Dennis Tobenski: Only Air (soprano and chamber ensemble) by Black Tea Music

Program Note

Justin Aaberg, 15

Justin Aaberg had just finished his freshman year at Anoka High School when he hanged himself on July 9, 2010. He was one of seven teenagers who took their own lives that year at that high school alone, at least two more of which were also gay. He was also a cellist and composer.

Seth Walsh, 13

Seth Walsh was a gentle child who once apologized to a bed of flowers for having picked one. He preferred to relocate bugs instead of killing them. And despite his mannerisms and style of dress, he struggled with his sexuality, even though his mother and grandparents tried their best to make him more at ease with himself. After one of countless times of being harassed by his fellow students, he came home from school, told his mother Wendy that he was going to play with their dogs in the back yard, and hanged himself from a tree. He lingered for 10 days in a coma before passing on Sept. 27, 2010 in Tehachapi, CA.

Asher Brown, 13

Asher Brown was an eighth grader at Hamilton Middle School outside Houston, TX when he shot himself with his stepfather's pistol on Sept. 23, 2010. He had been bullied at school - called names and physically assaulted. The day before he killed himself, he had been pushed down a flight of stairs; before he could get up on the landing below, another classmate kicked him and his books down the rest of the stairs. Despite his parents' claims that they had asked the school to intervene, the administration denies ever having received any complaints.

Zach Harrington, 19

On Sept. 28, 2010, Zach Harrington attended a public hearing in his hometown of Norman, OK. The hearing was on a proposal to declare October as LGBT History Month in the town. Although the proposal passed, many community members at the hearing were vocally and vitrolically against it, and Zach's family blames some of the blatant hatred shown toward the LGBT community at this hearing for Zach's suicide one week later, as well as his treatment while he had been in school there. Zach was also a cellist.

Tyler Clementi, 18

Tyler Clementi's suicide was the most prominent of the LGBT teen deaths during the rash of suicides in 2010. Tyler had been a freshman at Rutgers University, played violin with the Ridgewood Symphony Orchestra, and had been concertmaster of the Bergen Youth Orchestra. After his roommate secretly broadcast live video of Tyler with another man, Tyler jumped from the George Washington Bridge on Sept. 22, 2010.

I didn't know any of these boys. Their stories came to me through the news and through LGBT blogs. Our connection is entirely through shared experience - it wasn't that long ago that I was

bullied for being gay, even though I wasn't out yet (and honestly wasn't even fully aware of my sexuality). Their stories could easily have been my own but for some....strange luck? unknown strength? sheer perversity? Suicide certainly crossed my mind more than once, but never seemed the answer - it conceded defeat.

So to see these boys so beaten down by their peers and by society at large that they couldn't continue to live broke my heart. I remember coming home during October 2010 and reading of yet another child who had killed himself, and shaking as I sat at my desk. Out of desolation. Out of rage.

My response was to create something in the face of so much death.

After Dan Savage and his husband created the It Gets Better Project, and there was such a huge outpouring of support through videos on the site created by individuals, corporations, universities, and professional sports teams, I realized that one area - filled with LGBT members and LGBT supporters - was almost completely unrepresented on the site and in public shows of support: the classical music community. As of April 2013, not one professional orchestra has made a significant gesture in support of LGBT youth. So I'm incredibly thankful to Dr. Block and the ISU Orchestra for commissioning the original version of this work. I view Only Air as the orchestral equivalent of an It Gets Better video. It certainly has for me.

Only Air is in one movement: a single-text art song punctuated by five instrumental interludes, each dedicated to one of each of the boys listed above. Each interlude of the orchestal version also makes use of a solo instrument, or highlights a particular family of instruments (solo trumpet, percussion and harp, solo clarinet, solo cello and percussion with harp, and solo violin).

The text I chose for the piece is Kathryn Levy's "Only Air" from her book Losing the Moon. I met Kathryn while we were in residence together at the Virginia Center for the Creative Arts in Amherst, VA in 2009. "Only Air" has three distinct "voices" in the text: it opens with a young man who will commit suicide, then shifts to a person close to the young man who both explains the circumstances of his suicide and begs him not to do it, and interwoven throughout is a sort of Greek Chorus that comments on the story and asks questions.

This version for high voice with flute, clarinet, violin, violoncello, piano, and percussion was commissioned by The Secret Opera for their inaugural concert on 4 May 2014 in New York City.

Instrumentation

Solo soprano or tenor

Flute

Clarinet

Violin

Violoncell

Piano

Percussion (Bass Drum, Chimes, Glockenspiel, Vibraphone)

Duration: 18 minutes

First performance: 4 May 2014

The Secret Opera

The Shrine of St. Anthony of Padua, NYC

Dennis Tobenski, conductor

First performance of orchestral version: 25 April 2013

Michelle Vought, soprano

Illinois State University Symphony Orchestra

Glenn Block, conductor

Take oh take those arms away that hurt me in the dark when they aren’t there the eyes that don’t watch as I cross the street caress a leaf –it is dead already take the voice away that refuses to mutter I love when you bend to capture those leaves that can’t be caught

I almost felt you shudder this morning as I dreamed of death –diving from a roof silently the watch cracked the time is forever 3 p.m.

ONLY AIR (2011-2013)

Text by Kathryn Levy

and the ones who were loved almost to the end cherish that watch cherish the hour he climbed the stairs –did he climb? looked down at the crowds –did he bother to look? thought to himself –was there any time to think? Now I will be only air which is too easy no one can be only air no one can stop that figure falling much too fast–please take away your body

I can’t catch

From LOSING THE MOON by Kathryn Levy

Only Air

        DENNIS TOBENSKI (2011-2013, arr. 2014) for the inaugural season of The Secret Opera, 2014

gay teenagers

have

anti-gay bullying

in memory

the

who

taken their own lives because of

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voice and chamber ensemble

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Interlude 1: Justin Aaberg

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        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. p mf p p mf p p 3435363738                                                  3               3                                                                                                                                                         6

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. Take mf thevoiceaway-thatrefus-es-tomutter-I f lovewhenyoubend q = 52 39 n mf q = 52 p n mf n mf mf p mf q = 52 394041424344                                                                                                                 3 3 3 3                                                                                                                                           7

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. tocapture-thoseleaveswhich p can'tbecaught fmpp f mf p fmpp f mf p fmpp f mf p fmpp f p mp fmpf 45464748495051                                                                                          3 3 3                                                                                                                                                    8

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. 52 mp mp mp mf p mf mp 525354555657  

          3 3  3 3 6 3 3                                                                                                                                            9

Interlude 2: Seth Walsh

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. mf mf mf mf pmf 5859606162636465     3         3 3 3 3  3                                                                                                                                                                                         10

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. f f f f f f 66676869           3 3  6                                                                                                                                       11

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. 70717273           3 3  3                                                                                                                                        12

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. 7475          3   3                                                                         13

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. f p sub. 76777879                                                                                                          14

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. I mp matter of fact almost-feltyoushudder f thismorn p sub. ing -asIdreamedofdeathdi mf vingfromaroof 80 pmff pmff sfp bell-like sfpsfp pmff sfp bell-like sfpsfp pmff f p p  mff p mff 808182838485                                                                    3 3 3 3 3 3              6                                                                                                                                                                 15

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. si f -lently-the p watchcrackedthe mf timeisfore-verf mf sfpsfpsfpsfpsfp sfp sfpsfpsfpsfpsfp sfp mf f 8687888990919293                                              3                                                                                                                                  16

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. three mp p.m. ppp ppp ppp ff mf ff  9495969798                                    ord.                                                                                              17

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. q = 112 99 q = 112 n f mp mf pmf p p mf p p q = 112  mf 99100101102103104105106107                                                                                           Interlude 3: Asher Brown      pizz.   pizz.                                                                                                                                              18

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. f mf mf 108109110111112113114                                                                                                                                                                                                             19

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. f mp f p mf menacing p p sub., light mf menacing ff sub. p sub. ff sub. p sub., light mffffp fff p light mf menacing ff sub. p sub. ff sub. p light 115116117118119120121       arcopizz.arcopizz.  (damp)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 20

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. q = 96 pp q = 96 mfppmp ppp ff sub. ff p p ff sub. p q = 96 122123124125126127128                                 arco     (damp)                                                                                                                                                                                            21

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. f n mp mfp mpp    129130131132                                                                                                                                                                                                                         22

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. and mp theoneswhowerelovedalmost f -totheend mp cherish-that q = 52 133 mp mf q = 52 mp mf mp mf mp mf p mp mf q = 52 133134135136137                                                                    3 3      arco                                                                                         23

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. watchche mf -rishthehourheclimbedthestairs mf mf mf sfpsfpsfpsfp sfpsfp n mf f   f   138139140141142  3                                                                                        24

Interlude 4: Zack Harrington

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. 143 p pp nebulous pp nebulous  143144145146147148149150                                                                                          

         3     3                                                                                                                                                                              25

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. mf f sub. p mf p ff 151152153154155156157158                                                                                                                       3 3 3                                                                                                                     26

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. mp mf fmp fpmppp 159160161162163164                                                                                                                                                                                                                          27

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. pp ffp pp ffp 165166167168169170                                                                          3                                                                                                                                               28

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. –did p heclimb?lookeddownatthecrowds–didhebother-tolook?thought mp tohimself171 171172173174175176                                              3 3 3                                                                                              29

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. –wasthereany-timetothink?NowIwillbeonly-air pp mf ff pp mf ff pp mf ff pp mf ff mf 177178179180181182183                                                                                                                3 3  3                                                                    30

Interlude 5: Tyler Clementi

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. rit. 184 rit. mf p mf mf warm rit. 184185186187188189190191                                                                                                                                                            

                                                                                               31

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. q = 82 q = 70 q = 52 q = 70 pp mp q = 82 q = 70 q = 52 q = 70 pp mp pmf mp mp pp pp mf q = 82 q = 70 q = 52 q = 70 192193194195196                                                                                                                                                                                                32

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. rit. q. = 52 p rit. q. = 52 p mf p pmf rit. q. = 52 197198199                                                                                                                              33

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. rit. rit. rit. 200201202                                                                                                                                                   34

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. A tempo (q. = 52) A tempo (q. = 52) p A tempo (q. = 52) 203204205206                                                                                                                                                                                        35

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. q. = 66 pp q. = 66 mf pp sfz f q. = 66 207208209210211212213                                                                                                                                                                pizz.arco     pizz.                                                                                                                36

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. q. = 104 sffz f q. = 104 fsffz f sffz ff f sffz f q. = 104 214215216217                                                   pizz.arco  arco                                                                                                                                                                      37

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. q. = 152 q. = 152 q. = 152 218219220221                                                                                                                                                                                                         38

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. 222223224225226                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              39

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. mf mf ppmf ff 227228229230231                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       40

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. ff ff 232233234235236                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                41

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. q. = 132 q. = 152rit. q = 66 q. = 132 q. = 152rit. q = 66 pp pp pp q. = 132 q. = 152rit. q = 66 237238239240241242243244                                                                                                                                                      42

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. rit. q. = 52 fffp mf rit. q. = 52 fffp mf ff p mf fffp mf fffmf mf rit. q. = 52 245246247248249                                                                                3                                                                                                                                                                             43

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. mp 250251252                                                                                                                                                                                                    44

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. n n mf mf pp 253254255256                                                                                                                                                                                                                                45

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. which mp istooeasy-noonecanbeon f -lyair q = 50 257 mf pp mp pp q = 50 mf pp mp pp mf pp mp pp pp ff mf mp ff q = 50   257258259260261262263264                                                                                                                                                                                    3 3                                                                                                                                           46

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. no mf onecanstopthatfigure-falling-muchtoofastplease fff fff fff mf f fff ppp mf f fff mf f fff   265266267268269270                                                                                                                                      3 3                                3                                                                                                                                    47

        S. Fl. Cl. Vln. Vc. B.D. Chim. Glock. Vib. Pno. take p away-yourbody-Ican'tcatch pp n pp n n pp n pp 271272273274275276                                                                                                          17'33.0"                                                             48

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