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410.484.5850 JANUARY 25, 2018

508 ReisteRstown Rd.

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

MR. & MRS. JERRY WOLASKY

JANUARY 25, 2018

CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO ATTEND A

TO BENEFIT

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JANUARY 31 @ 7:00 PM HOT BUFFET WILL BE SERVED

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B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

yca z”y


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CONTENTS

COMMUNITY

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

JANUARY 25, 2018

Around the Community . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6 Community Calendar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36

JEWISH THOUGHT Rabbi Zvi Teichman. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30 Rabbi Motty Rabinowitz. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34 Rabbi Berel Wein. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38

PEOPLE 613 Seconds with Aryeh & Sandy Guttenberg and Chaim & Rikki Ambinder . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19

HUMOR & ENTERTAINMENT Notable Quotes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40 Centerfold. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46

JEWISH LIFE Dating Dialogue. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48 Forgotten Heroes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54 Life Coach. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 56 The Case for Vitamin D. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 67 Biz Wiz. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60 Mental Health Corner. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 64 Beyond Limits - A Serial . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 65 Your Money. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 68 Gluten Free Recipe Column. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 70 Cooking for the King. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 71

NEWS

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

Israel News . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 That’s Odd. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24

Dear Readers, Sometimes we might wonder, Isn’t it a bit risky to educate our children about Moshiach coming to take us out of exile? Isn’t it possible that it will lead to disappointment? For starters, it’s the same answer to the question, “What happens if there is no G-d?” Although the answer might frustrate the person professing to be a non-believer, the believer is left wondering what the question is in the first place. Our belief that the long journey traveled by the Jewish people will eventually come to an end is not a cooked-up fantasy created in some cellar as a good way to cope with our challenges. It’s the subject of the twelfth and thirteenth principles of faith enumerated by the Rambam. In his words: “All the books of the Prophets are filled with this.” Looking deeper than the superficial shell of events and finding the redemptive spark in each of our actions is a fundamental part of Judaism. It’s why we’re here in the first place. By now, leaders of all traditional Jewish communities have stated that current global events are nothing less than the process of the final redemption. When? Only G-d knows. But could it be now? Absolutely. We are Jewish. We are Jewish despite our shortcomings. We are Jewish not because we attend minyan three times a day or eat in kosher pizza shops. The opposite is true: we attend minyan and keep kosher because we are Jewish. We are Jewish not because we have a beautiful culture we seek to impart to the next generation; we keep mitzvos and follow our minhagim because we are Jewish. Being Jewish isn’t because of what we do, it is who we are. And since it’s us, it’s what we do. May we soon see the painful parts of the redemption process in the rearview mirror, and going forward experience the celebratory aspects of the prophesies of old, culminating in the return to our home, the promised land. Wishing you a peaceful Shabbos, Shalom

The Baltimore Jewish Home is an independent bi-weekly newspaper. All opinions expressed by the journalists, contributors and/or advertisers printed and/or quoted herein are solely their opinions and do not reflect the opinions of BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME, their parent company or affiliates, and may have been previously disseminated by them on television, radio, Internet or another medium. The Baltimore Jewish Home is not responsible for typographical errors, or for the kashrus of any product or business advertised within. The BJH contains words of Torah. Please treat accordingly.


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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME JANUARY 25, 2018

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M


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Around the Community

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

JANUARY 25, 2018

Shoresh’s Night of Entertainment with ‘The Passing Zone’ at the Meyerhof

New Night Seder Chabura - Come Join Us By: BJLife Newsroom BaltimoreJewishLife.com/Jeff Cohn

A

new Chabura has formed for those interested in learning Halacha L’maaseh from the source. The Chabura

will be learning the Halachos of Chol Hamoed from Maseches Moed Katan, starting with the Gemara and Rishonim and continuing into the Bais Yosef, Shulchan Aruch and Mishna Berura. The Chabura is led by R’ Yosef Rosenfeld, who guides the learning

and delivers regular Shiurim. Located in Kehillas Kol Torah, the Chaburah meets Sunday through Thursday from 8:30 until 10 PM, followed by Maariv. For more information, please contact Dovid Meyer at 443-812-6681 or R’ Yosef Rosenfeld at 443-787-6179.

N OW W I T H

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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME JANUARY 25, 2018

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M


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Around the Community

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

JANUARY 25, 2018

STAR-K Kosher Certified Food Options Take Off at JFK, LaGuardia, and Newark Airports (Updated 1/16/18) By: Margie Pensak

C

atching a red-eye flight back to JFK after a business meeting in L.A.? Landing in Newark at 5:50 a.m., after a 12-1/2 hour flight from visiting the grandkids in Israel? Leaving for LaGuardia too early to eat breakfast before going on that long-awaited Saint Martin Island vacation? Have no fear, Fresko Green Label is here! Now the estimated 1.5 million kosher travelers who fly domestically and internationally from JFK, LaGuardia, and Newark airports, annually, can avail themselves of a large variety of kosher prepared food options packaged under the Fresko and Yummy Sandwich labels, under STAR-K Kosher supervision. No longer do you have to subsist on pretzels and candy that, thankfully, are marked with a reliable kosher symbol! The STAR-K certified Fresko/ Yummy Sandwich menu selection var-

JFK INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT Terminal 2 CIBO Express Market Gate C61 CIBO Express Market Between Gate C65 & C66 CIBO Express Market Gate C70 Terminal 4 Urban Crave Gate B53 La Brea V Gate B37 Jetbox B28 Gate B23 Jetbox B20 Gate B20 Five Boroughs Hall Main Hall Jetbox FC Gate A Terminal 5 CIBO Express Market Gate 5 CIBO Express Food Hall Be-

Office Positions Available B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

CIBO Express Market CIBO Express Food Hall Terminal D CIBO Express Gate 11 CIBO Express CIBO Express Food Hall

ies, terminal to terminal, and includes a wide variety of wraps, sandwiches, and salads. All breads are Pas Yisroel; all dairy items are Cholov Yisroel. These menu items can be found, Sunday through Friday at these locations:

Seeking outgoing and friendly candidate for full time office position. Duties include customer service, light graphic design work, and various other office tasks. Must be proficient in MS Office.

tween Gate 7 & 8 CIBO Express Market Gate 9 CIBO Express Market Gate 21 JFK SSP Terminal 7 Apt7B Departures Level Post Security Terminal 8 CIBO Express Market Concourse B LAGUARDIA AIRPORT Terminal A CIBO Express Market Terminal B GoGo Stop American Airlines Concourse D CIBO Express Market Central Terminal B Terminal C CIBO Express Market Gate C15 CRUST / CIBO Gate C24 CIBO Express Market Between Gate C28 & C29 CIBO Express Market Gate C31

NEWARK LIBERTY INTERNATIONAL Terminal A Market Fresh Terminal A1 Post-Security Market Fresh Terminal A2 Post-Security Market Fresh Terminal A3 Post-Security Market Express Before A3 Pre-Security Terminal B Market Fresh Food Court Pre-Security (next to Subway) Green Beans Coffee Arrivals Mediterranean Bistro Terminal B3 Terminal C1 CIBO Express Market Gate C70 CIBO Express Market Gate C73 CIBO Express Market Gate C75 CIBO Express Market Gate C92 CIBO Express Market Gate C93 Abruzzo Market Gate C71 Terminal C2 Vanguard Market Gate C101 CIBO Express Market Gate C112 Terminal C3 CIBO Express Market Gate C123 CIBO Express Market Gate C132 Kosher Market Gate 139

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Send cover letter and resume to slewis@talmudicalacademy.org.

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Full time Elementary office position. Both receptionist and basic computer skills required. Contact Ms. Shoshana Meister at 410-484-6600 x328 or smeister@talmudicalacademy.org.

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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME JANUARY 25, 2018

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M


THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

JANUARY 25, 2018

10

Around the Community

Baltimore’s New Police Commissioner Faces Numerous Challenges By: AP BaltimoreJewishLife.com/Jeff Cohn

D

eputy Police Commissioner Darryl DeSousa, who has steadily risen through the ranks during a 30-year career with Baltimore’s police department, will take the helm of the force in a city struggling with a feverish pace of killings. After a record year in per-capita homicides, Baltimore’s mayor on Friday fired the city’s police commissioner after 2½ years on the job and named DeSousa to the top post, saying a change in leadership was needed immediately. “I am impatient. We need violence reduction. We need the numbers to go down faster,” Mayor Catherine Pugh said at a news conference at City Hall after announcing DeSousa’s promo-

tion. Although violent crime rates in Baltimore have been high for decades, Baltimore ended 2017 with 343 killings, bringing the annual homicide rate to its highest ever: roughly 56 killings per 100,000 people. Baltimore, which has shrunk over decades, currently has about 615,000 inhabitants. In contrast, New York City had 290 homicides last year, its fewest on record in the modern era for the city of 8.5 million people. Los Angeles, with about 4 million residents, saw 305 homicides last year. The challenges facing DeSousa are numerous: the pervasive mistrust of many citizens due to a history of corruption and discriminatory police practices; a federal corruption investigation into a group of indicted officers; and the unsolved slaying of a detective that has produced rumors but

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no arrests. His promotion also comes as a monitoring team is overseeing court-ordered reforms to Baltimore’s police department as part of a federal consent decree reached last January between Baltimore and the U.S. Justice Department due to discriminatory and unconstitutional policing. DeSousa, a 53-year-old city resident who joined the department in 1988, said he’s looking forward to the challenges. He said he’ll approach his role as a strategic thinker who knows the ins and outs of the department’s operations as well as law enforcement approaches that have had success in other U.S. cities. “Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a chess player, and I don’t like to be outwitted,” he told reporters. The head of Baltimore’s police union, Gene Ryan, said the leadership shakeup is already improving morale, and “will bring about the positive changes that will allow us to achieve our mission of violence reduction.” DeSousa on Friday pledged to reduce crime by putting more uniformed officers on the streets and saturating “hot spots,” an effort he said is already underway. He said he had a message for the city’s violent repeat offenders, a rotating cast of “trigger pullers” that law enforcers say are responsible for an outsized percentage of the city’s crime. “We’re coming after them. And I want to let everybody know that it will be done in a constitutional manner,” DeSousa said. The native New Yorker has served

in just about every police department role over the years and in 2017 was assigned to lead the patrol bureau, the largest in Baltimore’s force. His appointment will be made permanent following “appropriate approvals,” Pugh’s office said. He appears to have the backing of the City Council and a number of Baltimore’s civic leaders and organizers. Councilman Brandon Scott, who described DeSousa’s promotion as a “great decision,” said he received numerous phone messages from community leaders praising the move. “Never before did I get text messages from community leaders saying, ‘Thank you, this is the right choice,’” Scott said, describing the three previous times during his career as an elected official that a police commissioner was replaced. Sherrilyn Ifill, president of the NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund, tweeted that she was perplexed by the leadership change. In a statement, she said Commissioner Kevin Davis had shown “unyielding commitment” to police reforms. Some Baltimore residents were also skeptical that a veteran as entrenched as DeSousa could bring true reform. “He’s been there for 30 years and that’s the guy who’s going to change things up?” said resident Gerald Spann, who was washing the windows of a convenience store where gunmen and officers exchanged a barrage of gunfire earlier this week. Davis, previously chief of police in Maryland’s Anne Arundel County, replaced Anthony Batts in the job in October 2015. Batts was fired amid a spike in homicides after Freddie Gray died of a fatal spinal cord injury received while in police custody. The black man’s death triggered massive protests and the city’s worst riots in decades. Pugh, who took office in December 2016, said she was grateful to Davis “for all that he has done to implement the initiatives underway to address violent crime at its root causes.”


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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

The Czuker Edition

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and Elissa Czuker

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Around the Community

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

JANUARY 25, 2018

Ohr Hatorah 5th Annual Shabbos Chizuk

T

he fifth annual Yeshiva Gedolah Ohr Hatorah Shabbos Chizuk and Weekend Retreat was held this past Shabbos, Parshas Va’eira, at Capital Camps Retreat Center in Waynesboro, Pa. Located about one hour from Baltimore, in the picturesque mountains of southern Pennsylvania, this sprawling campus has become home to a much anticipated event for every talmid. Close to one hundred and twenty people; talmidim, Hanhalah, Alumni, as well as friends of the Yeshiva and their families came together to be inspired, invigorated and reenergized in midst of winter. And inspired, invigorated and reenergized they were. The stirring tefillos and zemiros, coupled with the variety of divrei Torah and drashos, moved each person in his own way. More than once, the heartfelt niggunim spawned spontaneous dancing among the participants. An impromptu

kumzitz broke out at the end of the Friday night seuda as well as at Shalosh Seudos. The heartfelt singing brought out feelings of dveikus and created an atmosphere of unparalleled achdus. A full gamut of shiurim and shmuezzen filled all with inspiration. It began with a shiur from R’ Moshe Herzog after Kabbolas Shabbos, encouraging all not to fall into the trap of “self-blindness” as Paroah did. A Shabbos morning drasha from Rabbi Daniel Wilhelm helped everyone appreciate the truth and sweetness of Ameilus B’Torah. An afternoon Halachah shiur from R’ Yitzchok Oratz on the topic of Hiddur Mitzvah, and a powerful Shalosh Seudos shmuezz from Rabbi Chaim Dovid Lapidus completed the shiurim. Divrei Brocha and divrei Torah were delivered during the Seudos by the Roshei Yeshiva, Rabbi Dovid Hoffman and Rabbi Moshe Aharon Rosenbaum as well as by a number of talmidim and Alumni.

A number of group sessions were held as well. On Friday night a panel discussion was held after the Seuda. Titled: Sha’al Avicha V’yagedcha, R’ Aharon Hirschman, R’ Moshe Herzog and Rabbi Benzion Lapidus shared their thoughts and answers to questions submitted by the Bochurim of the Yeshiva. Moderated by R’ Yisrael Friedland, a spirited discussion made for an enjoyable, off the cuff talk. After davening on Shabbos morning, the Yeshiva bochurim split up into groups and heard divrei chizuk from on the topic: The Strength of the Yachid vs. The Power of the Rabbim. R’ Yehuda Finkel, R’ Dovid Bacharach and R’ Ari Jager headlined each group. For many, the best was yet to come! On Motzoei Shabbos, an all new pro-

gram was designed featuring a Melave Malka with special guest speaker R’ Akiva Yanez. R’ Yanez kept the crowd spellbound as he described his incredible and uplifting life story. Following his inspiring talk, the Ohr Hatorah Band took center stage as Tzvi Lundner, Shloime Tendler and Avi Pruzansky played songs filled with ruach. Spirited dancing, aided by the vocal accompaniment of R’ Yehuda Tenebaum, concluded the evening. Each person left the weekend not only feeling uplifted and motivated to make the most of the remainder of this winter zman, but with a renewed and deeper connection to their Rebbeim, each other and to their personal Avodah.


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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME JANUARY 25, 2018

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M


THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

JANUARY 25, 2018

14

TH I NE W Bot S Y E AR! AN h the

u When Yo avas Hel p A h . Y israel..

Sen Dt Wil he Re der c lW in a ipient Priz e!

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$500 7 Mile Gift Certificate • Avraham Cohen Lithographs $500 Seasons Supermarket Gift Certificate Accents Adina B Cosmetics A to Z Savings B’Dazzle Bryna Designs Caramel’s Pizza Central Hebrew Books Computer Care MD Covered with Style David Chu’s Doughies

It is pref gifts erable to th to sp ‫ורים‬ e ‫פ‬ en ,‫ סעודת מנות‬poor th d mor ‫( שלוח‬pur im an on e on ‫( מ‬g joy ift s Feas t) the is or of fo grea than od) on ter for… hear the jo or m y of ts of ore gl the gl w id the po addeni or ious ow or, ng s, an th the d th e or ph ‫י”ז‬:‫ב‬ e st ans, ‫מגילה‬ ra ng ’‫הל‬ ‫מב”ם‬ er s. ‫ר‬ No

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be distributed as Matanos L’evyonim on Purim day, to help the needy in our community.

Available at: B’Dazzle • 7 Mile Market • Shabsi’s Judaica • Central Shomrei Emunah • Suburban Orthodox • Bnai Jacob Shaarei Zion and other locations around town Ahavas Yisrael Charity Fund 6400 Cross Country Boulevard • (410) 764-6020 • (410) 358-4464 Email: eli@ahavasyisrael.org • Donate online: www.ahavasyisrael.org

Wh

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There are lots of good choices of Purim cards to send your friends

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

2

JANUARY 25, 2018

GREAT REASONS

to buy Ahavas Yisrael Purim Cards!

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B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

1. Ahavas Yisrael Purim Card proceeds are given out as Matanos Le’evyonim on Purim Day!


16

Around the Community

Bnainu Rolls Along...Again BaltimoreJewishLife.com/Jeff Cohn

O

ver 200 participants enjoyed the energized atmosphere as a feeling of achdus and camaraderie permeated the room on Sunday evening, Jan. 7, at Bnainu’s 5th Annual Bowl-a-Thon at

AMF Woodlawn Lanes as teams vied for top scores. Designed to be an evening out for the guys, the program included delicious food, a competitive bowling tournament, great raffle prizes and lively music. As usual, a fantastic time was had by all!

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

JANUARY 25, 2018

By: Staff Reporter

Baltimore Shomrim Safety Patrol’s Leadership Meet the Northwest Faith Based Coalition By: Staff Reporter

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

BaltimoreJewishLife.com/Jeff Cohn

M

embers of the Baltimore Shomrim Safety Patrol’s leadership met today with members of the Northwest Faith

Based Coalition. The purpose of the meeting was to discuss the possible formation of a community patrol in the neighborhood on the other side of Northern Parkway. Shomrim reached out to the group to offer guidance and input based on experience gleaned over the last 13

years. The meeting was productive and a great step in developing a more positive relationship with our neighbors. The hope is that the conversations continue and we are able to find ways to work together to reduce crime in the Northwest District.

Government Shutdown: What It Means For Maryland By: Staff Reporter BaltimoreJewishLife.com/Jeff Cohn

S

tate Democrats blocked a four-week stopgap extension -- including Maryland Senators Ben Cardin and Chris Van Hollen -- in a late Friday vote to shut down the federal government, and

Maryland will see changes as a result. Nearly 300,000 of Maryland’s six million residents work for the federal government. Fort McHenry, part of the National Park Service, will be closed. Some faculty members at the Naval Academy will also be affected, the Baltimore Sun reports. There are nearly 10,000 federal employees working in Baltimore City, and Social Security has nearly 11,000

in Baltimore County. The U.S. Department of Homeland Security and the Department of Justice both have offices in Baltimore City. Cancer research at Johns Hopkins may also be slowed because of uncertainty in the National Cancer Institute’s budget. Gov. Hogan blasted Congress in a statement and on Twitter.


17

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

“E-Z Pass” for Matanos L‘Evyonim!

Fallstaff & Westbrook

Money to be distributed on Purim Day

Taney near Greenspring

Booth Location Strathmore & Cross Country

Booth Sponsor • M A N AG E M E N T L LC •

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Agudah near Park Heights Ahavas Yisrael Charity Fund 2723 Woodcourt Road, Baltimore MD 21209 (410) 764-6020 • (410) 358-4464 Email: eli@ahavasyisrael.org • Donate online: www.ahavasyisrael.org

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

Purim Thursday, March 1 \10am-2pm

staimandesign.com

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staimandesign.com

JANUARY 25, 2018

Contribute at one of Ahavas Yisrael’s voluntary donation toll booths on Purim Day!


THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

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Aryeh & Sandy Guttenberg - Chaim & Rikki Ambinder career beginning with University of Maryland School of Medicine, and then continuing his training in Internal Medicine and finally a Cardiology fellowship at Johns Hopkins.

Mazal tov to all of you on being the Dor L’dor Honorees at Shomrei Emunah’s Evening of Appreciation this year! Chaim & Rikki, how did you choose Shomrei as your shul? We did not start off davening at Shomrei. However we were actively drawn to the shul, as it is a family shul that our kids now love as well. The youth groups and programming are so fantastic that our children are dressed and ready for shul Shabbos morning before Chaim! Shomrei has so much to offer, beginning with the Rav, Rabbi Marwick, with whom we have developed a close relationship, the level and amount of learning opportunities, numerous minyanim, exciting events and so much more. Shomrei is a shul that encompasses all different types of members and allows everyone to feel welcome with its warmth.

Chaim, how do you like davening in the same shul with your father-in-law? Well, there is a reason that I go to the 8:45 Dveykus minyan! All jokes aside, there is nothing that I enjoy more than watching my son Avi daven kabbalas Shabbos sitting between me and his grandfather. Some weeks unfortunately I am stuck at the hospital yet I never feel down because I know that Avi and Sammy have their incredible grandfather to show them where to turn around and bow during Lecha Dodi. Rikki, you grew up in Shomrei. What are some things that haven’t

changed in 20 years? The “soos” that my father does while leining the Megila. It made me smile for the past 20 plus years! Chaim and I have an understanding that Purim morning (while our kids are still too young to stay home alone), I daven and hear Megila at whichever minyan my father is leining because it is one of the highlights of my year. In recent years Chaim lucks out with an extra hour of sleep. The Shomrei Evening of Appreciation is on Motzei Shabbos, 2/17/18. What does the Dor L’Dor honor mean to you? Sandy: Boruch Hashem, Aryeh and I are very proud of all our children. Each of them going in the Derech HaTorah in addition to being contributing members of society. What additional nachas it is for us to see our children be a part of such a young, vibrant, energetic group of families that are thriving spiritually and socially in so many aspects at Shomrei, a shul that we were privileged to help nurture. That is what Shomrei is all about, ensuring the continuity of our people for future generations. How incredible it is to see Rikki and Chaim and this next generation infuse Shomrei with ruach, koach and the continuity of our beautiful and rich mesorah. And we see their little ones already enjoying Shomrei. Truly Dor L’Dor.

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How did each of you decide to make your home in Baltimore? Sandy: Well, I’m from Columbus, Ohio and Aryeh is a New Yorker. (He calls himself a “Lower East Sider.”) We were living in Silver Spring, where Aryeh was doing a 2-year federal clerkship. Aryeh assumed that after the clerkship, we were going back to NYC. Little did he know that I never had that intention - I wanted to stay in Silver Spring. He had applied to positions with law firms in NYC and DC. I said, apply in Baltimore too. It boiled down to 2 offers, one in DC and one here in Baltimore - the rest as they say is history. Aryeh: Gotta make the wife happy - key to a good marriage! But what a wonderful place to live and raise our children! Rikki: Chaim and I had been living in New York for a few years before moving to Baltimore. For me, moving to Baltimore was moving home. For Chaim, it was the start of his medical

We know you don’t play favorites… but who is really the favorite Guttenberg child? Rikki: I am my mom’s not my dad’s. His favorite is Gary or Shani. Sorry Shaye! Sandy: I don’t have a favorite! Neither does Aryeh (sure…. )

Who at Shomrei has inspired you over the years? Aryeh: Rabbi Weinreb has had the greatest impact on me in terms of recognizing and appreciating the breadth, expanse and pleasantness of Torah. And it is wonderful to now have Rabbi Binyamin Marwick who follows in those footsteps and is indeed a role model for us. My laining teammates for over 30 years, Joe Zoimen and Ethan Spiegler for helping raise the level of Kriyas HaTorah at Shomrei. Ellen Lightman has inspired my in involvement in the broader Jewish community through many programs, including the Twain program.

JANUARY 25, 2018

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BIG SAVINGS Post-Gulf War Interviews Released

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The IDF has released interviews that were conducted with Israel’s 1991 Defense Minister Moshe Arens and IDF Chief of Staff Dan Shomron shortly after the First Gulf War. The war began in the predawn hours of January 18, 1991 when the Iraqi army launched eight SCUD missiles into Israel which reached Tel Aviv and Haifa. This attack, that left seven people dead and many injured, sparked the war. Throughout the war, Saddam Hussein ordered his military to fire 30 more SCUDs into Israel. Another two people were killed in missile attacks and 11 were injured from heart attacks and asphyxiation as a reaction to the missiles. It was highly expected that Israel would send retaliatory airstrikes to Iraq, and the newly released interviews shed light on the IDF’s thinking at the time. “It turns out that Arens called [then-U.S. secretary of defense Dick] Cheney and told him, ‘OK, we’re going to attack, move your planes,” Shomron recalled in his interview. Arens confirmed in his interview that he was indeed in touch with the United States discussing their counterattacks. ”I spoke with Cheney on a special line almost every day. I told him, ‘We need to attack, we need to coordinate,’” he recalled. “He was always trying to push me off. He said it required permission from the president and that there still wasn’t permission from the president so we couldn’t

coordinate,” Arens said. The United States was very opposed to any Israeli intervention because they feared that the coalition members would not want to be seen as fighting on the same side as Israel. The coalition therefore went “SCUD hunting,” which consisted of searching for the launchers that the Iraqi army was using to attack Israel and Saudi Arabia. One such launcher had hit a U.S. Army Barracks and killed 28 soldiers. Arens said in his interview that although few people were hurt in Israel, there was always a feeling that the “next missile could cause mass casualties, the next missile could be a chemical missile and the Americans aren’t succeeding in stopping it, so we have to.” Shomron said that he was much less enthusiastic about launching an attack. ”If the government said to attack, we’d attack, but I recommended that we shouldn’t,” Shomron said. “If an hour later, a missile fell with poisonous gas that caused mass casualties, maybe I would recommend to attack. I wasn’t saying no attacking from now until the end of time.” Shomron spoke about how his views did not make him popular in Israel. “People think, ‘They attack us and we don’t respond?’ That’s the reflex most people have. That’s how we were raised,” Shomron said. “Arens always wanted to do something. He’d always bring us little missions. And I never wanted to do those little missions,” Shomron said. “When do you lose your deterrence? When you do something little. Then they say, ‘This is all [the Israelis] can do,’” the former general said. Arens also recalls in his interview going to speak with President George H.W. Bush to convince him that Israel should conduct a retaliatory attack on Iraq because the coalition was not being effective and the Patriot anti-missile system was not effectively stopping the attacks. “There was an argument, and they said that their figures showed that they were succeeding in intercepting [Scud missiles]. I told them, ‘Look, I’m telling you they’re not. They haven’t intercepted one missile,” Arens said. Ultimately, Israel did not carry out any counterstrikes against Iraq, mostly due to American pressure against it.


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The Week In News Israel’s Embassy in Jordan to Reopen

Jordan unless Moyal was put on trial. Netanyahu is set to name a new ambassador to the embassy. All three Jordanian families have agreed to accept the financial compensation from Israel, a reported $5 million.

Belgium to Supplement UNRWA An official memorandum has been sent from Israel to the Jordanian government apologizing for the deaths of two Jordanians during a shooting incident at the Israeli embassy in Amman in July and the killing of a Jordanian judge in a separate 2014 incident. Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s office then put out a statement announcing that the embassy, which was closed after the July incident, would be reopened. A Jordanian spokesperson said that Israel has agreed to comply with the Kingdom of Jordan’s preconditions in order to resume regular diplomatic relations. The conditions included bringing legal action against the Israeli security guard accused of killing two Jordanians at the embassy and offering financial compensation to the bereaved families. “Israel attaches great importance to its strategic relations with Jordan, and the two countries will act to advance their cooperation and to strengthen the peace treaty between them,” Bibi’s office said. Ziv Moyal, the security guard at the embassy, shot two Jordanians after one of them attacked him. Israel has maintained that he acted in self-defense. This week it was announced by Israel that they will not be prosecuting Moyal. Instead, Israel will be studying the incident and will be sharing its findings with the Jordanians. The killings in the embassy led to all diplomatic staff in the Amman embassy to return to Israel, including Ambassador Einat Schlein. Jordan had originally said that Schlein and the rest of the staff could not return to

The UN had to scramble to replace funds that the United States is withholding from the UNRWA. Belgium has agreed to disburse $23 million for Palestinian refugees out of the $65 million that the U.S. has withheld. The United States supplies nearly a third of the UNRWA’s annual budget. Belgian Deputy Prime Minister Alexander De Croo said that his country was responding to a global fundraising appeal by UNRWA. The money is what Belgium would have paid in the next three years, however they made the funds ready for immediate release in response to the appeal. UNRWA’s Secretary-General Pierre Krähenbühl said the fundraising appeal will continue over the next few weeks but did not say which countries would be approached to help make up the missing funds. The U.S. State Department announced that it would not be releasing $65 million of the $120 million it planned on contributing this month, which would have been one of many payments made in 2018. The United States sent a letter to UNRWA that the funds would not be released unless major changes were made by the UNRWA. “We would like to see some reforms be made,” said State Department spokeswoman Heather Nauert, adding that changes were needed in the way the agency operates and is funded.

“This is not aimed at punishing anyone,” Nauert said, adding that the U.S. believes there needs to be more “burden-sharing,” a regular issue raised by President Donald Trump about multilateral organizations dependent on significant contributions of U.S. cash. “We don’t believe that taking care of other nations and other people have to be solely the United States’ responsibility,” she said. The United States gave $335 million to the UNRWA in 2016 and was supposed to make a similar contribution this year. The State Department decided to withhold the funds after President Trump criticized the lack of progress in the peace process between the Palestinians and the Israelis. They are awaiting a formal policy decision from President Trump before sending the first installment. On January 2, the President tweeted: “We pay the Palestinians HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS a year and get no appreciation or respect,” he said. “But with the Palestinians no longer willing to talk peace, why should we make any of these massive future payments to them?”

Building a Wall – Underground

The IDF has allowed journalists inside the tunnel that was dug 650 feet inside Israel by the Palestinian Islamic Jihad terrorist group. The destruction of the tunnel, which was 16 feet belowground, led to mortar fire, rocket attacks, and riots within and around Gaza. The tunnel was only 1.2 miles away from Kibbutz Kissufim and, had it been completed, could have led to a very violent situation for kibbutz residents. The increased number of underground tunnels such as this one

has forced Israel to come up with an innovative solution. The Israeli government and military have come up with a clever way of stopping any future construction of such tunnels. Construction of an underground barrier surrounding the Gaza Strip has begun. The subterranean terror tunnel threat is to be eliminated by the censor-laden reinforced concrete walls that are being placed deep into the ground. The 40-mile barrier is known as “the obstacle.” The IDF has been adamant that it will protect Israeli citizens from underground threats. ”Israel will defend this barrier in every way possible,” an IDF official said in August. “This barrier will be built. Period. At any price.” As of now, 2.5 miles of the barrier has been built. Construction has started around the most at-risk Israeli communities. Five cement factories have been built in the area to accommodate the heavy work order. The underground barrier is created using a machine called a hydromill. A deep trench is dug and filled with a mixture of bentonite, clay, and water. A metal lattice is then dropped into the trench and a pipe is lowered to the bottom which pumps in concrete and pushes out the bentonite mixture. When asked how deep the barrier will be, the IDF official would only say that it was “deep enough.” If work continues at its current pace, the underground barrier will be completed by the end of 2019. According to an IDF official, Gazan terrorists will have to turn to other ways of doing Israel harm, likely using drones, sea-based attacks, or more advanced types of missiles. The IDF has warned that Hamas is attempting to make progress in all three of these areas.

31 Years of Pain An IDF soldier that has been in a vegetative state since he was injured in Lebanon 31 years ago has died at the age of 50. Sgt. Avraham Ajami was remembered at his funeral by his relatives and friends as a “shy 19-year-old that was loved by everyone.”


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The Week In News The IDF was fighting in southern Lebanon in 1987 when a shell exploded near Ajami during a battle at an army post in the town of Marjayoun. The young soldier was evacuated to a hospital in critical condition. Though he survived, he was never able to regain consciousness after his serious head injury and spent the rest of his life hooked up to machines. Two weeks ago, Ajami came down with pneumonia and was unable to recover. A full military ceremony was held in his honor at the military cemetery in Holon. “Abraham was loved by everyone — [he was] shy, introverted and liked helping others,” said his sister, Metuka Aspir. Ajami’s brother, Reuven, said in his eulogy that “friends loved him, and it seems like he was truly a special person. After the injury, they told us things about him we didn’t know, since he was so shy. He was no ordinary person.” “He had immense inner strength and always smiled,” said Ajami’s commander, Dror Lifshitz. “I remember we once tried to educate him and told him to wipe his smile off his face, and he said, ‘OK,’ but then came back smiling and said, ‘I just can’t wipe it off.’”

Shin Bet Influenced Palestinian Education The Shin Bet, Israel’s internal security service, spent many decades influencing the Palestinians state-run education system. This open secret was whispered about for many years but until now no official proof of it existed. Highly classified documents have recently been discovered that confirm that the Shin Bet did indeed maintain a tight grip on the education of Israel’s Arab youth. A top-secret meeting was held in April 1948 between agents and senior members of the Education Ministry. According to the documents, the Shin Bet was looking to use its power to

remove principals and teachers that they deemed to be “hostile” from Palestinian classrooms. Other teachers were denied tenure. Most of all, the Shin Bet wanted to ensure that the Education and Culture Ministry’s Arab Education Department would employ a Shin Bet agent to coordinate the service’s activities. The documents reveal how the Shin Bet stopped highly qualified

candidates from being employed by the Palestinian school system due to their political beliefs and the fear that they would pass their ideologies onto the next generation of Palestinians. The educators were never informed of the reason they were dismissed. Teachers were also fired because they had relatives associated with political activities. Critics of the interference of the Shin Bet say that highly educated Arab children lead to a highly educated population, which leads to less reason for violence and terrorist activities. Proponents of the Shin Bet’s involvement said that teachers – regardless of how good they are – can be extremely influential on Palestinian youth if they spout terrorism and hate in the classroom. By the 1990s the Shin Bet took a less active role in the Palestinian education system and by 2004 the position they occupied was officially rescinded.

Arrests after Raziel Shevach Murder Early Tuesday morning, IDF forc-

es arrested the brother of one of the terrorists suspected of murdering Raziel Shevach, Hy”d. Suhaib Nassar Jarrar, brother of terror cell leader Ahmad Nassar Jarrar, was captured by the IDF. Ahmad has so far evaded arrest. The IDF also arrested Wissam Assam Jarrar, a relative of Ahmad, in Jenin. Details of the arrests were released by Palestinian media; the IDF has a gag order in place regarding the investigation. Even so, the IDF has confirmed that eight Palestinian suspects were arrested in the West Bank between Monday night and Tuesday morning in connection to Shevach’s murder. On January 9, shortly before 8 p.m., 35-year-old father of six Rabbi Raziel Shevach was driving his car on the highway near his home in the Havat Gilad outpost when shots were fired at him from a passing vehicle. Shevach, a volunteer medic, was shot in the neck, but managed to call his wife and tell her to call an ambulance. Civilian and military medics rushed to the scene and tried to stop the bleeding as they took Shevach to Kfar Saba’s Meir Hospital, where he was pronounced dead after life-saving efforts failed. Israeli security services launched a manhunt after the perpetrators, leading them to a house in Jenin where the suspects were believed to be hiding last Thursday. In an operation led by the Israel Police’s counterterrorism unit, security forces used a technique known as “pressure cooker,” in which troops use a number of high-intensity weapons and tools to disorient the suspects inside a house before knocking down a wall and entering the structure in full force. A firefight broke out during the arrest raid. One suspect was killed and another was taken into custody. Two police officers were wounded, one of them seriously. However, Ahmad Jarrar apparently succeeded in fleeing the scene. Israeli forces have been in pursuit of him ever since, with Defense Minister Avigdor Liberman saying on Friday that he is “living on borrowed time.”

Switched at Birth In March of 2015 two babies were born in the same labor room in northeastern India. But those babies did not go home with their families. Instead, the baby born to the Muslim family headed to the home of the Hindu family; the Hindu-born baby found his home with the Muslim family. Salma Parbin said that she suspected that the baby, Jonait, was not hers when she saw him at the hospital when he was born. “When I saw his face, I had doubts. I remembered the face of the other woman in the labor room and he resembled her. I could make out from his eyes. He’s got small eyes, no one in my family has eyes like that,” she told the BBC.  Her husband, Shahabuddin Ahmed, told a hospital employee, who dismissed his wife’s concerns and suggested she go for psychiatric help. But Salma was not crazy. Shahabuddin requested information on all the babies born around 7 a.m. the day that Jonait was born. He received information on seven babies. One woman, a “tribal lady,” stood out, as Salma and the woman had given birth to boys just five minutes apart, and both babies weighed 6.6 lb. Both families – Anil and Shewali Boro and their child, Riyan Chandra, and Jonait and his parents – met in a village. Immediately, Boro recognized that Jonait was her son. “We are Bodo tribals, we are not like the other Assamese or Muslim people. Our eyes slant upwards, our cheeks and hands are plumper. We are different. We have Mongolian features,” she said. Salma said she also knew that Riyan was her child right away, wanting


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The Week In News to swap the children. But Shewali rejected the proposal. Soon, DNA evidence proved that the children were switched at birth. The families eventually went to court. But sometimes familial ties are strong – even when they are not formed by blood. Both families realized that they couldn’t go through with the swap. “The magistrate told us that if we wanted to swap the babies we could do it, but we said we won’t do it. Be-

cause we’ve raised them for the past three years, we can’t just let them go,” Salma said. Both families realized that the children would be traumatized by being returned to their biological families. They said as the children grow older they will leave the decision up to them. And the families plan to keep in touch, ensuring that the two families will be part of each other’s lives.

A Prickly Paunch

that the Ramat Gan Zoo in Israel took in ten hedgehogs who had been feasting on Israeli leftovers. The mammals were taken in because they were overweight; the zoo was attempting to put them on strict diets and exercise regimens to help them shed extra pounds that were preventing them from curl-

Earlier this year it was reported

ing into a ball to fend off predators. One hedgehog captured animal lovers’ hearts. The adult male Sherman weighed a whopping 1.6 kg (3.5 pounds) when he arrived, almost twice the weight of an average hedgehog his age. Since then, he has lost 150 grams (.33 pounds), thanks to a diet of cat food fed in small doses, along with fruits and vegetables. Additionally, handlers have been placing the food far away from Sherman, forcing him to waddle to get his grub. Once Sherman is able to curl into a ball – a practice necessary for his protection – he will be released back into the streets of Israel. Seems like too much falafel can be detrimental to our health.

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A Picture Payout The Landau brothers of Teaneck recently learned that Grandpa has a nose for fine art. The three brothers – Ned, Roger and Steven – inherited a painting that depicts two men holding smelling salts under the nose of an unconscious woman from their mother. Their grandfather bought the painting before the Great Depression and their grandmother passed it down to their mother, who died in 2010. The brothers sold most of their mother’s belongings after she died but Ned thought the painting, which they kept under a ping pong table in Roger’s basement, may be valuable. Eventually, when the ping pong table was moved, they asked John Nye, an


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The Week In News

appraiser, to value the piece. A few hundred dollars, they were told, was what the painting could bring in. But Nye missed something important: the three letters transcribed on the top right, RHF, which stands for “Rembrandt Harmenszoon fecit,” meaning “Rembrandt, son of Harmen, made this.” But others saw the true value. When the painting went up at auction, starting at $250, the bids kept going higher. Eventually, it was sold for $1.1 million, according to Fox Business Network’s “Strange Inheritance” series. And it was worth even more. The Frenchman who bought the painting, titled “Unconscious Patient (Allegory of Smell),” then sold it to someone else who had been searching for it for years. The price for the piece painted in the 1620s? A whopping $4 million.

By Appointment Only

The Landau brothers are Jewish and didn’t realize that the auction took place on Yom Kippur. In fact, because they don’t use their phones on the holiday, it was only a few days

later when they returned John’s call. “Maybe one, two days after Yom Kippur I returned John’s call,” Roger said. “I asked, ‘Oh, so how’d the auction go?’ and he said, ‘Well, it actually went quite well.’” Get me the smelling salts, will you?

$4.2M Mansion for $14.50

A millionaire in England is holding a competition to give away his $4.2 million mansion for $14.50 a ticket. The mansion is no ordinary mansion – is there even one? The palatial home is complete with a Rolls Royce, a stocked wine cellar, a gardener and a housekeeper. Even though there is only four bedrooms in the home they are huge and the grounds are complete with a ten-acre landscaped garden, three-hole golf green, leisure complex with a pool and gym, and an in-law apartment. Like what he’s offering? That’s not all. The seller is only taking away a few possessions; the rest of the furniture, wine and big appliance will be left for the lucky winner. Whoever buys the home near Tiverton, Devon, will also get close to $70,000 cash, a tractor and quad bike — and, bizarrely, a stock of 600 spare light bulbs. The anonymous homeowner said he hasn’t put the house on the market before and just wants to “sell” it via the contest to “have some fun.” Along with his wife, the businessman built the property in the early ‘90s and will donate 2 pounds (about $2.75) from every ticket sold to a number of charities. “We’ve had some wonderful times in the house, which we designed and built ourselves,” he said. “However, we have two grandchildren who live four hours’ drive away and we want to be closer to them. We thought that selling the house through

a competition would be a fun thing to do and would mean we could raise money for some of our favorite charities.” He also doesn’t want the “hassle” of moving out (don’t they have people they can paid to do that?) and so they “just want to walk out with our clothes, personal possessions and family photos. That also means the winner has a ready-made home to walk into.” The owners are hoping to sell 500,000 tickets by the close of competition next November — netting an estimated 5.25 million pounds ($7.3 million) in sales. They estimate the total value of the prize to be around 3 million pounds, or roughly $4.2 million. The home has a drawing room, dining room and bar room which all lead to an “entertaining terrace” with a covered barbecue area and steps to the sweeping lawns. There is also a library and a fully equipped kitchen-breakfast room, with French doors leading to a walled garden. The basement houses a utility room, freezer room and wine cellar. The master suite has its own dressing room, sitting room and huge whirlpool bath, and looks out on to ponds, a summer house and barns. The separate leisure complex has an indoor heated swimming pool, paved patio area, a gym and changing rooms, as well as a nearly four-car garage and apartments. The secluded property has a huge sweeping drive and electric gates at both the main and tradesman’s entrance, as well as CCTV and an alarm system. Any legal taxes will also be paid for, as will the wages for the gardener and housekeeper for a year. If less than 500,000 are sold by November 30, 2018, an alternative prize equal to the total value of the tickets sold will be awarded instead of the house. Nine runner ups will be netting around $14,000. Interested parties can enter via www.millionairemansion.co.uk. Entrants must answer a simple question in order to buy a ticket.


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Torah Thought

Friends Forever

By Rabbi Zvi Teichman

Lurking in the background of this week’s portion are those two rabble-rousers Dasan and Aviram. Although not mentioned explicitly in the verse, our Sages discover their long shadows, casting doubt and defiance. ‫ואמר פרעה לבני ישראל נבוכים הם‬ )‫בארץ סגר עליהם המדבר (שמות יד ג‬, Pharaoh will say to the Children of Israel, ‘They are lost in the area and trapped in the desert.’ In a ploy directed by G-d, He directs the nation to strangely turn back in the direction of Egypt in order to goad Pharaoh into chasing after them, and indeed that is what takes place.

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The verse states however that Pharaoh will say to the ‘Children of Israel’, they are lost. How did he direct his words to them at such distance, hadn’t they already left? Rashi to answer this changes the translation from: ‘to’ the Children of Israel, to: ‘of’ the Children of Israel. He was talking to his aides regarding them, not to them. The Targum Yehonoson however reveals that Pharaoh was conversing with Dasan and Aviram who stubbornly defied Moshe, choosing to remain in Egypt. Pharaoh was indeed talking literally to the ‘Children of Israel’ Dasan and Aviram! When Moshe later directs the nation to collect their daily ration of Manna he warns them not to leave anything over for the next day. Yet the Torah reports there were defiers. ‫ויותירו אנשים ממנו עד בקר (שם טז‬ )‫כ‬..., ... People left over from it until

morning. Although the Torah does not identify who these ‘people’ who disobeyed Moshe were, Rashi quoting the Midrash reveals it was none other than those two scoundrels Dasan and Aviram! The Torah goes on to say that Moshe was angered; ‫ויקצף‬, yet no rebuke or action was taken against them. Dasan and Aviram have a long history with Moshe. They cast aspersion on Moshe’s intervention in their personal quarrel early on in the story of the slavery, questioning his authority. They reveal to Moshe their knowledge of his having previously killed the Egyptian taskmaster who was cruelly beating a fellow Jew. The Midrash even claims that it was Dasan himself who was saved by Moshe from the hands of the taskmaster. Dasan and Aviram nevertheless eventually inform on Moshe to Pharaoh, causing him to run for his life by escaping to Midyan. Many years later after Moshe returns, they were the ones who first accuse Moshe, after his first foray to Pharaoh, of instigating Pharaoh to harshly turn up the quotas of work. At the episode of the Spies the verse relates how, ‫ויאמרו איש אל אחיו‬ )‫נתנה ראש ונשובה מצרימה (במדבר יד ד‬, So they said a man to his brother, “Let us appoint a leader and let us return to Egypt!” The Midrash avers that these ‘brothers’ were none other than Dasan and Aviram!

Finally as part of the cohorts of Korach who call into question Moshe and Aharon’s authority, Dasan and Aviram get their due justice, as they are swallowed up into the belly of the earth. Time and again they repeat the same offense, demeaning the role of Moshe, yet he never seems to take them to task. Why so much tolerance? Several times throughout the Torah they are referred to as ‫אנשים‬, a term often used to emphasize ‘men of stature’. Were they possibly noble? The Talmud ):‫ (סנהדרין קט‬explains that ‫דתן‬, Dasan, was so named to imply ‫ל‬-‫שעבר על דת א‬, that he transgressed the law of G-d. The name ‫אבי־‬ ‫רם‬, Aviram, accentuates how he, ‫איבר‬ ‫עצמו‬, fortified himself, ‫מעשות תשובה‬, from doing repentance. It seems strange that the names solely emphasize ‘law’ and ‘strength’, totally missing the intended stress on the transgression of the law and the strong resistance to repent. Dasan and Aviram were numbered among the illustrious ‫שוטרי בני יש־‬ ‫ראל‬, Jewish ‘foreman’ in Egypt, who shielded their Jewish brethren with their bodies by absorbing the vicious beatings and blows of the Egyptian taskmasters. )‫(ש"ר ה כ‬ Moshe upon discovering Dasan raising his hand against Aviram, admonishes him exclaiming ‫למה תכה‬ )‫רעך (שמות ב יג‬, why are you striking your friend? Despite their feud these two are the first recorded ‘friends’ in Jewish history. Earlier we quoted the verse that refers to them as ‫איש אל אחיו‬, ‘brothers’.

These powerful pundits had impacted the people greatly. The Midrash states that when they declared at the episode of the spies, ‫נתנה ראש‬, requesting new leadership, the nation considered replacing Moshe with Dasan and Aharon with Aviram. )‫(מדרש תהלים קו‬ It was Dasan and Aviram who sincerely declared ‫כל העדה כלם קדשים‬ )‫(במדבר טז ג‬, The entire assembly, all of them, are holy. They had their history of sacrifice on behalf of their brothers as ample testimony to this belief. Dasan and Aviram possessed an ideology, a commitment to the law of G-d, and lived it with conviction. There was ‫דת‬, faith, and ‫אביר‬, strong belief. The problem was, as so often is the case throughout our history, it is misguided. If one doesn’t accept authority at the expense of one’s personal conviction, one is left with self-righteousness that can lead one down the path of destruction, not just of others but of oneself. Perhaps Moshe acknowledged their greatness and tolerated their ill-conceived attitude with the hope that these ‘heroes’ would one day ‘get it’. The point of no return was reached when the dialogue shut down. During the final stages of confrontation with Korach and his assembly, as Moshe desperately reaches out to Dasan and Aviram, summoning them to discuss peace, they reply ‫לא נעלה (במדבר טז‬ )‫יב‬, we will not go up! One whose faith is truly based on the appreciation of his every fellow man can never shut out completely his ‘brother’. Moshe respected their conviction until it became evident that it was flawed.


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Even then Moshe merely expresses pain not anger. ‫ויחר למשה מאד (שם‬ )‫שם טו‬, This distressed Moshe greatly, Rashi points out that he was upset but not filled with ire.

The Talmud Yerushalmi ‫(סנהד־‬ )‫רין י א‬adds that in Moshe’s parting blessing to the tribe of Reuven, from who they descend, he prayed on their behalf. ‫יחי ראובן ואל ימת (דברים לג‬ )‫ה‬, May Reuven live and not die, and

be allotted a portion in the World to Come.

of the Children of Israel and fled as well. )‫(מדרש שכל טוב שמות יד קא‬

Although these two resisted in leaving Egypt, when they observed the sea splitting, they joined the ranks

The Holy Be’er Mayim Chaim )‫(קרח אות יג‬alleges that the sea split specifically for them as well. ...‫כי בא סוס פרעה ברכבו ובפרשיו בים‬ ‫ובני ישראל הלכו ביבשה בתוך הים (שמות‬ )‫טו יט‬, When Pharaoh’s cavalry came with his chariots and horsemen into the sea... the Children of Israel walked on dry land amid the sea.

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JANUARY 25, 2018

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He points out that the verse is seemingly out of order. Didn’t we first enter onto the dry riverbed before the Egyptians? Rather this refers distinctly to Dasan and Aviram who entered late and it split just for them!

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We read every morning in the prayer of Ezras Avoseinu: ‫וזדים טבעת‬ ‫וידידים העברת‬, the wanton sinners You drowned, the ‘friends’ You brought across... Here too the events are out of order, first we crossed then they drowned. Perhaps we reiterate this very notion. It is referring not to the Children of Israel but to Dasan and Aviram who passed through after the Egyptians had already begun to drown. How appropriate then that they are referred to here as ‫ידידים‬, true friends, to one another as well as of the people. This was indeed their saving grace. ‫(יעויין בספר ונצדק קדש נבואת משה‬ ‫ ובספר להעיר להורות ולה־‬, ‫רבינו אות כט‬ )‫שכיל ח"ג ד' קכז‬ In a world of confusion we must constantly aspire for clarity in our beliefs, adhering to the voices of authority we choose to follow. We must avoid the pitfall of self-righteousness that can destroy everything. We must continue to nevertheless appreciate those who may disagree with us maintaining a dialogue of friendship and hope.

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In that merit we will certainly be worthy of seeing the truth in its full brilliance with the coming of Moshiach speedily in our days!


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The Big Picture

In The Eyes Of The Beholder By Rabbi Motty Rabinowitz There is an infamous optical illusion that is often used to highlight how different people can view the same item and yet perceive radically different objects. Anyone studying this picture will either see a young woman or an older lady. This subjective interpretation and reframing performed by the wonders of our brain is glaring when it comes to attributing meaning to life events. This week we read in the Torah of the Parting of the Reed Sea. In recent years many scientific theories have been proposed as to how this parting was achieved. There are those such as Dr. Bruce Parker from the National

Ocean Service (NOAA) who believe that Moshe was an expert in the moon and tides and amazingly timed the Egyptians chase and the need to cross the sea, to a low tide that would have revealed a land bridge across the sea at a very specific location. Others claim that this occurred due to the ebbing of the ocean as a Tsunami (triggered by an earthquake or a meteor strike) approached. It was this Tsunami, they assert, that drowned the Egyptians. Finally, there are those that claim that a regular wind of 64Mph or more would have pushed away the waters enough to reveal a passage on the sea bed. The aim of these scientific theories

is of course none other than to nullify any divine intervention or miraculous interactions in these events. Nah, the parting of the sea was just another Wednesday in Egypt, manipulated by scientist Moshe. Interestingly, the Talmud (Chullin 60b) when discussing the Torah’s listing of the world’s kosher and non-kosher animals, questions how Moshe could have possibly had such global Zoological knowledge – clearly this list was stipulated from G-d: “Was Moshe a world trophy hunter (that he would possess this knowledge himself)?” According to these theories, Moshe was either an expert and manipulative Seismologist, Oceanographer or Meteorologist - take your pick. According to the Torah, however the actual splitting occurred, this was a divine miracle of picture-perfect timing. The Rambam for example, subscribes to the view that it was wind in of itself that caused the splitting, as alluded to in the verses – but that it was clearly divinely timed for that exact moment and location in history. Two very different conclusions from the same event. This is the nature of the human psyche. We rationalize what we want, and interpret life occurrences in that light. This cognitive dissonance can sometimes end up generating truly bizarre conclusions. Of-course miracles do not need to be blatantly supernatural events. The Ramban notes that there are two forms of miracles, those that are conspicuous and glaring, and those that are woven into nature. Needless to say, if people can rationalize the former more obvious miracles, being able to view our day-to-day events as being divinely orchestrated is not always an easy task. This winter’s rainy season in Israel is a case in point. Israel had been experiencing a 5th consecutive year of drought-like conditions. The Kinneret was at almost record-low levels, the aquifers severely depleted, and up to the end of December a mere 30%50% of average rainfall had fallen. When the Chief Rabbis called for a mass prayer at the Western Wall at the end of December, this triggered a wave of mockery in online discussion boards. After all, the various computer models were predicting a continued drought – what were those ‘primitive

Rabbis’ going to change? Almost immediately after we commenced reciting the special ‘Aneinu’ prayer for rain in the Amidah, and after the prayer-rally at the Western Wall, the heavens opened. Thank G-d, this past month has borne copious amounts of rain. While we definitely need a lot more precipitation to fill the backlog, rainfall amounts are starting to resemble an average year, and the hills of Israel are turning a beautiful, lush green. Suddenly, the prime computer weather models such as the European (ECMWF) have flipped and are now magically also predicting an average season. The reaction on social media? I think you can guess. The people who mocked prayer and divine intervention previously, are singing the same tune now. “The rain? That would have happened even without prayer – give me a week of torrential rain in August (the dry season) and then we’ll talk”. I don’t doubt that such a downpour in August would be rationalized in some other creative way – probably by blaming Global Warming. Each of us experience many similar day-to-day incidents as part of life, and they are indeed open to interpretation. As human beings with free-will, we get to choose how we want to view much that occurs to us. Do we want to be cynics and see the negative in those around us? Or do we want to search for the good in life? Do we want to look at the half-full cup or focus on the half-empty? Do we choose to see G-d running our lives, or do we throw ourselves to the lottery of chance? These are choices we perhaps unwittingly make daily. Sometimes it is easier to see G-d’s hand in our lives and often it is much harder. When we review the glaring miracles of yesteryear, such as the splitting of the Reed Sea, we can perhaps sensitize ourselves to looking at our existence in a different light. If we work hard at opening our eyes and hearts and noticing the abundance of good around us, we may rediscover the beauty of the world, and the amazing spectacle that is our lives. This article is dedicated to the Refuah Shleymah of Achiya Binyamin Ben Shirli Malka, Elkana ben Shirli Malka, Shirli Malka bas Aliza, Ohad Chanan ben Malka who were seriously injured in a car accident.


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Winter Vacation Ends:

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3

Torah Thought

JANUARY 25, 2018

Parshas Beshalach

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

By Rabbi Berel Wein

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

T

he pharaoh of Egypt has finally relented and freed the Jewish people from their centuries of slavery and persecution and allowed them to leave his country. Even though he was forced to do so by continuing plagues and disasters that fell upon him and his people, nevertheless freeing the Jewish people was a noble thing that he accomplished. Yet, as is the want of all tyrants and evil people, he does not view his behavior and action as being noble and praiseworthy. Instead, he is convinced that he has made a grave error and in order to correct that mistake, immobilizes his army to force the Jewish people back into Egyptian slavery. He has second thoughts about what he did and is determined to revert once again to tyranny and murder in order to “correct� his previous error. It is this process of regretting the good and repeating the evil that will prove to be his ultimate undoing.

In Judaism, second thoughts and regret are usually reserved for the process of repentance for misdeeds and earlier mistakes and sins. The first step in the process of repentance is experiencing full and

second thoughts, the true reflection of what we believe and feel, reveal our true intent and our inner desires. If we are able to regret evil that means that we are determined to pursue good and therefore the

Our second thoughts in life reveal to a great extent who we are and what path in life we wish to pursue.

sincere regret at having been guilty of wrong behavior and forbidden actions. Second thoughts are reserved for good and for improvement, not for backtracking and sorrow over what one has done in his or her life. The reason that regret can transform previous wrongs into positive action and serve as a token of forgiveness for that action is that

L-rd will accept, so to speak, our wishes and convert the previous fall into a positive step, in the direction of obedience and holiness. The pharaoh’s second thoughts reveal his true nature and what he felt and desired. He never intended to release the Jewish people from bondage and only did so under the pressure of the death of the first-

born in the Egyptian nation. However, once that initial shock was removed and his true nature began to exhibit itself, Pharaoh pursues the children of Israel and is determined to destroy them and bring them back into Egyptian slavery. The Torah teaches us here that our second thoughts in life reveal to a great extent who we are and what path in life we wish to pursue. Many times we are forced to do good things because of social pressures and other unholy motives. When these disappear so does our desire to do good. And the same is true in the opposite vein. Sometimes we are forced to do things that are really repugnant to us because of outside pressures that we cannot control. But we regret having done so because our inner self only desires good and a sincere attachment to G-d and His Torah. So, to a great extent, it is our second thoughts that reveal our true selves and reveal to all who we really are. Shabbat shalom.


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Notable Quotes

JANUARY 25, 2018

“Say What?!”

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

It is called genetics, I don’t know. Some people have great genes. I told the president that if he had a healthier diet over the last 20 years, he might live to be 200-years-old, I don’t know. He has incredible genes, I just assume. If I didn’t watch what I eat, I wouldn’t have the cardiac and overall health that he has. He’s very healthy despite he does those things. - White House physician Dr. Ronny Jackson addressing the press about President Trump’s health, after the president’s annual physical last week

After the results of his physical were released, many Americans are claiming President Trump is lying about his weight. In other words, maybe he really is one of us. Today at the White House, President Trump had a meeting with the president of Kazakhstan, Nursultan Nazarbayev. Or as Trump calls him, “Heyyy...buddy.” – Jimmy Fallon

– Conan O’Brien

My father sees one color—green.

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

- Eric Trump, on Fox News addressing the claim that President Trump is racist

[If the president is a racist] why did NBC give him a show for a decade on TV? Why did Chuck Schumer and all of his colleagues come and beg Donald Trump for money? Why did they want to be with him for years and years in various activities, whether it was events or fundraisers and other things? - White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders

I found out for the first time last night that the person who technically shuts the government down is me, which is kind of cool. -White House budget director Mick Mulvaney talking about the government shutdown on Fox News

Colonialism created Israel to perform a certain function. It is a colonial project that has nothing to do with Judaism, but rather used the Jews as a tool under the slogan of the Promised Land. - Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas addressing the Palestine Liberation Organization’s Central Council in Ramallah last week

Boston is getting a new bar where people can try ax-throwing. So far, all the customers give it one-anda-half thumbs up. – Jimmy Fallon

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JANUARY 25, 2018

42

I am very happy to return to the place where I was born. From stories, I know that I had a happy early childhood, that my mother and father invested their all in me. Thank you to the prime minister who remembered to take me here. Blessed is he who keeps his promise to Moshe. I want to take this opportunity to recite a blessing thanking G-d “who performed a miracle for me in this place.” - Moshe Holtzberg, who was two-years-old when Pakistani terrorists stormed the Mumbai Chabad House in 2008, killing his parents and four others, upon visiting the Chabad House along with Prime Minister Netanyahu last week

Most of us could lose a couple of pounds. - President Trump in an interview with Reuters when asked about his doctor’s recommendation that he should lose 10-15 pounds

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

I get exercise. I mean I walk, I this, I that. I run over to a building next door. I get more exercise than people think. A lot of people go to the gym and they’ll work out for two hours and all. I’ve seen people … then they get their new knees when they’re 55-years-old and they get their new hips and they do all those things. I don’t have those problems. – Ibid.

I am extremely thankful that I did not take my life. - Michael Phelps, who is the winningest U.S. Olympian in history, talking about his battle with depression, at a mental health conference last week

During a political protest on Capitol Hill today, 82 rabbis were arrested. It’s the first time D.C. police have dispersed a crowd by spraying them with bacon bits. – Conan O’Brien

Beautiful weather all over our great country, a perfect day for all Women to March. Get out there now to celebrate the historic milestones and unprecedented economic success and wealth creation that has taken place over the last 12 months. Lowest female unemployment in 18 years! - Tweet by President Trump, trolling the women’s march last Saturday

I am very angry, I feel that the White House was recruited to do the dirty work of the Western Wall rabbi. In the year 2018 and in public they are preventing women from doing our jobs. - LA Times reporter Noga Tarnopolsky, complaining about being relegated to the women’s side of the Kotel during Vice President Pence’s visit there

Yesterday, in Japan, someone sent a false alert about a North Korean missile. Then the guy who sent it said, “Yeah...I might’ve lied about why I left my last job in Hawaii.” - Jimmy Fallon

The White House began enforcing a ban on smartphones and other personal communication devices for staffers and guests… The cellphone ban is in effect and it will remain indefinitely. Which is tough for the people trying to work there; earlier today, the White House staff was gathered around a rotary phone trying to play HQ Trivia. It was very sad. – Jimmy Kimmel

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OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

JANUARY 25, 2018

44 I don’t believe in overuse [of technology]. I’m not a person that says we’ve achieved success if you’re using it all the time. I don’t subscribe to that at all... I don’t have a kid, but I have a nephew that I put some boundaries on. There are some things that I won’t allow; I don’t want them on a social network. - Apple CEO Tim Cook in a speech at a British college last week

President Trump’s doctor predicted that the president will live a long life. As a result, the doctor is now treating Melania Trump for depression.

There is a dark cloud hanging over the Capitol. And that dark cloud is the Trump tax scam. - House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) at a press conference last Monday

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

– Conan O’Brien

MORE QUOTES

The Jewish Home | OCTOBER 29, 2015

29

North Korea has announced that it will send a group of citizens called the “cheering squad” to next month’s Winter Olympics. And many of them are expected to actually compete in a new event called the “400 Meter Defection.” – Conan O’Brien

You and I both know the odds are nothing. If I thought it was likely, I’d be there no question. I hesitate in part because of my gut sense and concern that there’s no big there there. - A recently released text message sent by FBI agent Peter Strzok to his girlfriend after Robert Mueller was appointed special prosecutor to look into whether there was collusion with Russia, expressing his hesitancy to join Mueller’s team (he ended up joining and being forced off due to heavy anti-Trump bias)

Good news — it looks like the government shutdown is over. They shut it down, and they started it back up. It’s nice to know Trump’s plan for fixing the government is the same as fixing a Windows computer. “Did you try unplugging it? Wait 10 seconds.” – Jimmy Fallon


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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME JANUARY 25, 2018

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M


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OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

JANUARY 25, 2018

46

TJH

Centerfold

You gotta be kidding Yankel checks into a hotel for the first time in his life and goes up to his room. Five minutes later he calls the desk and says, “You’ve given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?” The desk clerk says, “Sir, that’s absurd. Have you looked for the door?” Yankel replies, “Well, there’s one door that leads to the bathroom. There’s a second door that goes into the closet. And there’s a door I haven’t tried, but it has a do not disturb sign on it.”

Well Said The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there. - Andy Borowitz I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage. - Bob Hope

Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything! - Steve Martin Recently I found myself arguing with a British friend of mine over which tastes better: English cooking or dirt. - Bruce Cameron San Francisco leads the world in the category of Most People On The Sidewalk Holding Conversations With Purely Imaginary Companions. - Dave Barry

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. - Jerry Seinfeld There is nothing quite like a flight to LaGuardia. Except maybe the last chopper out of Saigon. Dave Barry How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to anyone? - George Roberts Cars will soon have the internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting. - Andy Borowitz Dear Hotel People: We don’t need a cheeseball clock radio. WE NEED PLACES TO PLUG STUFF IN. Thank you. - Dave Barry

Answer: After drawing one paper, Eduardo immediately swallows it. The jailer is forced to check the other paper to determine which one Eduardo drew. After seeing the “DEATH” paper left in the hat, the jailer assumes that Eduardo initially chose the “LIFE” paper and sets him free.

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

In America there are two classes of travel – first class and with children. - Robert Benchley

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. - Fran Lebowitz


The Jewish Home | OCTOBER 29, 2015

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47

1. If you stop off on a cruise ship in the Dominican Republic, which other country can you get to without leaving land? Cuba Haiti Bahamas Barbados

a. P o r t- a u- P r i n c e , Haiti b. New York, NY c. Dubai, UAE d. Bangkok, Thailand

2. What is the 31.35 mile rail tunnel linking England with France called?

4. Which country has twice as many bikes as cars?

a. Louv Sous L’eau b. Channel Tunnel c. Queen Elizabeth III Underpass d. Euro Tram

a. b. c. d.

 Answers

Netherlands Belgium Denmark Vietnam

5. What is the official language of Brazil? a. b. c. d.

Brazilian Spanish Portuguese English

7. What is the former name of Ho Chi Minh City? a. b. c. d.

Yokohama Hanoi Saigon Beijing

6. If you want to visit the biblical rivers of the Tigris and the Euphrates which country do you have to go to? a. b. c. d.

JANUARY 25, 2018

a. b. c. d.

3. What was the most visited city in the world in 2017 (according to Mastercard transactional data, which is the accepted index)?

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

World Traveler Trivia

Iraq Iran Egypt France

 Wisdom Key 6-7 correct: Congrats! You have earned an all-expenses-paid trip to a cockfight in Haiti! (The highly popular game features two roosters which are placed in a ring to fight each other while gamblers cheer them on until one rooster kills or

maims the other...real nice, huh?) 3-5 correct: Not bad. You know a thing or two about international travel. You know what? You get a free cockfight trip too. Why not

“hop” onboard! 0-2 correct: Even the rooster doesn’t want to fight with you.

1. 2.

B B- If you are a little Fancy Nancy and need to know the French name, it is “Le tunnel sous la Manche”

Eduardo traveled abroad and committed a terrible crime. After being apprehended and tried, he is now being sentenced to death. This country has a strange law. Before the sentence is carried out, two papers – one with “LIFE” written on it and one with “DEATH” written on it – are folded up and placed in a hat. Eduardo is permitted to pick out one of the papers (without looking) and if he chooses the one with “LIFE” written on it, he will be set free. Otherwise, the death sentence is carried out. Eduardo’s enemy, Carlos, really wants Eduardo to die. He secretly switches the “LIFE” paper with a paper of his own that says “DEATH” on it. Now there are two papers with “DEATH” on it, and it seems that Eduardo is doomed. Carlos tells Eduardo about what he did – he wants to see his reaction when he tells him that he will die. But Eduardo is calm and knows that he will be saved. What does Eduardo do to avoid certain death? See answer on bottom of the opposite page

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

Riddle me this?

3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

D A C A C


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OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home

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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

JANUARY 25, 2018

Dating Dialogue

What Would You Do If… Moderated by Jennifer Mann, LCSW of The Navidaters

Dear Navidaters,

My close friend Sheila has cried to me for many years about her daughter Miriam who is single and has a history of not being the most popular girl on the block. Miriam is not a great beauty, not particularly charming or brilliant, and honestly, kind of boring and dull. Obviously, I would never say any of these things to Sheila. I am always encouraging about her daughter and try to always find something good to say about Miriam. But Miriam is nothing like her mother, and it’s been a problem in many areas for all of her life.

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

Miriam is now 37 years old and recently met a man who is much older than her, divorced and they are dating pretty seriously right now. Sheila is already talking “wedding.” The dating and the divorce I don’t see as a problem. However, I don’t like this man. I’ve met him a number of times and there is just something about him that really gives me the creeps. I also don’t like the way he talks to Miriam. I don’t think he treats her respectfully. Sheila and I have two friends in common, and they both feel the same way about him. I actually did a little digging about his previous marriage and couldn’t get too much information because they lived out of town but I heard enough to concern me. Sheila is so thrilled that Miriam has a “boyfriend,” that I think she is blinded to anything I might say about the guy. She just wants to see her daughter married and hopefully have children soon. I see a disaster about to happen and so do my friends. We are all very concerned and not sure what our role should be at this point. Do we really speak our truth to Sheila and tell her how worried we are about this guy? Or do we just join in the fantasy that all will be good and Miriam will finally be married and potentially have a family? I do remember once, years ago, Sheila said to me that women who marry and are divorced are still better off and seen more favorably than women who never even marry in the first place. I was kind of shocked by this comment, but didn’t respond. Now I wonder whether maybe Sheila does see what we’re seeing but still wants to see her daughter actually married. I don’t think Sheila understands how catastrophic a divorce can be. My niece is in the middle of a horrible divorce and still hasn’t gotten her get. It’s a disaster. I fear this will be Miriam’s future. What should we do to protect our friend and her daughter, particularly since they don’t seem to want protection?

Disclaimer: This column is not intended to diagnose or otherwise conclude resolutions to any questions.

Our intention is not to offer any definitive

conclusions to any particular question, rather offer areas of exploration for the author and reader. Due to the nature of the column receiving only a short snapshot of an issue, without the benefit of an actual discussion, the panel’s role is to offer a range of possibilities. We hope to open up meaningful dialogue and individual exploration.


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The Rebbetzin Rebbetzin Faigie Horowitz, M.S. t’s nice that you are so concerned about Sheila and her daughter. However, this is not a community project which you should be discussing as a group. Be respectful of the laws of lashon hara and gossip. Your additional comment about Sheila not understanding how catastrophic a divorce can be and you bringing up your niece’s unfortunate situation makes you sound like a simple-minded yenta. If you want to be helpful, be a careful sounding board. If she mentions something of concern, help her explore it. You can share with Sheila how you checked out your children’s serious dates with people from outof-town when the subject comes up directly. Being a good listener and friend is very different from being an advice dispenser. Carefully offer Sheila names and phone numbers of people whom you know in the town where he comes from so that she can check him out herself. Be a resource, not a guide. In other words, you can give her tools. You can also share information about the Shalom Workshops of the Shalom Taskforce that are available to couples before their marriage (and afterwards too). They are run by trained professionals and are designed to help people learn tools for communication and living together in healthy marriages. Your role is to be a friend, neither to educate nor protect Shelia and Miriam. It is possible that Sheila doesn’t have trust in you as a friend and will not even share her feelings and concerns. Think about that, too, as well as the nature of your communication style.

I

The Mother Sarah Schwartz Schreiber, P.A. our dilemma as Sheila’s close friend, savior and protector boils

Y

down to several questions. Should you harp on information Sheila already knows – that poor, older Miriam is settling for an older divorced guy? Should you offer your opinion of him – that he’s rude to Miriam and gives you the creeps? Should you share the unsubstantiated hearsay (gossip?) you’ve gathered about Mr. Out-of-Town? What about the gory details of your niece’s disastrous divorce, do you tell all? To all of the above – no, no, no and absolutely not! Let me remind you: you are Sheila’s friend, not the mother of a 37-year-old single woman. If Sheila is anything like you and the girls, she has eyes and intuition. She and Miriam may be struggling with all the negatives you’ve described (the young man’s past, his personality and his reputation). Don’t complicate a less than ideal situation by broadcasting the obvious. Instead, if you value your relationship with Sheila, show her unconditional love and support if Miriam decides to take her chance and marry the charmer. If, G-d forbid, the marriage fails, be ready with a case of Kleenex and a sympathetic ear – much more appreciated than a mouthful of “I told you so’s…”

37-year-old woman and can make up her mind on her own about the biggest decision of her life, without her mother’s friend using a magnifying glass over her relationship. If it has taken this many years for her to find the right one, it is obviously with much thought and consideration. Nobody can predict if any specific person will get divorced and certainly it is not your place to be discussing it. If she were the one concerned, she would be the one writing into the Navidaters for advice or seeking help on her own. I am sure it is from a place of genuine care that makes you want to step in, but realize they likely see exactly what you see, but with the advantage of having the entire relationship in perspective. Smile and be happy for your friend and her daughter who are excited for this stage and hope for the best possible outcome.

Flower Delivery Club

The Shadchan Michelle Mond onsider the fact that you are possibly catastrophizing the situation. You do not know the ins and outs of their relationship and what you do see is from a large distance. You are not a family member, or anything close to it, and yet you put yourself in a place where you do not seem to belong. You should not be spending your emotional energy analyzing a friend’s daughter’s relationship from the outside, nitpicking on details you see from a distance and doing unnecessary and purposeless digging. Regardless of whether your perceptions have any basis, you were never asked to get involved. Miriam is a

Sometimes, when we approach them trying to protect or save them, we lose the relationship because we are holding up a mirror to something they don’t want to see.

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The Single Tova Wein

Y

ou seem to have hit the nail on the head. Sheila has flat out told you that she feels the worst thing possible for any woman is to not have married at all. Even being divorced is better than never having stood under a chuppah. And of course, being married means having the potential to have children – again whether or not the marriage ends in divorce. So, it’s entirely possible that Sheila sees every-

Pulling It All Together The Navidaters

have not been knocking down her door for all of Miriam’s dating years. The one concern I do have that involves you is what would be if they do marry, get divorced, and Sheila asks you whether you ever had any concerns about this guy. What do you do then and do you admit that you did, in fact, distrust this guy, risking Sheila accusing you of not protecting her daughter from the trauma of a failed marriage? If this is a concern of yours, I would say it’s important to ask a few pointed questions at this stage. Never statements. In other words, let’s say you’re all together and you see this guy speaking disrespectfully toward Miriam. When you are alone with Sheila, you might ask something like, “Did you notice what So-andSo said to Miriam when

Don’t complicate a less than ideal situation by broadcasting the obvious.

we were discussing Trump? Did you feel he was respectful in his tone and words?” And that’s about it. Sheila will either play dumb and tell you she didn’t notice and you will have gone on record as caring enough to ask the question, or Sheila will take pause and consider the potential problem. And that’s about it. The rest you must leave up to Sheila and Miriam.

Dating and Relationship Coaches and Therapists

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thing you see and has some real concerns of her own. But she has weighed the pros and cons of the situation and has decided that this is the best possible course of action. How often in life do we have to choose between two choices and neither of them are totally fabulous? It happens to all of us, more often than we would like to admit. But we make a choice and daven and hope for the best. Maybe that’s exactly how Sheila is processing this situation with her daughter’s boyfriend based on the fact of her age and that unfortunately men

ou’re in a tough spot that so many people have been in before. You either fear or have substantiated evidence about a friend’s significant other. To tell or not to tell? That is the question. If you tell, you risk losing the friendship. If you don’t tell, your friend may be deeply impacted by the information you know. Should she find out later on that you knew you risk losing her in that case as well. You knew and didn’t tell me? Let’s acknowledge the one and only substantiated reality in this entire situation. You are in a no-win situation. So, whatever you decide to do, you will not feel perfect or complete. You will have a gnawing sensation that you “could have” handled the situation differently, no matter what you do. The feeling is normal and it is due to an impossible situation; not your actions. Practice self-compassion and be kind to yourself. You’re a good, caring, loyal friend who wants to see those in your life in happy, healthy relationships. hI can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you that if someone doesn’t want “protection,” there is nothing you can do to protect that person. Furthermore, it’s not your job. Certainly,

Sheila and Miriam are adults who are walking into this situation in one of two ways: With eyes wide open – they are aware of the way Miriam’s boyfriend treats her and are making a conscious decision. One or both feels that the rewards outweigh the risk. With eyes shut tight – they know the situation but refuse to see it (aka, denial). I can’t tell you what is going on here, but I will say that in many or most situations, people usually know. They know and they don’t want to acknowledge the problem. Sometimes, when we approach them trying to protect or save them, we lose the relationship because we are holding up a mirror to something they don’t want to see. They’ll toss us before they toss the problem. What further complicates the situation is that the bride-to-be is not your friend. The bride is a 37-year-old woman who may not listen to a word her mother tells her. We don’t know how much influence Sheila has in Miriam’s life. You asked if you and your friends should speak the truth or go along with the fantasy. You certainly

don’t have to go along with any fantasy. You can take the route of being a real friend by gently exploring some of Mr. Creepy’s behaviors with Sheila. Next time you are together and Mr. C. says something “off” to Miriam, you can later call Sheila, or gently pull her aside, and tell her what you saw. You know the MTA motto: If you see something, say something. “I feel uncomfortable saying something, but did you notice when Mr. C. told Miriam x, y and z? What do you think about it? How did it make you feel?” Sheila’s response will be your guiding light. The odds are you will not affect change and taking this route poses a risk. Sheila may bite your head off. But this is really all the wiggle room you have without overstepping your bounds. Should Sheila open up to you, your role then becomes crystal clear. You are Sheila’s support and confidante. Pray that Miriam has a friend as caring as you are. If they need your help, they’ll find you. Moving away from your situation, and putting the spotlight on this issue in general, in my experience I have found that when well-meaning people get involved in trying to “help” or “fix” a dysfunctional situation, their help more often than not blows up in their face – time after time after time. And

here is my very clinical, very complicated reason why I believe this is so: the person you are trying to help has often played a role in the dysfunction. They are often part of the problem. If Sheila is on board and seems to be living on Fantasy Island, the only power you have is the decision of whether or not to keep her in your life. I’m sure I’ll get some pushback on this, but should you decide that you love Sheila and Miriam so much that you can’t bear to overlook this, I would totally understand and I would think you are one caring and brave lady (who may be short one friend and her daughter)! These situations are never easy. Good luck with your decision. Sincerely, Jennifer Esther Mann, LCSW and Jennifer Mann, LCSW are licensed psychotherapists and dating and relationship coaches working with individuals, couples and families in private practice in Hewlett, NY. To set up a consultation or to ask questions, please call 516.224.7779. Press 1 for Esther, 2 for Jennifer. Visit www.thenavidaters.com for more information. If you would like to submit a dating or relationship question to the panel anonymously, please email thenavidaters@gmail.com. You can follow The Navidaters on FB and Instagram for dating and relationship advice.


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Forgotten Her es

Benjamin Roth The First Jew in Antarctica By Avi Heiligman

Benjamin Roth

E

xploration of new continents has been a fascination and adventure of man for many centuries. Polar regions are by far the most difficult to reach due the extreme cold and icy conditions. For the past two centuries the South Pole has been on the mind of some of the most daring explorers. British explorer James Clark Ross discovered many areas of the frosty continent that had previously been unknown. Norwegian Roald Amundsen and his party reached the geographic South Pole in December 1911. Several other expeditions followed with some success and many failures. The first expedition led by Rear Admiral Richard Byrd is what we’ll focus on in this article. In 1928, he set out with tons of supplies and dozens of men. Among these men was a U.S. Army mechanic who made history by bringing the first talis and tefillin to the South Pole.

Flying to the Poles wasn’t a farfetched idea. In 1926, Byrd and aviator Floyd Bennett (of Floyd Bennett Field fame in Brooklyn, NY) supposedly reached the North Pole in a Fokker Tri-motor plane. Members of the press were skeptical of their claim to have reached the geographic North Pole but the American public believed the pair. Both were awarded the Medal of Honor by a special act of Congress. Two years later, while preparing for the Antarctic adventure, Byrd wanted to have Bennett as his main pilot. Unfortunately, Bennett developed pneumonia and died. A Ford Tri-motor plane was named Floyd Bennett and was present during Byrd’s 1928-1930 Antarctic trip. The other planes that were to make the Antarctic adventure were named the Stars and Stripes and Virginia. Byrd’s flagship was the City of New York which was accompanied by

Calvin Coolidge awarding the Medal of Honor to Byrd and Bennett, 1927

the Eleanor Bolling. Ninety-five sled dogs and 650 tons of equipment and supplies were loaded onto the ships. Their base camp was named Little America which was located on the Ross Ice Shelf. Forty-two men would make the trip from the base camp to the Pole starting in early 1929. The winter south of the equator is during what we call the summer months and since it is below the Arctic Circle the sun doesn’t make an appearance for months. Byrd and his team hunkered down during this time planning for their journey. Some of the explorers on the team joined excursions to do scientific studies. Geologist Larry Gould, along with the Floyd Bennett’s pilot and radioman, went to the mountains for research. A blizzard tore the plane from its moorings and sent it airborne for a mile. The radio was destroyed, and Byrd realized something bad had happened. He took the Stars and Stripes for a flyover and noticed the wreck. Soon the stranded men were on their way back to Little America. Other excursions from the base camp were successful, and operations to reach the Pole were to be carried out in November 1929. Boyd took the Floyd Bennett on November 28 to try to reach the South Pole. The pilot was Brent Balchen; his co-pilot was Harold June. Photographer Ashley McKinley came along with hundreds of pounds of gear upon Boyd’s insistence. Extra fuel was on board as well as survival gear on the crystal clear day (it hardly snows in Antarctica). After a smooth ride over the Ross Ice Shelf they ran into trouble over the Tranantarctic

Mountains with peaks at over 10,000 feet. Supplies were dumped out and the plane was able to gain the necessary altitude. McKinley then took out his camera for the epic moments over the Pole. After Byrd made sure that they were over the right geographic location, he dropped an American flag out of the plane. The flag was weighted down by a stone taken from Bennett’s grave at Arlington National Cemetery. The flight back was smooth sailing, and the crew arrived at Little America safely. One of the plane mechanics on the landing party with Byrd was Benjamin Roth. Roth was born in Brownsville but was orphaned when both of parents died before he turned ten-years-old. When Roth was 24 he joined the army and served during World War I. He distinguished himself as a mechanic specializing in airplane engines. Roth was selected by the army to join Byrd when the latter asked for a skilled mechanic. Even though his stint in the army was coming to an end, Roth enlisted for an additional three years so he could be part of the Antarctic expedition. Roth became an important assistant to Byrd as the weather conditions near the South Pole were not good for airplane parts. Among the gear that he packed was a pair of tefillin, a talis, a siddur and tzitzis that were given to him by his bother. Sergeant “Benny” Roth was known by everyone in the expedition for being the only Jewish soul on the continent (and probably the first one in history), and he never sought to hide the fact. He was very popular with the


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Roth being saved by a boat after Byrd couldn't reach him

Little America

make it out alive. Byrd jumped into the water to save Roth but was unable to reach him because of the ice. After fifteen minutes Roth was rescued by one of the lifeboats. (From records available to the author at the time of writing this article it seems that Roth did make a trip to the South Pole.) The expedition members were given a hero’s welcome upon their return to the United States. Byrd was promoted to admiral and made four

other trips to Antarctica. Sergeant Roth was the U.S. Army representative on the mission and was awarded the soldier’s medal. For his contributions to science there is a peak near the Ross Ice Shelf named Mount Roth. He later served during World War II in Iceland and had seen duty in the Philippines and Panama. He called his four stations of duties “the four corners of the earth, m’arbeh kanfos ha’aretz.” The legacy of the first Byrd expe-

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Avi Heiligman is a weekly contributor to The Jewish Home. He welcomes your comments and suggestions for future columns and can be reached at aviheiligman@ gmail.com.

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dition is an important one for science and exploration in general. Vast areas of previously uncharted land had now been mapped. Knowledge of geological, magnetic, and meteorological properties of Antarctica had been greatly advanced.

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other adventure seekers in the group. On January 31, 1930, Roth was on an ice barrier unloading supplies near the base camp. Suddenly, the barrier cracked, plunging Roth into the freezing Bay of Whales. He clung helplessly to a sheet of ice as he couldn’t swim. Another man, Harrison, was holding on for dear life to a rope dangling off of the barrier. Harrison was pulled to safety, and then their attention turned back to Roth who many thought wasn’t going to

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Radiogram sent by Roth in September 1929 telling friends that all is well at


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JANUARY 18, 2018 | The Jewish Home

Life C ach

I Want Sleep Not Slopes or Slides! By Rivki D. Rosenwald Esq., MFT, CLC

H

elp, guess what? The misnomer is upon us. Midwinter “vacation.” Pack, schlep, entertain the kids, find activities for them to do and do and do! It should

be called the “doing-tion” not “vacate-tion.” To vacate is to empty out. And true to the title, many do exit their homes! But that’s where the appro-

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priateness of the name ends and usually veers off in a whole different direction. We gear up. We drive off or fly away. We stuff half our lives into a suitcase – and often the other half into a carry-on. The idea of vacation seems more

family bonding calls for! Being together. And that’s being tuned in. The “doing” is what makes kids happy! Letting them use some of their excess energy and giving them a good time is often what makes it much easier for them to spend all that time in school. These are the

Whether you are heading off to hot or cold or remaining put at home, no one is getting a minute to sit still.

like we should vacate the stress and pressures of life. But instead we get pretty busy. Whether you are heading off to hot or cold or remaining put at home, no one is getting a minute to sit still. That’s not what kids on “vacation” do. They fill up the time; they don’t empty it out. They want the vowels – Action! Excitement! Entertainment! You want the consonants –Sitting! Sunning! Sleeping! Talk about self-defeating behavior. You’re the one who usually plans and orchestrates the details of the trip! So why do you do it? That’s what

moments that parents, wisely, orchestrate to be on the same page with their kids. So, why do we call it midwinter “vacation”? Because parents are often vacating their ideal, relaxing agenda in order to make it a wonderful experience for their family. And that’s the kind of vacating that makes sense at this time of the year!

Rivki Rosenwald is a certified relationship counselor, and career and life coach. She can be contacted at 917705-2004 or rivki@rosenwalds.com


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Health & F tness

The Case for Vitamin D By Hylton I. Lightman, MD, DCH (SA), FAAP

I

srael. Miami. Acapulco. Vail. The Orthodox Jewish world is revving up for yeshiva or winter vacation week. No matter the destination, people are in pursuit of sun and sunshine. There’s much confusion about sunlight and the production of vitamin D. People think just because the sun is up and they’re outside they’re getting sufficient vitamin D. This is not true. So let’s speak about vitamin D, its importance and the unfortunate almost universal lack of it in our lives. Why is vitamin D important? The body requires vitamin D to absorb calcium and to promote healthy bone growth and maintain healthy bones. In fact, vitamin D is essential for calcium flowing through the bloodstream and being absorbed into bones. Too little vitamin D results in soft bones in children (rickets) and fragile, misshapen bones in adults (osteomalacia). Vitamin D is also needed for other important body functions. Low levels of vitamin D have been associated with death of adults from cardiovascular disease, cognitive impairment of older adults, severe asthma in children, and different types of cancer, as well as fatigue. There is a scientist-led group called the Vitamin D Council which promotes awareness of vitamin D deficiency. This council suggests vitamin D treatment might be found helpful in treating or preventing autism, autoimmune diseases, chronic pain, depression, diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, influenza, neuromuscular diseases and

osteoporosis. To date, there have been no definitive trials conducted. Even so, the prevailing medical sentiment is that vitamin D constitutes an important part of a health regimen. Vitamin D is also known as the “sunshine vitamin” because the body produces it in response to the skin being exposed to sunlight. It is also occurs naturally in a few foods – including some fish, fish liver oils, and egg yolks – and in fortified

their days indoors. Dr. Michael Vitale, Chief of Pediatric Spine and Scoliosis Surgery at New York-Presbyterian/Morgan Stanley Children’s Hospital, saysthat he no longer tests his patients for low vitamin D because his statistics have shown that well over 50% of all children and adolescents today need vitamin D supplements. I respect Dr. Vitale but nonetheless still test many of my patients for vitamin D on routine exams.

The body requires vitamin D to absorb calcium and to promote healthy bone growth and maintain healthy bones.

dairy and grain products. The angle of the sun and Vitamin D production are interrelated. In order for the sun to stimulate one’s vitamin D production the sun’s angle needs to be at a minimum of 50 degrees or greater above the horizon; 90% would be directly overhead. Most people in the Northeastern United States have low vitamin D. Years ago, when I first found many children and young adults with low vitamin D levels in my practice, I speculated it was because we dress modestly, covered up so that the sun never touches our skin, even in the summer. And during the school months, our children spend most of

What’s a parent to do? Eat healthy. Exercise. And take a multi-vitamin that has vitamin D and calcium in it. Children older than 1 year of age need 600 IU, or 15 mcg, a day. Your child doesn’t have to get enough vitamin D every day. Instead, aim to get the recommended amount as an average over the course of a few days or a week. Calcium supplementation is especially important as too many women are learning the hard way as they become older. The need for increased calcium acquisition and storage begins very early in life – especially in the pre-adolescent years. Speak to your pediatrician.

Of course, there’s a double-edged sword here. As much as we need the vitamin D from the sun, we also need to protect ourselves from sun damage. Even if you’re producing vitamin D, too much exposure will cause your body to stop producing it. It has been estimated that 15 minutes of sun in the middle of the day in the summer several times a week is sufficient to produce one’s complete vitamin D needs. This is for people with fair skin in ideal conditions. Darker-skinned people may need longer exposure time. Factors that impact vitamin D production and absorption here include the time of day (midday has the highest potential to stimulate vitamin D production), altitude (the higher, the more production), time of day (midday is best), and cloud cover and pollution (they take away from vitamin D production). There are websites and phone apps that will help you calculate vitamin D production. Please note: the longer you’re in the sun, the more skin damage you will sustain. Give your unprotected skin the minimum amount of sun exposure without protection and then please, please use sunscreen. You’ll never regret this last step. As always, daven.

Dr. Hylton I. Lightman is a pediatrician and Medical Director of Total Family Care of the 5 Towns and Rockaway PC. He can be reached at drlightman@totalfamilycaremd.com, on Instagram at Dr.Lightman_ or visit him on Facebook.


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Biz Wiz

Addiction Business By Azi Rosenblum

Honestly, I had other plans for the format of this article. Some background, facts, a little bit of a hook, and then bring it home with a message. What I didn’t expect when I began researching substance abuse in the Orthodox community was a 25-minute phone call from Zvi Gluck, the founder of New York based Amudim. Amudim and Zvi are world renowned for their work in prevention and management of some of the most challenging situations and darkest moments of life such as arrests, overdose, suicide, abuse cases, and diplomatic issues. I have personally seen his work and he is the real deal. So, after making an inquiry to Amudim for any data they could provide, instead of a simple reply, I found myself interviewing Zvi by phone. Very early on in the conversation, Zvi set me straight. As I was providing some background for the timing and intention of the article, he quickly interjected with “I don’t like to hear that this is about Purim. This is not about one day a year, it’s an everyday problem.” I told him I agree, and we agreed the conversation has to start somewhere. No 1000-word essay is going to instantly solve any problems, but perhaps it can begin a process. Ok, I dragged this out a bit, so let’s start getting clear: we have a problem in our community, and its getting worse, not better. Alcohol abuse and drug abuse, which shockingly enough, begins in the young adolescent years (yup, early teens). The reality is, when it comes to statistics about the Orthodox community in the US or worldwide, details are hard to find. There is no central source that I could find that is tracking statistics or trends in the Orthodox community, and certainly not these numbers. Even Zvi acknowledged that while Amudim has their own figures on the cases they have handled, they are hardly complete. Zvi believes that as many

as ten times the number of cases could be out there nationally and are simply undocumented because they took place outside their reach or went unreported due to social stigmas. What we do know is that rehabs with “kosher” options are popping up all over and that the substance abuse treatment industry is booming nationally and in our own community. Zvi was quick to pull things back when I pressed for numbers by simply responding “one is one too many.” Let’s talk about one. Chas VeShalom, but if the unfortunate trends continue, one person you know, one person each of your children knows, one relative, friend’s child, or neighbor’s child will struggle with addictions. One person you know by face, or name, or who is related to someone you know quite well will die from that struggle. I repeat again, Chas VeShalom, but this is the reality and while we will limit our focus to one, it could very well be more, so we must take action. Addiction in Orthodox adolescents, according to Zvi, has two specific causes that need to be addressed. Emotional pain and peer pressure. The lethal combination of addictive substances and any source of trauma including bullying, self-esteem issues, unstable home environment, physical abuse, or sexual abuse can trigger a lifelong battle with addiction that can be and often is fatal. Peer pressure to conform to social and cultural expectations can also be the gateway to developing addictions through prolonged exposure to addictive substances and behaviors. So, while its easy to focus on the drink, the drug, or “that kid” as the problem, and simple solutions like throwing kids out of school, the source goes much deeper. We must address the origin of the problem - emotional trauma and cultural pressure- and create a community where we see challenges addressed

and overcome. According to Zvi, children dealing with emotional trauma need help with those issues long before they encounter addictive substances since their pain is the real “source” of their addiction. Specifically, he advises that as a community, we need to insist that comprehensive emotional wellbeing education is part of the curriculum in school, at Shul, at camp, and at home. Without help learning how to deal with stress and trauma caused by major events or even by the simple challenges of life, our children are one sip away from finding a faster and easier way to feel better, dull the pain, relieve the stress, and risk a battle with substance abuse. In fact, Zvi says that research has shown that children who are consistently exposed to this kind of education, dialogue and training are ten times more likely to seek help when struggling with a major traumatic issue and learn that challenges are normal and can be overcome with help. Then there is the cultural aspect, and this one is going to take some honest introspection. Nobody is suggesting prohibition. As adults we have many things we need to manage that can be acceptable in moderation. Managing those choices is part of being a responsible adult, balancing responsibility and fun. However, we need to take ownership of the message we send our kids, their friends, and everyone around us through our own behavior. The obsession with alcohol, the endless public discussions about the year, barrels, vineyards, temperature, texture, brewing processes, it’s obscene! And it sends a message and sets a cultural standard and expectation that our children think they need to follow. Why are kids hovering around Shalom Zachars trying to get shots? Because the adults are glorifying it. Why on earth would a Bar Mitzvah Kiddush have an unsuper-

vised table filled with alcohol for kids to get their hands on? Make a lechaim, wish a Mazal Tov, but the lingering crowds of drinking experts, the multiple shots? Why? Groups of men arrive to shuls with alcohol on their breath and drinks in hand on Friday nights. Others leave during laining to head to someone’s house or a quiet corner of the Shul to have Kiddush, and all the while, young impressionable eyes are taking note. It’s time to take responsibility for the jokes in public forums about being Shikker, for the systematic legitimization of underage drinking, and for the naive justification that teens experiment and test boundaries and it’s just a part of life. It’s 2018 and this is not your Zaidy having a LeChaim at the Shabbos table after a Dvar Torah, with positive words of Bracha and Tefilah on his lips, right before he began Zmiros. The drinking culture that exists in Orthodox circles is irresponsible, shallow and materialistic. It deceptively clings to tradition, irrationally taking refuge in halacha, and it’s hurting our kids. So Zvi is right. This is an everyday thing, but let’s start now. As we inch toward Purim in the coming weeks, let’s be the adults and take responsibility for what we are promoting, allowing, and glorifying through our actions. Let’s recognize and stop creating the cultural peer pressure that results from our conduct and conversations in front of young people. Let’s take accountability for the lives, literally, of those whom we impress upon with our choices. Azi Rosenblum is a business consultant and the founder and CEO of RemSource, an outsourced provider of administrative and bookkeeping services for small businesses. To suggest a topic or ask a question for a future #BizWiz column, email BizWiz@ baltimorejewishhome.com.


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62

Grocery Specials

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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

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63

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64

Mental Health Corner

HURRY!

By Rabbi Azriel Hauptman

RESERVE YOUR AD SPACE TODAY!

Upcoming DONT MISS OUR

FEBRUARY 22ND

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Confidentiality

PURIM EDITION MARCH 22ND

PASSOVER EDITION TO RESERVE AD SPACE EMAIL: ADS@BALTIMOREJEWISHHOME.COM

Confidentiality is the bedrock of the therapeutic relationship which is an indispensable component of the therapeutic process. An environment of trust is created when the client has the knowledge that any and all information that is revealed in therapy remains completely confidential. Additionally, licensed mental health professionals are required to be confidential. The state licensing board may revoke the therapist’s license if they become aware of a breach of confidentiality and in some cases the therapist can be sued by the client. The requirement of confidentiality is not limited to the contents of therapy alone. For the therapist to even acknowledge that the client is in therapy is considered a breach of confidentiality. Therapists are also required to guard all records that contain information about a client. Hard copies need to be securely locked away and digital records need to be properly secured using password protection and other security measures to prevent unauthorized access. There are times when a therapist is allowed or even required to break confidentiality. This includes: A client who is a physical threat to himself or others There is indication of abuse to a child There is indication of abuse to an

elder person or a vulnerable adult There are situations when a court can mandate the release of confidential information. This issue is very complex as there are many variables involved. When a client is being reimbursed by insurance, the therapist is required to disclose some information to the insurance provider. This is usually limited to basic information such as diagnoses and duration of treatment. Confidentiality of minors is an area where the law and the therapeutic process are often at odds with each other. In many states, the parent consents to treatment on behalf of the minor and is therefore allowed to know the content of the treatment. However, the therapeutic process might be jeopardized if the minor feels that everything that is disclosed in therapy will be told to the parents. Every case is different and a seasoned therapist will be able to set agreed upon guidelines with the parents and the child concerning how much information will be shared with the parents and how involved the parents will be in the therapeutic process. This is a service of Relief Resources. Relief is an organization that provides mental health referrals, education, and support to the frum community. Rabbi Yisrael Slansky is director of the Baltimore branch of Relief. He can be contacted at 410-448-8356 or at yslansky@reliefhelp.org


65

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grandmother’s room. We entered to find an elderly woman lying on a bed with her foot propped up by pillows. She had graying hair, sunken cheeks, and dark eyes. “Hi, Grandma,” I said as Raphael bent to kiss her on the cheek. “It’s good to see you.” “And you. How are you doing, Avigail?” As always, I was surprised that she’d remembered my name. “Thank G-d, I’m doing well,” I said. “Are you feeling any better, Grandma?” Raphael asked. Grandma gave a shrug. “Like a drugged walrus. Nothing new there.” Her voice was rough and tired, but the corners of her mouth quirked up as she lay eyes on Yehuda. “He’s gotten big.” “Oh, yeah.” I unstrapped him and passed him up to Raphael. “Say hello to Grandma, Yehuda.”

As soon as Yehuda was placed on his great-grandmother’s lap, he began to cry. Raphael stepped forward to take him, but Grandma held up a hand. She then turned Yehuda to face her and began playing “Itsy-bitsy spider” with him. After a few seconds, he stopped crying to watch, hiccupping as he usually did after shedding tears. Raphael and I glanced at each other, surprised that he’d calmed down. But when the hands stopped moving and the song faded, Yehuda started crying again. Grandma handed him back to Raphael. “He’ll be a singer, you mark my words.” I smiled. “He’s in that no-stranger stage. You should feel honored that you got him to stop crying.” “I’ll take all that I can get.” Grandma shifted a little, careful not to jolt her foot. “Did they say when you could be released?” I asked.

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“Are you sure you want to come?” I sighed. “Yes, Raphael, I’m sure.” “Maybe we should leave Yehuda with Rochel. I don’t know if -” “Rochel has her hands full right now. I’m not dropping Yehuda on her,” I said firmly. “Besides, your grandmother could use a cute face right now.” Raphael had gotten a call two days ago that his grandmother had fallen and was in Sinai hospital. He’d rushed over to discover she had broken her foot and sprained her wrist. I had suggested that we visit today to cheer her up. Now Raphael was having doubts. “She’s not really a people person,” Raphael said, pacing across the living room floor in agitation. “No one is, after breaking their foot and being stuck in a hospital.” “I don’t know if she’d appreciate -” “Who wouldn’t appreciate Yehuda?” “Maybe she’s sleeping -” “Raphael!” I failed to keep the exasperation out of my voice. “The longer you think about it, the quicker visiting hours speed by!” Raphael sighed. “Okay, okay. We’ll go, but are you sure you’re okay -?” I gave him a look. He got the car keys. The truth was, I hated hospitals. After being stuck in one for over six months, I had developed an understandable dislike for needles, the lack

privacy, steady beeping noises, and obnoxious medical staff. Of course, it was more than that. Hospitals reminded me of that time in my life when I thought: if I can’t walk, I can’t live. Hospitals called to mind those months of depression and despair I’d gone through before coming to terms with the new contract Hashem had given me. But that also made me more determined to visit my grandmother-inlaw. I knew how difficult being in a hospital was; I wanted to provide her with what comfort I could. I was all geared up to spread sunshine on her dark and gloomy hospital room. Ten minutes later we entered Sinai Hospital’s lobby. I had Yehuda strapped to my lap so he wouldn’t jump off as I pushed us forward. We gave our names at the receptionist’s desk and got the go-ahead to visit “that lonely woman who stares out her window all day,” as a passing nurse described her. My sympathy mounted. Raphael led the way to his grandmother’s room. Yehuda stared around with big eyes, fascinated by the new, white environment. Passing medical staff smiled at him, and one doctor called, “Cute kid!” “Thank you.” The cute kid was creating a large pool of drool in my lap, but it wasn’t like I could feel it. It was strange, wheeling myself down the hallway as a nurse pushed a wheelchair-bound patient in the opposite direction. It showed how far I’d come ever since my accident. We turned down a few more hallways before we came to Raphael’s

JANUARY 25, 2018

Part VI


THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

JANUARY 25, 2018

66

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“I’m seeing the physical therapist tomorrow. They’ll know more after that, though I expect to be kept here no longer than a week.” I wondered if that was wishful thinking. “Did my father call you yet?” asked Raphael. Grandma gave a snort. “Yes. He says he’s coming down tomorrow to make sure I’m listening to the doctor’s orders. Your father worries too much.” “Grandma, you kind of broke your foot.” She waved a thin hand. “It comes with age.” “Which is why he worries.” Grandma sniffed indignantly. “I’ve got everything under control.” “Sure, Grandma,” said Raphael. She raised her eyebrows. “Do you doubt me?” “Well, you can’t walk.” “That doesn’t mean I’m not in control!” Grandma argued. “Your own wife could tell you that.” Raphael suddenly seemed to realize what he’d said and glanced at me. I was smiling with amusement. “You tell him, Grandma.” But inside, my mind was churning. I couldn’t ignore the fact that Raphael’s grandmother and I had a lot in common. She wasn’t fully capable of taking care of herself anymore, especially not with her injuries. And so she felt the need to pull that illusion of control over herself, just as I did. I often tried to show others that just because I was in a wheelchair, that didn’t mean I was needy or helpless. I could do things and I could take care of myself. Everything is fine – I have it all under control. But I didn’t. No matter how much I struggled for it, reached for it, wished for it, I knew that I couldn’t hold everything in my human hands. I knew that I couldn’t live the way I’d done for twenty years before my accident. It was as Mrs. Isenheart had said: the fact that I was paralyzed highlighted the fact that Hashem was - and had always been - in control, not me. “I’ll be as good as new in a few days,” Grandma continued. “You might try convincing your father that I can manage my own apartment, instead of sitting like a piece of driftwood in a nursing home.” “I’ll leave that to you to discuss with him,” Raphael said generously. “I’m sure you’d be able to convince him a lot better than I could.”

We stayed for another few minutes before Grandma waved us out, saying she was tired. We said our goodbyes and left her room. “How did she look to you?” I asked Raphael as we pulled out onto the main street several minutes later. He sighed. “Old. But that’s to be expected.” We paused at a red light, and I looked out the window to see a mother pushing a stroller along the sidewalk. I’d never done that for Yehuda. I was the stroller. “Did your grandparents always live in Baltimore?” I asked as the light turned green. Raphael shook his head. “They moved out of New Jersey when my grandfather retired. They were living in Baltimore for about seven years before my grandfather passed away.” Yehuda started kvetching, and I passed him a teether to play with. A few minutes later we pulled up to the house. Raphael turned off the car and we sat there for a while. “My student’s coming over again tomorrow,” I said finally. “Baruch Hashem, she’s doing really well.” “That’s good. Your other students aren’t getting jealous or anything?” Raphael grinned. “Nope, it seems to be fine.” Yehuda began to cry. While I tried to calm him down, Raphael put together my wheelchair. As Raphael unstrapped the baby, he glanced as his watch and blanched. “I need to get to ma’ariv.” “Hand me Yehuda,” I said. “We’ll be fine. You go.” Raphael nodded his thanks, dropping Yehuda onto my lap. “Be back soon.” The car zoomed off and I started wheeling up the pathway. It was getting late, and I needed to get Yehuda ready for bed as well as finish grading papers. Distracted, I didn’t realize until too late that I hadn’t buckled Yehuda in. A black cat – I recognized it as one of the neighbor’s - ran in front of us, heading for its owner’s porch. Yehuda cried out in excitement. He lurched forward, wanting to pet it. But without his buckle, he fell. My hands flew out, swiping at his leg but gaining no purchase. Yehuda landed on the pavement with a thud. There was a second of silence, in which I slammed my brakes in place and reached for him. Then he began to scream.


67

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JANUARY 25, 2018

STAIMAN DESIGN

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The Jewish Home | OCTOBER 29, 2015

68

Your

15 15

Money

JANUARY 25, 2018

How Will I Know?

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

By Allan Rolnick, CPA

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

I

n 2012, a singer, we’ll call her W.H., died suddenly, drowning in a hotel bathroom after years of battling drug addiction. Yet the world will always treasure her musical legacy. The Guinness Book of World Records reports that she was the most awarded female artist of all time, with two Emmys, six Grammys, 30 Billboard Music Awards, and 22 American Music Awards, among +400 awards in total. Rolling Stone listed her debut album as one of the 500 greatest albums of all time. And VH1 put her at number three on their “greatest women of the video age” list. W.H. also left a considerable financial legacy, estimated at $20 million. She saved all her estate in trust for her only child, with instructions to release 10% when her daughter reached age 21, another sixth at age 25, and the remainder at age 30. (Her daughter died in 2015 from her own drug overdose, leaving the ultimate fate of the estate in the hands of lawyers, who are sure to bill lots of hours.) But W.H.’s estate includes far more than cash and securities. It also includes her music catalog, digital performance royalties, movie and

television residuals, and “publicity rights,” meaning her right to control the commercial use of her name, image, and likeness. Now, it’s easy to value assets like cash or stocks. But valuing the music catalog involves estimating the amount of future royalties, and valuing publicity rights is

are the tax man’s “Greatest Love of All”?) These disputes often come down to a battle of valuations, which makes a good appraiser all the man you need. The IRS determined that W.H.’s representatives underestimated the value of her intangible assets by

Valuing the music catalog involves estimating the amount of future royalties, and valuing publicity rights is even more subjective.

even more subjective. Naturally, the IRS gets so emotional about those sorts of intangible legacies, especially with estate tax rates in 2012 running at %40 on amounts over 5,120,000$. In fact, estate tax returns are audited more than any other type, with the IRS examining over %30 of estates reporting 10$ million or more in assets. (Does that mean estate taxes

$22.6 million. They imposed a $7.92 million deficiency and $3.17 million in penalties. The parties were scheduled to go to trial next month. However, on December 26, 2017, the estate filed documents agreeing to settle for $2,275,366. (“Didn’t We Almost Have It All,” we can imagine the folks at the IRS humming as they deposit the estate’s check.) This isn’t the first time the IRS

has battled over pop star publicity rights. Executors for Michael Jackson’s estate valued his at just $2,105, which essentially argues that the King of Pop’s bizarre controversies and misadventures had rendered his image essentially worthless. Attorneys at the IRS told them to beat it, valuing those rights at $434 million. That case is still working its way through court — last month, a Tax Court judge denied the IRS’s bid to provide additional evidence to support seeking penalties up to 40% of the allegedly understated tax. The Tax Cuts and Jobs Act of 2017 doubles the estate tax “unified credit” to $11.2 million per person for 2018. This should cut the number of estates filing returns to less than 4,000 per year. But careful planning is still in order to make sure your legacy goes where you want it going. So make sure you have a plan, and let’s make beautiful (financial) music together!

Allan J Rolnick is a CPA who has been in practice for over 30 years in Queens, NY. He welcomes your comments and can be reached at 718-896-8715 or at allanjrcpa@aol.com.


69

Isaac Shulman, Mathematics Major, Class of 2017 YU Master’s Candidate in Mathematics 2019 RIETS Semicha Candidate 2019

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

YU’S CAREER CENTER AND ALUMNI NETWORK HAVE BEEN INVALUABLE IN SECURING MY GOLDMAN SACHS INTERNSHIP.

JANUARY 25, 2018

Learn more about Isaac and other dynamic students at yu.edu/myyustory

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B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

At Yeshiva University, career success is a joint endeavor between students, the Career Center and a powerful alumni network of 60,000 people across all industries, who are motivated to help YU students. Through career planning, resume coaching, interview seminars, and on-campus recruiting, Career Center counselors guide students through internships, first jobs and on to distinguished careers. Within six months of commencement over 90% of YU graduates are employed, in graduate school or both.


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JANUARY 25, 2018

70

Gluten Free Recipe Column by Mrs. Elaine Bodenheimer

GlutenFree@BaltimoreJewishHome.com

Chocolate Rice Squares (Irma Pretsfelder)

B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M

What You Will Need: 12 oz. Chocolate Chips 6 Tbls. Peanut Butter 4 Cups Gluten Free Rice cereal (Wegamns is the best) 1/2 Cup Chopped Nuts 1/2 Cup Raisins Preparation: 1. Melt chocolate chips. 2. Add the rest of the ingredients. 3. Spread the whole mixture into a greased 9x13 inch pan. 4. Refrigerate for at least 1 hour. Cut into squares enjoy!


Recipies from:

71

Cooking King forthe

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

by Renee Rousso Chernin www.TheKosherChannel.com

Tu b’Shvat Truffles Recipe

Ingredients: ½ cup shredded coconut ½ cup ground walnuts ¼ cup turbadino sugar 1 cup toasted almonds* 1 teaspoon cinnamon ½ teaspoon cardamom, optional

¼ teaspoon coarse sea or kosher salt 1 cup pitted dates 1 cup dried figs ¼ cup honey

Preparation:

Ingredients: 6 cups bran cereal 5 cups plain flour, or combination of flours 1 cup brown sugar, firmly packed 5 teaspoons. baking soda 1 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon cinnamon

1 quart buttermilk, or equal parts sour cream and milk mixed together 1 cup oil, coconut, vegetable or other light oil 4 eggs, beaten ½ cup honey 2 tablespoons vanilla

additions to add just before baking: raisins, chopped almonds, walnuts, pecans, sunflower or pumpkin seeds, pomegranate seeds, dried fruid chopped, chocolate or carob chips

Preparation:

1. Mix together all dry ingredients. Then add buttermilk, oil, eggs and honey and mix well. Put in a refrigerator container and allow to rest overnight in the fridge. 2. Preheat oven to 400°. Fill greased or paper-lined muffin cups two-thirds full. Bake large muffins for 15-20 minutes and mini muffins 8-12 minutes until the top springs back when gently touched or a toothpick comes out clean. Make Ahead: Keep batter in fridge in a covered container for up to 6 weeks. Baked muffins will keep in the freezer for up to one month.

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1. Place coconut, walnuts and sugar in the food processor and pulse until finely ground but not a paste. Remove to a bowl and set aside. 2. Place almonds, cinnamon, cardamom and salt in the food processor and pulse until coarsely chopped. Add dates, figs and honey and process until mixture comes together and pulls away from the sides of the bowl to form a ball. 3. Using wet hands, roll fruit mixture into walnut sized balls (a small ice cream scoop lightly coated with cooking spray or oil may help with this). Place on a baking pan, cover with a tea towel, and allow to sit at room temperature for several hours or overnight to dry. 4. Roll balls into ground nut and sugar mixture to coat completely. Make ahead: Can freeze or refrigerate in a tightly covered container for up to one month. Makes about 80 balls. Active time: 30 minutes *To toast almonds: Heat oven to 350° Place nuts in a baking pan in a single layer. Toast 8-10 minutes until fragrant. Remove from oven and cool to room temperature.

This is a very old, adaptable recipe that I made when my kids were home. The batter really does keep six weeks in the fridge, but rarely made it that long in our home because the muffins are delicious! Pour the batter into muffin cups first thing in the morning and by breakfast, these warm bundles start the day just right. Especially with your favorite additions tucked into the batter just before baking.

JANUARY 25, 2018

These little gems are packed with energy and great taste. Once you try them, you’ll want to make up your own flavor combinations of dried fruit, nuts and spices. Dried apricots, apple or raspberries, prunes, macadamia nuts, pistachios, ginger, orange zest, are just a few ideas. Keep them around to pop into lunchboxes and tuck in your purse for a healthy pickmeup diversion from the candy counter.

Six Week Muffins


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