MENToday Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Red Deer Express 1
The five things men do wrong in relationships
Although the ‘relationship advice’ industry has been traditionally geared toward women, online sites like AskMen.com and glossy magazines like Men’s Health have brought male-focused relationship advice into the mainstream. That’s good news, since it shows how open today’s man is to reaching out for advice in an effort to enjoy the many benefits of a longterm romantic relationship, make his partner happy and keep his family together. Yet most of this malefocused relationship advice is written by men for men. And depending on the site and writer, it may speculate or spew rather than offer real insight into the complaints that women have about men. That doesn’t do a man any good. What you really need is to hear – from
DEBRA
MACLEOD the horse’s mouth, so to speak – what makes a woman turn away from a man. And you need to hear it in a way that is uncensored, straight up and sometimes hard to accept. The truth is, women have some legitimate complaints about male behaviour within relationships, and these complaints tend to be widespread and similar. I’ve compiled a list of the most common complaints that I’ve heard women, whether dating or married, make
about men over the years. They won’t be easy to read; however, if you can read them without becoming defensive, you may find that such behaviours – even in trace amounts – are holding you back from having the long-term relationship you deserve with the woman of your dreams. These are the top-five complaints that women have about men: 1. Narcissism. This guy tends to shift blame, behave with smug superiority and have little tact. He displays rampant egoism, immaturity and has an elevated sense of self-worth and desirability. He believes that he works harder, looks better, and is smarter and more enlightened than all the other losers out there, and that any woman would be lucky to be with him.
He is incapable of seeing someone else’s perspective, accepting responsibility or hearing even the softest of criticisms. Wondering if you have this trait? Well, if you’ve already started to focus on the flaws of women or draft a self-righteous rebuttal to this article, you’re a strong candidate. 2. Hair triggers. Hot on the heels of the narcissist is the man who throws an adult temper tantrum at the slightest provocation, real or imagined. This chap yells, swears, namecalls and throws his weight around like a schoolyard bully who never grew up. If he isn’t already an abuser – physical or emotional – he’s on his way. He regularly jumps to conclusions and lashes out at others without hearing them out or informing himself of
the facts. He is often ultrasensitive and can’t take a joke, although he is quick to use cruel sarcasm on the women in his life. 3. Cheating. This guy attributes his infidelity, lack of sexual self-control and low moral character to the ‘fact’ that men need to spread their seed. He may also place the blame for his playboy ways on a partner who ‘neglects’ him or has a lower sex drive. He’s a relationship nightmare that no woman wants to wake up to. 4. Disrespectful. Whether it’s texting during a date or not helping with the housework, this man has forgotten how to act like a gentleman. To be fair, many of today’s women have forgotten how to act like a lady – but that’s no excuse. Like attracts like. If this man would be on his best behav-
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iour and strive to be a good person, he would dramatically improve his odds of attracting a quality woman that is worth his efforts. 5. Unaffectionate. This guy has stopped prioritizing the type of non-sexual intimacy (hugging, handholding, pillow talk) that makes his partner feel adored. He may also have stopped initiating sex in a loving, romantic way that makes her feel beautiful and desired by him. So there you go, gentlemen, relationship insight straight from the source and delivered just the way you like it – without fluff, sentiment or psychobabble. Take it or toss it, it’s your choice. Debra Macleod is a leading relationship expert in Canada and the U.S., with a local practice in Red Deer.