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EDITOR Hannah Shakir SPORTS & NEWS EDITOR Richard Gadsby CONTRIBUTORS James Stapleton, Omar Soliman, Mark Briggs, Harry Dillon, Jim Palmer, Carol Friel, Rachel Pottle, Peter Simpson, Eleanor Davies, Robert Bramhill, Robin Lewis, Erica Mahendren, Poppy Jethro, Lance Weeber, Bryony Curtis, Hardeep Gill WEB DEVELOPMENT Luke Webber DESIGN Basil Thomas Michael Cusack PRINT & WEB ADVERTISING & MARKETING Tom Shakir E: P: +61 2 8005 8162 James Edwards E: P: +61 8 9433 6162 CLASSIFIEDS & LISTINGS E: P: +61 2 8005 8162 PRINTED BY SPOTPRESS NOTE TO ADVERTISERS Gaining the approval for the use of trademarks and images in advertisments is the responsibility of the advertiser and not What Media Pty Ltd. Advertising material is accepted in good faith and What Media Pty Ltd bears no responsibility for any claims or errors. Copyright of original material is held by What Media Pty Ltd. Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden except with written permission of the publishers. 3


Oh Mercy

Melbourne’s finest indie rock group Oh Mercy are currently tearing up stages across the country to promote their new record ‘Great Barrier Grief’. There’s still time to see them on the last leg of their tour, so head down to one of these venues and have a dance to their latest tunes. Beach Hotel, Bryon Bay – 24th April Coolangatta Hotel, Gold Coast – 25th April The Tivoli, Brisbane – 26th April Spotted Cow, Toowoomba – 27th April Prince Of Wales, Banbury – 2nd May Capitol, Perth – 3rd May Settlers Tavern, Margaret River – 4th May What: Oh Mercy When: 24th April - 4th May Where: New South Wales, Queensland and Western Australia More info:

Chiddy Bang at Movement Festival

Don’t miss Chiddy Bang at Australia’s brand new hip-hop festival, Movement, curated by New York rapper Nas. Joining the electro inspired hip-hop duo at the festival will be Bliss N Eso, 2 Chains, Angel Haze and Joey Bada$$. Horden Pavilion, Sydney – 26th April Sidney Myer Music Bowl, Melbourne – 27th April Riverstage, Brisbane – 28th April Red Hill Auditorium, Perth – 30th April What: Movement Festival with Chiddy Bang When: 26th - 30th April Where: New South Wales, Victoria, Queensland and Western Australia More info:

The XX

UK indie trio The XX are bringing their minimalist and melancholic music to Australia this month. They have become one of the most demanding acts on the planet thanks to their


atmospheric live performances. Be sure to see them at the following venues: Metro City, Perth – 1st April Metro City, Perth – 2nd April (SOLD OUT) Festival Hall, Melbourne – 4th April Festival Hall, Melbourne – 5th April (SOLD OUT) Hordern Pavilion, Sydney – 6th April Hordern Pavilion, Sydney – 7th April Convention Centre, Brisbane – 9th April What: The XX When: 1st - 9th April Where: Western Australia, Victoria, New South Wales and Queensland More info:

Jamie XX

If you’re seeing The XX in Sydney or Melbourne, you should definitely try and stick around for Jamie XX’s exclusive solo shows whilst he’s on tour. Expect a late start as he’ll be taking to the stage after The XX have performed. Both shows are sold out, but who knows, you might get lucky and blag yourself a ticket on the night! Prince Bandroom, Melbourne – 5th April (SOLD OUT) Metro Theatre, Sydney – 6th April (SOLD OUT) What: Jamie XX When: 5th - 6th April Where: Victoria and New South Wales More info:

Sydney Comedy Festival

The Sydney Comedy Festival is one of Australia’s biggest events and it returns for it’s 9th year with more laughter and comic variety than ever. A mix of hilarious up and coming comics will share stages with the likes of Jack Dee, Steven K Amos, Jim Jeffries and Tracy Morgan, all promising to have you in stitches in no time. Shows will run in various venues across Sydney including The Enmore Theatre, The Sydney Opera House,

The Comedy Store and the Seymour Centre. What: Sydney Comedy Festival When: 22nd April - 11th May Where: All over Sydney More info:

Melbourne Comedy Festival

Celebrated as being the home of Australian comedy, the annual Melbourne Comedy Festival always delivers high quality talent and this year is no different. Having started on the 27th March, the festival is well underway and will continue to have everyone in fits of laughter until 21st April. Be sure to catch a joke or two from Adam Hills, David O’Doherty and Jimeoin as well as discover a new favourite from the huge range of up and coming stars the festival has to offer. What: Melbourne Comedy Festival When: 27th March - 21st April Where: All over Melbourne More info:

Groovin The Moo Festival

Your favourite regional touring festival Groovin The Moo returns with another whopping line up featuring some of the freshest home-grown acts and international imports the music scene. Check out the likes of Example, The Temper Trap, Tame Impala The Bronx and Yachtin inbetween visiting market stalls with fresh produce, local cruisine and quriky knick-knacks. Matland Showground, Maitland – 27th April University of Canberra, Canberra – 28th April Bendigo’s Prince Of Wales Showground, Bendigo – 4th May Murray Sports Complex, Townsville – 5th May Hay Park Parade Road, Banbury – 11th May What: Groovin The Moo Festival When: 27th April - 11th May

Where: New South Wales, Australian Capital Territory, Victoria, Queensland and Western Australia More info:

The Kooks

English rock band The Kooks can’t wait to hit Australia this April/May after their hugely successful performance at Splendour In The Grass festival last year. Plus, they’ve got two sold out Australian tours behind them, so we’re sure The Kooks will once again be a big hit this month. Enmore Theatre, Sydney - 30th April Palais Theatre, Melbourne - 1st May Palais Theatre, Melbourne – 3rd May (SOLD OUT) Tivoli Theatre, Brisbane - 7th May Tivoli Theatre, Brisbane – 8th May (SOLD OUT) Thebarton Theatre - Adelaide - 10th May Fremantle Arts Centre, Western Australia - 12th May What: The Kooks When: 30th April - 12th May Where: New South Wales, Victoria, Queensland, South Australia and Western Australia More info:

Dropkick Murphy’s

To coincide with their appearance at Bluesfest at Bryon Bay last month, the American Celtic punk band Dropkick Murphy’s are embarking on a series of Bluesfest sideshows this April. Joining them will be British folk musician Frank Turner and Californian punks Swinging Utters, so it’s not to be missed! Big Top Luna Park, Sydney - 1st April 
Festival Hall, Melbourne - 2nd April 
Thebarton Theatre, Adelaide - 3rd April What: Dropkick Murphy’s, Frank Turner and Swinging Utters When: 1st - 3rd April Where: New South Wales, Victoria and South Australia More info:

Booking Ahead...

April/May 2013

June/July 2013

August/September 2013

Sydney Comedy Festival - Comedy performances at various venues around Sydney - Monday 22nd April - Saturday 11th May 2013 Oh Mercy National Tour - 24th April - 4th May 2013 Chiddy Bang National Tour - 26th April - 30th April 2013 The Kooks National Tour - 27th April - 12th May 2013 Happy Mondays National Tour - 3rd-8th May2013 Something For Kate National Tour - 10th May 7th June 2013 Sydney Whale Watching - May is the start of the whale watching season so book on a boat at leaving from King Street Wharf. Frenchs Forest Organic Market held every Sunday from 8am - 1pm at 35 Frenchs Forest Road East. Darling Harbour Fireworks - 8.30pm Saturday 4th May 2013. Free event. Northern Beaches Music Festival -17th May 19th May 2013 at the Berry Reserve Narrabeen. Pyrmont Growers Market - 7am to 11am Saturday 4th May 2013. Held on the first Saturday of every month at Pyrmont Bay Park Pyrmont. Bondi Markets - 10am - 4pm every Sunday in May 2013. Fashion Weekend Sydney - 16th -19th May 2013 held at the Royal Hall of Industries Moore Park. National Careers & Employment Expo - 10th -11th May 2013 held at the Sydney Convention and Exhibition Centre Darling Harbour; 24th - 25th May 2013 held at Brisbane Convention & Exhibition Centre; Buddha’s Birthday Celebrations - 11th-12th May 2013 held at Darling Harbour and the Chinese Gardens, there will be lion dances and other dance and musical performances.

Melbourne International Jazz Festival - 31st May - 9th June 2013 Tim Minchin National Tour - 31st May - 15th June 2013 Owl Eyes (album launch) - Guests: Collarbones + Mammals - 1st June 2013 held at The Corner, Melbourne. Hair Expo Australia - 8th - 10th June 2013 held at Sydney Convention and Exhibition Centre. Sir David Attenborough - A life on Earth National Tour - 11th -22nd June 2013 - Due to unprecedented demand, Sir David Attenborough is revisiting Australia to again appear live on stage in his not-to-be-missed tour of Sir David Attenborough - A Life on Earth. Following sell out shows in 2012, this living legend will this time be visiting Brisbane, Canberra, Perth, Adelaide, Sydney and Melbourne throughout June 2013. Free Tour Melbourne - 20th June 2013 - join the free two hour walking tour of Melbourne. Australian Burlesque Festival - Nouvelle Royale 21st June 2013 held at The Standard, Sydney. Australian Burlesque Festival - The Big Tease 22nd June 2013 held at The Metro Theatre, Sydney. Guy Sebastian Live - 21st June 2013, playing at WIN Entertainment Centre, Woolongong. A$AP Rocky - 28th June 2013, playing at Horden Pavilion, Sydney. Alt-J - 30th July 2013, playing at Festival Hall Melbourne. WWE Raw World Tour in Sydney - 27th July 2013 held Corner Edwin Flack Avenue and Olympic Boulevard, Sydney

Perth Winter Arts Season - 1st June - 31st August 2013, The City of Perth Winter Arts Season combines theatre, film, comedy, opera, literature, dance, visual arts, poetry and cabaret as well as a range of free and family events. P!NK National Tour - 30th July - 10th August Philip Glass Melbourne Tour - 31st July - 4th August 2013 Cairns Indigenous Art Fair - 16th – 18th August 2013, The Cairns Indigenous Art Fair (CIAF) is a celebration of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander art, dance and music. It is the nation’s premier art fair, with both commercial art galleries and Indigenous art centres selling artwork by Queensland born or based Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander artists. Sydney Fashion Festival - 21st -25th August 2013 held at Sydney Town Hall. Love Vintage Clothing Show and Sale - 15th 16th September 2013 held at the Racecourse Function Centre King Street Canterbury. Foals National Tour - 22nd September - 2nd October 2013 Rihanna National Tour - 24th September - 7th October 2013 Australasian Safari 20th – 28th September 2013, Australasian Safari is one of Australia’s toughest offroad adventures, with competitors on two and four wheels tackling the remote, rugged and stunning terrain of Western Australia. The event covers approximately 5500 km and is known as Australia’s version of the Paris to Dakar rally. 5


Best Of British: The Great Sunday Roast

Four in Hand

For a Sunday Roast with a twist head over to Four in Hand in Sydney’s trendy Paddington where you can enjoy either Poached Chicken with Local Greens, Grilled Leeks and Barley, Slow Roast Suckling Pig with Crisp Tail and Pickled Cucumber, Lamb 4 Ways or Miso Braised Beef Brisket with Bavette, Kale, Carrot and Sherry Puree. Or, go all out with friends and order the whole suckling pig (48 hours notice required for a minimum of 10 people). With an Irish head chef who has been getting rave reviews over the last eight years for his ‘Nose to Tail’ philosophy to cooking Four in Hand know how to do a roast dinner in style. 105 Sutherland Street, Paddington, Sydney 02 9362 1999

Local Taphouse The day to celebrate all that is great The Now, if choosing which beer to enjoy with your meal about Great Britain, St George’s Day, is too hard for some, at The Local Taphouse they it simple with their beer and food matching’s is fast approaching (April 23rd for make guide based on three components: Contrast, those still suffering a St Patrick’s Day Compliment and Cut. Sorry, did we say simple? We no idea what any of it means either and quite hangover) and what better way to have frankly it sounds like hard work but it’s the thought celebrate than with a great big Sunday that counts, right? Anyway, if you make it past what that means tuck into some Roast Lamb, Steak or Roast dinner? But being on the other all Free Range Chicken with all the trimmings. side of the world has its setbacks for 184 Carlisle Street Kilda, Melbourne Brits who can’t pop round to mum’s. So St 03 9537 2633 we’ve kindly shortlisted the best places to go for a taste of home Down Under. Fibber McGees Aren’t we good to you? In Western Australia Fibber McGees are Pig ‘N’ Whistle

The Pig ‘n’ Whistle knows the way to a British and Irishman’s heart, and it’s not just through their stomach! Aside from a vast menu that includes favorites such as Lincolnshire Sausages and Mash, Cider Braised Crackling Pork Belly and Slow Braised Steak and Guinness pie, washed down with one of the draught UK beers. The Pig ‘n’ Whistle also shows live sport from the English and Scottish Premier League, Six Nations, UEFA and GAA. And if all that’s not a recipe for a good Sunday, we don’t know what is! Riverside Centre, 123 Eagle Street, Brisbane 07 3832 9099

Bat & Ball

Originally named the Duke of Cleveland when it first opened in 1929, it has become the perfect pit stop for pre or post game dinner and drinks with its close proximity to Sydney Cricket Ground and Sydney Football Stadium – the inspiration behind its current name Bat and Ball. Having recently undergone a makeover it retains its cosy traditional feel with the pub grub favorites while the function room menu has gone for a modern twist with canapés of mini wagyu burgers and prawns wrapped in katifi pastry. 465 Cleveland Street, Redfern, Sydney 02 9699 3782

representing for the Irish and even have their own organic farm where they raise Belted Gallway cattle as well as producing organic vegetables, so the obvious Sunday dinner choice would have to be the roast beef with sautéed potatoes, red wine jus and all the trimmings. But, with a claim to have the best steak in Australia you would be forgiven for trying Fibber McGees dry aged steak with hand cut chips, onion rings and pepper sauce or the famous Steak and Stout pie with creamy colcannon mash. Yummy! 711 Newcastle Street Leederville, Perth 08 9227 0800

The Elephant & Wheelbarrow

They may call themselves a traditional British pub but The Elephant and Wheelbarrow is home to the world famous Neighbours Nights where you can meet the stars of the Aussie soap opera, it is also award winning boasting awards for Best Theme Bar, Best Entertainment Bar and Best Sporting Venue! Their Sunday Roast is a choice of two meats and comes with a complimentary beer, wine or soft drink for just $20 so it’s a bargain too! So with some fantastic entertainment and scrummy food at a great price what more could you ask for this St George’s Day? 94-96 Bourke Street St Kilda, Melbourne 03 9534 7888 By Eleanor Davis


WIN A SUNDAY ROAST FOR TWO Thanks to our friends at the Bat & Ball Hotel, two lucky BBM Sydney readers will win the mother of all Sunday Roats for two, plus a jug of beer or bottle of wine for absolutely nada! For your chance to win a free roast dinner all you need to do is email BBM at with your full name, and tell us your favourite roast. (Don't forget to put Sunday Roast in your subject header) t&c’s. Comp close s 30/4/13. Winners must be over 18. Prize can only be claimed at the Bat & Balls Hotel, Sydney 7


The History of Anzac Day...

An important day to Aussies and Kiwis alike ANZAC Day – 25th April – commemorates the anniversary of the first major military action taken by the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps (ANZACs) in the First World War. The ANZAC tradition celebrates the bravery, endurance and sacrifice of those men who landed on the Gallipoli Peninsula (Turkey) on 25th April 1915. The soldiers were faced with a powerful resistance which resulted in the campaign persevering for 8 months, taking the lives of 10,000 Australian and New Zealand soldiers and injuring over 25,000. Gallipoli marked the first time both Australia and New Zealand fought as independent countries and although the heroic defeat on the Aegean Coast meant both nations suffered great losses, the alliance that was forged all those years ago has been widely speculated as being significant for the strong relations between the two countries. April 25th was officially named ANZAC Day a year later in 1916; to honour the occasion, ceremonies and memorial services took place throughout Australia and New Zealand. In England, over 2,000 Australian and New Zealand soldiers participated in a remembrance march through the streets of London. ANZAC Day has become one of the most revered occasions in Australia.


Traditional Ceremonies across Australia...

Commemorative Services at dawn is a tribute to military practice, when soldiers were called to ‘stand to’ at dawn in order to resist enemy attack; dawn and dusk was considered the most likely time for enemy attack.


The ANZAC Day March starts at approximately 9am and will carry on down St Kilda Road, concluding at the Shrine at 1pm for a Remembrance Service.

In Sydney, the Dawn Service will be held at the Cenotaph in Martin Place. On either side of the war monument, the reverence for those lost is known through the promise engraved; the northern side states “To Our Glorious Dead” and “Lest We Forget” is stated on the southern side. The ANZAC Parade starts at Driver’s Triangle and continues through to the border of Surrey Hills and Paddington, where the entrance for the Eastern Distributor is nearby. The name was given in tribute to the ANZACs, who marched to Sydney Harbour where they were transported. The parade concludes at La Perouse, New South Wales.


The Dawn Service begins at 5.30am and will take place at The State War Memorial located in Kings Park and Botanic Garden, overlooking The Swan River and City of Perth. The Memorial consists of a Flame of Remembrance within the Pool of Reflection, the Court of Contemplation and Cenotaph. In tribute to the fallen heroes, the area below the Cenotaph was renamed the ANZAC Bluff, as it closely resembles the site where the soldiers arrived in Gallipoli.

Brisbane’s Day Parade commences at 10am at the corner of George and Elizabeth Streets, and will finish at 1pm.

The old gambling game of ‘2-Up’ is traditionally played in pubs around Australia on ANZAC Day, the game involves a few coins tossed in the air by a selected ‘Spinner’ and participants wagering on how the coin lands.

The Chalk Hotel will be constructing a huge 2-Up ring in their parking lot, so be prepared to hear “Come in Spinner” all afternoon.


The Melbourne Dawn service will be held at the Shrine Forecourt at 6am, guests are asked to assemble from 5.30am. Beginning the


By Erica Mahendren What you’ll need: Wads of cash Your ATM card to get more cash All your mates Lots of Dutch courage How to play: This is where it gets complicated… We’ve always thought Two-Up was easy: a bunch of people throwing coins in the air, making lots of noise and then winning or losing money, depending on whether the coins landed heads or tails, or a combination of the two. Oh how naïve we’ve been. Or maybe just dyslexic. Because once you start to actually read the rules, you quickly realize the game is more like an astrophysics equation that would even stress Stephen Hawkins out.

From the bleechers, Two-Up Looks like a simple game. But once you get in the ring, it’s anything but. So unless you want to come home feeling like you’re wallet’s been through a warzone this ANZAC Day, it’s time to listen up.


The Dawn memorial service is held in the same place each year at The Shrine of Remembrance, which is situated between Ann Street and Adelaide Street. The beautiful Greek style war memorial holds an Eternal Flame, on the day of the service wreaths are placed around it in memory of those lost during the war.

So lets start with the basics… Two-Up can only legally be played on the 25th April (ANZAC Day). Oh, wait, and the 15th August (Victory Day in the Pacific). Uh, and the 11th November (Remembrance Day) but not all day, just after 12 noon. Oh, but you can play all day on ANZAC Day or Victory Day. In other words, you don’t need to wait until after noon on these two days, you can play anytime after 12 midnight the night before, through to 12 midnight that day. Actually, you should only play until 11:59pm, because if you played through until 12 midnight you’d risk playing on the 26th April; or the 16th August; or the 12th November, which could involve huge fines, and possible imprisonment. Unless you’re in Broken Hill, where it’s legal all-yearround, for some reason. Except before noon on Remembrance Day. So literally one of the only

days when everywhere else can play, it’s restricted in Broken Hill… Awesome. Not confusing at all. Ok, so now that’s cleared up – onto the rules… There are a few terms in Two-Up that you will need to understand. There’s the Boxer, who keeps everyone in line without throwing a single punch; a Spinner, who actually remains stationary for the better part of the game; a Cockatoo, that’s less avian and more intoxicated RSL patron; a Kip, which has nothing to do with napping and more to do with launching; and a bunch of coins that are no longer legal tender in Australia, that is Pennies (which you chaps should know all about). Clear? If you’re still confused (and don’t worry, we are too), maybe this will help – according to the “Rules for Two-Up” available on the NSW Government website, placing a bet simply involves: “All wagers on Two Up shall be made by placing gaming chips on the appropriate areas on the Two Up layout. Players shall be responsible for the correct positioning of their wagers on the Two Up layout, whether or not they are assisted by the Boxman or a croupier. Each player must ensure that any instructions given to the Boxman or croupier regarding the placement of the wagers are correctly carried out.” Still with us? Didn’t think so… Our advice is this - just keep an eye out for a bunch of people standing in a semi circle, full circle or a weird disorganized line, and copy them. Or just go play the pokies. Coin goes in slot, press any button, you lose your money, it’s totally win-win-win! By Allan Brady 9



This month we take a look at the best places to practice yoga in Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, and the surrounding areas. From Brikram to the beach, and even retreats, we’ve got it covered. So if you feel like working on your mind, body, soul and flexibility whilst you’re in Australia then keep reading...

Sydney & NSW Billabong Retreat

An easy escape from the city Billabong Retreat is set in 12 acres of natural bush. Complete with a restaurant and a spa there is plenty of relaxation to engage with. The retreat also offers horse riding and a spot of golf to keep your weekend busy but relaxed. 41 McClymonts Road, Maraylya 02 4573 6080‎

Satyananda Yoga

If fully-fledged city escapism is more your thing then look no further than Satyananda. Nestled between two national parks in Mangrove, it is the largest yoga retreat in the southern hemisphere, and after 40 years they know what they’re doing. They offer a full range of courses, and take a holistic approach taking into account food they serve and the ban on alcohol and cigarettes they impose. They also have no mobile phone reception on site. This is a fully immersed retreat from the city and into yoga. 300 Mangrove Creek Rd, Mangrove Creek 02 4377 1171

Bikram Yoga

If you’ve tried yoga before and you want to really discover how far around the corner you can get your leg in hot conditions then maybe Bikram yoga is for you. There are numerous places throughout Sydney offering introductory offers, but the cheapest and most central is handily named, Bikram Yoga in Darlinghurst. An introductory pass will set you back $17 and will get you 10 consecutive days of unlimited yoga. Level 1 & 2, 256 Crown Street, Darlinghurst 02 9356 4999

North Sydney Yoga

Feel in need of a stretch without driving out of town or signing up to something your worried will structurally refigure your spine? Head to North Sydney. They offer beginner’s courses as well as drop-in sessions for the more casual stretchers amoungst you. The classes are designed around the Mysore style and students are encouraged to go at their own pace. 144 Blues Point Road, McMahons Point 02 9957 1855

Yoga B.C.

Yoga B.C. offers yoga with a view, their studio overlooks Woolloomooloo Bay. Practicing a type of yoga known as Hartha, and they offer a range of classes focusing on different aspects of the discipline, both physical and meditative. They also arrange occasional retreats if you want to take it a little bit further. Andrew Boy Charlon Pool, 1C Mrs Macquaries Road, The Domain, Sydney 0439 691 591

Yoga Fitness Kay-Yoga

While driving to a yoga session might feel somehow counterproductive, kayaking to one certainly doesn’t. Meet your instructor up in Manly and then paddle over to one of the nearby beaches where you roll out the mats before a 45-minute yoga session. You may have to get up a little early for these sessions on Thursday they leave at 9.30 and on Saturday it’s an 8 am start. The yoga is for all levels, but you do need to know how to swim, just in case. They also run classes that don’t feature the kayaking bit at the start, but are still on the beach. 0417 225 047

Guru Brownriceandlentils Chumov Gwenythpaltrow’s Top yoga Poses Top Yogi, Guru Brownriceandlendtils Chumov Gwenythpaltrow, BBM Towers own personal yoga instructor shares his top yoga poses this month, to help you achieve that inner peace and the body you’ve always wanted... 10

1. Dofukall (Splattered Pancake Pose)

Lie completely flat with your arms stretched wide, and your legs at equal distance apart. This is best practiced on Saturday and Sunday Mornings and will benefit and correct any head pains or common nausiea.

2. Bareyabum (Happy Moon Pose)

Bend over, touching your hands to the floor and raise your hind quarters toward the ceiling or sky, depending on where you like to practive your yoga. Then release your hind quarters from any fabric constraints and rock your buttox from side to side at a regular pace. To achieve more inner peace with this pose, it is best to be in a public place whilst doing it.

3. Navasaynava (Boat Pose)

For this pose you will need to go to a harbour. Here you will find many floating vessels that will take you on a journey through to enlightenment. However it is very important that you sip on a cleansing jinantonik juice, which you can purchase on my website at a bargain at $199.99 per 100ml.

4. Bowchicawowow (Missionary Pose)

This is a very sacred pose, and will require a yoga partner, one male and one female. The female must lie on her back on the floor, whilst the male must hover over her whilst doing press ups. This will create upper body strength for the men, and increase positive endorphines in the female.

Melbourne, VIC Breathe

Located right in the heart of Melbourne, leave the hustle and bustle at the bottom of the elevator as you walk into their spacious and relaxing studios. With over 100 classes a week across both yoga and pilates, you are certain to find something to match your ambitions and aptitudes. They also have specific sessions to help with back injuries, and if you get really hooked they also offer classes in how to become and instructor. 289 Little Collins St, Melbourne, Victoria 03 9662 1500

Bikram Yoga Melbourne

Bikram yoga offers you the chance to warm up this autumn and stretch at the same time. The room is heated to around 37 degrees to help minimise the resistance in your muscles allowing you to reach places and angles you would never have thought possible. With two sites in Melbourne, one in Prahan, and the other in Richmond, they are open seven days a week and offer classes for a range of abilities. 236 High Street, Prahran or 179 Bridge Road Richmond, Victoria 03 9529 6640 / 03 9429 2112

Clear View Retreat

Practicing Yoga on a mountaintop may sound a little cliché but what better way to improve your breathing than doing so whilst surrounded by the freshest of

Brisbane, QLD

air. Located in the hills outside Melbourne the Clear View Retreat offers a range of courses throughout the year varying in complexity, length and price. They also have their own orchard and vegetable garden so you don’t have to get back in your car if you fancy a healthy snack. 404 Fairview Rd, Kerrisdale, Victoria 03 5797 0229

Beach Yoga

It does what it says on the tin. Yoga on the beach at the Hampton Life Saving Club, classes runs weekdays (no classes on Thursdays) at 9.30 am taking you out of the city centre and looking into the bay. You can pay for a session at a time for $20 or bulk buy for a cheeky discount. They also offer private sessions for an even more calming yet productive session. Hampton Lifesaving Club, Beach St and Small St, Hampton 0416 030 087

Studio Cirq

Drop in classes, all equipment provided, all they ask is you turn up 10 minutes before the class to sign in and meet the teacher. What could be simpler. A range of pricing options are available including a corporate one if you want to get your boss to pay. They also offer massages and professional training. Level 1, 19 Meyers Place, Melbourne 03 9654 9994

tuition, which will only set you back around $60 per session, whereas the standard group yoga classes are priced between $14-17. Downstairs 9 Browning Street, West End, Brisbane, Queensland 0432 049 445

Prema Shanti Yoga & Meditation Retreat (pictured) You’ll get the perfect ambient setting with the Prema Shanti Yoga and Meditation Retreat, as it’s the situated in the heart of the Great Barrier Reef and the magnificent Daintree rain forest – the oldest rainforest in the world! It’s affordable, ecofrienldy and is packed full with spa and massage treatments, ensuring you have the unforgettable relaxing holiday you deserve. 183 Turpentine Road, Cape Tribulation, Queensland 07 4098 9006

Chevron Yoga Centre Earth Awakening

At Earth Awaking you’ll be able to experience a fusion of Eastern and Western healing art methods, each tailored to your individual needs. Located in Brisbane’s West End, it’s an eco-friendly community minded yoga and natural therapy centre, which helps you maintain good health of your body, mind and spirit. They offer a wide range of yoga classes, as well as remedial and relaxing massages from highly skilled practitioners as well as, aromatherapy treatments. And if you fancy a little one on one action they even provide individual

The Chevron Yoga Centre dedicates itself to Iyengar Yoga, a style of yoga that has a huge emphasis on detail, precision and alignment in the performance of posture and breath control. If you are new to this style, it’s recommended you complete one of the short foundation courses they offer so that you’ll be able to have a much more enjoyable and beneficial experience. 37 Tallebudgera Creek Road, Burleigh, Queensland 0418 348 775

Hepburn Retreat Centre

Indulge your inner hippie with a yoga and vegan retreat. Located about an hour away from Melbourne, yet with good public transport links. Book yourself in mid-week for B&B or a longer stay. If you are there on a Saturday they offer a vegan banquet, but you will have to book that additionally. The retreat is only a short walk from a large spa if you fancy a little more self-indulgence. 9 Lone Pine Avenue, Hepburn Springs 03 5348 2005

Alison Keane Educating in Mindfulness

Take part in the ancient tradition of self-healing and self-realization in the form of Hatha Yoga at Alison Keane. The classes are taken in a boutique studio with a maximum of 8 people, so it’s great if you want to practice developing your stability and strength in a more intimate environment. PO Box 629, Ashgrove, Queensland 07 3311 2678

Kerry Boyd Yoga

Enjoy Sivananda yoga with Kerry Boyd, an active practitioner of yoga for 30 years. You’ll stretch your muscles and your mind with a combination of bends, twists, balances and inversions. Classes are mixed ability and open to all ages, with private sessions available if you’d much prefer to practice alone. St John’s Anglican Church Hall, 171 Oxford Street, Bulimba, Brisbane, Queensland 07 3899 6651

Body and Mind Flow

If you would like to strengthen your body, encourage a calm and positive state of mind, a yoga-stretch or yoga-based relaxation class at Body and Mind Flow would be just the thing for you. Here they use a combination of traditional yoga poses that help releax and re-energise the body. Ideal for all ages and fitness levels, with meditation classes also available. PO Box 240, Kenmore, Queensland 0409 872 861 By Mark Briggs & Rachel Pottle 11


Steaking Claim To Sydney... From Angus to Wagyu, sirloin or rib eye, at BBM we know the importance of a good steak. Whilst fresh, innovative burger joints seem to be all the rage the world over, we are firm believers there is no better way to enjoy prime cuts of beef than as steak served just the way you like it. As usual we have fine-combed the streets of this great city to bring you a rounded selection of fantastic eateries for you to sample. Whether you prefer it burnt to a crisp or bloody as hell do not fear, we’ve left no steak unturned. Sugar Mill

In Kings Cross lies the Sugar Mill, a place to enjoy copious amounts of beer and steak for cut down prices. Happy hour takes place every day from 5pm with an excellent cocktail menu serving up classic concoctions using only the finest liqueurs and spirits, the old fashioned is naturally a good starting point. With ‘Sports & Steaks’ taking place throughout the week, steak is priced at just $10 with an array of sides and sauces to go with it. Sport is shown live on big screens. 33-35 Darlinghurst Road, Kings Cross, Sydney 02 9368 7333

The Strawberry Hills Hotel

The Strawberry Hills Hotel in Surry Hills has a solid reputation as a good spot to enjoy a night out and also provides a fairly priced food menu. Offering well crafted and experimental takes on simple favourites, steaks are all priced under $20 and come with a range of different sides. Their 350g $12 rump is a solid choice and is served with shoestring fries and your choice of sauce. If you want to step it up a gear; the rib eye fillet is just $20. 453 Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills, Sydney 02 9699 3355

The Bourbon

This fantastic restaurant in Kings Cross focuses on lavish, indulgent New Orleans styled cuisine and is a must visit for steak lovers and foodies alike. The steak offerings start at $28 and reach a whopping $95 for the 1kg T-Bone meat bonanza. The Darling Downs sirloin, priced at $32 is an excellent way to sample New Orleans cooking in all its gut-busting glory. A generous cut of meat swimming in spicy bourbon butter, served with rainbow chard. 22 Darlinghurst Road, Potts Point, Sydney 02 9035 8888

The Abercrombie

From 6pm on Monday evenings there is a simple delight to be had down at The Abercrombie on Sydney’s Broadway. $10 gets you a steak with either peppercorn, mushroom or red wine sauce, chips and coleslaw! With fantastic offers on food every week, steak lovers can also go for the Philly cheese steak; a heart-attack inducing cheese drenched steak sarnie. If you like The Abercrombie check out their other pubs, The Norfolk, The Carrington and The Forresters. 100 Broadway, Broadway, Sydney 02 9280 2178


La Brasserie

For all their faults the French do know how to cook a good piece of steak, so for a true Parisian experience in the heart of Sydney get down to Darlinghurst’s La Brasserie. Prices for steak range from $30-$45 with cuts including 200g flank, grain fed sirloin, scotch filet, black angus filet & black angus t-bone. Served with crispy, traditional French fries sauces are priced at an additional $4 apart from the black truffle jus costing $7. 118-126 Crown Street, Darlinghurst, Sydney 02 9358 1222

Balmain Exchange Hotel

The imposing Balmain Exchange Hotel stands on the corner of Beattie and Mullens Streets and remains Balmain’s primary spot to chill out with friends. With a brand new bistro bar, steaks on offer include a 200g grass fed fillet served with Dauphinoise potato & cream spinach for $29 or a 600g rump served with mushrooms and smashed chats for $29.50. 94 Beattie Street, Corner Beattie & Mullens Street, Balmain, Sydney 02 8755 2555

Gaucho Grill

Gaucho Grill is located on Stanley Street in Darlinghurst and is for the serious meatheads among you. The restaurant offers traditional Argentinian favourites with all steak coming from Australian grain fed cows and aged for six weeks before cooking. Steaks range from $36 - $49 with eye fillet, sirloin, t-bone and the house speciality baby steak on offer. There is no shortage of options to wash it down with either, choose from the extensive wine list featuring international wines from New Zealand, Chile and Argentina. 73 Stanley Street, Darlinghurst, Sydney 02 9360 6662

The Porterhouse

If you fancy reasonably priced steaks ranging from T-Bone at $20 or a rump steak at just $16, then head on down to The Porterhouse. They also quite rightly serve Portherhouse steak for just $22 which comes with sauteed potatoes and a delicious horseradish cream. Situated in the heart of Surry Hills only two minutes from Oxford Street and a five minute stroll from Central Sydney, you can’t much go wrong at this Irish pub, and they even do a $10 steak night on a Thursday. So have no fear, even if you’re on a budget you can still get your meat fix. 233 Riley Street, Surry Hills, Sydney 02 9211 4454 By Harry Dillon

SYDNEY Jackson’s On George 176 George Street $1 Pool

The Porterhouse

233 Riley Street Surrey Hills $10 Lasagne and chips

Coogee Bay Hotel 253 Coogee Bay Road Free Pool in the Sports Bar All Day Monday

Tommy’s Beer Cafe 123 Glebe Point Road one metre sausage on a wooden slab $15.99

Tuesday The Office Hotel Cnr Kent and Erskine Streets $10 meals

The White Horse 385 Crown Street Happy Hour $5 5-7pm Daily

Kings Cross Hotel 244-248 Williams Street Kings Cross $12 BBQ pork ribs with coleslaw and baked potato 12-3pm/5.30-10pm

Cock ‘N Bull 89 Ebley Street Bondi Junction $4 Magners 5-7pm

Wednesday Darlo Bar 306 Liverpool Street Trivia from 8pm

Bat & Ball 495 Cleveland Street Surrey Hills $12 steak deals

Scruffy Murphy’s 43-49 Goulburn Street Big Irish Breakfast and Drink $9.95

Pailings Level 1 Ivy 330 George Street $5 Happy Hour 5.30pm

Thursday The Eastern 500 Oxford Street Bondi Junction Happy Hour 5-7pm $4 beer and $5 wine

Beresford 354 Bourke Street Surry Hills $5 Happy Hour 5-7pm Paragon Hotel Cnr Loftus and Alfred Streets $19 ribs, plus $10 Cocktails 5-8pm

The Forresters 336 Riley Street Surry Hills $10 beer and cider jugs

Friday The Rook Level 7 56-58 York Street Cool new rooftop hang out on a Friday after work

The Porterhouse 233 Riley Street Surry Hills $6 Schooners of Magners


P.J. O’Brien’s 57 King Street $10 Traditional Roasts and Live Irish Music 6-9pm The Office Hotel Cnr Kent and Erskine Streets $5 Menu

The Beach Palace 169 Dolphin Street Coogee $10 Buckets

Jackson’s On George 176 George Street DJ’s from 9pm

The Spice Cellar 58 Martin Place DJ Degustation (book before)


The Cottage Bar And Kitchen 342 Darling Street Balmain Enjoy a good glass of wine

The Beresford 169 Dolphin Street Coogee Live Entertainment from 4pm and $15 Meals

Darlo Bar 306 Liverpool Street Free Pool all day and $10 beer jugs

The promotions in the calendar are subject to change at any point without notice. Please check with the venue/business that offers are still valid

Monday 13


Inside Redfern... Home to long time locals, as well as bar and café owners who have made their way over from the Surry Hills, Redfern café culture is the reason to visit; a place to go when you want a leisurely drink – alcoholic or not. A central Mecca for the indigenous community of Sydney, Redfern came into existence after it had been granted to William Redfern, a surgeon who built a country house there. Today, the inner-city suburb infamous for ‘The Block’ sits 3km away from Sydney’s Central Business District and although at first it appears rough and ready reminiscent of its working class habitants, Redfern now boasts a huge cultural facelift. If cutting-edge trendy galleries combined with a slow food scene, an array of vintage stores and festivals take your fancy, then this town is the place for you. Exploring its redeveloped streets is the best way to discover things for yourself, and you never know what you might come across. Once home to the Electric Light Station, Redfern was infamous for being the brightest in Sydney and the in this bold sense, the town really is an undiscovered little gem. Redfern Station is also a major line on the city rail network and constantly welcomes a wealth of commuters making it the perfect spot to reside if you want to be close to central Sydney. So put your backpacks down and prepare to stroll around this lazy town that knows how to entertain.

What to do on the other side of the Hills

The suburb has a lively cultural atmosphere and there is always something to do and get involved in. Redfern Oval, home of the South Sydney Rabbitohs, was dramatically reformed when it recently experienced a $20 million investment in Redfern Park and boasts an uplifting community spirit. The Oval also hosts excellent sporting facilities and there is always the opportunity to take a sneak peak at Rabbitoh’s during a training session. Continuing in line with this community feel, the historical Eveleigh yards hosts a buzzing Farmer’s Market attracting locals from the area where you can bag anything from mussels to organic fruit and veg and ask the farmers about their produce. On the first Sunday of every month you will also find The Artisan’s Market. Culture being a central part of the area is highly appreciated through the various contemporary exhibitions that take place on George, Regent and Danks Street featuring a variety of artworks from Aboriginal to Pacific art. The Riderfood Warehouse on Cleveland Street is a trendy warehouse set up in an 1880s heritage loft and regularly plays host to a variety of screenings and special events – so prior to visiting be sure to check out what’s on. Another winner is The Woolpack Hotel, which is a great place to grab a bite to eat and have a social drink. Adjacent to the picturesque Redfern Park, this pub is lively and offers a great bistro menu and of course a pint to quench your thirst! This


little beauty is not just a pub and still abides by the gallery it was once known for by hosting a different artist each month in its exhibition space. Redfern is committed not only to its roots but also to supporting young emerging artists accounting for gallery spaces that seem to pop up out of nowhere. For something a bit different in line with Redfern’s chilled out vibe, try the House of Yoga, where as well as your average yoga class you will also find the anti-gravity class, which is well worth trying! (Note: watch the video beforehand and expect head rush).

Finding Furniture

There’s nothing like a good furniture find and vintage/furniture boutiques are not something that the town is short of. Unearth unique vintage and retro finds at stores such as Doug Up On Bourke and Retro on Regent (the town’s best boutiques) where you will discover a little treasure that you may well want to have shipped to you or add to your new home in the area. Other great boutique style stores include Small Spaces, where everything in the shop is designed and hand picked to fit within, you guessed it, a small space. Simple in design and practicality, Redfern appreciates good furniture and if it is a small piece in particular, there’s no point wasting an opportunity to purchase.

Let’s Eat

By now it won’t be a mystery to you that Redfern is full of vibrant cafés and bars where you can enjoy a great meal and a beverage. Inspiring food and wine options give you a wide-ranging choice when it comes to breakfast, lunch and dinner. For classic diner burgers, shakes and steaks head down to The Eathouse Diner (pictured) where upon arrival you may question whether it is in fact restaurant. Don’t be fooled by the brightly coloured turquoise walls or the cheeky nude snaps in the toilets, this place is quickly becoming full to the brim and rumour has it that it is one of the trendiest eateries in town. At $13 for borscht, you’re looking at a bargain that can’t be turned down. Neighbouring the Hills, for more of a café menu head to Baffi & Mo who are fuelling the gentrification of the area with caffeine that gives you a kick. Signature to their menu is Eggs Baffi with roasted mushrooms – perfect for a long and relaxing brunch. If indulgence is what you are opting for then look no further than High Tea at The Tea Parlour, which is unlike other pompous tea places you may have come across. At the generous price of just $20 per head, you will be provided with an elegant English styled afternoon tea complete with scones and cucumber sandwiches. The intimate setting only allows for limited guest so it is essential to book in advance to be treated like Redfern royalty. In addition, the town tends to have a love for cookery classes so join somewhere such a Vicars Food classes and you can learn while you eat! Moving on to the good stuff (drinks), the town has many great bars that are worth visiting. Dry Land Bar is trendy little established just five minutes walk

from the Surry Hills. There’s nothing like sipping on a nice chilled glass of wine as you relax to soft music played only vinyl - you don’t see that every day. The town is a great place to start for some quiet drinks before heading out to central Sydney, which as mentioned earlier is easily accessible via the central rail network.

Staying in Redfern

In Redfern for a short well deserved break? Look no further than Alfred Park Accommodation; located on Cleveland Street this heritage building is only a stones throw away from Sydney’s central station. Once home to a tall ship captain and his 14 children (gasp), this friendly and cosy hostel not only has an interesting history but is also budget friendly. If you are travelling in a group, Alfred Park rates begin at $25.00 per night per dorm, with a single room at $62 if you find that you need your own space. Alfred Park, due to its central location is also great if you wish to extend your stay, offering the best of both worlds from hotel/hostel services. If being on a budget is not too much of a problem then why not treat yourself Maddisons on Maddison, a luxury cottage on the edge of the Surry Hills. Sitting opposite Moore Park on the east side of town, the elegant Edwardian house oozes comfort and has been designed for relaxed, tranquil living taking away from any form of tourist living. Ranging from $135 to $164 per night, the property sits near the famous eateries of Dank Street and also restaurants and boutiques. If you’re planning on staying for longer periods, it may be an idea to rent an apartment or house. Now we all know Sydney is notoriously expensive, especially when it comes to property but there are apparent perks to living in the world’s third most expensive city. Renting a one-bedroom apartment will set you back around $450 per week, so if it’s just you, you might want to consider a studio apartment for around $250 per week. With a twobedroom apartment, you’ll be looking at about $620 per week and a three-bedroom apartment can cost on average $750 a week. Now if you’re looking for a larger property, you may want to consider doing a house-share, as standard rates for a three-bedroom house can cost upward of $900 per week.

Don’t Forget…

Overall, getting around the area is fairly simple via access of the Redfern railway station and being only a walk away from the booming CBD, there is always lots going on with all walks of life. If your interests lay in the historical aspect of things, then Redfern is the place to be and is a great example of real Australian living. If that doesn’t impress you, then the Redfern Oval speaks for itself. By Hardeep Gill


Street Art in Melbourne

croft alley

This month we take to the streets of Melbourne to capture the best street art the colourful city has to offer. Renowned for its vibrant art scene, the streets and laneways are littered with explosions of colour whichever way you turn. From Brunswick to Windsor, Fitzroy and Croft Alley here are some of our favourite pieces of art on offer around Melbourne.


richmond 16


FitZroy 17


The Topside Of Melbourne...

Melbourne boasts some of Australia’s finest steak restaurants, with the cut, the provenance, the age and the breed all being factors to be considered when choosing how best to satisfy your meat craving. Here’s some of our favourite places to sink our teeth into some prime beef! The Meat & Wine Co. Meat and wine lovers won’t be disappointed upon venturing to The Meat and Wine Co. The speciality here is aged meat and lots of it, with steak on the a la carte menu listed under ‘Super-aged’ meat. With a choice of Rib eye, eye of rump, fillet, t-bone, rump and New Yorker, all steak is basted in-house and comes with crunchy chips and prices ranging from $26-49. 3 Freshwater Place, Queensbridge Square, Southbank, Melbourne 03 9696 5333 Vlado’s Steakhouse

Vlado’s Steakhouse in Richmond has been serving some of the city’s finest steaks for just shy of 50 years. The famous classic set menu features four courses and is priced at $93 per person. First up are gluten-free sausages made from beef and pork neck and then a tasting plate of fillet medallions and calves liver followed


by your choice of steak. Fans of Wagyu will have to pay extra to feed their marbled fantasy, 61 Bridge Road, Richmond, Melbourne 03 9428 5833

Squires Loft

All meat from the grill is flavoured with Squires Loft baste before cooking and is served with either chips or baked potato. T-bone and rib-eye on the bone are particular favourites but are the two most expensive cuts on the menu. Prices start at $22 for a 200g rump and stretch to $56 for a CAAB angus eye fillet. 166 Toorak Road, South Yarra, Melbourne 03 9824 0999

The Corner Hotel

The Corner Hotel might be known primarily as one of Melbourne’s best live music venues, but the rooftop

bar also has something for you steak fans. For $29 the 350g grain fed porterhouse comes with roasted Dutch cream potatoes, seasonal veg and red wine jus. For the more casual among you, grab the grilled steak sandwich for $19, packed with Victorian scotch fillet, Aussie Jack cheese, lettuce, caramelised onion and aioli. 57 Swan Street, Richmond, Melbourne 03 9427 9198

Rock Pool Bar & Grill

With a reputation as one of Melbourne’s finest steakhouses, Rock Pool Bar & Grill might be best saved for a special occasion if you’re on a budget. With beef dry aged on the premises, steak enthusiasts are advised to share sides and sample the abundance of different cuts and breeds on offer. Wagyu beef with only a 9+ marble score is served and is generally the priciest on the menu,

with the cheapest option being a 27 day aged skirt steak costing $42. Crown Complex, 8 Whiteman Street, Southbank, Melbourne 03 8648 1900

The Temperance Hotel

On Mondays and Tuesdays a generous porterhouse cut of steak with chips and side salad with either a free glass of wine or pot of cold beer will only set you back $15. On other days steak is served with thick cut wedges, prosciutto wrapped asparagus and red wine jus for $32.50 as part of the full menu. 426 Chapel Street, South Yarra, Melbourne 03 9827 7401 By Harry Dillon


St Kilda Beach House 109 Barkly Street St Kilda Trivia and Loose games (Prizes include $150 in bar tabs, $500 in travel prizes)

Pellegrini’s 66 Bourke Street Melbourne The finest Italian in town

Tuesday Wabi Sabi Garden Ground Level 17 Wellington Street St Kilda Authentic Japanese Cuisine Happy Hour drinks 5 - 6.30pm


E55 Basement 55 Elizabeth Street $12 jugs Monteiths 4-7pm

Corner Hotel

301 High Street Northcote All day $5 glasses of wine The Dan O’Connell Hotel 225 Canning Street Carlton Open Mic Night $8 Pasta Special

Pugg Mahones 106 - 112 Hardware Lane 8.30pm Comedy


Turf Bar 131 Queen Street It’s Bedlam Hit the Turf $6 pints of beers and wines, $5 pizza

Strike Bowling Level 3 Melbourne Central 211 La Trobe Street $15 unlimited laser skirmish 5pm



Bimbo Deluxe 376 Brunswick Street Fitzroy $4 pizza 12-4pm and 7-11pm Duke of Kent 293 La Trobe Street Daily Happy Hour Ferdyderke levels 1 & 2, 239 Lonsdale Street, $3 Pots & $3 Hotdogs, everyday between 12 & 5pm!

The Local Taphouse 184 Carlisle Street St Kilda Live Music 9pm Free Entry

Saturday The Workshop 1/413 Elizabeth Street Melbourne $8 falafel wrap

Ding Dong Lounge Level 1 18 Market Lane Chinatown Best Indie Night in Melbourne

The Common Man 39 Dukes Walk South Wharf $6 pints and $10 cocktails 5-7pm

St Kilda Beach House 109 Barkly Street St Kilda Live Entertainment

The Dan O’Connell Hotel 225 Canning Street Carlton Kitchen open from 12pm, The Dan poets from 2pm and The Irish Fiddlers from 6pm


The Quiet Man Irish Pub 271 Racecourse Road Flemington Full Irish Breakfast $14.90

Strike Bowling Level 3 Melbourne Central 211 La Trobe Street Free bowling if you spend $6 at bar from 5pm

The Workshop 1/413 Elizabeth Street Melbourne $4 ham and cheese toasties

The promotions in the calendar are subject to change at any point without notice. Please check with the venue/business that offers are still valid

Monday Lucy Coq Cnr Chapel Street and High Street Windsor $4 pizza 11.304pm and 7-11pm

Mornington Peninsula A summer in the cosmopolitan Mornington Peninsula is a definitely a summer you won’t be forgetting in a hurry. Upon arrival, you will already be aware of the areas’ stunning beaches, fine wineries, cafés and the one or two odd but very beautiful mazes that surround the village. Residing southeast of picturesque Melbourne, this lavish area combines the best of European coastal living with traditional Aussie charm and is only an hour away from the hustle and bustle of the big city. Here you can explore numerous adventures in a peaceful environment surrounded by breezy seaside villages. A typical day in the area takes the form of an artistic kind of lifestyle where you will be met with the history of Schnapper Point fishing village as you stroll around Main Street where the boutiques are just as good as the bars. Make sure to stop at the old bank to withdraw beer, wine and cocktails, here you will also find Victoria’s oldest courthouse. Care to remember when you last time you embarked on a stream train ride? Well Mornington Railway can definitely make that happen. Be sure to think about panoramic views of the Melbourne skyline from Morning Star Estate as we give you a guide to all of the hottest spots of the region.

Seafront dining and vineyards for miles

First things first: Food and drink. This quaint seaside village, famous for a healthy appetite offers up a wide-range of delicious eatery options for you to indulge in. The best way to come across the villages’ dining treasures is to stroll around whilst you discover olive groves, vineyards, hidden lunch eateries and lively local markets that are not short of organic produce. Dine alfresco overlooking the water at The Rocks Restaurant where succulent fresh seafood is compliment with a nice chilled bottle of local Pinot Gris, with prices starting at $15 for a light (but filling) lunch meal. Love wine? Who doesn’t? Why not head toward the Paringa Estate winery and restaurant where the Pinot Noir and vintage Shiraz bring to light the cool climate often forgotten in blazing Australia. If the wine tasting goes to your head, then the restaurant at the cellar door is an excellent option, presenting the best of hearty European cuisine whether you are after a relaxed lunch or a sophisticated dinner. Rich in culture from its settlement roots; Mornington is home to many different cuisines out to suit everyone’s tastes. For modern French dining, La Petanque restaurant is the place to be – located on a 20 acre property in the heart of the village. With views of vineyards and olive groves Chef Simon Bucley takes inspiration from Southern France and refines it for your plate. Winding your way along rugged coastlines eventually makes you thirsty and in the town, wine is available like water! If however, it is beer that you are after look no further than the Mornington Peninsula Brewary, which is home to the best of the best (a true beer lover would highly appreciate

this). Based near Mornington Racecourse on Watt Road, you are spoilt for choice but be sure to try the Belgian Farmhouse styles.

What to do and where to visit

Mornington is host to diverse range of adventurous activities and when you don’t fancy dipping in competitive cliff golf, you can always take a trip shopping or dabble in local historical exhibitions. The Mornington Peninsula Regional Gallery is home to various exhibitions ranging from The Art of Australian Pictures Books through to Landscape of longing: Shoreham 1950-2012; entry is just $4 into the museum. Take your pick and set aside plenty of time for activities. With 19 Peninsula golf courses in the area, Mornington Golf Club known as golfer’s heaven is the perfect combination of sightseeing, eating and shopping all in one stunning area. If you find that dry land has become a bit too much, head down under with Bayplay Adventure Tours who also offer great underwater tours for diving beginners. In between cafés and beaches, there is always time to pit stop at an antique shop or specialist boutique and The Peninsula has plenty. For hand crafted furniture and arts you are sure to discover great finds at places such as Red Hill House and Tree 1 in Flinders. Hastings and Tyabb is the place to go to for vintage fashion, which houses a great collection of many, hard to find items. When there’s a market there’s a way and in Mornington you will always be able to snap one off pieces from local Artisan’s and fresh produce from the market stalls that are scattered all over town. The area is famous for collectibles so make sure you nab something that will truly be yours. Finally, if you are not relaxed enough restore your balance by paying a visit to a luxurious spa, which will leave you revitalised. Open daily 9am-6pm; Red Hill Spa is a tranquil oasis where you can rejuvenate your mind and body through the use of a holistic menu of treatments that uses fine organic products. Be sure to book in advance to secure a treatment and make use of the facilities! If you run of out ideas (that’s a big if), then make the most of drinking your way through the best vineyards in Victoria!

Mornington Accommodation

You may already be aware that combined with the culture and artistic atmosphere, there are many reasons to extend your stay in Mornington. It is hard to choose between the rolling hillsides and coastal venues but Mornington has a lot to offer for a great night’s sleep and there is always an ocean view to be seen. For a short relaxed break, the backpackers among you may want to unpack and settle comfortable at Sorrento Beach House in the heart of the area and only five minutes walk to the surf and bay beaches. It is the perfect venue that is kind to your wallet and for those staying in small groups. Prices start from $30 per bed per night – you really can’t go wrong there. If you are sharing and fancy a treat then two minutes walk from Rye Beach lays Moonlight Bay

Resort, also opposite the main shopping precinct. The luxury one or two fully equipped apartments are worth the $225 rate per night (based on four sharing) and there is a heated pool added for good measure! Hiring an apartment long term or short term could not be easier in the area with many accommodation options being available in this form. Modern townhouses provided by The Shores Accommodation are a great way to fit into the local lifestyle and are again budget friendly options for you and few friends. For 7 nights, a two-bed townhouse is just $250 and for a three-bed you are looking at $320. In comparison to other parts of Australia, renting property in Mornington is relatively cheap; obviously location is key to finding a great deal. Onebedroom apartments are around $270 per week to rent, so a great way to reduce costs is to share an apartment or house with friends. Two-bedroom apartments average at around $380 per week, and three-bedroom apartments can be $500 per week to rent. If you’re looking for something a little more spacious, a three-bedroom house will set you back on average $800 per week, but between three people it only works out to be around $267. With the area being inhabited by a close-knit community, there is always opportunity to hire holiday homes or long-term apartments and if that doesn’t suit you then you are sure to find something amongst the hotels, camping areas and villas that The Peninsula has to offer.

Coastal Living

If Mornington’s wineries, beaches and fine restaurants seem more than appealing to you then you are halfway a part of the coastal lifestyle already. This quaint village makes the most of its roots and getting around this compact spectacular region is fairly easy. When your feet tire of walking, the convenient bus system along the Port Phillip Bay area is quick and easy and also takes you the other seaside towns along the coast. By car, Melbourne is an hour away with a scenic route to accompany the journey and The Searoad Ferry Service departs from Sorrento and heads to other small towns on the western shoreline – another Mediterranean feature there. The Peninsula as the friendly locals call it, is renowned for being the kind of place where you can soak the up sun and fresh sea air much as the culture whilst engaging in sports and not to mention the amazing food and drink. Reflective of the simple yet fulfilling lifestyle lived by those who settled here form the Mediterranean, being able to relax is not merely a statement in Mornington, but a way of life. By Hardeep Gill 21


Great Ocean Road... On the journey along the Great Ocean Road you’ll find some of the world’s most breath taking panoramic views. Here are some of our most highly recommended view points, beaches and places to stay along the way. Best view points along The Great Ocean Road... Anglesea

You can reach Anglesea from the Great Ocean Road via Harvey Street. From the Anglesea Memorial Lookout take in the stunning views of the surrounding cliffs and rolling waves.

Welcome to the journey of a lifetime. The Great Ocean Road is one of the world’s most impressive coastal drives and war memorial’s. This month we look at all the wonders this epic road trip has to offer... Whether you wish to see stunning surf beaches fit for the most expert of surfers, or the splendour of the limestone cliffs towering across Port Campbell, The Great Ocean Road is indescribable. From Torquay to Warrnambool over a stretch of 243 km, there is an element of surprise with each and every turn you take into every town. Due to the sheer length of the Great Ocean Road you’re confronted with a variety of experiencese and activities to keep you highly entertained as you wind along this scenic road. The Great Ocean Road travels via the towns of Anglesea, Lorne, Apollo Bay, and Port Campbell where you will pass the exciting views of the Loch Ard Gorge, The Grotto, London Arch, the Grampian Mountains and The Twelve Apostles. If you have a spare three days whilst in Victoria, there is no better way to spend them than to embark upon the world famous Great Ocean Road adventure. The Great Ocean Road is home to native Australian wildlife, such as the Australian fur seals, little penguins, emus, koalas and kangaroos. An area in history, the Great Ocean Road was built between 1919-1932 to commemorate the soldiers lost in World War One, and is the world’s largest war memorial.


The Grampians mountain range is one of the world’s oldest and most remarkable mountain ranges. Renowned for being deeply rich in Aboriginal history and for the wildlife that inhabits in the range; this is a great experience and way to learn about the Aboriginal culture whilst visiting the balcony look out to see what all the fuss is about. Travelling into the centre of the Grampians to the town of Halls Gap is a must whilst you are here.


Whilst here you can also marvel at the awe inspiring Wonderland Ranges. Visit the Brambuk Aboriginal Cultural Centre where you can discover the truth about the history and culture of the communities around the Grampian Mountains. Take an enjoyable walk up to the outstanding ‘Jaws of Death’ and ‘Balconies Lookout’ experiencing majestic views and scenery. End your day with a cool off and chill out and swim at the famous Mackenzie Falls.

Cape Ottway

After many months out at sea, Cape Ottway was very often the first point of Australia seen by many immigrants as they approached the land since leaving Europe. Cape Ottway harbours the oldest lighthouse in Australia, and is also a great area for exploration. Cape Ottway National Park has an abundance of wildlife and a world waiting to be discovered. Climb to the top of the lighthouse and look out for ships and whales across the crystal blue waters.

12 Apostles

Off of the shore of Port Campbell National Park stand the jaw dropping 12 Apostles running parallel to The Great Ocean Road. Originally these outstanding pieces of natural beauty were formed by erosion where the Southern Ocean caused caves in the cliffs. This lead to the erosion of the caves which further evolved into the arches. When the arches finally eroded, they collapsed leaving the original nine stacks which became strangely known as the 12 Apostles. If you are looking for a unique place to stay on the way to the Apostles near to the National Park, look no further than the Johanna Sea Cottages. As you leave Apollo Bay and head towards the Port Campbell National Park, these cottages are the perfect place to stay with your partner or friends. With cottages of all shapes, sizes and views, there really is nowhere else better built for a perfect time along the Great Ocean Road.

Cinema Point

This is a picture perfect look out due to its height. Cinema Point is one of the Great Ocean Road’s highest vantage points and gives amazing views of Fairhaven, Airey Inlet and the Eastern View. This point is signposted 8 kilometres west of Airey Inlet.

Bells Beach

At Bells Beach Surfing Reserve you’ll find stunning ocean scenery, and one of the best breaks in Australia, where the annual Rip Curl Pro contest is held every Easter. You can get to Bells Beach from Torquay’s Bells Boulevard or the Great Ocean Road.


From Teddy’s Lookout you can see the St. George River and the Great Ocean Road coastline. There is also a walking trail connecting Teddy’s Lookout with two other lookouts, and takes around 30 minutes to do a round trip.

Cape Bridgewater

Look down onto colonies of Australian fur seals and check out the spectacular views of Cape Bridgewater. Travel along the beach front Bridgewater Road for this amazing view.

Best beaches along The Great Ocean Road Johanna Beach If it is the surf and the picture perfect beach you’re after, Johanna Beach is a great place to visit. Although it can be a little unsafe for swimming it is an excellent beach for more experienced of surfers. There are also stunning beachwalks along the heathland, and you can even wade across Johanna River if you’re feeling adventurous, but do be careful as it is unbridged.

Port Campbell Port Campbell is rather different to Johanna Beach with calm waters making it perfect for an afternoon dip in the ocean. Here you will also find Port Campbell National Park which is world famous for its extraordinary collection of wavesculpted rock formations and the Twelve Apostles.

Warrnambool Warrnambool has plenty to offer with tonnes of shoreline, parks and lakes. If it is swimming, surfing and sailing you are after then head to Lady Bay which is close to the city centre. If you’re keen to go fishing, then the breakwater is very popular, or if you fancy keeping your feet on the land, then the best beach fishing is up the further up where the rip holes and gutters are more prevalent.

Fairhaven Fairhaven Beach is the longest beach on the Great Ocean Road stretching six kilometres. With a great backdrop of Otway National Park and perfect white sands, this is very popular surfing and swimming beach although it is suited to more experienced bathers. If you feel like stepping things up a gear you can also take it all in on horseback.

Best places to stay along The Great Ocean Road Bell Terrace Apartments, Geelong Start your trip in the right way and make your stay comfortable and affordable. The spacious serviced apartments that all contain two bedrooms, bathrooms and further fold out beds on request are the ideal place to relax opposite the rose gardens before heading off on your Great Ocean adventure.

Home, Bells Beach If you’re on a tight budget then this backpackers hostel has all the facilities you need and has been created with a comfortable stay in mind. Located in Torquay you might even want to partake in a bit of surfing before you head off down the Great Ocean Road.

Johanna Seaside Cottages, Johanna Beach These cottages are great for groups of any size. The cottages provide a unique Great Ocean Road stay and have been built to make you feel right at home. With a swimming pool, in-house massages, fresh eggs you can collect yourself for breakfast. Nestled in the sand dunes, the beach cottages offer prime views of the rugged coastline, lush river flats, and views of the rolling hills and bushland.

Port Campbell Holiday Park, Port Campbell This accommodation is affordable and has free onsite parking for all of those travelling in camper vans. Located between Apollo Bay & Warrnambool, Port Campbell Holiday Park offers both beach & riverside proximity. Their sites can be found close to all of the popular landmarks along the Great Ocean Road.

Mantra Lorne, Lorne With a mixed selection of places to rent varying from hotel rooms to two bedroom apartments, this place makes it suitable option for all groups of different sizes. You can even enjoy a spot of tennis or the spa. 23


On The Right Track... Seeing Australia in all its true glory is definitely one for the bucket list. Independently driving four wheels around Australia however, may not be the most pleasurable way for you to travel from the coast to the outback, and all the cities in between. Taking the pressure of you mapping your way across Australia, rail travel offers all the perks of the views, but with much more relaxation to hand. Just simply climb on board, take a seat and kick back with old and new friends alike as every moment is a shared memory to last forever. Great Southern Rail are more than just a rail company as they provide daily experiences to all travellers who take advantage of their journeys and the ease of using rail to travel and experience a place. With Great Southern Rail you can tailor your journey to suit, as you go wherever you want whenever you want. Life is a lot easier without the responsibility of having to drive or be the official guide with a constant fixation of the dreaded map. If you compare the costs of renting a camper and the cost of petrol to get you around the country, a rail ticket is both economic and efficient if you wish for a more enjoyable time making your way across Australia. Whether you need to escape to the more traditional parts of Australia such as Darwin, The Ghan journey will take you there from Adelaide and vice versa. Adelaide is easy to venture to from Melbourne with Great Southern Rail providing the perfect sit back and relax journey to get you there with their ‘Overland’ route. Head from Sydney to Perth and see the entire Nullarbor Plain whilst relaxing and really taking in the sights.

The Ghan - Darwin to Adelaide or Adelaide to Darwin

Travel in true style with Great Southern Rail. BBM Magazine takes a look at the ultimate way to see Australia at pace, but never missing a thing. From the outback, to the cities and the tropical north, travel in style and comfort whilst you embark upon an epic adventure. 24

The Ghan is an incomparable way to travel through the heart of Australia to visit two of its jewels, the Red Centre and the tropical Top End. From tropical and balmy Darwin, through to the grand gorges of Katherine, the rusty desert of Alice Springs and finally reaching the cosmopolitan city of Adelaide, The Ghan is the ultimate journey of exploration and adventure which needs to be seen to be believed. This journey allows for the more adventurous of traveller to see the real depth of Australia which is often a highlight for the people who do venture into the deep

Red Centre of this amazing country. From South Australia to the Northern Territory, you can sit back and watch in complete disbelief at the change in landscapes and the sights you will see along this leg of the journey.

Indian Pacific – Sydney to Perth or Perth to Sydney

The Indian Pacific travels an impressive 4,532km between Sydney and Perth. On this transcontinental journey you will wind through the beauty of the Blue Mountains and outback Broken Hill before entering the Flinders Ranges of South Australia. Continuing west, the Indian Pacific crosses the Nullarbor Plain and the longest stretch of straight rail track in the world, before continuing through to the gold mining town of Kalgoorlie and winding its way through the Avon Valley into the thriving city Perth. This journey is one which you will remember forever, with the vast landscapes and straight views of the Nullarbor remaining the same for hundreds of kilometres. Watch the sun rise in the mornings and the moon rise in the evenings over the open plains of the Australian outback as you venture to the most isolated city in the world - Perth.

The Overland – Melbourne to Adelaide or Adelaide to Melbourne

The Overland offers daylight intercapital rail travel between Adelaide and Melbourne. Leaving Adelaide in the morning, travel through some of South Australia’s best wine producing regions and regional towns before rolling into the bustling city life of Melbourne, just in time for a bite to eat in one of its many famous laneways.

Railway Services Across Australia

Red Service on The Ghan, Indian Pacific or The Overland is the most economical way for backpackers to see more of Australia. Due to a recent $6 million refurbishment, travellers can now enjoy upgraded facilities and features that are characteristic of a world-class travel experience. The Matilda Cafe features comfortable booth seating where you can enjoy a range of delicious meals and snacks, freshly-ground

coffee and a selection of Australian wines and beers. Its panoramic views offer the perfect setting to meet new friends and share travel stories. The Red Day-Nighter Seats offer comfortable reclining and rotatable seats that provide more leg room than planes or coaches and are now adapted for disabled access. Ready Rail fares (booked via the user-friendly online booking engine) represent great value, offering a saving of up to 50 per cent on Everyday Red Service fares. For the keen and frequent traveller, investing in a rail pass is your best option for frequent and unlimited travel on The Ghan, Indian Pacific, The Overland and selected CountryLink services. Rail Passes offer the flexibility to hop on and hop off the train as you wish, giving you the freedom to tailor your journey which is ideal if you do not want to set your route and dates of travel in stone.

The Rail Explorer Pass offers three month passes starting from $450 or six months from $590 of unlimited travel on The Ghan, Indian Pacific or The Overland in any direction. Each leg of travel is subject to the small cost of the fuel surcharge per leg, meaning you can get to destinations all over Australia for a fraction of the cost. The Ausrail Pass provides travellers with three months ($772) or six months ($990) of unlimited travel on any of Great Southern Rail’s services, as well as CountryLink services in New South Wales and Queensland. If you’re seeking unrivalled views of Australia, together with the convenience, comfort and value of rail travel, Red Service ticks all the right boxes for the savvy traveller.

For more information visit backpackers 25


Eastern Europe’s Beaches Wanting to venture a bit further than Ibiza, or the Greek Islands, then it’s time to head out east for some sun, sand and Cyrillic. BBM has a look at the best beach destinations Eastern Europe has to offer... It may be over 20 years since the Berlin Wall and the Iron Curtain came down, but for a long time images of Eastern Europe have been dominated by Ladas and communist era skyscrapers, while the thought of holidaying brings to mind certain worrying scenes from the movie ‘Hostel’. A few dodgy cars and rickety looking buildings remain, but the former Soviet bloc is now a viable destination for holidaymakers bored of the standard fare on offer in some of the now stale holiday destinations of the 90s. While the flight might be a little more expensive than a jaunt down to the Med you make up the difference when you get there with great exchange rates, and some non-euro currency. So, where to go? Croatia is probably the most established of the eastern European destinations. The country’s coastline is littered with a thousand islands, stunning beaches and some of the bluest water you will see outside of paradise. Split is a good place to aim for, you can fly there in two hours from London and the city features a wide range of bars and restaurants. The city itself hugs a picturesque harbour with beaches stretching outwards into the suburbs. The lure of Eastern Europe is to get away from the well known, so how about looking up the Lithuanian town of Palanga. Dubious? Well try this on for size; an 18km white sanded beach surrounded by Scandinavian style chalets and plentiful Baltic beer coming in at around a £1 a pint. There are, one or two, high profile drawbacks. Being on the Baltic the water is not the warmest, best go towards to end of the summer if you’re the type to be tempted by a dip. However this is a big summer holiday town, so the end of the summer features huge end of season


parties encompassing both the beach and the late nightclubs located in the center of town. There are also a few of those classic Soviet eyesores stretching into the sky offering cheap housing for the locals. Lithuania also offers some food that may or not be what you usually wolf down on your hols. Elk steaks anyone? Apparently they also eat crow in the countryside if you are feeling extra adventurous. They are also partial to a waffle and some ice cream so it’s not all crazy slabs of meat that even Findus would think twice about putting in a burger. Perhaps not well known to those of us from Western Europe, but Yalta is one of the most well established holiday destinations in the Ukraine. All the way down in the Crimea it may take you a little longer to get to than your standard sun and sea stop over, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it. The town was a favourite of Russian Czars and there are plenty of palaces around if you want something to look at on a day away from the sand. This will be a beach holiday with a difference. English is not widely spoken or understood, and although in Ukraine, this part of the country is strongly proRussian and so if your going to take a phrase book, Russian is the one to pluck for. There is the odd road sign in English, a relic from the Yalta peace conference at the end of the Second World War, the town is also twinned with Margate, but that’s it as far as home comforts go. The Crimea region produces its own guidebook, it’s an interesting combination of cultural insight, uncomfortable reading, and strange translation. For example; “The attitude of the population to lesbians is curious and benevolent; to gays it is hostile, except for the famous ones.” And “The modern military tourism including, for example, shooting from grenade launchers and flights by

supersonic fighters, is developing at numerous polygons and air stations that used to be secret ones.” The place has come a long way since Florence Nightingale. On the other side of the Black Sea, and slightly more accessible for it, lies Bulgaria. The country only has a relatively short stretch of coastline but it packs a punch for its size. Down in the south on the Turkish border you have the Strandja National Park, rolling forested hills and sandy coves populate this particular part of the world which features more camping and cabins than resorts and nightclubs, but variety is the spice of life. Thankfully the variety does not extent to the beaches which are golden and clean and dotted with small towns on protected lagoons. If you have a large book you’ve been meaning to get through this place of tranquility is surely the best place to try and tackle it. The further north up the coast you go the hotels increase in frequency, as do the amenities. There are also some newly built resorts around the town of Varna if you want to outsource some responsibility. Last, but by no means least we have the vast country of Romania. For its size its coastline isn’t big, and so can get a little crowded, but that only adds to the atmosphere and activities on offer. Towns such as Mamaia – The Pearl of the Romania Riveria – Constanta if you want more of a city feel, or Eforie Nord (if you’re after a spa town) are all easily accessible from the capital Bucharest, which is the easiest place to try and fly to if you’re coming from the UK. Just because you want to lie on a beach doesn’t mean you have to lie on the same beaches you’ve always laid your towel on. So head east! You may even get a stamp in your passport. By Mark Briggs

Travel Essentials...

Each month, we bring you the best in travel essentials that we’ve tried and tested. From gadgets to cosmetics, here’s the best products we’ve found this month!

ION AIR PRO Action Camera The ION AIR PRO camera is the perfect travel companion if you’re embarking on an action packed holiday. It’s one of the first Smart phone compatible cameras that comes with a mini tripod as well as a detachable accessory - ION the GO WiFi PODZ. This enables you to shoot high definition videos and share them instantly with your friends on social networking sites without the need of computer cables. You can control the AIR PRO camera directly from your Smartphone, Tablet or Android devices, and relevant apps are available from ION Worldwide via iTunes free of charge. So get this nifty gadget and make your friends jealous of your holiday adventures in an instant! $239 available from


If you’re one for leaving something important behind as you make a mad dash to the airport, the new hipKey from hippih will ensure you don’t forget your phone or even your kids! The key ring size hipKey sounds a loud alarm when you leave your valuables behind. The hipKey features an alarm mode, a child mode, a motion mode and a find me mode. Simply connect the hipKey to any AppleW device via Bluetooth and set the distance you want your alarm to be triggered from, ranging from 2 – 50 metres.

The hipKey is small enough to slide into your pocket or hold in your hand so you’ll always have time to retrieve your forgotten item before it’s too late! $103 available from

Music Fidelity EB-50 Headphones Music is the key to surviving any long journey, and with Musical Fidelity you can now experience studio quality sound on the go with their brand new EB-50 headphones. The EB-50 will headphones provide you with a ruler flat frequency and deep clear bass - the same peerless sound definition as Musical Fidelity’s worldfamous sound systems. What’s really fantastic about these headphones is the addition of an in-line mic/mute control so that you can take calls whilst listening to music if you have a smartphone. These headphones were designed to keep your music personal so you can have them as loud as you like without annoying others. Plus it comes in a swish travel pack with a variety of ear pieces so you can choose which size suits you best. It’s the perfect travel buddy with a seal of quality. $219 available from

SnugPak Travel Towel If you’re tired of your bulky bath towel taking up all the room in your suitcase, then the Snugpak Microfibre Antibacterial Travel Towel is a travel must! The Snugpak towel is extremely lightweight and can be packed away into it’s own little sack, making it a fraction of the size of a traditional bath towel. It’s quick drying, bacterial resistant and machine washable. The towel comes in five different seizes and is available in either blue or olive.

Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Formula Swivel Stick If you suffer from dry skin or chapped lips, this extra-large multi-purpose balm is great for touching up any dry patches on your face and keeping your lips soothed and moisturized throughout your holiday.

Make sure you’re towel is completely dry before folding it away into the bag to ensure any unwanted smells stay out of your suitcase!

It’s so easy to apply and with its key ingredient being Pure Cocoa Butter, it smells lovely as well as being enriched with Vitamin E.

$15 - $40 depending on size available from

$3.60 available from 27


World’s Best


Shambalah Festival, Canada 22 - 25 August

This cutting-edge Electronic Music Festival is a labyrinth, boasting some of the best up and coming talent across 6 themed stages. Situated on the Salmo River Ranch, you get to camp within the beautiful woodlands and experience the joyous outdoors.

Noisily Festival, UK 24 - 27 May

Indulge yourself in a mix of pulsating rhythms, electronic beats and creative artwork deep in the heart of the Leicestershire countryside. With performances from Perfect Stranger and Ticon, Noisily is the UK’s number one spot for experiencing innovative art and radical music in a natural surrounding.

Main Square Festival, France

5 - 7 July

Situated on The Plaine des Hautes Fontains, Main Square Festivals offers camping amongst picturesque woodlands and the river Crinchon. It’s a haven of peace where you can relax and recover after a few intense days of rocking and raving.

Telluride Bluegrass Festival, America 20 - 23 June

Situated in the most spectacular town in Western America, you’ll experience camp life in the Rocky Mountains surrounded by magnificent waterfalls. Coinciding with the longest day of the year, you’ll be able to welcome the summer with some of the country’s finest Bluegrass acts.

Estereo Picnic, Colombia 5 - 7 April

At Estero Picnic you’ll get to party all day with the likes of The Killers and New Order, then sleep under the stars in the picturesque Bogotá Mountains. As well as an array of acts to enjoy across the weekend, you can lose yourself wandering around a hippie market or perch under an umbrella and watch the sunrise.


Rocking The Daisies, South Africa 3 - 6 October

Rocking The Daisies brings you the best entertainment in rock, indie and folk buried in a scenic mountainous landscape. As well as music, you’ll be able to tuck into gourmet food, enjoy a cocktail at the beach bar and dance until morning at the favourable electro dome.

Hove Festival, Norway 2 - 5 July

In between quality musical performances you’ll be able to revel in sandy beaches and peaceful surroundings at Norway’s Hove Festival. Plus they’ll be screening yet-to-be-released movies, so be sure to pencil in time at the cinema during the weekend!

Hurricane Festival, Germany 21 – 23 June

This annual festival presents a collection of the world’s finest rock acts including Rammstein and Arctic Monkey’s. You’ll also get to experience international cuisine, late night partying on the camping ground, and even go bungee jumping if you’re brave enough!

Pinkpop, Netherlands 14 - 16 June

See Kings Of Leon, Greenday and Queens Of The Stone Age at Landgraaf’s annual rock festival. If you’re a party animal be sure to pitch up in Camping B. Hidden among the trees you’ll find the dynamic dance tent where you can continue your night after the last acts have finished performing.

INMusic Festival, Croatia

24 - 26 June

Camping is a huge part of INMusic Festival, making it the perfect festival package. Located on Island of Youth, you can partake in various activities like swimming, roller-skating and windsurfing. Treat yourself to hot running water, wireless Internet and even organised trips to gorgeous nearby destinations.

Fuji Rock Festival, Japan 26 - 28 July

Enjoy performances from Nine Inch Nails, Bjork and The XX high up in the mountains away from the busy city life. It’s the perfect setting to forget about the stresses in your daily life. Simply relax, meet new people and enjoy your favourite music.

Splendour In The Grass Australia 26 – 28 July

Australia’s largest winter festival returns to North Bryon Parklands with another spectacular line up featuring Jack White, Bloc Party and The Smashing Pumpkins. Whether you choose to camp in a tent or a tepee, you’ll have easy access to the stunning North Beach if you fancy a quick swim. 29


The Primary Season Leaving the summer behind, there’s no need for dull colours for Autumn, and with this in mind there’s no better way to embrace the season than by going back to basics, so fill your closets with key block primary coloured pieces, inspired by quintessential Britain that will guarantee to give you a spring in your step.


3. 2. 7.



For him... 1.Suede green brogues, $218, 2.Graphic print I-phone case, $38, 3.Red tone on tone watch, $50.65, 4.Blue raglan jacket, $143.80, 5. Dawlish linen red, blue and white check shirt, $87, 6. Green buxton swim shorts, $65, 7. Red and blue classic vans, $76.77, 8. Levis 501 blue hook jeans, $108.65, 9. Fatface red and white striped t-shirt, $32, 10. Herschel blue Mid-volume backpack, $116,






For her... 1.Sitka women’s red jacket, $116, 2.Red satchel, $137, 3.Timex originals blue weekender watch, $55, 4.Yellow rose jacquard pencil skirt, $57.48, 5.Blue Long sleeve pintuck blazer, $65.50, 6.Yellow nail lacquer by Deborah Lippmann, $21, 7.Juju green sandal, $44, 8.Blue Shimla bracelet, $72.80, 9.Nars soft shadow touch pencil in yellow, $26.20, 10.Red Victoria Beckham skinny jeans, $248, 11.Bodyshop eye shadow in Blue, $5.95,

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Jack Dee

This month we chat to one of Britain’s most famous comedians, Jack Dee. Having dominated our television screens for the past twenty years, from advertising John Smith’s, to his hit series ‘Lead Balloon’ and starting ‘Live At The Appollo’, Jack is now touring his new stand-up show, and will be touching down in Australia and New Zealand in April. Hi Jack, how are you? Not bad thank you. How’s it going in Ireland? Yea it’s good, I’m in Cork, I’ve got another night here. It’s cold but it’s ok. You’ve also got your UK dates coming up too, so you must be really busy with everything at the moment? Yeah, I’ve been on tour, with this show I started in the autumn so it’s been a lot of travelling. I’m now doing the spring leg of the tour, which takes me into Australia and New Zealand. So are you looking forward to heading out to Australia? Yeah, I haven’t toured in Australia for quite a number of years actually. I’ve had a holiday out there since. I used to do Melbourne, I’ve done it a few times, Melbourne Comedy Festival, it just became quite a long way to go with the kids, with school and stuff and it never used to quite work out properly. But now the kids are older we can go out there. Sydney Comedy Festival is going on, Melbourne Comedy Festival is going on, are you going to see any other acts while you’re there? I really hope so yeah. There are a lot of good Australian comics and New Zealand actually that come over to Britain, but I hope they are still a few left over there! But also, the international acts, there’s always a really good vibe. Is there anyone in particular? I don’t really know who’s going out there yet apart from other British acts so I haven’t seen the programme but I’ll find out when I get there. But hopefully they’ll be stuff going on very late at night that I can go to after my own show. You took a six year break from stand up. How does it feel to be touring again? Really nice. I was working on my sitcom ‘Lead Balloon’ and I really enjoyed doing that, but the thing you miss about stand up is the immediacy of it all. You can think of something funny, say it onstage and you get a laugh from it, so it’ll be good. I read about you once in The Sun newspaper having a rather bad experience in Australia at a prison? I’m afraid The Sun got it slightly wrong, it was Perth in Scotland. All the Australian papers have been asking me about that and it’s a shame, I should have just lied and said it was Australia. What happened there then? I don’t know why, some idea that comedians from the Edinburgh Festival, this was in 1990 or something, that we should go and share our talents


with the inmates so a few of us went along. If I can remember it was me, Greg Newman and Sean Hughes, we tried to do a show for these people that were looking rather cross in the chapel and it wasn’t very much fun. They were all lifers so there was no point of contact really with these people at all so it was a difficult 30 minutes. You’ve been going since 1986 when you first started out. How does it feel to still be in high demand? Well I’m always very flattered and grateful that people still want to see what I’m doing and I’ve always just done my thing and I think people, touch wood, they love the show and you accumulate a good word of mouth over the years I guess. I remember as a kid the widget adverts, did people used to sing it at you in the street? There was a time when that became a catchphrase in the street, it hasn’t happened for a while now. Funnily enough, those things do raise your profile a bit so people want to see what you can do on stage, it all helps as long as you don’t make an absolute idiot of yourself. I haven’t had a chance to see any of your new stuff. What’s the kind of basis for your new show that you’re touring? Well a lot of it is about modern life, dilemmas and also coping with teenage children and also more abstract areas. I talk about the Royal Family and conspiracy theories, so it’s a real broad thing. I like to think it has a narrative to it and a sort of logic to it, a beginning, middle and an end. My shows have always been a rolling review of what’s going on in my life. I suppose that was similar with ‘Lead Balloon’. Would you say it was semi autobiographical? Yeah I think so. You put ‘Lead Balloon’ with a lot of personal experiences built into that context and of course stand up is reliant on all of that. All of my stand up has been about how I see the world really and just drawing people in to seeing it that way as well. You’ve obviously done a lot of stuff with Live at The Apollo, you get quite a lot of the noughties comedians trying to break Hollywood. Is that something that you would ever consider doing? I wouldn’t go over to try and break it, probably not. It’s a wise idea is if you’re like Ricky Gervais or Simon Pegg and have something to go over there to do. I think you could quite easily go over there and be swallowed up by the industry. You’re very identified with the British audience as well. I think that is also true, I’ve never been on a world

domination kick. I enjoy entertaining audiences until a certain degree. It’s not important where they are or how wide spread they are. Why did you want to become a stand-up comedian? I think it was juts one of those things where I saw the new scene emerging and I had a powerful feeling that they had started without me. It was a comedy language that I understood. There were previous stand up comedians although I might well have liked them, like Tony Hancock, I didn’t relate to them thinking I’d like to do that. There was a new scene that emerged and it became much more relevant to someone of my age, that was the big difference of it. What would you say was your first moment when you became a successful comedian? I didn’t start thinking I want to make my fortune or anything, my ambition really was to get my name on this blackboard, outside the Comedy Store in Leicester Square. You’d see all these names on it, and that was my ambition to have my name on that blackboard. So I worked hard at it and I think I could have just bought myself a piece of chalk! What would you say has been your biggest career highlight? Career highlight... I’ve been very proud to have started ‘Live at The Apollo’, the first two series. That’s been a huge success that show, and I think anyone would admit that. It’s really bought a lot of comedians into the spotlight as well so that I’m pleased about. I’m very proud of being involved with ‘Lead Balloon’ because that’s a show that we set out to make and I think in television, that’s really important. That people set out to make the shows they set out to make. I’m also very proud of the show that I’m doing now, I started it on a small scale and toured tiny venues and little clubs and worked it out the way I did my very first show. This time I really took time and didn’t start the tour until I was ready and I felt I had enough material and something to say. So I’m enjoying it, yeah it’s good. What have you got planned for when you finish touring? When I finish I’ve got the project in the pipeline for BBC1, something I’m going to be working on the script for that in June with my writing partner Pete Sinclair who I write Lead Balloon with. So we’ll start work on that, and if it’s any good we’ll hopefully make a pilot of that. Thanks Jack, and good luck with the show tonight, and hopefully we’ll catch you on your tour somewhere along the way! Words By Hannah Shakir Image By Andy Hollingworth


Eats Everything A hot commodity at the moment, BBM grabbed a chat with Dance producer Eats Everything, also known as Daniel Pierce from Bristol. Eats Everything is on a mission to conquer the Underground House scene, and he’s proving to be quite successful at doing so...

Talking to us from Miami, where he and the rest of the Dance world are attending the Miami Winter Conference, we find out more about Eats Everything and The Edible Movement. Hi Dan! So how’s Miami? What’s the atmosphere like over there? The atmosphere has been great so far, haven’t really done a lot yet to be honest, but it’s Wednesday now so the madness ensues now! Yes you’re playing a bit later in the week, so what’s been your highlight whilst in Miami? I just cooked scrambled eggs for my manager and wife! As I said, I haven’t done a great deal yet but I think that the Dirtybird party will be off the chain, as will the Pets Showcase and Circus on Sunday! It’s all pretty exciting to be fair! You’re off to play at Chinese Laundry in Sydney in April, what do you think about the Australian Dance scene? I don’t know a great deal about the Oz Dance scene if I am honest. I have heard that it’s flourishing and that the Dirtybirds just played over there and it was crazy, so I am hoping for a great tour. You’re playing at Melt Festival in Germany in July, what do you think of the German crowds? I used to not like German crowds because they are very good at letting you know if they don’t like what you are doing instead of embracing the music. But I played at Watergate a few weeks back, back to back with Catz n’ Dogz and I can safely say that it was one of the best gigs I have ever had. I played loads of different music and it was really good fun. You’re also playing at The Garden Festival in Croatia, with so many festivals happening over there now, why do you think it’s become such a


popular party destination? I think it’s because it’s relatively close, absolutely stunning, cheap and there are great places to throw parties over there. I really love the place, it is growing all the time and could be a real contender for Ibiza in a few years time. Where are you most looking forward to playing this year? I am really looking forward to playing lots of gigs in Ibiza, ‘Love Saves The Day’ in Bristol and my Oz, Asia and US tours as there are some great places I am yet to play! Coming from Bristol, which has a growing reputation as a creative spot for Bass music, could you explain what the scene is like there? The scene in Bristol is really good. There are a lot of really big events coupled with some really small intimate parties. It’s a great place to party and has a very tight knit Dance community where everyone knows everyone. So you’ve got your Edible tour coming up in May... talk us through the “movement”? It’s an idea that we came up with to branch out and get some of the DJs I really love playing on the same bill as me. We have worked hard to pick the right line ups for the right venues and are really happy with the process so far. It sounds great! You’ve had releases out on Claude Von Stroke’s Dirtybird label, what’s it like working with him? We actually spoke with him not so long ago! It’s great working with him, he is a great guy who really looks out for his artists. He is also a lot of fun and you need a lot of fun in this line of work. How did your involvement with the Dirtybird Label come about?

My mum sent CVS a picture of me along with some tracks, he fell in love with the picture. The rest is history... Ha ha! I love your remix of Justin Martin’s ‘Ruff Stuff’, is there anyone else you’re planning on turning your hand to? Not that I know of. I am trying to steer away from doing remixes at the moment so I can concentrate on solo and collaboration stuff but there will definitely be stuff in the future. Could you suggest any up and coming or underground artists we should be listening to? Detroit Swindle are great. Lukas from Bristol is amazing and Motez who is a guy from Australia who has some really good shit coming. Also Ardalan and Nick Monaco are awesome. What were your early influences that made you want to produce music? My early influences were mainly House, Hardcore and Jungle. A need to produce because I wasn’t getting any DJ gigs are my reasons for starting to produce. Gone were the days where you can just DJ, so I had to get in the studio and learn my craft. Has there been anyone/anything/an artist particularly inspirational to you? There hasn’t really, just an amalgamation of lots of different influences that have led me to becoming the artist I am today. So tell us why you go by ‘Eats Everything’? Because I eat a lot and I play everything...

By Hannah Shakir

Happy Mondays

Shaun Ryder, the main man and vocalist behind the band that changed music throughout the 90s and still remains iconic to this very day. BBM Towers were alive with excitement upon announcement that the Happy Mondays would be reforming to the original line up and embark upon a tour across Australia. Good morning Shaun, how you doing? I’m good thanks Frankie, how are you? All good thanks. Did you have a good weekend? Yeah thanks, a very chilled one and a lot of family time. How has this year been for you as artists? Yeah this year has been great, no complaints at all. As far as the Mondays are concerned it has been spot on. How has the reformed band changed and are things a lot different now to the past days of the Happy Mondays? Well, I guess we took time away from the Mondays for a long time, and so to get everyone back together has been mega enjoyable. To get the family together has been a blast and we have all grown up and are now looking forward to the tour. Do you have an all time influential artist? No not really, my favourite band is the Rolling Stones. I’ve ripped off everybody across the board really as all musicians and writers do where we take a bit of everything and make it our own. So then Shaun, as the Happy Mondays music is still played in clubs today, what is your all time classic club album? I’m 50 years old now to be honest mate, and when I’m at home I prefer to listen to some Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin. I’ve got kids now who love their Urban music and so I just like to shut the doors and leave that music to them What’s your personal opinion on music of this era? My kids love it, I’ve got kids from the ages of three years to 20 something and so I cant slag it off

because they love it. You know what, there is some crap out at the moment with their horrible hard beats (he sings) and that was the worst part of it 25 years ago and it’s the same now. Is this the first time you have all come together to tour Australia? I have been to Australia to play there with the different Mondays but yes, it is the first time as the original line up which is exciting. What’s going to be the highlight of the tour do you think? The whole show is going to be a highlight for us. We always get such a top crowd wherever we go. We have heard that there may be another album in the pipeline with the original band, is this true? Why now and not ten years ago? The last Monday’s album was 2005 and we haven’t done one yet as I am so busy. Eventually I’m hoping that there will be a new album but we just don’t know when just yet. Can you tell me about a moment on stage when things went a little bit wrong or things went a little bit Pete Tong? What, when things weren’t going to plan? Well Frankie I would probably say the whole of the 90s! (Laughing) It always went wrong with all of us at some point, we spent eight years trying to make it and then when we got there it just kind of fell to bits. In 1993 when we made that album, we just felt a bit stuck after that. At one point we even had a stage collapse on us in Spain. I should seriously be dead really, the whole thing fell apart. We had been on stage in a bullring for about 20 seconds when the whole thing collapsed and we lost all of our equipment but luckily we were all ok.

So for the next few years what we can expect from the Happy Mondays? This Mondays gig is going to be travelling all over the world for the next three years. It has been 18 years at least since we were all properly on stage together. Then the minute we all got back in the same room it lit up and I guess we were just a bunch of kids that broke up and we have come back as men. So it isn’t long until the tour kicks off, what’s happening in the lead up to the May dates? All I know is, I have to get myself packed and off to Italy, then around some places in Europe and then home. This is when we will get ready for the big Australia tour and I have to leave Salford where I am based. Thanks so much for your time Shaun. Thanks Frankie.

Happy Mondays Tour Dates Friday 3rd May - The Tivoli – Brisbane Saturday 4th May - UNSW Roundhouse – Sydney Sunday 5th May - Palace Theatre – Melbourne / Wednesday 8th May - Capitol – Perth / By Frankie Salt 35


Top 10 Podcasts, Sets, and radio We all know that the current 5. Defected Records and Radio music vibe is on a high and Podcasts If you don’t know the label that is that there are now more Defected Records, then perhaps you to go back to sleep and wake up podcasts to listen into than need in Ibiza. This label has been around ever. The only trouble is since day one and is still one of the masters in all the tracks that knowing where to find it. leading make you want to dance. This is where BBM comes in to save the day, bringing you defectedradioshow the knowledge in a simple 6. Milton Jackson Mixes list of the top ten podcasts, Known to his mates as Barry Christie, Milton Jackson hits every mix on its sets and radio for your head when it comes to House music. Listen to his Compendium Of Sound listening pleasure. 1. BBM Magazine Podcasts with The So Called Scumbags

mixes on Soundcloud.

7. Huw Stephens, Radio 1 Podcast




E. R E H

You must have been living under a rock this month if you haven’t heard the commotion over Daft Punk’s fourth studio album. Although the secretive nature the French duo put into keeping the albums name was quite something with Daft Punk stamping their name and image all over the world to provoke chitter chatter about their upcoming release. They launched a huge poster and billboard campaign, which featured an image of their blue and gold helmets, with just one single word ‘Columbia.’

We are now into our 13th podcast release and each month is getting bigger and better with guest mixes being released too. With personal recommendations from the biggest names around at the moment and dancefloor fillers a plenty, this podcast covers a range of styles and beats. html

This podcast plays with Hip-Hop, Drum and Bass, Electronica, Indie and Folk and a touch of everything in between. If you love all music or just fancy something a little different, Huw Stephens is your man. huwintro

2. Louche Podcasts

Finding the best Indie Rock isn’t easy and so Birp do it for you. Their playlists are pretty much the best at the moment and very up to speed with the top sounds around. Check out their March playlist.

The French duo, real names Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo and Thomas Bangalter reached significant popularity during the 1990s House movement and have continued to succeed by combing elements of house and SynthPop.

9. Reggae Revolution Radio

No official single has been confirmed, however, the new album was first teased during an advert was aired in the middle of American TV show Saturday Night Live. It consisted of 15 seconds of new material, which saw the Daft Punk logo slowly revolving to a Disco style beat.

If you are into your more underground music, Louche is where it is at. Without a doubt one of the best music events across the UK at the moment and the night is getting bigger and better every event. Listen into their podcasts to really understand what all the fuss is about.

3. Macabees Hour or So Podcasts

The Macabees are now making their fourth album at home for the majority of this year. Whilst they do, they want to share their tracks that they are loving at the moment with you lovely listeners. the-maccabees-an-hour-or-so-ofmusic-podcast-episode-1

4.Hospital Records Podcasts and Radio

The world famous independent Drum and Bass label delivers every time with their podcasts with hundreds for you to listen to.


8. Birp Indie Rock Podcasts

How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts? Wi’ jammin’… go on laugh, everyone loves that joke. But in all seriousness, if you like a chill out evening of Reggae, tune in to Reggae Revolution Radio. ReggaeRevolutionRadioShow/ reggae-revolution-3-19-13

10. KRNK Podcasts

Established recently is a fresh and exciting music event. With both DJs and live performances, it has been created with a pure passion and love for tunes. Expressing new and upcoming House to decades of Disco their monthly podcasts showcase what sounds are keeping it KRNK and fresh in London.

The clever pair have strived to not release any information about what we can expect from the new album, yet their bill boards have appeared in a number of iconic locations sighted in America and most recently across Europe. Locations that have been injected with Daft Punk’s propaganda include Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles, the South By South West Music Convention in Texas, Downtown Miami and Old Street in London.

Various producers have attempted to scam fans by uploading new Daft Punk music and claiming it to be their new material.

We can now reveal that the album will be titled ‘Random Excess Memories’ and will contain 13 tracks and will be released through Columbia Records on 20th May 2013. So it’s safe to say this bold new marketing strategy has definitely been successful as the excitement surrounding this new album continues to soar.

Single Reviews Pop/Rock



Lewis Watson – Into The Wild

Iggy Azalea – Work

Lulu James – Closer

Cloud Boat – Dréan

Earl Sweatshirt – WHOA

Women’s Hour – To The End (Boxed In Remix)

Hailing from Oxford, Lewis Watson is set to take on the world. This cracking little tune is a perfect example of his lovely songwriting abilities. The chirpy melody flows gracefully from start to finish and it is a song that will keep on giving every time you listen. There’s a beautiful element of suspension throughout the warm tones of Dréan that gently flutter around the track’s main body of sound, and its dark feeling induces a sensation like nothing you’ve experienced before. The pair has managed to create a sound that is both unique and intimate. It’s literally like sailing through the clouds.

Athletes In Paris – Borrowed Time

Who’d have thought that the Sunderland accent would fit in effectively amongst the melodies of a Pop track? It’s like Biffy’s overly Scottish vocals, only this is much happier and damn infectious. I’m not sure you’ll fully understand why you like it so much, but you’ll find yourself singing, and clapping, along in no time.

“No money, no family. 16 in the middle of Miami” reveals Iggy Azelea in this raw track describing her rags-to-riches story. It’s a nonstop, full-frontal exposé that‘s packed full of filthy beats and thumping bass. Her rhymes are impressive and it’s going to be massive. Watch this space! OFWGKTA were a brutal force two years ago that exploded onto our stereos without label backing or radio airplay. Now with each member releasing more and more solo material it’s time for Earl to show us why he’s one of the finest members of the controversial Hip-Hop group. WHOA this is good… Azealia Banks – RAPUNXEL Is this Rap? Or is it Punk? There’s certainly a Hip-Hop beat. But those mid-song screams are something totally unique in the Rap game. She’s back with her chilled vocals and foul language that we’ve all come to expect from the young female rapper, but with its punchy beats you’re either gonna love this, or hate it. But either way, I don’t think Banks will really give a shit. We love it!

This almost feels like one of those mid 90s R&B/ Garage tracks we all used to obsess over. It’s in the same vein as AlunaGeorge, but with the added feeling of nostalgia, Lulu James could easily be next in line.

Boxed In have managed to rework the sound of To The End by Women’s Hour in to a funky sounds catalog of rhythms and melodies. The resonating vocals sound crisp, and its pulse is a joy to have playing through your speakers.

Hiatus – We Can Be Ghosts Now ft. Shura

Shura’s vocals on ‘We Can Be Ghost Now’, compliment the glassy sounds of Hiatus’ new single seamlessly. The tracks steady beat allows for easy access and it will take you on a journey through a wonderful arrangement of refined beats and echoes that will certainly leave a good impression on any listener.

iRig Recorder The app that lets you make great recordings anywhere you go! This free Android and iPhone app is so easy to use; no previous technical knowledge of audio or music is required. With iRig Recorder, you can record your music in just one touch, apply various effects like removing unwanted background noise, and then edit your recording using the cut and loop tools. The iRig Recorder’s best feature is its reliable file management system. It will organize your recordings by date and time and tag them with a geographical location so you can find your recordings easily. You’ll be able to share your finalised recordings in a variety of different ways including email, Bluetooth, SD internal memory or by other apps installed on the device. iRig Recorder works perfectly with iRig Mic, where you’ll be able to capture high quality sound from podcasts, interviews or concerts. If you have your own microphone you can simply connect it to your mobile device using iRig PRE, which works just as well. So download the iRig Recorder for free and start documenting your musical ideas and inspirations whilst on the move. 37


Album Reviews

This month we look at the best Bastille – Bad Blood If you haven’t heard of Bastille then you must have albums that have landed on our been living under a Rock for the last six months. music has literally been everywhere. The debut desks and in our inboxes. From His single, ‘Flaws’ was released back in 2011 and a much welcomed reception from a bunch Hurts to Major Lazer here’s the received of new listeners, and over time he’s successfully littered YouTube with covers ranging from City High lowdown... Hurts – Exile

To sum up Hurts in the most simple of terms, it would be: well groomed. Their explosion onto the Pop/ Electronic crossover scene in 2010 presented us with two exceptionally good-looking individuals with a talent for writing a catchy hook on the synthesizer. It’s been three years since then, and now they’re back with ‘Exile’. One thing that instantly becomes apparent is that the duo’s fine image hasn’t change one bit. The album cover looks like a photo shoot from some glossy fashion magazine, their videos are all slowmo with some edgy theme, and their sound is big. Like really big. There’s an almost Coldplay-esc vibe throughout the record that would appear to fit well upon an epic stage. The only problem is that the songs just don’t quite impress you enough. It feels like they have stayed well within their comfort zone since the debut, and that hasn’t really done them any favors. ‘Blind’ creeps in with a memory of ‘Away From Here’ by The Enemy, whilst ‘The Road’ eerily creeps along, only to be slightly ruined by the sudden burst of a chorus that doesn’t quite slot into place. Overall it’s a fairly dreary listen. If you’re a fan of Hurts, you’re likely to enjoy parts of the album, but I don’t see it having quite the same impact with new fans as their debut.

Hadouken! – Levitate

I’m trying to imagine in what context you would listen to Hadouken! Their sound has always been a difficult one to place. Either you’ve got to be off your face at one of their gigs, or using them for the audio on one of those ‘People Are Awesome’ videos on the Internet… (oh wait, that has already happened, and has received over 25 million views on YouTube). So what appears to be the problem here with this new album? Sure they’ve got some beefy drops and heavy riffs on this latest venture ‘Levitate’, but after 3 or 4 songs, never mind the full 12, you get a bit bored of hearing that same structure track after track. That’s before we even get to the Rude Boi-esc vocals you’d more commonly associate with chav culture. Which makes you wonder, who are the bands demographic? Lyrically they seem to be going for a preachy sort of uplifting, inspirational theme, “We are one”, “Heart in my mouth, but head in the clouds” and “We can stop time tonight, tonight” just to name a few. But again the non-variation of song formula just doesn’t open up for anything of particular interest. With Dub-Step slowly dying out, it just seems a little too late for a band who appear to have made a come back based on a YouTube video.



(What Would You Do?) to Corona (Rhythm Of The Night) and Fleetwood Mac (Dreams) to Bruno Mars (Locked Out Of Heaven). But even if you haven’t heard any of his music, it’s likely that you will have seen Dan, the man behind the music, prancing around some festival sporting a ridiculous floppy haircut. But now, after a couple of free teaser EPs, Bastille are on the verge of a major success story with this album. But is it any good?

Chloe Howl – Rumor

Pompeii kicks ‘Bad Blood’ off to a good start. It’s one of the finer tracks on the record despite the intro sounding like something from the Lion King Musical. Which just goes to show the range of diverse sounds squeezed on to ‘Bad Blood’. There’s clearly a wide influence present. However the album has some truly clichéd lyrics, the low point being, ‘Icarus’. “Icarus is flying too close to the sun/And Icarus’ life it has only just begun/And this is how it feels to take a fall/Icarus is flying towards an early grave”, announces Dan amongst a rigid beating of drums. It just doesn’t sit well.

This Rumor EP is just the first glimpse of what we can expect from the 17-year-old, and it’s only a matter of time before her music will become unavoidable. It’s also free to download, so what are you waiting for?

Columbia Records latest signing is the cheeky, yet foul-mouthed quirky sound of Chloe Howl. Her fresh beats and instantly likeable Pop songs provide a pleasing listen that almost guarantee her success. Mix that together with her sparky personality, vibrant hair colour and freckle-covered face, and you’ve basically got the perfect pop-package.

A surprise appearance from ‘Laura Palmer’, the murdered girl from David Lynch’s brilliantly bizarre television series Twin Peaks, sounds far too flowery considering its name, but I guess that sums up the album. It’s not exactly an intellectually challenging listen. Once you see past the high production value you’ll realise it’s just a polished off pop record presented in a dark and mysterious manner. There are moments that shine, but on the whole it’s just a couple of hit singles accompanied by a few album fillers.

Major Lazer – Free The Universe

Guess who’s back? It’s the highly anticipated return from Major Lazer, easily one of the most prolific producers in recent years. In the past he has worked with the likes of Santigold, MIA and Die Antwood, and this album continues along his path of near perfect, enormously exciting music production. Aside from the scores of guest appearances, Flux Pavillion, Shaggy, Wyclef Jean, Danielle Haim (from Haim), Peaches, Bruno Mars, Dirty Projectors (that’s not even close to mentioning half of them), it’s Major Lazers ability to create some of the most original beats that makes him so appealing. There’s no wander every artist is cueing up to work with him. Even Vampire Weekend’s Ezra Koenig provides vocals on the brilliantly twisted ‘Jessica’, and the normally irritating Chippy Nonstop provides an interesting addition to the thumping sound of ‘Wind Up’. Every track is diverse and shows a true talent of creating remarkable music. ‘Free The Universe’ is probably one of the most exciting releases so far this year and unbeknownst to many, they’ll be hearing him a lot more of it in clubs once this album drops. Just go and listen to it!

The 1975 – Music For Cars

Music For Cars is the last of three EPs released by Manchester band The 1975 ahead of their debut album due out in May. Previous EPs, ‘Sex’ and ‘Facedown’ were both fantastic introductions to the band’s incredible talent to write catchy, radio-friendly tunes that sound deceivingly epic. However, this new collection of tracks feels more like filler than killer. Despite containing the wonderfully addictive ‘Chocolate’, the records main body of tracks just don’t quite live up to expectations. There’s a sense of experimentation on songs such as ‘Anobrain’ and ‘Heads.Cars.Bending’, but there’s not that acceptance of brilliance found in earlier tracks like ‘You’ and ‘The City’. At a point when first time listeners might pick up a band’s latest release, this isn’t exactly a shining example of The 1975’s stunning songwriting ability. At best you’ll be left wondering what all of the fuss is about. But with a mammoth selection of up-andcoming tour dates, which are selling out fast, and the hope of something great, I guess we’ll just have to see what they produce when May finally comes around… By Robert Bramhill

FUNNY NEWS Forecast for death

You cannot be Syria-ous

So this month we were only mildly surprised to hear of an American prosecutor pushing for the death penalty due to an incorrect weather forecast.

The group somehow managed to hack into the BBC weather team’s official Twitter account and posted a series of wacky tweets with pro-Assad leanings. There was a hilarious forecast of “hazardous fog” as it was claimed Syrian rebels fighting Assad were going to launch chemical weapons.

As we all know when they’re not eating burgers and chanting “U-S-A!”, our fat American cousins love a good excuse to kill someone. Whether it’s gunning down a school full of youngsters, starting an illegal war or sending adults with the IQ of a child to the electric chair, those Yankee-doodle-dan-dies just can’t satisfy their bloodlust cravings.

Not only that, but the defendant in the case is the world-famous weatherpredicting groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil – made famous in the Bull Murray classic Groundhog Day. Ohio legend has it that if the rodent does not see his shadow then an early spring is on the way. How the fuck they know if he’s seen his shadow is beyond us, but apparently he predicted an early spring this year and it’s still bloody freezing. “The offence of misrepresentation of early spring is an Unclassified Felony, and against the peace and dignity of the State Of Ohio,” said Butler County attorney Mike Gmoser. “The people further find and specify that due to the aggravating circumstances and misrepresentation to the people that the death penalty be implemented to the defendant, Punxsutawney Phil.” Seems a bit harsh, but that’s America. And while we’re on the subject, much as we love the film Groundhog Day, we always wondered what Bill Murray’s problem was. If we relived the same day over and over again, we wouldn’t waste our time trying to woo Andie McDowell, we’d be straight down the local brothel to spend our life savings on a lesbian gangbang orgy of carnal delights. Then we’d kidnap Brian McFadden and make him eat turds. Now that’s a day we’d never get bored of.

Those wacky funsters the Syrian Electronic Army – a propaganda-spreading cyber group which supports tyrant Bashar al-Assad – have brought more of their zany humour and off-the-wall antics to the war against democracy.

Throughout the day the tweets became more bizarre with unexpected mixtures of weather news and Syrian announcements. Some tweets were light-hearted with jokes about camels and the Milky Way and some criticised the governments of Qatar, the Lebanon and Turkey. One said: “Saudi weather station down due to head on-collision with camel”, while another claimed: “Chaotic weather forecast for Lebanon as the government tries to distance itself from the Milky Way.” Our favourite though is: “Earthquake warning for Qatar: Hamad bin Khalifah about to exit vehicle.” We’ve no idea who Hamad bin Khalifah is but poking fun at fat people never gets old. Others were frankly racist and anti-semitic so we’re not touching them with a barge pole. Another seemed to criticise the UK Government, saying: “Edinburgh storm warning station decommissioned after maintenance fund diverted to arming Syrian opposition.” At around 2pm, the BBC social media editor Chris Hamilton tweeted: “Yes, @bbcweather has been hacked. We’re working on it.” Still, it’s nice to see Assad’s minions have managed to keep a sense of humour after forcing more than three million people to flee their homes following a brutal civil war that has claimed the lives of thousands. Well done fellas. You must be so proud.

Attack Of The Killer Asbestos Tarantula No matter how tough you think you are, the idea of poking around a dark and dusty attic sends a little chill down everyone’s spine. Whether it’s the ancient cobwebs, the flickering shadows or the hole we drilled into our sister’s ceiling so we could spy on her friends, there’s just something sinister about going up there. But of course, there’s no real danger in the attic - with the exception of a coughing fit while your sister’s best friend from college changes her bra – and the idea of being spooked out just because it’s a bit dark up there is silly and illogical. Or so we thought. Surveyor Katie Parsons-Young, from Wales, may have a different view after lifting some floorboards in an attic in Cardiff and discovering a massive tarantula covered in deadly asbestos. We don’t know about you but we’d still be cleaning shit out of our pants for a good month after that. “We had lighting in there so we moved the lighting to the other area of the attic where I was and could see there was something,” she told Wales Online. “I was the first in. I sort of saw a leg, screamed and went. “We don’t know if the spiders have been living there by themselves or it was a pet that’s made its home there.” Experts believe the creature could have doubled in size to seven inches, with its exposure to asbestos making it potentially even more dangerous to the public. Hmm. Suddenly the idea of getting top-down photos of a few college girls in their undies doesn’t seem so appealing. We’ll stick to installing cameras in the smoke alarms of ladies changing rooms instead. 39

FUNNY NEWS Bitten off more than he could screw

We think it might have been one of Aesop’s fables, or perhaps it was that wise Greek philosopher Aristotle who came up with the old adage: “Never hire an escort who’s drunk and high on ecstasy, she might try to bite off your penis and testicles while growling like an animal.” Words as true now as they were in Aristotle’s time. Unfortunately for one poor bloke in Florida, he failed to heed this advice – and has the teeth marks to prove it. Apparently Priscilla Vaughn, 29, is said to have growled as she attacked the client at a hotel, and bit on his genitals so hard he was covered in blood. Worried hotel guests called police after hearing screams and when officers arrived Vaughn was “nude with blood around her mouth”, and “growled and snarled”. Sounds like a normal night in with the missus to BBM.

Yo marma is so old

Good news people, Marmageddon is finally over. “WTF is Marmageddon?” we hear you ask in that text-lanuguage that young people use nowadays. Well youngsters, Marmageddon was a very real first-world problem that hit New Zealand in 2011 when Marmite ran out after the makers, Sanitarium, closed its factory. A month ago Sanitarium said Marmite was returning, with hopes of getting back to pre-crisis sales of 640 tons a year. Sanitarium said: “You’ve rationed, you’ve scraped, you’ve survived Marmaggedon - and now the wait is over! “From March 20, Marmite is back on supermarket shelves across NZ. Thanks for not freaking out and for waiting patiently for the black gold’s return.” But it’s not all good news for plucky Kiwis who’ve waited so long for Marmites’ return. Unfortunately, it still tastes like horrible shit and smells like a used nappy.

Thief returns stolen money – with interest

Thirty years ago a thief stole $800 from a western Michigan mini-mart, now the anonymous burglar felt it was important to repent for his bad deed by not only returning the money but also paying it back with interest. The envelope that was stuffed with $100 bills, totaling in $1,200, was delivered to the Barry County Sheriff’s department with hopes that it would be returned to the store owner at the time of the crime. A remorseful note was accompanying the cash, “I did a very bad thing that I am ashamed of and have lived with this guilt. I can’t begin to day how sorry I am but have lived with this guilt too long. If you do find him, please tell him that I was a foolish, stupid man when I did that and I am sorry.” Guess the saying is true; it’s never too late to say you’re sorry. We have to admit though, if we’d done such a thing, we’d probably have just given back the $800. Fool!


Novel ideas for a name

BBM’s heartfelt congratulations go to authors Reginald Bakeley and Clint Marsh, who’ve scooped one of literature’s most coveted prizes – the Oddest Book Title of the Year award. Their book “Goblinproofing One’s Chicken Coop” attracted 38 percent of 1,225 online votes to beat craft manual “How Tea Cosies Changed the World” with 31 percent to win the 35th annual Diagram Prize. Third place went to a book by Tom Hickman titled “God’s Doodle: The Life and Times of the Penis”. Other nutjob titles shortlisted for the award this year included a study into Adolf Hitler’s health titled “Was Hitler Ill?”, “Lofts of North America: Pigeon Lofts”, and a guidebook titled “How to Sharpen Pencils”. Past winners include “Proceedings of the Second International Workshop on Nude Mice” and last year’s “Cooking with Poo”, a Thai cookbook by Bangkok resident Saiyuud Diwong whose nickname is Poo.

It’s an umbrella, not an AK-47 rifle!

It was a busy day for Michael Di Marzo, after spending the day running errands in his hometown of Olympia, Washington and being tracked by police helicopter when they had mistaken his umbrella for an AK-47 assault rifle. The police had received a report early in the day from a teenager claiming a man wearing a ski mask and carrying a rifle was walking around in the area, which led to a massive air and ground search to find him. The ski mask turned out to be the combination of a turtleneck top and a black baseball cap. Mr Di Marzo had no idea that there was a manhunt for him and that three schools were locked down as a result. In fact, after noticing the helicopter had been following him, he even waved his umbrella at the pilot to say hello! The misunderstanding was eventually cleared up when Michael Di Marzo returned home that day and received a call from the police. A spokesperson for the Olympia Police Station revealed that four different departments had responded to the firearms report and tracked Michael Di Marzo as part of the manhunt.

Going Up Keith Lemon

We love him just for the constant verbal abuse he gives to Danny Dyer.

Eddie Redmayne

After his bafta awardwinning performance in Les Miserables, it’s likely we’ll be seeing a lot more of him on our TV screens.

Vernon Kay

Kudos to Vernon for stealing a sign from the BBC.

Katy Perry

Her and John Mayer split, as Russell Brands says their wedding was a drag. Looks like she’s not too popular with men at the moment.

Joss Stone

Her music might not be perfect but we wouldn’t go as far as wanting to kill her...

Kate Moss

It might soon be time to give up the modelling career as she showed her age at Paris Fashion Week.

Elton John

He must be losing his mind in old age, as he checks his glasses into their very own hotel room.

Going Down

SPORTS NEWS Generally, those who are targeted by obscene chants and threats shrug it off as the extreme end of football banter, but the provocation went a step too far in a pub in Darlington last month when a vile football-related insult sparked a brawl. The jibe? Apparently one bloke told another bloke that he looked like Joey Barton. Sick, sick bastard. Shaun Beckwith, 21, and Maxwell McStravick, 40, came to blows after Beckworth told McStravick he looked like the Marseille footballer. Naturally, he went ape shit. Punches were thrown, headbutts were landed and insults were dished out - which ironically sounds like an average game of football involving Joey Barton.

Grounds for a change of name

It’s not unheard of for dedicated fans to change their name to show loyalty to their favourite team or a star player. Even BBM has done it, although admittedly it was only to throw police off the scent after we kept sending death threats to Ashley Cole (and pube shavings to his then-wife Cheryl). But we don’t want to bore you with the details of how BBM changed our identity and fled to Australia after being named as a “serious person of interest” in a case of breaking and entering that led to a former Girls Aloud star coming home to find ejaculate all over her underwear drawer.

The two men admitted in court to threatening behaviour outside of the Tap and Spile pub, Darlington, on 8th March. They were both sentenced to a 12-month community order with 80 hours unpaid work plus £45 costs and a £60 victim surcharge. They were also told to tweet phrases from the Big Book of Quotes they got for Christmas in a bid to sound more intelligent than the violent thugs they are. Only then will they get a real understanding of what it’s like to be a complete arsehole like Joey Barton.

Instead we bring you the tale of Axel Gogstad, a 27-year-old sports journalism student from the University of Southampton, who has been called Axel Gogstad-Anfield since turning 18 in his native Norway.

Well good luck to you anyway Axel, although we suspect you may have some trouble getting a job as a sports journalist with a name that implies your reporting is going to be biased. Maybe that’s why you’re 27 and still a student.

Barney over Barton

We all know football fans can come up with some pretty sick taunts when they’re trying to bait their rivals. David Beckham famously lost it after one too many chants about his sour-faced missus taking it up the arse, we know a few Villa songs about Dwight Yorke’s blind son that would make your blood run cold, and let’s just say that Sheffield Wednesday manager Dave Jones’s involvement in a child abuse investigation has never been forgotten by fans of any team he faces.

Sandaza values himself at £500,000, adding he would like to see any proposed contract before Rangers are informed: “First if you have something official for a club that wants to pay money for me, show me the contract, and if everything is okay I will give you the okay to speak with Rangers. “If I don’t see anything official first I don’t want any trouble with Rangers, maybe the press finds out.” It wasn’t all bad though. Apparently he was quite complimentary to manager Ally McCoist and the club’s fans. Was that good enough to save him from punishment? Not a chance. He was suspended pending an investigation by the club. Tool.

Give the guy a hand

We all have ways of taking out our frustration, just ask BBM’s resident intern Mikey – who regularly has scalding-hot cups of coffee thrown into his face if he’s failed to get the right amount of milk in our morning beverage.

We know what you’re thinking: “He must be a serious Liverpool fan to change his name to something so stupid.” But you’d be wrong – he’s only been to Anfield nine times in as many years. So basically he’s a tit. “It was quite a spontaneous thing, really,” he said. “I’ve always been proud of my name but I thought if I put ‘Anfield’ next to it I’d be even more proud of it and I can carry Liverpool wherever I’m going. “My mum said ‘What have you been doing today?’ and I said ‘I changed my name to Anfield’. She said ‘No, you haven’t’ and I said ‘Yes, I did’. “We went back and forth for half an hour, and then I showed her the papers. She said ‘No really, you didn’t?’”

“I only signed for the money,” he said. “I didn’t sign for the level.”

Taxi for Francisco

You can’t trust taxi drivers. Whether they’re deliberately taking you the long way home to ramp up the fare, or indecently exposing themselves to drunk young girls in the back seat on a Friday night, they’re always looking to stitch you up. Just ask Rangers striker Francisco Sandaza, who last month was duped into a hoax phone call by a Glaswegian taxi driver posing as a US-based agent. The Celtic-supporting cabbie somehow obtained the Spanish forward’s phone number and pretended he was Jim McGonagle, a fictional MLS agent looking to sign European players to American clubs. He then recorded everything the bumbling Spaniard said, including the fact he only moved to Rangers for the money and would leave in a heartbeat if he could get more elsewhere. Sandaza admits that the weather and standard of football are not good, lifts the lid on his £4,500 perweek wages, and says he would move to the MLS without blinking.

But sometimes these tantrums can backfire. In BBM’s case, for example, we once lost a good hour of the working day because HR insisted on taking Mikey to casualty. And it was a similar case of karma coming back to haunt Wolves keeper Carl Ikeme last month. Apparently the shotstopper was so frustrated following a half-time rollicking from manager Dean Saunders that he promptly lashed out at the team’s tactics board – and broke his hand. Saunders initially denied the story but was eventually forced to come clean. “After the game I didn’t know he had broken his hand,” said Saunders. “I have tried to protect Carl and the club and keep everything that went on in the dressing room within the dressing room. “I am forever rollicking the players and what is said in the dressing room doesn’t normally come out of there. “Carl was frustrated at making his mistake and has punched the tactics board which is only cardboard but there is a metal bar at the back of it which has damaged his hand. He has not meant to break his hand. Kevin Doyle kicked the corner flag after scoring his goal and he could have ended up breaking his foot!”

Continued on page 42... 41

SPORTS NEWS Still ‘wandering’ how the finals work

Hearty congratulations all round for Western Sydney Wanderers. BBM might come across as quite cynical at times, in fact we’ve been described as ‘a deeply disturbed individual’ by more than one police profiler, but the Wanderers rise to prominence in the A-League has been a fairytale success story, and here at BBM Towers we believe in giving credit where it’s due. Unfortunately, “credit where it’s due” is an unfamiliar concept to Football Federation Australia who think winning the league is no great shakes and therefore put all the attention on their end of season cup competition which makes a mockery of the traditions of football.

Ikeme now faces several weeks on the sideline as Wolves scrap to avoid relegation. A couple of months at home and he can’t even have a wank. Poor bastard. Still, it could be worse. He could have permanently damaged vision in his left eye, just like BBM intern Mikey.

Yes the grand final is approaching people, and while the rest of the footballing world knows that the true champions this year are the ones who finished top of the league, the FFA in its infinite wisdom has come up with a much better way to decide which club is best. Because as we all know, giving the league title to the team with most points is far too complicated. So instead, the A League has come

Dream league becomes nightmare

However, the following day The Times’ sports editor Tony Evans was forced to issue a humiliating climb down – possibly realising something was up when Kay used phrases like “1000 percent”. “The Dream Football League (DFL) would turn into a journalistic nightmare,” Evans grovelled. “It would have been possible to ride out the storm, tell the world that time would vindicate the newspaper and allow memories of the furore to fade away. But that is not how The Times does things. We value our reputation.” Unfortunately for Tony, no one else values it now – especially after reading the bit about games being visible by hologram in “local stadiums” in Europe, with the roars of fans sitting at Old Trafford being heard in the Gulf stadium. Tools.


“There’s a very small percentage of people in the world that have Hypogonadism, that’s the actual diagnosis (for someone with low testosterone) and all those people are mixed martial artists and fight in the UFC, it’s bollocks.” (No pun intended we imagine?)

Trouble in the land of the Long White Cloud Not so long ago England were looking forward to this year’s cricket with renewed optimism. A new, young, dynamic captain at the helm, star player re-integrated after a bit of a balls up, and a first test series victory in India for 27 years.

Let’s not panic, however. While some very flat and uninspiring wickets led to some pretty stodgy cricket, England can justifiably say they weren’t outplayed. They can hardly claim to have been hard done by either.

The Times says players, who would earn three to four times what they currently earn, would live on artificial peninsulas where “laws and morals of the continent” would not exist.

“I’ve been amused by the speculation about the source of this story,” Kay told Reuters after a day of intense internet piss-taking. “I can guarantee you 100 percent, 1,000 percent, 175 million percent, that my story had nothing to do with any website, spoof or otherwise.”

Bisping was knocked unconscious in a recent fight with Victor Belfort who admitted to using TRT, but has also failed drugs test for some slightly less acceptable substances.

Now…well, not so much. It has been a poor tour of New Zealand for the England boys. A lack of strength in depth exposed by injuries to Graeme Swann and Kevin Pietersen have combined with lacklustre performances by the uninjured player left England to grind out the final day of the series to secure a toughly insipid 0-0 result.

It may sound as unlikely as Cheryl Cole lifting the restraining order against BBM, but as The Times reported last month a 24-team league, featuring 16 permanent sides including Manchester United, Manchester City, Arsenal and Paris St Germain, is set to be played in Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Bahrain and the United Arab Emirates.

Sounds unbelievable right? Well that’s because it is, but those silly twats at The Times thought it was real and printed a huge ‘scoop’ on it last month. In fact the whole concept had been dreamt up by a French spoof website and The Times’ chief football correspondent fell for it hook, line and sinker. Prat. Just to add to the laughter, he initially stood by the story with the backing of The Times.

someone that has failed a steroid test in the past.” Bisping told MMA site Sherdog.

up with a much simpler system. Basically, the teams that finish third and fourth play the teams that finish fifth and sixth respectively in the elimination finals. The highest-ranked winner (the team that finished higher in the league) of those games then plays the teams that finished first, and the lowest-ranked winner plays the team that finished top. The winner of those games then face each other in the grand final. See, it’s so simple it’s child’s play – which ironically is also a pretty accurate description of the standard of the A-League.

Hopefully a spring of rest and recuperation followed by a few games where the ball actually swings on pitches not “as flat as southern beer” - as Michael Atherton described those on show in the land of Middle Earth - will rejuvenate all concerned. The momentum has been broken, and that was definitely a Test series England were capable of winning, but remember, things could always be worst, they could be the Australian cricket team.

Load of old bollocks

To its detractor UFC can seem like a lawless testosterone fuelled free for all. Well, at least one current fighter is starting to agree with them, or at least bits of them. Brit Michael Bisping has taken a swing at the authorities over the number of fighters using Testosterone Replacement Therapy. If you have medically low testosterone you are allowed to give yourself a bit of an artificial boost. It seems that, according to Bisping this isn’t all totally above board. “I think the whole thing of testosterone replacement therapy is a very good way of manipulating the system. I think it’s very dangerous, I think its bollocks, it’s cheating – simple as that, especially

For more sports news visit By Richard Gadsby & Mark Briggs 43



enough, he does have a similar shaved red-head haircut to the one Lennox sports in the Sweet Dreams video. Maybe that’s where we got it from.


You give up on your dream of becoming a fireman and get a job writing obituaries. After a few weeks, you begin to develop a strange superpower – you can see how and when people die. Who knew!? You find out that your own death is close, really close, in fact you’re going to die in about two seconds. Turns out you’ve passed out in a burning house during your job as a fireman and the obituary writing thing is all a dream. You have a split second to savour the irony before being turned into something that Australia and England would happily play a cricket series for.


You meet and fall in love with an Australian woman who is several years older than you. Ordinarily we’re all for a bit of trans-generation loving but this is not just any old cougar on the prowl, it’s former Grease heartthrob Olivia Newton John. Careful though, cuz this octogenarian Antipodean is only after one thing – your cash. The reason? She’s got bills, they’re multiplying. Oh Sandy. She’s not bad for her age but be warned; any attempts to “get physical” will only result in a very expensive hip operation for the 103-year-old former Travolta shagger. Tell me about it… stud.


If I’ve said it once I’ve it a thousand times - fuck off Sagittarius.


After being dumped by your girlfriend, you decide to dedicate your spare time to answering one of the great scientific questions of the age: Is it possible to wank yourself to death? Tune in next month to find out!


You enter a competition and win backstage passes to meet your favourite band. Score! Unfortunately your favourite band is The Proclaimers, and backstage is basically the back alley behind the pub where they play for spare change. Worse still, they’ve been kicked out of their apartment and haven’t got anywhere to stay. Six months later, they’re still sleeping on your bedroom floor and moaning about how Jedward


copied their idea “The pair a wee Irish bassards.” Serves you right for being the zodiac sign of the twins Gemini, ya big Scotch-sibling-loving nonce.


The curvacious MILF from next door comes over to borrow some sugar. Oh mama. She can dunk her sugary lumps in your teapot anytime. Phwoar! The little minx has got her bra strap visible too. She’s clearly giving you the come on. So, when she says “thank you” and that if you ever need help with anything, just let her know – you immediately whip out your cock. You spend the next six to eight months in jail.


Whatever happened to you Aquarius. You used to be cool man.


This week you get worried when your period is late and you set about trying to remember which bloke it was you last let loose in your sperm recepticle, however panic soon subsides when your doctor informs you there is no way your period would ever be late, as your name is Bill and you’re a man. Lay off the absynth.


“It’s all right, baby’s coming back!” once crooned Annie Lennox on the Eurythmics song of the same name. We’re not sure why we’re telling you this as it’s got nothing to do with your horoscope. This month you’re molested by a large homosexual gentleman in a pub toilet. Funnily


You meet the love of your life on the train to work when you both reach for the same handrail and your eyes lock. Oh the magic! As you take a good gawp at her tits, she places her hand on your arse. It’s like you were made for each other. You ask her for her number and just like a scene out

of a movie, she scrawls it on your arm with a pen. You alight the train with a spring in your step, a new lust for life and the realisation that the crafty bitch nicked your wallet. To make matters worse the number she gave you was for an STD clinic - she’s somehow managed to give you herpes! What a woman.


You decide it’s time to teach your boss a lesson. You arm yourself with a fake gun from the $2 shop and try to sneak in to his house through the catflap. Alas, your cunning plan doesn’t account for the fact that you’re a fat bastard. You get stuck. Worse still, his cat is in heat and decides to make sweet sensual feline love to your face all night long. When your boss sees your semen-stained head the next morning he laughs his ass off. Then fires you.


Sick to death of your Facebook feed being clogged up with old school friends complaining about the weather, you resolve to kill and gut each one of them on your next trip back to the UK. Happy hunting!


Ask Crystal Dear Crystal, Every day I wake up and look at my hubby while he sleeps and just think I’m the luckiest girl in the world but recently, something’s happened to jeopardise our wedded bliss. I started feeling itchy “down there” and went to the doctor’s. It turns out I have syphilis. You see, on my wedding night - after a few too many VBs - I shagged my new father-in-law. I’ve always had a thing for older men (my hubby is 55 and I’m 22). His dad is 77, and when he took out his false teeth and leaned in to give me a congratulatory kiss, I knew I was powerless to resist his gummy charms. Moments later we were going at it on his orthopaedic bed. Now I just don’t know what to do. Please help? Yours, Sofia Dear Sofia, Nasty thing syphilis. I caught it once after a threesome with David Bowie and Mick Jagger. At least they said they were Bowie and Jagger but I can’t be sure because one of them sounded Irish. He may have been Bono. Actually, come to think of it, I think it might have been Irish Dave from the Poet and Castle round the corner. His mate looks a lot like an older Mick Jagger too. I hope this information helps.

Dear Crystal, I work as a personal trainer in a gym but lately I just can’t stop getting stiffies every time I see women doing lunges. I should explain: it’s a gym for larger ladies and while I’ve never been a chubby chaser, I just can’t help but get off when I see them puff out their cheeks, plonk one leg in front of the other, lower their meaty buttocks close to the ground and watch their jellied thighs struggle under their gargantuan weight. There’s only so many times I can carry a dumbbell around to hide my shame. What should I do? Sincerely, Travis Dear Travis, There’s a very simple cure to your ailment: you need to lie naked on a bed and watch the Vicar of Dibley on repeat. While you’re watching, monitor your cock growth with a camera phone. Take note of everything that causes your pathetic penis to enlarge: does it happen when the Vicar is helping her ditzy assistant? Are you getting aroused every time she talks to an elderly member of her parish? Now you need to email the results to me. I’ll make sure to post them online, email it to your boss and your mum and then make sure to text it to your childhood sweetheart.

The repercussions of this will quite possibly ruin your life but it will be worth it because the whole thing will probably keep me entertained next Tuesday when I have to wait around at home between the hours of 8am and 5pm for the plumber to come round to unclog my toilet. Dear Crystal, I’ve gone from being a ten-tonne heifer to a bit of a looker in just a few weeks after I started a new diet. I’ve lost loads of weight and can wear nice tightfitting clothes that turn the lads’ heads. The problem is all my mates. THey’ve started avoiding me and won’t go on nights out when I’m there. I thnk they’re jealous. What should I do? Joanna, Darwin Dear Joanna, My advice to you is simple - fuck them! If they’re jealous because you look and feel good about yourself then they’re not really your friends. Plus, now you’re beaufitul, you can get better and slimmer friends. Just be sure to look down on your old mates with scorn when you pass them munching on their burgers at Hungry Jacks.

Jokes Have you ever noticed that it’s only ‘perfect’ people who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents? “He was the perfect son” or “She was the perfect daughter.” “Such a tragic accident, they were the perfect family.” “They died together, the perfect couple till the end.” Makes me glad I abuse my kids and beat my wife. Makes me kind of immortal… Matthew, Darlinghurst I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how that it’s unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he’s a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she’s a slut. So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it’s a shitty lock. Stuart, Surry Hills Christianity: One woman’s lie about having an affair that got seriously out of hand. Joseph, Fitzroy The other day I needed to pay a visit to the public toilet, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles. One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down. A voice came from the cubicle next to me: “Hello mate, how are you doing?” Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn’t want to be rude, so I replied, “Not too bad, thanks.” After a short pause, I heard the voice again. “So, what are you up to?” Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, “Just having a quick shit... How about yourself?” The next thing I heard him say was, “Sorry, mate, I’ll have to call you back. I’ve got some cunt in the

cubicle next to me answering everything I say.” Patrick, Cottesloe A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son’s innocence, the mother turns around and says, “Don’t worry; that was an insect.” To which, her son replies, “I’m surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that.” Brad, Redfern Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in. Mike, Adelaide I left my car in a car park the other day, when I came back to it the bumper and rear lights were all smashed up. Then I found this note under the wiper. It said: I just accidentally reversed into your car. Quite a few people saw me do it. They think I’m leaving my name and details. Well, I’m not. Paul, Fremantle

to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. “Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he entered the house. “Darling, I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary and we’ve been having sex all afternoon. I feel asleep and only woke up a little while ago.” The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, “You lying bastard! You’ve been playing golf!” Nathan, Brunswick When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. Jeremy, Richmond

Email us at to get your jokes published and win prizes.

Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, “Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!” She turns to her boyfriend and says, “You did this to me, you fucker!” He casually replies, “If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse, but you said, “fuck off it’ll be too painful.” Greg, Canberra A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman 45

46 47


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World Square Hostel 2/640 George St, Sydney NSW 2000 (02) 9267 5616 Sydney Backpackers 7 Wilmot St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 02 9267 7772 1800 88 77 66 (Free Call) Clovelly Hotel 381 Clovelly Road Clovelly Ph: (02) 9665 1214 Criterion Hotel 260 Pitt Street Sydney (crn Pitt & Park Streets) Ph: (02) 9264 3093 Jolly Swagman Backpackers Hostel 27 Orwell Street Kings Cross, NSW 2011 Free: 1800 805 870 Ph: 93586400 skype: jolly.swagman.backpackers Bondi Backpackers 110 Campbell Parade Bondi Beach NSW 2026 Free: 1800 304 660 Ph: (02) 9130 4660 Oxford Court Accommodation Bondi Junction Mobile 0412547840 Clean, affordable and friendly backpackers. Rooms for 1 to 4 people. Close to bus, train and shops. Rooms have TV, fridge, toaster, microwave, kitchenette, cutlery, crockery, sheets supplied. Laundry, internet and BBQ facilities. Prices range from $190 to $130 depending on the number of guests. The Globe Backpackers 40 Darlingurst Road Kings Cross, Sydney NSW 2011 Free: 1800 806 384 Ph: (02) 9326 9675 City Resort Hostel 103-105 Palmer St Woolloomooloo, NSW 2011 Ph: (02) 9357 3333 Skype: City Resort Hostel Show this ad for $5 off!

(Valid for new guests only. Min. 3 nights stay.)

The George Street Hotel 700A George Street Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: (02) 9211 1800 Fax: 02 9212 2884 Free: 1800 679 606 (Within Australia) Bounce Sydney 28 Chalmers Street, Sydney 2010 Free call 1800890897 Ph (02) 9281 2222 Lord Wolseley Hotel 265 Bulwara Rd Ultimo, Sydney 2007 Ph: (02) 9660 1731

Porterhouse Hotel 233 Riley St Surry Hills NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 9211 4454 Big Hostel Single and double & Dorm rooms available Max 4 bed dorms. 212 Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills Sydney NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 92816030 Free: 1800 212 244 O’Malley’s Hotel 228 William Street, Kings Cross Sydney, NSW 2011 Ph: 02 9357 2211 Sydney Central Hostel 428 Pitt Street Sydney 2000 Ph: (02) 9211 7323 The Royal Hotel 370 Abercrombie St, Darlington, NSW, 2008 Ph: (02) 9698 8557 Kanga House backpackers 141 Victoria Street, Kings Cross, Sydney Ph: (02) 9357 7897

Sydney Northern Beaches

Sydney Beachouse - YHA 4 Collaroy St, Collaroy, 2097 Ph: +61 2 9981 1177 Guaranteed jobs/work all year. Cheap weekly rates by the beach with free Surfboard, Bodyboard & Bike hire

Sydneys Southern Beaches

Cronulla Beach YHA Level 1, 40 -42 Kingsway Cronulla Sydney, 2230 Ph: 02 9527 7772


Melaleuca Surfside Backpackers 2 Koala Place, One Mile Beach, NSW 2316 Ph: (02) 4981 9422 Mobile: 0427 200 950 Hunter Valley Hunter Valley YHA 100 Wine Country Drive Nulkaba, Hunter Valley, NSW Ph: 02 4991 3278


Katoomba Mountain Backpackers Lodge 31 Lurline st Katoomba, NSW Ph: 04782 3933 SPECIAL WINTER DEAL, STAY 2 NIGHTS GET THE 3RD NIGHT FREE!!!!!!


Byron Bay

Aquarius Backpackers 16 Lawson Street Byron Bay NSW 2481 Ph: (02) 6685-7663 Free: 1800 028 909 Nomads Byron Bay 1 Lawson Lane, Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Ph: 02 6680 7966 Free: 1800 766 673 Arts Factory Lodge 1 Skinners Shoot Road, Byron Bay, NSW Ph: 02 6685 7709 An essential part of your journey

Nambucca Heads

Nambucca Backpackers 2 Pacific Highway, Nambucca Heads, NSW 2448 Ph: (02) 6568-6360

Lake Tabourie

Lake Tabourie Tourist Park Princes Hwy, Lake Tabourie, NSW 2539 Free call: 1300 559 966

Queensland Brisbane

Tinbilly Travellers 466 George St, Brisbane City, Qld 4000 Ph: (07) 3238 5888 Free: 1800 44 66 46 Free Tinbilly Limited Edition T-shirt With presentation of this BBM Ad The Deck 117 Harcourt St, New Farm Brisbane QLD 4005 Ph: 0433 777 061 Designed with the working Traveler in Mind. Minimum 2 week stay Base QLD Backpackers 308 Edward st Brisbane QLD 4000 Ph: 07 3211 2433 BUNK 11-21 Gipps St, Fortitude Valley, Qld, 4006 Ph: +61 7 3257 3644 Free: 1800 682 865 Brisbane City YHA 392 Upper Roma St, Brisbane QLD 4000 Ph: (07) 3236 1004


Trekkers Backpackers 22 White Street, Goldcoast, QLD, 4215 Ph: (07) 55915616 Free : 1800 100 004 Aquarius Backpackers 44 Queen Street Gold Coast, Queensland Ph: 07 5527 1300 Free:1800 229 955

Surfers Paradise YHA at Main Beach Mariners Cove, 70 Seaworld Drive Main Beach, Surfers Paradise 4217 Ph: (07) 5571 1776 Backpackers in Paradise 40 Peninsular Drive Central Surfers Paradise Queensland, 4217 Ph: (07) 5538 4344 Free: 1800 268 621 Surf N Sun Beachside Backpackers 3323 Surfers Paradise Blvd, Surfers Paradise, Gold Coast, QLD 4217 Ph: (07) 5592 2363 Free: 1800 678 194

ISLANDER BACKPACKERS RESORT Cnr. Beach Road and Surfers Paradise Blvd Surfers Paradise QLD 4217 Ph: +61 7 5538 8000 Toll free: 1800 074 393 Sleeping Inn Surfers 26 Peninsular Drive Surfers Paradise QLD Ph: 07 5592 4455 Coolangatta Sands Hostel Cnr Griffith & McLean Streets Coolangatta 4225 QLD Ph: 07 5536 7472 Surfers Paradise Backpackers rsrt Backpackers Resort,2837 Gold Coast Highway, Queensland 4217 Ph: 07 5592 4677 Free: 1800 282 800


Nomads Noosa 44 Noosa Drive, Noosa Heads, QLD 4567 Phone: 07 5447 3355

Hervey Bay

Nomads Hervey 408 The Esplanade, Torquay, Hervey Bay, QLD 4655 Phone: 07 4125 3601

TOWN OF 1770

(Between Bunderberg & Rockhampton) Cool Bananas 2 Spring Road, 1770, Queensland, 4677 Ph: (07) 4974 7660 Free: 1800 227 660 1770 Southern Cross (Backpackers) 2694 Round Hill Rd Agnes Water QLD 4677 Ph: 0749747225

1770 Beachside Backpackers 12 Captain Cook Drive PO Box 212, Agnes Water QLD 4677 Ph: 07 4974 7200


CAirns Share House 17 Scott Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Ph: (+617) 4041 1875 Gilligans backpackers hotel & resort 57-59 Grafton Street, Cairns, QLD Ph: (07) 4041 6566 Free: 1800 556 995 Nomads Esplanade 93 The Esplanade, Cairns, QLD 4870 Ph: 07 4031 7477 Free: 1800 175 716 Dreamtime Travellers Rest 4 Terminus Street (corner of Bunda st.& Terminus st.) Cairns 4870 Queensland Ph: (07) 4031 6753 JJ’s Backpackers 11-13 Charles Street Cairns QLD 4870 Ph - (07) 4051 7642 Free- 1800 666 336

Mission Beach

Absolute Backpackers 28 Wongaling Beach Road Mission Beach Queensland 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8317 Free: 1800 688 316 Scotty’s Beach House 167 Reid Road, Mission Beach, QLD, 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8676


Barefoot Lodge Whitsunday Passage, Whitsundays, QLD Ph: +61 7 4946 9400 Free: 1800 075 125

Airlie Beach

Airlie Beach YHA 394 Shute Harbour Road Airlie Beach QLD Phone: (07) 4946 6312 Free:1800 247 251 MAGNUMS/Whitsunday Village Travel 366 Shute Harbour Rd, Airlie Beach, QLD Ph: (07) 4964 1199 or 07 4964 1188 Free: 1800 624 634

cape tribulation

PK’s Jungle Village Cape Tribulation Road (PMB 7) Cape Tribulation QLD 4873 Tel: 07 4098 0040 Ferntree Rainforest Lodge Camelot Close, Cape Tribulation, QLD Australia Freecall:1800 987 077 International Telephone: +61 7 4098 0033 Availability and Rates:

Jewell House 180 Goderich St. Perth, WA 6000 tel: (08) 9325 8488 fax: (08) 9221 4694 Underground Backpackers 268 Newcastle Street Northbridge WA 6003 Ph: (08) 9228 3755

western beach lodge 6 Westborough Street Scarborough, Western Australia, 6019 Ph. (08) 9245 1624

EXCLUSIVE BACKPACKERS 158 Adelaide Tce, Perth 6000 Ph: (08) 9221 9991 Beatty Lodge 235 Vincent Street West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9227 1521 Billabong Resort 381 Beaufort Street, Perth Ph: 08 9328 7720 Globe Backpackers 561 Wellington Street, cnr. Queen St, Perth, WA Ph: 08 9321 4080 The Old Swan Barracks 2 - 8 Francis Street Perth (Northbridge)6000 Ph: 08 9428 0000


monkey mia

rainbow beach

Pippies Beach House Cnr of Spectrum Street & Cypress Avenue, Rainbow Beach FREEPHONE: 1800425356 30mins FREE Internet on presentation of this ad PLUS FREE Breakfast & Eco Whale-Watching for all!

Western Australia scarborough

ocean beach backpackers Cnr Marine Parade & Eric St Cottesloe Beach Ph: 08 9384 5111


Rainbow Lodge 150 Claisebrook Rd Perth, WA (Have just moved around the corner) Ph: (08) 9227-1818 or 0417 927 529 One World Backpackers 162 Aberdeen St Northbridge, PERTH WA Ph: (08) 9228 8206 Mountway Holiday Apartments 36 Mount St,West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9321 8307 Britannia on William 253 William Street, Northbridge 6003 Perth WA Ph: 08 9227 6000 Fax: 08 9227 6611 YMCA Accommodation

Monkey Mia Dolphin Resort Monkey Mia Road, Shark Bay 3537 Ph: +61 8 9948 1320


Kununurra Backpackers Adventure Centre 24 Nutwood Crescent, Kununurra WA 6743 Ph: (08) 9169 1998 or 1800 641 998


Beaches of Broome 4 Sanctuary Road, Cable Beach, Broome, WA, 6725 Ph : 1300 881 031

Victoria Mildura

redcliffs hotel 25 Jacaranda St, Red Cliffs VIC 3496 (03) 5024 1704

Great Ocean Road

Johanna Beach Cottages 225 Blue Johanna Road Johanna Heights Victoria 3238 (03) 5237 4224

Halls Gap

Brambuk Backpackers Hostel 330 Grampians Road, Halls Gap, VictoriaPh: 03 5356 4250 Brambuk Backpackers offers travellers an affordable and comfortable range of accommodation, ideally situated within the stunning Grampians National Park.


Easystay Motel and Studio Apartments Great accommodation at fantastic rates Rooms available for up to 4 people Book online and save $$$ Or call 1300 30 17 30 Exford Hotel 199 Russell Street , Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9663 2697 Back of Chapel 50 Green St, Windsor Prahran, Vic 3181 Ph: 03 9521 5338 Nomads All Nations 2 Spencer Street, Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 739 989 Phone: 03 9620 1022 $5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad Flinders Station Hotel Backpackers 35 Elizabeth Street, Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9620 5100 The Spencer Backpackers 475 Spencer Street, Melbourne Ph: (03) 9329 7755 1800 638 108 Bring this ad for 40 min FREE internet (new guests only). Melbourne International Backpackers 450 Elizabeth Street, Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9662 4066 Hotel Discovery 167 Franklin Street, Melbourne VIC 300 Ph: 03 9329 7525. Freecall 1800 645 200

Independent & Budget Traveler Accommodation Provider Victoria Hall Accommodation 380 Russell Street, Melbourne 3000 Ph: 03 9662 3888 www.victoriahall.

St. Kilda

alice springs

Jackson Apartments 80 Ikerman St ,St Kilda Beach Ph:0433 118 334 or 0412 525 510 Habitat HQ Freephone 1800 202 500 Award winning 4.5 star hostel with a homely & relaxed atmosphere Specials from $20! FREE pick up from Tullamarine (min 3 nt stay) * Conditions apply

Annie’s Place 4 Traeger Avenue, Alice Springs , NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089

South Australia Adelaide

Apollo Bay

Apollo Bay Backpackers Lodge 23 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay Ph: 1800 157 280 +61 352 377850 Mob: 0413 504 402 Eco Beach YHA Eco-Hostel 5 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay 3233 Ph: (+613) 5237 7899 Clean, quiet and relaxing Eco-Hostel. Cosy fire in winter. DVD’s available to borrow from reception.

Halls Gap

Grampians YHA Eco-Hostel Corner Grampians and Buckler Roads Halls Gap 3381 Ph: (+613) 5356 4544 Eco accredited. Solar powered. Herb garden, free range chooks and friendly local kangaroos

Northern Territory Darwin

Ashton lodge & Wisdom Bar 48 Mitchell St, Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 4866 Melaleuca on Mitchell 52 Mitchell St, Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 7900 Freecall: 1300 723 437

Adelaide Travellers Inn Backpackers 220 Hutt St Adelaide 5000 Free call 1800633747 Ph: +61 08 82240753 Majestic Minima Hotel 146 Melbourne Street, North Adelaide SA 5006 Ph:(08) 8334 7766 OUR HOUSE BACKPACKERS 33 Gilbert Place, Adelaide, SA, 5000 Ph: 08 8410 4788 Adelaide Shakespeare International 123 Waymouth Street, Adelaide SA, 5000 Ph: +61 (0)8 8231-7655 (Oz Freecall) 1800-556-889 This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it


02 8005 8162 51


The Fun Ways To Make Money Whilst Downunder... Work doesn’t all have to be doom and gloom. Yes there’s the bonus’ of being in an office, and making megabucks, but if you’ve come to Australia to get away from the rat-race, then let us talk you through some of the more fun ways available to make money. Have fun and earn loads of cash! Looks like one of those dodgy Gumtree adverts doesn’t it where you end up as someone’s house slave in the middle of nowhere. Yes, it sounds too good to be true yet there are jobs out there where you can forgo the soul-destroying tedium of a 9 to 5 and actually have some fun. Jobs where you can be yourself, make friends and show some flair. The most obvious vocation being that of bar work because, as we all know, the funnest places to be with the coolest people inevitably serve alcohol. Your first step will be gaining yourself an RSA certificate which is not that difficult. The course itself can take as little as three hours and prices range from $45 to 70. For most states you can even do it online then print off the certificate, only Victoria and Tasmania enforce face to face training with an accredited trainer. Now anyone can gain an RSA certificate but think hard about a quality that sets you apart from the crowd and no, that does not mean that special talent you have with ping pong balls. As on a night out there are certain bars that will only admit the elite. In this case it is not essentially looks that count but the skills you possess, ie can you tell the difference between a Martini and a Molotov? Hint: you would only want to be sipping one of the two. Get it right as specialising in cocktails can take you far in Australia, both in terms of wages and prospective employment. Plus you would look damn cool to members of the opposite sex. A further step up from mere cocktail maker is flaring. If you have a talent for juggling shakers or liquor bottles then doors will be opened. Venue owners are often on the lookout for flaring bartenders for the opening of a flash new bar or to help promote a new liquor. There are even hospitality training companies that hold courses including Speedpour in Sydney, the


Alex Beaumont Hospitality College These events do not sort themselves in Parramatta and the European Bar out and are often looking out for Tender School in Melbourne. travellers who happen to be in the right place at the right time after a quick Of course, with all these bottles and buck. If count yourself as outgoing, cocktail shakers flying around bars healthy, intelligent and most importantly are dangerous places. Occupational free then the opportunity is there. Health and Safety are all over places where people drink and SHOCK One such festival job is that of HORROR might have some fun. promotion. Whether it is putting up Accidents happen and if you know first posters around town, handing out flyers aid that could be your trump card. or spreading the word online; where tickets are to be sold there is money to Stepping away from the bar for a be made. Those with marketing skills moment, only a moment, there are and the gift of the gab should not fail other niches that can gain you some to twist arms into buying tickets and interesting work. These days bars do merchandise with a likely reward being not merely serve drinks but serve as a ticket to the festival itself. Handily venues for all sorts of events. Bars with most tour promoters cover several function rooms, and especially country festivals meaning if you are dedicated retreats, are ideal locations for wedding enough then you will find work for one receptions, wedding anniversaries and festival after the other. At the festival birthday parties so someone with a itself you could find yourself working degree in event management will be behind the bar or pointing punters to looked upon favourably. the right exit and the shift work usually means that you will have a few hours Hotels naturally draw in people from spare to catch some of the action around the world, they have beds, yourself. tourists need beds etc. If you are a cunning linguist then top class hotels Fitness is big business in Australia are likely to mark your CV with a which would explain office workers gold star. Certain languages will be spending their lunch breaks going for a preferred over others and in Australia jog (kinda defeats the object of a break knowing various South East Asian but there you go). Right now yoga is ‘in’ languages will take you far. which means there is a current demand for instructors. The Australian Institute Getting drunk at the weekend is big for Yoga should be your first stop which bucks (hell, we all know how much a has offices in Sydney and Melbourne. pint is over here don’t we) so a new product launch has to be done right. Similarly, pilates is also a growing trend If you possess a marketing degree and while it may look simple enough then your nous on advertising, product bending yourself over backwards (ok, placement and generally persuading maybe not) to become an actual trainer people to like your sparkly new thing is involves comprehensive courses also knowledge that employers silently over several days. The Australian nod in approval at. Pilates Academy offers a wide range of courses with locations in Sydney, Australia loves its music festivals Melbourne and the Gold Coast. and there are several to choose from including Parklife, Big Day Out, One of the best ways to get fit is to Stereosonic, Soundwave and Future learn how to surf but be aware, you Music. The major cities also continue do not need to be Australian to teach to pull out free weekend extravaganzas others. Surfing Australia offer a twowhile the weather remains favourable. day Level One instructor course which

is the basis to qualification. You also need 20 hours practical instructing which is supervised, a Surfing Australia membership and a Working With Children Check. Obviously it helps if you are near to a beach though Surfing Australia have branches dotted across the country in each state with New South Wales offering the most course locations. If you fancy going it alone and consider contract work in Australia then one thing you must remember is to set yourself up with an ABN number. This is to enable yourself to be hired as an independent contractor, to report your own income and for taxation purposes. Put simply it also means you can work for different companies across the country. With this freedom in mind there are few better ways to see Australia than moving for employment then spending your wages on miniadventures. The independence of being without a lease and dependants also allies itself favourably to wages. Working in Australia need not mean the routine that a 9 to 5 brings. Anyone who has solved the world’s problems over a few Bundys and Coke with a new favourite best friend will know that bars are a great place to meet people including cute, tipsy members of the opposite sex so consider spending more time there and getting paid for it. Few people drink before midday too which means bar tenders are naturally allowed a lie-in, a cheeky little bonus. Consider what qualities you have that set you apart whether they be a skill, fluency in a foreign language or a degree. Australians take care over their bodies so think about becoming a surf, pilates or yoga instructor. Think about keeping free and easy for work at festivals and even as an independent contractor. Makes you wonder why so many join the rat race.

By Omar Solimon

Are you looking for staff? Are you looking for work?

Get in touch with the team at to recruit intelligent, experienced, professionals who are prepared to work. Long term (457 visa holders), short term temps (417 visa WHM’s) and permanent residents.

check out or call 02 800 58162 for more info 53




Just to make sure you’ve read and digested the whole entire magazine, we’ve put together this crossword to put your knowledge to the test. Prove you’ve been paying attention with the clues provided...

Keep up to date with, and sign up to our newsletter for the latest competitions and promotions

1. A long road in Victoria (5,5,4) 3. An English football club who’s home ground is called Anfield (9) 5. The sound a doorbell makes, and a live music venue in Melbourne (4,4) 6. The last name of the star of 90s film ‘Groundhog Day’ (6) 11. The name of the railway trip that takes you from Adelaide to Darwin (4) 12. A popular French musical duo who will be releasing a new album (4,4) 15. The name of a band that will be reforming and touring Australia in May (5,7) 16. The most isolated city on Earth (5)

Down 1. The patron Saint of England (6) 2. A peaceful form of exercise (4) 4. A popular English condiment (7) 7. A great look out point along the Great Ocean Road (8) 8. A mountain range in Victoria (9) 9. A camping festival taking place in Colombia (7,6) 10. An important National Holiday taking place in Australia in April (5,3) 13. The name of the sea closest to Bulgaria (5) 14. The first name of the lead singer of the Happy Mondays (5)

Answers can be found on our competitions page or

Pub Quiz Knowledge If you’re into pub quizzes then you’ll be pleased with this list of useless facts that you think you don’t need to know, as you’ll never know when that pointless bit of information you’ve retained will come in handy... A study found people with lighter eye colors (blue, green, hazel, grey) have a higher alcohol tolerance. Human foreskins are an ingredient in some anti-aging products! 40% of Americans think that dinosaurs and humans once lived at the same time. The word “Gaga” in Filipino refers to a stupid and idiotic girl. The CIA once spent $20 million on a cat equipped with gear to spy on the Soviets, but it was hit by a taxi.


Valentine’s Day is also National Condom Day.

Edison & Steve Jobs all had no college degree.

Cameron Diaz went to high school with Snoop Dogg... he used to sell her weed.

Giraffes fall from a height of about six feet at birth, usually without getting hurt.

Shrimp is referred to as an abomination 4 times more than homosexuality in the bible.

50% of men use the 5-second rule to eat food off the ground, while 70% of women do the same.

It is illegal to be fat in Japan. Each male over 40-years-old must have a waistline smaller than 80cm and women, smaller than 90cm.

The Unicorn is the official animal of Scotland.

Abraham Lincoln, Walt Disney, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Henry Ford, Thomas

50% of men use the 5-second rule to eat food off the ground, while 70% of women do the same.


In this April's magazine we chat to the much loved British Comedian Jack Dee, Northern music legends Happy Monday's and the man who's showin...

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