Ted Kruckel
If you must burden the morning meal with business, follow these rules. When the BizBash editors suggested I write about entertaining at breakfast, I thought I could file my shortest column ever, just one word: Don’t! Does anyone besides me remember the era of “power breakfasts”? The idea was that you got a heavy hitter to meet you at some hotel, preferably with “Regency” in the name, and showed up all spit and polished at 7:30 a.m., ready to work the room. This unfortunate trend really took hold in the late ’80s and didn’t shake until the ’90s, and boy, was it miserable. Putting aside the hassles of getting up extra early, having to look your best before it was scientifically possible, and having to share a meal (and worse, conversation!) when all you wanted to do was grump and read the paper, there was the all-day power-breakfast hangover. This malaise was brought on by too much coffee and an overactive mind, so the whole time you sat there hearing about your colleague’s son’s clarinet lessons (it was bad form to bring up serious business until tons of personal data had been mined, a nod, I suppose, to the idea that you were giving up private time), your mind was racing with obligations and deadlines you could be meeting back at the office, if only you hadn’t scheduled this
godforsaken morning meal. And when you got to your desk, it was just 9 a.m., and your co-workers arrived all bright and cheery and wanting to start the day with their hemming and hawing. Honestly, it felt like quittin’ time would never come. But I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t admit that not only did I buy into this ridiculous ritual, I tried to capitalize on it with a series of morning events hosted by legendary editor Clay Felker, then of Manhattan, Inc. (Sigh.) He would interview some power broker in front of a crowd, and to make it really onerous, it was my big idea to host each one of these at some mind-blowingly important site, like the top of the World Trade Center or the balcony of Grand Central Terminal. This was before cell phones, so instead of ringing to find out why the sound guys had missed their 5 a.m. call time, I would just pace, smoke, drink coffee, and swear. But sometimes a breakfast event can’t be avoided. If you’re hosting a three-day conference, some people vie to be the breakfast speaker, believing that people pay more attention first thing in the a.m., which is only true of people who have nothing to do in the p.m. Trade shows also sport a lot of egg-based entertaining, busy schedules and all.
1. Buffets were invented with breakfast in mind, I’m almost sure, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have tons of staff on hand to pour coffee and juice, and even proffer seconds of bacon (why not!) at table. 2. Anyone who hosts a breakfast and doesn’t provide newspapers, even if it’s only USA Today, is an infidel, pure and simple. 3. Name tags: Are you serious? Ditto assigned seating.
the only choices are whole milk and half-and-half. Warning: These skim folks can get pretty ornery over this issue. I know—I am one. 8. If you serve both bready (pancakes, French toast) and eggy dishes, eventually, someone will put syrup and eggs on the same plate, which is nearly as gross as morning ketchup. By instructing the waiters to offer side plates when they see this happening, you are helping everybody. 9. If you are going to the expense of an omelet bar, why not have the cooks make fried and over-easy to order as well? And make sure you let people know there is an alternative to the chafing dish of scrambled.
4. Very few people are qualified to speak at breakfast. The morning orator requires one part wit and two parts brevity. If you are not super sure about both, you are risking the start of a very bad day for the whole room.
10. For so many reasons, fully crisp bacon is the only way to go. Also, the giant difference between fresh pepper and pre-ground is made more clear with eggs, yet so many people feel it’s okay to get away with shakers at break5. A lot of people subscribe to the notion fast. Have at least one grinder on hand that there’s nothing like some really for those who know. energetic music, say Bruce Springsteen 11. I’m okay with paper napkins at or Jay-Z, power-pumped into the rafters, breakfast, and in fact often prefer to get a crowd going early in the mornthem. Have some on hand even if ing. These people should not be allowed you’re at a swanky establishment. to plan morning events. 12. R.S.V.P. numbers for breakfast have 6. You may like ketchup with your the greatest margin of error for many eggs. But do you like it enough to risk reasons. Plan carefully for both high offending the whole room, for whom and low turnout. the sight of ketchup in the morning is 13. It’s not very green, I realize, but I … oh, never mind? Just keep the Heinz want coffee to go in a paper cup, not hidden. If someone asks, say the host is allergic. a mug or a cup and saucer, even if I’m staying on property. Little water bottles 7. It amazes me how many establishon the way out are also nifty, and I ments don’t offer skim milk in this day always grab one. and age. If you are a skim milk drinker, 2 ON BIZBASH.COM Bonus breakfast joke! Q. What do the French say at breakfast? percent just doesn’t Ted’s latest event cut it. Worse, often A. One egg is an oeuf! dispatches
Where Ted Likes Breakfast In New York, the Royalton Hotel’s long, dark lobby provides the business breakfast goer time to get his or her act together. Brasserie 44’s calm and cool tables complete the vibe.
64 bizbash.com spring 2010
I always feel like I’m in an I Love Lucy episode when I’m at the Beverly Hills Hotel’s Polo Lounge. Maybe Eve Arden will walk by!
PHOTOS: COURTESY OF MORGANS HOTEL GROUP (ROYALTON), COURTESY OF THE DORCHESTER COLLECTION (POLO LOUNGE)
Breakfast of Chumpions
So if for some reason you can’t abide my one-word admonition above, here are a few things I have learned about hosting a special event in the early hours.