baystateparent magazine April 2020

PRICELESS

APRIL 2020

Waiting.

6-year-old Carlos awaits heart transplant

+ stories of organ donation

Massachusetts’ Premier Magazine For Families Since 1996

2 APRIL2020

contents

ta b le o f

a pri l 2020

vol u me 2 4

14 16

n u mb e r 1 2

DIY: The Art of Recycling

Transplanting Hope: Stories of Organ Donation

on the cover: Carlos Rolon, 6, of Worcester is one of thousands of children in America awaiting an organ transplant. He’s pictured in front of the fish tank at Boston Children’s Hospital, where he’s living while waiting for a heart transplant.

Photo by Caroline Gilbody Photography carolinegilbodyphotography.com

27

Autism Smiles: Easing Anxiety at the Dentist for Kids with ASD

in every issue

bites

features

6 7 8 9 10 13 26 31

24 Food for Thought: 11 Clever Ways to Deal with Picky Eaters

22 Make Your Next Family

Editor’s Note Freebies Finally Forever Herding Goofballs

25 Goose’s Goodies: The Best-

Ever Carrot Cake

Vacation a Digital Detox

28 In Crisis, Look for the ‘Helpers’

Good to Know Our Fave Four Very Special People Take Eight with Kosmic Kelly

BAYSTATEPARENT 3

baystateparent Where is your favorite place to go on a family vacation?

‘‘ ’’ ‘‘ ’’ It’s a tie between Cape Cod and North Conway, New Hampshire. My family loves the ocean and the mountains.

Maui!

‘‘

When I was a child my family went to Hampton Beach every summer.

I loved the arcade, the boardwalk and beach! Now, our favorite family destination is Delray, FL and staying with dear friends at their home.

president associate publisher

PAUL M. PROVOST KATHY REAL BENOIT 508-767-9525 kbenoit@gatehousemedia.com

CREATIVE AMANDA COLLINS BERNIER editor in chief 508-767-9526 acollins@gatehousemedia.com SHIELA NEALON creative director 508-793-9121 shiela.nealon@telegram.com

sales manager

ADVERTISING

‘‘

JEREMY WARDWELL 508-767-9574 jwardwell@gatehousemedia.com

account executive KATHY PUFFER 508-767-9544 kpuffer@gatehousemedia.com account executive REGINA STILLINGS 508-767-9546 rstillings@gatehousemedia.com

baystateparent is published 100 Front Street, 5th Floor monthly and is distributed free of Worcester, MA 01608 charge throughout Massachusetts.

’’

Disney World and Universal Studios in Florida. It was our last family trip before my older boys got engaged.

‘‘

Moosehead Lake in Maine.

We have a family cabin that has been in the family for almost 100 years.

ONLINE

do you have a story idea?

We want to hear from you!

Email your suggestion to baystateparent.com acollins@gatehousemedia.com

We’re Winners!

Last month, baystateparent was honored with 8 awards at the annual Parenting Media Association Design and Editorial Awards, held in St. Petersburg, Florida. Among the honors, baystateparent won 5 Gold and 3 Bronze awards, recognized for column, feature and news writing and cover design.

Awards are exciting. But everything we write and design is for you, our readers and fellow Bay State parents. We value your opinion most of all.

Thanks for making baystateparent the parenting resource it is.

4 APRIL2020

’’ ’’

BAYSTATEPARENT 5

My s g n i h T e Fa vo rit editor’s note

Mess-free Easter egg decorating with a 2-year-old? Yup! We’re loving the Eggmazing Egg Decorator. The egg-shaped decorator holds and spins the eggs; you hold a marker on the egg as it spins, creating stripes, lines and other fun designs. No dyes needed!

Did you know that every year at the start of ice cream season Ben & Jerry’s hands out free cones? Usually held in April, Free Cone Day is postponed this year, but I’m on the lookout for when it’s rescheduled. I think we’re all in need of a free treat!

6 APRIL2020

As we sent this issue off to press, the world felt frightening.

As I write this column, my phone buzzes with cancellation alerts. Schools, restaurants and life as it was have come to a temporary halt. Panic over COVID-19 is sweeping through the country.

I admit, the idea that I should cancel all my plans over a doomful virus from across the word is something I might have once rolled my eyes at. And an entire societal shutdown is something I might have scoffed at.

But it’s funny how things change after you become a mom.

Where I was once nonchalant I find myself nervous. Where I was once self-centered, I can’t help but now think of someone else.

As parents, it’s our instinct to protect our children. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to shield my son from sickness or turmoil.

So in the midst of this crisis, I feel a bit helpless. The mom in me feels uncertain; the world feels scary and heavy.

But all that’s lost on my Max. My son has been unflappable in the wake of coronavirus, of course, because he’s two. Blissfully unaware of the current events, his to-do list of Lego building, pine cone collecting, and Daniel Tiger-watching remains unchanged. Steady and unwavering, his playfulness is the reminder I need: that a giggle is the antidote to unease.

And then there’s Carlos, the 6-year-old boy awaiting a heart transplant who graces the cover of this issue. Though his mom, Sheena, lives with more worry than most parents will ever have to bear, she’s grounded by her son’s unshaken innocence. On his sickest days, Sheena says, it’s Carlos’s sweet spirit that gets them both through.

Indeed, as parents it’s our job to teach our children about life, but, really, they teach us what life is about. There is wisdom in the simple way they look at the world. When big, scary things are weighing on our minds, let’s not forget to enjoy the little things.

You know those cute letter boards you see all over social media? Well, there’s one that has something for Insta-moms and their kiddos. The StoryBricks Letter Board

by Creative QT has a magnetic back so it sticks right on the fridge. Plus, it’s compatible with all major brands of building bricks, including LEGO.

Amanda Note: Our regular section, The Agenda, has been omitted from this issue as precautionary measures to combat the spread of coronavirus were still developing. Be sure to check baystateparent.com for ideas for things to do while you’re home with the kids, and for family fun event listings when things return to normal.

Newport, Rhode Island is one of my favorite day trip destinations. This month, the City by the Sea is even more stunning than usual, as the Daffodil Days Festivals kicks off on April 24. The weeklong celebration features fun events throughout the city… and 1.2 million daffodils!

APRIL

Freebies!

Check out some of the goodies we’re giving away in April! Make sure you follow us on Facebook for your chance to win and to be in-the-know for other surprise freebies throughout the month.

Pet-friendly fun In honor of National Pet Month, we’re giving away two kid-friendly guides to caring for our four-legged friends. “A Kids’ Guide to Cats” and “A Kids’ Guide to Dogs” teaches youth to be responsible, empathetic pet owners. Children will learn to decode body language, to teach tricks and commands, how to make goodies and toys for their pets and more.

Museum tickets Cloud gazing, kite making, and astronomy exploration is just some of the Earth Day themed fun happening at the Discovery Museum in Acton in April. We’ll be giving away tickets to enjoy it all throughout the month.

Middle-grade books In need of some new books for your kiddo to enjoy over April vacation? Look no further. We’re giving away a stack of the newest titles for middle-grade readers.

BAYSTATEPARENT 7

finally

forever

ask an expert

Q

: I’m not sure if adoption from foster care is the right way for me to start my family. Can I speak with someone who has done it?

T

he prospect of adopting a child can be both exciting and overwhelming. There are many different types of adoption and choices to be made in pursuing this path. In addition to that, for many couples and single individuals the decision to create or to grow their family through adoption implies a lot of emotional work. Families in the process of adoption often find tremendous benefit from speaking with experienced adoptive parents. In response, MARE has created the Friend of the Family Program, which matches experienced adoptive parents with families at all stages in the adoption process to provide ongoing guidance, share their own experiences, and to equip them with resources and services. You can learn more about the program at https://www.mareinc.org/page/friendof-the-family-mentor-program.

-Ricardo L. Frano, a Family Support Services Coordinator at MARE Inc.

April’s Child: Meet Marissa Hi, my name is Marissa and I love running cross country!

Marissa is an energetic 13-yearold girl of Caucasian descent. She enjoys playing tennis and running cross country and track. She also enjoys music. Marissa loves to have her hair and nails done.

Marissa is a brilliant girl with a bright academic future. She has tested and considered into one of the top exam schools in the city.

Marissa is legally freed for adoption. She would thrive in a home where she is the only child or with children close in age. She will need a family that can provide her with attention and patience. Marissa shares a close relationship with her younger sister and they hope to be able to continue to see each other at least monthly.

The best family for Marissa would be a local family that 8 APRIL2020

is able to visit with her as a visiting resource initially.

Can you provide the guidance, love and stability that a child needs?

If you’re at least 18 years old, have a stable source of income, and room in your heart, you may be a perfect match to adopt a waiting child. Adoptive parents can be single, married, or partnered; experienced or not; renters or homeowners; LGBTQ singles and couples.

The process to adopt a child from foster care requires training, interviews, and home visits to determine if adoption is right for you, and if so, to help connect you with a child or sibling group that your family will be a good match for.

To learn more about adoption from foster care, call the Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange (MARE) at 617-964-6273 or visit www. mareinc.org.

Herding

Goofballs

Relative Greatness

BY JOSH FARNSWORTH ILLUSTRATION BY KIRA BEAUDOIN The faint hint of a smile had already crept out of the corner of my mouth.

The last bit of energy I had was spent trying to keep from full-on belly laughing. I mentally tried to compose myself.

Deep breaths. Think of non-funny things like politics or those dad jokes you tell the kids. Okay, Josh, just answer the statement that was just placed before you.

“Thanks,” I said now in control of my facial expressions.

“I’m not sure about all that, but thanks.”

It was not so much a question sent my way but more of an extremely kind sentiment.

An acquaintance of mine had been told that I write in this space for baystateparent. She expressed to me, “oh, wow, that’s great. That’s wonderful!

You must know a ton about kids and be an amazing parent!”

Knowing this person well enough, I could tell the statement was sincere and not sarcastic, but couldn’t help but think that sarcasm is how I would say that same thing to myself.

I’d even throw in a little golf clap and an “aren’t you so wonderful, Josh?” just to ensure I was not getting too much of a big head after this statement.

Perspective is a fickle, wondrous thing. Sure, I love my kids something fierce, but the concept of me as this tour de force of parental greatness is just not something that feels

authentic. I try. I fight for them.

I do what I can, but the greatest of adjectives didn’t feel reserved for me.

Perhaps my acquaintance was thinking I had a complex educational background in child psychology or conducted years of research into applied biology of the human mind.

Spoiler alert: Nope.

Also, I don’t know what I am doing. Parenting, that is.

Honestly.

Seriously.

The second that little human being bursts onto the scene, you can feel the need to be bigger, better and all-knowing to help that tiny dude or dudette staring back. I read a lot of helpful books about preparing myself for when that fateful day would come.

They were helpful. I knew much more than before opening the book. But once that newborn stares back at you, all the intelligent book knowledge in the world cannot possibly account for every curveball that comes your way.

And trust me, these kids (knowingly or not) have more curveballs to throw than Fenway Park will ever see.

There are too many variables to ever be on top of everything, but even common issues are things I struggle to lasso to the ground. Becoming a parent certainly does not exclude you from all-too-human flaws.

My paternal flaws are great and numerous…

• I let my kids watch screens

way too much some days. I am personally clueless as to whether the time I allow them to watch on TVs, phones, computers, tablets, other surfaces that now support some form of entertainment is ruining their brain or rewiring it to be better multi-taskers.

• I struggle with answering all sorts of questions (Sorry, Coop. I just don’t know why if you try and stay up to watch the moon at midnight you fall asleep faster).

• When I say I am playing with the kids, sometimes I staring into my smartphone for mundane reasons. Because, of course, I need to know who is winning that particular college baseball game, at that very moment.

• I wouldn’t say I have true anger issues, but if the kids lose the remote control five minutes before the game comes on, I may pull a few strings to ensure the greatest young search party ever assembled finds the prize or bedtime just got a lot earlier.

• My kids are great, but I feel way too energized when they are finally off asleep and its Josh-does-what-he-wants time!!

• I don’t feel the rush of guilt I probably should about that last bullet.

This is just a fractional list.

I won’t list all of my warts. I don’t want to scare all of you— my fine, outstanding readers— just yet, after all.

I struggle with not being everything to everyone sometimes, especially to my goofballs.

There are, however, two concrete facts I have learned that I can feel confident in divulging to everyone: Knowing a ton about kids and being a quality parent are not the same things. They may not even be in the same ZIP code. If you are a newer parent, I would still check those books out, for knowledge only.

You will fail. Often. So, what? As appealing as it sounds to be able to control every aspect of my kids’ lives, it won’t happen. And even if it could, it would not make them better people. It would not make any of us resilient. We are not robots and producing kids that act like robots does no one any favors.

So, we all fall short of our own expectations. End of column. Run the credits, right?

Falling short means you are

striving. You are trying. Hard.

And sometimes, when you do succeed here and there, and win a small victory for your little dude or dudette, cut yourself some slack and enjoy the feeling Flaws are just part of the initiation of becoming seasoned parents. I wouldn’t go so far to say you should embrace your flaws (except the remote control bullet listed earlier; you need to draw the line somewhere, am I right?).

Embrace the fact that you are not alone in your imperfection. Keep trying. Hard.

I don’t know a ton about kids, but it is in that trying is what makes a parent quite amazing.

Josh Farnsworth is a husband, father of goofballs Cooper and Milo, goofball himself, and award-winning writer and columnist living in Worcester. He can be reached for column ideas at josh.farnsworth@ yahoo.com.

BAYSTATEPARENT 9

good to know Vintage baby names are making a comeback.

Old-school choices like Hazel, Leo and Stella are back in the Top 50 after decades of decline, according to the Social Security Administration’s latest data.

Too much TikTok? New feature lets parents set how much time kids can spend on the app Parents concerned with their children’s TikTok obsession can perk up with the app’s new feature that lets them have more control over how many videos is too many.

The company announced the Family Safety Mode, which allows parents and guardians to link their TikTok account to their teens'. Once they’re connected, parents have the option to control how long their teen can spend on TikTok each day under the Screen Time Management feature.

Guardians have the option to limit who can send messages to the connected account or turn off direct messaging completely, as well as restrict the appearance of content that may not be appropriate for all audiences.

“We want people to have fun on TikTok, but it's also important for

our community to look after their wellbeing which means having a healthy relationship with online apps and services,” reads a TikTok blog post by Cormac Keenan, Head of Trust and Safety, EMEA. For now, these features are available only in the U.K., but will begin to roll out to additional markets in the coming weeks, according to the blog post.

TikTok is aware of the growing concern over the amount of time teens are spending on the platform. The short-form videosharing app partnered with several of its top creators to promote time offline.

The app also launched an educational video series called “You’re In Control,” aimed at educating younger generations about TikTok’s safety guidelines. -Coral Murphy, USA TODAY

Study finds body temperatures are decreasing... what does that mean?

The most charming small town in America is in Massachusetts, according to Big 7 Travel.

Stockbridge in the Berkshires ranked No. 1 on the travel website’s list of 50 most charming small towns in America, released last month.

A small start-up recently announced it has grown two key components of breastmilk in a lab.

Biomilq managed to grow human mammary cells that make a protein called casein and a sugar called lactose. This is the first step, the company hopes, to making human milk outside the human body.

10 APRIL2020

Stanford University researchers recently debunked the common knowledge that 98.6 degrees is the average body temperature.

The notion dates back to the mid-19th century, established by German physician Carl Reinhold August Wunderlich in 1851. A recent British study found the average temperature of 25,000 patients to be 97.9 degrees.

Figuring out the true cause of temperature change is very challenging, said Dr. Julie Parsonnet, senior author of the study and professor of medicine and of health research and policy, Stanford University. For the study, which was published in the journal eLife, Parsonnet and her colleagues analyzed three sets of temperatures from three distinct historical periods: between 1862 and 1930, 1971 to 1975 and 2007 to 2017.

On average males born in the 2000s have a body temp 1.06 degrees lower than that of men born in the early 1800s. For women that number is on average 0.58 degrees lower. That’s a decrease in body temperature of 0.05 degrees every decade.

One of the things researchers looked at is whether thermometers are just more precise now. In the mid1800s the science of thermometers was pretty new; today’s are much more accurate, Parsonnet said. By examining each data set researchers ruled error out. Analyzed separately, each set showed a pattern of declining temperatures over time.

What exactly is causing the decrease in body temp is unknown.

“I could list thousands of correlations but none of those prove causation,” Parsonnet said.

One reason our temperatures may be decreasing is because we’re healthier.

“In the 19th century when the 98.6 value was established, many people lived with chronic diseases. Life expectancy was less than [age] 40. A significant percentage of the population would have had diseases that are rare today in their chronic forms like tuberculosis, syphilis and rheumatic heart disease. They also would have had recurrent bouts

of diarrhea, skin infections, chronic non-healing wounds and all those vaccine-preventable diseases that we don’t see” in modern times, Parsonnet said.

Additionally, because they had little heating and no air conditioning, people’s bodies had to consume more calories to stay at a good temperature.

“So it should be surprising that their temperature, which is a measure of how hard the body has to work to keep the body functions going, might be revved up,” Parsonnet said. The main significance of the finding is that body temperature is changing over time, she said. “We all have heard about 98.6 since our mothers told us, ‘You’re not sick. Your temperature is 98.5. You need to go to school.’ So everyone is saying in their heads, ‘I told you I was sick, mom!,’” Parsonnet said. “But I do want to say that the significance of our finding is not that temperature is lower than 98.6. People paying attention have known that 98.6 is too high for decades.”

Credit Dr. Philip Mackowiak at the University of Maryland, who brought the issue to light in 1997 with a study published in JAMA, Parsonnet said.

It’s better to think about temperature as fluctuating. “Personally, I think people are way too fixated on body temperature as a marker of illness,” Parsonnet said. “Yes, it can be quite useful when it is at the extremes. A temperature of 103 or 104 is definitely a cause for alarm and should result in a medical assessment.”

A little movement is OK. “If you feel sick and your temperature is only 98.6 or even 97.8, it doesn’t make you not sick. It’s the big picture, not the number that matters,” she said. Remember that people can transmit infections even when they are feeling well, either because they don’t have symptoms or they have a mild illness.

“We should be rethinking the rules about staying home from school or work. Shouldn’t we care more about how people feel and whether they are coughing or sneezing, than that specific number?” she said. -Melissa Erikson

Boston Children’s Museum offers free play and learning resources to use at home Boston Children’s Museum is offering free online resources for parents and caregivers to use at home during this time of social distancing. These resources address needs of families with younger children as well as those interested in homeschooling and includes both play and learning content.

The resources include the award-winning "Beyond the Chalkboard" website; the STEM Sprouts Teaching Guide, which offers ideas and activities for early childhood educators who teach science, technology, engineering and math; guides for afterschool educators working with English Language Learners and children with autism; and BCM Home Edition – a book of 26 activities that families can try together at home. Each of these resources is available for free to any parent, teacher or other caregiver that wishes to use them.

Beyond the Chalkboard is the work of a host of staff from Boston Children’s Museum, with additional contributions from educators from several organizations, as well as invaluable input from teachers in afterschool programs across Massachusetts. The website includes diverse subject area content ranging from math and science activities to literacy and art.

In addition to learning resources, the Museum’s 100 Ways to Play will inspire creativity and fun at home. The list includes ideas from cooking to making, games, and instructions for learning things such as origami. The Museum’s social media pages will also be posting ideas, activities, and videos that can help families during this time when schools and childcare facilities are closed.

You can find all the free learning resources at bostonchildrensmuseum.org.

Other educational websites to check out: Switcheroo Zoo: This site helps kids learn about animals by watching, listening and playing games. Find it: https://switchzoo. com Nat Geo for Kids: Kids can learn about geography and animals.

Find it: https://kids.nationalgeographic.com/ Into the Book: Kids can practice learning strategies through playing games. Find it: https://reading.ecb.org/ Suessville: Kids get to hang out with Dr. Suess and all his friends, while playing games and reading. Find it: https://www. seussville.com/ Fun Brain: Gives kids practice with math and reading skills.

Find it: https://www.funbrain.com/ Story online: Movie stars read their favorite stories to kids.

Find it: https://www.storylineonline.net/ BAYSTATEPARENT 11

Protecting our children from harm

BY DR. ELAINE HEFFNER

T

he spread of the global pandemic to our shores has confronted us once again with the need as parents to help our children understand and deal with a looming threat, one that impacts on all our lives. In this instance, the unseen threat may impose restrictions on children’s activities and be difficult for them to accept.

Almost from the moment of conception we try to protect our children from harm. During pregnancy we are careful about what we eat and drink. We give much thought to what and how we should feed our babies.

We read books and manuals about physical and emotional development, all with the goal

12 APRIL2020

of providing the best for our children and avoiding anything that might be harmful.

As soon as children are beyond our physical care, we give thought to how far to let them expand their boundaries while still keeping them safe.

From letting them walk down the street without holding our hand, to climbing on the jungle gym, to going to school alone, and on through all the stages of growing independence we measure how much is safe, how much is not. The challenge is always to balance their striving and need for independence with our responsibility to keep them safe.

Upsetting to us as parents is the realization that we are unable to protect our children from many things in life.

It is a human reaction to

look for explanations of things we are unable to explain, as if finding a reason will make the irrational rational, almost as if understanding it will enable us retroactively to stop it from happening. In regard to the current crisis, children’s wish for explanations may be somewhat less challenging in that illness and its restrictions have probably already been part of their life experience. This unseen threat may seem less worrisome than the threat of gun violence that

has already disturbed the school lives of many children.

In this instance, the lives of both parents and children have been disrupted leading to frustration as well as worry, and to push back from children to the restrictions they encounter. For parents, the need to deal with children whose activities have been restricted makes for added stress.

Our own emotional reactions to the threat of illness as well as the stress of the preventive measures needed, can interfere with our ability to hear the concerns of our children. The recognition of our own inability to protect our children from life’s events can be overwhelming.

We know there are things from which we can’t protect them, just as we also know that we cannot reassure them that this could never happen to them. This is painful to experience as a parent.

If we are aware of the

feelings aroused in us by these limitations, we can put them aside and listen instead for our children’s feelings and concerns.

Often, they are different from our own. The way children react to an event like this is connected to where they are both in age and developmental stage. School age children are likely to have encountered restrictions set by a larger world, whereas young children may attribute limits not to their liking to their parents.

Such concerns are often not expressed directly so we have to listen for them at other times.

But more generally in terms of how we talk to our children, our awareness of our own feelings and limitations can help us strike that difficult to achieve balance between unrealistic reassurance and unrealistic alarm.

The reassurance for us is our children’s resilience, both physically and emotionally.

our fave

4

With Earth Day in mind, we’ve rounded up some awesome toys made from recycled plastic, cardboard, and even newspaper!

You’ll feel good that your kids are having fun while helping the environment.

1.

2.

3.

1. These clever little Onyx and Green colored pencils are made from stacks of old newspapers, giving these art pencils a cool printed effect on the outside.

Each set of 24 comes with 12 different vibrant colors. amazon.com, $14.

4.

2. How appropriate to make a toy Recycling Truck out of 100% recycled plastic! Made from plastic milk jugs, this dumping truck by Green Toys has 3 chutes for depositing products for recycling, helping little ones learn the recycling and environmental concepts.

Even more fun, the packaging is printed with images of paper, cans, and bottles that you can cut out. amazon.com, $27.99.

3. This cleverly designed Recycled

Cardboard Zoo comes ­with ­everything you need for play and pretend, with over 100 pieces for budding zoologists to color, stick, and build–everything from the animals to the entrance arch to colorful markers. The box opens into a color-in playmat, so even the package becomes part of the play experience. joann.com, $29.99.

4. Green Toys’ eco-friendly jump rope is lightweight and made from 100% cotton and the handles are made entirely of recycled plastic. Choose from green or pink colored handles. amazon.com, $8.99.

BAYSTATEPARENT 13

THE ART OF

RECYCLING You don’t need a cabinet full of arts and crafts supplies to get your DIY on. Finding items to create with can be as easy as going through your pantry.

Boston-based craft blogger Holly Czapski has always had a knack for design; seeing the potential in items we often just toss in the trash. Here, she’s sharing two ideas to repurpose those cereal, pasta, or mac and cheese boxes into kid-friendly crafts.

Earth Day, on April 22, is a perfect time to teach our children the value in finding new ways to use old items - and how fun it can be, too! For more recycled crafting ideas, visit Czapski’s blog rightnowcrafts.com.

Solar Powered Letters

These statement-making Solar Powered Letters go together in minutes, using whatever boxes you have on hand. Tissue paper catches the light for a cheerful pop of bright color. The boxes stand up on their own, and you can stack and arrange them in all kinds of fun ways.

Directions: YOU’LL NEED: an empty box from crackers, cereal, cookies, etc. small piece of tissue paper, any color regular and (optional) double-sided tape scissors or craft knife a pencil

1. Open up the bottom flaps and side seam by gently separating them. If the glue is stubborn try starting from the other side. It’s okay if the paper peels.

Bend all of the factory folds backwards - including the very narrow side flap - so the box will be easier to put together later.

On one of the main panels, draw an letter – make it extra-bold to let lots of light through.

Leave about a one-inch margin of box all around.

2. Cut out the letter with scissors (you can make a starter hole with a pin) or with a craft knife.

Save any inside pieces you cut out from B’s, P’s, O’s, etc.

Cut out almost all of the other main panel, leaving about 3/4” all around.

Tips:

3. Cut a piece of tissue paper large enough to cover the whole letter.

Lay your tissue paper over the letter, on the printed side of the box. Tape around the edges in several places.

4. Fold the box flat to put the side seam back together and tape it closed. I like to have the very narrow flap underneath for a neater and stronger seam.

Tape the top and bottom of the box closed.

If you have any inside pieces from P’s, B’s, etc. stick them onto the outside of the tissue paper using double-sided tape or regular tape wrapped around itself sticky side out. Support the tissue paper from behind so you can press without tearing.

That’s it! Your awesome new letter is ready to brighten your day. Set it anywhere it can catch a little light.

14 APRIL2020

If your tissue fades or tears, just peel off as much of the old paper as will come off easily and tape in a new piece through the open back . You can change the color that way too.

If part of your letter won’t lay flat, tuck a little piece of double-sided tape underneath the problem piece, and press it to the tissue paper (with one hand behind the tissue paper for support) and it will stay put.

Cereal Box Castle YOU’LL NEED: any empty cereal box, scissors, pencil, regular tape

Directions:

1. Open the bottom flaps of the box, and open up the side seam by gently separating it. If the glue is stubborn try starting from the other end. It’s totally OK if the paper peels.

Bend all of the factory folds back the other way. We’ll be putting this box back together inside-out, so refolding the folds now will make that easier.

5. Snip down all the teeth lines you drew, then grab and cut off every second tooth.

Your teeth may be uneven heights depending on the box. Trim them level if you like.

Pull out those shoeboxes full of knights, dragons, and pink and purple action figures of all kinds and give them a whole new stage to play on with this awesome castle, made from a cereal box. It can be a fairy-tale setting for gentler play or a serious fortification against trolls and orcs, a mythical kingdom or an actual place.

All you need is an empty cereal box, tape, and scissors. Have the basic castle finished in short order and spend as much or as little time decorating it as you like. If you make more than one you can put them together to form a larger castle or even a walled city.

2. Cut off and save about 1/2” of the bottom of the box, including all of the flaps. (This will be the optional roof of the castle.)

6. Tape the side seam closed. This is easiest if you flatten the box down like this. (Tip: I like to tape the seam with the narrow glue flap underneath for a neater, stronger seal.)

Unflatten the box back to its original shape.

3. Draw lines for cutting out the teeth at the top of your castle: On the long flaps, start by drawing two lines in the middle. Then draw three or four more lines to each side.

Whether you choose to make three lines or four, make the same number of lines on each side. Put teeth on both long flaps. Draw two lines on each of the small flaps.

4. Find the panel that sits between the two side panels. Draw a big T here for the side walls. Leave some space between the top of the T and the top of the panel.

Draw your door on the other panel. I made a rounded door but yours could have a straight top or some other shape.

If you have action figures that need to fit through the door, you can make it the right size for them.

7. Cut the door, leaving the sides as hinges, and fold the doors open.

8. Cut up the stem of the T on the back, then out to each side, and open out the walls of the castle.

Draw four tooth lines on each wall, and cut out the teeth like you did earlier.

Optional Roof

Take that bottom strip from before and tape the tiny bit of side seam back together.

Close the flaps, and seal with tape from one end to the other.

Decorate Decorate with colored pencils or markers (you can decorate your next castle while it’s flat if you like).

Flip it over and tuck into the top of the castle.

Press gently to fit it down a little way inside, so it’s secure. You may need to bend in the short ends of the roof to get it to fit. You can see in the picture where I pushed in the short ends of this one.

Tape the roof to the castle with a piece or two of tape if needed.

Tip: Sometimes a corner of the castle will split a little as you are doing this. No worries - just repair the split with tape.

Double Castle Make two castles and connect their side walls with paper clips.

Or connect permanently with staples.

Set up a walled city with three or more castles.

Copyright 2020 by Holly Czapski/ Right Now Crafts

BAYSTATEPARENT 15

Dakota Reid

Andrea Alberto and Cal and Beth Rescsanski

Carlos Rolon. Submitted photo; Caroline Gilbody Photography

Life lost, life given, life shared Stories of organ donation

BY AMANDA COLLINS BERNIER

W

hen you think of organ donation, what comes to mind? For adults, deciding to give the gift of life can be as easy as checking a box at the RMV. But kids need organs too, and that means we need pediatric donors, as well.

Last year in the United States, 115 children died waiting on a donor organ, according to the Organ Procurement and Transplant Network. Currently, nearly 2,000 children under the age of 18 are on the national transplant waiting list; more than 500 of them are between 1 and 5 years old.

In the New England area alone, there are 66 children waiting for a lifesaving transplant, according to New England Donor Services.

Children in need of an organ transplant often wait 16 APRIL2020

longer than adults for available organs. As pediatric patients, they may face unique challenges.

“An organ must be size matched, it does not need to be age matched,” said Dr. Betsy Blume, Medical Director of the Heart Transplant program at Boston Children’s Hospital. Therefore some older children can get organs from small adults, but in many cases, an organ for a child must come from another child.

Pediatric organ donation is a difficult subject. The loss of a teen, child or infant is always tragic, and the option of organ, eye and tissue donation is especially hard on parents, who are the decision makers in such an event.

Here, you’ll meet families on all sides. A father who faced an unthinkable decision after losing his teen in a car accident. A boy whose life is on hold until he receives a new heart. And two moms brought together

by a lifesaving gift.

A donor They say when you have a child, a piece of your heart walks outside your body. For John Reid, that piece beats inside the chest of a man he’s never met.

Six-hundred miles away from Reid's home in Virginia, a man in Massachusetts lives, in part, because Reid’s 16-year-old son died.

Dakota Reid was that popular, gregarious kid that everyone loved. After high school, he wanted to become a welder. His father remembers him with honesty; he had a heart of gold, but he could be testy, too.

“I guess he was your typical teen,” Reid said.

In January 2019, Dakota was a passenger in a friend’s car that was t-boned on a busy Virginia highway.

Both boys, juniors in high school, were killed in the

year, he was the first child in the city of Worcester to accident. go to school while on milrinone, a medicine for the A need “As soon as they told Six-year-old Carlos Rolon symptoms of heart failure that’s delivered through a us, my heart was torn continuous infusion. awaits such a miracle. from my chest,” said But last summer, things took a turn for the worse.

For the last four years, Reid. “It just ripped my Carlos got an infection in his PICC line, and was Carlos has been waiting heart out.” septic. for a new heart. For the In the midst of Since Aug. 31, he’s been living at Children’s last six months, he’s unspeakable grief, Reid Hospital, spending the first 108 days there confined been living at Children’s faced a gut-wrenching to his room.

Hospital in Boston. decision. Hospital Four days a week his mother stays in the hospital About 60 miles staff asked if he would with him, sleeping by his bedside. The three days a away from his home in consider donating week she trades off with Carlos’s dad, Cossette heads Worcester, over an hour Dakota's organs. home to see her other children and work her two away from his bedroom, One person, like jobs. his friends, and his big Dakota, can donate “There is no date when we’re coming home, and brother and sister, he up to eight lifesaving that’s what’s getting really hard,” she said. “We’re stays within the walls of organs -- the heart, two just here until he gets his heart.” the hospital, waiting for lungs, two kidneys, the Now a status 1A, he’s as high as a person can be on the transplant. He's not liver, pancreas, and a transplant list. Carlos knows what he’s waiting for, strong enough to leave, intestines. One eye and but he’s shielded from the details. doctors say, though you tissue donor can also Organ donor Dakota Reid. Submitted photo “We introduced the idea of a transplant to him might not know it from his save or improve the lives during this stay. I didn’t want to tell him too much playful smile. of up to 50 people. because I didn't want to scare him, but now he knows We met Carlos 187 days into his stay, when he It was something Reid had never really considered, ‘after I get my heart, I get to go home,’” said Cossette. showed us the hospital’s massive fish tank and his after all, who thinks of such a tragedy involving Sometimes Carlos’s mind wanders. Will they cut favorite spot to linger, in front of a giant kinetic their child. But he took some comfort in knowing him with a knife? he asks his mom. She worries about ball sculpture. Toting a wind-up blue dinosaur and that he could turn his loss into life for someone else; the day that he’ll ask where his new heart will come sporting a Toy Story backpack, he looked like any in knowing that in some way, Dakota could live on from. other first-grader. But instead of books and toys, through others.

“We’ll tell him it’s coming from someone who the backpack holds a pump that delivers his heart Reid remembers walking alongside Dakota’s doesn’t need it anymore,” she said. medication through an IV. And just months before, he hospital bed as it was wheeled to the operating room.

And that’s where Cossette really struggles. was too sick for even this walk around the hospital Lined with doctors, nurses and staff, he said it felt “My biggest struggle is knowing another child has lobby. like it was a mile long -- the longest mile of his life, but to pass. For the longest time I felt like praying that he Doctors and needles are nothing for new for also somehow the shortest.

Carlos. His mom, Sheena “Then, it was time to say our ‘see you soon,’” he Cossette, learned he had a said. heart condition when she In the 15 months since he lost his son, Reid has was five months pregnant. ridden the ups and downs of grief. There’s an aching, Born with an unbalanced gaping hole in his heart. atrioventricular canal defect, But letters from strangers have brought him some an abnormality of one of the peace. four chambers of his heart, “I got a letter from a 21-year-old young man telling Carlos endured four heart me he can see for the first time and thanking us for surgeries before he turned 2.

Dakota’s corneas. Got a letter from a farmer thanking Then, doctors decided he us for Dakota’s pancreas and kidney,” he said. needed a transplant.

Reid selected the recipient of Dakota’s other kidney When Carlos was first -- a 19-year-old man his niece knew who had been placed on the transplant list living on dialysis. After the transplant, the teen’s in early 2016, he was a status family threw a cookout for Reids in Dakota’s honor.

1B; sick enough to need a But the most poignant moment since Dakota’s transplant, but well enough passing happened just recently. It came by way of a to live at home. For his package, sent from Massachusetts. family, everything changed.

Reid broke down in tears as he opened the special “When you’re waiting, gift he received in the mail: a teddy bear that played it’s like you’re living on his late son's heartbeat. eggshells,” Cossette said.

The gift came from Bob; the recipient of Dakota’s “The minute you get the call heart. The Massachusetts man, who had been on life [that an organ is available], support after a heart condition suddenly worsened, you have to be ready. I used was given a second chance at life when he received to stay up at night because I the heart transplant. To show his gratitude, he taped was afraid the call would in his heartbeat during an annual checkup and put the recording in a Build-a-Bear dressed in a shirt that said the middle of the night, and I wouldn’t hear it.”

"Best Dad Ever."

Still, she wanted Carlos Sometimes, when he’s thinking of his son, Reid to have as normal of a will press the bear’s paw and listen to the heartbeat. childhood as possible. She It reminds him of the gift Dakota gave to so many encouraged his goofy and families. playful personality and “I want people to know how powerful it is to give fought for him to have a the gift of life. It allows God to heal and comfort you. one-on-one nurse so he could It brings you peace and closure,” he said. “My son is a Carlos Rolon and his mom Sheena Cossette in the lobby of Boston Children’s go to kindergarten. Last hero, and through a miracle, he lives on.”

Hospital. Caroline Gilbody Photography BAYSTATEPARENT 17

gets a heart meant I was praying for a little child to pass,” she said.

It helped, she said, to see a post on Facebook from another Worcester mom who lost her teenage son in a shooting and donated his organs.

“She said to people who received the organs, ‘please don’t feel guilty, my son is living through you,’” Cossette said.

She thinks of what she would tell someone faced with the decision of donating their child’s organs.

“It is the most selfless act. The most precious gift you could ever give is the gift of life,” she said. “Their child would be living through my son.”

A recipient For the Rescsanski family in Connecticut, the gift of life came not from loss.

Instead, they gained more than they could have imagined.

“My husband calls her Cal’s ‘liver mom,’” Beth Rescsanski said of Andrea Alberto, who was a stranger to the family when she donated a piece of liver to the Rescsankis’ then-11-month-old son Callum last year.

In turn, Alberto’s children Jack and Ben refer to Cal as their “liver brother.”

For the first year of his life, little Cal never knew what it was like to not be sick. Born with biliary atresia, a rare disease of the liver and bile ducts that occurs in infants, he endured major surgery when he was just one month old.

At six months, doctors decided he needed a new liver, and Cal was placed on the transplant list. While some transplants can be done using the organs from a deceased person, Callum needed a piece of a living organ in order to give his liver the chance to regenerate. A child's liver can regenerate into a normal size within just a few weeks.

A new mom looking for guidance and support, Rescsanski had been sharing much of her journey on a Facebook group for moms even before she knew Callum was sick. As fate would have it, Alberto, a single mother who lived a couple hours away in Medfield, Massachusetts, was part of the group, too.

After seeing that Cal was in need of a live donor, Alberto was among 100 moms who offered to be screened as a potential donor. She was a perfect match.

Cal would need just a piece of Alberto’s liver, but still, it was a weighty decision. Last fall, Rescsanski and Alberto, two moms connected only by social media, went out to dinner to discuss moving forward with the lifesaving transplant.

“We didn’t want to put a lot of pressure on the situation, we just wanted to do what felt right,” said Rescsanski.

But Alberto always knew that organ donation was something she was willing to do.

“I think that people think it takes someone special, or different, to do this. But anyone can,” she said. “I like to think that if it was one of my kids in need, someone would step up.”

18 APRIL2020

Andrea Alberto visits her sons while recovering from surgery.

But what Alberto did was pretty special. In September, she left her two sons, ages 5 and 8, and traveled to New Haven, Connecticut for surgery.

In his own 10-hour surgery, Cal received a slice of Alberto’s liver.

In the months since the transplant, Rescsanski has watched her baby flourish. No longer jaundiced, his skin is healthy and rosey. No longer sick, he toddles around, as giggly and inquisitive as any other 15-month-old.

Naturally, the moms have forged a friendship, and their families have become close. They chat regularly and have visited each other’s homes. They are both passionate advocates for organ donation.

"If you are open to the idea of donation, get more information," Alberto said. "You don't need to wait until it's a family or friend who needs an organ; odds are, they never will. But someone else's loved one already does need your organ.”

Post-surgery, Alberto took to Facebook to express what the experience meant to her.

“They tell you in donor evaluation that you, the donor, don't 'get' anything out of donation. Looking back … I disagree,” she wrote. “My liver couldn't have asked for a better home. It's going to go to Kindergarten and learn to drive a car. It will get to eat lots of birthday cake and play sports and go to the prom. How lucky is that liver? And honestly, it has never looked cuter. I can't wait to see the places Cal takes it.”

What potential donors should know If you’ve ever thought about organ donation, know this: anyone can be a potential donor regardless of age, race or medical history. You can sign a donor card, state your wishes on your driver’s license, or register through Donate Life (donatelife.net).

Adults can also be living donors, choosing to donate a kidney, bone marrow, or part of their liver to someone in need.

Teenagers ages 15 to 17 may register their intent to be an organ, eye and tissue donor while registering for a driver’s license.

But what about children?

Perhaps we miss an opportunity to talk about organ donation when kids aren’t sick. Many families, like the

Alberto with her sons Jack and Ben, visit with Beth and Cal Rescsanski. Facebook photo; Caroline Gilbody Photography Reids, only begin thinking about it after an unspeakable tragedy. Then, parents are presented with a huge decision in the worst moment of their lives.

“It is intimidating to discuss organ donation with children and family members,” said Dr. Blume. “Talking about organ donation at the dinner table while everyone is healthy allows for the discussion and decisions to be made as an everyday decision.”

While organ donation among kids and teens is an understandably difficult topic to broach, parents’ misconceptions may further complicate the process.

According to a 2018 study by C.S. Mott Children’s

Facts for Donate Life Month April is Donate Life Month. Here are some facts about organ transplants and needs: • Most children under the age of 1 are waiting for a liver or heart transplant • Most children ages 1–5 are waiting for a kidney, heart, or liver transplant • Most children ages 5–10 are waiting for a kidney transplant • Most children ages 11–17 are primarily waiting for a donor kidney transplant; followed by donor liver or donor heart • When a potential donor is under the age of 18, the parent or legal guardian always has to authorize the donation • An average of 68 organ transplants are performed every day in the United States • About three-quarters of all live donors are relatives of their recipient, most commonly a brother or sister • On average, 106 people are added to the nation's organ transplant waiting list each day - one every 14 minutes.

Hospital, parents of younger children are less than comfortable with organ donation. Only 17% of parents of children 0-14 years said they would like to learn more about organ donation. About half of parents reported major concerns about whether their child would get all treatment options in a life-threatening situation.

Other concerns were not knowing if they could decide which of their child's organs would be used for transplant, and the potential cost of organ donation.

Few parents said their religion did not support organ donation, while 6 percent of parents said their only major concern was that they just didn't want to think about organ donation.

"It is important for parents to know that registering their child as an organ donor will not negatively affect medical care in any way, nor would their child experience any pain," said Dr. Gary Freed, co-director of the study. "There is also never a cost to the donor's family for organ donation."

Dispelling misconceptions could help parents feel more at ease with discussing the uncomfortable topic, he said.

“We may benefit from a national, organized mechanism for parents to gain information regarding organ donation,” Freed said.

Parents can learn more about the subject at donatelife.net or unos.org.

The impact In 2018, more than 1,800 children received life-saving transplants, matched from over 800 pediatric organ donors. While the donors ranged in age from newborns to 17, most were between 11 and 17 years old — though in 2018, more than 100 pediatric organ donors were babies under the age of 12 months.

Additionally, every year, thousands of pediatric cornea and tissue donors help restore sight and save and heal lives.

Each number represents a child getting a chance at life.

“We should highlight the message of ‘gift of life’ of our organs once we do not need them anymore,” said Dr. Blume.

BAYSTATEPARENT 19

very

special people

What happens next?

BY EILIANIE M. ALVELO

Y

our child is on the autism spectrum.

The diagnosis is life altering for parents, siblings, grandparents, and everyone else in your child’s immediate life.

You are not alone. Autism is common, and in one way or another, we all know of someone who has been diagnosed with ASD. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that one in 59 children have ASD and it is four times more prevalent in boys than girls.

Still, as prevalent as it may be, it can be difficult to know where to start or what you can do to help your child when you first get the diagnosis. Here’s a guide to the first steps.

After diagnosis The best place to start is the diagnostic report. The pediatrician who diagnosed your child will help direct your first steps by providing their recommendations for treatment. The pediatrician’s report essentially serves as a “road map” for your family.

The pediatrician will list the treatments that would be beneficial for your child based on the skills that were observed during the assessment. Among these, some recommendations are speech therapy, occupational therapy, and applied

20 APRIL2020

Autism

Your child has been diagnosed with

behavior analysis (ABA).

Most families have heard of the first two therapies. ABA is an evidence-based approach that uses the principles of how learning takes place to teach skills that will increase your child’s abilities in the areas of self-care, communication, social interactions, and play skills. ABA can also work to help decrease challenging behaviors that may interfere with learning and daily life skills.

Finding service providers The best way to find the services that your pediatrician recommends is through the Early Intervention (EI) program. If your child is not part of an EI program, you can visit the Massachusetts Early Intervention Division website at www.mass.gov/ orgs/early-intervention-division and find a certified EI program. The process is as easy as calling the number 1-800-905-8437, and anyone can make a referral (a doctor, teacher, parent, friend, etc.).

Your EI coordinator will help you navigate a list of providers for the services that your child needs. It is recommended that you interview or meet with three to five different providers before making a decision.

Each provider will conduct an intake and give you an overview of the services that are available for your child.

Provider intake sessions Coordinating intake sessions (interviews) with service providers is your next step. Each service provider will give you an overview of who they are and what they offer. Ensuring a good match for your child can really only be determined by getting

acquainted with each service provider.

Observe their interaction. How well did the provider interact with your child? How well did your child interact with the provider?

The intake session is a great opportunity to ask the questions that are important to you and start learning about the different service providers. Also, asking questions during these intakes will make you feel empowered to start your journey as your child’s “voice.” There are some questions that you might consider asking.

How soon can services start? ASD has become a common diagnosis. Many providers face the challenge of not having enough staff to meet increased demand for services, which means there may be a delay in starting direct care services. Additionally, not all providers will be able to provide services within the schedule that works for the family. For example, you might be looking for services in the evening after you get home from work, which is a very popular time of the day for sessions. Children who go to a full day school program can only receive in-home ABA services at that time, so there might be a longer wait time for that time slot. Don’t get discouraged. Your child can start with as few as four hours per week and then increase their time with a provider when staff becomes available.

The most important thing is to start services as soon as possible.

What is the process for starting services? Even though your child has already been assessed by a doctor, a Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA) must also conduct an assessment. After a service provider is selected, the BCBA will request an authorization from the insurance to

conduct an initial assessment.

This assessment is not meant determine whether your child has autism not, but rather to identify what your child can do. Based on your child’s performance levels, an individualized treatment plan will be developed and submitted to the insurance. Once the initial treatment plan is approved by the insurance (which may take some time), services can begin.

What will happen when my child turns 3 years old? EI services end one day before a child turns 3, which means that everything that a child receives through the program will be discontinued.

However, many insurance companies cover ABA services and the BCBA will help the family transition from EI to insurance-based ABA services. Sometimes, there is a waiting list for this type of service, which is why is important to ask providers how they transition from one program to the other.

Find out upfront if this continuation of services is available so there is no gap and your child may make this transition with ease.

What are the qualifications of the staff who will be working with my child? A BCBA must have a Master’s degree and a Registered Behavior Technician (RBT) needs to pass a comprehensive exam. In order to maintain this certification, RBTs need continuous supervision by a BCBA. Make sure that your insurance offers ABA coverage.

Many insurance companies do not cover ABA services unless they are provided by, or overseen by, a BCBA. What will my role be in my child’s treatment sessions? Learn strategies to help you carry over what is taught during the session.

Every now and then (and especially when the BCBA is present), you can sit and watch the sessions and ask questions about programming.

BCBAs will also conduct parent training sessions where you will learn about the basic principles of behavior analysis and how you may use these principles outside of the therapy sessions. In this way, you are helping your child to generalize skills across time, people, and settings. The more opportunities your child gets to practice a particular skill, the more likely he or she is going to master it and move on to something else.

Additionally, you will be part of the treatment planning process by sharing with your provider what skills you would like to see your child learn. Although your BCBA

will be able to identify appropriate goals through the assessment process, you can also share what you would like your child to be able to do. For example, parents often mention that they would like to see their child increase communication, sleep through the night, eat more foods, and use the bathroom independently. These are all behavioral areas in which an ABA program can help improve.

Will you help us navigate special education services and Individualized Education Program (IEP) meetings with us?

Your BCBA can give a professional opinion on how to work together

toward similar goals. As your child gets closer to his or her third birthday, it is appropriate for your school team members and the members from your in-home ABA and Early Intervention team to collaborate, as it ensures consistency.

For example, if there is a behavior that you’re trying to decrease, make sure everyone is responding in the same manner so that it is consistent for your child.

After your intake with the service provider is complete and you’ve asked all of the above questions, take some time to evaluate your meeting. How did they make you feel? Is there a

connection? How many hours can they provide?

Making a decision Review your notes after meeting with all the service providers and think about who is the best match for your child’s needs. Ask other parents who have been through this process what factors influenced their decision and how satisfied they are with the services that they received from their provider.

Lastly, familiarize yourself with community resources such as Autism Speaks by visiting their website autismspeaks.org, as well as the Massachusetts Division

of Health’s website mass.gov/ autism-resources-for-families. By learning all that you can, you’ll be the best advocate for your child.

Eilianie M. Alvelo, M.A., BCBA, LABA was born and raised in Comerío, Puerto Rico, and moved to Western Mass. in December 2008 after her family struggled to find treatment for her nephew with autism.

She is a Behavior Analyst based in the Springfield office of Behavioral Concepts (BCI). BCI provides Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) services to children diagnosed with ASD and their families throughout Massachusetts.

BAYSTATEPARENT 21

DISCONNECT RECONNECT TO

Why you should make your next family vacation a digital detox

T

BY JOAN GOODCHILD

ext messages, emails, and social media check-ins seem to go everywhere with us these days thanks to smartphones and mobile devices.

This includes vacations, where snapping photos and sharing them with friends on Facebook or Instagram has become the norm.

But as devices increasingly invade almost all parts of our daily lives, taking a vacation can also mean taking a total break from your electronics.

Lafe Low, a dad based in Franklin, said his love for outdoor adventure naturally prompts him to get “off grid.”

“When I head out with the boys, the environment weeds out the devices. The devices don’t last long camping deep in the woods, hiking in the mountains, or skiing when it’s too cold to take your gloves off!” he said.

But for others, vacationing with family and without digital distraction is a more intentional effort.

“Go to a remote island. Do not get your kids the cellular travel pass,” says Grovelandbased dad Michael Wood.

“Works well for us.”

Enter the digital detox vacation; an experience that means electronic devices are not allowed and there’s no Wi-Fi 22 APRIL2020

access or cellular service. And it could have meaningful benefits both for family bonding and mental health. That’s because a Pew Research study finds 54 percent of US teens worry that they spend too much time on their phones, and 52 percent have taken steps to cut back on their phone use.

Perhaps time away doing fun, low-tech or no-tech activities is the answer to that anxiety.

One small UK study found people visiting rural destinations who disconnected from technology for more than 24 hours reported they had learned more about sights, places and beaches because they were forced to talk to other travelers, especially locals, instead of relying on their device.

“Many also pointed out that they were much more attentive and focused on their surroundings while disconnected, rather than getting distracted by incoming messages, notifications or alerts from their mobile apps,” the study’s author notes.

If the idea of a no-tech vacation sounds enticing, fortunately, there are many hotels, resorts and other vacation destinations that are willing to help you and your family disconnect. Sandy Island, a family vacation camp in Lake

Winnipesaukee, invites families to stay with them for a week at a time and enjoy meals, activities and what staff refer to as “just good old-fashioned fun.” That means fun without a phone, like card games, campfires, and canoe rides.

“Simply by the fact that there is horrible reception at Sandy, it becomes easier to disconnect,” said Kate Lemay, executive director of Sandy Island. “We also have a tech policy to discourage public phone and computer use.

Campers feel strongly that this is a great place to get away from technology. We do have a very small circle of Wi-Fi around our camp office. But by the nature of our type service it is slow and difficult to work on.”

While leaving the Wi-Fi behind may sound daunting to many tech addicts, Lemay says the feedback is overwhelmingly positive.

“They love it,” said Lemay.

“Some folks that are newer campers ask for service, but the majority are big fans.

Parents are seeking ways to give kids a break from devices,

and this helps. We have discussed this as a community and even if we could get better service, campers like that

the environment is tech light.

They like the simplicity and forced digital detox.”

Digital detox family breaks

are becoming a popular choice for families. Other local hotels are getting in on the trend.

The Element Boston Seaport

Digital detox vacation; an experience that means electronic devices are not allowed and there’s no Wi-Fi access or cellular service. And it could have meaningful benefits both for family bonding and mental health.

District offers an unplugged experience in the city. The hotel’s Disconnected Stay Package allows guests to turn in their mobile devices upon check-in and they are locked away for the duration of the stay. To encourage no-tech fun, the hotel offers free area activities and access to a park near the property.

For parents who want an experience with older kids, Canyon Ranch in Lenox offers digital detox accommodations and services for teens ages 14-17.

But a digital detox vacation does not even require a trip to a hotel or resort. Try staying home and setting up a blanket fort in the living room and enforcing a “no device” rule inside. Bring in books, magazines, puzzles and cards.

Turn off notifications on any phones, wearables and other devices for an entire weekend.

Or better yet, put all phones in airplane mode. Before you know it, you‘ll be enjoying the kind of vacation fun we had as kids -without any annoying dings!

BAYSTATEPARENT 23

Bites

Food for

Thought

11 clever ways parents can deal with

PICKY EATERS

Expert advice to end the mealtime struggle

BY JANELLE RANDAZZA, USA TODAY

I

t happens to the best of us: We think we are raising adventurous eaters and then, sometime around age 2 or 3, all bets are off, and the kid who would eat whatever you spooned into their mouths is suddenly subsisting on chicken nuggets and pizza; and you’re making two dinners every night.

You might not know how it happened, but there are ways to change course to make mealtimes a bit more manageable. If you suspect your child may have sensory issues or may be turning up their nose due to an allergy, consult your pediatrician. If it’s more of a battle of wills, here are 11 pieces of expert advice to help tame the mealtime torture.

1. Share responsibility The first tip is the hardest, but it’s also the most liberating.

Registered dietitian and family therapist Ellyn Satter is a recognized expert on feeding children.

Satter coined the term that you’ll hear from almost any dietician, cook, or feeding expert: “division of responsibility.” That philosophy means that you, as a parent, are responsible for the what, when, and where of feeding, but children are responsible for the how much and whether of eating.

It can feel like a scary a tip to follow, but Natalie Digate Muth, a dual board-certified pediatrician, registered dietitian, and the author of five books on the subject of feeding children, including “The Picky Eater Project: 6 Weeks to Happier, Healthier Family Mealtimes,” says it is the most important. “If they don’t eat we get worried about nourishment and cave. They feel like they can hold out until they get what they want,” she says, and that’s when kids gain control over the power dynamic.

If you want to take the struggle out of mealtimes, every expert we spoke to said the same thing: You make the dinner but let kids

24 APRIL2020

choose the portions and what part of dinner will be on their plate.

That might mean that your child is eating mounds of sweet potatoes and bread and butter for a few days straight, but we are playing the long game here. Eventually, they will come around.

2. Don’t be a short-order cook Make one meal and stick to that. Sally Sampson, founder and president of ChopChop: The Fun Cooking Magazine for Families and a James Beard Award-nominated cookbook author says that doesn’t mean you should put out a tray of sushi and call it a night. “Part of the responsibility is also making supportive choices. Find a few meals the whole family will eat.”

3. Allow for choice Muth says taking the “mid-zone” authoritative approach is the best approach when it comes to getting a kid to try new foods—or anything new for that matter. “Let them know that you aren’t going to cave, but don’t force them either. Parents set up the structure but the kids should feel like they have a choice,” she says. “Their choice though, is only to say ‘no’ to a dish—not to have you make a whole other dinner.”

Time and time again studies show that kids prefer foods that they aren’t forced to eat. That doesn’t mean you don’t ever make challenging foods, but Muth says that it’s important to give a little encouragement without forcing.

“Offer something they may think they don’t like, and do it often.”

She says you can simply say, “Try it. It’s pretty good,” but if they say no, leave it at that and move on. It takes the drama out of mealtime.

“Parents have a lot of concern and tend to micromanage certain things. We are very invested in what our kids eat. If they refuse to, then we want them to eat and we give in.” She says to be clear that their choice lies in being able to eat or not eat what is served, but there

won’t be an option for something else.

4. Stop the constant snacking Chips with lunch at school, crackers in the car, yogurt after school. According to a study at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, snacking in children has increased dramatically from one snack a day in the late ‘80s to three snacks a day today. Kids are snacking around the clock and it’s hurting their eating habits. A few slices of apple after school are fine, but our kids are snacking more than ever before, so it’s little wonder they aren’t in the mood to try new foods. “A full stomach isn’t an adventurous stomach,” says Sampson. If you want a kid to try new foods, Sampson recommends letting them come to the table hungry. From a kid’s perspective, broccoli tots to a full stomach is mom trying to coax more veggies into them—but on an empty stomach they can be a delicious cheese-filled side dish.

5. Clean the pantry On the subject of snacks, if you have a picky eater, it’s probably time to overhaul your pantry. If your kids have processed go-tos to fill their stomach, that’s all they are ever going to eat. Once those Goldfish crackers are gone, don’t replace them. Keep your snack shelf minimal. Only fill it with snacks you’d be okay with your kids replacing dinner with: nuts, apple sauce, fruit pouches, and dried fruits are a good start.

James Beard Award semi-finalist and “Top Chef” alum Carl Dooley, executive chef at The Table at Season to Taste in Cambridge, says this rule also applies to alternative dinner options. “We intentionally never have a lot of food in our house, so

when we say ‘this is dinner,’ it’s understood there’s no secret pizza in the freezer,” he says.

What that means is he has a 3-yearold that will eat almost anything that gets put in front of her, and a 1-year-old that is learning to follow suit.

6. Let them play with their food As a kid, I was an expert at picking out any and all onions from every meal and pushing my food around on my plate until it looked like I had eaten just enough to be able to leave the table. Didn’t we all do that?

As it turns out, both skills are pretty good ones to have. Muth says a kid who picks through their food may eventually eat the offending object and learn to like it. “As foods are more familiar and offered multiple times, taste buds change,” she says. It can take up to 15 times for a kid to like a previously rejected food. Picking around an offending vegetable taught us that we could dislike one part of a meal but eat the rest. Keep those onions, or mushrooms, or whatever food your child is turning up their nose at in the dish. They may be picking onions out until they are 16 (sorry, Mom)—or they may never come around—but if they never want an onion in their food again that’s something they can decide when they have their own kitchen.

7. Get them involved You’re going to hear it time and time again: If you want a kid to eat, get them involved. Let them pick out vegetables at the grocery store. If your kid doesn’t like any vegetables, then just tell them to help you find the best-looking ones.

Eventually they may wonder why bell peppers come in so many colors and opt to try an orange one.

Get them in the kitchen, too. The kitchen is actually a pretty amazing

chemistry lab and workshop—treat it like one! Our son’s interest in cooking increased when we gave him cool tools to do it with. While any child would probably rather play with Star Wars figures than help their mother in the kitchen, tempting them with “toys” that may otherwise be contraband is a great way to entice them and get them interested in cooking. And if they are interested in cooking they may start to be more interested in tasting.

8. Get them talking about food Of course, we all try to keep screen time at minimum, but if you make food part of your family’s entertainment culture, it can help shift perspective. Watch cooking shows with your kids, or show them cool pictures in cookbooks. MasterChef Junior can be a revelation when it comes to getting kids excited about food. It’s funny and entertaining and they are seeing kids just like them show enthusiasm for food and excitement about being in the kitchen. Watching cooking shows with your kids not only makes them understand what goes into cooking (so when you say, “Mommy isn’t a short-order cook,” they understand) it gets them understanding that food can be more than just an annoying inconvenience that takes them away from play time.

9. Start small It’s not your fault your kid is a picky eater. Picky eating is an evolutionary phenomenon. We are hard-wired to be picky eaters from about age 2 to age 6. While it’s tempting to want to go from having the most persistently picky eater in the neighborhood to a food connoisseur, that’s unlikely to happen for most children (or adults, for that matter)—at least not right away.

Remember: one bite at a time.

Set mini-goals for your family.

You won’t reform your picky eater overnight; instead look for small changes and enjoy the tiniest of victories. Maybe get your child to be more accustomed to sauces by

starting them in a small receptacle on a plate and let the sauces slowly find their way mixed into a meal over time. Maybe get them to try one new vegetable a week. Start with tiny goals and celebrate accomplishing them. This is a long-distance run, not a sprint.

10. Sit down as a family Whether we like it or not, our children are learning to either love food or hate it from us, so we’re not sending a great message when we throw a dish of hot dogs on the table and get back on our laptops for work. Easier said than done, since many working parents—myself included—are prone to tossing processed foods on the table for the kids and then having dinner as a couple at 8 or 9 p.m.

A family sit-down dinner during the week can feel impossible but, our experts say, it doesn’t have to be. A tip would be to prepare a salad for dinner every night and, on the nights you really can’t have dinner with your children, just have that salad and offer that to your child with whatever else they are eating that night. A salad can be quick and it can vary: One night it can have chickpeas and boiled eggs on it, another night it can have pomegranate seeds and goat cheese. The point is, a salad can offer new tastes and textures, even if the main course is a processed or

packaged standby.

Sampson says that sharing mealtimes doesn’t require cloth napkins and four courses. It’s OK to throw some quick quesadillas on the table just to get everyone fed before bedtime: Just maybe fill the quesadilla with spinach and black beans one night and red beans and cactus another night. You can model choice by only taking one slice and loading up on salad, while letting your child choose whichever portion size of each works for them. “It’s OK for your child to have more of what they like and only a few bites of what they don’t,” says Sampson.

1. Don’t let dessert be a reward All of the experts we spoke to said to never use dessert as a way to get a child to eat their dinner. By doing that, they say, you are essentially saying that the food on their plate is as “yucky” as they claim it to be, and that the only food worth eating is dessert. Let dessert be something simple, like fruit with whipped cream on it, and never make it a form or bribery or currency. “The goal is not to get kids to eat more foods but to get them to like them. If they need a reward to eat a wonderful meal you’ve prepared they’re not learning a life skill to make them healthy eaters,” says Sampson.

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The Best-Ever Carrot Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting Ingredients 2 ½ cups flour 1 tsp baking soda 2 tsp baking powder ½ tsp salt ½ tsp ground cloves ½ tsp ground ginger ½ tsp ground nutmeg ½ tsp pumpkin pie spice 1 ½ tsp ground cinnamon 1 cup vegetable oil 1 /3 cup granulated sugar 1 1/4 cups packed brown sugar 4 large eggs (at room temperature) 1 ½ tsp pure vanilla 2 cups grated carrots (about 3 large carrots) 1 cup crushed pineapple (drained) ½ cup shredded coconut (optional) 1 cup chopped walnuts Cream cheese frosting 8 ounces cream cheese (softened) ½ cup butter (softened) 3 1/4 cups confectioners sugar 1 tsp pure vanilla

Directions Preheat oven to 350 degrees and grease a 13x9 inch glass pan.

In large bowl, whisk flour, baking powder, baking soda and all spices. Set aside.

In another large bowl, whisk oil, eggs, brown sugar, white sugar, and vanilla. Pour the wet ingredients into the dry and mix until well combined.

Fold in carrots, nuts, coconut and drained pineapple.

Spread batter into pan. Bake 45-55 minutes. Cake is done when toothpick in center comes out dry. If cake browns too much on top, loosely cover with foil. Allow to cool completely on a rack for one hour before frosting.

Bites

goose’s

goodies 26 APRIL2020

For the frosting In large bowl or stand mixer, beat cream cheese and butter until smooth. Beat in vanilla, add powdered sugar and beat on high for about two minutes.

Cover and refrigerate any leftover cake.

Laurie Silva Collins, known affectionately as Goose by her grandkids, is a nurse, mother and grandmother who is happiest when she’s in the kitchen, cooking and baking for those she loves. She learned to cook from her parents, and has perfected her recipes over the years while raising three daughters… and spoiling seven grandchildren.

For children with autism, a trip to the dentist can be overwhelming This program is helping to ease anxiety

BY JOAN GOODCHILD

R

aquel Yzaguirre, a Natick mom of a son with autism, knows all too well the stress of taking a child with ASD to the dentist. Her son, Malcolm, has never liked having his teeth checked, but as he grew older, it became increasingly more difficult at visits.

“He wouldn’t relax into the chair,” said Yzaguirre. “He screamed, his body would get stiff and tears ran down his face. The dentist instructed me to sit in the chair first and then I had to wrap my arms and legs around him to control his body. It was a sweaty, stressful mess. Something about the lights, the sounds and maybe even the smell got to him.”

Malcolm’s experience is not unusual for kids with ASD. Today, approximately one in 59 children in the U.S. is diagnosed with ASD, according to 2018 data from the Centers for Disease Control. And many children with ASD, like Malcolm, experience some level of anxiety about going to the dentist.

That’s where the Autism Smiles program at Tufts School of Dental Medicine comes in. Autism Smiles offers kids with ASD an opportunity to visit the dentist office and get familiar with the tools and the environment before going in for an actual treatment.

“The aim is to improve the dental experience for those with Autism Spectrum Disorder and the parents and caregivers,” said Martha Forero, assistant professor of pediatric dentistry. “They come to the appointment and we introduce different components of the dental office so they can prepare themselves for future appointments at their dental home.”

Some of those preparations include showing kids the equipment pieces that are used in a typical visit, like syringe and water suction tips, for example.

“We use a technique called tell, show and do,” said Kathryn Dolan, assistant professor of public health and community service at the dental school.

Autism Smiles was launched after a group of first-year dental students conceived the idea and presented it as a final project.

Inspired by the concept, faculty and staff from Tufts Department of Public Health and Community Service and the Department of Pediatric Dentistry first organized a pilot program last year that was successful. The school held another clinic this past February and more are planned for the future.

Autism Smiles is modeled on Logan Airport’s Wings for Autism program, where children can visit an airplane before taking a flight.

“We want them to feel like there is no time pressure,” said Dolan.

“We become familiar with the parents and develop the relationship before they even come in for an actual appointment.”

Participants leave with a dental toolkit to bring home to continue the work of gaining comfort and familiarity. The toolkit has story book caregivers can read to kids, and sensory items they can bring to an appointment. It also includes a stuffed toy bear and children can “practice” brushing the bear’s teeth.

For Lorraine Scanlon, a Walpole mom of 6-year-old Jacob, it has been a very positive experience.

Jacob has an eating disorder and ASD and does not like anything in his mouth, said Scanlon.

“Going to the dentist was always off the table before,” she said.

Scanlon and Jacob attended the Autism Smiles clinic in February and have made remarkable progress with Jacob’s comfort level with caring for his mouth.

“Since then I have had more success brushing teeth than I have before,” said Scanlon. “All the tools they give you in the bag help. He still talks about the visit and he brushes his bear’s teeth and now we can brush his teeth.”

Jacob has his first real dental appointment next month, and Scanlon hopes it will be the beginning of many more in the future.

“That’s our ultimate goal; to get him in there and have a long term plan so he can have healthy teeth.”

carolinegilbody@hotmail.com www.carolinegilbodyphotography.com Instagram: @Caroline.Gilbody Facebook: Caroline Gilbody Photography

BAYSTATEPARENT 27

Mister Rogers said to

‘look for the helpers.’

Here’s how to help amid coronavirus panic

BY JOSHUA BOTE

T

hese are trying times.

Tensions are running high because of the coronavirus pandemic, which has left thousands dead and more than hundreds of thousands sick worldwide. Grocery store shelves have emptied, schools have closed and officials are urging many to stay inside.

In times of crisis, a timeless quote from the late Fred Rogers tends to emerge again and again on social media: "Look for the helpers."

His mother reminded him to find these people in times of tragedy and anxiety, and it continues to ring true because of the man who made the comment.

28 APRIL2020

"You can always find people who are helping," he said. Fred Rogers died in 2003.

As the impact of the ongoing coronavirus pandemic continues to shape Americans' daily lives – affecting how, when and where we work, if at all, getting sick or anxious from the seemingly endless deluge of bad news; worrying if our families are affected – it's easy to feel like your individual actions may not matter in the grand scheme of things.

But consider being a good neighbor – and help your community. It can help alleviate any feelings of helplessness you may face as the virus continues to spread worldwide. Here's how to make an impact in your

livelihood, and community with that a few tangible “When I was a boy and I ensuring your favorite actions: would see scary things businesses Donate money. Plenty in the news, my mother stay open in run. of organizations would say to me, "Look theBelong kind and charities – for the helpers.” You to people those in your will always find people working. A community, as little kindness well as those that who are helping.” can go a long serve globally -Fred Rogers way. Don't – are looking take out your for monetary anxiety and support. Charity stress on someone working the Navigator has compiled a list cash register, or a pharmacist of trustworthy multinational looking to help you fill necessary charities to donate to, and prescriptions. They're trying to food banks, shelters and other help you out – and are dealing charities in your area certainly with hundreds of frazzled people. need financial aid. Beyond Donate resources. Barring that, there are plenty of people donations written in cash or struggling to make ends meet, check, donations in kind are with coronavirus affecting their employment, some of whom have always helpful. But make sure not to donate expired and old set up GoFundMe campaigns. nonperishables. Instead, check Tip extra. If you grab take in with your local food banks out, make sure to add a couple and shelters to see what items of extra bucks to your usual tip. they may need – and donate Not all service, health care and accordingly. retail workers have the privilege Here are some instances of of working from home – or even people exhibiting true kindness calling in sick. Also, business and generosity – being "helpers," may be slowing down wherever if you will – despite these trying you go out to eat or drink due to times. the coronavirus, so some cash goes a long way in ensuring their

BAYSTATEPARENT 29

A GOOD PARTY IS ALWAYS IN SEASON! Reach more than 80,000 readers each month with baystateparent’s Party Pages!

Contact Kathy Puffer to book your Party Page ad today!

Call 508-737-5653 or email kpuffer@gatehousemedia.com 30 APRIL2020

take eight

with ‘Kosmic Kelly’

When she slips on the white lab coat and rainbow wig, Fitchburg’s Kelly Lavoie transforms into a beaker wielding wizard. As Kosmic Kelly, the mom-of-two combines her backgrounds in biology, music and theater to make science cool - drawing kids in with interactive experiments and wacky, educational fun.

She’s been performing (and teaching) at libraries, classrooms and birthday parties for over a decade.

1.

Where did your love of science come from?

Was there a particular subject that got you hooked?

When I was a child I spent most of my time exploring the wilderness. I have always been curious about smaller habitats, particularly insects, and their role in our ecosystem. I chose to study Environmental Biology because I love life in all its forms.

2.

How did ‘Kosmic Kelly’ come about?

When my boys were little we would often visit library events. I would feel inspired to teach and entertain the children so I asked if I could volunteer.

The community was immediately supportive. And just like that, ten years have gone by! I now manage a business I love and I am part of an amazing network of parents, educators, and entertainers!

3.

What can someone expect at one of your science shows?

Expect to be entertained, educated, and enthused!

And, hopefully, enjoy your time.

4.

Clearly, you do this work to inspire an interest in science for kids. Have there been any reactions over the years that stand out to you?

It’s always a joy to see a child replicate an experiment I taught. I try to ensure that most of what I demonstrate can be done safely at home. Also, I love to make people laugh or do something completely unexpected and goofy. To see the expressions, for me, is one of the best parts of getting to do this. Sometimes, I think I am having the most fun!

5.

What is your favorite children’s book to read to your kids?

Tough question! There are so many great books. I would have to choose “Little Bear” and “Frog and Toad.” They were my favorite childhood books.

6.

What one “mom chore” would you forever outsource if you could?

Now this is an easy one. The bathroom!

7.

8.

What are some simple things can parents do to get their kids interested in science?

Spend time observing nature. Take something apart to see how it works. Ask a question, research a topic of interest, solve a puzzle or a problem, and create something new. Science is all around us.

What are your plans for the future as Kosmic Kelly?

My only affirmative plan is to continue to do what I love and be grateful for every opportunity! I do hope to incorporate more music and art, new stage show ideas, and ultimately I’d love to have a community space for after school programs, aka “The Kosmic Kids Club.”

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32 APRIL2020