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Bandersnatch VOLUME 43, ISSUE 07 | BOVEMBER 20, 2013 | PUBLISHING SLANDEROUS FILTH SINCE 1971

See p.7


CAMPUS LIFE

with Angela Brett

bandersnatchcampus@gmail.com

JACMUN has big fun at SSUNS! Kicking Off the Model United Nations Season

Gabriele Bavaro Staff Writer

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SUNS 2013 marked the first Model United Nations conference of the year for JacMUN –John Abbott Model United Nations — prepping up many of its new members for the conferences to come. The model UN experience allowed JacMUN members to learn how international treaties and documents are created, and how different peoples and nations negotiate with each other. It also educated members on contemporary and pressing issues. In some cases it helped shed light on ancient conflicts and how peoples from different periods of history behaved. The weekend was a thrilling and exciting one as each JacMUN member participated in a General Assembly, an ECOSOC committee, a specialized agency or a fast pace crisis committee. The extensive list of committees at SSUNS provided JacMUN members with an opportunity to learn about a diverse range of

subjects as they prepared for the conference. Committees that JacMUN members participated in were the Disarmament and International Security (DISEC) that discussed arms control and international security, the Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO), the World Summit for Children (WSC), the United Nations Alliance of Civilisations (UNAoC), which talked about encouraging dialogue, peace and understanding amongst the various cultures that make up our world, and the Internet Governance Forum which dealt with internet governance and policy and other issues relating to the internet. Some JacMUN members went into committees that took the idea of negotiations and compromise outside of the political sphere and applied it to real-life scenarios such as the European Public Health Alliance (EPHA) and the NFL committee which dealt with draft picks and managing a football team. Other members joined the high stakes crisis committees where negotiations

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BANDERSNATCH John Abbott College 21275 Lakeshore Road Sainte-Anne-de-Bellevue, Quebec, Canada H9X 3L9 Phone: (514) 457-6610 ext. 5389 Fax: (514) 457-6091 Office: H-041 Web: www.bandersnatch.ca bandersnatchpaper@gmail. E-mail:

com

Analisa Astorino Editor-in-Chief

Emma Sutherland Assistant Editor-in-Chief JACMUN at the awards ceremony, image courtesy of Jean-Michel Sotiron

take a secondary role to back stabbing and assassinations as each member fought each other for their character’s or nations goals. This year JacMUN joined the Punic Wars committee which propelled members into the heart of the terrible conflicts between Rome and Carthage and saw Senators manipulate events to accumulate supreme power. The Robin Hood committee which was a literary committee which had members tackle each other’s ambitions as well as the elusive Robin Hood himself. Last but not least was the joint war of 1812 committee which saw members try to defend Canada or conquer it

depending if you were on the American or Canadian side. Despite a powerful early advantage, the United States faced secession and crisis in its attempts to conquer the North while the Canadian side sought to take advantage of their southern neighbor’s preoccupations. The fast paced weekend ended in victory for JacMUN as they brought home to John Abbott two awards from two different committees. The Lester B. Pearson Award for Peace was granted to the delegate partaking in the Robin Hood Committee while the Book Award was given to the delegate in the Punic Wars Committee.

Angela Brett Campus Life Editor

Tessa Mascia News Editor

Dina Willis Entertainment Editor

Kenzy Abdel Malek Arts Editor

Caroline Houle Opinions Editor

Constantino Montelli Games Editor

Elaine Huang Science & Tech Editor

Aaron Rogers Procrasinator Editor

Position Open Sports Editor

Zachary Hirsch Production Manager

Brendan McGarry Webmaster

Breno Hölz Coscarelli Photography Manager

Natalie Helmy Front Page Manager

Emily Ciccia

Hello Abbotters, Now we are guessing that most of you have noticed the two handsome guys walking around with their lavish Neon Pink hair. Yes, those are your SUJAC Executives — Charles and Sebastian. Now for those of you who did not read our last Update, the Pink hair is a result of the ‘DYE SUJAC’ campaign in which SUJAC raised upward of $460 for Financial Assistance to help struggling students at John Abbott College. A wonderful salon in Pointe-Claire called HairRaisers donated the processing and hair dye to us.

In other news, we are still looking for an Abbott Mascot to promote more school spirit. Student Activities will be helping us out with the search by making it one of their questions for their ‘Night at the Movies’ Contest. If you have any suggestions, feel free to drop by the SUJAC Office at P-101 and give us your idea. The Top 5 suggestions will be taken and you will get a chance to vote for your favorite one. For those of you who catch the 419, we are conducting a survey to see the problems encountered with the bus. This includes the bus skipping your stop in the morning and having to wait for a third bus to finally

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get on. While we try to get data from the 419 lines, we also have these surveys in P-101 for you to complete. The more feedback we receive, the better we can analyze the situation. We know that John Abbott has a pretty safe campus but we want to know if the people who walk around campus, especially after our regular hours (8:30-5:30), feel safe. Now we know that we have been asking for a lot of feedback but our job is to make sure that everything is going well for you, the students. Also, here’s something you probably didn’t know already. Depending on the class, your teacher can allow you to write your final in

French but that is only if they feel comfortable reading in French. Seeing that we are entering the season of giving, we will be giving SUJAC mugs to the first 10 people who can name all five SUJAC Executives: President Vice-President Internal Vice-President Academic Vice-President Finance Vice-President External Bring your answers to P-101. We wish you good luck on your exams and papers and hope that you have a wonderful break from school and remember, don’t forget to be awesome.

Office Manager

B a n d e r s n at c h i s a s t u d e n t r u n alternative press at John Abbott College. It is published every two weeks and is partially funded by the Student Activities Commitee and by advertising solicited customers. Submissions are welcome and become property of Bandersnatch. Submissions must be sent via e-mail to bandersnatch@gmail. com and must be in Plain Text format (.txt) or Microsoft Word Document format (.doc). All submissions must include the full name and telephone number of the contributor, as well as the e-mail address if applicable. Bandersnatch reserves the right to reject submissions or to edit any submissions for length, legality, or clarity. Submissions should be a minimum of 350 words and a maximum of 650 words. Articles lower or above these parameters may be printed at the discretion of the executives. Spelling and grammar will not be corrected on submissions as it is the responsibility of the contributor to correct them. If you should have any questions or concerns, please contact us at our e-mail indicated above or visit us at the Bandersnatch office, located in the basement of Herzberg, room H-041 (across from the hallway entrance of The Oval).


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CAMPUS LIFE

letter from the Emma ANGELL WOODS Slanderbatch, Rob Ford, and Frozen Yogurt

Emma Sutherland Assistant Editor

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r i e nds, R omans, cou nt r y men! The end of the semester has once again approached at an alarming rate, leaving us gasping for air as we attempt to catch up before exams. Here at Bandersnatch, we’ve been working at full speed to bring you our final and hopefully our best issue of the semester. The resulting lack of sleep has led us to ponder some deep existential questions, which we have discussed at length in our stuffy, overheated production room. Will Rob Ford’s recent misbehaviour have an impact on the standards that we set for our future politicians? Is he a Canadian hero for lowering the bar so much for our youth? We know he has enough meat at

home, but should he not be focusing on a healthier, more fiber-filled diet? This issue also addresses many concerns that have occupied our minds since September. In fact, our cover art, created by Emma Pallay, eloquently expresses our overall feelings towards the administration: Just like our snappily-clad canine friend, we are thoroughly unimpressed. Firstly, we would like our Oval Café back, for our wifi to work and for our Munch Box coffee to be drinkable. As well, we are still miffed about the detour which we experienced back in October. However, we do feel comforted now that we understand this inconvenience (see Angela Brett’s article on page 8). Of course, the final issue wouldn’t be complete without Slanderbatch, a shenanigan-filled insert

Jorgia Sugleris Contributor

D which is published at the end of each semester. As per usual, we are offering a fond farewell to some of our staff who are at last being released from Abbott and moving on to greater things. On page 7, we commemorate their contributions through obituaries in which we mourn their departures. Slander also features its usual roundup of digs and mockeries. We hope you enjoy it as much as we enjoyed creating it! Cheers!

o you care about your planet? Angell Woods is the natural woodland located in the northwest corner of the City of Beaconsfield. This space is a haven for a variety of wildlife, as well as a refuge for the area’s wildlife enthusiasts. Unfortunately, as of the past few years, this place has become threatened. The amount of green space on the island of Montreal is scarce and is wistfully declining, being lost to development. Angell Woods is Montreal’s biggest contiguous woodgrove. It has been labeled as having “ecological interest’’ by the City of Montreal’s “Atlas des Bois’’, and the Ministry of Natural Resources claimed Angell Woods is an exceptional forest ecosystem. This beautiful forest is not only filled with Oak, Cedar, Birch, Hickory, Maple and many other beautiful trees, but it is the home

to endangered species such as the red-shouldered hawk, the Cooper’s hawk and the brown snake. Vast parts of the forest are treasured wetlands that are indispensable to the existence of flora and fauna. The City of Beaconsfield has previously explored projects involving the construction of several hundred homes where Angell Woods is situated. It is one of the few development sites left in the Western area of Montreal making it that much more vulnerable. This is a haven for various extraordinary and limited plants and animals. Preserve Angell Woods! We must protect and insure the responsible use of this land through awareness! You can make a difference by signing the online petition posted on your Omnivox Portal. Please sign this petition and share it via social network websites. Check out www.apaw.ca for more information on rallies and municipal meetings.

Student Success, is it important? Yes! Here’s the Deal with John Abbott’s Student Success Services Angela Brett Campus Life Editor

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t first glance, CEGEP might feel like a daunting, faceless institution. It might seem that if you’ve got a problem, the only one who can help you is yourself. However, while self-sufficiency is great, everyone could use a little help sometimes, and Anthony Haddad, with Student Success Services, is doing everything he can to provide that help. When I first met with Anthony for the purpose of this article, like many students, I wasn’t clear on what Student Success Services did. It turns out that, as the name suggests, they aim to ensure student success, with a focus on easing the transition from high school to

CEGEP. For instance, if this is your first semester, chances are you got a phone call earlier this year from a fellow student, as part of a phone-a-thon, organized by Anthony to make sure everyone knows where to get help, should they need it. First and foremost, Student Success is there to respond to your needs. If there’s something getting in the way of your success, Anthony is usually in his office, and would be glad to help refer you to the right service. The same thing goes if you have any questions or concerns about your education. If he can’t help you personally, he knows someone who can. Often, when a teacher suspects a student if having difficulties, the teacher will refer them to

Anthony. Finally, Anthony works with parents of students, to help them understand and adjust to the changes brought on by a new school. Some concerns you might go to Anthony with include: “How do I change programs?” (Go to the Registrar for this, by the way, and do it fast!) “I’ve missed a lot of classes unintentionally, what can I do?” and “I can’t keep up with my schoolwork and everything else going on in my life, how do I manage it all?” There’s really no wrong reason to go see him, because even if you’re in the wrong place, he’ll do his best to tell you where to go. In addition to seeing him in his office, which is on the first floor of Hertzberg, across from Student Activities, you can MIO Anthony

Anthony models his Movember ‘stache

Haddad, at any time, and he’ll do his best to answer you as quickly as possible. When asked what advice he’d give students as the end of the semester approaches, Anthony said that above all, you should make sure you get enough sleep, even as academic demands increase. Being

drained from all your commitments is not conducive to learning, so respect your body’s signs. A well-rested body is a sharper mind. And remember, even if you might feel like a small fish in a big pond, there are a lot of people who want to make sure you keep swimming.

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CAMPUS LIFE

Teacher Spotlight A Small Sample of John Abbott’s Finest

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t’s no secret that a great teacher can make the difference between struggling and sailing through a class. While all of JAC’s teachers are lovely, certain ones stand out as going above and beyond the call of duty.We asked our staff and a couple of our friends which of their teachers have really made a mark, and here’s what they said! David Austin — Humanities David’s probably one of the most chill teachers I’ve ever had. While I am not a Marxist, I would still recommend taking his class because his ability to properly articulate the historical context of Marxist thought make his lectures a very clear, in-depth look into the perspective of worker struggles. His class isn’t about preaching, but rather it is the study of worker conditions, human rights and power in society. Highly recommend taking his class if you love politics or history! (Or simply want a relaxed, chill teacher.) Tania Perez — Chemistry Tania constructs her lectures in ways that are easy to follow and extremely useful. She always has time for her students in office hours and is overall so helpful for anything, even if it isn’t chemistry-related. I recommend taking her class if you’re having a hard time in chemistry, as she will make things so much easier! Kieran Hackett — Physics Kieran isn’t just a good physics teacher. He’s not the greatest because he’s funny, or because he’s smart and nice and helpful. Indeed, he is all of those things and more, but what makes Hackett the best is that he knows how students learn. He’s not “easy.” People just do well in his classes because they understand, because he knows how to make you understand. He teaches mainly by example, and by problem solving, not by giving us boring lectures. If you EVER have the chance to take Kieran Hackett, don’t think twice. Do it. Brian Larade — Physics Brian’s a really great teacher, but also a really awesome person in general. I had him for Physics NYA. He really cares about the students’ needs, as well as their success. He ‘s always willing to help and answer

questions, not to mention he’s just really funny. His classes are the best because he makes his course content in the form of informative slides with personally computer drawn animation which are really, really hysterical. Of all the teachers I’ve had (and Im in my third semester) he stood out the most to me. He makes his lectures very interactive and fun. You can clearly see the his humour through his animations which, strangely enough, make you remember the course content really well! In the end really, if you want to have an amazing NYA Physics class that you’ll remember, have fun in, and really understand the content, I’d go for his class. You won’t be deceived! Lynda Gelston — Politcal Science Lynda’s an amazing professor for political sciences. Her method of teaching usually involves class discussions on current events, making her class much more engaging if you’re interested in politics. Probably the best part about Ms. Gelston’s class is the fact that she is very organized, and that, as long as you pay attention in class, you’re fully prepared for the test. You don’t even need the textbook, because she’s able to explain things so well with lecture. I highly recommend anyone who likes to politics to take her, as her class discussions are VERY interesting! Frederique Belzile — Digital media Frederique’s so hands on and helpful, giving just enough guidance for us to find our own way, but to also help us get the best grades possible. She’s always bouncy, fun, and just as willing to learn from us as she is to teach. Deborah Luny — Humanities Debby was my teacher for two semesters. No, I didn’t re-take a class: I had her for my first semester and gladly chose a class she was teaching the following semester. She’s very attentive towards her students and sits down with everyone to help them improve their writing, their critical thinking and even helps them manage their time. So, all in all, I’d like to thank Debby for teaching me how to value my opinion, and to effectively express it.

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Bruce Tracy shows off his fabulous ties | source: JAC site

Bruce Tracy — Physics Before our NYB lab exam, Bruce left out a bag of leftover Halloween candy and a Tupperware full of organic radishes for us to munch as we wait. He also brightens our day every time we see him, because he’s sporting a new fantastic tie. On a daily basis. Also, he’s pretty good at teaching and physics and stuff. But he’s mostly punderful. Carmen Bruneau — Patry - French If Carmen were a character in a novel, one would expect to find her partaking in violent tales of romance and intrigue, shooting one-liners as flippant as her hair and stomping on the hearts of innocent French lads with the heels of her leather boots. While her presence at John Abbott College may seem slightly unfitting for such a majestic creature, her words nonetheless hint at a swashbuckling lifestyle outside of the classroom, in which she throws humans from windows often enough to be entirely confident in her single combat skills. In Arts et Culture des Romantiques, she reconnects to her ancestral roots, sharing her rich heritage through teaching techniques which include prolonged visual exposure to the seductive smolder of John Malkovich, intimate storytelling sessions and the delivery of lectures accompanied by a purposeful and regal strut. Assignment instructions are as clear as the complexon of a young Dorian Grey, while grammar mistakes will know less mercy than Valjean at the hands of Javert. Though I remain slightly unconvinced that she is not a highly-trained French spy, she manages a convincing portrayal of a no-nonsense, knowlegeable and reasonable teacher.

Ask Alice I have no idea what to apply for in university and applications are next semester, what’s the best method to follow to make sure I get in the program that’s right for me? I highly suggest choosing a program that sparks your interest, one where you can see yourself making a career out of it in the future years that are to come. University may be a stressful time, however, thankfully many services are available at your beck and call. It is important that you go visit your preferred universities of choice in order to gain information about the various programs that interest you. If you’re still in a rut, I would speak to a career counselor in Student Services. Even if you realize that the program you’ve chosen does not fit nicely with your aspirations, school is a learning process. Never be afraid to change programs, for you’re much more likely to succeed in a program that you adore than in one you dread. Lately I’ve been so discouraged and stressed with school that I want to drop everything and quit. How can I motivate myself? Although school is a vital component to your adolescent life, your health should always come first. It is pertinent that you maintain a healthy diet by nourishing yourself with enough vegetables and hearty meals. Also, exercising even for 25 minutes a day is enough to reduce your stress and help you get a good night’s rest. I know of many students who neglect their health when it comes to studying, which will only hurt you in the end. I also suggest that you avoid thinking about “how” you’re going to get everything that has been accumulating on your ever-growing pile of work done. Don’t boggle yourself down with the logistics about how it’ll get done; you’re already wasting your time. Take advantage of this very moment and do something about it. Even if you write 5 lines in your 1000 word essay, you’re still closer to getting it done than you were before. Switch your mindset by actively visualizing yourself succeeding and set up daily objectives. Speak to friends who are going through similar situations in order to garner a support system. You are fully capable of unlocking your inner motivator once you dislodge your current attitude and strive for positivity and success.


NEWS

with Tessa Mascia

bandersnatchnews@gmail.com

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ford saga continues Toronto Mayor Continues to Embarass Gabriele Bavaro Staff Writer

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he saga of Mayor Rob Ford at Toronto city hall has all the trappings of a Simpson’s episode. The outrageous scandal has been gaining more and more attention with each passing day while reaching new levels of absurdity. At least one merchant has capitalized on the chaos and sold out on a limited edition Rob Ford bobble heads. The scandal continued as Rob Ford admitted on Wednesday November 13 that he had bought illegal drugs while in office while others accused him of partying with a prostitute according to the Toronto Star. Ford also admitted that he had driven while under the influence on numerous occasions which prompted a swift response from MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) which blasted the Mayor on his poor behavior. The next day, November 14, was in many ways the climax of the week as Rob Ford addressed reporters, informing them that he was taking legal action against

several of his former staffers. However it was when addressing remarks about being intimate with a former policy advisor that Rob Ford made his now famous comments which sent shockwaves through the media. One reporter was so stunned by the comments she said it was the most unexpected thing she has ever heard from a politician in her career as a journalist. The comment was the final straw for the provincial government of Ontario. The Premier Kathleen Wynne said that she is now willing to grant city council the power to sideline the mayor, a power they do not currently possess. To obtain this power councillors would have to make a formal request to the Provincial government and obtain the approval of the other Ontario Provincial parties: the NDP and Progressive Conservatives. Rob Ford has kept an alternating calm and angry mood throughout the crisis. In one moment he would speak calmly to reporters while in the next he would blast a reporter and respond

Source:globalnews.ca

sarcastically to her comments after she asked him about his drunk driving practices. His now famous bouts with reporters have even made it to YouTube. Anger over the scandals has spread far amongst Toronto’s citizens with many intermingling with the media to shout “Shame!” and “Resign!” at the Mayor. A new poll

showed many citizens of Toronto expressing their desire to vote for Olivia Chow in the next municipal elections while another poll showed Rob Ford and his brother’s popularity amongst voters plummet to record lows according to CTV News. On Friday November 15, city council stripped Ford’s powers to

act in a city emergency and eliminated his power to choose and replace his executive council. City council however still does not possess the power to fire the Mayor. Only time will tell if the Ford saga will finally reach its inevitable conclusion or if next week will bring more revelations and shocking comments.

clashes in bulgaria Student Rally Against Socialist Government Danielle Nadin Staff Writer

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ast Tuesday, Bulgarian students gathered in large numbers before the country’s parliament in Sofia, forming a human chain. What were they protesting exactly? The alleged corruption of a government that only just came to power in May. Students demand the party’s resignation and call for an early election. The Socialist government, led by Prime Minister Plamen Oresharski and holding a fragile majority, is accused of having ties with business groups and is nicknamed the “Red Mafia” by outraged citizens, alluding to the country’s communist past. Riot police violence has been reported. One victim told Euronews that an officer threatened to cut his face with a wrench, something that the police officer must have followed through with,

judging by the blood dripping from a cut near the young man’s eye as he spoke to reporters. Other occupiers were reportedly dragged away or beaten when they decided to lie in front of police vehicles to inhibit police intervention. Despite the dangers, students have been holding a sit-in behind the barricaded gates of Sofia University for three weeks now, and hope that this occupation will provoke a change. It has worked before: the previous centre-right minority government, GERB, was taken out of power due to protests. Professors are also fighting, trying to ensure that their pupils do not end up like “beggars with a higher education”, as one student explained it to AFP news agency. Twenty-four years ago, Bulgaria’s communist leadership was overthrown, and, in 2007, the nation became a member of the European Union. This junction appeared to be a terrific

opportunity for the country to thwart corruption and organized crime. It was expected that the economy would grow, which it did. But this growth was not steady or well-distributed. Those who benefited from it, especially the younger generation, sought to take advantage of the now openborders and immigrate to other countries in the EU, drawn to more prosperous economies. As a result, an aging, poorer population, those who were left behind, are what make up the majority of Bulgaria’s population, deterring the investors that could potentially pull this country from its economic slump. The average salary in Bulgaria is the lowest of all European nations, at 400 euros ($564 CAD), pensions coming up to an average of only 130 euros ($183 CAD). This is the vicious cycle protesters are trying to put an end to. Until the government can ensure a

Source: novinite.com

healthy economic growth, one that will promise jobs to students in university and encourage them to remain in Bulgaria to begin their careers, nothing will change. With such a chaotic start to its leadership, most analysts do not expect Orersharski’s party to remain in power for its full fouryear term. Both supporters and

opponents of the current government gathered by the tens of thousands to rally in Sofia this Saturday. Another rally held in Plovdiv was organized by supporters of the former leaders, GERB. Opinions are divided within Bulgaria, and this clashing threatens to deepen social differences as well.

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news

Typhoon strikes the philippines Filipinos in Urgent Need of Help Sierra Tartaglia Staff Writer

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n November 8th, what could be called the disaster of the year struck when Typhoon Haiyan hit the Philippines, killing thousands, injuring tens of thousands and leaving millions homeless. According to the WHO (World Health Organisation), 28 international medical teams are in the Philippines right now but only 8 of them are operational. It was announced last Sunday, November 17th, that another 14 would be operational within 48 hours. Several teams are being flown to remote areas, some of which have not received any help since the storm hit. Even so, there are many areas in desperate need that are still waiting for any kind of outside aid.

Conditions in certain areas have been slightly improving. Cell phone service is improving, fuel has become more widely available and some major roads have been cleared. However, there is still much more to be done. Access to clean water and medical attention are the two main priorities for all relief organisations present in the Philippines. The contamination of water supplies and the deplorable sanitary conditions are contributing to the spread of infectious diseases, such as cholera and typhoid, which are water-borne. A Canadian transport plane carrying a water-purification system left this Sunday for the Philippines and will arrive by next week. The system will be able to produce 50 000 litres of clean drinking water a day,

tornadoes IN US MIDWEST Zoe Quinn Shaw Staff Writer

The states of Indiana, Illinois, and Kentucky were most severely hit by a series of storms that overturned the Midwestern states of the US this Sunday. The citizens of ten states were warned of the storms, but no one was expecting such a major. Flash floods and hail accompanied about 65 tornadoes that struck several rural areas. Houses were flipped upside down, telephone lines ruptured, and blood spilled. Six deaths, including those of an elderly man and his sister, were reported as of this weekend. All of the deaths took place in the state of Illinois, and hundreds of other people have been injured. People are still trapped in their basements, and getting to them has been proved

difficult due to heavy amounts of debris. Witnesses describe the disaster has been described as a war zone. November not being part of the severe thunderstorm season, the tornadoes shocked the victims because of their unusual severity. The storms are later in the year than they usually are, being in springtime or in early fall, but the recent warm temperatures caused the late outbreak. CNN meteorologist Karen Maginnis explained that these warm temperatures, followed swiftly by cold, led to a twisting in the atmosphere and therefore, tornadoes. Some storms will continue to sweep across the United States, specifically in the northeast, although they are not nearly as severe as what the Midwest experienced this weekend.

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lessening the immense lack of drinkable water in the storm-ravaged area. As for injuries, the WHO’s representative in Manila Dr. Julie Hall says: “We are mostly seeing trauma and fractures right now… but in week two going into week three you start seeing an increase in patients with chronic conditions.” Some people have come for medical help with severely crushed lower limbs in need of amputation, and a few people have died due to wounds gone gangerous. A mass vaccination program is planned for next week in order to immunize the great number of unvaccinated children in the area against diseases like the measles. Several locals have stepped up and filled the gaps where outside help has been lacking. For example,

Source: BBC.co.uk

when local authorities failed to handle the burial of the dead due to a road blockage, Rev. Kelvin Apurillo mobilized his congregation in order to dig a mass grave for locals to bury their family members. His church has now become a centre for local relief distribution. Now the question of the hour is, what can we, the average citizen, do to help in the wake of this tragedy?

There are several organisations which you can donate to, such as the Canadian Red Cross, UNICEF and the World Food Program. The Canadian government has agreed to match the sum of donations made by registered Canadian charities to the Philippine crisis, and will also provide $5 million to support humanitarian organisations operating in the Philippines.

SHOOTING IN FRANCE Andrew Grant Staff Writer

Usually, violence is reported in the news so that the civilians might better understand the local situation. On Monday, November 18, according to CTV news, irony reared its monstrous head at the office of the Paris newspaper, Liberation. A gunman opened fire on the office, gravely wounding a 27-year-old photographer, who is now reportedly in critical condition after being shot in the arm and the chest with a pump-action rifle. Not long after, shots were fired at the headquarters of bank Societe Generale in La Defense, a Parisian suburb. A hostage was also taken nearby. The hostage was forced to drive to Champs— Elysees before being let go

Source: nbcnews.com

near a crowded shopping plaza in the area. He then called the police. Police are now searching the nieghborhood where the hostage was released for the hostage taker or any accomplices. However, it’s a crowded area with foliage, so it’s unlikely that the perpetrator will be found. After the three accidents, security has been increased around

all media centers in the city, the places where the attacks took place, and several of government centers. Clearly, news has traveled far, seeing as one of the places now with heightened security is the office of the French president Francois Hollande. According to the police; there is no clear link between the three very newsworthy attacks.


Obituaries Constantino Montelli

Constantino “Tino” Montelli dreamed of the day he would become the first pro-wrestler to win the Gamerz-Weight Championship belt. Suddenly, he was approached by Vince McMahon, who offered him a deal to join WWE if he were to win a 30-man Survival Maw at RAW. Constantino looked back at his former life at John Abbott, his legacy as the Games Editor of Bandersnatch, and

said: “HELLZ YEAH!” Constantino grabbed his Halloween Luchador mask from out of his closet, preparing for his first step into the Gamerz-Weight Championship. Finally came the great day he was at Raw. Fans cheered on the mysterious, new Luchador prodigy that is Constantino. One fan even threw a chunk of cheese into the arena, for him to use as a weapon! One by one, Constantino threw the other wrestlers out of the arena, seemingly invincible as he plowed through the 28 other wrestlers! He was the seemingly invincible crowd favorite, until he faced off against Rikishi. Constantino went down with glory, as he was thrown into the post by Rikishi. What awaited him... Stinkface. Sucking him up like a blackhole, the Stinkface devoured Constantino. He was never heard from again.

Tessa Mascia

We must unfortunately report that the Bandersnatch News Editor, Tessa Mascia, has passed away. She was speeding down highway 40 at 4:20 P.M. on Tuesday, November 19th, pursued by four hundred and twenty limousines with people in suits shooting machine guns out the window and shouting in a mixture of European languages and stereotypical mafia accents. Eyewitnesses report that smoke was streaming out of her open windows and that the smoke smelled of cannabis. Her outline was barely visible, driving from the passenger seat, leaning toward the steering wheel, driving with

her left hand and drinking from a bottle with her right. Bullets hit the wheels of her car. The wheels suddenly flew off and went on to bounce off of all the front seats of the limousines, seemingly knocking out their drivers. All four hundred and twenty limousines then swerved off the road and burst into flames, killing everybody inside. Tessa was heard yelling “blaze it” back at the burning limousines as her car, having been speeding four hundred and twenty kilometres per hour, was carried forward by momentum until it crashed into a four hundred and twenty wheeler truck carrying a shipment of Guinness beer. The beer exploded out of the truck, flooding the highway. When Tessa’s body was retrieved, the coroner’s report revealed that she had been clinically dead since April twentieth of the year 420 AD. Four hundred and twenty minutes later, her body disappeared from the morgue. The doctor on duty said that she simply stood up and put a hand on his shoulder. She then reportedly said “Four Twenty blaze it” and disappeared in a flash of light. We will forever miss her as an editor and a good role model for us all.

Yasmine Mosimann Today is a sad day, as fans everywhere mourn the loss of Yasmine Mosimann, kiwi-bird, serial volunteer, administrator extraordinaire, artistic soul and empress of Sass. Evidence gathered at the scene of the crime has led investigators to conclude that Yasmine was going about her usual Tuesday-night activities when the tragedy occurred. Sipping on a Starbucks coffee and browsing Al Jazeera news, one could imagine that she was pursing her lips in disapproval, as one does, reflecting on the incompetence of governments everywhere. Investigation into her hard drive revealed that over the course of the evening, she commented heavily on an anti-Hillary Clinton forum, browsed 13 different fashion blogs, made four calls on Skype, penned a few witty remarks on Facebook, reblogged some choice makeup looks on her topsecret Tumblr account and wrote a thoughtful opinion piece about the plight of women and children in refugee camps. According to eyewitnesses, a young male entered the scene at approximately 9:45 P.M. and seated himself across from Yasmine. Immediately, he began to question her leadership skills, grammatical proficiency and knowledge of current events. Thin plumes of smoke

emanated from his sweater as Yasmine’s killer glare slowly burned holes through the fabric. She retaliated with all her might, pointing out his terrible fashion choices, illogical statements and revolting use of repetitive adjectives. The repartee continued for a few minutes before Yasmine suddenly fell silent, her lips parted slightly, before tumbling to the ground dead. She had been out-sassed. Investigators have repeatedly questioned bystanders, attempting to determine what comment could have been enough of a zinger to bring the great Sassmine to her knees, but to no avail. However, descriptions of the killer have matched the appearance of Hector Liebenstein, an international assassin known to be affiliated with El Barsk, a global organization which allegedly aims to remove all fabulousness from the world.

Bee Clarke

It is with great sadness that we must announce to you the disappearance and assumed death of the beloved Bee Clarke. She will be missed by all, as she brought such joy to the group, as well as endless wisdom and knowledge of Bandersnatch related issues.

Bee was a very outgoing and kind person, even despite all of her health issues—or so we thought. Every month or so she would speak of a new doctor that she had seen, and that she was diagnosed with a new health issue. We began to wonder how she managed to have so many health issues and still manage to be alive, but none of said anything out of respect to our dear friend. This was until a few days ago when she announced that she would no longer be coming to school, and that she had found “The Doctor” and would be traveling with him in something she called a “TARDIS”. This is the last time anyone had heard from her or seen her. Bee Clarke, wherever you are, you will be missed by all. Never forget.

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Heros of john Abbott Emma name emma position

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hey move among us. They look like us, they dress like us, but they are different from us in fundamental ways: Every day, these extraordinary beings make the world a better place- or singlehandedly contribute to its demise. Boris Paredes: The Wise One Deep in the shadowy recesses of the basement, there lays a small room filled with wondrous characters. Amid the constant flow of volunteers, schedules to organize and personalities and needs to contend with is Boris, the eye of the storm, administrating it all. Distributing smiles with joyful abandon and delivering jokes with wit, this majestic creature is especially valued for his endless supply of wise sayings, advice and knowledge, all delivered in a smooth and soothing baritone. A true inspiration, he brings comfort and structure to the lives of his special education students through dedicated work. “Do not try- Do. Yoda said that.”, he once said. Albert Pilon: The Ray of Sunshine

Every day, as surely as the sun rises in the sky, Albert is at his post. Never before has a living creature distributed coffee, toast, jam or bacon with such delight, bringing joy to the life of each person that he serves. While most of the world is painfully dragging itself out of bed, rubbing its eyes groggily and grousing about lack of sleep, Albert is fully awake, fully alert and full of smiles to share. His energy and positivity are so infectious that, just for a moment, the Munch Box coffee seems appealing- almost. Bill Mahon : Productive Panda Clad in a “free hugs” t-shirt, filled with delightful stories and boasting a brilliant brand of dad humour, Bill’s jolly demeanour belies a startling proficiency in all domains of event-planning and administration. If the CEGEP student activities scene were Westeros, Bill would be Varys. Despite his lack of hair, his head is full of secrets. A fountain of endless gossip, office supplies and connections, Bill is the absolute best. Jill Gowdey : Jill-of-All-Trades Ever been in a club? Any fond memories that you have of the experience can be partially attributed to

Jill and her efforts. Cool as a cucumber, steady as an oak and solid as a rock, Jill is the pillar of guidance for extra-curriculars at John Abbott. Look up to her. Love her. Worship her—She deserves it.

SUPER CREW Bearslayer Ruthless Tyrant

Ms. Frizzle Always Watching

Space Cat Campus Death Editor

Party Tigger Role Model

Justina Bieber Classical Music Connoisseur

Jay-walking Fiend President of Book-Burning

Bubbles Unenthusiastic Accountant

El Potato Nerd Tormentor

Eat and Run Fish Huntress

Pimp Swag Swag Boring and Punctual

Trevor Plz Tussld Hurr

Cloyster You Don’t Want to Know

Nick Cage The Tetris Fiend

Ron Jeremy Etch-A-Sketch Operator

Lemonade Cool-Aid Official Orthodontist

Couchrella Unleasher of Destruction

Because we care Your College Experience Will Be Geting a Whole Lot Less Convenient

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f you for any reason had to get to the library during the first month and a half of school, then you’ll remember the construction that took place, blocking access to the entrance. In order to get in, starting at the first floor of Hertzberg, students had to first walk to another staircase, go up or down a floor, walk to the middle staircase, and then go down or up a floor. All of this meant that only the most committed seekers of knowledge could gain access to their favourite study center, and all because of ongoing construction, which, when it was finally addressed, scarcely took a day to fix. What you might not know, however, is that this is just the start. In response to numerous complaints by students, members of faculty, and local squirrels, the College has launched a campaign to make the campus less accessible. For too long now, getting from place to place has been easy. The hallways

are hardly crowded enough. The elevators are far too numerous and available for use by the general population. There is never anyone sitting in your way as you try to get from place to place. There is way too much parking. It’s been concluded that all this freedom has left us lazy and complacent, like cattle. It is thus for our own good that the administration has laid out their new plans. In the next couple days, operation “COMPLICATE EVERYONE’S LIFE” will be unfolding, because they care. Firstly, that thing the staircases do, where they consistently lead to the same place, without moving while you’re on them? That’ll be rectified. Next, a bridge troll will move in to the arctic circle. Anyone wishing to pass through it will be asked to surrender their first born, or whichever homework assignment they’ve put the most work in to. To discourage students from getting to the science

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building or Stewart Hall by the outdoors, the outdoors will be replaced by lava. Next, every other classroom will be relocated to the hallways, so as to crowd them more. Putting students in such tight quarters will surely reduce stress and encourage a sense of community amongst them, as the year draws to a close. Finally, having classrooms clearly marked is insulting. We’re all adults, we don’t need to be coddled with silly things like “actually knowing where we are”. So, from now on, all signs showing where you are will be replaced by pictures of cheese. Because everyone likes cheese. Students are encouraged to get in to the spirit themselves. Have an important, heart-toheart conversation that really should be had in private? Have you considered having it in the middle of a hallway? Or even better, why not block a doorway with it?

Slanderbatch is an insert that makes an appearance every seven (7) issues of Bandersnatch. Everything in this section is a complete work of fiction and/or satire. That was a lie. Everything in this section is completely serious and is a genuine attempt to report on local and international news. While it may not at first seem believable, it will eventually become apparent that everything herein is true, from John Abbott’s repeated and thinly-veiled attempts to make your life inconvenient and the suspiciously and hilariously consistent deaths of our graduating staff. If these articles offend you whatsoever then you’re probably a terrorist, a chronic consumer of bunnies, or a capitalist and you’re welcome to complain to our industrial-strength shredder with your face. Just kidding. That was a joke. We are not superheroes, although we apparently also are. It’s like the hero-villain duality of school newspaper staff. Don’t make us angry, because we will destroy you with our super-powers or smite you with our death rays. Don’t cross us ever. You are, however, welcome to join us. We have pizza.


Let’s Play Capture the Flag Caroline Houle Opinions Editor

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hey used to call him Speed; not after the drug that once frequented his beat-down neighborhood growing up, but from the sheer velocity of his run. He was only a child when he first discovered his power. A shy little boy he once was, until he mustered up the courage to step out of his dark, sheltered corner and play ball with the other children. He eventually made his way onto the football field and like none other, blazed through touch down after touch down. From the playground to his college’s turf, his talent was not something to be reckoned with. It is for this same reason that he was chosen as the flag bearer by his teammates in the winter of 2003. He need only seize John Abbott’s very own school flag, ferociously flapping its wings at the top of Herzberg’s cupola. The year before, someone had successfully captured the flag only having been escorted down by security afterwards. The risks were heightened, the roofs slick with black ice. Security knew the tricks of the

trade—the main fire escapes and trails were blocked up. Just another challenge to overcome, in Speed’s eyes. After having carefully planned his route, Speed trekked out to Abbott one rigid night along with a few of the other boys on the team who wished to witness his endeavor. His journey began by sliding through an open window in Casgrain basement that lead him right into the Ceramics Studio. The studio lent a strange vibe during the night, where sculptures slashed through the darkness, making for eerie contortions as he paved his path towards the main doorway. As he made it halfway past the lined pottery wheels, he heard the ill thump of fired clay falling onto the ground. Swiftly waving his flashlight towards the area of movement, he noticed the remainder of what used to be a mug lying on the floor. In that moment, he couldn’t help but remember the rumor he once heard. Thirty years ago, an avid artist was throwing pottery when he suddenly had a heart attack and died instantly. Regardless, Speed was on a mission and so he made his way out of the studio,

searching for the passage that would lead him to the roof. Although Speed never fully divulged the secrets as to how he managed to reach the roof, for only someone agile enough to outsmart the boundaries of the school could justify such knowledge, the reminiscent picture of him jumping over the slippery slopes of the roof has been remembered to this day. Climbing up the cupola was no ordinary task, yet he used his speed to his advantage by belaying off its walls until he could

successfully tear the flag off its hinges. Speed was never caught that night, and to this day students have tried to duplicate his footsteps. Nevertheless, his victory caused the whole school to inflame into hysterics. What used to be their school flag was now replaced with that of a pirates flag. For in the eyes of the students who knew him, Speed was their hero, bright eyed and eager to challenge the status quo whenever an opportunity presented itself.

GrAMMAR nAZIS Heroes or Villains? Heroes. There is no debate. If you had the impression that I would present both sides to an argument where there is only one, you are not worthy. A person who takes time out of their day to correct the most menial of errors is truly a paragon of our society. All the problems of humanity can be traced back to small, meaningless mistakes that translate into careless acts. And these careless acts are what will undoubtedly destroy us all. The vast world of internet posts is no different. In this war of the words, even the smallest of errors should be corrected, no matter how much annoyance is caused to others. When dealing with an issue of this level of importance frail and sensitive human emotions cannot be considered. Of course, people will not respond well; learning the rules of grammar can be tedious. In fact, grammar attackers often come across as rude. But remember the only people who have made those claims are people who have been subject to the S.S. of syntax and are

guilty of false grammar so their opinion doesn’t matter anyway. If a person has the audacity to post something on a casual forum made for unrestricted social communication and does not go over their work with at least one rough copy and spell check then they have abandoned any due respect. But let’s be honest, everyone has at least two rough copies written out before they write the final draft of a facebook status update anyway. Anyone lashing out towards a concerned policeman of morphology is clearly just jealous of how much more refined and culturally superior he is. The grammar Gestapo is in no wrong for purging the world of all the objectively incorrect words in this world. The English language presents its rules so clearly and concisely that there is no excuse for any confusion. The Axis of the alphabet is an absolute necessity to teach young minds how to be correct in the most pompous and pretentious way possible. Wednesday, november 20, 2013 | VOLUME 43, ISSUE 07 f


Science & Tech

bandersnatchscience@gmail.com

with Elaine Huang

progress in pre-natal testing Screening for Aneuploidy in Fetuses

Anita Nourmoussavi Contributor

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ecently, soon-to-be parents have had something to cheer about when it comes to the health and well-being of their newborns. The object of enthusiasm: Non Invasive Prenatal Testing (NIPT). This consists of a new and exciting way to screen for fetal aneuploidy and is slowly but surely taking the place of the currently most widespread, invasive amniocentesis. Before NIPT, if a mother was at risk of carrying a fetus with aneuploidy—an abnormal number of chromosomes— parents could decide whether or not to proceed with amniocentesis to ensure that the amount of DNA that the fetus’ cells contained was just right. To do this, a sample of the fluid surrounding the fetus was extracted and tested. This type of DNA test is well-accessible to women who screen positive for possible fetal aneuploidy. However, there is a major downside to amniocentesis as 1/200 wom-

Source: www.downsyndromensw.org.au

en experiences a miscarriage. Enter NIPT, a noninvasive primary screening currently only performed for women who are at a high risk of conceiving a child with aneuploidy as it is inconclusive for women who are at low-risk. Women at high risk include those who are aged 35 years or older, women carrying an X-linked recessive disorder like Duchenne’s muscular dystrophy or hemophilia, women with Rh negative blood type, fetuses with ultra-sonographic findings that indicate an increased risk of aneuploidy, women with a history of having a child affected with a trisomy, or a parent carrying a

balanced rearrangement of acrocentric chromosomes. Although NIPT could potentially solve the issues surrounding amniocentesis, it is a new technique that still needs improvement. For instance, there is a less than 0.5% risk of obtaining false-positive results. Therefore, some doctors recommend to cross-verify the results of NIPT with that of amniocentesis which reintroduces the risk factors NIPT was designed to eliminate. Also, NIPT is a costly procedure that is not currently covered under Canadian medical health insurance thus costing around $800 per test.

But how exactly does this NIPT test work? NIPT uses a sample of the cell-free (not located in a cell) fetal DNA which comprises 3-13% of the total cell-free maternal DNA, thought to be derived primarily from the placenta, and is cleared from the maternal blood within hours after childbirth. As of the tenth week of pregnancy, a woman can undergo the procedure where a sample of her blood is sent to the laboratory to detect any higher-than-expected ratio of chromosomes which could cause disorders like Down Syndrome. NIPT can also be used to predict other disorders such as X-linked recessive disorders like Duchenne’s muscular dystrophy or Hemophilia, as well as Rhesus incompatibility between the mother’s and the baby’s blood types. Although it is not yet a perfect alternative to conventional amniocentesis and not readily accessible to all women, NIPT is a great example of the advances in modern medicine and it certainly eludes to a promising future in the field of prenatal care.

Prosthetics: the new frontier Orla Mahon Contributor

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ot so long ago, prosthetic limbs consisted of rudimentary pieces of robotics that would allow their owner to perform basic everyday tasks. However, some of these contraptions were as trivial as implanting hooks instead of missing hands and almost all of them were limited to one or maybe two functions. Well not anymore! As researchers from fields as far removed as nerve systems and animal science come together to combine their knowledge, humanity is getting closer and closer to thinking of missing limbs as a thing of the past. 3-D printing is allowing for simple facial prosthetics

that would otherwise be costly to repair or replace once they had deteriorated from contact with the elements to be cheaply and easily manufactured through a simple printing process. This will hopefully allow a much broader access to this sort of prosthetics, especially in the developing world. With the recent surge in the number of amputees in places like the Philippines and other regions affected by tropical disasters, it has never been more vital for there to be an inexpensive option in terms of prosthetics. Here’s to hoping that the popularization of these mechanical limbs and the techniques necessary for their creation will allow for a more affordable price range to be offered worldwide.

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Another common issue, this time concerning prosthetic limbs, is that they were very limited in the dayto-day activities they could actually help or facilitate their owners in carrying out. Now, young Irina Bird, a sixgrader from Michigan, can do everything from writing, to typing, to picking up and eating an M&M with the help of her new life-like mechanical hand run by two small motors that react indirectly to her brain waves. Even animals are benefitting from advancements in the prosthetics field. For instance, Victory, a Chihuahua that was born with two very short, stumpy front legs, and whose unfortunate manner of walking earned her the nickname “Kangaroo dog”, has now

been outfitted with a doggieprosthetic that attaches like a harness and gives her a set of wheels instead of front paws, allowing her to move around normally. Indeed, Victory is now so fast on her new wheels that her owner needs to keep her on a leash to slow her down during their walks!

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A Walk on the Wild Side with Nigel Thornberry Every so often, conservationists encounter a species so rare that information about its habits and ecology becomes nearly impossible to gather. One such creature is the saola. Also known as the Asian unicorn, this large ox is known to have been lurking in the forests of Laos and Vietnam since its discovery in 1992. At the time, it was the first large mammal new to science in over 50 years, according to the World Wildlife Foundation. Since then, the saola has only been sighted four times in the wild, the last instance being 14 years ago, in 1999. Efforts were made to battle illegal hunting and to remove snares and traps which had been set for deers and civets. The animal’s elusive nature has made it very difficult for scientists to estimate populations; however, one new technique has involved the use of leeches. Since the blood of their victims remains in their systems for a few months, South Asian land leeches can be tested in order to determine which species they have been feeding on and, consequently, whether saolas can be found in the vicinity. Nonetheless, this antelope-like animal remains critically endangered, and its survival is likely only due to the sustained efforts of conservation groups, which have included banning all hunting in areas in which saolas are known to roam, removing snares and destroying illegal hunters’ camps.

Source: www.metagadget.com


games

with Constantino Montelli

bandersnatchgames@gmail.com

Playstation 4 impressions

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“Greatness Awaits” for Sony’s new console Julian Nasielski Contributor

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reatness Awaits.” This is Sony’s ambitious slogan used to advertise the next-gen Playstation 4 console. It has a lot to live up to, but does it meet these expectations? In short, yes it does, but not without a couple of small issues. The very first thing I noticed when getting the console was its affordable price of 399$ (as opposed to its lastgen counterpart, the PS3 , which was 499$ and 699$ depending on the model). When I first took it out of the box it was easy to admire the PS4’s sleek and slim design. When I placed it down, I noticed an insignificant wobble indicating that Sony’s platform was not leveled properly. This may prove more irritating for others but did not bother me. The new controller, the Dualshock Four, is one of the biggest improvements. It cups into your hand nicely and has grips on

the analog sticks so your fingers do not slip off. It also introduces a new touchpad at the top of the controller, but its use was limited in the games I played. Perhaps the most convenient addition is the headphone jack located at the bottom. No longer will gamers have to connect wired headsets to their consoles. The user interface bares a similarity to that of the PS3’s but is slightly more streamlined. It has one dashboard for your games and another for just about everything else. It only takes moments to feel at home with the new design. A couple of welcome additions include the sharing capability and trophy rarity. The controller has a ‘share’ button in lieu of the ‘select’ button that has been standard for three generations. It allows you to capture moments in your games as soon as they happen and post them online. You are able to take screenshots as well as record the last 15 minutes of gameplay footage. This

is great for sharing an awesome, unexpected kill with your friends to show how great you are. The trophy rarity adds additional incentive to fully complete your games by showing what percentage of people has a certain trophy. There are four levels of rarity. This will undoubtedly add an immense satisfaction when unlocking a coveted ‘ultra rare’ trophy. As far as games go, I was able to try Killzone: Shadowfall, Call of Duty: Ghosts, Battlefield 4 and Resogun. It is undeniable that all four have breathtaking visuals, but when it comes down to which was the best, Battlefield takes the prize. My friends and I spent a decent five minutes in one of the opening levels just staring at the walls and windows of a room. The lighting and textures were at par with high end PC’s. The only issues I faced had to do with the online play. The Playstation Network became slow or went

Source: Playstation.com

down for maintenance frequently. This is forgivable however, because the console is experiencing high traffic on launch. The Playstation Plus service, now mandatory to play online, runs at 50$ a year and offers quite a bit to the table. I got two free games immediately (Contrast and Resogun) and other perks on my PS3.I was pleasantly surprised by how much you get when subscribing to this service and

wondered why I had not taken it before. Aside from free games, subscribers get access to betas, discounts, trials and cloud storage for saved games. In only a couple of days the service had already paid off. The initial lineup of games may not be enough to convince everyone to purchase the console immediately, but for those who are determined to get it anyway, they will not be disappointed.

First Person Shooters John Abbott’s favorite... Constantino “Tino” Montelli Games Editor

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ith Call of Duty: Ghosts and Battlefield 4 recently coming out, I was thinking to myself, “What are the best first person shooters out there?” I decided to go out to the people of John Abbott and ask them about there favorite FPS. When I asked my question to several people, some of them picked either the Call of Duty series or the Battelfield series. The big difference between them is that Call of Duty is a lot faster pace and twitch-reaction kind

of gameplay. The Battlefield series is more team based strategy. One person I talked to had a different take on both of those series. “I like to point out that COD and Battlefield are not First Person Shooters. They are more like modern military shooters, which are more of a realistic portrayal of these kinds of things. A shooter, in my opinion would be something fun and fast like Painkiller and Half-Life, and even more recently Resistance 3 had the same sprit going on. Speaking of Half-Life, that was Andrew of the Cinemaddicts Film Club picked for his favorite FPS. “Valve did some of the absolute best work on this game. The physics engine was phenomenal. Though the storyline is still not yet complete.” He then demanded that Valve make Half-Life 3.

I had answers from Bioshock Infinite, saying they loved the powers and story, to Halo 3 where they played online for hours on end. But I did get some rather interesting choices. One was Metroid Prime 3: Corruption. “I’m not a big fan of FPS games” said the guy. “But the adventure aspect that was mixed in, as well as the detail of the environment and the bosses made it very interesting for me to play. It was the perfect blend of what I like about Metroid and it had enough of the FPS elements that I can still enjoy it.” Another was a game not a whole lot of people remembered or heard of. “Timeshift is probably one of my favorite. It’s a game where you have to think in more than just plain 3D. You can go up to a person shooting them, but you can stop time , reverse it and I always like to stop time and

going up to a guy, punch him and then all the force is accumulated until the moment you unpause and he files away.” The last guy that I went up to toward me his favorite FPS was his first. “Medal of Honor: Frontline. That was my first ever First Person Shooter and just the first mission with D-Day and the beaches of Normandy. It blew my mind because that’s one of my favorite things in World War 2 ever. Definitely that first experience and there was so much to do and it never gets boring even to this day.” As for me, my favorite FPS has to be Red Steel 2. Odd choice for some, but I like the style they presented. The Wild West meets the eastern culture. That game was so unique with gun and sword gameplay. It’s a game I highly recommend getting because of how fun and unique the game is.

Hey Gamers! I want to say thanks to everyone since this will be my last issue as Games Editor. I had a lot of fun producing this section. I always loved gaming and just writing for this paper for the last 2 and a half years was the most fun I ever had doing this sort of stuff. I like to quote a man by the name of Kevin Butler. “You see, I love gaming. And I know you love it too. That’s why you are here. Because every gamer is a true gamer, everyone. And we may pledge fanboy allegiances to different flags, but deep down inside we all serve one master. One king. And his name is gaming! FOREVER MAY HE REIGN!”

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Opinions

with Caroline Houle

bandersnatchopinions@gmail.com

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Pop not so popular Teenage fangirl who?

Angelina Smolynec Staff Writer

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e’re told from a young age that first impressions are key. So, what did pop music do to make so many people hate it? Or more truthfully, act as though they hate it to fit in. For many teens, having names like Selena Gomez or Cody Simpson on your iPod is social suicide. For some reason, the “mainstream” attitude toward these names is “Ew, you listen to them?” When someone talks about them, people cringe or make unnecessarily rude comments. And the worst is when respect is lost for the person who enjoys that pop artist. Now, I’m not saying everyone hates pop music or has a secret Bieber fetish, but everyone knows someone who is a die-hard Swiftie or someone else who would rather die than sit through a Taylor Swift concert. What I’m trying to figure out is why do so many

Taylor Swift

people react negatively towards pop music? Is it because it’s mainstream, and you, wanting to be cool and hip, automatically dislike everything popular? Do you just hate their music? Ah, but here is the twist. Is it really their music you hate so badly? Or could it be the person behind the music and what being associated with them can mean for your own social status? Because you are a massive liar if you tell me you’ve never danced or sang along to a Top 40’s song

Source: idolator.com

by a pop queen or any boy or girl band ever. Be it subconsciously or with immense purpose, you have been a victim of enjoying pop music. So why are avid pop music enthusiasts judged so harshly? The most frustrating for me is when someone’s whole idea of you changes when you reveal how passionate you are about said band or singer. If I were right now to confess that I am a huge One Direction fan, your idea or image of me would change drastically. You might even

One Direction

stop reading this article, thinking I am immature or not worth your time because I enjoy a bit of boyband. I remember talking to one of my favourite high school teachers and mentioning that I was going to the One Direction concert this past summer. Before I told him, he saw me as an ex-student with similar interests in music and pop culture. As soon as I brought up the 1D card however, I could see in his eyes how that image crumbled and I was reduced to another teenage

Source: mtv.com

fangirl he used to teach. It is both sad and frustrating that someone’s love of pop music can make people treat them differently, maybe even badly. I hope that everyone— metal heads, rap fans and indie-rockers—can see past a person’s love of pop and not use that as grounds for judgement. Remember, before judging a person’s favourite anything, think about why you would think any differently of them because of it in the first place.

the truth behind our food

Even our Cafteria Food is not as Safe as you May Think... Zack Duma Staff Writer

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he Food Saftey Act in Canada is essentially a set of rules and regulations which define how food and related machinery are meant to be cleaned and operated so that it is safe for all people to eat. Of course, most of us probably know how to properly cook food so it is safe for us to eat. But there are some things that can happen when the food is being prepped: cross-contamination, which can expose certian foods, primarily meat products, to bacteria which will not always leave the products when cooked.

O n e o f t h e biggest recalls in Canada happened last summer when an Alberta company had to recall 1,800 products from all over Canada and the U.S.. Luckily, only around eighteen people were said to be sick as a direct cause of these products. The worst part is that the entire situation was preventable: the recall was due to machinery not being properly sanitized. This is just one example of how food saftey is not always taken into account. Food is recalled from shelves every day, how can you ensure that what you are eating at home is safe? You could eat some vegtables which may contain bacteria from

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This tomato is extra safe, just like all your food should be.

beef products, or even worse, chicken. If you are to eat raw vegetables, you could become sick for a while, or in the case where it was contaminated from raw chicken products, you could be hospitalized. These problems even extend to our own cafeteria at school, where in a few occasions, myself and a few others have become sick as a result of some of the food eaten from there.

My own experience was when I went to put some milk in my coffee, I was drinking and I suppose the milk wasn’t chilled properly because, for the next twenty-four hours, I was extremely sick with the stomach flu. Looking back at why this could have occured, I realized that the milk along with other products, such as mayonnaise, are just left out in the open in a

Source: istockphoto.com

container when they are really meant to be kept cold. The problem is , what if someone uses the milk and leaves it out, or if the contianer is not cool enough? Be careful with what you eat and know where your food comes from and how it was prepared. Maybe I’m just unlucky but I will continue to avoid using the milk and such found in the cafeteria.


Entertainment

with Dina Willis

Opening Act Steals Spotlight Angelina Smolynec Staff Writer

Source: .labibleurbaine.com

taking time to personally meet everyone they could and take as many pictures as possible. They gave out free signed posters and records for just five dollars. At the end of Charli’s set, she called out Chaidez to cover the hit “I Want Candy” where the California native played guitar as well as sang with the headliner. I can honestly say that when I arrived at La SalaRossa that night, I did not expect myself to fall in love with the opening act. Kitten released the video for their newest single “Like A Stranger” on YouTube last week.

Thor’s Back Very Eye Candy. Much Badass. Wow. Zoe Quinn Shaw Staff Writer

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ooking for a couple of hours of pure movie fun? In the newest addition to Marvel’s cinematic universe, conflict rises because of a past war between the armies of Thor’s Asgardian grandfather and a foreign warrior called Malekith. The Asgardians defeated Malekith’s army and took possession of a magical weapon called the Aether. Now, portals caused by a rare alignment between the Nine Realms snatches a curious Dr. Jane Foster from London and puts her at the location of the Aether in the vaults of Asgard, leading Thor straight to her. Unfortunately, the astrophysicist and her god of thunder don’t have much time for a passionate reunion. After a devastating attack on Asgard by Malekith’s army, Thor is forced to enlist the help of the imprisoned war criminal Loki to destroy the Aether. “Thor: The Dark World” is much grittier than the 2011 movie starring the same characters, but its dramatic plot twists and gorgeous special effects make way for some hilarious

moments. On several occasions a tear-jerking scene will be followed by a full minute of relentless comedy, and it works. Personally, I went into the cinema not expecting much from the movie, and I left having laughed, cried, and fangirled until I couldn’t breathe. It was definitely my favourite superhero movie of 2013. Chris Hemsworth, Tom Hiddleston, and Natalie Portman star in “The Dark World”, which was released in North America on November 8. And don’t forget to stick around until after the credits!

Source: imdb.com

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Guess Who’s Back Analysis on Eminem’s new installment

Andrew Grant Staff Writer

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lthough La Sala Rossa was only at half capacity last Monday night, the people in attendance were more than loud enough. UK native XCX headlined her first Montreal show on Remembrance Day at the venue hidden in the Spanish Social Centre on St. Laurent. The location completed her grunge look with the laid back and low key feel of the place. However, the show stealer in the end wasn’t in fact Charli, but her opening act LA rockers, Kitten. Led by 18 year-old Chloe Chaidez, the band kept the crowd warm with their hair tossing and active jumping all across the stage. Amidst the wild dancing and crowd surfing, Chaidez performed songs from both old and new EPs and did the entire set barefoot. The wild frontwoman not only sat on a crowd member’s shoulders for part of a song, but also climbed on top of the large amps set up on the side of the stage, standing to touch the ceiling. And of course, to every fan’s delight, both Chaidez and back up singer Fiona Grey manned their merchstand,

bandersnatchentertainment@gmail.com

That’s right, it’s Eminem. He’s returned with this shiny gem, The Marshall Mathers LP 2: The new sequel Although not equal To Eminem in his prime With fun, silly rap about crime. He’s got his complicated rhymes painting interesting pictures, But I still gotta give it a few strictures. Em opens with ‘Bad Guy’, some soap opera with a lackluster beat And repetitive lyrics playing off the story of ‘Stan’ in which some character continues to bleat About how Em is evil and ruined his life in some whiny monotone. Then, suddenly, the character kills him and Slim Shady gets in the zone And gives us one verse, one crazy, insane verse Defining the universe Of the LP, the impending, unstoppable evil returning It’s like he’s back and with no conscience, conscious That he’s the best And better than the rest, As he says in the big singles that got radio play Em’s a god, the best rapper, best partier, best villain, but hey Where’s the proof? Oooooo I’m so evil Right until it’s time for a good old upheaval Of everything serious and boring But it’s missing, he’s just boring His ego into our brains And while his art retains Some insane musical talent in the instrumental Guitars, pianos, forming an electric orchestra to make you go mental But where’s the formula of the guy we’re hearing about? Eminem’s gone the opposite route Like he just took a look at his classic formula and said “welp I’m out”. Remember a time when each album had these powerful things in common A lead single where he’d just launch into the character of a supervillain who couldn’t be stopped by any lawman. Slim Shady jumps in and you’re

laughing along like a maniac as he shoots a small child Bookended with skits and stories; you’ve heard nothing more wild And at the end he’d achieve the greatest feat The album would rise, here’s the fall. The last few songs go right off the wall We get our dramatic, final curtain call The story ends Sends Itself off so we can eagerly await the next story. Where’s the structure now? Was Relapse the formula’s final bow? It’s been replaced by the album’s strength- the instrumental These compositions are down right presidential Election news just in- Em’s the new president of Guitar music, drum music, y’know what, any kind of music, he’s beat the ancient Greek muses. He’s louder, he’s music’s anthem. All this new power will fill up your head, rock it right to the brain stem. His lyrical game’s the strongest too, It’s just that his ideas are no longer pulling through. A sequel should be just as strong as the original And I don’t think he was ready To challenge The Real Slim Shady. Eminem can do so much better, He can have us laughing at every letter. Rap relies mostly on lyrics; You can’t build a house without bricks. The inconclusive ideas and lack of form Mean that, while Eminem is still far above the norm, His newfound mastery of guitars Will only get him three and a half out of five stars.

Source: suffolkvoice.net

Wednesday, november 20, 2013 | VOLUME 43, ISSUE 07 f


ARTs & Culture

with Kenzy Abdel Malek

This heart bleeds rust

bandersnatcharts@gmail.com

Bee Clarke Staff Writer

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Octavia Maria Dancu Contributor

l o n g

These empty, cement skies tempt me to fill  Them with my blackest cries of dark despair;  Let them cast down my ink tears, let them spill  On lonely lands and eyes in frozen stare.    Humanity, that naive Sylph, did trust  Those poisoned gifts, and traded precious things,  All that was good, for dreams of golden rust;  These lies, figments, have burned up mankind’s wings.    I trace his face, whisper a name too dear,  But all is nothing to him now; his eyes,  Once bright, now cloaked in shrouds, ignore a tear  From my own, so transfixed, as my hope dies.    Oh, I shall see if this consuming need,  This heart of cogs and gears, can bleed.

t i m e a g o

Musée Grévin Montreal

Rat-Bastards and Revolutionaries

Where the Celebrities Stay

CFSW 2013 Comes to Montreal

Rahul Gandhi Staff Writer

I

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mmersion. Something artists have sought after since art was as distant as the constellations scattered throughout the cosmos. The grand scheme of things changed as art evolved, the terms of immersion became different. Pictures, songs, literature, theatre and every other form of art changed the game of immersion. The famous Grévin wax museum in Paris is a place where immersion is at it’s finest and it was decided that a new branch would open here in Montreal. With around 120 life-sized wax models, Musée Grévin Montreal offers an interesting view on many celebrities, historical figures, and timeless popular figures. Located on the fifth floor of the Eaton center in Montreal,

its scope is absolutely surprising. Emma Sutherland What looks to be a shallow en- Assistant-Editor-In-Chief trance turns into three floors of ou rat-bastard! You’ve ruined it themed rooms revolving around for everyone! But it was well one or many respective models in worth it.” In a poetry slam, the spotlight. Once a ticket is purchased, these words are shouted at a contestant you’re taken to see a short video in a who exceeds the three-minute time dark room filled with a huge screen limit, racking up a penalty. Judges and mirrors, then you’re welcomed grade each performance on a scale of into the linear tour of the museum’s 1-10 and the highest and lowest scores many rooms. For instance, a ball- are dropped, while the remaining ones room with many celebrities such as are added together. From the fourth of November to Celine Dion and Leonardo DiCaprio, or a replica of room 1742 of the the ninth, the Canadian Festival of Queen Elizabeth Hotel in Montreal Spoken Word came to Montreal. complete with John Lennon and Created in 2004, the event is hosted by Yoko Ono laying on a bed with “Give a different city each year and strives to peace a chance” looping in the represent the diversity and richness of spoken word poetry across our nation. background. Immersion is what the people of This year’s festival included workshops, Grévin are after, and immersion is roundtables and guest speakers, addijust what you get. I’d recommend tion to the all-important poetry slam. Of course, “the poetry is the point”, the museum to anyone willing to kill as opposed to the rather subjective some time downtown! ranking system. In fact, during the semi-final round, which I attended on

Y

Photography by: Rahul Gandhi

wednesday, november 20, 2013 | VOLUME 43, ISSUE 07 f

November 8th, the judges were so forgiving by the end of the evening that their rulings were accurate. Within the intimate setting of Cabaret du Mile End, tales of love, loss and selfdiscovery were delivered with a passion that was reciprocated by the audience. The atmosphere within the tightknit slam poetry community is not only built around artistic growth, but also espouses a sense of militancy and social responsibility. Performances often centered around themes such as rape culture and police brutality, expressing feelings of outrage with breathtaking eloquence. If art can provoke social change, then surely this event can create change of the greatest sort. Whether they are verbally bashing a former lover or pointing out the flaws in our societal norms, these poets truly demonstrate that in terms of touching individuals on a deep emotional level, the pen truly is mightier than the sword.

Image source: www.vimeo.com


the procrasinatror

with Aaron Rogers

bandersnatchfun@gmail.com

15

Horrorscopes The Face of Truth Angela Brett The Oracle

ARIES

(March 21 - April 20): From my extensive research, years spent observing the stars, I know what you did last summer. Mostly, you just hung out and talked to your friends, occasionally going swimming, maybe going to work a couple times. Dang, you’re boring.

TAURUS (April 21 - May 21):

Recently you’ve been having trouble with all your commitments. You have too much to do and too little time with which to do it. I suggest you avoid committing to anything… at all. Don’t commit to breathing.

GEMINI (May 22 - June 21):

Have you recently made pancakes? But seriously though, have you? I’m really surprised that

you’re still reading this if you haven’t. You just seem like the kind of person who needs it for your survival.

CANCER (June 22 - July 23):

You haven’t been feeling yourself lately, and I can tell. It’s because I gave you the plague. I’m sorry, because it’s not even your fault, I just wanted to know if I could. I mean, the good news is that it worked.

LEO (July 24 - Aug. 23):

Roll a dice 1000 times. Chances are that 50% of your rolls will be “heads,” and 50% will be “tails.” ISN’T THAT SPOOKY?

VIRGO (Aug. 24 - Sept. 23):

Adding “sweaty” makes every description creepy. For example, “I held your sweaty hand” or “I sweaty your sweaty hand” or “Sweaty

sweaty sweaty sweaty”. How weird is that?

LIBRA (Sept. 24 - Oct. 23):

your life leading up to now, and ensured that they are not actually the aspects of the life of a time-travelling horse? Think about it.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 20):

You seem to have lost your edge. You used to be a motivated go-getter, and now you’re just sad. Have you considered hiring some henchmen? Perhaps blackmailing someone to be your cronies?

It is apparently not OK to make up services offered by SUJAC. Oh well. SUJAC will do your homework, they will make your bed, they will babysit your children.

SCORPIO (Oct. 24 - Nov. 22):

AQUARIUS (Jan. 21 - Feb. 19):

I take back all my mean statements about Scorpios. It turns out that a full twelfth of all my friends, and all humans in general, are Scorpios, and most of my friends are ok.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23 - Dec. 21): Are you entirely sure that you’re not a time-travelling horse? Like, have you examined all the aspects of

So you’ve failed to heed your advice, and now you’ve been crushed by a pile of papers. I don’t have any actual advice, but try making some paper airplanes, just for funsies.

PISCES (Feb. 20 - Mar. 20):

If you are having any problems, any at all, I suggest you rectify the situation by sporting a cat-themed outfit.

Wednesday, november 20, 2013 | VOLUME 43, ISSUE 07 f


Bandersnatch Volume 43 Issue 7  

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