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BeBraveConversations:CelebratingRuleBreakers, WayMakers,andFreedomFighters
TheupcomingBeBraveConversationseventaims touniteindividualsfromdiversebackgroundsto explorethebraveryandperseveranceexhibited byrulebreakers,waymakers,andfreedom fighters.Theseindividualshavecourageously challengedestablishednorms,advocatedfor transformation,andsafeguardedtheheritageof theirfamiliesandcommunities.Thediscussionwill emphasizethesignificanceofmaintainingprecise historicaldocumentationandhonoringthe achievementsofthosewhohaveplayedpivotal rolesinfosteringamoreequitableandrighteous society.
Table Of
The Black Family
Preserving the Black Family | Migration fromSouth to North: The legacy of Arcollo McCloud, Sr
Loca Church Assistance Report Card
Local Church Assistance Falls Short: A Call for Improved Support and Understanding
Title: Reexamining Our Allegiances: A Call
A Call For Self Reflection
Reexamining Our Allegiances: A Call for SelfReflection in the Church
Navigating The Boundaries of Sin
Navigating the Boundaries of Sin, Grace, and Accountability in Christianity
If You Don't Know Me By Now
Analysis of The Words If You Don't Know Me any Now By Teddy Pendergrsss 1 2 3 4 5
BEBRAVE STORIES
Connecting The Dots: The Legacy of Great Grandad Arcollo McCloud, Sr. In Rochester, NY
The Black family in America has a long, complex, and tragic history rooted in slavery During this era, individuals were uprooted from stable family structures in Africa and faced the devastating reality of family separation upon arrival in what would become the United States
While most slaves were sold in "family lots" composed of a husband, wife, and their children, this definition excluded extended family members such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins Further exacerbating the situation, countless immediate families were torn apart when men, women, and children were sold off individually. Even those families that remained largely intact lived under the constant threat of separation due to slave sales.
My Comment
Following the Civil War and abolition of slavery, marriage became one of the first civil rights granted to freed African-Americans in the South Over time, they would exercise this right in significant numbers, though many were initially hesitant to legalize their marriages due to fears of potential consequences during an uncertain and tumultuous period
As a result of the horrors endured during slavery, African-Americans developed a strong sense of commitment to family and a determination to preserve and protect their familial relationships at any cost.
The Legacy of Great Grandad Arcollo McCloud, Sr. In Rochester, NY
BEBRAVE STORIES
The LEGACY CONTINUED
Although some attribute the current lower marriage rates among African-Americans and the increased likelihood of single parenthood to this painful past, the reality is that marriage was nearly universal among Black Americans by the turn of the 20th century In fact, marriage rates among African-Americans remained higher than those of white Americans until the early 1960s This demonstrates that many of those who migrated to northern states in search of improved social and economic conditions were either married or seeking marriage and had or wanted children, thus bringing with them a family-oriented mindset
While major cities such as New York, Chicago, Philadelphia, Detroit, and Kansas City were the primary destinations for Black southern migrants, many also settled in smaller industrial cities like Rochester, Buffalo, Cincinnati, and Minneapolis to find work in factories, packing houses, mills, and to start their own businesses Over the course of nearly three generations, these Black migrant families formed the core of local communities, transforming the social fabric, cultural landscape, and demographics of cities across the United States By 1970, 50 percent of the nation's Black population lived outside the South, a significant change from 1910, when almost 90 percent resided within southern states
Although some attribute the current lower marriage rates among African-Americans and the increased likelihood of single parenthood to this painful past, the reality is that marriage was nearly universal among Black Americans by the turn of the 20th century In fact, marriage rates among African-Americans remained higher than those of white Americans until the early 1960s. This demonstrates that many of those who migrated to northern states in search of improved social and economic conditions were either married or seeking marriage and had or wanted children, thus bringing with them a family-oriented mindset
The Legacy of Great Grandad Arcollo McCloud, Sr. In Rochester, NY
BEBRAVE STORIES
Connecting The Dots: The Legacy of Great Grandad Arcollo McCloud, Sr. In Rochester, NY
The story of Arcollo McCloud, Sr, a successful landscape architect and entrepreneur, is a testament to the power of vision, hard work, and commitment to community. Born in Key West, Florida, Arcollo McCloud, Sr, known as Mack, made a lasting impression on Rochester, New York, through his landscape design work and dedication to social justice
Arriving in Rochester in the 1940s, McCloud Sr established DoRite Landscaping, a company offering design, development, and maintenance services for both residential and commercial properties. His work contributed to the beautification of Rochester, shaping the city's aesthetic character and transforming its urban spaces.
Great Grandma Ilean McCloud her Great grandchildren : Tunya, Frank, Sonya and Yvette
My Comment
In the 1950s, McCloud Sr, who was a widower, remarried He and his wife Ilean had four children His eldest son, Junior, arrived in Rochester in the mid 1950s A decade later, in 1963, his oldest daughter Beatrice joined Junior after the family drove to Hialeah to bring her to Rochester During his time in the city, Arcollo McCloud Sr. not only contributed to the landscape architecture but also led three churches, one of which was located directly opposite the Public Market
Beyond his professional achievements
Beyondhisprofessionalachievements,ArcolloMcCloud,Sr wasdeeplycommittedtothebettermentofhis community Inthe1960s,hecollaboratedwiththeCivil RightsorganizationFIGHT toprovidelandscapedesign anddevelopmentforFIGHT SquareApartments,offering much-neededhousingforlow-incomefamilies.Thisproject wasatestamenttohisdedicationtoequalityandsocial justice
BEBRAVE STORIES
Good Trouble R
His Partnership With F.I.G.H.T
His partnership with FIGHT continued into the 1970s with the development of FIGHT Village Apartments, further demonstrating his commitment to providing affordable housing to those who needed it most McCloud Sr also won a government contract for the expansion of the State University of New York at Brockport, showcasing his expertise in landscape design on a grand scale
Arcollo McCloud Sr. Entrepreneurial Spirit
Arcollo McCloud, Sr's entrepreneurial spirit extendedbeyondhisworkasalandscapearchitect Recognizing the need for affordable housing and community resources, he purchased and renovated single-family and duplex homes, making them accessible to low-income families with children Additionally, he established two fullservice fish markets that offered fresh seafood, cookedmeals,andcateringservices
Legacy Continued
Although Arcollo McCloud, Sr retired in 1975 and returned to Florida, his legacy continues to influence and inspire generations in the city of Rochester. His dedication to shaping the landscape, providing affordable housing, and fostering a strong sense of community is a shining example of how one person's commitment to making a difference can positively impact countless lives.
The story of Arcollo McCloud, Sr reminds us of the power of hard work, perseverance, and dedication in shaping our communities and making a lasting impact on the world around us
BEBRAVE STORIES
Connecting The Dots: How The Griffin Family Migrated From South To North
The Griffin family is another example of how Black southern transplants contributed to the transformation of the north Frank Griffin, Jr. was enlisted in the Navy and stationed at the world's largest naval base in Norfolk, Virginia. Frank was the grandson of Arcollo McCloud, Sr His mother Beatrice, was the eldest daughter of Arcollo McCloud, Sr
Frank Griffin Sr.
Frank met Alexzina Barnes in Norfolk, Alexzina's hometown The two married and in 1967, towards the end of the mass exodus, the couple migrated to Rochester, where Frank joined his family. Frank shared that while in the Navy, his travels around the world opened his eyes to the possibilities of life beyond the South He said, "I traveled north with my family because I knew that in the North, I could shield them from some of the racism that existed in the South."
A Man With Vision For His Family And Others
The Griffin Family, Siblings and Family Members
Alexzina added, "Rochester in the North seemed like a good place to raise a family, buy a home, and secure a good job with a stable income"
One son Frank Griffin Jr 3 daughters: Sonya, Tunya, and Antoinette (Yvette), 1 sister, Ronnie Ann Moton of Radcliffe, Kentucky, 1 brother, Marcell (Pearl) Barnes of Rochester, New York, and 1 aunt, Evon Walker of Norfolk, Virginia, daughter-in- law, Pamela R Griffin of Rochester, New York, 4 granddaughters: Shannon Griffin, Brianna Cromartie, Mahalia (Antonio) Gonzalez, of Rochester, New York, and Dajah (Rovell) White of Charlotte, North Carolina; 3 grandsons: Lavonne Richards, Jr of Buffalo, New York, Christopher Lowe, Jr of Mount Vernon, New York, and Franseau
BEBRAVE STORIES
While many historians and social scientists argue that the stable black family did not survive beyond the 1960s and '70s, others, like Destiny Owens, a Minnesota-based community activist, racial justice advocate, and life success coach whose family migrated north from Alabama and Mississippi, contend that the truth is more complex Owens believes that the Black family remains resilient in the face of adversity, especially considering the experiences of Black people in the South
The Great Migration from South to North significantly reshaped the Black family as much as it did the cities and towns in which they settled As families like the Griffins sought better lives and new beginnings, they not only contributed to the social fabric of their new communities but also demonstrated the enduring strength and resilience of the Black family.
The Resilience and Strength of Black Families
“The resilience and strength of today's Black families are built upon the foundation laid by parents, grandparents, and greatgrandparents who fought for stability, unity, and survival," said Smith. "We must not forget the sacrifices made by those who came before us in preserving the Black family in all its forms."
LOCAL CHURCH ASSISTANCE FALLS SHORT: A CALL FOR IMPROVED SUPPORT AND UNDERSTANDING
Addressing the barriers faced by the impoverished in Rochester
In a recent study conducted on 20 local churches, it was revealed that only three offered support beyond basic food assistance to community members in need. This finding underscores the harsh reality of the systemic barriers and social stigmas that continue to impede the progress of poverty alleviation in our city
Drawing inspiration from the Poor People's Campaign, revived by Rev Dr William J. Barber II and Rev. Dr. Liz Theoharis, we must acknowledge the systemic issues that contribute to the perpetuation of poverty in communities like Rochester Their research highlights that 51 percent of people in New York are poor or low-income a total of 9.9 million residents. This includes 61 percent of children (2.6 million), 52 percent of adults (6.4 million), and 42 percent of the elderly (1 9 million)
Focusing on Rochester specifically, poverty rates remain a pressing concern, with nearly half of all children living below the poverty line. According to the U.S Census Bureau, 48.2% of all children in Rochester live in poverty, with the majority coming from Black and Latino families These statistics underscore the need for more comprehensive and accessible assistance programs that address the root causes of poverty and provide a pathway to self-sufficiency
However, our research revealed that churches often impose invasive inquiries and requirements on individuals seeking assistance, such as asking about the circumstances that led to poverty, the amount of money in savings accounts, church affiliation, and the size of tithes and offerings These barriers not only create undue stress for those seeking help but also perpetuate harmful stereotypes and stigmas surrounding poverty.
with the majority coming from Black and Latino families These statistics underscore the need for more comprehensive and accessible assistance programs that address the root causes of poverty and provide a pathway to self-sufficiency
However, our research revealed that churches often impose invasive inquiries and requirements on individuals seeking assistance, such as asking about the circumstances that led to poverty, the amount of money in savings accounts, church affiliation, and the size of tithes and offerings These barriers not only create undue stress for those seeking help but also perpetuate harmful stereotypes and stigmas surrounding poverty. In addition, the requirement for individuals to travel to various locations to provide documentation for even basic bill payment assistance exacerbates the challenges faced by many low-income people in our community. Lack of transportation or gas money, along with the added responsibility of caring for children, makes it nearly impossible for some individuals to complete these steps, often leading to them being turned away due to insufficient documentation.
To address these pressing concerns, it is crucial for churches, community leaders, and policymakers to collaborate and develop strategies that promote empathy, understanding, and effective assistance for those living in poverty. By addressing systemic barriers and providing comprehensive support, we can work together to create a more equitable and compassionate community for all
REEXAMINING OUR ALLEGIANCES: A CALL FOR SELF-REFLECTION IN THE CHURCH
In today's society, it has become increasingly apparent that our devotion to the Church may be rooted more in celebrity culture, the pursuit of power, and material wealth than genuine reverence for the divine. The example of King David serves as a reminder that even biblical figures grappled with the allure of worldly pleasures and the consequences of misguided actions.
Our obsession with pastors as celebrities can cloud our spiritual judgment and create an environment where we prioritize charisma over character We must remain vigilant in ensuring that our devotion is directed toward God and not individuals who may exploit their positions of power.
The pursuit of wealth and influence within the Church can also lead to moral compromise and a distorted sense of priorities. The Church should serve as a refuge for those seeking spiritual guidance and support, not a platform for self-aggrandizement or financial gain.
is crucial for us as Christians to examine our motives and question whether our actions align with biblical teachings We must be wary of the temptations that come with power and resist the urge to justify our actions by invoking God's name. As the Church faces challenges in maintaining its moral compass, we must remember the lessons of King David, who ultimately repented and sought redemption.
In conclusion, let us collectively engage in self-reflection and refocus our energies on fostering genuine spiritual growth, humility, and compassion within the Church By remaining steadfast in our commitment to God and resisting worldly distractions, we can build a community that embodies the true values of our fait
NAVIGATING THE BOUNDARIES OF SIN, GRACE, AND ACCOUNTABILITY IN CHRISTIANITY
the Christian faith, the line between what constitutes sin and what does not often depends on interpretation, context, and denominational beliefs. The Bible provides guidance on various moral issues but leaves room for personal conviction and spiritual growth. While the definition of sin may vary, it is generally understood as actions or thoughts that go against God's will or commands
Grace, a central tenet of Christianity, is the unmerited favor and forgiveness that God extends to sinners. It is not a finite resource but a boundless expression of divine love However, grace should not be misconstrued as a "get out of jail free card" for repeated transgressions. True repentance involves genuine remorse, a commitment to change, and a willingness to accept the consequences of one's actions
Some argue that power, money, and influence may skew the application of grace, leading to exceptions to the rules. Recent controversies involving church leaders have highlighted concerns about accountability and transparency. In one instance, a pastor faced criticism for personal indiscretions and unethical hiring practices. While some defended the pastor's actions as "personal matters," others questioned the appropriateness of such behavior for a spiritual leader.
The question remains: How should the church balance forgiveness and accountability in cases of pastoral misconduct? While grace is essential to the Christian faith, the Church must also ensure that the concept is not exploited to evade responsibility or perpetuate injustice. John the Baptist, known for his unwavering commitment to righteousness, serves as a reminder that leaders must be held to high moral standards to maintain the integrity of the Church
In conclusion, the boundaries of sin and grace in Christianity are complex, and the Church must strive to maintain clarity and consistency in addressing moral issues As Christians grapple with questions of forgiveness and accountability, the importance of humility, honesty, and integrity remains paramount.
BeBRAVE Conversations for Women - Join Our Empowering Community!
Hello, brave and extraordinary women!
We are excited to invite you to join our BeBRAVE Conversations - a space where women come together to share their stories and experiences, not as victims, but as powerful survivors. We draw inspiration from the popular song "Brave" by Sara Bareilles, which resonates with our message: "Say what you wanna say, and let the words fall out Honestly, I wanna see you be brave."
#BEBRAVE A Support Group For Women
BeBRAVE Conversations is open to all women, regardless of relationship status, age, or background. We welcome married, single, and dating women, as well as friends and family members who want to listen and learn. Through storytelling from a position of strength, we challenge the idea of brokenness and embrace an asset-based model that empowers women to live life on their own terms
Here, you will discover a supportive community that encourages growth and self-expression. Together, we learn from one another's experiences and affirm that our stories cannot be hijacked or used to label us as "broken." Instead, we celebrate our resilience and encourage each other to embrace our power.
Join us for our monthly BeBRAVE Conversations and step into a space for heavyweights - where women uplift one another, share their triumphs, and embrace the courage to live authentically
Be brave, be strong, and be a part of our incredible sisterhood. Sign up for our next session today!
FrankGriffinJr.
LessonsLearnedfromLayingaGianttoRest: ReflectionsonMyBrother'sLegacy
Fashion photographers often work closely with stylists, designers, and models to develop a creative concept for a photoshoot.
Losingalovedoneisnevereasy,andwhen it'sasibling,thepaincutsdeep.Recently, myfamilyandIlaidmybrothertorest,and in the midst of grief, I couldn't help but reflect on the invaluable lessons he impartedthroughouthislife.Inthisarticle,I want to share the profound impact my brother had on me and the lessons I learned from him These lessons are a testamenttohischaracterandthelasting legacyheleavesbehind
1. Daily Dose of Inspiration: Listening to JeffreyOsborne: Oneofthelessonsmybrothertaughtme was the power of music He insisted on listening to Jeffrey Osborne's music every day,believingthatithadtheabilitytouplift the spirit and provide motivation. This taughtmetheimportanceoffindingdaily sources of inspiration to keep us going, eveninthefaceofadversity
2SkillfulDebatingonAllSubjects: My brother had an insatiable appetite for knowledge and loved engaging in intellectual discussions. He taught me the art of skillful debating, where respectful dialogueandtheexchangeofideastake precedenceThislessonhasnotonlyhoned mycriticalthinkingskillsbutalsotaughtme the value of open-mindedness and empathy
3.TheArtofWarandPeace: Oneofmybrother'sfavoritebookswas"TheArtofWar"by Sun Tzu, which he believed contained valuable insights applicable to both personal and professional life He emphasizedtheimportanceofunderstandingstrategies forsuccessandmaintaininginnerpeaceamidstchaos Thislessonhashelpedmenavigatechallengingsituations withacalmandstrategicmindset
4FamilyOverEverything: Mybrotherwasafirmbelieverintheimportanceoffamily bonds Hetaughtmethatnomatterwhathappensinlife, familyshouldalwayscomefirst.Hisunwaveringloveand support for our family instilled in me the value of unity, loyalty,andthestrengththatcomesfromhavingastrong supportsystem.
FRANK GRIFFIN JR.
5 Skillful Sailor Cussing:
While unconventional, my brother had a unique skill – skillful sailor cussing He taught me that sometimes, in moments of frustration, using colorful language can provide temporary relief and release pent-up emotions. However, he also stressed the importance of knowing when and where to use this skill, reminding me to always be mindful of my words and their impact on others
6 Unconditional Love:
My brother's love knew no bounds. He had an incredible capacity for unconditional love, accepting people for who they are without judgment This lesson has taught me the power of acceptance, forgiveness, and embracing others with open arms, regardless of their flaws or mistakes
7 Wisdom Beyond His Years:
Despite being younger than me, my brother possessed a wisdom that surpassed his age He had a unique perspective on life and provided guidance that often left me in awe His wisdom taught me the importance of seeking knowledge from unlikely sources and valuing the perspectives of those younger or less experienced than myself
8 How to Stay Awake After 8pm:
As trivial as it may sound, my brother had a knack for staying awake and being productive long after most people had called it a night. He shared his secrets for beating fatigue, which included techniques like power napping, staying physically active, and adopting a disciplined sleep routine This lesson has helped me maximize my productivity and make the most of my waking hours.
Late-Night Conversations:
Some of the most profound and heartfelt conversations I had with my brother occurred in the late hours of the night He emphasized the importance of creating a safe space for open dialogue and vulnerability, even when the world around us seems to have gone to sleep. These late-night talks taught me the value of deep connections and the power of being there for one another
10 Identifying the Finer Things in Life:
My brother had an eye for beauty and an appreciation for the finer things in life. He taught me to seek out and cherish the moments, experiences, and possessions that bring joy and fulfillment This lesson has encouraged me to live life with a sense of wonder and gratitude
Laying my brother to rest was undoubtedly one of the most challenging experiences of my life However, through the pain and grief, I have come to realize the incredible impact he had on me The lessons he taught me will forever shape who I am and how I navigate the world As I move forward, I strive to honor his memory by embodying the wisdom, resilience, and love he shared with me May his legacy continue to inspire and guide me, and may his soul rest in eternal peace
THE WOMAN CODE (S)
BY DR TUNYA GRIFFIN
THE UNWRITTEN AND UNSPOKEN RULES OF FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS
Afriend’sintentionsarenotalways honest.Recently,Iconducteduseful researchontheDo’sandDon’tsofa healthyfriendship.Thisisnotabout howweactwhenrelationshipsare goingasexpectedornot,buthowwe respondwhenthereisaconcerning situationthatmayariseduringour long-timefriendship.Thewaywe respond,however,whenfriendsshow signsofinsecurity,cluesofexploiting thefriendship,blamingthevictim, hostileavoidantpersonalityand problematicpersonalitytraits,and covertandbadmouthingyoubehind yourbackwhilesmilinginyourface. Astonishing,weretheresearch results.
ResearchQuestions:Theoverarching questionsguidingtheresearch, revealedsomeinterestingresults DO’sandDON’T’sofagoodfriendship Whethertherulesareimplicitor explicit?Whatdoesitmeantohave sharedvalues
inafriendship?Isitnecessaryafter2030 years of a friendship to develop a sharedvaluesystem-ifasharedvalue systemwasneverdeveloped?
Isitsafetosay,verbalcodessubstitute or contradict verbal communication? Nonverbal codes include but are not limited to: facial expression, eye contact, time management, silence, space touch, senses, tone and intonation? Types of Non-Verbal behaviors The importance of knowing your friends dislikes and likes El Where are the boundaries (verbal and nonverbal) Love Language between girlfriends with husbands, people they date,andexes?
Properdecorum:howdoyouconduct yourselfinthepresenceornotinthe presenceofyourgirlfriends:boyfriend, exes,orhusband?HeatherDay,After
readingInapieceforThoughtCatalog,HeatherDay,awriterandlecturerat SouthwesternMichiganCollege,recallsasimilarexperience.Duringhighschool,she andherfriendspubliclyshunnedanotherfriendwhohadsleptwithherex-boyfriend. Thegirlbeggedforforgiveness,butallattemptsatreconciliationwereignored.
The humiliation and heartbreak was so painful, she ended up moving away to live withherfather Yearslater,asaremorsefuladult,Heatherrealizesthatherfriendwas wrongbutthataveryhumandesiretofeelwanted-nomatterhowoldawomanmay be, but etiquette 101 with friends, hands off of my man, my money, my exes, my husband and or the like. Reverend Raquel Alston shared, You and I have an establishedfriendship.
In our friendship, I get to learn your core values, your standards, because it comes out when we communicate or through your body language. I should not have to sit down with you every six months or year to ask how you feel about friendship or marriage. Moreover or how do you feel about people treating you wrong?Becauseitisnotonlyhowyoutreatme,buthowyoutreatotherpeople.
Throughobservation,Igettolearnmoreaboutwhoyouare,whichisbeyondspeech. AndIthinkthisisforeverybody.Let’sconsiderthisiseveninmarriages-youareno survelincingyourmarriageinthatmanner(6monthcheck-inswithalist,1year,3 and5years).Maybeinthehoneymoonstage,butatsomepointyouarenotdoing thatatall.
It comes out that in a friendship there’s a covenant agreement that we are going to be friends, through the good and bad times. Moreover, for me, friendship is important! If we can’t trust oneanother, then why would we need to be friends. Friendship is all about making each other better people. It a journey that we take and we have to commit to that journey no matter what comes our way.And the most important thing is that we must keep communication with one another goingevenwhenthingsgetrough.
BlindGuides-Leadershipheldtoahigherstandard:
'If you ' re going to live leave behind a legacy. Make an impact on The That Can Never Be Erase.'
BeBRAVE
A happy and healthy friendship.”
Penitential–inwhichwe/Iexpressregretandsorrowoverwrongswehavedone (bothcommunalandindividualpenitentialpsalms)
TheThirdStageReorientationThanksgiving–inwhichwethankGodforwhatGod hasdoneforus/me(bothcommunalandindividualthanksgivingpsalms)
HymnsofPraise–inwhichwepraiseGodforwhoGodis
ZionPsalms–inwhichwepraiseGodforourhome
RoyalPsalms–inwhichweconsidertheroleofpoliticalleadershipCovenant Renewal–inwhichwerenewourrelationshipwithGod
Lastly, keep in mind that you should always “Though the tenets of A Woman’s Code may vary from group to group, there is one rule that is universal: Mates are off-limits Whether you were born a thousand years ago or yesterday, this law ranks supreme among all others unfortunately, it is also the law that is broken themostoften.”
BeBrave Journal Invitation: Surrounding yourself with honest and loyal people is imperativetomaintainahappyandhealthyfriendship.Everywomanwhohashada close girl friend or group of close girl friends knows there are some things loyal friendsjustdonotdo.Badadviceislikebadmedicine-Itwillneverworkorcureyour aching soul What emotions do you perceive as negative/ positive with your girlfriendsWhatisyourlovelanguageforyourselfanddoyouknowyourfriendslove language
WhatareyoudoingtoholdyourselfandyourfriendsaccountableHowdoyou copeandrespondwhenyoufeelthingsthatyoufindchallenging?
Howtonavigatethesisterhoodofwomen,tobuildcollaborationratherthan competition
What Husbands Want in Wives
Ever wonder what men REALLY want in a wife? You may think that you’re wifey material, but are you really? Psychologist, minister, and author Dr. Alduan Tartt reviewed the US Census data that detailed that close to 83% of African-American womenaremarriedorhavebeenmarriedatleastoncebyage55andover.Sogetit out of your mind that there isn’t enough men out there When it comes to finding love,commitmentandmarriage,thereishope,despitewhatyoumayhaveheard.It seemslikeeverybodyisgivingoutdatingandrelationshipadvicethesedays.Iknow thereareanabundanceofmenoutthereattemptingtogiveyou“tips”onhowtobe become a better woman. But instead of hearing it from someone else, hear it from from these husbands who took a survey of the top five characters they wished for mostinaspouse Here’swhattheysaid:
1) Admiration & Acceptance
It’s not just about if you can laugh at his jokes or not. Do you admire his business acumen,appreciatewhatandwhoheisasapersonandasaman,aswellaswhat hestandsfor?Wow!Whatalist,right?Oneoftheworsethingsyoucandoisjudgea man, especially when it comes to his past life before you. He isn’t asking for forgiveness;he’smerelyseekingyouracceptance.Ifhecanbecomecomfortablein divulgingwhohe’sbeenthenyou’llneverhavetoguesswhoheis.
2) Domestic Support
Can you run a home really well? Can you make sure the kids get their school work, host family events, make sure the house looks nice, cook, nurture, etc. Many men are cool with domestic support sharing these days by the way. Do you have a desire for home and children? A woman’s desire for home and children has become less attractive to men over time. In 1939, men ranked it at No. 6. As women have increasingly achieved similar levels of education and career status, men may have begun to perceive them as more equal partners. How to divide the labor of home and work isn’t as obvious as it was to their grandparents’ generation.
3) Physical Attractiveness
Canyoukeepyourattractivenesshighwithself-caresothatheisabletobragon you to his friends and always desire you physically? Women’s looks have become increasingly important to men over the years. The trait has jumped up on the list, from No. 15 back in the late 50s. Looks don’t usually make the top 10 list of what women want in a husband, but it has become more important to them over time too
4) Recreational Companion
Canyouplaywithhimandmakehisworldmorefunwithyouinit?Canyougotoa sports game, play golf, watch a movie, travel, and do other stuff together with you and him or his friends? Can you be sociable in a number of different circles? For both sexes, this has been steadily moving up the list and become more important. Nomanwantstobeworriedabouttheattitudehisgirlfriendorwifeisgoingtogive tothefriendheistryingtointroduceherto.
Hedoesn’twanthertoturnuphernoseorbeshortwiththem–itisimportantthat as his teammate in life, she is his teammate in all areas of life. Because today’s married couples are more likely to be friends and have mutual circles of friends, it makes sense that this has become a more attractive characteristic. love and attraction rather than practicalities (like wealth or status), physical attractiveness has become more desirable for men Does that mean you have to look like an Instagram model all the time? No Some men say they just want a woman who takescareofherselfphysicallyandwantstolook
5) Sexual Fulfillment
Canyousatisfyaman’sdesireforphysicalintimacytohisleveloffrequencyand quality?Let’sfaceit,menwanttomarryawomantheyaresexuallyattractedto. Oneofthebiggestcomplaintsweseeisthataftermarriage,manymencomplain thatthebeautiful,sexually-daring,freaky”wifetheydatedbeforemarriage,has changedintothewholehousemateinsteadofcombiningthetwo.Doesthatmean youhavetolooklikeanInstagrammodelallthetime?No.Somemensaytheyjust wantawomanwhotakescareofherselfphysicallyandwantstolookgoodforhim, notanyoneelse
6) Honorable Mention Honesty
Whileitdidn’tmakethetop5,honestystillisatraitthatisveryclosetowhatmen desireinalife-longwife.Realmenrespectanhonestwoman.Infact,theyyearnfor one.Awomanthatpossessestheabilitytobeopenandhonestaboutwhatshe wantsisonethatcanclearlyarticulatehowshedoesanddoesn’tfeel.There’s nothinglikeit. Afewofthecomplaintsfromhusbandsweheardwasthatawoman wouldsayonethinginordertogetareactionoutofherman,butinreality,she doesn’tfeelthat It’sthose“games”thatmakemenquestionifsheis“theone”and wanttomoveon.Inaworldfullofsurfaceinteractionyourtruehonestycanbe refreshingforhim.
10 Powerful Confessions Of Black Women
What lies in the heart of a Black women…like what’s really in their heart? Sometimes we only share what’s on the surface But on a tumblr blog, Black Women Confessions, is giving women the platform to share their deepest, innermost secrets. And honestly, some of them are heartbreaking, but they are true.Men:listen.Women:listentoo.Youarelovedandyouaren’ttheonlyone.
Belowaresomeofthetoponeswepickedouttoshare
Confession #1:
EveryblackmanI’veeverdatedhashurtme.Everysingleone.It’sthereasonIdon’t date black men anymore. I have issues with white men and white people surroundingracismandsexismbutIhaven’tbeenrapedbyawhitedude,Ihaven’t been assaulted by one. I’m by no means saying that it can’t happen; but I haven’t been. With black men there’s this particular sort of hurt that they lay down. Sexual violence and emotional violence. Maybe it’s just amplified to me because I expect them to protect me. Like I do them. Like my father did me. The sting feels twice, maybethreetimesashot.
Honestly,myheartjusthurtsandIwantedtosharethefactthatthereisaspecific typeofhurt,aspecifictypeoffeelingwhenyourowndoesyousobadly,does womensobadly.Ievenhaveaproblemsendingthisbutyouknow,I’mjustgoingto letitgo,putitoutthereintotheworldandtakeabreakfrombeingsadaloneabout ittoday. ItpainsmebecauseIloveblackmen.Ibynomeanswanttoshitonthem.Itpains metoevenspeakthetruthaboutmypain.Ibynomeansholdanyhatredforthem on a whole. I will fight for them, cry them and die for them. I have three brothers andIlovethemdearly–noneofthemaredatingblackwomenandthathurtsme but I’m quiet. I wonder what their thoughts on relationships with black women entail.Ihaveacousininjailandawhitewomanputhimtheretelling“lies”onhim. Were they lies tho? I don’t know. He promptly ran back to a black girl who took his sorryassbackwhenheleftherforthatsamewhitegirltobeginwith;whichangers meforher,eventhohe’smycousin.
Confession #2:
IreallywanttotrustblackmenbutIhonestlycan’t.I’vealwaysbeenhurtbythem. SometimesIjustwantthemtodisappearsowecanstartover Butsadlyweneed themtocontinuetheblackrace.
Confession #3:
My15yearolddaughtersaid“Mom,I’mnevergettingmarriedandhavingkids,”with a disappointed look on her face. Of course I responded as positive as I could and told her yes, one day you will and why would u believe different. She said “because alltheblackboysaregayinAtlanta”Ichuckled.We’removingtoAtlantanextmonth and majority of the video she see are of gay black boys and men, or Trans. ???? Realizing this is reality of today society gay seems to be the new TREND my heart is heavy for my daughters. Hoping this doesn’t make them believe that BLACK MALES arenotworthyofherloveandseekloveinotherethnicgroups.Constantly,Iremind hertobeBLACKandPROUDandthereisnothinggreaterthanaBLACKMAN Hearing thecriesofmydaughterstillyoungandnotofdatingageI’mspeechless Iutterthe wordsdearwhenyougetintocollegeyou’llmeetagreatguyfromanypartsofthe worldyou’renotlimitedtoAtlanta,LasVegasoranystateyouroptionareunlimited you’llgetmarried.
Confession #4:
After I’ve been binge watching on YouTube I asked myself why I was watching so much Irealizeditshardtofindshowsthatarepositive,notfocusedonviolence,that feature a black girl as the main character being normal. Being loved. Being silly. Slaying. Acting a non-stereotypical way. It kinda sucks that I can’t find any regular blackgirlsonTV.ShowsthatIfellinlovewithJoeandIdabecauseshe’shilariouslyin lovewithoutacareintheworldwithamanwholovesher.AndIwanttoseemoreof that.
Confession #5:
I pray that one day my older sister loves her kinky, curly hair as much as I do. Our familyisprettymuchablendedone,withourblackrootsandfilipinoroots.Meand my two siblings have ended up with different curl patterns (notably me having 3b andmyoldersisterhaving4c).Shealwayssaysherhairisn’tprettyandcompares herselftowomenthataredeemedtohave“goodhair”Herhairisbeautifultheway itis Those4ccurlsareeverythingandmore
Confession #6:
Ihavebeenfeelingselfconsciousatworkafterputtinginmyreallongboxbraids The majorityofmycoworkersarewhite Yesterday,awhitecolleaguetoldme “Youhair isSo....long”(pauseincluded).However,Ilovemybraids.IthinkIlookgood.Ijusthate beingmisunderstood
Confession #7:
Iam20yearsoldandIamproudtobeablackwomanbutsometimesIcatchmyself doingsomemisogynisticthings.Iguesslikemaybeitcomesintoplaythatmyfather wasahugeinfluenceonmeandlikeIwantedtobelikehim.Betough,brash,fearless, heartless,andoverallanoBSperson.Hetaughtmenottocryandtodothingsright. Now as I have gotten older, I noticed that I despise girly girls and overly feminine attributes.ItrynottobutIjustwantwomentobestrongandcourageousnevertofall back into the male and female category of living. I don’t know if I should feel bad or shouldIjustdealwithit.IguessI’mjustoneofthosegirls…
Confession #8:
As a black woman I feel like I’ll never really look “good” next to anybody that I date. I’m usually a confident person and I’m confident in my appearance but whenever I imagine myself dating someone nonblack I feel like it just doesn’t look right and it’s kindofdisheartening
Confession #9:
When I was younger I used to be very self-conscious about my darkness. My dark skin,mydarkgums,myeyes Everythingthatwasdarkonmybodyseemedhorrible tomeandIdidn’tfeelfeminine Beingadark-skinnedgirlgrowingupininternational schools, I was introduced to the desire of lighter skin and euro-centric features at a young age. There was this gravitation towards people with lighter skin and eurocentricity that I always noticed, people were brainwashed and still are brainwashed to believe that that is beautiful and respected and powerful. What I noticed amongst the youth is the exclusion with darker-skinned children within international or multiracial spaces. I also think that darker-skinned people are so dehumanizedthattheyareseeninamonolithicway,(nobeingabletotellthemall apartphysicallythereforetheymustallbethesame/stereotypes)maybeteachers or people taking care of these children don’t focus as much time and energy on studentsthatdon’tlookdesirableorcutetothem pleasecheckmeifI’mwrong
I also noticed how excluded darker black girls are in international private schools, especiallyfatblackgirls.WhenItellpeoplethatIusedtobleachmyskintheyaskme why.Thisisdifficulttoexplaintobehonest,becauseyouwouldhavetogothroughit andreallyfeeldisgustedaboutyourselftodoanythingtogainconfidence Itwasfor con- fidence, respect and love for myself I wouldn’t have to worry about my looks anymorebecauseIwouldalreadybeconsidered“beautiful” Igotbulliedalotformy darknessbe-causedarknessisseenasmasculinewhilewhitenessisfeminine.Boys used to sexualize and disrespect me a lot. Were ridiculed if they expressed any interestinme.Thisactuallycontinuedtohappeninhighschool.ThemostcomfortI hadwaswithotherblackgirlswhowentthroughthesameshitasIdid,oranyrace but of darker complexion. We all used to hang out together because we all got shit forourskin.Ilovedarkwomen.
It’s not the case for me anymore. I love my darkness, and I love myself completely natural,myandrogynousfigureanduntamablehair.Ilovemydarkgumsanddark lips.IlovethediscolorationbecauseIfeelmorehuman.Ifeelmortalandconnected withmybody.It’schallengingformetolovemyselfcompletelyallthetimebecause of everlasting beauty standards that are shoved in my face Don’t get it twisted I lovemakeupaswell,butsomethingsaren’tforeverybody Ijustthinkitsfunnyhow men can have blemishes and show them on their face and it doesn’t drastically determinetheirbeautyasmuchasitwouldonwomen.Iwouldalsoliketopointout the beauty standards of people who “appreciate natural beauty in black women” because those are also flawed. I see this constant trend of oversexualized black women who have really smooth skin, very defined curves, aka tumblr aesthetic. My direction in beauty defies all of that. I aim to be as natural as I can. physically, mentally.
Confession #10:
I want every black girl to know, no matter what shade you are, you are beautiful. There’s no such thing as being less beautiful than light skin or dark skin, you are all equallybeautiful.EmbracetheAfricanyouare,becausetrulyit’snothingmorethan beautifiedoriginality.
BEBrave Kidz
Last spring, Micah Myers was in the kitchen learning how make a batch of delish vegan chocolate cupcakes from scratch! We just got our first little bit of snow of theseasonhereinRochester,andthisrecipesoundsliketheperfectonetowarm up to right now, especially with the weather finally changing for the worse. Check out the Micah below, and please be sure to hit like and subscribe on YouTube. Visithischanneltoseetherestofhisvideos.
MeetSHEOOf BEBRAVE CONVERSATIONS
Dr. Tunya Griffin’s doctoral research will be featured at Northeastern Seminary at Roberts Wesleyan College’s Doctor of Ministry Colloquium on Friday, January 21st at 9:30a.m.Thebiannualconferencewillfeaturetheworkofselectedprogramgrads,is free of charge and will be held entirely online. For more information or to register, {visithttps://info.nes.edu/colloquium}
