With illustrations by
Jamie Smith
First published in 2021 in Great Britain by Barrington Stoke Ltd 18 Walker Street, Edinburgh, EH3 7LP www.barringtonstoke.co.uk This 4u2read edition based on The Genius Aged 8 1/4 (Barrington Stoke, 2016) Text Š 2016 & 2021 Jeremy Strong Illustrations Š 2016 Jamie Smith The moral right of Jeremy Strong and Jamie Smith to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in whole or in any part in any form without the written permission of the publisher A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library upon request ISBN: 978-1-78112-947-0 Printed by Hussar Books, Poland
This story is dedicated to everyone at Barrington Stoke. Firstly to congratulate them on winning the IPG Diversity Award and secondly because they let me write very silly stories like this one. I’m sure my teachers at school would never have allowed such things!
Contents 1.
What’s in a name?
2. Who’s a genius?
1 8
3. Too many teeth and
too little exercise
17
4. One way? No way?
It’s all the wrong way!
5. It’s war!
29 39
CHAPTER 1
What’s in a name?
Mrs Popple’s tummy was looking very big and round. “Have you eaten too many Jaffa Cakes?” Mr Popple asked. But Mrs Popple said no, she hadn’t. “Have you eaten too many chocolate buttons?” Mr Popple asked.
1
But Mrs Popple hadn’t. Mr Popple stared at his wife’s big tummy. “You must have eaten SOMETHING,” he told her. “Have you swallowed a cow?” “No.” “An elephant?” he asked. “NO!” “How about a tractor? A house? A mountain?” he said. “A forest? Africa! Have you eaten Africa?” “I don’t think so,” said Mrs Popple. “Maybe I ate something in my sleep.” Mr Popple’s eyes lit up. “Of course! That’s it! I bet you ate Africa when you were asleep.” Mrs Popple pulled a face. “Oooh! Whatever it is, it just moved. It kicked me.” 3
“Ah!” Mr Popple cried. “I know what it is! You must have eaten a footballer.” “Do you really think so?” Mrs Popple said. “I don’t remember eating a footballer.” “If it kicked you, it must be a footballer,” said Mr Popple. “Footballers are always kicking. That’s their job.” “Well, maybe you’re right,” Mrs Popple said with a sigh. But Mr Popple wasn’t right at all. He was very wrong, and later on that day they found out what was making such a big lump inside Mrs Popple’s tummy. It was a baby. The new parents looked at their child. “He’s rather squeaky,” Mr Popple said. “And squawky,” Mrs Popple said.
4
“And his face is very red,” said Mr Popple. Then the baby made a rather loud SPLURP! “Oh my!” said Mr Popple. “His bottom has just exploded.”
5
“Oh dear,” said Mrs Popple. “Pass me a clean nappy.” Mr Popple looked at Mrs Popple. He held his nose. “Don’t tell me you’ve—” “Don’t be daft!” Mrs Popple cried, and she turned very red. “The nappy isn’t for ME! It’s for the BABY!” “Oh!” Mr Popple said with a laugh. “Silly me.” They cleaned up the baby. The baby looked up at them. What was he thinking? Later that day, the midwife called in to see them. “Have you thought of a name for the baby?” the midwife asked. Mrs Popple smiled. “He’s called Squeaky Squawker Redface Splurp Bottom,” she said.
6
“Lovely!” said the midwife. “I do like a nice simple name.”
7