Local News
Dealing with Stress by Eric Farnworth
This is personal. I have been asked to write an article for “Surrey Lawyer” about Maytree, a sanctuary for people in a suicidal crisis, because I am a solicitor and a Maytree volunteer. Why would Surrey Lawyer want an article touching on the taboo subject of suicide? Because lawyers (and others in highly responsible professions) are more likely than the general population to end their lives by killing themselves. Why? Well, in my personal experience, because of stress. I probably don’t need to tell anyone reading this article that the Law is a stressful occupation. We have high standards; we are trained and required to abide by them; clients are demanding, often unreasonably so; we need to give an excellent service; we need to meet deadlines (and billing targets!). Our employers are demanding. We often work long hours with excessive workloads. The more conscientious we are the more the pressure “gets” to us. In my years in the City (before a long overdue crisis followed by a couple of years trying to leave the Law – an attempt to qualify as a primary school teacher, work as a gardener, and working in a supermarket - and then my return to the Law but half-time and in the leafy suburbs of southwest London so I could commute by bike rather than by SouthWest trains and London Underground) I probably had to take time off work a couple of times a year because I just couldn’t cope with the pressure. I would have to stay in bed - I just couldn’t get up. When awake I was angstridden, writhing in bed with no concept that I had a future, that I would ever feel better. Depressed? Certainly. Suicidal? Yes. Stress leads to depression. Depression, if untreated, will lead to suicidal feelings and
thoughts, which in turn can increase in severity and lead to a suicide attempt or to an unnecessary death. I didn’t take time off work lightly; I struggled. I would lie in bed when the alarm clock rang, sweating, afraid to face the day. And of course I didn’t ‘fess up. I claimed ‘flu symptoms to explain my absences. Why wasn’t I upfront? Why didn’t I just say that I was stressed to the extent that I couldn’t continue? Pride, fear that I would be looked down on for not being able to cope in a competitive world. Law firms are small; our bosses are very literally our employers – they pay our salaries. It makes it more difficult to admit suffering from stress or depression. I have somehow come through all of this and along the way have been both a Samaritan volunteer and, for the last nine years, a volunteer at Maytree. Maytree was founded in 2012 by two Samaritans with decades of experience between them. Their experience befriending people who are depressed/suicidal highlighted the fact that those in a suicidal crisis need somewhere to go for respite, for time out from their usual daily lives, to take a step back, to reflect, and to try to understand why they have been brought so low. The Samaritans does not have accommodation; it has phone lines and volunteer befrienders. Maytree is a house in north London which provides the necessary sanctuary. I know it works. Many guests find their stays transformative, yet there is nothing complicated or mystical about what we offer: a safe place in a pleasant four storey terraced house for the seemingly very short period of five days (four nights); listening non-judgmental ears (the effect of just being listened to, without interruption or advice, of feeling heard, of feeling understood, can itself be hugely helpful), conversations with trained volunteers, staff members and other Maytree guests either generally round the kitchen table or 1:1 with a volunteer or staff member in dedicated “befriending rooms” as we call them. No medication, no diagnosing, a minimum of rules and regulations, freedom to come and go. There is no charge. Guests self-refer (by phone, email or via the internet link) or may be referred by family, friends or professionals. After initial contact there is likely to be a series of phone calls during which a caller can consider whether talking things through with Maytree volunteers/staff is helpful and whether therefore a Maytree stay would itself be helpful; and Maytree can also form an opinion as to whether there is a suicidal crisis and whether what Maytree has to offer will be suitable. Not all callers can be helped by Maytree - for example we recognise that we can’t help those currently mis-using alcohol or drugs. After a few phone calls we move on to an assessment - merely an indepth conversation with an experienced Maytree person. This will either be at the house for anyone in the London area, or will consist of two phone calls with different Maytree people if the “potential guest” is outside London. A decision is then quickly made as to the offer of a Maytree stay, which we hope will follow very shortly after the assessment. If this article strikes a chord either for you or for someone you know, please contact us (details below). If you would like to help our work as a volunteer or with a donation, again, please be in touch. ■ Eric Farnworth, volunteer at:Maytree (a sanctuary for the suicidal) 72 Moray Road Finsbury Park London N4 3LG 020 7263 7070 maytree@maytree.org.uk Volunteering: carol@maytree.org.uk Donations:iqtadar@maytree.org.uk
10 SurreyLawyer