Ways to Comfort & Help a Grieving Friend

by Expert Contributor Robert L. D'Anjolell, Jr.,F.D., of D’Anjolell Memorial Homes

When a friend loses someone close to them, it’s a natural reaction to want to support and comfort them through that difficult time. That’s what friends do, and you know they’d do the same for you. But what’s the best ways to help?

What NOT to Do or Say

One of the natural and normal stages of dealing with the death of a loved one is Grief. Just because it’s a sad (bad) feeling, we shouldn’t encourage or expect anyone to rush through it, to “get it over with” so they can start feeling happy again. Be considerate and keep in mind that hurt needs time to heal.

Don’t say “Let me know if you need anything.” Under normal circumstances, many people aren’t comfortable asking for help because they don’t want to burden others. When people are grieving, their normal ability to make decisions is overwhelmed by intense painful emotions. They often literally cannot focus on or express what they need. Asking them to decide how you can help them is a request that’s difficult or impossible for them to fulfill.

Also refrain from saying “Your loved one is in a much better place.” Your friend may share your relief that illness or suffering is over for their dear departed one, but they may not also share your beliefs about what comes after death. A more helpful thing to say is “I’d be honored to listen if you feel like sharing how this experience feels for you.”

Listening as a Form of Love

Sometimes people just need someone who will sit with them and listen. Your friend may want to talk about how they’re feeling or just share stories of their loved one. In either case, it’s important to remember to say less and listen more. Experiencing grief as a reaction to loss is appropriate and necessary. Assure your friend that shock, sadness, despair and other “bad” feelings are actually normal. Grieving that never happens or is left unfinished often makes future sad experiences worse. When grief can be expressed verbally, space is created for good feelings such as acceptance and peace of mind.

Your compassion, understanding and support will help your grieving friend begin, when they’re ready, to trust that their pain and sadness will eventually be replaced by joy from memories of happier days.

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Visit www.DAnjolell.com to learn how we honor the life of a loved one.

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