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THE PREMIER PARENTING MAGAZINE FOR CENTRAL ALABAMA
FEBRUARY 2016
WHAT YOUR PEDIATRIC DENTIST WANTS YOU TO KNOW
Why Camp is Important for Kids 2016 Birmingham Parent Camp Directory PAGE 14
RAISING A COMPETITIVE CHILD HIGH TECH KIDS, LOW TECH CAMP
table of contents FREE
THE PREMIER PARENTING MAGAZINE FOR CENTRAL ALABAMA
FEBRUARY 2016
12 14
WHAT YOUR PEDIATRIC DENTIST WANTS YOU TO KNOW
Why Camp is Important for Kids 2016 Birmingham Parent Camp Directory PAGE 14
RAISING A COMPETITIVE CHILD HIGH TECH KIDS, LOW TECH CAMP
departments Note 04 Editor’s We’re all About Going to Camp
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12 Why Camp is Important for Kids
8 Short Stuff 0 the Specialist: 40 Ask Heart Disease and Women
Page in a Book: 44 AKids Dig Dinosaurs
Birmingham Parent 14 2016 CAMP DIRECTORY
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High Tech Kids Need 20 Why LOW TECH CAMP
50 February Calendar of Events
24
Make a Summer Camp MEMORY BOOK
February Calendar Highlights
Party: 54 Poetry Positive Poems
features
The Benefits of 26 YOGA FOR KIDS
20
Parenting with Dr. Friedman
a 30 Raising COMPETITIVE CHILD
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ON THE COVER: Our Cover Search winner Love, age 8, of Helena, is a competitive child who enjoys both sports and dance. Photo by Visual Arts by Jessica, http://www.visualartsbyjessica.com & https://www.facebook.com/VisualArtsbyJessica.
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WHAT YOUR PEDIATRIC DENTIST Wants You To Know
38
COMMUNITY HEROES: Attorney Gregory Zarzaur
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THE SHOWPLACE OF THE SOUTH Continues to Wow Audiences
34 30 20
parenting
Parenting with Dr. Friedman
Q:
My two oldest daughters are lazy. I’m the middle of five children. My mom didn’t work outside the home, yet we still helped her with housework. I have been working outside the home all my married life and so I need help more than she did. My husband, who is tied to his mother rather than to me, practically encouraged our three daughters not to obey me. He
always took their side against me and, as a result, they’ve never minded me and I don’t get much help at all with housework. Any time I try to tell him that he’s overindulging our daughters he accuses me of being jealous. Our first two daughters (now 23 and 22) are exactly 14 months apart, and my husband has always treated them “even Steven.” That only created more competition between them and because they were so close in age, the same gender, and so different in personality. They always compared what they got to what the other one got. Neither ever felt that she got the better deal. It is too late now to change the situation as the girls are grown, but what could I have done differently? The problem with the children started with problems in the marriage. Two people cannot raise children together if they do not respect each other. If the marriage is a competition for power and for love from the children, the children will fall through the cracks. Counseling might have helped to change some of the competitive dynamics, but both parties would have to see the problem and agree that a change was needed. Counseling cannot change a person who does not want to change. You do not say how many hours your husband worked. If you were the full-time breadwinner, while he spent time with the children, he is likely to have more influence over them than you do. You are correct in your assumption that focusing on everything being “even-Steven” between two siblings just teaches them to measure everything. Instead of telling children that everything will always be
equal, you want to tell them that they their needs will be met. There is no need to buy new shoes for both children when one needs a dress for the prom while the other needs new athletic shoes for a soccer game. When children complain over what a sibling has received, the correct response is, “I’m not
her wants. You do not fill emotionally empty children with material gifts. Spoiled children are never content. Minutes after they receive a gift they are looking for the next one. What has been missing in your daughter’s lives is a role model of how to treat people with love and respect. Your husband seems
The problem with the children started with problems in the marriage. Two people cannot raise children together if they do not respect each other. interested in what your sister got. Tell me what you need.” Reconstruct the jealousy beneath the child’s complaint. Don’t promise that it will be equal or the same. Reassure the jealous child that she is loved and that you will meet all of her needs but only some of
to have failed to model positive regard for others and has overly emphasized material gifts. He has given your girls a handicap in life as “birds of a feather tend to flock together.” That is, if they are not warm and giving, they are unlikely to attract others who are so.
Vivian K. Friedman Ph. D. is a child and family psychologist at UAB, Department of Psychiatry. Send questions for response in this column to Viviankf@gmail.com. No personal replies are sent.
2016 SUMMER PROGRAMS Stimulating and engaging Summer Programs in Creative Writing, Dance, Music, Theatre, Visual Arts, STEM and Computer Game Programming. See our website in March for program descriptions, dates, times, fees and online registration at
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