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Around the Community

A Fereilchin Purim Katan at Khal Chassidim D’ Baltimore

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Ohr Chadash Joins with Yachad for Fun Purim Activity

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Boys Ultimate Frisbee League Sails Higher

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CONTENTS

COMMUNITY

MARCH 3, 2016

Around the Community . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6

JEWISH THOUGHT Wanna Be Like Mike. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28 Hanging by a Thread. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31 Exploring the Continued Impact of Technology, Part III . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44

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Amulets, Accusations and Controversy. . . . . . . . . . 50

HUMOR & ENTERTAINMENT Centerfold. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36 Notable Quotes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47

COVER STORY A Separate Peace Foreshadows Discord. . . . . . . . . 33 A Military Mission Beyond Borders. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38

LIFESTYLES Flood Prevention. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41 Self-Love is the Opposite of Narcissism . . . . . . . . . 42 Parenting Pearls. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46 Dating Dialogue. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52 In The Kitchen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55

NEWS Israel News . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21

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That’s Odd. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26

Dear Readers, Recently, two readers wrote in with their concerns about how the political circus is eroding our society. They lamented that the barbs and insults that are thrown around by those vying for the position to lead America are degrading. I couldn’t agree more. Although politics has become more entertaining – there’s almost no substance when you listen to the debates – I cringe when I hear the words that come out of these people’s mouths. The abuse they hurl at each other comes glibly and then they smirk inside when they feel that they threw the better punch. I’m hoping that as the primaries and caucuses make their way around nation, voters will show these hopefuls that we are seeking a candidate who has respect for others and can be a role model for young Americans. Dr. Deb always offers wonderful insight in her weekly columns. This week, I found her words to be thought provoking. She writes about narcissism and how we can ensure that we raise children who are thoughtful, helpful, healthy people who think of others and can connect with those around them. I am not a mental health professional and I can’t diagnose someone with a narcissistic personality, but when I read Dr. Deb’s piece her words rang true for someone I know. This person was brought up to be “the universe.” The house essentially revolved around him and it still does. His parents will drop everything to capitulate to his every whim. He does not have a healthy relationship with his spouse or children. Essentially, he is a petulant child in an adult body. But I always wonder: does he realize that he’s missing out?

Does he wish that he could not be so selfish, so self-centered, self-serving? Politics takes place on a world – or at least a national – stage. In this round of elections, Trump seems to be the gorilla on the forum, pumping himself up – “We’re great,” “We’re gonna win,” “It’s amazing.” And he finds it hard to take criticism or admit flaws in his principles or plans. Does that make him a narcissist or is he just playing for the audience and giving them what he thinks they want? It seems that many enjoy his “pumpage,” as he’s been winning primaries and caucuses early on. So narcissist or player? Hard to tell. What about President Obama? He’s been called the “messiah” and he also seems to have a hard time admitting his flaws. In fact, just this week, it was pointed out that Obama filibustered George W. Bush’s nomination for Supreme Court in 2007. Now, the president is calling for Republicans to allow him to appoint a nominee to the Supreme Court, despite him being a lame duck president. What was good for the then-senator nine years ago is not OK for his rivals to do now. Despite what our children see in the world around us, as parents we are privileged. We have the opportunity to coax our children into proper behavior, to help them grow into healthy, wholesome adults with decent values. Every time we show them or remind them to think of others, to see their flaws with love, and to make the right decisions, we are guiding them on the right path. What a responsibility; what an honor. Wishing you a wonderful week,

Yaakov

The Baltimore Jewish Home is an independent bi-weekly newspaper. Opinions expressed by writers are not neces­sarily the opinions of the publisher or editor. The Baltimore Jewish Home is not responsible for typographical errors, or for the kashrus of any product or business advertised within. The BJH contains words of Torah. Please treat accordingly.


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Like Father, Like Son: Baltimore’s Boehm Tradition

Margie Pensak

BaltimoreJewishLife.com/Jeff Cohn

Photo Credit: Esky Cook- eskycook@gmail.com

This Thursday evening, 17 Adar will ever know about, I am sure, as the blossom into the business it is today. I, is the second yahrtzeit of Mr. Ja- family continues to give back to the When I interviewed Mr. Boehm for the cob (Jack) Boehm, zt”l, who was the community that patronizes them. We Where What When, back in 2010, he owner of Jack’s grocery store, a Bal- all benefit, more than ever, from their told me that he was extremely close to timore icon in the Upper Park Heights heimishkeit and large hearts. his grandfather and spent a lot of time community, in the‘70s and ‘80s. His For years, I had the privilege of in his grocery/clothing business as a legacy of ehrlichkeit (uprightness), ei- davening right next to Mrs. Rose child in Czechoslovakia, and shared: delkeit (refinement) and chesed (acts Boehm, at Congregation Ohel Ya- “I remember going to the flea market of kindness) lives on in his family. kov, during the Yomim Noraim. The with my grandfather when I was 14 When I reflect on my fond mem- Boehms’ compassion, determination, years old. My grandfather taught me a ories of cozy Jack’s, the forerunner bitachon and emunah, have always lot about business. I used to buy walof Seven Mile Market, I am amazed. been a source of inspiration for me. nuts and dried fruits for him from the What amazes me most is not its evo- Mr. Boehm was very communi- peasants on the farms, and he would lution from a tiny circa 1953 lower ty-minded, and in addition to intro- give me suits and money, as pay. I took Park Heights mom-and-pop store to ducing Baltimore to many new kosher a liking to business. Finding a job is a its present 18 aisle, 55,000 square products, he was especially instru- hard thing; sometimes you have one, foot Pikesville supermarket in 2010, mental in establishing Yeshivas Ko- sometimes you don’t. But a business but the fact that the three-generation chav Yitzchok (Shearis Hapleita). For keeps on going.” family owned and operated business the benefit of those of you who are not It was a miracle that Mr. Boehm continues to maintain its heimishe feel familiar with the Boehms’ fascinating survived the war. After he arrived in and superb customer care, despite its story, please allow me to share it…… America, he worked at various jobs growth. before going into business for himIn the Aftermath of the Holocaust I can still picture the Boehm famiLittle did Holocaust survivors Ja- self. He told me: “It was very hard to ly working hard at Jack’s, while I took cob (Jack) and Rose Boehm dream find a decent-paying job here because note of the delicious aroma of potato that their little family run store would of the mentality of the old-timers in kugel, vegetable soup and America; they didn’t like other culinary delights that the newcomers. When I first were being cooked in the arrived, I got paid 75 cents back room. Mr. Jacob (Jack) an hour, minimum wage. I Boehm, z”l, the store’s did not know the language. namesake, is schlepping a I later worked for a good huge sack of potatoes; his while in the stockroom of young son, tbl”c, Hershel, a men’s clothing store, reis stocking the store shelves ceiving goods. Because the with a variety of canned pants and jackets were made food; and Jack’s wife, tbl”c, in different places, I had to Rose, is sitting on a stool match them and put them while ringing up the orders together. Another worker on her vintage cash register. who was not an immigrant And, I can still remember made more than I did, even Hershel Boehm, present owner of Seven Mile Market the small file box of inthough I knew that I was dex cards that she kept by worth more than he was. I that register, containing the went to the boss, who spoke names of people who had Yiddish, and asked for a bought their groceries on raise. He didn’t want to give credit. About $20,000 was it to me since I didn’t know still owed at the time Jack’s English. He offered me half closed. Almost all of that of what he offered the other money was paid up. workers, so I left.” It is obvious that the Mr. Boehm worked as Boehms’ benevolence in the a die cutter for a long time, Baltimore community and cutting the paper which beyond has grown as their would be used for envebusiness, ka”h, has grown. lopes. His boss liked him so Seven Mile Market sponsors much, he not only excused Hershel’s son, Moshe, and other family members are among the more causes than you and I the fact that he was sho100 full - and part-time Seven Mile Market employees

mer Shabbos and had to leave earlier during the winter months and take off for the Yamim Tovim, he gave him the key to the place so he could come in at 5 a.m. and leave late at night to make up the time. His boss even paid him overtime, although he told him he didn’t have to. That job lasted until he started to get sick from the dust of the paper and had to quit. Getting Down to Business In 1953, Mr. Boehm came home and told his wife that he was starting a business. Mrs. Boehm was scared to take the risk, but her husband courageously rented a store at 3500 Park Heights Avenue and opened a fresh fruit and vegetable store. Mr. Boehm shared that he couldn’t even afford a cash register or a refrigerator when he first opened. He worked his way up and bought both, and built the shelves for the store, with his own hands. He learned how to drive and bought a used truck, which he drove to the market at 4 a.m. so he could select the best fruits and vegetables for the most reasonable cost. Slowly working himself up, he rented part of the store to someone who sold fish. Subsequently, after the Boehms visited Rose’s sister, Leah, and her husband, Chaim Lipa (Leopold), in Philadelphia, Mr. Boehm asked his brother-in-law to be his business partner. The Friedmans were not happy raising their family--their two sons, David and Hershel, nicknamed “Heshy” to avoid confusion [later, a daughter, Chaya Esther, was born in Baltimore] in a neighborhood that was not frum, and the Boehms soon convinced them to move to Baltimore. They lived in a duplex on Park Heights. The Friedmans lived downstairs, and the Boehms lived upstairs. Mrs. Friedman (fondly known to her nieces and nephews as “Tanta Leichu”) babysat for all the Friedman and Boehm children, while Mr. and Mrs. Boehm and Mr. Friedman minded the produce and fish store. Chaya Esther (nee Friedman) Brull and Chana (nee Boehm) Retter are only two months apart; they still


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share a close relationship having been charity. She explained to them that would come to the front to man the raised together. In fact, as a young there are a lot of people who can’t af- register and then my father would go child, Mrs. Retter used to call her aunt, ford their food and don’t eat. One old- to the back of the store to daven. There “Mommy”. er bachelor told her, ‘If you tell me, was certainly no concept of ever missBoth families made a living, but I know you mean it,’ and he gave her ing a davening. He felt very strongly after a few years the neighborhood $2,000; she even collected as much as about it. He took it as something that a changed and there was not enough $12,000 for food certificates.” person would do naturally.” business for everyone, so the brothGrowing Up in the Store “In pre-credit cards days, the store ers-in-law amiably parted ways (afAlvin, the eldest Boehm son, re- gave credit to people who were not ter many years, the Friedmans’ store calls spending a lot of quality time prepared to pay every time they came eventually moved to Rogers Avenue). with his father, after his partnership in. There was no such thing as turning After the Boehms moved to an emp- dissolved with his uncle and his par- someone down. If somebody would ty store on the 5200 block of Park ents bought the store on the 5200 say that they weren’t able to pay Heights Avenue, near Belvedere, the block of Park Heights. right now, or they would rather pay Friedmans and Boehms now owned “At that point, when I was 12 years at the end of the week when they got separate competing businesses (in this old, the store was too much work for their paycheck, it was always an ‘of new Upper Park Heights location, for just my parents and there was an ex- course’--there was never any discusthe first time, Mr. Boehm sold gro- pectation, pretty much from day one, sion of credit worthiness. Most people ceries, in addition to fresh produce that after school I would be dropped paid what they could, but many people and delicatessen), yet they remained off at the store and help until it closed could not pay in full. One thing that the best of friends. That store loca- at 9 p.m.,” recalls Alvin. “I was able to always struck me was the dignity that tion lasted until the building was sold relieve my mother who was working my parents gave to those people was in 1970. The new landlord told him in the store, so she could go home and really impressive. I never, ever heard he had to move in two months, or he spend time with my younger brother them remind anyone that their balance would double the rent for the follow- and sister who were three and eight was running high and maybe it is time ing month and would double it each years younger than me.” to pay it off. Certainly, I never heard month after that. Alvin, who has lived in Brooklyn them mention that they would have to “I didn’t know where to go,” Mr. for many years and is currently em- cut anyone off from any further credBoehm told me. “I couldn’t find any ployed in the Information Technology it. They were always very gentle and suitable location and decided I was (IT) field, has a lot of fond memories put the other person at ease. They unclosing up and what will be, will be. I of those days. These are just some of derstood; they never made a big deal started selling out my remaining stock them: about it. They certainly expected evand was not purchasing any new mer“There were very few minyanim eryone to pay their bills, but they were chandise. I took my daughter for a ride in Baltimore for mincha and maariv, really nice and really forgiving.” on Reisterstown Road and noticed a back then, and we basically did not “I remember once, someone who man putting up a `For Rent’ sign on leave the store to go daven, but I dis- had a balance was driving and their a storefront. I went over to him and tinctly remember my father tapping car broke down. The person needed inquired about it. It was a lot bigger me on the shoulder and reminding me to be towed, but didn’t have money to than what I had, and he wanted $525 that it was time to daven. We would pay for towing. The person asked the a month. It was in very bad shape. I take turns. I would go to the back tow truck driver to stop at our store so fixed the store up myself. I sanded, of the store to daven mincha, then I he could ask my mother if she could put in counters, and made advance him the money he shelves. Slowly, I filled up needed to tow his car. My the store. We did much more mother gave him the cash business, and we were able that he needed. It was just to help a lot of people. We added to his balance.” collected a lot of money for “Around Purim time, people who were not able before Pesach, my father to pay their bills. Before would start to organize food Pesach, we gave out thoudeliveries to people he knew sands of dollars. There was that really could not afford no Ahavas Yisroel organito buy food for Pesach. He zation back then. My wife didn’t fund it totally himself. approached a lot of people There were other people in about giving money, who the community who knew might not ordinarily give that he was doing this and Herhsel Boehm, standing, with his brother-in-law, Simcha Retter

contributed to it, but he was in charge of putting together the packages and they were delivered by our truck. I remember the instructions he gave to the driver--to park a little bit away from the house where he was doing the delivery, to go quietly to the door, put it down without ringing or knocking, and to come back quickly to the truck so that the recipient wouldn’t see him and wouldn’t have any questions, so he wouldn’t have to explain anything.” Alvin believes that it is to the credit of the opening of Jack’s that more and more young, yeshivish Ner Yisrael couples decided to settle in Baltimore, beginning in 1965 and 1966, rather than move to New York, as they had in previous years. With the new convenience of having more kosher foods available that met their high standards of kashrus, slowly, the frum community of Baltimore grew, blossoming even more in recent decades. Alvin’s sister, Chana Retter, also “grew up” in the store. “The bus dropped off me off at the store everyday after school,” reminisces Mrs. Retter. “From the age of five or six, they put me up on a stool and I worked the cash register. Before Pesach, I didn’t go to school; I basically worked in the store. Although I missed a lot of work, I was responsible for making it up, and in my Senior year, our principal, Rabbi BenjaminSteinberg, zt’l, asked me to change my work schedule to alternate days. He realized that my parents needed me. When we moved into the Jack‘s location, I helped out a lot with cooking the hot take out dishes we began to offer, some of which were prepared in the basement of our home.” Some of Mrs. Retter’s fondest memories are of her parents’ extraordinary chesed. “Once, a woman whose husband was out of town for a little while, came into Jack’s and asked my mother if she could make her purchases on credit [these were pre-credit card days] since she ran out of money for groceries,” recounted Mrs. Retter. “My mother said, ‘Sure!’ and when the woman was leaving, she handed her some cash. She figured that if she


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Around the Community

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After his retirement, the senior Mr. Boehm temporarily left retirement to teach the Seven Mile Market employees how to run the kitchen and appetizing departments. After the new store opened, the Boehms continued to empathize with and help out kosher consumers who could not afford to buy groceries. “I was worried that some customers would not be able to buy food at times if there was not some sort of credit system in place,” the senior Mr. Boehm told me. “I opened up an account of $5,000 and gave the store head checks, to be used by these families.” The Boehm family business torch has been passed down to Hershel, who--like his father--works together with his brother-in-law, Simcha Retter. Hershel’s son, Moshe, his daughters, Chani Flamm and Miriam Zayon, and his nephew, Nachum Retter, are among the 100 full- and part-time Seven Mile Market employees. Hershel’s son, Moshe, and other family members are among the 100 full - and part-time Seven Mile Market employees. When I asked Hershel’s father how, especially after having escaped war-torn Europe and struggling to succeed in America he felt about his son’s business accomplishments, he answered, “Hershel deserves it. He’s a big baal chesed and baal tzedaka.” Jack Boehm always worked hard from before dawn to night, and when he retired he finished Shas more than once. Even after he retired he still got up early to go to his Daf Yomi and halacha shiur--he was always learning. His devotion to and love of Torah and mitzvos, in addition to his strong work ethic and love of his fellow man, continue to inspire and live on in his children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, who follow in his path. In this zechus, amongst others, may the neshama of R’Yaakov ben Avraham Yitzchok, Z’TL, have an aliya.

MARCH 3, 2016

was out of money, there were probably other things she would need to purchase while her husband was away. Even when our store was located in the Pimlico area, a mostly non-Jewish neighborhood, my mother was friendly to everyone, knew their stories, and extended them credit. “We were just good kids,” concludes Mrs. Retter. We saw how hard our parents worked and that they needed us, so we helped as much as we could.” Hershel Boehm, Alvin and Chana’s brother, who is the present owner of Seven Mile Market, worked at the Jack’s location as young as ten years old, checking out customers on the cash register and packing up their orders on Fridays, so his mother could go home and get ready for Shabbos. Hershel Boehm, present owner of Seven Mile Market, worked at the Jack’s location as young as ten years old, checking out customers on the cash register and packing up their orders on Fridays, so his mother could go home and get ready for Shabbos. “When I was 13 or 14 years old, I had to come home from Ner Yisrael to help out on Friday afternoons,” says Hershel. “I used to go on the deliveries to show the drivers the stops. When I was about 19 or 20, and Jack’s had to move out of Park Heights Avenue, I was learning in yeshiva in Eretz Yisrael. As soon as my father found the new location [the store now occupied by Tov Pizza] for Jack’s, he called me to come home. I had no plans at the time of going into business. I thought I would be learning for a while. I let life take its course. The Boehm Legacy Even before the elder Boehms were fully retired, Hershel was fully trained to take over more and more of the business at Jack’s. It was in 1988, that he was approached by Josh Gutman, z“l, who owned a wholesale business and a retail butcher shop at the time, with a proposal to join forces and open a supermarket in the Valu-Food building (formerly a Safeway supermarket) on the corner of Seven Mile Lane and Reisterstown Road.

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MARCH 3, 2016

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Lakewood’s Ralph Zucker and Yisroel Weisberger join as signatories for Orlando campaign!

‫רה אקדמי‬

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‫אורלנדו‬ ‫תו‬

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tions from across the globe and spectrum of Judaism who have brought the campaign to this point. Security for this loan is of critical importance. When dealing with Klal Yisroel’s money every “i” must be dotted and every “t” must be crossed. To that end, this loan has been arranged with all of the regular structures of any other loan. Legal documents have been prepared by prominent attorney Jeffrey Zwick; title insurance is in place; the appraisal process is almost complete; environmental and engineering reports have been completed and the loan is being administered by Cross River Savings Bank. What makes this loan really unique is that

the building, and not the school, is the collateral. The building is cash-flowing from the school and from other tenants as well. Says Rabbi Zvi Bloom of Torah Umesorah, “Every Tzedaka project involving Klal money needs two people to oversee each and every dollar. We are thrilled that Ralph and Yisroel have agreed to oversee every payment.” The pieces are now in place and with your help we will bridge the last $500k! History is being made; seize your part today and visit www. orlandotorah.com or call Rabbi Avrohom Wachsman at 407.864.3375

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

Bnos Yisroel of Baltimore Combines Old Testament Knowledge with New Age Engineering In the lobby of Bnos Yisroel, a girls’ school with nearly 500 students in Nursery - Grade 12, a crowd of kindergarteners gathers around a large model of the Mishkan, the portable Tabernacle built by the Jewish people in the wilderness. Their teacher reaches over the plexiglass panel meant to keep curious hands at bay and carefully lifts out an intricate plastic replica of the Shulchan, showing the girls twelve little plastic loaves of the lechem hapanim stacked in two neat rows. This is a scene which has repeated itself in countless schools around the world, but the staff of Bnos Yisroel is changing the way students approach the ubiquitous and time-honored “Mishkan project.” Thanks to advancements in desktop manufacturing, the ability to produce detailed objects using low-cost materials is now widely available, and Bnos Yisroel is taking full advantage of this to bring old knowledge to life. The school commissioned Mr. Brian Silberberg and Rabbi Hallel Newman to design and build this new replica using the latest 3-D printing technology. Rabbi Newman prepared virtual models of every component as described in the

Torah, “printed” them out of plastic on a 3-D printer, and assembled them into a complete structure in the same way the Jews did in the wilderness. The Bnos Yisroel model measures over four feet wide and eight feet long, making it the largest and most accurate 3-D printed Mishkan replica in the United States. Although the display model is for eyes only, students will have plenty of opportunities for hands-on interaction with the material. Bnos Yisroel has prepared activity kits for classroom use consisting of different parts of the Tabernacle for the girls to study and assemble. Thanks to the ease of 3-D printing, these pieces can be produced as many times as needed, and at any scale, and all of them are exact replicas of the original. In addition, 100 sets of Kerashim have been prepared for girls to take home and share with their families - furthering the learning process beyond the school walls. Mrs. Sara Itzkowitz, Founding Principal, is thrilled with the project and its benefits. “From the 3-yearolds to the staff, everyone in the school loves this project. Watching the Mishkan come to life transformed a textual

subject into a fascinating demonstration.” Mrs. Ahuvah Heyman, School Director of Bnos Yisroel, is excited about the learning possibilities offered by a 3-D printed model. “While some students remember what they read in a book or see in a picture, every single student will remember how the Mishkan was assembled after assembling it themselves. We are Bnos Yisroel, and we teach students, not subjects!” Bnos Yisroel encourages its students to share their lessons beyond the classroom, and with this new Mishkan model the school is now leading by example. Rabbi Chaim Amster, Director of Development at Bnos Yisroel, hopes to leverage the Mishkan’s wide appeal to educate a broad spectrum of Jewish Baltimore, including local schools, congregations, and groups. “I see this project as an opportunity for our students and all members of our community to understand the intricacies

of the Torah in a way otherwise impossible.” For additional information, and to arrange a free showing, please call Rabbi Hallel Newman, 443-591-6675 or Rabbi Chaim Amster, 443-8151548 or email businessoffice@bnosyisroel.org


11

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

MARCH 3, 2016

12

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Community

Over 1000 Bochurim Led by Roshei Yeshiva and Rabbonim of Modiin Illit Attend Daf HaYomi B’Halacha Kinnus Chaim Gold

“It was a hafganah, a massive demonstration of kedushah! Nearly 1,000 bachurim testified by their very presence that bringing daily halacha into their lives was a critically important priority! It was a hafganah, a demonstration where tens of Rabbonim and Roshei Yeshiva came to show their encouragement for this undertaking while urging even more bachurim to join Dirshu’s popular Daf HaYomi B’Halacha program in which every participant learns a daily daf of Mishnah Berurah thereby bringing practical halacha into his life in a real way,” said Rabbi Avigdor Bernstein, a senior member of Hanhalas Dirshu in Eretz Yisrael. Close to 1,000 bachurim from the city of Modiin Illit gathered together at the Pis Auditorium in Modiin Illit this past Motzoei Shabbos Parshas Terumah in a remarkable demonstration of achdus and unity of purpose. The event was graced by numerous Roshei Yeshiva and Rabbonim from the city as well as Dirshu’s Nasi, Rav Dovid Hofstedter. HaGaon HaRav Aryeh Finkel, shlita, the senior Rosh Yeshiva in town, was also slated to attend. He enthusiastically endorsed the gathering and assured the hanhala of Dirshu that he would be present. Alas, over Shabbos, his sister, Rebbetzin Shifra Nebenzhal, the wife of HaGaon HaRav Avigdor Nebenzhal, shlita, Rav of the Old City of Yerushalayim, passed away and he was forced to cancel. Established and Encouraged by Gedolei Hador Eight years ago, the impetus to start the Daf HaYomi B’Halacha program was done with the guidance and encouragement of the posek hador, HaGaon HaRav Yosef Sholom Elyashiv, zt”l, and is today directed and guided by HaGaon HaRav Aharon Leib Shteinman, shlita, and the Daf HaYomi B’Halacha nesius whose members are Roshei Yeshiva, Admorim and Rabbonim who represent the entire cross-section of Torah Jewry. The Daf HaYomi B’Halacha pro-

gram is very popular in Modiin Illit, with numerous shiurim held daily around town. In addition, many yeshivos in the town have instituted the learning of Dirshu’s Daf HaYomi B’Halacha program in their daily halacha seder. Despite the gratifying numbers of bachurim already in the program, however, the hanhala of Dirshu together with the hanhalos of numerous local yeshivos felt that even more bachurim could benefit from incorporating Dirshu’s daily halacha program into their lives. Thus with the

Rav Dovid Hofstedter offering words of Chizuk at the Dirshu Bochurim event

enthusiastic support of the hanhalos of numerous yeshivos and the city’s Rabbonim, Dirshu organized this special gathering in honor of the milestone of the program beginning hilchos tefillah. As a result of the chizuk derived at the kinnus, multitudes of bachurim joined their peers, undertaking to join Daf HaYomi B’Halacha by starting to learn hilchos tefillah. “Without Strict Adherence to Halacha, a G-d Fearing Jew Cannot Move!” The first speaker at the event was the Rav of Modiin Illit, HaGaon HaRav Meir Kessler, shlita. Rav Kessler related a fascinating story that transpired with the Brisker Rov. “The Brisker Rov was once traveling and was unexpectedly detained in a certain town. He understood that obviously Divine Providence had orchestrated his unexpected stay in the city but he wondered for what purpose. While there, he met a local bachur who had been engaged for three years but refused to get married because both his and his kallah’s family were too poverty stricken to afford tzitzis for a tallis and the milchig and fleishig utensils that they would need in their new home. The bachur - a very simple bachur who barely knew how to daven -

had a temimusdige understanding that without absolute adherence to halacha a person cannot move on in life. The Brisker Rov realized that it was this lesson that Hashem wanted him to absorb. Every Yid must understand that adherence to halacha is non-negotiable and that without strict adherence to halacha, a G-d fearing Jew cannot move! This,” concluded Rav Kessler, “is what Daf HaYomi B’Halacha is all about.” “Intellect and Toil are Insufficient!” Rav Dovid Hofstedter, the Nasi of Dirshu, gave an all-encompassing Torah address wherein he explained that one of the things that we daven for in our daily tefillos is success in Torah learning as we beg Hashem, ‘Vesein chelkeinu b’Sorasecha-grant us a portion in Your Torah.’ Indeed the Gemara asks, ‘What should a person do to become a chacham?’ The Gemara answers that one must learn with great hasmodah. Nevertheless, the Gemara continues, that is not enough. Many have tried to learn but did not succeed. The Gemara ends that, ‘One must beg for wisdom from the One to whom wisdom belongs.’ “From here we see,” said Rav Hofstedter passionately, “that Torah is not l’hevadil like any other chachma. With regard to any other knowledge, if a person is bright and studies he will master it. Torah is different! Torah is Hashem’s words. Torah comes directly from the Ribbono Shel Olam. Understanding Torah is not dependent on one’s brilliance, rather, one must work and toil and even that is not sufficient. One must daven, beg Hashem to endow him with knowledge and only then can one truly succeed in acquiring Torah.” Rav Hofstedter called on the 1,000 bachurim in attendance to invest time and effort into the learning of daily halacha and to daven to Hashem with their hearts and souls to achieve success in Torah and knowledge of Torah. “Performing Mitzvos According to Halacha Endows a Person with Heavenly Kedusha”

A very well-received address was given by HaGaon HaRav Avrohom Yitzchok Barzel, shlita, R”M at Yeshivas Mir in Kiryat Brachfeld, a neighborhood in Modiin Illit. Rav Barzel, citing proofs from Chazal, said that a person who merits to properly observe halacha and perform the mitzvos exactly as prescribed by halacha is endowed with kedusha from heaven, a kedusha that enables him to hear and understand the dvar Hashem. The Rosh Yeshiva concluded, “I look forward to hearing that all of the bachurim here tonight will accept upon themselves to learn hilchos tefillah in the Daf HaYomi B’Halacha program!” HaGaon HaRav Shevach Tzvi Rosenblatt, shlita, a prominent Rav and Posek in Modiin Illit, then explained the Gemara that states that from the day that the Beis Hamikdash was destroyed Hashem has nothing in His world other than the four amos of halacha. Learning halacha is the way to connect with Hashem and merit the Shechina’s presence in one’s life. Learning the Halachos of Tefillah to Implement Them The final drasha was delivered by the well known maggid, Rav Shlomo Levenstein, who in honor of beginning hilchos tefillah, impressed upon the bachurim the importance of investing time and effort into their davening from coming on time to davening, properly preparing oneself for davening and learning the true meaning of the tefillos. In an emotional moment, Rav Levenstein exclaimed, “On a holy night such as this when so many bnei Torah have come together to accept upon themselves to learn the halachos of tefillah there is a special siyatta d’shmaya that one’s tefillos will be heard when asking Hashem for success in davening and learning.” As the bachurim exited the large hall, the gleam in their eyes, the determination and the inspiration that was clearly etched in their countenances attested to their dedication to bringing daily halacha into their lives and the further success of the Dirshu Daf HaYomi B’Halacha revolution!


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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME MARCH 3, 2016

What is the best time in the buying process should you be contacted? Get the loan before the home! About 60% of my clients call me before they start looking. The other 40% call me after they have seen the home. In most cases I can turn around a mortgage approval letter within a few hours after my initial conversation with the buyers. Having a strong Mortgage Approval letter can be the difference when negotiating for a home. Can first-time buyers make use of government programs and grants with your programs? Yes, Academy Mortgage is an approved Maryland Mortgage Program/ CDA lender and a Real Estate partner with Live Baltimore. I am a recommended lender and frequent speaker for Home Buying classes at CHAI. What type of loans do you underwrite? Academy Mortgage is a direct lender. We underwrite FHA, VA and USDA government programs plus the Conforming Conventional Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac Loan products with Academy Underwriters located in our local Mid Atlantic Operations center. The products underwritten in-house also include Jumbo Non-Conforming loans and renovation loans. Through our broker channel we have asset based loans, interest only loans, financing for non-conforming condo projects and loans for Foreign Nationals. Since my underwriters are in my office, we can review complex income

from self-employed borrowers before they make an offer on a home. As a direct lender, we can originate, process, underwrite, close and fund our buyers loans faster and smoother than our competitors. What is your philosophy on customer service? My father told me you only have one reputation so don’t mess it up. My team and I pride ourselves on our Customer Service. The surveys and testimonials we receive always thank us for our exceptional customer service. I want the home buying or refinancing experience to be an enjoyable one. Life is stressful… the mortgage lending process does not have be one of those stressful life events with The Rosenblatt Group. As a seasoned professional who has closed thousands of transactions and hundreds of millions of dollars in loans, I am better prepared to deal with the challenges that can arise during the loan process with a solution or prevent common mistakes or delays that can occur with an inexperienced loan officer. How accessible are you? I am very accessible. I answers calls and emails late into the evenings and on Sundays. Many of my first time buyers have young children and their first availability is after 8:30pm to chat. I had a client who came in on a Sunday from Florida. They fell in love with home and I was able to prepare a mortgage approval Sunday evening and their offer was accepted. If they had waited to speak to another loan officer on Monday,

multiple offers would have been submitted and they may not be raising their family in the home today. Where do most of your referrals come from? 100% of my business comes from referrals. The majority of my referrals comes from previous clients. I also can count on a loyal group of realtors, CPA’s, financial planners, attorneys, home builders, family and friends for additional recommendations. I want the referral source to always hear the words “Thank you for sending me to Sam!” How do Jewish values impact you and how does it impact your approach to business? I strongly believe my success in the mortgage industry is a direct result of my Jewish values and how I approach every interaction with my clients, business partners and referral sources. Jewish values have taught me to be fair and honest. There are no games or surprises with my team. I practice the “way of the pious.” What is your favorite Jewish holiday and why? My favorite Jewish Holiday is Rosh Hashanah because it marks the anniversary of the creation of the world. I love watching my son listen to the blowing of the Shofar. Of course eating the round challah my cousin bakes is a real treat every year. If you would like to nominate someone to be interviewed email Yitz@BaltimoreJewishHome.com

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

How long have you been in the mortgage business? I started my mortgage career in August 1995. I am now in my 20th year doing what I love. How long have you been serving this area? In 2003, a very close friend purchased a home within The Eruv. I remember asking him, how do I let everyone know that I am another great lending option for buyers purchasing homes or refinancing homes in the community? He suggested that I start advertising in the local publications that target home buyers and home owners within the community. My reputation as a reliable lending professional began to grow. I worked the “challenging loans” establishing myself as the loan officer who will find a solution to even the most difficult or complicated home purchases. I am now a 1st Choice for home buyers, realtors and title companies in the community. What should clients expect at their first meeting with you? The majority of my clients initial conversation with me is on the phone. As a mortgage planner, I ask important questions so I can propose the best loan product based on their monthly budget, down payment, and price range. What you want to pay vs. what you qualify for are two very different numbers. I want my clients to look at their personal finances and do their own budget. Buying a home is not the same as buying a suit or a dress. You can’t return it for a store credit with your receipt.

Sam Rosenblatt


THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

MARCH 3, 2016

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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

MARCH 3, 2016

16

Around the

Community

Ohr Chadash Joins with Yachad for Fun Purim Activity BaltimoreJewishLife.com/Jeff Cohn

This past Sunday, students from Ohr Chadash welcomed kids from Yachad into their school to share a fun pre-Purim activity. After all introductions were made, everyone sat around the tables to make their own delicious hamentachen, filling them with chocolate chips, jelly

and sprinkles. It was hard to resist eating them all right away. Everyone then enjoyed a fun Bingo game with Purim themed pictures, with prizes given out as “Bingo” was happily shouted out by many children. The event ended with Rabbi Shmuel Miller

playing his guitar and having a sing-a-long to favorite Purim tunes. The children sang all together to the wellknown songs and laughed aloud to the amusing antics by Rabbi Miller. Ohr Chadash looks forward to the next joint event with Yachad.

STAR-K Speakers Bureau Takes Kashrus on the Road, Near and Far B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

Margie Pensak

On January 28, STAR-K Kashrus Administrator Rabbi Sholom Tendler addressed the Shomrei Emunah Night Kollel, in Baltimore, about the practical halachos related to cholov Yisroel and its differing common practices in the field of kashrus. A PowerPoint production detailed STAR-K’s management of cholov Yisroel hashgacha at Kreider Farms. “Rabbi Tendler’s presentation was the perfect complement for the night kollel’s study of the sugya of cholov Yisroel,” remarked Rabbi Shmuel Iser, Rosh Kollel. “His clear exposition of the halachos and valuable and in-depth knowledge of issues in the real life field of cholov Yisroel hashgachah were greatly appreciated by the fellows of the night kollel. It is

always a wonderful thing when you can take a sugya you are learning and translate it into the real world.” Rabbi Tendler was also invited to Detroit, on February 10, to present the latest developments in the world of kashrus and bug infestation, including hands-on cleaning and inspecting techniques. Mashgichim working in the food service industry certifying restaurants, caterers, and senior living centers, participated in the session held at the Detroit Vaad K-COR offices. “We asked Rabbi Tendler to address the mashgichim, as he has several times before, in addition to addressing our general community--because he is good, to the point, and knowledgeable,” remarked Rabbi Doniel

Neustadt, Chairman-Yoshev Rosh of the K-COR Kosher division of the Council of Orthodox Rabbis. “How amazing it is that the STAR-K helps out the smaller Vaadim who don’t have the resources the big agencies do.” Last month, STAR-K Kashrus Administrator Rabbi Dovid Heber gave a shiur to members of Baltimore’s Kollel Nachlas HaTorah--comprised of men of all ages who have flexible schedules, are retired or between jobs-on understanding the leap year and the halachos related to both months of Adar. “It was a great honor and privilege to have Rabbi Heber speak about leap years at Kollel Nachlas Hatorah,”said Rabbi Nechemiah Goldstein, Rosh

Kollel. “As an expert in calendars, his shiur was very informative and interesting. A large, enthusiastic crowd attended his special shiur. We look forward to hearing from Rabbi Heber again.” STAR-K’s Speakers Bureau presents selected topics ranging from the basics of keeping a kosher home and its philosophical and spiritual significance and practical application to a behind-the- scene look at the manufacturing and processing of several industries. For further information, visit: http://www.star-k.org/speakers or call STAR-K, (410) 484-4110.


17

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME MARCH 3, 2016

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B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

In 2015 Shimmy was Guaranteed Rate’s #1 loan officer in Maryland with nearly $32 million in total volume*. With amazing service and low, low rates, he helped 110 happy clients buy or refinance their home.


B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

MARCH 3, 2016

18

Around the

Community

Boys Ultimate Frisbee League Sails Higher Staff Reporter

It’s no secret that Ultimate Frisbee is one of the fastest growing and most exciting sports in the nation. Ultimate combines the non-stop movement and athletic endurance of soccer with the aerial passing skills of football into one fast-paced game where everyone is involved. Play stops when a player completes a pass to a teammate in the end zone. Just like basketball, Ultimate is a transition game in which players move quickly from offense to defense on turnovers that occur with a dropped pass, an interception, a pass out of bounds, or when a player is caught holding the disc for more than ten seconds. Ultimate is a sport like no other in that it has no referees; it is governed by Spirit of the Game. Northwest Baltimore youth have been able to participate in this sport thanks to the Pikesville Ultimate boys league, which is jointly sponsored by the JCC and Greater Pikesville Rec. Council. This is the first youth program of its kind in Baltimore. In 2015, the league had 30 participants and is looking to expand to 50 this year. Players are placed in either the learning clinic or the league based on an evaluation. Both divisions have skills and drills, middos, and games. Each player was pushed to excel athletically to his full capability and also learned practical tools and behavior related to character development and relationships/interaction. This league was a great outlet for the boys and a great opportunity for Weil to help coach in sport where the rules of fair play are the referee. Brett (Alexander) Weil started the league in 2014 with only 12 boys, but has seen interest and participation flourish, especially among parents looking for a healthy, supervised activity for long Spring evenings. Debbie Vogelstein, mother of player Elan Vogelstein, a Beth Tfiloh student remarked “at the end of every game Elan is soaked in sweat and has a big smile on his face. It’s very competitive, and the coaches are totally immersed.” The ethos called Spirit of the

Game, stresses responsibility and conflict resolution. Highly competitive play is encouraged, but never at the expense of mutual respect among competitors, adherence to the agreed upon rules, or the basic joy of play. Through the league’s partnership with the local program Boy to Mentsch, basic behavioral concepts are taught. These include: 1) Communicating without Anger, 2) Empathy, 3) Being Part of a Team and 4) Conflict Resolution.” Boy to Mentsch is a federal grant directed toward young Jewish men and partners with Jewish Women International in Washington, D.C., and CHANA, the Counseling Helpline and Aid Network for Abused Women in Baltimore. Shmuel Fischler, LCSW-C, one of the organizers of Boy to Mentsch and enthusiastic PUDA parent, related “win or lose our son Naftali came home happy. It’s a wonderful team sport that requires full effort which was written all over his face. I am grateful for the thoughtfulness in how the league was run.” Throughout the season we continue with our sportsmanship lessons through a review of Spirit of the Game and talk about anger. We let the boys know that it’s ok to be unhappy with how things may occur on the field, but also how to maintain a positive attitude even when we get upset with something on the field. The focus here will be communicating a way to share this without demonstrating anger. Also important to note is how, by not communicating with anger, the game tends to stay more positive, even in the most competitive environment. At the conclusion of the season, Weil wrote to national-level Ultimate star player, Jeff Silverman from the club team Santa Barbara Condors. Silverman replied in letter to the Baltimore league champions, also named the Condors, “Congratulations on winning your first championship! Winning takes a great deal of strength and hard work so you should all be very proud of yourselves. But there is more

to Ultimate Frisbee than winning. “Ultimate Frisbee is about the community you form with your teammates… If you want to be the best, you need to put your teammates ahead of yourself. That means you always encourage your teammates to be better, play smarter and work harder each step of the way. Be helpful every chance you can and you will be the best.” This letter was read aloud at their end-of-season banquet and a printed copy was presented to the winning team members. Everyone was touched by Silverman’s words and their impact on these growing boys did not go unnoticed. As the 2016 Pikesville ultimate league approaches, the focus will be on continuing to model effort, character and sportsmanship. League Directors Brett (Alexander) Weil and Mike Meyers will once again bring together a team of experienced, competent and talented coaches. Ultimate is a fun team sport and a great way to get outdoor exercise. It improves hand-eye coordination and athleticism, and above all, the emphasis on Spirit of the Game encourages honesty, fair play, and resolving conflicts in a respectful and productive way. The Spring 2016 boys (grades 3-6) ultimate league will be held over seven Tuesday nights in April-May from 6:15-7:45 PM at Wellwood E.S. Registration at pikesvillerec.org, click on Activities and then Ultimate. A separate girls league is also being planned for Tuesday nights in May at the Rosenbloom JCC in Owings Mills. Questions about either league? Please contact ultimate@pikesvillerec.org or 410-262-6136.


19

ISAAC

“YITZY”

DISTRICT 5 Democrat for Baltimore City Council

In the Purim story, we learn how Queen Esther saved the community. But beyond the palace walls, Mordechai led the Jews in davening, fasting, and doing everything possible to change the anti-Jewish edicts. While we work from outside, with our Rabbinic, community, and business leaders and activists, and the great organizations and institutions in our community, we need someone inside City Hall being our voice for us.

But Yitzy Schleifer cannot get elected to City Council without your vote.

We know from simple math – the number of eligible voters in the district and how many of them come from our community, that If we turn out vote for Yitzy, he will win. And while two of his opponents have done some things for our community and we appreciate it, they have done so on a salary paid for by our taxes; they are city employees. They can both continue in that role after Yitzy is elected – while he is supporting legislation to lower our taxes and proposing solutions for reducing crime. Every vote will make a difference. With local Rabbonim and community leaders urging the community to support Yitzy Schleifer, al tifrosh min hatzibur. If you are a registered Democrat, please make sure you vote. If you are a registered Republican or Independent, please consider switching parties for this election so you can vote for him. And if you are not registered, please do so. Because a vote for Yitzy Schleifer is a vote for our community.

For more information on registering to vote or switching parties visit www.VoteSchleifer.com By authority of: Vote Schleifer, Hillel Soclof, Treasurer

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

For the first time in almost 40 years, we have an open seat for City Council. We have the opportunity to send to City Hall someone who understands the nuances, traditions and priorities of our community.

MARCH 3, 2016

Crime is soaring… But it’s not too late to change that. Property taxes are high… But it’s not too late to change that. Businesses have fled Baltimore City… But it’s not too late to change that.

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Around the

A Fereilchin Purim Katan at Khal Chassidim D’ Baltimore BaltimoreJewishLife.com/Jeff Cohn

Purim Koton 5766 – Baltimore’s Purim season was launched last week as the Chassidishe Kollel - Khal Chassidim D’ Baltimore - celebrated with a Purim Katan Extravaganza replete with ruchniyus and gashmiyuus. The Kollel’s keyboard / violin / mandolin band was accompanied by Rabbi Nachman Berg-

man, whose mellifluous voice helped increase the extremely high level of laibidikeit exhibited by young and old alike. The ladies side was well represented as Kollel Yungeleit, Baalei Batim and children all came together in a tremendous show of achdus at Baltimore’s newest Torah jewel.

Beth Tfiloh Congregation Presents

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Community

NATAN SHARANSKY: Israel and Its Relationship to the World Jewish Community

Tuesday, March 15, 2016 7:30 pm Beth Tfiloh Congregation • 3300 Old Court Road Complimentary admission. Open Seating. Hear Natan Sharansky, the legendary advocate for Soviet Jewry, former Israeli Minister and political leader, and current Chairman of The Jewish Agency for Israel.

Beth Tfiloh

Congregation The Beth Tfiloh family and the Haron Dahan Foundation cordially invite you to the Third Annual Dahan Lecture featuring

Natan Sharansky legendary advocate for soviet jewry former israeli minister and political leader


The Week

150 Days of Intifada On Sunday, Palestinians launched

a mass media campaign celebrating the 150th day of the “Al-Quds intifada,” also known as the “knife intifada,” as the current terror wave has come to be called. The media campaign focuses on expressing support for the intifada and it’s “achievements” in the “struggle” against Israel by distributing explan-

MARCH 3, 2016 B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

For the first time since 2012, Egypt has an ambassador stationed in Israel, and it may symbolize the making of a strong bilateral relationship. Egyptian Hazem Khairat has officially been welcomed to the Egyptian embassy in Tel Aviv by President Reuven Rivlin, who had many warm words to describe the incoming ambassador. “He told me that he is very happy and very proud to be in Israel and that he hopes that his presence here will bring about a situation in which the friendship between the Jewish people and the Arab people in general, and between the countries of the region, will be such that we can live in peace,” Rivlin said. The remarks followed an uncharacteristic toast behind closed doors between Rivlin and Khairat. In 2011, the Israeli embassy in Cairo was attacked by angry mobs and abandoned by Israeli diplomats. But since current Egyptian president Mohammed Fatah Al Sissi took power, diplomatic relations between the two countries have improved, with Israeli diplomats returning to Cairo this past September. “Under the leadership of Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Egyptian President Abdel-Fattah el-Sissi, we succeeded in driving away the threats, and we’re working together for the sake of stability and

with this important and central Arab country,” he said.

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Israel Welcomes Egypt Ambassador

prosperity in the Middle East,” Foreign Ministry Director Dore Gold said at the time. In January, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu spoke of Khairat’s installation on Tel Aviv warmly. “I welcome the re-stationing of an Egyptian ambassador to Israel, which will enable us to further strengthen relations

In News

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The Week In News

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MARCH 3, 2016

atory material on the internet and on social networks tagged as “Intifada 150.” The Palestinians called on the public to support the intifada proclaiming, “The media is one of the most important tools in helping the intifada.” According to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, from September 13, 2015 to February 26, 2016, 33 people were killed, and 359 people were injured by Palestinian terrorists. The attacks included 192 stabbings, 75 shootings and 39 vehicular attacks.

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Clashes Ensue as Waze Leads Soldiers to Dangerous Area

Waze: You either love it or you don’t. On Tuesday, two Israeli soldiers mistakenly entered the Qalandia refugee camp in the West Bank when they followed directions from Waze. There, they were pelted with rocks and firebombs and were forced to flee from their jeep when it caught fire. One soldier escaped to a nearby Jewish neighborhood; another hid in a yard before being rescued by Israeli troops. When troops came to their aid, they were also put under attack, and a Palestinian man was killed in the clashes. Dozens were wounded. Ten members of Israeli military were wounded as well. Defense Minister Moshe Yaalon said the soldiers appeared to go astray by following Waze, the Israeli-developed global traffic app, which showed them the shortest route from Jerusalem to their destination in the West Bank. He said the incident would be

investigated further to make sure such a situation would not repeat itself. “I learned long ago, when the GPS was introduced, you can’t forget how to navigate using a map and you need to know your environment and not follow technology blindly,” Yaalon said. The rescue by the IDF employed the Hannibal Protocol, which grants troops near complete freedom of operation in order to prevent the capture of fellow soldiers. The rare protocol, considered a measure of last resort, is generally ordered to prevent the possible kidnap of Israeli troops and is considered a major operational undertaking, involving the possible use of massive firepower, even at the risk of endangering the kidnapped soldier’s life. The IDF said it employed the measure after realizing that one soldier was unaccounted for, in order to “keep everyone on the same page,” an IDF spokesperson said. “After locating one of the soldiers and [amid] the realization that another was missing, possibly abducted, the procedure was declared in the field in order to raise situation awareness and allocate the necessary military resources to locate the soldier,” the army said. The directive was in effect for approximately half an hour, until the second soldier reached the nearby Kochav Ya’akov settlement and made contact with the army.

Iran Supports Families of Martyrs Flush with newfound cash, the Iranian government has decided to put to good use. No, the $100 billion recently unfrozen with the lifting of sanctions on the country is not being used to provide needed social services or economic stimuli in the country; it is going to fund even more Palestinian terror and attacks on Israelis.


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The Week

Mohammad Fateh Ali, the Iranian ambassador to Lebanon, announced Tehran’s largesse in giving $7,000 to families of “martyrs of the intifada in occupied Jerusalem” and a further “$30,000 to every family whose home the occupation has demolished for the participation of one of its sons.” Israel has long predicted that lifting sanctions on Iran would only allow it to further add to its support of worldwide terror. The Foreign Ministry issued a statement: “This is further proof of Iran’s deep involvement in support for anti-Israeli terrorism. After the [nuclear] agreement with world powers, Iran has allowed itself to continue as a major player in international terrorism.” Israeli TV also reported that Hamas leaders have recently met with Iranian Al-Quds Force leader Qassem Suleimani, one of the most notorious backers of terror in the world. The report claimed that Suleimani “kissed the foreheads” of the terror group leaders and encouraged them to continue their anti-Israel engagements. A few months ago, Iranian leader Ayatollah Khameini wrote in a letter to Western youth, “The oppressed people of Palestine have experienced the worst kind of terrorism for the last sixty years. If the people of Europe have now taken refuge in their homes for a few days and refrain from being present in busy places it is decades that a Palestinian family is not secure even in its own home from the Zionist regime’s death and destruction machinery.”

Brothers Arrested for Sniper Attacks Two brothers from Hebron have been arrested by Israeli security forces for carrying out multiple sniper attacks on Israeli civilians and soldiers

over the last few months. The Shin Bet security service announced on Monday that Nasser Faisal Mahmad Badawi and Akram Faisal Mehmed Badawi, along with a number of other suspected operatives in terror organizations, were arrested in a joint Shin Bet, IDF and Israel Police operation over the past few weeks. On November 6, 2015, Nasser and Akram met on the third floor of a building owned by their father located near Ma’arat Hamachpeila in Hebron. From that angle, Nasser, 23, who Shin Bet claims is a member of Hamas, and Akram, 33, fired into a group of Israelis who were praying near the holy site. Two Israelis were injured, one seriously and the other lightly. “After carrying out the attack, the two then went on to their cousin’s wedding celebration,” the Shin Bet said, citing their confession. On January 3, Nasser returned to the same location with the sniper rifle, which has since been confiscated by the Shin Bet, and shot at a group of soldiers, hitting a female cadet in the pelvis and seriously injuring her. Later that day, the two brothers are believed to have traveled to the nearby Kvasim Junction, where Akram again fired at a group of soldiers, lightly wounding one. The Badawi brothers said the sniper attacks were revenge for the killing of an elderly Hebron resident who was shot as she attempted to carry out a car ramming attack at the nearby Halhul Junction earlier that day. Authorities caught up with Nasser on January 9 and questioned him about his involvement in the attacks. Akram, his brother, carried out another shooting on January 16 in attempt to cover up the suspicion, although no one was injured in the attempt. Just a short while later, Akram was arrested as well. The brothers are also suspected of having carried out a number of shootings against groups of Israeli soldiers in Hebron and against nearby military outposts, in which no one was hurt. During their confession, the brothers told their interrogators they’d learned how to silence the sniper rifle using an old oil filter by watching videos on the Internet.

In News The Fake Kid The Ortho-DogTist

He’s a dentist for the dogs. This week, the Harborfront Hospital for Animals in Spring Lake, Michigan, showed off a happy pooch with a silver smile. Wesley is a six-monthold Golden Retriever and he’s joined the metal mouth club with a brand new set of braces. “February is National Pet Dental Health month, so we thought this was a good time to let you know about the importance of your best buddy’s dental health,” the veterinary clinic captioned the picture on Facebook, which has been shared more than 270,000 times. The puppy belongs to Molly Moore, the daughter of the clinic’s veterinarian, Dr. James Moore, who is called a “doggie dentist” in the Facebook post. Why did Molly add so much tinsel to her canine’s canines? “He wasn’t able to fully close his mouth and chew well and he stopped playing with his toys because of the pain and started losing weight because he couldn’t eat,” she related. The braces were put on Wesley on February 19 and should come off this week, according to Moore. “I think the only way he realizes anything is different is because we had to take his toys away so he doesn’t pull the braces off,” Moore said. “He’s still as puppy-ish as ever.” Moore added that her dad sees a lot of “unique cases” in his practice. “He does a lot of oral procedures and different orthodontia for dogs,” she said. Dentistry has gone to the dogs.

His parents would be proud. Or maybe they’d be really, truly embarrassed. Asher Potts is a dream kid. He is a member of the National Honor Society at Harrisburg High School, is active in school, works with a student advisory group on a food bank and is a member of the school’s ROTC and Naval Sea Cadet programs. And he’s just months from graduation. But Potts won’t be graduating – high school, that is. His real name is Artur Samarin and he’s a 23-year-old Ukrainian national using a false identity after his visa expired. Now he’s heading to jail and he won’t be bringing any textbooks with him to the slammer. Samarin enrolled in the school as a freshmen and was able to pull off the stunt for almost four years. He lived with people he befriended. Marcel McCaskill knew Samarin from a seven week math and science program the two were selected to participate in at Penn State. He and Samarin were in a group together and did a presentation on cosmic rays and detecting radiation in the summer of 2013. “It’s totally mind-blowing to me,” said McCaskill, a freshman now in college. “Honestly, he was a very respectable guy. He was the perfect role model, someone you would want your son to look up to.” He admitted some other kids in the program would joke that Samarin was a Russian spy, mostly because of his accent, “but nothing was wrong with him from my perspective.”


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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME MARCH 3, 2016

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The Week In fact, in January, Samarin participated as a panelist in a forum addressing violence and youth in the greater Harrisburg area. He also received an award from state Rep. Patty Kim in 2014. Seems like a whiz kid. Although, it certainly helps to excel if you’re not really a kid.

The Bald Bandit He’s bald – and he’s going to do something about it. Police are scratching their heads, searching for a bald man who has been stealing Rogaine. The thief is bold with his burglaries, swiping a

whopping $847 worth of hair growth and memory-aid products from various stores. A treatment of Rogaine typically costs around $50. Seems like this guy is serious about growing a new head of hair. “We’re scratching our heads at this, no pun intended, trying to figure out what it is about the Rogaine,” Mount Healthy Det. Chris Jones told WCPO Cincinnati. Perhaps this burglar should invest in hats. Because you know what they say, hair today, gone tomorrow.

The Pearl Pasta It was a gem of a dish. A few weeks ago, Lindsay Hasz was dining out with her husband in

In News a restaurant near Seattle when she nearly broke a tooth. No, the chicken wasn’t overdone. Lindsay nearly swallowed a rare purple Quahog pearl that she found in her shellfish pasta. “It was pretty dark in the restaurant, so it was hard to tell what it was, but when I looked at it closer, it looked totally round and perfect,” she related. “Too perfect.”

Lindsay showed the gem to a gemologist who confirmed that the pearl is worth around $600. Similar pearls are typically native to the New England area, and the chances of finding one are “one in a couple million.” The pearl isn’t just precious to Lindsay; the restaurant has seen customers flocking in for the dish in the hopes of finding another gem. Take my word for it: the chef has made sure that every dish is now gemstone-free. This is not the first time someone nibbled on pearls while dining on dinner. Last April, a woman found 50 pearls in one fried oyster in a restaurant in Tennessee. Sounds like the pearl-fect dish.

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The Week In News

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There were pink slips for dinner that night when 75 billy and nanny goats were fired from their jobs at a popular park in Oregon’s state capital, Salem. The group of goats were brought in to landscape and eat Armenian blackberry and English ivy and other plants that were choking vegetation across the 1,200-acre park. The program started last fall and ended after six weeks and now officials are saying it won’t be renewed. Apparently, the goats were eating all the vegetation, cost more than human landscapers, and smelled far worse. According to officials, the animals ”had a barnyard aroma” and cost $20,719, including $4,203 for drinking water and a workers’ toilet, and $2,560 for monitoring, city staff said in a report to the city council this week. The cost was nearly five times the $4,245 for a normal parks maintenance man backed by a prison inmate work crew to do the job. This is not the first time goats have been used as gasoline-free lawnmowers. They have been munching grass at Alphabet Inc’s headquarters in Mountain View, California, and at the Historic Congressional Cemetery in Washington, D.C. Looking for someone to trim your hedges? Perhaps try a goat. Hey, ewe

MARCH 3, 2016

He’s going cold turkey – or should we say hot potato? Andrew Taylor has made a deliberate decision to eat only potatoes for 12 months. The 35-year-old is doing it to break what he calls his “food addiction.” Because man can’t survive without sustenance, Taylor has pledged to make his diet as boring as possible. “The next best thing was to find one thing that sustained me healthily,” he said, adding that besides potatoes, he also considered mangoes, bananas and watermelon. After deciding there were more options with the humble spud, Taylor now eats as many as he wants each day, boiled, mashed and even made into pancakes, occasionally flavoring them with seasonings such as garlic and salt. “I’m not having any fats, no butter, no meat, no dairy... no oil either,” the stay-at-home dad said, adding he was coping well on day 54. Only 311 more days to go. Although he didn’t go on the spud diet to lose weight, Taylor says he’s lost 37 pounds so far. “I’m sleeping better and have better mental clarity and focus,” he said, adding that his joint pain from playing football had also disappeared. “People assume that I am going to be sick and die,” he jokes. “If I feel sick, I’ll just eat something else.” He also said he’s taking vitamins and is under a physician’s care. “Potatoes are a real powerhouse,” he cheers, adding that he was amazed at how his radical eating plan had attracted media interest worldwide.

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Nothing but Potatoes

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It Could Have Happened To You

Wanna Be Like Mike Rabbi Eli Scheller

Sixth grade was a very hard year for Eliyahu. Suspensions and early dismissals were a common occurrence. Low marks on tests and poor grades on his report cards happened time and again. The one thing he was learning in school was that he would never succeed. What would a kid like that have to look forward to while in school day after day? Fridays. Fridays he would play baseball against the sixth graders of other schools. He lived for Fridays. After baseball his father would come home from work and before Shabbos they’d play one on one basketball. During one particular game between him and his father as his father guarded him very closely, Eliyahu pivoted, and then spun back the other way to

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drive right past his father and score an easy basket. His father was impressed. “Where did you learn that move,” he asked, “from Michael Jordan?” Eliyahu played both baseball and basketball, but basketball was his true love. And who epitomized basketball in the 1990s? Michael Jordan, the star player of the Chicago Bulls. His family did not own a TV so he never actually saw Mr Jordan play, but through newspapers and basketball cards he was very familiar with his exploit on the court. His bedroom was lined with Jordan posters, and Michael’s pictures were on all of his Tshirts. One day in the middle of the school year Eliyahu was again dismissed early. When Eliyahu saw his father’s car in the driveway Eliyahu

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opened the front door quietly and tried to slink past his father into his room. No such luck. “Eliyahu!” his father called out, “come to the den, we need to talk.” Eliyahu’s posture dropped from a slink to a full fledged slouch. He girded himself for the worst. His father began, “How would you like to watch Michael Jordan play basketball live?” Eliyahu was shocked for a number of reasons. First, he was expecting punishment, not a reward. Second, his father was not the type to give credibility to heroes of popular culture. Finally, his father was a thrifty person, and he wouldn’t throw away money for two hours of fleeting enjoyment. Eliyahu’s father continued. “Michael Jordan’s Chicago team is visiting New York to play the Knicks in six weeks from now. I want to take you to see that game. All you have to do is score 90 or higher on every test between now and then.” Eliyahu knew that when his father said a score of 90 that meant no wiggle room. Still, it took him less than a second to make the decision. He was going to that game. His father was true to his word. Six weeks later father and son were on a subway train to Manhattan and Eliyahu’s heart was pumping with excitement. Madison Square Garden! Home of the basketball Knicks and the hockey Rangers. On his way to watch a legendary player in the annals of American sports. Father and son held their tickets tightly in their hands and entered the building. The game was about to begin. They arrived at their section and were greeted by the ticket taker. He took both tickets, he looked at the two men, and said, “Where did you get these? They’re forgeries!” “Are you sure?” his father asked. “Step to the side,” the ticket taker ordered, “I’ve got to let the patrons with real tickets in.” Eliyahu was stunned, shocked, and hurt. He turned to his father. “What

happened?” Frustrated, his father explained, “Apparently we bought these tickets from a con artist. We were robbed. There will be no Michael Jordan for us tonight.” Eliyahu left the arena, went home and cried himself to sleep. He went to school the next day, and the next, and his grades and behavior were in line with old Eliyahu and not the new improved version. Sadly, this pattern continued throughout middle school. People call me Eli but my full name is Eliyahu, and I was a poor student for most of middle school. I finally got my academic skills going as a teenager, and when I did I thought long and hard about my Michael Jordan experience. Although I never got to see Michael Jordan’s talents I got to see my own. That six week window of academic excellence in grade 6 was a breeze. I did not require tutoring, nor discipline, nor constant reminders to stay on track. I had something else. An exciting goal which provided all the motivation I needed. After leaving Egypt the Jewish people assisted in the construction of the Mishkan - which required weaving, sewing and building. Where did they acquire these skill from? The Ramban explains that deep inside every person are hidden talents which can be tapped into when one has a strong desire to achieve something. The people who stepped forward to help in the Mishkan did not know they had such skills but they were motivated to be part of the building and thus tapped into their capabilities. Often we think that we are lacking the skill to achieve, the intellectual capacity to be successful or we are lacking physically. In truth the only thing we may be lacking is motivation. Create goals that excite you and you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how easy it is for you to score. Send your comments and thoughts to schellereli@gmail.com


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Between the Lines

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

Hanging by a Thread By Eytan Kobre

source of bitter dispute. In the thirteenth century, for instance, R’ Yaakov ben R’ Moshe of Alinsiya wrote a letter to R’ Asher ben R’ Yechiel (the Rosh) explaining why he forbade a certain eruv in his town. The Rosh responded by debunking R’ Yaakov’s concerns and urging him to construct an eruv immediately. When R’ Yaakov still refused, the Rosh threatened to ex-communicate him if his recalcitrance persisted (Teshuvos HaRosh 21:8-9).

As early as the times of the Gaonim (589-1038), local Jewish authorities began to construct eruvin to allow carrying on Shabbos (BaHaG, Vilna ed., pg. 54). An eruv, as used colloquially, actually refers to several different rabbinic conventions, one of which is an eruv that permits carrying between domains that are enclosed but under separate ownership. This eruv is created by making the property owners partners in a loaf of bread or matzah. Before carrying in an area that is not fully enclosed, one must enclose the area with “walls” and “doors,” often comprised of the ubiquitous eruv string.

To be sure, the prohibition against carrying is so grave that, to avoid even a remote possibility of carrying inadvertently, we do not blow shofar on Rosh Hashana (Rosh Hashana 29b), take a lulav on Sukkos (Sukkah 42b), or read the megilla on Purim (Megilla 4b) when these holidays coincide with Shabbos. According to some, the degree to which we obey the laws of carrying on Shabbos speaks volumes about our Torah observance in general (Ma’ayan Bais HaShoeva, Vayakhel). To obey meticulously the laws of carrying on Shabbos is to guard our very souls (Yirmiyahu 17:21-22). Those of us who live in the Queens or Five Towns areas are fortunate: we

The laws of eruvin are complicated and often are the

boast first-class eruvin (with some exceptions), which are well-maintained, regularly inspected, and quickly repaired when necessary. Unlike elsewhere (e.g., Tenafly, New Jersey or Westhampton Beach, New York, or Miami Beach, Florida), there are no legal impediments to the construction and maintenance of our eruvin, nor are our eruvin the subject of discord or communal strife. As the centuries-old roofs of Nikolsburg, Moravia, burned like dry tinder in the blaze, one house remained completely unaffected. That house stood in the Quergasse, where people would pass from the Jewish section of town into the Christian area… Decades earlier, the Jewish community decided to erect an eruv at that house on the Quergasse. But the plan could not be actualized because the owner of the house, the gentile butcher Topolanski, stubbornly refused to allow the strings to be erected – not because he objected but because of the overwhelm-

ing opposition mounted by his neighbors. The two sides ultimately submitted the dispute to the local governor, who – surprise, surprise – sided with Topolanski. The Chief Rabbi of Moravia at the time, R’ Mordechai Benet, was revered by both the Jewish and gentile communities. When R’ Mordechai heard of Topolanski’s bolshiness, he assured the Jewish community elders that he would attend to solving the problem. The next day, R’ Mordechai made his way through the streets of Nikolsburg to the house on Quergasse, where he found Topolanski relaxing after a hard day’s work. When R’ Mordechai explained the purpose of his visit, Topolanski became defensive, with all the usual embellishments – he himself was “no enemy of the Jews,” it was his “wicked neighbors” who opposed the eruv, and he simply “wanted to live in peace with all.” “In any event,” Topolanski reasoned, “the local authorities had decid-

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more than four cubits in a public domain (Shemos 36:6; Shabbos 96b). In a nutshell, the Torah prohibits carrying from an enclosed, private domain to an un-enclosed public domain, and vice versa, as well as for a distance of four cubits (about seven feet) in a public domain. A non-enclosed area that does not qualify as public domain is called a karmelis, and it is treated with the stringencies of both a public domain and a private domain.

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wo guys have been learning Gemara together for 20 years, when one invites the other to his son’s bar mitzvah. “Sorry, I can’t,” replied the chavrusa. “Why not?” “Because I’m not Jewish.” “Not Jewish? We’ve been learning together for 20 years!” “Oh that? I just enjoy the intellectual stimulation.” “But we learned that a non-Jew who keeps Shabbos is liable for the death penalty!” “Well, I never kept Shabbos fully. Whenever I left my house on Shabbos, I always made sure to carry my keys.” “But we have an eruv in our community!” “Ha! You call that an eruv? I would never hold from such an eruv!” One of the great ironies of modern Jewish life is that the eruv – intended to facilitate and promote Jewish unity – often has been a source of strife, both amongst the Jewish people and between the Jewish people and their non-Jewish neighbors. The 39th and final category of work prohibited on Shabbos is the carrying of objects between public and private domains or


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ed against it, and nothing more could be done.” “The authorities have ruled in your favor,” R’ Mordechai conceded, “and we cannot force you to comply with our request. But listen to the words of a man who has walked eighty years on

quence. If you comply with our request, your house will be protected from fire for posterity, for you, your children, and your children’s children.” Topolanski agreed, begrudgingly, and the eruv was constructed.

told that time and again fires have broken out in and destroyed parts of Nikolsburg, yet Topolanski’s house remained untouched. Few institutions are as central to the sustainability of a present-day Orthodox

To obey meticulously the laws of carrying on Shabbos is to guard our very souls

this earth. The justice of mortals is a comedy. Enthroned above us all there is a supreme judge – a judge to whom these childish games are of no conse-

R’ Mordechai’s promise would come true decades later. When a fire destroyed much of Nikolsburg in the 1830s, Topolanski’s house was spared. Indeed, it is

Jewish community as an eruv. Just consider what your Shabbos would be like without an eruv: families with young children could not go to friends and rela-

tives, the elderly and infirm would be homebound, and you’d have to either hide your house keys under the mat or plant pot (how’d I know?) or wear one of those funny key clips on your tie. But despite the immense benefits we reap from them, most of us do not provide consistent support for our eruvin. This is not a new problem. Indeed, Rabba once asked Abaye, “How can it be that there is no eruv in a community where two great scholars (i.e., Abaye and his teacher) reside?” Abaye replied, “What can we do? It is not respectful for my teacher to have to be involved, I am too busy with my learning, and the rest of the people are not concerned” (Eruvin 68a).

For many of us, it appears not much has changed. If you have not already done so this year (or for the past several years), consider paying your tax-deductible dues or simply making a donation to your local eruv organization, wherever that may be. I can’t guarantee your house won’t burn down (G-d forbid), but you will reap the rewards of your support in this world and the next.

Eytan Kobre is a writer, speaker, mediator, and attorney living in Kew Gardens Hills. Questions? Comments? Suggestions? E-mail eakobre@outlook.com.

Renovations Additions New Construction


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New Kotel Site for Egalitarian Services Portends Larger Battle for Full Religious Control by Judith Ives

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A Separate Peace Foreshadows Discord

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women, and mixed gender. This part of the Kotel will be under egalitarian control functioning out of government offices –rather than the ultimate control of the Orthodox Chief Rabbinate. Many see this as a tool for Reform and Conservative groups to try to take control of the Rabbinate itself and religious control of Israel. The bottom line is, according to Rabbi Lerner, Executive Vice President Emeritus of the National Council of Young Israel, “giving away part of the Kotel is unacceptable. This is the first time that we are giving [Reform Judaism] an official standing. They are going for the Chief Rabbinate.” Rabbi Steven Pruzansky of Congregation Bnei Yeshurun in Teaneck, New Jersey, ac-

knowledges the government’s well-meant intentions. This decision, he writes, “defuses a major source of tension between Israel and part of American Jewry, and counteracts the incessant pressure and threats they make against Israel when they feel disrespected. Threats by Jewish secular politicians and the Jewish ‘religious’ politicians to reduce their support for Israel if their demands were not met bore fruit, even if those threats were idle.” While he says that the arrangement “purports to express a ‘live and let live’ philosophy,” in actuality he considers this “one of the most divisive acts in Jewish life … perhaps not since the Reform movement’s patrilineal descent ruling in 1983. One of the greatest expres-

sions of Jewish unity – that all Jews could gather at this sacred space, the remnant of the Holy Temple, and worship precisely as our fathers and mothers did for centuries – has now been shattered.” “If an arrangement had been reached that didn’t involve the government, with them there and us here, it wouldn’t be so bad,” Harav Shlomo Amar, the Sephardi Chief Rabbi of Jerusalem told Hamodia. “But in the current circumstances we have a very serious problem.” Rav Amar sees this decision as the mouth of a slippery slope. To him, this decision means that the Israeli government is recognizing the validity of the Reform and Conservative movements. Rav Amar predicts that the

group controlling Robinson’s Arch will rename themselves something to the effect of “Reform Committee in the Prime Minister’s Office.” After that, “they’ll call themselves the Committee of the Chief Rabbinate of the Progressives,” a nominal shift that will in turn lead to a change in public and legal perspective. This shift would validate Conservative and Reform Jews as a religious body separate from the Chief Rabbinate and with that “they’ll be given jurisdiction in matters of mikveh, weddings, conversions,” he fears. The argument is valid, considering statements from Gilad Kariv, head of Reform Judaism in Israel. He claims the decision is “another significant step on the road to full recognition of Reform and

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t’s not the Women of the Wall anymore,” Rabbi Pesach Lerner tells us. “Unfortunately, we’re way past that.” Several weeks ago, the Israeli Knesset designated Robinson’s Arch, an area adjacent to the current Kotel, for Conservative and Reform services. The area has also been designated for the vocal women’s minyan group, Women of the Wall. Robinson’s Arch has always been available for egalitarian services but accessing the area currently requires using a separate entrance and walking up a ramp. The Knesset has now designated funding to double the area’s size to nearly 10,000 square feet; the government will also create a new entrance point to the Kotel, with entrances for men,


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Conservatism in Israel.” This, though, is far from the intention of the Original Women of the Wall, a fact well-noted by founder Phyllis Chesler. The Women of the Wall, a largely Orthodox-affiliated group, proclaim that they want women-only services at the Kotel itself. They took their quest to the Israeli Supreme Court and had all but won the right to their women’s tefillah groups, except for a final handicap. The rav of the Kotel passed an ordinance that people could not bring their own sifrei Torah to the Kotel; he would not allow the women to borrow Torahs from the men’s section. The women took this interference to the Court; the Court was supposed to rule on it – predictably in the women’s favor – over these past weeks. But the Knesset intervened before the Court ruling, hastily providing the Women of the Wall with a (non-separate) place for their services at Robinson’s Arch. This, though, is not in line with the women’s intentions or wants,

cated to alerting the public of dangers of the Reform movement, charts the Reform movement’s actions and intentions to take over the Rabbinate. First, he says, the Reform movement worked to take control of the IDF’s Jewish Identity from religious groups. Now, all branches of Judaism are involved in teaching soldiers about Judaism. Next, the cabinet voted to create the Reform and Conservative area near the Kotel, an area autonomous from Rabbinate control. They also won a Supreme Court decision that Reform and Conservative Jews can use the public mikvehs for their conversions. Ironically, Reform conversions do not require a mikveh. Reform Jewry, furthermore, was founded on a case for a reformed Judaism, one that erased mentions of Jerusalem in their prayers. Reform leaders did not want Jews to look Zion-ward. They do not involve themselves with daily prayer; they do not make aliyah. (More than 90 percent

This includes several basics including the fact that a mechitza is not allowed at Robinson’s Arch. This marks the first time that both movements have been officially recognized and will be used as precedent. Yizhar Hess is the Executive Director and CEO of the Masorti Movement [Conservative] in Israel. In an Op-Ed published in Yediot Aharonot last month, he lauded this “historic decision.” “This historical process redefines the relationship with religion and state in Israel… From today,

“One of the greatest expressions of Jewish unity – that all Jews could gather at this sacred space, the remnant of the Holy Temple, and worship precisely as our fathers and mothers did for centuries – has now been shattered.” wants that come from an Orthodox feminist perspective rather than a political one. Women like Chesler say they feel hoodwinked and used by the Reform and Conservative movements, movements that piggybacked onto the Women’s cause for their larger purposes. They will continue to pray, presumably, at the regular Kotel. Oren Henig of Merkaz Liba, an organization dedi-

of Jews who make aliyah are Orthodox, even among lone soldiers.) The newest version of the Reform prayer book has a section for Yom Ha’atzmaut but nothing on Yom Yerushalayim; it still contains no references to karbanot or rebuilding Jerusalem and the Beit Hamikdash itself. But the expanded Robinson’s Arch will follow customs agreed upon by Reform and Conservative leadership.

any solution must recognize the inherent right to freedom of choice…” He adds, “[It] addresses the basic simple fact that there is more than one way to be Jewish.” Rabbi Simcha HaCohen Kook, Chief Rabbi of Rechovot, sees this as not just a road to weakened Orthodox control of the Rabbinate, but as a road to assimilation. He points to the American Jew-

ish community with its dwindling Jewish population due, in large part, to assimilation. Seventy years ago, he says, 7 million Jews lived in the United States. Now, only 3.5 million do, and 65 percent of them are intermarried. This is the course, the Rav fears, that Israeli Jews will follow if the Reform movement takes control. Of course, not all American Jews are Reform. Many opt to be unaffiliated rather than Reform, and Reform Jews have an abysmal retention rate, an abysmal synagogue-attendance rate, and an abysmal “marrying-in” rate. So while the threat of a Reform and Conservative takeover of the Chief Rabbinate is real, a loss of Jews to those movements is less sure. Rabbi Yonasan Rosenblum believes that, even with a designated area, Robinson’s Arch will play a role as a tourist stop rather than a place of regular, crowded attendance. The sheer visual power of the numbers crowding the Kotel versus the sparse, sporadic groups at Robinson’s Arch will demonstrate the energy and potency of traditional Judaism. The Rav of the Kotel, Rabbi Shmuel Rabinowitz, mourns the loss of the unity and peace of the Kotel. He is saddened that this is the first time the Kotel has different sites for different factions.

Chief Ashkenazi Rabbi Rav Dovid Lau knows that the construction of an expanded Robinson’s Arch will take at least two years. He hopes to be able to use this time to overturn the decision (a decision that will cost the public 35 million NIS). He sees the decision as a “major breach to erode the power of the Chief Rabbinate since he took office in August 2013.” Rav Lau is a person who has been able to reach out to all factions; he maintains close ties with Chareidim and Sefardim. While he had been hoping that religious MKs would have protested louder at the Knesset while the “Kotel Compromise” was passed, the MKs perhaps felt the compromise would stop the issue from going to court. In court, ostensibly, the judges could have ruled that the whole Kotel would have to become a mixed area. Rav Lau notes that each year hundreds of thousands visit the Kotel from all religions and countries. The visitors respect our customs, much like we would respect theirs. “Just like I come here,” he tells American groups when he visits the United States, “speak in English, and respect your customs, I expect people who come to my home to behave with similar consideration.” He asks people to respect the “real women of the wall,” the women who come to the Kotel three times a day, rain or shine. “They deserve to be respected and their sensitivities considered.” Rabbi Lerner believes that, even if people feel they cannot resolve this issue, they need to recognize its proportions and implications. “We should tear kriah, cry, and scream,” he says. He quotes Rav Matisyahu Salomon, shlita, who spoke at the Agudah of West Lawrence several


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put notches in their belt about numbers of children in day school. So they have turned to Israel.” The Knesset members also do not realize how different secular Israelis are from secular American Jews. Orthodox leaders are not the only people upset by

era. The Waqf, the Palestinian Muslim religious faction, sees the expanded platform as an attempt to “Judaize our holy site.” The Umayyad in Jordan feel similarly, especially since the site will overlook the site of the seventh-century Umayyad Palaces.

to hear further details and outcomes of these meetings. Let us remember that as Orthodox Jews we are the ones who hold onto the links connecting our past to our future. We are the ones who kiss the stones that once sur-

It’s the only place that Hashem has promised will never be destroyed. The Kotel acts as a witness to Hashem’s promises to us.

the decision. Archeologists are upset that an expanded platform will ruin a key archeological site; it will overshadow a park with artifacts that serve as testimony to life during the Second Temple

Several meetings have been planned among Jewish rabbinic leadership about this. On Tuesday, the Israeli Moetzet met; the Chief Rabbinate met on Thursday. The Chareidi rabbinate is waiting

rounded the Beis Hamidash as we pour out our souls to the One Above. The Kotel is our connection, it our key to the past. We need keep it nestled in kedusha as our tefillos soar upward.

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who once visited the Kotel on a Friday evening backpacking trip may feel compelled to visit the new area rather than the Kotel. Rabbi Lerner feels that action must come from the American Jewish leadership. The Reform Jews that pushed this through were actually American Jews; Reform barely has a presence in Israel. (Five-hundred Orthodox synagogues exist in Tel Aviv; only one Reform one does.) American Jewry must unite, “with a common goal, we can work together.” He believes, “We need to educate members of the Knesset about Reform Judaism – their goals and their numbers. How many of them light candles on Friday night? The bottom line is that Reform and Conservative are imploding in the United States… They cannot

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years ago. At that time, Rav Matisyahu spoke of the significance of the Kotel and its role in Judaism: it’s the only place that Hashem has promised will never be destroyed. The Kotel acts as a witness to Hashem’s promises to us. Rabbi Lerner also recounts a key point in history, when the British tried to convince Rav Kook and Rav Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld to allow the Arabs to retain jurisdiction over the Kotel. Both rabbanim spoke to emissaries separately, though their messages were the same: Chas v’shalom. Never. Rabbi Lerner recalls the thousands of Kotel Jews who came closer to Judaism from a tap on the shoulder by Rav Meir Shuster z”l. Perhaps those days are over. The new area will be as large as the traditional Kotel, and those

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TJH

Centerfold kidding Riddle me this? ? ! You gotta be

A man worked for a high-security institution, and one day he went into work only to find that he could not login to his computer terminal. His password no longer worked. Then he remembered that the passwords are reset every month for security purposes. So he went to his boss and said, “Hey boss, my password is out of date.” The boss replied, “Correct the password is different now. Your new password has the same amount of letters as your old password, but only four of the letters are the same.” The employee said, “Thanks” and based on his conversation with his boss figured out what his new password was. Can you figure out what the new password is? See answer on next page

“911, What’s the Emergency?” B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

The following are supposedly real 911 calls: Dispatcher: 9-1-1. What is your emergency? Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner. Dispatcher: Do you have an address? Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why? *** Dispatcher: 9-1-1. What is your emergency? Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich. Dispatcher: Excuse me? Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it. Dispatcher: Was anything else taken? Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I’m sick and tired of it! ***

Two Florida State football players, Bubba and Tiny, were taking an important exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was “fill in the blank” and the last question read, “Old MacDonald had a____.” Bubba was stumped – he had no idea what to answer, but he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the teacher wasn’t watching, he tapped Tiny in the shoulder. “Tiny, what’s the answer to the last question?” Tiny laughed, then looked around to make sure the professor hadn’t noticed. He turned to Bubba and said, “Bubba, you’re really not too bright. Everyone knows that Old MacDonald had a farm.” “Oh yeah,” said Bubba, “I remember now.” He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. Then he stopped. Tapping Tiny on the shoulder, he whispered, “Tiny, how do you spell farm?” “Bubba, that’s easy,” hissed Tiny. “E-I-E-I-O.”

Dispatcher: 9-1-1. What is the nature of your emergency? Caller: I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have an eleven on it. Dispatcher: This is nine eleven. Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing. Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid. *** Dispatcher: 9-1-1. What’s the nature of your emergency? Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart. Dispatcher: Is this her first child? Caller: No, this is her husband. *** Dispatcher: 9-1-1. Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath... I think I’m going to pass out. Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? Caller: I’m at a payphone. North and Foster. Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? Caller: No. Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing? Caller: Running from the police.


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Weather Trivia

4. Tornado Alley is the name for which area of the United States? a. Brooklyn. Especially on a Sunday while trying to get a parking spot on Avenue J. b. The Midwestern part of the U.S., which includes Kansas, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Iowa, and Texas

6. How is a blizzard defined? a. As your bedroom closet. b. Constant wind gusts of 50 mph or more, and visibility below ½ mile, and more than 12 inches of snowfall. c. Constant winds or gusts of 35 mph or more, and visibility below ¼ mile with heavy snow and/or blowing snow, and all of these things must last for at least 3 hours. d. Heavy snow, hurricane force winds, and visibility under 1/8 of a mile Answers: 1. D- 1 inch of rain is equivalent to about 10 inches of snow. The difference comes from the air trapped in snow ice crystals and the density of the snow. This can be seen by simply filling a tall water glass with snow

and watching it melt. The lighter and fluffier the snow, the faster it melts. 2. D-The cirrostratus cloud is a high-level, sheet-like cloud composed of ice crystals. They can cover the entire sky and be thousands of feet thick, but because they are quite transparent, we can easily see the moon or the sun through them. 3. B- A jet stream is a high speed flow of air in the upper troposphere. It is like having rivers of air several hundred miles wide. This air generally moves from west to east, marking the boundary between two global air masses that have differences of temperature that are significant. 4. B 5. C 6. C Weather Report: 5-6 Correct: “Now, with traffic and weather on the eights, we turn to (please insert your name)” 3-4 Correct: You are not that great. Perhaps you could get a job at 1010 WINS. Dingalingadingalingdingalinga…You give us 22 minutes we give you the world. 1-2 Correct: Feeling foggy?

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3. What exactly is a jet stream? a. The trail left by an airplane high in the sky b. A narrow and shallow stream of wind which is usually westerly, strong and concentrates in the upper troposphere of the sky c. Precipitation caused by extremely high winds in the upper atmosphere d. Condensation particles that are starting to form clouds

5. When sustained winds are immediately expected to be over forty miles per hour for at least one hour in an area, what kind of advisory does the National Weather Service issue for that area? a. Strong Wind Advisory b. High Wind Alert c. High Wind Warning d. Wind Advisory

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2. Some clouds produce a kind of halo effect around the sun or the moon. The halo is a result of refraction of light by the ice crystals in the clouds. Cirrostratus clouds produce this effect. Do you know how to identify the cirrostratus cloud? a. Low level and layered b. Mid-level and wispy c. High level and puffy d. Sheet-like and high level

c. The northeastern part of the U.S. d. The southeastern part of the U.S., which includes Georgia and areas of Tennessee.

Answer to riddle: The old one was: Out of date. The new one is: Different

1. Ten inches of snow will melt down to how many inches of rain? a. 10 inches b. 7 inches c. 4 inches d. 1 inch

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A Military Mission Beyond Borders

PHOTO CREDIT MITCH GINSBERG-TIMES OF ISRAEL

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Dr. Tarif Bader

Colonel Dr. Tarif Bader, Deputy Surgeon General of the IDF, Speaks about Israel’s Compassion Around the World By Tammy Mark

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olonel Dr. Tarif Bader is a doctor like no other. Like most medical professionals, he is dedicated to helping those in need, yet there is nothing about his life’s work that is routine. As the Deputy Surgeon General of the Israeli Defense Forces, his work has taken him from hostile borders, through natural disasters and even to volatile college campuses. He lives every day in a state of alert. Dr. Bader has spent the most remarkable moments of his career in humanitarian aid, having participated in the IDF’s Medical Corps humanitarian mission to Haiti in 2010 and heading the recent IDF relief mission to Nepal after the earthquake in 2015. He is currently responsible for the treatment of refugees fleeing the Syrian Civil War. Dr. Bader is also a proud member of the Druze community.

A DESIRE TO CARE While Christians and Muslims

are not required to serve in the IDF, the Druze and Jewish populations of Israel are obligated to mandatory army service. Dr. Bader’s father served in the IDF for 25 years and his younger brother finished his service as a Lieutenant Colonel. Dr. Bader was the first physician in his family and he is now married with three children. His son also intends to study medicine before joining the IDF, and his nephew is currently serving as an IDF doctor. Born in 1967 in Horfaish, a small Druze village in the north of Israel, Dr. Bader graduated from Ben Gurion University Medical School in Beer-Sheva in 1993, subsequently joining the Medical Corps of the IDF. In 2001 Dr. Bader was selected as a National Institutes of Health Investigator Fellow at the NIH in Bethesda, MD. He went on to complete pediatrics residency training in 2004 at the Western Galilee Hospital in Nahariya, Israel, and received a Master of Health Administration from

Ben-Gurion University in 2006. Dr. Bader has served as the Deputy Surgeon General of the IDF Medical Corps since September 2014, reporting to his commanding officer Dr. Dudu Dagan. As the Deputy Surgeon General, Dr. Bader is in charge of military preparedness of all medical teams in the IDF Medical Corps, ensuring they are ready and able to make strategic decisions at all times. When disaster strikes, Israel looks to send a delegation whenever possible, with many people coming forward to participate from both the military and civilian populations. There were 121 medical personnel sent to Haiti – the number needed for establishing a field hospital – and 100 search and rescue volunteers in addition to that. Israel also sent 126 medical personnel on the mission to Nepal, with a total of 250 volunteers. Upon return from each mission, the medical rescue and service teams review their efforts and discuss how to do better each time.

HEADING TO HAITI Dr. Bader’s first official experience in humanitarian missions was in response to the 2010 earthquake in Haiti. The earthquake measured 7.0 magnitude and destroyed Haiti’s infrastructure. Israel was first on the ground there. Dr. Bader was responsible for pediatrics in the field hospital that Israel had built in Portau-Prince. It took 89 hours to assure that the hospital was fully functioning and safe, keeping in mind the possibility of aftershocks and the general safety in the region as well. In 2015, Dr. Bader headed up disaster relief efforts in Nepal, in the aftermath of the worst earthquake to hit the country in 80 years. Within 82 hours Israel had established a field hospital in Kathmandu, the first and only Level III medical facility that could function independently. While the majority of the Nepalese patients had suffered injuries from the earthquake, the hospital also treated the ill and women in labor,


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Troops in Nepal waiting to treat the injured

after the earthquake as “an amazing opportunity to be where people are in need and be there to save lives and help suffering people.” Not all missions are the same, and the medical teams have to adapt accordingly to the situation at hand. They have been witnesses to natural disasters, where hundreds of thousands are left without homes within seconds. In some cases they are serving as obstetrics, neonatal and ICU providers. They deliver psychological services for the locals and at times for their own team members,

clude effective leadership, decision making, and being able to adjust the solutions to fit the problems, often thinking out-of-the-box to do so. There is collaboration between military and civilian systems and logistic issues to consider. The IDF has participated in more than 15 humanitarian missions and stands ready to collaborate with anyone who wants to save lives. Dr. Bader describes his experience of IDF’s relief mission in Nepal

as paramedics can start at the young age of 18. During the time in Nepal, the team performed six deliveries, including five C-sections, when Nepalese hospitals sent their difficult cases to the Israeli field hospital after learning of its sophisticated capabilities.

TREATING THE ENEMY The humanitarian aid to Syria is a totally unique situation. While the field hospital is inside Israel, it is on a

dispensing medications with visible Hebrew writing or anything else that could potentially endanger them. There is concern for the continuity of care once they leave Israel. Last summer, the IDF also set up a field hospital at the Gaza crossing. While at war, Israel wanted to ensure that innocent Palestinian citizens would have access to treatment. The Palestinian Authority prevented their injured from getting that immediate care, bypassing the military hospital but inevitably transporting them for treatment in major Israeli hospitals further away. Dozens of patients from Gaza were brought to hospitals in Israel, where the resources and technology for advanced treatment are vastly better. News outlets had even reported that the daughter of a Hamas leader had a complex condition and turned to Israel for emergency medical care.

AN ADVOCATE FOR ISRAEL Dr. Bader shares these experiences through Our Soldiers Speak, the organization founded by Sgt. Benjamin Anthony with a mission of bringing the proud truth of Israel’s soldiers to the world. The soldiers of OSS not only feel the responsibility to do the humanitarian work, but also recognize their duty to Israel to tell the world about it. Dr. Bader is pleased to be part of the organization to show how the State of Israel is helping people. “It is very important that I am able to tell the story from my point of view, from people who were there,” says Dr. Bader.

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The delegation from Israel was able to treat more patients than those from larger countries like China and India, and was the only one capable of performing surgery and providing necessary intensive care in a field hospital.

hostile border. The civil war in Syria started five years ago, fortunately far from that border, but it’s been Syria’s greatest disaster. Injured civilian refugees fleeing the war began trickling over to Israel and were being treated by the military stationed near the border. It was 2 years ago that Israel made the decision to set up a proper field hospital in the Golan Heights in efforts to help as many Syrian civilians as possible. One major issue is actually the language barrier. While Dr. Bader’s mother tongue is Arabic, most of the IDF do not speak Arabic nor do the Syrian patients speak Hebrew. Most of the Syrians who come for treatment are from the less hostile villages closer to Israel. Many are afraid at first and do not say tell anyone they are going to Israel, rather saying they are “going to the west to be treated.” The majority of the patients are very grateful to the Israelis for the medical care. When treating Syrian injuries, IDF doctors act only as physicians concentrating on treatment, and are not focused on gathering information. With an average of 100 refugees per month coming to the border, the physicians have to trust the Syrian patients and the patients have to put their trust in the Israeli physicians. It is an ongoing dilemma for the IDF to be in a situation of giving aid while their bases are being bombed, often the same ones providing care. Additionally, when there is a shortage of resources, care to those outside the borders may be provided at the expense of Israelis. Another concern is the security of the patients upon their return to Syria, so they avoid

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providing care for a total of 1,600 people in the course of two weeks. The Israeli medical team worked with the military hospital Kathmandu which was still operational. What they accomplished was impressive. The delegation from Israel was able to treat more patients than those from larger countries like China and India, and was the only one capable of performing surgery and providing necessary intensive care in a field hospital. Some of the key elements of running successful medical missions in-

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Members of the IDF performing a rescue in Haiti after the earthquake


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Speaking with students about Israel's compassion and care

In Israel, Dr. Bader is a known lecturer in the area of Humanitarian Missions and Field Hospitals, and a formal lecturer in the Department of Military Medicine at the Hebrew University in Jerusalem. Dr. Bader also serves as the Head of the Military Department of Health System Managing and has published articles in local and international medical journals. “Each time I tell a story about Nepal, Haiti and the Syrian missions, I am proud that the IDF medical Corps can be so kind and sensitive for such disasters, giving help and saving lives. Treating Syrian kids injured by their civil war, knowing the only possibility for them is to reach Israel and because of this work their lives are saved – it gives me such satisfaction,” Dr. Bader articulates. Though Sgt. Anthony is dismayed by the realization that no country other than Israel has to advocate for its existence, he does not focus on achieving the OSS goals through PR but rather through education. He believes that Jewish students with Zionist backgrounds, even those with a yeshiva education, can’t stand up against anti-Israel rhetoric. To that end he has created a Jewish history curriculum that has been implemented in yeshiva high schools across America to provide students with the information about Israel that they need as they go off to college and into the world. OSS is the sole organization through which the IDF dispenses uniformed soldiers to speak. They have visited 300 campuses throughout the U.S., Canada and the U.K. to

An IDF field hospital in Syria

date. Through Our Soldiers Speak Elite, high level IDF representatives are brought to address students studying in their particular field. IDF lawyers will visit prestigious law schools and doctors to prominent medical schools, to educate and enlighten the future leaders who will be most likely to affect world policy. While Sgt. Anthony has no political agenda, he understands that Israel depends on the United States for support. He shares a sobering fact that the M-16 reduced size weapons used in the IDF are marked above the chamber “Property of the U.S. Government” and explains that the means and the methods of defense are on loan from others. Yet Sgt. Anthony has spent time talking with many members of Congress to find that they know nothing about Israel and the humanitarian work being done there. Dr. Bader is currently on the OSS Elite media tour, along with other high-ranking IDF officers, culminating with the Annual Regional Conference in New York City at the Paley Center for Media, entitled “Global Compassion, Domestic Courage; The Israel Defense Forces of Today.” The OSS lectures offer the privilege to hear from those directly responsible for safeguarding the people, the country and the good name of Israel, as well as values we all hold dear. Sgt. Anthony and Dr. Bader received a warm welcome on their stop in Long Island at an OSS fundraiser at the Woodsburgh home of Dena and Seth Pilevsky, and amongst supporters at an Israel Bonds event in New Rochelle. A heavy machine gun-

ner who has served on the frontlines in defense of Israel, Sgt. Anthony has just recently returned from his annual IDF reserve duty. A hero in his own right, touring and speaking with two freshly broken ribs, Sgt. Anthony is outspoken in his praise of Dr. Bader, “At the site of seeing another’s blood he runs toward it and makes

2,000 Syrian refugees fleeing the civil war, students continue to tell the fictional story of “Israeli Apartheid” across campus. One of the most disturbing incidences occurred on their visit to the Boston University School of Medicine; as Dr. Bader prepared to talk about the IDF’s commitment to lifesaving work, he was met with

“Treating Syrian kids injured by their civil war, knowing the only possibility for them is to reach Israel and because of this work their lives are saved – it gives me such satisfaction.” no distinction. He’s in the business of bringing life.” Sgt. Anthony insists that there is nobody better suited to tell those stories than Dr. Bader himself. In addition to being a humanitarian hero, Sgt. Anthony calls Dr. Bader out as a dedicated family man. Of the 20 uniformed officers brought here on an OSS mission, Dr. Bader was the first one to request to bring his wife Janin along on his mission to the U.S. Along with the countless supporters at each stop on an OSS tour, the team also encounters disconcerting pushback along the way. A scheduled lecture at New York University’s School of Medicine was cancelled due to the overwhelming anti-Israel protests there. At Columbia University, as Dr. Bader presented on the medical treatment by the IDF of over

protesters who insisted on spreading the blatant slander that the true goal of Israel’s humanitarian efforts is to harvest human organs. These shocking encounters toughen the IDF heroes and reinforce their resolve to help others and to share their truths. Those entering the IDF Medical Corps take a medical oath to always extend a helping hand to sick and injured, to soldiers and civilians. Dr. Bader certainly won’t be shaken from helping those in need of care, wherever and however he can. “We will continue extending a helping hand and saving lives of those who need us,” he vows. For more information about Our Soldiers Speak or to purchase tickets for the upcoming event, visit Our SoldiersSpeak.org.


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Real Estate

Submitted by: Ben Schwartz | Founder VacancyFillers.com to carry and may get damaged if left in a flooded home. Digital files can be stored on a small USB drive and kept in your go bag, sent to a friend or relative for safekeeping, or stored on an online backup system like idrive.com or opendrive.com, which offer a small amount of space to store files for free or a larger data storehouse for $50-$60 per year. 7. Move expensive items to a safer location. If you have a second floor or an attic, moving furniture, photographs, and artwork to a higher level will protect your possessions in all but the most severe floods. Elevate furnaces and water pumps when they’re installed, if possible, to a height of 12 inches above the highest known flood level for your area, suggests FEMA. 8. Anchor your fuel tanks. Unanchored tanks can float, rupture, and release fuel. Once the power sources of system units like furnaces and water heaters are disabled and the units cooled, you can also wrap them in waterproof tarps to mitigate water damage. 9. Prevent sewer backup. Install (or have a plumber install) sewer or septic line check valves, which allow waste to flow only one way. Plan to spend $100

or more per valve to have a pro install them, or do it yourself for $10-$15 each to ensure sewage can’t back up into the standing water in your home. Install at a point in the pipe that’s easy to access for repair. 10. Install French drains if you live on a slope and have a persistently wet basement or soggy lawn. A French drain collects water in your yard and diverts it safely away from your house. Floods are a common challenge that many home owners will face at one time

or another. However, by keeping your home in good repair, moving valuables out of water’s way, and creating good drainage around your home, you can stop or reduce potential flood damage.

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the box is already flooded, leave it alone. In addition, know what to do in the first 24 hours after a flood to avoid additional risks to your health and home. Before your rainy season or spring thaw begins, take these 10 steps to protect your home from water damage: 1. Fix leaks immediately. Leaky roofs and foundation cracks allow water to get into your home, which can weaken the structure and provide a perfect habitat for mold. When you see wet spots on the ceiling or cracks in the foundation, fix them as soon as it’s safe to get up on the roof or the material is dry enough to repair. Check that roofing shingles are secure. 2. Spring for extra roof protection. When it’s time to replace your roof, spend a few hundred dollars more to install a rubber roof underlayment, a waterproof barrier that goes under the shingles and protects the roof from water intrusion. 3. Close foundation cracks with mortar and masonry caulk or hydraulic cement, which expands and fills gaps completely and costs only a few dollars. Don’t patch solely with mortar or cement, which may crack again. If water is a recurring problem, be sure to investigate other solutions for issues like wet basements. 4. Clear gutters and drains. Keep gutters and drainage systems clear to carry water away from your home. Check storm drains on your street, as leaves and debris can block them, causing water to collect. 5. Invest in a battery-powered sump pump. Sump pumps let you pump water out of your home and can be an excellent defense against flooding — unless they’re powered by electricity and the power is out. Battery-powered sump pumps are a relatively inexpensive ($150-$400) solution. 6. Catalog possessions. Using a digital camcorder or camera, create a home inventory for insurance. Inexpensive digital cameras start at about $100. Although traditional video and photographs are adequate, they can be bulky

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Flooding is the most common natural disaster in the United States, causing $2.7 billion in losses between 2001 and 2010, according to the National Flood Insurance Program, a government-sponsored pool that provides flood insurance to home owners. Your homeowners insurance policy doesn’t cover flooding: You generally need to buy a separate flood insurance policy. The key to reducing flood damage is to take precautions, which in many cases you can accomplish in a few hours to a few days. It’s not a good idea to bet the odds — 20% of flood claims come from places where the flood risk is low, according to floodsmart.gov. Check with your insurance agent to see what flood insurance will cost you. If you live in a community that participates in the National Flood Insurance Program, you can buy an NFIP flood policy. Participating communities agree to adopt and enforce ordinances that meet or exceed FEMA requirements to reduce the risk of flooding, according to NFIP. If you live in a high-risk area, it’s a good idea to have a “go-bag” ready in case you need to leave quickly. Include: • A few changes of clothing for you and family members • Insurance policy numbers • Phone numbers of your agent • Your insurance company’s main number • Essential toiletries • Money to get you through a few days • It’s also wise to have an evacuation route mapped out and to have a location to which you can go, such as a loved one’s home or hotel. Always follow the direction of local and state authorities if ordered to evacuate. Remember: Your possessions and your home are small comfort if your family is injured or worse. Preventative measure: If you believe water will begin to accumulate in your home, shut off power at the main electrical panel in your home, ,but never stand in water to do so — if the area around

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Flood Prevention


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FEBRUARY 25, 2016 | The Jewish Home

Dr. Deb

Self-Love is the Opposite of Narcissism By Deb Hirschhorn, Ph.D.

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ere’s the formula for creating a narcissist: Everything your child wants, give! And if he kicks, hollers, and screams, give more! If someone else gets hurt in the process, that part you can ignore. Be sure to never, ever tell your child, “Look at poor Sarahle; you hurt her and she’s crying.” That is the one thing you cannot do because it could engender a feeling of empathy in your child’s heart. If you are set on raising a narcissist, you do not want to do that. What’s more, never compare your child to others except to flatter him. This way he develops a belief that he is the most wonderful person to have come along in a century. Now, here is the downside, all you parents who have been happily spoiling your kid and not too worried about the narcissistic part: Your child has no point of reference with which to evaluate anything except himself. And that’s not good. For him. That is, if he is the center of the universe and basically he is the universe, then how does he know anything about life? He doesn’t. He will surely not understand social interactions. Remember, his parents made a particular effort not to help him understand how others feel. So he has no way to know how to engage others. There goes his Emotional IQ. That, of course, will have repercussions when he tries to earn

a living. Any living that deals with others (and I can’t think of any that doesn’t) will put him in the disadvantaged position. He certainly will not know office politics. He certainly will not understand shul politics! If he’s in business for himself, he won’t get the concept of pleasing the customer. It could be that he did pick up along the way the method of getting others to do his bidding so he may have learned how to be charming. That could work in some businesses but only for a brief while. Business is based on serious relationships and charm won’t cut it for too long. Even in the world of academics, a person who is self-referential won’t grasp how he really is doing, how smart he really is, how significant his mental prowess. Told how smart he was all his childhood years, he assumes he is and won’t get it if he’s not. This means that the narcissist is lonely. He wants to include others in his life because, as a human, he is still a social creature. But he doesn’t know how. At least, not for the long term. He may use his charm to get married but the marriage goes south pretty quickly when his lack of concern for his spouse and his lack of compassion come to the fore. Having been told by his parent(s) how perfect he is, he has to assume the marital failure is the fault of his spouse. And he’s now not only lonely and sad but angry too. His spouse

didn’t supply his needs! How dare she! Of course, the narcissist can be a woman, too. Same scenario. Now, let’s contrast that with the person who has self-love. The key to self-love is knowing – and accepting – your own dark corners. We all have them. What do I mean by “dark corners”? It’s the spot where we acted stupidly, selfishly, erroneously. Wayne Dwyer, a psychologist who wrote quite a few successful books way back when, had one that he titled “Your Erroneous Zones.” Cute title – and accurate. We make mistakes in judgment; we misread people’s intentions; we don’t save our money; we don’t pick the shidduch we realize ten years later we should have; we do pick that shidduch and realize ten years later we shouldn’t have. We hurt someone badly or allowed someone we love to be hurt; we act out; we go against our own moral code. Every one of us has done one or more of these things. Many times over for some of us. And the question is: Can we accept that we made a mistake, even a very big one, try to correct it in whatever way possible, and then make better choices going forward? The person with self-love can do that. The person with self-love understands that time is the most precious gift we were given and if we made a mistake then rather than

think of it as time lost, he thinks of it as an opportunity to use the remaining time better. That’s called learning from mistakes. That’s called growth. Not only that, but the person with self-love feels good about the whole thing. He realizes that this is part of the human condition and given the understanding and wisdom that he had or lacked at the time of the bad decision, he probably couldn’t have done better. So rather than look back, he’s grateful to have been given the opportunity to learn and a further opportunity to do it right this time. He’s excited. Let’s take an example. Motti is 42 and not married. He suddenly wakes up one morning and knows in his bones that he made a mistake. He should have jumped into the dating pool years ago. But Motti looks back over his life and understands with sympathy and compassion for his younger self that given his early experiences he was not ready to make that leap. He accepts that he “should” have at the same time as he accepts why he didn’t. He takes a personal inventory over the next few months, figuring out areas of his personality and behavior that he should work on so as to be a better person in every way. Then he proceeds to contact a shadchan and seriously start dating. He’s excited for his future and happy about the whole thing. He doesn’t beat himself up


43 • Can accept the flaws in his partner, his partner’s family, his kids, and his co-workers or those who sit around him (talking) in

If he is the center of the universe and basically he is the universe, then how does he know anything about life?

shul because when you completely accept your dark side, you can accept that of others. • Has a sense of humor or at least appreciates the ironies and lighter side of life because he doesn’t take himself too seriously. • Cares about others because

able to give. The person with selflove has already given it to himself so he has an abundance of love in his heart which spills over to others. As you can see, the narcissist and the person with self-love are diametrically opposed in every way.

Dr. Deb Hirschhorn is a Marriage & Family Therapist and best-selling author of The Healing Is Mutual: Marriage Empowerment Tools to Rebuild Trust and Respect—Together. Attend the Food For Thought lectures at Waffelino Restaurant at 310 Central Avenue in Cedarhurst on Tuesdays at 9:45 AM. Any questions, call 646-54-DRDEB or check out her website at http:// drdeb.com. All stories in Dr. Deb’s articles are fabricated. See Dr. Deb on TorahAnytime.com.

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and therefore wasn’t mature before does not mean that he remains immature. No, he works on himself (as I said) and then finds a lovely woman to marry – happily. What are the implications of being a person with self-love? Such a person:

once you’ve given yourself sympathy and compassion for the hard time you once had and needed to overcome, you have no problem being concerned about others. Let me address this last point a bit more. Each person seems to require a certain quota of TLC. Usually, we get that from a parent. When we didn’t get that growing up, there is a kind of empty space inside. Maybe it is in our hearts or souls. There’s a gap. When we meet someone that we feel we love, we may be unconsciously looking for that person to fill that empty space. The problem is that it can’t ever get filled by a spouse. It is the parent’s job. Often, we can give that love and comfort to ourselves; sometimes with therapy and sometimes without it. But if it is not filled at all, we spend our lives looking for it. And when we’re on empty, we are not

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over the past but he has definitely learned from it. Shall I tell you the end of the story? Because he not only accepts that he is human

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Technology Exploring the Continued Impact of Technology, Part III Technology & Your Children Rabbi Moshe Hauer

Our children are growing up in a very different world than their parents. They are “digital natives”, born into a world with radically changed norms of communication, study and recreation, where they and their contemporaries are more likely to text than talk, scan than read, tweet than meet. And as is the case with adults, while these technologies have created some welcome opportunities they have also produced challenges, many of which appear more pronounced in children and teens. Concern for this trend is not reserved for the luddites or the frummies. The American Academy of Pediatrics in its 2013 position paper on technology recommended limiting total entertainment screen time to less than one or two hours daily, and discouraged screen media exposure altogether for children under two. They also advised keeping TV sets and internet-connected devices out of children’s bedrooms, and monitoring children’s media usage. Colleagues in Jewish education have shared that by simple observation of their new students’ affect, they can identify within the first five minutes of the school year which of the children have less restricted access to technology. A recent Wall Street Journal story (Teach Your Children Well, Riley January 1, 2016) quoted the same sentiment from teachers at Mountain Oak, a secular charter school, who “say they can walk into a classroom and immediately tell who has been using devices at home. ‘We see it in their behavioral problems, their ability to reason, their cognitive skills, even their ability to communicate with other people.’” Numerous studies have shown that more and more children are sleep-deprived, as their technology laden bedrooms keep them occupied with initiating or responding to texts and

emails late into the night and early in the morning. Sleep deprivation has in turn been linked with obesity, depression, mood swings and lower grades. Dangerous habits such as texting while driving are commonplace amongst youth. Recent studies have shown that 92% of college students acknowledge reading texts while driving, despite the fact that such distractions account for ten percent of fatal car accidents. These – aside from other issues raised in parts I and II of this series - are just a few of the obvious and recognizable downsides and dangers of unrestricted access to technology. Yet the same American Academy of Pediatrics 2013 position paper notes that “many parents seem to have few rules about use of media by their children and adolescents. In a recent study two thirds of children and teenagers report that their parents have ‘no rules’ about time spent with the media. Many young children see PG-13 and R-rated movies – either online, on TV or in movie theaters - that contain problematic content and are clearly inappropriate for them. Few parents have rules about cell phone use for their children or adolescents. More than 60% of teenagers send and/ or receive text messages after ‘lights out’, and they report increased levels of tiredness, including at school. One study found that 20% of adolescents either sent or received a sexually explicit image by cell phone or internet.” In a study of day school students conducted by therapist Debbie Fox in the Los Angeles area, a majority of adolescents said they would be more restrictive with their children than their parents were with them. Evidently, we need to step it up as parents, to play a guiding and involved role in helping our children navigate the challenge of technology. The critical responsibility we must embrace

in ensuring the continuity of our families, faith and values is the Torah’s familiar Seder night mandate of Vehigadeta lebincha, “You shall instruct your child.” We cannot afford to abdicate our role as parents, to be “out to lunch” on this one. In its design of the educational framework of the Seder, the Torah provides the basic elements of how to accomplish the task of instruction most effectively, all of which are perfectly relevant to guide our children with regard to technology. Principle I: Be a Role Model The teaching of the Seder’s four sons all follow on their observation of their parents’ behavior. Our children watch us and learn from what we are doing. As such any discussion of guiding our children in the use of technology is futile if we are not guiding ourselves. If our use of technology is unlimited, we cannot effectively limit theirs. If we do not create distraction-free times and zones, they won’t either. If we are not engaging in positive and direct human interaction, we cannot expect them to. If we are checking our phones while we are driving, you can be sure that they will too. If however we maintain a careful and effective approach to safely and wisely integrating technology into our lives in a way that our children recognize and benefit from, this will have the most profoundly instructive effect. In this – as in all areas of parenting – children will do as we do, not as we say. Principle II: Relate to Each Child The Torah provides different teaching models for each of the four sons, recognizing that effective teaching comes in the context of a relationship. Only when you understand your child and where he or she is coming from, can you effectively instruct them. As Dr. David Pelcovitz says, “Rules with-

out Relationships produce Rebellion.” Our children can readily appreciate and understand our attitudes and rules regarding technology, if we will both take the time to help them appreciate those attitudes and engage them in positive replacement activities. They will know and recognize the healthier feeling that follows book reading or active play, as opposed to screen time. They will recognize the value of less exposure to violent and disturbing images and activities. At the same time, we must empathize with and understand their need – real and perceived – to have the same unfettered access to technology as “everyone else”. Principle III: Don’t be Afraid to Parent The Torah guides us not to back off from the rebellious child. Our children need us, even if they seem to resist our involvement. Show them your commitment to relationship, demonstrate your empathy and understanding of their challenges, and be open and straightforward about your right, responsibility and intent to monitor your child’s technological activity. It is worth quoting the insightful words of Dr. Rona Novick: Often adults are uncomfortable ramping up their supervision of youngsters’ cyber lives, feeling it is an invasion of privacy or a compromise of their relationship. Both adults and children, however, need to understand that there is no true privacy in the technological realm, and therefore there is no right to demand privacy from those who love and wish to protect them. What teens share in cyberspace which is or may become public, needs to be shared with caring adults as well. Inevitably, teens will protest. They would be incorrect in arguing that a parent’s access to their internet postings is tantamount to reading their private diary, or listening in on


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Technology check their computers or enable parent controls on their computers or gaming units. I will take the time to be interested in what my kids are doing online and in the digital world and talk to them about that world. I will help them make good media choices. If my child makes a mistake, I will ask questions and learn what happened before I punish or take away technology. I will only take away technology as a last resort for defying our family pledge when other consequences have failed to work, such as reinforcing the rules and increase off-line chores. Entire Family We will talk as a family at a meal a day with no technology in sight! We will agree to technology-free times such as meals, weekends, and vacations. We won’t sacrifice important family time for media or digital use of any kind. If media gets in the way, we need to recognize we are using it too much or in a way that is not helping our family. We agree to use technology responsibly by not Texting or talking on a cell phone while driving Using cell phones in a public location where it may annoy others Using technology to harm others by engaging in bullying or slanderous actions Listening to music with earbuds in a manner that prevents us from hearing passing cars or pedestrians, and never while in the car as the driver Date:_______________ Signed Parents: _______________________________________ Kids and Teens: ______________________________ This article is the last of a three part series on our relationship to technology. This article draws upon much wisdom gleaned from others, most notably the thoughts and research cited in the current (Fall 2015) issue of Klal Perspectives, dedicated to the subject of technology. The reader is encouraged to read the entire issue, and to accept this general citation for much of what is included here.

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The challenge of technology is not reserved for our youth. We are all working hard to figure this out, and we are all struggling to find the right way to integrate it into our lives in a balanced and productive way. We should share the struggle with our children. We should work together, establishing norms and rules that we all will strive to live by, creating a framework within which we can reinforce and encourage each other. Many have suggested a familial contract, where every member of the family commits together to maintain certain standards, and welcomes the support of the others in the struggle to meet them. Below is a sample contract that you can modify to your specific situation. Whatever the details, the principles remain the same. We will succeed by making small commitments to improve, to take control of our use of technology rather than allowing ourselves to be in its grip, creating a supportive framework to meet those goals. May G-d grant us the strength and the courage to utilize the magnificent tool of technology to our greatest advantage, and to help each other do the same. The Media Time Family Pledge (From the American Academy of Pediatrics) Kids and Teens I will never give out personal information online or by text and will avoid all chat rooms except ones my mother and father have looked at and approved. I understand my parents have a right to check into my media history on my computer and phone and other devices such as iPod Touch, games, and whatever else I use regularly. I will try and keep my total screen time to ______ minutes a day except when doing a project for school, or when my parents give me permission. I will not watch shows or play games that are inappropriate for me or for friends and family watching or playing with me. Parents I will check what my kids are doing online and on their phones, consider using parent controls, and use them judiciously. I will let my kids know before I

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Principle IV: Establish Your Home as a Safe Haven On the original Pesach night, the Jewish people were to remain inside their homes, as the destructive forces would not be allowed in there. Ever since, the strength of the Jewish home has been its power to create an environment of its own making, where parents define the atmosphere in which they raise and nurture their children. When done in the framework of relationship and understanding, children will welcome and profoundly appreciate this, even if they express the opposite of appreciation in the short term. Technology renders the walls of our home porous, at best, compromising our ability to build an environment and atmosphere that communicates and reinforces our value system. If we are to succeed in being the primary influence on our children, our homes will need a “firewall”, in the form of controls on technological use and access that each and every one of us embrace. Principle V: Teach Character and Leadership “But everyone has one!” This is the mantra of the child, as he or she protests the parent’s resistance to providing them with the latest gadget, or on the imposition of other limits. Young people – especially those technologically connected – suffer from FOMO – Fear Of Missing Out, being different than their peers. Adults are not very different, as we just follow the common trends without applying thought and judgment. This is something we must overcome, for our sake and for our children’s. Before the Jewish people closed the doors to their homes on that first Pesach night creating that safe haven, they took the blood of the Pesach

sacrifice that they had offered and smeared it on their doorposts. This was an act of defiance towards their Egyptian masters, an act of breaking free, as they slaughtered publicly and demonstrably the gods of their masters. In a beautiful essay, Natan Scharansky described the significance of that gesture: In these commandments, God offered the Israelites something better than comfort. As they prepared to defy their masters, God offered them the promise of a national future, complete with a land, children, and the memory of the Exodus. Not only will you survive this night, His orders implied: You will thrive. Your defiance will mean more than a moment of personal bravery. It will be the cornerstone of your national future, something for your descendants to look back on with pride. By smearing their defiance on their doors, then, the Israelites transcended both their personal concerns and their particular historical moment. The act that declared their inner freedom from Egyptian tyranny was also the act that bound them together as a nation with a noble past and a hopeful future. Said simply, if we harbor the hope to provide instruction and guidance to our children, we must also give them the strength to find their own source of instruction and guidance and not feel enslaved to the beliefs pervading the surrounding culture. When we demonstrate that kind of courage and build that character for ourselves, we can readily pass it on to our children. Most importantly it will help them see that we are truly not limiting them; we are actually freeing them from limitations by teaching them how to be truly free. We are teaching them that just because everybody does it, we do not have to. We do what we do because it is fitting for us, not because it allows us to fit in. Principle VI: Work Together Pesach is the ultimate opportunity to convey and perpetuate our values because we all do it together. Fundamentally at the Seder we affirm the importance of not removing ourselves from the Klal. And visibly, when children can question and probe, reenact and remember, together with their parents, they travel the road to continuity together.

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their phone conversations. If such supervision appears intrusive, if teens complain that their privacy is being invaded, parents should take comfort in the fact that through this supervision our children are also being taught that their cyber footprint is both public and permanent, and that their parents care. It is an opportunity to teach our children that we live our lives as Torah Jews, both in person and on line, when we are known and when we are anonymous.


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Parenting Pearls

Teasing Rabbi Dani Staum, LMSW

Our fifth grade son often complains that other boys in his class tease him and he doesn’t know how to handle it. How can we help him deal with it?

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efore I address your important question, I feel that it is significant to use your question as a springboard to discuss another vital issue. I will begin by complimenting you for the manner in which you phrased your question. So many parents today would have written the same question in the following manner: “Our fifth grade son gets bullied by other kids. What should we do?” Recently a student came over to me very upset and said, “Baruch is bullying me. He blew in my face and told me I’m a loser!” Let’s not misunderstand – Baruch is wrong and the situation needs to be dealt with appropriately. But the situation at hand is a far cry from bullying. The questions of how to deal with bullying, the seriousness of it, and how to approach it cannot be ignored. However, it is vital that we not view general childhood bantering and teasing as bullying. Dealing with teasing, however, is part of growing up. Which adult today doesn’t remember getting teased as a child? While it often was annoying, and sometimes even embarrassing, it was part

of learning how to deal with others. Let’s be honest: most of us teased others, even our friends, periodically during our youth as well. Trying to swoop down and save our children from every teasing situation serves to weaken them emotionally and stifles their ability to deal with such annoyances and irritants on their own. I again must interject that this is not true in regards to bullying where we have an obligation to ensure that we are doing our utmost to help the child. Bullying, however, includes humiliation, consistent taunting in the presence of others, and/or taking advantage of another child in any form. Even if one child constantly taunts another that is not necessarily bullying, especially if it’s not done in a public forum. Because of the sternness of the manner in which we deal with bullying, it is absolutely vital to have a clear understanding of what’s transpiring. We then must recognize whether it is indeed bullying or general childhood banter. This does not imply that we should simply allow children to tease each other or hurt each other’s feelings, but we must recognize that, despite our best efforts, “boys will be boys” and that doesn’t make them malicious kids. In addition, you wisely phrased your question to ask how you can help your son deal with the teasing. You apparently recognize that teasing and fielding hurtful comments is an unfortunate part of life. As adults we too have to deal with hurtful and sometimes insulting com-

ments that are said to us – sometimes unwittingly, and sometimes even purposely. As parents our goal is always to help our children learn to navigate their way through challenges so they will be ready to confront the real world. Your approach, which is reflected in the manner in which you phrased your question, is commendable and should be held as an example for other parents to follow. With that said, how indeed do we help a child deal with teasing? The first step is to help a child understand why children (and adults) “rib” each other. I often ask children who get teased a lot if they think the teasers hate them. They invariably reply that they are sure they do. When I then ask the teasers if they hate the peers they tease they almost always reply that they don’t. When I ask them why they do it, the invariable response is “cuz it’s fun!” I ask students why certain children seem to get teased more than others. Many are able to recognize that children who react with greater emotion and display often get teased more. Why? Because when children tease each other they are seeking to elicit a reaction! The stronger and harsher the reaction the more exciting it is and the more they will come back for more. It is a mean and negative manner to have fun, but kids love to have fun. Unfortunately, they will look to have fun even at someone else’s expense, even though they don’t really mean to hurt the “victim.”

In one of the yeshivos I worked in, there was one student – Dovid – who hardly got teased. It wasn’t because there was nothing about him to tease. In fact, he was a bit eccentric and had some unique idiosyncrasies – the type that kids often pick on. The reason he was hardly teased was because his reactions were so bland, almost humorously so. If a classmate would say, “Dovid, you’re so weird,” he would reply, “Thanks! You too!” I often used Dovid as an example for other children to see the benefit of trying not to react harshly to teasing. When we were children and would complain to our parents that a sibling was bothering us, our parents would reply that we should ignore it and it would stop. There is a great deal of truth in that. However, this is only true if we could ignore it enough to have no emotional reaction to it. If inside we were becoming angry and were just trying to hold it in, the teaser would sense it and would keep “pecking away” until they got to us. If a child has a hard time “just ignoring it,” then he may need extra coaching and encouragement, especially at the beginning when he first begins to understand this dynamic. We will iy”H continue this discussion, including ideas to help children “just ignore it” in the next segment. (We also

hope to address the topic of bullying more thoroughly in a future article.)

KEY POINTS • The way we handle teasing is very different than the way we handle bullying. We must clarify the situation before deciding how to proceed. • When children confront teasing and mean comments it can be a way for them to learn social skills and grow from the experience. • Children tease each other because they want a reaction. The best response is not to grant that reaction.

Rabbi Dani Staum, LMSW, is the Rabbi of Kehillat New Hempstead. He is also fifth grade Rebbe and Guidance Counselor in ASHAR in Monsey, and Principal of Mesivta Ohr Naftoli of New Windsor, NY, and a division head at Camp Dora Golding. Rabbi Staum offers parenting classes based on the acclaimed Love & Logic Program. For speaking engagements he can be reached at stamtorah@gmail. com. His website is www.stamtorah.info.


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“Say What?!”

– Editorial on leftwing website Salon

My fiancée is fairly reluctant about marrying a Cheeseburger. That’s something we’re discussing a lot. No girl ever dreams of spending her big day marrying a man called Bacon. - A British man who took a bet and actually legally changed his name to “Bacon Double Cheeseburger”

– A portion of a letter seized in the Osama bin Laden raid in 2011 and written by the terror mastermind that was released by the government this week

No broken bones yet but they’re trying. Running around, pushing things, jumping… Please tell me it gets easier.

President Obama has unveiled his plan to finally shut down Guantanamo Bay. And to make sure no one ever goes in there again, Obama is handing it over to the people who run RadioShack. – Conan O’Brien

Can I say oy vey?... In my rush between songwriting jams and musical recording frenzy, all I saw was the images of people dedicated to disarm us, I made no connection whatsoever to any religious affiliation. Everyone knows deep down that at 67 years of age I didn’t suddenly become antiSemitic. That’s patently ridiculous. - Rocker Ted Nugent apologizing after sending out a post indicating that it is all Jews who want to take away people’s guns

We have to end the game with the lead and that’s going to be important to us. - New Giants’ head coach Ben McAdoo disclosing his “creative” strategy while speaking at the NFL scouting combine about what the Giants strategy will be this year

- Prince William joking at an event about his two rambunctious children

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The way for change and freeing yourselves from the pressure of lobbyists is not through the Republican or the Democratic parties, but through undertaking a great revolution for freedom: not to free Iraq from Saddam Hussein but to free the White House and to free [President Barack Obama] so he can implement the change you seek. It does not only include improvement of your economic situation and ensure your security, but more importantly, helps him in making a rational decision to save humanity from the harmful [greenhouse] gases that threaten its destiny.

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Bernie Sanders is the only Democratic candidate capable of winning the White House in 2016. Please name the last person to win the presidency alongside an ongoing FBI investigation, negative favorability ratings, questions about character linked to continual flip-flops, a dubious money trail of donors, and the genuine contempt of the rival political party.

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Do you want to be associated with a fascist? - Chuck Todd questioning Trump about a tweet he sent out stating when he refused to take back a retweet which stated “It is better to live one day as a lion than 100 years as a sheep,” after he was informed that, in fact, the line was said by Mussolini

No, I want to be associated with interesting quotes. - Trump in response

Although she herself is an immigrant, Donald Trump’s wife Melania says she is fine with her husband’s tough anti-immigration stance. When asked why, Mrs. Trump said she had about 4.5 billion reasons. - Jimmy Fallon

It’s an election year, and candidates can’t stop speaking about our country’s problems (which, of course, only they can solve). As a result of this negative drumbeat, many Americans now believe that their children will not live as well as they themselves do. That view is dead wrong: The babies being born in America today are the luckiest crop in history. – Warren Buffett in Berkshire’s annual letter

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Having your pictures safe wouldn’t really stack up to being killed. – Bill Maher on Apple’s refusal to unlock the Saint Bernardino terrorist’s phone

We were not poor — we had everything we needed — but our parents argued, and what they argued about was money. I think a lot of politicians, if they’ve come from financially secure backgrounds, it doesn’t really resonate what it means to have these arguments and to have this tension. And Bernard, without wanting to have it, has it, and it hasn’t gone away. - Bernie Sanders’ brother, Larry, discussing the origins of his brother’s political philosophy, in an interview with AP

We killed a lot of time talking about basketball. - Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid after a meeting that Congressional leaders had with President Obama about appointing a replacement for Justice Antonin Scalia

I’d like to draw your attention to seat 29E, where you will find Eric, who is traveling with his wife Lisa. While you didn’t strike it rich here in Las Vegas, you did hit the jackpot. Congratulations, you’re about to be a dad. - Announcement made by the pilot on American Airlines Flight 607 from Las Vegas to Pennsylvania informing Eric Sadiwnyk that his wife Lisa (who was sitting near him) is expecting their first child

Ben Carson held a town hall event at a casino in Reno, and despite polling in last place, he said it’s too early to give up. Even the old ladies sitting at the slot machines said, “This is just depressing.”

Last night was the Republican caucus in Nevada, and Donald Trump scored a big victory, bringing him one step closer to the Republican nomination. A Trump presidency is getting so real, Mexico is starting to think a wall is a pretty great idea. – Jimmy Fallon

– Jimmy Fallon

Ms. Eisenstein, one question… - How Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas began when he asked a question during oral arguments for the first time in ten years

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He put out a picture of me having makeup put on me at the debate. Which is amazing me to me, that the guy with the worst spray tan in America is attacking me for putting on makeup. - Marco Rubio attacking Trump

Donald Trump likes to sue people; he should sue whoever did that to his face. - Ibid.

- A tweet the Bernie Sanders campaign took down earlier this week, perhaps because those are not adjectives

One of the things I’m gonna do, and this is only gonna make it tougher for me, and I’ve never said this before, but one of the things I’m gonna do if I win … is I’m gonna open up our libel laws so when they write purposely negative and horrible and false articles, we can sue them and win lots of money. We’re gonna open up those libel laws. - Trump promising to take on the media if he’s elected The Jewish Home | OCTOBER 29, 2015

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Greed, fraud, dishonesty, arrogance. These are just some of the adjectives we use to describe Wall Street

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MORE QUOTES It is a weird election when Spike Lee is endorsing the oldest, whitest man the world has ever seen. Are we sure Spike isn’t confusing Bernie with Deion Sanders? – Jimmy Kimmel

- Gov. Peter Shumlin (D-VT) to President Obama at a question and answer session during the National Governors Association meeting

I almost feel obliged to apologize for some of what my political colleagues said. It’s a heated campaign season and I just want you to know, Mr. President, that the most heated rhetoric you’ve heard from competitors for the nomination for president is not who we are as the American people. It is not the view that is the view of the majority of the American people. It’s the exact opposite. It’s the opposite view. – Vice President Joe Biden at a press conference with Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto

When asked about Cuba Gooding Jr.’s portrayal of him, O.J. Simpson said he’s “not tall enough and his head is too small.” Simpson then said, “Also, he didn’t kill my wife.” – Conan O’Brien

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I’m always amazed to be in the sessions where you spend a lot of time with us and your next answer is more brilliant than the last. Thank you so much.


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FEBRUARY 11, 2016 | The Jewish Home

Jewish History

Amulets, Accusations and Controversy The Devastating Polemic Between Rabbi Yaakov Emden and Rabbi Yonason Eybeschutz By Rabbi Pini Dunner

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Part III THE STORY SO FAR: In 1666 the Shabbetai Tzvi messianic debacle came to an abrupt end when the pretender messiah converted to Islam. For most Jews his apostasy relegated Shabbetai Tzvi to the margins and life went back to normal. For a small but significant minority, however, the Sabbatian mission never ended. Secret societies of crypto-Sabbatians were formed, and these aberrant groups continued to believe in Shabbetai Tzvi as the messiah and in warped pseudo-kabbalistic ideas that provided the backdrop for this belief. In the decades following his death, secret Sabbatian activists were regularly exposed by watchful rabbis cognizant of the grave danger they posed to normative Judaism if their twisted ideas infiltrated mainstream Jewish life. One such scoundrel was Nehemiah Hiya Hayyun, who was outed in Amsterdam in 1713 by Chacham Tzvi Ashkenazi –

a revered rabbinic scholar and kabbalist – together with his colleague R’ Moshe Hagiz. Chacham Tzvi’s bruising campaign was ultimately successful, and Hayyun was never taken seriously again. In the process, however, Chacham Tzvi and his family – including his eldest son Yaakov, later R’ Yaakov Emden – were forced to leave Amsterdam, as a result of the animosity generated towards them by Hayyun’s supporters. Hayyun reappeared in central Europe in 1725, by which time Chacham Tzvi had passed away. Nevertheless, Hayyun was barred from every community and eventually disappeared from sight – although not before it emerged that he had recently been in touch with a young rabbinic superstar from Prague by the name of R’ Yonason Eybeschutz. As if this was not enough, R’ Yonason was also identified as the author of an anonymous heretical Sabbatian manuscript titled “Va’avo hayom el ha’ayin.” The scene was set for a dramatic showdown between the opponents of Sabbatian influence and one of Europe’s most

electrifying young rabbis, whose future as a prominent leader in the Jewish world seemed assured.

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he challenge in 1725 was far greater than it had been in the battle against Hayyun more than a decade earlier. During that conflict the Sabbatian adversary had been an itinerant preacher, who for all his talent was an easy prey. None of Hayyun’s allies were his friends – in the main they were recently acquired acquaintances. If there were those among them whose support was based on their own Sabbatian beliefs, even for them Hayyun was just a means to an end, and as soon as the fight was lost, they quickly abandoned him to his sorry fate without a second thought. R’ Yonason Eybeschutz could not have been more different. He was the ultimate insider, with pedigree, a devoted non-Sabbatian following, and status as a noted rabbinic scholar and preacher. Even the people who were totally dedicated to the task of rooting out insidious Sabbatian influences shied away from open warfare with someone like him. The

R’ Yonason Eybeschutz was one of the most celebrated rabbis of his era. Although implicated in the Sabbatian witch-hunt of 1725-6, all the charges against him were dismissed, and his fame and popularity continued to grow

stakes were simply too high. If R’ Yonason Eybeschutz was branded a flagrant deviant, what would that mean for every other rabbi of his stature? How would it be possible for Jewish community life to remain stable if every distinguished rabbi with an enemy could have his career and reputation wrecked in a frenzy of anti-Sabbatian zealotry? And yet, while the evidence against R’ Yonason was never more than anecdotal and circumstantial, it was still hard to ignore the fact that his name kept on cropping up in the Sabbatian witch-hunt. What was even harder to ignore was that both Sabbatian-hunters and the Sabbatians themselves concurred over R’ Yonason, all of them claiming he was a longstanding and committed Sabbatian. Apparently he had first been introduced to Sabbatian beliefs by a man called Leibel Prosnitz, a former peddler turned Sabbatian “prophet,” with whom he came into contact while studying in Prosnitz under R’ Meir Eisenstadt. Leibel Prosnitz may have or may not have believed in Shabbetai Tzvi’s messianic identity, but he was certainly a gifted


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The Chief Rabbi of Prague, R’ David Oppenheim, whose passing in 1736 might have led to R’ Yonason Eybeschutz’s appointment to that position. Years of friction between the two men resulted in his candidacy being vetoed, and R’ Yonason left for Metz in 1741

use his influence to ensure R’ Yonason would be offered the position as rabbi of Mannheim. What emerged was that Sabbatians thought of R’ Yonason as their supreme leader and an integral part of a widespread conspiracy to penetrate Sabbatianism into the highest levels of Jewish life. This view of R’ Yonason was not exclusive to Hasid and Prosnitz. R’ Moshe Hagiz, who relentlessly led the 1725 anti-Sabbatian crusade, was also utterly convinced that R’ Yonason was a Sabbatian and the author of “Va’avo hayom el ha’ayin.” In his correspondence with numerous rabbinic colleagues, R’ Hagiz re-

The inquiry was initially launched when his son-in-law was discovered staying at the home of a known Sabbatian, Yeshaya Hasid, who lived in Mannheim. In the course of the investigation Hasid shockingly divulged that Sabbatians now believed that Leibel Prosnitz was “Mashiach ben Yosef,” while R’ Yonason Eybeschutz was “Mashiach ben David” – in other words, some kind of reincarnation of Shabbetai Tzvi himself. This disturbing revelation was rendered even more alarming when it emerged that Prosnitz had lobbied Hasid to

peated this view countless times and sought support for a showdown with the young rabbi. But the showdown never came. On September 16, 1725, R’ Yonason publicly took an oath denying any connection to Sabbatianism and then affixed his signature to a toughly worded ban issued by all the rabbis in Prague against Sabbatians and Sabbatianism. His supporters cited these actions as incontrovertible proof that he was not a Sabbatian. Even many of those who believed he was a Sabbatian were ready to take R’

In 1736, the Chief Rabbi of Prague, R’ David Oppenheim, died, and R’ Yonason seemed the natural choice to be his successor. It was not to be. Longstanding acrimony between R’ Yonason and R’ Oppenheim dating back many years meant that the community leadership would not allow him to replace the late chief rabbi, although they did appoint him as chief dayan for the Prague beit din. But a man of R’ Yonason’s caliber would

not continue to occupy a “number two” position for very long. In 1741 he was offered the chief rabbinate of Metz, in France, when the incumbent chief rabbi, R’ Yaakov Yehoshua Falk, later famous for his authorship of Pnei Yehoshua, left to take up the chief rabbinate of Frankfurt. So R’ Yonason moved to Metz and led the community there until 1750, when he was offered the coveted chief rabbinate of the “triple community” of Altona-Hamburg-Wandsbeck, one of the most prestigious and influential Jewish communities in Europe. The triple-community had boasted some of the greatest European rabbinic luminaries of the previous century, including Chacham Tzvi Ashkenazi, who presided over the community in various roles from 1690 until 1710. It was also the birthplace of Chacham Tzvi’s son, R’ Yaakov Emden, and it was here that R’ Yaakov now lived, a prominent local rabbinic scholar, although he had no formal position in the community. R’ Yaakov’s attitude to R’ Yonason’s appointment, irrespective of the accusations of Sabbatian heresy, would prove to be a contentious issue in the years that followed.

In next week’s article, we will take a look into R’ Yaakov and what he had been up to in the years since his family was hounded out of Amsterdam in 1714.

Rabbi Pini Dunner is the Rav of Young Israel North Beverly Hills in California.

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What emerged was that Sabbatians thought of R’ Yonason as their supreme leader and an integral part of a widespread conspiracy to penetrate Sabbatianism into the highest levels of Jewish life.

Yonason’s readiness to publicly condemn Sabbatians as a sign that he had either repented, or that he would never again be so reckless as to involve himself with Sabbatianism, even covertly. After all, why would a man of his quality and ability wish to descend into the sordid world of lowlife crypto-Sabbatians such as Prosnitz and Hasid and their ilk? Sabbatian manuscripts and incriminating letters ascribed to R’ Yonason continued to circulate, but were dismissed as forgeries or fantasy. The best R’ Hagiz could do was try and convince his colleagues to avoid sending students to Prague to study under R’ Yonason, but even in that he failed to succeed. R’ Yonason was unassailable. The murmurings continued, but his signature on the ban along with his consistent denials of any involvement with Sabbatianism prevented any of his adversaries from gaining traction against him. Meanwhile the anti-Sabbatian fight focused itself on those whose connection with Sabbatianism was certain and whose neutralization was uncontroversial. By the end of 1726 the crisis was over and R’ Yonason’s popularity and reputation grew even stronger.

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hoaxer who used “magic” and “miracles” to convince credulous people that he was a holy man with unique powers. Prosnitz was involved in several attempts to infiltrate Sabbatianism into mainstream Jewish life over the years, and in 1706 had even announced the imminent return of Shabbetai Tzvi. When this prediction failed to materialize he began to wander from community to community, hooking up with crypto-Sabbatians wherever he went. During the 1725 campaign against Sabbatians, Prosnitz became the subject of an intensive investigation by the rabbinate of Mannheim.


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Dating Dialogue

What Would You Do If… Moderated by Jennifer Mann, LCSW of The Navidaters

Dear Navidaters,

I’m a Modern Orthodox guy in my mid-twenties. I’ve been with my girlfriend for close to two years. I have noticed that everyone writing in seems more to the right than I am. When you and the panel consider my story, please be sensitive that I am not yeshivish and answer accordingly and speak to my values and lifestyle. Thank you.

“Sarah” and I met right after college. A few months into it we knew we were going to get married. The chemistry was unbelievable, we both had plans for a similar future and got along so well. Our comfort with each other is amazing and I can’t imagine my life without her. I am finishing up graduate school and she finished graduate school and has a career. We both agreed that marriage would be off the table until I am working and can contribute to supporting married life. It had always been a given that we would get married, it was just a matter of time. Our families know each other and everyone approves and are basically waiting for me to graduate, which is coming up soon.

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Here’s my dilemma: When I met Sarah I was very attracted to her. Over the last year she has been steadily gaining weight. Her parents are obese and she has some siblings who are obese as well. I understand that a person will lose weight when they want to and that I can’t do anything to “make her” lose the weight. However, I am not attracted to her at this weight. Beyond the physical attraction, I am a guy who is drawn to motivated people. The fact that she isn’t doing anything about it is making me crazy. I don’t get it. When she gained her first, I’d say, ten to fifteen pounds, I mentioned it to her and very gently asked her if something was bothering her. She complained about it and would cry to me that she wants to lose the weight. I told her I love her and am completely supportive of her. This was close to a year ago. I would say she has put on another twenty to thirty pounds since then. She is not making the effort to lose the weight. I just know myself and I do not find heaviness attractive. I am also worried about the health consequences and don’t know if I want to deal with that for potentially the rest of my life. I am starting to think of her as a family member and not my girlfriend. I am not a shallow person, but I know what I like and what I don’t like. I don’t know if it is fair for her if we get married and I am not attracted to her. On the other hand, I do love her and I can’t imagine my life without her. I don’t know how to handle this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Adam

The feedback from our readers has been remarkable. In order to facilitate further discussion, you can now continue the conversation anonymously on our website. Every Sunday, we will upload the weekend’s most recent edition of What Would You Do If to the dating forum at thenavidaters.com. Join The Navidaters and your fellow TJH readers in a comprehensive dialogue with regard to dating, relationships and marriage. The forum will be moderated daily for everyone’s comfort and safety. See you there! Disclaimer: This column is not intended to diagnose or otherwise offer resolutions to any questions. Our intention is not to offer any definitive conclusions to any particular question, but to offer areas of exploration for the author and reader. Due to the nature of the column receiving only a short snapshot of an issue, without the benefit of an actual discussion, the panel’s role is to offer a range of possibilities. We hope to open up meaningful dialogue and individual exploration.


The Jewish Home | MARCH 3, 2016 The Jewish Home | OCTOBER 29, 2015

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The Panel

Rebbetzin Faigie Horowitz, M.S.

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The Mother Sarah Schwartz Schreiber, P.A.

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The Dating Mentor Rochel Chafetz, Educator/Mentor

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think it’s fair to say after reading your letter that you are not a superficial young man and that you truly love your girlfriend. I happen to agree with you that it is worrisome. The issue of health, especially since obesity runs in her family, is a great concern. I also have to agree with you that this would make you feel less attracted to her and it may affect your relationship during your marriage. It’s one thing if you were already married and maybe after a few kids some weight crept on. But you are not married yet, therefore this should be addressed. I think you should open up and tell her how much you love her and value her and it concerns you that this can possibly be stemming from a health issue or even lead to one. I think it’s fair if you suggest she go for a checkup, including thyroid testing, just to make sure. Be willing to offer to go for a physical as well. Maybe suggest that you both work out together in a gym. Tell her that you’d like to work together toward reaching important goals. Perhaps you could both start a nutritional, healthier lifestyle together. If you see find that she agrees and is being proactive, then great. But if not, try your best to help her understand that it’s not just about you, but about the two of you. Hopefully, you are not asking her to be a size zero, but you are asking her to commit to a healthy attitude and better lifestyle, which you are willing to commit to as well. Be sure to let her know that first and foremost you are worried and concerned for her and that’s why you are recommending a physical first. It’s even possible that there is a hormonal issue that needs to be ad-

dressed. If none of this is effective, then it’s time to lay it all on the table and explain to her how it is affecting you. The way she reacts is not something you will be able to predict. But you have to do what you have to do. Good luck.

The Single Irit Moshe dam, I am going to share a story with you which will illustrate my standpoint on your dilemma. I was 20 at the time, Modern Orthodox, a tennis player, petite and athletically slender, but like your “Sarah,” also from a family suffering from obesity. The man I was set up with also active like myself, petite for a man, and also from a family with a few family members suffering from obesity. This man liked me and liked me a lot. The first date went well. He had secured the second date before we parted ways at the end of the first date. One night before our second date, he called me just to chat. The subject he wanted to discuss was weight. We both talked frankly about our families’ weight issues and how we both wished to continue being active in our married lives. Then he asked me a question I wasn’t prepared for: “What will you do about pregnancy weight and the aftermath?” With pure honesty in my voice I said, “I don’t know. I don’t know how my body will react. I don’t know what will be during and after pregnancy.” “You will try and lose the weight afterwards, right?” “If I am happy and healthy, then I want you to leave me alone about it,” is how I responded. “Oh!...But, what if I gained 25 to 30 pounds? Would you be okay with it? David, will you be happy and healthy with the weight?” “Let’s say, I am.” “Then David, I will be happy too. If I love you then I will love you just the way you are, because you are happy and healthy, and the man I have chosen to love.” “Really?”

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B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

et me start by saying that you may as well prepare some soft tomatoes, because what I’m about to say may generate a lot of hate mail. To my self-described “not-shallow” young man: get ready to break up with the woman who you’ve been stringing along for the past three years. The woman with whom you’ve felt chemistry, the one who makes you feel comfortable, the one who is intelligent, caring and dedicated to you and your academic and career goals. The one who has patiently abided by your marriage timetable. The one you say you “love and can’t imagine life without her.” Prepare your delicately-worded farewell because you’ve decided to trade her for a size 2! Don’t get me wrong. Attraction is imperative in a marriage; it is the fuel that will keep your marriage humming. But attraction is often based and bolstered by the fundamental attributes your friend possesses – not weight or hair color or perfect skin. If her BMI repulses you, the relationship is over. Don’t delude yourself that you can motivate her to lose weight; you’ve tried that and it backfired. Anyone who has dieted successfully will tell you that motivation comes from within (not from external pressure). Even if she musters the self-control to fit into her wedding gown and sheva brochos outfits, her dieting efforts may be undone by cu-

linary experimentation, pregnancy, and life stresses. And then what will you do? Bottom line: whether you marry this young lady or someone slimmer, I hope your love is based on solid attributes and not pounds or inches.

MARCH 3, 2016

dam, your concerns are legitimate. You sound sensitive and honest about your girlfriend and the declining attraction that has resulted from her gaining weight. But it sounds like you haven’t really thought about why she is putting on the pounds. Is she under stress because of the professional load she is carrying? Do you think something is worrying her? Being a member of an obese family is very hard because unless you make a constant effort, a lifetime of unhealthy eating habits and unhealthy foods surround you. If your fiancé wants to lose the weight and talks about her frustration, why aren’t you asking her how you can be supportive? Why aren’t you telling her that we are in this together and demonstrate your caring with action? “What can I do to help?” is the pathway to take. If she is O.K. with it, why don’t you offer her a menu of choices of things you can do for her to help her achieve her weight loss goals? Ordering salads for her to be delivered when she gets home so that she doesn’t eat the food her parents serve could be one thing. Driving her to the gym (if she has taken out a membership – if not, don’t suggest it) and offering to research a local nutritionist together are other supportive actions you can take if she is O.K. with them. Showing her you care enough about her to do the work with her is important. Understand also that she is feeling badly about herself. Continue to compliment her on her many achievements and attributes that you admire. Support her small achievements in moving to the weight loss goal. Continue to be sensitive and check in with her about whether your actions and words are O.K. with her. She probably made up her mind years ago not to be like the rest of the family and is feeling very badly about not living up to her decisions, besides the fact that she is feeling unattractive. You have the time to work this out with sensitivity and careful action. Do so.

Before you think about breaking up this beautiful relationship in which you love and care for each other so deeply, try talking to her again.

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

The Rebbetzin


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B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

MARCH 3, 2016

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“Yes, David. If you can’t look pass the weight and love me with the few extra (potential) pounds, then we will be hurtful and damaging for one another…perhaps we

should not go on that second date we had planned.” Adam, “David” and I ended our relationship at that point that night.

Pulling It All Together The Navidaters Dating and Relationship Coaches and Therapists

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dam, thank you for writing in. This column is intended to be a resource for all its readers, yeshivish, Modern Orthodox and everyone to the left, right and in between. Clearly you are a sensitive and thoughtful person. You care deeply for Sarah, but find your physical attraction dwindling as Sarah has steadily put on weight over the past year or so. I am a firm believer that we cannot help what we find attractive, so beating yourself up or feeling bad in any way is an exercise in futility and unnecessary. Where would it get you? How would it solve the problem? At the forefront is your concern that marrying Sarah right now would be unfair to her. Inherent in that concern is your belief that Sarah deserves to be with someone who finds her attractive. If you could wave a magic wand around your lack of attraction to Sarah’s weight and perceived lack of motivation and somehow forget the whole thing, I’m sure you would. But life doesn’t come with magic wands… The panel has spoken. Both Rebbetzin Horowitz and Rachel Chafetz find you to be a caring and thoughtful man. They wonder if perhaps Sarah is feeling burdened by work and responsibilities and note that the obesity runs in her family and may be something she struggles to manage today and in the future. The Rebbetzin suggests talking more with Sarah about your concern and showing her you care by simplifying the path to a healthier lifestyle in the way of ordering

healthier foods. Rachel Chafetz validates your decreased attraction to Sarah and highlights the possibility of a medical issue that may need attention. Sarah Schwartz Schreiber suggests that you’ve been stringing along your girlfriend for years and that in order to be in a relationship you have to be able to focus on the other fundamentals necessary to maintain attraction and chemistry. And finally, Irit Moshe shares a personal story from her dating past in which she broke up with the guy because of his lack of sensitivity toward the topic at large. Good riddance to that guy! It amazes me how someone can be so callous and clueless. Good thinking, Irit! I don’t get the sense at all from you that you are interested in “trading her in for a size 2.” That is not what this is about. You are a motivated person who is looking at Sarah, watching her gain the weight and realizing how truly helpless you are to fix the situation. You are correct in your belief that ultimately the decision to lose weight and commit to a healthier lifestyle rests in Sarah’s hands and not yours. You can be supportive (as you have been), cut the freshest salads, go on the longest walks together, but at the end of the day it is Sarah who makes the commitment. Some of the panelists were wisely sensitive to the notion that something is happening within Sarah. Generally speaking when someone puts on a significant amount of weight

Eventually, when I did get married and I got pregnant, it did play havoc (25 lbs) on my waistline. I lost half of the pregnancy weight before I went for my second pregnancy, which I only gained a total of 11 pounds for my second pregnancy. My greatest weight

loss, though, was when I lost 50 lbs in 6 months when my marriage went sour, and then lost to pre-marriage weight after my divorce, which is where I am currently, and b”H, I look and feel better than when I was in my 20s. I wish you much luck with your discussion.

within a short period of time, there is something going on. The question is, what is going on with Sarah? Is it medical, emotional, etc.? Right now, you don’t have answers. The second question is, do you want to stick around to the dirty work of finding out? The third question is, once you do find out, will the issue be something you are willing to accept within Sarah? I can’t tell you whether to be with Sarah or break up with her. Anyone you ask for direct advice will be guiding you based on their own experiences, their own likes and dislikes, and their own regrets and misgivings. What I can tell you is that everyone has something. Be it a secret, an addiction, an embarrassing family member … who goes through life with no issues? There are the people who hide their issues and the people who are honest about them. There are no women out there with “nothing.” No one goes through this life of ours unscathed. Perhaps Sarah’s fatal flaw is that she struggles with weight. People invest so much energy into hiding their secrets … unfortunately for Sarah and everyone struggling with their weight, their secret cannot be hidden. Your situation is tricky. Most women are sensitive about their weight. We will ask you if we look good in our outfits and G-d help you if you say no! Tell a woman she needs to lose a few pounds and those elephant brains of ours will store that memory forever! I understand that you spoke with Sarah about her weight gain last year and because you are a sensitive person, you dropped it when you saw her discomfort. Before you think about breaking up this beautiful relationship in which you love and care for each other so deeply, try talking to her again. Focus on your concern, ask her

if there is something you can do. Here is the hard part… if she starts crying or changes the subject, you are entitled to redirect the conversation back to the issue at hand. Let her know that her weight gain concerns you especially because obesity runs in her family. Adam, I want you to understand that even if Sarah loses the weight now, she may gain it back down the road. Marriage brings with it incredible highs and also incredible lows. People deal with losing jobs, aren’t able to pay their children’s yeshiva tuition, sick and aging parents, medical problems, weight gain. These things take a toll on the strongest of relationships. As hard as this is, try not to get ahead of yourself right now. Break this down into more manageable steps with a promise to yourself that you will not engaged until you are feeling more at peace and ready to commit with a full heart. Start talking. If you are having unproductive conversations going nowhere fast, then it will be time to consider speaking to a therapist. Good luck and thanks for being the first Modern Orthodox person to write in! Sincerely, Jennifer If you would like to submit a dating or relationship question anonymously, please email thenavidaters@gmail.com. Esther Mann, LCSW and Jennifer Mann, LCSW are psychotherapists and dating and relationship coaches working with individuals, couples and families in private practice in Lawrence, NY. To set up an appointment, please call 516.224.7779. Press 1 for Esther, 2 for Jennifer. Jennifer is starting a Marriage Support Initiative for Women; an 8 week support group for married women to celebrate the positive aspects of their marriages and delve into the more private corners of marriage. Difficulties in a marriage can feel isolating. Come find support and make friends. For more information, reach her at the above phone number.


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OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home

In The K

tchen

By Naomi Nachman

Preparation Preheat oven to 350°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and put aside. Sautee onion in olive oil until soft, then add garlic – sauté for 2 minutes. Add in the brisket and stir through. Season with salt & pepper. Add in the horseradish, and barbeque sauce and mix. Cook for 10 minutes on low. Remove from heat and allow to cool. Roll out each puff pastry square, in each direction, so that it overlays the empanada cutter. Spray empanada maker with a little Pam. Place 1 tablespoon meat filling in the center of the puff pastry square, place in the empanada cutter and close over the pastry, sealing in the meat. Tear off excess dough from the sides of the pastry dough before releasing the empanada from the cutter. Lay evenly on the baking sheet. Whisk the egg yolk with a splash of water, brush tops of empanadas and pierce the top of each one with 2 little holes to let steam escape. Bake 20 minutes or until golden brown. Serve with your favorite barbecue sauce.

I usually double or triple a recipe and freeze them in advance so I can have them on hand when I need them. I plan to wrap them in some tissue paper, place them in a basket with dipping sauce in a mason jar and incorporate them as part of my mishloach manot.

Naomi Nachman, the owner of The Aussie Gourmet, caters weekly and Shabbat/ Yom Tov meals for families and individuals within The Five Towns and neighboring communities, with a specialty in Pesach catering. Naomi is a contributing editor to this paper and also produces and hosts her own weekly radio show on the Nachum Segal Network stream called “A Table for Two with Naomi Nachman.” Naomi gives cooking presentations for organizations and private groups throughout the New York/ New Jersey Metropolitan area. In addition, Naomi has been a guest host on the QVC TV network and has been featured in cookbooks, magazines as well as other media covering topics related to cuisine preparation and personal chefs. To obtain additional recipes, join The Aussie Gourmet on Facebook or visit Naomi’s blog. Naomi can be reached through her website,www.theaussiegourmet. com or at (516) 295-9669.

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

As I love meat, I had to try the new product by Jack’s Gourmet Sausages. They make a ready-made pulled BBQ Brisket in a package. It’s a very convenient way to get some quick brisket without having to cook one for 3 hours first. I use this product to make empanadas. An empanada is a turnover or mold of pastry filled with chopped or ground meat, vegetables, fruit, etc., and usually baked or fried. These empanadas are so cute and delicious. The combination of the beef and horseradish is a marriage of flavors. If you leave them on the counter to cool, do it before the kids come home or there will be nothing left!

Ingredients 1 tablespoon olive oil 1 yellow onion, diced 1 garlic clove, crushed 1 10 oz. box Jacks Pulled Brisket 1 tablespoon prepared horseradish 1 tablespoon barbeque sauce Kosher salt & pepper 1 package Mazor mini puff pastry squares (36 per pack) 1 egg yolk

MARCH 3, 2016

With Purim coming up in a few weeks, it was time to get some ideas for my mishloach manot. I always like the idea of doing practical foods for our gift baskets – something people can use for their seuda or save for Friday night as this year Purim falls on a Thursday.

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

Pulled Brisket Empanadas

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