AwareNow: Issue 19: The Source Edition

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Page 95

My mind had lost its ability to think of my next actions, so I surrendered control to my body for direction. The first thing that happened was that I bent down and kneeled on the crossing looking straight up at the track in the direction of where the train would have come from, as a predator would view its prey.

In this moment, there was amazing peace and serenity. My vision was razor sharp and everything seemed full of vibrance, energy and colour. The nerves, pains, noises and stresses of the world seem very distant, almost dreamlike. It felt like I was in the eye in a hurricane, only observing the destruction and damages on its outskirts. The place itself seemed wholly unremarkable just an ordinary railway track. That, in itself, is a blessing. The awareness was that I was entirely powering the hurricane with the energy I had given it. I then turned and imagined looking out of the passenger car window with the train barrel down on the helpless car. No anger, no remorse. Just nothing.

When I stood I said these following words: “Thank you. You no longer have any power over me.” I repeated this phrase a few times more. I sent everything within my field of vision love, gratitude and thanks.

My wife joined me at the railway track. She confessed that she was very scared for me and didn't know how I would react. That made two of us! I was then able to walk up and down the track and found a pink hearted stone which I have kept. This stone for me is not a reminder of the destruction but something tangible I have brought back from behind the curtain. If you can hold fear in the palm of you hand, this is where awareness begins and the healing and light starts.

Despite how difficult and challenging facing a fear can be, the reward is great for pushing against what dark veil you have drawn in your mind, which becomes more forceful as you approach the centre. When you reach the centre, the reward, peace and light is greater than you could imagine. This doesn’t mean all my worries have gone away and I have been instantly healed.

Instead, what it has done is allowed me to move into deeper waters and see what beforehand had kept me blinded. That heavy dark ink curtain has been drawn aside by new awareness. Light and love. ∎


Transformation Expert, Awareness Hellraiser & Public Speaker Keynote public speaking coach, “Adversity to hope, opportunity and prosperity. “ Transformation expert, awareness Hellraiser, life coach, Trauma TBI, CPTSD mentor, train crash and cancer survivor, public speaking coach, Podcast host “Release the Genie”, Director at Core Mentors Association (Not for profit) & Best-selling author. His journey from corporate to Kitesurfer to teacher on first nations reserve to today. Paul’s goal is to inspire others to find their true purpose and passion.