A guide to what to do when someone dies
Living, dying, remembering.
The death of someone close can cause deep personal sadness and distress.
Mountbatten’s staff and volunteers offer you our sympathy and support in your bereavement.
Grief is a very individual experience.
Decisions and arrangements must be made at a time when you may be experiencing difficult and confusing thoughts and emotions.
This booklet aims to help you through the first few days and weeks of your bereavement.
What happens immediately after your loved-one has died?
You will be able to spend time with your loved-one. Ask our staff about keepsakes, including fingerprints and locks of your loved-one’s hair.
We will ask you which funeral director you will be using (see pages 23 and 24). We will ask whether you plan to have a burial or cremation.
We can advise you on how to make appointments to prepare the required documentation, including with a funeral director and a Hampshire Register Office (see page 5).
The medical certificate of cause of death will be scanned and emailed directly to the register office.
For further information about this, please see Registering a Death on page 2.
If your loved-one was being cared for by Mountbatten Hampshire, contact the team, who will arrange for someone to visit to verify the death. You will then be advised to contact a funeral director (see the list at the back of this booklet), who will transfer your loved-one to a chapel of rest. Mountbatten Hampshire will notify a GP, who will in turn notify the medical examiner (see more details on page 2).
If the person who has died was not known to Mountbatten Hampshire, contact the GP (if a death occurs between 9am –5pm, Monday – Friday) or call the NHS non-emergency helpline, 111, out of hours. A medical professional will visit to verify the death.
Deaths are reported to the medical examiner [who works with the medical team, to establish the cause of death]. The cause of death must be agreed before a death certificate is issued by the Registrar.
Deaths on Mountbatten’s inpatient unit are reported daily, to the Medical Examiner.
As part of the process, the Medical Examiner will call the deceased’s [the person who has died’s] next of kin, asking if they have any concerns or questions.
Sometimes, a Medical Examiner may require additional information before the cause of death is agreed, which can lead to a delay.
After the cause of death is agreed, a certificate is signed by the doctor and sent to the Medical Examiner to be countersigned. The Medical Examiner will then send the certificate directly to the Registrar.
The Medical Examiner will telephone the next of kin to say this has been done and you will then be able to make an appointment with the Registrar, to register the death.
A death must be registered within five working days of completion of the death certificate. Previously, informants had five days from the date of death.
Sometimes, if the cause of death is uncertain or related to asbestos, the doctor will refer a death to the Coroner. The Coroner may decide the cause of death is clear and no further investigation is needed or may ask for a post-mortem examination or an inquest.
A post-mortem examination is carried out to determine the cause of death.
An inquest is an inquiry by the Coroner’s court into the cause of death.
If you are planning a cremation, the doctor will need to complete further forms for the funeral director. Therefore, it is important to let Mountbatten know your plans as soon as possible.
A person registering a death is called ‘the informant’. Only certain people can fulfil this duty:
A relative of the person who has died
A person who was present at the time of death
Someone who has power of attorney
A person who will be arranging the funeral (this does not include the funeral director)
The senior official of the care home/hospital where the death took place
If the person who has died is an overseas citizen, their embassy must be notified as soon as possible.
The NHS number of the deceased
One form of identification for yourself (the informant) e.g. driving licence, passport, birth certificate, council tax or utility bill
It is also helpful to take the person who has died’s:
Passport
All marriage/civil partnership certificates
Birth certificate
Change of name deed
Driving licence
NHS Medical card
Blue Badge
Meanwhile, a certificate confirming the cause of death will be emailed by the Medical Examiner to the Registrar.
The registrar will then give you:
Death Certificate: A certified copy of the death entry in the register. It is provided at a cost of around £12.50. It is advisable to purchase additional copies, as they will be needed by the deceased’s bank, building society, insurers etc. We recommend purchasing up to six certificates, depending on the number of institutions to be informed. Photocopies cannot be used. Extra copies can be ordered from the registration service at any time in the future, but may cost more.
Certificate for burial or cremation: Often called the ‘green form,’ this free form is normally passed to the funeral director by the Registrar but can sometimes be sent to the next of kin instead. This form is required by the burial authority or crematorium, before a funeral can take place.
Certificate of Registration of Death (form BD8): Often called the ‘white form,’ this free form may need to be completed and returned to the office from which any pension or benefit has been issued, or to the Jobcentre Plus office.
Tell Us Once is a service that reports a death to most government organisations in one go. The Registrar will explain the Tell Us Once service when a death is registered and will complete this for the informant, as well as providing a unique reference number. This reference number will be sent to you by email or put in with the certificates.
The departments contacted in one go include:
Local services: Electoral; housing benefit; council tax
HM Passport Office
Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency (DVLA)
Department of Work and Pensions
HMRC for tax purposes
Blue Badge Scheme
Read more: www.gov.uk/after-a-death/report-without-tell-us-once
You will need to make an appointment to register a death. The quickest and easiest way is to do this online.
For office addresses and more, visit: hants.gov.uk/birthsdeathsandceremonies/ registrationservices/registeroffices
To book an appointment and for more advice, visit: hants.gov.uk/birthsdeathsandceremonies/ registrationservices/deaths
Also find information at: southampton.gov.uk/births-deaths-ceremonies/registrationsand-certificates/register-a-death/
Call 0300 555 1392 for Hampshire’s register offices, which are in Aldershot, Alton, Andover, Basingstoke, Eastleigh, Fareham, Gosport, Havant, Lymington, Petersfield, Ringwood, Romsey, Totton and Winchester. Southampton Register Office is on 023 8091 5327.
A funeral is an opportunity to reflect on the life of the person who has died and say goodbye in a way that is right for them, their family and their friends.
Before making plans, it is advisable to check whether the deceased person has left any specific instructions or wishes.
Check if any funeral arrangements were made and paid for in advance.
You or your loved one may also choose not to have a funeral.
Some people prefer to arrange a funeral, burial or cremation without the use of the services of a funeral director. These are known as independent or family-organised funerals. This can only be achieved if the person arranging the funeral can provide the following:
Documentation for an application for cremation or burial
Required specifications for the type of coffin chosen
Inscription on the coffin lid for identification
Provision of others to perform duties
i.e. celebrant [someone who hosts a funeral] or pallbearer [someone who carries a coffin]
You may need to use the services of a funeral director to care for the body of your loved-one while you are waiting for a cremation. This can be between a few days to up to two weeks.
Be aware the cremation authority is unable to assist with planning family-organised funerals, but it may be able to provide advice.
Do you want to spend time with your loved-one at the funeral director’s chapel of rest or bring them home, before the funeral?
Will the coffin be open or closed? This may affect decisions about how your loved-one’s body is cared for.
Will you have a burial or cremation? This may be predetermined by religion, culture or a deceased person’s wishes. Making this choice will help you decide where the funeral is to take place.
What style of funeral is required? Will it be traditional, religious, civil (which may include some religious elements) or a funeral with no religious content?
Will it be a private event? Will it be followed by a thanksgiving/memorial gathering?
You may wish to have no service at all.
Depending on the style of the funeral, you may like to include a photo display, video tribute, music and/or readings.
Think about who might deliver the readings. You may want to note memories and anecdotes about the deceased person to be included in a tribute (sometimes called the eulogy).
Please use this space to make notes:
There is a wide range of coffins available. They can be made from solid or veneered wood, wicker, laminated cardboard or woollen felt.
Would you like a funeral cortege (eg. A hearse and following cars) to leave from a family home? Will mourners gather at the place of the ceremony?
Would you like to ask people to be pallbearers and carry the coffin? The funeral director will provide this service, if preferred.
Most funerals include a gathering of mourners after the ceremony, where refreshments are served. This might be in your home, a church hall, a pub or a more formal venue, such as a hotel.
Think about your budget and how many people may attend. Legally, most of the expenses connected with a funeral can be claimed from the money left by the deceased. However, a gathering of mourners is not considered an essential funeral cost.
What to wear: Depending on the faith/culture of the person who has died (and their family), mourners usually wear something smart, in a traditional colour. However, some families request mourners wear a bright or specific colour.
Specific customs or rituals: Will there be mourners from faith/cultural traditions different from your own?
Requests for memorial tributes: Many people prefer to give donations to charity instead of floral tributes. Your funeral director can pass on any donations received to the chosen causes, if preferred.
If the person is to be buried, you have some time to decide on the design of a headstone or grave marker.
It is generally advised to allow one year after a burial before a headstone is installed. A temporary grave marker can be arranged with your funeral director.
If you are arranging a cremation, the ashes [cremated remains] can be stored at the crematorium, for up to six months. They can also be looked after by a funeral director. Ashes may be scattered, interred [buried], kept at home, or even turned into jewellery and fireworks. Your funeral director can support you with this.
The cost of a funeral is normally recoverable from the deceased’s estate [their money and personal belongings], but the person organising the funeral will be responsible for paying the bill.
It is advisable to check where the money will come from before you make arrangements. Many people now purchase their funeral in advance, through a pre-purchased funeral plan. You may need to check if this is the case.
Some funeral directors require a deposit. We advise you to discuss payment at an early stage.
Find a directory of Hampshire funeral directors at the end of this booklet (see pages 23-4). Alternatively, search online for funeral directors in the county.
When a funeral plan is purchased, it is recommended you inform your loved-ones and/or the executor of a Will. Tell them who it is with and what it covers.
When someone has died, check if a funeral plan was stored with the Will.
There is no central database for funeral plans.
The majority of funeral plan providers are registered with the Funeral Planning Authority (FPA). Providers can be contacted via the FPA, if you need to search for an active plan.
For more information, visit funeralplanningauthority.co.uk
You may be eligible for a funeral expenses payment if you:
Receive certain qualifying benefits
Were the partner of the deceased when they died
Are a close relative or friend of the deceased
Arranged a funeral to take place in the UK, where the deceased was resident when they died.
The amount you will get in a funeral expenses payment will depend upon your circumstances.
Where possible, a funeral expenses payment will have to be paid back from the deceased’s estate.
Claims must be made within five months of a funeral taking place.
For more information, visit www.gov.uk/funeral-payments
Sometimes, there is not enough money in a deceased person’s estate to cover the cost of a funeral and no-one else is able (or willing) to pay. The local authority has a statutory duty to organise and pay for a funeral, where it appears no other suitable arrangements have been or are being made.
The council will also take full responsibility for any property or finances which belonged to the deceased. Any items of value may be sold to recover the cost of the funeral. Councils will not accept part payment, contribute to the cost of a funeral organised by someone else nor administer estates on behalf of others.
A directory of funeral directors is listed at the end of this booklet. It is also possible to search online for a local funeral director.
Did the deceased person make a Will? This may be stored at their bank, at their home or with a solicitor, relative or friend.
Before applying for probate [the distribution of a deceased person’s estate], conduct a search for a Will or codicil [a formal written amendment to a Will]. This demonstrates reasonable steps have been taken to find out if a Will was created.
The cost of the search can be reclaimed from the estate.
A company called Certainty is the largest and longestestablished register of Wills in the UK and it is a National Will Register provider (nationalwillregister.co.uk), endorsed by The Law Society and the National Associations of Funeral Directors.
A Will usually includes wishes for a funeral, possessions and the name(s) of executor(s) or person(s) legally entitled to deal with the estate of a deceased person.
Executors are legally responsible for administering an estate, according to the wishes set out in a Will.
If a person did not leave a Will, an administrator deals with the estate. You can apply to become the administrator if you were the deceased person’s spouse, civil partner or child (aged 18 or over).
Probate is the legal process for the distribution of a deceased person’s estate.
For information on Wills, probate and inheritance, visit www.gov.uk/applying-for-probate
Mountbatten’s psychology and bereavement services team is here to support you.
Bereavement affects us in different ways.
We each have a unique relationship with the person who has died, which means our feelings of loss and grief will be unique.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Everyone processes their feelings at a different pace.
Emotional feelings can include hopelessness, anger, shock, guilt, disbelief, anxiousness and depression.
Shock: It can be hard to believe someone has died. Shock can leave you feeling numb and confused. It may take some time to be able to make sense of a person’s death and to realise they are not coming back.
Physical feelings: People can experience changes to their appetite or sleep routine and can experience physical illness and pain.
Sadness: Sadness and, at times, a depressed mood are common. The meaning previously found in life can be lost for a time and people can even feel like they want to die too.
Loneliness: People can feel completely alone, partly because of the loss of the person and the role they had in their life, but also because they feel others do not understand or are expecting them to recover and carry on with living.
Guilt: At times, people may wish they had spent more time with the person who has died or wish they could have done something to alleviate their pain or suffering. Guilt can also be experienced if someone has had a difficult or confusing relationship with the person who has died.
Anger: Anger can be experienced when it is hard to make sense of the circumstances of someone’s death or when a death seems unjustified or unfair. People can feel angry with themselves, other people, the person who has died or the world in general.
Longing: Longing to have the person back is common. At times, people may think they have seen or heard the person who has died. These experiences can be comforting, frightening or confusing. They are a way in which the brain is trying to process and make sense of the death.
Relief: Sometimes people feel relieved the person who has died is no longer suffering.
Sometimes it can help to talk to someone independent, who is trained to listen to and support you through your grief. Mountbatten can offer individual sessions and support groups, delivered by a varied team of expert clinical psychologists, qualified counsellors, trainee counsellors and a team of trained, supported and supervised volunteers.
Some people will only need one or two sessions, while others require longer-term support. For bereavement support, we usually offer up to six sessions of up to one hour.
You will be invited to attend a bereavement group for up to a year. All support is confidential.
A fortnightly bereavement group is held at Mountbatten Hampshire. It provides the opportunity to meet other people who have suffered a similar loss.
Memorial services are also held, to which you will be invited.
Anyone can access this service, including residents in Southampton and across large parts of Hampshire, as well as those who have been, or are being, cared for by Mountbatten, and their family members and friends
We offer bereavement support even when your relative or friend was cared for outside the hospice.
Ask your GP to refer you or contact us yourself, by calling 02382 548840.
Children believe their own thoughts, wishes, feelings and actions influence the external world. For example, a child may believe it is raining because they are sad or that, if they wish for something, it will happen in the real world.
It means children often feel responsible for what happens in their lives. As children develop, they begin to learn more about logic and ‘cause and effect,’ but may occasionally go back to magical thinking.
If we do not talk to children about death and dying, they may develop misunderstandings and believe they are to blame.
Not talking to children may make them think what is happening is too awful to cope with. Children rely on the adults around them to help them make sense of the world and to bring order and security to their lives.
The pain of the death of a loved-one is likely to be worse if children are unprepared. They may develop feelings of guilt, anger, confusion and fear.
Knowing how to support children when someone is dying can help them cope after the death.
We provide a specific bereavement group for children. Please speak to a member of our team.
Please ask for a copy of our leaflet, Talking to Children About Death and Dying.
There are many ways to remember someone who has died.
For example:
Share stories and memories with family and friends; Light a candle; Listen to favourite pieces of music you enjoyed together or sing a favourite song; Wear their favourite perfume or cologne; Read their favourite book; Cook their favourite meal; Finish any projects they were working on; Plant something which may be significant to them; Visit special places; Watch the films you both enjoyed; Keep something of theirs with you; Start a new tradition for remembering them; Write your memories, thoughts and feelings in a journal Make a documentary of their life. This could include special places and memories of family and friends; Live your life as they would wish you to live it.
Mountbatten Hampshire has a dedicated quiet space for people of any faith or people of no faith.
The Mountbatten Room, adjacent to our inpatient unit, is a quiet place to sit and reflect, or to remember someone who has died.
The objects in the this room were picked after conversations with community leaders across Hampshire.
The Mountbatten Room is available to everybody at any time, day or night.
The festive season can be poignant and challenging, if you are missing someone who has died.
Our annual Light up a Life event is an opportunity to remember and celebrate the life of someone you loved, and still love dearly.
Find more details at mountbatten-hampshire.org.uk
Many people would like to donate or fundraise in memory of a loved one. At Mountbatten, we want to support you by providing the advice, information and materials you might need.
Raising funds for Mountbatten can be a way to commemorate someone’s life and add to their legacy, while also raising the essential funds needed to continue to provide expert care and support to people in Hampshire who are facing death, dying and bereavement.
If you choose to raise funds to remember your loved-one, friend or colleague, our teams are available to support you.
We have collection boxes, donation envelopes and information. Call 02382 548801 or email fundraisinghampshire@mountbatten.org.uk
Some families wish to leave donations from funerals and memorial services to Mountbatten Hampshire, in memory of their loved ones.
Your funeral director may be able to arrange collections on your behalf.
Remember a loved one by creating a free tribute page to share your memories. It will remain on our website indefinitely, meaning family and friends have a constant place to visit, reminisce and donate, in memory.
Use your loved-one’s tribute page to share meaningful pictures, stories and poems. Celebrate your life with them, through storytelling.
Visit your page throughout the year, on birthdays, special dates or when you miss your loved-one.
Create a page at: mountbatten-hampshire.org.uk/Pages/InMemoryOf/
In the summer, our hospice garden shines bright with hundreds of colourful ribbons, each dedicated to the memory of someone who has died.
We invite you to add your ribbon, which will remain on display until September. You are welcome to visit our garden at any time.
Speak to a member of our fundraising team for more information, call 02382 548801.
Gifts in Wills help us care for one in five of the people who need our support.
No one should go through the stress of coping alone, through a serious illness.
Remembering Mountbatten in your Will gives you the power to ensure we will be there for future generations, providing specialist care for patients, family, friends, carers and children, for years to come.
After you have looked after your family and friends, please consider supporting Mountbatten, by leaving a gift in your Will. It will cost you nothing now.
Even the smallest gift makes a huge difference to the care received by Hampshire residents when they need it most.
To leave a gift to Mountbatten in your Will you will need to include our name, address and registered charity number.
These are:
Name: Mountbatten Hampshire Limited
Address: Botley Road, West End, Southampton, SO30 3JB Registered charity number: 1123304
If you have any questions about leaving a gift in your Will, we're here to help.
Contact our team on 02382 548801 or visit mountbatten-hampshire.org.uk/giftsinwills
Visit: mountbatten-hampshire.org.uk/Pages/InMemoryOf/
Tell us who you are remembering in the ‘leave a comment with your donation’ box
Make cheques payable to ‘Mountbatten Hampshire’
Send them to Mountbatten Hampshire, Botley Road, West End, Southampton, SO30 3JB and make them c/o fundraising.
Write your name and address on the back of the cheque, along with the name of the person you are remembering.
Account name: Mountbatten Hampshire Ltd
Account Number: 53725824
Sort code: 53-50-36
Reference: ‘INMEM [INITIAL] [SURNAME]’
If donating by cheque, please let us know your address so we can send you a letter acknowledging your gift.
You can:
Write this on the back of your cheque
Call 02382 548 801
Email fundraisinghampshire@mountbatten.org.uk
We simply couldn’t exist without the amazing support of our volunteers and we are always looking for new people to join our team.
As the need for our services continues to rise, so does the need to recruit more supporters.
There are so many benefits to volunteering, including meeting new people, giving something back to your community and gaining valuable work experience.
For more information, please call our Volunteer Co-ordinator on 02380 548893 for an informal chat.
Alternatively, email VolunteerwithHants@mountbatten.org.uk or visit
mountbatten-hampshire.org.uk/forms/register-to-volunteer
We advise waiting one year after someone dies before volunteering with Mountbatten.
By donating, you can help patients and families make precious memories.
Your good quality unwanted clothes, furniture, books, bric-abrac, toys, CDs and DVDs all help us to provide hospice care to those who need it.
We have shops across the county and our Mountbatten Warehouse and Furniture Store is on Crosshouse Road, Southampton, SO14 5GZ (next to the Itchen Bridge).
Find more information at mountbatten.org.uk/donate-to-our-shops
Bishop’s Waltham
Richard Steel & Partners
01489 892 640
Southern Co-operative Funeralcare
01489 896 305
Bitterne
Jonathan Terry 02380 434 444
R.C. Payne & Son
02380 449 111
Waters & Sons
02380 434 244
Botley
A.H Freemantle
01489 876 546
Chandlers Ford
Co-operative Funeralcare
02380 274 672
Nigel Guilder
02380 262 555
W.G. Bush
02380 252 088
Eastleigh
A.H Freemantle
02380 612 444
A.H Rogers & Sons 02380 983 945
M. Johnson
02380 600 502
Overtone & Saunders 02380 650 600
Paul Capper
02380 982 524
Robert Shipp & Daughter 02380 644 493
Wessex Funeral Services 02380 371 677
W.G. Bush
02380 612 463
Hedge End
A.H Rogers & Sons 01489 858 299
Co-operative Funeralcare
01489 787 698
F.C. Hughes
01489 782 404
Holbury & Hythe
Co-operative Funeralcare (Inc. R Hallum) 02380 893729
New Forest Funerals 02380 890 339
Waterside Funeral Home 02380 840 202
Park Gate
A.H Freemantle 01489 885 525
B Matthews 01489 858 104
Co-operative Funeralcare 01489 886 822
Tim Matthews 01489 420 006
Romsey & North Baddesley
A.H Cheater
01794 513 393
A.H Cheater 02382 358 860
Shirley
A.H Rogers & Sons 02380 983 706
B Matthews
02380 988 916
Beavis Funeralcare 02380 772 120
Waters & Sons 02380 783 900
Sholing
Co-operative Funeralcare
02380 448 322
Waters & Sons 02380 434 244
Southampton Celebration of Life 0800 150 3555
Co-operative Funeralcare 02380 221 735
J Lawrence & Sons 02380 554801
Jonathan Terry 02380 234 533
Mears of Southampton 02382 448 728
S.M Forbes 02380 633 863
Titchfield
A.H Freemantle 01329 842 115
Totton
Beavis Funeralcare 02380 864 664
Henry Powell & Son 02380 862 249
M Johnson 023 8086 7999
West End
A.H Rogers & Sons
02380 983 749
Woolston
B Matthews
023 8098 6526
Beestons 02380 448 405
Mountbatten Hampshire thanks the advertisers and sponsors, without whom this publication would not have been possible.
We do not endorse any of the products or services offered.
Mountbatten Hampshire
Mountbatten Hampshire
June 2025
July 2025
The Hospice would like to thank RNS Publications for publishing this information and the following pages contain some features from services o ering their help at this time.
Whilst the Hospice is grateful of their support it does not endorse or recommend any of the services that they provide.
It is distressing to deal with a bereavement and unsolicited mail can be insensitive and destructive during a grieving process.
By scanning the below QR code on your phone or visiting www.stopmail.co.uk, we are able to securely share this information with mailing organisations and under the Data Protection Act the information will not be used for any other purpose.
Other benefits reduce the possibility of identity fraud, such as assumed identity and you will only have to supply the information once.
This publication has been jointly developed between ourselves and the hospice. We hope that it has been or will be of help at this time and we welcome any comments or suggestions that you may have.
Please contact us either by phone, email or by post.
RNS Publications, Trium House, Unit 15, Broughton Way, Whitehills, Blackpool FY4 5QN
