbury Cathedral, as he was going in that direction anyway. And yes, like most of the significant structures over here - the place was huge. Apparently, it was said by a Parish within the church, Canterbury is the most spectacular Cathedral in all of Britain. I had to admit, it was pretty cool and the building had been added to over the years merging centuries of different styles together.

Monday was a big day. An all day London transport ticket was required to nip some necessary locations in the bud; all of it for my upcoming lecture. We also went to the Natural History Museum, which was a fun experience. The dinosaur skeletons on display opened up my inner child and I stood standing amazed at their compositions. I didn’t get to see a T-rex however. It alluded me.

We caught multiple trains to get out to the Greenwich area to see the Millennium Dome, the Millennium Village and West Silvertown. They weren’t that exciting from a tourist perspective but I got what I needed from it for my research. A few photos basically.

Left: The ornate structure of the Lourve Above: A street artist painting a Che Guevara image, blindfolded, from behind Right: The famous Notre Dame Cathedral

Yesterday we jumped aboard the Eurostar (a bone fide bullet train) and headed to France via the English channel tunnel. Due to speed constraints, the English part of the travel was fairly subdued. However, once French territory was entered, the conductor opened the engine up. Light streaks formed at the side of the train as we broke Mach 6. In all reality, we must have been going about 300 km/h. Easy The train pulled into the Gare du Nord at around 5pm, leaving plenty of time for a walk through the streets.

I think I like Paris even more than I do London. We saw the Grand Opera House that night before retiring to the third rate hostel for rest.

Today we grabbed some train tickets and headed to see the Lourve. For some reason they were letting everyone in for free so we were stoked not to pay, and it was even more a bonus as we had to get out of the rain. Ching ching.

Within the Lourve I pushed through the crowds to see the Mona Lisa and her smile. I was sure she winked at me. The tragic sculpture of the Venus de Milo was also on display and reminded me of the imitation

statue sitting atop my Nanna’s glass cabinet. We had a huge walk through the whole place having no idea how large it actually is. It would be a good 700m to 1Km to walk from one end of the building to the other.

I have just returned from viewing the Pompidou Centre and Notre Dame Cathedral. Whilst there I took a quiet break from the hectic rush around me and observed a street artist paint the Che Guevara image whilst blindfolded, not to mention doing it from behind the easel.

The weather is really packing up now so we are going to head back to the hostel. I have just received notice that I have to move out of my flat, which pains me beyond belief, so it looks like I will be hitting the flat websites and newspapers when I get home. Thank god for the internet

St Valentines

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 16, 2007 If you were to name a place that you would consider the busiest in the world on Valentines night, where would it be?

Now, should you have asked me this question prior to my visit to Paris, I would have thought about it for a while, contemplated maybe Times Square, the waterways of Venice, maybe even a plaza in Rome, but I would then finally answer with the Eiffel Tower. It seems sensible, right?

Well, we went there.

On the night.

And surprise hit us............

No. Crowds.

At. All. Did everyone think the same thing? - that it is so obvious to ascend the Eiffel Tower on Valentines Night that it would be like suicide attempting a visit?

They must have, and don’t think that thought did not cross my mind as well.

It did.

Prior to getting to the tower however we thought we may as well build up our strength levels and treat ourselves to a really nice dinner. As we also thought we were quite stupid to miss out on proper Spanish cuisine whilst we were there, we promised ourselves not to make the same mistake with France.

So we ate some snails.

All green and slimy they were.

They aren’t bad at all, though the garlic helped the taste buds.

the furthermost away out of all the major cities. A comforting 19000 kms.

On the Thursday we went to the Arc de Triomphe which is encircled by a massive roundabout. There is about 6 lanes of traffic constantly going around it and no road markings to organise this traffic. It made me shudder when I thought back to the moment when I had considered hiring a car and driving the city.

“I cannot believe they don’t have accidents” I exclaimed whilst taking a photo of the structure. At that exact moment, a guy on a motorbike plowed headfirst into the bonnet of a Fiat, flipped over the roof and slammed hard onto the road.

“Wow. Strange” I thought, and continued to snap away.

The guy was wheeled off.

Following the Arc de Triomphe, we also went back to the Eiffel Tower to get some daytime photos and to visit the nearby French version of the Pantheon.

Its funny about Europe however, and I have noticed some things. I mean, they got the same shit over here that we got back home except over here its just a little different.

Example?

- You can get beer basically anywhere. Most vending machines just in the street have beer in them and there is no real age control to stop underage kids buying it.

- Cops are everywhere and they have every form of transport. I am not kidding but yesterday we saw a We arrived at the tower at around 9pm, to no crowds, pack of cops in police issue roller blades. There is and jumped straight into the lift. The tower is massive. also at least one cop on every street corner and they Like, really massive. And when you are in an elevator just stand around really. with chain-mesh walls, that keeps going up and up, you do start to shit yourself.

- Despite the opulence of its urban heart, the cities The view was amazing and I was surprised to see suffer from alot of poverty as well. Graffiti and dodgy small ‘distance’ flags placed around the perimeter street thieves dominate underground transport of the viewing deck indicating what direction and systems and less noticeable streets distance major cities of the world were.

We were pretty impressed to find Wellington was - A big mac’s a big mac but they call it Le Big Mac

Eiffels Tower, Paris, France Taken along the bank of the Siene River on Valentines Night

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 20, 2007

One night in Bangkok and the worlds your oyster...

We left London a day ago. It was a sad occasion.

I was knocking on deaths door due to an untimely flu but was ordered by Tim to go have a beer at a bar called the Walkabout (Kiwi / Aussie bar), which sorted things out for the night at least. London is such a nice place and we were lucky to have nice people to be staying with.

The flight to Bangkok was fine. I basically went unconscious because of my cold and slept through most of the flight. Booya.

We are in Bangkok now. I love this place. It took the cab driver over 2 hours to drive us from the airport to our hotel (a new airport too - really nice architecture) and we paid the driver the equivalent of NZ$8 each.

Insane. I gave him a $4 tip because I thought why the hell not and the guy got so happy that tears of joy started streaming down his beaming face. He was shaking my hand for a solid five minutes.

Already brought 6 CD’s too. So sweet.

If anyone wants me to get them any CD’s or anything then send me an email real quick because I will only be checking them one more time before I head home.

You can basically get anything you want here. I think that goes for DVD’s as well. Oh yeah and they have random compilations like the best of Snow Patrol, and the best of James Blunt (hasn’t he only had 1 album so far?).

We have got no room left in our bags for purchases so we are throwing out some of our old clothes.

About to hit the mall district, get on the piss tonight and hopefully head to the Floating Markets and the Grand Palace tomorrow. If we can fit it all in.

Above: Inside the Grand Palace of Bangkok Top Right: A statue of Buddha Bottom Right: The magnificent reclining Buddha

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 22, 2007

The final blog of the trip Tomorrow we head back to New Zealand.

It has been a great trip and we have seen some amazing things. It looks like our carry on bags are going to be massively overweight just so we can get everything back home.

Today in Bangkok, we went to go see the Grand Palace but it was closed as today is one of the only days in the year that it is only open for Thai people.

We met this Thai person and got talking and he told us all these other places we should go see - some were only open to the public today so it is quite rare that we can actually see them. This guy even sorted out a tuk-tuk driver for us and haggled him down, resulting in the ride being free. The guy dropped us off at each stop and waited around for us to come out and everything. I asked him why he would do this for free and he stated that if we go to the export market (a precious stones market and shop - which we wanted to do anyway) he gets a petrol voucher so he was really happy.

(Editor Note: This entire adventure was a hoax, and setup completely by our Thai ‘friend’. Although it was worthwhile, it was all a ploy to try and get money out of us) It was so hot today. Around 40 degrees. When we flew in a few days back, the pilot said it was around 35 degrees and we thought that was hot. Add the humidity into things and it is ridiculous. So today we nearly sweated ourselves to death. So hot.

That’s about all. I will be back in NZ at around 9:30 on Saturday morning. Looking forward to seeing you all.

Left: The interior of Bangkok airport

SUNDAY, APRIL 12, 2009

The Transient Life Begins Wow, it has been a while since I have added to this. As Mace would say, ‘Welcome back’.

Unfortunately my trip started off on a bad note; the airport forcing me to pay $150 for a fee that I had already paid for through the travel agency. It was a minor amount of arguing but due to the time and my mind-set, I promptly paid the fee for a second time and checked in my luggage. At half past midnight, it was a bit of a shit situation to start the trip off on but apparently I can get the money back, so I guess its all good.

As for the flight, I should have really done my math on the flight times. When I booked the tickets, I was just eager to pay the discounted amount that was on offer (around NZ$950 one way).

It turned out that I spent 37 hours in total on travel time between New Zealand and London, which was exhausting to say the least.

On board the flight I met up with a guy called Mike. He comforted me as I discovered the horrible truth - that Royal Brunei Airways does not serve alcohol on board. He was a good companion to waste the hours away with, and his supply of Valium eased my tension. We stopped for 10 hours in Brunei which was possibly the most boring time of my life. I ended up playing hacky sac by myself and talking to the cleaner about the similarities of the past time with that of soccer. We also had a short stop over in Dubai, which allowed me to see all the large buildings that are going up over there. The 800m high tower that is nearly completed is insanely huge. We circled around it and could see the vast difference between the height of this building compared to all those around it.

I arrived in London early in the morning, got through customs on the ancestry visa extremely easily and met up with Nathan shortly after. It was fortunate how the flights worked out.

We have spent most of today checking out all the sights and trying to stay awake till bed time to avoid a bad jet lag. Went on the London Eye again (which I really didn’t need to do) and saw St Paul’s, the Tate Modern, the British museum, Houses of Parliament and Westminster Abbey. The usual suspects.

There are a whole lot of tourists around because of the Easter holidays. I’m going to keep this initial post pretty short as I don’t really have to much to say and just wanted to kick it all off. Till next time.

Opposite Page: The London Eye Far Top Left: The houses of Parliament in all their glory, gazing over the mighty river Thames.

Far Bottom Left: Roaring with lions in Trafalgar Square Centre Top: Taking a photo of Nathan taking a photo of St Pauls Cathedral.

Centre Bottom: Our rather unconsidered response to the fury we felt when we saw the line of people waiting to get on the London Eye Above: Hanging 10 on the Thames

MONDAY, APRIL 20, 2009

(literally drawn) out for us was not to scale.

We had a massive party on the first night at the Chateau. The letter ‘P’ was the theme which meant you had to dress up as something beginning with ‘P’. I went as a porn star, dressing up by borrowing a stocking from one of the girls of the group and filling it with my gym shorts. I flung the fake appendage Well Hello again. around with outright confidence and a few photos It has been a short while since I have been able to escaped that could put me in a tight spot if have to attack the old internet. Truth is - I am having the time answer for them. of my life.....

Now we are in Barcelona where I can finally hit the The night before Contiki, Nathan and I decided to internet and answer all your burning emails. We saw enter a quiz competition with a few peeps from the a whole lot of Gaudi today which was mind-blowing hostel. Long story, short; we won the bloody thing. to say the least. Ridiculous. I have had some ‘thumbs Which meant. four jugs of beer and cocktails for us to finish off in a few short hours.

We got to bed at about 3am, set our alarms with blurry eyes and woke up at 5am to head to the Contiki crew.

It was a struggle alone just to stay conscious whilst we were meeting all the fellow travellers.

We. Were. Pretty wasted.

Bonjour&Ola

The other travellers on the trip are great fun. Really good fun actually. There are precisely 5 Canadians, 5 New Zealanders, and 28 Aussies!!!. We are slightly outnumbered so we try not to pull off Hakas.

We hit sweet Pari’ first off, which I had already visited so I automatically became the guy on tour to follow.

Cheers and back slaps ensued after I downed a snail in front of the group. Three short nights in Paris became two long nights in the Contiki chateau, located in the awesome wine region of Beaugolouis.

We took picnic baskets through the country town of Theize and walked on up to ‘the top of the world’.

Prior to leaving on the picnic, we were told that a dog will meet us around halfway along the stroll. We all rolled our eyes and scoffed at this comment. ‘What a random thing to say’ I thought, ‘a dog just meets up with us?’. Sure enough, as we walked through the quaint streets of Theize, a dog comes out of nowhere and follows us all the way up to the picnic area. He was a great companion and got us out of a really tight spot. Lets just say that the map that was drawn

ups’ for being an architect and everyone is asking me about different buildings with an amazed look on their faces.

“Its from the Nouveu era” I say in a matter-of-fact voice, “the architect was high on shrooms when he developed the lintels for these stained glass windows They nod their heads in agreement.

I have met a really cool guy called Craig and we are going to do a bit more of Amsterdam after this.

Nathan is absolutely loving it. I can see it on his face.

Below Left: The ominous forest walkway to reach the ‘Top of the World’ Below Centre Right: The dog rescues us Below Right: Conquerors of the trek

Above: The beautiful Sagrada Familia Top Right: A detail of the cathedral Far Top Right: Chilling in the streets of Barcelona with a well earned beer Right: Spiral Out, Barcelona, Spain Nathan gets ahead of me as we descend the extremely tight spiral stairwell within one of the towers of the Sagrada Familia

SUNDAY, APRIL 26, 2009

ITALIA

up the personal security of our belongings. Adding to this unfolding event, we have had some shocking rain today, all of which has left a bit of a dampener on our Florence visit. It forced Craig and I to abandon waiting outside in the rain to gain entrance to the Duomo, and instead spend a day looking for a small statuette of Perseus tearing off Medusa’s head.

Sorry. It has been a while since I have had a chance On the upside we haven’t had a day yet where we to update this. Please accept my sincerest apologies. haven’t been drinking. It’s pretty full on. We are living off 4 hours sleep a night and we are hung over every I don’t have much time on this internet either so I morning. Its fun but tiring. have to keep this short.

Craig and I have just brought a 5L bottle of red wine, one that we thought would last a fair way through the From Barcelona we went back through Southern trip to avoid us hunting out the various markets for France to the Antibes area. Nice was nice (see what alcohol.

I did there?). After spending an afternoon shopping That bottle was gone in a night. for new pants (painful to say the least) we travelled through the hill roads of Monaco to hit the Monte Shitttt. Time is running out on this internet. The clock Carlo casino. I stayed away from the blackjack tables seems to be going at a faster pace than what it to save my rapidly fledging bank account. A pokie should. machine drew my gambling eye and managed to also Ummm, we are heading to Rome next and then off to draw €10 out of my pocket. Two button presses later Greece I think after that. I designed the Contiki T-shirt and I was €10 poorer. which was pretty sweet and everyone really enjoys it Nathan had a heck of a night - managing to add €160 to his back pocket on the Black Jack table. I regretted Gotta go. Talk soon leaving the area instantly once I saw his haul.

The Contiki bus wound its way along the French coast as we made our way to, and then through, Italy. Two nights in Venice allowed us time to walk the small streets of the dense city centre. Venice is a city like no other - the waterways creating an almost surreal and fantastical setting. We had a huge party at the campsite that final night which saw us down many a shot of alcohol.

Following Venice, we travelled down through Pisa (got a sweet jump shot) making our way to Florence, which we arrived at yesterday. We have had some hiccups here. A couple of the cabins got broken into and a lot of the girls things got stolen including cameras, cash, laptops and passports. Tears flooded the area and I was there to provide consolation hugs.

Fortunately, we got through alright in our cabin but it was a wake up call to us all. We immediately ramped

Top Right: The beach side of Nice Bottom Right: A few of the boys and myself deciding it would be a fantastic idea to spend $30 on a beer Far Top Right: The bell at the top of the clock tower in Venice Far Bottom Right: Cruising through the Venitian waterways by gondola Main Image: The Kick That Created a Tourist Attraction, Pisa, Italy The tower baited me. A heavy battle ensued

Fellow Travellers, Florence, Italy The entire Contiki group posing above Florence

MONDAY, APRIL 27, 2009

2 posts in 2 days!!!

Wow. How about that.

So I am in Rome now and as predicted, it is amazing. We checked out all the main attractions today and I will be visiting the Vatican tomorrow. An Imperial City tour was booked and we were treated to a stroll through the ancient ruins of Rome, culminating at the Colosseum; a sight to truly behold. It may be crumbling but it is still magnificent. Nathan and I got our ‘warrior’ on whilst inside. Following on from that we visited the Trevi Fountain. The Trevi Fountain is said to bring you luck in love if you stand with your back to it and throw two coins over your left shoulder. My cents went flying. Some romantic guy next to us proposed to his babe what a champ, The walking tour finished at the Pantheon, an incredible structure with an open roof and a wall thickness of 6m solid concrete. We ordered pizzas at a small restaurant just off a large urban square as the rain continued it’s downpour. The pizza was crap.

We head off to Greece in a few days and to the Greek Islands for a sort of holiday within a holiday, which will be nice. It was a huge night last night; one that got pretty messy, as they all seem to be doing.

Me and a few boys didn’t want to pay €30 for a big dinner last night (back in Florence) so we went out by ourselves and strolled around the city at night. Awesome, is all I can say. The streets were quiet and the central square was alit; the lights illuminating the ancient sculptures. A soft piano symphony played eerily over hidden loudspeakers as we ordered a beer and sat motionless and in awe. The city was serene.

Unfortunately, through the checking of bank accounts I am discovering that I am bleeding money on this Europe trip. I have managed to get through NZ$1500 already and I don’t have much to show for it, apart from a number of headaches and a few full bellies.

The conversion rate is killing me. Back in Nice we all bought a stein of beer which worked out to roughly NZ$30!!! In addition to that, was the overly optimistic occasion when I decided to buy three bottles of wine and share them out amongst a few girls in the group. Ouch Anyway I had better get this post off before my internet time runs o Right: The Colosseum in all its glory

Right: The amazing sunset, witnessed whilst departing Italy via overnight ferry to Greece Bottom Centre and Far Right: At the Vatican city Below: The flowers at the Spanish Steps in Rome

SATURDAY, MAY 2, 2009 So from Rome we have now travelled via an overnight ferry into Greece. We had a bit of a turn around with our schedule because of the Greek holidays and ended up spending just a few hours in Athens, which was more than enough. We managed to see the Acropolis and the Parthenon and we were slightly disappointed by the huge amount of scaffolding surrounding the structures.

Another ferry was then caught to transport us to the Greek Island of Mykonos, and because of the rescheduling, we now have an extra night on the island.

It is so relaxing here. We have spent our days chilling by the pool and getting a tan which happens much more easily (and less painfully) than the tan you get in NZ. Apparently Mykonos is known as the ‘gay’ island so me and a few boys dressed up super gay last night hoping to get some free drinks.

It just didn’t happen though. Damn it.

We are about to head to a place in Mykonos called ‘Paradise Beach’. It is meant to be the main party place on the island so looking forward to it.

I think I am building up a resilience for alcohol.

Oh yeah, before I forget - we went and did a bit more of Rome following that previous post. That city is amazing. We are all getting pretty close on this Contiki group. A few relationships forming and what not. A few arguments happening also. ‘Those bloody Aussies - all they can do is complain” is a common phrase muttered by my New Zealand colleagues.

“My pizza doesn’t have enough salami”, “my feet hurt”, blah blah blah. Luckily I am somewhat tolerant.

These things happen in close confines though.

Alright. I better go and hit some more alcohol. I guess.

Talk soon Top Right: The Acropolis in Athens Bottom Right: A man-made transport link carved through the country

The Greek Islands

Gay House, Mykonos, Greece The architecture of the Greek Islands

Country skipping

Well.

We are pretty tired now. We have done about 30 hours of bus travel over the past 3 days and it is making everyone just that little bit cranky.

From the Greek Islands we travelled via a super fast ferry to get back to the mainland. Here was a ferry that almost everyone spewed on. The motion of the vessel was unbearable.

One person spewed whilst the boat was still docked, it was that bad.

I didn’t spew

THURSDAY, MAY 7, 2009

We stayed a further night in Greece before heading to Albania. Having already travelled through India, the poverty did not come across too extreme to my experienced eyes. A few people on the tour were quite shocked at how poor the country was, and rightly so. It definitely isn’t a place where you would purposefully choose to travel to on holiday; rubbish everywhere, sheep getting killed on the side of the road etc etc.

It was a far cry from the beautiful Mykonos.

their newly polished floorboards. Don’t drink and shop, even if it is for more alcohol!

To experience Eastern European culture to its fullest, Craig and Nathan decided to go out and meet up with this store clerk and her friend. this involved descending into the streets of....... ALBANIA. AT NIGHT (!!!!)

Ha ha. Classic.

From what I heard the next day, the night seemed to unravel fine enough though the language barrier was difficult so they had to rely on a lot of smiles and dance moves.

They still have their kidneys too so that’s a bonus.

Montenegro is stunning and I wish we had spent longer there. It was deemed just a thoroughfare, as was Bosnia which we saw for about a full 10 minutes.

The one town we happened to stop in during a travel through Montenegro was a shit-hole known as Podgorica - a far sight from the stunning beaches and landscapes we had been viewing through the bus windows.

Now we are in Croatia which is just as stunning and luckily for us, we have four glorious days travelling through this country. We went out to the clubs last night and now I am en route to the old town of Dubrovonik, and from what I have seen between all the drinking last night, it looks amazing.

It also looks like we will be going on a boat cruise around the Croatian islands tomorrow, which of We stayed a night in Albania (one course comes with more alcohol on board. Haha. where I got my own room, which was sweet. The bidet was put through Anyway I gotta go. heading to ..................... Vienna the motions and the conclusion next, I think, after these four days in Croatia of course. was nothing but confusion). and Europe is becoming a blur. then headed to Montenegro. Whilst in Albania, Craig, Nathan and I Image 1 (from left to right): The main street of Old went to a wine store and Craig Town Dubrovonik ended up getting the store clerks Image 2: The beautiful blue waters of the harbour, number through a rather enticing complete with batcave use of eyebrow movements and Image 3: A cafe pierces the wall and perches atop hip gestures. I, on the other hand, the rocky outcrop of the harbours edge managed to leak half my beer over Image 4: Our drinking street

SATURDAY, MAY 9, 2009

As you can expect - I was not happy.

I was ordered to go to a Croatian hospital and have a whole bunch of x-rays done. This took ages - into the early hours of the next morning and cost me NZ$150 for it all. The verdict is that I have received a serious sprain and bruised my tendon - which isn’t really as bad as it sounds but is still rather uncomfortable when walking. Basically I now take twice as long to Croatia is amazing get anywhere over anyone else and I truly am NOT Definitely a place I want to come back and visit.

HAPPY with my stupid self. I have made a mental After I sent the last post, we went for a tour around note never to do anything stupid ever again. the old city side of Dubrovonik and it was literally a camera stop every 5 steps. Really cool. We ordered So, bad news I guess, but hopefully I will be walking extremely fatty lasagne and all jumped on some around on it properly in a few days. I know Mum is boats to go island hopping through the small islands reading this now going “oh no, oh no” but don’t worry off Dubrovonik’s coast.

Croatia This is where I have some bad news.

In my confident, and rather foolish nature, I attempted to pull a back flip off a low wall onto a sandy landing.

My initial landing was near to perfection and this gave me a boost of even more confidence.

‘Why was I doing this?’

No idea Everyone was like “wow, do it again, do it again, we want to get it on camera.”

No problem However I did manage to get across to the budding photographers a sentence which quite possibly led to my undoing “If I get hurt from this I will not be happy” I pulled my second backflip.

As I landed, my toes dug deep into the sand and my heels snapped back. The sound was unmistakably loud, though I tried to dismiss it.

My ankle hurt for a bit but I walked it off after screaming a rather loud profanity. The rest of the day went surprisingly unhindered, and I did think for that time that I had dodged a bullet.

That was, until the next day. I had a look at the thing in the morning and noticed it was all black and it had swollen to twice the size.

Mum. Happy Mothers day by the way.

I am in Slovenia now after spending a bit of time in Zadar (another Croatian city). We are going to Austria tomorrow as I have found out.

Some good news is that I may be going to Egypt sooner than expected as they have a good deal going on at the moment which is 15 days with everything included (travel, accommodation etc) They take you down the Nile, as well as spending 5 days in a resort for roughly $1000 so not a bad deal at all.

Will no doubt be hearing from Mum or Dad soon but hope everyone else is taking care Below: The unfortunate incident. An accident that nearly halted my tour of Europe

Bled, Lake Bled, Slovenia The majestic beauty of Lake Bled

THURSDAY, MAY 14, 2009

Speaka Ze Deutch?

Germany now!!

Austria was pretty amazing. A lot of the landscape looked a hell of a lot like New Zealand and it was in Austria where we got into the more physical side of the tour. Because of my ankle (which is healing good by the way, thanks for asking) I only had to miss out on the paragliding which I was kind of thankful for as it cost around NZ$250 and apparently wasn’t worth that sort of cash. Instead, I went for a 25km bike ride through the alpine slopes of the Tirol district, drinking pure mountain water and arriving at a ski lodge for a lunchtime BBQ. It was a stunning escape.

I got pretty hammered two nights back and spewed everywhere. Craig got it on camera which was just lovely. Funny though. I think the next day poor Nathan was more hung over than I was, probably because I got rid of most of my alcohol.

We have just returned from some white water rafting through the raw rivers of Austria. The great Matterhorn watched over us as we went about the initial safety school. I was at the front of the boat which means I got all the water / fun. It was awesome. It took about an hour and a half and we rode a grade 3 river which is basically a semi-beginner river. Still hit some huge rapids.

Right now though I am in Munich, just chilling out for a bit before we head to a Beer Hall tonight for some stein drinking. I think the boys all want to have a skulling competition so we shall see how that goes.

Other than that - there is not much else to report. I have a pretty good idea of what places I would like to travel to after this so I will have to go about putting some sort of list together and sorting that out.

Left: Cider Bubbles, Ljubljana, Slovenia The bubble stayed there for a split second Top Right: The entrance to the Swarovski Museum Bottom Right: The Haatenschwailer House Far Right: Viewing down on Munich

Misty Waters, Lauterbrunnen, Switzerland Taken on a bridge at our hostel, whilst a foggy storm blew in from the surrounding mountains

SUNDAY, MAY 17, 2009

Switzerland Switzerland is probably the most amazing place of the trip so far. Absolutely stunning. We were staying in a small village called Lauterbrunnen, one that was surrounded by 200m high cliffs on all sides. The melting snow created giant waterfalls that cascaded onto the village with thunderous results.

Prior to arriving in Lauterbrunnen, we undertook the customary half hour drive and stroll through Liechtenstein - one of the smallest countries in the world. The fleeting visit was a little stunner as well, bordered by mountains all covered in snow. The streets were empty as we took in the landscapes surrounding the small country.

The major Swiss city of Lucerne also took our breath away, a lot of the fellow travellers shelling out on Swiss army knives and expensive watches. I attempted to purchase a big mac at a nearby McDonalds and decided I would rather use the money on something else - like a Porsche. The prices, were, unbelievable.

As an excursion within Lauterbrunnen, we went up to the top of the alps to a place known as the ‘Highest Summit in Europe’ (for that fact). Wow. So cool. A train took us through an internal tunnel to the tip of this mountain. Atop the summit, we got in a massive snowball fight and played with the huskies. My freshly healed ankle, free of bruising and swelling, was injured again as I slammed hard into a snow wall whilst taking a wrong turn on a sled.

I have spent a bulk of the free time we have had in Lauterbrunnen trying to sort out flights / trips for this Egypt thing. I have managed to find a good tour and I deem it to be a cool trip. Looking to do that starting on May 30th.

Gotta go now. We are back in Germany for a short while before heading to Amsterdam tomorrow Right: The Saddest Rock In The World, Lucerne, Switzerland A dying lion carved into a rock face

The Top Of Europe, Jungfrau, Switzerland On top of the highest mountain in Europe

Amsterdam I TUESDAY, MAY 19, 2009

Left: A windmill was noticed whilst taking a bike tour through the small town of Edam (famous for cheese) Below: Just an example of how seriously they take cycling in the Netherlands

Amsterdam is where the Contiki tour, that has taken us through 16 countries in Europe, is ending up for me personally. I have decided to keep on living the dream instead of returning to London, as I feel there is more out there that I can still explore on the cash that I have.

So, throwing this caution into the wind, I am staying here until the 30th of May until I head to Egypt.

No more security blanket.

The Egypt trip is hanging a dark cloud over my stay here though, and it is making me nervous. For some reason not one of our credit cards is authorising the payment to the tour company and time for the payment to register is running out. This has seen me send off a barrage of emails and explore all possible options to get money to London. Hopefully my worst fear will not be confirmed and we wont be stranded in Egypt with no agenda or contact.

Amsterdam, however, is mental. A city completely tailored for the tourists, at least thats how we have treated it. As a final mini tour, our group were taken down the seedy streets of the red light district last night. They weren’t as seedy as previously imagined or anticipated. There are the hookers, and drug dealers, sure, but the streets are clean and the scenery is beautiful. My only wish is that I could capture the juxtaposition of the area on my camera but the hookers get extremely disgruntled if they even hear a click that sounds like a camera shutter.

It is pretty crazy how open everything is to everyone.

You can just stroll the streets and be shown sex shows, and be invited by the hookers, all on the side of the public roads and footpaths.

Tonight is the final night of the tour.

It will be a sad moment waving goodbye to all my fellow travellers.

There may be tears. Man tears

Amsterdam II THURSDAY, MAY 21, 2009

Sadly the Contiki group left the other day and we hugged and kissed everyone goodbye as we saw the big white bus move off slowly down the street.

An empty feeling swelled in the pit of my stomach as Craig and I returned to the hotel lobby alone and slowly packed our bags.

It had been a fantastic trip and one that will stay with me forever. To avoid any further feelings of loneliness, we quickly checked out of the hotel and boarded the nearest tram that was city bound.

Craig has invited a few of his friends to share in the outrageousness of the city and we have managed to hang in here for a few days now. There are four of us staying in a 2-bed dorm room, and we have accomplished this strange feat without the hostel staff finding out. There has been alot of keycard exchanging and back hand switching.

We are staying here for a bit longer and I am then looking to do a bit more of the Netherlands before heading on this Egypt trip. Thankfully I have managed to convince the tour operator to allow me to pay him for the trip upon arrival. Relief washed over me when I heard this confirmation.

Not much else to report other than I am looking to get as much travelling out of the way now as I am unsure about what I am going to do with my future (work etc).

I am considering returning to New Zealand earlier than expected as I really am not too keen to set up shop in London hearing these stories about this credit crisis. I think that if I can get all my travelling done then I will be happy enough.

So, I might be back in NZ or Aussie pretty soon...........

Right: The serenity of Amsterdam

Out of

Amsterdam TUESDAY, MAY 26, 2009

Well, after over a week in Amsterdam I have finally packed my bags and moved on.

Phew.

That place is expensive. And dangerous.

I managed to meet up with Renee after Craig and the boys left and we have decided to see the rest of what this country has to offer.

First up, the impressive city of Rotterdam beckoned me, with its redesigned, modern finger. I followed. A small piece of historical information about the town has wriggled its way into my brain and I will impart this onto you. Rotterdam was one of the most heavily destroyed cities during the World Wars, and the rebuilt city has delivered an urban area of contemporary architectural designs and spaces. The architecture is crazy and entirely different to the historical cities we have previously seen throughout Europe.

Some local markets have allowed Renee and I to purchase considerably cheaper essentials, which was life saving. Why? Because I am on a BUDGET now.

After that Contiki trip and the carnage of Amsterdam, I really have to watch my spending.

Egypt is coming up on Saturday. The two of us are extremely excited about that. Hopefully it all goes smooth, which I’m sure it will.

After that, we are looking to do Prague, Switzerland, Berlin, Budapest and then more of France and Spain before finishing off in Portugal and heading back to England. Still unsure about the whole living in the UK thing. Every time I think about it, it seems to be what I don’t really want to do but who knows.

I will probably update this next in Egypt.

Bring it on I say Right: Outside some crazy cube apartments. ‘How do the internal layouts of these work?’, I wondered Far Right: I discovered the architectural institute of the Netherlands and got excited about book buying

Rotterdam of Anywhere?, Rotterdam, The Netherlands A bridge at night, down the road from our hostel

Egypt

got into the front seat, stared back at us with dollar signs glowing in his eyes and said a few quick words to the driver in Arabic.

Carefully I snuck my credit cards out of my wallet and slid them down my socks.

“How long before we get to the hotel?” I asked, followed by “Will Mr.... ummm.... ummmm the tour leader guy meet us there?”

I knew the name. I was testing.

“Mr. Nussain?” he replied Talk about a culture shock!!!

“Yes” Prior to touching down, there was a stressful few Phew hours in Amsterdam when I realised that my travel “Mr. Nussain, that’s right” insurance had run out. The major stress being that travel insurance was a compulsory requirement to The tour we are on is so different from the likes of Contiki but that is fine. Renee and I are joined by gain access into Egypt.

After a few international calls, that sapped my just two other Polish girls and they sure know how to cellphone minutes quicker than an Amazon mosquito, complain. One of them said from the start - ‘Is there I managed to get a Southern Cross Working overseas going to be Mosquitoes here, because I am allergic plan. In addition I have realised not to use FLIGHT to mosquitoes’. Honestly, sometimes you have to CENTRE. They are useless and they take at least 2 wonder whether people travel for fun and adventure months to do anything. I still haven’t got my refund or just to show pictures of the places they have seen. back from the start of my trip. ‘This is money I need’ I ‘We want a freshly squeezed Orange juice - can you say to them in a less than pleasant manner. take us to a shop?’

Anyway, Rotterdam and Maastricht (another city I think they have to realise that we are in AFRICA!!!! we ended up travelling to in The Netherlands) were beautiful. It was really nice to see a bit more of the Anyway, Egypt reminds me a lot of India in many Netherlands away from the seedy underbelly of respects. It is slightly more cleaner and slightly less chaotic but it nevertheless still has all the same Amsterdam ingredients as India.

When we arrived in Egypt, we were rather foolish.

Some dude with the name of our tour scrawled on Yesterday we visited all the Pyramids. We were a standard piece of A4 paper was waiting outside literally swamped by hagglers. Everywhere. You get pretty good at saying “NO”. The sphinx was a baggage claims.

“That’s us” I said and he led us to a non-descript bit of a disappointment. Really tiny and pretty badly car complete with dangly things hanging from the damaged. windows, old rugs over the seats and an AM/FM The great pyramids were amazing though. radio. The drive seemed to be taking an overly long Last night we travelled by overnight train to Aswan time and we didn’t seem to be getting to any place in - about 900 kms north of Cairo. It was a pretty dirty train, smoking still an active pleasure onboard for the particular.

‘Of course Blair, you idiot’ I thought as I realised that locals, but it was OK to spend a night on it. any rapist could write a few words on a piece of paper and claim to be a tour operator. I started to freak. Tomorrow we are going to Luxor. Ancient ruins Then the cab stopped abruptly and some other guy everywhere. I guess they can get a bit overwhelming.

MONDAY, JUNE 1, 2009

Pyramids, Giza, Egypt The view of the great pyramids, World Wonders

Perfume, Cairo, Egypt I nearly fell for the rehearsed selling pitch at the perfumery. Hugo Boss indeed

Far Top Left: A sleepy worker at the Pyramids in Saqqara Far Bottom Left: Rebuilding the pyramids Top Left: The pyramids, complete with hagglers Bottom Left: A scale exercise. Myself sitting atop the second to bottom step of the giant pyramid Above: Quietly watching from afar

TUESDAY, JUNE 2, 2009

Another post in such short a time!!!!!

So, this morning I had to wake up at 2am to catch a 3 hour bus trip to a temple way the hell out near the Serbian border. The polish chicks didn’t want to come because 2am was just too early for them.

You can imagine the bus; about 12 seats in it, little to no leg room and a driver who had about 50 different ring tones on his phone and I got the pleasure of listening to them all. Renee was curled up in the seat next to me, her arms cradling her belly as she desperately tried not to throw up. It was a bit of an adventure.

on each side of the entrance doors. The inside of the temple was sparse however, and the attraction relied on the external presence of these sculptures dedicated to the gods. It was another three hours of driving back, which was thankfully more tolerable. I am now aboard a cruise ship getting ready for two days of ‘cruising’ down the Nile. Time to relax and forget about temples for a bit.

My guts have been getting a bit dodgy lately. Nothing too serious and I am looking out for what I am eating but you still get the old gripe every now and then. I We got to the temple of Abu Simbel at around 7am am too afraid to fart sometimes. The perils of travel... and spent about 2 hours there. The temple was pretty IF ONLY PEOPLE READ IT. amazing, consisting of statues about 20 metres high Above: The temple of Abu Simbel

Island Temple, Aswan, Egypt.

Philae temple, set upon a series of islands

THURSDAY, JUNE 4, 2009

Where the heck am I now?

I am in Luxor.

We traveled here via a 5 star cruise from Aswan.

During the cruise, we have had the opportunity to visit different temples everyday. I must admit that it is getting to the stage where you just cant be bothered seeing another decorated column. Or, for that matter, seeing anymore thousand year old carvings depicting the exact same scene - some dude offering some thing to some god.

I shouldn’t be this critical, or disinterested. Some of these temples took up to 200 years to build.

Now, I don’t know if anyone remembers a program on TV called ‘The Fast Show’. It was the one where they did a skit pretending to be news reporters in a Middle Eastern country and all they said was “Hefefefefef Pefefefefef, and now to the weather”.

The weather lady chick would then always place bright sun markers on the map followed by her saying “Scorchio” indicating the extreme temperatures.

Then, one time, she changed things up “Cumlio Nimbus?” she struggled to splutter out, and the symbol of a cloud was pinned to the map The reporters were shocked, “CUMLIO NIMBUS!!!!!” they screamed, astonished and they were directed to a live feed where everyone was pointing up at a cloud in absolute awe.

Yeah, its like that here. A moderate 42 degrees Celsius no less right now and it is 7:20 PM. Ridiculous.

The pool water feels like it has come from a boiling jug. So so hot.

I can fart now. We have figured out that if you have a shot of whisky every time you feel a bit crook, the alcohol kills all the stomach germs. No shit.

Top Right: A view from the bow of a felucca Bottom Right: A happy stowaway

Felucca, Aswan, Egypt.

The traditional sailboat of the Egyptians

=

DAHAB AWESOME

SUNDAY, JUNE 7, 2009 Ok. We came back to Cairo via a 12 hour overnight train, dropped those stupid Polish chicks off and then left today at 6 in the morning for a 9 hour bus ride to the small seaside resort of Dahab.

First impressions reveal a hidden paradise; super casual and relaxing. We got picked up from the bus by a guy in a ute and were told to throw everything in the back and jump in with it. Pretty casual alright.

Our restaurant that night propped us up close to the lapping waves of a nearby beach with some Egyptian pillows. Cats roamed freely. They are everywhere.

Little ones, I am talking the size that can fit in one hand, clamber all over you when your food is brought to the table. Waiters at the restaurants give you a spray bottle of water to squirt them in the eyes - a non violent means to scare them away. Haha. I feel bad doing it but you have to.

We purchased two bottles of Vodka to get us through the next few days for a total of E£36 (Egyptian pounds). Not bad considering that E£5 is about NZ$1. Do the math. ................. .................................... ................................................................ ..................................................................................

That’s about NZ$7 for a whole bottle of Vodka.

We are looking to go snorkeling through the coral tomorrow, which should be awesome. They also have dive courses on offer so I might look into completing my dive certificates whilst staying here.

Gotta go. Drinking to be done.

Yola Yola (that means - ‘Lets go”) Left: The main street of Dahab, at night

Now, the time has come for me to impart some travellers tips that I have figured out over the past two months: - Washing your clothes is so expensive it just isn’t funny. I have my serious face on when I load up those machines with my week old underpants. You are looking at around NZ$15-20 for a single load.

What the heck!!!

- Internet is also another big money grabber. For Europe it costs around NZ$8 for an hour of internet.

You have to be really efficient when logging on

A Change of Plans FRIDAY, JUNE 12, 2009 Well.

- Plastic bags are a life saver. For washing, dirty stuff, alcohol bottles etc.

- It pays to be nice to people all the time. Especially in places like Egypt where they all talk about you behind your back and everyone knows everyone.

- Take a lot of Electrolytes when travelling to places Dahab has proven to be so cool that we have decided like this. to stay here for an extra couple of weeks or so.

- Weigh up all travel options before jumping into The snorkeling and diving is amazing. There is a things. We are basically not showing up to our return place here known as the Blue Hole. It extends into flight back to Amsterdam. It might seem stupid the earths crust in an almost perfect circle. Tropical to just not turn up to a flight but we cant cancel fish and beautiful coral border the hole and I spent it and it would work out cheaper for us to stay hours just lying in the water with the sun on my back here than in Europe. It would have cost us €100 to and the Beatles ‘Octopuses Garden’ playing over get from Amsterdam to Berlin by train with us having to sleep in an airport or somewhere for 8 hours in constantly in my mind.

Adding to the raw beauty, everyone is so easy going between. With this extended stay it has cost us €200 here, which makes for a welcome change to the to fly directly into Berlin from Cairo with around €250 haggling we have been getting used to. Snorkels saved on accommodation. And we get our own room and flippers are lent out with the wave of a wrist and here. None of this bullshit dorm room crap. the knowledge of goodwill in their minds. The hiring is cheap enough too, comparative to the prices in Good times Bangkok.

Far Top Left: The relaxed atmosphere of the Funny A local guide known as Jimmy has become quite Mummy restaurant - a frequent destination friendly with us and is assisting us in booking trips Far Bottom Left: A starved cat begs me for some into Jordan and Israel. We are fairly excited about food getting the opportunity to visit these countries we had Top Left: Various designs with small jars, created initially thought were ‘out of reach’. by layering coloured sand and compressing.

OK. I totally forgot to tell you in that last blog.

It is probably a week ago now when we decided to head up to Mt. Sinai - a super religious mountain where Moses apparently had the 10 commandments engraved into the stones. So after a full day of snorkeling we got approximately 1 hour sleep before heading into a van at 10:30pm to head to Mt. Sinai. At 1am (yes that’s AM!!!!) we started hiking. The reason why you start so early is because it takes about 4 hours to get to the top and the purpose of the hike is to witness the sun rising over the various mountains surrounding the main summit. Also it is much cooler walking at night than during the day.

The hike was about 12km straight up. We climbed about 2500m into the air and then had to climb a further 750 steps to reach the summit. It was a mission. Combine this with the fact that we had to take our backpacks with warm clothes and everything else up there also and we were well and truly stuffed.

Perched precariously atop the mountain was an ancient monastery seemingly built from the rock of

Pilgrims, Mt Sinai, Egypt The morning light washing over fellow travellers

the mountain itself. The lack of balustrades or any type of safety systems was shocking yet strangely life affirming. My own life was endangered as I decided to sit at the edge of the summit and dangle my legs over the cliff. The path we had just travelled was visible, seen winding its way up the embankment, far below my aching feet. We saw the sunrise (a somewhat disappointing moment considering the effort that went into witnessing it) before deciding to head back down via an alternative route.....

So down 3000 steps we went. These aren’t just normal steps either mind you. When you consider that we had to get down 2500m in 3000 steps then it makes a bit more sense. My ankle was stuffed by the end of it and it was so hot by that stage. So hot.

Sweat was dripping as we finally reached the bottom.

St Catherine’s monastery sat at the base of the mountain and apparently the almost fort like structure houses the burning bush, the same bush that spoke to Moses a few thousand years ago. I saw this bush in all its glory, but it didn’t talk to me. Not even a whisper. I mustn’t be holy enough.

We got back to the hotel at midday after a good 28 hours awake with not much food, very little patience and a whole lot of exercise.

Two days ago we travelled to Jordan. We were taken to the ancient and forgotten city of Petra home to the treasury - the second wonder of the world.

It was a 46°C day and we walked for 2 hours through a large natural canyon to reach the treasury. The sunlight played fancifully with the rock formations, casting striking shadows. Arrival into the city was via a narrow gap in the canyon; an extremely theatrical entrance and an impressive one as well. The treasury has been carved into a stone cliff face and it is huge.

Absolutely huge. Rediscovered in 1812, this entire city lay waiting beneath the depths of the Red Sea - a truly striking prospect.

We are looking to do Israel on Thursday but it is pretty crazy there at the moment so we might have to check the forecast before we head off.

Talk real soon.

TUESDAY, JUNE 16, 2009

MT SINAI & JORDAN

THURSDAY, JUNE 25, 2009

HOLY CRAP

Far Left: Peering Thru The Gaps, Petra, Jordan After a solid walk, we finally arrived at the entrance to the ancient city of Petra Top Left: Camel detail Bottom Left: The treasury of Petra

And you have no idea how much frustration and plight; asking high amounts of money to provide stress was just thrown into that ‘Holy Crap’. transport to all these destinations we must visit. We have had to go to 2 different photo labs and get 24 Israel denied us. passport photos taken because apparently 23 of them weren’t good enough. You have no idea the stress The reason: that has happened to us in these last 4 days. Add Renee somehow had a page missing out of her to that these bloody taxi drivers, the insane chaotic passport. From our point of view, this seemed like transport system around here, the constant tooting of a completely innocent situation we had landed in. horns and the stifling heat and you really get pushed The Israeli’s thought otherwise. They treated us like to your breaking point. No one knows English well criminals as we attempted to cross the Egypt / Israel enough to be able to converse with us on a proper border, literally. Our bags were emptied, belongings level and tell us exactly what is going on. torn apart and questions pertaining to weapon And all this for a stupid page ripped out of a passport. carrying asked. After a few hours of interrogation we We figure it must have happened when we handed were sent back into Egypt, denied access into Israel. the passport into a hotel reception for them to do their It was 2am when we were sent back over the border. standard photocopying, the page potentially being The pitch blackness of the desert engulfed us as sand torn out in the process. If I could grab the guy that did quietly rode the wind nearby. Through desperation, it by his melon head there is no telling what I would we sent an SOS phone call out to Jimmy, our friend do. in Dahab, who promptly sent us a taxi for the 3 hour journey back.

So take note of this lesson that I have had to endure This was all easy compared to what followed. on behalf of you all. LOOK AFTER YOUR FRIGGEN PASSPORTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don’t let anyone handle We decided to head back to Cairo early so we them inappropriately. NOT ANYONE - IT IS YOUR could get Renee’s passport sorted out, considering PASSPORT AND YOUR PROPERTY AND YOU ARE we were leaving for Berlin in 2 days. It turned out LITERALLY STUFFED IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO that for an emergency passport it takes at least 48 IT. If you have to get an ID copied, give them hours to process, not to mention a copy of your birth your drivers licence or something because all certificate, officially signed and sent via fax, and new of this simply isn’t worth it. passport photos to be taken which also need to be It has cost us about NZ$1000 to sort this whole thing verified by (in this case) an Australian citizen who out not to mention the money I may have to give to has known Renee for 6 months or more. In addition a psychiatrist to help me get over it all. A bright point to these requirements, a journey to some shit hole in this bleak story was that we didn’t have to cancel government building was necessary to get a new all our flights and hostels as that would have been Egyptian visa. We waited for hours only to be sent significantly more money lost - more like NZ$3000 back to the embassy due to wrong documentation. ................................................

In the process, we have had to change our flights to Berlin, book a longer stay at the hotel where we are currently based (which, by the way, means it takes us 1 hour of driving just to get into central Cairo where the embassy is located), and lose alot of money in the process.

So apart from that everything should be sorted upon arrival into Berlin. We have 2 days in Berlin, then we catch a train to Prague to spend a day there before heading back to the UK. We originally had 3 days at each city but we now have the shorter stays due to this episode. I am sick of Egypt, well and truly. I just want to leave this country now. It was good up until Taxi drivers ignored our pleas and focused on our this debacle.

Berlin MONDAY, JUNE 29, 2009

A Breath Of Fresh Air

Well, Berlin is awesome. Really cool.

The customs at the airport were ‘sweet as’. We chose to declare our Egyptian purchases as we thought they bordered on the semi illegal, but they were like “sweet as yo’’.

We checked into an extremely below-par hostel and left immediately to check out Daniel Libeskinds Jewish Museum - a building which I have been keen to see for a while now. It was crazy, so crazy that I think I got vertigo. No kidding - there are no right angles to be found anywhere in this building.

Anywhere. Even floor and wall junctions were at awkward angles. The building itself was more of the attraction rather than the exhibitions displayed within it (items from the holocaust - Jewish notebooks and photos etc). Yesterday we got up early and headed to the Reichstag which was updated about 10 years ago by Lord Norman Foster. That was amazing also.

We stopped by the Holocaust memorial by Peter Eisenmann - a series of 2711 concrete columns protruding from an undulating ground surface. Tears welled in the eyes as this memorial spoke of more than the concrete and stone it was made of.

We made the journey from Berlin into the Czech republic, and travelled into its capital city; Prague. It was first class transport all the way (for some reason first class was cheaper than second). Just like Berlin, Prague seems awesome also. Frank Gehry’s ‘Fred & Ginger’ is on the top of the list of places to see whilst staying here.

To some sad news. Yes, I am distraught that Michael Jackson died. I maintained all through his life that he was awesome despite the general public constantly degrading his image. His influence was immense,

his music making its own way into my iTunes ‘most played’ artists. I was in Egypt when I found out via BBC and I sat quiet and still for a bit, allowing the information to sink in.

I nearly cried but I was tougher than that and any tear would have been due to the air conditioning.

“Im not crying. Its just been raining, on my face” Renee and I played a whole list of tribute songs and we have been playing them ever since. Not cool at all. His concert was going to be high on my priority list should I have stayed in London, but sadly that seems to be a dream that will never be fulfilled.

On another sad note - We saw Transformers 2 the other day and I tell you - if you want to waste time and money; go see it. What a disaster that was. In all facets. I would have rather lost my passport than watched that.

I am kidding about losing that passport. The last thing I want to do is jinx myself.

We are going back to London tomorrow for a week or so and we are looking to head to places like Bath, Manchester and Legoland. Yes you read right Legoland. Oh yeah.

Anyway, I better go check out the Czech Republic Top Right: Libeskinds Jewish Museum Bottom Right: The Brandenberg Gate Below: The interior of the refurbished Reichstag

Architectural Tombs, Berlin, Germany.

The Holocaust Memorial designed by Eisenmann

Lets put mums mind at ease TUESDAY, JULY 7, 2009

OK. We finished up our short stay in Prague and travelled back to London, staying for a week in a seedy small neighborhood called Willesdon Green.

The room was small and overpriced, and we spent most of our time watching day time UK television. On one occasion we did venture out of London via train to the town of Windsor to check out Legoland. As a theme park it is directed more towards the younger age bracket, but it was still pretty awesome; the highlight being the recreation of cities and landmarks made entirely of Lego blocks.

The other days were spent catching up with some fellow Contiki friends and I also managed to meet up with Brad in London during a night out.

Mental Note: Blair, Blair Blair - Whatever you do - do not miss the last tube again.

Renee and I had to catch a series of night buses back to our small room taking a total of 2 hours to get there. We have discovered that these buses aren’t that much fun when you are drunk. Nor is it fun to find out that there are multiple places called ‘Willesdon something’ and, no, defying convention, they aren’t located nearby to each other.

I booked a shotgun flight back to Australia a day prior to my expected departure and right now I am in Abu Dhabi. I had foolishly predicted that the cheap flight I managed to haul down would mean they are crap.

It turns out that Etihad Airways are the best airline I have ever flown. Maybe I will continue to book long haul flights a day before travel.

I will be in Melbourne in a days time looking for work.

Maybe That’s all for now folks Left: Renee and I outside Fred & Ginger - the dancing building designed by Gehry

The next day was spent just chilling out. We visited a nautical museum to go through a submarine and a destroyer that had been tempting us considerably Top Right: The Sydney Opera House Centre Right: Nathan and Renee chilling Bottom Right: The view of Sydney from high

and all that other stuff

Nathan treated us to a drive out to Bondi and we checked out the ..... waves. There was a surfing competition on at the time and Kelly Slater was carving up a storm. A water storm.

We drove back to the central city via the long way (around the coast). From there we boarded a water taxi that transported us from Darling Harbour to the Opera House. A storm blew in quickly from the East as we got back to the hotel just before the downpour hit. We took the opportunity to neck some more drinks. Like idiots, we decided to head back to the casino and accordingly lost most of what we had gained the night previous.

Australia, Malaysia

Nathan won up large at the casino on that first night and we decided to celebrate with some more drinks. With a few dollars up in the back pocket and a few points up on our blood alcohol percentage, we stumbled back to the hotel.

MONDAY, MARCH 29, 2010

We arrived at Sydney airport and were greeted with a bear hug by Nathan (there may have been a buttgrab hiding there also). Nathan was good enough to come to the airport and escort us into town, which was superb. We had managed to score free flights and hotel accommodation in Sydney through the use of my quick eye and hand on an internet competition.

The room in the Novotel overlooked Darling Harbour and was more exquisite than we could have possibly imagined.

That first night found us heading to the casino to spend up some cash, some duty free alcohol helping to ease the night into proceedings. Prior to the gambling, we took a short stroll around Darling Harbour itself finding ourselves buying cheap $10 cocktails at a bar overlooking the waterfront. Toffee apple was the best by far.

Arching Over, Sydney, Australia Harbour bridge and opera house taken on the ferry,

during our drinking sessions in Darling Harbour.

Now I have just realised that I still owe Nathan $20 for the entrance fee - shit, sorry man. Will sort it out somehow in the future.

We flew into Melbourne in the afternoon and had dinner at a funky restaurant called Groove Train.

The next few days were spent relaxing in Apollo Bay and attacking internet sites looking for UK work.

We drove to Melbourne again for the weekend and played some serious Wii at Renee’s brothers’ (Luke) place (Wii Resort = Gold). Luke and I played a round of golf the next day which went pretty dismally I must say. We had to drown our sorrows with beers and more Wii. That night Renee was catching up with all her girl mates and I was dragged into it. I was the only guy amongst 5 girls. Who knew that much chocolate could be consumed in one night?

We managed to get some time to meet up with Renee’s Dad for the first time the next day and we all went to the Bavarian Beer Gardens before finishing off the night with dinner in Federation Square. The beer gardens consisted of a huge open area with heaps of tables and live bands (like a mini Blues, Brews and BBQ’s - so I’m told).

A few days later we jumped on a plane and headed to Malaysia. Destination city: Kuala Lumpur. It was a first time for me in this city so it was fairly exciting.

Due to the relative youth of the area, it was lacking in historical structures that could knock your socks off.

The Petronas Towers were nice though and we went up and walked along the central connection bridge.

Shops in Malaysia are all located in malls. Try to find a shop in the street and you cant, then you see a huge building and that is where they all are. I figure it is to provide a cooler air conditioned space to do the shopping in because the temperature was around the 37 degree mark with about 1000% humidity. The second day we did a few tours; one through the city to see all the landmarks and the other at night to a dinner and a show finishing off with the Chinese markets. The dinner was buffet style and awesome.

The dancing sucked. The Chinese markets were just like any other Asian country - cheap ripoffs of clothes and shoes. I brought a polo shirt and discovered that Renee and I had only a few bucks to get us through the next day.

So that next day we went to the largest mall in Malaysia, and this thing was huge - all 13 storeys of it. Yes, you read right - 13 storeys!!! We went straight for the indoor theme park complete with roller coaster that puts Rainbows End to shame. After nearly throwing up on some ride we decided to go for a quick game of bowling. We were on lane 29 of about 80.

That night we shared a cup of 2 min noodles as that was all we could afford.

The flight to London was fine, and I met up with my mate Kevin who has put us up in an attic above his pub. He even cooked us a roast dinner last night.

Solid stuff. So, right now, I am about to head into the city and start sorting my life out. I wont be updating this blog as much as I used to but stay tuned as I may make updates around every 3 weeks or so.

Top Right: The Petronas Towers Bottom Right: Renee on the skydeck of the towers Below: A memorial to honour fallen soldiers

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 7, 2010

BACK TO THE SLOG Within 10 days of living in London, Renee and I both have jobs and we have sorted out a place to live, not to mention both of us organising bank accounts, tax numbers and cellphones. It has been hectic!

places out there are shitholes. I would know - I’ve visited nearly 20 of them in the last few days. A lady at one such place we visited did not allow us to see the other flatmates. Another flat, located down crime alley, housed a kitchen that was smaller than most linen cupboards.

We are very happy with the place we ended up with It has a backyard, dining area and a separate living room to the kitchen. On top of that, it comes fully furnished so no need to buy beds etc (that’s the norm).

SUNDAY, APRIL 18, 2010

SETTLED IN

We moved into the new flat yesterday and had a bit of a BBQ / drinking session to kick things off. Inevitably, it turned into a massive booze up. There was only a few of us but we ploughed through enough alcohol to make people looking through our rubbish bins think that a touring rugby team had been there. The flat is nice and the flatmates are nice. Renee and I went shopping to get sheets and other living type items.

We are right next to the entrance of the Southfields We have finally unpacked everything and it is so tube station which will come in handy when it starts good to not live out of the suitcase anymore. You get snowing in winter. It is absolutely freezing here at the over that stuff pretty quickly. moment and it is meant to be coming into summer.

When Mum used to visit us in Wellington and say The other weekend Renee and I checked out the “Oh, its so cold”, and I would be like “What!! This is Camden markets. It is a crazy place with numerous actually alright weather!!”, it is way different here. I small alleyways leading off to vintage clothing shops rug up to the point of looking more like a large beach and small food stalls. You can get anything there. It is ball than a human form and I still shiver. I think Mum a bit more alternative than the rest of London so there would freeze like the T1000 did when he had liquid are heaps of mohawks, piercings, fishnets and tatts. nitrogen sprayed on him. You know the scene.

Cool place though.

Luckily, I have managed to haul down a job in a central city architecture studio. It is around 20 people large and they specialise in a lot of large residential works. They all seem pretty friendly. My pay is still shit though - I am getting over this whole architecture deal very fast. The other unfortunate point to mention about the office is that they use an entirely different CAD system to what I am used to. I have been considering the implications of this very carefully.

I am adverse to relearning a system that I know is inferior to the one I am currently trained in, however a job in this current market is like finding gold.

Adding to the pain of this dilemaa, I am just recovering from an untimely cold. I had to start work, struggling to listen to what people where saying with a swimming Anyway, that’s about it. We went to Soho last head and a dripping nose.

Saturday night and had cocktails all day. They were 2 It takes me around an hour to get to work each day. for 1 which made them about £2.50 each. Not bad at I hear this is the norm. Seeing as I travel in the peak all (that’s Long Island Ice Teas included). It was kind times it means I get up close and very personal with of for my birthday as well, so that was cool. complete strangers on the underground. I figure I had better get used to this sort of travel. Free newspapers and magazines do help to ease the pain of the travel. The TNT magazine; a free weekly, is a great publication - offering tips and advice to all Antipodean travellers staying in London.

There is a bank holiday coming up in 2 weeks time so we are planning to do a day trip that will encompass visiting Salisbury, Bath and Stonehenge. This is the plan anyway. We may find ourselves too poor to kick things off this quickly, however this is the reason we have come so we will look to find a way. It should be Oh yeah - Renee got a part time nanny job. Its only fun for a day, although I hear Stonehenge ain’t all its Monday and Friday work but at least it will bring in cracked up to be. Will keep you posted. around £100 a week for her until she finds something more full time.

Chatting with Tara recently, we have decided to plan

a holiday for the New Years break that will see us in I had better start getting ready for work tomorrow. Times Square for the big night and then to Vegas as Renee and I have just secured a flat in a suburb called Time for some lemon drinks. an afterparty. Flights to the USA, in particular Vegas Southfields (which, funnily enough, is also the area of with a stopover in New York are around the £300 the pub I am staying in temporarily for the moment). mark return. I see that as super cheap considering It is a nice place located right next to the Wimbledon I should be able to save around £200 per week on tennis courts, which should be fun come the summer. my salary.

The flat is actually a house with 6 people living in 4 Work is going well. I have found out my boss lives bedrooms. It was one of the nicest (and reasonably over the road from me. London is a fairly small town priced) places we could find. I tell ya, the majority of

after all. It was a strange moment when we narrowed down the suburb to the street to the number and discovered our proximity to each other.

Oh yeah, by the way - if you don’t have it already, my UK number is 07 896 043 539 or if you want to get in contact from overseas (say New Zealand) then it is +44 7 896 043 539. Cool. We have internet all set up here so I can begin to do some Skype dates soon.

Get your cameras ready.

And finally....... Wow, they closed all the airports over her and air travel is in a state of anarchy due to the recent volcanic eruptions in Iceland. The ash cloud looms ominously overhead.

Fortunately for us, we aren’t travelling anywhere in the near future but my mate Yifan is stuck in New York and can’t get back. Poor bugger.

Lets hope it sorts itself out soon because I wanna fly to Portugal and Turkey.

Holla. (finger snaps)

Right: Some old scooter rears chopped up and arranged to make funky eatery seating at Camden

SATURDAY, MAY 1, 2010

A MONTH IN......

So. It has been a month since we arrived in the UK. We have managed to do all the settling in stuff so it is smooth sailing from here on out which is good.

Work is going well. I have just been given an entire 40 unit apartment building to work through with one other guy. Yes, just he and I. I have to get the drawings out by the end of July so that will be a mission. Should be fun though and if I do well with it I should inevitably be looking at a promotion. I think they have given me the project to test the waters so to say, so I will be pulling some long and busy hours to get my head around it all.

was killed. Or the fact that the gateway I walk under every day to work is around 800 years old. I also noticed that when I get to the next street across from my work, St Paul’s Cathedral looms over me with its grandiose brilliance.

We pulled into my bosses driveway, “Wow, thanks for the ride.” I said, “That was awesome”.

“Well, you may as well come in for a drink”, he offered.

Nervously, I accepted.

MONDAY, MAY 17, 2010

That night was the biggest of all the three nights preceding it. Renee arrived and we all went out for Indian, which I have discovered is considerably more spicy than back in New Zealand. I had the spice hiccups straight away and when I checked my tongue in the mirror; it was blood red.

I found out that I am actually working in a bloody good office. My boss was one of the 40 under 40; a term describing the top 40 architects in the world under the age of 40. His practice that he had before this one had 200 people working under him. Now he has 17 but they have just received a massive contract and looking to double that staff number in the next month.

It was good to hear what he had to say about architecture, though I didn’t remember it. I walked into work the next day purposefully early and asked him how he was feeling. He replied “Fine” rather nonchalantly, which basically meant that he wasn’t hung over at all, so I quickly replied “Yeah I’m fine too” and painfully sat myself down at my computer screen. I eased into my seat with the physicality of a failed boxer.

Seeing as it is summer and I still have to rug up in my oversized ski jacket to make the commute to work, I have been trying frantically to find an awesome coat to rock out in. I have looked everywhere. And nothing.

I actually located a really nice one but found that it was too tight across my broad shoulders. I could have hulk smashed something, I was so angry. I did feel like the hulk in that jacket anyway; one tense of the arms and the thing would have torn at the seams.

I promised myself to ease up on the push ups.

Last weekend was a massive one. We caught up with a few old university friends and we partied at a bar directly beneath the Gherkin. That was fun. The next day we went out in Soho, kicking off proceedings at around 4 or 5 to celebrate a friend of Tara’s birthday.

That Sunday however, were the actual celebrations as we all hopped on a river ferry and travelled to Greenwich to do some bar hopping. The ferry was really cool and the guide on the boat was well versed in English history not to mention all the buildings on the water, especially the pubs. He had done some in depth research into those pubs, apparently.

It was fair to say that by the time I got to work on Monday, I was fairly haggled. The computer screen was blurry and emanating a soul destroying white glow. It was at 5:30 that my boss offered me a ride home, as he lives over the road from me. I gratefully accepted and skipped out of work half an hour early, Just watched the Black caps win against Sri Lanka knowing that I would miss my one hour ride home on in the world cup last night. Good stuff. Hope they the tube in favour of a much brisker 25 min car ride. do well this tournament. Was supposed to be going to Salisbury and Stonehenge etc this weekend but On this ride home I discovered my bosses night time the weather is crap so we have decided to wait for job is a London tour guide. He finessed the streets a better moment. We will go shopping on Oxford St whilst highlighting various London landmarks I instead and maybe watch Ironman 2. previously didn’t know were even famous. Like the What am I saying ‘Maybe’. fact that about 300m from my work is a massive Definitely. building that marks the spot that William Wallace

WHAT’S NEW???

I have had a few comments recently asking why I haven’t put up a post in a while. Gee wizz, its only been a couple of weeks!!!. The truth is, nothing much has happened. I would like to say that I flew to Kenya and scaled Kilimanjaro but, sadly, that hasn’t happened. So, I will fill you in from where we left off.

So, my jacket hunt has taken me to Oxford St on two occasions, and Kingston Town a weekend ago before I gave up and decided to wait until winter, when they apparently come out of hibernation. Kingston Town was nice; a really big shopping town. It had a large river winding through it so we grabbed a lunch and ate at the edge.

Last weekend, I decided to head to the Battersea powerstation and get some photos of the building made famous by Pink Floyd for their ‘Animals’ album cover. It is an awesome building but pretty derelict.

After that we attempted heading to the Borough food markets but found to our dismay that they were all closed up on Sundays.

“Damn it” I said aloud, smashing my fist on a nearby balustrade before finally deciding to stroll along the Thames instead to visit the Tate Modern. We then went to Camden town for the third time since we have been here. Camden is so much fun. I ate a Churro, which is heaven in a donut. Renee got chocolate covered strawberries, with three types of chocolate.

Hold the nuts.

I recently purchased a monthly travel card (for £116 per month!!!!!! It hurts). It means I don’t have to muck around with individual tickets and I can travel basically anywhere in main London, whenever I want to for a whole month. Its good. Having it means that I am keen to go out and check the London hotspots every weekend.

Coming soon: the Abbey Road pedestrian crossing from the Beatles cover. Maybe Notting Hill some other time This coming Saturday, Renee and I are travelling to Wales. Why? you ask. Why not? Its £30 for a return train ticket to Cardiff, which is pretty good value. The travel time is 2 and 3/4 hours each way so it will be a long day. The weekend after that, one of our flatties boyfriends, Pedro (his real name is Peter but he prefers Pedro because Peter is a pussy name, and he looks Spanish) is going to take us to his hometown of Oxford. Would be good to check out the university campus and hit the pubs up. Maybe challenge a few college students to a boat race of beer. (Pun Alert) So, The next post will be in 2 weeks time. Can you all handle the wait??? I’m not so sure.

Just be strong.

Right: Renee investigating yet more jewelery at the stalls of Camden Markets

The Artist, London, England A painter adds to an installation at the Tate Modern Museum

TUESDAY, MAY 25, 2010

Wales Before I start with my wee adventure in the weekend, could investigate the situation. So, after all our mucking around, we could have slept in longer I will cap off last week. anyway. Its that Murphy’s Law thing.

On the Tuesday, I went to the pub with a few workmates for ONE pint. That one pint turned into We finally got on our train and relaxed into a table a few more than desired and I ended up stumbling seat, playing cards, as we were hurtled through onto the tube and feeling dizzy, wondering why it the English countryside at break neck speed. They seemed to take a much quicker time than what it really have ramped up train efficiency over here. We normally did. I couldn’t help it - one of my bosses stepped off the train in Cardiff at around lunchtime. turned up and started forking out for drinks and telling Now, I realise that Cardiff is the capital of Wales but these ridiculous stories about the office. It is crazy the what I didn’t realise is how tiny it is for a capital city.

We walked the whole town in little under half an hour. things that have happened here.

Strolling out to the harbour, we decided to forego a Got me kinda worried.

The next day, it was fair to say that I wasn’t in the bus tour and opt for a water tour. “Forget the bus” I healthiest of head spaces. It was OK though because said to Renee “Water is where it is at!” and I jumped most others in the office were like that also. By on board having paid my £4 in excitement.

Friday, with a lack of sleep, and a pounding head This was possibly the most boring boat ride I have from too much computer screen action, I was fairly ever been on. Instead of a tour boat it was more like spent. Nevertheless, I always find a way to dig myself a ferry with some guy rambling on about plants. “As in deeper and I discovered that the weekend I had you can see to your right, those bushes over there is decided to go to Wales was the exact same weekend what the harbour had by its water edge before they that the London Council had decided to completely decided to clear it”.

Some people took photos. uproot its entire underground network.

So, to get to Paddington station to catch the 7:30am Of a bush. train to Wales, we had to wake up at around 5am I almost cried. to catch all these alternative underground routes that will get us to a destination that should have taken 15 We headed back to the city after a spot of eating and found Cardiff Castle, which we paid over £10 each on mins.

I am getting fairly over this underground. Its the whole entrance fees. It was fairly cool, I guess. I took heaps of photos and then bought a small Welsh dragon ‘over-the-under’ situation. in the gift shop, as well as a tiny pencil sharpener We got to the station on time and felt like we had fashioned into a working catapult. I cannot describe how cool it is, and for £2 I thought ‘why not’. already been up for half a day.

‘What was to happen?’ you wonder. Well, someone Right: The front facade of the Millennium was found dead on the tracks. So that inevitably Convention Centre in Cardiff meant that all trains were shutdown until the police

Renee and I then headed to a local bar and sat down for some ciders. The sun was scorching and the ice melted, evaporating quickly. It was then that I noticed something very strange. Everyone was walking around fulfilling at least 1 of the following descriptions; wife-beater singlet, tattoos, hot pants and/or, no top on at all (unfortunately it was only the guys). It would seem if you didn’t adhere to these strict codes then you obviously weren’t Welsh, ala myself. I stuck out like a sore thumb, what with my jeans, T-shirt, ink free skin, and sunburnt nose.

So, we got back on the train, had an interchange at a station in Bristol, and I had a smart ass kid try to tell me that my seat on the train was actually his before I started to position myself in boxing stance and he quickly moved. Idiot.

Got back home around midnight and fell into bed.

The next day was an absolute scorcher so the flatties and I headed to Wimbledon park for some beers, tennis ball petanque and dark glasses observations.

The place was packed, I would love to see it when tennis is actually played there.

So that weekend was great. I have Oxford this weekend (available funds permitting) and we have just booked tickets to Ireland in a few weekends time.

They were £3 each way.

Nice

Top Right: The harbour of Cardiff Bottom Right: Renee locked away in Cardiff Castle Far Right: Cardiff Castle

Oxford & Irelan

THURSDAY, JUNE 17, 2010 Well, it certainly has been a while since I have updated this.

Sorry to keep you waiting. I bet you are all wondering what zany and craaaaazy adventures I have been up to of late. OK, here goes.

Three weeks ago it was a bank holiday weekend. You gotta love the bankers round here (Even if they do take 3 months to make a simple eftpos card work.

Actually while I’m at it - the banking here is really bad.

It takes a few days for a simple eftpos transaction to show up in your accounts. At which stage I have quickly checked my balances online, been stupidly jubilant thinking I have more money than I really do and go on spending sprees, only to find I am in hard core overdraft in a few days time when the bank decides to get around to updating my accounts).

That gripe gone, I do like their holidays. They have one - we all have one. Everyone wins!!!!! Apart from employers, they don’t win.

So, for that long weekend, Pedro (Peter) said that he was travelling to Oxford to sort out a house of his and offered us a ride and a place to crash. “YOU KNOW IT” we said and travelled out to the town famous for its sprawling university. In fact it is more like the university is famous for its town. The university basically is the town as each campus is scattered across the landscape with a few shops in between.

After a spot of Burger King (I know) we tried to get into the university grounds to see their prestigious campuses and immaculate lawns. Most were closed but we did break into one by jimmying open a back window with the pinch bar I had helpfully brought along.

Whoa - only kidding.

Birds Eye, Oxford, England A view looking down on the main pedestrian street in Oxford, taken atop an old clock tower

After strolling the streets, we came across a campus that hired boats out to the public, so we grabbed one.

It was a pedal boat that worked the calves, glutes, and upper thighs in one easy motion. Some people hired those boats that have to be pushed along with a

stick. Idiots. We burnt passed them, splashing water on their faces and laughing whole-heartedly.

It was a nice wee boat ride through the surrounding rivers of Oxford and we pedalled for an hour.

After that we had a spot of dinner and tucked into some booze.

The next day Pedro took us out to Blenheim Palace for the day. He showed us a back entrance so we didn’t have to pay the ridiculously overpriced £18 entry fee. The place was huge, the gardens alone were bigger than New Zealand (slight exaggeration).

There were lakes and secret gardens and a hedge maze and mini put and a butterfly enclosure. They had flowery meadows and rainbow skies, and rivers made of chocolate, where the children danced and laughed and played with gumdrop smiles. It was pretty awesome. So we spent the day there, milling around and causing trouble.

We finished the day off and drove back home, keen for work the next day.

The weekend after Oxford was a nothing weekend.

I tried to save money but I did meet up with my long time mate Richie who currently resides in Sweden.

We strolled through Camden markets and planned my own trip to Sweden in September.

Last weekend, Renee and I flew to Ireland for the two days. I booked the flights to leave London at around midday and lucky I did as when you take off waiting time, and transport time to get out to the airport we had to leave the house by 7am. We flew into Belfast and checked out the city. I was expecting the buildings to still be smoking and troops of soldiers in riot gear patrolling the city limits. Not the case however. In honesty, it was quite a boring city. We had a money scare and found out we only had £14 between us for the whole weekends food and drink. I made sure I Top Right: The library building at Oxford Bottom Right: Blenheim Palace Far Top Right: Renee walking the fields of Blenheim Far Bottom Right: Boating through the locks

Giants Crystals, Giants Causeway, Ireland The fractured forms of the coastal rocks found along the Giants Causeway

Danger, Ballycastle, Ireland The fisherman’s ropebridge that was crossed with only one handrail to retrieve the catch

The Green Hills, Ballycastle, Ireland.

Renee strolling along the Irish coastline

got a Guinness from the tap and the rest we spent on noodles and meal deals.

That night, whilst staring out the window in the dorm, we noticed an old man get basically booted out of a bar before he could even step foot in there. “Piss off” they said “We don’t want you round these parts”.

Then this even older guy held him back on the ground and reiterated “Yeah, piss off”. Renee was like “Oh my god, that poor man” and I explained that he was probably a Catholic or something trying to walk into a Protestant bar. So it is still fairly bad round here. That night, at around 4 in the morning I was awoken with “No one stands on my friends fookin’ head and gets away with it”, said by some batty lady who must have been mental as she kept yelling it out about 100 times at the top of her lungs. Then this guy tried to bottle a girl nearby. The Irish get crazy when they are drunk!

On the Sunday we said “see ya later” to Belfast and drove out into the country to go see the Giants Causeway, a collection of very cool rock formations arranged into octagonal steps. It’s hard to describe.

We crossed an ancient rope bridge and our driver, who was VERY Irish kept making jokes about it.

“300 years ago, when the rope bridge was built, you see, they had one handrail on it, as you well know.

Nowadays however, they have NO handrails”.

He paused for a few seconds and then finished his stories with a “No, I’m only joking, eh” Imagine this in a leprechaun voice and you can see why I nearly had to be admitted to hospital to have my split sides stitched back up. Hilarious.

We flew back into London and got home a little after midnight. No more weekend trips I decided as I was wasted for work, and I came in especially early to get stuff finished.

So now we have Renee’s brother and his girlfriend staying with us for the weekend and then Renee’s Mum and Stepdad arrive for a few weeks so it is busy busy with them for a while. I am thinking that July is going to be quiet on the travel front and will probably be taken up with getting this apartment building out.

I Call NZ Home, Belfast, Ireland An urban sculpture depicting the world in its entirety. Metal cast and unfinished

TUESDAY, JULY 6, 2010

LOWER ENGLAND Well. Getting paid monthly sure does suck.

The two weeks after pay day are always glorious.

Then there are two weeks before pay day that result in every minute of the day in this expensive country being a complete struggle.

Still, my student repayment bonus came through recently, and upon recognition of this, I did a Guido fist pump in the air.

“You little beauty” I said in a 12th man, Maxie Walker voice.

We have had two separate visits from Renee’s family occur over the last 3 weeks, and I can tell you, I am sick of being a tour guide. It was good at the start, but when you are showing people a market you have been to only a few days earlier, it gets old pretty quick.

We explored the Portobello Market which is based in Notting Hill. Its the same market that Hugh Grant walks through during the movie. No biggie.

The market itself is full of food and antiques, amongst other things, so it took Luke (Renee’s bro) and I approximately 12 minutes before we started looking for a pub. I found one, pointed to it in excitement and Luke checked his watch to make sure it was after midday so we didn’t become classified as alcoholics.

It was 12:04. We were safe.

The girls took their sweet time, loading up on clothes and crap until they resembled Julia Roberts having just finished her shopping spree in Pretty Woman.

We took the tourists to Camden also and capped off the day with a visit to the London Eye to top off the Top Right: The beach at Brighton Bottom Right: The underside of the famous jetty Far Top Right: A seagull overlooks proceedings Far Bottom Right: Fish and chips on the beach

touristy shit.

It is a family park after all.

Renee’s parent then came a week or so later and it was the same schedule all over again. By the time we got to the Portobello market again, I was in a grumpy mood and had to wait at the pub again for the girls to shop. Its almost like an adult playcentre, this bar.

“Lets just lose the boys so we can shop” the girls must say to each other in a secret dialect involving winks and head movements.

After Brighton, we headed to Salisbury, staying the night in a large guesthouse. Salisbury was small and quaint. The cathedral, centrepiece of the town, was ‘baller’ (Taylor word - I think it means ‘cool’). We tried to get inside but the parish were holding a small mass for about 1500 invited guests. We had dinner at Wagamama instead and walked the tiny streets.

Ryan and Jo showed up not long after and we met up for drinks. They only had a short stay in London before heading off on their trip through Europe, but it was good to see them enjoying all the sights along with the London lifestyle (namely drinking). I tried my best to convince them to stay on, as they do have British visas. Good stuff. Hope their trip goes well.

Last weekend I took the Friday off (ripper) and headed off in a hire car with Renee’s family to venture through the South of England.

We headed to Brighton first, which was a fairly cool stopover. Its known as a fine example of a seaside town but the beach is made of stones instead of sand and there are no waves to speak of. Ever.

We had Fish and Chips on the waterfront; the fish being a whale fillet, or at least that’s how big it was.

It tasted like there was a party in my mouth and everyone was invited. The chips however were shite - not up to my stringent standards.

We ventured onto Brighton pier, getting involved in the various thrill rides that were on offer at the in built amusement park. The dodgems offered temporary enjoyment, but my sights were set on the log flume. Upon boarding, the dickheads operating the thing made me wait at the top of the giant drop until another log pulled up alongside, thus completely saturating me from head to toe when we crashed into the water pit at the base. I was not impressed and the operators seemed oblivious to the fact that they had unleashed the Perfect Storm on my ass. I was about to call out to Des and Troy to combine their powers, but decided against it.

After Salisbury we made our way to Stonehenge.

The stone shrine has been tourist-icised (a new word I have just invented) and it cost big bucks to get into it. I went in by myself and took heaps of photos, impressed with the size of the stones and the engineering it must have taken to complete. Prior to the visit, I had been told that Stonehenge was a disappointment but I disagree.

I have been to Belfast mind you.

Bath was next on our list but we made a slight detour to Longleat park along the way. Longleat was home to a drive through safari, so we drove on through and saw Giraffes, Lions and Rhinos up close and from the comfort of our rent-a-car seats. I wound the window down a little to get a photo of the tigers and everyone freaked.

Bath was cool. Really cool. It used to be part of the Roman Empire and you can still see an Ancient Italian influence in the streets and buildings. We walked through the Roman Baths (ridiculously overpriced) and drove around the circular roundabouts bordered with terrace style houses (hard to explain). It was around here that I discovered how hard it is to give directions whilst driving through England. Every street is either one way or no entry and no street seems to have any precedence. We were driving down this tiny alley and found out it was the main state highway.

We stayed the night in Bath and drove out to Bristol, which was a shit hole, so we got back in the car and drove on through to Wales. We were keen to have lunch in Newport and we followed all the signs to Right: Inside the cloisters of Salisbury Cathedral

Above: The main Cathedral of Bath Top Right: Tank Crossing Bottom Right: The curved terrace houses of Bath

the city centre. Then all the signs started saying we Renee’s parents left this morning to head back to Oz. were heading out of the city and back to England. It doesn’t rest up for me though. I have drinks tonight What???!!! We didn’t even get to stop. with some of my old flatmates from final year uni days that I haven’t seen in years.

We visited a small town called Arundel on the way The next few weekends should be quiet enough. home which is a little less known than Stonehenge Darren and Nicky arrive near the end of the month for but still has some mysterious stones everywhere. a fleeting visit. Right now, I am trying to plan where to There were a few tourists there that were in the know. go for the next bank holiday weekend in August. It will I knew about it because of my Lonely Planet guide only be a one city stop, so it is out of: book (highly recommended).

Kiev, Ukraine After a whirlwind trip through Lower England we came Krakow, Poland back to London and had drinks in a bar overlooking Budapest, Hungary Trafalgar Square and most of central London. The views were outstanding.

Fraggle Rocks, Avebury, England The jagged rocks of an area some consider to be more alien than Stonehenge

Aliens Did This, Stonehenge, England The rocks of stonehenge

FRIDAY, JULY 23, 2010

Just a backpack on our backs and a few bucks in our pocket is what we are thinking. Well that’s what I am thinking. I am sure that Renee’s makeup bag is bigger than my backpack.

“I will just go without any makeup products” she insists, and I laugh whole heartedly, in almost a I would like to say that I have travelled to far and mocking tone. exotic countries, experienced fun and exciting things and met interesting and dangerous people, but, alas, Whoa, she just read that. I’m just joking folks. It will be an exciting wee trip. We are looking to do it from I haven’t. There is not much to report really. the 27th Dec till around the 2nd Jan. Flights are fairly Been chilling most weekends. The constant travelling cheap if we book them now so it should be great. to and from work is really taking its toll and I am finding myself more and more exhausted by weekends. Last weekend we had a flatmates leaving party. We had a BBQ, and then got down to some rounds of So.... I better man it up.

“Circle of Death”. We got smashed and this guy called We are all booked in for travelling through Scotland Miles just wouldn’t leave. I laughed at the situation for 9 days at the start of September. Renee has a and then walked off. few mates coming over and we are looking at hiring a car and burning some wubber on the woads. With a Renee and I have been sleeping in the lounge lately rental car. One of my bosses has offered to draw out as our room had sprung a leak from the nearby the ultimate in Scotland travel routes so we can hit all bathroom and it was determined that our walls had ‘cancer’. So, this Polish guy has been filling them up. the main spots.

It wasn’t until last night that we actually got back into “You’ll need 8 days” he said “I got 9” I retorted and snapped my fingers with hip the room and had a proper nights sleep. hop flare.

His puzzled expression made me stop from pulling Oh man. I really wish that I had more to update. But, I don’t. Work is getting bloody crap. The bosses seem out more break dance moves. to be angry almost all the time and no-one knows So, anyway, that is all booked in. Lately, Renee and why. They also seem to be hiring more people but not I have been thinking “Man, what are we going to do wanting to raise our pay rates to what is acceptable. over Christmas????” Obviously we want to travel to I am thinking of leaving, maybe. Might start looking New York / Vegas in Feb / March and we want to soon. No point spending a limited time here at a job save us much moolah for that as we can. So we were that wont support me, financially and creatively. My boss did lend me his new Leica digital SLR camera looking at local places to jaunt off to.

“What about climbing Kilimanjaro for New Years to have a play with and it nearly melted in my hands.

Eve?”I suggested, then I looked at prices on the Sooooo good. Need to update the good ol’ Pentax at Internet and literally shat my pants. NZ$3000 just some stage I feel. for climbing the thing!!! Then there is everything else on top of that - small expenses like flights and I will update this thing in a couple of weeks time. accommodation. Once I had cleaned my pants, I then Maybe when something has happened. Till then double dared myself to look at the Antarctica tours.

Through shock, I slipped into a 3 day coma.

Updating stuff

Soooo, we have decided on Portugal.. You know it!!!

Stamps, London, England Vintage stamps on sale at the Portobello markets

park life

Top Right: The one and only Park Tavern - where we spent many good times Bottom Left: Lilypads in Wimbledon Park Top Centre: Flower detail at Wimbledon Park Below: Deers frolic in the sun during a visit to Richmond Park

Barges and Buildings, London, England The Battersea Powerstation in all its raw glory.

What a building!!!!

MONDAY, AUGUST 16, 2010

Booking Holidays Ahhh, still haven’t been anywhere exciting since my last blog but plans have been made.......

Renee’s friends - Kel & Clint - came over from Oz and they are currently on a Contiki tour through Europe.

Once they complete the trip, we have organised a rental car trip through Scotland with them for 9 days.

I was fortunate enough to grab 5 seconds of my bosses time and he drew out a fantastic map through the Scottish countryside, pointing out the must see places. He even got down to finer detail, highlighting what restaurants we should eat at and who we should ask to serve us. These Scots are a proud folk.

So, if all goes to plan that should be an exciting trip.

We are leaving on the 4th of September for that wee mission. Lets hope my driving foot gets quickly back into the swing of things.

Renee and I have also booked flights to Portugal and Spain for the Christmas / New Year period. We are flying into Lisbon on the 27th of December and flying out of Madrid on the 4th of January. We will probably look to spend New Years eve in Portugal and only spend a few days in Spain, although I am keen to get a train or bus up to Bilbao to see Gehry’s Guggenheim museum. Our flights were £70 return and considering the time of year they are for, we were pretty stoked.

Right now, we are considering a short visit to Iceland in November. Yes, I know it will be freezing but I can man it up. I don’t know about Renee though. Mu haha We can get return flights and 4 star hotel, transfers and entrance to the blue lagoon (siiiickkk natural spa nestled in the icy landscape) for £290 so we are desperately trying to come up with reasons as to why

we shouldn’t go there.

I sound like a travel promoter

an anniversary present, but instead I gave her 8 different ones. Yes, 8! At the time I thought I was clever because I was essentially giving her a present To be honest, the main reason why I haven’t booked without spending money. Now I am paying for it.

Iceland already is because I don’t know how much In blood. longer I may have at my job here. Everyone in the office is on edge and the mood is super tense. It And manliness. seems as though the directors are going mental at anyone with little to no good reason for doing so. I was a fur ball of shopping bags by the time Ryan We realise it may be some hidden stresses that arrived, having finished off his last pint in the pub. are rising to the surface, however knowing we are That girl can shop! Right now, Ryan and Jo are being underpaid has me considering looking around making their way through Scotland and Ireland and I elsewhere. Its not really a fun environment to be in at think they have just booked Egypt also. I suggested the moment. Now they have scheduled staff reviews they come to Portugal for Christmas if they are still for.... tomorrow, and we are all kind of stressing as to here. That would be sweeeeeet. whether we will have a job by the end of it.

I don’t really want to look for other jobs but I don’t Last weekend, I caught up with Yifan, and his want to stay in an office like this for too long. It is girlfriend Shan whilst visiting Tara at the pub she miserable. worked at. It was a relaxed night and Yifan sounded highly excited about Iceland, urging us to throw caution into the wind when it came to employment Onto brighter subjects.......... and future uncertainties.

Darren and Nicky stopped by for a brief visit recently. So there it is, the last four weeks of my life in a short We had a few beers at a pub local to my work and summary. then moved onto a restaurant for a quick bit of dinner. Enjoy.

It was good to see them. They are now making their own way through Europe right now.

Ryan and Jo got back from their European trip and Ryan stopped by for a night of wine drinking and to pick up some of their stuff. Foolishly, prior to his arrival, I had left my phone at home and quickly gone into Wandsworth to the supermarket. Ryan stated that he had dialed my number about a million times and received nothing but a dial tone. This meant he had to wait around drinking beers at the local pub until my return. Poor guy. I really felt for him.

Just before the supermarket I had spent the whole day shopping with Renee and carrying all her bags.

Stupidly, for our one year anniversary (which was a while ago now), I had made her a set of redeemable vouchers that she could use at her leisure. One of them was a ‘shopping assistant for a day, carrying all bags, and giving honest opinions on clothing’.

What an idiot I am. That voucher alone was worth

they confirmed I wouldn’t be moving on with them.

Phew These are definitely nervous times, especially since I have booked, and paid for, quite a few holiday escapes. It would have completely sucked if I had to find a new job and convince my new employers to allow me to holiday straight away. Never mind.

Crazy Nights TUESDAY, AUGUST 31, 2010

OK. Well, first things first: I am semi lucky to still have a job as it seems that this recession is still digging its heels into the architecture profession. Only recently, the powers that be have made three staff members within the office seek employment elsewhere. ‘Wow oh wow’, I thought as

as all the flat-mates decided to ship out to different parts of Europe. We had decided not to go anywhere due to the impending Scotland trip which will occur in a few days time. We were pretty lonely and turned to fish and chips on the Friday night washed down with a few bottles of wine. That next day, at the supermarket, we decided to buy a big bottle of vodka instead of wine so that it would last longer.

Speaking of holidays; Renee and I have both booked At 10pm, when we had finished that bottle, we in a 4 day all-inclusive stay in Iceland. It was a ripper decided no more drinking for the weekend. deal and we had been considering it for a few weeks before some wise advice from Yifan convinced us to So Pom shows up on the Sunday and we decide to do it. head out to the local pub.

“Just do it!” he said. I think he got it from an advertising We had a few beers before shit got rowdy; Pom pulling campaign or something. out the Absinthe shots. Double shots actually. Then We are flying into Reykjavik on the 14th of November we had a brilliant idea to go all the way to Camden and staying at a 4 star resort till the 17th. A trip to the again to keep the night alive. It was a better time in blue lagoon has been included in the booking cost.

Camden than our previous visit, but the Absinthe had To celebrate our Iceland getaway, we caught up already done its work and we were forced to head with Tara at her central city pub and went on a party home early. night in Camden town. We met up with Yifan and his That Monday, our day off, we decided to finish off girlfriend Shan and we drank the night away. Renee the weekend with a trip to the Notting Hill Carnival. and I then strolled from Camden to Trafalgar Square According to legend, the Notting Hill Carnival is the to catch a night bus home, taking a few hours in total. second largest of its kind in the world, slotting in just “What was Camden like?” you ask. behind Rio de Janeiro and apparently bigger than Meh, it was OK. both the New Orleans Mardi Gras and the Calgary I was expecting cool lounge bars but instead it was all Stampede. Apparently. pop. The final bar we visited that night was pumping It was busy, that’s for sure; about a million people to various movie themes. It offered a fine collection large, but it was too spread out. We spent most of our of dance hits ranging from ‘Time of my life’ by Bill time walking empty streets, moving between small Medley and Jennifer Warnes, and John Parr’s chart hot spots of activity, where drunk people ate Jerk topping hit ‘Man in Motion’. Ripper.

Chicken, the dish of choice for the carnival. There Really, the only good thing was the free popcorn was a parade, complete with people wanting to dry they handed out at the end of the night. I was soooo hump more than dance, so we got out of there, and hungry that I ate it like cookie monster had switched fast. It must have been the largest gathering of scum snack foods. There was rapid movements of my on the earth. hand from popcorn bag to mouth, resulting in more popcorn being strewn over the pavement, getting lost Too honest? in my collar and pant pockets rather than ending up in my belly.

Hmpf.

Good though.

Salty.

This was just a short update. I will prepare a more complete update after the Scotland trip.

Just last weekend (a long one due to a bank holiday on the Monday), Renee and I had the flat to ourselves Ciao for now.

Camden Bridge, London, England The famous bridge at Camden

Scottish Highways MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 2010

The

As a celebration of my 50th (!!!!!!) blog post I am treating you all to an extra long, behind the scenes, VIP member, uncut description of my latest travelling through Scotland................

Well, as work drew to a close on the Friday, I started habitually spinning my pen around my fingers and staring at the clock on the computer willing it to tick faster, the whole ordeal akin to a Britney Spears video. ‘Oh baby, baby.......’

The whistle went off, “Ya ba daba doo” I screamed and I slid down a dinosaurs back and onto the tube.

It was Renee’s birthday so we went out for drinks at a few bars along the river Thames - central city styles.

It was actually a really nice setting, with all the fairy lights in the trees and the hustle and bustle of people walking by. I got Renee tickets to ‘Jersey Boys’ for her birthday. And that’s all I got her.

No stupid vouchers this time.

We hit the drinking fairly hard and caught the last train home so we could wake up early and prep for our big trip.

Kel, Clint (Renee’s visiting friends), Renee and I decided to hire a car from Heathrow airport to allow for an easy getaway from the city, and the feds.

Just joking about the feds.

But seriously.

The lady at the counter handed us the keys to a car, the model of which I had never heard of and pointed us in the general direction of where it was parked. Well, I had never seen a more ugly car. The Vauxhall Zafira - what a machine. It was a station wagon because they obviously thought we would be sleeping in it, the height of it would rival the Petronas Towers and the sleek lines of the body seemed to echo disaster.

“We cant have this” I exclaimed in a rather authoritative, yet casual manner. ‘How does that work?’, you ask. Beats me.

“Lets get it changed” The dude came out with the keys and we argued with him, saying that we wouldn’t be able to park the car in any regulation parking spaces, instead we would have to find a local airport and rent a hangar for the night. He grumbled something and went back into the building. We mosied on over, with hands in our pockets, to a brand new Peugeot 308 - a sexy looking beast with rims, 5.1 surround sound and a steering wheel. Our man came out saying he had no keys for that car and instead we would have to make do with a new Mercedes.

“We can do that” we said and piled into the Merc with remarkable efficiency.

“I shouldn’t be doing this” I thought I heard him mutter.

“What?” I said.

“Nothing” he replied rather quickly and scurried off. I stared him off with slit eyes.

Now don’t get me wrong, this Merc wasn’t the SLK supercar you might think we were given. Oh no. Far from it actually. It was still a four door but a hatchback model with slow pickup and weak bumpers. Still, it was miles better than the Zafira, so I led the charge by pulling a quick doughie and peeling out of the car park with people behind me shaking pitchforks and lighting makeshift torches.

We got onto the four lane motorway alright and then found out we were going the wrong way. ‘Pullin’ a ‘U’ey’ was out of the question so we drove for a couple of miles before eventually finding a turnoff. I drove most of the way from London to Birmingham, then we continued to swap drivers until reaching Glasgow for the night. It was an epic 8 hour drive but necessary to complete in one day to save us mucking around and missing out on things for the rest of the trip. It was a great drive actually, as it was basically Top Right: I found the Monster!!!!!

Centre Right: The rolling fields near Inverness Bottom Right: A local ‘Hamish’

motorway the whole way.

“What is the speed limit around here?” I asked my fellow travellers, and Clint shrugged his shoulders.

“Just go as fast as everyone else” “Dude, I’m doing 100 mph!”

We were screaming along at 160 kph (easy conversion between imperial and metric) and it still seemed as if cars were passing us. I pegged it back to 90mph and cruised most of the way at that speed.

We were constantly doing sums in our head to find out how fast we were going in kph until we realised that the dashboard had a digital odometer that had been converting for us the whole time.

Glasgow offered the ‘accommodation of the trip’; cheap, private and clean. It was a wee beauty.

We caught a taxi ride into town and had pizza at a restaurant along the main strip. Glasgow wasn’t much to look at however. The guy at the hostel said that the only thing to do in Glasgow was to eat and drink, so we did both. The next morning we parked up in the centre of the city and had a quick look around, buying a cheap rugby ball while we were at it.

Verdict - Glasgow = average We peeled back onto the motorway and hooned past Lake Lomond to our next destination for the day; the quaint little town of Inverary. (Editors Note: ‘Peeled’ means embarked, and ‘hooned’ refers to casually cruising in a motor vehicle.)

Due to poor planning, we had only booked one night of accommodation prior to the trip, that being that first night in Glasgow. We arrived in Inverary and hunted out a place to stay, one where we could also park the silver beast. The local student hostel took us in with open arms and a bear hug. The town was quaint, set alongside the coast of one of Scotland’s inlets, and we had a feed at the only pub in town before heading to a nearby corner store and buying some chocolate and Irn Bru. That’s right - IRN BRU. Right: Eileen Doonan, Isle of Skye, Scotland The castle used in the movie ‘Highlander’ A pretty incredible sight to see when you are driving along

Pronounced “Iron Brew”, this drink is the number one beverage in the whole of Scotland, outselling Coke & Pepsi and making Scotland the only country in the world to accomplish such feat.

It tasted shit house.

I mixed it with Vodka, and would have preferred the vodka served straight, or even with Mountain Dew. It tasted like a mix between Fanta and Creaming Soda.

The next morning we hopped in the car again (Oh don’t get me wrong - we basically hopped in the car every day for a quick 4 hour drive). We drove around the isles of South West Scotland, stopping in Crinan for a quick sightsee. It boasts a man-made loch that would rival most European countries for sheer size.

It was fairly cool and we had a quick slice of lemon (ummmmm) ..... slice before moving on.

We travelled through the nice town of Oban, where we stopped to get the supermarket lunchtime meal deal, and then headed off to Fort William.

Or so we thought.

“Are we going the right way Renee?” I pondered.

“I dunno” was the reply.

I found this incredibly hard to believe, as she was the one holding the map. The environment seemed to be speaking more of mountains and valleys instead of the coastal road I had imagined.

Through map analysis, we discovered we had veered of course by a good 100 km, a journey that had taken us from the coastal road to the centre of the highlands. It was a welcome detour actually as we passed through some great scenery and stopped off at a mountain range known as ‘The Three Sisters’ for a quick photo.

We got back to Fort William after an hour and a half trip, which should have taken 25 mins. To be fair, I was looking at the signs in Oban and they did seem to say that there was a portion of that coastal road closed down, so it was probably inevitable.

You would think we would have stopped in Fort William for the night, but we pressed on and drove over to the Isle of Skye. I had been thinking the whole way driving through Scotland that the landscape

Off Limits, Isle of Skye, Scotland Looking out to the islands of Northern Scotland at the very windy tip of the isle of Skye

reminded me of 2 things; New Zealand and Final Fantasy 8. This was confirmed when we entered Skye. It was stunning, and worth pushing our road time to get there. We were looking to get to the very top of the isle that day but our plans were thwarted by time and the supposed lack of accommodation in the small town of Uig. Instead, we decided to pull up short in an awesome little town called Portree. After parking up and checking out the area we noticed a large number of tourists making regular stops in various hotels and B&B’s.

“Oh shit” we all thought at the same time when we discovered that the town was basically booked out for the night. Some places had one bed left, but not four!

“Damn” I thought and flicked through the handy Lonely Planet book that had wedged itself in between a chocolate bar wrapper and the used drink bottle located at my feet. A place in that book seemed to ring out, loud and clear: “Try Mrs Milne”, it said “There is no signage or anything but she runs a B&B and she will put you up” “OK guys” I said and directed Clint through a small suburb to her house. It seemed the most random thing but it worked out. We ended up staying at her place for the night and she was fully equipped to take us all in and cook us a feed in the morning. The town really was a little beauty - something Mum would like, and after a spot of dinner, we bought tubs of ice cream and drank the night away watching ‘The Last of the Mohican’s’ on the 14” TV provided.

We stopped off in a small town and went into a tourist hotspot to experience a 5-star Loch Ness monster attraction. It was crap. It basically said at the end of it all that most images and so forth that you see of the monster are all made up anyway. Still, we went to the waters edge and looked into the loch to try and catch a glimpse of something whilst we ate a soggy croissant that was a few days old.

We drove on up to Inverness that night (different from Inverary) and stayed in a Youth Hostel again. Due to time, we didn’t really get the chance to have much of a look around apart from the inside of a Pizza Express restaurant, where we bought dinner.

The next day Clint and I decided to throw caution into the wind and allow the girls to drive and navigate us through the highlands en-route to Edinburgh.

We did three separate U-Turns.

That drive was really nice. We went made our way through the Scotch county of Scotland (where all the ‘Glens’ are distilled) and through the highest point in Scotland; the mountain of Ben Nevis. It was champagne driving.

Our attempt to visit a castle along the way was thwarted as we found out Prince William was entertaining good ol’ Kate Middelton in the estate. We were asked to move along.

We arrived in Edinburgh late, and quickly made our way from the guest house into the city. It is awesome.

What a city. It shat all over Glasgow. We ate near the Ms. Milne informed us of a great wee detour to start castle and caught a late bus home. our day the next morning, so we took her advice and drove on a road that was comparable to a 4WD dirt The next morning, we left our things in the guest track. It was a ripper of a drive though. We pulled up house and hooned (ref editor note earlier) off to at the tip of the Isle and took photos of the landscape. Stirling to see their castle and the William Wallace Further down the track we saw another turn off and Monument. I hit an emotional wall when I was asked we were treated to a huge waterfall that disappeared to pay entrance fees to get into the monument, so I over the cliffs and into the pounding surf below. We stayed by the car while Kel and Clint went up to check were practically alone out there and it was a welcome it out. It is absolutely ridiculous the amount of money change from the busy tourist bullshit that is normally they charge to see places that should technically be so commonplace nowadays. free.

Top Right: Cannons at Edinburgh Castle That day was a big day of driving and we sped past Centre Right: The town of Portree Loch Ness with blatant disregard for monster hunters. Bottom Right: One of many roads on the Highlands

After Stirling, it was still fairly early (around lunchtime) so I made an executive decision (starring Kurt Russell and Steven Seagal) and drove us all to St Andrews; the birthplace of Golf. It was a little ripper of a town. I jumped the fence onto the golf course and pretended to swing away with an invisible club.

I yelled ‘Four’ and people ducked.

Finally, I observed why it is such a pricey course. It was absolutely immaculate.

On the Friday we stayed in Edinburgh and spent a day visiting the castle, the Scotch whisky experience, and about a million shops so the girls could find some crappy souvenir. It was a great stroll of the city and not even the rain downpour deterred us.

For the final day, we drove back across the English border and checked out the Angel of the North statue in Newcastle. We ventured further inland, driving along the road that runs parallel to Hadrians Wall; an old Roman wall that used to separate the two countries. We holed up in Manchester for the night and decided to hit the casino for one final blow out.

Clint and I stormed the Black Jack tables, both coming away with around £75 each. While we were playing, some English dude came over and threw around £50 on one of Clints hands, Clint won, and the guy did it again, walking off with around £200 from 2 minutes work. Lucky bugger.

We drove back to Heathrow early on as we were all fairly buggered by the (supposed) holiday and keen to chill for a bit. All up we drove a little under 3100km.

That is nearly the full length of New Zealand, TWICE! Epic.

Now, we have just booked a cheap flight to Sweden for a weekend away to catch up with my mate Richie.

He is keen as to put us up for a couple of nights so it is just a weekend thing. The flights were 5 pound each way!

You know it.

Top Right: Perfecting my swing at the home of golf Bottom Right: A moody sky silhouetted the William Wallace memorial

Marooned, Inverary, Scotland Two boats moored in the harbour opposite our hostel, taken en-route to a local pub

MONDAY, OCTOBER 4, 2010

SVEDEN

Yar?

Work was very hard to get back into after returning from a mere week away in Scotland. But I managed.

The following Saturday, Renee and I went out to the theatre to watch the story of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons - ‘Jersey Boys’.

And what a little beauty it was - the costumes, the performances. Sensational stuff. I can see why people take out second mortgages on homes to buy tickets to see these musicals. The guy sounded exactly like Frankie Valli and all the songs they played were bang on. So - there is a ‘highly recommended’ from yours truly.

We had a few drinks during the show and headed out to farewell Tara, a Contiki friend, who had unfortunately decided that another unbearable winter in the UK was not for her. It was a shame to see her go, so we all went out to a really cool blues / jazz bar and boogied on down. My dance moves consisted of a rotation on the left foot using my big toe as a pivot, hip swinging to coincide and a rocking motion of my arms, in finger clicking position.

“It was a teenage wedding and the old folks wished them well......”

The big finale of the night came when, on the night bus ride home (biggest pain in the ass ever, by the way), I saw four foxes roaming the streets! I had seen two on the bus ride itself (outside the bus - not just chilling in a window seat) and then I said to Renee “What’s the bet there is a fox down this side street”, as we walked on home from the bus stop.

“You little Anzac!!!” Sure enough, there was.

Then just as we were walking into the flat another burst out behind the garbage cans and ran across the

street. That rounded out the Quad-fecta.

Last Friday, I took work off an hour early and made my way to Gatwick Airport for a weekend in Sweden that had been booked. It almost didn’t happen mind you. With my trigger happy fingers I had mistakenly booked our return flight home a week later than what it should have been.

“Damn it” I said out loud in a less than PC way, and I instantly started looking for an alternative one way flight back from Sweden to replace the initial one.

The numbers rang true to me.

“180 POUNDS!!!! EACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I couldn’t believe the price of it (or the amount of exclamation points it took to describe the situation).

This discovery had essentially made the flight not worth all the effort. However, my eagle eye was at work and I managed to find a return flight a few days later for fairly cheap so I grabbed it. All up the flights were around NZ$100 return. Which still isn’t bad.

So, we were all set to meet up with my mate Richie in Sweden. The tubes were chaos and trying to find Renee posed a mission. We got to the airport in time to see our flight had been delayed.

This spelt problem, with a capital P - Richie was meeting us at the other end. With the delayed flight it meant he had to meet us at the central station at 2am, which he did hang around for. What a trooper.

We couldn’t thank him enough.

Lucky we had purchased some duty free alcohol to make amends. On the tube ride to his place, this guy asked where I was from, and in a proud voice I said “New Zealand”. He then went off his (drugged up) rocker and started calling us racists.

“Be careful round here” he warned, “People don’t like you guys because you are all racists, all you Australians are” Richie puffed out his chest and stepped up to the plate “Yeah, but he said he was from NEW ZEALAND. Its a Top Right: The waterways of Stockholm Centre Right: Renee and I having a quiet beer in a rooftop bar Bottom right: Candles in the local church

different country. Its like saying Sweden and Norway are the same country” This didn’t phase the guy.

“It doesn’t matter” he said “Same thing. You’re all racists” “What the hell was that all about” I asked as the guy gingerly made his way off the train.

Richie shrugged.

The Saturday was spent hurriedly making our way around Stockholm in a blur to see everything and still have a good time. Which, with our well travelled expertise, was easily done. First off, Richie sent us to a mysterious museum that was meant to be a little pearler.

“What’s in it man?” I quizzed.

“I don’t want to ruin it for you” “OK” I thought and I balked at the price of entry.

‘Better be one hell of a ............ thing’ We got up to the ticket counter and were about to pay when I got a tap on my shoulder. Fellow travellers who had just visited the museum were kind enough to offer us their day pass tickets for free.

“Ohhhhh chur bro” I said in a heavy kiwi accent and they giggled.

To be fair to Richie, the museum was a little ripper.

The mystery of it..... should I tell you ........ OK, I will.

It was a 400 year old pirate ship they had recently drawn up from the murky depths of the ocean. The timber of the hull had been heavily water damaged and gave the entire ship a ghost like appearance. It was HUGE. Around 80 metres long maybe, and just as high. The whole museum was about the life and death of this vessel.

in one of the highest spots in the city for a quick beer.

The only beer they serve in Stockholm is Carlsberg, and I tell you, it is shithouse. It was lucky the place had good views, I can tell you that much.

That night, we went to the supermarket and put together a whole antipasto platter of Swedish foods, one of the main delicacies being a shrimp coleslaw.

Oh yes, they are heavily into their seafood over there.

We made our way through the bottle of vodka and a bottle of Jagermeister that night and slept (coma’d) at around 2am.

Just joking Mum, I didn’t coma.

The next day we were due to leave early afternoon so we had another stroll through the city and finished the trip off with a burger from the Swedish McDonalds, known as MAX. It was pretty good stuff.

Two things I noticed from Sweden, and I will impart my new found wisdom onto you; it is bloody expensive and it is bloody cold. We had great weather, but being in my usual state of dangerously unprepared (Bear Grylls - have I shamed thee???), I was shivering, even though I had a SINGLET on, under my top, of course. I’m not a bogan.

If it weren’t for Richie our trip would have been all the more expensive, so a big ups to him for putting us up. It is always good to go to a foreign land and know someone.

Iceland in 5 weeks. Till then.

This set our spirits in good steed. We met Richie afterwards, in the centre of Stockholm, for a bite to eat and then he took us on a walking tour of the city.

Stockholm is what is known as an archipelago, which is essentially a city built around a whole plethora of small islands.

We strolled from island to island, before we got the need for a drink and we decided to head up to a bar

Top Left: A crown atop a bridge balustrade Centre Left: Looking out at the archipelago Bottom Left: Candles in the local church

Vasa Ropes, Stockholm, Sweden.

Ropes of the Vasa Pirate Ship

Vasa Ship, Stockholm, Sweden.

Within the Vasa museum

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 23, 2010

Roll on Winter Shit, its cold.

until a couple of stops down the way that I realised I was heading out to Heathrow airport, the exact opposite direction to work.

‘Shit’ I said, and I had to ‘Terminator Run’ it to get to another train. (You know the scene) Bloody tubes.

It took an hour and a half that day to get to the glorious bright lights of work.

I was already stuffed before I had even started.

I mean, we are in for trouble. I can just feel it. The other morning I woke up, I stretched, I got dressed to a Dire Straits number and eventually I stepped out the door and into a freezer. I had no idea the snap that would hit me. It was like being smacked in the face. With a frozen chihuahua.

Kew Gardens, about 15 km north of where I live recorded the lowest temperature for London that day getting down to -2.5°C Oh, that’s another thing. It is dark too. Really dark. I ........... And we are only in October!!!! leave for work in darkness. I come home in darkness.

I stare out my window at work at around 3 in the The weather seems to have affected the tubes already afternoon and it is dusk. with serious problems attacking the underground. To think that it is still daylight savings at the moment..!..

One train line had to close down during service and the travellers on board were required to leave the Despite the cold and chaos, London life hasn’t train in the deep murky depths of the tunnel and walk changed much. I’m still going to work, still inching for around 15 mins to get to an exit. One train broke closer and closer to the final payment on my student down in the middle of nowhere; the passengers loan (I might have a celebratory Guinness once that were forced to spend the night huddled together and beast has been tamed), and I am still keeping an sharing any food they had brought on board with eye out for new travel destinations to head to. The them. It is utterly ridiculous. I am not looking forward opportunities really are endless. There is just too to the disruptions that I have been told happen so much to see in this world. regularly in the winter. It already takes me the good part of an hour to get to work!

Last weekend, I went to a casino near Piccadilly Circus on the Friday after work. I didn’t do too badly, The other day was chaos, as usual, and my train up £60 at one stage, before inevitably losing it all on decided it didn’t want to go to the station I needed some stupid hands. How can that dealer consistently to get to. I decided to hop on another line, thinking I hit 21??? I night bused it home by myself at around was clever, and I turned the corner to find that there 4am and had to wake up at 8am to head to a travel are also a heck of a lot of other ‘clever’ people in show. My head did not like that decision. Still, the London. The place was packed. I spent half an hour travel show was fun. We caught up with Ryan and wondering what train I should get on before I noticed Jo there, and they broke the news to us that they are that my original train was free again. calling it a day with London and heading back to the I jumped on it, amazed that I got a seat but it wasn’t land of the long white cloud. I was disappointed, but

stoked that they figured out what they were doing.

Here’s hoping they find what they are looking for in Tauranga.

I have just now got back from a spot of shopping at Camden and Westfield. It was good stuff. Just being out there you can see that London is gearing up for winter events, which should subdue the miserable effect that the cold will bring on. We are looking to have a Halloween party (it is huge over here), followed by a Guy Fawkes Bonfire night located just down the road at Wimbledon Park. They do it proper here, with massive bonfires, fairground stalls, rides, and, of course, huge fireworks displays. It should be a little ripper.

Christmas time introduces a bevy of temporary ice skating rinks, most of them located in some pretty picturesque spots throughout London; namely Hyde Park, the National History Museum, and directly under the London Eye. I am keen to get on the ice and see if I can snap both ankles at once this time.

To add to the festivities, they also deck the city out with fairy lights, the effect of which adds a beautiful nostalgia to the city. Snow is expected mere weeks from now and London is meant to transform into a winter wonderland. So, I guess it cant be all that bad, can it?

Iceland is still all go. We depart in around three weeks from now. The country as a whole is meant to be a lot colder than here, so I might have to get some thermals for it.

Still, it should be good.

Looking forward to it.

Buds, London, England Ryan, myself and Pom posing on a bridge over the River Thames

Fire & Ice

The Land of

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2010

The weather really hasn’t been all that bad. Since my last post, it seems like that week with all the cold temperatures was a bit of a freak occurrence and things have certainly become more mild. We are in for the worst to come though, so I’m told.

our farewells and headed off in our own directions into the London night.

Renee had jacked up drinks with a couple of her mates, so we met them in Putney for a pub dinner before heading to a cocktail bar. The night ended heavily at four o’clock and we made our way home I caught up with Pom and Bridget to watch the All using our legs, as Southfields was relatively close by.

Black’s take on Australia a few Saturdays ago, the It was on this walk home where I broke my existing ‘fox game being played in Hong Kong sighting’ record by witnessing 5 of the furry creatures “Look out for Ryan and Jo” I shouted. crossing our path. Some came close, about a couple People stared. of metres away. If I wanted, I could have jumped on “Just look out for that stupid ‘Southern Comfort’ the back of one and rode away into the night. beanie of his” Pom suggested.

But I would probably break its spine.

We didn’t see them.

That game was on at 9am on a Saturday morning, All these nights out in London are fine, but the real which did mean an early wake up to get out to the reason I am here is for the adventure; to check pub. (I tell ya - big cities ain’t all that great when a out new and exciting places. Well, Iceland did not game is on). Over the ensuing hour and a half, we disappoint. each managed to polish off around 5 beers and a Lets just say- it certainly lives up to its name. shot, hitting up some Steinlager Pures in the process. You hear those people saying that common phrase They tasted like awesomeness. that ‘Greenland is all Ice, whereas Iceland is all “Lets have lunch at Westfield and do some Green’. Well, I can tell you, they lie. shopping!!!!!!:)”, Renee suggested.

The pizza lunch was a blur and we found ourselves We arrived in the late hours of dusk (around 4:30pm) hungover at around 2:30 in the afternoon before and as I peered out of the little plane window to the deciding to forego the shopping and hit bed. landscape below, a feeling of unprepared dread swept across me. I felt like Rocky arriving in Russia The next Saturday, we met Pom and Bridget again at to fight Ivan Drago, as was depicted in Rocky IV. Only a different bar, this one located on the Thames River. I wasn’t in Russia.

We discussed potential travel options and instantly And I’m not a boxer. decided on a group trip to New York.............

Perhaps not good use of analogy there.

More on this breaking news story later.

The sheen of fresh, and very slippery ice, coated the The England vs AB’s game was much better than tarmac and the surrounding landscape resembled the one previous. We won it, which helped. It was some kind of alien planet. the biggest mission ever trying to break through the Ain’t no ‘green’ in Iceland, I’ll give you the tip. crowds at the bar to get a beer. Renee left at half time Apart from the green of frozen lava, but we’ll get to to get some drinks and came back beer-laden, and that. with around 15 mins of game time remaining.

We headed on down to another bar after the game; a The hotel was nice enough, located near the centre bar where Pom had spent a good portion of the year of Reykjavik, and providing an easy launchpad to working. We maintained our drinking pace. An hour check out the surrounding area. Through some clever or so later, after trying desperately to keep up with an deduction and extreme use of time management skills American strongman we found ourselves sitting with, I had asked a local tour operator to take us out to see we conceeded defeat and stumbled out into the city. the Northern Lights a day earlier than expected.

The lights on Fleet Street glowed warmly as we bade

The Northern Lights are never a guaranteed activity.

In fact, you ‘don’t see them’ a whole lot more than you ‘do see them’, if that makes sense. I was worried about the forecast for weather over the remaining nights so urged for a first night tour.

We got lucky. Some of the strongest Northern Lights around were witnessed by yours truly. Even the tour guide was amazed at them. It was a truly incredible sight. A green wisp appeared over the horizon and drifted its way across the frozen sky of rural Iceland, taking around half an hour to fully encircle us. The part arc of the circle (that surrounds the North pole) was very clearly visible.

You need specific conditions to see these lights and we hit them all; clear skies, lack of artificial light, and the perfect time of year.

Through all the amazement of actually witnessing the lights, I felt urged to record this on film (SD card nowadays, but the phrase still works).

First photo - blackness.

Second photo - blackness ‘Hmmm. I better change some settings’ I thought to myself.

I fiddled with a few nobs and stated out loud what I was doing so some rookies nearby knew who they were dealing with. They looked at me with idolising eyes. At least that’s what I thought. I couldn’t really seem them all too well, it was so dark.

“So, I’m just going to turn this nob here” I exclaimed, “adjust the pitch of this setting, take this battery out and turn it this way and then divide this ISO number shown here by the average amount of spanners found in a standard Sikram toolset. and, walah, we should have the perfect setup” Third photo - slight hint of green wisp.......

I peered over to a group of Asian girls. “Oh my god”, “Wow!”, “Oh, that’s so going to be my profile pic!!!!!!”

‘What the hell’ I thought, and then I saw what they were raving about. Their little camera was taking some of the most amazingly lit photos I had ever seen. And they were taking it with a flash on and Top Right: The Icelandic landscape, with a soup hut Bottom Right: Frozen Lava with a dash of snow

Image 1: The fantastic Blue Lagoon Image 2: The frozen lake located above a rift in continental plates Image 3: A geyser, post eruption Image 4: Taking my life in my hands whilst standing on a frozen lake Image 5: Silhouette against the morning sun (around midday) Image 6: A slippery slope to the Golden Waterfall Image 7: At the Golden Waterfall

everything. I lost the plot, internally that is. How. The. We wandered around the city of Reykjavik before making our way out to the Blue Lagoon, a natural Hell. Could. Their. Photos. Be. So. Good???? thermal spa drawing water and minerals from deep in Fiftieth photo - finally some payoff. Through all this the earths crust. There was hardly anyone there and stress with trying to capture the miracle on film, I had it was amazing. Total solitude. Buckets of white mud failed to realise my purpose of being there. I took a (mud that miraculously makes you look younger that is) were scattered around the lagoon edge. I layered step back.

Booya. What a sight they really are. My camera was it on. As for the pools themselves - what a setup. left dangling at my neck as I spent a good 10 mins Being Icelandic, preparation for the pools was very Scandinavian. I witnessed a lot of old mens willies staring at them in awe.

My fingers started to tingle. I then felt the cold hit me as I myself had to get starkers and shower publicly all at once. My toes were numb, my cheeks ached (in the mens change rooms, but still...) before taking and my lips were physically trembling. ‘How cold was the plunge.

If you have seen Hostel 2- it is the spa that they relax it?’ I hear you ask with intrigue.

-7°C. It was freezing. I had to jump into the bus, kick in, just before getting dismembered. my shoes off and massage my feet for a good quarter We stayed there for a good 6 hours and had some beers from the pool-side bar. It started to rain and blow of an hour before I started to feel anything in them. some serious gales so it was quite strange having my I was also joyous about the fact that I witnessed the torso as warm as toast, yet being absolutely frozen Northern Lights on the first night of our trip. It meant from the neck up. Teeth chattered. we didn’t have to keep trekking out there every night.

It resulted in the next day being a day of relaxation. We had booked in a tour through the Icelandic countryside for the next day. It was a great tour and took us through the waterfalls, geysers, and geological extremities of the surrounding area around Reykjavik.

Being from NZ, this wasn’t too far of a stretch from our geological sites, but the snow and surrounding landscape definitely set things at a different pace.

You will notice in some of the photos that the rocks are covered with a green tinge. That is frozen lava.

Basically, the whole country is a rock of lava. There are few trees and next to nil wildlife.

That night was our final night in the land of fire and ice, so we decided to make it special. Heading to a Tapa’s bar, we proceeded to order whale (minke to be precise), puffin (that black and white bird with the coloured beak), snail, and, to bring things back to earth for a bit we topped it off with meatballs and chorizo potato salad.

I can literally hear Greenpeace knocking at the door Left: A perfect star jump in front of the Hallgrimskirkja church in Reykjavik

now.

No. Wait.

That’s just a courier.

Phew.

So, I know what the question on everybody’s lips is...... The whale was surprisingly delicious; akin to an eye fillet steak, tender and cooked rare, with a hint of an earthy aftertaste. The puffin was cooked, yet served cold and was probably the least favourite dish on the heavily laden table. It was a chewy, slimy meat with an unappetising taste. The whole meal was great though and definitely filled the void. However it didn’t fill the void of my guilt. It only made it larger.

After the meal, we headed out to an Ice bar, one of those bars made entirely of ice, for a quick beer. It was pretty disappointing. For one, we were the only patrons there. Apparently Icelanders don’t party too hard on a Tuesday night. The bar itself was basically a big chiller with blocks of ice strapped to the wall.

And it leaked. It was enjoyable for the novelty factor but that was about it. The trip to Iceland wound up on the Wednesday with a flight back to Heathrow where I stood next to Heston Blumenthal, celeb chef, whilst trying to retrieve my bags. The highest temperature we experienced in Iceland was 2°C I didn’t take my beanie and scarf off the whole time I was there.

And now, here I am back at the office. The trip to Iceland was great and I am looking forward to Christmas / New Year when we are off to Portugal and Spain. My little sister is coming over in January and then, wait for it, we head off to the bright lights of New York. Flights are paid for and locked in, so that is all happening at the end of Feb. I won a lonely planet guide from a local travel mag here so I will be thumbing that with delight in anticipation for this trip.

It should be epic.

Northern Light Hunting, Iceland The wisp of green crept over the surrounding mountains. It took 40 minutes to get one photo

BRING ON CHRISTMAS

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2010

Snow, snow, everywhere.

But not a drop to drink

Just don’t eat the yellow snow.

As the title suggests ‘Bring on Christmas’ I say. Work has been crazy busy. I have been running around like a mad man trying to finalise drawings and specs for a building conversion I have been working on. Like, I have literally been mad; talking to myself, winking uncontrollably with head jerks to coincide.

I worked 12 days in a row just last week and the week before that.

Epic. Enough about work anyway.

You would have thought that the cold miserable weather would put a dampen on the Christmas attitude. It has done, in fact, quite the opposite. I have never seen such cheer. Everywhere is decked out with real Christmas trees, selling food and drink to hail the festive season. A few weekends ago we went out to Winter Wonderland, an area in Hyde Park that has been converted into a Christmas playground. It has been bloody well done. I didn’t expect it.

Temporary stalls sell one off craft-wares like jewelry and so forth. There are food stands everywhere, fun park rides, fair games, and of course a whole lot of bars selling mulled wine and hot ciders. We headed into the Jamie Oliver stall and made our own gingerbread men which we then decorated with as much chocolate buttons and icing as was structurally possible. Lucky I realised the bending moment of biscuit was invertly proportional to the quality of flour used in its production.

We ate them and felt crook so decided the best thing to do would be to go on a roller coaster and a giant drop.

Renee nearly spewed.

I said “If you’re gonna spew, spew in this” and offered her a small white lolly bag.

We finished off the night with some live music where I pimped my shirt and Cossack danced.

there is Guiness on tap, I don’t care where we go for a drink.” was the efficient reply. That night was good. I got smashed.

On Friday we had our own office Christmas party, which got pretty loose. We were taken out to a French restaurant where I had a steak that I’m sure must have been cuddled and read books before it was sliced and diced. It was amazingly tender and literally melted in my mouth. That came with Foie Gras, which is a portion of liver from ducks that have been force fed corn until they bloat and die.

A fitting end.

Things then got messy, with someone mentioning that Sambuca would be great to have right now. Idiots. I tried to sing Karaoke and everyone stopped dancing and just stared at me. That is the last time I try and sing George Michael Once things wound down, I tried to walk to Trafalgar Square to catch a night bus home. It was during this walk that I found myself in a spot of bother. You see, there are few public toilets in London at the best of times.

Let alone at 4:30 in the morning.

I did what every self respecting man would do and wee’d against the side of a building.

I was close to my station and I had clearly thought prior to relieving myself that access to the station was a possibility, until I saw that I was down a one way street and the only way to get back on track was to turn around and walk a kilometre back. I could literally see the station through the gates of a nearby park; one that had been locked up and one that was the only obstacle in my path to victory.

Images to Right: Some examples of I’ve been to a few Christmas parties with work recently. Our Irish clients (for the the heavy snowfall that has descended project I was talking about earlier) took us out for nibbles and beers the other upon us in this cold winter. All photos night. There was initial confusion over the type of pub we would visit. “As long as taken around the house

I jumped the fence and swore as I noticed my phone had fallen out of my pocket and smashed everywhere. You have no idea how hard it is to find pieces of phone, in the dark, in the snow, amidst a foot deep of dead leaves. And I was pissed.

I managed.

Then I realised that the park I had jumped into was being patrolled, so I Mission Impossible styled it between trees to the fence on the other side. Upon getting there, unnoticed, I noticed that the street that the fence bordered had much more foot traffic than the street I entered the park from had. Actually, that street had no foot traffic at all which led me into doing all this in the first place. After assessing my options, I jumped a fence adjacent and then found myself in the back courtyard of some inner city apartments.

‘This is going from bad to worse’ I thought.

I’ll let you know, these were no ordinary fences either. They were the fences with spikes on top of the railings. Spikes that could easily have made me a eunuch.

I decided to call it a day and made for the fence near the station with the heavy foot traffic. I jumped it, springing like a pansy when pins and needles shot through my feet due to the impact. Finally, I sorted out my manbag and dusted off my jeans. Then I looked up.

Officer Billy was staring straight at me, quietly, as he was standing at his post.

I put the horse blinkers on and hurriedly made my way to a street corner, just expecting a loud yell and a hand on the shoulder.

It didn’t happen.

I started sprinting, got to my station, jumped into the bus, scaled the stairs and slid down into a seat on the upper level, counting myself lucky.

I then fell asleep and nearly missed my stop, waking up at just the right moment to get off the bus, startling the drunk teenager that had ended up sitting next to me. ...................................

Just recently, it has started cranking the snow. Saturday was spent staring out the window as mini snow storms wrecked havoc on the backyard. It was sensational.

Our water pipes froze which stopped us from having hot water, but still, it was awesome.

We went down to Wimbledon Park and attempted to make a snowman. After half an hour of packing snow in the freezing conditions, I gave up and then noticed other people round the park had huge snowmen. They stood around 10ft tall with bases around 2m in diameter. Huge snow tracks wound their way across the park. The English are pro’s at this sort of thing.

I laughed, rolled a snowball and smashed my flatmate in the face with it.

Tou-che.

Finish up work on the 23rd, celebrate Christmas at our flat with a few other orphans and then head off to Portugal and Spain for 10 days on the 27th.

Lets hope I can get to the airport.

Street Art, Lisbon, Portugal Funky street art bordered the pavements, hiding entrances and providing sparks of colour

Driftin’ Iberian Peninsula THURSDAY, JANUARY 6, 2011

thru the

After watching “Into the Wild” for the first time (good movie) I sat back and contemplated the plot. Here was the true story of a young man, throwing caution into the wind and setting out to travel with no agenda.

Although the film did glorify this ideal, I did fall victim to the enticing concept of ‘driftin’.

Spoiler Alert...............

Yes, I know he died because of it.

Driftin’, to me is about going traveling whilst being dangerously unprepared and with no formal agenda.

(Editor Note: Dramatised for effect) Due to serious time constraints and money, I decided one of the best ways to experience a small taste of this type of traveling would be to trip around the Iberian Peninsula; Spain and Portugal.

So there I was, backpack in hand, a bit of cash in the bank and a plane ticket into Lisbon and one out of Madrid. Purists would say that it should have been left open ended, but gimme a break, I have work to get back to. This was just a trial run anyway.

My backpack, restricted by plane cabin requirements, consisted of 4 t-shirts, 4 pairs of undies, 4 pairs of socks, 1 hat, 1 pair of shorts, a bloody large camera, a toothbrush, and a stick of deodorant. For a 10 day

trip, I would like to think that was on the verge of roughing it. I was wearing a pair of jeans, a jersey and an over-jacket as well.

Those jeans lasted the entire 10 days.

There was a slight green air around them by the end of it. It was so thick I actually had to kick through it to get my legs into the pants.

So, we flew into Lisbon, got on the first bus and made our way to a hostel. The hostel was conveniently located in Rapesville (Second Editor Note: not actual place) and this out of the way location saw me strolling nervously through the streets with one hand over my jacksy. We got to a corner and Renee was making one hell of a racket, wheeling her suitcase over the endlessly cobbled streets. I looked ahead and saw

a seedy looking fella with a singlet on his chest and (no doubt) naughty thoughts on his mind. I stopped for a second and noticed another, even more dodgier head pair slowly from around a hidden street corner.

The whites of his eyes stared straight into mine. I could read his thoughts... ‘Your money, and your ass’ “OK......... our hostel is this way” I said out loud to Renee, knowing full well that our hostel was not in that direction at all.

We scurried off down another path.

“Can you pick your bloody suitcase up Renee?” I pleaded “The rapists know we are coming 10 minutes before we get there” Suffice to say, with a keen eye and an internal compass you could set the sun to, we arrived at our hostel and locked ourselves in the room, fearing for our safety.

The next day had a brighter disposition; we checked out a few buildings, and made our way by train to a place called Sintra. Despite getting off the train quite literally on the wrong side of the tracks (as per previous paragraphs - just in a different neighborhood) we found our second hostel and went out to explore the small town. Sintra became the glimmer of hope that rescued us from an initial worrying time. It is a great little town, centered around a really old palace, with narrow streets breaking off, each harboring small restaurants and eateries. We found a really nice small bar (it fit 8 people) and had a Chorizo sausage cooked from burning oil set alight directly on our table.

The next day was spent traveling to the coast to see a proper sandy beach before returning once again to Top Right: Architecture Imitates Nature, Lisbon, Portugal The Orient train station. I looked like an idiot as I laid myself down on a grassy hill to take this photo Bottom Right: The Moor Castle overlooking Sintra Far Top Right: Birds inside the Orient Station Far Centre Right: Mossy logs atop Sintra Far Bottom Right: The coastline of Colares

walk the narrow streets. That afternoon we headed up into the mountains and explored a secondary palace, reminiscent of lollipop-land and ancient Moorish castle ruins that overlooked the town like a vigilant protector.

Heading back to Lisbon, we decided against staying in the place we crashed on the first night and instead we found another hostel and were warmly surprised.

By far the best hostel I have ever stayed in. Awesome location, great beds, clean facilities and a really homely feel about it all.

We trekked the quaint streets of Lisbon for the next few days, and I was stoked to find a guy who spent his days carving up foreign currency. I bought a NZ 20 cent piece off him that had been meticulously sliced up to remove the negative space from the background.

New Years Eve was somewhat lonely, but the beers helped sort that out. There were no other tourists our age at the hostel and no one on the streets to hang out with, apart from all the dudes offering me “hashish and cocaine, whatever I want”. I must have been approached about 10 times on a 1km stretch of pedestrian path. I think the unkept stubble I had going on made me look dodge..... Or maybe it was my shifty eyes.

Anyway, after hanging about in the town square for bloody ages listening to some lame Portuguese band sing local translations of Go West’s “In the Navy”, the countdown to a new year come around.....

And what a welcome they gave it!

It was all done to some outstanding light choreography; arranged in time to the tunes of Michael Jackson and The Smashing Pumpkins (among others), blasting through loudspeakers at ear bleedingly loud decibels.

We celebrated the New Year with some 40,000 others Top Right: A reflection of a sunny day Bottom Right: The Alfama District of Lisbon Far Top Right: Chilling with a beer Far Bottom Right: A skillful carving

New Years Day beckoned us to a small fishing village by way of train once again. It was called Cascais and it was awesome. We hired Segways and zoomed past awestruck oldies who could never figure out how we were getting them to move.

That night, we jumped aboard an international train and sat for 10 hours whilst it whisked us across the Spanish borders and into Madrid.

It was a forgettable train ride and we required alot more sleep in the hostel just to catch up.

Madrid was so much different to other Spanish cities I have visited. It had an almost American appeal to it; large buildings and pedestrian links everywhere.

The shoppers were crazy. It was still technically Christmas for the Spanish at the time we got there (they celebrate up until the 6th of January when the arrival of the 3 kings signifies the end of the holiday season and the start of proper present giving).

The next few days were spent visiting a few sights, strolling the markets and washing my undies in the shower with me. On the final day we went out to the Madrid Zoo which was by far the best zoo I have ever been to, even though all the animals spoke Spanish.

A delayed plane flight back and a run in with a CHAV (council housed and violent) on the bus from the airport left us both exhausted and anxious to use a washing machine.

I think I will go into another driftin’ trip a little more prepared next time New York in 7 weeks...............................

Far Top Left: Collectibles, Madrid, Spain Taken at the famous markets in the city centre Far Bottom Left: A statue bordering a lake in Madrid Central Park Top Left: Solitary Atonement, Madrid, Spain An old man strolls down a back alley of Madrid Bottom Left: Fruit sellers within the food market

Forgotten Vessels, Cascais, Portugal The harbour of Cascais bore a collection of maritime paraphernalia,

The Eye At Night, London, England Taken from the steps down to the river esplanade, opposite Big Ben.

Waitangi Day

Yes, I do feel the pain for not being in Wellington to celebrate the sevens, which has become a mainstay of Waitangi Day in New Zealand.

But I had the next best thing...

London rocked the casbah for Waitangi day. My little sis was over for the celebrations, having just finished a small trip through Europe, and we set about throwing together costumes in haste. Ideas were flung around the lounge room in a blur, focusing on what would create a great New Zealand day costume. Finally, after hours of turmoil, we settled on a quote from one of the finest New Zealand films ever made.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 2011

“Just cook the man some eggs” was scribbled on the back of a cheap white T-shirt with 2 fried eggs painted over the nipples at the front. Little sis had the reply to the quote on the back of hers, for good measure.

It was a rushed job but it came through in the end.

To nurse all the homesick kiwis on their national day, an informal pub crawl is organised that runs along the same above ground route as the circle line of the London underground. Things kicked off in Notting Hill at 11am and we were met by a sea of kiwis doing beer funnels in the street.

“Great eggs” they yelled out.

The day just got messier. Some bloke was walking around with a 2m length of downpipe still attached to a rainwater head, using that as his own beer funnel.

Toilets were of a scarcity. I really felt for the girls when I saw the lines they were in at the various McDonalds and KFC’s scattered through the city. Guys could just skip into the toilets with ease.

Ahhhhhh, the life of a guy.

A huge rugby game ensued outside Westminster Cathedral. Like the pub crawl, it wasn’t really a rugby game - more a game of smashing people. Rugby balls and body parts were flying everywhere. Escaping the carnage, we stumbled on over to a local Antipodean bar and upon seeing the size of the queue out the front of it, we decided the next best thing to do would be to jump on the tube and head out of the city, into the sticks, and attempt another bar.

It was here that I got absolutely smashed. But, it was OK. everyone else was too.

We danced away to poor renditions of “Weather with you” After having a close call with the bouncers, we all decided to head off home. A cab was hailed and all the girls piled in. There was no room left for little ol’ me, so, like a pure hero, I said to the driver “get them home safely”, tapped the back of the car and I proudly strode off into the night.

“Where the hell am I” I instantly thought. I got worried.

Really worried.

“I bet people get stabbed out here” “Blair, Blair” my sister came running up, obviously ditching the cab. “No, you cant leave. You’re my brother, and we cant leave”. It was a very touching moment, inspired by the alcohol “I’m not getting into a cab until I get a pie then” So I got a pie and we headed home.

Sunday, I spewed in the shower, wishing life would just end as I pushed the mushed peas through the little plughole, and finally, after serious grunting, I The pub crawl didn’t exactly involve pubs, everyone plucked up a little energy to do some research for just drank on the streets and stopped at various New York. places. The main goal was to get to the Houses of A week and a half away.......

Parliament by 4pm for a massive Haka. We made it just in time and witnessed masses of kiwis, getting rowdy and drinking beers. This dude I work with led the bloody haka, though he didn’t know what he was doing. He woke up a few hours later in a paddock in Surrey.

Haha. I am not kidding.

Taking a bite out of the

Big Apple TUESDAY, MARCH 1, 2011

“Wow. Look at all the lights” we said in unison as the cab dropped us off at our hotel.

“This is nothing” the cabbie quipped “you should see around the corner”. Then he asked for a tip.

It was midnight in New York as we arrived, after extended delays and frightening landings at JFK. We were sapped. It was essentially 6 o’clock in the morning relative to us as we were experiencing the time delay between the UK and the US. “I think I’ve got a second wind coming on” I stated, not referring to a gastric movement but more a burst of energy, probably brought about by the beers served to us on the flight. Pom agreed. We dumped our bags and headed down to the corner where we could sense a hint of ‘something more’ waiting patiently beyond. It was a surreal moment as we took our first steps into Times Square and looked around. The lights, the people, the excitement, the combination of all of it added together into this concentrated dosage of awesomeness. I instantly regretted leaving my camera in the hotel room.

park, located in the direct center of the city; right in the middle. I called it - ‘The Park in the Center of the City’ - an apt name.

I don’t know what the locals call it.

The wind was freezing. I had to put a hood on over my beanie, with sunglasses on and my scarf over my mouth. People seemed threatened by my guise.

The park had a museum in it, an ice skating rink, a zoo, and a lake bigger than New Zealand.

Squirrels jumped out at you with hissing teeth and claws. Apparently the raccoons have rabies there.

We strolled, ran and played. I did a jump kick for a private photo shoot and split my jeans, in two separate locations at the same time, thus my power.

Renee would say that the crotch area was already worn through due to my constant bottom coughs, but I beg to differ. After the ‘Park in the Center of the City’ we attacked the Apple Store so Pom and I could make decisive changes to our fantasy Cricket team (this became a regular occurrence) and we munched some lunch at a Macca’s - which was a huge meal and .......... OK. Not great, just OK. That arvo we went up the Rockefeller Centre to catch We found a convenient bar located nearby and the Birdseye views of the city. Sweet view too. B-bbought drinks, balking at the $3 change we got back b-b-b-baller! from a crisp $20 (per 2 drinks that is!). That’s what you pay for convenience. The NBA All Star weekend Sunday night it snowed and Renee was amazed. was on so we perched on the bar and watched that Everyone else seemed miserable. till our eyelids drooped. Renee stared across at Pom and Bridget, our travelling buddies and smiled.

Top Right: Renee, Bridget and Pom - rugged up Centre Right: The edge of Central Park For our first morning, we took a stroll through a huge Bottom Right: Posing atop the Rockefeller Centre

Advertising At It’s Best, New York City, USA A view of Times Square captured on a snowy Monday Morning, around the corner from the hotel

On the Monday, amidst snow, we decided to head South through Manhattan. We hiked past the Flatiron building, past numerous shops all offering amazing sales, and down to Crif Dogs - a hotdog joint which served incredible hot dogs. We got a bacon wrapped hotdog with sour cream and avocado, and Tatter Tots. Pom put some in his pocket, and I said, “Pom give me some tatter tots” “No,” he said “get your own” .... and I mashed his jeans pocket.

Haha. Just kidding.

We took the DODGY subway to Wall Street. I simply cannot emphasize that ‘Dodgy’ word enough - it was ‘stare at your feet’ stuff for the whole journey.

Wall Street was alright and the nearby Ground Zero (location of those big towers that fell) was cool too.

Nice to see what is going on for the memorial.

Tuesday was Guggenheim museum day. It is an incredible building. The artwork in it was great too alot of Kandinsky, Picasso, Chagall etc. We had been recommended a burger bar to check out around that area, and we found it, hidden behind curtains in a Mariott Hotel. Random spot - it seemed to be one of those ‘word of mouth’ kind of places, but it seemed like a lot of people had been secretly blabbing “The first rule of hidden burger bar is: you don’t talk about hidden burger bar” The burger was great.

Alot of shopping later and we retired to the hotel, sinking some beers in the process.

Wednesday, we were meant to get to the Statue of Liberty but the line just to get on the boat was 2 hours long. There was also the line to get tickets. We got tickets for early on the Thursday and skipped off to the Chelsea Highline.

Top Right: The secret burger joint Centre Right: View through to the Chelsea Highline Bottom Right: Curious seagulls at the tip of NY Far Top Right: Wall Street area, looking up Far Bottom Right: Inside the Guggenheim

The Chelsea highline is an old, above ground and above road railway track that has been redeveloped into a pedestrian walkway, equipped with landscaping, seating and artwork, all soaring through buildings about 10m in the air. It was a sweet little journey, even if it was a short one. Heading home, this dude in the streets of Times Square tried hawking comedy tickets to us, giving us this spiel about how awesome the night is. So, we brought them.

Thursday morning - our tickets to the statue finally gained us access to the island and we piled onto an overcrowded boat along with the rest of Harlem, and checked the big lady out. Quite an impressive effort, I must say. We walked through the pedestal and jumped off around lunchtime so we could run over the Brooklyn bridge and into the heart of Brooklyn itself. We didn’t stay there too long.

The comedy night that we had already brought tickets for came around and we headed to the Upper East side to watch it. The comedy club was well known and had previously inspired the likes of Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock and Adam Sandler among a lot more others. It was a crack up. We had a special guest drop by - Judah Friedlander, who stars in hit TV series: 30 Rock. He was awesome On the Friday, it was pouring down and we were all dead on our feet. We got to MOMA and saw some Warhols, Van Goghs, Pollocks and more Picasso’s and Monets. Shopping ensued not long after. Clothes were so cheap. I brought myself a few pairs of jeans, some dress pants, a jersey and a Calvin Klein overcoat (not to name drop). We hit the town on the last night (for the fifth and final time) and got relatively tipsy. John Leguizamo was signing autographs and we pushed Renee towards him to get a photo “Get a photo of the chick in red. THE CHICK IN RED!” Pom yelled.

“Damn, that’s a big Australian” John said and went back to take the photo.

Top: Empire State of Mind, New York City, USA View of NY, taken atop the Rockefeller Centre Bottom: Liberty Rising, New York City, USA Taken on the boat trip back to the mainland

Manhattan, New York City, USA The view back to Manhattan from Liberty Island, taken whilst resting atop the base of the statue

Ahhhh, tis my birthday today, and like on all good birthdays, I can actually have a brief minute to myself.

Shit been busy.

Hmm, what has happened since the last post. Well, I paid off my student loan! Thats a start. So glad to get that rabid monkey off my back. What a mission it is to get rid of them too. Made me wonder what the purpose of it all was. Of course, without my university degree, I potentially would not have the same outlook on life as I do now, which may or may not be a good thing.

To celebrate this farewell to thy loan, Renee took me out to a Gordon Ramsey restaurant for a spot of dinner and cocktails. It took us 2 hours to get out there and 2 hours to get back but was really worth it. We both had crayfish for entrees, followed by traditional dishes made to perfected recipes. I had a macaroni cheese, of all things, and it was so good, I felt randy afterwards.

Randy was the waiter.

Its not easy, you know; literal humour.

A few weekends back we attended a VIP night at a new restaurant / pub opening hosted by my now very good friend Kev. Kev was the trusty steed that put us up for a month on our first arrival to London, and since then our relationship has blossomed. I wink at him every now and then and he blushes.

It was a superb steak dinner, way better than the typical crap you get in the supermarket; that stuff they try to pass off as sirloin.

I attended the annual Oxford vs Cambridge boat race last weekend. It was 6 hours or pre drinking before 10 seconds of cheering as the boats went past. Then back to drinking. Oxford won. Good work boys. Tally ho.

Not really much planned coming up. May hire a car on the Royal wedding long weekend and trip down to Cornwall. Because, really, who wants to be around London when thats on........

SATURDAY, APRIL 2, 2011

Happy Birthday to me

Its been crazy times these last few weeks since my birthday. I went out to the countryside and shot up some of my mates with paintballs a few weekends ago. Great fun, but not when you have to start shelling out for extra paintballs. That’s the hidden costs right there!!!

Getting Corny in Cornwall SATURDAY, MAY 7, 2011

For the Easter weekend, Renee and I had a lazy one, pretty much having the flat all to ourselves. We went into the city on the Sunday to do some tourist stuff - Renee has a bucket list she wants to get through before we eventually depart. Got to the London dungeons, and saw the line was down the street, around the corner, through the Thames and up Spook Hill, so we decided to forego that idea. Everyone was here for some big wedding apparently.

Instead, we checked out a few lesser known places.

Buckingham Palace. You heard of it? I certainly hadn’t been there before, but I ticked that box. We got off at monument tube stop and discovered there was actually a monument outside it. It wasn’t just a clever name. We hauled ourselves up the 311 stepped spiral staircase and took in the views of greater London. A recommended tourist attraction to do if you happen to be into climbing stairs.

Renee had managed to score free tickets to visit Kew Gardens so we invited Pom and Bridget to accompany us. The spring flowers were in full blossom as we strolled the beautifully set out garden, that encompassed everything from fascinating architectural greenhouses to waterfalls and even a pagoda.

Following on from that, we visited Thorpe Park on the Monday. It is a theme park overrun with Chavs. It has some great rides though, like the Saw rollercoaster (yes - based on the movies) and the Stealth. We dominated them all. It was funny seeing Renee as Left: A blossoming flower in Kew Gardens Top Right: Pom ponders existence on the John Pawson designed bridge Bottom Right: A guard stands to attention at the front of Buckingham Palace

she got into the stealth. Here is a ride that flings you 210 ft in the air as you accelerate from 0-85 mph (around 140kph) in 2.3 seconds. She was before me in the line and it was all smiles until that initial burst of speed had her eyes widen instantly and her head pinned to the back of the chair. Fantastic.

They had a basketball shooting competition there and all these gumbi’s were paying 4 quid to get in and shoot as many 3 pointers as they could in 45 seconds. These guys were all show; bouncing balls through the legs, practicing fadeaways, but when it actually came to shooting - God help them. I expressed my interest and paid £2 after talking the guy down in price and hit four 3 pointers, bagging a large NY Knicks teddy bear for Renee. He is called ‘Mello’ and he is awesome.

I strutted out of the bball area and said “and what?” to the stunned chavs. Ha ha Last weekend was another long weekend, thanks to the Royal wedding. We had already decided to head to Cornwall for that weekend, so I had to let the Royals know that I wasn’t going to attend. Will took it like a man, but Kate was fairly cut up. Poor girl. I mean the world to her apparently.

So Cornwall was good. we headed to Europcar and hired one of their finest. We made the journey with Pom and Bridget. Due to the wedding we were pretty much forced to stay in the rather touristy town of Newquay, which wasn’t bad at all. They had sandy beaches, and lucky for us, I brought my frisbee. We had fish and chips on the beach and flung that plastic disc around for a few hours upon arrival. It was a 7 hour journey down there so that pretty much took up Far Top Left: The seaside banks of Newquay Far Bottom Left: Maritime at Polperro Top Left: A small gecko glares at me on top of his large leaf Centre Left: The quiet harbour of Looe Bottom Left: A signpost signifies the most Southern tip of England, known as Lands End

our whole Friday.

On the Saturday, we drove out to the Eden Project - a huge series of bio domes which house rainforest and Mediterranean vegetation. It is a crazy scale and really well presented. The rainforest biome was incredibly humid and I lost a gallon of sweat getting to the very top of the thing. Internal waterfalls fell to large ponds, and banana plantations grew in the upper portions of the domes.

We drove around a few small villages after that. Alot of the villages are these quaint fishing types, so it was a great change. We ate Cornish Pasties and drank cider whilst taking in the views.

The Sunday offered crap weather but we still managed to get down to St Ives, and check that small village out. Afterwards we drove to the Southernmost tip of the UK - fittingly called Lands End. It was a tourist trap to say the least. The only way there is by car, and when you got there they had set up a one way route so you almost had no other choice but to pay 4 quid and drive on through to the carpark.

Sneaky.

We stopped for lunch in Penzance before deciding the weather was too horrid and we headed back to Newquay for snakebites at the local Walkabout.

We left for London early the next morning, stopping briefly at a large manor within the town of Bodmin.

It then took us around 6 hours to get back to the Capital, the delay due largely to the huge amount of fellow weekend escapers that were themselves on their way back home.

A great weekend away and hard to get back to the office.

Left: The Meditteranean Bio Dome at the Eden Project

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 1, 2011

Meeting Belgians and Luxembourgians, in a van Before I get into our latest road trip, a little catchup on from the restaurant. things since the last post: .................

I had waited a long year for it, but it came around When we realized we had yet another long weekend quickly enough...... fast approaching, Renee and I took proactive steps What is this that I am referring to, you ask? to try and plan a quick getaway. You have to take Roger Waters “The Wall” LIVE, that’s what! advantage of these situations when they present It was epicly epic in all epic ways possible. themselves. The unfortunate circumstance was that Epic.

The show was a sellout and said to be a re-mastered everyone else in England had the exact same idea copy of the original live show Pink Floyd performed and trips abroad were becoming a scarce, or very some thirty years ago. A giant wall was constructed on expensive, prospect. We were two seconds away stage, each brick with its own high definition projector from booking a pricey trip to Krakow, when fortune beaming propaganda onto it. The technology behind called, in the form of Corey. You see, Corey had just the show was extraordinary. There were moments brought this new red campervan (akin to Postman when it looked like the wall was collapsing in on itself Pat’s wheels) and he wanted to test the waters. A in some kind of vortex type blackhole, only for us to cheeky trip to Belgium would clear the pipes, and it realize that the wall was still there and it was instead was a snap decision to change plans instantly. achieved through the combination and use of the With minimal planning, we drove an hour to Dover, projectors and some seriously powerful computers. jumped on a ferry for an hour, drove another hour An amazing concert, and well worth the wait. Roger into Belgium and decided to sleep in the van for the can still rock out like the best of them, his voice was night. The team consisted of Corey, Bec, Ironmonger (also known as James), Renee and yours truly; a pitch perfect. formidable unit.

A week or so later we headed out to Brick Lane for The first nights sleep in the van was relatively a curry. Brick Lane is the hagglers choice for Indian tolerable, apart from the fact I had James’ feet in cuisine. We sorted out a curry, starters, naan bread, my nostrils all night. We awoke early, fearful that poppadoms, and 2 beers each for a tenner, all of some local police patrol will come tapping on our which went down a treat. Mental note however: I am window and, after taking a quick leak, we rejoined not ordering Vindaloo again. My toilet will thank me. the motorway heading some 30 minutes to our first stop, Ghent.

Renee and I celebrated our two year anniversary at a It was good. nice little Greek restaurant, famous for offering more food than any one man can eat. I was close to ‘death Pancakes were ordered and I was foolish enough to by stomach failure’, when my hosts informed me I had yet another main course to follow. I tried to groan a refusal, but I think they mistook my worried eyes Top Right; Connie the camervan, our transport and our first nights accomodation and trembling lips as some sort of kiwi laughter and Centre and Bottom Right: The graffiti streets in made the chef work quicker to get the food out.

Ghent.

We rolled home after. Lucky our house was downhill

ask for Bacon and Banana as a side..... I don’t think they have bacon in Belgium. We strolled the streets, took some snaps and finished things up with a canal boat tour. Lovely.

Through the minimum planning, we actually had already booked a nights accommodation in Bruges, so we headed there soon after. The city was crammed with tourists which kind of made it lose that quaint vibe that was evident between all the flying bullets in the movie “In Bruges”. We just holed up at a bar and slammed down pint after pint of Hoegarden and Leffe. Good stuff.

The next morning we traveled to Antwerp in an attempt to buy diamonds. Its famous for them, you know. It was a really nice town also. Belgium has a lot of nice towns we all concluded, at the same time.

A plate of Belgian waffles accompanied us in our morning stroll through the streets before we decided to head to Luxembourg via a stop in Brussels. We spent half an hour in Brussels - all traffic.

Although it may be an obvious statement; Luxembourg is a separate country, and even though it sits next to Belgium, the change of scenery was entirely evident.

We stayed at a small place called Lultzhausen; small in the sense that it was literally only a hostel, a few houses and a church nestled deep in some forested hills. It was amazing, situated right on a ‘mirror’ lake, with the large pine forests adorning the surrounding countryside. We had the opportunity to go kayakking, mountain biking and basketball. I went up against James in basketball and got dealt to.

Like trying to face LeBron.

Our return back to the ferry in France was always going to be tight, but it wasn’t until we had 40km to go and 45 mins to get on the boat that we realised Top Right; James tapping the ash away in Bruges Bottom Right: The team chilling out Far Top Right: Breakfast Far Centre Right: The town of Ghent Far Bottom Right: A happy snack

we were going to struggle. Thinking ahead, we called and changed our reservation to an hour later.

Assuming we had significant time on our hands, we stopped off in the shithole that is Calais and had a feed. Little did we realize that we were required to go through a hefty customs line to get permission back into the UK. Our boat was leaving at 7:50pm We were still standing in line at 7:46pm, having not even got our boarding stamps.

Shit.

The customs officer was trying to be difficult with us but realized the magnitude of the situation and pushed through our passports. We hauled ass into the big red van and accelerated like a Formula 1 car to the ticket booth.

“Hurry, hurry, we only have a couple of minutes to get on the boat!!!!” we pleaded.

“Hmmm hmmmm hmmm, there are 5 of you?” the ticket dude said in a tired voice.

7:49pm - Got tickets.

7:49:20pm - Passed some old ditty trying to find her car gate. We were traveling close to the speed of light at this stage 7:49:45pm - Find our gate.

7:50pm - Fly onto the boat Dukes of Hazzard style.

It was tight. Incredibly tight.

We all needed a beer to calm our nerves.

So that’s that. A busy summer coming up. We have the Royal Ascot races in a few weeks, the Glee live stage show, Wimbledon (potentially camping out for tickets), and then 5 days at an international festival in Spain, all within the next month.

Going to be poor but busy............

Right: In the Gutter, Antwerp, Belgium The reflection of the church in the gutter created a strange composition and juxtaposition Far Right: A series of group photos taken along the coast of the lake at Lultzhausen in Luxembourg

Chained To The Lake, Lutlzhausen, Luxembourg The amazingly beautiful lake a few steps from the front door of the hostel we stayed at.

summer, summer, summer time MONDAY, JUNE 27, 2011

I was going to wait a couple more weeks before updating this, but I have been so busy that I wont be able to fit it all into the next posting, I fear.

So, where to begin. Well, we all thought summer was over but it has reared its happy head and started pounding the pavements with intense U.V. rays. Had to get the ol’ sunblock out the other day. Absolutely unheard of!!!

What have I been doing with all this glorious weather, you may ask. Lean closer and I will tell you.......

Closer, Closer, still....... ........................................

Spending cash.

That’s what I have been doing.

When I paid off my student loan a good few months ago now, I thought ‘right, now I can do some proper saving; get a little nest egg; save for a house etc’. That pipe dream has been decimated with the prospects on offer to the UK dweller in summer.

A few Saturdays ago, a small crew of around 50 of us descended on the Ascot races like a swarm of locusts. After we were done eating the crops, we decided to hit the drinks and make a few bets in the hopes we would win BIG!!!.

The weather had other plans though by showering us with hail for a solid hour. The little umbrella was dog tired at the end of it, panting and everything. Eventually the sun came out and everyone cheered.

The Queen came screaming by in her horse and carriage and we all waved at her. She’s a nice old lady.

Then for the horses. Everyone was in good spirits. Its at events like this when you realise how small the world is, when your mates know the mates of some of your other mates. Mate, it was crazy.

“Pom!” I shouted and beckoned. Over he strolls. “Gidday Jono.” some random bloke sitting near me says. “ROB” shouts Jono, and off he goes to have a discussion with him, leaving me friendless and lonely. For a few seconds at least.

“But he is getting up” I say “That can’t be him”. Now the guy next to me starts looking. “What the hell?” he says.

This dude that had just been smoked by the bus stands up, dusts himself off, and starts briskly walking away, just prior to getting into a full blown sprint. The driver and everyone around him were dumbfounded, as if they were looking at a zombie (they probably were). They all stood around looking at each other for, what seemed like in my mind altered state, an e-t-e-r-n-i-t-y.

“Come on” I pleaded, impatiently, “The guy is feeling better than I am”.

After a half hour of mucking around, convinced that this dude would be OK, the driver finally started to crank the bus into gear and take me home. ‘Good’ I thought. I searched the papers the following few days for some kind of story but to no avail.

I spent the Sunday nursing a hangover, glad that it was all I had to handle.

Wonder whatever happened to that guy? I am pretty sure he is a mutant.

Last weekend was huge. Quite possibly one of the biggest weekends I have ever had. Off. All. Time.

(Apart from Sevens Weekends - those things are huge) It started with myself buying a few beers on the Friday night and deciding to drink Left: The formidable waiting line at Wimbledon Below: Finally inside and on Henman Hill I placed a few decisive bets on some standout mares. I won £5.20 on a race!!!

“You little bewtay” I yelled, clutching my ticket so hard that veins in my fist flared up.

It doesn’t matter how much I lost. It was all in the name of fun.

Maybe I lost £50.

By the end of the day, most people were write-offs. Especially the chicks - most of them were unconscious. Ha. So we all went back to Putney and I ended up in Camden (the other side of London) for the rest of the night. We were miles out. I decided to catch the standard 2 night buses to get home. On the second night bus, as I was passing in and out of consciousness, the bus started braking erratically. The driver started laying on the horn as well. Proper. People then started gasping, some chick screamed. Then I heard a few more screams following by an almighty thud.

“What the hell just happened?” I asked this wide-eyed bloke next to me.

“I think we just killed someone” he replied.

“What! Really!” I was amazed. Girls in the front seats were turning away, crying into their boyfriends arms.

‘I gotta see this’ I thought, rather shocked at my lack of human emotion. It must be all those horror movies.

I craned my neck so bad I think I strained a muscle. “Is it that bloke in the white T-shirt?” I ask the guy next to me once more. He just nodded, looking at me strangely.

them all. That was a bad idea. At 6:30 the next morning Renee karate kicked me out of bed.

“Hiyah” she said, hand also arcing in chopping motion.

“What the hell” I blubbered, shocked, and hung over.

“We are going to go line up at Wimbledon” she exclaimed. “Come on” “Owwwwwww mannnnnn” I cried out, like I used to as a teenager.

We got into the line at 7:30am, and at that time it already filled the whole of Wimbledon Park. ‘This was a serious line’, I thought ‘ I better make a mental note of how big this line actually is, so I can compare queue sizes in the future’. Its a thing I do.

We got our queue card. ‘Great’, I thought ‘ we are only 8472 in the line’ (Editor note: That is not exaggerated. That was actual place number in queue.)

So we waited it out, chatting to a few people around us to wile the time away.

8 Hours Passed And we got in! Yay. At the time of entry (3:30pm to be precise) the clouds opened wide and good ol’ sunlight streamed in. We ate strawberries and cream (apparently its tradition) and watched a few of the matches played in the outer courts. Near the end of the day, we chilled on Henman Hill and watched the Djokovic / Baghdatis game before calling it a day. I was sunburnt but in high spirits because I paid £10 on a Wimbledon tennis ball. What a deal!

On the Sunday, we went out to............. hmmm should I say it.............. OK I will............. The Glee Stage show. Don’t be haters. I don’t care what anyone says about the show. It was awesome. It had all the original actors from the show in it and everything. Man, they are talented.

That finished around 4pm so we hauled ass into the underground and glided through to Hyde Park where we had another concert booked to see. This was the final day of Hard Rock Calling; a 5 day relaxed festival within Hyde Park. On the Sunday they had a few bands playing to the likes of Train, Barenaked Ladies, Mike & the Mechanics, Adam Ant, Stevie Nicks, and Rod Stewart. Stewart headlined. He was awesome, though he didn’t sing ‘Rhythm of my Heart’ and I was gutted.

So that about wraps it up. We have a Spanish festival in a weeks time. Bands like Coldplay, Amy Winehouse, Chemical Brothers, Blondie, Black Crowes, Jack Johnson, Kaiser Chiefs and Kasabian will be there. Will tell you all about it.....

Right: Downing a Pims at Wimbledon

Bil: bao MONDAY, JULY 11, 2011

The Spanish Summer Festival Bumper Issue Extravaganza

Tis the season of the festival, unlike “The Season of the Witch” - Nicholas Cage movie. Terrible! Not that I’ve seen it or anything. You can just tell. I don’t know why people keep going to terrible movies - like Transformers. Its a huge pile of dung, why does it do so well at the box office? .......Anyway......

Tis the season of the festival, and the amount of festivals offered in the Northern hemisphere are abundant. The quality of them; second to none.

Glastonbury was on a few weeks back, and although I was unfortunate enough to miss out on a ticket, I did manage to secure tickets to another festival of slightly less quality. Only slightly.

Bilbao BBK festival - a 4 day / 3 night festival located at the Northern tip of Spain featuring artists to the likes of Coldplay, Kasabian, Kaiser Chiefs, Black Crowes, Amy Winehouse (although she was so drugged up she had to cancel), Jack Johnson, Chemical Brothers, Blondie, and 30 Seconds to Mars. Phew. Not a bad lineup I thought as I parted with roughly £100 for the tickets (not a bad price either).

Now, I must throw in a quick disclaimer - I did not take my beautiful Pentax 1stDS camera with me through fear of having it nicked. Despite locking a tent, all it takes is a sharp knife, or in the case or our tent, a sharp fingernail to gain access. I decided against risking it, and as such the photos were taken on Renee’s cheapo camera.

Attempting to get to Spain from London via Germany wasn’t ideal but that was due to the limited run of flights on offer to get to this festival. We arrived in Bilbao very late on Wednesday night and attempted to find our pre booked hostel in the barren streets. It was a mission in itself. We ended up getting a taxi and he drove about 200m down the road before stopping at the hostel. Nice Left: Morning Eyes, Bilbao, Spain Waking up in our hotel room and staring out the window to the street below, awaiting the concert

We awoke early on Thursday, had a quick peek around the old city of Bilbao, and met up with Ryan and Christina, our flatties that had also decided to get amongst the action. The festival was located atop a hill that overlooked the city. It wasn’t an ideal spot for a campground because of the terrain and access to it being limited. Upon arrival we quickly realised how disorganised everything seemed. “Where do we set up our tents?” we asked some chick who couldn’t speak English. We attempted Spanish to a massive fail. She just pointed around the place and we eventually understood that we can pitch our tents absolutely anywhere.

“Here looks good” we decided as the ground seemed relatively flat. Some people obviously weren’t as experienced as us, as you noticed tents pitched against hills so steep they were literally fixing them in with climbing pegs.

“Chumps” I said quietly under my breath.

Corey and Bec (our traveling buddies through Belgium) came a little while later with a few other travellers - Daniel and Simone - and we went about completing the campsite. It was a pretty good setup in the end.

The Thursday night was offering a jittery Blondie first up. Who are Blondie, some of you may be asking?

They had a string of hits in the late 70’s / early 80’s including: ‘Tide is High’, ‘Heart of Glass’, ‘One Way or Another’ etc etc. Debbie Harry belted out the hits as if they were from a record but her ancient dance moves left little impression on Corey, who was crying with laughter. Coldplay followed them with a sublime show. Really well done. It was amazing. They played all their hits plus a few new songs as well. They finished up around 2am (oh yeah - this is Spain - all the major acts didn’t start till at least midnight) and we went to bed happy. The music didn’t stop though and that didn’t help with sleeping. The concerts each night didn’t finish till 7am, which was tough.

Right: A series of photos portraying our camping setup at the festival Far Right: Checking out the Guggenheim Museum

Anyway, that didn’t bother us, because 2 hours sleep later and we were in Corey’s van, motoring down route ....umm....... lets say 248, towards Pamplona for, you guessed it, the ‘Running of the Bulls.’

We arrived late and Daniel was disappointed that he couldn’t get into the running itself. I was hesitant. Have you seen the size of these bulls? They sharpen their horns as well. I could just imagine the headlines. We rushed into the stadium and watched the massacre that ensued.

The rules: - If you try and ride the bull, you get the shit kicked out of you.

- If you try and touch the bulls horns, you get the shit kicked out of you.

- If you try and taunt the bull, the bull kicks the shit out of you.

Basically, you’re screwed.

It was amazing though, costing all of €6 to get in and watch an hours worth of glorious carnage. What other sporting event on earth is that good of a deal?

None I tell ya. None.

We hooned back to Bilbao, getting stopped by the cops on the way who questioned 8 people in a van with no seatbelts. They let it slide.

We got back, and Renee and I checked out the Guggenheim museum - basically the building that put Bilbao on the map. It is a dramatic statement but one that hasn’t been maintained properly. Bits of silver electrical tap looked like it was holding steel sections together, the skylight glass was unclean and the internal plasterboard lining was cracking due to the curves. Still, I’m glad I’ve seen it.

The Friday night hosted Kasabian, and Kaiser Chiefs, among others. Kasabian were amazing. Absolutely Right: Getting down to it at the festival Far Right: The craziness of the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona

incredible. Kaiser Chiefs sounded good too, but they were on super late and I was starting to get crook so I called it early.

The mojitos and beers didn’t help either.

really have showers at all. The only food that was consumed either came in a chip packet, or was saturated in cooking oil from a nearby cafe.

A detox is on the cards.

The Saturday had us on the road again, to the beach side city of San Sebastian. It was awesome - a few white pointers out there.....

Ahhh, what am I saying? Every second chick had their boobs out.

Corey later summarised; “San Sebastian is the kind of place that I bet chicks go down to the beach during their lunch break just to get their tits out” The truth has never been stated so elegantly.

We had authentic tapas at a restaurant in the old town and I went for a swim in the ocean, which was refreshing after being away from it for nearly 2 years.

When I got home a day and a half later, I finally had a shower and found all this rancid seaweed in my jocks. Rough times.

So there it is.

My parents come in a couple of weeks, we have a Morocco trip booked in three weeks time, and ‘Paris Returns’ in 4 weeks.

Phew - time for a much needed rest.

We got back to the city late and discovered the line to get back up to the concert grounds was longer than the line we had at Wimbledon (refer previous blog post - not joking). Some hasty decision making saw us catch an unknown bus that only 100 people knew about. How do I know 100 people knew about it? They were all on the bus with us. It was tight! - one of the greatest understatements in history. The driver was an absolute champion. It got to a point where there were so many people on the bus that it would not move and a few had to get out. Ha. We made it back in time to see Jack Johnson - who was actually really good. Then watched a bit of the Black Crowes before deciding that staying up till 4am was just too much to see out the Chemical Brothers. It took 12 hours for us to get back home on the Sunday, which was not ideal once again.

All up, the trip was incredible; action packed and bottled into 4 days of extreme drinking, partying, driving, exploring, and mingling. We all got around 8 -10 hours sleep in total for the four days, and didn’t

Top Right Strolling the streets of San Sebastian Centre Right: A feed of tapas Bottom Right: The Bilbao team

MOROCCAN NIGHTS MONDAY, AUGUST 8, 2011

Renee flew back to Australia recently for Kel & Clints wedding. As I waved her goodbye from the front door, my phone rang. James was calling.

“Gidday James, uncanny timing” “Hey Blair, Corey and I were just wondering if we should make a dent in the keg we brought back from Luxembourg” “I’ll be there in 15 mins” I replied as I threw on clothes and headed to the bus stop. Believe me - 15 mins is fast for London.

It was only meant to be a few quiet drinks of the keg, but it quickly turned hazy and all of a sudden I found myself waiting in line at the Ministry of Sound nightclub. What the hell?

Groove Armada were playing but I wouldn’t know.

serious haggling later and I managed to get the price down a little bit. Then he drove us to the hotel - sound effects as described: Brooooom (engine starting), Eerrrrr (peeling out of carpark), Eeeekekkk (pulling up at hotel).

I started laughing, hysterically, not because I thought my getting ripped off was funny, this was the laughter of anguish.

“Very far” I said, “Very very far, ha ha”. I was mimicking his use of words said to us only 4 minutes earlier, sarcastically or course. We gave him 200 Dirrum and asked for change, which he didn’t have so he pointed me to the reception and asked me to get change, to which I swiftly grabbed the money, thanked him and strolled into the hotel, with little to no intention of heading back out to see him.

The flat decided to throw a BBQ the weekend after And I didn’t. (hands on hips, head looking up to sky and we mourned Amy Winehouse by screaming the in Superman gaze). lyrics to ‘Valerie’ at 3 in the morning.

The hotel was far from a 5 star, but we had really Renee returned from the wedding, all smiles, winks expected that, considering it was Africa that we were and head nods. She arrived on the same day as travelling through. It wasn’t bad though. Possibly the my parents, who have come over for a foray into biggest hotel I have ever stayed at. It was huge. It Europe and beyond. Queue London tourist bullshit; had two pools, a multitude of restaurants and bars, Portobello markets (again), Camden markets (again), Buckingham Palace (again), but we did manage to get to the Lion King stage show which was ace.

There was alot of drinking involved as well, and Mum kept up! So, good work Mum. Anyway, as luck and timing would have it, the week my parents get here was also the week we had lined up a trip to Morocco. When your girlfriend is a nanny, you have to take holidays when you can. We had locked in a 5 day stay at a 5 star (apparently) hotel, because that’s how we roll. No worries getting into Morocco, until we hit the cab rank and they started telling us that it costs NZ$40 to get to our hotel, which we could practically see from the airport. Some

gyms, shops, and the reception was larger than a sheep farm you would find in the back country of the Wairarapa Bush. Our room was huge too. Dirty, but huge.

It was fairly late when we arrived, yet we still went into the city centre of Marrakesh to check out the night markets, which were terribly unpleasant. You couldn’t move without being fondled by some snarly shopkeeper with shifty eyes. In the end, I just had to start Jackie Channing their ass.

Renee still managed to buy some shoes.

The next day, we were up at the crack of dawn, for no particular reason. We noticed that we could jump in a van and head up through the Atlas Mountains, so we did. It was a welcome shift from the busy streets of Marrakesh. We headed through Berber country and ended up high in the mountains, dining on Tagine and contemplating whether we should do a trek into the forest to see a waterfall.

Below Left: A mother and her children searching through the Atlas Mountains Below Right: The Atlas Mountains

Tagine, Atlas Mountains, Morocco Hundreds of small tagine dishes fill a small shop located on our way to the Atlas Mountains

The headlines for the next day nearly read; “Small tour group lost in Atlas Mountains. Feared dead. All were dangerously unprepared.”

It’s a bit of dramatization, yet we did have a nervous time up there. The reasoning? Well, as we were hiking up we started to hear thunder.

“Its OK” we thought “thunder must be common in these thar hills” Then it started to rain lightly “Its OK” we thought “light rain must be common in these thar hills” Then, in a matter of second, it turned into a grade 5 torrential downpour. I’m talking monsoon rain. I’m talking all of Gods wrath and fury. I’m talking about a rain that would put the story of Noah’s Ark to shame.

Where the hell did it come from? Who knows. Then our little trek guide, a kid of all 14 years old, decided it would be good idea to trek even higher into the mountains. We shrugged and agreed - I mean, who were we to argue, this kind of rain must be common.

It wasn’t until we were deep in devil territory and we saw the look on his little face, that we knew we may be in a spot of trouble if we didn’t decide to head down straight away. The river we were climbing was swelling fast, and the rocks were getting perilously slippery. The rain was relentless. My camera was tucked under my one light t-shirt, cradled into my right arm as I was using my left to navigate the path.

Rocks started tumbling around us and everything went black......................................

We made it. How’s that for cutting out an intense part of story! You didn’t want to sit through it, trust me.

As we reached the bottom, the skies cleared up and glorious sunshine pelted on us. Typical.

We had drinks with Nick and Sam later on, a couple we met that day, and discussed the excitement of the trek.

Image 1: Lanterns in the bazaar Image 2: A chameleon attacks my hand Image 3: My favourite stall in the bazaar Image 4: Early morning shopping Image 5: Your casual alligator, strung up Image 6: Spices galore

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The next morning, we headed back to the souks (markets) for a spot of daytime shopping. It was much friendlier by day. There were some crazy things to be found in those markets. It is Africa, mind you. We saw falcons and tortoises, chameleons and lizards, vulture carcasses and baby alligators, as well as the standard plethora of scarfs, shoes, rugs, spices, and ceramics. We got some pretty good deals on a few items, and some not so good deals on some other items (like my hand painted bowls - god dammit, I just want to smash them now) The rest of Friday was spent just chilling in the sun.

I was looking forward to giving my white ass a touch of Vitamin D. By 5 O’clock I discovered that there is a limit to how much vitamin D you want to give yourself. My skin was aching; red and raw. The sun cut through me like last nights curry.

The Saturday saw us whimper away from the sun (and a good thing too - it got to 49°C!!!) and head out to the seaside town of Essaouira. It was a cool town, with more vowels in the name than you can shake a stick at. We strolled the less touristy streets and were amazed at the state of the produce industry. We finished the day off at the beach, with Renee giving in to the henna craze. That night, we had farewell drinks with Nick and Sam, before returning to our room for one last time.

So that’s that. Morocco was cool, but definitely check out places like Egypt and Jordan if you want to get your fill of African / Arabic life. It was just too expensive (due mainly to all the European and British tourists and their strong [ahem] currencies.)

This coming weekend we are off to Paris, for some baguettes and croissants. One last time to see the parents as well.

Stay posted. Blog posted that is.

Hahahaha Top Right: The Blue Seas, Essaouira, Morocco Hundreds of fisherman boats rock simultaneously Bottom Right: Dinner, Essaouira, Morocco An impromptu meat market is set up before our eyes

And, as all things start, so they must end. We are officially leaving the land of Mary Poppins, fish & chips, bad teeth and worse weather. ETA - 8 weeks now. Not to say we are really overjoyed with this decision. Visas, in all their glory, come with time restrictions and this is what is dictating our departure.

So, we have a lot of things to sort out and yes, one more small trip - that being the mighty Oktoberfest.

with herds of deer, foxes and other woodland creatures. It was a pretty cool area but it all got too much and we ended up at the pub, downing beers and eating chips with garlic mayo.

Last weekend was Renee’s birthday so we went out for a fantastic steak at a fine restaurant.

It was pretty hard out. The steak was just a piece of meat on a plate. No garnishing or anything. We decided to get the triple cooked fries as a side.

“What’s the triple cooked fries all about then? What are they? I asked inquisitively.

“They are fries that have been cooked three times” the waitress replied “Oh I see, the fries are cooked three times! I should have figured that out from the name”

Since our trip to Morocco we decided to head over to Paris for a quick weekend to catch up with my parents and also see that big tower for perhaps one last time (nothing is definite). Paris was great, as always. I do love that city. It was good that we had been there a few times before, as that allowed us to just spend the weekend relaxing and checking out a few things we hadn’t thought to see yet - like possibly the best cemetery I have ever been to. It housed the remains of quite a few names that have passed away over the years, including the likes of Jim Morrison and Oscar Wilde. We got baguettes and strolled the aisles.

Yesterday, the office was treated to a day out in Cambridge courtesy of our very gracious bosses. It was superb, starting with Wine is dirt cheap in France. A few bottles of red tolling up a €5 myself and Kieran (another kiwi) deciding to head down early bill. We grabbed a few and headed out to the Eiffel Tower for to watch the world cup opening match. We then went punting some refreshments, consumed within its shade. It was all very along the River Cam, which winds it way through all the old and relaxing, apart from the janglers that try to sell flashing, scaled prestigious university grounds. Lunch was at a Jamie Oliver down versions of the tower standing a few feet away. Caught restaurant and then we ended up at a pub, which we didn’t think up with Pom and Bridget there and we all went out for dinner. It would happen. A very drunken train ride got us back to reality. turned out that every restaurant in the city was out of snails. We That about brings you all up to speed. I’m going to Arsenal vs settled for steaks.

Swansea now (the perks of specifying doors through a company that has season tickets). On the way back to Australia we have The following weekend was a long weekend (god bless bank sorted out a 6 week long trip through South East Asia. Actually, holidays) so we headed out to Richmond Park; a massive we must get round to sorting out those visas.... stretch of land effectively still located in London that is adorned

The Countdown Begins SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 2011

Top: Mello Bear loving the Parisian life Bottom: Oscar Wildes tombstone Right: Renee enjoying a wine in the park

Dark Tower, Paris, France A dark and brooding sky surrounds my most favourite monument in the world

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2011

FestivalFestivals

The And that is:

OKTOBERFEST

(accentuated for increased impressiveness)

Oooo la la. What a festival it was. And we nearly didn’t go thanks to some overnight inflation on airplane tickets. However, we paid our money and discovered it was all worth it.

So we flew into Munich just last Friday, got on a train and headed to the campground. Corey, Bec, James and a whole raft of others (around 15 in total I think) were already set up and smashing some beers in town, so we quickly dumped our stuff and got the nearest cab. Corey greeted us with a man hug and the little bit of information that he had just proposed to Bec. “Awwwwww” we said, in unison.

Congratulations once again guys. Corey was either going to do it at the beautiful Neuschwanstein Castle (the Disney castle is inspired by this place), or on a table whilst at the beerfest. Lucky for him he picked the first option. What a gentleman.

to end all

go Au Naturale (dressed normally - not naked) and we headed to the main event. Saturday was the first day of the entire festival.

It Is Massive.

I cannot express that enough. It has its own rollercoasters, heaps of tents holding around 10,000 people each and various other stalls, ferris wheels and nude sunbathing areas (not kidding - it’s for the gays). We lined up at a tent for a few hours and finally got in. Then it was a mad dash (using fists) to find an empty table. Fortune favoured our crew and we hauled down two tables that were not going to be used by anyone else for at least half the day.

People reserve them you see, for €80 a head. Ouch.

The party kicked off at midday to a whole lot of cheering, clapping and stamping feet.

The tent was awesome and our waitress (beer wench) was super nice too. Those girls can carry brews! One chick had 14 going at one stage. They wore wrist braces and everything. Rumour has it they train for 3 months beforehand.

So we were all drinking the Friday night away at Ded-i-cation. this place called ............. I cant remember what it was called.......... but it was mean. Heaps of outdoor The beer tasted like nectar from the gods. It literally seating (Im talking thousands and thousands of jumped out of the glass and slid down my throat bench seats) and really cheap steins totalling about quicker than I could will it too. De-licious. €6 each. We made short work of a few of them So pure. before deciding we better have an early one (around So pure.

1am) as we were going to be smashing the beers Things got heavy from that point on. A whole lot big time the next day. of drinking went down. Serious drinking. Shirts off drinking.

The girls got all dressed up in their costumes and I lost the plot over my stupid braces so I decided to At 5pm we stumbled / rolled / crawled out of the

tent trying to find another one. I got up close and personal to some bloke who thought it was a good idea to constantly jab me in the guts for no good reason. Everything went into a blur. We managed to get into another tent. I lost everyone. Ended up talking to locals about............. ummm............. god knows, and spent an hour trying to find the tube, which I didnt pay for.

BUT WHAT A DAY!!!

I woke up on Sunday with no hangover whatsoever.

I praised the gods and heel clicked, as it was to be a day of travel back to London. Thats right - I went to Germany for 44 hours.

The flight back flew by (excuse the pun) and I headed to the Park Tavern for some chips and lemonade upon arrival.

So that’s that. If you ever get a chance, go to this thing. It was insanely good fun.

Bangtidy

Right: At the giant entry gates to one of the greatest shows on Earth Far Right: The excited look on our faces says it all as we were finally served our first beer stein

The Bottom of a Beer Stein, Munich, Germany One of many drinks consumed at Oktoberfest

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 12, 2011

BLAIR GRILLS

Pubs, stopping at all the main stops on the English monopoly board. All up, there are 26 different pubs dotted through London. You are supposed to drink half pints We had a BBQ the other weekend. I kid you not. London and spend half an hour at each pub (ruthless efficiency). We got onto full pints at went through what is known as an Indian Summer. Just great around the second bar and managed to get through just 10 pubs. Pathetic. weather peaking at around the 30째C mark. Yowza.

Great little trek through the city though. Just make sure you take a sober organiser.

So, after watching the rugby, we loaded up the BBQ with around 20 different animals and some corn, and got stuck in. The coming weekends will be taken up with just catching up with people What a great way to end what has, up till now, been a pretty prior to our departure. Work is great at the moment, and I am sad to be dismal Summer. leaving it. A lot of stuff to tidy up there at the moment as well.

So, that will probably be that until we arrive in Thailand. Actually, when I think The cold has hit now though and it came fast. Renee and about it, I will probably give London one last farewell blog before we go. It would I have been hurriedly trying to sort out this return trip to be rude not to.

Australia. On top of the 6 weeks we will be spending in four different countries, we have to also organise our own lives that will start up again in Australia. There is so much more we want to do here before we go and it seems like the end is coming way too fast. The bucket list we created a good three months ago lays on the table in our room, barely touched.

However, despite the end being well and truly in sight, we are filling up our days with alot of activity. Recently we did the Monopoly Pub Crawl through the streets of London. It got messy. I almost died.

The Monopoly pub crawl is a tried and tested tour of English

Bottom Left: The good old coal BBQ, less the meat, and including an onion pan Bottom Right: The flatmates and the team having a huge feed and loving the sunny weather

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2011

THE END IS NIGH

So, we have five more days of London living, and leaving has been tough. So many ‘catch ups’ and final good-byes to get done, its a miracle we actually have had time to pack and organise our trip. The trip itself (flying Qantas to Bangkok - I know!) is seeming more and more realisable by the day following the news that has been happening as of late. Instead of Qantas, we are with BA (super) and instead of Bangkok, we are getting an Air Asia flight to Chiang Mai (double super). Hopefully it should all work out in time.

(Editor Note: At time of posting, Qantas was striking due to union pay-cuts, and Bangkok was experiencing the worse floods it had seen in a century, effectively closing off the city from tourists) Anyway, as this is my last official UK based blog, I have decided to summarise the last couple of years of living in a numeric value list. Here goes:

40 staff members come and go, and I have become the 3rd longest serving employee at the firm behind the two directors that started it. The power I now hold, about to be thwarted.

the 345,343,695,234 litres of beer have affected my memory. I am actually looking forward to this trip around Asia just so I can dry out. When I sneeze, beer comes out.

- Worked on a number of different projects, 2 of We officially leave London on Monday and will arrive which are under construction, and a further 5 at in Thailand on the Tuesday. From there we have a one planning stage. Projects ranging from £1,000,000 to month Intrepid tour around Thailand, Laos, Vietnam £12,000,000 construction costs. and Cambodia before a few weeks spent chilling on a Thai Island - Ko Chang. Then it’s Christmas, - Lived with 13 different flatmates (small for London) and then it’s job hunting. If anyone out there knows over our time in the one flat. of work going in Melbourne, I would love to know.

Looking for employment around the start of 2012. I - Visited roughly 748,229 different pubs around can email CV’s and portfolios at the blink of an eye.

London, consuming 345,343,695,234 litres of beer.

Give or take.

I finish up work here on the Friday (desperate for the cash) and have pretty much every waking moment - Spent at least 1 day a week at the local ‘Park booked in to see people off. If anyone is ever thinking Tavern’ pub where we lived in an attic space for a of taking the step and living in London, or even month upon arrival. travelling to some of the places I have seen, drop us an email and I will see what I can do to help out. I can - Spent £245.50 at Poundland (figure that one out) definitely recommend the best place to live in London - Southfields. Holla!!!!!

- Spent £2019 on 2-4-1 cocktails at Slug and Lettuce Right, I had better make my way to this final site meeting and talk through some service stacks. See - Been to Camden (around an hour and 15 min) you on the other side - Thailand that is. I have my wet-suit primed. journey for lunch about 20 times.

- Made a heap of friends and acquaintances who I Adios London. Thanks for all the fish.

- We have spent a total of 19 months living in the hope will always stay in touch. No specific numbers UK. Minor to some, major to others. Wouldn’t have there but worthy of a mention. traded in the whole experience for anything. Like most things, it takes a bit to get into but when you are - Travelled to 35 countries with more to come. set up the world, or at least Europe, is your oyster.

- The 1 best trip taken during my stay in London (i.e.: - I have spent roughly £2413 on my travel cards to not including the places I had visited prior to living here) goes to ............. New York, with Oktoberfest get my into work each day. Not joking coming a close second. The Spanish festival rounding - Having spent that money, I have also spent roughly out the top three.

1110 hours nestled between some dudes armpit and reading the back of some other dudes newspaper - Still haven’t seen the Tower of London, located at Right: A personal photo - one of our favourite whilst on my daily two hour commute to work. Also Tower Hill, EC3, London EC3N 4AB pastimes on a cold and rainy day, and a pastime not joking that will be sorely missed; Playing Jenga at the local So there we have it. I was racking my brain for more Park Tavern, our home for a month and our favourite - In an office of roughly 20 staff, I have seen around numbers I could throw facts at, but I am pretty sure local haunt

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 14, 2011

Indochina Stage 1

Allo and welcome to the first of my so I was happy. Usually I don’t like these sorts of Indochina blogs. Bangtidy. places due to the treatment of the animals. Following that we drove out to the old town of Chiang Mai and The region is amazing and I am ate Pad Thai while watching the scooters pass by. amazed at what we have seen and accomplished so far in such a short Our tour started the day after and we were taken time. Our flight over from London was straight to a Thai cooking class where I loaded up my fine, I guess we were thankful just to soup with enough chilli’s to kill a small Asian army. get off the ground. Surprisingly, there We made a heap of dishes, utilising the culinary skills were no tears there at all. Our leaving of thousands of Thai generations, knocking them all party had also doubled as a Halloween back effortlessly.

Party, which is always fun.

The following day we were taken out to an elephant We landed in Bangkok and busied conservation area and we had the opportunity to ride ourselves with overpriced Burger King elephants through the Thai jungle, which is now my and souvenir shops for 5 hours before favourite mode of transport. They took us through boarding our pre-booked Air Asia flight deep rivers and over steep outcrops, all with the to Chiang Mai. finesse of a cat. Not like Pebbles.

Due to last minute timing, we arrived in Chiang Mai a day prior to our Intrepid tour kicking off. To fill in time, Renee and I boarded an unmarked taxi and made our way out into the wilderness to visit a tiger sanctuary, one recommended to us by a small advert on the back of a tuk tuk. We decided to pay a little extra on top of the standard entrance fee to get into a pen with a couple of 1-2 month old tigers. I was contemplating sharing time in a pen with the full grown adult tigers but decided I didn’t feel like having my face clawed off.

These little guys were soooo .................... I’m not going to say cute.... just sooooo....sooooo.... little.

Pebbles was way bigger than them.

Pebbles would have kicked their ass.

Whilst there, and whilst watching elephants paint elegant brush strokes on a canvas with the use of their trunks, I felt a small tug at my shirt. The ice cream I was eating was dripping a little as well, so I stared down and saw a tiny pair of monkey eyes glaring back at me. This little guy was hungry. He climbed all over me in search of ice cream dribble.

We were taken to an elephant hospital and a Thai Buddhist temple to finish the day off. Most of us were shocked to see the elephants with limbs missing due to land mine explosions and we made some small contributions.

My camera was humming at the temple as the soft dusk light enhanced the compositions and colours created by the small girls dressed in Buddhist garb.

Fortunately for us, at the time we were in Chiang Mai, a huge festival was in procession. Fireworks and fire lanterns filled the skies and an open beer garden lulled us into a night of drunken amazement. We ate a few silk worms, which tasted worse than shit, and The little guys were just learning to lit a lantern of our own to send into the sky. Quite walk and open their eyes. We played possibly one of the most incredible and seemingly with them for a good quarter of an hour out-of-this-world experiences I have had the pleasure before walking around the rest of the sanctuary. It all seemed fairly well kept Right: Images from the Tiger Sanctuary in Chiang and they were really well looked after Mai. The tiny cubs loved a good pat

of being involved in.

The partying continued on through the night and trying to sleep was akin to being left in the middle of Afghanistan during war time, from what I gather. The fireworks sounded and felt more like C4 explosives, as I tried desperately to close my eyes for just a few minutes, still battling with the jetlag.

A short river crossing has now landed us in Laos where we nearly died from Salmonella poisoning whilst sampling their idea of a BBQ. No sizzlers there!

A boat awaited us on the harbour the next day which took us for two days down the mighty Mekong delta. I stood at the helm like Rambo, guarding the crew with my guile and hand gestures.

Tight-fist-to-point means that ‘Charlie is in the trees’.

My red headband blew steadily in the strong wind.

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The trip down the river, in a longboat, was extremely pleasant. Brief visits to small tribal villages along the way allowed us to interact with the locals and converse with the small children. So different to Europe.

The boat edged its way further down the Mekong, stopping at a few tourist sights along the way before finally winding up in Luang Prabang, one of the major cities in Laos. There is a pretty relaxed feeling in the area, in fact - in the whole country. A leisurely pace is taken and it is really affecting me. In a good way Stay tuned

Image 1: Carved soaps on display in the Chiang Mai markets Image 2: Lighting a tribute to Mother Earth Image 3: The incense burns during a Buddhist ritual Image 4: Our cooking tutor talking us through the finer points of local cuisine Image 5: A mother and child make a wish Image 6: Monks praying to Buddha

Far Top Left: Lost in Thought, Lampang, Thailand A small monkey tries to grab my attention in a brave effort to steal my food Far Bottom Left: A wise old elephant stares down Steve, one of our fellow travellers on the tour Left: The elephants up to their trunks in river water Below: All Dressed Up, Chiang Mai, Thailand A small child posed for some photos at the base of the steps up to a mountain temple

A Forlorn Expression, Chiang Mai, Thailand She didn’t seem happy to be dressed up like this - pressured into it by her Mother

Top Left: Children attempt to hawk goods as we stop for a rest on the Mekong Delta Bottom Left: A happy old man at a small village we visit Top Right: Staring out at the beauty of the riverside Bottom Right: Small children in a small village

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 2011

Vast, rocky mountain outcrops shelter the river from strong winds, people are playing beer pong with Beerlao (the beer of choice), and the whole .................. before I have to head out atmosphere speaks surprisingly little of Laotian culture. to dinner.

Quickly...

Luang Prabang was nice. The largest city in Laos, yet still quite small geographically wise. We went out to visit a waterfall and I made a stupid mistake of wanting to climb to the top of it to see the view. Sweat was pouring off me by the time I made it up, and when the summit was reached, the glorious view I had worked so hard for was blocked in all directions by extra large, genetically modified tree leaves.

A monk was strolling quietly behind me and I was surprised. I turned to Steve, “Wow, what’s a monk doing up here???”

He was like “I dunno, I think the same as us” The monk then reached into his orange robes and pulled out a Sony 8MP digital camera. He then whistled us over asking us to take his pic.

River Deep, Mountain High, Vang Viene, Laos A small boy made ripples in the calm water by diving off the road bridge I was standing on.

We drank late. Too late. We had only an hour to leave the last bar and get back to town before dark.

It was not long enough.

Pretty quickly, the night came upon us and we found ourselves getting more and more lost. Here we were, in the middle of nowhere, in the pitch black, drunk and freaking out whilst floating down a river in Laos. I lost Renee. One minute she was there, then the next she was around half a kilometre down the river behind me. The rapids were picking up, and the water was getting cold...... Oh man, oh man.

Some Laotian boy hauled me out of the river and I spent ages calling Renees’ name to no reply. I freaked.

She was safe however, having bartered her way into a tuk tuk with her smile. It We travelled by bus through the was scary stuff but well worth the day. stunning mountains of Laos and landed up in a small town called Vang So there is a warning: Viene. ‘What is this town famous for?’, LEAVE AT LEAST 2 HOURS (AROUND you may ask to yourself with your 4PM) TO HEAD OFF FROM THE LAST inquisitive mind. Well, basically, it is BAR!!!!:) where you go to get drunk. A river runs Right. Phew. through this town, and that river is lined with bars on each side. You are handed We have now travelled into Vientiane, a large tube tyre and told to float the capital of Laos. It is OK. We just between bars. Various water activities finished the most manic bike ride I also adorn the rivers edge, such as have ever done, taking us through the water slides, giant acrobat swings and rush hour of an Asian city. Who needs flying foxes. Apparently a person dies helmets, lights, or road rules? whilst attempting these activities every Laos does. month.

Nam tomorrow.

It was amazing.

Island Forms, Halong Bay, Vietnam Islands like these join 1969 others across the length of Halong Bay.

Selling my

decided to shit itself so all my photos look grainy, blurry and crap. I threw a king kong sized wobbly, which included beating my chest and grunting whilst baring my incisors. The boat took us through a huge cave network and stopped in a harbour where Steve and I, the adventurous ones, decided to take to kayak and explore the more out of reach places.

We sauntered through a small cavernous opening and ended up in a completely enclosed deserted lake, bordered by mountains on all sides, possibly with monkeys in them. I let off a monkey laugh that echoed around the hills for 10 minutes. It was the eeriest place I have ever kayaked into. AND THAT’S SAYING SOMETHING!

sOul with my cigarettes FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 2011

Although neighbors, Vietnam is a far cry from the relaxed atmosphere found in Laos.

We flew into Hanoi and were greeted by 4 million motorcycles packing the tiny streets of the capital.

The road system seems to run on an ‘organised chaos’ regime. The Vietnamese basically drive wherever and however they want to until someone gets a poke in the eye. Crossing the roads was comparable to, dare I day it, the streets of Delhi.

Deadly. Our travelling group had to maintain a ‘flying V’ formation just to make it to the other side.

I could throw in a nifty ‘Why did the chicken....’ joke right now but I cant think of one.

So, a quick initial night in Hanoi was spent eating copious amounts of spring rolls and sweet chili sauce before we drove out to Halong City and boarded our fishing vessel to take us out to Halong Bay. Halong Bay is a collection of 1969 small, steep islands rising and seemingly growing out of the harbour of Halong.

The result is simply stunning, but it is also a tourist haven. People. Everywhere. My brand new camera

A night in the harbour was spent putting up with noisy generators, rattling windows and a Rotorua smell that permeated our cabin before we headed back to Hanoi for a couple of nights. We visited the Ho Chi Minh memorial where they still have their fearless leaders body preserved in a glass cabinet. He died over fifty years ago. Pretty gross stuff. Security was overly tight.

We capped the day off with a visit to the ‘Hanoi Hilton’, an infamous prison used in the war and prior.

That was exceptionally grim however it did seem that the Vietnamese prisoners would have had it worse off than the American troops.

An overnight train (interesting ride) to Hue followed.

It was here where we did one of the most incredible activities so far; tour by motorcycle. The streets of Hue became our playground as we were whisked at high speed through back alleys, dirt roads, and footpaths to visit various places around the city. The city was one of the worse affected places through the war and the bike ride was like a fleeting visit to every single scene from all the Nam war movies you can think of. We drove through the sniper buildings of ‘Full Metal Jacket’, the back alleys of ‘Deerhunter’ and the rice fields of ‘Apocalypse Now’. Intense.

It was everything you expected Vietnam to be (based on the films) in a days worth of bike riding.

Right: Images of the various islands of Halong Bay, taken on our roaming fishing vessel

Right now, we have made the trip to Hoi An, and I have just paid too much for a tailored suit. Ha. Well, maybe not - I did go to the best quality shop. No point doing it by halves. We have a few days here before flying into Ho Chi Minh city and then onto Cambodia.

Sin Lai

Right: The train that whisked us into Hue Centre Left: The water well in the temple of Hue Bottom Left: A disabled Vietnamese hat maker Below: Turn Around, Hue, Vietnam Four ladies wearing the stereotypical Vietnamese hats deciding not to look into the camera

Cyclo, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam We were whisked down the bustling streets of Ho Chi Minh city on the fronts of a converted cycle

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 3, 2011

Cruisin’ thru Cambodia

We spent a total of three nights in Hoi An having large piles of tailored clothing made for us. The prices and quality were too good to pass up so I found I went a little crazy. Too crazy one would think but it is all necessary. There is not much else to do in Hoi An. It rained like a monsoon on some nights, with the river water completely flooding the road and shopfronts.

One restaurant we visited showed a mark of 1.5m where the water had risen to just weeks prior.

We caught a plane from Danang airport into the hustle and bustle of Ho Chi Minh City (formally Saigon) and were greeted by more rain. The weather passed quickly however and we all celebrated by boarding a cyclo tour through the city. A cyclo is a form of personal transport akin to a tuk tuk yet pushed forward by human legpower. It makes effective use of seating the tourist ahead of the driver to act as a front end battering ram. The chaos of the streets didn’t help matters as we were whisked along the main roads. A great way to see the place though.

The group split up the next day and a few of us headed to the Cu Chi tunnels - a tunnel system set up by the Viet Cong during the Vietnam War that houses roughly 250 km of midget sized tunnels. It is an ingenious setup; if you can’t beat the enemy through conventional tactics, attack them from all sides via underground passages. The booby traps that littered the area were enough to make you wish to never have been part of the war should it have been thrust upon you. They had a few left over weapons from the war as well, and a firing range to test them out on.

Renee was worried.

The noise was deafening.

Near the end of the tour we got the opportunity to crawl through the tunnels. As a tourist, an adventurous one Top Right: An entrance to one of the Cu Chi tunnels Bottom Right: Spent rounds Far Top Right: M15 shells, ready and waiting Far Bottom Right: Tank destroyed by the Viet Cong

at that, you simply can’t go to the tunnels without going through them. Picture a small hole, accessed through a stepped well, which you effectively crawl into for a certain length of time. The tunnels changed direction, went up and down and were very dimly lit.

It was torture.

How the Viet Cong survived down in those tunnels for months at a time is beyond me. Apparently, the tunnels have been widened recently as well, to allow the tourists to get through them as some used to get stuck. Stuck in a wormhole in the middle of Vietnam is not the way I want to go.

Madness.

M15, Cu Chi Tunnels, Vietnam The shooting range that allows tourists to fire machine gun rounds, for a price

A public bus carried us from Vietnam, across the border and into Cambodia. We arrived in Phnom Penh and took another quick cyclo tour. Phnom Penh seems to be a much more westernised city to what we have seen so far. We were taken to a former jail of the Khmer Rouge regime, which was grim to say the least. After that we were shown the killing fields; the spot were they executed alot of Cambodians based on their intellect. ‘Everyone is a CIA agent’ Pol Pot seemed to think and he got rid of them. This was even more grim, more shocking than the concentration camps we visited in Europe, I felt.

The trip took a more pleasing turn when we headed out into the sticks (and I mean sticks) to stay at an authentic Cambodian homestay. The host family were comfortably nice, and the kids were good at kicking soccer balls as they tied me up for a while playing a game of passes. The country lifestyle in Cambodia is relaxed and we slipped straight into the mood of it. However waking up at 4am, then 4:30am, then 5am, all thanks to the various animals scattered across the property wasn’t that much fun mind you.

Despite this, the stay in this homestay was one of the most enjoyable times on the trip.

We visited ruins, ate country food, and harvested rice.

We have now just arrived in Siem Reap, preparing ourselves for Angkor Wat tomorrow. I have just had a fish foot massage which was interesting but came with a free beer so I thought it sounded like a deal.

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Image 3 Image 1: A sparse bedroom in the training camp Image 2: An example of the torture the prisoners faced at the hands of the Khymer Rouge Image 3: Renee inspecting things Image 4: Double room Image 5: The former school-come-training camp wears the colours of the past, grey and lifeless Image 6: The skulls of the tortured prisoners of the Khymer Rouge, found at the killing fields Image 7/8: The signs say it all.

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Image 1: The main roundabout in Phnom Penh Image 2: The Kings temple Image 3: A hiding Buddha Image 4: Lost children in the forests of Cambodia Image 5: The trees are taking over Image 6: Boys on a bridge Image 7: Children looking on Image 8: The pigs at the homestay. They kept me awake for many hours

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Village Kids, Homestay, Cambodia The three children of the parents that provided lodgings for our small group within their home

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 11, 2011

ON AN ISLAND The trip around Indochina finished in a flurry. The Angkor Complex was incredible, as predicted. The sheer number of temple locations and sights to see in the area was overwhelming so we were forced to limit ourselves to the best ones. On the first day (you need a three day pass to see it all really) we visited Ta Prohm, a temple most will find familiar with that majestically beautiful movie ‘Tombraider’.

It has been deliberately left overgrown and looked fantastic because of this fact.

It annoys me how a visit to a ruin site or a ‘Wonder of the World’ is constantly marred by large scaffolding structures, necessary to ‘protect’ the future of the ruin whereas at the same time undermining the very idea of what it is - a ruin. This is why I thought Ta Prohm was the best temple we saw throughout the whole complex.

One point to note about Cambodia, and indeed Indochina as a whole, is the amount of tribal children. It is like bloody ‘Lord of the Flies’ throughout Indochina, all children trying to sell a number of things necessary for them to continue surviving..

“Where are your parents?” we ask and we are met with blank expressions.

The next day we woke up extremely early, earlier than the roosters even (god how I hate roosters now) and made our leisurely way out to Angkor Wat to see the sun rise over it. We were left stunned by the amount of tourists and photographers there, most of them the rudest people I have ever met in my life.

I managed to find a small spot to stand, on the edge of the filthiest lake ever, before I was briefly shunted out of the way by a wannabe photographer who promptly moved exactly in front of me, so close I could have nibbled the back of his neck.

Or head butted him.

Then he stood there as if nothing was happening, as if I wasn’t even part of his universe. My temper reached to luke warm before I decided it was best to move on and I managed to find another spot. Another guy came up “Hey man, do you mind if I stand in your exact spot for 10 minutes”

“10 Minutes! What!”

“Oh never mind” he said in a gruff and lent his camera on my shoulder and started clicking away in my ear. My left hand, my killing hand, was getting shaky.

It had been a while since he was needed and he was thirsty.

I restrained, got in my squat mode and dipped out to the muddy edge of the lake, below all the kafufle.

This brings me to my next point - Facebook and digital cameras are literally ruining the way we respect travel. I’m as guilty of it as anyone, but this realisation didn’t occur to me that strongly until I got smacked in the face by it at Angkor.

The pain shot down my spine, through my leg, across the grass and up a nearby palm tree.

Thirty years ago, visiting a temple such as Angkor (built to align with the sunrise and sunset, mind you) at sunrise would be a life affirming scenario. Travellers would chill on the banks, and gaze in silent wonder. Nowadays it is all about whether one can get ‘the photo’ to show off and say “I’ve been there”. Once you are done fighting people to see the sunrise yourself in a moment of solitude, the event is over and you are left empty. Upon reflection, this has happened at most of the major sites I have visited.

“Wow, the Great Pyramids” I exclaim, in awe Polish girls we were travelling with - “Can you get our photo?” “Great, seen it, now lets go sunbake” But....... but.........but............aren’t you amazed?

It was a long day driving from Siem Reap to Bangkok for our final night of the tour. Our five week Indochina tour had been such a great trip, one of the best, and I am glad to have shared it with a great bunch of people.

A few nights staying on in Bangkok and we are now resting it up on the Thai island of Koh Chang. The sun is glorious, and although our visit started out a bit rough (will talk about it later - too soon now, too soon), we think it will be a perfect place to finish things up prior to the trip back to Oz.

Above: Chilling against a tree in the beautiful temple of Ta Prohm. The planting takes over the ruin in a symbiotic manner.

Top Right: Managing to get a photo of a photo at Angkor Wat Bottom Right: More ruins at the temple of Ta Prohm

Tired, Angkor, Cambodia A tired performer sits and contemplates her career on the steps of Angkor Wat

Purple Haze, Angkor Complex, Cambodia I wrestled with fellow tourists and photographers to capture the morning light over the temple.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 18, 2011

THIS IS THE END My Dearest Friend, The End

different about it all. Turns out, it is just like a regular market but you get around via boat. An interesting idea and a great way to buy some more extra crap that I didn’t need.

With this final and relaxing stage of our 7 week long return to Australia, I fear and also sadly digress that Snorkeling around the smaller islands of Koh Chang this may be one of my final blog posts................ seemed like a perfect way to see the underwater scenery of the area. We paid our money and got on Alas, all good things must end and the show must a boat. The wind picked up and the seas got choppy. go on. I have no doubt that I will continue travelling, After an hour and a half of vomit inducing, snail pace however the frequency and longevity of such will not boat chugging, we finally reached our first destination. be anywhere near as extreme as what it has been I threw myself into the water with little hesitancy and over the last seven years this blog has been running. found small jellyfish encircling me.

As such, these posts will die down, perhaps not ‘Strange?’, I thought and continued my swimming altogether, but less frequently for sure. around, hunting for the more colourful fish.

It has been a great period of life during my travels. I It wasn’t until I had to swim through a huge swarm have been to 168 cities in 38 different countries (with of jellyfish, gathering them all through my hair in hopefully many more to come). the process, that I started to think maybe I should I have seen the Colosseum of Rome : the schnapps be looking to head back in. But everyone else was factories of Austria : the Eiffel Tower in Paris, and the having a great time, so my worries subsided.

Leaning Tower in Pisa : the Acropolis of Athens : the Until it struck.

Pantheons of France & Italy and the Parthenon of Kapow, a sting to my right flank, followed closely to Greece : the smile of the Mona Lisa : the clock tower one on the shoulder. It was at that stage I decided at the Houses of Parliament : the fantastic green of things definitely weren’t that ‘ducky’. I hauled myself the Northern Lights : the impressiveness of the Taj on board, and just in time it seemed, as all the other Mahal : the sunrise from the Ghats of Varanasi : the swimmers started instantly complaining about stings Skyscrapers of New York : the Guggenheim of Bilbao and such. Some came aboard with huge rashes, : the Coffee shops of Amsterdam : the ruins of Angkor bigger than Ben Hur some were. I briefly considered Wat : the 1969 islands of Halong Bay (most of them) allowing Renee to urinate on me, but I would have : the beaches of Croatia : the bazaars of Morocco rather died in terrible pain. : the waterways of Venice : the mighty beerhalls of The stings weren’t dangerous, or even severely Oktoberfest : the monster in Loch Ness (I think) : the harmful, just off-putting. It finalised our snorkeling cliffs of the Twelve Apostles : the Sagrada Familia of adventure right there and then. Floating around to Barcelona : the poverty of Albania and the beauty of the other islands seemed to be just time filler as we Lauterbrunnen : the fleeting glimpses of Montenegro grew more and more disappointed with our decision and Liechtenstein : the mean streets of South Central to come out in the first place.

LA and the nice streets of Southfields UK : the Wall built by Hadrian and the Wall built by Berlin : the bars The last few days have been spent relaxing on a of Bruges : the amazing fireworks celebrations of New beach, eating Tempura battered delicacies, and Years in Lisbon : the Dome in Florence : the villages attempting to hunt for jobs on the internet. I had also of Laos : the Towers of Malaysia : the ceiling of the forgot to mention - we visited the floating markets Sistine Chapel : the Great Pyramids of Giza : the fish when we were in Bangkok. It took an hour to get of the Red Sea : the border of Israel and the wonder there and was somewhat worth it to see what was so of Petra : the bottom of a Guinness glass in Belfast :

the ducks at Lake Bled : the Concentration camps of the Nazis and the Killing fields of the Khmer Rouge : the pirate ship of Sweden : the lakes of Luxembourg : the biodomes of the Eden Project : the inside of many pubs (lets not try counting them) and the stadium of Cardiff : the Mountain of Matterhorn and the Mount of Maunganui : the temples of Thailand : the Cathedrals of England : the Casino of Monte Carlo : the back alley illegal beer markets of Jaipur : the Running of the Bulls : the Palace of Sintra : the Pilseners of Prague, and the islands of Greece.

I have seen these sights with many good friends and my thirst for travel has not dwindled, although my bank account has. To see the world is one thing but to experience it is something completely different, and I hope through these past blogs that consist of insights and highlights, praises and complaints, & ambitions and fears, that it has been an experience you have shared also.

Lets not think of this as a final post though. I do have Australia to see, and I do have a few small / medium sized trips that I would love to get off my chest should a few extra dollars wriggle their way into my pockets.

Do check in from time to time to see if any of those wishes have been answered, but until then.

Adios, Au Revoir, Vaarwel, Laters, Tam Biet, Ciao, and Pozdrav And of course, Merry Christmas Left and Below: The serene Dream Beach at the island of Koh Chang. Visited frequently over our stay