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April Fools Day, 2014
How much is a college degree ACTUALLY worth?? DJ Phallus
MOTHER OF TWO With the cost of tuition soaring and high rates of employment among recent graduates, many are questioning whether a college education is worth anything anymore. But amid this debate, it remains clear the value of a college degree is not diminished at all and, in fact, has remained stable for decades at $7. The University of Wisconsin prides itself on turning out top of the line, high quality college degrees and that begins with the paper. They don’t skimp on the paper, opting for an off-white, medium weight bond paper, valued at $1.25 a sheet. After pouring as much as $60,000 into your state school education, the university doesn’t skimp on your way out the door like Michigan and Minnesota, which award degrees on class 8.5 x 11 printer paper. Your newly-minted degree will also prove invaluable — actually, valued at $2 — when
you get a look at that raised engraved seal of Madison’s official branding. The glossy “University of Wisconsin-Madison” typeface embossed on the last four to five years of your life. But the cost of your college degree could not be complete without the gold foiling that frames the UW crest on your degree — the summation of all your blood, sweat and tears in dogged pursuit of your Millennial American Dream — costs a pretty penny ($.75). Last but not least, your degree bears the imprint of those who have touched your college experience the most, mentoring and encouraging you through it all: Ray Cross, president of the UW System; Chancellor Becky Blank; and Board of Regents President Michael Falbo. The ink stamping of their signatures will set you back $1 each. But when you’re sitting in your old room in your parents’ house, contemplating your liberal arts degree, unemployment and student debt repayment, you’ll know it was all worth it.
Block party on random street not ‘anti-Revelry’ A group of University of Wisconsin students are organizing an end-of-theyear block party, although supporters stress the party is not “anti-Revelry” and that students should be allowed to attend both freely. Supporters of the plan hope to hold the alterna-
tive celebration on the same day as Revelry in a neighborhood south of West Johnson Street but north of West Washington Avenue. Supporters stress, however, that the same date is a coincidence. “We wanted to have an end-of-the year block party event, and it’s not anti-
Revelry,” Charles Brah, the block party’s spokesperson, said. “It’s the last weekend of the semester, so that’s just the day it happened to fall on.” Brah said the idea for an end-of-the-year block party came to him in a dream, possibly brought on by drinking, in which a
younger version of Mayor Paul Soglin appeared to him. He said Soglin urged him to found a celebration as a protest against the war in Afghanistan, which has been fought for almost 13 years. Brah said he appreciated Soglin’s suggestion, but wanted to add a few other
elements to the event such as house parties, kegs and two-story plastic tubes with funnels. He said the block hopes to have a few stages where local musicians will play, although the main focus of the event will be drinking and occasional violence. “I mean, having a pro-
test against a war is OK, but I really, really just want to have a whole block of house parties,” Brah said. “I imagine standing ankle-deep in beer cans and not knowing what is going on or having any memory of it later. Then I plan to study for finals the next day.”
Blank had role in Waka Flocka choice, emails show
DJ QUINOA
Email and text exchanges reveal that UW Chancellor Becky Blank was instrumental in getting the rapper and her good on this year’s Revelry lineup.
New emails recently leaked from the office of UW Chancellor Rebecca Blank show she may have had more than a hand in the decision to choose rapper Waka Flocka Flame to headline this year’s Revelry festival. The emails date back over a year and suggest Blank is perhaps Flocka’s biggest fan. The chancellor’s correspondence with the rapper, whose real name is Juaquin Malphurs, began as early as last May, post Revelry 2013. The first email, subject line “performance PLZ,” details Blank’s love for such hits as “No Hands” and “Going
Hard in Da Paint.” However, the emails also show Blank’s more in-depth appreciation for the rapper, citing some little known favorites. “Your music really speaks to me,” Blank wrote in an email. “But more importantly, songs like ‘College Girl,’ ‘Red Ferrari’ and ‘Tax Money’ truly speak to the Wisconsin Idea.” The chancellor proceeded to request via email Flocka’s appearance at not only Revelry, but also various Welcome Week events, Freakfest and even Commencement. Jon Huntsman could not be reached for comment on being runner-up to Waka Flocka
Flame. The rapper eventually agreed to appear at Revelry 2014, where he said he plans to perform some of his biggest hits. Flocka also said he is, in fact, a fan of the chancellor as well.
“Housed in university building...Pays no rent...Registered Student Organization...Uses Wisc.edu emails...Now 100% alumni-funded.”
He noted in an email that his 2013 track “Real Recognize Real” was actually an ode to Blank’s performance as acting Secretary of Commerce. Revelry will take place May 3, 2014 at the Memorial Union on Langdon Street.
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