AwareNow: Issue 19: The Source Edition

Scroll for more

Page 144

“Fact is, I do not know.

But I am willing to learn.”

You can find my comments on both my black and white friends because, as I said, anyone looks super-damn-sexy in black. In this case my friend didn’t know about my secret joke and explained to me that she feels conflicted. She has a white mama and a black papa. Being “mixed” would bring identity issues along. The BLM movement has a personal, unique meaning to people of mixed race. Please, I shouldn’t take it personally.

No, I was enlightened.

I wasn’t aware I forgot to let her in on my secret joke-paired-social-justice-movement. We cleared it. “This is why I love you so much,” my friend finally said. “You come from such an innocent place.”

Am I innocent, though?

I made a mistake by not letting her in on it. I felt a little guilty. Warm, not hot-as-hell-guilty this time. But guilty enough to wonder if I was ignorant or innocent at all. Fact is, I do not know. But I am willing to learn. And I think that is the point. The cross road between ignorance and awareness: dialogue and my hunger to be a better person that I was yesterday. I do care. I feel better now. I made peace with me feeling guilty all the time trying to be the perfect (nontrans) person I can possibly be.

I’m at peace with the fact I will make more mistakes.

As long as I keep up the dialogue with you, that’s how awareness ties us together… today and forever.

Now, please grab my hot hand, metaphorically, and let’s go together, hon. ∎


Actress, Voiceover Artist & Awareness Ties Ambassador for Disability Coco de Bruycker is a German-born, US-trained actress and voiceover artist with the desire to express what we all feel but no one dares to say. As a thespian at heart, took on stage at just seven years old, where she discovered her “eagerness to play” (German: spiel wut) as director Philip Barth put it.