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News
december 1, 2011
the Vanguard
Police log Smellevator Just after midnight on November 13, a female decided to bring the party to a Copley North elevator. While the elevator was going down, this CoNo resident was throwing up. In the elevator. Nasty. An ambulance was called, not because this student had no regard for the cleanliness standards upheld in the lower campus elevators, but because she was unsteady and projectile yacking. When questioned, this co-ed could not inform the paramedics of the day, date, time, or how much she drank. Well, honey, just to clue you in: Sunday, November 13, 12:09 a.m., too much. This female student may have had a rough night, but she surely isn’t the only person who has been in this situation. A warning from these reporters to all of our fellow Bentley students: Sometimes, when you go hard, you throw hard. Plain and simple. Don’t let your dignity go to the bottom floor. Keep it classy. Need a Handle to Handle It Last Thursday evening, University Police was notified that a handle was missing from a fire door in Falcone North. Let me tell you kids, back in my day you could leave your handles wherever you damn well pleased: On a door, in the hall, in the middle of Seasons at about 6:30 p.m.…anywhere. But now? No. Now when a guy harmlessly tapes his handle of Pinnacle Whipped to his door for easy access, he has to be wor-
ried about scumbags coming and stealing it. Now the seniors (and only the seniors…cause underage drinking is illegal…) have to keep their booze in fridges and stuff. It’s just embarrassing, really. Having Problems While Bacon During the weekend before Thanksgiving, one Orchard North resident decided to pig out and heat up some bacon. Unfortunately, this plan backfired, and the student set off the fire alarm. Talk about disturbing the peas! If people knew that their building was being evacuated just because one of their peers was going ham on some bacon, they may have been stuffing this student’s face in. We know hindsight is 20/20, but this kid should have probably waited for the turkey. Since he expressed no desire to hold out for the poultry, Orchard North residents should feel free to flip him the bird. 8th Time’s the Charm University Police requested a tow for a car that was parked illegally in the Student Center Lot. The vehicle was parked without a decal and had been cited, get this, seven times previously for parking violations. I guess this is the first victim of Bentley’s new eight strike policy. Okay, fool me once, shame on you. But fool me eight times in the span of three months, now shame on me! Seven, now that could be a fluke, but eight? No way. We’re cracking
down at eight. Be scared… #StruggleBus On Saturday, November 12, Belmont Police requested that a Bentley police officer speak with a Harvard Shuttle driver due to the shuttle’s possible involvement in a minor motor vehicle accident. Some may be discouraged by this unfortunate mishap, but these reporters are actually rather pleased. At the beginning of the year, we had a bus become engulfed in flames. Students feared for their safety and Bentley sent out an e-mail telling us every detail about the potential dangers to our personal safety (oh wait…no they didn’t…). Now, all we’re worried about is a minor scratch on a non-Bentley student’s car? We’re encouraged, Bentley, and you should be too. Taxing Night Late Saturday night, a taxi driver reported that he was having a problem with some students. Apparently, the driver had taken three males from Boston to Bentley after a night on the town. On the ride home, one of the males tossed his chunks all up in the backseat. So, the other two goons did what any healthy, normal, obliterated students would do: Ditched the cab as soon as it pulled up to the school. Johnny Twobeer, however, was stuck stumbling and mumbling his way to the Police Station. Talk about a man-law violation, huh? These bros saw their buddy lose his lunch in the backseat,
and they decide to just ditch him. Pretty sure they each earned themselves a head-butt to the crotchal region from an angry midget. Justice. Slizzard in Slade A Slade Hall resident was found unresponsive after a night of “partying” and was subsequently transported to Newton-Wellesley Hospital. This student was put into protective custody and is being judicially charged with public intoxication, but we have a different focus here. Where did the word “partying” come from? How is puking your brains out at all similar to the celebration of your eighth birthday? Parties are usually meant for fun, not for eventual rediscovery of the crispy chicken sandwich you had for lunch. But hey, that’s just our take. Oh yeah – do you see the Freshman Puke Count at the end of this column? Now you know where one of them came from… FRESHMAN PUKE COUNT: If you thought that our young guns would take it easy after their recordhigh 10 pukers…you thought dreadfully wrong. They went out and matched their total, gagging their way to another 10-spot, bringing the year’s total to 55. We like to call this “back-to-back yacks”. How about a hat trick next week? Eyes on the prize, kids!
Sean Harrington and Brian Shea Vanguard Staff
Judicial action Summary EDITOR IN CHIEF Leslie Dias MANAgINg EDITOR gENERAL MANAgER Tomer Gat John Karakelle COPy EDITOR NEWS EDITOR SPORTS EDITOR CAMPUS LIFE EDITOR FEATURES EDITOR BUSINESS EDITOR PHOTOgRAPHy EDITOR ONLINE EDITOR EDITORIAL DIRECTOR DIRECTOR OF PRODUCTION DIRECTOR OF ADvERTISINg DIRECTOR OF MARKETINg JOURNALISM ADvISOR STUDENT LIFE ADvISOR
Alyson Bisceglia Lacey Nemergut Robbie LaBrie Sindhu Palaniappan Lindsay Beauregard Phillip St. Pierre Emily Silver Brian Fuerst Ian Markowitz Jeff Breault Greg Kokino Brandon Schug Judy Rakowsky Nicole Chabot-Wieferich
FOR GENERAL & CONTACT INFORMATION ABOUT The Vanguard, PLEASE SEE PAGE 4.
11.10.2011-11.16.2011
Total number of cases: Total number of individuals involved (violators): Number of individuals dismissed from responsibility: Number of individuals referred to Judicial Board: Number of educational sanctions given: (includes referrals to Alcohol Education) Cash total of fines given for the week: Number of Work Sanctions assigned: Number of students placed on warning Number of Parental Notifications: Number of individuals put on Residential Probation: (Loss of 15 Housing Credits) Number of individuals put on Disciplinary Probation: (Loss of 30 Housing Credits) Number of individuals put on Suspension (Housing): Number of individuals put on Suspension (University): Number of individuals expelled from University: Provided by the Office of the Dean of Student Affairs
18 34 3 4 22 $956 4 11 0 4 0 0 0 1