Halton Haven Hospice Bereavement Book

Caring for you as you grieve

Bereavement Support Bridging Bereavement

Halton Haven Bereavement Support We would like to express our deepest condolences to you, your family and friends during this very sad time. We understand that the time ahead may be difficult and painful for you, and we would like to continue to support you during this time.

The death of a loved one can be one of the most distressing experiences anyone must face. Decisions need to be made at a time when you may have confusing thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It is so easy to become overwhelmed. This booklet has been produced to support you to deal with some of the emotional and practical aspects of losing someone you love.

If you have any questions that haven’t been answered in the booklet, please contact the Hospice on 01928 712728 and our clinical team, or Bereavement Counsellor will support you to find the answers you need.

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What happens immediately after someone dies at the hospice?

You may react in one of many ways; there is no right or wrong way for people to behave when they are with someone who dies, or when they are told of a death. Our inpatient unit staff and bereavement support team are here to support you in whatever way you need.

If you would like help in telling other relatives of your loved one’s death, we can do that for you. Likewise, if you want a priest or other religious leader to attend the person who has died, we will help with contacting them for you.

There are several steps that need to be completed by law. The first is called the verification of death which will be completed by a doctor or specially trained nurse. This process includes making sure there are no signs of life, confirming the deceased person’s identity and the date and time they died.

Once you and other family/friends are ready, the nursing staff will ‘lay out’ the body. Sometimes called performing the last offices, this usually involves washing the person’s body, maybe giving someone a shave, cleaning their mouth, dressing them in clean clothes etc… If you would like to be present when this is done or would like to help, please tell a nurse and they will support you in this.

Your religion/cultural preference might mean that someone other than nursing staff should perform the last offices. We would usually have discussed this with you and your loved one before they have died so that we can best support you.

Even if it hasn’t been discussed before death, we will still do all we can to ensure your loved one’s body is cared for in a respectful and appropriate way.

If you are the next of kin, you will be asked if any jewellery your loved one is wearing is to be removed or whether you want them to continue wearing it.

If it is to be removed, nursing staff will return it to you. If a next of kin is not present when a person passes away, any valuables/personal belongings will be stored securely to be collected at a more convenient time.

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Will I be allowed to spend time with my loved one after they die?

It is completely up to you whether you would like to see the body of your loved one after death. If this is something you want to do, we will give you the privacy you need for as long as you need it. For any family members that were not able to visit before death it can be helpful to view the body and spend time with the loved one who has passed away. Viewing the body is possible in the immediate hours after death. Please ask the nursing staff for further information.

In the instance you are unable to view a loved one’s body before they are taken into the care of a funeral director, the funeral director will let you know about making arrangements to visit your loved one whilst they are in their care.

Should children be allowed to see a body?

Children and young people may tell you they want to see the body. At a time when you are likely to be struggling with your own feelings, making a decision as to what will be helpful for your children can be so difficult. If a child wants to see the body after death it can help both now, and in the future, with coming to terms with the death. If you want to discuss this decision, the ward staff and our bereavement counsellor, are happy to help.

Child Bereavement UK is an organisation that helps children and young people (up to age 25), parents and families, to rebuild their lives when a child is grieving or when a child dies. They offer support in a variety of ways and will work with children and young people who are facing the loss of a parent or anyone else who is important to them, as well as supporting families after a loss.

They also offer information and advice on a range of issues such as viewing a body with your child and how to tell a child/young person that someone is not expected to live or has died. We have a range of Child Bereavement UK information sheets that might help, or you can take a look at their website: www.childbereavementuk.org. For any further support you can contact them on 0800 02 888 40 or via live webchat Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm.

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When someone dies at home Although you may have had the support of community nurses, carers, doctors, therapists etc whilst your loved one has been ill, there is no guarantee that a health professional will be with you when they die. This can be worrying for you and in the heat of the moment, you might panic. The first official phone call you need to make is to the GP of the person who has died, who will then arrange a visit to confirm the death. If the death happens at night or out of surgery hours, when you call the surgery, you will be given an out of hours service number. When you call that number, explain that you need a health professional to verify a death – this means they will confirm that death has taken place.

If your loved one has been cared for by a district nursing team you should also have their contact details to let them know they have died. Sometimes the district nurse will contact the GP on your behalf, so if you are unsure what to do, call the district nursing team first and they will guide you through the next steps.

You may already have agreed with your GP or nurse that calling for an ambulance will not be necessary when your loved one passes away. If you are unsure what to do, then take advice from your GP or district nurse when you call them.

When the death has been verified, you can telephone a funeral director or religious leader. The funeral director will take the body of your loved one into their care at your request. If you prefer to keep the body at home until the funeral, for cultural or personal reasons, they will be able to advise you about this.

The GP will issue a Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD), providing there is not a coroner’s investigation. This certificate will be sent electronically to the Registrar of the deceased person’s local council.

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The Medical Examiner Halton Haven Hospice, in line with the new Government requirements has introduced the role of the Medical Examiner, who is a senior doctor not involved in the care of the patient. This ME will understand the circumstances surrounding the cause of death.

The role of the Medical Examiner is to examine the patients records and to discuss with the treating clinician the medical cause of death. The Medical Examiner will then speak to the relatives to discuss the medical cause of death. The aim is that they will make it easier for you to understand the wording on the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD) and will check all details before the certificate is issued. This means you may receive a call from the Medical Examiner to discuss the medical certificate in the first few days of your loss.

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Registering a death The law states that all deaths need to be registered. The doctor needs to issue a Medical Certificate that states the Cause of Death (MCCD). If the person has died in the hospice this will be completed by a hospice doctor. If your loved one has died at home the certificate will be completed by their GP. The only exception to this is if a death is referred to the coroner. For information regarding this please see section below “When a Coroner is involved”.

Once a doctor has completed the Medical Certificate stating the Cause of Death (MCCD) it will be sent electronically to the Registrar of the borough where the person died. Once the Registrar has the MCCD they will contact you to make an appointment to register the death.

The Inpatient Unit staff will ask the name of the chosen funeral director, and the person’s wishes regarding a burial or cremation. The nursing staff will then arrange for your loved one to be taken into the care of your chosen funeral director.

It is a legal requirement that the death must be registered within five working days. This should be carried out by either: • • •

A relative (normally the next of kin).

Someone present at the time of death.

Someone who will be arranging the funeral (should the person who has died be an overseas citizen their embassy must be notified as soon as possible).

When a Coroner is involved In some circumstances the death may by law have to be referred to the Coroner’s Office. The Coroner is a doctor or lawyer appointed by a local authority to investigate certain deaths. These may include an unexplained or sudden death, an accidental death or if the death was a result of an industrial disease (as in certain types of lung cancer which may be linked to asbestos exposure).

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Referrals to the Coroner are infrequent and should not be a cause for concern.

The role of the Coroner is to establish the cause of a person’s death. In some cases a post mortem and inquest may be ordered. The next of kin and the deceased family will be kept informed of what is happening throughout this process.

The death cannot be registered whilst the Coroner is still investigating.

However, this does not necessarily mean that the funeral will have to be delayed. A Coroner’s interim certificate can be issued so that you can continue with the funeral or other practical arrangements.

What the Registrar will need from you It would be useful to have with you, the Birth certificate, Marriage certificate and NHS Medical Card of the person who has died.

The Registrar will need the following information: • • • • • • • • •

Date and time of death.

Name and surname of the deceased.

Maiden name if the deceased was a woman who has married.

Date and place of birth.

Occupation.

Name, date of birth, and occupation of a surviving spouse or civil partner.

Name and occupation of spouse if the deceased was widowed.

Usual address.

Whether the deceased received pension or allowances from public funds.

What the registrar will give you: • • •

A certificate for burial or cremation (green form), this should be given to your funeral director.

A certificate of registration of death – form BD8 (white form). You should read the information on the back, fill it in and send it to your local Pensions or Job centre Plus office.

The Registrar will discuss with you if you require copies of the death certificate for various official purposes (bank, building society, insurers etc.) There is a charge for certificates.

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Visiting the Registrar You must telephone first to make an appointment. If you are not the next of kin, it is worth mentioning this when you ring.

When you have registered the death, a registrar will explain the ‘Tell Us Once’ service. Tell Us Once is a service that lets you report a death to most government organisations in one go. They will either: • Complete the Tell Us Once service with you.

• Give you a unique reference number so you can use the service yourself online at www.gov.uk/when-someone-dies or by phone The Registrar will give you a number to call. This includes a video relay service for British Sign Language (BSL) users and Relay UK if you cannot hear or speak on the phone.

Before you use the Tell Us Once service you will need the following details of the person who died: • • • • • •

Date of birth National Insurance number Driving Licence number Vehicle registration number Passport number The date they died.

You may also need: • • • • • •

Details of any benefits or entitlements they were getting – for example State Pension Details of any local council services they were getting – for example Blue Badge.

Name, address, telephone number and the National Insurance number or date of birth of any surviving spouse or civil partner.

Name and address of their next of kin – if there is no surviving spouse or civil partner or their spouse or civil partner is not able to deal with their affairs.

Name, address, and contact details of the person or company dealing with their estate (property, belongings and money) – known as their ‘executor’ or ‘administrator’.

Details of any public sector or armed forces pension schemes they were getting or paying in to.

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You will need permission from any surviving spouse or civil partner, the next of kin, executor, administrator or anyone who was claiming joint benefits or entitlements with the person who died, before you give their details.

If you choose not to use the Tell Us Once service or you need further information on what needs to be done the following government guide may be helpful www.gov.uk/when-someone-dies

What will the Registrar do once the death has been registered?

The Certification of Registration of Death, usually called the death certificate, will be posted to you using first class mail or handed to you at your appointment. You will pay for each copy of the death certificate that you order. You will need more than one copy of the death certificate in order to close bank accounts, inform mortgage and insurance providers and so on.

The registrar will be able to advise you as to how many certificates to order.

Photocopies of the certificate are not normally accepted for legal, financial and insurance companies and are a breach of copyright.

The Certificate for Burial or Cremation is sent by the Registrar to the relevant Crematorium, Cemetery, and Church etc. There is no charge for this certificate.

If you choose not to use the Tell Us Once service, you will need the Certificate for Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) Benefits (also known as a BD8 form) to the DWP. The Registrar will be able to tell you if you need the certificate. This certificate will be sent to you, by the Registrar, along with the death certificate. There is no charge for this certificate.

There may still be organisations/people you need to inform of the death such as landlords, banks, utility companies. See our helpful checklists on the following page. They are the most common notifications that need to made but there may be others.

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This checklist may be helpful for notifying about the death: •

Children’s school/nursery

Legal/Financial

Domestic and personal

•

Bank/Building Societies

•

Insurance companies

•

Store cards

•

Credit cards

•

Solicitor

•

Cancel appointments

•

Council offices

•

Gas/electricity/water

•

Rental/hire purchase

•

Telephone/mobile/internet

•

Vehicle Licensing

Items that might need returning:

•

Social Services (cancel care)

Driving Licence

•

Clubs/associations

• •

Library cards

•

Dentist

•

Season Tickets

•

Newspaper/ Milk deliveries

•

Pension/benefits books

•

Royal Mail/Post

•

Disabled parking permit

•

TV Licensing

•

National Insurance card

•

Landlord

•

Passport

Employment/Pension •

Dept for Work & Pensions

•

Inland Revenue

•

Professional Organisations

•

Employer

•

Trade Union

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Social Media and Digital Assets Most of us never give a thought as to what will happen after we die to our social media sites, email accounts and various other digital platforms we use.

Do we know who owns the images and information we post? Some sites allow a person’s page to be memorialised so that it is preserved in some form. If you are unsure if you need to act on behalf of your loved one regarding their digital assets, the following organisations are a good source of information.

Bereavement Advice Centre Call: 0800 634 9494 Mon to Fri 9am – 5pm except for public holidays.

For more information visit www.bereavementadvice.org

National Bereavement Service

Call: 0800 0246 121 Mon to Fri 9am – 6 am; Sat 10am – 2pm For more information visit www.thenbs.org

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Funeral arrangements A funeral is an opportunity to say goodbye in a way that is unique for the bereaved and for the person who died. Many people want the funeral to reflect the character, way of life, beliefs, and ideals of the deceased.

You do not have to wait until the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD) has been issued before contacting a funeral director.

Many people choose to use the services of a funeral director, as this can be such a confusing and upsetting time, and it can be easier to use the services of professionals. It is not, however, a legal requirement to use a funeral director.

Before making any plans, it is important to check whether the person who has passed left any specific instructions or maybe has paid for a funeral in advance.

Hopefully, your loved ones will have discussed their pre-paid funeral plans with you and will have told you where to find the relevant documentation. If not, the Funeral Planning Authority may be able to help you to find a plan if one exists.

Unfortunately, there is currently no national database relating to funeral plans and of course, there are also insurance products available now to cover funerals. However, the majority of funeral plan companies are a member of the Funeral Planning Authority. This may be accessible on their website, or via the following link: www.funeralplanningauthority.co.uk/trace-a-plan It is advisable to compare information about services and costs from two, or three firms. You shouldn’t feel pressured to accept all the options offered to you, especially if you have a limited budget.

Choosing a Funeral Director Funeral Directors can manage all or part of the funeral arrangements. They can give advice on available options and provide support to help you make decisions. There are many differences in the type and quality of services that Funeral Directors provide.

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Your choice of Funeral Director is important. You should feel comfortable and confident with them. You can ask any Funeral Director for an estimated cost before making a commitment to use their services. It is reasonable to seek estimates from more than one company. Check that the company you choose belongs to a trade association. The Funeral Director needs to know and discuss with you: • • • • • •

The name, age and religion of the deceased The place of death and name of the doctor who has signed the Medical Certificate Any particular requests left by the deceased If burial or cremation is required The type of service, hymns, cars, flowers, newspaper notices etc. you would like The style of coffin

The Funeral Director will need the Green Form from the Registrar’s Office. You can also consult your local telephone directory or local information website.

Types of Funerals There are many options concerning the content and duration of a funeral than some people may realise. Many services have a religious element, but Humanist or civil services are available for those who would like a meaningful non-religious service. Many people want the funeral to reflect an individual’s character, their way of life, beliefs, and ideals.

There are two main types of funeral: • •

At a crematorium only At a church or other place of worship and followed by a burial or cremation

Cremation If a person is to be cremated two doctors are required to sign the Death Certificate. No one can be cremated until the cause of death is definitely known. The crematorium usually needs: • • •

An application form signed by the next of kin or executor and either: Two cremation certificates or: A cremation form signed by the Coroner.

Ashes can be buried in a churchyard or cemetery or they can be kept by a person’s loved ones, or scattered (although in some places consent may be required to do so).

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Burial Your family may already have reserved a burial plot for which you will have a deed or grant. This will show the plot number of the existing grave. You will need to take this document to your Funeral Director. If you do not have a reserved plot then your Funeral Director will advise and assist you on the availability of a new plot. Some churchyards are no longer open for burials because there is no space left.

A simple funeral Most people would expect the Funeral Director to provide the following services as a minimum: • • • • • • • • •

Make all arrangements Provide appropriate staff Provide a suitable coffin Transfer the deceased from the place of death to the Funeral Director’s premises Care for the deceased prior to the funeral Provide a hearse to the nearest cemetery or crematorium Arrange for burial or cremation Provide support and care for the people who were significant to the deceased Embalming, viewing of the deceased, or providing a car for mourners may also be required

Independent and ‘family organised’ funerals Some families prefer a ‘family organised’ funeral. If this is your wish and if you have time to research and prepare, you can enquire at the Cemeteries and Crematorium department of your local authority for guidance.

If your loved one dies in the Hospice, you will still need to contact a funeral director to collect and care for the body appropriately. You can then discuss the next steps with the funeral director.

If your loved one dies at home and you wish to keep them at home until the funeral, for cultural, or personal reasons, contact a funeral director who will advise you what to do next.

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Complaints Most funerals are conducted well, but if you have a complaint, you should contact your Funeral Director. If you are not satisfied with the reply you can complain to the trade association listed below: • •

The National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD) The National Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors (SAIF)

Advice may also be obtained from your local Trading Standards Department.

Paying for the funeral Funeral costs are normally recoverable from the deceased’s estate but the person organising the funeral will be responsible for paying the bill.

It is advisable to check where the money will come from before you make arrangements.

Many people now purchase their funeral in advance through a pre-purchase funeral plan. You may need to check if this has been arranged. Many Funeral Directors require payment before probate is granted so ensure you discuss payment from an early stage. Where probate is being requested many banks and building societies will release money to pay for the funeral before probate is granted, but not all.

Where payment for the funeral is an issue, you may be eligible for a Social Fund Funeral Payment if you or your partner gets one of the following benefits: • • • • • • • •

Income Support Income-based Jobseeker’s Allowance Income-related Employment and Support Allowance Working Tax Credit which includes a disability or severe disability element Child Tax Credit at higher than the family rate Pension Credit Housing Benefit Universal Credit

The Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) can advise you and help establish your eligibility for other benefits. In some cases where no one is able to pay for the funeral the local authority may help but it is important to contact them before the funeral is arranged.

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Your funeral director will be able to advise you, or you can contact the following organisations who will be able to advise you on a range of financial issues that may arise after a bereavement, including paying for a funeral:

Quaker Action - Down to Earth Help and support, including financial, when organising a funeral anywhere in the UK. 1:1 support can only be provided when a funeral has not yet taken place. For help following a funeral visit the website.

Call: 020 8983 5055 Email: downtoearth@qsa.org.uk For more information visit www.quakersocialaction.org.uk/

National Bereavement Service A not-for-profit organisation offering straightforward information and guidance on all aspects of bereavement, focusing particularly on the practical steps/legal issues that arise when someone dies.

Call: 0800 0246 121 Mon to Fri 9am-6pm; Sat 10am-2pm.

For more information visit www.thenbs.org

Bereavement Advice Centre Information and guidance, provided by Co-op legal services, on all aspects of bereavement, focusing particularly on the practical steps/legal issues that arise when someone dies.

Call: 0800 634 9494 Mon to Fri 9am – 5pm except for public holidays.

For more information visit: Bereavement Advice Centre | Free Helpline www.bereavementadvice.org

Department for Work and Pensions DWP Advice and support regarding eligibility for benefits following a bereavement.

Bereavement Service Helpline Call: 0800 731 0469 Mon to Fri 8am – 6pm or visit www.gov.uk/bereavement-support-payment/howto-claim

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Citizen’s Advice – Halton Provide advice on a range of legal, financial, social and health issues including bereavement benefits and entitlement to bereavement leave.

Call: 0344 477 2121 www.haltoncab.org.uk

Money Helper Free and impartial advice on a wide range of money issues including debt management, budgeting, bereavement and other benefits.

Call: 0800 011 3797 Mon to Fri 8am – 6pm.

Webchat available Mon to Fri 8am – 6pm; Sat 8am to 3pm www.moneyhelper.org.uk

Other resources that might be of help when planning a funeral National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD) This organisation sets professional standards for funeral directors. They can help with a range of issues such as finding a funeral director, dealing with any complaints and providing up to date information for planning a funeral according to current national guidelines. More information available at www.nafd.org.uk

Natural Death Centre For guidance on family organised funerals. www.naturaldeath.org.uk

Information on the Halton Residents’ Funeral offer: www3.halton.gov.uk/Pages/BirthsDeathsMarriages/funeralservice.aspx

Walton Lea Crematorium warrington.gov.uk Chester Road WA4 6TB Tel: 01925 267731

Monument Meadow Natural Burial Ground www.monumentmeadow.co.uk Chester Road, Farndon, Chester, Cheshire CH3 6QP Tel: 07725 073596

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Changes in circumstances and benefits If you were receiving Carers Benefit prior to the bereavement this will continue for six weeks after the death of the person you were caring for. Check that Council Tax Benefit and Housing Benefit are in your name; if not, these may need to be reapplied for. www.gov.uk/ has excellent advice on all benefits, or you can use the contacts suggested below. If you are a parent and any of the following benefits are in the deceased’s name these will have to be changed or reapplied for: Child Benefit or Child Tax Credit (contact HMRC 0300 200 3100) For support in finding out what is available and how to apply, contact the number above, Jobcentre Plus, or your local Citizen’s Advice Bureau.

Alternatively try the Tackling Financial Insecurity Together | www.turn2us. org.uk/get-support/information-about-benefits website for information.

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The Department for Work and Pensions Bereavement Service The DWP has a bereavement service contactable on 0800 731 0469. They can offer a benefits review, check if there are any benefits you may be entitled to and either deal with any claims over the telephone or advise you who to contact. You may want to contact the bereavement service if: • • •

Your spouse/partner or you were on a state benefit prior to your bereavement.

You are now on a low income since your bereavement.

You are over pension age, particularly if you are now living alone.

If you are eligible for certain benefits you may also be able to get support with your mortgage. The bereavement service can advise you about this. The phone line is run by the pension service but deals with calls from people of all ages.

Bereavement Support Payment Eligibility You may be able to get Bereavement Support Payment if your husband, wife or civil partner died on or after 6 April 2017. You could be eligible if your partner either: • •

Paid enough National Insurance contributions.

Died because of an accident at work or a disease caused by work.

When they died you must have been: • •

Under State Pension age Living in the UK or a country that pays bereavement benefits. (www.gov.uk/claim-benefits-abroad/bereavement-benefits)

If you get benefits, the Bereavement Support Payment won’t affect your benefits for a year after your first payment. After a year any payment you have left over could affect the amount of benefit you’re eligible for. You must tell your benefits office (for example, your local Jobcentre Plus) when you start getting the Bereavement Support Payment.

Previous eligibility: www.gov.uk/bereavement-support-payment How to claim: www.gov.uk/bereavement-support-payment/how-to-claim

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How to claim How you apply depends on where you are. If you’re in the UK you can apply using a form or by phone. Download a Bereavement Support Payment pack (Form BSP1) from: (www.gov.uk/government/publications/bereavement-supportpayment-claim-form) or order it over the phone from your local Jobcentre Plus (www.gov.uk/contact-jobcentre-plus). Take the completed form to your local Jobcentre Plus or send it to: Bereavement Support Payment Mail Handling Site A Wolverhampton WV98 2BS

Bereavement Service helpline Telephone: 0800 731 0469 Welsh language: 0800 731 0453

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Other services you might find helpful Stopping junk mail to the recently deceased If someone you know has died, the amount of unwanted marketing post being sent to them can be greatly reduced helping to limit painful, daily reminders.

By registering with the free service www.stopmail.co.uk. The names and addresses of the deceased are removed from mailing lists, stopping most advertising mail within as little as six weeks. If you cannot access the internet you can call 0808 168 9607, where you will be asked for very simple information that will take only a few minutes to complete. Alternatively, ask the bereavement team for a leaflet that can be returned in the post.

This free of charge service provided by the Bereavement Support Network will not only actively reduce unwanted marketing mail but also can help reduce the likelihood of identity theft following the death of someone close. The information is not used for any other purpose, and you only have to complete this once. Additionally to Stop Mail a comparable service can also be accessed from the Bereavement Register or Deceased Preference Service if you would prefer to use them.

Solicitors, Wills and Legal Matters Unless you’ve experienced bereavement before, you will probably be unsure as to what you have to do. You’re likely to be faced with lots of unfamiliar terms such as Probate and Estate Administration and have a lot of questions on matters that require immediate attention.

The words used, legal processes and the forms you need to fill in can add to the distress and anxiety that you are already experiencing after the loss of a loved one. For the correct information as to what needs to be done see the government publication www.gov.uk/when-someone-dies. If you want/ need to speak to a solicitor regarding any concerns you may have, be aware that their services will be charged for and rates vary from one solicitor to another. Ask about any charges upfront, before you go ahead.

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Probate (administration of an estate) This is the legal process for the distribution of the deceased’s estate (money, property etc.). You need to establish if the deceased had made a Will. This may be found at their bank, solicitor, home, with a family member or a friend or the Will may be stored with the Principal Probate Registry (020 7421 8594 or 0300 123 1072).

When a Will is in place The Will may include funeral wishes, wishes regarding the deceased’s estate and the name of the executor/s or the person/s legally entitled to deal with the estate. The executor/s is/are legally responsible for administrating the estate according to the wishes in the Will. If the Will is with a solicitor they should be informed of the death. The solicitor may also be the executor. Named executors can administer the person’s estate on their own (information on how to do this can be found online at www.gov.uk or they may prefer to get the help of a solicitor to carry this out.

When there is no Will in place When someone dies without making a Will they are said to have died ‘intestate’ and different rules apply. When this happens the law sets out who should deal with the person’s affairs and who benefits. This can be a complex situation.

Further information can be found online at www.gov.uk or you can involve a solicitor to help you through the process.

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Grief Grief is a normal reaction to any major loss in our lives. When someone dies there will be many practical things that need to be attended to. This can mean that we start to grieve once these things are completed and the people around us begin to return to their everyday lives. It can be hard for us to accept the death of someone we have been close to and we may feel overwhelmed and confused by our emotions. Part of the grieving process is trying to make sense of something that seems senseless.

We all grieve in our own way and at our own pace. There is no right or wrong way. Adjusting to the loss of someone close to us may cause us to feel a wide range of emotions which may be stronger than any we have previously experienced, sometimes seeming too much to bear.

At first, we may feel shock and disbelief; numbness and disconnection from everyday life. Grief may catch us by surprise so that we are suddenly overwhelmed by our feelings. We may experience deep sadness, even depression or feelings of anger and guilt. We may feel incredibly tired, but unable to sleep, experience a decreased appetite or become forgetful and find it difficult to concentrate. Small tasks or problems may seem insurmountable and cause us to feel panicky. We may feel less confident, lose interest in our work and hobbies and find it difficult to make decisions.

We may also think that we hear or see the deceased, even though we know that they have died. We may feel unable to cry, or experience a sense of relief.

These are all normal reactions.

If we have been caring for the person who has died, we may feel the loss of our caring role and the relationships that had developed with health care professionals. We may have lost contact with friends and feel isolated and alone. Equally, we may not feel the extremes and complexity of emotions we were expecting. This does not mean we loved or cared for the person any less.

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Coping with grief Things that may help: • • • • • •

Remember there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Everyone is different.

Do what feels right and comfortable to you. Be kind to yourself.

Allow yourself to laugh, cry or feel angry.

Try not to feel pressurised by the expectations of others.

Take care of yourself and pay attention to your health.

Try to accept help from others. This can be comforting for you and for them.

• Talking about your experiences and the person who has died can help you to begin to make sense of what is happening for you.

• You may find that people are awkward around you. They may want to give support, but are afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. If you feel able, let them know how best they can help you.

• Do not be afraid to seek help from your GP or other health care professionals.

With time you may find that gradually memories become less painful. Although you will not forget the person you loved you may find a way of holding on to your memories, while finding hope in a future without them.

Support for children and young people Supporting children at this time can feel daunting, particularly if you are struggling with your own grief. However, there are simple and straightforward ways which can make a real difference to you and to a grieving child: • •

Make sure that you have enough support for yourself.

Make sure that the nursery/school/college is aware of what has happened, as they may be able to offer support.

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Children • Talk to your child using simple, straightforward language.

• Give your child as much information as he/she asks for, be led by them and provide the information in ‘bite size chunks’, a little at a time, taking time to check their understanding of what you have said.

• Answer your child’s questions as honestly as you can, in words they can understand.

• Encourage your child to talk about how he/she feels.

• Children will benefit from keeping to their usual routine and regular activities as far as is possible. This will help them to feel secure.

• Children need to be reassured that they will be looked after.

• Children often need help to retain their memories so share memories and stories with them.

It is OK for your child to know that you are feeling sad. A child’s understanding of illness and death will vary according to their age and development. However, no child is too young to notice that an important person is no longer around and all need to come to some understanding about what has happened. With support and information children and young people can be helped to do this and can slowly learn to live with their loss.

Young people Although teenagers may grieve more like adults than younger children, bereavement in adolescence can be especially difficult because of the rapid physical and emotional development that is taking place. Young people may be striving to become independent from their parents and perhaps rebelling against them. The effect of bereavement, however, is often said to make them feel more dependent as they may experience particularly confusing emotions.

Young people may need to discover, in their own way, the space and support they need to express their grief. This will include needing to know that you are willing to talk, offer explanations and share memories. They will also continue to need your support in providing structure and boundaries to their lives.

Children and funerals Families, and individuals within families, can have very different views on whether children should see the body after death or attend the funeral.

However, it can be helpful for children to be included in the arrangements at some level and important for them to have the choice. To make an informed decision they need a simple explanation of what is involved. At the funeral it can help them to have someone with them in whom they feel secure.

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Tributes and Memorials For many who are bereaved it is important to find a way to remember their loved one and share their precious memories with others who cared about them. Creating an online memorial is becoming more popular and the following sites can help you set up the tribute/memorial you feel is most fitting: Halton Haven Light Up a Life: Christmas is a time of celebration and sharing but it can also be a difficult time of year if we have lost someone special.

Our Light Up A Life service takes place in December. It is a very special nondenominational service and an opportunity to celebrate and remember the lives of those we have lost. It consists of carols, readings and songs and ends with the switching on of the remembrance lights on our beautiful Christmas tree at the Hospice.

The lights on the tree burn brightly until the 12th night and alongside them are also glo-sticks hung there by young people at the service. We have a limited number of individual Christmas trees sponsored by companies, individuals and families which also remain lit until 12th night.

The service is accompanied by an appeal which allows people to show support in memory of loved ones and to have their names recorded in our Book of Remembrance. This Book is kept on display in the Hospice reception throughout the year for donors to view and visit as they wish. Not only are our donors comforted by remembering loved ones but they also know that their donations will allow Halton Haven Hospice to continue caring for others during the coming year. The service is open to everyone whether they have lost loved ones at the Hospice or not. The evening is one of celebration and both before and after the service refreshments and stalls are available.

Much Loved: an online tribute charity allowing you to create a dedicated place where you can remember and celebrate the life of your loved one. For more information visit www.muchloved.com Life for a Life: an organisation that plants trees and installs memorial benches to commemorate loved ones. Over time, these trees will develop into beautiful, organised forests to benefit the environment that everyone can enjoy.

For more information visit: www.lifeforalife.org.uk/memorials/memorial-trees

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You may want an alternative to a traditional headstone and this page offers some ideas. You must always be mindful that you will need to work within the rules of the cemetery or burial site you have chosen. www.funeralinspirations.co.uk/grave-markers/ If your loved one has been cremated, you may be wondering whether you should scatter or keep their ashes. This site has many ideas that may be of help www.aklander.co.uk/memorials

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Halton Haven Bereavement Support Halton Haven offers bereavement support to patients at the Hospice and their families. There are often stages of preliminary grief, especially when a person is poorly for a long time before coming into the Hospice. However, it is still a shock when a loved one dies, even if it is expected. We understand that losing a loved one is a distressing time, and you can experience confusing emotions, such as numbness, anger, denial, and even relief that your loved one is no longer suffering. It can be extremely difficult to make sense of these emotions.

Our bereavement Counsellor can offer listening support, and advise and signpost, to other services if needed.

Please contact: Halton Haven Hospice: 01928 712728 Other Bereavement services available: • The Centre - Halton Cancer Support Centre. Call us on: 0151 423 5730 Mon-Fri 10am-3pm. Service offering advice and counselling support for adults and children who have been affected by cancer.

•

Listening Ear: The services available include: 1:1 Counselling / CBT, delivered by experienced and qualified counsellors and therapists. Group counselling, facilitated by experienced and qualified counsellors. To access the helpline please call 0800 048 5224.

•

Night stop: 0151 345 6454

•

NHS talking therapies - NHS (www.nhs.uk) - You can self-refer via the website.

•

Samaritans – 116 123

•

Mental Health Helpline for Urgent Help - NHS (www.nhs.uk) If you feel that you are experiencing a mental health crisis and need immediate support.

•

STAR Frodsham, Helsby and Elton Bereavement Peer Support group STAR meet on the first Monday of the month from 1-3pm and the third Tuesday of the month, 7-9pm in: The Parish Hall Church Street Frodsham WA6 6PN

They are not a drop-in session and will need to know if you plan to attend.

So please phone them first on 07498 545450.

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•

Halton Bereavement Café This informal, peer led group is an opportunity for Halton’s bereaved adults to get together to chat and support each other. The groups are held in two venues: Halton Lea Library Halton Lea Shopping Centre Second Avenue Palacefields Runcorn WA7 2PF St Marie’s Lugsdale Road Widnes WA8 6DB

Booking is not necessary. You do not have to be bereaved by cancer. Free parking is available at both venues. If you would like to know more about the Bereavement Café in Halton, please contact Laura Beechey at Halton and St Helens VCA, 01928 509 405 / email: lbeechey@haltonsthelens.vca.org.uk

Reference: Halton Haven Hospice Bereavement Book Review Date: February 2027 Publication Date: February 2025

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The Hospice would like to thank RNS Publications for publishing this information and the following pages contain some features from services offering their help at this time.

Whilst the Hospice is grateful of their support it does not endorse or recommend any of the services that they provide.

STOPPING JUNK MAIL It is distressing to deal with a bereavement and unsolicited mail can be insensitive and destructive during a grieving process.

By scanning the below QR code on your phone or visiting www.stopmail.co.uk, we are able to securely share this information with mailing organisations and under the Data Protection Act the information will not be used for any other purpose.

Other benefits reduce the possibility of identity fraud, such as assumed identity and you will only have to supply the information once.

www.stopmail.co.uk 0808 168 9607 from a landline 0333 006 8114 from a mobile © Bereavement Support Network Ltd 2025

When all you want is either a simple cremation or funeral We understand how expensive funerals can be and specialise in providing a valued service.

In recent years families have increasingly chosen more straightforward options. We can connect you with a local partner who can offer a simple and dignified cremation from £990.00, as well as more traditional funerals where we can add personal touches to reflect your wishes.

CREMATION SUPPORT Supporting families nationally

admin@cremationsupport.co.uk

To discuss how we can provide a discreet and caring service for your loved one and confirm a fixed price:

call

0808 169 8454

Direct Cremation is from

£990.00

Price valid at time of publication but may be subject to change.

Halton Haven Hospice Barnfield Avenue Murdishaw Runcorn Cheshire WA7 6EP 01928 791221

Published by RNS Publications © Tel: 01253 832400 R7