De-escalation Skillshare Workbook

DE-ESCALATION SKILLSHAREWORKBOOK

Whatisthecommunityjustice actioncommittee?

Brooklyn Public Library's Community Justice Action Committee (CJAC) is made up of library staff of a variety of titles, departments, and work locations.

The committee is convened to:

provide public education on the criminal legal system and social, racial, and economic justice

meet the needs of incarcerated and formerly incarcerated individuals and their families

meet the needs of immigrant communities that are under threat by ICE and the US immigration system

inform and review BPL policy on community safety, justice, and equity

support staff in meeting patron needs

provide a venue for staff to discuss community safety, justice, and equity.

getintouch

Reach out to us with ideas, comments, questions, or collaboration ideas.

Melissa: mmorrone@bklynlibrary.org

Emma Karin: eeriksson@bklynlibrary.org

Erica: emoroz@bklynlibrary.org

Whatisde-escalation?

"De-escalationisareductionoftheintensityofaconflictorpotentially violentsituation."—OxfordDictionary

“Theprocessofestablishingcommunicationandbuildingrapportwith someonewhoisagitated,upset,orangrytoreducethepossibilityof escalationandviolence.”DefendYourself,SaferLibrarieswebinar

De-escalationrequiresustorecognizethatallpeoplearedeservingof respectandshouldbetreatedwithdignity.

Whydowedothis

De-escalation strategies give staff opportunities to understand and cultivate community instead of relying on punitive measures to attempt to ensure safety for some people. When outside intervention gets involved (institutional security, the police), it can escalate the situation, cause harm and trauma to people, and foster distrust in the library.

Aiming for empathy and de-escalation is positive for staff's wellbeing— as well as that of our patrons.

wHATaBOUTWHEN...

...we can't do anything? Some of our patrons' circumstances can’t be solved in a flash, and trace back to wider social inequalities. Often the social services we try to help our patrons access are overwhelmed. Sometimes de-escalation will not work and a patron will get more agitated and possibly violent. We have not failed in these situations. We have done the best we can.

WhydoIwanttoDothis?

Whenpeopleareindistress

When someone is in distress, it can be hard for them to change their behavior quickly. Consider a distressed or agitated person to be in the "red zone." Through the process of de-escalation we are bringing them to a calmer place, or a "green zone." Once there, we can move to the behavior change request or the issue at hand.

When someone gets agitated, there’s usually a good reason for it. Often anger is a surface-level emotion; underneath is hurt, sadness, shame, fear, etc. That deeper emotion is what we actually want to connect with.

Whatcancauseagitation/distress:

Fear Anger

Feeling misunderstood/not listened to/condescended to

Bad communication

Substance use/abuse

Not enough personal space

Anxiety, depression, and other mental health stressors

Remember, the person getting agitated is in a state where they're sensitive to feeling shamed and disrespected. Do not engage in behaviors that would be seen as belittling.

thinkofatime...

Whenyougotreallyfrustrated,angry,upset.Whathappened?What triggeredit?Wereyouabletoselfde-escalate?Werethereotherswho helpedde-escalateorsoothethesituation?

Energy and Physicality:

You can’t control another person’s behavior, but you can control your own! You'll feel sturdier if, like on an airplane, you put your oxygen mask on before helping the person beside you.

Take a few deep, expansive breaths before engaging. It might feel like you need to rush into the situation, but it is more valuable that you enter it calmly.

Who knows what's going on in the other person's life? Whatever it is predates their interaction with you, so try to remember: this is not about you.

Validating people’s feelings and concerns without getting angry or defensive can go a long way (but is easier said than done). Try not to take people’s anger personally.

How can we break the cycle of escalating emotions? Step out of the content of the dispute, rebuild safety, and reengage.

Matching someone's heightened tone or aggression will only escalate the situation—people will just speak louder in order to be heard. Speaking in a low, calm voice can help bring the person to your level. Think about removing energy from the situation, not adding it. (Beyond Survival: Strategies and Stories from the Transformative Justice Movement, p. 153)

Check in with yourself before and during the interaction - pay attention to your breathing, body language, and calmness overall.

Make some eye contact but not steadily (which can be too intense and maybe seem threatening).

Nod your head up and down. Use open body language (smile when appropriate, don’t cross your arms).

Remember: Remaining calm in the face of agitation is not natural! It takes skill and practice. Fake it till you make it!

Try to keep an even, calm, and steady tone when speaking.

Don’t deny the problem or issue. Never say, “That’s not true” (among other things), even if it’s true that it’s not true.

example: Patron: “The printer never works here! Staff: “It’s so frustrating when the paper jams. Let me fix that.”

Do not argue or try to convince. People arrive at the library with their own long-held beliefs or circumstances. In a brief interaction, it's helpful to just address the matter at hand, not exhaust yourself changing minds.

It’s not helpful for people to have their feelings/concerns minimized or dismissed, be told to stop feeling what they’re feeling, or be given advice (what to do or not do).

Use cropping, which is when you define the vital factors involved in an issue or problem and ‘crop out’ less essential factors. This can help focus the situation.

example: "It sounds like the fact that you still need to get your document printed is the real issue here, correct?"

Summarize what the person is saying to demonstrate you’re actively listening.

example: "So the print release station deducted money but your document didn't actually print out, right?"

Don’t overwhelm the person with a lot of questions, advice, or directives.

What are some other phrases you could use?

Emotions and Behavior:

You don’t have to agree with people to be able to understand their perspective.

People benefit from the ability to express themselves, to have that concern heard and understood, and to have their experiences/thoughts/feelings validated.

Give people options – e.g. they can’t eat in this area but they can eat in another.

When possible, offer choices and safe alternatives. If possible, move the conversation to a different location (if in the center of the floor see if you can move them to the side, or if they’re in the stacks move them out to a more open area).

“Would you like to continue our meeting calmly or would you prefer to stop now and come back tomorrow when things are better?”

What are some ways you can check in with yourself before entering a situation that may need to be de-escalated?

How can you de-escalate yourself before, during, and after a situation?

Working with the System:

Sometimes it’s preferable to bend the rules in order to keep the peace.

When offering a Customer Service/Complaint Form explain where the form goes and how the information is reviewed so that people understand its purpose.

Work with the whole staff/department as a team. Ask for someone to come with you when approaching an agitated person or tell someone else where you are going and what you are trying to do. On the flip side, try to offer support or backup to a colleague you notice struggling with someone agitated.

What are some of your institution's policies that you are able to bend?

What are some of your institution's policies that you see causing people's distress or difficult situations?

Gettingtothe"greenzone"

Using empathy – understanding or feeling what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference (via Brene Brown) –can be a great first step in setting yourself up for an easier de-escalation. Feeling empathy is a skill you practice and can be hard to immediately jump into.

Practicing compassion and coming into a situation from a place of understanding is just as helpful to you and to the person in distress.

Empathy exercise: Think of a time you were so angry, upset, or frustrated and someone told you to "calm down." How did you feel?

You can empathize with feelings but not with inappropriate behaviors. For example: "I understand that you have every right to feel angry, but it is not okay for you to threaten me or my staff."

Show you are willing to listen. Ask the person, “What happened?” Ask them to educate you about how they see the situation (especially if you are walking into something already in progress).

Say, "Share with me what you’re feeling." When you say “share with me,” it suggests a “we”; we’re in this together.

Use people's names when possible. Make every attempt to get to know people before the crisis but if you can't, try to introduce yourself first and then ask their name – "Hi, I'm Jane and I am the Children's Librarian. What is your name?"

Put yourself on their side of finding a solution to the problem, not correcting the other person's behavior.

Explain limits and rules in a firm but respectful tone.

Don’t get hung up on the content of people’s words, but try to grasp the underlying needs or fears.

Gettingtothe"greenzone"

If two or more people are involved in a situation, don’t take sides. Don't even take the side of your colleague directly. Instead you can repeat the policy that was noted or agree with the course of action. Example: "My colleague is correct; this is the policy"; "This is the policy and this is what we can do for you"

Separate people as much as possible (use the space you have! a meeting room, hallway, step outside).

How do you choose your battles? How do you choose when to sidestep aggravation and save your energy for other things? Here are a few approaches:

Remember down to your core that you are worth protecting. You deserve to feel safe.

Determine the difference between feeling uncomfortable and being in danger. One's own, subjective triggers aren't necessarily the same as being in harm's way—and practicing recognizing which is which is crucial for figuring out your next steps in a heated situation.

Some patrons we will recognize and we'll know what they’re capable of; others we won’t. With someone we don't yet know, cooling down an altercation swiftly is a great preventative measure to avoid having to find out what the worst-case scenario could be.

If the patron is holding any type of weapon or an object that could be used as a weapon, do not attempt to disarm them physically.

If the patron is destroying property, remember – objects can be replaced, you cannot. Better to let them destroy a computer or a desk than you.

Whentonotengage/Disengage

“Evaluating our trauma response is critical, because how we are impacted by our work in the present directly affects our work in the future.” (Trauma Stewardship: An Everyday Guide to Caring for Self While Caring for Others, p. 42).

Consider the impact that big events and busy times can have on staff stress levels. Work with your team to come up with an aftercare plan for individuals and all staff. What will that look like? Set aside time to create buy-in for giving one another breaks after stressful situations. Workers who feel valued and respected are better able to handle difficult encounters with patrons.

Beforecare:

Talk ahead of time about how you and your coworkers would want to be supported if/when there is a difficult situation.

Have an emergency binder that includes policies, procedures, chain of command, de-escalation skills (this zine!), relevant department numbers, "what to do if..." frequent scenario guides, and even some calming self-de-escalation resources like breathing exercises, a small fidget object, or even aromatherapy pouches.

Aftercare:

Find a way to discharge the (bad) energy you absorb. Working out, writing, singing, chanting, dancing, martial arts, walking, laughing – any activity done with mindfulness. Let someone who’s absorbed verbal abuse get a break from the reference/service desk or walk around the block. Find your network of support even if it has to be outside your branch/department.

Debriefing with colleagues

Set aside time to discuss what steps were taken, what worked, what could have been done differently, and whether further actions are necessary.

Questions to discuss: How do you feel about what happened? What would be helpful for you to decompress or process?

Reflecting on this situation, what did you/your colleagues do that was helpful? Is there anything that you would have wanted to do differently? Imagine the experience from the perspective of the patron in crisis – how did they experience the situation?

Scenarios

There is no one solution for every possible scenario! Not all of these situations require full de-escalation, but they may require an intervention before a situation escalates. If running your own skillshare, solicit experiences from your group.

1. A group of teens walks into the library talking at a very loud volume. They are playfully roughhousing each other and knock over some chairs.

2. A patron is speaking to themselves and another patron complains that the noise is bothering them. They then get into an argument.

3. A patron is visibly intoxicated.

4. A patron has come in asking for help on a question that doesn't make any sense to you. When you ask for clarificiation they start yelling at you, calling you stupid.

5. A patron is frequently found sleeping in the library. They snore loudly.

6. An adult is in the teen/children's space and when asked to leave raises their voice and says, "The library is open to everyone! There is no where else to sit!"

7. Kids shot a nerf gun and hit an adult, who subsequently picked up a chair to throw at the kid.

8. A patron is using the copier for long periods of time to scan and copy documents while someone else is waiting impatiently to use it.

9. Two people are outside having a verbal altercation. One person walks into the library to get away from the situation and the other one follows, bringing the argument with them.

10. A patron is harassing a staff member – asking them out on a date, asking for their phone number, finding reasons to get physically close to them, and sharing intimate details of their own personal life.

11. A staff member is being overly suspicious of a person of color in the library, directly questioning what they're doing here.

Ifyouhavetocall911

In the absence of better options we often call 911 in the hopes of getting someone with the appropriate expertise to handle a situation that we can’t.

It is important to frame calling 911 as one tool in our toolkit – not the only tool we have. When we have to call 911, we should do it only as a means to protect ourselves and others from harm, not as a punishment for the person. Calling 911 should only be employed if all other deescalation tactics fail or the situation is immediately threatening (e.g. physical violence).

How to call 911:

Never threaten to call 911; that will only escalate the situation.

Try to not call 911 in front of the patron, unless it’s a medical emergency—in which case, specify that to the operator so an ambulance, not cops, show up. You can have a code phrase among the branch staff (“Call my supervisor John”).

Tell the 911 operator: “We have a patron who is in distress but does not appear to be dangerous. We need some assistance here/they need medical assistance." You can include, "I am requesting a mental health crisis intervention team if available,” if that fits the situation.

Stay with the person while you wait for emergency services. And try to continue to stay to provide support and witness the interaction when they do arrive.

Meet the emergency personnel as they arrive and speak to them before they encounter the patron. Reiterate to the police or first responders that the person is distressed but does not appear to be dangerous.

Ifyouhavetocall911

Who else can you call besides 911?

This will vary greatly depending on where you are located. Remember that social services, like libraries, are underfunded and have limited resources in terms of staffing. They may not be able to send anyone out to help you in an immediate crisis.

dontcallthepolice.com is an online resource organized by cities that share the information for organizations that respond to different issues from homelessness to eldercare needs. Depending on the need in the situation, there may be an organization available to offer support.

Research crisis response organizations in your area and get to know them before a crisis happens. Don't just rely on their website, which can often not have the most up to date information. Send an email or make a phone call to find out what services they can provide generally and what support they can give in a crisis situation.

What are some organizations or resources in the community you serve that could help de-escalate or provide support/services to people in need? Put their information below:

NYC Dept of Health Mental Health Crisis Team

888-NYC-WELL or 888-692-9355

Offer this number for the patron to call during a crisis or call on their behalf. If you see a patron’s mental health deteriorating, the city can respond to them within 48 hours.

311 A mobile homeless outreach team in each borough will respond within an hour to a call about a homeless individual. They come to offer services; they are not a crisis intervention team.

Runningyourownskillshare

Goals and Learning Objectives

Give all public service staff the tools to resolve a wide range of conflict situations without needing to call the police.

Give staff the tools to protect oneself, one's colleagues, and the public from harm, physical and otherwise. Help build morale amongst the staff and build relationships with the public.

Remember that ultimately, we will learn by doing!

Set Up Best Practices:

Invite all titles (including part-time staff). Have a minimum of two trained people to facilitate each session. Seed each session with people who will have info and tactics to share. Designate a notetaker to capture valuable info shared by attendees. Follow up—share out additional info (e.g. useful anecdotes and tips that came up during a given session) afterward to all.

How to Pitch a Skillshare:

Pitch a skillshare to the institution as an ongoing conversation. It won’t conflict with anything official HR would be doing. It provides an opportunity for staff to be heard and listened to. Frontline staff know the realities of their work better than anyone. Older staff can share institutional wisdom and new hires can share fresh ideas.

Connect the content with your institution's mission, strategy, or goals. Find ways to keep the skillshare energy going after the event. Create posters or handouts that can be kept in staff areas. Schedule follow-up discussion groups.

Event Description: Working with the general public can present a wide range of challenging scenarios. Whether or not we have a formal "security" title, we play a role in keeping ourselves, our coworkers, and our community safer from harm. Conflict is inevitable, but there are approaches we can take and concrete actions we can deploy to diffuse a situation. Learn more about de-escalation tactics from staff members and come to share your own knowledge and best practices with each other.

General Skillshare Outline

Introductions of everyone in the group

Names, pronouns, position, work location

Optional: where is their energy level from 1-5; what they're most interested in learning about Opening

Community agreements

Solicit ideas for agreements from the group but have a few prepared like: use "I" statements; speak from the heart, but be aware of the space you’re taking.

Let people know the session will not be recorded, but, if applicable, there will be notes taken (if so, make sure that a notetaker has been designated ahead of time).

Names and identifying details of any stories shared stay here. Begin with definitions of de-escalation and share tips and info.

Open floor for some discussion

Acknowledge that we’ve all been in bad situations, but this workshop isn’t solely about venting.

Encourage talking about situations that have had good outcomes as well as times you wish the situation had ended differently.

Give a set of prompts based on real-life scenarios and segue to attendees discussing and sharing.

Solicit any additional scenarios from attendees. Talk about before and aftercare for staff around an incident.

For Notetakers

Do not use any staff names or work locations in the notes.

Capture:

Any illustrative anecdotes, especially ones that demonstrate good things to do.

Resources that get mentioned.

Policy/procedure questions that come up, for follow-up.

GuidedReflection

Think of a situation you were involved in, or witnessed, that needed to be de-escalated. Write below exactly what happened, without adding any judgments or explanations.

What EXTERNAL factors were involved in the situation? Consider personal bias, experience, barriers, systemic issues, etc.

What INTERNAL (your own) factors were involved in the situation? Consider personal bias, experience, barriers, systemic issues, etc.

What could be done differently the next time this or a similar situation happens?

Beyond Survival: Strategies and Stories from the Transformative Justice Movement edited by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha and Ejeris Dixon

We Do This 'Til We Free Us: Abolitionist Organizing and Transforming Justice by Mariame Kaba

Saving Our Own Lives: A Liberatory Practice of Harm Reduction by Shira Hassan

"No Holds Barred: Policing and Security in the Public Library" by Ben Robinson, www.inthelibrarywiththeleadpipe.org/2019/no-holdsbarred

"Approaching Patrons Who Have Experienced Trauma" by Patrick Lloyd, www.youtube.com/watch?v=tODYvgR7HUc

Creative Interventions Toolkit: A Practical Guide to Stop Interpersonal Violence edited by Creative Interventions, www.creative-interventions.org/toolkit

Padlets by Emma Karin that are full of resources for practicing empathy, self de-escalation, trauma informed practices, and more: Putting Theories into Practice presentation: bit.ly/Theories-Practice

Working with the Public presentation: www.bit.ly/uhohpeople

Abolitionist Library Association, abolitionistlibraryassociation.org

NotesandReflections