THE PREMIER PARENTING MAGAZINE FOR CENTRAL ALABAMA
FREE
SEPTEMBER 2016
Alabama Family Trust Helps
PLAN FOR THE FUTURE of your Special Needs Child
Teach Your Child About
DIVERSITY Special Needs and
GUARDIANSHIPS Hike It, Baby!
Our Fall Directory PAGE 12
table of contents THE PREMIER PARENTING MAGAZINE FOR CENTRAL ALABAMA
FREE
SEPTEMBER 2016
Alabama Family Trust Helps
18
PLAN FOR THE FUTURE of your Special Needs Child
24 22 36
Teach Your Child About
DIVERSITY
Our Fall
Special Needs and
GUARDIANSHIPS Hike It, Baby!
Directory
12
PAGE 12
departments Note 04 Editor’s Welcome to the Fall Special Needs Issue 2016
07 8 0 09
12
32
DIRECTORY FALL 2016
Parenting with Dr. Friedman Short Stuff School News Ask the Specialist Getting Ready for Fall Sports
41 September Calendar of Events
24 Teaching ABOUT DIVERSITY
22
46
Poetry Party: Cat Poems
to Heart 26 Heart with AHA: Choose Healthier Lifestyles Tot Shots: 28 Locations Around Town
18
20 KultureCity Changing the Culture of Autism
What Your Need to Know About Special Needs Children & Guardianship
AFT – Protecting Your Assets for Your Special Needs Child’s Future
ON THE COVER: Melanie Bradford, executive director of Alabama Family Trust and attorney at law, poses with little Grace, age 2, of Birmingham, a student at the Bell Center in Homewood. Photographed by Visual Arts by Jessica ( at the Bell Center, Homewood. Alabama Family Trust is a nonprofit company that administers special needs trusts for persons with disabilities, enabling them to protect and preserve their assets, while still receiving any available government benefits. See page 18 for more on AFT.
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Corner: 30 5College Ways the College Textbook Industry Gets You to Pay for More Textbooks & Me: 36 Baby Hike it Baby Birmingham Patch and 39 Pumpkin Fall Event Guide
parenting
Parenting with Dr. Friedman
Q:
My 9-year-old daughter will be having surgery. This is her second surgery but she was too young to remember the first one. How can I best
prepare her? How do I handle the fact that she doesn’t want to go through with it? Honesty is the best policy. An honest approach is essential for the child to be able to trust you and to cope with what is to come. If you are less than truthful with your child, not only will she fear the procedure, but she will lose faith in the parent she depends upon to guide her through the experience. While some parents think that giving facts will make the child anxious, the opposite is true. Children need to know. They need to be told what will happen to them in language and concepts they can understand. Nearly always, the reality is not as bad as the fantasies and fears created by a child who is unprepared. Begin by asking your child to tell you what she understands about her illness. Correct any misconceptions she might have and then ask her what the purpose of her surgery is. That is, assess what she already knows, correct anything that is not accurate and then add to her
understanding with simple facts. Be sure to use language that she can grasp. If possible, visit the hospital before the surgery. If she can’t see the floor she will be on, at least walk her through the lobby and visit the gift shop and the cafeteria. Read books with her about going to the hospital. Your local librarian or bookstore staff can help you find one of the many books available for your child’s age. In addition to books about the hospital experience, many children enjoy reading stories about children with illnesses even if the illness is not the same as the one your child has. While facts are important, do not burden your child with things that she might never experience. It is not necessary to tell a child about the possible risks or unlikely outcomes. If a low probability event does happen, you can always help her to understand it when it becomes part of her life. Tell a child what will happen, but not what might happen.
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It is natural for her to be reluctant to undergo a procedure that is frightening for her. Yet she has no choice in this matter. Children need to understand that there are things about which they can have a choice but there are other things that are not choices. Children understand that they cannot choose not to take a bath but they can choose their bath toys. Giving a child too many choices is confusing. Giving a child no choice at all leads to rage or passivity. Tell your daughter that you and her doctor will decide if she needs surgery or not. She will not get to choose that, but she
can choose what toys she will bring to the hospital with her and she might even get to choose the scent of her anesthesia gas. Children benefit when bad things that happen to them are balanced by a good thing. Tell her that she can choose a special gift from you that she will receive after her surgery is done.
Vivian K. Friedman Ph. D. is a child and family psychologist at UAB, Department of Psychiatry. Send questions for response in this column to Viviankf@gmail.com. No personal replies are sent.
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