By Myra Wallace-Walker
I want to begin this writing with a firm salute to all of the front liners who have taken a stand to be whatever they needed to be to get us all through this valley experience called the COVID19 pandemic. Although we are not out of the woods yet, but because of their resilience we have made progress. It is at this juncture I take pause to say, “Thank you.” I will never again take lightly the amount of endurance required to fight a seemingly losing battle, day in and day out. I’m speaking of the ability to stand in the face of calamity with your only weapons being your will to stand and your faith to believe it will get better tomorrow. During these unprecedented times I am reminded of the words from the apostle Paul, “when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.” So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. I’ve come to realize that endurance is a characteristic that shows its face when you are faced with a troubling situation. Therefore it is a characteristic easily overlooked and many may not know if they have it until they are tested, or able to overcome the temptation to run away when faced with hardship. One’s ability to endure is unconditional. If you have it, it shows up when needed no matter what the circumstances are. I learned the meaning of unconditional love through the journey of marriage. My husband is not perfect, yet I am convinced that his imperfections are the tools God has used to stretch my faith and confirm my devotion to a promise to stay the course in spite of what challenges we are faced with, or better yet to endure. There are many examples of exceptional marriages, relationships and even business partnerships that have experienced many heartaches and hurdles and when they came out on the other end, they too realized they had endured much. This thing called endurance is not always pretty. In fact it’s usually the culprit behind many of those ugly cries you’ve experienced. But one thing it teaches us is that our ability to stand in the midst of opposition doesn’t just magically happen. It is our renewed will to push through no matter what and at all costs. It is our decision to do the work even when it doesn’t benefit. Even when we’re tired, angry, broke, hungry and feeling like we can’t carry another weight on our shoulders. We stand and endure. I often create new avenues of inspiration to help me through some of life’s challenges and the battles that many times I am fighting in my own head. Some are poems, some are letters and some are plain ole affirmations with words that help me stay the course and take a stand.
How do we practice endurance? We must Stay STRONG, against the opposition, building ourselves up on our most high faith Use good TACTICS, strategize, have a plan Stand AGAINST, be resilient, knowing the fight is not with a person or thing Avoid NEGATIVE, guard your heart and mind, don’t let negativity invade your thoughts Make informed DECISIONS, stay enlightened. These last few months our world, nation, city, community and families have come toe to toe with a catastrophic opposition that has tested every ounce of our endurance. And as the dust clears the air, we will clearly see the many individuals, groups and communities who have endured. Some will be outwardly celebrated and acknowledged, while some will forever go unrecognized or unnoticed and then there were many who were casualties of the fight, but who endured to the end, and to all of those still standing I say, “Thank you for enduring.”
MASTER POET By Wendy M. Reynolds
Write my life Master Poet! Write it with clarity as only You know it. Make it plain for all to see Your creativity. Your flow. Your definition of me. Let Your thoughts, Your words, Your power release And emerge into Your Master piece.
Master Poet create me with the power of Your Word And frame me into something the world has neither seen nor heard. Limitless. Free flowing. Yes, unrestricted, Potent. Great. Not conflicted, Unique. An original work of art A very reflection of the Poet’s heart.
Write my life Master Poet! Write it with clarity as only You know it.
By Settie Crowell Many of you may have heard of the biblical account of the children of Israel being set free from slavery by the Egyptian pharaoh in order to go to a land that God had promised them: Canaan. The land had great things in it, but there were obstacles that had to be overcome in order for them to take possession of it including the facts, that it was already occupied and all of the Israelites weren’t ready for the move. Fast forward to the 21 st century, and there is Timothy “Teach” Jones who is also a man of God and is in route to his promised land: Hollywood. However, unlike the Israelites, Tim is more than ready and he is making moves to subdue it. I Am An Artist… I am a musician. I started as a Hip-Hop artist many years ago, signed to CSR Entertainment, and I was featured on the “Welcome To CSR” compilation CD/DVD. I also released three independent projects of my own. In fact, In 1998, I won a Stellar Award as a songwriter on Kenny Smith’s album, “So Real”. Music will always be my first love, and I use my experience now in the scoring of my tv/film productions. I am an actor, television show host, writer, and producer. I segued into acting in 1998 when I was discovered by theatrical producers, John and Lanette White (Sr. Managing Editor of BCF), who cast me as the lead in their play, “Reconstructed”. I knew immediately that I loved expressing myself through other characters, and acting was a very natural art form for me. I have now been acting in theater for over 15 years…with the majority of my characters being the leading role.
I recently signed with National Talent LA, and I’m honored to be aligned with an agency with such a reputation for excellence. Acting drives me because it challenges me to work hard to bring authenticity to every character. Acting also allows me to tell stories that can potentially change people’s lives, so I consider it a privilege to be an artist. I Am A Boss… I co-hosted and co-produced my own television show for PBS (“Hidden Hikes”). My education is in communications. So after starting Timothy Jones Productions, I wrote, produced, and directed my first film, “Discovering Destiny”. Producing has been a breath of fresh air, because I can step away from the front of the camera and dive into the other details that bring the stories to life. I fell in love with casting because I know what it takes to tell a story effectively. Writing is very special to me because my diverse background allows me to relate to a broad demographic and to tell stories that are universally accepted. I also enjoy the management side of making sure that all of the necessary resources (budget, casts, scheduling, etc…) are in place to ensure the desired results. I plan to produce long after I’m finished acting, because my passion is creating valuable content and telling compelling stories that inspire change. I Am A Motivator… I have been in public speaking for 24 years, because I love to empower people to live their purpose. The nature of my messages include intentional thoughts, the power of words, maintaining “balance”, building strong relationships…and anything related to maximizing your potential. I encourage anyone pursuing a career in entertainment to get to know yourself, decide who you want to be, and do not be distracted by outside influences. This industry is not just full of great opportunities; it also has plenty of room for compromise if you don’t know who you are. So, seek the necessary training, develop your gifts, and be true to yourself.
I Am A Father… I am a single father of two teenage daughters. My first goal is to be the type of man that I want my daughters to marry. Being a man of integrity and character are top priority for me. I want to use my talent and training to tell thought-provoking stories that make people better. I want to fulfill my purpose for being on this earth and inspire others to do the same.
Tim is Relentless… He doesn’t let anything dampen his faith in this dream. When opportunities present themselves, he takes advantage of them. But he doesn’t just sit around and wait for opportunities to present themselves. He makes them. In fact, he and his partners are going to be offering an acting workshop to kids in Southern California. This is how you pursue a dream. This is how you subdue the land. It has often been said that “if you keep doing the right things that you don’t know where you might end up.” Well, BCF knows exactly where Tim is going to end up: Canaan, aka Hollywood.
THE MANY FACETS OF
FROM THE AUTHOR’S POINT OF VIEW By Stacy McClendon I had the pleasure to sit down with my lovely neighbor, Dianne Lawson, one beautiful, breezy spring afternoon in Santa Monica, CA. With the beach and its breeze as our backdrop, we discussed Dianne’s NEW book entitled Unconditional Love. Dianne was the perfect person to have penned this book as I’ve watched her offer her family, neighbors and my boys and I unconditional love since we first met 10 years ago. Dianne is a loving, strong, generous, encouraging, God fearing woman, Mother and Grandmother who will share truths with you in the calmest manner. She always has a smile on her face, a positive word to share and her hugs are so amazing that she could/should charge a fee for them. I was eager to hear her thoughts on the topic. Most assume that unconditional love doesn’t exist outside of the home. To Dianne, unconditional love applies to all areas of life. She shares how this can be applied in various areas of life - family, self, school, friendships, with significant others, in work relationships, the community and more. She believes that when your heart is connected to someone and you care what you and they are doing, it brings a higher level of self, greater contribution and purpose to be successful. I wondered where this inner desire to love unconditionally came from. Then I learned that Dianne grew up in a home where there was always plenty of love, laughter, respect and no fear. Her parents offered her and her brothers the autonomy and freedom to be themselves and this attributed greatly to the women she is today. She offered her thoughts on how unconditional love looks in a variety of scenarios. Unconditional love in family/significant other relationships… Dianne and her husband separated when their two sons were young. Their immediate and extended family has remained close throughout the years. Dianne is grateful her sons were raised with a love of God, family, friends and community in a home filled with respect, laughter and am appreciation for each other. Dianne and her husband separated. Their family did not. Relationships with grandparents, greatgrandparents, uncles, cousins did not change. Why? Unconditional Love. Unconditional love in the workplace… On any given day coworkers may be having their best or worst day and may be doing the best they can in their current situation. Some people may judge without empathy, knowledge or caring enough to ask how they are doing, let alone waiting to hear the answer. When you’re really in tune, you will notice
when someone says they’re fine, yet their tone may relay something quite different. They could be showing up to work to remain productive and responsible. They may need the offer extended to share more, but you must be aware to notice this. Caring about those you work with makes coming to work a more positive environment to be in. Handling gossip in the workplace… One day a coworker was speaking about someone and another coworker was agreeing. Once the gossiping coworker left, Dianne asked, ‘Have you ever considered when you walk out that door the same or worse may be said about you?’ Dianne wanted the person to be more observant of the communications within the office, consider the source, their part in office gossip and its potential impact. Unconditional love in school… School is a collaboration of students, parents, teachers and administrators coming together to share and/or receive information. Parents should talk with their kids and let them know that they’re at school to contribute and receive information while having fun/enjoying themselves. Students must remember that most of what they learn is going to benefit them. Unconditional love in toxic relationships… Some people will see you have a caring heart and they will try to use/take advantage of you. While you may be giving, you don’t ever need to allow someone to take advantage of you. When this sort of behavior is shown, there are many ways to bring it to the table without offending the other party. Always remember that if a situation becomes too toxic, you can always choose to love a person from afar. Unconditional love as a significant other… A significant other is someone special in an intimate relationship. However, just because you’ve been intimate doesn’t mean that you are a significant other. It could mean that you had an intimate experience with that person. ‘If you’re are not a significant other, you are just considered an other.’ Work to love your significant other with unconditional love. Spend time getting to know each other’s character, morals, values, communication styles, hobbies, etc. Do not assume that your partner knows what you are thinking and feeling. Have conversations to make sure that you both are on the same page. When you do this, it will help you find out what you share in common, possible concerns and deal breakers that may lie beneath the surface. Loving someone unconditionally is saying: I see you; I acknowledge you; and I have the best hopes and intentions for you.
I would highly recommend reading and purchasing this book. Not only does Dianne delve into other topics, she even offers a notes section at the end of each chapter to capture thoughts that jumped out at you during your read (this was one of my favorites, as I love to take notes!). Each chapter offers you the opportunity to heal your soul and see/do things differently. I think everyone can find something to enhance their world in this book. I know I did! Unconditional Love is available for purchase on Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. To learn more and see upcoming events, visit Dianne’s website: www.diannelawsononline.com or Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/UnconditionalLoveBook SAVE THE DATE for Dianne’s Book Signing and Launch party on August 1, 2020 @ 1pm. More info listed on webpage.
Email: stacluv@gmail.com Facebook: Stacy Mc Instagram: butterflyfree73 Twitter: @butterflyfree73
By Dr. Janice R. Love
We learn so many things from our fathers. Some lessons we learn by listening to what they say and other lessons are learned by watching what they do. There are many views on fathering, based on what you discovered as a child or your most recent experiences as an adult. Fathers are present or non-present, known or unknown, active or inactive in their children’s lives. Fathers are not perfect, but often do the best that they can based on their experiences with or without their own fathers. My father was a strong provider. Every two weeks when he got his paycheck from the post office, he put some money in the credit union and gave money to Mom to pay the bills. He made sure we had what we needed, and drilled into our minds the importance of a good education. For some reason he wanted all of us to become bankers but only one of us listened to the “major in banking” speech. My oldest sister majored in business and now works for a stock broker. The rest of us became service providers like Mom. My father was always proud of his daughters, and poor thing, he never had a son. He had no one to inherit his great ability to play football and follow in his footsteps as a high school and college football star. Instead he attended football games at his alma mater and watched his daughters cheer and dance. At least my baby sister was a track star. He had no one to give his name and there never was a John R Emerson, III. As a substitution for not having a boy, I ended up with his initials. Since Dad didn't have a son, his goal was to make sure all four of his daughters could take care of themselves. I don’t have a lot of memories of sitting on daddy’s lap or doing butterfly kisses, but I do remember Dad going to work every day to make sure we were well cared for. Our daddy also taught us how to earn our own money. We were the babysitters for many of his co-workers and friends. My dad gave me a referral for my first babysitting job taking care of twins, which meant I was paid more. Dad not only encouraged us to make money, but he taught us how to manage the little we had. I remember Dad taking us to the bank to open a Christmas club savings account. My dad also taught us how to be wise with our bi-weekly allowance. Much of what Dad knew about money, he learned from his own father. I remember very little about my grandfather, but from what I learned from others was that he was a successful
businessman. He owned a cab company and operated his own hotel with a candy store in the lobby. He was also builder and to this day my sister lives in the house built by my grandfather. Dad was the disciplinarian in our family. I didn’t get in trouble much (I was the good one). However, when I encouraged my baby sister to play with matches and we set the grass on fire, I got my chance to experience my father’s belt. When I saw him coming towards me with the belt, I took off running around the outside of the house as fast as I could. While trying to catch me, Daddy slipped and fell. That only made him angrier, so by the time he caught up with me he was furious but had to laugh at himself for falling down. Lastly, in his own way my Daddy taught me how to forgive. When I was around ten years old, I remember being at a picnic and wanting to swing. I asked Daddy to push me so I could go as high as possible. Just as I was soaring through the air, my Dad turned his head for a second and when I came back down; my wooden swing caught him right in the head. A hospital visit and many stiches later, my Dad didn’t show any anger towards me. When I turned sixteen and finally got my driver’s license, Daddy trusted me with his car. One day while driving I had a wreck and was too afraid to tell him about it. He discovered the damage when he went out on the porch. Dad didn’t punish me; he just asked why I didn’t tell him about the accident. He called the insurance, got the car fixed and never said another word about it. He even let me borrow the car again. Dad is gone now, but I have plenty of memories and will find myself using one of his favorite sayings such as “It only cost 5 more cents to go first class.” So, as we celebrate Father’s Day, think about what you have learned from your father. Ephesians 6:2 reminds us to honor our father and our mother so that we may live a long life. My father had plenty of flaws but he loved his family and always made sure we had what we needed. As Father’s Day is fast approaching, make plans to show honor and appreciation to the men in your life. Celebrate the fathers, brothers, uncles, grandfathers and sons in your life who exhibit true fatherhood and perhaps have stood in the gap for you. If your memories of your earthly father are not so good, think about the goodness of God and celebrate your heavenly Father. Happy Father’s Day! Dr. Janice R. Love, The First Lady Coach Email: pearls@janicerlove.com Website: http://thefirstladycoach.com Facebook: https://Facebook.com/pearlsperfected/ Private FB group: http://yesiammarriedtoministry.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thefirstladycoach/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/janicerlove Twitter: https://twitter.com/JaniceRLove10
By Myra Wallace-Walker The men of Issachar were known for their distinct ability to understand the times they lived in. Their aptitude went beyond merely the understanding of the times, they also had the intuition and discernment to know what to do. They were solid examples of the type of leadership we need today. We live in a time where many want to take the lead for the wrong reasons and therefore lack the foresight required to be a good leader. A true leader is one whose heart is positioned for the good of those he leads. A powerful leader allows wisdom to be his guiding force. An effective leader fosters the leadership qualities in those who follow him. And a natural born leader has a unique gift to help others see what is beyond the natural eye with a plan of action to achieve a set goal. It goes without saying, we need more leaders who mimic the Men of Issachar. Beauty Come Forth is happy to share our candid conversation with Pastor Wayne Chaney Jr., a seer who personifies the qualities of a great leader in today’s times. His humble yet enthusiastic demeanor creates a warm and welcoming atmosphere for all who cross his path. He is down to earth, yet his style and swag denote a model on the runway at New York fashion week. He loves God, his family, his community and people. And he lives a life that truly reflects it. Many of you may be familiar with Pastor Wayne as the Pastor of Antioch Church of Long Beach, but his work goes beyond the walls of the church and reaches outside the limits of its zip code. An intellectually curious individual, Wayne is an advocate for education. He has studied at Morehouse College, Luther Rice University, Fuller Seminary, Claremont School of Theology and is currently in doctoral studies at Duke University’s Divinity School. Some may know him for his athleticism as a Jackrabbit during his tenure at Long Beach Poly High School. You might even recognize his voice from KJLH’s weekly radio show “Real Life”. Still some may know him as a member of Oxygen’s hit TV show, “Preachers of L.A.”. But today you will hear from Wayne Chaney Jr,
the husband, father, community advocate and visionary. A man with passion for the people and the vision to get it done. Today you will get to know a real “Man of Issachar”. It is always BCF’s mission to engage our readers with articles that inspire, motivate and transform the lives of women and the men who love them. In celebration of Father’s Day, it is our tradition for the month of June, to shine the light on a man of valor who helps cultivate positive change in the lives of others. This year Pastor Wayne Chaney Jr. is our cover guy and Man of Valor. BCF: Many people know a bit about your public background but tell us about your family life growing up. How many siblings do you have? Where do you fall in the birth order? I am the eldest of five brothers and one sister. As the oldest I felt more like a little adult with this sense of responsibility on my shoulders. I was the advocate for my younger siblings. Because my parents divorced early, I spent weekdays with my mom, stepfather and other siblings in L.A. and Culver City. My weekends were spent in Long Beach with my father’s side of the family. When I entered high school, I actually moved to Long Beach where I attended Long Beach Poly High School. BCF: You are married with 3 beautiful children: Wayne Chaney III, Reign, and Cadence. How did you meet your wife Myesha and how did you know she was the one? I initially met Myesha when she was young and came to visit the church with her mother, who was a member of Antioch back when my grandfather was pastor. She’s always had a beautiful voice and sang in the choir. We didn’t really get close until I came back from college and I started working at the church, with the praise team. I would plan different group activities with them. I knew I liked her then, but as a leader in the church, I didn’t want to cross the line. My grandfather told me there were two things never to mess with at the church and that was women or the money. One day she had to come to the church office to turn in some paperwork for a church trip and she showed up wearing these skintight jeans and a halter top. Now as a pastor I should have ran, but I thought she was cute. Later I planned a group outing and purposely I canceled all the other members one by one so I could get a date with only her. I drove her all the way to Malibu where we strolled the beach, she leaned into me and we kissed and that was our first date. When I proposed, I took her to the same stretch of beach, got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. BCF: Your grandfather, Reverend Joe Chaney Jr., was the founder of Antioch, the church you now pastor. When did you know the call was on your life to be a pastor? Grandfather would always say I was going to be a preacher/ pastor of a church and it would make my skin crawl. I was always moved by strong men and women of God. During some personal experiences in high school, I found that the only thing that helped me, personally, was my encounter with God. During my freshman year at Morehouse, I was going through some personal brokenness and wanted to share what I was going through with others. I called my grandfather and asked
if I could speak at the church, but only under the one condition: that he didn’t call me a preacher. He agreed, but as he hung up the phone, I heard him tell my granny, “That boy’s going to preach” (lol). It took about another 4-5 years before I really embrace it. BCF: If not a pastor, what would have been your career path? I would be the black Anthony Bourdain (lol). I love culture, cuisine and travel. It would have been that or my love for fragrances. As a businessman, something to do with developing my own fragrance line, which I’m actually working on launching later this year. BCF: Is there any person or persons who have had a defining impact on the trajectory of your life? Yes, there are many. My grandfather, as it relates to depth of character. As far as personal commitment and dedication to continued growth, my wife, Myesha. Pure vision and personal sacrifice for family and putting others before herself, my grandmother. Foundationally, building that personal relationship with God and making it organic, my mother. My public life and life as a public servant and service to the community, it was my father. BCF: You created The Long Beach Gospel Fest, a premier gospel experience drawing over 20,000. Tell us your vision behind this event. Early on, I always wanted to do things on a grand scale and great magnitude. I wanted the culture to take note of the kingdom of God. I wanted to show a positive disruption of what Long Beach was known for. I didn’t want the city to ignore the contributions of God’s people. I wanted believers to be in the conversation when it came to speaking about Long Beach. When the City of Long Beach came to us and asked us to do a Gospel concert and we were given two weeks to get it together, my one condition was that I was able to do a full church service in the middle of the streets of downtown Long Beach. We were able to pull it together, with a crowd of around 7,000. That crowd eventually grew to over 20,000. BCF: In 2016 your book, Your Miraculous Potential: Maximizing God’s Gifts of Creativity, Guidance and Power was published. Can you share a few nuggets of wisdom from the book?
I’ve observed that people have this nagging suspicion that there is more and that they are living beneath their potential. In my book, I share about learning to hear the voice of God better; and how when we overcome fears and respond to those prompts, we then live to our potential. BCF: How has the pandemic and mandatory quarantine affected you personally? I’ve experienced a number of emotions. Learning to overcome so many obstacles with the selling of our old church and building our new one. Once things began to normalize, we were hit with COVID 19. So it’s been a recalibration for us. We had to recondition ourselves for a marathon instead of a sprint. I’ve learned to extend more grace to others and to myself. BCF: Beyond the obvious public effects of the COVID 19 pandemic, what long term effects do you see that will alter the way we do church, family, business or community?
We are currently using our secondary method of church as our primary, so there will need to be a theological case made for the importance of the fellowship. We will need to reframe that conversation so that the benefits of in-person ministry is conveyed. I believe the economic effect will be similar to the great depression, in how people see money moving forward. Human interaction will change long after the vaccine is developed. People will be dealing with physiological safety issues, but I believe people will eventually ease back into the hugs and physical interaction. BCF: Antioch has been preparing to move into its brand-new building in beautiful downtown Long Beach. Do you have a confirmed move in date and besides the powerful word coming forth each week, what else can we expect from Antioch of Long Beach?
Well the building is ready, but because of the uncertainty surrounding this pandemic and the social distancing, it’s hard to say when we will be able to come together and worship in our new home. We have shifted our focus to prioritize the needs of the people. Besides the ongoing planning for the move into the building we will continue reaching out to the community to help meet the needs of the people and take a sense of family to a new level. It’s not about paperwork, it’s about people work. We are resharpening our focus on the people. BCF: Your past record shows you are never satisfied with the status quo. So what’s next on the horizon for Wayne Chaney Jr.?
I am currently in my dissertation stage working on my doctorate from Duke. I’m finalizing the details for launching my fragrance line and excited about exploring the possibility of taking the Word to the people via film or TV. BCF: In closing, please share with our audience how they can stay connected with both you and Antioch of LB. You can connect with us through our website, phone app, our YouTube channel and the various social media outlets at: Website: www.AntiochLB.com Phone App: Antioch Church LB YouTube: Antioch Church of Long Beach Facebook: Antioch Church IG: @antiochlb
by Million Heir-Williams Life has a way of commanding and sometimes demanding a higher call from us. It is during these times when we are faced with trials, tribulations, adversity, and doubts that the best extracts of oil are developed. We possess an unknown capacity in us that is untouched and un-sparked and is only developed through the trial marks of life. Currently, one can say we are living in that global trial and adversity as human beings; however, I think this is where the full potential is realized in and through us as a people. When things in life are comfortable, there is no growth in that season, but in the challenge, we seem to muster up an inner strength we did not know we had. Oil must be passed from the olive. There must be breaking, and there must be a tearing away, there must be pruning to grow into the splendor of what God truly has for us. From pain to the purpose is what he specializes in throughout the ages. Some words that describe what the olive goes through to produce the olive oil: separation, crushing, processing, excessive heat, beating, draining, rinsing, washing, which ultimately provides refining. 1 Peter 1:6-7 says, “So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is better tested as fire tests and purified gold-through your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So, when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.” To receive the spiritual level of the Holy Press, recognize specific attributes a person must possess in life to endure the long race and experience success through the process. The following characteristics of the Holy Press are as follows: perseverance, courage, tenacity, vision, clarity, emotional intelligence, ability to tell others “no” when it does not line up with the vision that God
has assigned, appointed and anointed for your life. If you are not aware of the plans that God has for your life, you will be tossed to and fro by the vicissitudes (difficulties) of life. This state of mind will have you operating in a state of despair, stress, dependency on others, isolation, loneliness, hopelessness, and thinking there is no way out of the current situation. I always say, “The devil is LIAR, not on my watch!” It is incumbent upon you that if the above attributes are not part of your arsenal, that there are methodologies you have available to quickly enact. First, assess your surroundings on every level of life and begin to change your mindset on how you view the world. If you are living in a negative environment that has you bound and locked up, this is the time to take mental inventory and start with a plan of action. Faith will be one of your powerful tools as you begin to change the negative people around you that you have been listening to for far too long. Start creating goals and setting objectives for yourself. Maybe this is the time to start eating nutritiously and start investing in your personal development plan. Sometimes picking up a book for knowledge and information may be the answer to apply new techniques in your life. Have you thought about enrolling in a higher education program, especially if you’re choosing to change your career? Or perhaps, perfecting your craft if you are choosing to become an entrepreneur and become business savvy. All these changes help make a person create a sense of purpose in life and fulfillment. What good is it to live day to day and you have nothing to contribute to life? We have all been given the gift of life: to breathe, to walk, to talk, to move about freely, to think, to create, to reason, to logically deduct, and many other gifts too far to name. I realize some people are born with physical challenges, and sometimes their road becomes a lot more complicated. However, I have seen some people in life move beyond their physical and mental challenges and become great collaborators and givers in life and show us the power of the human will, just how strong the inner being is at a time of extreme adversity. It doesn’t matter what challenges a person is faced with anyone can reach the Holy Press level. You just have to be willing to put in the work. Are you?
Million@effectualifecoaching.com www.Effectualifecoaching.com
By Chris L. Gilrath II
“So about me…so back to me!” This is the response or action you get from someone who is so stuck on themselves, that you can have a whole phone conversation with them, and they have no idea as to what you are talking about. They have the “it’s all about me” mantra that they live by so arrogantly that they interject themselves into every aspect of your life. Sound familiar yet? A narcissistic person is someone who suffers from an excessive love or admiration of him or herself. It can also be a vain or self-centered person. For example, I think of Blanche Devereaux from The Golden Girls or Regine Hunter and Kyle Barker from Living Single. Remember how they made every small problem MAJOR? I remember an episode of Golden Girls when Blanche went to a class reunion and came back all depressed because she felt all her classmates were prettier than her. Regine on Living Single broke up with a boyfriend because on his night to shine at an art exhibit, he was not paying any attention to her. Kyle was so offended by his driver’s license picture that he went down to the DMV three times for his picture to be retaken. These are examples of vanity at its best. Sometimes I would cringe when an episode focused on these characters because I knew how dramatic the entire episode would be and how whiney these characters would get (even though I loved these shows and characters).
But art does imitate life. How many of you see those characters and go “Oh that is (insert your friend or relative here)? Have you ever met someone who is so narcissistic that they completely tune you out in what you are saying to them? I can recall witnessing my mother having a conversation with someone she was friendly with (not necessarily a friend) and was talking about losing her Grandmother and the acquaintance’s response was “Do I look fat?” She did not even acknowledge the conversation or the loss that my mother was dealing with. I was just left in disbelief. More to come on that later. I call these types of people necessarily narcissistic because they feel like they must be this way to get attention. If it is not all about them, then it is over. Whether they are creating drama for everyone else or trying to be the center of the drama there is always something going on in these people’s lives that commands everyone’s attention. Another example of this could be a person who is posting something on social media clearly to elicit a response. Either they say something that they do not believe or post a comment on someone’s page with the hopes of getting someone to bite. There are a lot of examples of narcissistic behaviors that you may have had to deal with. See if any of these sounds familiar. Necessarily Narcissistic Behaviors:
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A person who refers to him/herself as idyllic figure or person Always describes him or herself as “beautiful” or “sexy” and gets mad or sad if you do not refer to them as that. EVERY problem is a MAJOR PROBLEM no matter how small. Their time is more important than yours. Demands that you give your undivided attention. Interjects him/herself in other people’s business because they feel you need their wisdom. Displays consistent weird or negative behavior just to get attention or for a reaction. Gets angry or defensive when other people’s opinions differ from theirs. Constantly using big words or phrases to appear to be the smartest person in the room. Uses his/her intelligence to hurt or lash out at people. Throws a tantrum if you do not give in to his/her wishes. Talks about EVERYBODY when their lives are a mess. Has self-portraits or large photos of him/herself all over their home. Wants everyone to refer to them as #1 (I.E “sexy”, “queen”, “buff”, “the greatness”) some will not even answer you if you do not. Expects you to drop everything and listen to them or help them, even when you have something going on in your life.
Do any of these sounds familiar to you? Behaviors like these must be addressed honestly, but the way they are addressed is equally important.
The best way to deal with the issue is to tell them directly, but provide specific examples of how the behavior is affecting the friendship/relationship. Remember the story about my mother and her friend? Well my mom stopped her immediately and checked her. She was like “I just told you about a death in my family and that was your response?” The person apologized. Sometimes people simply are not aware of how their behaviors impact others. You should be able to confront the behavior in the spirit of love. You can also call it “The Elephant in The Room” conversation, in which one displays a toxic behavior that other people are aware of but let go unchecked. Fixing toxic behaviors may take some time. You have to look at it whether the person is really making the effort and their willingness. Is that what love looks like? Do not be afraid to give the person “progress checks” to let them know if they are improving, especially if they ask. However, if a person refuses to improve, then it is time to reflect. How is the behavior impacting you and your mental health? Maybe it does not bother others as much as it does you. On Living Single and Golden Girls, Regine and Blanche were basically accepted as who they were. So, then you have to look at what can you handle. In this current world, we have to protect our peace at all costs, even if it means walking away from a relationship that is constantly disrupting our peace.
Email: clgil77@gmail.com www.chrisgilrath2.blogspot.com https://www.instagram.com/chrisgilrath2/ https://twitter.com/chrisgilrath2 https://www.facebook.com/chris.gilrathii
By Gerald Harris
In this age of unlimited social media capabilities when is anyone ever truly alone? People gather from all over the world on sites of their choice all day and night. They text and video chat at will, so even when we are sentenced to social distancing in public and allow few, if any, visitors in our homes, solitude is still a choice. So what do we do? How do we best handle this time in our sanctuary of solitude? Well, this particular scribe has a suggestion for you women of today. The artistry of writing is really fading fast in our society. No one writes anymore. When I say write I mean to literally write someone a letter and mail it to them. When is the last time you received a handwritten letter in the mail from someone? It just doesn’t seem to happen anymore. So let me happily suggest to you that you take a minute or two and comprise a short list of people that you would actually consider writing a letter to. Ponder that list for a moment and you may eventually come up with one person that you will write to. Of course if you don’t live with your significant other, they shoot right to the top of that list. You may have a child, parent, sibling, or good friend that fits this bill also. But for the sake of brevity, we are going to assume it’s the first choice. As a man, I would suggest giving before asking. Give testimony and appreciation before asking questions that elicit the same from your significant other. This way you kind of lead by example so to speak. Remember that men usually never write at all. They hate it until they realize it can be very effective. So feel free to be openly complimentary. The more you butter them up the more you can extract certain things out of them that you may want to know. So tell them just how much they mean to you and your life. Then turn right around and ask them just how much do you mean to them. You set the bar and he will follow your lead. It’s a simple thing to do that will render you with in-depth responses and feelings you may not have thought him capable of. When we write, we tend to dig deeper within ourselves and come up with things we just have a hard time saying. The pen somehow connects directly to the brain and the heart simultaneously. It compels us to think first. It has to be by hand, so don’t use any other medium to convey your deepest thoughts. Keyboards and phone pads won’t produce the same results.
I will demonstrate why. When and if you write someone this letter, should you get stuck looking for something to complete your thought process, simply switch the pen to your off-hand (pull up some scratch paper and continue to write). It may be a little hard to read but by switching hands, you indulge the opposite side of your brain and therefore a new light on the subject. Sounds crazy I know, but it is true. If need be, try it one day and you’ll see it for yourself.
Writing is one of the most personal and intimate things that you can share with one another. This is how God chose to relate to us throughout all of the years. 66 books in the Holy Bible and 35 inspired authors, roughly. It is still the number one best-selling book in all the world. Over 5 billion copies sold and distributed throughout the world. My thinking is if it was good enough for God… You see where I’m going here?
I say utilize the time that has been given to you for the best possible reasons and purposes you can think of. If one of those happens to be writing then get ready for a never-ending journey that will gain you access to many places you thought were unreachable. Places that may be laying right next to you or one day soon will be. A letter is a keepsake like nothing else. Even when we are long gone, a letter will continue to engulf someone with the initial emotion it proffered from the very beginning. It is something you hold in your hand from the hand of another. A part of someone else near and dear to you. Invest the little time it requires to light up someone’s world for a lifetime. It is the perfect gift from your sanctuary of solitude! Until next time, take good care.
Gerald Harri
By Lanette White
Most people want to have a slim tummy. Millions of dollars are spent in the gym tightening those abs and strengthening that core. DaShaun Johnson, aka The Guru of Abs, knows all about strengthening the core. He is a certified trainer, has worked with many celebrities, and named one of Essence Magazine’s “16 Black Fitness Enthusiasts to follow on Instagram”. Clearly he has the abs thing down! There’s much more to him than that though. I’ll let him tell his story. Turning pain into a program. After I lost my grandparents three years ago, I went into a deep depression. I didn’t want to work out anymore. I didn’t want to teach either. But when I came out of that funk, I went back to the recreation center and told them that I wanted to start back renting their facility to hold classes. They said that they had something even better. They had a grant that would allow for a person (me) to teach fitness classes to seniors. We started with seven seniors and right before COVID19, I was averaging 200 seniors per class, three days per week. After COVID19 hit, the response of the seniors was overwhelmingly sad. They were like “Coach we miss you.” “We don’t know what to do.” Even my own mother was at home bored. And I felt like I just had to do something for my seniors. So, I said that I would just go virtual and started with the 12:00p.m. class first.
Then I thought that there were many people who are working from home and can’t do this at this time, so I started the 8:00p.m. class. Then the County called me and asked me if I could put up some videos for the seniors three days per week. I told them that if they would continue to pay my contract through the grant that I would do it virtually six days per week and leave the videos on the Facebook page for viewing. So, I started a 10a.m. class and called it Senior Body Sculpting. From that point the viewership grew quickly. I went from 500 viewers to 1,000 in a week. Then to 1,500. And now, a couple of months into this quarantine, we are averaging about 2,700 seniors watching daily six days per week. The workouts are low impact and functional for people with mobility issues, which most workout programs don’t cater to. I still have programs for the more advanced and more mobile, but my senior classes are the highest in viewers. This program is getting results. I have testimonials of weight loss, great gains in mobility and even medications that are no longer needed. I have viewers in their 80’s. Aside from the obvious physical benefits, renewed purpose and seniors learning new technologies have resulted from this virtual class. The classes are free to the viewers. I want them to stay fit during this time. That’s all that matters. Helping society’s most vulnerable to stay healthy and fit is at the core of who DaShaun Johnson is. I also have had an autistic fitness program called Autism Strong, which consists of teaching functional workouts to the kids and their parents to create that physical fitness practice as a family, as opposed to the kids by themselves. It got shut down due to COVID. I really have a heart for those kids and others with disabilities. I’m looking for resources to bring it back though and to spread the word to those families. That’s my next project. That’s what’s needed. I’m going to get it done!
Contact Info: Website: http://www.theguruofabs.com Email: info@theguruofabs.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theguruofabs/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheGuruofAbs/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkPJlKdT0Y3hfsdCeaYtdmg
By Settie Crowell
During this pandemic, parents have found out very well what their “fearfully and wonderfully made” little ones do in class. Oh yeah, now all of their little “precocious”, a.k.a. bad, behaviors have been put on full display. You have been saying for years that Little Johnny, Mary, Marquis, Keisha, Juan and Gabriella “never act this way at home.” However, I dare say that now that you have the opportunity to see them while in full-blown energy mode, that you are all singing an entirely different tune. Teachers have a tremendous responsibility of keeping children on task, transferring vital information, monitoring their progress, filling in learning gaps, making sure that they’re safe, all while socializing them. Whew! Wasn’t that a lot? You’re darn skippy (you know what I really wanted to say though)! But since I really like you guys, I’m going to give you some tips on “homeschooling” until they return to our custody. Tip #1: Safety First I know y’all know this, but all of these little moments that you need to yourself ain’t going to fly! How did Tupac say it “All eyes on me!” That’s exactly what must happen. Do your work in the same room as your kids. Oh, I’m sorry. Didn’t the teacher tell you in one of the parent-teacher conferences that your child was a “little chatty” or perhaps “had a bit of a challenge staying on task sometimes”? That’s code for your kid needs to be watched boo, so no mid-day naps!
Or were you the one that they didn’t say was chatty because the child’s grade was outstanding? Know that they just didn’t want to say anything to tarnish the moment. ALL of them get distracted, so you have to monitor them. Maybe you are the parent of the child that absolutely KNOWS that their child is easily distracted. You felt like that was the teacher’s job. That’s what he/she got paid to do. Right? Well, try doing that with more than one child that fits into this category along, with the others I’ve spoken about. You think that we get paid enough now? Heck to the no! All you have to do is watch yours. We have to watch 30+. Remember that the next time you come for the teacher. I’m just saying… You can walk around a bit, but don’t let them sit there for more than an hour without you monitoring what he/she is doing. Also, check their computer history. T.I. said “It ain’t pimpin’ if you got it.” Well, I’m saying “It ain’t parentin’ less you checkin.” Don’t let them make you feel like you’re invading their privacy or that you don’t trust them. They’re just playing you. It’s parenting. You’re keeping them on task. You’re controlling the learning environment. And you’re protecting them from unwanted and inappropriate ads. Safety first, dear ones. Tip #2: Require Them to Do All Assignments This is not free time. Harvard and all of the other Ivy League schools are still going to expect your children to have kept up their GPAs. The Magnet Coordinator at your child’s school is still going to be monitoring your child’s progress. Because after this pandemic is over baby, the expectations are not going to be lowered. So now is really the time to get Little Johnny back on track, if he was falling off. And to get little Keisha some enrichment if she is already on grade-level, so that she won’t regress. Oh, yeah that’s a real thing. You must encourage them to complete them. I’d normally say make them but I’m old school and my methods are little interesting. Successful, but interesting. Use your imaginations…LOL! Ask to see the assignment and have him/her to write it down so that you can monitor their ToDo Lisst. Most public schools give the kids agendas. Require them to use them, so that you can at least know what he/she is supposed to have completed and the due date.
Tip #3: Get the Help Now I know that your child has either been given packets, access to a Learning Management System (e.g. Google Classroom, SuccessNet, Blackboard, etc…) or recommended to attend live lessons via Zoom, WebEx, Google Meet or some other provider. You must also require them to attend those sessions. Unfortunately, most of the live sessions are not well attended. However, this gives your child the perfect opportunity to get that extra help he/she has needed anyway. If Common Core ain’t so common to you, you can attend the live sessions too! You’re at home anyway (unless you are one of our beloved essential workers – thank you) so pop in. In addition, most teachers even have office hours, so that you and/or child can obtain clarification or get the additional assistance that he/she needs. . Remember, “It ain’t parentin’ less you checkin!” Finally, I am going to leave you with a letter that was posted on my Facebook feed from an anonymous parent, as a possible post-pandemic call to action:
Dear Teachers: Next year, I don’t care if you make the school supply list ten pages long. I’ll get you whatever you ask for. You want eight dozen pre-sharpened Ticonderoga pencils? They’re yours. You want twenty-seven single subject notebooks with real dragon skin covers? I got you. Fifty bottles of hand sanitizer? Seems reasonable. A baby unicorn? I’ll make it happen. Whatever you want. Let me know if you have any food restrictions, ‘cause I’m hiring you a personal chef. You want a masseuse to rub your shoulders while you grade papers? Because I can make that happen for you, my Queen. Y’all these kids are rotten. Mine. Yours. Karen’s. All of them, nerve wracking little monsters, and these sweet Angels that God saw fit to send us to educate our children are freaking ROCK STARS, and we do NOT give them enough credit. Or money. These teachers should all be driving Bentleys. Or better yet, a Rolls Royce with a personal driver. They should all be living in 5,000 square foot mansions with in ground heated pools. So teachers, thank you. Also, I know that I gave birth to them, but I’m gonna need you to come and get your kids before I lose my ever loving mind. Sincerely, A Mama Who Has Had Enough of Coronacation and Trying To Homeschool these Heathens
By Steffanie Rivers Amusement parks are closed. National parks are gated. And summer vacation plans are in jeopardy. Coronavirus has most people afraid to book flights. And even though gas prices in the United States haven’t been this low in at least two decades, most people already have spent their vacation money on rolls of toilet tissue and other necessities during this nationwide quarantine known as shelter-in-place! That leaves you to staycations or long-term vacation planning for your next getaway. Since most Americans have been stuck at home for at least a month, doing their part to slow the spread of coronavirus, time away from home, while still doing your part as a willing quarantine participant, is necessary and appreciated! School and work used to serve a double purpose. Beyond education and employment, they offered much-needed time away from family members. However, the pandemic put a stop to that. The next best place you could self-quarantine away from home is at a nearby hotel for a few days. You know that plush-looking hotel that catches your eye every time you drive by? It’s time to stop dreaming about it and book a suite. If childcare is an issue take the children with you, but get them their own adjoining room. After all, the whole idea is for you to capture some much needed ‘me time.’ Most hotels are empty and trying to fill their rooms. So booking upscale accommodations at discounted rates shouldn’t be a problem. And it’s always a good idea to wipe down those touch points such as the TV remote, doorknobs and bathroom faucets once you check in. Even though you might have lived in the same city for years, locals never have looked at it from the viewpoint of a tourist! Most New Yorkers never have taken the tour around the Statue of Liberty or the museum erected at the site of the Twin Towers after the 9-11 terrorist attack. Las Vegas residents don’t go to the strip unless they work there. Residents of Orlando don’t frequent Disney World. And residents living near Washington, D.C. probably never have taken the White House tour or walked through the National Mall. A few years ago, I hosted a group of prospective cast members visiting Dallas to promote an upcoming reality TV show. One of the cast members was Evangelist Beverly Broadus Green.
Broadus-Green is the mother of Calvin Broadus, also known as the rapper and entrepreneur Snoop Dogg. She lived in California at the time and – like most of the other cast members - had never visited Dallas. I wanted to leave them with a great impression of the city. So I was forced to put on my ‘tourist’ thinking cap and come up with ideas to keep them entertained. I treated them to a professional group photography session with a make-up artist and wardrobe changes! I took them on a tour of Southfork Ranch, the former set of the hit television show, Dallas. We visited the Mary Kay cosmetics facility where the millionairess started her company that gifted top salespeople with pink Cadillacs. And we perused the Sixth Floor Museum where visitors were taken on a walking tour of the Grassy Knoll. We also visited Dealey Plaza, the site where President John F. Kennedy was assassinated. The group was transported in a chauffeur driven limousine for a red-carpet media event. They got A-list Hollywood treatment, and loved every minute of it! I had lived in Dallas nearly five years at that time. Yet I never would have committed to those events – and experienced the city through the eyes of a tourist, were it not for me hosting the ladies during their trip. Most tourist-based companies are considered as ‘non-essential’ during the pandemic. So their doors are shut. But by the time you read this they should be reopened offering discounts to get people through the doors. For the time being, pack your favorite book, mani-pedi kit and be ready to entertain yourself, in case hotel services are not available. Most hotels feature smart TVs that allow guests to access their own streaming accounts. And some of the beds in upscale hotels make you feel like you’re sleeping on a cloud. Don’t forget to take in the view of your cityscape from the top floor of that luxury hotel. It could be the best getaway option for now. Afterwards, order take out, take in a movie and exhale. If you were able to leave the children at home, the time away will help you to show more patience and understanding when you return. Then speak the words of Dorothy of the Wizard of Oz, “There’s no place like home!” Follow Steffanie: Twitter @tcbstef and on Facebook/SteffanieRivers. Check out my website at Website: www.SteffanieRivers.com Email: info@AirlineTravelSecrets her latest book, The Do’s And Don’ts Of Flying: A Flight Attendant’s Guide To Airline Travel Secrets.
Ingredients: 2- 15oz cans of drained chickpeas 1 -3.8oz can of drained black olives ¼ container of halved cherry tomatoes 1- small red onion diced 1- cucumber sliced and cut into quarters 2- tbsp. red wine vinegar 3½ tbsp.. olive oil 1 tbsp. yellow mustard ½ cup of fresh finely chopped parsley Preparation: Step 1. In a bowl, combine all ingredients and mix well. Step 2. Add salt, pepper and garlic powder to taste Step 3. Sprinkle chopped parsley for garnish Voila!
Chef Kymmy
Chunky Salsa 2 Beef steak tomatoes diced 2 Jalapeno peppers with seeds, finely chopped 1 Tomatillo, with seeds, finely chopped 5 to 6 sprigs Cilantro, de-stemmed, finely chopped 1 cup White Onion, finely chopped 3 cloves Garlic, minced 1-7 oz. can Tomato Sauce 1 tablespoon Lime juice 1 tablespoon Agave Salt and Pepper, to taste Serves 4
By Chef Barbie Flores
By Lanette White
When I reflect upon the components that it takes to make a baby, I have to say that the importance of a mother and a father is equivalent. In a world, where single-parenting is becoming more of an active choice for women, I wonder if the child’s need for a father even comes to mind. It is true that women, by and large, have taken on or accepted the role of primary caregiver due to broken relationships, incarceration and death. I still wonder if the child’s need for a father comes to mind for the one who doesn’t have the responsibility. The father’s role is immensely important because he provides guidance and strength from another perspective which is needed to give the child balance. I was raised by a single parent who had great values. She was hard working. She was an advocate for education. She saw the value of home ownership. She lived quietly in her neighborhood and minded her own business. She lived a life of celibacy so I wasn’t exposed to men running in and out of our home. She wanted me to learn to respect my sexuality by not being promiscuous. She made sure that I felt safe. I appreciated all of the sacrifices that she made and the lessons that I learned from her, but even with all of that, she wasn’t a man. There were still lessons that I need to learn from a man. I was very fortunate that my former pastor, Bishop Benjamin F. Reid, Sr. took me under his wing when I was 17 years old. I had taught myself that having a tough exterior, which included a permanent scowl and a smart mouth, was the way to navigate my world. He would take me to lunch twice a month so that we could talk about anything and everything that was going on in my life. He taught me how to relax, smile and be vulnerable. I learned that being soft and gentle was a good thing. He taught me how the minds of men worked and how to collaborate with men when working together. I learned social cues that I hadn’t been exposed to being raised by a woman. He taught me how differently men love than women. I needed that. Every child deserves that. We send our children to school to learn how to survive in this world. They are to be educated in all the areas that we can expose them to so that they learn to navigate the system successfully. Politically and
economically, we all live in a patriarchal society. Men run this world. Shouldn’t our children be exposed to the group, species or gender that actually runs the world? I encourage all single moms, whether by choice or circumstance, to actively seek a male role model for your child. No matter the gender of the child, the male perspective is needed. People that are advocates of self-care know the importance of balance in a person’s life. Father + Mother = Balanced Child. I’m just saying… During this month when fathers all over the United States are celebrated don’t take it lightly. Go all out for your dads or father figures in your lives and let them know how much you appreciate them. Most of you did it for mom last month. In this month of June, give dad his due because truly it does take two!